Original subtitles

(film whirring)

Downloaded from YTS.MX

(dramatic music)

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

(hiphop riff)

(jazzy "Jingle Bells")

(Santa Charles humming)

- Mm, these are good.

Mm-mm-mm.

Mm!

Mm. - Looks like Santa's

got a sweet tooth.

- Did you pay for those beignets?

- What are you, the beignet police?

- You know I didn't get that job.

- Look, guys, let's have fun today, okay?

If the kids wanna buy a picture,

it's okay, but don't push it.

You don't have to push it down their throats.

Fun, fun, fun!

Fun, fun, fun!

What is our word?

- [All] Fun.

- What? - Fun!

Fun.

- See you out there.

- Um, Santa Charles.

Wait!

(uptempo Christmas music)

Slow down, Santa, these are new!

Are you hiding?

- Can you see me?

- Is Jesus black?

Santa, go to the office.

Denise wants to see you.

She said, tell Santa Charles...

- Tell Santa Charles what?

- Santa, she wants to see you in her office.

- Shh, you didn't see me.

And that's not sexy.

- This is sexy, and you are hard to miss.

- That's a fat joke.

- You're a little plump.

- Mm-hm. - Not a fat joke.

- I'm not the only big guy here.

- Thick is the new word.

- Yeah. - Two C's.

- What about Big D?

Big Douglas over here.

No one ever makes fun of Big Douglas.

- He's a security guard.

- He's bigger than me.

- Not my ministry. - Mm-hm.

Still making fun of big people.

We need to get together a rally around big people.

Get us a flag.

A saying.

- Yo, you bigger than everybody.

You go ahead and knock him up, man.

Go and do what you need to do.

- I ain't bigger than you.

(uptempo Christmas music)

- [Man] Santa Claus!

Whoa!

(people cheering and clapping)

- For me? - [Man] Yes, Sir.

- Merry Christmas, everyone!

Who's been naughty and who's been black?

(group laughing)

- [Man] Santa!

- Hey!

Boo!

Who wants to talk to Santa?

- [Man] Oh-oh!

Feliz Navidad!

- Oh, moo!

Feliz Navidad, bueno!

- Bueno! - Hey, hey!

Boom, Emily!

Let's get some music going on around here.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Let's get this party started.

- [Man] Santa!

(uptempo Christmas music)

- [Santa Charles] Merry Christmas.

- Hi, Santa Charles!

- Hi, Janet. - You know my name?

- (indistinct) name!

Last year you wanted a detective outfit

with a magnifying glass.

The year before that, you wanted Jeff's friends

and a unicorn.

What do you want this year?

I'll do my best.

- Oh and, Santa, one more thing.

- Yeah?

- Do you need Jesus?

- [Elf] How about a picture with Santa?

Say Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas!

(camera clicking)

- I want a Ps5, zero gravity laser race car.

It climbs walls.

And if you can't fix the ozone layer,

even just a little bit, that would be great.

And also- - How about we

take this picture?

- [Elf] Say Christmas presents.

(camera clicking)

(suspenseful music)

(boy roaring)

(feet thudding)

- Incoming!

(bodies crashing)

(crowd laughing)

(Santa Charles slurping drink)

- I thought you'd stop by my office on one of your breaks.

- Well, technically, I'm still on break, I--

- I heard about the incident.

- The guy was 300 pounds.

I think he was 30.

- We don't discriminate.

Hmm? - Discriminate?

I'm, you know, he's a big guy.

- Why can't you be a team player?

- I am a team player. - That's not a team player.

- Most teams protect their quarterback.

- He was a paying customer.

Santa is his best friend.

Santa is his hero.

And all heroes should be able to sell honey to a bee.

Heroes get the job done.

- Did you know a hero is also a sandwich?

I like mine with some relish.

Maybe some mayonnaise.

- You had a quota to make.

- I like- - You sell what?

Hm, any idea?

Hm? - Hm?

I've the numb, the, the, I don't have the paper.

The numbers haven't came in. - The numbers came in.

We sold a couple hundred. - Whoa!

That's what I'm talking about.

- No, that's not what we're talking about.

- Whoa!

- Keep it down, the kids. - Up top.

Is that some kind of record number?

- No, that's a failure!

You sold a couple hundred photos a day

and yet you spend hundreds of hours with thousands of kids.

You ask them about their lives,

their lists, their favorites.

But you won't ask them to take one stupid photo.

- Kids want Santa to listen to 'em.

You want their tooth fairy money?

- Yes!

Yes, yes, yes!

I want all of it, Santa's bigger than

the tooth fairy. - Right!

Right. - Right?

- Right, that's why he doesn't need any money.

Yeah.

- If I look like you, oh,

mm, I'd have them eating out the palm of my hands.

- Is that a fat joke?

Let me explain something to you.

I am Santa Legacy. - Hm.

- Okay?

25 years, me in, okay?

My daddy was Santa Claus.

His daddy was Santa Claus.

His daddy, well, not his daddy.

- Okay, your daddy and your daddy's daddy

and your daddy's daddy on top of that

don't pay these bills.

Do your job.

- Well, maybe his daddy's daddy was a Santa Mall,

not a mall 'cause they didn't have malls.

- I believe in you.

I believe in your bigness.

- [Santa Charles] Huh?

- Leave.

You get the point 'cause I've been doing this a long time.

(Santa Charles groans)

Woo!

(Santa Charles groans)

I'm getting too old for this sled.

(quirky Christmas music)

(Santa Charles humming)

You know you can't drown your problems

in snickerdoodle and milk, right?

- Thanks for letting me stay here, Unc.

It's only temporary, man.

Just until I get back on my feet.

- You know, we don't mind you staying here.

It's always a home, but we got some rules.

First, no lips to carton.

That's direct contact.

Don't do that.

Don't let your aunt see you do that.

- But we're family.

(Santa Charles chuckles)

- That means that's your milk now.

Yeah, 'cause this is what

you use around here. (glass knocks)

No, it's too late, it's too late.

- I thought you wanted some.

- No, why would, with lips to carton!

- It's not in the carton no more.

- But your lips, son.

Your lips, huh?

- All right.

- And the cookie situation here.

We want you to be comfortable.

You know you can stay with me and your aunt

anytime you want, okay?

But we gonna have to ration out these cookies.

- [Clarence] Aunt Carol said I could have some.

- She said one.

You don't have to eat nine at one time, son.

You can have a cookie every once in a while.

You look like Rick Ross if he like cookies.

(Clarence chuckles)

There's the smile I was looking for.

That's the guy I'm looking for right there, man.

Listen, everything's gonna be all right.

You're gonna get you a new apartment.

- I just wish I could commit to something.

I just can't commit to anything these days, man.

- Well, you know what,

you should just start out by committing to this,

a glass.

Now that's your milk.

Your lips have been on it.

And that's your glass.

Are you full on cookies?

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells ♪

- I wish Charlie Wilson was my uncle.

- What's that, what did you say?

What did you say? - Nothing, nothing.

- Huh?

- Leave me alone, Uncle Charles, man.

- [Santa Charles] I call Goofy and Gaffy elf

to come here and sock your Rick Ross looking ass.

(engine rumbling)

(upbeat music)

(tires screeching)

♪ Up on a housetop reindeer pause ♪

♪ Out jumps good old Santa Claus ♪

♪ Down through the chimney, with lots of toys ♪

♪ All for the little ones' Christmas joys ♪

♪ Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go ♪

♪ Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go ♪

♪ Up on the housetop, click, click, click ♪

♪ Down through the chimney with good old Saint Nick ♪

♪ First comes the stocking of little Nell ♪

♪ Oh, dear Santa fill it well ♪

♪ Give her a dolly that laughs and cries ♪

♪ One that will open and shut her eyes ♪

♪ Ho, ho, ho, who wouldn't go ♪

♪ Ho, ho, ho ♪

- Well, fellas, another day.

(Santa Charles groans)

(uptempo Christmas music)

(Santa Charles humming)

What happened?

Who shot Rudolph?

- Santa Charles?

(dramatic music)

My office.

- It's not gonna be a good morning.

(Santa Charles sighs)

(telephone ringing)

- Please have a seat.

- I told you once, I told you twice,

I'm not gonna retire till I'm in the dirt.

- You're resilient and I appreciate that.

But I have a business to run,

a new, updated, modern Santa experience business.

Your contract is up at the end of the season.

So I'm not asking you anymore, I'm telling you.

- Denise.

- I've decided not to renew.

- Denise.

Slow down.

- I thought you would like retirement.

- Come on, no!

Are you kidding me?

- Oh no, I guess you wouldn't.

But Patrick, Patrick, he comes highly recommended.

- [Santa Charles] Patrick?

- Mm-hm.

- A white Santa in a black mall.

Are you, it would be chaos around here.

- I- - It would be, oh!

Did you see the "White Bikini Wives"?

- I did, but that has nothing to do with this.

- If you hired the ghost of Christmas past,

these people will lose their minds.

It's like playing Paul Anchor at a family reunion.

- Okay. - You can't do that.

- I don't see why. - You need the old days.

- Well, the kids will love him.

It's good enough, and apparently he loves

having his photo taken.

You know, I like my Santas amenable.

- Amenable? - Amenable.

Bottom line, it works.

He works, it works.

- You can't-- listen to me.

This has been a black Santa Mall since 1948.

My grandfather sat a little white child right here smiling

and people took a picture.

Nobody said nothing.

That's my legacy.

That's who I am.

- Look. - We break down barriers.

- I can appreciate that.

I can appreciate that.

I know this is some kind of tradition for your family.

You've broken all kind of barriers, I get that,

but I'm doing you a favor.

- What! - This is a physically

demanding job, and I can see.

- Woo-woo, well, say it, say it!

Say fat!

- I didn't say anything about fat.

- You was about to say fat. - I was gonna say tired.

- Say it. - You're tired.

- Ah. - You're tired.

- Ah. - You're tired.

And if you had any kids of your own to pass the baton.

Look, I've made my decision.

I'm running up the flag pole, it's done.

- You said tired instead of fat.

- [Denise] Nobody digs your music

but you. - You are affected.

- Santa Charles, you need to write in your journal

or take that up with your therapist.

I'm telling you what I need.

My bottom line is suffering because of your incompetence.

Now, here's the deal.

After this season, you're done.

- No, no, no.

(Santa Charles mumbles)

We're getting (indistinct)

I just need some time. - No.

- No, no, no, no, no. - No, absolutely not.

- No, no, no, listen to me.

Hear me out.

Let me find my own replacement.

Groomed the way you like it.

- You're funny. - No, no.

- You picked the wrong profession.

You probably should have been a comedian.

- I groom a hand-down, I teach,

but it's with your rules.

Let me go out with some dignity and then I'll retire.

- Is that a promise?

- Yes.

- You told me Santas

don't make promises. - They do now.

- All right.

Tell you what, you have until the end of the season

to find me the best Santa for the job.

- Game on.

- Well, let's shake on it.

- Let's not shake on it.

Let's remember this moment.

- [Denise] Okay.

- You're a good friend.

- Okay, go.

- Have you ever heard of the heat miser?

You kind of look like her.

- [Denise] Thank you.

Thank you. - No, thank you.

- Thank you. - I'm not gonna let you down.

- Got it. - Okay?

Keep it heavy. - Understood, great.

- Hey, the name is Orlando.

And next time you're in this mall, just ask for me, baby.

You'll never wait in line again.

- I'm telling my dad.

- I'm telling my dad too.

- Kids.

- Great.

- Merry Christmas, Ju.

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

Oh!

First time in a black mall.

I know how you feel.

Barbecue smell, greens, cornbread.

I know what you want for Christmas.

You wanna be able to do this.

(Santa Charles mumbles)

Back at you, Ju.

What do you want this year?

- A turtle.

(Santa Charles humming)

(somber music)

(quirky Christmas music)

- You're getting too old for the sled.

(quirky Christmas music)

- Ah, seriously.

- Ah!

Ugly Christmas sweaters.

- Ha-ha-ha, this is my design.

Sites like these steal indie ideas all the time.

Make a few changes and resell the imitations as their own.

You're really leaving, huh?

- Not if I can help it.

You're really good at this.

(quirky music)

- I feel you, and I'm a 100% on board.

Gimme the details.

What's your target demo, level of experience,

personality type?

Mm-hm!

- Through datish.

But you know. - Okay.

Do you want me to put a competitive salary?

Ooh, can grow a beard naturally.

You get a bit aggressive.

Be aggressive, be aggressive.

Should I set the parameters to worldwide?

Ooh!

(keyboard clacking)

- I don't even know what you're talking about.

- Okay, what else do you want?

- Video. - Oh, I'm good at videos.

- Really? - Mm-hm.

Anything else?

- Those yellow things with expressions.

Oh, smiley face.

- Emojis. - Ah!

- We just got black Santas last year.

- Really?

- [Terrell] Whoa, lit!

- We lit, we lit!

- Period, purr!

- Purr! - Purr.

- Purr. - Yes.

- Knock, knock. (film whirring)

I'm saying, never mind.

- Different era.

- Purr!

(uptempo Christmas music)

(Santa Charles snoring)

- Charles.

- Mm?

- Mm?

- I'm not asleep.

I'm just reading my eyelids.

- Right. - Mm.

Ooh, uh-oh.

Somebody wants something.

Mm?

- [Carol] Who me?

- I know when you get all squirrly and touchy like this,

you want to say something or you want something.

- Mm-hm, you all right?

- I can't figure out what to do and what should I do?

- You've been putting it off for a long time

and we both knew this day would come, right?

- Mm-hm. - But I think retirement

is going to be good for both of us.

- Retirement? - Yeah.

I mean, think about it.

Now, we get to stop putting off that trip to Edinburgh.

- Edinburgh. - Come on, it's been years

we've been talking about it.

- Edinburgh? - Yes!

- Are you saying it right?

- I'm saying it right.

- Edinburgh. - E-D-I-N.

S-A-N-T-A-I-N. - Are you trying

to say Eaglewood? - No baby, no.

- What Edinburgh?

- Edinburgh, we do, baby. - No, no, no.

Black people. - Yeah, we're black.

Mm-hm, we'll be there.

- Why go to Edinburgh? - Do something

different, honey.

- Let's go to Alabama too.

- Mm, awwh, but I wanna see the Christmas markets, big papa.

- But that's why they have the internet.

- In person and on Christmas.

- Edinburgh?

- Yes.

- My God, you can't hate me

because I'm not being Santa Claus.

I mean, I'm doing my due diligence.

- Baby, you can sit in this chair all day

and all night doing your due diligence.

Well, look, if we not gonna go to Edinburgh,

can you do me a favor?

Just go talk to Clarence, hmm?

- Listen, the boy's went through a rough patch.

He don't even like Christmas.

He's not a holiday person.

- You're right, all right, but look, he needs purpose.

Hmm.

And you just might be able to change his mind.

- See, there he go.

I know you was up to something.

- Oh, I'm always up to something, big Papa Santa.

- Um.

- Mm, come on.

- You tricked me again.

- Oh, yes.

(romantic mumbling)

Well, you better, you better give me some purpose.

- Talk to Clarence, baby.

- Mm-hm.

- In case you forget, his room is right here.

(knocking on door)

Okay, I'll talk to you later.

- Hey, Unc, what's up?

- I know this is a dumb question, but are you busy tomorrow?

- No, man, I'm just trying to piece my life back together.

- Yeah.

Why don't you take a break and come with me to work?

- You done with interviews?

- Yeah, nobody wants this job.

I'll be doing this till I'm dead.

- Oh man, Uncle Charles, you ain't gonna die.

You gonna live forever like the Rio Center.

- That's what I thought.

But I think you should come to work with me.

The kids will cheer you up, man.

They enjoy it too.

- Okay, okay, I'll go, whatever.

- Yeah. - Take a shower.

- Yeah.

- But I'm not wearing a costume.

- It's not a costume.

It's a uniform and you're not that cool.

- It's a costume.

The snickerdoodle cookies are disgusting.

- Ooh, Holy North Pole.

(quirky music)

- The IRS will never catch me.

Time for more video.

Hmm.

(Terrell coughs)

What the?

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

- Hello, my love.

Oh, my little vanities.

I'm Vaingirl 21.

Thank you for logging in.

- No!

Not Vaingirl 21.

- But y'all, my friends sent me this video earlier

and I was cracking up.

You have to see this.

This is Santa Charles for the ultimate-

- I'm so fired.

- I've never heard of the- - How am I gonna afford

my clothes? - This had me rolling.

Look at him.

Why is that kid doing that to him?

He started doing this crazy dance like this.

He was doing this little roll with it.

I don't know about that.

We're gonna have to like, make it a little cuter.

Ooh, I like that, okay.

- [Terrell] Come on, Vaingirl 21.

- We're gonna make this into a hashtag.

Mall santa hashtag Ultimate Santa Challenge.

Oh, hashtag Ultimate Santa Challenge!

You guys wanna do it with me?

And we gonna roll it

and we gonna do the Santa belly with it.

- I'm so fired.

- Okay y'all, so make sure you do the dance

hashtag Ultimate Santa Challenge.

And when they're picking the next mall Santa,

we gotta show up.

- Oh, no, no, no! - Does anyone wanna

do a meetup with me?

Okay, thanks.

So I'll let you guys- - Oh my gosh.

Not Vaingirl 21!

Oh God.

Breathe, Terrell.

Woo-sah!

(uptempo Christmas music)

- Vaingirl 21!

(uptempo Christmas music)

Oh my God, you guys, look at all of these people.

You are logged into Vaingirl 21.

Okay, so as you can see, guys, I'm not the only one

to make it out to the mall to check out

the Ultimate Santa Challenge.

And you like my fit?

The Ultimate Santa challenge

is to choose the next mall Santa.

And as you can see, there are all types of Santas here.

Ready, suit, select.

But you guys I heard the OG Original Santa

is ready to retire.

But he's ready pass on his baton to the next Santa.

However, do they look this good?

And can they do this?

(uptempo Christmas music)

Hey, come on and play with me, baby.

Come on down to the mall today.

Hashtag Ultimate Santa Challenge.

- Me been waiting for this now.

You have no idea me dream of being a Santa Clause.

Now, I'm gonna trust you to make this special juice

'cause me got to go.

Oh, me ah gonna be a Santa Clause.

Yeah, man! - Right!

- Rastafari! - Yeah.

- [Adam] Emma, right?

- Yeah.

- Is there anyone that can help us out here?

- We just wanna sign up, Emma.

I mean, I've been here with Joseph and Charles

and Kiki and Dashaun.

- Yeah, Denise, can you?

- You must be in charge, Denise.

- Elizabeth will take great care of you, okay.

- It's Emma, why does everyone keep calling me, okay.

- Miss Denise. - Um, okay.

(talking over each other)

Um, guys, uh, no, Santa Charles will be here soon

and you guys can just talk to him.

- What in the?

Orlando!

- We are upon a red light security

for this crowd out here, right?

I could use an extra pair of hands and a barricade

and a small tank.

- We're not under siege.

- Not yet.

- You got pepper spray?

- Mm-hm. - Okay, good, good, good.

Use it if you have to, but only if you have to.

And never on the kids.

No, no, no, that's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

- Copy that, Big D.

- Don't call me that.

- Ooh, you're right.

Inappropriate. - Very!

(mystical chiming)

♪ Merry Christmas and Happy New Year ♪

- Wow!

How amazing!

- Terrell, why are you bumping around like some lost duck?

- The post went viral.

Apparently, we were too aggressive, too too aggressive.

It was picked up by at Vaingirl 21.

She has over 20 million followers on Vid Feed.

Way more than Diamond Dave.

Oh my God.

- Yeah?

Diamond Dave.

Yeah, yeah, when posting.

People are getting sick all the time when they go viral.

- I forgot to refresh the page.

- I know.

Yeah, we'll refresh it later.

We'll refresh the page later and call Diamond

and get the disease handled.

- I'm so fired.

- No, not, it's 'cause you've got the people viral

and the people, the fresh, the viral page.

What is he talking about?

- Unc, going viral means basically

the whole world seen it.

- What?

(quirky music)

(keypad beeping)

(Denise clears throat)

Before you say anything, let me explain.

- Please do. - It's gonna be the one

because I think I should be the one.

Explain.

- Um.

We did what you asked and we went wide, woo!

- Uh-huh. - Mm-hm.

- Uh-huh. - Even went viral.

- Is that why it looks like a Santa convention

exploded outside of my mall.

- Maybe we went too wide?

- Yeah. - We can make an announcement

over the intercom and send the store Santas packing.

- No, no, no, no, no.

This is good.

This is exactly what we needed.

- Hmm?

- There's a lot of Santas out there.

We're bound to find someone we both like

and can move forward with.

- Hmm.

- Well.

- But those aren't

real Santas. - Yeah.

They're viral.

- He learned that word. - They didn't refresh.

Right?

- I'm keeping an open mind, Santa Charles.

Are you?

- Yeah, but I'm just saying that they're viral Santas.

- Okay, so what's the plan for the interviews?

There's a lot of folks out there

and, from the looks of them, they'll be competitive.

- That sounds cutthroat.

- Oh, I know, I know.

Something, something's in the air.

I imagine a bunch of Santas trying to ruin each other

for likes and for a chance of the coveted Santa Mall job.

Mm, it's definitely not covered by insurance.

- It could be a multi-day task.

And we could hold interviews in the parking lot

and I could start a signup sheet

to get an accurate head count.

- Hey!

- Okay?

- I got it. - What?

- Judge.

What did you say?

You wanted a Santa Claus that would be what?

Ame... - Amenable.

- Yes!

I couldn't remember that word,

but listen, we have a challenge.

They have to be up for the par.

They have to do things, obstacles,

and flippedy-flip and whippedy-whip.

(Santa Charles mumbles)

That's what we call the amenable Santa challenge!

- Okay, so, so what are you thinking?

- That's all I got.

(quirky Christmas music)

Werk!

- Oh, oww!

- Who falls asleep in a sauna?

- What you want, man?

- How did you find a sauna?

- I found one.

- Follow me.

- Where are we going?

- Less talking, more walking boy.

You didn't find a gym, did you?

(quirky music)

- [Clarence] What are you doing?

- Shh! - Man, you acting weird.

What is this?

Some kind of Santa experience initiation

where you teach me how to duck cookies effectively?

- Listen, I'm not supposed to do this,

but I want you to be Santa Claus.

- Only problem with that is I don't want to be Santa.

Man, I just came to spend some time with my favorite uncle.

- Very interesting word.

Time.

I'll say you spent a lot of time in prison.

- Here we go.

- Your PO's not playing.

He's very serious.

If you become Santa and allow him to see you

in a different light, you understand that,

you're helping children.

I saw how children see you,

when they see you, their faces light up.

There's something about this suit

once you put it on, it kind of erases your past.

You become something new.

You have a purpose.

- Uncle Charles?

No.

- You think you're the only criminal

in the family, don't you?

No.

Let me show you something.

See that?

That's my father, your grandfather,

and his father, my grandfather.

Do you know what my grandfather did for a living?

He was a bootlegger from Chicago.

They called him Big Draws.

Do you know what they called your grandfather?

- [Clarence] What?

- Poon Daddy.

He was a con artist.

We all had a past.

They put on a suit and erased their past.

They started giving.

I even have a past.

I used to be a gymnast.

- Now that's criminal.

- Especially if saw me in them tights.

My point is, put on a suit,

it gives you a purpose.

You got it.

- Uncle Charles, I don't want to be Santa.

- As a kid, this is all you ever wanted to do.

- I was eight.

Of course, I thought this was the coolest job in the world.

You're a fat man in a red velvet suit

and nobody judges you.

But then I grew up and I realized that all you do

is pedal dreams and wishes to little kids.

It's not real.

None of this is real.

- That's what you think I am?

Fat man in a red suit.

This is real.

You're real!

- Uncle Charles, there's a thousand other guys out there

that like to play dress-up just like you.

You don't need me.

- But they're not real!

And they're not you.

They're from Instatake.

Face.

The thing with the bird.

- Instaface, Unc.

- You know what I'm saying?

They're insta, influencers, man.

- I love you.

But you gotta understand that not everybody

gets what they want for Christmas.

You of all people should know that.

- I do.

That's not what you get.

It's what you give.

- Whatever man.

I got bigger fish to fry and bigger problems to solve.

So I'm gonna find me something to eat.

And I guess I'll find my own way home.

- Now when you say you gonna find your own way home,

do that mean you're gonna steal a car?

- [Clarence] No.

- Where'd you get that robe from?

(mystical chiming)

(uptempo Christmas music)

- Hey.

- I think I'm lost.

- Okay.

And where are your parents?

- I don't know.

- They're probably worried.

- Where's your family?

Santa Charles is your daddy?

- Uncle.

Mom and dad are gone.

- You are so lucky!

I wish I had an uncle Santa.

- I guess he's not so bad.

- Gosh, there you are.

I was so worried.

Thank you.

- No problem.

- Come on, let's go.

(uptempo Christmas music)

(people clapping)

- [Man] We're live, action!

- Are you Santas ready for a challenge?

- [All] Yeah!

- I said, are you Santas ready for a challenge?

- [All] Yeah!

- The Ultimate Santa Challenge.

- [All] Yeah!

- I'm your host, DJ Snowbiz.

And this store is your playground.

We also have souvenirs.

We have hats, shot glasses,

snow boats, novelty towels, T-shirts, miniatures,

and various water packages available for purchase, okay?

(people cheering)

There will be three days of Santa Games.

And at the end of the game,

we'll crown our next mall Santa.

(people cheering) But you don't have to take

my word for it because Santa Charles is here

to let you know that he's been making a list

and checking it twice.

And at the end of the games,

he will decide whose been naughty or nice.

(people cheering)

- Ah, first of all, I'd like to thank you guys

and welcome you to the Santa Games.

This is not a job.

Hm?

It's an honor and a privilege.

This is not a suit or a costume.

It's a uniform.

I'm proud to wear it.

Some of you guys know this, some of you guys don't.

A part of a legacy here,

three decades sitting in that chair right there.

A grandfather, a father.

But this is not about being a mall Santa.

It's about listening and love.

Love for the job, love for the people,

love for the community.

I remember you, Stacey Howard, wanted a firetruck.

Kids, they don't get everything they want,

but they do get to see a Santa Claus

that looks like them.

Hmm?

So welcome to the first annual Santa Games.

(people cheering)

- [Man] Come on, Santa!

Come on, Santa!

(Christmas music)

- [Carol] Can I help you?

- It's not what it looks like.

- Mm, looks like you're stealing from Santa.

What are you doing then?

- Borrowing from Santa, without his permission.

- You lose a bet or something?

- Worse.

I think I just found my Christmas spirit.

- In the storage closet?

Is that where I left it?

Oh, you know, I never could find the hats

in the midst of all that other stuff.

See here.

Your uncle is going to be so pleased.

- Please, don't tell Uncle Charles.

- Okay.

- I want to do this on my own.

If it's in my blood, my family legacy,

then it's meant to be.

But if not, and I fail at this too,

then at least Uncle Charles won't have to get his hopes up.

- All right, I won't say a word.

Okay?

But I do think he's gonna know.

I just have a feeling.

He'll know.

- Can you help me with this beard?

- I thought you'd never ask.

All right.

Let's see, oh yeah, first you gotta take this net off.

Put your head down.

Mm-hm.

Awwh.

Behind those ears.

Yup.

Hold on.

Can you breathe?

- Just.

Ho-ho-ho.

- [Carol] So proud of you.

- Next.

Next.

- So, I'm, I'm really sorry about that.

Thank you. - Thanks.

All right, first and last name, Santa.

Thank you.

(dramatic music)

(quirky music)

- [Man] Tell us your name.

- My name is Stephanie.

- Wah gwan, me name Wayne.

You know, straight from Jamaica, boi-boi!

- Hi, I'm Adam.

- Hi, my name is Clyde.

- My name is Nick.

- [Man] And Nick, why do you want to be Santa Claus?

- Wait, wait, hold on.

Who are you?

Who are you to be asking me questions

or what was, what's happening right now?

- Me want to be Santa Clause

and I'm come here to show Santa can be everywhere, yuh know.

- I'm here for one reason.

Total world domination.

- Did it, and now he's on the elf team.

Oh, oh, mum, mum, mum!

Come on, our boy is on TV!

Come fast, fast, fast, fast!

So, basically.

(quirky Christmas music)

- Welcome to day one of the Santa Creators.

(people cheering)

(people clapping)

All right, and we're back with what looks like hampers

of Santa's dirty laundry.

I wonder what we're gonna do with that?

Can't hear you.

But if you guessed wash and fold, you're wrong.

This game is called Santa's Pajamas.

(people cheering)

When I count to three, you'll race to the hampers

and grab a matching pajama set.

We have elf, gingerbread and snowman.

Options are limited.

So choose wisely.

And go!

(energetic music)

Oh wow.

- Illegal contact!

- There's no fighting in the North Pole.

- [DJ Snowbiz] We have jammies for everybody.

(energetic music)

(whistle blows)

- [Clarence] Oh shirt!

(bell rings)

- Try out?

Try out?

What? - You don't think

there's a need to try out?

- I don't think there's a need to try out

when you find what it is that you're looking for

and it's sitting in the chair.

- I am a fat man in this hot...

How does he do this?

- Oh, Santa Charles.

- I know of him.

- Right, what do you know of Santa Charles?

- Cool dude.

- Now it's time for the one, the only, Santa Charles.

(people cheering and clapping)

- Good afternoon, Santas.

Please try to separate in the most scientifical ways.

Gingerbread to the left.

Elves in the middle.

Snowmen to the right.

The losing team will, unfortunately,

be kicked out of the games.

If you don't have a costume on, bye-bye.

Oh, can I tell them Designs by Terrell?

Designs by Terrell.

Take a picture, it's gonna last longer, mm-hm.

And, again, if you don't have a costume, off you go.

(Terrell chuckles)

- Listen, you guys all did a good job.

See you day two.

Good night, have a good night, guys.

(people clapping)

- We'll see you back here bright

and early tomorrow morning for day two.

(people clapping)

(quirky Christmas music)

- Thank you.

Got the pizza guys. - Oh.

- Look who I found roaming the halls

like a lost little puppy.

And look, he doesn't have his beard on.

(talking over each other)

- [All] Hi!

- Hey, I hope you don't mind,

we couldn't decide on what topping to get.

So we just got cheese.

- Yeah, and they got fruit punch,

ginger ale, energy drinks and water.

Or if you're feeling brave,

I make a mean protein shake.

I'm nicknaming Santa's Ultimate Challenge.

- I don't think I have any competition,

but to be honest with you,

there's one particular one on my team.

Are they gonna hear this?

- Okay, cool.

So there's one particular Santa on my team.

Nick.

- Buff daddy, Big Santa.

- He's just always angry and wants to hit people.

- The 'Roid Ranger.

- I think it might be something in his protein shakes.

- I think he taken some of the ting.

He needs to slow it down.

It's not healthy for your man beat.

You know what I'm saying?

But then some of the other ones,

you know, they all right, you know.

- Day one done.

- Yeah, you know, we started off a little rocky, you know.

- But you know what, mate?

We got it done, we edged it out.

- You know what, I think day two's gonna be a doozy.

I mean everything that went through with the PJs,

but you two look a little intense.

- This man.

- Are you scared?

- No, but you should be.

- Ooh.

I'm just glad I found a shirt that could fit me.

- I actually found the shirt, and you're welcome.

- Yeah.

You know what, it was a little crazy.

You guys think the rest of the challenges

are gonna be like that?

- Nah, man, me don't think so.

- I really just wanna say something.

I'm just so happy to be here with all of you.

Back home in London,

you know, I don't have a lot of friends.

- You know, with that sweater, I mean, yeah, I see why.

- Look, I'm just here to make a statement.

- And what's that?

- That women can be Santa too.

Now, I'm here because I wanna be the next Santa,

the first and one and only female Santa.

While we're at it, Clyde, now I know

you're to compete as well, but we all know

there's something hiding underneath that Santa beard.

Ho-ho-ho, I'm Santa.

- All right.

- Well, it's obvious that you don't want to be here, I mean.

Me, I love Christmas.

I love all of it, you know.

I love Christmas.

I love everything about Christmas.

The decorations, trees, music.

I even love the cold air.

- Me wanna show the world that Christmas,

it be universal, you know.

- I just want the gig period.

- Yeah, he wish.

- Okay, well, I already told you why I'm here.

Clyde, so what's up?

- Well, I guess I just want something to believe in.

You know, it's something I always wanted.

- [Man] Mm.

- Awh, Clyde, you're a serious dude.

- Okay, you hit me one more time, whey you want, eh?

- Oh, hey look, everyone, grab a pub.

All right. - Sorry.

- Everybody, cheers.

All right.

To all of us.

May our journey be worth it, but tough.

And as Team ELf, may we be indestructible.

- Yeah. - And all those other Santas,

you know, they don't know what's coming.

- We are! - We are coming.

- We're coming! - Yeah!

- Yeah, man. - Coming, all right.

- Let's come.

(quirky Christmas music)

(Santa Charles clapping)

- Oh! Charles!

Mm, it's just after 11.

Come on, what are you doing?

- You gotta gimme a minute to do some research.

- Research on what?

To go and look in the cookie jar

and eat up all the cookies?

(Santa Charles mumbles)

- Okay, I mean, it may look like

I'm just eating the cookies,

but I'm doing research for the games tomorrow.

I gotta know this stuff.

- Mm-hm, okay, research.

- Look, being Santa Claus is not just a job.

It's a way of life, okay?

- Mm-hm. - Look at me.

S-A-N-T-I-N-C.

- Say that again.

- I'm S-A-N-T-I-N-C.

- Forgot the A this time.

Oh, baby, please go to bed.

- Forgot the A.

Yep, right after I do this research.

- Mm-hm, okay.

Make sure you leave Clar some cookies.

Turn the light off, baby.

- Use your clapper. - Oh!

Oh God. (Carol claps)

(quirky music)

- Little crevices.

Nooks.

- [Clarence] What we having, man?

- Hmm.

Guess.

- I bet you all nodding and reindeer.

A snickerdoodle.

- You good, you good.

You learning.

And you got your glass.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- What?

That's my milk.

I saw you reaching.

Your milk is in there where you had your lips.

Remember? - It's the same jug, Unc.

- No, no, new jug, my jug.

See my jug, my jug.

Your lips, carton.

- Unc, I got a question for you.

- Hey, hey, you got a ques-- ?

Yeah, go ahead and ask.

- Can I have a cookie?

- Oh man.

The fact that you asking me instead of just going in there,

I love that, man.

No, I don't want those nasty snickerdoodle anyway.

- Well good 'cause you can't have one.

- Why not chocolate chip or something?

- It's a basic cookie.

Chocolate chip is bluh. - They're the best.

- It's a basic cookie.

- Peanut butter?

- Sixties.

- What's the nastiest cookie?

- Rocky Road.

- [Clarence] Rocky Road Cookies?

- [Santa Charles] That's what I said.

- [Clarence] What about oatmeal raisin?

- Woo. - Uh!

- [Santa Charles] Wee!

(upbeat music)

- [Orlando] Miss Clause is here.

Santa Charles is really walking away from it.

- [Samantha] Nick!

Elves.

- Excuse me, I love a woman in charge.

- Oh, of course you do.

Can I help you?

- No, but I can help you.

- I'm not interested.

- Okay.

I guess I won't tell you that the first challenge

is a Santa trivia game.

- I appreciate you for not telling me that.

Is there anything else you don't wanna tell me?

- I'd love to, but I can't.

- You shouldn't.

- I definitely shouldn't tell you

that the second challenge is a guessing game

involving Santa Charles' favorite cookie.

But that's all I know.

- When I become queen of this store one day,

maybe you and I should go grab lunch

or something? - Merry Christmas.

- Oh, oh!

Do you have any kids?

- No.

- Yeah, see, you're not really my type,

but I do wanna see you win though.

What can I say?

I'm a feminist.

- Oh God, gross.

- Elves, elves. - I love women.

- Yeah, come in, come in.

All right guys, look at us, Team Elf.

Team Elf, Team Elf, Team Elf!

- Okay, look, y'all look.

Okay, so mall security over there

was just telling me there's gonna be two games.

Something about a guessing game of cookies.

The other one is basically like a Santa trivia game.

- Hold on, we gotta guess cookies?

I'm you're guy, promise you.

- You guys are- - It's a home-run.

- Only for now.

- Hey, what's wrong with your hat, man?

You look like you're leaning a bit.

- Oh, interesting.

Huh, I'm like a leaning tower of pizza.

All right, better?

- Yeah, man.

- [Scott] All right.

- No mistakes.

- Mistakes are okay as long as you remain friends.

- Aye, man, we're trying to win this thing, all right.

- Morning Santas and welcome back for day two.

Are you ready for more games?

- [All] Yeah!

- [DJ Snowbiz] Gingerbread, Elf,

Snowmen, are your teams ready?

- [All] Yeah!

- Great.

Now it's time for The Santa,

a trivia game hosted by the one, the only Santa Charles.

(energetic music)

- Listen up, guys.

The questions are all multiple choice.

So you all stand a chance, okay?

You say you wanna play too.

(boy exclaiming)

Well, let's see.

Questions, please.

- Be aggressive.

- First question.

How many reindeer does Santa have?

A, eight, B, nine.

- I know this one! - C as many as he wants.

(teams whispering)

- B, B it is, it's definitely B.

- Boards, please.

And the answer is B, 9.

(people cheering)

Where exactly was mommy when she kissed Santa Claus?

Underneath the mistletoe?

Underneath a little bow?

C, at Ice Cube's house?

- Y'all, I think, I think it's,

I think it's a trick question.

- [Wayne] Why your mama kissing Santa?

- [Stephanie] I think it's a trick question.

(teams talking over each other)

- Board, please.

You all right!

(people cheering)

Now, name a country in which Santa is known as Pere Noel.

Can you guys say that?

- [Children] Pere Noel.

- Good, look at that!

Look at them!

- A, France. - Yes.

- B, Belgium.

C, Watts.

- Pere Noel?

(talking over each other)

- [Wayne] What you doing, eh?

- [Santa Charles] Board, please.

- It's not, it's not.

- They stupid.

I'm sorry, elves, you got that wrong.

It's actually, A, France.

- [Man] You guys just sit there and breathe, okay.

I got this.

- [Clarence] Hey, it was an honest mistake.

- [Scott] Yeah, it's all right.

We're still best friends. - Bombaclat, man.

- Who had the biggest hit of her career

with the song "Santa Baby" in 1953?

A, Eartha Kitt.

B, Prince.

- Multiple choice. - C, Beyonce.

- [Clarence] I mean, what is the A for though?

- [Santa Charles] Ah, answer is A!

(Team Elves cheering) - We got it right!

That's all that matters, we're friends!

- What black song plays all day long during Christmas?

A?

(people cheering)

What group does Eddie Lavert sing with?

- You guys just sit there and breathe.

Okay, I've got this.

- Boards? - Listen, listen.

- C, Elves, you got that wrong.

Okay?

Ahh, answer is A.

(team cheering)

B.

(team cheering) - Yeah man,

that's what I'm saying!

- A.

(team cheering)

What is Santa's favorite cookie?

It don't matter, he eat anything.

Final tie-breaking round.

Gingerbread, you're gonna sit this one out.

It's between the elves and the snowmen.

Okay?

This is the question.

First team to me with their chalkboard wins.

Who was the first Mall Santa?

A, Colonel Tim.

B, Colonel Nim.

C, Colonel Sanders.

D, Popeye.

- [Clarence] I know this one, wait, wait!

(team talking over each other)

- You're gonna be the one to write?

- Yes, yes. (team talking over each other)

- Oh-ho!

Snowman!

He's the snowman!

You did it, you did it!

You did the thing, man.

But you wrong.

(Team Elves cheering)

It's trivia not trash.

Yeah.

Nice try.

What you got, Elves?

- That's gonna be hell.

It is.

But you know what, Elves, you got one!

B, Colonel Nim!

(people cheering)

- Gingerbread and Elves team, you tied up.

Elves, Gingerbread, you're on the next round.

- Woo-hoo.

- This is a good game.

- Great, great.

- Hey, Sugar.

(dramatic music)

- Well, as far as Team Elf, goes,

first you got, you got this old, I guess, Asian guy.

His name's Adam.

- Have you ever had a gas bubble

that just you can't get rid of?

- He's all right.

He's probably the worst-smelling person

I've ever met in my entire life.

- Stephanie.

Maybe she come back to the island with me, you know?

- Um, he could be second place.

He could play the reindeer.

- Fireside and candle lights.

Stephanie, me, perhaps a little wine.

I like to romanticize about...

reindeer, huh?

- Reindeer.

And I'm not done yet.

I'm, I didn't finish.

(quirky Christmas music)

- Moving forward, it will be every man

and woman for themselves.

The next game is called- - This is a little game

I call smell my finger.

Guess the cookie correctly, you move on.

Guess it wrong, you're done.

First up, please.

- Chocolate chip.

- You got it right. (bell dings)

Next contestant, please.

- Chocolate chip.

- Oh man, no. (buzzer blares)

- I wanna redo!

- I don't care. - I want a redo.

- I don't care!

You're wrong.

We bringing a blindfold to up the ante.

He's very excited.

- Chocolate chip.

- No. (buzzer blares)

- Oh, man!

- Work on that.

Not right now.

Right now with the nails.

Back it out, back it down.

- No, this gotta be snickerdeedle. (film whirring)

- What'd you say?

- Snickerdoo, snickerdicky, snookerdook.

- Yeah, something like that. (bell dings)

He's from the south.

Behold.

- Hmm.

Gingersnap.

- You're right. (bell dings)

Next!

Both elves.

Smell my finger.

- Shortbread.

- Wow, he's right. (bell dings)

My friend got it right.

You're a happy elf.

Bligh, bligh.

- Mm, that's definitely a biscotti biscuit.

- Oh, no! (buzzer blares)

- It's not a bloody biscuit.

It's a cookie!

There's no tea over here.

- Bullocks!

- Bloody cookies.

- Take it home for Team Elf.

- No. (buzzer blares)

No, no!

No! (buzzer blares)

Next!

Are you from San Diego?

You got a boo-boo.

No, no, no. (buzzer blares)

Special one for you.

- It's a macaroon, man.

- Well, whata, whata, yuh boy right! (bell dings)

(people cheering)

(Charles Imitating Jamaican)

Sheila E.

Sheila E. Elf.

- Oatmeal.

- You're right. (bell dings)

(people cheering)

It's good for your system, oatmeal.

Roosh.

Woo, now that's a big elf.

Um, you want a hamburger?

Maybe get two cookies for you.

- Peanut butter. - Oh, damn.

- [Clarence] Chocolate chip.

Pretzel?

- That boy's good. (bell dings)

You good, boy, you good!

- And just like that, we're down to the final five.

Let's give it up for them.

(people cheering)

We'll see you on the final day, everybody.

- Thanks, Santa.

I think one of them might actually win this thing.

(Terrell squeals)

- It happens.

(Santa Charles humming)

(quirky music)

(Jacks clattering)

- What the fudge candy apple?

You really gonna leave this?

- About time she finds out how hard the job really is.

She's gonna see how hard it is to be Santa Claus.

- This is what you gonna leave us with?

You gotta be kidding me, man.

That's what you gonna leave us with?

(dramatic music)

(people clapping)

- Give it up for Stephanie.

(people cheering)

Adam.

(people cheering)

Wayne.

(people cheering)

Nick.

Nick, come on!

(people cheering)

And Clyde.

(people cheering)

One of these competitors is about to become

the next Mall Santa.

But before we jump into day three,

the final day of the Santa Games,

a quick word from our sponsor.

The woman who signs my checks, Denise Rainer, everyone.

(people clapping)

- Is this on?

Thank you, DJ Snowbiz, and I just have one thing to say.

And that is, thank you and thank you.

No, no, no, no, no.

Santa Charles, you have made this

one Christmas season to remember.

Hmm, your final season.

And on behalf of myself, your fans,

and all of Santa's helpers,

we wanted to do something a little different,

something meaningful.

- You're gonna make me slave cry.

Cookies!

- They're vegan.

I am so proud of how you structured the rules

of this competition and how you did so without bias

or prejudice or flatulence

and how you took the time for each competitor to dig in

and help them find their full Santa potential.

Mm, with that level of grit and determination,

I think we can be confident that your family's legacy

is in good hands.

(people clapping)

- Thank you, Denise.

Thank you, but no need to put Santa Charles on the spot.

Let's let him enjoy his cookies in peace.

He earned them after all.

Now are we ready for the final challenge?

(people cheering)

I can't hear you.

(people cheering)

It's time for an obstacle course unlike any other.

A game that's gonna make you feel real sentimental.

Please, please, a round of Santa applause

for a game we're calling Santa's extra special delivery.

(people cheering)

- [Woman] Yes, yes, yes!

- Grab the Santa sack and fill it with toys.

Then take the sack around the world

before delivering it to Santa Charles

for the final elf battle.

Don't be nervous.

It's only Santa's entire Christmas Eve routine.

What could go wrong?

- May the best Santa win.

♪ Hey, ho ♪

♪ Ho-Ho-Ho ♪

♪ Hey, ho ♪

♪ Ho-Ho-Ho ♪

(together) Hey!

- Easy peasy, right?

You will have seven minutes to complete the course.

Three.

Two.

Go, go, go.

Okay, first one in.

Oh, is this allowed?

First one out.

(indistinct)

Come on, come on, out the door, out the door!

That works too.

Time is ticking, time is ticking!

Hey, you go, girl!

Come on, Clyde!

- Shoes off.

You're supposed to be jogging, Santa.

Shoes off, let's go, let's go.

Oh!

Shoes off.

Here we go, here we go.

- Oh, Wayne, Wayne, go!

- Ease up, meh man.

- [Orlando] Okay, okay, this way now.

(mystical chiming)

Man, come on, here we go.

- Let's go!

Ooh!

Oh, sorry.

- Somebody's got the Christmas spirit.

- Or a bit of spirits.

- This is Santa's extra special delivery.

These Santas will race their snow globes

around the world three times.

Let's hope this works out.

- Get out the way.

(mystical chiming)

Move it now.

(energetic Christmas music)

- It looks like these snow globes

are knocking over all of these Santas.

(mystical chiming)

♪ Hey, ho ♪

♪ Ho-Ho-Ho ♪

- [Orlando] It's like a workout for you, okay.

♪ Hey ho ♪

♪ Ho-Ho-Ho ♪

(group cheering)

♪ Hey, ho ♪

♪ Ho-Ho-Ho ♪

- This way, all right.

(mystical chiming)

That's a legal contact.

Y'all watch that now.

- You guys got it.

(energetic Christmas music)

- Oh, oh, oh, oh!

- Come on!

(mystical chiming)

- [Nick] Hey, Bob Marley!

- Here they come!

- [Wayne] You're blocking me, boy, watch out now.

- [DJ Snowbiz] Go, go, go!

(dramatic music)

- [Clarence] Ah!

- Oh!

- Awwh!

- [Man] Come on.

- Is this it?

Could this be the end of the games?

(dramatic music)

- Go!

Go!

Go!

(dramatic music)

- Teamwork!

This is great.

(mystical chiming)

(group cheering)

(people clapping)

- Since you guys didn't complete your task,

I'm still Santa.

- What?

(crowd gasps)

- Still Santa.

- That is not what we talked about.

- Still Santa.

- That's not what we talked about.

- I'm still, ep-re-ruh-ruh, Santa.

- Uh-uh-uh-uh, that's not what we talked about.

- That's what you came up with.

- That's not what I- - Your rules!

- Charles! - Hey, Unc.

(crowd gasps)

- Clarence.

- Game's not over yet.

Santa never misses a delivery.

- Thank you, Aunt Carol.

- Wait a minute, you knew?

- Yeah, he wanted to do it himself.

Oh, and that beard.

I wanted to help him glue it on this morning.

But yeah, he wanted to do that himself too.

- I thought that hat looked familiar.

That's what hat my granddady wore.

- Let's go, yo.

(people cheering)

- Nah, man, yuh all shame me!

- In order to win, you must capture my hat.

(dramatic music)

- Go, go, go!

(dramatic music)

(people clapping)

(people cheering)

- Are you proud of yourself?

You have a camera?

You get a hat.

You good!

It's only one person I'll choose to be Santa.

(people cheering)

- I don't want it.

I said I don't want it!

(crowd gasps)

- What are you saying?

You do all this?

Didn't I'll tell you, your actions, they mean something.

Your decisions mean something.

Why would you say something silly like that?

You'll do all this.

- Oh, hold up, I'm just playing, man.

I'll do it.

But under one condition.

- What are your conditions, man?

- If my crew can be Santa too.

(people cheering)

- You're a dance group?

- Wait, so you're thinking all five of you?

- [Clarence] Yes, ma'am.

- That might work.

Financially, that could be good.

- Let me ask you this.

Why?

- 'Cause that, that's real.

- That's the gift of giving you're doing.

That's the gift I was talking about.

You got a new life and you're giving them a chance from it.

- I know.

You think I can get a better hat?

(Santa Charles chuckles)

- Yeah, this is Poon Daddy's.

That's a legacy.

Wear that with pride.

- Ho-ho-ho!

(people cheering)

- Now, I get to go to Edinburgh!

Yes!

- Not Alabama?

(Christmas music)

- Santa Stephanie! - Hey, how are you?

- How old are you?

- Oh baby, I forgot.

- Are you a fairy?

- I'm more like an angel.

- Where are you from?

- Ohio.

- How do you do it?

- Do what, Kitty?

- Deliver all the presents in one night.

(Santa laughs)

- Mommy said that you don't like milk.

- Oh, that's right.

You know me lactose intolerant.

It's not good for me stomach, you know.

- Hey, Santa Nick.

- Huh, yeah?

- Where's your belly?

- Oh, it kept getting stuck in the chimney.

So I got rid of it.

(people cheering)

- Give it up for Santa Clarence.

- Ho-ho-ho!

All right, who's first?

What do you guys want for Christmas?

- A unicorn.

- A unicorn?

- Makeup and puzzle.

- A puzzle?

What about you?

- I want a Christmas present.

- A Christmas present, what kind?

- A dress?

- The little red one.

- A red one?

- Santa!

(feet thudding)

- Ho-ho-ho!

Uh, heh.

- Ah.

Well, we had a good run.

Ah.

Leave my mark.

Ah.

Huh.

Well.

(mystical chiming)

(dog barking)

Finally, Mr and Mrs Claus get what they want.

(car door thuds)

A vacation! - Mm, thank you, big Santa.

- Brown sugar. - Woo!

-[Santa Charles] Well, you can take the boy outta the North pole,

but you can take the North Pole out of the boy!

Big Santa's on the way.

- [Santa Charles] Can I say that?

Oh.

(uptempo Christmas music)

- Hello.

It's me, Scott.

I'm still here, I didn't leave yet.

No, I'm actually still in the hotel

waiting for all of the team to finish up

and good stuff, you know.

I didn't want to go quite home yet

'cause I think I'm gonna surprise the mates.

You know, head out there, you know, sit on their lap.

Oh, I actually got a present for Clarence.

Yeah, he's gonna love these.

It's a flower.

He doesn't actually like flowers

and he specifically told me that,

but I think it'll warm his heart a little bit.

Give him a little Christmas cheer.

So, mm, smells like Christmas.

So I bought this for him.

And yeah, I'm gonna go hang out with the mates.

Yeah, maybe have some eggnog, something, you know.

Have a little time before I get back to London town.

(jazzy carols)

("Deck the Halls")