Original subtitles

Alice, stop messing with the sound system.

You're missing Quake-tastrophe . It's the best disaster movie ever.

Pop-Pop bought this system so we'd have surround sound.

It's not the same if we're not surrounded by sound.

There. Done. Set it to three.

Let's see how that feels.

-[loud boom] -[Alice screams, grunts]

Whoa.

If that was three, then what's eight?

Let's not find out.

I don't get why you watch these dumb disaster movies anyway.

-They're not scientifically accurate. -This one is.

It was written by a Geological Survey scientist.

The science is spot on,

but the dialogue sounds like it was written by a Geological Survey scientist.

In this one, a mega-quake hits right here in San Francisco.

If it's so accurate, where's the Golden Gate Bridge?

-Wrapped around the football stadium. -Where's the football stadium?

It lands in Wisconsin.

-[cow moos] -A herd of cows floating down the freeway?

Earthquakes don't do that.

-But tsunamis do. -Yeah, they do.

After a mega-quake, nothing would be safe from the tsunamis.

Well, except fish.

But they shouldn't be up there.

Well, that would never happen, right?

[chuckles] Because there's never been a single mega-quake anywhere in the world.

Of course not. Until it does.

And when it happens, it'll come out of nowhere like

Boom!

Well, um, what happens to all of us?

I-- I mean, them. You know, the people in the movie.

Because, you know, that would never happen.

The few people who were prepared are safe.

Everyone else has to rely on him.

The shirtless dude with the great abs.

-The guy with the pet monkey? -Oh, yeah.

We're doomed.

♪ Ha ha! Let me tell you something ♪

♪ Had my vision all worked out ♪

-♪ But then life had other plans ♪ - Tell 'em, Mom ♪

♪ It's crazy when things Turn upside down ♪

♪ But you gotta get up And take that chance ♪

-♪ A new city, I'm finding my way ♪ - It's gonna take some time ♪

-♪ Yeah, we're gonna be okay ♪ -♪ You know I got it, right? ♪

♪ It might be wild But you know that we make it work ♪

♪ We're just fam caught up In a crazy world, come on! ♪

-♪ It's Raven's Home ♪ -♪ We get loud! ♪

-♪ Yeah, Raven's Home ♪ -♪ It's our crowd! ♪

♪ Might be tough But together we make it look good ♪

♪ Down for each other like family should ♪

-♪ It's Raven's Home ♪ -♪ When it's tough ♪

-♪ Yeah, Raven's Home ♪ -♪ We got love ♪

♪ 'Cause no matter the weather You know we gonna shine ♪

♪ There for each other You know it's our time ♪

[laughs] Yep, that's us.

Aah!

-Neil, what-- what are you wearing? -[groans]

My favorite shirt. Yeah. My abuelita made it for me.

-She flies in today. -When did she give it to you?

When I was six.

Yeah. Still fits.

Does it?

Okay, so Pete's Meats delivering at 10:00, Trish's Fishes at 10 :30,

which means Reggie's Veggies can't come until 11:00.

Well, what time does Ted's Breads get here?

[laughs]

Yeah, I would never use Ted.

I wanted to use Fred, but unfortunately Fred's dead.

So we get our breads from Ned.

Oh, which reminds me, he can't be here until after 2 :00.

[sighs] Victor, I'll never understand why scheduling the monthly food delivery

has to be so complicated.

Trust me. It's a science. It has to be this way.

Okay, so where can we squeeze in Karen's Lobsters?

Wait. Karen's Lobsters?

What?

They don't all have to rhyme.

I can't wait to have all of my favorite people in one place.

You and Abuelita ? Ah, it's gonna be the best.

Uh-huh.

-Especially 'cause she's half robot. -Cool.

Booker!

Sorry, man.

It's just that Cami's on that school trip to Costa Rica,

and she said she'd call me when she got there.

But it's been six days.

Do you think she's been kidnapped by pirates?

I bet she just forgot to call.

Somehow that's worse.

Maybe she's just busy.

I mean, Costa Rica is a wonder of sights and sounds.

Plus, I bet Cami and Ash have a lot of catching up to do. [chuckles]

Did you know Costa Rica has 17 types of parrots?

-Is that true? -Well, I'm sure some are parakeets but--

No. About Ash.

Cami didn't tell me her ex-girlfriend was going on the trip.

Mmm. Probably because she knew you'd trip.

Ha! [laughs] See what I did there with the

I think that shirt's cutting off the oxygen to your brain.

[laughs] You must be so embarrassed.

No one on the PTA volunteered to be your partner

to decorate the barracuda for the school float.

Doesn't that mean no one volunteered to be your partner?

We're talking about you, Baxter.

Listen, Alana, you are lucky to have me, okay?

We're gonna make the most beautiful barracuda float the school has ever seen,

and we're gonna start by getting a whole bunch of blue roses.

Blue roses? Could you be more tacky?

Yeah, I could be you.

Look, I looked at every picture Cami posted.

Ash isn't in any of 'em.

That's weird, 'cause Cami's in all of Ash's.

What? Let me see that.

Oh, hey, I was wondering

if tomorrow you'd have lunch with me and my abuelita .

-Yeah, sure. Whatever. -You're not listening again, are you?

Look, they're on the beach together! This is bad.

Aw. I'm glad Cami's not there alone.

That's something you wanna experience with someone special.

[rumbling, rattling]

That is what a mega-quake would be like, but a million times worse.

W-- What's that, Tasha?

No, you can't go again. This is serious.

My family needs an earthquake plan.

Maybe Cami called, and I didn't hear it.

Booker, quick,

if a quake destroyed half the world, what would you do?

I'll boost the volume of my ringtone.

Who cares about your ringtone?

The earth is gonna swallow us.

We need a plan, man.

[buzzes]

There'd be no food. No clean water.

Just mass destruction.

-I know what to do. -You do?

Yeah. Yeah, I'ma stay glued to my phone until Cami calls.

No, no, no, no! That's not what I meant!

Pop-Pop, we need to have a serious talk.

-What if there's a disaster? -Not now, Alice.

Gene's Beans just rescheduled their delivery

for the same time as Jai's Pies.

So?

So, Jai and Gene haven't spoken since their divorce.

The restaurant supply community has more drama than a soap opera.

Tulips? No, they're almost as bad as carnations.

Don't do anything until I get there, okay?

Uh, uh, that better be Spanish for "see you tomorrow."

Auntie Rae, we need a plan in case there's a disaster.

There's no bigger disaster than my name on a barracuda made of carnations.

Oh, come on.

It's like they don't wanna be saved.

Hey, Ivy, how'd you like to have some fun

teaching my family the importance of being prepared for an earthquake?

Fun?

Like "make a slideshow with cool fonts and motion graphics" fun?

-Better. -We talkin' "sound effects" fun?

Girl, you really need to live it up before the mega-quake hits.

How we doing?

Time to see what number eight does.

-[clicks] -[rumbling]

[Booker] What is happening?

-Earthquake! -Earthquake!

Wait a minute. Is that my moisturizer?

Never mind, earthquake!

Okay, well, what do we do?

Quick! Go to the basement.

I built a bunker down there. We'll be safe. Just go, go, go!

[rumbling continues]

[Raven] Okay, okay, okay. Come on, come on.

[huffing] I can't remember the last time I ran that fast.

Oh, it was when they were giving away free ice cream at the park.

It was a rhetorical question.

I miss Chicago.

The earth there does what the earth is supposed to do.

-Stay still. -Yeah.

-Here, have some water. -Thank you.

Good looking out, Ivy.

Ivy? How'd you get down here?

I helped Alice set up her disaster drill. You're welcome.

A disaster drill? It's a drill!

That was a fake quake?

Y'all got me running around this house for a fake quake?

I needed a way to show you guys how important it is

to be prepared for a disaster.

I mean, you never know when something bad is gonna happen.

I do.

It's about to happen to you right now. You are grounded for a month.

-No, no, no! -Calm down. A month is not that harsh.

No, there's no signal down here.

-I mean, what if Cami calls? -Booker, hurry up, okay?

I gotta get to the school before Alana ruins the parade float.

And today's delivery day. I have to get to The Chill Grill.

The locks won't open. We're trapped.

We're not trapped. Let me do it.

[door rattles]

Booker's right. We're trapped.

-I can't believe it. -I know.

I'm never right.

I mean, we're trapped, and there's no phone signal?

I know! Cami's probably trying to call me right now, don't you think?

-Nah, she ain't trying to call you. -Are you kidding? [scoffs]

That's cold.

At least we're prepared for a disaster.

I mean, I've outfitted us with enough supplies,

we could stay down here for months.

[all] Months?

Okay, everyone, relax. I found tools. I'll get us out of here.

Okay, pliers, a hammer.

An old trumpet?

[squealing] My old trumpet!

I used to play this all the time in third grade.

I was just going around the house [imitates trumpet]

And then it just-- just disappeared.

You told me the tooth fairy took it.

-I'ma take a look at that lock. -[Raven] Mm-hmm.

Hey, what about joining the thingamabob to the whatchamacallit?

There is no "thingamabob."

This is the most complicated locking system I've ever seen.

I have to get out of here. If I leave Alana alone for one more second,

she's gonna take our barracuda and ruin it.

Raven, the woman is a school principal. I'm sure she'll do the right thing.

She's a professional.

♪ Raven's late, Raven's late I'm gonna use carnations ♪

I bet she's taunting me with a song right now.

That's what I'd do.

I gotta get to The Chill Grill to make sure Gene unloads his beans

before Larry gets there with his berries.

Why do Gene and Larry have a problem?

Because Jai left Gene to marry Larry.

That's why I have a schedule.

[chuckles] I'm sure Lazlo will keep Gene and Larry apart.

Hey, Larry. Hey, do you know Gene?

Oh.

[both] Chicken arms. Stomp, stomp. Salt, salt. Bump, bump.

[Abuelita laughing]

You think our good luck ritual still works, Abuelita ?

Well, let's scratch off this next ticket and see.

[gasps]

Jackpot!

-Two free doughnuts! -Yes!

Aah, but the doughnut shop's in Utah.

Well, then let's hope one of these other tickets is a free trip to Utah.

[laughs]

Oh, mijo , I have missed you. And I can't wait to meet your friend Booker.

I can't either.

-I've told him all about you. -Ah.

How you love casinos, you make the best mole,

and how you only eat at restaurants that have punch cards.

[gasps]

Oh, speaking of, we have to stop by Blimpo's.

I have a free lemon pie with my name on it.

Uh, Gene, is everything okay?

[clatters]

Uh, hey, I'm sensing a little tension.

So when is your friend getting here?

Mmm. Any minute. And you're gonna love him.

Booker and I are always getting into crazy adventures,

whether it's chasing giant runaway burgers or catching criminals.

You know, the usual stuff.

Sounds unbelievable.

That's nothing. Let me tell you about the time

Booker and I had to rescue a skateboarding barracuda.

Oh, Neil, you and your stories.

Well, if you like them now, wait till Booker tells you the same ones later.

Then my dad accused me of being extra.

I know, right?

I nearly burst into tears,

but I had just paid a grand to get my eyelashes dyed turquoise

to match my new brunch outfit, and I couldn't risk smearing.

Hold on.

Raven?

That's weird.

I'm an hour late for work, and the woman that's kinda in charge--

Yeah, the one that I said still wears pleats

isn't here yet.

I'm worried.

No, not about her. About me. I'm here before Raven again.

"Fashionably early" better be a thing, otherwise I'm just tacky.

It's been two hours, and those locks haven't budged an inch.

How did I get locked in a basement?

Technically, it's a bunker.

Little girl.

If I have to be the hero, I will. Okay? Wear this so I can get a signal.

Oh, so you can call for help?

Well, no. I can't call for help. What if Cami calls?

It's not like I'm sweating that she's on a trip with her ex.

[scoffs] Please.

What girl would wanna give up all of this?

Who are you supposed to be?

The Tin Man?

No. The Tin Man had a brain.

Okay, I don't see those locks opening.

-I'm working as fast as I can. -It's not fast enough.

-It's not so bad down here. -You know, maybe she's right.

At least now I don't have to listen to Alana brag

about how much she loves her carnation barracuda.

I hate it.

Maybe it would be better with roses.

No, no, no. That's exactly what Baxter wants me to think.

That's why she didn't show up today. She wants me to second -guess myself.

She's manipulating me.

Okay, Baxter, I see what you're up to.

-[ringing] -[Raven] Oh, snap. You missed me.

- Leave a message. Bye. -[beeps]

Oh, so now you're not gonna answer your phone.

Fine.

I was only calling to tell you I don't wanna talk to you. So there.

Call me back.

Raven, worst case scenario, your name is on a lousy parade float.

If I don't get out of here, I might not have a restaurant to go to.

Isn't that a little dramatic?

Gene, I'm not telling you again.

Do not spray Larry in the face.

You know that's not what I meant.

Wait! No!

Don't chase him into the walk-in, Larry.

With those wet pants, you will freeze your butt off. Literally!

Ooh, another time,

I was at Booker's house, and a doll came to life.

-Uh-huh. -[stuttering] And once,

Booker and his mom stole a patient from the hospital

and rode the gurney down the stairs like a bobsled.

Oh, wait. Now I understand.

Huh. You do? 'Cause hospital security sure didn't.

Booker is your imaginary friend.

Well, you had lots of them when you were little.

No, no. No. Booker's real. I promise.

That's what you said about your "friend" Alister.

You made me set a place for him at Thanksgiving.

[scoffs] I was six

teen.

Come on. Let's go get you an ice cream.

I don't want ice cream. I wanna show you that Booker's real.

But there's a great ice cream place on the way there.

Oh.

Larry, get Gene off the counter.

[clattering]

Okay, you know that's not what I meant.

Ew, I'm so bored, I'm doing sports.

Ew, I'm so bored, I just cleaned my desk.

[knocks]

Oh, I don't accept packages. I just work here.

Ew, I'm so bored, I'm doing my job.

Why does work happen to hot people?

♪ We're stuck in a bunker ♪

♪ Don't know when I'll be free ♪

♪ I hope Alice built a toilet ♪

♪ 'Cause I think I gotta pee ♪

This is torture.

I know, right?

He's talking about your performance.

-[Ivy] It's so weird. -[Raven] Oh, really?

You too, Ivy? Okay, you know what?

For the record, I haven't practiced since third grade.

Thanks, Dad.

-No, the locks. -Did you get it open?

You know, that's just it. It looks like someone cut the wires.

What?

Who'd wanna keep us locked in here?

Play another song, Auntie Rae.

Do you know, uh, "Single Ladies"?

Oh, Mama. Mama, play "Single Ladies."

You single.

Your phone ain't ringing.

Alice, builder of this bunker,

do you know something?

[stuttering] I know a lot of things.

Little girl.

Ivy said a big quake can happen at any second, and I got scared.

I wanted to keep everyone safe.

[stuttering] For the record, I just wanted to do a slideshow.

There's something Alice is afraid of?

I've seen her yawn on a roller coaster.

Her first pet was a tarantula.

She looks the dentist in the eye and says, "Bring it."

Booker! Let her talk!

Unless she still is talking.

I can't hear anything in here.

Is it the helmet or the age?

Well, when I watched that disaster movie,

and pictured everyone I love being in danger,

I freaked out.

So, you decided to lock us in a bunker instead of telling us how you really felt?

Yeah.

I was embarrassed.

Aw, you don't have to be embarrassed. Everybody's afraid of something.

You're just saying that to make me feel better.

No! I'm serious.

It's always good to talk about it.

You'll feel so much better if you just say what you're afraid of.

Go ahead. Blurt it out!

The real reason I've been so desperate to talk to Cami is

because I'm afraid she's gonna leave me for Ash because I'm not good enough.

And I'm scared you all are gonna be mad at me for letting Alice watch that movie.

Oh, I do feel better.

No, no. That fear is legit.

Booker, I know we tease you, but you are a catch.

And Cami is lucky to have you.

I should know. I'm your mama.

Yeah.

Cami's off living her life.

Maybe you should be living yours.

Auntie Rae, do you have a fear?

No, girl. I ain't got no fear. [laughs]

[sighs] Okay. Well, um

Maybe it was moving back to San Francisco.

Everything's changed, and--

I think that's why I like arguing with Alana.

It's just like the only thing that feels familiar.

Wow, Mom.

-That's deep. -Yeah.

You know, she's like your favorite pair of shoes.

Comfortable, old, leathery-looking.

Ooh, that's a good one! Girl, get us out of here.

I'm wasting my best material.

Hey, Victor? I need your help.

Not because there's a problem at The Chill Grill.

[both scream]

-What are you doing here? -What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

That's Booker? I didn't expect him to be so old.

No offense.

-None taken. -[trumpeting]

-What was that? -I think it's coming from the basement.

Sounds like a sick cow.

Sick cow?

-Must be Raven. -[both laugh]

Dang it! I wish she was here right now. I'm wasting my best material.

[playing trumpet]

[whirring, clicks]

-All the locks are open. -[Raven] Okay.

Wha-- The door's stuck. It feels like something's holding it.

[clears throat] Step aside.

Let a man handle it.

You see me struggling. Help me pull.

Pull, Lazlo! Is that all you've got?

Today was leg day at the gym!

Put your back into it.

And your front and your sides! Pull!

Pull like it's a slot machine, Abuelita !

[all straining]

Pull!

Oh, I need to win a treadmill.

-[Alice screaming] -[Booker] Whoo.

-Raven! You're okay. -Alana, you saved us!

-Oh, I can't stand you. -Girl, bye.

I'm only here because I wanted to tell you how hideous your float ideas are.

Do you really think I wanna argue with you,

being that I've been in a basement all day?

You right. I do. Let me go pee first.

Victor, we have a situation.

-Larry and Gene are-- -Did Jai show up with her pies yet?

-Not yet. -Then we still have a chance.

Yes.

Booker, what happened?

Dude. Alice made a fake quake and locked us in the basement.

So I made a giant antenna out of garden tools

so I could try to get a phone signal while my mom was playing a trumpet

that my grandpa said was stolen by the tooth fairy.

Then you guys showed up.

Ha! That's exactly what I thought happened.

See, Abuelita ? I told you Booker is real.

Dios mío , I'm so sorry I didn't believe you, mijo .

But your stories, they sounded so--

Wild? Unthinkable? Mind-boggling?

Yeah. You get used to it.

Booker. In order to survive all these adventures,

you must have amazing luck.

[smacks lips] I guess I do.

Good. What do you know about scratchers?

We have a chance to split a lifetime supply

of aluminum siding.

Well, Alice?

I bet you'll never lock people in a basement bunker again.

No promises. I'm young.

[laughs] Come on. Let's get out of here.

[cell phone buzzing]

Hey.

You good, Booker?

[chimes, buzzing stops]

Yeah, Neil. Actually, I am.

Hey, wait a minute.

Where am I supposed to store all this aluminum siding?

Also, what--

What is aluminum siding?

Wow. [laughs]

It's so clean in here.

Wait a minute. Is there another loft above The Chill Grill?

Raven. While you were gone,

I realized there's a lot of work around here being neglected.

So I made a to-do list.

Wow.

Nikki, I am impressed.

Let me know when you order lunch. That's number seven.

What-- This to-do list is for me?

I guess you could hire an assistant.

You are the assistant.

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