Original subtitles

[upbeat acoustic music]

- Hmm, uh, be right back, gang.

- Do you notice Dad always goes back home

when it's time to leave?

- Hmm, yeah, now, that you mention it.

[chuckles] Yeah, we're on time for once.

- Hold that thought.

- This film runs three hours.

- Uh, I should pop home real quick.

[ship horn blaring]

- Off we go far from home

into the vast expanse that is the sea.

- I'll be right back.

- Okay, Dad, what is up with you always going back inside

when it's time to leave?

- What, me? [chuckles]

Nah--hey, what smells like bananas?

- Ugh, Nate's "Booyah Banana Body Spray,"

also known as girl repellant.

- Whatevs, Ellen.

I saw Jenny enjoying a banana just last week.

- Dad, can we please go? - Sure.

Hmm.

- You know what? I can't live like this anymore.

[school bell rings]

- Rube Goldberg machines accomplish a simple task

in the most overcomplicated and inefficient way possible,

not unlike the DMV

or the Rackleff Public School System.

Behold. Oh, and there it goes.

Wow, would you look at that?

Precision. Oh, almost missed it.

Ooh, ah, yes, oh.

And that's one way to water a houseplant.

Pretty amazing, right?

- A marvel of engineering, Mr. Galvin.

- Over the weekend, you'll invent your own

Rube Goldberg machine. You'll be working in pairs.

all: Ugh!

- Pairs?

[upbeat music]

- * Don't want to go to school today *

* The sun is red hot and I wanna play *

* But if I get caught they'll make me pay *

* Detention again * - * Big Nate, Big Nate *

- * Math and social studies just ain't my thing *

- * Big Nate, Big Nate *

- * Rocking with my band is where I'm king *

* Stealing the teacher's teeth or bailing on a test *

- * Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh *

* Big Nate *

[loud clang]

[loud crash]

[students groaning]

- In team projects, someone always gets shafted.

Usually me.

Sometimes you get paired with a friend...

All right, egg drop challenge take seven.

Don't break.

Please, don't break.

- Yeah, all right! [egg cracks]

Huh? Hmm, omelet!

- But your friend turns out to be useless.

- [burps] [chick peeping]

- Worse yet, you get paired

with someone with ulterior motives.

- Let's work together forever, my precious.

- Uh... [chuckles]

My boo needs a cuddle break. - [grunts]

[screams]

- I've assigned your partners. [students groan]

- Hmm. Me and...

[gags] Kim?

[eerie music]

- My precious boo.

* *

- Jenny and Artur? That's not happening.

Teddy, quick, distract Galvin.

- Um, huh? [screams]

- Holy calcium! Come back here, Ferdinand!

[upbeat rock music]

- [laughs]

* *

Phew. Artur and Kim.

- Wait, Nate and I are supposed to--

- Nate and Jenny.

- Ah, must be fate.

- Francis and Teddy. Dee Dee and Gina.

- Mm-hmm.

- Chad and Randy.

- [gasps] - [chuckles]

- [chuckles nervously]

[school bell rings]

- Wanna go play Frisbee in the park?

- Ah, I can't.

I'm going to Jenny's to work on the project.

[laughs] [imitates whip cracking]

- Dude, it's Friday, and you want to do homework?

I--uh, but, uh--I--but-- what's wrong with you?

- It's not about homework, liver-butt.

It's about spending time with Jenny outside of school.

- Outside of school is where you shine.

- Exactly, she's finally gonna see how awesome I am.

Ugh.

[soft dramatic music]

* *

- Okay, now just keep your beady little eyes on dad.

* *

- Ah, time to prep the merchandise

so Jenny can go shopping.

- * I wanna stand with you on the mountain *

* I wanna bathe with you in the sea *

* *

- Perfect. And now for the final touch.

[sniffs]

- * Until the sky falls down on me *

- [chuckles] Banana fresh.

[doorbell rings]

Nothing in my teeth, right?

[eerie music]

[screams]

* *

[screams]

- [meows]

- Uh, hello?

- [screaming]

- Heads up, Teddy! - [screaming]

She has a cat! - [screams]

Wait, so? - So?

Did your parents never tell you the truth about cats?

- Can we please get a cat? Please?

- No.

- Please? - No.

- Please, please, please,

please, please, please, please.

[sobbing] Please, please.

- Do you know what cats actually do at night?

Cats come into little boys' rooms

and suck their souls out through their noses.

- What?

- [slurping]

- Sounds like your dad

just didn't wanna deal with owning a cat.

- [sighs]

I'm gonna have to face my fear someday,

so might as well be for Jenny. I'm doing it.

If I don't come back,

make sure my sister gets nothing.

- Hey, I'm gonna go run some errands.

- Perfect.

* *

- Ugh, come on, Marty.

This is your safe toilet. Get all your pee out now.

You don't wanna use a strange bathroom.

- Huh? What'd he say?

- You don't wanna use a strange bathroom.

A strange bathroom. A strange bathroom.

- He's afraid of rando bathrooms?

- So should we, like,

build this Rube Goldberg thing out of wood or whatever?

[eerie music]

Hello?

- Uh, sorry. Yeah, I--I'm listening.

Hey, so where's your cat?

- Oh, you're a cat guy. Artur is too.

He calls Felicia moj kot.

- Yeah, Artur's accent is, like, super weird, right?

- No, that's how you say "My cat" in Stylgravian.

Artur's bilingual.

- [grumbles] - Hello, friend Nate.

[screams]

Pfft. [laughs]

- [sniffs] Do you smell rotten banana?

- Uh, I-- [chuckles]

I'm gonna go stand over here.

I was thinking for our project,

we could use books to create a domino effect like this.

Ah! - Oh, no.

The pig my Grandma Maude gave me.

I'll--I'll get a dustpan. [sobbing]

- Ugh.

[groans softly] Hm?

[screams]

- Uh, what you doing there, kitty?

- [rings bell]

* *

[meows] - [screams]

- Nate, are you okay?

Wait, are you, like, scared of Felicia or something?

- [laughs]

No, Nate Wright does not know fear.

- Then why'd you jump up?

- Uh, I--'cause I...

wet my pants.

- Ew.

[high-pitched whistling] - [gasps]

Uh...

- [laughs]

You--you told her you peed your pants?

[laughing]

- Well, I couldn't let her think I'm afraid of cats, duh.

- Yeah, letting her think you peed your pants is way better.

- Ah, don't feel bad.

Lots of people have irrational fears.

For example, I'm paranoid that real actors will be replaced

by CG actors before my career even gets off the ground.

- I agree. It worries me too.

[laughing eerily]

- And I used to be afraid of lizards

till my mom sent me to immersion therapy.

- What's immersion therapy?

- It's when they dunk you in a vat of lizards.

Oh, no!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, no!

They're chomping on my knees!

And I like it!

Thank you, Mom.

Where can we get a vat of cats?

- I think my uncle Pedro knows a feline farmer.

- I am not getting in a vat of cats.

Whoa! - Epic idea alert.

Last year I played a cat in Rackleff Regional Theater's

production of "Yarn," the sequel

to hit musical "Cats." I'll just get my costume and--

- How about I just go watch a bunch of internet cat videos

until I'm not freaked out anymore?

- That's right.

You show those kitties who's boss.

[thunder rumbles]

- [grunting and straining]

[cat meowing]

Oh, no. It's so horrible!

[sobbing]

- [hisses] [meows]

- [screams] - [growls]

Meow. - Huh?

- Meow, mew, meow!

[growling]

Mew, meow, mew, meow! - [screams]

Dee Dee, what the--?

- [French accent] Who's Dee Dee?

I'm Veronica, and I've come to immerse you

in the world of cats.

- Oh, no, no, no, no. Could you not--

- * I can hurry, I can scurry, I am furry *

* I am fluffy, I am puffy, I am scruffy *

* I'm never sleepy, never weepy, never creepy *

* I'm not yucky, I am lucky, I am plucky *

- Ugh, please make it stop.

- * Hey now unfurrow your brow *

* And meow with Mrs. Veronica *

* Hey now unfurrow your brow *

* And meow with Mrs. Veronica *

Huh? - There, Dee Dee.

see the toy? Go get it.

- [growls] - [sighs]

- Cats just want love, Nate.

Show a cat love, and she'll never hurt you.

- Oh, how cats show love.

[dramatic music]

* *

Oh, cats like dead things.

- * Out here cast away *

* From society as a *--

- Oof.

- Dad. - [screams]

- I think that it's time that we talk

about your fear of public restrooms.

- Fear?

I don't know what you're talking about.

- This is a safe space, okay?

You are only as sick as your secrets,

and you are pretty sick, Dad.

- [sighs]

It all started when I was about five years old.

Dad, can we go at that gas station?

Can we go at that restaurant?

- Marty, come on, I promise we're almost home.

- But I have to go pee badly.

- Okay, Marty. We can stop.

But, you know, when the toilets snakes

sense a stranger approaching,

well, they slither up the pipes

and they bite you on the bippy.

- No, Daddy, don't stop.

I don't have to go anymore. - [chuckles]

Kids.

- Dad, you know that Grandpa

was just messing with you, right?

I mean, toilet snakes aren't real.

You know, it's just a silly myth.

It's like trickle-down economics

or--or cats sucking your soul out, right?

- He broke me forever. - No, no, no.

You are not broken, okay?

You might be badly chipped,

but it is never too late to get help.

Tomorrow, you and I will go--

- Out for ice cream. Good idea.

- No, Dad, we will go to a public restroom.

- [sobbing] I'm so afraid.

Hold me.

[tender music]

[doorbell rings]

- [Irish accent] Top of the morning to you.

- Huh? - Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm being all bilingual again.

Yeah, that's how you say "good morning" in gibberish.

- Oh, weird. - [snarls]

[meows]

Why are you always trying to leave?

- Oh, hey, I brought Felicia a present.

- That's fake, right?

- Oh, oh, yeah. [chuckles]

Yeah, of course. No.

- Dad, you've been in there for over an hour now.

Okay, I'm coming in. How's it going in here?

- Turns out I don't have to go.

- What's the-- what's the bell for?

- To scare the toilet snakes away.

I'm pathetic. I'm a broken toy.

- Oh, Dad, let's get some liquid in your bladder,

and we'll try this again, okay?

- You done? Gotta snake the toilet.

- [screams] Bad man, bad man!

Safe toilet, I'm coming for you!

- Ugh, this must be what potty training is like.

- [meowing]

- Ugh, this can't be right. It doesn't do anything.

- Hm, well, do you have any rope?

- I'll look in the basement.

Ah! - [meows]

- Hey, we're cool, right?

- I'm cool. Jury's still out on you.

- Huh? Oh.

But--but I brought you a gift.

- I appreciate your perverted token of affection, Nate,

but it's not love I crave. It's freedom.

- Yeah, yeah. I--I can---

- Open the door, Nate.

Do I need to remind you what I'm capable of?

I can taste your soul.

- Fine, here you go.

- Jenny's never gonna forgive you for letting me out.

- Wait, what? You made me!

You said she'd never know.

Hey, come back here! No, no, no, no, no!

- Were you talking to someone? - What?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Just brainstorming our project.

- You know, I'm glad I got paired with you.

You're so serious about this assignment.

I normally get stuck with someone lazy.

- Oh, thanks, Jenny. I love working with you too--

- [gasps] Where's Felicia?

Was she here with you when I left to get the rope?

- I--I don't think so.

I'm sure she's around here somewhere though.

- She's been trying to get out for years!

I can't believe I left the door open!

- Oh, don't worry. We'll find her, or not.

Hopefully not.

- My mom will be home soon. Maybe she'll know what to do.

- Okay, well, then should we get back to work?

- I'm too distraught? - Would a hug help?

- Yes. I wish Artur were here.

- [grumbles] Artur.

Well, I'm sure someone will find a cat.

- They would be my hero for life.

- Your hero? For life?

all: Felicia! Felicia!

- Oh, there she is.

- That is clearly a squirrel.

all: Felicia! Here, Felicia!

- Found her.

- Chad, have you had an eye exam recently?

- Ugh, this is hopeless.

I had one chance to show Jenny how awesome I am.

I totally blew it. - Maybe Uncle Pedro can help.

- Oh, this place is pretty cool.

- Ooh! - Cool.

[knocks]

- Welcome to my collection of curiosities.

I have devoted my life to the salvage and restoration

of the world's most intriguing baubles,

doodads, knickknacks, novelties, inventions, myths,

legends, conspiracy theories, and hot gossip!

- Your uncle is the coolest.

- [laughs] It is good you came to me.

I have many one-of-a-kind devices

designed to capture supernatural beasts.

- Uh, it's just a cat.

- Nothing is just a cat, boy with the frightened soul.

- How does he know?

- I must go now to teach aqua aerobics

to those who've learned to swim but not do aerobics.

- All right, everybody. Let's do this.

[all cheer]

[upbeat rock music]

[laughs] this will work perfect.

* *

Take two.

* *

Huh? Huh?

- Mm-mm. - Mm-mm.

- Ah.

wow, it looks awesome. Let's test it.

Hey, Chad, pretend there's food there.

- Okay, Nate, but there's no food there.

- That's why he said pretend.

- Well, maybe Chad's a method actor.

Does anyone have any food? - I have a hard-boiled egg.

[breathes deeply]

[imitating chicken]

[applause]

Hey, look, egg.

[screams]

[all cheer]

- We do stuff like this at Apocalypse Summer Camp.

- The plan's been conceived. The wheels are in motion.

All we need now is bait fit to entice a cat.

- Ooh, I have a bunch of old tuna at home.

- [groaning]

- Dad, is this too much for you?

- No, I know it's for my own good.

- That's the spirit, Dad! Open wide.

Are you ready to pee? Huh?

Who's ready to pee?

That's okay. I will get more juice.

- Dude, your family is super weird.

- Yeah, tell me about it.

Now, let's get the tuna from my bedroom.

- My mom keeps tuna in the kitchen.

Guess my family's weird too.

- I can't take it anymore. I'm gonna have to do it.

I'm gonna have to use a strange restroom.

- You might be badly chipped,

but it is never too late to get help.

We will go to a public restroom.

- Oh, or I could just pee in the yard like a real man.

No toilet snakes there.

Good thing I have my trusty toilet snakes belt

just in case.

- So my dad makes the most horrendous

tuna noodle casserole in the world,

so whenever we have it for dinner, I sneak off

and dump my plate into this inconspicuous duffle bag.

Genius, right?

- [retching] - [gags]

[bell ringing]

- The trap has been triggered! The eagle has landed!

I repeat, the eagle has landed!

- Dad, where are you?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we don't know if it's the cat.

- It's definitely Felicia. That's her bell.

I'm gonna be the hero that found her cat.

- Says the doofus that let the cat out of the first place.

- [grunts] Why is it so heavy?

It must be all the souls Felicia's consumed.

[doorbell rings]

[panting]

I did it. Don't worry, Jenny.

I saved the day. - [meows]

- [screams] There's two cats.

- Two? No, just my baby.

She came back, like, 20 minutes after you left.

- Wait, what?

[soft dramatic music]

* *

- I gotta go! - [screams]

Oh, how crazy.

I seem to have trapped a totally rando man

that I, for sure, am in no way related to.

- You can trap men with that?

Wait, is this a Rube Goldberg thingy?

- Uh, yes, it is. [chuckles]

Surprise! - Aw, Nate, you're so awesome.

- [sighs] - I used a strange bathroom!

I'm cured. Who's the man?

You the man. Whoo-hoo!

- Uh, anyway, since we're done with the project,

wanna catch a movie? - [laughs]

No, I'm gonna hang out with Artur.

Thanks for doing all the work though.

Best team project ever. See you Monday.

- Wait, Jenny, don't you wanna at least see how it works?

[school bell rings]

Okay, our Rube Goldberg's a critter catcher.

I'll use crickets as bait and our class lizard Sheila

will be the critter.

It's pretty awesome, right?

- This would have been triggering

before my immersion therapy.

- A+. Marvelous engineering.

Oh, goodness.

Have both of you finally learned something?

- [sighs]

Don't we just make a great team?

- Artur and Kim.

- We are have made a love machine.

It is for deliver affection direct to heart of beloved.

[tender music]

- [sighs]

- This is for my precious boo.

- Ugh. - [chuckles]

- Hey, Nate, I'm gonna pee in your school's bathroom

because I can! Mwah!

I'll come say hi after I'm done!

[laughs]

[laughter]

- * I can hurry, I can scurry, I am furry *

* I am fluffy, I am puffy, I am scruffy *

* I'm never sleepy, never weepy, never creepy *

* I'm not yucky, I am lucky, I am plucky *

* Hey now unfurrow your brow *

* And meow with Mrs. Veronica *

* Hey now unfurrow your brow *

* And meow with Mrs. Veronica *