All language subtitles for Bigger Like Me (2022) 1080p

(dramatic music)

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(suspenseful music)

- [Narrator] A long,
long, long, long time ago

on a planet of average size

there lived a peculiar
race of intelligent beings.

Man, as he called himself,
began in the jungle.

A beast among many.

His intelligence unmatched,
man soon held dominion

over all the creatures
of the earth.

He built advanced civilizations
and erected great monuments,

each bigger than the last.

For in his eyes, bigger was
always better.

He looked outward and
constructed great ships

to cross the seas

and in time, the stars.

(triumphant music)

He looked inward on
his very dreams,

creating art, music, and
a scintillating world

of internet pornography.

Yet despite all man's
magnificent achievements,

something continued
to pull at him,

drawing him back to his
primordial past.

(upbeat music)

This of course, was his
profound preoccupation

with the length and
girth of his penis.

He had tried to deal with his
obsession in various ways.

At times he embraced it,
worshiping its power.

At times he demonized it,

and sometimes he
opted to ignore the fact

he had a penis altogether.

But there was no defeating it.

(upbeat music)

- [Reporter] A coastal nation
man

used a dumbbell gym weight,
similar to something like this,

only it got stuck
for three days.

The fire department was
called in to the ER.

The only way they
could get the weight

off the man's penis,
was to saw it off.

- [Narrator] And so it was,
that in this darkest moment,

when all hope was lost, one
small man would stand erect

and challenge the purple headed
warrior once and for all.

And it would be the fate
of this most average man

that would determine the
fate of all of mankind.

(ice falling)

- Three day sexual stimulant,

Triple ExtenZEN, do these work?

- People's buying a lot, I
don't know if work or not,

I haven't tried.

- [Greg] Have you tried.
- I never tried.

This guy tried, he tells you.

- [Greg] Is that how you got,
you got bigger all around?

You got big like this?

- [Man] Bigger all the way
around.

- [Greg] Do you try all day
long, you try?

(speaking foreign language)

- [Greg] What do you mean all
day long?

(piano music)

(water running)

My name is Greg Bergman.

I was an average guy
with a big problem.

All I thought about were dicks.

And dicks and more dicks.

I hated my own because it
just wasn't big enough.

My beautiful wife
seemed happy with it.

But this didn't make
me feel any better.

No matter what she said,
I still felt small.

- It's not small, it's average.

I know you hate that word.

- You guys performing
this evening

is the writer of the WTF
book series, he is hilarious.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Greg Bergman!

(audience clapping)

- I worked as a writer and
comedian

and I wasn't exactly shy about
sharing my pee-pee problem.

You never watch a porno
with the girl's like this.

Oh shit.

(audience laughing)

Ooh oh fuck, what is that
average?

Oh, no, no, no, no, that's
average right?

Oh fuck me with that medium
sized penis.

Mm, give me that mediocre cock.

Oh fuck me with that dick
that balls statistically

in the mean according
to most studies.

I was a pretty normal
kid, got into trouble,

chased girls, played sports,

and I grew into a
pretty normal adult.

And like any normal adult male,

I watched internet
pornography on a daily basis.

Sometimes more than once.

I wasn't blaming porn for my
obsession,

but those guys in the
videos were pretty big.

(dramatic music)

And those penis
enlargement pop up ads

were really starting
to get to me.

(players yelling)

(crowd cheering)
(whistle blowing)

- I'm Jimmy Johnson and I
recently became

the spokesperson for ExtenZe

the number one male
enhancement tablet.

Most men want to perform the
best they can

in just about everything.

Isn't that why we buy the
biggest and best of everything?

So if you want the maximum
performance edge every day,

I'd say go long with ExtenZe.

- [Greg] And it wasn't
just those ads

that were telling me
bigger was better.

- What's going on,
why are you crying?

(Samantha sobbing)

- James has a small dick.

- Oh.

(upbeat music)

- [Greg] You don't need a
weatherman

to know which
way the wind blows.

Fact was, sized mattered
and everybody knew it.

- I was just the captain
of my football team

and I was the homecoming
king, I always dated models,

beautiful woman and all that.

And my biggest secret was
that I had a small dick.

I hated my little dick,
fucking hated it, I really did.

It used to make me want to
commit suicide.

(dramatic music)

- Length.

- Girth.

- You cannot make it
to London in a rowboat,

that's all I'm
trying to tell you.

- Is this just for erections
or it's something permanent?

- No, it's for permanent
enhancement.

This ExtenZe.

- [Man On Phone] Yeah,
try a couple of those.

You can try it out
and see if it works,

it comes with a money back
guarantee.

(upbeat music)

- [Greg] I was determined
to find out once and for all

if increasing penis size
was really possible.

And if I could get bigger,

would a bigger penis make
me happier, more confident?

It would be a long hard road,
that I knew.

But I was so sick of being small

and I was willing to
do anything to be big.

- [Narrator] Chapter one, Inch
By Inch.

- The first cave paintings
were of a fucking dick,

the next one was a goat, okay.

That's a fact, this is what the
man does,

it's funny, it's true.

But this is what
man has thought about

for his entire existence.

Honey.

- [Nani] Yeah?

- I need you to measure my dick.

The curvy one, the one that
wraps around.

- What for?

- [Greg] Something.

- [Clerk] Okay.

- Something velvety.

- Something velvety, okay.

That might do it though.

- You don't have a fitting
room do you, I can try it on?

- No sir not at all,
not even a little bit.

- Are you trying
to measure it like this

or you trying to measure the
circumference of it or what?

See, 'cause you might get a
different like measurement.

You might get a different
number.

Think of it as an experiment.

- [Greg] This experiment
would last 30 days,

during which time I would try

a variety of different
penile enlargement methods.

- [Nani] Official measurements.

- There have been many
studies on penis size.

But the definitive
study was performed

by LifeStyles Condoms in Cancun.

Unlike previous
studies that rely on men

to measure themselves,
in this study

the subjects were
measured by a nurse.

This is important
for two reasons.

One, men lie about
their dick size

and two, men don't measure
themselves correctly.

(upbeat music)

The scientific way of
measuring your penis,

and every penis
size study does this,

get your dick hard, you're
standing up,

you put the ruler on
the top of the shaft

in the middle and
you measure it.

Here, you put it on the side,
that's 8.5.

Put it like this, eight,
just lost a half an inch,

won't you go fuck
yourself, look at that?

(audience laughing)

And for circumference,

you need to wrap the measuring
tape around your penis.

I was going to measure
myself at my thickest point,

which I believed to be at
mid-shaft.

And so without further
adieu ladies and gentlemen,

let me go measure my cock.

Official starting measurements.

Length, 5.97 inches.

And girth,

which means circumference,

5.00 inches.

Official measurements,
locked and loaded.

As you can see from this chart,

I was in the
exact statistical mean

for both length and for girth.

I just got my head shots done.

You guys seem like an LA crowd,

you seem like you
know what's going on.

I want to get your
opinion on this.

I know it's kind of
unprofessional,

but I just want to see what you,

you know what you thought of
this.

You know if you can
look at

(audience laughing)

- Oh my god.
- Take your time.

Is that a no, or is that a yes?

- [Nani] ExtenZe.

- [Greg] ExtenZe.

- [Nani] That's a good name.

- Maximum strength male
enhancement.

Enhance pleasure and
performance.

Improve your sex life.

Increase your size.

(upbeat music)

it's day two,
day two on the pills.

So since the experiment started,

I don't know if my
penis has grown,

but my penis has been erect,

I swear to God
for like 24 hours.

I'm going fucking nuts.

- [Boxer] Cross over.

- Becomin' a man,
little by little.

- [Boxer] Yeah.

- What do I have
to fucking lose?

- [Boxer] Yeah.

- Inch by inch.

Let's go pee-pee boy.

Let's go you
little fat pee-pee boy.

Ow, ow.

(men laughing)

- On the first day, you know
he tells me about his passion.

His passion is you
know, dicks, penises,

whatever you guys wanna call it.

First it threw
me off a little bit.

You know I was just going
with the flow laughing,

and now I realize
this guy is serious.

- The average cock remember

is five to 5.5 inches
circumference.

This is like you are
too much man, I'm sorry.

- He's very real,
you know I thought

he was playing around at first

or it's just the
topic of the day.

But it's a reoccurring theme
every time I train him,

so as far as
where it comes from,

I'll leave that to you know
a specialist or somebody

who thinks they're a specialist,
not me.

(metal clanking)

- Oh fuck, fuck.

(pan sizzling)

- Hey Greg.
- That'd be cool.

- Yeah.

- [Nani] Eat your lunch.

- [Greg] Lunch time.

- [Nani] It's what I
call the pee-pee lunch.

- Penis healthy diet.

Omega-3 in seafood, the shrimp.

And anything peanut butter,
the peanut sauce here,

you can use hummus,
anything that contains,

what is it, L-arginine?

- Yeah.

- L-arginine, that's
also good for your penis.

Omega-3, L-arginine,
I'm allergic to shrimp

but I'ma have to deal with it.

(upbeat rock music)

It's day six, day six,

just getting ready for the day,

feeling good today.

Here it goes, another ExtenZe,

another day, another ExtenZe.

(Greg sigh)

- If I look for my clothes,

I'm gonna think
I'm married to a freak.

So, I just prefer to like
distance myself,

let him do whatever
he has to do,

and be happy I guess.

- How do I look, pretty good?

And the piece de resistance.

(Greg laughing)

Yes, yes indeed.

I am ready for the day.

All right, let's do it.

Yeah.

- [Nani] We already measured,

you're gonna measure it again
and get the same thing Greg.

- [Greg] No I'm not.

Every time you measure you
get something different so.

- [Nani] No, because you are
pushing it.

See, same thing.

How long are you
supposed to gain?

- [Greg] I don't know, but
you're not supposed to lose any.

I could have been squeezing it,

I think when I was holding it,

you know if you're not even,

kind of pushing the blood
last time so let's just--

- [Nani] Of course that's ...

- [Greg] Well the boys are
there, one, two on both.

Okay length was I think,
this time the length was,

it's hard to see with a ruler.

Girth, we have 4.75 right, why

(upbeat music)

♪ Never gonna quit,
never gonna stop ♪

♪ Push yourself hard
to you reach the top ♪

♪ Never gonna quit,
never gonna stop ♪

♪ Push yourself, push
yourself till you drop ♪

- There's a ton
of instructions here.

It's like a thousand
instructions.

Number one, s have the pubic
hair one day prior to use

to ensure a tight seal.

Never shave the
day of your session.

Massage and stretch the penis

three to five minutes
prior to session.

Do not ejaculate during
or prior to session.

Fine fuck it, how do
you make sure

you don't ejaculate,
what if you do?

There's a safety
valve in case it gets,

the safety valve is located
directly in front of the handle.

Pump, pump, pump.

Okay, I think that's it.

Do not share cylinders with
anyone.

All right, this is all mine,
okay.

Well I got everything,
got my lube.

Got my top gauge
and I'm ready to party,

so I will, I'm gonna need
a little bit of privacy.

♪ Never gonna quit,
never gonna stop ♪

♪ Push yourself hard
till you reach the top ♪

♪ Never gonna quit,
never gonna stop ♪

- [Nani] Are you getting tired?

(air gushing)

- [Greg] Yeah, a little tired.

I'm pumping, I'm pumping.

Oh come on, wait, wait,
wait, no, no, no, stop.

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.

I've already
passed the thing, stop it.

- [Nani] Okay well open it.

- [Greg] Press the
thing, press the release.

It hurts.

- [Nani] No it doesn't.

- [Greg] Just take the cord out.

- Hold on.
- Ow, Jesus Christ.

- [Nani] Oh my god.

- I knew I wasn't fucking
five circumference, I knew it.

I wanna get to six eventually,
you know.

I wanna get to top 5%.

- And that's the top 5%?

- Only the top 5% of cocks

have a six inch
circumference, yeah.

Nothing is happening.

It was a little bit
better at 6.1 in length

and five point, not five point,
I wish,

4.9 in girth,
that's up a little bit.

6.1, I'm moving six in
length, which I like,

but we're still in the
margin of error, but just

gonna mod.

Week two official measurements,

6.1 in length, 4.9 in girth.

There's a famous stretching
device called the extender.

That's the number one.

And that, I'm ordering that.

- Well I'm updating my blog,

I have a fashion, food, and
travel blog.

So I just took a trip to
Catalina Island.

Food, travel, and fashion,
so I post pictures

of what I wear and pictures of
what I eat

and then if I go some places,

I also put some tips
that I give about that.

- [Greg] Honey.

- Yeah.

- Can you help me
with this thing?

- What's that?

- This thing I got in the mail.

It's the extender thing I told
you about.

The stretching thing.

- Oh.

- I can't put it together,
I don't know how to do it.

Can you help me?

You know I can't do
these kinds of things,

I've been looking
at it for half an hour.

It's got a hundred pieces.

- The instructions for mounting.

Pee-pee goes here.

- Uh-huh.

- And then you have to put
this like this, the plastic.

And then the head of the pee-pee

goes inside of this rubber.

- In here?

- Yeah.

- Well give me the
instructions and from there

and this is what I have.

- Here, put it in a box.

Put everything in a box
so you don't lose 'em.

- This is the box it came in,

add the little, there it is.

- Yeah.

- It's nice.

It's a nice package.
- Well you put

the extender here.

And then the other stuff,

you leave it in the
box anyway, okay.

- Thank you.

- My dream world sometimes
get interrupted by reality.

(Nani laughing)

One more day at the office.

- Yeah well, this office sucks.

I want a new business.

Unbelievable, unbelievable.

Going down, now it's six,
it was at 6.1 last week.

And I was at 4.9, now
I'm back down to 4.8,

right where I
fucking started from.

(whiteboard crashing)

- It's okay.

- Official measurements,
six inches in length,

4.8 in circumference.

I got one more week America,

one more week
Jimmy Johnson, you fucker.

I hate that guy, I really do.

- What do you
want now, long, stretching?

- Well now after this,
you know I'm going fucking

balls to the wall this week.

I'm doing every single
fucking thing I got.

(dramatic music)

This was it, the final round.

I made one more leap
into the great unknown.

I clicked every pop
up ad I came across.

- You weren't lying about
those little pills bro.

I don't know what
the heck you sent me,

but this is sick, my dick
ballooned up, ha, ha.

- [Greg] I did whatever it
would take to win this fight.

I maxed out my credit card,

bought more shit
off the internet.

- [Ron] Now there's more.

As a bonus offer you add
Naturally Huge DPT Cream.

- [Greg] Oh God.

(upbeat music)

- [Lady] Honey there's
nothing wrong with your penis.

Your penis is fine.

- Perrier Line hypnotherapy.

Days blurred together.

Money back guarantee.

And each product I tried
was weirder than the last.

(upbeat music)

- Ooh shit. (moaning)

- [Greg] I ran faster than
I had ever run before.

Running increases blood flow,

which is good for the penis.

I pumped harder than I
had ever pumped before.

- No water till you're done.

No water till you're done.

(Greg screaming)

- I stretched myself
to the very limit.

- [Greg] Most men want to
perform the best they can

in just about everything.

Isn't that why we buy the
biggest and best of everything?

So if you want that maximum
performance edge every day,

I'd say go long with ExtenZe.

- [Greg] 'Cause this experiment

wasn't just about me anymore.

It was about every boy in
every locker room in America,

who had ever snuck a peek
and thought to himself,

I could be bigger,
I should be bigger,

I will be bigger.

I may have been born into
this world an average man,

but I was damned if I was
going to leave it that way.

Yeah I know.

- [Nani] If it's--

- [Greg] Yeah, I wish I did.

- Wow. (laughs)

- Ah man.

It did not work.

I do not believe that these
products are effective.

And now we know.

- Did he ever think those
pills would work, but oh well.

- It's not just pills man.

- Yeah, the whole process.

So that's it, life continues.

(solemn music)

- [Greg] The experiment was a
failure.

None of the
products I tried worked.

I wasn't any bigger.

Taking the advice of my wife
and everyone I had ever met,

I went to see a therapist
about my problem.

- How did you feel when
you were a little boy,

did you, in terms of your
sense of power in this world?

- Timid, I was kind of timid.

I was loud and funny.

- [Therapist] Mm-hmm.

- And I was always getting
kicked out of class

for being the class clown
for hours at a time.

I mean, we started with
my educational experience.

- [Therapist] And in those
years you were the class clown?

And you were doing really well,

like you had the whole
class just laughing?

How did you feel in that space?

- Powerful, good.

- Powerful, sounds like
you spent a lot of time

over the last decade or
more measuring yourself

and things like that.

You've changed your behavior
you know in many ways.

It sounds like you very
might well have at least

a certain level of body
dysmorphic disorder.

I don't know if it's just--

- [Greg] What if I don't have
body dysmorphic disorder?

What if I really just want
and need a bigger penis,

like overall big,
isn't that possible?

- Well, you might
want to get a journal.

I would suggest that you
get a journal that is

maybe actually an art journal

and then create
some kind of image

about how you're feeling

from a physical
standpoint on that day.

And just put a
sketch of your body.

- [Greg] I was pretty sure I
didn't have

body dysmorphic disorder.

I had a physical problem,
not a psychological one.

But if drawing pictures was
gonna help me feel better,

I was all for it.

What do you think the
biggest man looks like?

The man with the largest
penis in the world,

what do you think he looks like?

- [Audience Member] Funny
answers.

- No I mean his body.

What do you think he looks at.

- [Audience Member] He looks
content.

- Tall and skinny.

He looks content and satisfied.

That's interesting,
anybody else?

- [Audience Member] Very tall,
huge hands.

- [Greg] And the general
consensus

is the guy with
the largest penis

should be tall,
big hands, big feet,

and probably black, right?

- [Audience Member] Right.

- [Audience Member] Yeah.

- [Greg] Well he ain't.

(dramatic music)

- [Narrator] Chapter two,
Jonah And The Whale Penis.

- There's a gentleman by
the name of Jonah Falcon,

he has a large penis.

In fact, he's got the
largest penis on record.

- Does size matter, it's a
question that keeps men
wondering

and women
talking for a long time.

But our next guest, size
is definitely an issue.

(Jonah laughing)

- [Interviewer] Now do you
really truly have the record

for the world's largest penis.

- [Jonah] Officially, yeah.

- Jonah Falcon
was officially traveling

and the TSA stopped him
because they noticed

that there was a
bulge in his pants.

(man laughing)

- Dude, they thought
it was a weapon.

Come on, come on,
I retired right there.

- [Greg] There are some
things in this world

you have to see
with your own eyes

to appreciate the grandeur.

The Great Pyramids,
The Eiffel Tower,

and the world's largest cock.

- I'm under the impression
it's about 13.5.

- 13..5 right,
without using a ruler,

I go from here to
the crook of my elbow.

- [Greg] What was this man like?

What was his life like?

What was going to happen if I
sat down

in the same room with the man

with the world's largest penis?

This was daunting,
this was frightening.

This was therapy.

People always talk about
the inequality of wealth,

the 99% versus the 1%,

but what got me was
the inequality of size.

13.5 inches, this guy was
definitely a one percenter.

I wondered what it would be like

to be in the top 1% of penises.

That night I had a
strange and vivid dream.

(upbeat music)

♪ Quite a long time ago

♪ I saw you in a dream

♪ So when we meet today I
will redream your scene ♪

♪ Strong and sweet,
away you eat ♪

♪ A continental way

♪ And so another day,
one day and way ♪

♪ You sail away

♪ Into uncharted seas

♪ Uncharted like my heat

♪ That you have seen

(motors whirring)
(workers chattering)

- [Lady] Yeah, yeah.

(trains rattling)

- Just got off the
train, we're waiting for

Mr. Jonah Falcon
ladies and gentlemen.

The biggest man in the world.

There you go, the biggest
penis on the planet.

Look at this plane.

Is that him?

No it's not, fuck.

There's a whole social
structure of the world

with this man and we were left

in a real post
apocalyptic world,

the likes of which we see
in movies all the time.

It wouldn't be Will Smith,

although I'm sure
he's very hung,

he wouldn't be the last
survivor.

That would be the last survivor.

This is the most specialized
and therefore the most

you know,
the survival of the fittest.

He's the most fit because
he's the most specialized

naked ape in all the
naked ape family.

- Hi.

- Jonah, it's good to meet you.

- [Greg] Oh my god, we're
talking about unfair.

- Yeah, see my
thumb is over here.

It's smaller here.

- It's fucking, there
goes that stupid theory.

How much of your self-confidence
do you think the fact--

- Okay it's not something,
there's a lot of insecurities,

that's not one of them.

- [Greg] Okay.

- I'm never more
insecure about my body.

You know, I feel these guys
are really ripped you know.

Like that you know,
eight pack, 12 pack.

Asses you could
bounce quarters off of.

- If a genie came
down right now and said,

Jonah Falcon I'ma give
you 10 million dollars,

but you got to give me
something in return.

I'm gonna make your
master penis five inches,

a little smaller than
average, would you do it?

- I don't know, it's rhetorical

and I wouldn't know the answer.

Have the actual genie here and
have him pop in front of me

and maybe I'll be
able to answer that.

- [Greg] No, I know it's
hypothetical, but ...

- I don't know.

This is more like bread than
it is an actual pretzel.

- [Greg] This is where
the biggest man lives.

- Temporarily, so a friend
of mine sent me this,

which is 15 inches long.

For me it's normal to
have three fists worth.

When I look down I don't
see anything special.

I just see a
normal you know, dick.

(upbeat music)

- Your penis is
on top of the wall.

- [Jonah] No, it's not me.

See I have it wrapped around
the side, which is here.

I say prefer constriction.

I don't to swing
loose 'cause it hurts me.

♪ I saw you in a dream

- [Greg] It turns out that
the world's largest man

didn't want to be known
for his penis size.

He dreamed of being a
singer, an actor, a dancer.

♪ Only the good die young

♪ Only the good die young

- You sing, you dance and
you have a master penis,

that's all of it, that's a
triple threat.

- I guess.

- [Greg] We had a good time,

but it was nothing like I had
dreamed of.

♪ Take my hand

- [Greg] Still, it was one
more thing I had to do.

(heart beating)

♪ And sail under old suns

- [Greg] Nature said,
if you stare long enough

into the abyss, the
abyss stares back at you.

(trains rattling)

- [Narrator] And so it was,
that our here,

shaken to his very
core at the sight

of the most monstrous
of monster cocks.

Turns to his ancestors
for wisdom and guidance.

What were the forces
driving humanity?

Were these the same forces
driving his obsession?

Is it something primal

or something he picked
up along the way?

Was he alone or was
he with all the world?

Why did he care that other
men were larger than he?

He began to think bigger.

(upbeat dramatic music)

- 'Cause I want to be next
to him, that's all I ask!

No one's asking all
these people here.

You're apes, you're nothing
more than naked apes.

All right, I did a
little Christmas shopping

on 34th Street.

Got some dildos here.

And oh there it goes.

They make it easy to open, you
know in cases of emergency.

You watch pornography?

- Every day.

- Since you were how old?

- Probably about 14 years old.

- And you watch it on like
iPhone and fucking iPad?

- iPhone, BlackBerry, mags,
whatever man, computer.

- Do you ever
get self-conscious like,

that you weren't as big
as the guys in the porno,

and get like jealous of them,
like they're really big?

- Nah, nah, I mean
you go too big

it's like the girls
don't want that.

You know you got the right size,

you know how
to use it, you're good to go.

- So you don't care, you never
got jealous

like guys with
the biggest penis?

- I mean a little bit I guess.

- Oh my god.

- If there are three
penis left on earth

and you had to pick one,

yeah hold it, hold it.

(lady laughing)

- [Man] Look at that
fucker right there man.

- I pick none of the above.

- [Greg] None of them, why not?

- They're huge.

You kind of see it
when it goes in you.

So it's like, you see
that it's a joke.

- [Greg] So it's a visual issue
here too.

- It's a visual and a joke,
kind of disgusting right?

- [Greg] Okay this one, no.

- [Lady] That's too,
it would pop my lungs.

(upbeat music)

(everyone laughing)

- Look at that, let me see that.

- [Man] Uh-oh, uh-oh.

- You selling them shit?

- [Lady] You know what, I
would try all them of those.

- Big cocks.

- All right.

- Here's one, they're both
sticky.

They're not used
but they're all sticky.

- Oh.

- I know it's gross.

Three penises left on
earth, what would you do?

- If this one had balls,
I would choose this one.

- You know I would
like just once

for a girl to say wow, you're
hurting me.

- Yes, just once.

- [Lady] This one right there.

- you know what they talk
about that size don't matter,

it's a lie, it's a lie,
don't lie

to yourself ladies,
size does matter.

- You cannot argue with this.

There is no
retort to a giant cock.

It is sexual, it is primordial,

it is a representation of
everything

as human beings we dream about.

Big, powerful, and fucking,
just a beautiful thing.

This is, you can't argue with
someone

with a giant fucking cock.

What are you gonna say?

Never went to high school,
so what, look at this?

Oh you don't have a very
sophisticated idea of paw-paws,

interesting, look at this.

Why you don't eat healthy,
you don't know

or understand the environment

that if you eat beef it causes
tremendous negative effects

on the environment, yeah, well
look at this piece of beef.

Look at this piece of beef, huh.

(solemn music)

(birds chirping)

That's Jonah Falcon,
Jonah the whale,

that's his giant whale penis
and his big whale balls.

You know I'm yelling help,

I feel like I'm trapped in
his big penis whale body.

And I'm sad you know
'cause I'd like a penis

almost as big as his anyway.

He's sad too because
Jonah is a sad big whale.

And these are all the
different little penises

inside the whale 'cause it would
take like

a million of my penises to
fill up his whale penis.

The guy has the biggest
penis, so that's something.

(solemn music)

- [Narrator] Chapter three,
Naked Apes.

- If they discovered that
Jesus had a two inch penis,

this big, erect and well they
discovered

he had a 12 inch penis,

and that loin cloth was pulled
down slowly

and you saw he had a 12 inch
fucking cock

or a little micro penis,
do you think that your,

just immediately, your
biological reaction

would be any
different and would it form

how you viewed
him as both a man and a--

- [Audience Member] Ah.

(audience laughing)

- That's why they
never show his dick.

You know why they
never show his dick,

not because of modesty,
because you don't know

what kind of dick to paint
for the fucking Son Of God.

They show him with a 12 inch
cock hanging down to his leg,

it's pornographic, you
show him with no dick,

he's a fucking freak,
that's not a God.

So what are you gonna do?

You always try to make Jesus
kind of thin,

you know kind of
tall but not too much,

you know kind of cut,
you know what I'm saying?

'Cause you have to be careful.

- [Audience Member] That's your
obsession,

obsession, obsession!

(solemn music)

(sirens blaring)

- [Greg] I was lost in the
jungle.

So I went to see one of
the wisest men I know,

my good friend and mentor,

Professor Steven Boss.

- Oh Greg, nice to see you.

- [Greg] How are you?

Good to see you.

- It's good to see you.

- I have maybe falsely
attributed penis size

to one's own power in the world

and that is something that
people have done historically,

so I'm not totally alone.

- I see you're in good, yes
that's right, good company.

(men laughing)

This may be an error,

but it's an error of historic
proportions.

Since the dawn of time,
man has made this mistake.

(professor laughing)

- [Greg] I plan on continuing.

- [Professor] And I plan to
continue.

- Who am I to correct this?

- Don't you come to think
that of all the variables

in life, this may be one
of the least important?

- I'll say this,

that you know, out of all,

a lot of our concerns in the
west is superficial anyway.

We have a car, we have
a kind of thing right.

And out of those
superficial things

that people stress out about,

it is one of the least
superficial.

(professor laughing)

So.

(upbeat music)

Maybe my professor and
everybody else was right

and I was wasting my time.

But I still felt like I was
doing something important.

And that being the conduit

for all men's insecurities
was a noble cause.

And maybe that's
the difference between us

and our ancestral cousins.

The ability to dream, to hope,

to make heroes out of men.

I left New York and
headed up to Boston

to dig deeper into my past.

I went to speak to an
ex-girlfriend,

who was yet another unfortunate
victim of my obsession.

(patrons chattering)

Do you think that my penis
obsession

was a major factor in our
relationship?

- Well I think it was all
you ever talked about really.

(Greg laughing)

- Oh, that was pretty major.

- Yeah, it was
major in your world,

I mean it was all
you thought about.

- [Greg] Would you look at me?

- Wasn't it?

- [Greg] Yeah, I think that I
remember.

- And it made you, and
you were angry. (laughs)

- Yeah, but not
violent though, no.

- But it made you like,
you felt really helpless

around your penis size.

- [Greg] I know, I did.

- It was silly,
I thought it was silly.

But I knew you were in pain,
so it wasn't, it was sad.

But I mean kind of, I mean how
do you not think it's funny?

But it's a real issue, no
and I think it's important

'cause I think women
struggle with body image

and men struggle with it

and no one talks about
men's struggle with it.

And I mean I had a, I
was in a relationship

with someone for a long
time that was a body builder

and he never
could be big enough.

In his muscles. (laughs)

- Right, I didn't think
I could feel worse,

but I think I just did,
go ahead.

All right, through
all the bullshit,

if you have a
boyfriend with a big dick

and you're talking to your
girlfriends

and you're talking
about penis size,

you say my boyfriend has
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

oh my god it's crazy,
I can't even do it,

on some level you're proud
of him, let's face it.

And that means it means
something.

All I want, I mean I want--

- No, I was proud of Kelly.

- There you go, I'm just ...

- If this was Kelly,
he was so big, but ...

- [Greg] Was he long too?

- I don't know, like
yeah, he was like this.

(upbeat music)

- [Lady] Oh my God.

Oh my God, my son, (laughs)
hello sweetie.

♪ It's raining

- Maybe I'm just not a normal
person,

but I don't, I wanna--

- Well honey you are definitely
obsessed with something

that most people
aren't obsessed with.

- Well I think guys are, but
maybe I'm just too sensitive.

- Sensitive, well you are
sensitive,

but there are better ways
to exploit that sensitivity.

- There was a guy,
just two days ago,

in London, who died

because he went
to a female doctor

who wasn't a doctor
and she was supposed to

enlarge his penis using
some kind of silicone.

And she was a fraud,
and he died.

- [Mom] Are you serious?

- [Greg] Yes, a few days ago.

- Well silicone,
but doesn't that?

- [Greg] My point is
when you hear a guy died

trying to make his penis
bigger it's a little funny.

It's funny only because--

- [Mom] No it's not funny,

and now men are doing, you know.

I think it's a terrible,
it's a terrible statement,

but men and women now are
so obsessed with perfection,

which is not human,
it's not normal.

Perfection is not normal.

It's not desirable.

And the fact that so
many people now think

perfection is desirable
and what to attain it

through whatever means possible,

even dangerous means, is sad.

I think it's sad.

- Well it is sad, now
that the guy is dead.

- [Mom] I know and
it seems like a waste.

- Unbelievable penis though,
believe that, he was, no way.

This is my sister, me,
my little brother.

Mom, look how pretty, in
the middle, in high school.

This is my favorite picture
probably of all time.

It's me, my sister, and
my mom in the middle.

(country music)

While I was away, my
life at home fell apart.

My wife and I had our
problems like any couple.

But this completely
took me by surprise.

We're separating, officially
as of this Valentine's Day.

I don't want to, I'm
still in love with her.

But she's no longer
in love with me.

- That's correct I guess.

- I want on record as the
first boyfriend you have,

first serious boyfriend, cannot
be, I'm gonna draw a penis,

it can't be bigger than this,
I'm serious.

That's pretty big, well.

- [Nani] You're sick.

- I know it's sick,
well I'm sick.

- [Nani] That's right.

- [Greg] It's just,
it could be longer,

you know what, you want a longer
penis, get a longer penis.

- We're going through a divorce,

something that's so
sentimentally--

- [Greg] I mean Nani I've
been crying for days okay.

I'm having a little
bit of fun now,

but I'm also serious about,

I don't want you to date
a guy with a huge penis.

Please, just give me that.

- [Nani] The problem
is not the penis.

- There's nothing I can do,

to convince you to stay with me?

- No.

- Here's my
impression of divorce,

my impression of
divorce is, is it's well,

look it was great meeting you,

you know I think we really
learned a lot from each other,

and you learned from
me, I learned from you,

and we grew as people and
everything comes to an end.

There's a half-life for
everything.

So I think it's just
great that we can work

on it amicably and not
worry about who gets what,

these kind of, give me
my fucking coffee pot.

You know what take it all, no
take it all, take everything!

If you take that coffee
pot you're fucking dead.

(solemn music)

- [Narrator] Chapter four,
The Brotherhood Of Manhood.

And so it was, on that
small blue green earth,

that our hero, the man to whom
humanity would owe so much,

found himself at his
lowest point in our tale.

Weary and flaccid, he felt like

giving up his quest
for a larger penis

and a deeper understanding
of human sexuality.

But although his heart was
broken,

his spirit was too engorged,
his will too penetrating,

and thus he looked
to the heavens

for a sign to show him the way.

- Perfection's not desirable,
it's not desirable.

- Don't lie to yourself
ladies, size does matter.

- It's more like bread than
it is an actual pretzel.

- We cross the skin and then
we freely travel under the skin

between the cavernosum
and the skin.

We go all the way to the
neck, all the way to the neck,

and then start doing one big,

one big clicking as we retreat.

Typically I like to
draw line right.

Typically when patients leave,
they leave looking like this.

- [Greg] This was
Dr. Casavantes,

who operated out
of Tijuana, Mexico.

Casavantes specialized in a
girth enhancement procedure

using PMMA,
here's how it worked.

(upbeat music)

♪ Twist it up

- [Greg] Medical grade PMMA,
or Polymethyl methacrylate,

consists of tiny
pieces of plastic.

These plastic microspheres,
when injected into the penis,

are treated by the dick
as foreign invaders.

The dick reacts by
building collagen

and locking these pieces
of plastic into place.

I preferred PMMA over silicone,

which can more easily migrate

to different parts of the body.

And that was the
last thing I needed.

And then they're always fat
injections.

Take fat out of your tummy
and shove it into your dick.

Sounds perfect right?

Problem is, that the fat
often gets reabsorbed

and the penis ends
up looking lumpy.

♪ The underground

- [Greg] And then there was
AlloDerm, or cadaver skin.

♪ You got to feel
what I'm saying ♪

- [Greg] AlloDerm
offered much more

of the results than fat
injections,

but required a far more
invasive procedure.

And what about length?

Elongating the penis is possible

by cutting the suspensory
ligament,

the problem is that
most of the gains

are in the flaccid state,
not the erect state.

It doesn't do you much
good when you're fucking.

It was also a chance of penile
shortening,

and I didn't have an
inch to spare.

(upbeat music)

This was a big decision,
I needed time to think.

I went to see my family,

see what they
thought about all this.

Hello.

- Hello, how are you Greg?

- [Greg] Good.

- [Grandpa] Good to see you,
come on in.

- Hi sweetie.

- [Greg] Mom.

- Yes.

(lady laughing)

- Come on, you all right?

Go to Tijuana.

- What?

- So the surgery's in Tijuana.

- What?

- See I asked about that.

- Who?

- [Mom] Mexico?

- It's just girth
enlargement via injections

with PMMA, which
is a kind of plastic

little microsphere thing.

And that just makes it thicker.

- So what you're
gonna end up with,

is a penis that looks like a
Pepsi can.

- If you're gonna get PMMA,

you go to Dr. Cervantes.

- Well that's good to know.

- [Greg] Remember that.

- I guess.

- [Greg] He's your friend dad.

- I remember that.

- It's like people feel
like you're born a woman

but they're a guy or they were
born a man,

but they're a woman.

I feel I was supposed to be
born with a bigger penis.

I don't think this was the
penis I was supposed to have.

I just don't believe it.

I know it sounds crazy.

- It is.
- But I don't this it's crazy.

- You know with the
way the world is going,

I'm happy that I have lived
through

what I considered to be the
best years in the United States.

And I'm kind of glad that this
is coming on behind me too.

(everyone laughing)

- For all their wisdom,
they just didn't get it.

They were from a
different generation.

I mean my grandfather still
thinks Bonanza's a good show.

I went back east to see my
little brother,

who's on spring break.

I need to speak to someone
younger,

that can understand my plight.

- How's it going?

- It's been a long time.

- [Greg] This was
gonna be a blast.

- What's the deal with
this whole divorce thing?

What's going on, is this really
happening?

- It's happening.

I'm fucking heartbroken, I
really am.

I been fucking crying every
day for like weeks now.

- That sucks bro.

I mean take your mind off of
things, these next few days.

- So what else is
going on with you?

- Not much bro, this is my
spring break,

so we gotta rage.

Everyone else is you
know, going to like Cancun

and other places, so.

- Well what about the girls,
come on.

Tell me stories.

- You got me
fucking thinking about

this shit all the
time now, fucking--

- [Greg] Thinking
about what shit?

- This fucking,
this big dick shit.

Fucking, you talk
about it so much.

- You do, you were
telling me on the phone,

you been thinking about this?

- Yeah, fucking every
since you were telling me,

you know it's fucking all
about thickness and shit.

And I always thought that
I was like fucking thin,

so I was worried,
and I've always

thought this the whole time.

So I fucking I finally--

- [Greg] You have a big penis.

- I finally did the measurement,

fucking I never did the
circumference, fucking.

- [Greg] What's the
length and circumference?

- Seven, 5.5 motherfucker.

- Seven inches length,
the right way,

measuring from the--

- Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Like I taught you?

I didn't show you, I taught you.

- You did not show me,
but yeah, you told me--

- Seven inches, that's nice,
good for you.

- Yeah, that's good,

that's fucking better
than most motherfuckers.

- That's very good.

Five five circumference?

- Five five thick dude,
I had no idea.

- Five five thick.

32 years old, divorced,
slightly jealous of my brother

'cause his penis is thicker,
what a fucking loser.

- [Bro] And longer.

- And longer.

(upbeat music)

After a heart to heart, we
headed north

for a sit down with the founders

of Small Penis Support Group.

How you doing?

- [Man] How are you?

- An online organization,
dedicated to increasing

awareness and sensitivity
for men with small penises.

There was a brotherhood of
manhood,

a tribe of men leading
lives of quiet desperation.

Meet the 55%, the mini majority.

(upbeat music)

That afternoon, they told
their small penis stories,

and I told mine.

- I went out with this girl.

We went to a movie
theater and saw a movie,

she blew me in the movie,
so it was a good experience.

- Yeah.
- Overall.

Leaving from this great
blowjob, by the way, (bleeping),

I give you that.

Leaving the theater
she says, she's like,

"Huh, that was weird."

And I'm like, "What's
weird, what do you mean?"

And she says,
"Oh just, oh nothing."

I'm like, "No, what's weird?"

She says, "Well
it's just strange

"'cause you're so
confident and most men,

"every guy that I ever met

"that's confident is well hung."

(men laughing)

We are just about to enter
Philadelphia,

the home of Will Smith
and the cheesesteak.

(upbeat music)

- It has like a pressure
gage, are you serious?

- Oh yeah, how else you supposed
to tell when to stop, duh.

- [Bro] Oh my god.

♪ When it comes to swaggerific

♪ When your swagger is
simplistic ♪

♪ I'm amazing girl,
it's crazing ♪

♪ Bitch get out, game over

♪ I take the game over

♪ I'm so far from sober

♪ We gone tell the club up

- How long are you
in hands, you ready?

- It's two hands plus a
thumb and it's this, boom.

- Oh yeah.

- It's about eight or nine
inches,

you can really
slap someone's face.

- You can really slap.

(man imitating slapping)

It's like half an arm.

♪ I'm so swaggerrific

♪ When your swagger is
simplistic ♪

♪ I'm amazing girl
it's craving ♪

♪ Bitch get out,
it's game over
\ ♪

♪ I'll take the game over

♪ I'm so far from sober

- In a post apocalyptic world,

if there were only three
dicks left on earth.

- [Lady] Hell no.

- [Greg] Hell no, hell yes.

♪ Take a drink

(man yelling)

♪ Yeah, are you
feeling all right ♪

- That's right, those boobs.

- At a certain level you
don't learn anything new

and at a certain level
you got what you got.

And I got what I got.

- You motherfucker.

You motherfucker.

We're here in Philadelphia,
'bout to have lunch

at either Pat's or Geno's.

- Gotta do 'em both.

- Gotta do 'em both.

Everyone's tried
Geno's and Pat's,

they're rated,
they're based on taste,

but nobody has
rated them based on size.

Something I believe to be more
important.

It should be
from the beef right?

- Beef is the meat.

- [Greg] Let's measure the meat.

- [Greg] Yeah, but what if that
piece of meat slid up here?

- Yeah, you gotta do
the rolls, do the rolls.

- [Greg] Do the rolls, do the
roll.

All right that's what nine and--

- [Bro] 9 3/8.

- [Greg] No.

- [Bro] 9 1/4.

- [Greg] Yeah, we'll do 9 1/4.

- [Bro] All right here
we go, here's the test.

Oh it's messy.

- [Greg] Ooh, that's messy boy.

Oh that's a big boy.

Squeeze it.

Nine inches, this is smaller.

- [Bro] Nine, slightly smaller.

- Slightly under nine, do
circumference.

That has a lot to do with it
too because a lot of meat,

you know what I mean?

That's probably even more
important.

Wow, eight.

- [Bro] Ooh, it's 7 3/4.

- If I was a girl and I
was touching like a dick,

I would never want it to stop.

- Just endless, endless?

- You know what I mean?

I would be like ah, no
way, no way, no way.

- 10.

- [Greg] No.

- Yeah, pretty much.

Six, look at that, the
metal bar goes to six.

- It's the same the whole way,

the same the whole way, right.

- It's a little thinner
at the base, but not much.

Maybe an eighth of an inch,
quarter of an inch at the most.

- This is it man,
it's where it's at.

You know and the thing is
people talk about money

and they talk about success,
they talk about knowledge,

everybody has their own
dreams in life you know,

but there's always a
measurement of success.

Money, fame, accomplishment.

- Happiness.

- Yeah, but happiness
is too broad,

you know what I'm saying.

The thing is, the truth is,

this is the one thing
you can't question.

This is the one
unquestionable fact about,

the one unquestionable
fact, nobody can say,

there's people who say
money doesn't matter,

you care about money
or investment banking,

but that doesn't matter.

There's people who say, oh
you think you're artist,

into art, that doesn't matter.

Oh there's people
who say I have a family,

I love my kids, that doesn't
matter, you have kids

and you live in
the suburbs, so what.

Nobody ever says that,
no one ever questions

the potency of this object.

This is beautiful in your mind
no matter how you look at it.

(brother chuckling)

Doesn't mean you
want to fuck it,

but it's appealing visually.

- I guess.

(both laughing)

Okay.

(solemn music)

- Hey, so here we
are at Tony Luke's.

We're gonna see
how big it truly is.

If what they say is true.

Oh wow, that is
certainly longer.

I can tell already that
it's certainly longer

than the other cheesesteaks.

Wow, it's 10 inches.

3/4 of an inch longer
than Pat's and Geno's.

Geno's was 9 1/4,
Pat's was nine.

Significantly larger than both.

Over 10% larger than
both Pat's and Geno's.

(brother laughing)

- What's this?

- What you never had a 10
inch Tony Luke's before?

It's the biggest cheesesteak
in all of Philly.

- Oh, oh.

(upbeat music)

- [Greg] We were
back on the road.

I was determined to
find a place in America

where penis size didn't matter.

And if there was such a place.

- [Bro] A donkey.

- [Greg] I had heard
it was here.

(men laughing)

- [Both] It's spring break 2012.

- [Bro] Rolling with the Amish.

(both yelling)

- You ever looked at another

you know hoped
that it was bigger?

- No.

- I think these people
are probably happier

than everybody else is.

I don't think they're
obsessed with penis size

to the extent that I am.

I mean are they even people

and everyone else is.

I think they'd find
a simpler way of life,

maybe that's the answer for me.

(solemn music)

As my trip came to a close,

I read an article about
a boy named Justin Street

in Newark, New Jersey
who had died

during a botched penile
enhancement procedure.

Messing with your dick had
consequences.

I went to speak to his father
about what had happened.

Hi, Mr. Miles?

Hi, nice to meet you.

Thank you for doing this, I
appreciate it.

- Yeah, no problem.

- I read about your late son,
I read the article about him.

What happened to him
was very moving to me.

If you could say
something to him now,

what would you tell your son?

- I would tell him you know,

God gave you that for a reason.

So you should be happy and
blessed with what you got.

If a person don't accept
you the way you are,

you don't need to be with them.

I definitely would have told him

not to go that route you know.

It's a hard lesson
he had to learn.

- [Greg] No please,
take your time.

- Why this thing is a
marginal thing you know,

who wouldn't
want to be the biggest?

This is the card that we
made up for the obituary

before the funeral.

- [Greg] And you, oh okay.

Oh that's beautiful.

- [Dad] Thank you.

- You think it's part of an
American

cultural obsession
with being better?

- Yeah, yeah.

(solemn music)

- My brother's spring
break was over

and it was time to return to
Los Angeles, to an empty home.

Justin Street, the 55
percenters,

after all I had seen
and everyone I had met,

I still didn't know what to do.

The only thing I
did know for sure

was that I was a RedTube
man, through and through.

(loud booming)

- [Narrator] Chapter five,
The Girthening.

- Anybody ever get
a computer virus,

you get a computer virus?

- [Audience Member]
Yeah, plenty of times.

- From watching too
much porn, is that why?

- [Audience Member] Yeah I
downloaded.

- A couple of weeks ago
I think my last laptop,

I went to Best Buy,
the Geek Squad right?

And I was very
embarrassed because

right in the middle
of the store,

they open up the motherboard

to see what was
wrong with it right?

- [Audience Member] Oh my god.

- And they found a 12 inch
black dick about this big,

inside the computer.

No there was a big pair of tits,

and a fucking cock,
and it was disgusting.

- [Doctor] These go to
some really deep feelings

of feeling less than, not
feeling enough.

- [Greg] Yeah.

- [Doctor] Just being in
the presence or in this case

engulfed by the whale,
you know puts you at

this early age you know,
feeling five,

feeling helpless, not enough.

All right, so now let's go to
this one.

- [Greg] That's a happy one.

I'm basking in the sun,
but the I go my own way

and I leave everybody behind.

- [Doctor] Hmm, and you
leave everybody behind.

- Yeah, I have
bigger things to do.

The 55 percenters
say that 55% of men

aren't happy with
their penis size

according to statistics,
55% of men.

- [Trainer] I tune you out
and probably did, go ahead.

- [Greg] Yeah,
you think I'm crazy,

but over half of men think
their penis is too small,

so if you're fine
you're in the minority.

- I'm fine.

- I met this guys that have
an online support group.

The Small Penis Support Group.

- Are you--

- They do, on Facebook.

- Oh fuck, I mean honestly,
what did you learn?

You fucking traveled the
country,

talked to all these people,

what did you get out of it
besides torturing yourself

and fucking torturing me with
these fucking dick stories

every time you
come fucking back?

- [Greg] I don't know.

- You come with all these
different fucking things

you could do, are you
gonna do it or don't?

'Cause I'm tired of hearing
about the dicks, you know.

Every time you
come with these sad faces

and these fucking support
groups and shit like that.

You know what I mean?

Either you gone do something
or you not, you know.

- [Nurse] You're
doing this for fertility?

- Yeah, to freeze it.

- [Nurse] Just checking
it or you're doing it

to freeze it, okay.

- Mainly to freeze it.

- [Nurse] Yeah, it's a
consult to discuss

and he'll discuss whatever
your treatment plans are.

- Okay.

- [Nurse] Okay.

- Okay, thank you.

- [Nurse] You've got it.

(upbeat music)

- People always ask
me why I did it.

What was the final
thing to set me off?

The break-up of my marriage,
my addiction to porn,

some feeling of powerlessness
from my childhood,

but the answer is much
simpler than all that.

I did it because I was answering
the call of the naked ape.

A call I had been conditioned
to ignore, to fight against.

(helicopter whirring)

- We're just gonna record
the time you finished,

did everything go
in the cup, yes or no.

- I did it because
it was the only way

I knew how to regain
my power in this world.

It's the old school,
Christy Canyon huh?

I used to love her as a kid.

Butt Fucked Babes, ooh,
the last guy had a,

the last guy had Hot Hairy
Muffs. (laughs)

I'm a pervert.

I did it because studies
overwhelmingly show

that a thicker penis provides

more sexual stimulation
for the human female.

There are those who say we
should suppress

these primitive instincts.

But in a world in
which 55% of men

are unhappy with
their penis size,

these efforts are clearly
failing.

Goodbye porn machine, goodbye.

I broke three last year
downloading so many porns.

- [Nani] The only laptop
that is strong enough today.

- I believe that our primal
instincts

do not stand in
opposition to our future.

You're apes, you're nothing
more than naked apes!

And in fact, the naked
ape might even be the way.

- It's more like bread than
it is an actual pretzel.

- [Narrator] And so,
our hero journeyed forth

by shuttle to Tijuana, Mexico,

where he would undergo
a series of injections

of PMMA into his penis to
increase its circumference.

But while he sought to satisfy
his most primal of urges,

he was simultaneously
laying the foundation

for a world in which penis
size no longer mattered.

If he succeeded, he knew
that know and for all time,

every man could be a one
percenter.

For the only way to
strip the power

from the penis,
once and for all,

is to make every single
man as big as the next.

(dramatic music)

- [Man] You know
what this is right?

- [Doctor] What
we're doing here,

we're locating the urethra here.

The area where the urethra goes,

is where we'll stay away
from, from that area.

The feeler, starts on
the sides of it.

- [Greg] I brought some
squeeze balls though.

Oh my God, this is like a--

- [Man] A bullet.

- [Man] A squeeze ball.

- [Doctor] Okay,
what we're doing here

is we're going to
start blocking the penis

with an injection of
Lidocaine with no epinephrine.

The reason why we
don't use epinephrine

is because it's one in
the areas in the body

that does not indicative
to use epinephrine,

so it's just Lidocaine.

Here comes a little.

- [Doctor] A little pinch.

- [Doctor] A little pinch.

- [Greg] Boy that burns.

- [Doctor] We're doing
what is called

the circular anesthesia
of the penis.

- [Doctor] More?

- [Doctor] Mm-hmm, one more.

(dramatic music)

And now this is a cannula,
it's not a needle anymore.

The cannula is rather the tip.

- [Doctor] The blunt tip.

You're gonna feel
pressure, that's all.

- [Doctor] And we're
depositing more Lidocaine,

now underneath the skin.

- [Doctor] Did you
eat today Greg?

- [Greg] I did yeah.

- [Doctor] Good.

- [Doctor] No pain?

- [Doctor] It's okay,
we want you to eat.

You feel a little pinch?

Now you're numb,
you're really numb.

- I'm so excited, I'm excited.
(laughs)

- [Doctor] Mm-hmm.

- [Doctor] Yeah and it
looks, most of the end.

- [Doctor] Give me four,
using a number five.

- [Doctor] This is what
we put injection gun

and it's basically every
click is perfectly controlled.

If we used manual injections,
we can go very regular.

But with this, every click
is exactly the same amount.

So this helps to get smoother
results, definitely, and ...

- [Doctor] He's got a
lot of this going on,

it'll be all right?

- [Doctor] Yeah.

Big time, one, two, everybody.

(gun clicking)

And we draw, imaginary
lines of product.

- [Doctor] 10%?

- [Doctor] 10%.

- [Doctor] Hold that.

We just have to wait for that.

- [Doctor] Yeah.

(gun clicking)

Done.

- [Doctor] Mm-hmm.

- [Doctor] You want to do the
far side?

- [Doctor] I think the one more.

- [Doctor] Okay, good.

(men laughing)

- One more,
you know what, go ahead,

Stick one more
in there if you could.

- [Doctor] Okay.

(gun clicking)

Looking better.

- [Greg] Yeah, looking better.

- [Doctor] Like an 18 year old.

- It is girthening, it's
happening.

- [Doctor] No pain.

- [Greg] No I feel great.

I am walking on air.

(laughs) Seriously.

- [Doctor] Look at that.

- [Greg] How fucking
cool is that,

it's rock and roll you know?

- [Doctor] I think I have it.

- [Doctor] Okay.

- [Doctor] All in the same.

- [Greg] Yeah, look at it.

(gun clicking)

- [Doctor] Big ones, big
money ones, I like that.

- It's unbelievable what you
can do with modern medicine.

It's crazy, everyone
should be doing this.

Over 18.

- [Doctor] You can
take a shower tomorrow.

- Tomorrow.

- [Doctor] Soap and water,
dry it off.

- [Doctor] Do the same,
how do feel?

You might be dizzy after that.

A little lightheaded maybe,
maybe not.

- [Doctor] a little face booger.

- [Doctor] In the morning is
gonna be

the most critical time.

Hopefully you'll get
an erection tomorrow.

Which you will if your
anesthesiology will work,

you can work one up, semi-erect.

Check it out, make sure
nothing has moved.

If you feel a collection
of product down there,

move it around.

Don't leave this on
any longer than you --

- [Greg] It's a wrap.

- [Doctor] It's a wrap.

Any longer than you have to

because you may
continue to swell.

- You okay Greg?

- I feel great.

- [Doctor] Yeah, okay.

- I feel good.

- [Doctor] You're gonna
be sore, that's it.

- Change a little,

he said take it off to
improve the circulation.

I have to massage it anyway.

Just to take it
off a little anyway,

just want to take it off.

I had to rip it off.

Wow, big ...

- [Man] So when did
you move to LA?

- Six years ago.

Six years ago.

Be a big bright shining star.

- [Man] Did you ever become
the big bright shining star?

- [Greg] Not yet, not yet.

It looks, it looks weird.
(laughs)

But I think the swelling is
gonna go down.

That's what fucking (bleeping)
dead, so.

It just looks, I don't know,
I don't think it's nice.

(Greg laughing)

Well fuck it, it's still
fucking punk rocks.

Looks strange, oh fuck it,
it'll feel great though.

Just different.

It's a very strange day.

I have to say, this has been one

of the weirdest
days of my life and ...

Well it's been a
very strange day.

It's been surreal, you
know we have a dream

for over 12 years and you
accomplish that dream.

Yeah, it's exhilarating.

I don't know,
it looks pretty bad.

And that's fucking purple.

It's so fucking, I don't know,

I don't know, I don't think,

it's not attractive,
I know that.

And my balls seem
too small for it too.

Like you know what I mean?

Like my balls were
meant for my normal,

my regular, my other penis.

This is like,
just one fucking thing.

It looks all like that
instead of like that.

Or it could be like, (sighing)

that looks a little better.

You know it's a
pretty good club.

I was worried they wouldn't have

very good clubs in Mexico.

I'm actually,
pretty good turkey club.

Not that many nodules, looks
like not that many bumps,

looks pretty smooth,
bruised and sore,

but pretty smooth,
so that's good.

Good morning Tijuana!

Fucking A.

Oh dude, it's sick.

Well the end is here, going
back to American soil,

being bigger and better
than ever, fucking A.

Oh God.

♪ This is the end

♪ The end my friend, the end

♪ Time has come, the end

- [Narrator] Chapter six,
The Measure Of A Man.

- I'm dating now,
I'm on online dating.

Anybody doing online dating?

I don't know if you are,
but I'm on the OkCupid,

the PlentyOfFish,
I went to the websites.

And it's a very
strange world now.

Now that I'm you know, I've
been married seven years

and I'm out there, it's weird.

Because now all you do is
send a picture of your dick.

When you think about it,
it's only gonna get worse.

It's only gonna get worse.

Can you imagine what we're
gonna say to our grandkids?

(audience laughing)

And I just said,
well let's set up a time

for your, maybe at
the ice cream parlor,

for my big fat cock to
shove inside your slimy,

what kind of fucking
world is this?

It's disgusting.
- Cream.

- It's great, getting it great.

- [Audience Member]
Hope you're damn right.

- The word's honesty,
finally after all

this cultural bullshit, honesty.

Animals, naked apes,
cocks and pussies,

no more religion, no more,
no more false modesty,

no more demonization of the
human form,

just big cocks, wet pussies,
running in the fucking jungle.

iPhone or not, it's a fucking,

it's a fucking jungle out there.

It was a jungle out there.

And for the first
time in my life,

I was a lion, not a lamb.

(upbeat music)

Finally, I felt the
girth on the outside

matched the girth on the inside.

I was the proud owner of a penis

that was six inches in
circumference.

Finally, I was a one percenter.

(dramatic music)

(speaking foreign language)

- [Narrator] And so it was,

that whispers of the
great girthening spread

across the lands like a great
wave across the silent sea.

For the day had come when
all the kingdoms of the earth

knew of the name Bergman and
his heroic transformation.

From average ordinary
man to legend.

- All right, so I'm at OkCupid,

that's where I go to meet girls.

Nice black and
white picture here.

My profile, you got to
have certain keywords,

like I'm down to earth, I'm
looking for someone interesting,

I'm down to earth,
I'm a cool guy.

You know 5'10", I'm only 5'8.5",

athletic, obviously not,

but these are the kinds of
phrases you have to have.

Like you know, let's
pack up the car and go.

It's just, I'm more fun.

Like I'm not neurotic.

Big hair, bigger ass.

I like the sound of that.

♪ Amazing girth

♪ How sweet the sounds

♪ That's saved a
wretch like me ♪

- We met online.

- Yes we did.

- And it's just nice just
to have a going to a bar,

it's nice to take a walk.

- Right, right.
- I like that.

- Plus you get to know a
little bit about the person.

(lady laughing)

- This six stands for six
inches in circumference, okay.

Which is perimeter.

I want you to meet my
penis and six inches.

(lady laughing)

- No way.

- So let me show you
what six looks like okay.

(singing drowns out speakers)

♪ I once was small

♪ But now I'm big

♪ Was blind but now I see

- But I'm really nice
and I have a thick dick.

All right, so I always
want to mention

I have a big dick, but I
like to mix it up right.

Let's have a smiley
face, bam sending plow.

In a post
apocalyptic world, right.

- Okay.

- In a post apocalyptic world.

(lady laughing)

Would you do it?

- I don't know, it's so long.

- In a post apocalyptic
world right,

we talked about it, what
do you think about this?

(lady laughing)

♪ A day in Mexico

- [Doctor] Here comes a little.

- [Doctor] Pinch.

- [Doctor] A little pinch.

♪ Through many pills
comes stretching devices ♪

♪ I've already come

♪ This girth that brought
me safe thus far ♪

♪ And girth will lead me home

(bar patrons chattering)

- I think that's her.

In the corner, very pretty.

Just like the profile,
very pretty.

Hey.

- How are you doing?

- I'm Greg.

- Very nice to meet you.

- To the future.

- I'm from Brazil
and I'm an actress.

I've been here for
about four years.

I went to school.

- You look like an actress,

doesn't she look
like an actress?

Beautiful, very beautiful.

- Thank you.

- I just came back from Tijuana

where I did a kind of
experimental surgery

to enhance the
circumference of my penis.

(lady laughing)

I know, now I'm six inches,
I'm above six inches

in circumference, that's
why I wear this hat now

and I don't know it's a
source of pride for me.

I think you know, it's kind of
sexy right?

Do girls like it?

I mean honestly.

♪ We've been here a
100,000 years ♪

♪ Bright shining as the sun

♪ It's always been
to girth we pray ♪

♪ My work has just begun

- I want to show you something.

I want to show you my six.

(lady laughing)

What do you think?

What do you think?

- Oh God, it's big.

- Six.

(both laughing)

They fucking love it man.

Six, six bro.

♪ Amazing girth
how the sweet the six ♪

♪ That saved a wretch like me

- Yeah around, not like
this, but around, perimeter.

(lady laughing)

Cool right.

♪ I once was small

♪ But now I'm big

♪ Was small but now I'm big

- Okay, so we are
now about to try my six

for the first time.

We're gonna achieve
penetration with my new six.

So you just hold on, let me
mosey on over.

Now this is the first time

you've ever had
a six, is it not?

- [Lady] It is.

- Okay, achieving, achieving
penetration.

Achieving penetration right?

Is it different than
most penises?

- [Lady] Mm-hmm, it's definitely
thicker.

- [Greg] Okay, and how
does it feel good?

- [Lady] It feels good.

- [Greg] It stretches it, what?

- [Lady] Mm-hmm,
'cause it feels it.

- Does it hurt?

- [Lady] No.

- [Greg] No.

- [Lady] You want it to?

- Don't be a girl, it's science.

(upbeat music)

My new six got
a hell of a workout.

Every girl I fucked loved it.

Sorry fellas, I know some of you

don't wanna hear this,

but the six was proof,
size does matter.

How you doing?

- Good, how are you?

- You seem happy.

- I am, right now.

- Don't worry, I'll change that.
(laughs)

- [Nani] Oh I know. (laughs)

- Nani you can't be
unhappy with me.

I don't want to
be unhappy all alone.

Skype kiss.

Skype kiss.

♪ Amazing girth
how sweet the six ♪

♪ That saved a wretch like me

♪ I once was small
but now I'm big ♪

♪ Was small but now I'm big

- [Greg] Hey!

- They match the gloves.

- It is me.

- No, no, no, no.

- No, no, no, no.

- It's, I can't believe it.

(Nani laughs)

- You want this thing,
you can have it.

- No, no, no, it's fine.

- [Nani] The house looks good.

- [Greg] P-dad stuff.

- [Nani] It looks good.

- It looks good as it can, it
looks fine.

- It looks fine.

- Seem weird being here again?

- I feel like it's the same
thing with a bigger dick.

(both laughing)

He's upset, are you happy?

Are you finally
calm with yourself,

can you buy a wide pair of jeans

and not freak out?
- I can buy,

I can buy a wide pair of jeans.

In fact I got to lose a
little weight to fit 'em,

but absolutely.

(Greg sighing)

Oh hey.

- What is it?

(microwave beeping)

- [Greg] The old journal
drawing.

It's only healthy.

Annigirthery.

May we never forget that this
is our first annigirthery,

it's a new start.

Happy annigirthery honey.

- Whoo.

- What is this?

Is that scallops?

- Polenta.

- Oh.

- Trader Joe's stuff.

- Is it good, give me a bite.

- I haven't, I haven't tried it.

- Let me have a bite.

- Let me try it first.

- So can I have it now?

And the verdict is?

- Whoo, the verdict of what?

- The verdict.

- Of what.

- After post, is it
better post op?

With the girth, is it better
now than it was before?

- Yes.

- Is it?

- Mm-hmm.

- Then you don't think if
you could make it longer,

we should make it longer or
is it really about girth,

the length, what's the final
verdict here?

(Nani yawning)

I know you're not interested
but you have to answer.

- No I think
just the girth is fine.

Longer hurts, no longer.

- So it's all about the girth?

- Mm-hmm, it's all
about the girth.

- It's all about the girth.

You heard it here first.

- Just being in America.

- Being in America, yep.

♪ Yeah I finally made it

♪ For a minute in a minute

♪ I'll be out of this world

♪ With a game and girl

♪ Boy I think I need a
mothership ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na

♪ Caught in the covenant

♪ Caught in the covenant

♪ After running this thing
like the government ♪

♪ I think I'm so hot
where my oven at ♪

♪ I ain't making friends, no

♪ But I'm making ends, yep

♪ I'm just doing my thang

♪ And I'm giving that game

- I've never felt better
in my life, honestly.

I have the penis
I've always wanted,

my wife is back, at least
temporarily.

(Nani laughing)

Thank you honey.

♪ She said this, she said this

♪ They say they never take me
back ♪

♪ I ain't losing sleep
over this ♪

- It's not fake,
this is a real thing.

- It's real.
- I mean guys ...

♪ I'll be in and I'll be in

♪ I made it, I made it

♪ I'm here and I'm here

♪ I made it, I made it

♪ I'm here, I'm here

♪ I made it, I made it,
you made it ♪

♪ I'm feeling all right

♪ I'm feeling all right

♪ And I'm feeling,
I'm feeling
all right ♪

♪ And I'm feeling
all right, all right ♪

♪ I'm feeling all right

♪ I made it

♪ Yeah, I finally made it

♪ Boy I made it
and I'm loving it ♪

♪ I'll be out of this world

- A couple of months later,
she divorced me again.

This time for good.

So I did what anyone would
do to mend a broken heart.

I went back for more.

All right amigos, let's get
seven huh?

- [Doctor] All right amigo.

- Yep, if only all men
could be big like me.

Fucking A.

That's it, that's my new life.

(audience laughing)

Ain't that something?

You can really do something.

(audience cheering)

- [Audience Member] Pull
'em up, pull 'em up.

- [Audience Member] Wow,
empowering.

- Can you get, it is empowering.

(audience member yelling)

Look how powerful
I look right now.

Look how wonderful,
I stand straight up.

I'm telling you, it's the
best thing in the world.

(upbeat music)

- Let me get ExtenZEN.

Yeah, Triple ExtenZEN.

(door dinging)

I had lost a lot
in pursuit of my dream.

But it was all worth it.

For I was no longer just a man,

no longer just a naked ape.

I had transformed
myself into an idea,

a legend, a hero.

Men who felt small everywhere.

- [Narrator] And so it was,

that they lived
happily ever after.

This most ordinary of man

and this most
extraordinary of cocks.

(upbeat music)

♪ Once upon a time ago

♪ I saw you in a dream

♪ So when we meet today

♪ I will redream your scene

♪ Strong and sweet
away you leave ♪

♪ A continental way

♪ And some other day

♪ Another day and say

♪ We sail away
into unchartered seas ♪

♪ Uncharted like a heart
that you have seen ♪

♪ And we will fair
so well together ♪

♪ Like a winning dream

♪ So when we meet today

♪ I will sing so keen

♪ Take my hand

♪ And lead me to my dream

♪ And sail under falling suns

♪ Ooh