All language subtitles for With.Six.You.Get.Eggroll.1968.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG.en

[upbeat music playing]

[man]
That enough, boss?

Perfect.

Hey, Mom?

Be right down, Flip.

Okay, Phil, we're finished.

[saw buzzing]

Al, hit it, okay?

What's up?

How much are
these 16-penny nails?

Truth is, I don't know.
I'll have to look it up.

The magazine said
it would only cost $4 to make.

For a piece of wood
to go under the mattress?

Oh, that's ridiculous.

You got to have
a number.

Hey, Pete...

Pete, what's the price
of the 16-penny nails?

Uh, $10.50.Got that, honey?

[man]
Sir,

I would like to paint this.

Is this board
all right for blue?

Well, that's the best board
we have for blue.

Thank you.

Ooh.

Oh, I almost forgot.What?

The beauty shop
delivered your wig.
Oh, good.

Mrs. McClure, your
sister's in the office.
She is?

[Chuck] I'll look at the matter
myself personally. Yes, sir.

You can count
on me, sir.
Yes, sir.

Hi.
Oh, Chuck.

Hold the line, please.Chuck, did you take care

of that Martin deal yet?Yes, Miss Mc--

Watch it, tiger.

Spoilsport.

Hey, listen,
we got a problem.

Ah, you got to have
a number.

Well, the fellow
I lined up to be

your dinner partner
tonight canceled out.

Fine.

So we got to find you
a man for tonight.

No, we don't got to find me
a man for tonight, Maxine.

Business dinner,
and I could care less.

You must know someone.

Well, of course I know someone.
I know a lot of people,

but I'm really
not interested.

Maxine, when are you
going to stop trying
to find me a husband?

As soon as you give me
some of that... Ow!

Oh, come on.
Just because I'm dieting.

You can have
one cup of weak tea. No sugar.

We're going to find you
a man here.

Look, Max,
I love you dearly,

and I appreciate
your interest in my welfare,

but will you cool it
for tonight?

I just don't happen to think
that's it right...

[both] Your being without
a dinner partner.

I don't need
a dinner partner, Maxine.

I don't need a man
in my life.

I'm doing just fine,
I really am.

Boy.
I have a business to run,

I have three beautiful kids
to keep me company.

What more do I want?
I'm doing just fine.

Will you relax?Yes. Yes. Yes.

Will you cool it, please?I like it this way.

Devoting her life
to her family. Hm.

Well, what's wrong
with that?

Baloney, that's what wrong.Baloney?

Listen, already your kids
have a better deal
than you do.

At least they go to bed
with a teddy bear at night.

I knew you'd get
to the bedroom sooner
or later, you little devil.

[both laugh]

What do you do
on a cold night?

I turn on
the electric blanket, okay?

Well, I do better
with a nudge.

Oh. Max.

I feel sorry for Harry.

Oh, he does all right.

Look, let's be realistic.Mm-hmm.

Suppose I was interested,
can I tell you
what's available?

What?
Confirmed middle-aged
bachelors

and divorcees.

Divorcees? I don't think
you call a man who's--

I don't know
what you call 'em,

but they're all after
you-know-what.

Mm.

Losers
and factory rejects.

Well, there's always
Mr. Right.

What if Mr. Right
is out there?

How do I compete
with the 20-year-olds?

Well, like they say,
if you're number two,

you have to try
a little harder.

[Maxine chuckles]Oh, is that what they say?

Yes, that's
what they say.

Back to work.
"Evans, William."

That's William Evans,
and he's a plumber.

Will you get
out of that index?
That's private.

You're not going to find
anyone in there, anyway.

Mm-hmm. "Ingram."

Electrician.

"Ingalls."

Insurance.

"Iverson."

Is that Jake Iverson?

[Max] Jake Iverson.
Well, what does he do?

He's just a friend.Attractive?

Yes, Max. Very.Well...?

I...He's just someone
Phil and I used to know, dear.

[sighs]

Flip, come to the office
right away, please.

Abby, it says here,
"Jake and Evelyn."

That's right.
That's his wife,

or was.

He's in the same boat I am.

Flip! Office!

A widower?

Yeah, Mom?
I was just leavin'.

Already?

Holy smoke, it's late.

Honey, pass these out
before you go,
would you, please?

Okay.Thanks.

Bye.Toodle-oo.

So long, Aunt Max.

Goodbye, dear.

[phone ringing]

Yeah.Mr. Iverson?

Just a moment, please.
A Mrs. McClure calling.

You've got to be kidding.I'm not kidding at all.

Sit down and talk
to this nice man.I can't believe you, Maxine.

Come on, talk to him.

I can't ask him.
I haven't seen him in years.

Just ask the man to dinner.

Mrs. McClure, I--

Mrs. McClure
will talk to you later.

I don't even know what to say.Hello.

Hello, Jake?Who'd you say it was?

This is, um,
Abby McClure, Jake.

[sighs] Oh, how are you?

Oh, I'm fine, thank you.
How are you?

Fine. Fine. Uh...

And how's your, uh,
little girl--

Lacey?

Stacey.Stacey.

That's close.

[Jake]
She's fine.

How's your, uh...

The boys.
I have three boys.

They're fine, thank you.

He doesn't even know
who I am.

Just ask him.

Uh...

Oh, Abby, uh, Phil's wife.

That's right.It's been a long time.

I, uh, I meant to call you
after Phil...

Oh, I understand.

Will you just ask him?

Uh, I'll tell you
why I'm calling.

It's, uh... I'm having
some people in tonight.

You know,
for a little dinner party.

And I thought that, uh,
uh--uh, if you weren't
doing anything,

that maybe
you'd like to come?

Dinner tonight?

[Abby]
Yes, uh-huh...

[mouthing words]

You can?

You ca... Oh!

You can?

Well, that's good.

It's 4248

Myrtle Drive.

And that's, um, oh, 7:30-ish.

Sounds great.
I'll see you then.

Bye-bye.

You can't tell me
you aren't bored

seeing just
one pair of shoes
under your bed.

Oh, Max, is that all
you ever think about? Sex?

Yes. [laughs]

[door bell jingles]

[slow music playing]

Hi, neighbor.

Hello, Cleo.

I, uh, seem to have misplaced
my garden clippers.

Got a pair?

Just a minute.

Hate to trouble you, Jake.

I guess your husband's
out of town again, huh?

[Cleo] You know George
and his hunting trips.

I, uh, don't see
your daughter around.

[Jake]
Oh, she's staying
with a friend.

Here you are.

Want to help
with my garden?

No, Cleo.

I think it's real bad luck
to go diggin' around

in somebody else's garden.

You're scared.

You're damn right I am.

Too bad.

Stop by for a drink later?

No. I have to go
meet somebody.

It's the wife
of an old friend.

I'm the wife
of an old friend.

Yeah. You know,
this is different, though.

Don't you like me?

Sure, I like you, Cleo.

It's my husband, isn't it?

What do you mean?

I can't get to you
because of George.

Well, I like George, too.

Wish I could say that.

Mm.

What a wicked waste.

Well, toodle-oo.

Have fun, Jake.

Molly, would you mind?

Oh, am I glad
to see you.

[Abby gasps]

Boy, do I need help.

Someone to take--

Molly, is the house
all straightened?

Mm. I hate shrimp.Yeah, I know.

Is the house all straightened?Yes.

Good. Did the boys
have their dinner?

You know
I'm not the type to complain,
but on days like this,

I get the feeling
that I'm keeping
three horses out of work.

Where are they?

The horses?The boys.

Flip's in his room,
and the other two
are in there.

Where?
In there.

In the living room?Yes.

Oh, Molly!

The living room.
Where do you expect?

There are no other
rooms here, except...

What is going on in here?

Oh, now,
you know

we have company
coming tonight,
and look at this room!

But you told me
I could paint.

That was two months ago,
when you had the mumps.

I told you, Jason.

Now you're no better,
Mitchell, but you should be.

You're older.[barking]

You just get off
of this couch.
I've had it.

And you get over here.

Now enough
is enough.

[Abby] Now you two just hop
to it, and you get this place

cleared up, and right...
And stop laughing at me.

Put your retainers
in your mouth
and leave them in there.

I don't want to see them
out of your mouth again,
you hear?

I have had it!
You!

[whimpers]

[Abby]
Flip...

[rock music playing
over speakers]Flip!

[Flip] Yeah?Didn't I tell you
to keep an eye--

What?I said didn't I tell you
to keep an eye out--

I can't hear you.If you turn that thing off,

you might be able to hear
what I am saying.

[turns off music]

Can you hear me now?Yes.

All right.
Did I ask you

to keep an eye
on Mitch and Jason?

I'm sorry, Mom,
but I got to get ready.
I got a date.

So have I, dear.
I have guests coming,
or did you happen--

Yeah, but you
don't have to shave,
and that takes time,

especially when you got
a heavy beard like mine.

Oh, this house.[rock music continues]

Oh.

[barks]

Calico...

[barks]

I have enough around here
without you.

[barks]None of your lip.

[upbeat music playing]

Calico! Come back here!

[gasps][Abby] He's--

Molly, he's got my hair!

[Abby scoffs]

Hey, Calico caught
a gopher!

He's got my hair!

Calico!

Come here.
Get out of the way, boys.

[Mitch]
Calico! Calico!

[Abby]
Come here to me.

-Come here, Calico.
-[Abby] Calico!

Silly dog.[Mitch] Give me that!

[Abby] Oh!Calico, come on!

Drop it! Drop it!

Boys, will you get
out of the way?

Oh, you're ruining my wig.

[Calico growls][Abby] Calico!

I'm not playing
with you, you big...

Oh, oh! Oh, I've got it.
I've got it.

What is it, Mom?

You heard your brother.
It's a gopher.

[sighs]

Good night, Mom.
Got to split.

Oh, just a minute, honey.

I know. Drive carefully,
don't be late.

Check.
Check.

Hope your party's a gas.

Mm. Thanks a lot.

You have fun, too,
you hear?

Sexy.

Oh, good.

What those boys need

is the firm hand
of a man around here.

Lord knows
you've had your choice

with all those fellas
your sister brings around.

[groans]
You know, you should

do yourself
and those boys a favor

and get yourself
married P.D.Q.

[car tires screeching]

Of course,
it's not for me to say.

You're so right, Molly.

If there's one thing
I believe in,

it's keeping my place
and keeping my mouth shut.

It doesn't work.

What?
Figures.

The boys were
playing astronaut with it.

Oh. Look at this wig.
It's soaking.

I just sprayed
the whole thing.
Now what do I do?

And look at me.
Look at this hair,
and I have company coming.

Well, couldn't you
kind of push it up a little?

Uh, do you have a snood?

A what?Well, you know, a snood.

You could kind of put it
around here and hold it.

No, I don't have
one of those.

Will you just stick it
in the oven?

The oven?Yeah, 200.

And save some space.

I'm going to stick
my head in with it.

Heh. Oven, indeed.

Many more days like this,
you'll find me in the oven.

Mom?
What?

How come you didn't show up
at my baseball game today?

I couldn't make it, Mitchell.

I got busy
at the yard, honey.

Maybe next Saturday,
I can come.

Always the same excuse.

Get those washcloths moving.
It's not fun-and-games time.

[Jason]
Hey, let me try that!

[thump, water splashing]

[chuckling]

[Molly] Mrs. McClure?Yes?

Will you come here
a minute?

I'll be there
in a minute, Molly.

Now, you don't get
out of here.

You don't get out of here
until you're rinsed off.
Do you hear me?

Didn't I say
no fun and games?

[Molly] Mrs. McClure!Now, you get back in...

Get back in that tub.
Look what you're doing!

[Molly] Mrs. McClure!You can't... What?

Will you please
come down here?
I need you!

I can't come now, Molly!

Well, we'll, uh,
just let ourselves in.

I guess Abby's
busy someplace.

Don't get out of that tub,
or I'll tan your--

Oh! Oh.

[Abby scoffs]

[laughs]

Oh, hi, Jake.Hi.

I guess we're
a little early, huh?

Uh, no, I'm a little late.

[laughter]

Well, uh, we met Jake
in--in the driveway.

What?

Jake, how about--
How about a drink?

Harry can fix you a drink.Sure.

Mrs. McClure,
about that oven.

I've got to put
the meat on broil,
but your hair's on bake.

Now which should I do first?Yeah, well...

I need the hair, Molly.
I need the hair.

False eyelashes,
false hair, false bosoms.

In my day and age,
women were flesh and blood.

Nowadays,
they're 80 percent nylon

and 20 percent
foam rubber.

Harry, dear,
the drinks. The drinks.

Jake, a nice drink,
Jake, never hurt anybody.Come on, I'll get you one.

[Abby whispering]
Max. Psst!

What?Psst!

Come on!

[whispers]
All right!

Max, I need your help.
Wasn't that terrible?

Oh...What must he think now?

Who cares?
He's adorable.

Will you come on?

Oh, you're a mess.

[Abby] This place has been
a wall-to-wall disaster area

since I arrived home today.

Abby, you're a great
deal of help to me.

What am I supposed to say
to this man?

"I would like you
to meet my sister,

the girl with the golden arm
and her hair in the oven"?

What about my hair?
Where is my hair?

Don't worry about your hair.
You aren't even dressed yet.

Why doesn't she bring it here?What are you going to wear?

I'm wearing
this white suit, Maxine.
Is that all right with you?

That white...?
Oh, Abby, come on.

Why don't you
get into that marvelous
red geranium hostess thing?

Because it's not
that kind of a party.

You know that
this is business.

You know all those people
in there are customers.

But who cares
about the lumber set?
You are dressing for him.

I do, dear.
I have to be folksy.

Oh, folksy, shmolksy.

Abby, come on,
get into the red thing.

Maxine, I swear,
you are--You are
making me so nervous,

I don't know what I'm doing.

I am not going
to wear the red dress.

[lounge music playing
over speakers]

Nice party, Abby.[laughter]

Say hello
to Mr. Iverson, boys.

This is Jason
and Mitchell.

Hi, fellows.

[both]
Hello.

You've met everybody here.
Now it's time to go to bed.

Are you going
to marry Mommy?

[nervous laughter]

No, he isn't, dear.

Come on.

Boy, Aunt Maxine is sure
going to be disappointed.

[woman laughing]

So, you're
a chemical engineer?

Yes, that's right.

Where do you do
your engineering?

Pacific refineries,
mostly.

I just happen to know
somebody you should meet.

My Cousin Dora.

She just hasn't
been able to find a man
her intellectual equal.

Has she tried
the Yellow Pages?

You single guys,
you got it made.

Airline stewardesses--

And nurses.

[woman laughing in distance]

So, you're
Abby's fella, huh?

You're getting a great girl.

Do you know
what the worst thing

that ever happened
to mankind is?

The pill.

Helps me
sleep nights, though.

[laughter continues]

I declare, everything
is just delicious.

That Abby is a wonder.

You know,
I just can't understand

why some man hasn't just
grabbed her up by now.

You know, any man
would be lucky to have her...

[voice turns high-pitched]
...for his wife.

And I know
that there is

nothing more in this world
that she would desire

than to have
a loving husband, all her own,

to love her every night,
give her a big hug,
keep her cozy and warm.

Now,
this is the type of woman...

[all voices high-pitched
and indistinct]

I tell you, if this
wasn't my house, I'd go home.

Oh, Calico!Nice doggy.

Calico, stop it!Good boy!

I'm sorry.Oh, it's-- It's all right.

Here, use this.Oh. Thank you.

I fixed you a drink.Oh, no, thanks.

I've got to go.
I'd better get going.

I just got my--
I just got my coat.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry
you have to leave so early.

Well, so am I,
but, I, uh, I've got

these customers comin' in
on the 11:30 plane

all the way from Akron,
and I promised them
I'd be there.

Oh, I understand. Sure.

Well, we'll have
to get together sometime.

That would be fun.

Okay. Well,
good night, Abby.

Good night, Jake.

Thanks again
for inviting me.

You're welcome.
You have my napkin.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
Good night.

Bye.

[woman laughing continues]

Good night.Mrs. McClure, if you think

you have any milk left
for breakfast, think again.

Um, they finished
all the bread, too,

and we could use
some more butter.

[Molly] And that Mr. Bates
spilled all the orange juice.

Oh, yes, and tomorrow's
my day off, you know.

[sighs]
Okay.

I'll go to
the market tonight.

Listen, as a surprise,
why don't you leave

all of this for her
till Monday?

[laughter]

Yeah, well, we'll be here

tomorrow morning at 8:00
with the camper.

Have the kids ready.[Abby] Oh, cheerio.

Good night, Abby.[Max] Bye.

Toodle-oo.

[sighs]

[groans]

You have 48 seconds
to get to the airport.

You know, what happened was,
I was, uh,

I was just getting ready
to leave the house,

I was goin' out the door
and the phone rang,

and it was the people
that I was going to pick up

at the airport--
you know, the 11,
I told you.

And, uh, they called
from Akron.

They canceled
because of a...

Anyway, uh--uh,
I could've stayed longer,
you know. I'm sorry.

Oh. You didn't miss a thing,
believe me.

Good night, Jake.Good night.

Here.

Thank you.

I really am sorry,
you know.

You're sorry
you got caught.

Well, it wasn't very nice of me
to go runnin' out like that.

No, it wasn't nice,
but it was smart.

Okay, will you quit
makin' it easy for me?

Just let me
apologize. Huh?

Okay.

Okay, I'm sorry,
and I apologize.

I accept.

Hey, you want
to get some coffee?

Where?

At the drive-in.

Oh. Okay.

Okay, okay.
I'll meet you there.

All right.

Hi, sweetie.Hi, Herbie.

Well, we're
just about to close,

but for you,
tell me what it is you like,

and I'll see to it
personally.

Order anything you want,
and I'll charge you
for a doughnut.

[car door opens]

Hey, what do you think
you're doin', buddy?

This ain't that kind of chick.
This is class.

Get back
in your own machine.

Oh, let him stay, Herbie.
He's kind of nice.

Well, I hope you know
what you're doin',

but from here on
it's full price for everything.

Well, can we have
some coffee?

Big spender.
Not even a doughnut?

No, I want her
to love me for myself,

not the things
I can give her.

You blew it.
You could've had steak.

Huh. You're not sore, huh?

No, I'm not.

Pretty lousy story
about the airport, though.

You would've
gotten away with it
if I hadn't needed bread.

How long has it been, anyway?
About six years? Seven?

Yeah, I think about seven.

Two coffees,
one with cream.

Sure you don't want
separate checks?

How about a receipt
for income tax purposes?

No, that's okay.
Thank you.

Mm. That's good.

Well...?Nothin'. I'm just trying

to picture you
running that lumberyard.

Well, I'm a whiz
on a band saw,
if that interests you.

You run a home, too,
and take care

of all those kids
and everything.

Now, that's difficult.

You ever find any time
for yourself?

I manage.

I have a housekeeper,
Mrs. Benson by name.

Oh, yeah, I met her.

And, um, it all works.

Well, I think he's trying
to tell us something.

It's 2:00. Closin' time.

Hey, listen...

Now, don't tell me you were
going to apologize again.

No, I wasn't.

Oh, you weren't?

Good night.

Good night, Jake.

Thank you.

[car engine running]

-[engine turns off]
-[door opens]

Who, who is it? Jake?
Oh, hi.

Hi. Well,
I couldn't let you

carry that heavy bag
all by yourself.

Thank you.

It's nothin'.

Well, a while ago,
I couldn't wait
to get out of here.

And now you can't
get rid of me. Huh?

Listen, I want
to see you again, okay?

Do you?

Okay.

I'm available.

All right.

Tomorrow night
too soon?

No.

I'll tell you
what we'll do.

Uh, we'll go get some
spaghetti or something.

I'll pick you up
about 7:00.

7:00?

7:30?

6:30?

[laughs]
All right.

[both]
Bang, bang, bang!

Hey, now, come on,
you guys. Cut it out.

I'm trying to read
the paper, so let's have
a quiet breakfast, huh?

Now, Mom was up
late last night.
She's probably beat.

So settle down, all right?
Now eat.

Shh.

[Abby humming]

Good morning, group.
How you doin'?

Hey, hats off at the table,
buddy boy.

Hi, Mom.

Well, hi. Hi, sweetie.Hi, Mommy.

Boy, have we got
a day for a picnic.

It is gorgeous.

Listen, don't forget
your graduation rehearsal.

Gee, I wish
you could go with us.

[Flip] Yeah.
[Abby] Yeah.

[upbeat music playing]

[Abby] Hold on
till we get the bike off.

[Molly] Wait, wait, wait.
We'll get the bike off.
There we go.

I guess I'll take care
of things here.

Come on, kids.
There we go.

You just, uh, go.

Everybody out?

You just go ahead
and get dressed.

[Flip]
Can I give you a hand?

No matter
what time you get home,
call me later.

[Flip] Hey, Mom,
Mr. Iverson called.

Oh, he did?
What'd he say?

He said it was
his kid's birthday
or somethin'.

Anyway, he won't be
able to make it tonight.

[Abby] Oh![crash]

[sighs]

[rock and roll playing]

♪ It's me feeling♪

♪ It's me feeling♪

♪ I have known you
All my life♪

♪ Girl, it seems to me♪

♪ That you will always be♪

♪ Very close to me
Close to me♪

♪ Very close to me now♪

♪ No need to tell you now♪

♪ At a time like this♪

♪ My feelings
Can't be helped♪

Look at the one
with the yellow dress.

Oh, they're fabulous.

Aren't you havin'
a good time?I really am.

Wasn't this a great idea?Yeah, it was. Huh?

You love it?

Okay, Harry loves it.
Don't you, Harry?

Yeah.
Well, well...

Harry and I have been dying
for an excuse to come here.

♪ I've never known till now♪

♪ Feelings I've had inside♪

♪ The feelings you've
Never known♪

♪ The feelings
You've never found♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na♪

♪ I will live
For a long time♪

♪ And then you'll see♪

♪ Just how sad a man can be♪

♪ Oh, girl♪

♪ Can't you see
That it's me?♪

♪ Can't you see it's me now?♪

At least you can tell me
what happened last night.

He followed you home
from the supermarket--

How does it feel
to be married
to a sex maniac?

Every home should have one.

Why ask him?
Ask the mailman.

Well, you know, really,
it's kind of a shame
that Jake didn't come

because I think
we'd make kind of
a handsome foursome.

Yeah, he would like it,
I think.

[Max]
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

♪ It's me feeling♪

She's pretty,
isn't she?

Mm.

Why shouldn't he go out
with a young chick?

Why take a bus
when you can fly?

♪ That you will always be♪

Molly, don't forget
to have Jason ready at 11:30
for his doctor's appointment.

Oh, Ma, I don't want
to go to the doctor!

[Mitch] Bobby Gold's
birthday party is today.

You have to have
a checkup to go to camp.

And Bobby's present
is in on the hall table.

It's all wrapped,
ready to go.

[Molly] Mrs. McClure,
yoo-hoo, telephone!

[scoffs]

[Molly]
It's Mr. Iverson.

Oh--

Tell him I've already gone.
I'm in a hurry.

Hey, boss, Michaels said
he's got to have all
his window frames today.

He'll get it.
Will you tell him
he'll get them?

All right. Oh, some guy
named Iverson

called twice.
He wants to talk to you.

Oh, there's his number.Thanks.

[Jason] Well, how we just
faked her out, huh, Mitch?

Good night, boys,
and I mean good night.

[slow music playing]

[male reporter over radio]
San Francisco Bay area

will show signs
of precipitation in the a.m.

followed by clearing and...[phone ringing]

...somewhat bluer skies.

Hello.

Hey, you're awful hard
to get a hold of.

What are you doin',
running from the law?

Hello, Jake.Listen, Flip did tell you

about why I couldn't make it
last night, didn't he?

Yeah. He said
that, uh, it was

some kind of a birthday
or something. It's okay.

Yeah, I forgot
all about it.

Hey, you want to have
lunch tomorrow?

I don't know, Jake.

It's-- You know,
it's, uh...

I-I'm so busy
at the yard right now.

Yeah, well, uh, how about
some evening, then?
Friday okay?

I don't think so, Jake.
It's, um, pretty hectic.

This a brush-off?

Well, I guess
you got your reasons.

Now, whatever it is, let's--
Let's leave it at that, then.

Okay.

Bye, Abby.

Bye, Jake.

[grunts]

[people chattering]

[Abby] There he is.
Look at your brother.

[Flip] Hi, Mom.Hi!

[Flip] Guys.You look nice.

You look terrific.Thanks.

Why you wearin'
that funny hat?

Because he's graduating.

Do you know your speech?

Did it 14 times
to the mirror.

That should do it.
I'm a nervous wreck
about that speech.

Excuse me just a second, Mom.Okay.

Hey, Charlie...

Well, I guess
maybe, uh...

Boys.

Hey, come back here.

Now, you know
what I told you.

If you behave today,
you can go with Aunt Max
to the lake for the weekend.

But if you don't,
the deal is off.

Yay.Flip going, too?

With you? No, honey.
He's not going with you.

He's going on
his own weekend.

[Flip]
I guess we can go on in now.

Come on, guys.

Flip!

Yeah, Mom?

There's a girl
standing out there.

Um, she's sort of facing us.

And, uh, she has
very long brown hair

hanging kind of
in the front with bangs.
Who is she?

That's Stacey Iverson.

Finally made it, huh?I'm not quite.

They haven't given me
my diploma yet.

Well, you better go get it
before they get wise to you.

[male announcer on PA]
Attention. Attention, please.

Will the graduates
and their guests

kindly take their seats?

The ceremony
is about to begin.

Thank you.

♪ Who made me think♪

♪ About you?♪

♪ Till I have no thoughts♪

♪ About you♪

♪ Busy people♪

♪ All around us♪

♪ Disappear from view♪

[sighs]

♪ When you hold my eyes♪

♪ Like you do♪

[sighs]

Good night.

[doorbell rings]

[barks]

[doorbell rings]

Come here.

♪ Love with you♪

♪ Make me sing♪

[whispers]
Calico.

♪ About you♪

[lock clicking]

Hi.

Jake...

Listen, I don't know
what happened with us,

but I think we ought
to talk it over. Okay?

And I brought
this, uh, stuff along
we could talk it over, over.

Come in.How are the kids?

Fine. They're away
for the weekend.

How are you?

Fine, thank you.

Gee, if I'd known
it was going to be this easy,

I'd have bought
the domestic stuff.

I'll get the glasses.No, I got glasses.

Oh.
There.

Thought of everything, huh?Of course.

Hey, Calico.

How are you?

Now you're supposed to eat
caviar with this stuff,
but I like popcorn better.

You like popcorn?Oh, I love it.

You like it, too.So does he.

Okay...

Now, then...

Champagne Charlie,
the last of the big spenders.

Okay, okay, okay.
Oh--

Hey, you ever gonna tell me
why you're so mad at me?

Nope.

[both exclaim]

Oh!

[laughs]

I had to let you in.

[slow music playing]

[car approaches]

-[engine shuts off]
-[door opens, closes]

[barks]

Want some coffee?

Oh, it's late.
I think I better go, Jake.

Oh, come on.

[Jake]
You coming, Stacey? Stacey.

It feels good in here, huh?
It's cold out.

[mouthing words]

Um...
Okay.

I'll get the coffee on.
It'll be just a minute.

You just sit there
and take it easy.

Oh, my goodness.
It was so good, wasn't it?

[Abby]
I ate too much.

Uh...

what are you reading?

Teen Scoop.

Gossip, huh?

[sighs]
Well...

[humming]

Oh, I like that
picture of you, Stacey.

It's darling.
How old are you here?

Three.
It's darling.

Pretty frame, huh?[Abby] Uh-huh.

Daddy gave it to mother
for their anniversary.

It's lovely.

[sighs]
Oh, my.

I wonder what time it is.
Do you know?

Uh, no, but I--I would think
it's kind of late.

Yeah, I think it is.
Yes.

Oh, dear.

Uh, Jake, I don't think
I'll stay and have coffee.

Why not?
What's the matter? Oh.

Uh, it's, uh...
I have such a day tomorrow.

Well, it's still early.

And coffee...

Good night, Stacey.
Uh, I'll see you soon, honey.

Good night, Mrs. McClure.Sure, I'll take you out.

That's okay, Jake,
I can manage.
Thanks. Good night.

You sure? Good night.[Abby] Mm-hmm.

How about some of that coffee?Okay.

Oh, hey, I haven't
got any cigarettes.[car door closes]

I'll go down to the corner
and get some, huh.[car engine starts]

Turn that off
in about five minutes.
I'll be right back, honey.

Back again, huh, sweetie?Hi, Herbie.

Herbie Fleck's
too good a thing
to pass up.

I figured
you'd come around
to your senses.

Two coffees, please.

Two coffees.
I should have guessed
Diamond Jim would be here.

Diamond Jim.
Two coffees.

Cigarettes?

Yeah, yeah. I'm buying
a lot of cigarettes lately.

This is,
this is ridiculous.

Hey, I'm sorry
about that kid.

I think we'll just
leave her home next time.

Oh, Jake, we just have to
give her time, that's all.

She'll get used to me.
I think.

Hm.I hope.

I did.Did you?

Hm. You're pretty nice.

[man chuckles]

[Abby sighs][smacks lips]

Well, so long, pal.

Good night.

It's been very nice,
Mr. Iverson.

It's been grand.

[male narrator on TV] And now here are some scenes from next week's episode.

[bugle call playing on TV][gunfire on TV]

Okay, fellas.Aw, Mom!

[boys clamoring]

Please, Mom![turns TV off]

Jason, come on, I'll
give you a piggyback ride.

Uh, don't bother,
Mr. Iverson. I'll do it.[barking]

[barking]

Sorry about that.

Well, I guess
he's just protecting
his domain, you know.

Stacey does it
all the time.

It doesn't mean
anything.

It's just gonna take time.Yup, yup.

Excuse me.

[rock music playing on TV]Going out, honey?

No, there's a show
I wanna watch.
Oh...

Well, why--why don't you
watch it in your room, then?

I wanna watch it
in color.

Well... I think
I'm gonna go home.

[mouthing words]

Well, uh, guess
I'd better get going.

Good night, Flip.

[Abby] I'll see you out.All right.

Oh.

Okay.

Listen...

[sighs]

[whispers] See you
at the drive-in, all right?

-[car door opens, closes]
-[engine starts]

Oh, darn, I forgot
Molly's pumpernickel.

Get it in the morning.Oh, I...

Honey,
you know how she is.

She loves to
have pumpernickel
with her breakfast.

I wo-- I won't be
but a minute.

[car door opens, closes]

Don't tell me. I know.

Two cups of coffee, right?Right.

The dame's gotta be
a masochist.

Hi.
Hi.

This has gotta be

the craziest courtship
in history.

Well, I'm sick
of this drive-in,

I'll tell you that.Mm.

I'm getting kind of sick
of Herbie what's his name there.

Fleck.Heh. Fleck.

[Abby laughs]

Hey, listen, you want
to go for a ride someplace?

I always want to go
for a ride someplace.

[objects clattering]

Flip. You scared me.

Do you know
what time it is?

What--?It's after 11:00.

[low talking]
You're kidding.
Is it really?

You said
you'd be right back.

I know I did, but it
was such a pretty night

that I, we, uh,
I took a drive.

You'd better get to bed.
It's late.

Well, you could
have called.

I didn't think
that you would be up.

You knew I'd be worried,

you being out in
the car and all.

Honey, I didn't think
you'd be sitting up.

You know what I
was getting ready to do?

I was getting ready
to call the hospital.

[whispering]
Will you please
keep your voice down?

You'll wake the boys.

I want you to
calm down, too.

I'm sorry if I upset you,

but I just didn't think it
was necessary to call.

Now, let's not make
a big case out of nothing.

Okay?Okay.

Okay.

Good night, honey.

Mom.
What?

Where's the pumpernickel?

Let's shape up, huh, Mom?

[lounge music
playing on speakers]

Hello, honey.Hi, Mr. Iverson.

Oh, hi, Janey.
I didn't know you were here.

Janey's spending the night.

[Jake]
Oh, that's good.

Uh, have a good time
at Mrs. McClure's?

Yeah, very nice.

Kind of late, though, huh?

Well, I guess it is.

Gee, I'll go to bed then.

Good night.Good night, Mr. Iverson.

Are you having
an affair with Mrs. McClure?

[alarm rings, crashes, stops]

[sighs]

Do you mean am I getting
serious about her?

Is that what you mean?

You're talking like a child.

I asked you
if you're having an affair--

I heard what you asked me!

What the hell kind
of question's that anyhow?

Dad, I'm not
a baby anymore.

I understand sex.

I've known
about it for years.

What do you mean,
you've known about it for years?

No, Daddy,
I said I understand it.

I didn't say I...Oh.

Are you having an affair--

[whispering]
Will you be quiet?

Janey's out there.

What's the matter with you?

Well?Well, what?

Don't you think
you're a little old
to be carrying on like this?

[scoffs]

You could get
in trouble, you know.

[phone rings]

Hello?

Hi.
Hi.

How's it over
at your house?

Very hostile.

A little
indignant around here.

You know I forgot
the pumpernickel?
Yeah.

Why didn't you remind me?

Because I forgot.

Oh, I miss you.

Yeah.

Hey, how old are you,
anyway?

Why?Never mind.

I just know I'm
too old for any more
of this fooling around.

You know what I mean?Well, so am I.

I'm not going to that drive-in.You should've been here
when I came in.

This is really ridiculous,
making up excuses...The house was dark.

...about pumpernickel
and cigarettes...And Flip was waiting...

...and getting a sex lecture
from a 17-year-old kid....and he turns on the lights.

And I'm fed up
with the whole shot.And of course I'm--

Well, so am I.Shut up. I love you.

And you love me, right?

I love you, right.Okay.

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

[whispering] I don't feel like
explaining tonight, do you?

No.

That one.

Which one?

[laughs]

I know which one it is.

[sighs]

[whispering]
Why don't you
go in the house?

No.

What are you
standing there for?

Because.

You don't really
want me to pick you up

and carry you over
the threshold, do you?

Yeah.

You do?

[laughter]

[Jake sighs]

[barks]

[Abby]
Shh! Calico.

[Jake]
Shut up. We're married.

[Abby laughs]

[Jake]
What's a fellow have
to do to get tucked in

around here, lady?

Well, you gotta
have a number, sir.

Oh, he has to go.

Oh, I'm freezing.
Oh, put it back.

[laughs]

Calico, get out of there.

He's ruining
those camellias.

[Jake]
Come on, Calico, hurry up.

It's 3:00 in the morning,
boy.

I'm cold.

What time's
Stacey coming tomorrow?

Oh, she's at Janey's
for the night,

and I told her to
be here about 8:00.

Oh, boy. I can't face it.

Oh, come on, now.

All we have to do,
we just sit them down,

we give 'em some breakfast
and then you tell 'em.

You're
a right-side sleeper, too?

Uh-huh, are you?

It's all right.Oh, Jake.

No, we just got married
too quick, that's all.I don't mind changing.

[Abby laughs]Never mind.

I don't care. It doesn't
make any difference.

Okay, where are your shoes?

My shoes?Yes, I want your shoes.

What are you doing?

Never mind.

There,
that's for my sister.

Your sister?Right.

Anything else?

[doorbell rings]

There's a man
in Mommy's bed!

There's
a man in Mommy's bed!

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

Molly, I didn't expect
you to do this.

I didn't, she did.
It's my day off, you know.

Of course, if I'd known
this was your wedding day,

I could've rearranged
everything, but I have plans.

I'm terribly sorry.That's okay. That's all right.

Oh, well, thank you.

And congratulations, again.Thank you.

Oh, it's so romantic.

Eloping to Las Vegas
and all that.

I bet you were
a beautiful bride.

Oh, dear.

I guess I'd better go
before I get sloppy.

Have a nice day, Molly.

Thank you, Stacey.

Thanks for fixing
the table so pretty...

That's all right.

...making breakfast
and everything.

Oh, can I help?
What can I do for you?

Nothing.
I've done everything.

Stace...

Honey, I know how you feel.
Really, I do.

And I know
how the boys feel.

But you know something?

Oh, I love your father
very much.

Please let me do that.

It's okay.
I know how Daddy likes it.

Okay.

Hey, these are pretty
good eggs, lady.

How'd you know that's
the way I like 'em?

Well, Stacey made them.
She did everything.

Oh. I always said you're
a pretty good cook.

Good morning.[Jake] Hi, Flip.

Good morning,
Mr. Iverson.

Hey, isn't it about time
you started calling me Jake?

Honey, sit over here.Oh, this your chair?

That's all right.Go on, sit down.

No, no, that's all right.He doesn't mind, Jake.

Okay.Oh, boy, this is good.

Mr. Iverson,
are you my daddy now?

Yep.
Think you're gonna like that?

I don't know yet.

Hey, listen,
I think today calls

for some kind of celebration,
don't you?

Now, what do you say
we stay home from work

then we can all spend
the day together somehow?

Let's do, huh?

Yeah!
Yeah!

Oh, boy! One big,
happy family, yay!

Yay!

[upbeat music playing]

[screaming]

This will take
care of our share.

[people screaming]

[bumper cars clanging]

[crash]

[crashing continues]

Stacey!

Boy, am I glad
you two got married.

[Abby] You are?Mm-hmm.

Because with six
you get egg roll.

Are we going to be
going home soon, Dad?

[Jake] Oh, yeah. We were just
talking about that, honey.

You know,
our house is pretty small,

and seeing as how
there's six of us now,

we'd be a lot better off
over at Abby's place.

We're gonna be
living at her house?

Oh, boy.

You can say that again.

Oh, boy.

What's the matter with that?

Nothing's
the matter with that.

Only one little tiny thing,

like there's no room
for me, that's all.

You can say that again.

Oh, honey, wait a minute,
this is just temporary.

You know, we can fix up a couch
or something for tonight.

Oh, great.
Excuse me, please.

Oh, Jake.

She's absolutely right.

She shouldn't have
to give up her bedroom.

What have you got
in mind?

Why don't we all go
to your house?

Honey, there's only
two bedrooms in my house.

Now, that wouldn't be
fair to the boys,
would it?

Where--Where they gonna sleep?
On the floor?

You don't have
to worry about the boys.

They adjust.

[dogs barking]

Tramp, shut up out there.

It's gonna be a night,
I'm telling you.

Stop it!
I said, stop it right now.

[Calico barks]

Oh, well.

Mr. Iverson, you know what?What?

Our dog hates your dog.

No, they're just talking
when they bark like that.

They'll get to like each other.[rock music playing over radio]

Good night, Flip.

You mind turning
the radio off, honey?

Good night, Flip.[turns off radio]

[Flip] Hm.

Mom, why can't I--Shh. Your brother's asleep.

[whispering] Mom, why can't
I sleep on the floor

like Mitch?

[Abby whispering]
Next time.

Tonight you have
to rough it on the couch.

Night, pal.

Now go to sleep.

The boys left
the sink filthy.

Well, there's some
cleaning stuff under there.
You know where it is.

I'm not going
to clean up after them!

Well, I'm not gonna--I'll do it.

No. Why should you do it?

Nobody has to clean.
The boys--

[Abby] I don't mind.Mom, this is a drag.

What is?Can't I cut out

and go back
to our place and sleep?

This is our house, Flip.

Yeah, but that crummy cot
in the kitchen.

What's so bad about
sleeping in the kitchen?

Well, why can't we have
some laughs around here?

Hah!

Hm.

[Mitch]
Mommy!

You know you can grow to hate
that word? What is it?

Can I sleep with you?Out!

Get going!

Nothing the matter
with that.

I was just gonna
ask you the same thing.

It's very
important for Stacey.

She's the one who has
the big adjustment to make.

What about Flip?
It's not so easy
for him, you know.

He's used to being
the man around your house,

and now he winds up
out in my kitchen, on a cot,

with his radio off.

I know I shouldn't
laugh at that,

but what else can we do?

Well, what we gotta do is
sell both of the houses,

then we buy a new one

and we move into that.

And it won't be your house,
it won't be my house.

It'll just be
everybody's house, okay?

That's a very good idea.

And until we sell,
we're gonna...

Ooh!

Until we sell,
we'll alternate...

What?...between the houses.

Go back and forth.

You mean,
a different house every night?

Why not? We can manage.

I married a gypsy.

We have to be
fair to everybody.

[gargling]

Then when Molly is over here,
we'll be there,

and when she's there,
we'll be here.Yeah?

Yes, and then Stacey will
have her own bedroom,

and that's what I want.

She's got to have
her own bedroom. Oh.

That do anything for you?It better.

Kind of cute.I'm exhausted.

Mommy.

[crying]

[Abby]
What's the matter?

I can't find
the bathroom!

[upbeat music playing]

[tires screeching]

There are
a couple of things

that I think
we ought to hash over.

What I started to...

There's a couple
of things that I--

[saw buzzing]

It's darling.
Oh, I love it.

Why don't you take that?
Oh, come on, Stacey.

Okay...

How much is that bill?Ah, $29.95.

No, no, no, no, no.
I'll pay for it.
I have an account here.

Oh, fine.Daddy gave it to me.

I know it's been
hard for you

to get used to
having a father
around the house again.

But I think
if both of us just--

[saw buzzing]

Thank you.

Uh, I'm sorry,
but I have to go.

I promised
to meet some friends.

Oh, okay, honey.
I'll see you later.

Whose house will
we be at tonight,
yours or mine?

Mine.

[rock music playing]

[lively chattering]

Hey, come on.

Are they having fun
out there?

Oh, I hope so.
I don't know.

Listen, when are you two
going to stop

this traveling circus bit,
back and forth, huh?

What did you get in Vegas,
a marriage license

or a driver's license?

Oh, you haven't even
had a honeymoon.

We know that.

Look, why don't you both
come up to San Francisco

with us for the weekend?

Hey, that's a great idea, huh!

I wish we could.
We can't.

Why?

Because the kids, they'd
kill each other, that's why.

Well, now,
there is a perfect solution:

When you get back,
you keep the winners.

[Abby] Hi.What's going on in there?

Stacey's just having a party,
that's all.

We wanted to watch
the basketball game in color.

[boys groaning]Come on, guys.

What did you say
about San Francisco?

Oh, boy, am I ready.

You know, one thing
I don't understand

is why parents
never run away from home.

Well, we'd love
to have you come.

Well, let's go, Max.

Oh, I'll be right there,
honey.

Well, see you around,
fellas.

Oh, oh, no, no, dear.

Bye-bye.Bye.

Listen, I just told you
a second marriage
would never work out, right?

Get out of here.[Abby] Be careful.

[Molly] Mm-hmm.

Hello.

Here I come,
ready or not.

Oh![Jake] Mm!

[all clamoring]

[Flip]
Hey, come on! Come on!

[Jake] Come on,
we're going to my house,

where we can be alone.

[Cleo]
Oh, Jake...

Well, howdy, neighbor.Hi, Cleo.

[Cleo] Sorry I haven't
been over lately.

I've been in Mexico
getting a divorce.

Oh, yeah.[car door closes]

I'm sorry. I thought
you were alone, Jake.

No, no, I'm not.

Abby, uh,
this is Mrs. Ruskin.

She's my...
She's the neighbor next door.

Uh, this is Abby, my wife.

Well, I just happened
to be walking down the street.

It's a nice night
for streetwalking.

She is your wife, isn't she?Mm-hmm.

[sniffs]

Will you two
be living here?

No, I really
don't think so.No, no.

No, I really don't.
No.

Well,
have fun, kiddies.

Oh, uh...

you have my number.

Uh-huh.

We do?

[sighs]
Well...

[scoffs]

She used to baby-sit
for Stacey.

Uh-huh.

Besides, her husband
is about that big,

and he's a tackle for
the Green Bay Packers,

and I'm scared
to death of him.

Oh, Mrs. McClure
or Iverson.

Hello, Molly.

This is my night
to be here, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, yes.Mm-hmm.

Yes, you're right.This is Mr. Weiss.

Nice meeting you.

I already know
Mr. Iverson.

Post office department.

Had this route for 14 years.

Yup.How do you do?

What happened?
What did you come back for?

Oh, well, uh...

Mr. Iverson... We...

I wanted to see
if the "for sale" sign

was still out on the lawn.

It is.

Well, uh...

good night.
Have a nice time.

[Mr. Weiss] Nice meeting you.Thanks.

Congratulations, and good luck
on your marriage.

Oh, thanks a lot.Well, thank you.

Good night.
Thank you.

Tomorrow's
my day off, you know.

Yeah.

[Jake] You know we're right back
where we started, don't you?

Well, I guess so.

Even switching houses
hasn't helped, has it?

No. I'm getting
very depressed.

Here. It gives you gas.

I...

Pleasure to serve you.[laughs]

Why don't you
come in again sometime

when you need
empty cups?

Why don't you two get married
so you'll have a place to go?

Why don't they get married
so they'll have a place to go?

My house...

would be perfect,
but we need another bedroom.

We haven't got
another bedroom.

And that way...

Molly would have a bedroom

and Stacey would
have a bedroom.

We haven't got
another bedroom, honey.

I can't just, you know,
snap my fingers like that

and get you
another bedroom.

[Abby]
You just did it.

[Jason]
The camper! The camper!
The camper! Yeah!

Now, we're gonna use the camper
for the extra bedroom

until Aunt Maxine gets back
from San Francisco.

We're all gonna quit moving,
this back-and-forth stuff

and we'll stay right
here in this house.

Yeah!
Yeah!

Your mother's got
a little headache
this morning so...

[both quietly]
Yeah.

[Jake]
That's better.

Hey, Mom, can me and Jason
sleep in it?

The camper! The camper!
The camper!

No. No, no, no.

You boys have
to sleep in the house.

Good morning, everybody.

Hi, Mom.

Good morning.

[groans][Flip] I'll take
the camper, Mom.

Oh, fine, Flip.
That's good.

But he already has a room.

Why can't
I sleep in the camper?

We didn't think you'd want
to sleep out there, honey.

You take my room.

Oh, thanks a lot.
I don't want your room.

Look, it's settled.
Forget it, will you?

But I want to
sleep out there!

[all arguing]

Quiet!

Oh, excuse me a minute.

I'll tell you who's
gonna sleep in the camper.

Your mother and I are gonna
sleep in the camper,

and that'll be
the end of it.
What?

You and I are gonna sleep--But I thought you said--

Quiet! Be quiet.
Be quiet. Be quiet.

And you be quiet.

You've got a headache,
remember?

Now, you and I are gonna
sleep in the camper,

that's who's gonna
sleep in the camper.

That is the end of it.

Right now.
Once and for all.

And don't hold dinner for me,
because I'll be late.

Now look what you did.

What I did?[Mitch] Yeah!

[arguing continues]I'm sorry.

The mood.

[arguing continues]

What?I'll be home early.

I knew you would be.

[Abby laughs]

I'm sorry. Bye-bye.

We will sleep in the camper,
though.

[boys arguing]

Knock it off!
Now, go out in the back.

This is adult talk.

Big man!

Go on.

So, my room isn't
good enough for you, huh?

Nothing about you is
good enough for me.

This house is so weird!

Do you know
what's wrong with you?

What, Mr. McClure?

You're spoiled rotten,
Miss Iverson.

[Flip]
Excuse me.

Stacey, what are
you looking for, dear?

A glass.

They're right in here,
where they've always been.

Everything's in
such dumb places here!

At least in our house,
you can find something
when you want it.

Well, why don't you
rearrange the kitchen

the way you'd
like it, Stacey?

Why don't you do that?

Well, I do know
what Daddy likes.

Okay, Stacey,
you've got your wish.

If you want to be
the lady of the house,

you're gonna be it.

It's Molly's day off
and you can

just take charge
of everything.

We'll start
with the ironing,

then we'll do
a little mending,

floor polishing,
a little silver polishing.

Don't forget
to do the bedrooms

and clean the bathrooms.

Then you'll have to do
a little marketing for dinner

and we'll have
dinner at 6:30.

Have a nice day, Stacey.

[Abby] If you want me,
I'll be at the hairdresser.

[marching band music playing]

Oh, hi, Stacey.

You'll have the room
in just a shake, honey.

How's it going?

Here's the list.
All finished.

Oh, thanks.

Except I didn't
know where to put
that big silver tray.

Oh, in the living room
chest.

Oh, what about
tomorrow's list?

Would you like
to work on that?

But tomorrow's Saturday.

Well, I know, honey,

but there's
an awful lot to do.

You gonna have
to get an early start.

Let's see, first, I want you
to call your friends

and go to the beach
for the whole day.

Then come home and fix
your hair and your nails

and make some
nice long phone calls

and have your dinner,
and go to the movies.

Unless you'd rather be
the lady of the house.

Stacey!

Get some rest.
You can use it.

-[car door closes]
-[car departs]

Hi.

What are you doing
in a cab?

Oh, the car broke down
way out in the boondocks.

What have you been up to?See for yourself.

Nearly had
a breakdown, too.

Where's Abby?

Oh, she's in the bedroom.
She just got home.

"Laundry, ironing,
mending, floors."

Just got home?
Where's she been?

I think she was
out shopping,

getting her hair done,
and stuff like that.

Her hair done?

You mean, you did
all this by yourself?

Sure did.

Been at it
since this morning.

Floors, too. Hmm.

You know, Dad,
it made me realize something.

And would you mind
telling me what the hell's...I'm sorry.

...going on around here?What?

I'm talking...Where--?

This is what
I'm talking about.

Now, how come you got
to lay all the work
on Stacey anyway?

What's the matter
with Flip?

Well, aren't you silly?

What do you mean, silly?What's the matter with you?

Why do you have
to lay it all on her?

Flip's playing basketball.Oh, he's playing basketball?

That's great!Stop raising
your voice to me!

If you shut up long enough,
I'll explain it to you.

Don't tell me to shut up!

I won't discuss it
with you, Jake Iverson.

Well, that's fine!
Who wants to discuss it?

If you want to
know the truth,
it was an experiment.

An experiment?Yes.

In what, child labor?
A 14-hour day?

That is the lowest thing--Lowest what?

I was trying to help her!Help her?

It'll never happen again,
I'll tell you that.

You can be damn sure
of that, yes.

You big bully!

What's he so sore about?

Just go to bed,
both of you.

You owe me an apology.

I owe you an apology?You certainly do.

Owe you an apology for what?
You owe me an explanation.

I still don't know
what this is all about.

I don't owe you anything!
You're just stupid.

If you don't know
what I was trying
to do for that girl...

...then there's no reason
for me to even be here.Don't call me stupid.

I didn't call you stupid.You just called me stupid!

And you know something,
you're right!

I am stupid.
We own two houses,
and I'm sleeping

in the back of a truck!

And whose idea was that?

All right, it was my idea.

Flip wanted
to sleep out here.

So Flip
could sleep out here.

Right.
Fine.

That was brilliant.
That was a brilliant idea.

Whose idea was it
to get this thing
in the first place?

Do you remember that?
Yours!

No, you don't remember

because it was down
at the drive-in

and you were
roaring drunk at the time.

That's a nice thing
to say.

Why don't you shout it
for the neighbors to hear it?

You were roaring
drunk at the time!Would you-- Jerk--

Ooh! You're just mean!

And you know you're wrong
about Stacey.

Of course, I'm wrong.You're dead wrong.

I'm a husband.
I'm your husband,
I am married,

I've got to be wrong
all of the time.

You can't even say
you're sorry!

Oh, I am sorry, all right.
I am sorry.

That's a nice thing to say.
What are you sorry about,
getting married?

Did I say I was sorry
I married you?

No, but you're thinking it.

How do you know
what I'm thinking?

Because I happen to know
what you're thinking
every minute!

Oh, you're a mind reader!If that's the way you want it,

then it's fine with me!

Fine with me!

And you can go back
to that baby-sitter,

whatever her name is!

Cleo. Her name is Cleo!

[slow music playing]

And furthermore,
she can have you!

I'll deliver you
there myself, personally!

Bed and all.

Bed and all!

[tires screeching]

[silence]

Abby!

[tires screeching]

[sighs]

[engine starts]

[screams]

Jake...

Jake, I want to apologize.

I'm coming back right now.

Jake.

Jake.

Jake!

[tires screeching]

[people chattering]

Here you go.
Two coffees.

They're on Fleck. Again.

[whistles]

[whispers]
Hey, hey.

[whistles]

Listen, can you, can you
lend me some clothes to wear?

It was that dame, right?Yeah.

Tore the clothes
right off you.

No, no.What a tiger.

How about some clothes?
You got any...?

I ain't got no clothes,
except dirty uniforms.

That's fine. Anything.Dirty uniforms?

Yeah, I don't care.Okay, I don't mind.

It's all right
with me, buddy.

This is the latest color:
chocolate.

Oh, it's all right.

Well, I, uh...
I'll tell you one thing.

I hope you're not gonna make
a regular thing out of this.

No.This is a hot dog stand,
not a haberdashery.

I know. Can you give me
a lift home, do you think?

Now I'm a bus station.

Hey, Duke!

[whistles]

Duke, come here!
This is, you know,

not part of
the regular service
here at Fleck's.

Come here. Okay.

Give this guy a lift,
will you?

I got deliveries to make.So you got another one.

Drop them and dump him.

[Abby]
Pardon me! Pardon me!

Oh, I'm--I'm looking
for someone.

Actually,
I'm looking for a man.

Man? How's that again, baby?

Well, I'm looking
for my husband.

I--I lost him,
and I--I've got to find him.

What does this cat resemble
and look like, baby?

Actually, he-he'd be
very easy to recognize

because he's
in his undershorts

and he's, I think,
carrying a teddy bear.

A teddy bear. He took a trip.
Went that way.

Wh-what did he say?

He went that-a-way.

Thanks very much.

Saddle up, friend.
We shall give thou a hand.

That is our bag,
to help folk.

We will follow us!

We gotta find
little old teddy bear!

Yeah! Yeah!

[rock and roll playing]

We better stay with 'em.

[chickens clucking]

[Herbie]
Hey, come on. You didn't
turn sharp enough.

Will you pull it out?[driver] All right! All right!

Where'd you learn to drive?

You're blocking
my whole place!

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[chickens clucking]

[tires screeching]

What's the matter with you,
you dumb blonde broad?

Are the chickens all right?Are they all right?

She hit
a chicken truck, huh?

Route six is just
one big fricassee.

Driver's
rounding up the birds.

Then he'll be down
to press charges.

Look, Sergeant,
I've got to find my husband.

Your royal fuzz,
let our mother go.

♪ Let our mother go♪

Are they with you?

Your fuzziness,

my group is baby's
character witness.

We are about to commit
for you one sit-in

until our baby is
thoroughly released.

Bye-bye.

[all]
Yeah.

Down, cloud, down.

[officer] You've got
no driver's license,

no identification.

I think I'd like to talk
to this husband myself.

Pick him up.

Okay, let's have a description.
How old is he?

I don't know.

Sergeant,
the whole thing happened
because of the children.

They were only happy
living in their own home.

We tried moving
from place to place,
and it didn't work.

Then we decided
to go to my house.

We thought the camper
would make everybody happy.

That didn't work, either.
Jake and I had an awful argument

and I said all kinds
of nasty things to him,

things that I didn't mean,
and I said:

"Okay.
You can go back to Cleo.

I'll personally take you
there myself."

That's what I was doing.
I was taking him

when he fell out
of the camper.

I was--That's fine. That's fine.

You're free, baby.
You're free.

You're not going anywhere,
sister,

but into a cell.

[all murmuring]

What is this?

You're allowed one call.

Use the pay phone, please.

I demand my ri...

I'll take it.

[crowd groans]

You ain't groovy.

[Calico panting, barks]

What's going on?
Where's your mother?

She's in jail!She's where?

Police station.
She needs identification.

Well, here.
Give me that. I'll go.

Mom called me.
She doesn't want you,

and neither do we.

I heard you
yelling at her.

We had a nice peaceful family
here until you came along.

So why don't you
just take her and go back
where you came from?

You stay here with them.

I'm gonna take
the station wagon.

[all protesting][dog barking]

Shut up, all of you!

Oh, all right. Come on.

Just a misunderstanding,
Sergeant.

Any further questions,
you can contact me
at my law firm.

All right, Mr. Scott.

The truck driver
will be here any minute.

You and Mrs. Iverson
can work out

the damage claims with him.

Okay, all settled!
Now clear out of here!

Not so tout de suite,
my sweet.

We go when baby go.

Stacey can't accept me,

and the boys
can't accept Jake,

and that's it.

[engine roaring]

[tires screeching]

[tires screeching]

[crash]

[chickens clucking]

[driver]
You see what you've done?

Look, I'm sorry, mister.

I didn't see
you were gonna turn.

Sorry? I'll show you
how sorry you're gonna be.

Hey, hey, hold it.
Wait a minute, fella.

Just take it easy, huh.

Who sent for
the Good Humor Man?

You don't go hitting kids.

You go on over in the car.
Go on.

All right, I'll hit a man.

[barking]

[barking]

[groaning]

[Abby]
Jake. Jake.

Oh.Jake, are you all right?

Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, no, I'm okay.

What did you do?I'll tell you later.

[Jo Jo] What--
What's happened, ma'am?

Don't worry, Mom.
We'll get you out.

[officer] Quiet.
Just hold it down here!

Mom? Are you the husband?Yeah.

I didn't recognize you
without the teddy bear.

[Jo Jo] He didn't
know the teddy bear!Oh, oh, teddy bear!

Our teddy bear.[driver] Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

You mean to tell me that
she is part of this family?

This has got to be a plot

against
the chickens of America.

[makes clucking sound]

[driver]
I want to press charges
against all of them!

[all clamoring]

[officer] Hold it down!
One at a time!

All right, you first.

There was an accident
in the parking lot.

I don't know
whose fault it was.

[driver] He doesn't know
whose fault it was.

What parking lot?Out there.

When I got there,
this ape here

was trying
to beat up my kid.

And when my dad
tried to break it up,

he hit him
when he wasn't looking.

[driver]
Self-defense, Sergeant!

The whole mob came at us!

Even her. She tried
to knock my head off.

The girl was in this, too?

Why not?
She's part of the family.

[Jo Jo] Groovy tribe.[woman] Yeah, yeah.

[driver's helper]
They fight dirty, too!

All of them.
Look where that
little kid bit me.

It serves you right.

You're twice as big
as my brother.

[all clamoring]

That guy there.
He had no right to mix in.

He sure did.
We're his family.

He's our father.

[clamoring]

Perhaps this can best
be settled in court.

Have your attorney call me.

Thanks, Uncle Harry.

[driver]
Uncle Harry?

They even got
their own lawyer?

Well, I guess that
about settles everything.

All right, you can all go.

[cheering]

[officer]
You guys never stood a chance

when you took on
that family.

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

♪ Hallelujah♪

[upbeat music playing]

BUDDY MOVIE REPACK