All language subtitles for Mystery.Men.1999.REMASTERED.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBGEnglish

Would you like something sweet?

Oh.

What do we got here, brothers,
an antique show?

All right, boys, fan out!

What a wrinkle fest this is.

Hey, beat it, you broads!
Come on!

All right, sit down and shut up!

We're the Red Eyes.
So, everybody, freeze!

Get their valuables, boys.
I want watches, wallets, jewelry.

Get me some silver chains.
I want wigs. I want toupees.

Keep an eye out for me, will ya?

No, not mine! Leave me alone!
I'm a veteran!

No! Not that!

I love crashing parties!

Hey, cake!

Pardon me, Fatty.

But if you're going
to eat cake, you ought to use a fork.

You might just as well
shovel it in.

People who don't close
their mouths when they chew

make me furious.

One for you.

Drat.

And for you!

Come on, come on.

Want a little whipped cream,
Mr. Cherry Top?

Get him, get him.

Is that all you got, huh?
Is that all you...

Throw it!

Not today,
my vermilion-eyed varlet.

Oh, blast.

Out of the way!

Yes, this one should stick.

Oh, my!
That's right up the Khyber!

Ooh!

It's Captain Amazing!

It's Amazing! I'm out of here!

C.A., you were,
if I may say, amazing.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Let's go meet the press.

He is good.

He is rather ripping, isn't he?

The spinning and the hurting
and the kicking.

I guarantee you he hogs
the credit on this one.

Well, I do think we have to

at least concede him
the assist here, Roy.

No, no. You see?
That's exactly what's holding us back.

Don't put him on the pedestal,
put us on the pedestal.

Here he comes.

Bravo and huzzah, Captain.
Splendid work, as usual.

No autographs till
we finish with the press.

We're not...
Allow me to introduce myself.

Blue Raja, master of silverware,

forks a specialty,
at your service.

My colleague, the Shoveler.

Big fan of your work.

And standing rather painfully
aside is our cohort, Mr. Furious.

How's it hanging?

Oh, so you 9UY$...

They're superheroes.

- We fight crime. Call it what you will.
- Quite right.

That's great. Just, you know,

keep up the good work.

You as well, sir. You as well.

Did you see... Did you...

Did you hear that?
"Keep up the good work."

The good work.

He's making fun of us.

No, Roy.
He saluted us. That was real.

- I thought he was sincere.
- What's up, fellas?

Hello. Nice to see you.

I saw the action
out there tonight.

What you guys need is
a little bit of firepower.

Well...

I'm a weapons designer.

I've got what you need.

All right. We'll come back.

We'll visit all of
you people later. Thank you, sir.

I don't live here.
I'm here for the ladies.

Here, take my card.

My name's Heller.
Say it with me.

- Heller.
- Heller.

All right. Thank you.

Goodnight.

I don't know why you encourage
those people.

Those people look up to us.

Oh, that's true.

You know the drill.

Please sign my hat,
Captain Amazing.

Herman, give me a flash.

Hey, how are you tonight?

Captain, how did you know
where to find the Red Eyes?

Becky, it's what I do.

Thanks to you,
the city's almost crime-free.

So what do you do
with your free time?

I wish that I had
some free time.

People are saying that you're so "amazing"
you're gonna put yourself out of a job.

Have any comments on that?

That's one problem
I look forward to.

And is it true that you lost
your Pepsi endorsement?

I hadn't heard that.

Thanks so much for your questions.
Thank all of you so much.

You sure, you have
no comments regarding your Pepsi situation?

Look who we got.

You again. Wannabes.

This city already
has a superhero.

Perhaps you've heard of him.
Captain Amazing.

Thank you.

Do yourself a favor, Maguire.

Don't flip my switch tonight.

OH, yeah? And what exactly
would that do?

Don't turn around, Roy.
Don't do it. Don't turn around.

It's nothing. Keep walking, Roy.
Keep walking.

It's not worth it.

I think you know
exactly what that would do, checkerhead.

What?

Don't mess with
the volcano, my man.

'Cause I will go Pompeii
on your butt.

Oh, my golly. Good grief.

You keep dreaming, wannabe.

Let's go. Dream on, moron.

I will keep dreaming.
I will keep dreaming, my friend.

And when I wake up,
you better hope,

you better hope you're asleep.

Don't reengage him.
He's a silly...

Sweet dreams!

He's immature.

Lilac.

C.A., I'm doing my best.

Your best? Quick question.

Is this your best?

Okay, I realize you're upset.

Victor, I'm positioned.

Okay, do you understand what that means?
On a very personal level here,

to know that the companies
that make these fine products

want me to be
their spokesperson? Their voice?

I think right now we should
focus on the positive.

Tonight was good.

Yeah? You think so?

'Cause I was worried it was,
I don't know, pathetic!

"Amazing triumphs
at a nursing home!"

That's great copy, Vic.

Look, I'm a publicist,
not a magician.

You want big news,
you have to have big fights.

A superhero needs a supervillain and,
thanks to you, we've got none left.

Then get the Death Man.

Death Man is dead.

Okay. Father Doom.

Life without parole.

Apocalypta's doing 50 years.
Armagezzmo's in exile.

Baron Von Chaos got the chair.

Really?

Casanova Frankenstein
is locked up in a nuthouse.

Casanova Frankenstein.

Now, there was a supervillain.

You know, he just...

He's got those eyes, you know?

I can't do it, but...

And that voice...
Such pure evil.

The battles we used to have.
Extraordinary.

"Used to."

That's the problem,
Captain. "Used to."

Let the record show

that this parole hearing
has officially begun.

We now commence the 17th parole
hearing of Casanova Frankenstein.

Dr. Leek, you may begin.

Thank you.

Gentlemen of the board,
the man who sits before you,

the once infamous evil genius,
is entirely cured.

What?

I give you my word

that he's of no more danger
to the city now than I am.

This is outrageous.

Yes.

Mr. Casanova Frankenstein,

do you have anything to say
on your own behalf?

Blessed disciples
of Hippocrates,

my heart is split in two.

It brims

with such sorrow
for my abominable crimes.

And yet,

it swells with love

for you,

for this sanctuary,

this place of healing.

Within my soul,
I feel the choir singing.

Beethoven's immortal Ode to Joy

where all men

become brothers.

Am I too late to cast my vote?

Not at all, Lance.
I was just about to remind the board

that Casanova once
had our city in a stranglehold of terror.

Parole is not an option
for this man, this monster.

We cannot risk
the danger of releasing him.

I could not agree with you more.

Excellent.

However, I did just
have dinner with an old friend recently.

Maybe you've heard of him?
Captain Amazing.

Captain Amazing?

He asked, if I would,
to read this.

"Dear members of the board,

"we all know that society
cannot exist

"without absolute justice,

"but society is also
built upon compassion.

"Let us set the tone
for the new millennium

"by making a historic
gesture of forgiveness."

"Ladies and gentlemen,
I implore you,"

"|et us grant
Casanova Frankenstein"

"a second chance."

With Captain Amazing's
recommendation and protection,

I suppose we could consider.

I pronounce you

cured.

Hello, Champion City.

Daddy is home.

Hi, everybody.

You know, tooth decay
and gingivitis can be a crime.

That's why I use
Mighty Whit y toothpaste.

Because I want my teeth
to look amazing.

I'm gonna bring this up again.

It's 150 bucks apiece.
We each chip in.

My cousin knows this guy who
knows a publicist.

What are we gonna publicize, Roy? The
fact that we get our butts kicked a lot.

Maybe if you didn't smack me in the face
with the shovel every time we went out...

- All right now.
- We'd have some more wins to brag about.

I'm sorry about that, I just have
a tendency to lose my concentration

when I've got a salad fork
stuck in my rear end.

Oh, I get it. Your shovel
in his face is my fault.

You threw a spoon
at the guy, Jeff.

What was up with that'?

I'm frightfully embarrassed about that.
I thought it was a fork.

You're the master of cutlery.

You can't throw a knife
sometimes when someone's trying to kill me?

You can't use a rake sometimes?

No, I'm the Shoveler.

I'm the Blue Raja.
I'm not Stab Man.

I'm not Knife y Boy.
I'm the Blue Raja.

That's another thing.

What?

You could get a little bit
of blue in the uniform somewhere.

You've got green.
There's a little flowery thing.

But there's everything but...

It doesn't make a lot of sense.

If we could just step out of
our literal minds for a moment.

Hey, look what I'm doing.
Look at that.

I'm putting 150 right
on the table. Who's in with me?

I don't have 150, do I?

If I did, I wouldn't have
plundered my mother's silverware.

It's a waste of money.

You know who doesn't think
it's a waste of money?

Little Mr. Captain Amazing.

Well, Captain...

If we had a billionaire
like Lance Hunt as our benefactor,

yeah, we could spend 150.

Lance Hunt is Captain Amazing.

Don't start that again.

Lance Hunt wears glasses.
Captain Amazing doesn't wear glasses.

He takes them off
when he transforms.

That doesn't make any sense.
He wouldn't be able to see.

Hi, thanks for waiting.

Hey, thanks for dropping by.

Do you know what you want?

Allow me to begin, my dear.

The Blue Raja is quite partial
to the salad nigoise.

My dressing of choice
is rancho lite,

and I'd appreciate it
if you'd hold the bacon bits.

Seeing as it's your first night and
all, I suppose I'll "fork-give" you

if you "fork-get."

Who's next?

Can I get a meatball sandwich
on white with mayo?

I'll have a steak, please.
Very rare. That means pink, not bloody.

And could I get some ice?

I had a little mishap
defending justice at the nursing home.

I thought I heard on TV
that was Captain Amazing.

Let's all be good little automaton droids
and believe everything we hear on TV.

I'll just go place
your order now.

A trifle strident with
that bit of crumpet, weren't we, Furious?

I am a ticking
time bomb of fury.

All I'm saying is,
when we split the check three ways,

the steak-eater picks
the pocket of the salad man.

Just give me the money, Jeff.

Yes, fine.

Every time we split it
three ways.

It's flipping robbery.

Well, you should order more.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Do you see what I see?

Hello?

It's Tony C.

And Tony P,
leader of the Disco Boys.

But why, pray tell,
would he be back in town?

Maybe it's time to do
a little following to find out.

No, it's already 10:30.

I'm gonna get killed
by my wife as it is.

Yes, and I've had quite enough
excitement for one night, thank you.

My mistake. I thought I was
hanging out with serious superheroes,

the Shoveler and the Blue Raja.

But, apparently,
I'm hanging out with Lazy Boy and...

Good night, Roy.

Yes, toodle-oo.

Hang on a second.
Lazy Boy and the...

And the Recliner!

Yeah, Lazy Boy and the Recliner!

Guys, are you coming? Are you...

Okay, fine. I guess tonight

the lone wolf

hunts alone.

Testicles rising.

Can't breathe. Can't breathe.

Butch needs his vest back.
He's got a game on Saturday.

Well, it's my vest too.
I bought it for him.

The only thing I need...

Okay.

How long you gonna
do this, Eddie?

It's been 12 years.

I know.

You got a family
to look after, Eddie.

The kids are worried sick
about you.

But still you go out, night after night,
running around the city for what?

Lucille, God gave me a gift.

I shovel well.
I shovel very well.

Oh, baby, you shovel better
than any man I've known

but that does not make you
a superhero.

All I...

Oh, no.

You're a good husband

and a good father,

but that's all, nothing more.

You're right.

I believe in you, Daddy.

Roland, do not
encourage your father.

Well, if it isn't
our old friends, the Red Eyes.

Good evening, gentlemen. We weren't
expecting to see you again so spoon...

Red Eyes, Red Eyes.
What a treat.

We weren't expecting to
see you again so spoon.

- Jeffrey.
- Yeah?

Mom, how many times have I
asked you not to just barge in here?

What's burning?

Incense.

Mom, I can't even count
how many rules you're breaking right now.

One, always knock.
Two, don't sniff around outside my door.

Three, do not interrogate me.

Jeffrey.

What?

Are you on the marijuana?

Mom, you're cheesing me off
so bad right now.

Just, please... Good night.

I'm sorry. Jeffrey, please...

Goodnight.

Okay. Goodnight.

God, she's just so...

All right, let's see
what's shaking

at the Chez Casa Casanova.

Ah! The old disco room.

Just as I left it.

You've been locked up
for 20 years, Casaonova.

A lot of things have changed since then.

It must have been hard for you, Tony,
the way times and styles have changed,

to hear the people saying
that disco is dead.

Disco is not dead!
Disco is life!

Yes, Tony, that is the passion
I remember.

Stick with me, Tony,
and you will dance again

when I rule this town.

Have you met my psychiatrist?

Come out, come out
wherever you...

There we go.

Looks like we got
a little terrace party.

I want you to spread
the word to all of my gangs.

Tell them that
Casanova Frankenstein is back

and that Casanova Frankenstein
is planning something

a little bit different.

Kaboom.

Ooh!

Mama pajama!

What kind of crazy man
blows up a crazy house?

And now, if you will
excuse me, I am expecting a visit

from a very old friend.

Look what we got.
A little booty call from Captain Amazing.

This is a fine,
elegant Harvey Wallbanger.

Even when it's sucked
by scum like you?

Captain Amazing.
What a surprise.

Really? I'm not
so sure about that.

Your first night of freedom,
and you blow up the asylum.

Interesting choice.
I knew you couldn't change.

I knew you'd know that.

Oh, I know that.

And I knew you'd know
I'd know you knew.

But I didn't.
I only knew that you'd know that I knew.

Did you know that?

Of course.

Please, won't you join me?

With pleasure.

Oh, quick thought.

Would you mind removing
the submicronic laser

in the ring on
the index finger of your left hand?

Of course.

And, if it wouldn't be too much trouble,
go ahead and disengage

the psychotropic
bacterium dart-launchers in your slippers.

Done.

The cold fusion ultrasonic neuro-stunner
in your drink stirrer, turn it off.

We know each other so well,
don't we, Lance?

We've always been each other's
greatest nemesises.

Nemesis...

What's the plural on that?

Nemeses.

Whatever.

You're going to prison
for life this time, Casanova.

You see, here in Champion City,

we still do a fairly brisk trade

in justice.

I thought it was all about the publicity
and keeping your sponsors happy.

See, it's that kind
of cynicism that I truly feel

is starting to poison society.

Oh, look y here.

A multi-frequency
radio detonator.

You should be more careful
when discarding incriminating evidence.

Oh, no. This is
an amusing little gizmo.

It's really quite cool.

Yeah? What is it?

Yuck.

It's a chloroform-deploying
portable enticement snare.

Ah, dang!

Oh, Lands,

you really are so predictable.

Morning, Sally.

You're late!

Yes, I know.

I was up all night,
trying to defend the city from evil,

but I'm sure you don't
really care about that.

Work starts at 9:00! It's 9:25!

So I guess all the junk's
probably ruined by now.

Sucker, when are you gonna
tear down that Jeep like I told you to?

I thought we went
through this yesterday.

That old Jeep is actually
an armored car of some type.

It was meant to withstand bombs.
I can't just rip it apart with a crowbar.

Just junk it.

If you gave me
the proper tools, I could...

Junk it!

I'm willing to have
this discussion with you,

but I think we should deal
with it like two people who respect...

I want it junked.

Okay.

Right now, I'm kind of like
a powder keg

and you're the match.

If you tell me to
junk it one more time...

Junk it now! You got that?

That little sucker
just saved your life.

Just junk it,
you miserable cuss.

We interrupt
this program to bring you breaking news.

Champion City's best-known
billionaire, Lance Hunt, has disappeared.

Police hope to enlist the help
of Captain Amazing in the search for Hunt,

but have, so far, failed
to contact the city's beloved superhero.

He makes a wonderful trophy,
don't you think?

I really think we need
to talk about your plans here.

Here are my plans, Lancie.

Tomorrow night,
I'm going to kill you.

Right. That's the part
that really doesn't work for me.

When the clock strikes 12:00,
cuckoo, cuckoo,

you will be dead,

and my city will be given
a new state of mind.

Listen, clearly you gotta go with
what you're comfortable with,

but, I don't know,
I just keep coming back to this place.

I'm spitballing here, but maybe

we release the captain
to the authorities.

I say that you're
completely reformed. Wink, wink.

There is rejoicing
in the streets.

At that point, you do
the whole destruction of the city thing.

I mean, is it
a perfect plan? No.

And I think that's what
I like about it.

Jeez. Okay.

That's great.
Turn off the lights now.

It was just an idea!
Wait, I got a better one.

You let me live,
I am your sidekick.

I'm like Amazing Boy
or... Casanova?

Are you sure
Captain Amazing is in there?

Yeah, I'm sure. Let's go.

Wait! Hear that?

We must have hit a trip wire.

It could be a photon
eviscerator heating up.

It could be a cybernetic atom scrambler.
They target moving objects.

Sounds more like a heat-seeking
anthrax projection gun to me.

- Quickly, cover your mouth.
- No, let's bolt!

- Don't move!
- Don't breathe!

Let's bolt!

- Don't move!
- Don't breathe!

Let's bolt!

|...Ah... Oh...

It's the sprinkler.

Isn't that just fabu?
I'm positively soaked.

What do we got here?

I think they're supposed to be
jive superheroes.

They made a big mistake
coming to Casanova's place.

What's so funny?

That's your power?
You have guns?

Couldn't you be a little more
creative than that?

Do forgive the impertinence,

but what the devil does
a pistol have to do with disco?

Weak.

At best.

Check out the guy with the pipe.
What are you, the disco plumber?

There's no theme
at all here, mates.

Buddy, if you're gonna
carry a chain, make it a gold chain.

See what I'm saying?
And that's just off the top of my head.

Yo, what's up, Tiger Lily?

The top of your head, huh?

We'll never get in there.
There are too many Disco Boys.

Look, I'm telling
you. Amazing's in there. I saw him go in.

There's never any evil trios,
are there?

No, they've all got to travel
in gangs like little babies.

Maybe it's time
to level the playing field.

How?

I'm talking about recruiting.

There's plenty of guys out there who would
kill to get in on our action.

Plenty of posers, you mean.

Yeah, maybe a few.

But there's got to be
a couple of guys out there, like,

like a human torch.

Or like a guy who can shoot
stinging foam into your eyes

or something like that.

There's the Sphinx, of course.

The what?

The Sphinx.

I know this guy.

Big crime fighter from down south.
Big-league hitter down there.

What's his power?

He's terribly mysterious.

That's it? That's his power?

He's mysterious?

Terribly mysterious.

Plus, he can, like,

cut guns in half with his mind.

- Really? I hadn't heard that.
- I think.

We'll have to track
this Sphinx guy down.

Meantime, I have an idea
where we can get another guy.

I'm free for lunch tomorrow.
How about you?

Nothing I couldn't move around.

Why don't you guys go on ahead?

I gotta take care of something.

Oh, I see.

Good cause there,
saving homeless animals.

Yeah.

H09 queen?

What?

You're into motorcycles.

Oh. No. Not really.

'Cause I got a motorcycle.

Yeah, what kind?

It's a Harley.

A Harley.

Compatible. It's a Harley compatible.
Basically, the same engineer.

Look,

I hope we're cool
about last night.

Last night?

Like I said,
I was kind of in scary mode back there.

Sometimes that comes off
as a little threatening or whatever.

I don't find you threatening.

You're very kind.

At all.

Listen, I still feel like

I should make it up
to you somehow, just in some way.

I should take you out to dinner or
something to make up for being so scary,

or whatever.

I'm really busy.

Right.

Our little chess game confinues.

Yeah?

We're looking for the one
they call "The Invisible Boy."

All my life,
I've been ignored by people.

Finally, after years
of being overlooked,

I found I have
the power to disappear.

It's real ironic how
it happened 'cause...

Can we come in?

Yeah, sure. Come on.

Thank you.

Hey Dad, I'm going to my room
with three strange men.

And that's pretty much it.

So, let me get this straight.

You do have the ability
to become invisible?

Yes.

But you can't give us
a demonstration?

No, I can only
become invisible when no one's watching.

So, you're only invisible
to yourself?

No. If I look at myself,
I become visible again.

So, you can only become invisible when
absolutely nobody is watching you?

Yes.

Do forgive our incredulity,

but I'm wondering how you can be certain
you've achieved transparency at all?

When you go invisible,
you can feel it.

Okay. I'm leaving.

Thanks a lot.
It was nice to have met you.

Wait, guys. Don't go.
Where you guys going? Don't go.

Can I come?

Look, no offense, kid,

we're about to go up
against a really powerful supen/illain,

Casanova Frankenstein.

That means we gotta
find a lot of superheroes really quickly.

And to tell you the truth,
we have no idea where to even start, so...

I know tons of superheroes.

I'm sure you know a lot...

No, no, no, seriously.

I'm out there all the time
at the costume shops, martial arts stores

talking to guys
and making connections.

If you want to break in,
you gotta network,

and I know how to network.

Sorry, kid.

Come on.

Haven't you guys
ever been a kid?

Haven't you guys
ever had a dream?

Let me see,
who else have I met? There's the Pincher.

"Pincher."

The Pickier.

Princess Headbutt.

White Flight and the Black Menace.
They work together.

Slow down, slow down.

Then there's,
Professor Pink Belly,

and Lucky Pierre
and The French Tickler.

"French Tickler."

And you say you've got all
their telephone numbers?

Yeah, most of them.

We've got to figure out a way
to get them all in one place.

That's quite right.

Some kind of a tryout.

Yes, a tryout.

Throw in a barbecue
and a couple of kegs, they'll all show up.

The mooch factor's pretty high
with this crowd.

A barbecue, that's a good idea.

What?
Bugger all, it's the Spleen. Play dead.

Who's that?

Turn your head.
Don't say anything.

Hiya, fellas.

Word on the street is
you're looking for superheroes.

Not really.

Actually, we're just leaving.

Rotten luck.

Oh, here we go.

Perfect timing.

That's for you.

Hamburger, right?

Yes, thank you.

Enjoy.

Why are you guys always dissing me?
It hurts my feelings.

I'm a superhero too.
I have powers.

Really? Like what?

So glad you asked.

Oh, no.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

It all started
when I was just 13 years of age.

One day, while walking
with some friends,

I accidentally cut the cheese.

Well, in my
adolescent awkwardness,

I blamed it on an old gypsy
woman who happened to be passing by.

Big mistake!

The gypsy woman placed a curse
upon my head.

Because I smelled it,

she decreed I would
for evermore be he who dealt it!

Let me illustrate.

No, you don't have to.

It's not necessary, really.

Let's see.

Distance, 7 meters.

Air speed, normal.

Compensate for air conditioning.

Pull my fingers.

Don't do it.

Oh, dear God.

S.B.D.!

Silent but deadly.

That's good shooting.

That was amazing!

It's disgusting.
Don't encourage him.

Hey, you guys are recruiting
for superheroes.

Where you holding
the tryouts, huh?

We don't know yet,

as soon as we figure that out,
we'll get in touch immediately.

Bet we'd get a big turnout if we did
it somewhere with a swimming pool.

Oh, no. No, no, no.

Absolutely not. Nope. No.

I don't deserve this.

I know.

A lot of other men
I could have married.

I understand.

If one person vomits in my pool,
I'm gonna divorce you.

- That's fair.
- Mmm-hmm.

Come on, kids!

All right.
State your name and power.

I am the Waffler.

With my griddle of justice,
I bash the enemy in the head

or I burn them like so.

Ooh, don't do that.

I also have
my truth syrup, which is low fat.

And I've been working
on a theme song.

Waffle man, I am the Waffler.

Golden crispy,
bad guys are history.

And I'm running.
Just think about it.

Do you have a health plan?
Maybe dental? Eye?

Next.

Hi. I am Pencilhead.

And I am Son of Pencilhead!

We erase crime.

Two generations of...

- Right.
- Yes, thank you.

Did I do all right?

Yeah, I think they liked us.

Now, say...

I'm the Ballerina Man.

I don't need to see that.

Thanks.

- I am...
- Hey!

- You copied me.
- You copied me.

- Did not!
- Liar!

Ladies, now let's play nicely.

I'd say there's potential.

I be the Bullfighter.
I fight the bull!

Greetings,
fellow crime fighters. I am Radio Man.

I am Squeegeeman.

Do you sense its power?

Yes.

P.M.S. Avenger. I only work 4 days a
month. Is there a problem with that?

- No.
- No.

Whatever you say.

We'll get back to you.

Quite all right.

Whatever.

Okay, that's it.

Well, that was
a complete waste of time.

Like so many things we do.

Hi. Hi, you guys.
Am I too late to try out?

- What time is it?
- I don't have a watch on.

Yeah. Sorry. You'll have to
pretend to be a superhero somewhere else.

Really? I see.

That's fine.

Look out!

Look out!

I guess I'll just have to
take my ball and go home.

- No. You can't go.
- Miss, please.

- Where you going?
- That was cool.

- Stop her.
- Wait.

- Hold on. Stop her.
- Settle down.

That was great.

We might be able to squeeze in
one more interview.

Yes, seeing as how
you schlepped your ball all this way.

Appreciate that. Thanks.

You're really good.

What's up? I'm the Spleen.

I'm the Bowler. How you doing?

You're very attractive.

Yeah, but it's
a different consistency.

That's because it's ambrosia.

Why don't you tell us
a little bit about yourself.

Help us understand why
we should choose you

over all the other
qualified applicants.

What other qualified applicants?

Eddie, please.

Start at the top.
Where did you get your powers?

I got my powers from my father.

Okay. Who's he?

Have you ever heard of
Carmine the Bowler?

Have we ever heard...

Cor blimey, don't tell us
you're the Bowler's daughter.

I seem to remember there being
a little controversy around his death.

That's right.
The police said it was an accident.

He'd come home late one night
and fell down an elevator shaft

onto some bullets.

I've always suspected
a bit of foul play.

As have I.

So now daddy's little girl
is all grown up,

looking for a little revenge,
is that it?

Yeah, that is it.
Is there a problem with that?

Why don't you tell me'?

I don't know. You tell me.

- Why don't you tell me?
- Why don't you tell me?

- Why don't you tell me?
- Why don't you tell me?

- Why don't you tell me?
- Why don't you tell me?

Ooh!

All right. You've seen
what I can do.

You either want
to use my talents or you don't.

If you don't, I seek another cabal,
and we do it that way.

We need you.
We definitely need you.

Indeed.

Bowler... Evelyn...

Carol.

Carol.

Will you join
our little ragtag trio?

I think you mean quartet...

What are you talking about?
There's five of us.

All right. Hey. Hey. Hey.

First of all, nobody's green lit any
new memberships, so just chill out.

Granted, you've got
a good arm. I'll give you that.

But we're in a lead cad...

Cadre.

- You're in.
- Welcome aboard.

Guys, would you...

What? What's the problem?

Welcome.

What?

Nothing. No problem.
Welcome aboard.

Oh!

So what's up?
Are Spleen and I on the team or not?

Look, in my opinion,
which used to matter around here,

we shouldn't be
flinging memberships

at every guy who puts together
a pair of matching gloves and boots.

You guys just be sure
to jump in when the action starts.

You do your share,
we'll keep you around.

Maybe.

So you're a British man
who converted to Islam like Cat Stevens?

No. Until the early part of this century,
India was part of the British Empire,

whose government there
was called the British Raj,

after the Hindi word
for "sovereignty."

Furthermore...

Wait. So sorry. What?

Dad.

No, he's not
a commie nor a fruit.

Sorry.

His ignorance embarrasses me.

Sorry, but am I to understand
you've inserted your father's skull

inside of that ball for bowling?

No. The guy at
the pro shop did it.

That was Casanova's limo.

You bet your sweet bippy it was.
Let's turn this sucker around!

He's probably got
Amazing in there.

Here we go.

I feel carsick.

Great.

So tell me, Tony, who can
we count on seeing at my banquet tomorrow?

All the top gangs
are gonna be there, Cas.

They want to know
what you got up your sleeve.

Mr. Casanova,
I think we're being followed.

Let us say hello.

What's he doing?

He's either very smart
or very dumb.

Hello.

I would like a double burger
with the large fries.

Do you boys
want something to drink?

We think you did
something bad to Captain Amazing.

We would like you
to tell us where he is.

Captain who?
This name does not ring any bells with me.

I don't like your tone,
Frankenpuss.

Do yourself a favor
and don't punch my clock.

I'm a Pantera's box
you do not want to open.

It is Pandora.

Please don't correct me.

It sickens me.

You guys never learn, do you?

Apparently we don't, ass.

I know you.

You don't know me.

- You knew my father.
- Sal.

- Carmine.
- Carmine.

Carmine? The Bowler?

Yep-

You're Baby Bowler?

Is that a problem?

Hello.

I'm the guy that gave
your daddy the shaft.

This is the last time
I'm going to ask you.

Where is Captain Amazing?

And a Diet Pepsi
with a little bit of ice.

Hey, Shove!

Boys, let's go.

Fork yourself!

Pull!

Come on, Roy,
let's get out of here.

Come on, Furious! Let's go!

People who live
in glass houses, shouldn't.

Because this is what happens!

Come on! That's enough!

Come on. Get out of the way.

The roof is on fire! The roof!

The roof is on fire!

We don't need no water.
We don't need no water.

Here comes Daddy.

Go, go, go!

I would like to make a toast
to our first straightout victory.

Stunning victory. Here, here.

Be that as it may, the relationship
you have with your mother

affects every other
dynamic in your life.

- What? What?
- It's true, quite true.

Yes, a father's role is vital
in a child's life as well. I know this.

No, I'm not disrespecting you.

You have to respect me too. You have
to allow me to have conversations in a bar

and talk to my new friends.

Anyway, I'm an adult now.

Do you want to go
back in the bag?

Is that how we're gonna
do it now? You make the rules.

If you don't zip it...

Sheesh.

I was going to say that
parents can be quite problematic.

Tell me about it.

There's not enough beer in the world,
Spleen. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- |t's okay. It's okay.
- Listen.

You've got to live
in truth. Correct?

The woman's a tiger.

Barkeep, another round

for my sweet team
of superfriends.

Barkeep, another round
for the super, submissive,

super bellies.

That's what's so cool
about this team.

Everyone has their own powers
for all these different situations.

Pull my finger.

What?

I was just thinking.

I was wondering when we might
see your super power.

It'll happen, kid. Don't worry.

- I say, "sabatage."
- "Sabatage?"

The Shoveler is hammered!

The Shoveler is hammered!

So what's the name of this team?

How about the Super Squad?

How about the Six Dead Guys
in Their Stupid Costumes?

No. The Magnificent Dead Guys.
How about that?

What about
the Legendary Superfreaks?

Way too positive.
They totaled our car.

Ready?

Ready!

TONY P; Aim.

Aim!

I love you!

Fire!

Huh?

Six Very Nearly Dead Guys With
a Temporary Reprieve.

That's it. That's your name.

Six Jive Turkeys.

Dig, man?

Yeah! Dig, man!

That's your name.
Kill you later, superlosers!

Criminy. You're the Sphinx.

And you are fools.

Tonight

you proved

your inexperience.

The wise man knows
that he is weakest

when he thinks himself strong.

Whoa.

This is serious.

Terribly mysterious.

Casanova Frankenstein

is no ordinary villain.

To fight him,

you must have
extraordinary skill.

Thank you for that
little piece of information.

I wouldn't have thought...

Excuse me!

Does anybody have any manners?

I don't know. Do I?

- I don't know. Do you?
- Do I?

- Why don't you tell me?
- Why don't you tell me?

- Why don't you tell me?
- Why don't you tell me?

- I don't know. You tell me.
- Do I mind what? Do I?

Silence!

We'll have to separate you two.

Is that what you want?
You want to be separated?

He started it.

You must be like the wolf pack,

not like the six pack.

Teamwork. Yes!

You were not ready to face
so great an enemy.

Not until you have vanquished
the enemy within yourselves.

Yes!

It's cool, isn't it'?

It goes right up to
the point of being, like, confusing.

It's leadership.
It's what we've been missing.

Yes, I quite agree.

Sphinx, will you guide
our motley little gang of men at arms?

Hey! Wait a minute.

Are you serious? Come on.

Will you shape us, mold us?

Please unify us
and make us whole.

To learn my teachings,

I must first teach you

how to learn.

Learn to hide your strikes
from your opponent,

and you'll more easily
strike his hide.

I did it!

How many weapons do you wield?

Just one, Sphinx.

No. The fist, the knee,
the elbow, the head!

You must lash out
with every limb

like the octopus
who plays the drums.

Why am I doing this again?

When you can balance
a tack hammer on your head,

you will head off your foes
with a balanced attack.

And why am I wearing the
watermelon on my feet?

I don't remember
telling you to do that.

Wait a minute. Wait. Wait.

I believe in my powers.

I believe in my powers.

I believe in the powers
of my teammates.

I believe in the powers
of my teammates.

I trust in my powers.

I trust in my powers.

I trust in the powers
of my teammates.

I trust in the powers
of my teammates.

This team must learn
to work together

or, mark my words,
it will be torn apart!

Now, gather round.

Gather round.
Embrace one another.

Gather round.
Embrace one another quickly.

ROY -

Why do you stand aside
while the others practice?

"Practice?"

That's not practicing.
That's group hugging.

We should be busting in
on Casanova right now.

He who questions training,
only trains himself at asking questions.

What?

Who was looking for
the pinking shears?

Oh, that was me.

Yes, work well on
your new costumes, my friends.

For when you care
for what is outside,

what is inside cares for you.

The clock is ticking here.

Are we gonna sew dresses
all day or are we gonna rescue Amazing?

I need a thimble.
Does anybody...

Patience, my son.

To summon your power for
the conflict to come,

you must first have power
over that which conflicts you.

Am I the only one who finds these
sayings just a little formulaic?

"If you want to push something
clown, you have to pull it up."

"If you want to go left,
you have to go right."

Your temper is very quick,
but until you learn to master your rage...

Your rage will
become your master?

That's what you
were gonna say, right?

Right?

Not necessarily.

That's it. I'm out of here.

Thanks for all the advice, Mr. Misterioso,
but it's time to get busy with it.

Come on, Eddie. Let's go.

No, Roy.

I think he's getting results.

Yeah, and the biggest one is
that we're all out of here.

Come on, Jeff.
Let's peel some wheelies. Let's go.

I don't want to leave
the Sphinx.

Okay, how about the rest of you?

Do you want to play
Suzie Homemaker with Captain Conundrum

or do you want
to be superheroes?

Okay, I don't need a compass to tell
me which way the wind shines.

Roy, wait.
Let's talk about this.

No, let's not talk about it!

You want to sit here, make Halloween
outfits with Little Red Riding Hood

or you want to
take care of business?

Well, I guess from now
on I ride in a wolf pack of one.

We should go after him.

- He's okay.
- Just let him go. He's a baby.

We've never gone
into battle without him.

If you love him so much,
why don't you marry him?

- I don't know. Why don't you marry him?
- Why don't you?

- Why don't you?
- Why CIOITt you?

Bowler, Shoveler, please!

Sphinx, what wisdom can you give us in
this, our most clouded hour?

Yeah, what do we do?

The loss of manpower
can be replaced

by the addition of firepower.

Well, I won't use guns.
I've been crystal clear about that.

He won't even use a knife.

You're not going to start
with that again, are you?

Casanova will have many weapons.

To beat him, you will have
to have more than forks and flatulence.

Heller.

"Dr. A. Heller:
Weapons designer,"

"innovator, inventor,
world changer."

Why does he live in a
deserted amusement park?

Because he's
an eccentric genius.

I'll take point.
You two flank. Let's triangulate.

Equilateral or isosceles?

Just go.

Who would want
to rent a chicken?

This is weird in here.
It's scary and weird.

Oh, there's another chicken.

Crazy chicken world.

Dr. Heller?

We come in peace.

Shovel Head?

The Shoveler. Yes, sir.
We met at the old folks' home.

Of course. Fork Man?

I'm the Spleen. If you want to
know what my power is, pull my finger.

- Please, don't!
- Don't, sir. Don't.

Dr. Heller, we're on a mission.
We've come for weapons.

Shouldn't we see a diploma
or something first?

You came to the right place, baby.
Step into my office.

Where are your friends?

What friends?

Your friends. I thought
you guys were in a club or something.

You mean a team? A Super Team?

Yeah.

Apparently, it's now
the Super Sphinx Team or something.

You had a falling out?

Yeah, kind of.

Is it okay if I just
have the coffee?

I'm not very hungry.

Sure.

HEY,

what time do you get off work?

Half hour. Why?

No reason. I was just thinking
maybe I could...

It might be a good idea
if I walked you home.

The city's been
real, real dangerous

since Amazing went M.I.A.

I've been working on
some jujitsu moves that...

Just probably be safer on
everybody's part if...

Also, it would be great
to just walk you home.

Sure.

This will even things up
a little bit. What is it?

Look at this!

Don't point at me.

You're gonna kill somebody.

Listen, everything here
is nonlethal.

"Nonlethal"? What?

I don't make anything
that's deadly.

I see.
How delightfully eccentric,

while, simultaneously,
being a complete waste of our time.

- No offense. Shall we?
- Thank you, Doctor.

I said good day.

See you, Doc.

That is why, in general,
a mad scientist is less desirable

than a garden-variety scientist.

Incoming!

- Look out! Out of the way!
- Watch out!

Ooh.

Doc, you're a genius.

A canned tornado, huh?

Totally nonlethal,
but totally effective.

What is this thing you were
handling before?

That's a shrinker.

How do you know?
Oh, a manual. Cool.

That's a high-temperature
fabric adhesive liquid projector

based on simple
dry-cleaning technology.

You aim that at a guy,
and I'll tell you something

his clothes get so tight
he can't even breathe.

I can trick that out
with a clam shell holster.

It comes with
a leather carrying case.

It's got a wad cutter
and a full warranty.

Nicely done.

What do you call this?

Careful, careful.
That's a blame-thrower.

"A blamethrower"? I'm sorry.

Your bad attitude
is hurting this team!

Stop spitting on me!
I already took a shower!

You need another shower
'cause you stink!

Want me to get that zit for you?

I'm really shaking!

I'm sorry!
I'm sorry if I spit all the time!

- I'm sorry.
- I'm sorry.

No, no, no. No.

Doctor, you are a genius.

That's what the card says.

I still want to be with them
when they go rescue Amazing.

So why don't you just go back?

No, I couldn't go back.
I just left this morning. That would be...

This is my place.

That would be ridiculous.

They're your friends.
They'll understand.

It's clearly what
you want to do.

That actually could work.
I'm Mr. Furious, right?

I'm unpredictable.
I'm a loose cannon.

I go storming off.
Why can't I come storming back?

I mean, it's all in
how you play it, right?

Or don't play it.

Just go back, say you're sorry
and help them save Captain Amazing.

You think there's
a really angry way I could say I'm sorry?

Just 'cause that's kind of my...

I gotta stick with
the anger thing 'cause people like that.

Maybe people like you for
who you really are.

You know?

Okay, I'm gonna go.

You should go find your friends.

Good.

Now, the three of you will be
like the eagle's claw.

You will snatch up the hostage
and carry him to safety.

We three scouts are like
the eagle's eye, ever watchful for danger.

Are you ready?

- Yes.
- Ready.

Then let operation Three-Eyed,
Three-Legged Eagle begin.

Shotgun!

I think not, my friend.

Silly twit.

Give me a second.

Hey.

What's up?

Not a lot. What's up with you?

Nothing much.

Have you seen my address book?

No. What did it look like?

It's denim. It says "Hang loose"
on it with a picture of a kitten.

No.

You should probably think
about where you saw it last.

Right.

I should probably...

Eddie, there's something
I want to say, okay?

I'm angry about being
left out of this mission,

and I'm angry
about what's happening with this team,

but I'm... I'm...

Oh, boy.

Temperature rising.

Vision blurring.

Rage taking over.

Roy, I got an idea.

Why don't you come with us?

Okay.

Rage subsiding.

Pulse slowing.

Anger fading.

That was quick thinking, Eddie.

I wouldn't want anyone
to get hurt.

Drink, drink!

Mazel tov!

Right then.
I'll go and scout out a way in.

What should the signal be?

"Karee, karee, karoo."

No, no, what about,
"Whippoorwill, whippoorwill"?

No. "Karee karoo."

Yes, but isn't that better?

Not interested.

Enough with the cuckoo!

We have to find an open window.

That's what I just said.

Go, go!

Does everyone have a drink?

Casanova!

You're all good?

Good. Well, it is wonderful
in my heart

to see so many
familiar faces once again.

The Susies,
assassins from the East.

The Suits, downsizing
all those who dare oppose them.

And the Furriers,
always dressed to kill.

And the Frat Boys,
still on probation for lethal hazing.

Phi Zeta!

And, of course,
the Not So Goody Mob,

putting the rhyme into crime!

The pleasure's all mine,
Frankenstein.

We're about to perpetrate
some evil on these Champion City people.

- Rapping, snapping, capping.
- Yeah.

Tonight, we are having quite
a party, a surprise party.

I have a little something
up my sleeve,

and I'm not just talking about
the wart on my elbow.

I have created
a beautiful machine

that is going to encourage
our fellow citizens,

to share my vision

of the world!

Can you dig it?

What about Captain Amazing?

That is an excellent
question, Big Tobacco.

What are we gonna do about the greatest
superhero Champion City has ever known?

For the answer,
I want you all to walk this way.

Dude, can we bring the brewskis?

Yes, of course.
You may absolutely bring the brewskis.

Things look pretty quiet to me.

Invisible Boy,
did you just let one go?

No, that wasn't me.

Well, it wasn't me.

Don't run! He'll shoot!

Is he doing what
I think he's doing?

Just go with it.

Can anybody see anything?

Hey!

- Who said, "Hey"?
- Not me.

Eddie, you don't
have to say, "Not me," okay?

If someone says, "Who?"
and you say...

Hey, morons, over here.

It's Captain Amazing!

We've been looking for you.

Yeah, there's a light switch behind you,
there. Turn it on.

My, my. Well, well.
We meet again, Captain?

We're here to rescue you.

Yeah.

I'm Blue Raja.
Do you recall me? Master of silverware.

You told me to keep up
the good work after the Red Eye skirmish.

I meet so many people
in this business, but I think so.

Could you two locate the master ignition
switch on the main console?

Maybe you could open that up'?

Have you out in two shakes
of a lamb's tail.

- Frightfully uncomfortable.
- Great.

How does this work?

I've seen one of these things.

You've got to push
this thing in and twist it.

Don't force it!

She's right, my little friend.

This contraption is, in fact,
a weapon of mass destruction.

Casanova plans to turn it
against the city at midnight.

Something's happening.

Okay, very good. On the wall to your left
you should see two toggles side-by-side.

"Toggles"? What do you mean?
You talking about switches?

I see them, Captain.

Thank you.

Flip the first toggle.

Flipping.

Excellent work.

Now, flip the...

Jolly good work, team!

Could you just
stay over there, please?

Of course.

Sorry.

Now flip the second toggle.

Do as he says.

The man knows what of he speaks.

I'm just gonna ask you directly.

Do you know billionaire
Lance Hunt?

It's me.

No, I'm kidding with you.
I've always wanted to do that.

What's next?

I just told you,
flip the second toggle.

Again?

What do you mean?

Flip the toggle twice?

No, no, no.

Don't do that.
Just flip it again now, one time. Flip it.

Does he understand
what I'm asking?

Hold on a second.
Exactly how many toggle flips in total,

are involved in this procedure?

I just... It's... Seven!

- Seven?
- Flip it!

Seven?

Everybody, hold the phone.

You phrased that incorrectly. We need to
know how many toggle flips are needed,

not counting the gratuitous toggle
flip you may have asked for

in a moment of panic.

Flip it!

Could we just start again?

Is there some sort of
reset button on this thing?

No, you little freak,
there's no button for resetting.

Flip the switch, lady.
Don't stare at me.

Lift your left arm.
Flip it, you moron!

You're a moron!

I am not a moron.

- Do not call her a moron. That's not cool.
- Thank you.

I Will do it!

- Flip the switch, lady!
- Don't look at me like that!

It's this one, yes?

Wrong switch.

Everybody heard me say
"reset button," right?

Oh, my God, we killed him.

What do you mean "we"?
I was right here.

I'm gonna check his pulse.

I don't think
he's gonna pull through.

Somebody's coming.
We gotta get outta here.

Everybody should just keep
holding their horses.

Go, go, go.

What the hell, man?

This sucker's dead.

What happened to him?

As you can see,
I have taken Captain Amazing

out of the picture.

It's time for us to rule.

Tonight at midnight,
I'm going to do to Champion City

what I have done
to its greatest superhero.

And there'|| still be time
to go up, get down and boogie.

Come on. Let's get out of here.

Where's Captain Amazing?

There's been a bit of a cock-up.

Guys, I think we got
a little bigger fish to fry right now.

What the hell was
that machine in there?

I don't know.
But I know where we can go to find out.

The vermin are back, Tony.

Vermin should be
exterminated, Casanova.

A fish fork is no match
for my machine!

But I think we should take out
some insurance.

Don't you think?

It's a psychofrakulator.

It creates a cloud of radically
fluctuating free-deviant chaotrons

which penetrate
the synaptic relays.

It's concatenated
with a synchronous transport switch

that creates
a virtual tributary.

It's focused onto
a biobolic reflector.

And what happens is that
hallucinations become reality

and the brain is literally
fried from within.

Where would you get
something like that?

I don't know.

They used to say
it couldn't be built.

The equations were so complex that
most of the scientists who worked on it

wound up in the insane asylum.

Which is where Casanova's been
hanging for the last 20 years.

If he turned that thing on the city,
it'll waste everything in sight.

Not "if." When.

We need Captain Amazing.

Yes, but, unfortunately,
we just killed him.

Unfortunately, you killed him.

Just because you're having
problems at home

don't mean you can go around
killing people.

"Oh, sorry. Mummy.
I'm English. I didn't mean it."

K-I-L-L-E-D. You killed him.

You killed him. You did.
You were the one who flicked the switch.

It's the same difference.
He's still dead.

You did kind of...

Sphinx!

What in heaven's name do we do?

Sometimes,

the true hero is the one
with the courage to run away.

I like the way this man thinks.

Let's run.

We can't run.

Oh, yes.
It's been established that we can run.

This is egg salad. It's loaded with cholesterol.
The wife won't even let me touch it.

Hardly seems to matter now.
'Cause chances are, we're already dead.

Amazing is gone.

There's no use waiting
for the cavalry, because as of this moment,

the cavalry is us.

Yeah, but I don't
wanna get frakulated.

Psychofrakulated.

We still get frakulated.

This is our fight,
whether we like it or not.

Just we few.

We're not your
classic superheroes.

We're not the favorites.
We're the other guys.

We're the guys nobody
ever bets on.

But I tell you what I think.

You and that ball of yours
have an appointment that you've gotta keep.

Invisible Boy,
I think it's time you were seen.

Sphinx, you have
trained us well.

Dr. Heller, you might
just have given us the edge we need.

Spleen, I don't wanna
stand behind you.

But I'll fight beside you
with pride.

Jeff, you've got
a rare and beautiful gift.

The city needs you
tonight. And, Roy,

in all the years I've known you,

I've never seen you
walk away from a fight.

Why, you lifted
a city bus once, man.

I think you've got
what it takes to handle Casanova.

We're all in
over our heads, and we know it.

But if we take on this fight,
those of us who survive it

will forever after show our scars
with pride and say, "That's right."

"| was there.
I fought the good fight."

So, what do you say?

Do we all gather together and
go kick some Casanova butt,

or do I eat this sandwich?

I say, what the fork.
Let's do it.

If we're gonna bust
into that mansion,

you're gonna need more than
a station wagon.

At the auto yard,
there's this old Herkimer battle jitney.

Sally's always telling me
to junk it.

Wait. You have
a Herkimer battle jitney?

That's the finest non-lethal
military vehicle ever made.

All right, we'll meet
at the junkyard. We'll go from there.

I shall need more forks,
I'm afraid.

Those of you with loved ones,
say good-bye before we go.

You may not get another chance.

Sei gesund.

Hey, Mom.

Jeffrey, what are you doing?

I was just...

I'm a superhero, Mother.

A superhero?

An effete British superhero,
to be precise.

I am pilfering your tableware
because I hurl it.

I hurl it with a deadly accuracy.
The Blue Raja is my name.

Yes, I know. I don't wear much blue,
and I speak in a British accent.

But if you know your history,
it really does make perfect sense.

The point is, your boy's a
limey fork-f linger, Mother.

Hard cheese to swallow,
but there it is.

What will the bridge club think?

You need more forks?

These belonged to your
great-great grandmother.

I was saving these
for your wedding day.

But from the looks of it, that day,
it's probably a long way off.

Mom, you're taking this
incredibly well.

I've always known
you were special,

but I just never realized
how special.

I'd better get going.

I've got a city to save.

- Jeffrey?
- Yeah?

Do the accent.

I'd love to stay and chitchat,
but I fear I must away with me.

Our metropolis is in
the clutches of madmen.

Jeffrey? Cheerio.

I really should get going.

Okay.

Thanks, Ma.

I said I was
gonna leave you, and I meant it.

The city's in peril, Lucille.
We're the best hope they've got.

Eddie, please don't start.

I don't expect you
to believe me.

I just came by
to tell you that I love you.

Tell the kids I love them.

And now, good-bye.

Good-bye, Eddie.

I won't be here
when you come home.

Well, that's a chance
I'm gonna have to take.

Otherwise, there may not be
a home to come back to.

Wish me luck.

Hi.

Hi.

You okay?

I wanted to say
I had a great time tonight.

And you were really nice to me.

And I would love to,
to ask you out sometime.

But if I don't call you,
I want you to know it's because I'm dead.

Me and my team,
we're gonna take on Casanova Frankenstein.

And it's pretty much
a suicide mission.

So, if there is anything that
you wanna say to me,

now would probably be
a good time to say it, just 'cause...

Yeah, I got a question for you.

Cool. Kick it.

What's your name?

Do you mean my secret identity?
'Cause I couldn't.

No, I just,
you know, mean your name.

My name.

Okay.

It's Phoenix.

Phoenix Dark.

Dirk. Phoenix...

Dark-Dirk.

It was...
I was christened Dirk Steele,

and I changed it to Phoenix.

Forget about it. It's okay.

It's Roy.

That's my name. My name is...

My real name is Roy.

Just be Roy.

Roy, the Roy. Yes, I'm Roy.

Who is Roy? Roy is who?

He's freaking out, man.

Where's the guy who pretends
not to be Roy?

We've had quite enough
of that. Just stop it.

Just snap out of it.
We're tired of it.

I'm a wannabe. A true wannabe,
in the worst sense of the...

You guys are gonna have to go
fight this battle without me.

You start doubting
your super powers, you are shafted.

If I had any super powers,
I guess I would be in trouble, but I don't.

What do I do? I go...

What are you talking about?
You lifted a bus once.

Precisely.
That story's legendary.

It was really more of a push,
really, than a lift.

That still takes incredible
superhuman strength.

It does, to push
an entire bus out the way.

Actually, the driver
kind of had his foot on the accelerator,

just in the beginning, just to get
it going, then it actually was me.

But he kind of...

Oh, shit.

Ooh!

Excuse me.

It's a process which results
in an accelerated flow of electrons

that creates such
a powerful magnetic force.

This is basically
like a huge electromagnet.

Actually, it's
an electro-nuclear-magnet.

It's the next inevitable phase.

Vis, can you
close up those jockey boxes?

Right on it.

Let's get suited up.
We're out of here in five.

It's time.

Let's go.

Shotgun!

I've already called it,
didn't I?

Have a seat, my friend.

Everybody ready?

And we have lift-off.

May the forks be with us.

I'm sorry. Too much throttle.

That's cool. I'm just gonna go.

Yo, sit down!

All right, here we go.

Vaya con Dios.

Somebody do something.
We need him.

Let's do this.
You're a very furious man.

- Do you understand that?
- No.

You got a lot to be
furious about, and I'll tell you why.

You're not well-liked.
You're abrasive and off-putting.

You try and say pithy things,
but your wit is a hindrance,

and so therefore,
nothing is provocative.

It's just mixed metaphors.
Now, doesn't that make you angry?

- Does it infuriate you?
- No.

It should.
Are you angry? Come on, man!

Your penmanship is atrocious.

You dress in the manner of
a male prostitute.

Get real! I have
no powers whatsoever.

If he has no powers,
maybe I've got no powers.

Maybe I can't turn
invisible at all.

Do not go there, my son.

When you doubt your powers,
you give power to your doubts.

I don't mean to be alarmist,
but it's half 11:00 already.

Thirty minutes till Casanova
blows up the city.

Listen. We've got
a blind date with destiny.

And it looks like
she's ordered the lobster.

We're gonna ram the gate!

What do you think?
Should we knock or just let ourselves in?

Hit the ground!

They're shooting!

I hope this magnet thing works.

It's working.

Go! Go!

Everybody, into the disco room.

Everyone, through here.
Keep moving.

Focus, people. Focus. Let's go.

Hello?

Wait!

Laser eye.

I knew I should have brought
my large pie server.

If we can't get
through that door, this battle is over.

This is it? My time has come.

What are you talking about?

Wait. Invisible Boy.

I wouldn't do that, if...

Come back here.
You'll be cremated.

It's all about me now.

I'm the only one
that can save us.

He's right.

Good luck, son.

Nobody look at me.

Don't look at him,
or it won't work.

I am transparent.

I am like the window.
I am see-through.

I'm like Saran Wrap.

I did it! I'm invisible!
I really do have super powers.

Can you see me?

Yes.

Two hands there, son.

Maybe you should put some shorts on
if you wanna keep fighting evil.

Furriers, you will stay here
and delay the attackers.

Not So Goody Mob, fight from behind. The
rest of you, into the atrium.

And spread yourself out
for a second wave of attack.

The door. Door.

On three. One, two, three.

Shrink them.

I say, they've gone from
junior to missy petite.

Now that's a Wedgie
she won't soon forget.

My pants feel like
they're shrinking too.

This way!

Look out!

I got a bone to pick with you.

Hold it, Little Daddy.

You know what?
Y'all make me sick.

Give me that gun.

I got them.

Disco forever!

Invisible Boy, Spleen. Susies.

Dig this, Shovel Man.

Duck! It's the Susies!

Grab the gun.

It's stuck.

Coast clear?

Shoot anyway.

I'm scared.

No, you're not scared.
Be strong.

Say it with me
"| ain't scared of no Susies."

I am scared of the Susies.

Say "I'm not scared
of no Susies."

Come on. You ready?

Let's go!

Dive! Dive!

I'm hit!

Where?

I'm hit! Medic! Medic! Man down!

- Man down! I can't feel my ass.
- What?

- I can't feel my ass.
- What?

Your powers still work?

- My powers?
- Yeah.

Weapons check.

Fire in the hole! Pull!

It'll do.

- Go check on Spleen, okay?
- Okay. All right.

You ought to run, Tony P.

You can't hurt me, Baby Bowler.

'Cause I'm protected

by the god of hair care.

And it's time to send you
back to your daddy.

You killed my father.

That's right.
'Cause I'm a killer.

And you're not.
Let's face it, kid.

You don't have
the guts to kill me.

You're right.
I don't have the guts to kill you.

Because I'm better than you.
Yeah, that's right.

A lot better.

You know, I may even
find the courage to forgive you someday.

Carmine, on the other hand, feels
differently than I do about forgiveness.

Now I'm going back
to graduate school. That was the agreement.

We're doing it. We're winning.
We're gonna pull this off.

I wouldn't be so sure
about that.

Tell your funny-looking friends to put
down their weapons, Mr. Furious.

Just get out of here.
He's crazy. Save yourselves.

Put them down or I will slash
your girlfriend's pretty little throat.

Eddie, Jeff, do what he says.

Thank you.

It's so easy to get the best
of people when they care about each other.

Which is why evil
will always have the edge.

You good guys are always
so bound by the rules.

You see, I kill my own men.

And lucky me.

I get the girl.

No!

Don't worry.
It will all be over so very quickly.

What are you doing?

They must have ripped
the "Q" section out of my dictionary,

'cause I don't know
the meaning of the word "quit."

You want
a little fisticuffs? Okay.

Get him, Roy.

Come on, Roy!

It's the funkyskunkulator!

We've got to stop it.

Don't touch any toggles.

Rage taking over.

Ja, ja, ja. We've heard
all that before.

No, no, no.

Rage really taking over.

Frak-you later, Frankenpuss.

Yeah!

Get out of here.

Hit the deck.

How do we shut this thing down?

Group hug!

- Yeah! Okay!
- Yeah!

Hurry UP!

Get her closer to the hole!

Dad, this is the way
it has to be.

The upshot is you won't
be killed because you're already dead.

No, I'm not going with you.

If there's a time for separation, let me
tell you something, this is it.

Lift me up.

Push her up.

Help me lift her up. Help her.

You can do it. Hold on.

Do it!

I love you, Dad!

Run! Run!

Let's get out of here!

Run for your lives!

Run!

Go!

Go! Go!

No one could survive
the chaos we've just witnessed here.

But as the dust begins to settle over the
ruins of the Casanova's mansion,

the question remains.

Who were these brave heroes that
gave their lives to save our city tonight?

Did that frakulator work, or what?
What's the deal there?

Look. Something's moving.
People are coming out.

Could you tell us
what's going on?

Hi. Excuse me.

Can you tell us
what happened here tonight?

- We did it.
- We won.

Hey, that's my team.

We struck down evil with
the mighty sword of teamwork

and the hammer of not-bickering.

We are number one.
All others are number two or lower.

"REPORTER". Who are you guys?

They call me the Shoveler.

That's my dad.

- My hero.
- I'm the Bowler.

Hello.

Blue Raja,
master of silverware. Hi, Mom.

I mean, cheerio, Mummy.

Jeffrey.

And you, sir.

What's your name,
and what's your superpower?

My name's Roy, and

I'm in a super amount of pain right now.
Could you please leave me alone?

His name's Mr. Furious, and his power
comes from his boundless rage.

Excuse me. Could I say something?
I think we would all like this victory

to go out to all the other guys.

I'm talking about the people in this
city who are super good at their jobs

but never get any credit,
like the lady in the D.M.V.

That's a rough job.

To the people
that remember jingles

from tons of old commercials.

And people that support
local music and seek out independent film.

And the guy that drives
the snow plow. And the school nurse...

Eddie, Eddie,
I think they got the point.

What's the name of this group?

The Super Dudes.

No, not the Super Dudes.

We don't have a name yet,
but definitely not the Super Dudes.

I gotta get home. It's late.

Picture, picture time.

Whatever you call them, Champion City will
forever owe a debt of gratitude

to these mystery men.

Wait. That's it.
We are the Super Squad.

No! Alliteration in
these situations is corny.

What? Yes, we're all
very aware that you saved the day,

and I'm sure we'll be
hearing about it for the rest of our lives.