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DEAD TIRED
4
00:00:47,626 --> 00:00:49,209
He was very anxious.
5
00:00:53,501 --> 00:00:56,834
He felt completely lost,
so I decided to help him.
6
00:01:00,292 --> 00:01:03,459
It all began about a year ago.
7
00:01:04,751 --> 00:01:08,251
Morning, sir. Police.
Inspector Galfier.
8
00:01:08,876 --> 00:01:11,376
- You are Michel Blanc?
- Yes I am.
9
00:01:11,626 --> 00:01:13,459
- Why?
- May we have a word?
10
00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:15,626
What's all this about?
11
00:01:15,834 --> 00:01:17,959
May we come in for a minute?
12
00:01:18,334 --> 00:01:19,584
Of course.
13
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,417
- Is that Josiane Balasko?
- Yes.
14
00:01:26,584 --> 00:01:29,251
She's well hot.
She's a dyke, isn't she?
15
00:01:30,042 --> 00:01:31,459
No, not at all.
16
00:01:31,626 --> 00:01:35,209
That's what my brother-in-law said.
17
00:01:35,876 --> 00:01:37,209
Cool! Dutronc!
18
00:01:37,834 --> 00:01:41,334
A cabbie claims you didn't pay him.
19
00:01:41,542 --> 00:01:44,292
Before appearing on Newsweek,
20
00:01:44,459 --> 00:01:46,001
you wanted a hooker.
21
00:01:46,209 --> 00:01:47,542
He took you to Rue St-Denis,
22
00:01:47,751 --> 00:01:49,876
waited,
but you never came back.
23
00:01:50,126 --> 00:01:51,751
That's nonsense!
24
00:01:51,959 --> 00:01:53,167
It surprised us.
25
00:01:53,417 --> 00:01:56,042
I mean you made
that gender-bender film...
26
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:58,334
Ménage!
27
00:01:58,542 --> 00:02:01,709
Right, listen.
I haven't taken a cab for two weeks.
28
00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:04,834
I spent yesterday writing
a screenplay for Carole Bouquet.
29
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,417
- With her?
- No.
30
00:02:06,626 --> 00:02:10,751
I haven't seen a hooker since '77.
It's got to be a mistake.
31
00:02:26,834 --> 00:02:27,876
Michel!
32
00:02:37,917 --> 00:02:40,167
I'll see to it, sir.
Thank you.
33
00:02:41,251 --> 00:02:42,751
Hello, Mr Blanc.
34
00:02:43,209 --> 00:02:44,959
I have a suite reserved.
35
00:02:45,459 --> 00:02:46,667
Let me see.
36
00:02:46,876 --> 00:02:48,584
- One moment.
- Give me a pen.
37
00:02:49,084 --> 00:02:52,584
Can I have an autograph?
Put "To Teddy."
38
00:02:53,042 --> 00:02:55,459
I've nothing in your name, sir.
39
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:58,376
- What?
- I'm sorry...
40
00:02:58,542 --> 00:03:00,542
Can I have another?
For Fifi.
41
00:03:00,792 --> 00:03:03,376
Call the Festival.
Get them to sort it out.
42
00:03:03,542 --> 00:03:05,251
A photo of us?
43
00:03:05,459 --> 00:03:06,876
Fetch Mr Jacob.
44
00:03:07,084 --> 00:03:08,042
Photo with my mate.
45
00:03:08,501 --> 00:03:11,251
Stop breaking my balls!
46
00:03:11,459 --> 00:03:14,126
Loser!
I won't watch you on TV again!
47
00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:16,751
Come on, Fifi.
He's an arsehole.
48
00:03:17,417 --> 00:03:20,542
- We've a problem, sir.
- This isn't the time.
49
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,459
Michel!
I thought you couldn't make it.
50
00:03:23,709 --> 00:03:25,959
- Who told you that?
- Your agent.
51
00:03:26,126 --> 00:03:27,209
This is madness.
52
00:03:27,417 --> 00:03:29,501
He told us you were busy.
53
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,459
What do I do now?
Sleep on the beach?
54
00:03:32,709 --> 00:03:34,501
Is the hotel full?
55
00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:37,209
Mr Depardieu has gone to Bulgaria,
56
00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,292
but he's left his effects.
57
00:03:39,542 --> 00:03:40,584
Give me his suite.
58
00:03:40,792 --> 00:03:41,751
It's delicate.
59
00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:43,626
Old Gérard wouldn't mind.
60
00:03:43,834 --> 00:03:45,251
If Mr Jacob...
61
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,917
It's the only solution.
See you later.
62
00:03:48,167 --> 00:03:49,417
Right.
63
00:03:53,167 --> 00:03:56,126
Change the sheets.
With Depardieu, I'd rather.
64
00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:07,417
What room is she in?
All right.
65
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,001
Go on, open it.
66
00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:21,709
- Put it on Depardieu's tab.
- Right, sir.
67
00:04:26,084 --> 00:04:28,959
Is that Mathilda?
Michel Blanc here.
68
00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:30,709
How's things?
69
00:04:31,584 --> 00:04:33,001
I just got here.
70
00:04:33,709 --> 00:04:36,709
Are you alone?
Do you have a minute?
71
00:04:38,292 --> 00:04:41,917
I've an idea for a part for you.
I'd like to discuss it.
72
00:04:42,334 --> 00:04:44,542
It's a thing I'm working on.
73
00:04:45,542 --> 00:04:46,834
See you shortly.
74
00:04:50,042 --> 00:04:51,417
What's going on?
75
00:04:51,584 --> 00:04:53,626
Blanc's going to screw May.
76
00:04:53,834 --> 00:04:55,584
You're sick!
77
00:04:55,917 --> 00:04:57,417
You know I'm seeing someone.
78
00:04:57,667 --> 00:04:58,834
You can still relax.
79
00:04:59,084 --> 00:05:00,667
I do that with him.
80
00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:03,209
He isn't here.
You frigid or something?
81
00:05:03,459 --> 00:05:04,584
Just stop!
82
00:05:04,792 --> 00:05:08,584
Stop!
I don't want to be mean,
83
00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:10,959
but I've never found you attractive.
84
00:05:12,376 --> 00:05:15,376
You're really weird.
It's your loss.
85
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:19,667
Michel!
86
00:05:19,876 --> 00:05:23,001
Michel. How are you?
I didn't know you were in Cannes.
87
00:05:23,167 --> 00:05:25,376
I have a part for you.
88
00:05:25,584 --> 00:05:27,376
I'd like to discuss it.
89
00:05:27,542 --> 00:05:29,334
- Now?
- It's urgent.
90
00:05:29,542 --> 00:05:31,209
Hi Michel! All right?
91
00:05:32,084 --> 00:05:33,834
You're here, too?
92
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,876
I'll come back later.
93
00:05:36,084 --> 00:05:37,459
Don't be silly!
94
00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:40,376
Things don't look too good.
I'll come back.
95
00:05:42,667 --> 00:05:44,209
- Hands off!
- Sure?
96
00:05:44,417 --> 00:05:46,251
Yes. Stop it!
97
00:05:46,459 --> 00:05:48,251
What if I don't?
98
00:05:48,417 --> 00:05:49,751
Stop!
99
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:54,126
You disappoint me, my girl.
It's all so petty.
100
00:05:55,376 --> 00:05:57,584
What's got into you?
101
00:05:59,042 --> 00:06:02,542
I'm a bit down at the moment.
I feel so alone.
102
00:06:03,459 --> 00:06:06,251
As soon as I wake up,
I feel like bawling.
103
00:06:06,959 --> 00:06:09,501
I was looking at my balcony earlier.
104
00:06:09,667 --> 00:06:12,001
Thinking I might as well jump.
105
00:06:12,209 --> 00:06:15,084
With a bit of luck,
I'd land on a Rolls.
106
00:06:15,251 --> 00:06:17,376
I've always loved English cars.
107
00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,042
Don't you have a girlfriend?
108
00:06:20,251 --> 00:06:23,084
That's just it.
She left me for Patrick Bruel.
109
00:06:23,792 --> 00:06:25,209
I didn't know.
110
00:06:26,209 --> 00:06:28,292
I'm sorry I slapped you.
111
00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:30,209
No hard feelings.
112
00:06:31,126 --> 00:06:35,001
I've got a lump in my throat.
Got any champagne?
113
00:06:35,167 --> 00:06:37,667
With 2 Temestas,
it might do the trick.
114
00:06:37,834 --> 00:06:39,501
I'll go see.
115
00:06:46,501 --> 00:06:47,792
Only half bottles.
116
00:06:47,959 --> 00:06:49,542
That's fine.
Give me two.
117
00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:02,167
The winners will receive
118
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:06,626
the weight of Miss Festival's breasts
in video cassettes!
119
00:07:09,667 --> 00:07:11,751
And that's not all, folks!
120
00:07:12,167 --> 00:07:15,209
Cassettes signed by
the one and only Michel Blanc!
121
00:07:18,501 --> 00:07:21,584
Thank you.
I think it's high time
122
00:07:21,751 --> 00:07:25,167
we asked Michel Blanc
to step up on the stage
123
00:07:25,334 --> 00:07:26,792
and give his verdict.
124
00:07:26,959 --> 00:07:29,959
Put your hands together for...
Michel Blanc!
125
00:07:40,501 --> 00:07:42,667
That's enough.
I don't have all night.
126
00:07:43,209 --> 00:07:47,209
I'll start at the end.
In tenth position: Nadine.
127
00:07:52,584 --> 00:07:54,792
Here's twenty grand.
Count it.
128
00:07:55,209 --> 00:07:56,876
What about my meal?
129
00:07:57,042 --> 00:07:58,417
You turned up late.
130
00:07:58,584 --> 00:08:01,959
I had dinner at the Carlton.
If you could reimburse me...
131
00:08:03,042 --> 00:08:04,667
Is 500 francs all right?
132
00:08:05,167 --> 00:08:08,084
My dinner cost more.
The Carlton isn't cheap.
133
00:08:08,876 --> 00:08:11,042
If that's the best you can do...
134
00:08:14,251 --> 00:08:17,209
It's fabulous!
How I can I thank you?
135
00:08:17,376 --> 00:08:19,834
I'll think of something, Karine!
136
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,001
It is Karine?
137
00:08:23,042 --> 00:08:25,251
- Where are we going?
- Not far.
138
00:08:25,417 --> 00:08:27,792
Ever wanted to be in movies?
139
00:08:28,001 --> 00:08:30,459
We had plans.
He'd sent me the script.
140
00:08:30,626 --> 00:08:34,042
But Emmanuelle Béart told me
he'd promised her the role.
141
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:37,542
I decided to discuss it
with Michel... calmly.
142
00:08:47,667 --> 00:08:50,667
You bastard!
I'll blow your brains out!
143
00:08:59,459 --> 00:09:00,709
Cut!
144
00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:02,917
Perfect, Carole!
145
00:09:03,084 --> 00:09:04,209
Thanks!
146
00:09:04,626 --> 00:09:05,876
See you tomorrow!
147
00:09:06,959 --> 00:09:08,459
Ah, the gun!
148
00:09:09,292 --> 00:09:11,709
- How are you?
- That depends on you.
149
00:09:11,876 --> 00:09:14,834
Drive me home.
We can chat on the way.
150
00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:20,917
I've something to ask you.
151
00:09:21,084 --> 00:09:24,084
Am I the only one
you offered the part to?
152
00:09:24,251 --> 00:09:26,292
Of course. Why?
153
00:09:26,459 --> 00:09:30,334
Emmanuelle Béart said
you'd told her about it in Cannes.
154
00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:33,001
This year?
Didn't go near the place.
155
00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:50,167
Hello.
156
00:09:58,542 --> 00:10:00,001
Do you recognize me?
157
00:10:01,542 --> 00:10:03,167
No, sorry.
158
00:10:03,626 --> 00:10:06,042
Last week at Denise's.
Remember?
159
00:10:07,626 --> 00:10:10,209
No, not at all.
I don't know a Denise.
160
00:10:11,334 --> 00:10:13,709
The swingers' club in Les Halles!
161
00:10:14,834 --> 00:10:17,334
My wife was in a blue thong.
162
00:10:19,292 --> 00:10:21,417
It doesn't ring any bells.
163
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,126
You are Michel Blanc?
164
00:10:23,292 --> 00:10:24,709
I'm not your guy.
165
00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:27,334
I get it!
166
00:10:27,501 --> 00:10:30,417
Pally at orgies,
but not in front of your missus!
167
00:10:32,251 --> 00:10:34,834
Next time,
even if it's Mickey Rourke,
168
00:10:35,042 --> 00:10:37,876
no one's screwing my wife!
169
00:10:40,001 --> 00:10:42,667
I don't know the guy!
Sorry, Carole.
170
00:10:43,417 --> 00:10:45,459
Don't worry. I'm discreet.
171
00:10:45,626 --> 00:10:47,376
I won't tell a soul.
172
00:10:48,751 --> 00:10:50,376
I don't go to such places.
173
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:54,667
Your private life is your affair.
First right.
174
00:11:01,959 --> 00:11:02,792
Thanks.
175
00:11:04,709 --> 00:11:06,042
Goodbye, Michel.
176
00:11:09,959 --> 00:11:12,292
I like your idea.
Get to work.
177
00:11:12,459 --> 00:11:14,001
Forget such dubious places.
178
00:11:14,167 --> 00:11:15,501
Carole, honestly...
179
00:11:15,667 --> 00:11:18,001
Relax, Michel.
I was joking!
180
00:11:19,417 --> 00:11:21,001
He called me at 2am.
181
00:11:21,209 --> 00:11:23,126
To talk about Carole, I thought.
182
00:11:23,292 --> 00:11:27,126
But he said: "I'm down.
How about a drink at Régine's?"
183
00:11:30,501 --> 00:11:32,459
I realized something wasn't right.
184
00:11:46,292 --> 00:11:47,126
Good evening!
185
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:53,126
I told you if you came back
I'd smash you in the face!
186
00:11:53,501 --> 00:11:54,667
Take that!
187
00:11:55,417 --> 00:11:57,501
What are you're doing?
You're crazy!
188
00:11:57,709 --> 00:11:59,751
I told you not to come back.
189
00:12:00,126 --> 00:12:03,709
I'm willing to forget what happened,
but don't come back.
190
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,959
What's this?
Candid Camera?
191
00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:15,001
I didn't know.
192
00:12:15,167 --> 00:12:16,584
My son never talks.
193
00:12:16,751 --> 00:12:18,417
He does, you don't listen.
194
00:12:18,584 --> 00:12:20,834
I soon realized something was up.
195
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:21,959
Right!
196
00:12:27,084 --> 00:12:30,667
Am I glad to see you!
I'm dying for a pee.
197
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:31,959
Why are you here?
198
00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,834
I've got your rabbit pâté.
199
00:12:34,001 --> 00:12:35,876
- What pâté?
- The one you asked for.
200
00:12:36,042 --> 00:12:37,751
Come on!
I'm bursting!
201
00:12:37,917 --> 00:12:39,709
I never asked Mum for anything!
202
00:12:39,876 --> 00:12:42,292
Take the pâté.
Don't argue!
203
00:12:44,417 --> 00:12:46,501
What will I do with all this?
204
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:49,792
What do you think?
Perfume your wardrobes?
205
00:12:49,959 --> 00:12:51,834
I hardly ever eat at home.
206
00:12:52,001 --> 00:12:55,001
It's easier to blow
your cash in a restaurant!
207
00:12:55,167 --> 00:12:57,751
You obviously don't sweat
for your money!
208
00:13:00,417 --> 00:13:04,459
Hey!
You still haven't fixed the loo.
209
00:13:04,959 --> 00:13:06,751
Forgot to call the plumber.
210
00:13:06,917 --> 00:13:10,209
You don't need a plumber.
It'll only take a minute.
211
00:13:10,376 --> 00:13:12,084
I don't have the time!
212
00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:14,292
I'll fix it myself.
213
00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:17,459
Forget it!
I'll see to it tomorrow.
214
00:13:17,626 --> 00:13:19,959
My eye!
Where are your tools?
215
00:13:20,126 --> 00:13:22,334
Why would I have tools?
216
00:13:22,501 --> 00:13:24,834
- To fix the flush.
- I don't have any.
217
00:13:25,001 --> 00:13:28,292
I'll fix it with a fork.
Unless you don't have any,
218
00:13:28,459 --> 00:13:30,501
because you always eat out!
219
00:13:30,667 --> 00:13:33,792
Bring me the pâté!
I'll put it in the fridge.
220
00:13:39,292 --> 00:13:41,126
When did I ask Mum?
221
00:13:41,292 --> 00:13:45,042
Last week, when you bumped into her
in the street.
222
00:13:46,001 --> 00:13:49,209
You're losing your mind, lad!
223
00:13:49,626 --> 00:13:51,751
Have you got a nut-cracker?
224
00:13:51,917 --> 00:13:53,834
I don't know.
Look in there.
225
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:57,001
- Last week?
- That's right.
226
00:13:57,459 --> 00:13:59,459
You need a rest, son!
227
00:13:59,626 --> 00:14:02,959
Your mum did tell me
you weren't yourself.
228
00:14:03,126 --> 00:14:07,334
You didn't even recognize her.
She had to run after you!
229
00:14:07,501 --> 00:14:10,709
You ought to settle down
with a nice woman.
230
00:14:10,876 --> 00:14:13,876
Instead of having it away
with all those singers!
231
00:14:15,167 --> 00:14:18,709
Pour me a glass of white wine!
Make yourself useful!
232
00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:24,459
Something funny is going on.
Something isn't right!
233
00:14:25,792 --> 00:14:27,501
He seemed strange.
234
00:14:27,709 --> 00:14:29,417
He's unbearable when he writes.
235
00:14:29,626 --> 00:14:32,917
He doesn't associate
with the sort... one ought to!
236
00:14:33,084 --> 00:14:37,042
He spends all his time in clubs.
But that's nothing unusual.
237
00:14:39,834 --> 00:14:41,709
How's the script going?
238
00:14:42,417 --> 00:14:44,376
Not a line since last time.
239
00:14:45,459 --> 00:14:47,709
I bet you'll give up again.
240
00:14:47,876 --> 00:14:51,126
Nothing since Marche à l'ombre.
That was 7 years ago.
241
00:14:51,584 --> 00:14:53,584
Why the writer's block?
242
00:14:54,667 --> 00:14:57,167
Weird things are happening.
243
00:14:57,376 --> 00:15:01,126
Everything's going to go tits
over arse, I can feel it.
244
00:15:01,292 --> 00:15:04,459
You do too much at once.
It can't go on.
245
00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:09,001
You're well paid.
Why do appearances in clubs?
246
00:15:10,501 --> 00:15:12,001
What appearances?
247
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:14,792
I don't care if you demand cash.
248
00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:18,376
But for your image... it's lousy!
249
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,792
I never do appearances!
250
00:15:21,209 --> 00:15:22,542
Someone saw you.
251
00:15:22,709 --> 00:15:23,876
Want to kill me?
252
00:15:24,376 --> 00:15:26,959
Want to drive me insane?
What is this?
253
00:15:27,167 --> 00:15:28,501
Why get in a state?
254
00:15:28,667 --> 00:15:30,292
Everything's pissing me off!
255
00:15:30,501 --> 00:15:34,084
People are pissing me off.
My dad is, and so are you!
256
00:15:36,917 --> 00:15:40,751
May I be honest with you?
I don't think you're well.
257
00:15:40,917 --> 00:15:42,209
You look awful.
258
00:15:42,376 --> 00:15:44,376
You do 50 things at once!
259
00:15:44,542 --> 00:15:46,167
Don't you start!
260
00:15:46,334 --> 00:15:48,626
Why not work at my place?
261
00:15:48,792 --> 00:15:51,167
It's a big house.
You'd be independent.
262
00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:53,084
It's so peaceful there.
263
00:15:53,251 --> 00:15:54,376
It's in the Tenere?
264
00:15:55,709 --> 00:15:58,292
The Luberon.
It's a lovely spot.
265
00:15:58,501 --> 00:15:59,667
I can't write there!
266
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,167
It'd do you good.
267
00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:03,459
She's right.
In 3 months' time,
268
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:06,334
you'll have finished
the screenplay.
269
00:16:06,542 --> 00:16:10,334
In 3 months' time,
I'll have lost my tongue!
270
00:16:10,542 --> 00:16:13,501
Give it some thought.
I'll rent a TV.
271
00:16:14,501 --> 00:16:16,292
There isn't even a TV?
272
00:16:16,626 --> 00:16:20,001
I've had a rough patch,
but things are on the up.
273
00:16:20,376 --> 00:16:21,834
I can feel it.
274
00:16:22,042 --> 00:16:22,959
Let's go!
275
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:44,042
What do you want?
276
00:16:44,209 --> 00:16:45,626
Are you Michel Blanc?
277
00:16:45,792 --> 00:16:48,667
I don't know, it's too early!
Who are you?
278
00:16:49,126 --> 00:16:51,542
Police. I arrest jokers!
Search the place!
279
00:16:57,792 --> 00:16:59,167
Check the bedroom.
280
00:17:07,751 --> 00:17:10,501
I'm warning you,
I know Bernard Kouchner!
281
00:17:13,459 --> 00:17:15,251
What are you accused of?
282
00:17:15,417 --> 00:17:17,334
I don't bloody know!
283
00:17:32,001 --> 00:17:35,667
So you left Carole Bouquet's home
around 1am, did you?
284
00:17:35,834 --> 00:17:36,751
Yes!
285
00:17:36,917 --> 00:17:38,292
You came straight home?
286
00:17:38,459 --> 00:17:40,834
Yes!
I went straight to bed.
287
00:17:41,001 --> 00:17:43,459
Let me tell you a secret, Mr Blanc.
288
00:17:43,626 --> 00:17:46,542
I've always wanted to nab an actor.
289
00:17:46,709 --> 00:17:48,626
And I soon will!
290
00:17:48,792 --> 00:17:51,584
Have a little think.
It'll save time.
291
00:17:51,751 --> 00:17:52,792
Face to face!
292
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,417
Why are you here?
293
00:18:09,251 --> 00:18:11,542
What do you think?
Bloody sod!
294
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:15,792
- Josie, what's the matter?
- As if you don't know!
295
00:18:15,959 --> 00:18:19,209
- Relax!
- You bloody pig!
296
00:18:19,376 --> 00:18:20,626
Bastard!
297
00:18:20,834 --> 00:18:23,251
Leave a bit for me.
Sit him down.
298
00:18:24,251 --> 00:18:26,084
What is this?
299
00:18:26,251 --> 00:18:28,834
Be reasonable.
Or my hand might slip.
300
00:18:29,001 --> 00:18:30,167
It's your choice.
301
00:18:30,334 --> 00:18:33,167
Mrs Balasko,
please repeat what you told us.
302
00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:36,376
It was about three in the morning.
303
00:18:36,542 --> 00:18:39,376
The doorbell rang.
I was home alone.
304
00:18:39,584 --> 00:18:42,959
I saw this prick, and let him in.
How was I to know!
305
00:18:43,167 --> 00:18:47,126
Before I knew it,
he'd tied me up and screwed me!
306
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,376
If you can call it that!
307
00:18:50,292 --> 00:18:51,042
You're mad!
308
00:18:51,251 --> 00:18:55,251
Don't think I came!
I faked it to get rid of you!
309
00:18:55,459 --> 00:18:56,876
This is a nightmare.
310
00:18:57,084 --> 00:18:59,042
You still deny it?
Lock him up!
311
00:18:59,251 --> 00:19:00,417
Let's be having you!
312
00:19:00,876 --> 00:19:02,959
Bloody pervert!
313
00:19:03,334 --> 00:19:04,917
It's a misunderstanding!
314
00:19:05,084 --> 00:19:08,334
It always is!
Life is one big misunderstanding!
315
00:19:13,292 --> 00:19:14,126
No!
316
00:19:14,876 --> 00:19:18,167
Look, we're getting
a better sort of crowd!
317
00:19:18,876 --> 00:19:22,667
Maybe we got the wrong club.
Maybe we're at Bains-Douches.
318
00:19:22,834 --> 00:19:25,626
Say hello, then.
You're more chatty on TV.
319
00:19:25,792 --> 00:19:29,084
Maybe it's us.
We're not good enough for him.
320
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,584
Is that it?
321
00:19:31,001 --> 00:19:34,917
Why are you here, love?
To what do we owe the honour?
322
00:19:35,084 --> 00:19:36,209
I did nothing!
323
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,084
Don't take us for mugs!
324
00:19:38,251 --> 00:19:39,876
I'm innocent.
325
00:19:40,042 --> 00:19:42,334
We're innocent, too.
326
00:19:42,501 --> 00:19:45,376
The world's full of innocent men,
so are the prisons.
327
00:19:45,542 --> 00:19:48,001
I'm an innocent killer.
328
00:19:48,167 --> 00:19:51,417
Dédé here is an innocent arsonist.
329
00:19:52,792 --> 00:19:54,584
What about you, Mimi?
330
00:19:55,334 --> 00:19:57,001
Mind if I call you Mimi?
331
00:19:57,459 --> 00:19:59,251
- You're hurting me.
- I'm not!
332
00:19:59,417 --> 00:20:00,751
Stop or I'll shout!
333
00:20:00,917 --> 00:20:03,751
No one will come!
It's time for What a night!
334
00:20:03,917 --> 00:20:05,001
The cops are busy.
335
00:20:05,209 --> 00:20:06,834
You're hurting me!
336
00:20:08,209 --> 00:20:09,709
Do you know why?
337
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,292
Because you're tense.
338
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:15,126
Just relax a little.
You won't feel a thing.
339
00:20:15,542 --> 00:20:17,084
Leave me alone!
340
00:20:17,251 --> 00:20:19,167
What a bundle of nerves!
341
00:20:19,376 --> 00:20:20,709
You're so tense!
342
00:20:20,876 --> 00:20:23,126
He could do with a good fuck!
343
00:20:23,334 --> 00:20:25,417
You're crazy! I'll scream!
344
00:20:25,626 --> 00:20:27,709
It'd boost your career!
345
00:20:27,876 --> 00:20:29,917
It's pretty limp right now.
346
00:20:30,084 --> 00:20:32,001
You don't deserve your salary.
347
00:20:32,167 --> 00:20:34,334
Just imagine the publicity!
348
00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:37,667
"Comedian sodomised
in police custody"!
349
00:20:37,834 --> 00:20:39,709
You'd get an honorary César!
350
00:20:39,876 --> 00:20:40,751
Help!
351
00:20:41,501 --> 00:20:42,667
Nominated!
352
00:20:45,292 --> 00:20:46,792
I want out!
353
00:20:46,959 --> 00:20:49,667
You're free.
The charges have been dropped.
354
00:20:49,834 --> 00:20:52,751
Get out of here!
You were lucky this time.
355
00:20:52,917 --> 00:20:55,709
But something tells me
we'll meet again.
356
00:20:58,751 --> 00:21:01,376
The visitors' book.
Sign it for us?
357
00:21:01,542 --> 00:21:03,542
Loads of your mates have.
358
00:21:09,334 --> 00:21:12,334
You're here?
Waiting to slap me?
359
00:21:12,876 --> 00:21:16,584
- Did I rape you, too?
- What are you talking about?
360
00:21:16,792 --> 00:21:19,126
They wanted to know
what time you left.
361
00:21:19,334 --> 00:21:21,084
What's going on?
362
00:21:21,292 --> 00:21:23,834
I don't know.
I'm dead tired.
363
00:21:24,042 --> 00:21:26,792
I need treatment.
I want to see a shrink.
364
00:21:27,001 --> 00:21:30,292
No! Out the back.
The place is swarming with hacks.
365
00:21:31,501 --> 00:21:35,084
It's too late to see a shrink.
You can go tomorrow.
366
00:21:35,251 --> 00:21:38,334
I'm going to casualty.
I want to be admitted.
367
00:21:38,501 --> 00:21:40,501
- I'll drive you.
- Certainly not!
368
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:43,167
Go, Carole!
I could be a monster!
369
00:21:54,834 --> 00:21:56,042
See?
370
00:21:57,001 --> 00:21:58,417
See who it is?
371
00:22:00,042 --> 00:22:01,709
Emergency psychiatry?
372
00:22:01,876 --> 00:22:04,501
End lift, 3rd floor.
You can't miss it.
373
00:22:33,584 --> 00:22:35,542
- Aren't you Carole Bouquet?
- Yes!
374
00:22:37,417 --> 00:22:39,292
Can I have an autograph?
375
00:22:39,501 --> 00:22:41,751
Of course.
If I can find some paper.
376
00:22:44,709 --> 00:22:48,167
- Wait a second.
- This isn't the time, madam.
377
00:22:50,209 --> 00:22:51,459
If it's a girl,
378
00:22:51,667 --> 00:22:54,417
I'll call her Carole!
379
00:23:06,751 --> 00:23:07,751
Is this it?
380
00:23:11,876 --> 00:23:13,834
I reckon it is.
381
00:23:21,292 --> 00:23:23,751
Mr Blanc, I don't think
you're Dr Jekyll
382
00:23:23,959 --> 00:23:27,126
or Mr Hyde.
383
00:23:27,334 --> 00:23:29,209
Simply an overworked actor,
384
00:23:29,376 --> 00:23:31,959
who sometimes plays
another Michel Blanc...
385
00:23:33,876 --> 00:23:35,459
but hides it from himself.
386
00:23:35,667 --> 00:23:37,584
- I'm completely mad?
- No!
387
00:23:37,792 --> 00:23:40,334
I think you need a rest.
388
00:23:40,501 --> 00:23:43,584
I'm going to give you
some little pills
389
00:23:43,751 --> 00:23:47,959
which will help you turn
all this into a bad memory.
390
00:23:48,126 --> 00:23:50,501
Do you have a place
in the country
391
00:23:50,667 --> 00:23:53,542
where you could rest
for a few weeks?
392
00:23:53,709 --> 00:23:56,292
Yes! I've got a place
in the Luberon.
393
00:23:56,626 --> 00:23:59,917
That's perfect!
I've lots of patients there.
394
00:24:00,084 --> 00:24:00,917
There we go!
395
00:24:06,084 --> 00:24:09,501
Have a good rest.
And carry on making us laugh!
396
00:24:11,959 --> 00:24:14,584
Take a gun.
One never knows.
397
00:24:41,751 --> 00:24:44,667
It won't do any good.
I'm not tired.
398
00:24:44,834 --> 00:24:47,667
You can be so negative!
399
00:24:47,834 --> 00:24:50,376
I'm anxious.
With good reason, no?
400
00:24:50,542 --> 00:24:51,542
No!
401
00:24:52,251 --> 00:24:53,376
Is that so?
402
00:24:54,251 --> 00:24:58,001
I don't recall raping Balasko.
I'm wrong to be anxious?
403
00:24:58,167 --> 00:25:01,584
I'd understand you
if she didn't remember!
404
00:25:01,751 --> 00:25:04,959
That's right, make fun of me!
It's in poor taste.
405
00:25:05,126 --> 00:25:08,334
I'm only trying to help you relax.
406
00:25:08,667 --> 00:25:10,959
How can I?
I don't know what's happening.
407
00:25:11,167 --> 00:25:14,251
Why try to understand everything?
408
00:25:14,417 --> 00:25:15,626
Accept the mystery.
409
00:25:16,334 --> 00:25:18,417
Mysteries can be beautiful, too.
410
00:25:18,959 --> 00:25:21,584
Working with Buñuel
turned you into a mystic!
411
00:25:21,792 --> 00:25:23,376
It wouldn't have harmed you!
412
00:25:25,209 --> 00:25:26,334
Meaning?
413
00:25:26,542 --> 00:25:28,626
Forget it.
Take your pills.
414
00:25:31,626 --> 00:25:33,792
It's true you're a cold woman.
415
00:25:34,001 --> 00:25:37,126
And you're a royal pain
in the ass, Michel!
416
00:26:07,501 --> 00:26:10,917
Michel!
Wake up. We're here.
417
00:26:11,667 --> 00:26:14,459
Well?
What do you think?
418
00:26:28,209 --> 00:26:29,417
Right!
419
00:26:30,376 --> 00:26:32,584
Even worse than I expected.
420
00:26:50,667 --> 00:26:54,126
How could anyone
write a comedy in this place?
421
00:26:57,626 --> 00:27:00,292
- Well?
- Couldn't hear a thing.
422
00:27:00,917 --> 00:27:03,251
Hasn't touched his food.
Just the scotch
423
00:27:03,417 --> 00:27:05,001
and his pills!
424
00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:06,834
You should go see.
425
00:27:07,001 --> 00:27:10,126
He hasn't emerged for three days.
It isn't normal.
426
00:27:11,459 --> 00:27:13,584
I don't want to disturb him.
427
00:27:13,876 --> 00:27:15,584
He'll eat when he's hungry.
428
00:27:17,584 --> 00:27:19,292
Maybe he'll never eat again.
429
00:27:19,459 --> 00:27:20,792
What do you mean?
430
00:27:20,959 --> 00:27:24,209
Alcohol and drugs
don't make happy bedfellows!
431
00:27:24,376 --> 00:27:26,459
Only nasty suicides.
432
00:27:26,626 --> 00:27:28,459
Why would he kill himself?
433
00:27:29,042 --> 00:27:30,959
He wasn't very cheery.
434
00:27:31,126 --> 00:27:33,001
You like tragedy!
435
00:27:33,167 --> 00:27:35,126
Life made me that way.
436
00:27:36,042 --> 00:27:38,751
Reminds me of poor cousin Albert.
437
00:27:38,917 --> 00:27:41,084
He was small and ugly, too.
438
00:27:41,251 --> 00:27:43,709
One day we found him hanging!
439
00:27:43,876 --> 00:27:46,376
Stop talking nonsense!
440
00:27:52,626 --> 00:27:54,667
You've scared me.
441
00:27:58,084 --> 00:27:58,917
Michel!
442
00:28:08,001 --> 00:28:09,709
Are you okay?
443
00:28:12,501 --> 00:28:14,292
See, it isn't normal!
444
00:28:14,459 --> 00:28:16,542
Something terrible has happened!
445
00:28:16,751 --> 00:28:18,626
Keep an eye on lunch!
446
00:28:21,584 --> 00:28:23,626
Michel, I'm coming in.
447
00:28:43,417 --> 00:28:45,709
- Michel!
- It isn't me!
448
00:28:47,709 --> 00:28:48,542
All right?
449
00:28:48,876 --> 00:28:51,251
- Where am I?
- In the Luberon.
450
00:28:51,959 --> 00:28:53,834
You don't recognize me?
451
00:28:54,001 --> 00:28:55,084
What?
452
00:28:55,667 --> 00:28:57,667
- You're in the country.
- I can't hear.
453
00:28:58,084 --> 00:29:00,042
You're at my place.
454
00:29:00,459 --> 00:29:01,876
What time is it?
455
00:29:02,042 --> 00:29:03,084
2pm.
456
00:29:03,292 --> 00:29:04,792
Why the earplugs?
457
00:29:05,001 --> 00:29:07,001
- There's no noise.
- Precisely!
458
00:29:07,584 --> 00:29:09,542
The silence wakes me up!
459
00:29:11,042 --> 00:29:13,834
Sorry to intrude,
but I was worried.
460
00:29:14,042 --> 00:29:15,792
You're not eating.
461
00:29:15,959 --> 00:29:17,209
I'm in knots.
462
00:29:17,417 --> 00:29:20,626
Because you're shut up in here.
It's so gloomy.
463
00:29:20,834 --> 00:29:22,209
Why not work outside?
464
00:29:22,376 --> 00:29:25,417
No one has ever written outside!
465
00:29:25,626 --> 00:29:26,751
The light is lovely!
466
00:29:26,959 --> 00:29:29,417
- I'm not a painter!
- Of course not.
467
00:29:29,626 --> 00:29:32,709
You should open the shutters,
enjoy the view.
468
00:29:33,334 --> 00:29:34,667
The view distresses me!
469
00:29:35,459 --> 00:29:36,959
It so bloody grim!
470
00:29:37,584 --> 00:29:40,167
The sun might cheer you up.
471
00:29:40,376 --> 00:29:42,209
That'd be a first!
472
00:29:42,959 --> 00:29:44,251
Mind out!
473
00:29:53,042 --> 00:29:56,167
I've made a Provencal stew.
474
00:29:56,334 --> 00:29:59,042
Would a Saint Joseph go with it?
475
00:29:59,209 --> 00:30:02,667
It'll go with the stew,
but as for me...
476
00:30:02,834 --> 00:30:05,376
How can I work after a stew?
477
00:30:05,542 --> 00:30:06,542
It won't change much.
478
00:30:06,751 --> 00:30:08,792
You wrote nothing yesterday.
479
00:30:09,292 --> 00:30:12,584
I get it! You want a return
on your investment!
480
00:30:13,292 --> 00:30:15,334
Tell me how much I owe you!
481
00:30:15,834 --> 00:30:19,584
Don't take it that way.
I'm just trying to be nice.
482
00:30:19,751 --> 00:30:20,751
I see!
483
00:30:20,959 --> 00:30:23,667
Why are you being so nice?
484
00:30:23,834 --> 00:30:25,501
Tell me, Carole Bouquet...
485
00:30:25,667 --> 00:30:27,626
do you intend
to screw a comedian?
486
00:30:28,917 --> 00:30:30,709
Got your answer?
487
00:30:30,917 --> 00:30:32,959
- Loud and clear!
- Perfect!
488
00:30:33,167 --> 00:30:35,334
Take a shower, get dressed
489
00:30:35,501 --> 00:30:38,251
and drop the Woody Allen act!
490
00:30:38,417 --> 00:30:41,001
Anxious clowns piss me off!
491
00:30:42,251 --> 00:30:45,167
You've got 20 minutes!
Is that clear?
492
00:30:45,376 --> 00:30:46,167
All right.
493
00:30:47,042 --> 00:30:48,751
And we're eating outside!
494
00:30:49,417 --> 00:30:51,459
It might do me some good.
495
00:30:55,167 --> 00:30:57,584
Delicious stew, Carole.
I mean it.
496
00:30:57,751 --> 00:31:00,209
Thank you, Michel.
Have some more.
497
00:31:00,376 --> 00:31:02,417
I really couldn't.
498
00:31:02,584 --> 00:31:04,459
May I clear the table?
499
00:31:07,584 --> 00:31:09,292
Sorry about earlier.
500
00:31:10,834 --> 00:31:13,126
- Forget it.
- What came over me?
501
00:31:13,334 --> 00:31:15,667
Must be the whisky and pills.
502
00:31:15,876 --> 00:31:17,542
Stop that for a start.
503
00:31:17,751 --> 00:31:19,626
I'll certainly try.
504
00:31:19,834 --> 00:31:22,959
Why wear a hat?
We're in the shade.
505
00:31:23,167 --> 00:31:26,417
There are gaps in the foliage.
I'll look like Gorbachev.
506
00:31:27,417 --> 00:31:28,626
I won't insist!
507
00:31:28,792 --> 00:31:30,792
I'll come see you at Continent.
508
00:31:31,376 --> 00:31:32,251
Sorry?
509
00:31:32,459 --> 00:31:36,667
My granddaughter wants
to get her cassette signed.
510
00:31:37,417 --> 00:31:39,584
What's all this about cassettes?
511
00:31:39,792 --> 00:31:41,417
She read it in the paper.
512
00:31:41,626 --> 00:31:43,459
- What paper?
- Hold on.
513
00:31:43,667 --> 00:31:45,501
Do you have the paper?
514
00:31:45,667 --> 00:31:47,876
I used it for the peelings.
515
00:31:58,917 --> 00:32:00,959
I've got it!
516
00:32:01,126 --> 00:32:02,709
"Mr Blanc will be signing cassettes
517
00:32:02,917 --> 00:32:04,959
in the sports section..."
518
00:32:05,626 --> 00:32:07,751
Here we go again!
519
00:32:07,917 --> 00:32:10,209
Let's grab the bull by the horns!
520
00:32:10,376 --> 00:32:12,042
Where are you going?
521
00:32:14,251 --> 00:32:15,501
This is a bad idea!
522
00:32:15,667 --> 00:32:17,751
The nightmare's soon over!
523
00:32:17,959 --> 00:32:21,209
- Where's the sports section?
- That way.
524
00:32:22,292 --> 00:32:25,292
Concentrate, Julien.
It's your second ball.
525
00:32:25,501 --> 00:32:26,959
Aim for the target!
526
00:32:28,834 --> 00:32:31,667
Missed!
You've one more go!
527
00:32:32,751 --> 00:32:33,584
Excuse me.
528
00:32:37,292 --> 00:32:40,792
There's our answer!
You have a look-alike.
529
00:32:40,959 --> 00:32:42,001
You reckon?
530
00:32:42,667 --> 00:32:44,709
It's frightening!
Spitting image.
531
00:32:44,917 --> 00:32:46,376
Reassured?
532
00:32:46,584 --> 00:32:48,751
To look like him?
533
00:32:48,959 --> 00:32:51,834
Ready for your third try?
534
00:32:52,042 --> 00:32:53,376
Whenever you're ready!
535
00:32:55,209 --> 00:32:57,876
You win!
Right on target!
536
00:32:58,084 --> 00:32:59,209
Appalling!
537
00:33:03,792 --> 00:33:07,042
And he still claims benefit!
538
00:33:07,209 --> 00:33:08,667
Let's wait outside.
539
00:33:08,834 --> 00:33:11,376
We ought to tell the police.
He raped Balasko!
540
00:33:11,542 --> 00:33:13,334
I'll protect you!
541
00:33:13,542 --> 00:33:14,626
Hang on!
542
00:33:22,126 --> 00:33:23,042
Excuse me!
543
00:33:23,209 --> 00:33:24,584
No more autographs!
544
00:33:24,751 --> 00:33:26,876
- It isn't that.
- What then?
545
00:33:27,042 --> 00:33:28,084
Who are you?
546
00:33:28,292 --> 00:33:29,417
I'm Michel Blanc.
547
00:33:29,626 --> 00:33:31,917
- And you?
- We're Michel Blanc, too.
548
00:33:34,209 --> 00:33:35,084
Shit!
549
00:33:35,459 --> 00:33:36,292
Wait!
550
00:33:39,001 --> 00:33:40,084
Stop!
551
00:33:47,542 --> 00:33:48,917
Wait!
552
00:33:49,792 --> 00:33:53,084
We need to talk!
We'll catch him up!
553
00:33:56,751 --> 00:33:57,917
He's got a sports car!
554
00:33:58,084 --> 00:34:00,167
Great!
I'm a speed freak!
555
00:34:02,292 --> 00:34:03,417
Belt up!
556
00:34:10,626 --> 00:34:11,459
There he is!
557
00:34:31,542 --> 00:34:33,459
- OK?
- Not great!
558
00:34:40,917 --> 00:34:42,584
- Stop!
- We've got him!
559
00:34:47,167 --> 00:34:48,959
Stop!
I'm going to throw up.
560
00:35:11,084 --> 00:35:12,042
Sorry.
561
00:35:12,209 --> 00:35:13,501
Feeling better?
562
00:35:13,667 --> 00:35:14,959
A bit.
563
00:35:15,834 --> 00:35:17,459
We've lost him.
564
00:35:17,626 --> 00:35:19,084
Perhaps not.
565
00:35:19,251 --> 00:35:21,126
- Got his address?
- No.
566
00:35:21,292 --> 00:35:23,167
But a village keeps cropping up.
567
00:35:23,334 --> 00:35:24,376
So?
568
00:35:24,542 --> 00:35:26,126
We're going there.
569
00:35:26,292 --> 00:35:27,876
We don't know where it is!
570
00:35:28,042 --> 00:35:29,959
- We'll look!
- We won't find it!
571
00:35:30,126 --> 00:35:33,542
Stop being such a pessimist.
It's so tiring.
572
00:35:34,417 --> 00:35:35,667
Belt up!
573
00:36:07,167 --> 00:36:09,126
What do we do now?
574
00:36:09,292 --> 00:36:12,417
Ask in the cafe
if they know these people.
575
00:36:12,584 --> 00:36:13,917
Why me?
576
00:36:14,084 --> 00:36:16,001
I've driven 400 kilometres!
577
00:36:16,167 --> 00:36:19,251
Stop asking questions!
Just get a move on!
578
00:36:20,959 --> 00:36:22,334
OK. I'm going.
579
00:36:28,084 --> 00:36:31,834
But you'd best change your tone,
or I'll blow my top!
580
00:36:32,001 --> 00:36:34,667
- I hear you!
- Good!
581
00:36:42,792 --> 00:36:43,626
Hello!
582
00:36:44,084 --> 00:36:46,417
Our star!
How are you, Mr Patrick?
583
00:36:46,584 --> 00:36:49,417
- Patrick?
- The handsome one! Drink?
584
00:36:49,584 --> 00:36:51,292
We weren't expecting you.
585
00:36:51,501 --> 00:36:55,209
Come and give us a kiss!
Or do I have to get up?
586
00:36:56,501 --> 00:36:57,417
No...
587
00:36:57,834 --> 00:36:59,334
Hello, handsome!
588
00:37:00,584 --> 00:37:02,959
You've changed cologne.
589
00:37:03,167 --> 00:37:05,001
He's got company!
590
00:37:05,917 --> 00:37:08,709
- A lass at last!
- Bloody Nora!
591
00:37:08,917 --> 00:37:10,126
It's Carole Bouquet!
592
00:37:10,334 --> 00:37:12,501
- It isn't!
- You're doing OK!
593
00:37:13,001 --> 00:37:14,334
Jammy sod!
594
00:37:14,751 --> 00:37:17,167
To think we were schoolmates!
595
00:37:17,376 --> 00:37:19,042
I never have any luck!
596
00:37:19,209 --> 00:37:21,751
What about me?
Married to you!
597
00:37:21,959 --> 00:37:24,834
I'd rather get laid by Alain Delon!
598
00:37:25,001 --> 00:37:26,917
It's not what I meant!
599
00:37:27,126 --> 00:37:30,334
- OK!
- Stop your bickering!
600
00:37:31,084 --> 00:37:32,292
I'd best be off.
601
00:37:32,501 --> 00:37:35,167
Since you're here...
I've a parcel for your mum.
602
00:37:35,334 --> 00:37:37,084
Save me the trip.
603
00:37:37,292 --> 00:37:38,501
- All right.
- Here!
604
00:37:41,376 --> 00:37:43,001
Kiss Carole for us!
605
00:37:44,001 --> 00:37:45,584
Will do.
606
00:37:59,626 --> 00:38:00,584
Well?
607
00:38:00,751 --> 00:38:04,126
They called me Patrick.
That's for my mum.
608
00:38:04,292 --> 00:38:06,084
One was a schoolmate.
609
00:38:06,251 --> 00:38:09,001
It's normal.
They think you're your look-alike.
610
00:38:09,167 --> 00:38:11,167
Your mate left his mark!
611
00:38:12,584 --> 00:38:13,834
Where to now?
612
00:38:14,001 --> 00:38:16,501
To your mother's.
We've got her address.
613
00:38:23,167 --> 00:38:24,417
Goodness!
614
00:38:24,626 --> 00:38:26,042
Hello, madam!
615
00:38:26,251 --> 00:38:29,417
You might've let me know, Patrick!
616
00:38:29,584 --> 00:38:33,084
It's bad of you! What do I
look like in my dressing gown!
617
00:38:33,251 --> 00:38:35,751
It isn't fit for Carole Bouquet!
618
00:38:37,001 --> 00:38:39,834
Always surprising me, he is!
619
00:38:40,001 --> 00:38:41,959
You'll catch your death.
620
00:38:42,126 --> 00:38:43,417
It's late...
621
00:38:43,626 --> 00:38:46,626
Don't you worry!
Go in.
622
00:38:47,417 --> 00:38:50,126
Fetch a bottle from the cellar!
623
00:38:50,292 --> 00:38:53,834
- The cellar?
- Under the house, silly!
624
00:38:54,042 --> 00:38:56,251
Unless you'd prefer a Suze, madam?
625
00:38:56,417 --> 00:38:58,709
I don't mind.
I don't want to bother you.
626
00:38:58,876 --> 00:39:00,501
You're no bother at all!
627
00:39:00,667 --> 00:39:03,501
I'm so ashamed!
Looks like a gyppo's home.
628
00:39:03,667 --> 00:39:05,126
That way.
629
00:39:08,376 --> 00:39:10,334
I'll show you your room.
630
00:39:10,501 --> 00:39:11,917
We can't stay.
631
00:39:12,084 --> 00:39:15,917
You must stay for dinner.
I don't have much...
632
00:39:16,084 --> 00:39:18,334
- No, really...
- Don't argue, Carole!
633
00:39:18,667 --> 00:39:21,251
May I call you Carole?
I'm Marthe.
634
00:39:23,292 --> 00:39:24,751
Have a seat.
635
00:39:29,209 --> 00:39:30,667
Admiring my photos?
636
00:39:30,834 --> 00:39:33,876
I cut them out the paper.
Mothers!
637
00:39:34,542 --> 00:39:36,209
You have children, too.
638
00:39:36,751 --> 00:39:41,042
Every time I see Patrick on telly,
I cry like a fool.
639
00:39:41,251 --> 00:39:43,251
- Patrick?
- His real name!
640
00:39:43,459 --> 00:39:45,042
Patrick Olivier.
641
00:39:45,209 --> 00:39:48,501
Michel Blanc's his stage name.
Didn't want to upset his dad.
642
00:39:49,126 --> 00:39:52,584
One night me and my hubby
were watching telly,
643
00:39:52,792 --> 00:39:55,334
and there he was on the box!
644
00:39:55,501 --> 00:39:57,084
We were chuffed.
645
00:39:57,251 --> 00:40:00,251
He used to be a celebrity
at the police station!
646
00:40:00,459 --> 00:40:03,209
Nothing serious, mind:
car radio theft,
647
00:40:03,376 --> 00:40:05,167
but we were afraid for him.
648
00:40:05,709 --> 00:40:07,667
He made a face
when he saw himself.
649
00:40:07,876 --> 00:40:11,042
Said he wanted to surprise us.
He's a good lad.
650
00:40:12,876 --> 00:40:14,709
Carole, we can't stay.
651
00:40:14,876 --> 00:40:16,626
I'll pop something in the oven!
652
00:40:16,834 --> 00:40:18,584
Take the tray!
653
00:40:18,792 --> 00:40:19,667
We'll eat...
654
00:40:19,876 --> 00:40:21,751
- We're not hungry!
- I am!
655
00:40:29,001 --> 00:40:30,501
- Where are they?
- Eating!
656
00:40:30,667 --> 00:40:33,792
- How long?
- Forty five minutes.
657
00:40:34,001 --> 00:40:36,626
They had a tomato salad to start.
658
00:40:36,792 --> 00:40:38,209
- With what?
- Muscadet!
659
00:40:38,417 --> 00:40:41,042
White wine with salad!
660
00:40:41,251 --> 00:40:42,334
It had tuna in it.
661
00:40:42,542 --> 00:40:45,834
A chilled côtes du rhône
would've been better.
662
00:40:46,001 --> 00:40:48,167
- The other with the next course.
- What is it?
663
00:40:48,376 --> 00:40:51,126
Pork confit roasted with garlic.
664
00:40:51,917 --> 00:40:53,376
As vegetables, courgettes.
665
00:40:53,584 --> 00:40:56,459
If they need any cheese,
I've got some!
666
00:40:56,626 --> 00:40:58,709
She has everything she needs!
667
00:41:00,001 --> 00:41:01,376
It's going well!
668
00:41:01,584 --> 00:41:04,542
- What's she like?
- Very kind, easygoing.
669
00:41:04,709 --> 00:41:06,792
She's had two helpings of brawn!
670
00:41:09,001 --> 00:41:12,334
You're crazy!
We shouldn't have stayed for dinner.
671
00:41:12,501 --> 00:41:13,959
She's delighted to have us.
672
00:41:14,126 --> 00:41:17,042
Maybe she's in cahoots
with her son!
673
00:41:17,209 --> 00:41:19,042
We'll end up 6 feet under!
674
00:41:19,209 --> 00:41:21,751
I've fried a few wild mushrooms.
675
00:41:21,917 --> 00:41:24,209
To help the pork go down!
676
00:41:24,959 --> 00:41:26,584
Aren't you eating?
677
00:41:26,792 --> 00:41:28,417
- It's the damp.
- Knock, knock!
678
00:41:28,792 --> 00:41:29,959
Why, Mrs Baudet!
679
00:41:30,167 --> 00:41:32,792
- Am I disturbing you?
- We're eating.
680
00:41:33,001 --> 00:41:35,001
But come in!
It's Mrs Baudet.
681
00:41:35,167 --> 00:41:36,459
A family occasion...
682
00:41:36,667 --> 00:41:40,501
Just an informal dinner.
Have a bit of tart with us.
683
00:41:40,709 --> 00:41:44,751
You know Carole Bouquet.
She taught Patrick everything.
684
00:41:44,917 --> 00:41:46,834
- Hello, Mrs Bouquet.
- Hello, madam.
685
00:41:47,042 --> 00:41:48,292
Hello, sonny!
686
00:41:48,459 --> 00:41:51,292
- Have a drink.
- Don't mind if I do!
687
00:41:51,876 --> 00:41:55,084
But you must come to mine
for coffee afterwards.
688
00:41:55,292 --> 00:41:57,917
My son would love to see you!
689
00:41:58,084 --> 00:42:00,001
We really can't stay.
690
00:42:00,209 --> 00:42:02,501
They're in the area for the night.
691
00:42:02,709 --> 00:42:05,334
Just for a minute!
Say hello before you go.
692
00:42:05,542 --> 00:42:09,292
It'll be the best day of his life.
He's been paralysed 5 years!
693
00:42:10,042 --> 00:42:11,001
Come on, Carole!
694
00:42:11,209 --> 00:42:13,209
OK. But just for a minute.
695
00:42:13,876 --> 00:42:15,417
You're a kind woman.
696
00:42:15,917 --> 00:42:17,209
It shows!
697
00:42:51,626 --> 00:42:53,917
Come on. It's this way.
698
00:43:07,584 --> 00:43:10,417
Go on. He's in there.
699
00:43:19,126 --> 00:43:20,126
In you go.
700
00:43:29,042 --> 00:43:30,209
Go on.
701
00:43:31,251 --> 00:43:33,751
Hello!
Delighted to meet you!
702
00:43:46,376 --> 00:43:47,417
Don't disturb him!
703
00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:50,417
- Give me your hand!
- Of course!
704
00:43:51,584 --> 00:43:52,584
All right?
705
00:43:54,167 --> 00:43:55,584
Sure he's OK?
706
00:43:55,792 --> 00:43:57,042
I don't know!
707
00:44:00,459 --> 00:44:02,084
What's wrong with him?
708
00:44:02,292 --> 00:44:03,667
I'll let you rest!
709
00:44:05,834 --> 00:44:07,834
No! Stay in bed!
710
00:44:13,334 --> 00:44:14,376
Bloody hell!
711
00:44:14,584 --> 00:44:16,459
He's walking!
712
00:44:17,042 --> 00:44:19,834
Right. Come on, Carole!
713
00:44:20,251 --> 00:44:21,667
I can walk...
714
00:44:22,209 --> 00:44:23,626
Careful!
715
00:44:25,626 --> 00:44:26,709
It's a miracle!
716
00:44:26,917 --> 00:44:28,084
He can walk!
717
00:44:32,959 --> 00:44:34,042
Please come on!
718
00:44:34,251 --> 00:44:36,584
Look! I can walk!
719
00:44:36,792 --> 00:44:38,626
Carole, that's enough!
720
00:44:39,751 --> 00:44:40,834
I can walk!
721
00:44:41,584 --> 00:44:43,209
Bloody hell, Carole!
722
00:44:45,209 --> 00:44:47,792
I can walk!
And I've got a hard-on!
723
00:44:50,292 --> 00:44:51,126
Sorry!
724
00:44:51,834 --> 00:44:52,917
Excuse me!
725
00:44:54,209 --> 00:44:55,709
Excuse me!
726
00:44:56,417 --> 00:44:57,251
Sorry!
727
00:44:59,126 --> 00:45:00,626
Come on, Carole!
728
00:45:02,459 --> 00:45:04,084
Excuse me!
729
00:45:06,126 --> 00:45:08,417
Let go of her hand, sir!
730
00:45:26,542 --> 00:45:28,001
Start the car!
731
00:45:29,751 --> 00:45:32,501
Have you ever wondered
what the point was?
732
00:45:32,667 --> 00:45:36,209
Of success, stardom...
The whole business!
733
00:45:36,376 --> 00:45:38,834
I haven't really had the time!
734
00:45:39,001 --> 00:45:42,667
Why don't we discuss it
some other time?
735
00:45:43,501 --> 00:45:45,626
What have you done
with your talent?
736
00:45:46,626 --> 00:45:47,709
Sorry?
737
00:45:48,084 --> 00:45:49,334
Might be the answer.
738
00:45:49,542 --> 00:45:51,376
I cured his legs!
739
00:45:52,459 --> 00:45:55,667
Pull the other one!
Come on!
740
00:45:55,876 --> 00:45:58,626
You think you cured a paralytic?
741
00:45:58,834 --> 00:46:01,751
The bloke had a block.
You gave him a shock.
742
00:46:01,917 --> 00:46:04,209
It unblocked him.
A miracle!
743
00:46:04,417 --> 00:46:07,709
You refuse to believe in anything.
Even what you see!
744
00:46:07,917 --> 00:46:10,667
I thought I was mad,
but it's you.
745
00:46:10,876 --> 00:46:13,667
If it suits you to think that.
746
00:46:13,876 --> 00:46:16,917
It'd suit me if we told the cops!
747
00:46:17,084 --> 00:46:18,751
We can't go to the police!
748
00:46:18,917 --> 00:46:21,126
We'll find Patrick and scare him!
749
00:46:22,376 --> 00:46:24,042
Jail would kill his mum.
750
00:46:24,209 --> 00:46:26,126
You're unbelievable!
751
00:46:26,584 --> 00:46:29,209
He's my look-alike not yours!
752
00:46:29,417 --> 00:46:31,542
The cops aren't after you!
753
00:46:31,751 --> 00:46:34,542
Let me sort my own problems!
754
00:46:34,751 --> 00:46:36,584
I'm not driving you to the station!
755
00:46:36,792 --> 00:46:38,209
I'll hitch a ride.
756
00:46:38,417 --> 00:46:39,917
You're in for a long wait.
757
00:46:40,126 --> 00:46:41,876
Providence will provide, Sister.
758
00:46:44,709 --> 00:46:46,709
Don't say I didn't warn you.
759
00:47:06,001 --> 00:47:07,876
I can't let him do that.
760
00:47:31,501 --> 00:47:34,709
Finished your temper tantrum?
Jump in!
761
00:47:35,626 --> 00:47:37,584
I wouldn't say no.
762
00:47:41,459 --> 00:47:44,459
I'd rather sit in the back,
if you don't mind.
763
00:47:48,334 --> 00:47:49,959
I can drive slowly.
764
00:47:50,126 --> 00:47:52,417
No, it's fine.
I just feel like it.
765
00:47:52,709 --> 00:47:54,292
You're a strange guy.
766
00:48:07,501 --> 00:48:09,667
What's wrong?
Feel sick again?
767
00:48:09,834 --> 00:48:11,001
Why do you ask?
768
00:48:11,167 --> 00:48:12,751
You look peculiar.
769
00:48:12,959 --> 00:48:15,459
- How so?
- Like you've something in mind.
770
00:48:15,667 --> 00:48:17,459
- Spot on!
- What's got into you?
771
00:48:17,626 --> 00:48:20,459
I'm ecstatic!
Carole Bouquet's breasts!
772
00:48:20,626 --> 00:48:23,334
- I'm fondling Bouquet's breasts!
- And?
773
00:48:23,501 --> 00:48:25,126
They're warm and soft!
774
00:48:25,292 --> 00:48:26,667
I meant what now?
775
00:48:26,834 --> 00:48:28,667
We could have sex!
776
00:48:30,792 --> 00:48:33,917
Now you listen to me, Patrick!
777
00:48:34,084 --> 00:48:36,459
- How did you guess?
- Feminine intuition.
778
00:48:36,626 --> 00:48:38,209
You're hurting me!
779
00:48:42,292 --> 00:48:43,876
Stop! I'm armed!
780
00:49:01,709 --> 00:49:03,792
The guy from French Fried Vacation!
781
00:49:03,959 --> 00:49:06,126
- Michel Blanc? Where?
- Under the salad bar!
782
00:49:07,542 --> 00:49:09,542
- Carole Bouquet!
- Come out!
783
00:49:12,542 --> 00:49:13,167
Bloody hell!
784
00:49:14,959 --> 00:49:16,292
Hurry up!
785
00:49:17,417 --> 00:49:18,917
I'm coming out!
786
00:49:19,126 --> 00:49:20,709
While I reload!
787
00:49:27,376 --> 00:49:29,334
I didn't know they were an item!
788
00:49:35,459 --> 00:49:38,292
- Put your gun away!
- Shut it! Move!
789
00:49:39,126 --> 00:49:40,251
What do you intend to do?
790
00:49:40,417 --> 00:49:43,876
Move it, or I'll give
your arsehole a look-alike!
791
00:49:44,042 --> 00:49:46,001
You lied to the whole village?
792
00:49:46,167 --> 00:49:49,126
They stopped calling me a lazy git.
793
00:49:49,292 --> 00:49:53,167
They liked me.
I couldn't tell them the truth.
794
00:49:53,959 --> 00:49:55,584
It's not a big deal.
795
00:49:55,751 --> 00:49:57,501
I've done no harm!
796
00:49:57,667 --> 00:49:58,751
And Balasko?
797
00:49:59,459 --> 00:50:02,417
A blunder.
I was after her money.
798
00:50:02,584 --> 00:50:05,376
When I saw her tied up,
I couldn't resist!
799
00:50:05,584 --> 00:50:07,292
I'm only human!
800
00:50:07,459 --> 00:50:10,126
Listen carefully,
I'll try to be brief.
801
00:50:10,709 --> 00:50:12,917
You'd better keep a low profile.
802
00:50:13,126 --> 00:50:16,876
If I bump into you again,
you'll get my fist in your face!
803
00:50:17,042 --> 00:50:17,917
Understand?
804
00:50:18,126 --> 00:50:19,167
Loud and clear!
805
00:50:19,376 --> 00:50:22,167
You've got 5 minutes to disappear!
806
00:50:22,334 --> 00:50:23,251
I'm going!
807
00:50:30,292 --> 00:50:33,376
I wanted to inform the police
but Carole refused.
808
00:50:33,542 --> 00:50:35,542
The miracle really shook her.
809
00:50:35,709 --> 00:50:37,792
She reckons it's a miracle.
810
00:50:37,959 --> 00:50:39,376
I think it's nerves.
811
00:50:39,542 --> 00:50:43,209
The bloke probably collapsed
as soon as we left.
812
00:50:43,501 --> 00:50:46,751
I prefer to tell all,
because the guy's dangerous.
813
00:50:50,542 --> 00:50:52,417
If you have any questions...
814
00:50:56,751 --> 00:50:58,292
Bravo! Here you go!
815
00:50:58,917 --> 00:51:02,001
I've always wondered...
816
00:51:02,167 --> 00:51:04,876
Do you improvise,
or learn your lines by heart?
817
00:51:05,501 --> 00:51:06,501
Goodbye!
818
00:51:08,334 --> 00:51:11,751
Try to come for Christmas.
We all dress up!
819
00:51:27,084 --> 00:51:28,209
Proud of yourself?
820
00:51:29,584 --> 00:51:32,667
You claim to be a leftie,
you sing for Ethiopia.
821
00:51:32,834 --> 00:51:35,126
As long as there are cameras around!
822
00:51:35,292 --> 00:51:37,126
Grassing to the cops!
823
00:51:37,292 --> 00:51:38,667
Don't take the piss!
824
00:51:39,376 --> 00:51:41,001
I'll break your face!
825
00:51:41,376 --> 00:51:43,167
- Calm down!
- I'll kill you!
826
00:51:43,376 --> 00:51:45,126
Let me explain!
827
00:51:45,667 --> 00:51:48,751
Explain what?
That you're a crook?
828
00:51:48,959 --> 00:51:49,876
You're strangling me!
829
00:51:50,042 --> 00:51:51,542
That's your explanation?
830
00:51:51,751 --> 00:51:52,501
Bastard!
831
00:51:54,959 --> 00:51:57,834
I never asked to look like you!
832
00:51:59,126 --> 00:52:02,292
I'd have chosen someone else!
833
00:52:03,001 --> 00:52:04,501
You think it's easy?
834
00:52:05,084 --> 00:52:07,709
You're always playing jerks!
835
00:52:07,876 --> 00:52:10,251
How about some variety?
836
00:52:10,459 --> 00:52:13,334
I don't need your advice!
837
00:52:13,542 --> 00:52:16,834
Pity that.
You'd have avoided a few flops!
838
00:52:17,042 --> 00:52:19,667
Why pass yourself off as me, then?
839
00:52:19,876 --> 00:52:23,876
I have the disadvantages.
Why not the advantages?
840
00:52:24,376 --> 00:52:25,501
I've no private life.
841
00:52:25,876 --> 00:52:28,001
People smirk when I trip over.
842
00:52:28,209 --> 00:52:29,792
You chose this life.
843
00:52:29,959 --> 00:52:32,501
And you make a bloody packet!
844
00:52:33,001 --> 00:52:34,542
I've got sod all.
845
00:52:34,709 --> 00:52:36,251
What about the harm you do?
846
00:52:36,459 --> 00:52:37,917
Who's harming who?
847
00:52:38,084 --> 00:52:40,876
What job can I do
with a clown's face?
848
00:52:41,042 --> 00:52:43,667
Would Hitler have succeeded
with Fernandel's?
849
00:52:44,126 --> 00:52:47,251
You've buggered up my life!
That's the truth!
850
00:52:47,459 --> 00:52:49,917
I don't have the time for this!
851
00:52:50,084 --> 00:52:52,959
I've no intention
of changing my job or my mug!
852
00:52:53,167 --> 00:52:55,709
You'd better find a solution.
853
00:52:55,917 --> 00:52:59,584
If you start again,
I'll find more understanding cops!
854
00:52:59,751 --> 00:53:00,834
OK? Goodnight!
855
00:53:12,376 --> 00:53:14,251
There is a solution!
856
00:53:14,417 --> 00:53:16,626
Yes! You clear off!
857
00:53:17,084 --> 00:53:19,501
We could work together.
858
00:53:19,917 --> 00:53:22,626
How about sharing the workload?
859
00:53:22,792 --> 00:53:26,084
I don't understand.
Or rather, I'm afraid I do!
860
00:53:26,292 --> 00:53:30,126
The programmes you hate...
I'll do them for you.
861
00:53:31,334 --> 00:53:33,917
- That's a swindle!
- Why?
862
00:53:34,126 --> 00:53:36,251
The public gets its money's worth!
863
00:53:36,417 --> 00:53:39,626
You make the films.
While I promote them, you write.
864
00:53:39,834 --> 00:53:42,584
And the spectators can only benefit.
865
00:53:43,209 --> 00:53:47,042
Some of your stuff is so tired!
But you're only human.
866
00:53:47,376 --> 00:53:50,459
I'll do all the commercial films.
867
00:53:50,667 --> 00:53:53,626
You do the quality stuff.
Ideal, isn't it?
868
00:53:53,834 --> 00:53:56,251
I've never done films for money!
869
00:53:56,459 --> 00:53:58,001
Not only anyway!
870
00:53:58,209 --> 00:54:00,959
What about all those ads, eh?
871
00:54:07,459 --> 00:54:11,584
Think about it.
Don't you fancy a year off?
872
00:54:11,751 --> 00:54:13,709
India, Burma.
873
00:54:13,876 --> 00:54:17,084
Night falling on Along Bay,
the streets of Manila...
874
00:54:17,292 --> 00:54:18,251
Madness!
875
00:54:18,459 --> 00:54:20,667
You wouldn't be the first.
876
00:54:21,334 --> 00:54:25,084
How does Depardieu manage
to make so many films?
877
00:54:25,251 --> 00:54:26,292
A dog couldn't do it!
878
00:54:26,501 --> 00:54:30,251
You're totally insane.
You frighten me.
879
00:54:30,459 --> 00:54:33,501
I don't need an answer now.
880
00:54:34,251 --> 00:54:37,209
You know where to find me now.
Night!
881
00:55:06,042 --> 00:55:09,459
I think I've made
a very costly mistake!
882
00:55:26,042 --> 00:55:28,292
What the hell's going on?
883
00:55:28,459 --> 00:55:31,042
I don't like the look of this.
884
00:55:38,834 --> 00:55:41,001
- Yes?
- Is Carole home?
885
00:55:52,876 --> 00:55:54,417
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
886
00:55:55,792 --> 00:55:56,834
I warned you!
887
00:55:57,042 --> 00:55:59,084
It's me! Michel!
888
00:55:59,251 --> 00:56:00,792
I've been patient, Patrick.
889
00:56:01,626 --> 00:56:03,376
But I'm about to lose my temper!
890
00:56:03,584 --> 00:56:05,459
I'm not my look-alike!
891
00:56:05,667 --> 00:56:08,542
You won't fool me this time.
Follow me!
892
00:56:18,209 --> 00:56:21,001
So you're Michel Blanc, are you?
893
00:56:21,167 --> 00:56:24,417
It so happens
I'm having lunch with him!
894
00:56:24,584 --> 00:56:26,001
Rotten luck!
895
00:56:40,876 --> 00:56:42,792
Say something, guys!
896
00:56:44,167 --> 00:56:45,709
Speak to me!
897
00:56:47,584 --> 00:56:49,292
Don't get taken in by him!
898
00:56:49,667 --> 00:56:51,334
There is a likeness.
899
00:56:51,501 --> 00:56:53,667
It's obvious it isn't him!
900
00:56:53,834 --> 00:56:56,251
I wouldn't be taken in.
901
00:56:56,417 --> 00:56:57,834
His eyes are different.
902
00:56:58,001 --> 00:56:59,542
It's beyond a joke!
903
00:56:59,709 --> 00:57:03,042
His voice bothers me.
Michel doesn't sound so gay!
904
00:57:03,376 --> 00:57:05,751
There's the bastard who raped me!
905
00:57:06,209 --> 00:57:07,126
Josie, don't!
906
00:57:07,792 --> 00:57:09,376
Where's your hard-on now?
907
00:57:09,584 --> 00:57:12,042
- Don't find me attractive?
- Josie, please!
908
00:57:12,251 --> 00:57:14,084
This'll calm you down!
909
00:57:14,292 --> 00:57:16,126
Right! Get out!
910
00:57:23,417 --> 00:57:24,292
Unbelievable!
911
00:57:26,376 --> 00:57:29,001
Patrick, this'll end in tears!
912
00:57:29,167 --> 00:57:31,251
Sorry to have been brutal.
913
00:57:31,417 --> 00:57:33,459
It was to make you see reason.
914
00:57:33,626 --> 00:57:36,667
I'll help you
if you stop all this madness.
915
00:57:37,209 --> 00:57:40,376
I want to wake up.
I've had enough!
916
00:58:03,459 --> 00:58:04,542
Hello!
917
00:58:06,084 --> 00:58:09,376
- A double brandy, please.
- Coming up!
918
00:58:23,917 --> 00:58:25,042
Another.
919
00:58:29,376 --> 00:58:30,459
Look at me.
920
00:58:31,876 --> 00:58:34,167
Just to see if you recognize me.
921
00:58:34,376 --> 00:58:36,584
We don't give credit!
922
00:58:36,792 --> 00:58:38,292
It isn't that.
923
00:58:40,792 --> 00:58:42,376
Have you seen me before?
924
00:58:42,542 --> 00:58:44,501
I dunno! Turn around.
925
00:58:45,167 --> 00:58:48,709
The wally who does the weather!
Is that it?
926
00:58:48,917 --> 00:58:50,959
I don't work in television.
927
00:58:51,126 --> 00:58:52,959
- Films.
- Tough luck!
928
00:58:53,167 --> 00:58:55,584
Films bore the pants off me!
929
00:58:55,751 --> 00:58:57,959
Just finish your drink and go!
930
00:58:59,001 --> 00:59:00,626
Twenty francs change!
931
00:59:31,542 --> 00:59:33,792
You're really pushing it!
932
00:59:35,376 --> 00:59:37,751
The joke's over!
933
00:59:37,959 --> 00:59:39,334
Put your toys away!
934
00:59:39,542 --> 00:59:42,251
Give my ID back
and get out of my life!
935
00:59:43,834 --> 00:59:47,792
Despite all appearances,
you're an optimistic boy!
936
00:59:48,167 --> 00:59:49,251
Bit of a schoolgirl.
937
00:59:49,667 --> 00:59:51,709
One of the weak points
of your films.
938
00:59:52,167 --> 00:59:54,626
I'm writing the script now!
939
00:59:54,917 --> 00:59:58,417
And it ain't Happy Days.
Not for you anyway.
940
00:59:58,959 --> 01:00:00,542
Best get used to it!
941
01:00:01,001 --> 01:00:03,834
The wheel of fortune turns.
Everybody gets a go.
942
01:00:04,042 --> 01:00:06,709
You don't own our mug
any more than I do.
943
01:00:06,876 --> 01:00:09,542
We're co-owners.
It's like a time-share.
944
01:00:09,751 --> 01:00:12,459
I've let you use it for 40 years.
945
01:00:12,626 --> 01:00:15,501
But now I'm here to evict you!
946
01:00:16,917 --> 01:00:18,417
I won't allow it!
947
01:00:18,584 --> 01:00:20,417
You don't have the choice!
948
01:00:20,626 --> 01:00:23,376
Unless you kill me,
which isn't your style.
949
01:00:23,542 --> 01:00:25,667
You're such a conformist, Patrick!
950
01:00:25,876 --> 01:00:28,667
- Don't call me Patrick!
- Get used to it, mate!
951
01:00:28,834 --> 01:00:30,417
You're Patrick now!
952
01:00:30,584 --> 01:00:32,542
Make yourself scarce,
953
01:00:32,709 --> 01:00:35,501
or I'll tell the cops
you're pretending to be me
954
01:00:35,667 --> 01:00:37,417
and raping my pals!
955
01:00:39,501 --> 01:00:40,626
Bloody bastard!
956
01:00:41,126 --> 01:00:43,542
You won't enjoy co-ownership long!
957
01:00:43,709 --> 01:00:46,334
I'm going to write Michel Blanc off!
958
01:00:46,501 --> 01:00:49,959
Within 24 hours,
he won't be worth peanuts!
959
01:01:03,417 --> 01:01:06,167
Hello, Mr Blanc.
How may I help you?
960
01:01:07,334 --> 01:01:09,876
Show me your diamond necklaces.
961
01:01:10,042 --> 01:01:12,667
Have a seat,
I'll call the manager.
962
01:01:16,959 --> 01:01:19,251
- What's going on?
- Some codswallop!
963
01:01:19,417 --> 01:01:21,667
They're making a gangster film.
964
01:01:21,834 --> 01:01:24,917
That's all they do nowadays!
Blood and guts!
965
01:01:25,251 --> 01:01:28,542
I preferred him with a moustache.
He's put on weight, too.
966
01:01:28,709 --> 01:01:31,417
It's the drink what does it.
967
01:01:31,626 --> 01:01:33,251
Get down!
968
01:01:34,626 --> 01:01:36,626
Just open the safe, OK?
969
01:01:36,959 --> 01:01:38,126
Bloody well open it!
970
01:01:41,542 --> 01:01:43,209
The special effects are great!
971
01:01:43,417 --> 01:01:46,584
The alarm's gone off,
the police'll be here any minute!
972
01:01:46,751 --> 01:01:48,334
Will you tell them?
973
01:01:48,501 --> 01:01:51,334
If you leave now,
it'll be our little secret.
974
01:01:51,501 --> 01:01:53,584
I'll make sure no one talks!
975
01:01:53,751 --> 01:01:56,751
But this could ruin your career!
976
01:01:56,917 --> 01:02:00,959
If I want to bugger up my career,
that's my business!
977
01:02:01,126 --> 01:02:04,126
It's our business, too!
We love your films!
978
01:02:05,126 --> 01:02:06,751
Especially Father Christmas Stinks.
979
01:02:06,917 --> 01:02:10,251
I wasn't in Father Christmas!
Open the safe!
980
01:02:12,126 --> 01:02:12,834
Open it!
981
01:02:15,751 --> 01:02:19,084
It's quite hard work really.
Who'd have thought!
982
01:02:23,751 --> 01:02:26,501
- Is there a way out downstairs?
- Just offices.
983
01:02:26,667 --> 01:02:28,792
Get downstairs anyway!
984
01:02:28,959 --> 01:02:30,542
Hurry!
985
01:03:08,626 --> 01:03:10,584
I'm waiting for the news crew.
986
01:03:10,751 --> 01:03:12,709
Great! What station?
987
01:03:12,876 --> 01:03:15,792
I can't say till I've had
France 2's offer.
988
01:03:15,959 --> 01:03:17,542
I'm going to make-up.
989
01:03:20,084 --> 01:03:23,209
Michel was filming a tough scene
when he got the news.
990
01:03:23,501 --> 01:03:25,542
Naturally he was very upset.
991
01:03:25,751 --> 01:03:27,542
Carole, where is he now?
992
01:03:27,709 --> 01:03:31,334
In his apartment.
He'll be making a statement soon.
993
01:03:31,751 --> 01:03:33,959
Sorry, I really must dash!
994
01:03:34,876 --> 01:03:36,792
It's turned out well.
995
01:03:36,959 --> 01:03:39,667
It's awful for those innocent folk,
996
01:03:39,876 --> 01:03:41,459
but I must say for us,
997
01:03:41,667 --> 01:03:45,667
his friends, his family,
those who love him, it's a relief.
998
01:03:45,834 --> 01:03:48,001
Didn't anyone notice?
999
01:03:48,167 --> 01:03:48,917
Of course!
1000
01:03:49,334 --> 01:03:53,084
But we put it down to stress.
It's a crazy business!
1001
01:03:53,251 --> 01:03:56,084
I wish he'd chosen dance, like me.
1002
01:03:56,251 --> 01:03:58,709
I knew something was wrong.
1003
01:03:58,876 --> 01:03:59,834
Aren't you clever!
1004
01:04:00,042 --> 01:04:01,334
Tell me, Doctor,
1005
01:04:01,542 --> 01:04:05,209
would you say he was insane,
mentally ill?
1006
01:04:05,417 --> 01:04:08,251
He passed himself off
as Michel Blanc,
1007
01:04:08,417 --> 01:04:10,167
and I noticed right away
1008
01:04:10,334 --> 01:04:13,584
that he had all the symptoms
of Zinse's disease.
1009
01:04:13,792 --> 01:04:15,542
Self-denigration,
1010
01:04:15,751 --> 01:04:17,001
obsessional neurosis,
1011
01:04:17,209 --> 01:04:19,292
penis revulsion.
1012
01:04:20,417 --> 01:04:24,251
I should have realized,
but it's common in this business.
1013
01:04:24,417 --> 01:04:26,376
Is he responsible for his acts?
1014
01:04:34,667 --> 01:04:35,584
Bouquet!
1015
01:04:36,584 --> 01:04:37,709
Carole!
1016
01:04:38,376 --> 01:04:40,751
Give me 5 minutes,
I'll bring him out!
1017
01:04:40,959 --> 01:04:43,042
The courts are congested.
1018
01:04:43,209 --> 01:04:45,709
And it's none of your business!
1019
01:04:45,917 --> 01:04:49,709
If that's your attitude,
I'll do it without your approval!
1020
01:04:51,001 --> 01:04:52,084
Stop her!
1021
01:04:56,626 --> 01:04:57,709
For god's sake!
1022
01:05:07,542 --> 01:05:08,417
What's the matter?
1023
01:05:08,626 --> 01:05:10,792
It's weird seeing her in the flesh.
1024
01:05:17,167 --> 01:05:18,834
Guess who's here!
1025
01:05:20,376 --> 01:05:23,626
I was out shopping
and I heard you were here.
1026
01:05:25,459 --> 01:05:28,959
All of a sudden,
I desperately wanted to see you.
1027
01:05:33,542 --> 01:05:37,084
May I come down?
Are you downstairs?
1028
01:05:44,959 --> 01:05:47,376
I hope I'm not disturbing you.
1029
01:05:48,584 --> 01:05:51,501
We were a bit hard on you yesterday.
1030
01:05:51,667 --> 01:05:54,292
I'd like us to have a little chat.
1031
01:05:56,667 --> 01:05:59,001
Do you know what we should do?
1032
01:05:59,792 --> 01:06:03,042
Give everyone the slip
and take off to the coast.
1033
01:06:08,001 --> 01:06:10,334
We can chat
as we collect seashells.
1034
01:06:11,959 --> 01:06:13,167
How about it, Patrick?
1035
01:06:13,376 --> 01:06:16,292
I'm not Patrick!
Don't treat me like a lunatic.
1036
01:06:16,501 --> 01:06:20,001
I don't think you're mad.
You're just tired.
1037
01:06:20,209 --> 01:06:22,459
I sometimes wonder who I am, too.
1038
01:06:22,626 --> 01:06:24,959
I know who I am!
Michel Blanc!
1039
01:06:25,626 --> 01:06:27,459
Go away!
Don't do anything stupid!
1040
01:06:27,667 --> 01:06:30,626
What if I desperately wanted to?
1041
01:06:31,709 --> 01:06:33,209
For ages!
1042
01:06:33,667 --> 01:06:36,126
Ever since I felt
your hands on my breasts.
1043
01:06:37,417 --> 01:06:39,376
What if that's why I'm here?
1044
01:06:39,584 --> 01:06:43,209
The more I look at you,
the giddier I feel.
1045
01:06:44,709 --> 01:06:46,209
I'm going to swoon!
1046
01:06:47,292 --> 01:06:49,084
Stop your acting!
1047
01:06:49,251 --> 01:06:51,167
I'm not acting!
1048
01:06:51,334 --> 01:06:55,126
How does it make you feel
to see me lying here, vulnerable,
1049
01:06:55,292 --> 01:06:56,709
like defenceless prey?
1050
01:06:56,876 --> 01:06:59,542
I'm Michel.
Please believe me!
1051
01:07:00,084 --> 01:07:02,876
Who cares who I am,
who you are!
1052
01:07:03,042 --> 01:07:07,417
All I can see is two bodies
in close proximity.
1053
01:07:07,584 --> 01:07:09,376
How is this evening?
1054
01:07:10,292 --> 01:07:12,251
Mild as a spring evening.
1055
01:07:12,459 --> 01:07:14,584
I think it's wet and torrid.
1056
01:07:14,792 --> 01:07:17,834
Like a night in Malaysia
before the monsoon.
1057
01:07:18,001 --> 01:07:21,501
I'd like to rip off my clothes!
I'm suffocating!
1058
01:07:21,667 --> 01:07:22,584
Can you feel it?
1059
01:07:22,792 --> 01:07:23,876
Your belt's tight.
1060
01:07:24,084 --> 01:07:27,542
My life is suffocating!
This business is killing me!
1061
01:07:27,709 --> 01:07:31,042
I am sick of being cold
and inaccessible!
1062
01:07:31,417 --> 01:07:33,667
I'm tired of frightening men!
1063
01:07:33,876 --> 01:07:36,834
I dreamt of brutal lambadas,
of big sweaty lads
1064
01:07:37,001 --> 01:07:38,501
and working men's clubs!
1065
01:07:38,709 --> 01:07:41,667
And above all of strong arms
to imprison me,
1066
01:07:41,834 --> 01:07:44,417
to protect me, to shove me!
1067
01:07:44,917 --> 01:07:47,959
But no one shoves me.
Shove me, Patrick!
1068
01:07:48,126 --> 01:07:51,167
Bedisrespectful!
What is it Balasko has?
1069
01:07:51,376 --> 01:07:52,417
I'm not Patrick!
1070
01:07:52,584 --> 01:07:54,626
Take me like a worker!
1071
01:08:03,334 --> 01:08:04,167
No!
1072
01:08:12,167 --> 01:08:14,834
I did that to save your life!
1073
01:08:15,001 --> 01:08:16,876
They were going to shoot you!
1074
01:08:17,042 --> 01:08:19,501
The best thing for blokes
with problems
1075
01:08:19,667 --> 01:08:21,209
is to never meet you!
1076
01:08:21,709 --> 01:08:23,376
I knew he wasn't the real McCoy.
1077
01:08:23,584 --> 01:08:25,751
That's why I set off the alarm.
1078
01:08:27,501 --> 01:08:29,084
Press conference!
1079
01:08:30,584 --> 01:08:32,292
You'll thank me one day!
1080
01:08:33,042 --> 01:08:35,709
They'll take care of you,
give you pills.
1081
01:08:35,917 --> 01:08:37,667
You'll come out in top form!
1082
01:08:37,834 --> 01:08:40,417
If you need me, call me!
1083
01:08:41,542 --> 01:08:43,584
It'll be like a holiday!
1084
01:09:03,792 --> 01:09:05,751
What a nice surprise!
1085
01:09:06,917 --> 01:09:09,459
Look, lads! Our stranger!
1086
01:09:12,584 --> 01:09:14,542
We've really missed you!
1087
01:09:14,709 --> 01:09:18,292
Dédé refused to eat for 3 days
after you left us.
1088
01:09:18,501 --> 01:09:20,917
There's a mistake.
I'm not Michel Blanc!
1089
01:09:22,084 --> 01:09:23,501
I'm much smaller!
1090
01:09:23,709 --> 01:09:26,042
- Much fatter, too!
- Who cares!
1091
01:09:26,209 --> 01:09:27,959
We love you anyway!
1092
01:09:28,167 --> 01:09:30,001
Help!
1093
01:09:45,126 --> 01:09:47,126
Patrick Olivier to the governor!
1094
01:10:12,376 --> 01:10:14,626
- Take a seat.
- No thank you.
1095
01:10:15,376 --> 01:10:18,126
Mr Olivier,
I hope you'll have fond memories
1096
01:10:18,292 --> 01:10:20,751
of your short stay with us.
1097
01:10:21,417 --> 01:10:23,876
I also hope these few months
1098
01:10:24,042 --> 01:10:26,626
have made you see sense.
1099
01:10:31,417 --> 01:10:33,626
Don't forget,
our door is always open.
1100
01:10:47,667 --> 01:10:48,792
First name?
1101
01:10:48,959 --> 01:10:50,084
Patrick.
1102
01:10:50,417 --> 01:10:52,709
What shows have you been in?
1103
01:10:52,876 --> 01:10:55,209
Loads.
I don't remember the names.
1104
01:10:55,376 --> 01:10:58,792
That's bothersome.
You need a good memory in this job.
1105
01:10:59,126 --> 01:11:01,542
I can work as an extra for now.
1106
01:11:01,709 --> 01:11:03,876
I'm afraid it'll be for later.
1107
01:11:04,042 --> 01:11:06,417
I've nothing for you right now.
1108
01:11:06,584 --> 01:11:10,376
Go take a look
at the jobs board anyway.
1109
01:11:15,376 --> 01:11:17,126
I can act in English!
1110
01:11:17,292 --> 01:11:21,292
I'll let Spielberg know
next time he calls me!
1111
01:12:11,126 --> 01:12:12,709
Bloody hell, my leg!
1112
01:13:13,001 --> 01:13:14,251
Next!
1113
01:13:18,459 --> 01:13:19,959
I've come about the job.
1114
01:13:20,584 --> 01:13:23,667
- Who's look-alike are you, then?
- Michel Blanc.
1115
01:13:23,876 --> 01:13:24,959
You reckon?
1116
01:13:25,126 --> 01:13:26,834
With a bit of make-up...
1117
01:13:30,334 --> 01:13:32,167
Don't get your hopes up.
1118
01:13:34,542 --> 01:13:35,667
Goodbye.
1119
01:13:37,042 --> 01:13:38,126
Next!
1120
01:13:42,167 --> 01:13:44,292
I imagine they didn't take you.
1121
01:13:45,334 --> 01:13:48,042
I've been waiting.
I spotted you earlier.
1122
01:13:49,709 --> 01:13:51,917
- You too, you've just...
- Yes!
1123
01:13:52,126 --> 01:13:53,251
Noiret's look-alike?
1124
01:13:53,459 --> 01:13:56,459
Usually I'm Deneuve,
but I've had a nasty cold.
1125
01:13:57,792 --> 01:13:59,792
I'm joking!
1126
01:14:00,001 --> 01:14:01,751
We can joke, can't we?
1127
01:14:01,917 --> 01:14:04,084
May I walk along with you?
1128
01:14:04,292 --> 01:14:05,876
I'm not going anywhere.
1129
01:14:06,084 --> 01:14:09,251
That's perfect.
It's on my way.
1130
01:14:21,251 --> 01:14:22,834
Why are we here?
1131
01:14:23,001 --> 01:14:25,584
Because you and I need to talk.
1132
01:14:27,834 --> 01:14:31,126
You haven't touched a thing.
Eat!
1133
01:14:31,834 --> 01:14:35,709
I feel sorry for you.
You look like death warmed up.
1134
01:14:36,542 --> 01:14:40,834
Nibble a bit of cheese
if you don't fancy the sausage.
1135
01:14:41,001 --> 01:14:44,001
We'll wash it all down with port,
1136
01:14:44,167 --> 01:14:47,417
smoke a cigar
and have a quiet chat.
1137
01:14:47,876 --> 01:14:49,959
I'm not very hungry.
1138
01:14:50,126 --> 01:14:53,751
You are! It's normal
when you get out of prison.
1139
01:14:55,626 --> 01:14:57,084
Why do you say that?
1140
01:14:58,626 --> 01:15:00,917
Because you've just been released.
1141
01:15:01,876 --> 01:15:04,251
The ending never changes.
1142
01:15:05,042 --> 01:15:07,167
It's always the same story.
1143
01:15:08,584 --> 01:15:10,834
Look at me, my dear Michel.
1144
01:15:11,126 --> 01:15:13,084
I'm Philippe Noiret.
1145
01:15:13,834 --> 01:15:16,792
I know your story.
It's identical to mine.
1146
01:15:16,959 --> 01:15:19,626
You get a stand-in
for the tiresome jobs.
1147
01:15:19,792 --> 01:15:21,751
Then one day you go too far.
1148
01:15:22,084 --> 01:15:24,917
And the key no longer fits the lock.
1149
01:15:25,084 --> 01:15:27,459
You've been kicked out.
1150
01:15:30,501 --> 01:15:31,917
I'm not the only one?
1151
01:15:32,126 --> 01:15:34,792
Of course you're not!
1152
01:15:34,959 --> 01:15:38,626
It suited me at first.
My wife was starting to bug me.
1153
01:15:41,042 --> 01:15:43,917
And then... you get used to it.
1154
01:15:44,126 --> 01:15:46,792
I don't want to accept it.
I want to fight.
1155
01:15:46,959 --> 01:15:47,959
Fight?
1156
01:15:48,167 --> 01:15:52,001
Whatever for?
Let me show you something!
1157
01:15:52,167 --> 01:15:53,626
Mind if I row?
1158
01:16:00,501 --> 01:16:03,251
Know what used to be there?
A cinema!
1159
01:16:03,417 --> 01:16:05,084
And there, another cinema.
1160
01:16:05,251 --> 01:16:09,542
The dream palaces of yesteryear
are processed crap outlets.
1161
01:16:09,709 --> 01:16:11,042
There are some left.
1162
01:16:11,209 --> 01:16:14,751
For what they're worth!
Have you seen what's on?
1163
01:16:14,917 --> 01:16:17,042
See many French films?
1164
01:16:24,876 --> 01:16:27,167
That's all you hear nowadays.
1165
01:16:27,334 --> 01:16:29,584
French cinema's got one foot
in the grave!
1166
01:16:30,209 --> 01:16:33,667
We'll all end up as mice
in their bloody parks!
1167
01:16:33,834 --> 01:16:35,584
That's an exaggeration.
1168
01:16:35,792 --> 01:16:37,626
For fuck's sake!
1169
01:16:37,792 --> 01:16:40,667
Don't you ever look at the figures?
1170
01:16:40,834 --> 01:16:44,667
Well, you should,
because they're pretty scary!
1171
01:16:44,834 --> 01:16:48,709
Want me to show you
what French cinema resembles?
1172
01:16:54,667 --> 01:16:57,459
Here it is!
Under there!
1173
01:16:57,959 --> 01:17:00,459
French cinema
is the unknown soldier!
1174
01:17:00,667 --> 01:17:01,584
To our dead!
1175
01:17:09,542 --> 01:17:10,459
Come on, Philippe!
1176
01:17:10,626 --> 01:17:13,167
It's like an awards ceremony!
1177
01:17:13,334 --> 01:17:16,084
I've a few francs.
Let's go for coffee.
1178
01:17:19,209 --> 01:17:21,667
Seen any films
with your look-alike?
1179
01:17:21,834 --> 01:17:24,834
No. Always the same old Noiret!
1180
01:17:25,001 --> 01:17:26,792
- How about you?
- No...
1181
01:17:26,959 --> 01:17:30,001
You should see the latest.
It'd amuse you.
1182
01:17:30,167 --> 01:17:31,292
What's it about?
1183
01:17:31,459 --> 01:17:34,626
A story about look-alikes,
with Carole Bouquet.
1184
01:17:34,959 --> 01:17:35,959
Cut!
1185
01:17:36,709 --> 01:17:40,626
There are two guys in the shot!
Didn't you notice?
1186
01:17:40,834 --> 01:17:43,459
Gentlemen, we're making a film.
Please move.
1187
01:17:44,042 --> 01:17:45,626
Sorry! Excuse us!
1188
01:17:47,334 --> 01:17:49,876
Right... Action!
1189
01:17:50,751 --> 01:17:53,167
Another delightful day in store!
1190
01:17:53,334 --> 01:17:55,084
Let's push on to the park.
1191
01:17:55,251 --> 01:17:57,209
Gentlemen!
1192
01:17:57,917 --> 01:18:00,042
Fancy being in the movies?
1193
01:18:01,084 --> 01:18:04,542
Be in the movies!
We need two waiters.
1194
01:18:04,751 --> 01:18:07,584
- If you're interested...
- No thank you!
1195
01:18:07,751 --> 01:18:10,417
Come on, mate!
Don't let's hang about!
1196
01:18:13,626 --> 01:18:14,959
What are the conditions?
1197
01:18:16,376 --> 01:18:17,584
How much do you want?
1198
01:18:17,792 --> 01:18:20,459
Not less than 2500 a day.
1199
01:18:20,626 --> 01:18:24,126
Then there's our expenses.
We don't live in Paris.
1200
01:18:24,292 --> 01:18:25,709
We work in London.
1201
01:18:25,917 --> 01:18:28,626
And the caravan.
That's important...
1202
01:18:28,834 --> 01:18:30,584
Take them to make-up.
1203
01:18:30,792 --> 01:18:33,126
We'll start when they're ready.
1204
01:18:45,667 --> 01:18:49,084
Take these gentlemen to make-up.
Quick, we're waiting.
1205
01:24:21,042 --> 01:24:22,584
Subtitles: Susannah Rooke
Subtitling: ECLAIR
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