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1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:05,461
LOIS:
"It seems today that aII you see"
2
00:00:05,572 --> 00:00:09,030
"is vioIence in movies and sex on TV"
3
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:12,600
"But where are those good,
oId-fashioned vaIues"
4
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:15,806
"on which we used to reIy?"
5
00:00:15,915 --> 00:00:18,713
"Lucky there's a famiIy guy"
6
00:00:19,185 --> 00:00:22,484
"Lucky there's a man who'II
positiveIy teII you"
7
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:24,216
"aII the things that make us"
8
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:25,723
"Iaugh 'n' cry"
9
00:00:25,825 --> 00:00:30,785
"He's a famiIy guy"
10
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:33,531
11
00:00:35,168 --> 00:00:37,864
Everything's aII set
for Stewie's birthday party.
12
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:40,269
I can't beIieve he's aImost a year oId.
13
00:00:40,373 --> 00:00:42,534
Yeah. I'II never forget the day he was born.
14
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,870
One more push, Lois.
15
00:00:45,779 --> 00:00:48,680
This is a miracIe, Mr. Griffin.
WouId you Iike to see?
16
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:51,774
Yeah, I've never actuaIIy seen
a baby being.... Oh, God!
17
00:00:52,585 --> 00:00:54,553
CongratuIations. It's a boy.
18
00:00:54,654 --> 00:00:57,020
Wait a minute.
I don't think we're through.
19
00:00:57,123 --> 00:00:58,988
Oh, my God! Is it twins?
20
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:01,458
No. It's a map of Europe.
21
00:01:02,328 --> 00:01:03,556
22
00:01:04,130 --> 00:01:06,724
I confirmed everything
with the birthday party pIanner...
23
00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:07,993
...at Cheesie CharIie's.
24
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:10,592
-Why Cheesie CharIie's?
-It's cooI, Dad.
25
00:01:10,703 --> 00:01:14,696
They have this game where you put in
a doIIar and you win four quarters!
26
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:17,276
I win every time! I get to go, right?
27
00:01:17,377 --> 00:01:19,971
Why can't we have
the same kind of party we aIways do?
28
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,571
Peter, this couId be
our Iast first birthday ever.
29
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:26,618
When Meg and Chris turned one,
I had so much to do, I missed everything.
30
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,050
31
00:01:29,823 --> 00:01:30,790
32
00:01:35,328 --> 00:01:38,195
Lois, you won't beIieve this!
Meg just said ''Da-Da! ''
33
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:39,424
Her first words?
34
00:01:39,532 --> 00:01:42,000
Then she stood up by herseIf
and started waIking!
35
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,297
-Her first steps?
-Yeah.
36
00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:46,497
What the heII are you doing
in here anyway?
37
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,197
38
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,641
AII right! Her first drum soIo.
39
00:01:51,744 --> 00:01:53,006
40
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,603
Thanks to Cheesie CharIie...
41
00:01:54,714 --> 00:01:57,205
...I'm not gonna miss a moment
of Stewie's party.
42
00:01:57,317 --> 00:02:01,378
I say, am I to spend the entire day
waIIowing around in my own feces?
43
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:02,750
A IittIe service here!
44
00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:05,825
Hey, Stinky.
Have we got some big pIans for you.
45
00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:08,120
PIans? What the deviI
are you taIking about?
46
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:09,855
It's your birthday, dude.
47
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,158
Saturday's gonna be reaI speciaI, honey.
48
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:15,496
I've hired a professionaI
to make sure everything goes just right.
49
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:18,366
A professionaI? There's treachery afoot!
50
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:23,776
51
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:26,843
Meg, you're home Iate.
52
00:02:26,946 --> 00:02:29,915
I stayed after schooI
to try out for cheerIeading.
53
00:02:31,484 --> 00:02:33,509
Don't keep me in suspense.
How'd you do?
54
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:35,019
I'II give you a hint.
55
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:38,284
I S-U-C-K-E-D! Sucked!
56
00:02:38,391 --> 00:02:39,358
Yay!
57
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,585
I mean, sorry, honey.
58
00:02:41,694 --> 00:02:44,822
God, I hate high schooI.
I don't fit in with anyone.
59
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:46,558
Boy. Do I know that feeIing.
60
00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:48,758
[SuspensefuI, jazzy instrumentaI music]
61
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,340
Okay, man. Okay.
You are reaIIy throwing me off.
62
00:02:55,441 --> 00:02:57,534
It's step-kick, step-twirI. Got it?
63
00:02:57,644 --> 00:03:00,306
I thought we were gonna rumbIe
with those greasy Sharks.
64
00:03:00,413 --> 00:03:03,439
Not without seven years of baIIet
and two of jazz tap, we're not.
65
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:07,213
From the top, peopIe!
Why don't you just hang back and stretch?
66
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,010
I don't get it.
67
00:03:09,122 --> 00:03:11,647
The more I try to make friends,
the more peopIe hate me.
68
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:14,625
Listen. You're a one-of-a-kind girI
with a mind of her own.
69
00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:16,991
-Now, see, that's what peopIe hate.
-ReaIIy?
70
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:20,793
I'm teIIing you, just be the girI
you think everyone eIse wants you to be.
71
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:22,697
Wow, it's so obvious.
72
00:03:23,269 --> 00:03:24,759
Thanks, Daddy.
73
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,398
Hi, Mom. Bye, Mom.
74
00:03:26,506 --> 00:03:29,532
I haven't seen Meg this happy
since that bus broke down...
75
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,075
...in front of our house.
76
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:36,479
Hi. Can we use your phone?
77
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,778
HoIy crap! It's The ChiIdren of the Corn!
78
00:03:41,020 --> 00:03:44,649
-Meg and I had a IittIe father-daughter taIk.
-It seems to have worked.
79
00:03:44,757 --> 00:03:47,692
I wasn't just bIowing smoke
when I bought this T-shirt.
80
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:49,955
WeII, you're the number-one husband, too.
81
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,031
I know. That's why I bought this T-shirt.
82
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:56,691
"Dear Diary...."
83
00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:59,738
"It seems the domestic overseers
are pIotting against me."
84
00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:03,602
"Their pIans somehow reIate to the
anniversary of my escape from the womb."
85
00:04:03,843 --> 00:04:06,869
"I'm stiII haunted by the memories
of how I was incarcerated..."
86
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,607
"...in that amniotic Attica."
87
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:11,009
88
00:04:11,117 --> 00:04:13,642
"As I recaII,
it was every potentiaI man for himseIf."
89
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:18,683
90
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:37,567
"I aIone had reached the target objective,
thanks to the intrepidity..."
91
00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:41,340
"...I deveIoped at testicuIar boot camp.
But it was a trap!"
92
00:04:42,181 --> 00:04:45,582
"I was imprisoned in that uterine guIag
for nine grueIing months. "
93
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:50,286
Day 1 71. I've sprouted another finger,
counting the one from yesterday.
94
00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:51,984
I'm up to 1 1.
95
00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:55,926
"As the months of soIitude passed,
I began to go insane."
96
00:04:56,029 --> 00:04:58,827
"It seemed my prison ceII
was getting smaIIer and smaIIer."
97
00:04:58,931 --> 00:05:01,092
"I was quite sure that soon
I wouId be dead."
98
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,363
"But then, a miracIe!
There was a Iight at the end of the tunneI."
99
00:05:04,470 --> 00:05:08,429
"I rushed to freedom, but suddenIy I was
ambushed by a mysterious man in white! "
100
00:05:08,608 --> 00:05:11,042
The man in white. Of course.
101
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:13,904
He must be the hired professionaI
of whom they spoke.
102
00:05:14,013 --> 00:05:16,675
He faiIed to thwart my escape
into the outside worId.
103
00:05:16,783 --> 00:05:20,617
And now, one year hence,
he's returning to rectify his mistake and...
104
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,347
...put me back in the womb!
105
00:05:23,456 --> 00:05:24,980
106
00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:31,286
Boy, it sure is great being thin and popuIar.
107
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:32,489
Let's throw up.
108
00:05:32,598 --> 00:05:33,860
Sure!
Good idea!
109
00:05:33,966 --> 00:05:35,160
I Iove throwing up.
110
00:05:36,736 --> 00:05:38,704
111
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,306
112
00:05:40,773 --> 00:05:42,331
Hi. I'm Jennifer.
113
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:43,636
I'm Meg.
114
00:05:43,743 --> 00:05:46,541
My God. Your hair is so beautifuI.
I just want to brush it.
115
00:05:46,646 --> 00:05:48,011
ReaIIy?
116
00:05:48,381 --> 00:05:50,008
You want to go throw up?
117
00:05:52,552 --> 00:05:54,076
118
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:57,384
Hey, Dad, Iet's go whack some moIes!
119
00:05:57,490 --> 00:05:59,685
Now, Chris, we're not here for fun.
120
00:06:00,226 --> 00:06:01,625
121
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:04,991
Now your mom is counting on us
to drop off the deposit.
122
00:06:05,765 --> 00:06:09,724
So Iet's just deIiver the check and....
123
00:06:10,837 --> 00:06:12,600
Hong Kong Phooey!
124
00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:20,971
Yeah! Come on! Go, yeah! Eat my dust!
125
00:06:21,314 --> 00:06:24,875
Come on, move it! Oh, man!
Chris, this pIace is great.
126
00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:25,518
PuII over, you bastard!
127
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:26,917
PuII over, you bastard!
128
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,014
Man.
129
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:38,959
Hey, Dad, they even got games
in the bathroom. Look, I won a baIIoon!
130
00:06:39,665 --> 00:06:41,064
Yeah, way to go, Chris.
131
00:06:41,167 --> 00:06:42,464
Where's my watch?
132
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:46,334
AII right. I won a watch.
What's The Dukes of Hazzard?.
133
00:06:46,639 --> 00:06:49,267
That's mine. Come on.
Come on, give that back!
134
00:06:49,375 --> 00:06:50,239
-Give it!
-Come on!
135
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:54,473
FoIks in Hazzard County
hadn't seen a watch fight in a Iong time.
136
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:59,012
Them boys rassIed for a fuII five minutes
before the manager stepped in.
137
00:06:59,118 --> 00:07:00,085
Come on!
138
00:07:00,186 --> 00:07:01,380
Hands off, fatty!
139
00:07:02,388 --> 00:07:04,549
Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to Ieave.
140
00:07:04,657 --> 00:07:05,919
I'm a paying customer.
141
00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:08,687
I got a deposit check
for my kid's party right here.
142
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:11,889
Mr. Griffin. I am terribIy sorry.
143
00:07:11,998 --> 00:07:14,489
We're reaIIy Iooking forward
to Stewie's speciaI day.
144
00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:17,569
Now I don't know,
after the emotionaI trauma I've endured...
145
00:07:17,670 --> 00:07:20,400
...on your premises,
I think I deserve a IittIe discount.
146
00:07:20,506 --> 00:07:22,906
Sir, our prices are set
by the corporate office.
147
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:25,341
Then maybe I'II just take
my business eIsewhere.
148
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,413
Good Iuck fiIIing our spot by this Saturday.
149
00:07:27,513 --> 00:07:29,037
I got cash!
I'II take it!
150
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:30,115
Suit yourseIf.
151
00:07:30,216 --> 00:07:34,175
Wait. I was just bIuffing.
My wife has her heart set on this pIace.
152
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:35,914
[Peter yeIIs after him]
153
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:41,116
Chris, this is a big day for you.
The day you become the man of the house.
154
00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:44,526
Because when we get home,
your mother is going to kiII me.
155
00:07:48,234 --> 00:07:51,795
So the man in white is coming
to put me back in the womb, is he?
156
00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:54,737
If I'm to defeat him,
I shaII require professionaI forces.
157
00:07:56,042 --> 00:07:59,500
Here we are. "Come to Managua,
the Mecca of mercenaries."
158
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:01,204
I must prepare for my journey.
159
00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:05,575
Let's see.
Grenades, mace, baggy fuII of Cheerios....
160
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:13,118
-So, are we aII set at Cheesie CharIie's?
-ActuaIIy, I canceIed the reservation.
161
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,215
What?
162
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:17,922
-How couId you?
-Lois, I got a very good reason.
163
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:19,497
Wait a second.
164
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,624
These are aIways cIassic.
165
00:08:21,734 --> 00:08:25,898
Lois, that Cheesie CharIie's is no good.
See, it happened Iike this.
166
00:08:26,472 --> 00:08:28,064
167
00:08:37,617 --> 00:08:39,244
168
00:08:40,086 --> 00:08:42,816
WeIcome to Cheesie CharIie's. HeiI, HitIer!
169
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:44,651
ActuaIIy, the name's Griffin.
170
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:48,659
I was sent by my smart, beautifuI,
and stiII sexuaIIy appeaIing wife, Lois.
171
00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:51,389
Yes.
We're aII set for your IittIe boy's party.
172
00:08:51,497 --> 00:08:53,965
I understand we're getting
a terrific bargain here.
173
00:08:54,066 --> 00:08:56,466
AbsoIuteIy.
The chiIdren get to pIay our games.
174
00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:58,730
And if they win enough tickets,
they get a prize.
175
00:08:58,905 --> 00:09:01,066
I have 13 tickets now. Is that enough?
176
00:09:01,173 --> 00:09:04,142
Sorry, Timmy.
But you need 15 tickets to Iive.
177
00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:05,444
178
00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:08,706
They aIso get food, cake,
and your choice of ice-cream fIavors...
179
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:10,805
...vaniIIa, strawberry, chocoIate, or peopIe.
180
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:13,044
-What was that?
-ChocoIate. Give me the check.
181
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:15,780
HoId it! Lois may have
had her heart set on this pIace...
182
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:18,482
...but I Iove my famiIy too much
to risk their Iives.
183
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:21,389
-Come on, Chris. We're Ieaving.
-No, you're not!
184
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:28,595
PIease don't make me angry, paI.
You wouIdn't Iike me when I'm angry.
185
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:30,692
186
00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:34,296
AII right, Peter. That's enough!
187
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:37,774
Bravo, Peter.
You are the SpaIding Gray of crap.
188
00:09:38,044 --> 00:09:41,411
Do you know how hard it was
to get a reservation at Cheesie CharIie's?
189
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:43,914
I had to book it the day of my uItrasound.
190
00:09:44,016 --> 00:09:46,576
We'II never find another pIace in time!
191
00:09:47,286 --> 00:09:49,880
For once, it was aII gonna be so perfect!
192
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:53,823
Come on, Lois. It'II stiII be perfect.
We'II give him the best birthday ever...
193
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,451
...right here in the safety and comfort
of our own home.
194
00:09:56,562 --> 00:09:59,895
-Peter, we've been over this.
-Honey, you won't have to Iift a finger.
195
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:03,457
I got us a cIown, a cake, a petting zoo,
a big-ass pi�ata, the works!
196
00:10:03,569 --> 00:10:05,594
-You got aII those things?
-You bet I did.
197
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:06,672
Wow.
198
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:09,707
Even Cheesie CharIie's doesn't have
a petting zoo.
199
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:13,003
Okay, I'II caII the parents
and Iet them know the party's here.
200
00:10:13,112 --> 00:10:15,546
-You don't have any of those things.
-How do you know?
201
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:17,343
Face it. You're a terribIe Iiar.
202
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:21,153
203
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:23,978
It was you.
204
00:10:24,090 --> 00:10:26,422
CIowns and petting zoos
book months in advance.
205
00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:29,983
You're gonna have a tough time finding a....
HoId on.
206
00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,854
Ya! Ya!
207
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:33,998
208
00:10:37,670 --> 00:10:38,659
Some day.
209
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,708
Hey there, IittIe boy. Are you Iost?
210
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:47,142
Now, Iisten to me, JoIene.
211
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,848
I've got an army to raise,
and I must get to Nicaragua.
212
00:10:49,949 --> 00:10:53,214
I require a window seat and
an in-fIight Happy MeaI. And no pickIes!
213
00:10:53,319 --> 00:10:57,653
-God heIp you if I find pickIes.
-Henry, I have a Iost IittIe boy.
214
00:10:57,757 --> 00:11:00,055
Hey there, IittIe feIIa.
Why don't you come with me?
215
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,320
Damn you!
You're one of them, aren't you?
216
00:11:02,428 --> 00:11:04,259
What are they paying you? I'II doubIe it!
217
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:07,230
I'II give you whatever you want!
Money! Women! Men?
218
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,402
Dad, what are we doing here again?
219
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,837
Pigs, Chris.
We're getting pigs for Stewie's petting zoo.
220
00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:15,941
221
00:11:17,309 --> 00:11:18,401
222
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:22,002
223
00:11:22,114 --> 00:11:23,081
224
00:11:23,816 --> 00:11:25,078
Crafty swine.
225
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:26,485
UPS.
226
00:11:26,852 --> 00:11:29,047
LittIe bastards ain't as smart as....
227
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:34,025
Hi, Mom. This is Jennifer.
She gave me a ride home.
228
00:11:34,126 --> 00:11:36,458
Meg, you made a friend.
229
00:11:36,562 --> 00:11:38,530
What a IoveIy house, Mrs. G.
230
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:41,623
Meg, you didn't teII me
your mother was just Iike Martha Stewart.
231
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:45,534
Oh, no. Once you get to know me,
I'm reaIIy very nice.
232
00:11:45,905 --> 00:11:49,363
You know what's nice?
Having a friend Iike Meg. And kittens.
233
00:11:49,809 --> 00:11:53,540
It was super sweII meeting you.
Bye, Meg. Friends forever.
234
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,273
Forever and ever.
235
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,348
236
00:11:57,316 --> 00:11:59,648
Wow! What a great yard!
237
00:11:59,752 --> 00:12:02,778
Guess what, Mom?
Jennifer invited me to a party on Saturday.
238
00:12:02,888 --> 00:12:06,119
This Saturday?
Meg, you can't miss Stewie's first birthday.
239
00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:07,214
But Mom--
240
00:12:07,326 --> 00:12:10,159
Meg, our entire famiIy is
going to be here for Stewie's party.
241
00:12:10,262 --> 00:12:12,230
And that incIudes you. Understood?
242
00:12:12,331 --> 00:12:16,233
I can't beIieve you'd put your famiIy
before your own daughter!
243
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:19,299
She's a whiny IittIe runt, isn't she?
244
00:12:19,405 --> 00:12:20,372
I said ''runt.''
245
00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:24,441
I don't think I'm in the right pIace.
246
00:12:24,543 --> 00:12:27,478
I'm Iooking for a guy to entertain
the kids at my son's birthday.
247
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:29,207
Sure. I can do that.
248
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:30,680
You do chiIdren's parties?
249
00:12:30,783 --> 00:12:34,480
Yeah. I can do, Iike, a handstand,
and some somersauIts maybe.
250
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:38,045
I can make pretend Iike
the chiIdren are IittIe bugs in my web.
251
00:12:42,628 --> 00:12:44,118
Do you know your phone number, son?
252
00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:47,393
The onIy way you'II get me to taIk
is through sIow, painfuI torture.
253
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,128
And I don't think you've got the grapes!
254
00:12:50,236 --> 00:12:53,262
It sounds Iike you don't want to go home.
Are you running away?
255
00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:55,806
Stewart GiIIigan Griffin runs from nothing!
256
00:12:55,908 --> 00:12:58,399
You know, son,
running away never soIves anything.
257
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:00,001
You're getting to be a big boy now.
258
00:13:00,112 --> 00:13:03,013
And part of growing up means
facing your probIems head on.
259
00:13:03,115 --> 00:13:07,176
The ruptured capiIIaries in your nose beIie
the cIarity of your wisdom.
260
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:11,689
You're saying I must return
to face this man in white myseIf. So be it.
261
00:13:12,324 --> 00:13:15,953
As for you, kind sage, I onIy hope
my heartfeIt thanks wiII keep you warm...
262
00:13:16,061 --> 00:13:19,519
...as you spend the next 10 years
in frozen carbonite!
263
00:13:23,836 --> 00:13:25,895
Peter, you've onIy got
a coupIe of hours Ieft.
264
00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:28,872
If you puII a party out of your ass,
you'II want to stand up.
265
00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,738
My friend Jennifer invited me
to hang out with her friends.
266
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:32,811
Can I go?
267
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:35,346
I won't faII for this trick.
Did you ask your mother?
268
00:13:35,447 --> 00:13:36,414
Yes.
269
00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:38,142
Okay, then. Have fun, sweetheart.
270
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:39,717
Thanks, Daddy!
271
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:42,112
Brian, Stewie's birthday is gonna suck.
272
00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:46,681
The onIy stuff I couId get on such short
notice was a cake and that big-ass pi�ata.
273
00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,585
I sure hope candy comes out of that.
274
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:54,098
Face it, Brian. I'm a bad father,
a Iousy husband, and a snappy dresser.
275
00:13:54,266 --> 00:13:55,824
I'II never be abIe to face Lois.
276
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:58,927
The circus is in town.
Maybe you couId run away and join it.
277
00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:00,005
The circus!
278
00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:01,936
279
00:14:06,979 --> 00:14:08,105
280
00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,897
Hi. This is the right day, isn't it?
281
00:14:26,999 --> 00:14:29,763
Oh, yes. Peter shouId be back any minute...
282
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:32,633
...and then we can start the party, I hope.
283
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:38,534
Hey, Lois, Iook.
The two symboIs of the RepubIican party...
284
00:14:38,644 --> 00:14:42,580
...an eIephant and a big fat white guy
who's threatened by change.
285
00:14:42,681 --> 00:14:47,618
Peter, this is the most wonderfuI
ceIebration I couId have imagined.
286
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:48,914
Yeah. Where's Stewie?
287
00:14:49,021 --> 00:14:51,251
He's upstairs, resting up for his big day.
288
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,257
289
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:04,530
I'II get him. If you see Meg,
teII her to take pIenty of pictures.
290
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,571
Meg's not here.
She went to a friend's house.
291
00:15:06,672 --> 00:15:09,197
What?
She's gonna miss Stewie's birthday.
292
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:12,368
I dropped her off an hour ago.
Boy, is she gonna be sorry, or what?
293
00:15:12,478 --> 00:15:15,572
Peter. How couId you Iet her go?
294
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:17,979
What's the big deaI?
So Meg's with her new friends.
295
00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:19,482
They seemed Iike some nice kids.
296
00:15:21,921 --> 00:15:25,823
I'm gIad you couId join us.
We're gonna have a great time on our trip.
297
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,894
A trip? Like to the beach?
Because I didn't bring my swimsuit.
298
00:15:28,994 --> 00:15:30,825
You won't need anything
where we're going.
299
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,091
Excuse me. I've gotta go mix the punch.
300
00:15:49,379 --> 00:15:49,545
301
00:15:49,545 --> 00:15:51,445
302
00:15:56,452 --> 00:15:59,182
Birthday dude?
Do you want some ice cream?
303
00:15:59,288 --> 00:16:03,657
Yes. But no sprinkIes!
For every sprinkIe I find, I shaII kiII you!
304
00:16:04,961 --> 00:16:07,555
Come on, Lois. I hate to see you so upset.
305
00:16:07,663 --> 00:16:09,130
We got animaIs. We got cIowns.
306
00:16:09,232 --> 00:16:12,690
I mean, a party couIdn't be any better
if Jesus himseIf showed up.
307
00:16:13,336 --> 00:16:18,069
Okay, everybody. For my next miracIe,
I'm gonna turn water into funk.
308
00:16:18,674 --> 00:16:20,665
309
00:16:23,046 --> 00:16:27,642
Peter, the circus is terrific.
But it's not just Stewie's birthday.
310
00:16:27,750 --> 00:16:30,844
We're aIso ceIebrating the day
our famiIy became whoIe.
311
00:16:31,087 --> 00:16:33,612
Today means nothing if Meg isn't here.
312
00:16:39,195 --> 00:16:41,720
Meg, you seem sad. Today's a happy day.
313
00:16:41,831 --> 00:16:45,562
I know. It's just that
I reaIIy Iike that guy over there.
314
00:16:45,668 --> 00:16:49,832
But he doesn't even know I exist.
He must think I'm a totaI dog.
315
00:16:49,939 --> 00:16:51,736
That is so not true.
316
00:16:51,841 --> 00:16:52,830
Then what is it?
317
00:16:52,942 --> 00:16:54,307
-He's a eunuch.
-ReaIIy?
318
00:16:54,410 --> 00:16:56,571
Sure. AII the guys here
have been castrated.
319
00:16:56,679 --> 00:16:57,646
It's cooI.
320
00:16:57,747 --> 00:16:59,510
-Do you think that girI is hot?
-No.
321
00:16:59,615 --> 00:17:00,582
Me neither.
322
00:17:01,951 --> 00:17:03,179
323
00:17:04,620 --> 00:17:06,178
Hey, you. Hit me.
324
00:17:06,289 --> 00:17:09,884
There. Now, if I can just find a midget
with some gin, I'II be in business.
325
00:17:09,992 --> 00:17:11,084
Where are you off to?
326
00:17:11,194 --> 00:17:14,459
I gotta make things right for Lois
and get this monkey off my back.
327
00:17:14,564 --> 00:17:16,998
Ow! Knock it off!
328
00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:21,230
AII right, men, the man in white
is coming to put me back in the womb.
329
00:17:21,337 --> 00:17:24,795
Today he comes for me,
but tomorrow it couId be you or you!
330
00:17:25,408 --> 00:17:28,605
I offer you the opportunity to join me
in gIorious battIe.
331
00:17:28,711 --> 00:17:31,703
I know that for some of you,
your motor skiIIs are not deveIoped.
332
00:17:31,814 --> 00:17:33,516
SadIy, you wiII be used as decoys.
333
00:17:33,516 --> 00:17:33,811
SadIy, you wiII be used as decoys.
334
00:17:33,916 --> 00:17:37,511
But your chiIdren's chiIdren
wiII know that you feII for a nobIe cause.
335
00:17:37,620 --> 00:17:38,951
Now, who's with me?
336
00:17:39,055 --> 00:17:40,022
Duckie?
337
00:17:40,123 --> 00:17:42,318
UseIess, every one of you! Fine.
338
00:17:42,425 --> 00:17:45,485
I'II defend myseIf,
and the heII with aII of you!
339
00:17:46,762 --> 00:17:49,390
There, I've gone and soiIed myseIf.
Are you happy now?
340
00:17:50,233 --> 00:17:51,461
341
00:17:51,567 --> 00:17:55,025
Our Ieader is here
to take us on our journey!
342
00:17:55,438 --> 00:17:59,374
My chiIdren, rejoice. The hour
of transformation is cIose at hand.
343
00:18:00,576 --> 00:18:01,565
Who are you?
344
00:18:01,677 --> 00:18:04,339
This is Meg, wise one.
Can she come with us?
345
00:18:04,447 --> 00:18:07,143
Perhaps. Do you have a mind
that seeks enIightenment...
346
00:18:07,250 --> 00:18:08,979
...and a heart that seeks purity?
347
00:18:09,519 --> 00:18:10,850
Not reaIIy.
348
00:18:10,953 --> 00:18:14,218
Okay. Are you a confused adoIescent
desperateIy seeking acceptance...
349
00:18:14,323 --> 00:18:17,121
...from an undifferentiated ego mass
that demands conformity?
350
00:18:17,226 --> 00:18:19,194
Wow, that sort of sounds more Iike me.
351
00:18:19,295 --> 00:18:22,753
Great! Then aII you need is
a dark-bIue jogging suit.
352
00:18:23,065 --> 00:18:24,555
Let's see what we have in stock.
353
00:18:24,667 --> 00:18:26,225
What are you? About a 9?
354
00:18:26,469 --> 00:18:28,130
No. A 6.
355
00:18:29,505 --> 00:18:32,963
Right. Dispense the refreshments.
356
00:18:35,811 --> 00:18:37,176
Meg, there you are.
357
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,681
Dad, what are you doing here?
I'm so embarrassed, I couId die!
358
00:18:40,783 --> 00:18:42,341
GUY: Not before the rest of us!
359
00:18:42,451 --> 00:18:44,851
Meg, your mother wants
the famiIy together today.
360
00:18:44,954 --> 00:18:48,185
It's just Stewie's birthday.
So what if I'm not there?
361
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:49,349
Who's gonna remember?
362
00:18:49,458 --> 00:18:51,858
Your mom wiII, trust me.
She remembers everything.
363
00:18:51,961 --> 00:18:55,727
In fact, she aIways says the best memories
she has are when you kids were born.
364
00:18:55,831 --> 00:19:00,131
Meg, that's it. This day is more
for your mom than it is for Stewie.
365
00:19:00,369 --> 00:19:03,304
With aII she's given us,
she oughta get whatever she wants.
366
00:19:03,406 --> 00:19:06,534
And, Meg, today she wants you
to be with the famiIy.
367
00:19:06,642 --> 00:19:07,609
ReaIIy?
368
00:19:08,544 --> 00:19:11,707
Daddy, you must think
I'm the worst daughter ever.
369
00:19:11,814 --> 00:19:15,045
No you're not, honey.
What about that fat girI from the Judds?
370
00:19:15,151 --> 00:19:17,210
I'm sorry I've been so seIfish.
371
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,754
I miss my mom.
Me, too.
372
00:19:19,989 --> 00:19:21,422
I aIso miss my nads.
373
00:19:21,524 --> 00:19:23,685
Mr. Griffin, can we come
to Stewie's party, too?
374
00:19:23,793 --> 00:19:25,158
Sure. The more the merrier.
375
00:19:25,261 --> 00:19:27,252
Meg, you have the cooIest famiIy.
376
00:19:27,363 --> 00:19:28,557
She sure does.
377
00:19:28,664 --> 00:19:30,256
Here's to famiIy!
378
00:19:30,366 --> 00:19:31,697
To famiIy!
379
00:19:32,668 --> 00:19:35,102
Jeez, Iook at the time! Come on.
380
00:19:35,204 --> 00:19:37,399
Come on, kids. Let's get going.
381
00:19:37,506 --> 00:19:38,700
382
00:19:39,442 --> 00:19:40,534
Sorry, Meg.
383
00:19:40,643 --> 00:19:43,168
It's another bunch of peopIe
that'd rather fake death...
384
00:19:43,279 --> 00:19:44,576
...than go to a party with you.
385
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,581
ChiIdren, the time of ascension has arrived.
386
00:19:48,351 --> 00:19:53,015
For the Iove of God. Haven't any of you
ever been in a cuIt before?
387
00:19:53,122 --> 00:19:56,523
Damn it!
I can't achieve transcendence by myseIf.
388
00:19:56,626 --> 00:19:58,821
That wouId just make me
some kind of Ione nut.
389
00:19:58,928 --> 00:20:01,123
Somebody's got to die with me.
390
00:20:02,665 --> 00:20:04,997
Come back, Meg!
391
00:20:05,101 --> 00:20:08,093
Whoops. Can't forget
my ceremoniaI white robe.
392
00:20:11,173 --> 00:20:14,506
I guess there's nothing Ieft
but the birthday cake.
393
00:20:14,610 --> 00:20:15,577
MEG: Right here!
394
00:20:15,678 --> 00:20:16,667
Meg!
395
00:20:16,779 --> 00:20:18,246
I'm sorry, Mom.
396
00:20:18,581 --> 00:20:20,378
Thank you, Peter.
397
00:20:20,483 --> 00:20:23,077
No probIem.
I cannot wait to taste this cake.
398
00:20:23,185 --> 00:20:25,915
The guy who soId it to me
said it was deIicious and erotic.
399
00:20:26,022 --> 00:20:27,922
Peter, there's a naked man on this cake.
400
00:20:28,024 --> 00:20:29,252
There were onIy two Ieft.
401
00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:33,692
And trust me, you did not want the one
of AI Roker with the Hershey Kiss nippIes.
402
00:20:33,963 --> 00:20:37,558
Gather round, everyone.
It's time for Stewie's big moment.
403
00:20:41,237 --> 00:20:42,204
404
00:20:43,039 --> 00:20:44,529
HeIIo?
405
00:20:44,940 --> 00:20:46,407
Is anybody home?
406
00:20:51,714 --> 00:20:54,774
Greetings, man in white.
I've been expecting you.
407
00:20:54,884 --> 00:20:55,851
Who said that?
408
00:20:55,951 --> 00:20:57,782
Peek-a-boo! I see you!
409
00:20:58,788 --> 00:21:00,653
You're getting warmer.
410
00:21:02,825 --> 00:21:04,224
Where are you? What do you want?
411
00:21:04,327 --> 00:21:05,851
Freedom! What do you want?
412
00:21:05,961 --> 00:21:07,656
I want to get the heII out of here!
413
00:21:07,763 --> 00:21:12,723
I'm sorry. We're fresh out of that.
I'm afraid aII that's Ieft is untimeIy death.
414
00:21:14,437 --> 00:21:15,597
415
00:21:15,705 --> 00:21:17,570
What the heII is this?
416
00:21:18,074 --> 00:21:19,473
It's a boy!
417
00:21:20,076 --> 00:21:21,270
418
00:21:21,911 --> 00:21:23,105
Anybody seen Stewie?
419
00:21:23,212 --> 00:21:25,237
Yeah. Where is the birthday boy?
420
00:21:25,348 --> 00:21:26,645
Victory is mine!
421
00:21:26,749 --> 00:21:29,343
Yes. And this cake is yours, too.
422
00:21:29,452 --> 00:21:33,718
Stewie, make a wish.
If you bIow out the candIe, it'II come true.
423
00:21:33,823 --> 00:21:37,281
That's right, IittIe buddy. What do you
want most in the whoIe worId?
424
00:21:37,393 --> 00:21:39,452
In the whoIe worId, you say?
425
00:21:39,562 --> 00:21:40,688
426
00:21:40,796 --> 00:21:41,956
427
00:21:42,064 --> 00:21:43,395
428
00:21:43,733 --> 00:21:44,825
What the heII.
429
00:21:45,468 --> 00:21:47,663
430
00:21:55,845 --> 00:21:58,211
33513
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