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1
00:00:06,439 --> 00:00:08,031
Blasted matriarch!
2
00:00:08,141 --> 00:00:11,736
She has failed once again to replenish
this frigid box with potations.
3
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,369
I shall give her a piece of my mind!
4
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:17,038
Damn it!
5
00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:20,544
Now look here, you... Oh, my God!
6
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:25,514
Now you shouldn't be frightened, Stewie.
7
00:00:25,725 --> 00:00:28,592
What you saw was actually
a very beautiful thing.
8
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:32,461
Evidently, madam, you and I differ greatly
in our conception of beauty.
9
00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:35,466
What I just witnessed
was ghastlier than a thousand ghouls!
10
00:00:35,568 --> 00:00:39,436
Stewie, mommies and daddies
like to hug each other that way.
11
00:00:39,739 --> 00:00:43,106
In fact, sweetie,
that's sort of how you were created.
12
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,200
That is a vile and odious lie!
13
00:00:45,311 --> 00:00:48,246
How dare you fill my head
with such loathsome propaganda?
14
00:00:48,348 --> 00:00:49,679
Get out, you horrid woman!
15
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:51,910
Okay, honey. I'll go get your teddy bear.
16
00:00:55,255 --> 00:00:57,485
Good Lord.
You saw them together, didn't you?
17
00:00:59,125 --> 00:01:02,094
You know the tub
where you take your little baths?
18
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:03,719
They've done it there, too.
19
00:01:06,299 --> 00:01:09,462
"It seems today that all you see"
20
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:12,260
"is violence in movies and sex on TV"
21
00:01:12,872 --> 00:01:15,898
"But where are those good,
old-fashioned values"
22
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:19,069
"on which we used to rely?"
23
00:01:19,779 --> 00:01:22,373
"Lucky there's a family guy"
24
00:01:22,982 --> 00:01:26,076
"Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell you"
25
00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:27,847
"all the things that make us"
26
00:01:27,954 --> 00:01:29,285
"laugh 'n' cry"
27
00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:33,917
"He's a family guy"
28
00:01:38,064 --> 00:01:41,693
What in the name of our Christian God?
You're out of the semicircle!
29
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:43,928
All Scouts have to sit in the semicircle!
30
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,061
Why?
31
00:01:45,305 --> 00:01:48,638
Why? Saunders, tell him why!
32
00:01:48,908 --> 00:01:50,205
Because it's Rule 142-B!
33
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:51,902
Because it's Rule 142-B!
34
00:01:52,011 --> 00:01:54,377
Good job, Scout.
Now drop and give me 20!
35
00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:55,971
Thank you, sir!
36
00:01:56,749 --> 00:02:00,651
Ladies, this Saturday at 0800
there will be a soapbox derby...
37
00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:03,347
...as a reward for all your obedience.
38
00:02:10,630 --> 00:02:12,894
Mom, Dad, I really like Potsie.
39
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:16,064
Why not, dear? Potsie's a very nice boy.
40
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:19,727
No, Mom. I mean, I really like Potsie.
41
00:02:19,839 --> 00:02:21,807
We heard you the first time.
42
00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,899
You have a homosexual attraction
to Potsie.
43
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:26,001
Anything on that remote lower than mute?
44
00:02:26,112 --> 00:02:28,239
I got a surprise for you, Chris.
45
00:02:28,348 --> 00:02:30,509
It'll have to wait.
This is where the Fonz goes...
46
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,851
Take that, 1950s society! Okay, let's go.
47
00:02:39,392 --> 00:02:43,021
Chris, this is the speed machine
that's gonna win you the soapbox derby.
48
00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:46,826
But, Dad, I was supposed to build it myself.
It's a rule.
49
00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:48,991
Come on. Rules were made to be broken.
50
00:03:01,414 --> 00:03:03,177
Here, let me show you the turbo booster.
51
00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:07,083
Dad, what would you say if I told you
I didn't want to be in the Scouts?
52
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:10,782
I'd say come again?
And then I'd laugh because I said "come."
53
00:03:10,890 --> 00:03:13,882
But thank God that's not the case.
You're a Scout.
54
00:03:13,993 --> 00:03:17,258
And you know what that means?
That means I love you.
55
00:03:19,299 --> 00:03:20,323
Meg?
56
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:23,327
Chris, get out of here!
You're not allowed in my room.
57
00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:25,631
I thought that was just
when you were asleep.
58
00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:27,035
What do you want?
59
00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:31,008
I don't want to be in the Scouts anymore.
I just want to draw.
60
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:36,178
I was kinda hoping you could tell Dad.
But try and open with a joke.
61
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:37,414
Tell him yourself.
62
00:03:37,517 --> 00:03:40,315
I can't.
I don't want to disappoint him again.
63
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:43,355
You remember when he tried to sneak me
into the County Fair?
64
00:03:44,290 --> 00:03:45,655
One, please.
65
00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:51,153
Wait a second! Your ass just sneezed!
And horses can't talk! No!
66
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:53,395
Nothing about this adds up at all!
67
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:58,667
Okay, look. Dad is really easy.
All you have to do is sit on his lap...
68
00:03:58,771 --> 00:04:03,003
...give him a big kiss on the cheek,
look him right in the eye, and he's butter.
69
00:04:05,278 --> 00:04:06,302
What the hell?
70
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:10,314
Dad, the Scouts are no fun. And I...
Wait a minute.
71
00:04:12,785 --> 00:04:17,085
Chris, I am going to stand up,
walk out of this room...
72
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:20,488
...and we will never speak of this again.
73
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,261
Speed, you should not race! Ha-ha!
74
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:30,666
The Mach 5 is not ready! Ha-ha!
75
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,294
But Pops, I must race! Ha-ha!
76
00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:34,965
Very well.
But I am not really your father! Ha-ha!
77
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,609
Okay giris, get ready...
78
00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:50,179
...get set...
79
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:54,624
Please God, I don't ask you for much.
80
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,251
But let my boy win this race.
81
00:04:56,629 --> 00:05:00,292
Do not go until I wave my flag.
I can't stress that enough.
82
00:05:00,566 --> 00:05:03,501
I'll wave it once
just to show you how it looks.
83
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:05,437
Look out!
84
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,733
Griffin is disqualified!
85
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:13,807
Your boy is out of the Scouts!
86
00:05:13,913 --> 00:05:15,881
Who died and made you President Nixon?
87
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,609
Look, it's been two years!
88
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:20,208
Your idiot son hasn't earned
a single merit badge.
89
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:23,050
If you'll excuse me,
I've got to administer some spankings.
90
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:24,953
Come on. Give him a little more time.
91
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:27,993
All right!
You've got three days to earn a badge!
92
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:31,222
Three days! That's tomorrow!
We gotta get going!
93
00:05:33,533 --> 00:05:36,366
Stewie, look what
Mommy made for dessert.
94
00:05:36,669 --> 00:05:41,038
Jell-O. How exotic!
I feel like I'm on the deck of the QE II.
95
00:05:41,307 --> 00:05:42,774
Me and Chris will take ours to go.
96
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,173
We've only got one more night
to get that badge.
97
00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:50,381
Dad, maybe we should just give up.
I mean, we tried everything.
98
00:05:50,616 --> 00:05:52,447
We almost got that one for insect study.
99
00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:55,752
Look, Chris. It's a whole family of WASPs.
100
00:05:57,824 --> 00:06:00,224
My, Margaret. What a sub-par ham.
101
00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:03,122
Perhaps I can't bake a ham.
102
00:06:03,229 --> 00:06:07,325
But what I can cook up
is a little grace and civility at the table.
103
00:06:08,668 --> 00:06:11,159
Patty, did you know that your mother
is a whore?
104
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:15,305
I think it's great that you and Chris've been
spending so much time together.
105
00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:18,275
But he's the one
who should be earning that badge.
106
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:21,643
Where do you get off telling me
how to raise my son?
107
00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:26,474
Right. Okay. We'll try it your way, honey.
108
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,049
There's my Scout!
109
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:33,216
Not anymore, Dad. I'm out.
110
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,758
They made me turn in my uniform
and everything.
111
00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:39,593
What? Those bastards!
Don't you worry. I'll get you back in!
112
00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,462
It's okay, Dad. I'm not really...
113
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:45,162
Don't take no for an answer, Chris.
You're a Griffin.
114
00:06:45,438 --> 00:06:47,998
And a Griffin never knows when to stop.
115
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:49,634
Clear!
116
00:06:50,443 --> 00:06:51,410
Clear!
117
00:06:52,979 --> 00:06:54,412
You saved my life, Doctor!
118
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:55,640
Clear!
119
00:06:56,649 --> 00:06:59,345
I'm calling that troop leader.
We're going over his head.
120
00:06:59,452 --> 00:07:01,477
Straight to the Scout head office
in New York.
121
00:07:01,587 --> 00:07:05,114
Pack your bags, you guys!
The Griffins are hitting the Big Apple!
122
00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:07,715
Ha-ha! Did you hear?
The Griffins are going to New York!
123
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,522
This does not affect us at all. Ha-ha!
124
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:15,726
I can't believe we're going to New York.
125
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:17,632
Dad, you don't really have to do this.
126
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:21,571
Yes, I do. No boy of mine is gonna get
booted out of the Scouts.
127
00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:24,739
What the hell do you think you're doing?
128
00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:27,142
Strapping you in, honey,
so you don't get hurt.
129
00:07:27,580 --> 00:07:29,172
So I don't get hurt.
130
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:32,012
That's the best you can do,
you dull-witted termagant?
131
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,109
I brought your Raffi tape.
132
00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:37,621
Play Wheels on the Bus
and get the hell out of my sight.
133
00:07:37,723 --> 00:07:38,951
Where's Brian?
134
00:07:39,058 --> 00:07:40,116
Aren't you coming?
135
00:07:40,226 --> 00:07:41,818
No, thanks. I've been to New York.
136
00:07:41,928 --> 00:07:44,158
It's like Prague sans the whimsy.
137
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:46,390
Will you be okay by yourself?
138
00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:48,364
I think I'll manage.
139
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,769
All right, you guys. We're off!
140
00:07:50,870 --> 00:07:53,930
Those Scouts are never gonna know
what hit them.
141
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,564
And neither will that guy.
142
00:08:00,746 --> 00:08:02,475
Okay. I'm thinking of a movie.
143
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:04,709
- Is it an action movie?
- No.
144
00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:06,717
- Is it a musical?
- No.
145
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:09,481
- Is it a good movie?
- It has its moments.
146
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:10,817
- Cool Runnings.
- Right!
147
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:18,955
After years of study, I've discovered
the secret to longer life in canines.
148
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:20,498
And that secret is...
149
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:24,161
We interrupt this program
for some episodes of One Day at a Time.
150
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,967
Damn it, Julie. I'm a single mother
doing the best damn job she knows how!
151
00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,268
And damn it, Schneider!
152
00:08:29,375 --> 00:08:31,605
I asked you to fix
that damn sink two days ago!
153
00:08:31,711 --> 00:08:33,406
I'll fix your sink, Miss Romano.
154
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,743
And by that I mean I'll have sex with you.
155
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:38,214
And by that, I mean I'll fix your sink.
156
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:41,115
And by "sink," I mean
your reproductive organ.
157
00:08:42,588 --> 00:08:45,751
And by "reproductive organ,"
I mean the thing between your knees.
158
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:48,258
And by "the thing between your knees," I...
159
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,488
I guess that one's kind of self-explanatory.
160
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:55,523
Peter, we're lost.
161
00:08:55,635 --> 00:08:57,830
Would you please ask for directions?
162
00:08:57,937 --> 00:08:59,962
We are not lost. And even if we were...
163
00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:02,131
...I can't ask a human being for directions.
164
00:09:02,241 --> 00:09:04,607
- Why not?
- Because I'm a man.
165
00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:06,905
Haven't you ever seen
a stand-up comedian, Lois?
166
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:09,174
Dad, maybe we should go home.
167
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:11,908
No way.
We came to get you back into the Scouts.
168
00:09:12,018 --> 00:09:13,747
And that's exactly what we're gonna do.
169
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,718
- What was that?
- Nothing.
170
00:09:17,990 --> 00:09:19,787
Peter, the car is making funny noises.
171
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:22,759
You're wrong again, Lois.
That wasn't the car.
172
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:25,558
Although you were right
about that prune smoothie.
173
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:26,723
Are you okay?
174
00:09:26,832 --> 00:09:29,494
I'll be fine.
I just have to concentrate on driving.
175
00:09:43,983 --> 00:09:45,917
Come on! That one's not even real!
176
00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:48,747
God! We gotta stop!
177
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:54,957
Wow! An Indian casino!
178
00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:57,454
Yeah. I gotta find me the stink lodge!
179
00:10:13,746 --> 00:10:16,146
Come on, you guys. No time to lose!
180
00:10:16,415 --> 00:10:17,609
Hold it.
181
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,247
Hold it!
182
00:10:19,719 --> 00:10:20,777
Hold it!
183
00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:25,720
Welcome
to our casino, palefaces.
184
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:29,283
Feel free to visit gift shop in lobby
and restaurant on second floor.
185
00:10:29,395 --> 00:10:30,692
Do you have reservations?
186
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:32,491
Only about the veal!
187
00:10:35,067 --> 00:10:37,592
This is gonna be a photo finish, Lois!
188
00:10:39,939 --> 00:10:43,431
I'm gonna ask someone for directions.
Meg, watch Stewie.
189
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:48,046
Excuse me.
Can you tell me how to get to New York?
190
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,671
Sure. But what's your hurry, ma'am?
191
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:51,147
Don't you want to play first?
192
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:55,710
Thank you.
But I really don't approve of gambling.
193
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,516
Technically it's not really gambling.
194
00:10:57,623 --> 00:10:59,750
We're trying to rebuild
our shattered culture...
195
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:02,089
...after you raped our land
and defiled our women.
196
00:11:02,194 --> 00:11:05,220
As long as you're not using it for firewater.
197
00:11:09,068 --> 00:11:10,968
Look, a bow tie.
198
00:11:13,873 --> 00:11:15,500
I'm David Bowie.
199
00:11:16,809 --> 00:11:18,470
Bo Derek!
200
00:11:20,279 --> 00:11:23,305
Very funny!
Now tell the one that doesn't suck!
201
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:29,014
Thank you. Yes.
And what's the deal with airline food?
202
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:34,151
Thanks, "Watches You Pee."
203
00:11:35,628 --> 00:11:36,595
Where's your mother?
204
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,027
Over there.
205
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,599
I didn't know you knew how to play poker.
206
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,100
- Yeah.
- How you doing?
207
00:11:43,335 --> 00:11:45,701
- Yeah.
- That's good, honey. Let's go.
208
00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:46,863
Yeah.
209
00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:54,475
It's funny. I never knew video poker
could be so much fun.
210
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:57,140
You win a few hands
and all those lights go off.
211
00:11:57,249 --> 00:11:59,615
And you just feel so good inside.
212
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,017
Yeah, gambling is great.
No question about it.
213
00:12:02,121 --> 00:12:04,749
It felt so good. I kept putting my money in.
214
00:12:04,857 --> 00:12:09,191
And before I knew it, I'd lost $40.
I'm so embarrassed.
215
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:11,422
That's okay.
As long as you learned your lesson.
216
00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:15,296
I did, Peter, for a couple of minutes.
Then...
217
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:18,163
This is so silly. I started playing again.
218
00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:19,601
I could swear I parked here.
219
00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:23,197
Yeah, you did.
But here's the really silly thing, Peter.
220
00:12:23,442 --> 00:12:25,137
I sort of bet our car.
221
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:29,176
I won't panic.
I need to go back in the casino...
222
00:12:29,281 --> 00:12:32,944
...and find a high roller who'll pay
$1 million to sleep with my wife.
223
00:12:33,052 --> 00:12:34,917
What? That's ridiculous!
224
00:12:35,020 --> 00:12:38,046
These people took $24
for the island of Manhattan.
225
00:12:38,190 --> 00:12:40,852
They have no idea what things are worth!
226
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:45,890
Nice going, Mom.
227
00:12:46,031 --> 00:12:49,762
I finally get my driver's license
and you lose the car to a poker machine.
228
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,166
How ironic.
229
00:12:51,303 --> 00:12:54,568
Don't talk about your mother that way.
She is not an iron.
230
00:12:54,673 --> 00:12:56,732
We gotta figure out a way
to get to New York...
231
00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:58,503
...and get Chris back into the Scouts.
232
00:12:58,611 --> 00:12:59,839
But Dad...
233
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:03,210
I got it.
I'll just get Brian to wire us some money.
234
00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:10,883
Damn it, Julie!
I am not shacking up with my boyfriend.
235
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,254
I am just going away for the weekend.
236
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:15,725
Yeah. All the away.
237
00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:21,091
Damn, Schneider! What won't you say?
238
00:13:22,401 --> 00:13:25,063
No answer at the house.
You didn't bet that, too, did you?
239
00:13:25,171 --> 00:13:28,299
I'm sorry, Peter. I feel so foolish.
240
00:13:28,407 --> 00:13:30,671
It just seemed like such a good cause.
241
00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:34,274
Everyone in the tribe gets a share
in the casino's profits.
242
00:13:34,380 --> 00:13:36,245
- What did you just say?
- "I'm sorry."
243
00:13:36,348 --> 00:13:37,542
- After that.
- "I feel foolish."
244
00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:38,878
- After that.
- "Casino's profits."
245
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,349
- Before that.
- "Everyone in the tribe."
246
00:13:40,452 --> 00:13:43,250
- The whole thing.
- "Everyone in the tribe shares the profit?"
247
00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:44,322
That's it! Let's go!
248
00:13:45,691 --> 00:13:47,852
I'm sorry to hear about your misfortune.
249
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,121
But we're not allowed
to return gambling losses.
250
00:13:50,229 --> 00:13:55,189
I think you can make an exception
in our case, Lenny. See, I'm an Indian, too.
251
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:56,268
Excuse me?
252
00:13:56,368 --> 00:13:58,029
You heard me. I'm a member of your tribe.
253
00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:00,731
And that entitles me to a share
of your wampum, kemosabe.
254
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:05,004
Whoa. Wait a second. Not so fast.
Tell me of your history, of your past.
255
00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:07,704
I come from a long line of you people.
256
00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:11,607
My great-grandfather's name
was Jeep Grand Cherokee.
257
00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:16,914
I mean, Chief Grand Cherokee.
He was a rainmaker.
258
00:14:20,626 --> 00:14:22,992
"I'm so happy doing the neutron dance"
259
00:14:23,896 --> 00:14:25,955
"I'm just burning doing the neutron dance"
260
00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:28,659
And he also killed a bunch of Krauts
at Wounded Knee.
261
00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:31,327
So are you gonna
give me back my car, or what?
262
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:34,497
I have to confer with the council
of the elders. You wait here.
263
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:37,474
Are you nuts, Peter?
You'll never get away with this.
264
00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:39,339
Why not? I've fooled people before.
265
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:41,606
You remember that time
I pretended to be gay?
266
00:14:45,184 --> 00:14:47,709
There is no way
they're gonna believe you're an Indian.
267
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:49,080
He's an Indian.
268
00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:49,950
How do you know?
269
00:14:50,055 --> 00:14:52,819
- I can tell.
- You think everyone's an Indian.
270
00:14:52,925 --> 00:14:55,018
He could just be another moocher.
271
00:14:55,127 --> 00:14:56,788
Maybe we can put him through a test.
272
00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:00,161
Like a really impossible stunt
to prove he's the real deal.
273
00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,427
Way to think outside the box, Frank.
274
00:15:04,036 --> 00:15:08,598
To prove you are truly a member
of our tribe, you must go on a visi�n quest.
275
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:12,042
Do you know what a visi�n quest is?
276
00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:16,945
Of course I do. I'm an Indian.
But why don't you explain it to my wife?
277
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:18,812
She's a little slow in the head.
278
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,944
A visi�n quest is a sacred spiritual journey.
279
00:15:22,221 --> 00:15:25,213
Your husband must go out
in the wilderness without food or water.
280
00:15:25,324 --> 00:15:27,724
- Or shoes.
- Yeah. Or shoes.
281
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:30,657
He must remain there
until he can communicate with nature.
282
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,391
He must hear the wisdom
of the rocks and trees.
283
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:36,935
And then his guiding spirit
must appear to him...
284
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:39,027
...and reveal a great personal truth.
285
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:41,367
And it's gotta be a real visi�n.
286
00:15:41,507 --> 00:15:43,566
We're Indians.
We're gonna know if he's lying.
287
00:15:50,549 --> 00:15:51,516
Sucker.
288
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:54,852
Peter, please don't do this.
We can buy another car.
289
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,650
I'll give extra piano lessons on Sundays.
290
00:15:57,856 --> 00:16:00,416
Come on.
All I gotta do is have a spiritual visi�n.
291
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,255
I've had one before.
292
00:16:03,262 --> 00:16:06,561
Oh, my God, Brian.
There's a message in my Alpha Bits.
293
00:16:06,665 --> 00:16:08,223
It says "Ooooo."
294
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:09,995
Peter, those are Cheerios.
295
00:16:10,336 --> 00:16:12,270
You must begin your journey now.
296
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:16,933
- Now's your chance to be alone with Dad.
- Are you nuts? I'm not attracted to Dad.
297
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:20,978
- Tell him you don't want to be in Scouts.
- Thanks, Meg.
298
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:22,369
Yipes.
299
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:24,972
Dad, can I come?
300
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:28,417
- How about it, Lenny?
- What the hey? The more the merrier.
301
00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:32,320
Now get the hell out of here, you nut,
and go have yourself a spiritual visi�n.
302
00:16:36,695 --> 00:16:38,322
Water! Thank God!
303
00:16:39,565 --> 00:16:43,023
Dad, I'm hungry. Are we gonna die?
Of course not.
304
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:46,002
This isn't the first time
I found my own food in the wild.
305
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,108
Dumb broad.
306
00:16:57,883 --> 00:17:00,044
They've been gone for over six hours.
307
00:17:00,152 --> 00:17:02,450
How long do these visi�n quests
usually take?
308
00:17:03,188 --> 00:17:04,587
It varies.
309
00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:09,059
It depends on the person's age,
and height, and sign.
310
00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:10,718
You have no idea, do you?
311
00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:12,922
Of course I... No.
312
00:17:13,332 --> 00:17:15,266
Why would you send
my husband and son out...
313
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:18,200
...into the wilderness without
any food or supplies?
314
00:17:18,303 --> 00:17:20,601
Because we really like your car?
315
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:28,409
They're dead, you know.
316
00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:33,183
Must eat. Haven't snacked in hours.
317
00:17:33,419 --> 00:17:35,410
Can't feel my eyes.
318
00:17:35,521 --> 00:17:39,457
Wonder if club-footed midgets
get justice in heaven.
319
00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,287
Hot enough for you?
320
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:42,382
What?
321
00:17:42,494 --> 00:17:44,223
I say, "Hot enough for you?"
322
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:48,322
Yeah. I guess. Oh, my God!
I'm communicating with nature!
323
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:53,835
Tree, if one of you falls and there's
no one around, do you make a noise?
324
00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:55,702
Are you kidding? Scott fell last week.
325
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:59,403
- He hasn't shut up about it since.
- Sure. Stand there and bitch!
326
00:17:59,511 --> 00:18:02,241
But would any of you take the time
to help me?
327
00:18:02,347 --> 00:18:05,282
I'm playing
the worid's smallest violin, Scott.
328
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:07,648
Yo, Griffin!
329
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:10,049
The Fonz!
330
00:18:11,623 --> 00:18:12,783
What are you doing here?
331
00:18:12,891 --> 00:18:15,359
Shouldn't you be in the middle
of a Tuscadero sandwich?
332
00:18:15,461 --> 00:18:17,986
Yeah. But I'm your spiritual guide, see?
333
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,122
I want to lay a little personal truth on you.
334
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:22,427
Now, Mr. C was like a father to me.
335
00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:24,661
And he always listened, you know?
336
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:29,469
And Griffin, right now, your son needs
you to listen to him. Whoa!
337
00:18:29,575 --> 00:18:32,908
Sure. Whatever you say. Fonzie?
338
00:18:33,345 --> 00:18:36,940
There's something I always wanted
to ask you. You were with a lot of giris.
339
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:41,179
- Did you ever get a sexual disease?
- Herpes twice. And the clap.
340
00:18:45,824 --> 00:18:48,349
Dad? Can I talk to you?
341
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,825
Not now, son!
342
00:18:50,329 --> 00:18:51,193
Sure. Go right ahead.
343
00:18:51,228 --> 00:18:52,057
Sure. Go right ahead.
344
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:56,131
I don't want to be a Scout, Dad.
I just don't have fun there.
345
00:18:56,235 --> 00:18:59,500
- I guess you're pretty disappointed in me.
- Yeah!
346
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:03,871
- Dad, this is what I really like to do.
- What? You want to draw?
347
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:07,002
Son, why don't you
just stick a knife in my heart?
348
00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:13,509
- I mean, so you drew this?
- Yeah. I know they suck.
349
00:19:13,619 --> 00:19:16,986
Not all of them.
Some of these look pretty good.
350
00:19:17,089 --> 00:19:18,852
- Really?
- Yeah!
351
00:19:18,957 --> 00:19:21,482
I didn't know anyone in this family
had any talent.
352
00:19:21,593 --> 00:19:24,027
Except for that one thing
your mother does.
353
00:19:24,129 --> 00:19:27,223
- You mean play the piano?
- No. She... Yeah.
354
00:19:28,267 --> 00:19:30,827
I probably don't say this often enough.
355
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:33,336
But I'm really proud of you, Chris.
356
00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:35,571
Thanks, Dad.
357
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:43,373
"And the cat's in the cradle
with the silver spoon"
358
00:19:43,482 --> 00:19:46,178
"little boy blue and the man in the moon"
359
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,717
"When you coming home, Dad?
I don't know when"
360
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:52,517
"But we'll get together then, son
You know we'll have a..."
361
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:53,921
Oh, my God!
362
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,015
Fire!
363
00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:57,788
Let's get out of here!
364
00:19:57,896 --> 00:19:59,363
Run, you stupid bastards!
365
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:05,968
Peter? Chris? Thank God. Are you okay?
366
00:20:06,605 --> 00:20:08,835
Fantastic, Lois! I saw my guiding spirit.
367
00:20:08,941 --> 00:20:11,102
Whoa! Wait a second! You had a visi�n?
368
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,441
It was amazing! I spoke to the trees.
And I saw the Fonz.
369
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:18,004
Really? What's the Fonz like?
I bet he's stuck up.
370
00:20:18,317 --> 00:20:21,684
A little. But thanks to him,
me and Chris have never been closer.
371
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:25,188
I want a spiritual visi�n, too! Man!
372
00:20:25,791 --> 00:20:27,952
I guess we've lost touch
with our noble roots.
373
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:31,223
I mean, sure this casino's brought
our tribe money and prosperity.
374
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:35,096
- But what is the price of our souls?
- $6 million a week.
375
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,725
That sounds right.
Take your crappy car back.
376
00:20:37,836 --> 00:20:39,929
Come on, boys. Let's go hit the buffet.
377
00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:42,734
All right! We did it!
Let's get the hell out of here.
378
00:20:42,841 --> 00:20:44,570
Stupid, greedy savages!
379
00:20:44,943 --> 00:20:47,605
Stewie, that's a terrible thing to say.
380
00:20:47,879 --> 00:20:50,370
This one particular tribe has lost their way.
381
00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:53,007
But most Native Americans are proud...
382
00:20:53,118 --> 00:20:56,918
...hardworking people
who are true to their spiritual heritage.
383
00:20:57,022 --> 00:20:59,286
They are certainly not savages.
384
00:21:00,892 --> 00:21:01,859
That's funny, Mother.
385
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:06,226
Just this morning you said they were lazy
like the dirty Mexicans. Just kidding.
386
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:10,392
The Mexicans are a clean and industrious
people with a rich cultural heritage.
387
00:21:11,703 --> 00:21:14,570
Yeah. Not like those dumb,
gargantuan Swedes.
388
00:21:14,673 --> 00:21:18,165
Actually, the Swedish people run
the gamut from very short to tall.
389
00:21:18,277 --> 00:21:22,043
And did you know that Sweden gave us
the brilliant inventor, Alfred Nobel?
390
00:21:23,682 --> 00:21:27,118
Yeah. Which is more than we ever got
from those freeloading Canadians.
391
00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:31,121
Canada sucks.
31468
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