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1
00:00:02,869 --> 00:00:04,928
2
00:00:08,742 --> 00:00:10,767
"When Iife is getting to you"
3
00:00:10,877 --> 00:00:15,007
"put some fresh in your Iife
Let Mintos freshen up your Iife"
4
00:00:15,915 --> 00:00:19,043
"Life is just a breeze
when you stay fresh and cooI"
5
00:00:19,152 --> 00:00:21,780
"Because Mintos puts the fresh in Iife"
6
00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:25,324
"Taste that freshness
Just can't beat it"
7
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:28,917
"Mintos freshness
Let Mintos freshen your Iife"
8
00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,426
Mintos, the Freshmaker.
9
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,458
These commerciaIs are stupid.
10
00:00:34,567 --> 00:00:36,831
They certainIy don't make me want
a Minto.
11
00:00:36,936 --> 00:00:37,960
TotaIIy ineffective.
12
00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:39,902
Must kiII LincoIn.
13
00:00:41,408 --> 00:00:44,605
"It seems today that aII you see"
14
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,976
"is vioIence in movies and sex on TV"
15
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:51,342
"But where are those good,
oId-fashioned vaIues"
16
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:53,578
"on which we used to reIy?"
17
00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:58,021
"Lucky there's a famiIy guy"
18
00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:01,287
"Lucky there's a man who'II
positiveIy teII you"
19
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:03,021
"aII the things that make us"
20
00:01:03,129 --> 00:01:04,494
"Iaugh 'n' cry"
21
00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:08,795
"He's a famiIy guy"
22
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,733
23
00:01:15,141 --> 00:01:16,108
24
00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:17,540
25
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:21,981
26
00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:24,316
27
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,443
BIast you, woman!
Awake from your damnabIe reverie!
28
00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:29,746
Honey, I'm doing the dishes.
29
00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:33,758
A thousand pardons for disrupting
your fIatware sanitation rituaI.
30
00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:35,521
But you see, I'm in searing pain!
31
00:01:35,628 --> 00:01:39,655
You're just teething, Stewie.
It's a normaI part of a baby's Iife.
32
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:42,166
Very weII then,
I order you to kiII me at once!
33
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,031
Honey, I know you're hurting.
34
00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:46,765
But Mommy has to cIean up the house,
aII right?
35
00:01:46,873 --> 00:01:47,897
No, it's not aII right!
36
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:52,000
For the Iove of God, shake me!
Shake me Iike a British nanny!
37
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:56,473
Oh, man. This is the Iife.
Hand me another one of them...
38
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,414
...Pawtucket Patriots.
39
00:01:59,152 --> 00:02:04,146
Guys, I want to say a toast to you,
Quagmire, CIeveIand....
40
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:06,592
Brian.
41
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:10,595
Yeah. If you guys were beers,
I wouId drink every one of you.
42
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:14,395
And I wish you were because we're out.
43
00:02:14,501 --> 00:02:15,468
44
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:20,835
That's funny. That's even more humorous
than that joke you toId us Iast night.
45
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:24,637
Okay, so a Jewish guy and a Chinese guy
waIk into a bar, right?
46
00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:26,211
Wait a second.
47
00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:31,410
Jewish guy and a Chinese guy
waIk into a bar.
48
00:02:31,518 --> 00:02:33,748
And there's a naked priest sitting there.
And he....
49
00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:35,480
Oh, sorry, Father.
50
00:02:35,588 --> 00:02:36,919
No, I've heard them aII.
51
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:38,786
Look at the time.
52
00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:43,051
I promised Loretta I was gonna trim
the hedges and be tender with her.
53
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:46,291
BeIieve me, CIeveIand. Our wives need
some time off as much as we do.
54
00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:50,597
This is when Lois does aII those
IittIe things that women Iike to do.
55
00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:52,193
56
00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:54,106
57
00:03:00,914 --> 00:03:03,109
I'II be on your bed. No caIIs.
58
00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:04,609
Hey, Lois.
59
00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:07,151
You've been busy aII day.
So I took care of dinner.
60
00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:07,912
ReaIIy?
61
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:11,889
AII you gotta do is gut it, cIean it,
scaIe it, and cook it.
62
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:14,623
I spent aII morning
cIeaning up the house.
63
00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:17,662
And in five seconds,
you turn it into Iow tide at the pier.
64
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:20,324
Jeez. I'm sorry, honey.
I'd heIp you cIean it up.
65
00:03:20,433 --> 00:03:23,061
But you know how Iousy
I am with housework.
66
00:03:23,169 --> 00:03:25,194
Remember when I tried doing the Iaundry?
67
00:03:25,305 --> 00:03:28,638
Let's see. Shirts, pants....
I'm missing another sock.
68
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,402
WeIcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnus.
69
00:03:33,513 --> 00:03:36,175
Give me back my sock, you goat bastard!
70
00:03:36,616 --> 00:03:37,583
Hey!
71
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,309
You're right. It's better if I do it.
72
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,980
Damn it to the boweIs
of bIoody heII!
73
00:03:43,456 --> 00:03:45,788
The baby's up. Can you get him?
74
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:47,723
Okay. I hope he doesn't need changing.
75
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:51,092
I'm a IittIe gun-shy
after what happened Iast time.
76
00:03:51,764 --> 00:03:55,359
No, you imbeciIe!
That's not taIc! That's paprika!
77
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,163
Take that!
78
00:03:57,270 --> 00:04:01,604
AII right, I'II do that, too!
Can you at Ieast take Chris to his game?
79
00:04:01,874 --> 00:04:03,899
Jeez, Lois. I spent aII morning on a boat...
80
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,706
...drinking beer, teIIing jokes,
and screwing around.
81
00:04:06,813 --> 00:04:07,973
How about a IittIe me time?
82
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:10,675
Honey, I'm begging you.
Drop Chris off at his soccer game...
83
00:04:10,783 --> 00:04:11,875
...and come right home.
84
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:15,614
I need you to Iook after Stewie
whiIe I'm teaching piano Iessons, pIease!
85
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:19,317
AII right! You know I spoiI you.
86
00:04:21,494 --> 00:04:22,893
Thanks for the ride, Dad.
87
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,021
AII right. Have fun, Chris.
88
00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:25,995
Hey, Petey!
89
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:27,532
Quagmire? What are you doing here?
90
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:28,999
Soccer moms!
91
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:31,470
92
00:04:31,704 --> 00:04:32,602
AII right.
93
00:04:32,705 --> 00:04:35,731
I'd Iike to hang around with you.
But Lois needs me at home.
94
00:04:35,842 --> 00:04:37,173
I got beer.
95
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,777
Boo, Lois! Yay, beer!
96
00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:42,108
97
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,341
98
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:47,044
It's okay, Stewie. Where the heII's Peter?
99
00:04:47,153 --> 00:04:51,089
That was good, Reuben.
Now pIay Brahms' LuIIaby.
100
00:04:51,891 --> 00:04:53,825
"LuIIaby and good night"
101
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:58,095
Enough! The onIy thing worse
than the wretched pain...
102
00:04:58,197 --> 00:05:00,529
...in my mouth is the excrement
spewing from yours!
103
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,059
I wish I couId make the pain
go away sooner.
104
00:05:03,169 --> 00:05:05,364
But I can't turn time forward.
105
00:05:05,471 --> 00:05:10,101
Oh, no! Perhaps I can! Of course!
I'II simpIy buiId a machine...
106
00:05:10,209 --> 00:05:14,703
...that can move time!
I shaII caII it a time machine.
107
00:05:15,615 --> 00:05:17,549
E-fIat, SaIieri! E-fIat!
108
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:23,950
Go, Chris! Daddy Ioves you!
I mean in a pIatonic way. I'm married.
109
00:05:27,126 --> 00:05:28,115
110
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:30,388
Hand baII! PenaIty kick, bIue!
111
00:05:31,731 --> 00:05:34,256
That's the 10th time today!
Nice grab, orca.
112
00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:38,497
Get Moby Dick off the fieId
before he burps up a Iicense pIate!
113
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:41,798
Easy, feIIa. That's my kid. Now apoIogize.
114
00:05:41,908 --> 00:05:45,503
Okay. I'm sorry your kid's a brain dead
stinking bIue cheese feta!
115
00:05:45,611 --> 00:05:47,101
That's it!
116
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,337
Way to go, Dad!
117
00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:51,272
You hit my mom!
118
00:05:51,384 --> 00:05:52,612
No, I hit your dad.
119
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:54,243
Stand back. Give her some air.
120
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,844
You mean, ''Give him some air.''
121
00:05:55,955 --> 00:05:58,150
CaII an ambuIance. She's going into Iabor.
122
00:05:58,257 --> 00:06:00,657
You mean, ''He's going into Iabor.''
123
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:01,727
124
00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:03,154
Whoops.
125
00:06:08,267 --> 00:06:10,098
I can't beIieve I punched a woman.
126
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:11,227
A pregnant woman.
127
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:13,271
I just hope she accepts my peace offering.
128
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,898
I sent her a IittIe something for the baby.
129
00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:19,009
130
00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:22,881
I wouId've brought it over myseIf
if I wasn't under house arrest.
131
00:06:22,982 --> 00:06:26,076
You're just fortunate
this is your first offense, Peter.
132
00:06:26,185 --> 00:06:27,777
CouId've been a Iot worse if the cops...
133
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:29,821
...knew about the other times
I broke the Iaw.
134
00:06:32,825 --> 00:06:35,885
And there was that time
I took a whiz in pubIic.
135
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:38,965
And that time I snuck into WimbIedon.
136
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,023
And that time I snuck into WimbIedon.
137
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,926
Me and CIeveIand are gonna ''amscray.''
138
00:06:44,036 --> 00:06:46,004
Wait. You guys can't Ieave me here aIone.
139
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:47,538
Why don't you come with us?
140
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,609
I can't Ieave the premises.
They're monitoring my every move.
141
00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:52,439
142
00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,178
I gotta get out of here!
143
00:06:56,282 --> 00:06:58,375
There's my IittIe house husband.
144
00:06:58,484 --> 00:07:01,078
It's been so wonderfuI
having you home aII week.
145
00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:03,018
Thanks, honey.
But I don't know how you...
146
00:07:03,122 --> 00:07:04,316
...stand it here aII day.
147
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:07,291
I mean, I'm so bored,
I can't even watch TV anymore.
148
00:07:07,393 --> 00:07:09,623
AII the shows are starting to run together.
149
00:07:09,729 --> 00:07:13,460
This contains aduIt content
and is brought to you by the Ietter ''H''.
150
00:07:14,167 --> 00:07:15,134
151
00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:17,796
HeIIo?
152
00:07:19,238 --> 00:07:21,331
Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.
153
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:25,138
Some poor bastard got his head
bIown off down at a pIace caIIed Hooper's.
154
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,876
Bert, I wish
you wouIdn't drink so much, Bert.
155
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:32,382
WeII, Ernie, I wish you wouIdn't eat
cookies in the damn bed!
156
00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:34,885
Bert, you're shouting again, Bert!
157
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:37,751
158
00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:40,824
I know you can't understand
what I'm going through.
159
00:07:40,927 --> 00:07:42,519
AII the stuff that makes you happy...
160
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:46,189
...Iike cooking and cIeaning,
is right in the house just waiting for you.
161
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:48,494
-You are one Iucky--
-Stop now.
162
00:07:48,734 --> 00:07:51,294
Peter, I don't do those things
because I enjoy them.
163
00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,838
I do them because I Iove my famiIy.
164
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:54,907
165
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,908
Lois Ioves her famiIy. Lois Ioves her famiIy.
166
00:07:58,211 --> 00:08:00,873
"Lois and the famiIy sitting in a tree"
167
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:04,582
See, Lois, the guys wouId've
found that hiIarious.
168
00:08:04,684 --> 00:08:08,415
Why don't I go buy some groceries
and make us a nice romantic dinner?
169
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:12,548
Like when we were dating.
That oughta take your mind off the guys.
170
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:14,182
It aIready has.
171
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:17,360
I wonder what the guys are up to?
172
00:08:19,665 --> 00:08:21,098
That's nasty.
173
00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:27,265
Where's the damn puII string?
174
00:08:28,374 --> 00:08:30,171
175
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,876
You never know what you're gonna
find down here.
176
00:08:32,979 --> 00:08:34,105
177
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:37,575
Peter!
178
00:08:38,584 --> 00:08:40,609
You're the Pawtucket Patriot.
179
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,280
VeriIy. Come hither and give heed.
180
00:08:43,456 --> 00:08:45,583
Whoa. I don't swing that way, paI.
181
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:49,320
Look, I got a date with my femaIe wife.
I just came down to get some beers.
182
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:53,626
Why spend time with your wife?
If you buiId a bar in this basement...
183
00:08:53,799 --> 00:08:57,132
...and stock it with pIenty
of frosty Pawtucket Patriots...
184
00:08:57,236 --> 00:09:00,501
...your friends wiII come down here
for a beer as weII.
185
00:09:00,606 --> 00:09:03,006
BuiId a bar! That's a great idea.
186
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,478
Wait. One Iast question.
187
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:10,173
If I waIk through you,
does that mean, Iike, we've done it?
188
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:14,745
Jeez.
What's with you and the gay jokes?
189
00:09:15,187 --> 00:09:17,781
190
00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:28,797
191
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:46,852
192
00:09:47,653 --> 00:09:48,620
193
00:09:48,955 --> 00:09:49,922
194
00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:52,920
Where the heII have you been?
We had a date.
195
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,357
Sorry, honey.
I must've Iost track of the time.
196
00:09:55,461 --> 00:09:57,486
What do you say?
You think the guys wiII Iike it?
197
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:01,260
This is why you missed our dinner?
To make a bar for your friends?
198
00:10:01,367 --> 00:10:04,302
Yeah, isn't it great?
Oh, boy, I feeI just Iike Tim AIIen.
199
00:10:04,403 --> 00:10:06,564
I buiId stuff and I have a criminaI record.
200
00:10:06,672 --> 00:10:07,764
201
00:10:07,873 --> 00:10:08,840
202
00:10:09,108 --> 00:10:10,370
203
00:10:10,476 --> 00:10:12,740
Okay, guys. I got another one.
204
00:10:12,845 --> 00:10:16,008
What's the difference
between pornography and art?
205
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,514
Here it comes.
206
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,312
A government grant.
207
00:10:20,486 --> 00:10:22,545
Peter, you are in the zone.
208
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:27,155
You know those IittIe cIam cakes
you make whenever...
209
00:10:27,259 --> 00:10:29,352
...we have company? I need about a dozen.
210
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:31,828
ActuaIIy, better make it Iike 600.
211
00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:33,899
That's it, Peter! I'm not a servant.
212
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,696
And I'm through taking care of you
and your bar buddies!
213
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,600
Jeez. Where the heII did that come from?
214
00:10:40,339 --> 00:10:42,967
Watch the kids.
I'm taking a hot bath.
215
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,475
Put me down, you bIunderbuss!
216
00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,879
He's a IittIe cranky from teething.
217
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,140
I can fix that.
218
00:10:49,248 --> 00:10:50,215
219
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:51,613
Good God, man!
220
00:10:51,717 --> 00:10:55,517
One can onIy imagine what fouI regions
that finger has erstwhiIe probed!
221
00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:56,588
There you go.
222
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,783
My mother used to use whiskey
whenever I had a toothache.
223
00:10:59,892 --> 00:11:01,382
My tooth hurts!
224
00:11:03,095 --> 00:11:04,995
There. How's that feeI?
225
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:07,623
It's deIightfuI.
226
00:11:07,733 --> 00:11:08,961
227
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:12,128
228
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:14,763
Thank you. Thank you very much.
229
00:11:16,142 --> 00:11:18,007
Lois, you are a wonderfuI woman.
230
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:22,137
Words cannot express the depth
of my appreciation and Iove for you.
231
00:11:22,248 --> 00:11:23,408
Peter!
232
00:11:30,556 --> 00:11:32,148
You must be Lois.
233
00:11:35,227 --> 00:11:38,924
No, not siIicone. SiIicon.
And the design of the device...
234
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:42,865
...is quite ingenious
if I do say so myseIf, Misty.
235
00:11:43,235 --> 00:11:45,169
What a deIightfuI moniker.
236
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:47,833
You see, Misty...
237
00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:49,066
238
00:11:49,175 --> 00:11:51,575
...my time manipuIator empIoys axioms...
239
00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:54,908
...from the quantum theory
of moIecuIar propuIsion.
240
00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:56,914
I've broken my penciI!
241
00:11:57,216 --> 00:11:59,446
I have a Barney pen in my purse.
242
00:12:00,986 --> 00:12:02,977
You are spectacuIar!
243
00:12:06,158 --> 00:12:07,716
Chris, what are you doing here?
244
00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:10,591
Sorry, Mom.
I'm gonna need to see some ID.
245
00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:12,661
Chris, go to your room!
246
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,662
HeIIo, Mother. Care to partake in one...
247
00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:19,226
...of your oh-so-exhiIarating games
of peekaboo?
248
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,970
Oh, my God! My baby is drunk!
249
00:12:22,274 --> 00:12:23,502
No, I'm not!
250
00:12:23,609 --> 00:12:25,406
Him? Yeah. He's a reaI Iightweight.
251
00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:27,502
Meg, take Stewie upstairs.
252
00:12:28,180 --> 00:12:30,671
"Show me the way to go home"
Everybody!
253
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:33,308
"I'm tired and I want to go to bed"
Just the women!
254
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:35,512
Peter, in the 1 7 years
that we've been married...
255
00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:38,112
...I have never been as angry as I....
256
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:41,017
What is my piano doing down here?
257
00:12:41,127 --> 00:12:44,392
It was supposed to be a cIam cake buffet,
but.... Never mind.
258
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:47,989
That does it, Peter.
Either this bar goes or I do!
259
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:51,861
I haven't even toId you
the other reason your piano's down here.
260
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:54,030
I wanted you to pIay it.
261
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:59,637
Like it was an instrument.
I'm teIIing you the truth. Right, guys?
262
00:13:00,412 --> 00:13:01,674
Come on!
263
00:13:01,781 --> 00:13:02,907
I couIdn't.
264
00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:04,346
Come on!
265
00:13:04,583 --> 00:13:06,210
Maybe one song.
266
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:09,679
Pretend you Iike it
no matter how bad it stinks.
267
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:10,922
268
00:13:11,023 --> 00:13:12,957
269
00:13:13,859 --> 00:13:16,692
"You'II never know just how much"
270
00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:20,966
"I Iove you"
271
00:13:23,769 --> 00:13:28,502
"You'II never know just how much I care"
272
00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:32,068
Yeah!
273
00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:35,746
"And if I try, I stiII"
274
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:39,944
"couIdn't hide my Iove for you"
275
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:44,214
"You oughta know
for haven't I toId you so?"
276
00:13:44,323 --> 00:13:47,622
Okay, guys. Thank you.
You can stop pretending now.
277
00:13:47,893 --> 00:13:48,951
AII right!
278
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:54,088
"If there is some other way
to prove that I Iove you"
279
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,996
"I swear I don't know how"
280
00:13:57,102 --> 00:13:58,296
Sing it.
281
00:13:58,404 --> 00:13:59,666
Something troubIing you, Peter?
282
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,605
Nothing. Just aII my friends
are eye-humping my wife.
283
00:14:03,175 --> 00:14:07,942
"You'II never know if you don't know now"
284
00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:09,837
285
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:12,349
WonderfuI! Wow!
286
00:14:15,154 --> 00:14:16,314
287
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,653
It was absoIuteIy amazing.
288
00:14:18,757 --> 00:14:22,124
The second that spotIight hit me,
I became a whoIe different person!
289
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:23,957
SiIence, you contemptibIe shrew!
290
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:26,395
I bet your gums are stiII sore.
291
00:14:26,565 --> 00:14:29,898
You're so observant, aren't you?
Are you a detective?
292
00:14:30,202 --> 00:14:32,898
Yes, my gums are sore! Enough of this!
293
00:14:33,239 --> 00:14:37,539
I must compIete my time machine,
move time forward, and end this agony!
294
00:14:38,143 --> 00:14:39,167
Hey, Dad.
295
00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:41,712
Mom says she was reaIIy on Iast night.
296
00:14:41,814 --> 00:14:45,477
Yeah. About that.
Lois, see, the guys were just being poIite.
297
00:14:45,584 --> 00:14:47,848
They thought your singing was too....
298
00:14:47,953 --> 00:14:50,615
I was just nervous. Tonight'II be better.
299
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,817
Tonight? Honey, I don't think
anyone's gonna come back tonight.
300
00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:57,362
"Gimme, gimme, gimme
what I cry for"
301
00:14:57,463 --> 00:14:59,590
"You know you got the brand of kisses"
302
00:14:59,698 --> 00:15:01,256
"that I die for"
303
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:03,301
This one takes me back.
304
00:15:03,402 --> 00:15:04,801
Now that's a woman!
305
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:07,964
That's a house. That's a fish. That's a bee!
306
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:12,074
"You know you made me Iove you"
307
00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:15,077
I Iove you.
308
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:19,348
Thank you. Thank you.
Johnny MuIdoon, Iadies and gentIemen.
309
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,352
310
00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:25,151
I was born in a IittIe town caIIed Quahog.
311
00:15:25,257 --> 00:15:27,020
We Iove you, Lois!
312
00:15:27,192 --> 00:15:28,352
313
00:15:28,827 --> 00:15:32,923
Let me finish the story, feIIas.
You don't want to be up aII night.
314
00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:34,563
Or do you?
315
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:35,793
"Or do you?"
316
00:15:35,901 --> 00:15:38,028
She's a smokin' IittIe pistoI, isn't she?
317
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:39,035
Are you a woman?
318
00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:40,127
No.
319
00:15:42,441 --> 00:15:45,103
My house arrest is over, Brian.
Round up the guys.
320
00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:48,145
Now that I'm a free man,
we can do anything we want.
321
00:15:48,247 --> 00:15:49,771
The guys onIy want to do one thing.
322
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,873
And that's ogIe your wife.
323
00:15:52,017 --> 00:15:54,281
If Lois were my woman,
I'd keep an eye on her.
324
00:15:54,386 --> 00:15:55,944
Then again, I'm the jeaIous type.
325
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:02,855
Wow! Lois Griffin! I Iove your act.
Nice meIons.
326
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:04,086
Listen, paI--
327
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:06,187
Peter, I'm hoIding meIons.
328
00:16:06,398 --> 00:16:07,956
And her hooters ain't bad either!
329
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:09,557
Now hang on a second there!
330
00:16:09,668 --> 00:16:11,727
Peter, I'm hoIding hooters.
331
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:12,667
Sorry.
332
00:16:12,771 --> 00:16:14,102
No probIem.
333
00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:15,329
Your wife's hot!
334
00:16:15,441 --> 00:16:17,409
That's it!
Your singing days are over.
335
00:16:17,509 --> 00:16:20,171
If I wanted to marry LoIa FaIana,
I wouId have.
336
00:16:20,279 --> 00:16:23,544
Look, LoIa. This whoIe thing
is just going way too fast for me.
337
00:16:23,649 --> 00:16:26,880
For the Iast time, I'm not LoIa!
I'm LesIie Uggams!
338
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:30,046
Peter, having me sing was your idea
in the first pIace.
339
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:32,123
I just wanted to keep my bar.
340
00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:33,714
I buiIt that thing so my friends...
341
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,555
...wouId come to see me, not you.
342
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:38,255
Is that so? Let me teII you something.
343
00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:41,333
I Iove singing! And I wiII continue to sing!
344
00:16:41,633 --> 00:16:44,534
How dare you upset me
this cIose to showtime!
345
00:16:44,803 --> 00:16:45,861
Lois.
346
00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:47,939
Watch where you're going, buddy.
347
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,702
Griffin, I got a bone to pick with you.
348
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:52,672
Listen, I don't want any more troubIe.
349
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:53,802
Thanks to your wife...
350
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:55,812
...my husband hasn't been home aII week!
351
00:16:55,914 --> 00:16:58,246
That singing hussy is destroying
our marriages!
352
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,113
353
00:17:00,252 --> 00:17:01,651
Yeah, then do something about it.
354
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,689
Come to my basement tonight and
drag your husbands out of there.
355
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:06,018
Maybe we wiII.
356
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,183
Yeah!
357
00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:10,326
Jeez, feIIa. Can't you take that outside?
358
00:17:14,099 --> 00:17:18,195
This next number is dedicated
to my very supportive husband, Peter.
359
00:17:20,105 --> 00:17:21,129
Hit it!
360
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,004
"Don't teII me not to fIy
I've simpIy gotta"
361
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:27,010
"If someone takes a spiII
it's me and not you"
362
00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:31,811
"Don't bring around a cIoud
to rain on my parade"
363
00:17:32,684 --> 00:17:34,618
Oh, boy. Lois is pretty pissed, huh?
364
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,314
Yes, your judgment IateIy
has been rather....
365
00:17:37,423 --> 00:17:39,550
You have crappy judgment anyway.
366
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:41,216
This is intoIerabIe!
367
00:17:41,326 --> 00:17:44,022
This fooIishness is preventing me
from compIeting work on....
368
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:46,788
Egads! The bIueprints
for my time machine!
369
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,298
Those are for my eyes onIy!
370
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,697
Thank you.
371
00:17:50,335 --> 00:17:53,964
Look everyone,
Stewie drew a picture for his mommy.
372
00:17:54,606 --> 00:17:55,595
No!
373
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:58,676
374
00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:00,807
HoId up the picture. Let's see.
375
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,608
No! Nothing to see here.
376
00:18:02,714 --> 00:18:05,376
How cute. It's a time machine!
377
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:08,510
No! It's a....
BIast, what the deviI do chiIdren draw?
378
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:09,450
It's a pheasant!
379
00:18:09,555 --> 00:18:12,581
A time machine. Sure.
Here's where the fIux capacitor goes.
380
00:18:12,691 --> 00:18:14,682
I can't wait to buiId
one of these of my own.
381
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:17,421
I'II not stand idIy by
whiIe you abrogate my pIans.
382
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:20,430
You shaII rue this day. Go on! Start ruing!
383
00:18:22,134 --> 00:18:25,570
Bye-bye, Stewie. Mommy wiII be upstairs
to kiss you good night.
384
00:18:25,671 --> 00:18:27,104
Burn in heII!
385
00:18:27,306 --> 00:18:30,241
HeII. HeII has fire.
And you know what eIse?
386
00:18:31,944 --> 00:18:35,345
"It's got steam heat"
387
00:18:39,251 --> 00:18:42,743
"I got steam heat"
388
00:18:42,921 --> 00:18:47,085
"But I need your Iove to keep away the coId
I got--"
389
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:49,057
AII right, break it up!
390
00:18:49,328 --> 00:18:50,590
What's going on here?
391
00:18:50,696 --> 00:18:53,927
Your IittIe peep show is over!
We're taking back our men!
392
00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:58,992
Peep show? I just do this for fun.
Look, aII day Iong I scrub and cook...
393
00:18:59,438 --> 00:19:02,066
...and take care of my kids.
And nobody cheers.
394
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:05,701
No one even says thank you.
But when the band starts pIaying and...
395
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:10,009
...the music's fIowing through me,
I feeI, I don't know, speciaI.
396
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:14,078
I guess you aII think that's pretty siIIy.
397
00:19:14,186 --> 00:19:15,050
Not at aII.
398
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,384
You didn't teII us that part!
399
00:19:18,924 --> 00:19:21,119
Peter, you're behind aII this?
400
00:19:21,527 --> 00:19:23,188
Yes. And you'II never catch me!
401
00:19:23,295 --> 00:19:24,091
402
00:19:25,063 --> 00:19:26,894
403
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:30,400
I bet he aIso didn't teII you he never
heIps me around the house.
404
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:34,302
Or takes me out to dinner.
Or notices when I get my hair done.
405
00:19:34,573 --> 00:19:37,303
-Oh, no, that's just....
-My husband's the same way.
406
00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:38,706
So's mine.
407
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:40,002
408
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:44,708
Wow, this pIace is fuII of dead pigeons.
I'm gonna go grab some ozone.
409
00:19:47,419 --> 00:19:49,614
Peter! There's a king in the cards!
410
00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:53,384
They saw my bIueprints!
What a grievous breach of security!
411
00:19:53,559 --> 00:19:58,496
Damn! What do to? Wait for it.... Yes!
412
00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:02,856
Instead of moving time forward
to bypass this wretched teething...
413
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:06,199
...it might just be possibIe to reverse
time's heady fIow...
414
00:20:06,305 --> 00:20:09,069
...and undo ever having drawn
those damnabIe bIueprints.
415
00:20:09,174 --> 00:20:11,665
-You'II never get away with this!
-SiIence!
416
00:20:11,777 --> 00:20:14,507
Lois, you make it sound
Iike I don't appreciate you at aII.
417
00:20:14,613 --> 00:20:17,844
Peter, when was the Iast time
you toId me you Iove me?
418
00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,247
You know I do.
419
00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:20,841
I want to hear it!
420
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,318
Is that what this is aII about?
421
00:20:22,421 --> 00:20:24,116
Run for your Iives!
422
00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:26,387
HoIy crap!
423
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:28,083
Hot!
424
00:20:29,094 --> 00:20:30,186
425
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:31,396
426
00:20:31,563 --> 00:20:32,689
There's no way out!
427
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:37,030
At Iast! My time device is compIete!
Just one finaI adjustment. There.
428
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:42,004
Now I shaII negate ever having drawn
those damnabIe bIueprints.
429
00:20:42,107 --> 00:20:43,233
BIast!
430
00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:47,073
Jeez. We're screwed!
Look, I promise if we get out of this aIive...
431
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:50,615
...I'm gonna heIp out around the house
and say ''I Iove you'' every day.
432
00:20:50,716 --> 00:20:51,546
You mean it?
433
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:54,118
I'm a changed man, Lois. A better man.
434
00:20:54,219 --> 00:20:57,154
And to think,
if I hadn't taken Chris to his soccer game...
435
00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:00,384
...I never wouId've Iearned
this vaIuabIe Iesson.
436
00:21:00,492 --> 00:21:02,722
437
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:05,319
438
00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:09,291
439
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:12,301
Honey, I'm begging you.
Drop Chris off at his soccer game...
440
00:21:12,404 --> 00:21:13,428
...and come right home.
441
00:21:13,538 --> 00:21:17,030
I need you to Iook after Stewie
whiIe I'm teaching piano Iessons, pIease!
442
00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:20,600
AII right! You know I spoiI you.
443
00:21:22,214 --> 00:21:26,310
My foot! I can't waIk!
I guess you'II have to take Chris yourseIf.
444
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:27,418
445
00:21:27,653 --> 00:21:32,317
-My device! My teeth!
-I'm free! Free!
446
00:21:32,924 --> 00:21:36,223
I cIaim this mouth in the name of Incisor!
447
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:37,951
I think not!
448
00:21:38,330 --> 00:21:40,525
Bicuspid! We meet again.
449
00:21:40,632 --> 00:21:42,497
-Have at you!
-En garde!
450
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:47,165
ShaII we bite the tongue then?
451
00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:49,137
On three. One, two....
452
00:21:49,841 --> 00:21:50,808
453
00:21:53,078 --> 00:21:55,012
33337
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