All language subtitles for Significant.Mother.S01E08.HDTV.x264-FLEET-eng

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Bob.
Okay, stop it.

Oh, trust me, Lydia.
I know what I'm doing.

Oh, yeah, let me just
put it in

and wiggle it around
for a second.

I don't know, Harrison tried
this our whole marriage,

but he could never really
get it in.

Oh! Oh, yeah.
I can see why.

- It's super tight.
- Yeah.

Let me just get it
a little wet.

Open it up
a little wider.

You can try,
but I'm not sure...

Oh, there it goes!
Oh, yeah, I'm in!

- Amazing!
- What the hell is going on?

Oh, my God,
who are you?

What are you doing
to my mother?

Ah. I'm Bob Babcock.

- It's a pleasure.
- I'm not shaking that hand.

No, no,
this is my clean one.

I cannot believe
that you and Jimmy

spent the last
couple of months

begging me
to take you seriously.

Now... now you're bobbing
for Bob?

Never heard it
put that way, but I like it.

Honey,
I'm not bobbing for...

He's snaking my disposal.

Oh, is that what the kids
are calling it now?

- My garbage disposal.
- There we go. Yeah.

Look at that.
Yeesh.

There's a lot of hair.
Check it.

You expect me to believe
that this guy is a plumber?

With that hair?

Honey,
he's not a plumber.

He's a realtor.

Why would you need
a realtor?

Because I'm selling
the house.

You're doing what?

♪ Hey!

♪ Ah ah ah ah
ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah

Nate, this is not
a big deal.

You don't think that
this is a big deal?

Not at all. People sell
their homes all the time.

I was not asking you, Bob.

All right, you know what?
I'm gonna go grab my shirt

out of the dryer.

You guys are having
a family moment here.

Don't!
All right,

Mom, why on earth
would you sell this house?

Because I want to focus
on my future.

And it's really hard
to do that in a house

where I'm surrounded by
the ghost of Lydia past.

And so frequently visited
by the body of Harrison present.

- But this is our house.
- Yes.

This... all of our memories
are here.

If... if you move,
I-I-I won't know how tall I was

in 1993.

I-I won't be able to visit
Barky Mark's grave

without trespassing,
which is a crime.

And Santa won't know where
to find me.

Okay, it's not
the best example.

- No, mm-mm.
- But there are others.

What about...
this... this lamp?

You know?
I mean, I love this lamp.

I bought that lamp
last week.

Well, it already means
the world to me.

Okay, then I will
take it with me,

along with
all of our memories.

Except for the memories
that we haven't made yet.

I mean, we always said
when I had kids,

they'd come to spend weekends
and Christmases here.

Now they can spend them
at my new condo.

Condo?
Condon't.

You can't make memories
in a condo.

Mom, a condo's where
old people go to die.

Nate, I promise you,

this is the best thing
for everyone.

How is this
the best thing for me?

Because it'll make
your mother happy.

And you know what
they say:

"Happy mother, happy...

others."

They have never said that.

I get that this
is hard for you,

but this is my decision.

And right now,
that's all it is.

Who knows?
The house may not even sell.

It'll sell.

One open house
and this puppy is gone.

- Not helping, Bob.
- You know what? Fine.

It's your decision.

And if there's one thing
I've realized,

is I don't factor
into those anymore,

so, yeah,
don't factor me in.

- I'm sorry.
- Just know that...

You... I... I'm...
this lamp is coming with me.

He seems like
a handful.

He actually handled that
quite well.

Hey, buddy.

I just got off the phone
with your mom.

She told me
she's selling the house.

Are you okay?
I made you some toast.

I'm fine, everything's fine.
Thank you.

Then why'd you walk
up the stairs

like a little drummer boy?

Because my feet
are heavy.

I think you're lying
to me... and yourself.

Why would you
think that?

'Cause you're buttering
your phone.

Oh.

Okay, fine, all right.

I'm... I'm a little...

perturbed that my mom has
decided to sell my childhood.

My home.
Chil... my childhood home.

Actually,
our childhood home.

You practically
grew up there, too.

Why doesn't this
bother you?

Oh, because it's so hard

to do "grown-up stuff"
with your mom

in a house
I practically grew up in.

Well,
I'm sorry our childhood

has put a damper
on your sex life.

Oh, no.
It's not your fault.

But it is one of the reasons
why we're over here so much.

But your mom's getting
a new place,

so we won't have to be.

It's the best thing
for everyone.

Did you put her
up to this?

No.
Why would you think that?

Because dating you
has put

some pretty crazy ideas
in her head.

And the other day
I saw her wearing a black bra

under a white tank top.

I'm just encouraging her
to do

what makes her happy.

Well, stop it.

Stop empowering my mom.

Now you're putting jelly
on your hand.

I'm cutting out carbs.

Hey, is that
your mom's new lamp?

It means the world to me.

Aha.

Harrison,
what are you doing here?

I would ask you
the same question,

but I can clearly see
you are picking out furniture

for your new condo
while the body

of our dead home
is still warm.

Actually, I work here.

Yeah, you have a job?
No, no, no, I don't believe you.

Oh, excuse me, Parker?

Could you please tell
my ex-husband

that this is my job.

If you call working
six hours a week a job,

sure,
this is her job.

- There you go.
- How could you have a job?

I don't even know
about it.

If you didn't know
I had a job,

how did you find me?

I track you on
Find My Friends.

That is so uncool.
What is Find My Friends?

It's an app that helps you
find your friends.

But if I were you,
I'd buy one

that helps you find
your marbles,

because you have
clearly lost yours

if you think you're gonna be
selling our house.

It is my house.
You put it in my name.

And why do you even care?

I care because
if you sell it,

it means you can never ask me
to come back to it.

I can never ask you
to come back to it

if you never leave.

Is that what this
is all about?

Oh, honey,
do you need your space?

Because I can give you back
the keys I had made

before I gave you back
my keys.

Harrison, enough.
I am moving on.

To a place with a doorman.

And there's nothing
you can do about it.

You know, it's funny.
When you say there's nothing

I can do,
I always find something to do.

- Like a flight attendant.
- Oh, this is not over.

Said the man walking away.

You will not get
the last word.

Yes, I will.

- _
- Oh!

- Ah!
- Oh, you son of a...

Hey, babe,
can we talk?

Sure. Um, oh,
hey, Parker,

can I take like
a 15, 20 minute break?

That's like a ninth
of your workweek, but cool.

This store don't need
your drama.

Well, you know,
it could be worse.

Your mom could be
moving out of her house

- and in with you.
- Don't even joke about that.

Well, it's actually
quite sweet.

After all, three's company.

No, two is company.
Mom is a crowd.

Then why was that TV show
called "Three's Company"?

I think it was meant
to be ironic.

Oh, right.

Like when people
cut down trees

to make paper and then write
"Save the Trees" on them.

Hey, come on.

I'm sorry, sonny boy.
I'm hatching a plan.

I needed some food
for thought.

Hatching a plan
for what?

I want to win
your mother back.

I realize I was not

taking this whole thing
seriously enough.

I just thought it was
part of her... her Rumspringa.

She would run around
with Jimmy for a little bit,

maybe she'd buy
a new DVD player,

and then she would return

to the nice, happy Amish life
she once knew.

But once she opens
the door

to that new condo,

my window closes.

So what are you thinking,
mate?

I was thinking...

I'm sorry, why are you dressed
like Juan Valdez?

Who's Juan Valdez?

I was thinking
I would start

by trying to get her
to like me again,

and since I have
absolutely no idea

how to do that,
I need your help, son.

No, I can't help you
win Mom back.

Yes, but if I do
win her back,

she would have no reason
to sell our house.

Tempting,
but I can't do that to Jimmy.

Even if this is
all his fault,

he's still
my best friend.

So you're taking
this guy's side?

I am not
taking sides, Dad.

And even if I were
taking sides,

you don't have a side
to take.

I mean, the only way
you could win Mom back

is if you had
a time machine.

Great Scott.

That's it!
Ha-ha!

Thanks for your help,
sonny boy!

I didn't help because
time machines don't exist.

- Ah!
- Who's Juan Valdez?

Hey, your dad's really trying
to spook me today.

Yeah,
he's a man on a mission.

There's something
I need to tell you.

There's something
I need to tell you, too.

You first.

- I'm sorry that I overreacted.
- I'm moving in with your mom.

You're doing what?

I can't believe Jimmy asked
to move in with me.

I'm so excited.

Oh, here's to you,
Mrs. Robinson.

I know. It's crazy, right?

Oh, God.
It's crazy, right?

You think
I'm Anne Bancroft?

Imposing my will
upon a younger man

who's going to leave me
for my own child.

Actually, I meant it as
a toast, like, "Here's to you,

moving in so quickly."
What are you, a lesbian?

So you don't think
I'm crazy, right?

No. Why should men
be the only ones

who get to trade in
their ride for a newer model

during a mid-life crisis?

Oh, I'm not having
a mid-life crisis.

Somebody should tell
your shorts that.

I am just experimenting
with my style.

I'm trying to figure out
this next chapter in my life.

I really love that Jimmy
wants to be a part of it,

but it also scares
the crap out of me.

I mean, what if I make
this huge step

and it doesn't work out
any better than my marriage?

Or what if you don't
and it still doesn't?

Or what if you do and it does?

I mean, all you can do
is follow your heart.

It will always
lead you home.

Are you reading off the
inspirational sign behind me?

Yeah, but I like it
'cause it's true.

What are you thinking?

You've only been together
for two months.

- It's crazy.
- Why?

Your mom or your dad
moved in after three months.

Yeah, and look how well
that turned out.

I am looking at how well
that turned out.

Stop that.
Don't be nice to me

while you're doing
something stupid.

It's not stupid.

Look at it this way.

It was only
a matter of time

before your mom accidentally
got into the shower with you

- thinking it was me.
- Yeah.

And while I appreciate that
greatly,

It is not a good reason
for you two to move in together.

I mean, have you really
thought about what this means?

It means I'm gonna move in
with your mom.

So, no.

Jimmy,
this is a huge step

that leads to
one of two places.

Either it doesn't work out

and one of you ends up
homeless and heartbroken,

or worse,
much worse,

it does work out
and you become my ste...

my ste...

I become a sheep?

Ste...

Sss... sss...
step... daa...

Oh, let's not even
go there because, I mean,

you're talking about
the future,

and your mom and I
are living in the present.

Does she know that?

Because usually
you only move in

with someone if you think
you're gonna

spend the rest of your life
with them.

Oh, buddy.

When we moved in together,
did you think that about us?

See, we're roommates.

The point is, this is
a long-term commitment.

And you can't even commit to
a free three-day trial of HBO.

Oh, because I didn't know
if I was subscribing,

and I didn't want to give it
the wrong idea.

Your mom and I may need
to have a conversation.

Merry Christmas,
sweetheart.

What the...
No!

Harrison, clean this up.
Get this out of here.

Not until you take
a trip with me.

I'm not going anywhere
with you.

That's right.
You aren't.

You are going anywhen
with me

because I am taking you
back in time.

Step through this archway
and enter Christmas Eve, 1995.

I'd really rather not.

Bill Clinton was in
the White House.

On the radio,
Hootie was blowing fish.

And in this house,
our little Natey was six.

This is the Christmas
that Santa gave Nate

his first bike.

And tomorrow,
he will break his first bone.

Really, where did you
find that?

I found it in the back
of the garage.

This is also the same year
that you and Santa

spent the whole night
freezing in the backyard

trying to put together
that stupid trampoline.

You wanted to test it first,

and I caught you
when you bounced too high.

I forgot about that.

I know you only remembered
the bad things, Lyd,

but...

There were so many
good things, too.

Come on, baby.

Give me another chance.

Oh, Harrison, this isn't
about the bad things you did.

Actually, that's not true.
It kind of is.

But it's also about
the things you didn't do.

Like listen to me
when I talked,

or go to any of
Nate's little league games,

or the fact that this was
the Christmas that you told Nate

that Santa was an anti-Semite

and proceeded to re-enact
the Holocaust.

Okay, I'll admit
my Holocaustume was a mistake.

Let's move on
to the dining room.

Thanksgiving, 1998.

No, Harrison,
you have to go.

I have an open house
tomorrow.

You have an open house
tomorrow?

Yes.
Now, go.

I apparently have a lot more
to do than I thought.

- Fine.
- Okay.

But I'm taking my turkey.

What are you doing?

Hey, we brought you
punch and pie.

Homemade turnip schnapps.

I'm fine.
I'm really fine.

You don't need to come
and check on me.

- Oh, it's okay.
- You're not fine, mate.

Your boyfriend's moving in
with another woman.

We just want to make sure
you and Andy Rooney

don't end up face down
in a creek, just like Dawson.

Dawson's Creek didn't end
with Dawson committing suicide.

Right, because he had
his friends looking out for him.

And so do you, mate.

Nate, your time machine idea
didn't work.

Shocking.

I need a plan B
to get your mother back.

And some salt
for this bird.

- What happened?
- I overcooked it.

She refuses
to take me back.

She is set on selling
the place.

She's even having
an open house tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?
- Yeah.

I guess she really can't wait
to move in with Jimmy.

They're moving in together?

Oh, no.
This is worse than I thought.

We gotta buy some more time.

Guys,
there has to be a way

to stop her
from selling the house.

We could burn it down.

If it was my house
and I couldn't have it,

I would make sure
that no one else could have it.

Well, that's a terrifyingly
dark side of you

- I've never seen before.
- Wait a minute.

Well, we may not be able to stop
her from selling the house,

but what if we stop people
from buying the house?

Then she'd never be able
to sell it.

It's brilliant, mate.

Hello, sir, how are you?
Ma'am, come on in.

2,800 square feet.
I think you're gonna love it.

That carpeting can go.
It is optional.

Dad, please take that off.

You look like
an albino Tom Selleck.

I don't want that
Bab Bobcock guy to recognize me.

His name is Bob Babcock,
and he won't recognize you.

- You've never met him.
- Yeah. Point taken.

But if I can't wear
my disguise,

why does the girl
get to be fat?

I'm not fat.
I'm pregnant.

It's part of my character's
backstory.

Are we doing characters?

No, we're not doing
characters.

Let's all remember
the goal here.

- To prevent the sale of the house.
- To get me and your mother back together.

Oh, Dad.

I thought it was
to keep Jimmydia

from rushing into anything.

Oh, that's what
I'm calling them now.

I'm just excited
to do a character.

- Can we do this already?
- Do it.

♪ The pressure is on

♪ All this on my shoulders
makes my heart weigh a ton ♪

♪ Give me the strength
to go on ♪

♪ I'm trying to be a king
but I feel more like a pawn ♪

Can we walk
a little faster?

We're gonna miss
the open house.

- Okay.
- Oh, yeah.

- Hello. Bob Babcock.
- Hi.

Sambouca Dill.
The one on the way

is called Maple,
and this here's my sex friend.

Atilda Apricot.
I'm a... prospector.

May we take a gander?

Yeah, well,
congratulations.

Come on in, guys.
Please. Please.

You have such
an interesting accent.

Uh, hello there.
How are you two?

A very good-looking couple.
Enjoy.

Uh, you'll see, uh,
all the carpeting is new.

Make yourselves at home.
Hello, ma'am.

There's some refreshments
in the kitchen.

Okay.

Yes.

Do you know this is where they
shot my favorite adult film?

"Under the Tuscan Buns."

I have never seen
so many buns

in one place
at one time.

Hot, sweaty, fleshy buns.

All up and down
this counter top.

All right, so recently
installed all new appliances...

I live across the way.
Fun fact:

From my bedroom, I can see
into every window of the house.

So if you ever forget where
you put your keys, call me.

I'll know.
Yeehaw!

Well, tha...
do you have any ques... all right.

Well, thank you for coming.
Be sure to...

like us on Facebook.
Okay, whoa.

I used to live here,

before my parents
got a divorce

and my mom started sleeping
with my best friend.

This house has
really bad chi.

Oh, my gosh.
This place is amazing.

Do you love it?

I-I don't know.
Uh...

The area is kinda dicey.

No, it's not.
It's a great area.

Is it?

You know, 'cause
I'm pretty sure

I saw a guy in a hoodie
when we were coming in.

Aw, Jimmy,
you're wearing a hoodie.

Did you see
your own reflection?

Possibly.

You know, and it's just really
expensive, and it's, like, ugh.

I don't think
it's that expensive.

It's actually
quite reasonable.

Yeah,
if you're David Hasselhoff.

He's probably loaded.

"Baywatch" ran for
a really long time.

Of course it did.
It was a great show.

Jimmy, I don't want you
to worry about money.

I'm not expecting you
to buy this place with me.

You can just chip in when you
want whenever you can afford it.

Yeah,
but buying a place

kinda makes it hard
to live in the moment.

And that's what's great
about us.

We have no idea
what tomorrow holds.

Tomorrow we're having brunch
with Parker and her girlfriend.

Right.
Well, except that.

We know it holds that, but the
further you go into the future,

the more hazy it gets.

Do you know on
the 31st of December

my date book
runs out of pages?

Jimmy, is there something
you want to talk about?

I just... I don't know
how to bring this up.

I told Nate about us
moving in together, and...

And he scared
the crap out of you.

No, but he brought up
some valid points.

Like, like, what happens
if one of us

ends up homeless
and heartbroken?

Or we get engaged?
Or I fall off that balcony?

Did you just lump in
getting engaged

with ending up homeless
and dying?

Okay, listen, it looks like
we've got to almost everyone,

but these couples
are playing hard ball.

That guys says he loves
the south-facing windows.

And that lady next to him, she
asked about school districts.

Don't worry, bossman.

I got this.

I just felt
a terrible chill.

I think there's something
evil in this place.

This is my house.

No one is safe.

What is she doing?
She's gonna ruin it.

I don't know, mate.
She's a one woman show.

I'm going into labor!

Oh!
The spirits want my baby.

Call 911!

Everybody run!
Call 911!

I need an old priest
and a young priest!

I need an old priest
and a young priest.

I've got a better idea.
How about I call your mother,

and based on the resemblance,
your ex-wife?

Get that cookie
out of your mouth.

Come on.
In the other room. Let's go.

- All right.
- Si, si.

Come on, you, too,
Rosemary's baby, come on.

Right, yeah, okay.

What is wrong
with you guys?

Well, to be fair, you kinda
brought it on yourself.

Harrison,
not another word.

And, Nate, I would expect
this nonsense from your father,

but not from you.

I've never seen you
act so childish.

I've never seen you
act so childish.

Selling the house,

and moving in with Jimmy
after only two months?

Wha... you're... you're moving in
with him

after just dating
for two months?

I'm... I'm sorry,

but... but that is
really soon.

Okay, you know what?
You're right.

You're all right.
We didn't think it through.

You didn't think it through!

Oh.
Are you agreeing with me?

'Cause I had a much longer
speech prepared.

Well, there's no need.

Jimmy told me about
what you guys discussed,

and we're not moving in
together anymore.

As a matter of fact, we're not
doing anything together anymore.

Jimmy broke up
with me.

What?

_

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