Original subtitles

Oscar, Penny, breakfast is ready.

(drill whirring)

Now, let me get that for you, sister-in-law.

A sister as fine as you shouldn't be serving flapjacks.

No, girl.

♪ Your picture should be on the box, child ♪

♪ Of a bottle of syrup ♪

Thank you. Bobby, what did you just say?

(crying)

Trudy, I think the munchkins are hungry.

Good morning, wife.

Children.

Old, dirty brother.

That's "one dashing brother" to you.

So where's breakfast?

Dashing down your brother's throat.

What? The Proud Soup Kitchen is closed.

I missed the soup?

Bobby, leave.

You can't just come over here and take food out of my kids' mouth.

Look, I'm trying to help them out, see.

♪ America's youth is too chunky today. ♪

Thank you, Billy Blanks. Now step.

Okay, but I guess I'll take me

and my tickets to the Wizard Kelly All-Star Game

and find somebody who might want to feed a brother with floor seats.

You-you-you-you- you got tickets

to the Wizard Kelly's All-Star Game?

You don't hear me. I said, ♪ I got floor seats. ♪

My brother, my brother, 4my brother.

We can't let the family leave on an empty stomach, can we, baby?

(grunts)

♪ The Proud Family ♪

♪ What? You and me will always be tight ♪

♪ Family, every single day and night ♪

♪ Even when you start acting like a fool ♪

♪ You know I'm loving every single thing you do ♪

♪ I know that I can always be myself ♪

♪ I love you more than anybody else ♪

♪ And every day as I'm heading off to school ♪

♪ You know there's no one I love as much as you ♪

♪ Family, a family ♪

♪ Proud Family ♪

♪ They'll make you scream ♪

-(doorbell rings) -♪ They'll make you want to sing ♪

♪ It's a family thing, a family ♪

♪ Proud, Proud Family ♪

♪ The Proud Family ♪

♪ They'll push your buttons ♪

♪ And make you want to hug them ♪

♪ Family, a family, Proud, Proud Family. ♪

Trudy...

my little brother sure can burn.

Now I all I need to do is find something to wash it back.

Oh, maybe a little Similac.

Oscar!

One second, honey.

Here it is.

Does it make my head look big?

Oh, no... but the room's suddenly smaller.

I'll settle for that.

Here, you take the finger.

Come on. Let's go over to Felix's.

I can't wait to see the jealous look on his face.

(doorbell)

Hey, Mr. Proud. Mr. "Ain't Too Proud To Beg."

Getting ready for Halloween?

How you doing, Mayonnaise?

That's Dijonay.

Maybe so, but that's mayonnaise on your lips, child.

Wipe it off.

Is Penny ready?

Be right there, Dijonay.

-Penny. -Yes?

Did you forget that today is...

Go To Work With Your Mother Day?

I didn't forget; I'm going to work with Dijonay's mama.

I guess I forgot, then.

I thought I was your mother.

You are... my mother, the vet.

It's boring, Mom.

Oh. Well, what does Dijonay's mother do?

She's a temp.

Oh, that's exciting.

It's at 25-To-Life Records.

That's Sir Paid-A-Lot's label.

And today they're having a listening party

for his new CD, Backslash, Squiggle, Number Sign.

It's so dirty, they can't even print the title.

(sighs)

I said the wrong thing, didn't I?

Yes, you did, and Penny's not going around

that rough record-company crowd.

But, Mom, what about Sir Paid-A-Lot?

Sorry, I guess you're going to have to "miss a lot" today.

-Sorry, P. -See you, D.

We'll have a great time together, you'll see, baby.

You liked it the last time you came to work with me.

I was seven and stupid.

What did you say?

Great, I can't wait.

Now, honey, a lot of things have changed since you were there last.

We've painted, I've got a new receptionist

and we got stick-ups for the cage area.

Boring.

Did I tell you I've got a two-headed snake?

Boring times two.

Well, Missy, I see you're still wearing those clothes

I bought you with the money from this boring-times-two job.

I'm sorry, Mom. I didn't mean it that way.

-It's just that... -(horn beeping)

Wow!

Zoey? Yo, Zoe, it's Penny.

Hey, were on our way to pick up Sir Paid-A-Lot.

Who's "we"?

Me and my Mom. She's the driver.

That is so cool.

(siren wailing)

Uh-oh.

-Trudy! -Sunset?

Oh, thank goodness.

I didn't recognize your car, girl.

-That's because it's clean for once. -(both laugh)

(Penny) Help, help, Mama!

Eyes front, Tinkerbell.

LaCienega, that's enough.

Pero, Mommy, this is a clean collar.

-Enough! -In the vicinity we have a 4-4-niner...

Oops, got to run.

See you later, girlfriend.

(siren wailing)

Man, that's cool.

I never get to bust perps or do anything fun.

Everything's not as exciting as it looks, baby.

(sirens wailing)

(Dijonay) Penny!

-Ta-ta. -Bye!

(squishing)

(elephant trumpets)

Cleanup on aisle one.

I mean, the reception area.

I mean, just bring a mop.

"I've repainted, Penny. It'll be fun, Penny.

I've got a five-headed snake, Penny."

May I help you?

I'd like to see the doctor, please.

Your name, please?

"Tristan the Magician"?

I need to see the doctor right away.

Sorry, you have to take a number.

We'll call you when you're up.

(gasping)

(applause)

(roars)

(shrieking)

I guess I'm up.

Mom? Mom?

She's been like this for a week.

She won't wear her tutus.

She won't ride her bicycle. She pulls her ribbons off of her tail.

She won't even kiss me anymore.

(East Indian accent): Doesn't he know I could gut him like a fish?

Huh? Are you talking to me?

Mm-mmm. No, he's talking about the tiger.

I can't find anything wrong except she's a he.

Yes! Finally someone told that clown I'm not a girl.

Yes, but he doesn't know it.

(growling softly)

Yes, he does

and he says he wants you to stop dressing him like a girl.

"He says"?

I've taught Sasha many things but talking isn't one of them.

My name is Ajay, thank you very much.

He says his name is Ajay.

Penny, that's enough. Tigers don't talk.

He's not talking. I can sort of hear him.

That is ridiculous, my dear little pigtail.

No, what's ridiculous is that gruel you feed me.

No, he says what's ridiculous is the food you feed him.

Nonsense. I make all her favorites:

tofu burgers, protein shakes, seaweed crepes.

My favorite is antelope liver

with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Well, he wants something like antelope liver

with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Huh?

Oh, he was just kidding about the chianti.

Penny, please. We'll talk about this later.

(Ajay) Mmm, that dog looks tasty.

No, you can't have the dog.

(whines)

Okay, you win this time.

Penny, no!

I'm just giving him the dog food.

She'll never eat that canned garbage.

Never say, "Never."

Look at my Sasha. She's got her groove back.

(growls)

Keep calling him a her and he'll put a groove in your back.

Him?

Okay, I guess I'll have to get used to it.

Anyway, I'm eternally grateful for your time.

How much do I owe you, Dr. Proud?

I didn't do anything. Penny diagnosed the problem.

Well, to show my appreciation

front row seats to my magic show tonight.

Thanks.

(Tristan) Come, Sasha.

(growls)

I mean, Ajay.

Suga Mama, thanks for coming over on such short notice.

Puff, put this in the garbage.

(Trudy) Things have been rough between Penny and me

but I think we turned a corner today.

This morning, she couldn't stand the thought of going to work with me

and tonight we're going out on a date together.

Mom, can me, Dijonay and Zoey sit together during the magic show?

Sure. We'll all sit together.

I mean, you know, without you

so we can, uh, talk... without you?

Sure. Why not?

Yeah, y'all turned a corner, all right...

and fell off a cliff.

(doorbell rings)

Wizard Kelly rules!

Shh! Calm down, Felix.

I told you to meet us outside.

If Trudy sees me, she'll start nagging me

about taking out the garbage

or cleaning up my room... anything.

You know women can't stand to see men having fun without them.

Of course, that's the only way a man can have fun.

(laughs)

She's right behind me, isn't she?

Afraid so, Pumpkin Head.

She's smiling though, right?

Because she knows I love my woman.

I'll pay her rent. I'll buy her clothes.

I will cook dinner, too.

Oh, save it.

That is weak, bro.

When a woman is mad like that, you don't pull out theBabyface.

You got to go Mystikal on them.

Show her what you're working with.

Just wait for me.

Oh, look here, I'm sorry.

-What... what I meant was... -Hey, Mr. Proud.

Penny, forget the magic show.

We got tickets to Sir Paid-A-Lot tonight.

-Really? -Yes.

Mom's got the limo outside.

-Let's go. -Hey, wait a minute, Penny.

I thought you were going to the magic show with me?

But, Mom, I don't want to see some depressed tiger jump through a hoop.

I want to go with my friends.

Daddy, tell Mama I can go to the concert.

Oh, let the girl go, Trudy.

(growling)

Sorry, Penny, I can't allow you to go to that concert.

Daddy, why?

Because I'm your father and I said so and it's either you or me.

(ice cream truck horn blows)

Well, there's Bobby.

If you need me, you can find me courtside at the Wizard Kelly All-Star Game.

Wasn't that great?

It was okay.

(drum roll)

(Man over speaker) Ladies and gentlemen the Liberace of levitation

Tristan the Magician!

(applause)

(applause stops)

For my first illusion

I will need a volunteer from the audience.

(trumpets play fanfare)

Watch it, Trisquit. I don't play that.

And turn out those lights.

(Tristan) Another volunteer.

(trumpets play fanfare)

(applause)

(gurgling)

No, babies, you can't come with Mommy.

Don't worry, mother.

We'll take over the baby-sitting for a while.

See, they're just fine.

Where are my babies?

They must have flown the coop.

(applause)

That's fake as a $3.00 bill.

You know you use mirrors or something.

A non-believer and her dog.

Shall we convert them?

(applause)

Ow!

(gasps)

(Suga Mama) That'll teach you to mess with me.

(Announcer) Wizard Kelly makes a nice bounce pass into the basket.

Okay, guys, a couple of pointers.

(Felix) Hey

I thought we had floor seats.

All I said is we'd be right on the floor.

♪ Now, sell those ice cream balls ♪

♪ Before they start dripping ♪

♪ Oh-ooh... ♪

(musical flourish)

Next, we take you to the land of the sugar cane and pineapples

the land of soft breezes and warm nights.

(audience laughing)

(Penny) Oh, no.

He's got Ajay looking like a...

A straight punk.

Dancing girl feed me an apple from your basket.

Dancing girl, I said feed me an apple.

(audience laughing)

(growling)

I-I wouldn't do that if I were... you.

(whimpers)

(gasps)

Don't worry. I've got everything under control.

(roars)

Run for your lives!

(screaming)

(roars)

Finally, we are alone.

I need to talk to you, Penny.

It is Penny, isn't it?

Yeah, P-Penny.

Suga Mama, where's Penny?

Don't worry. I got her.

Guess she got away.

He's got my baby.

I just might get that tiger skin rug after all.

And that's what it's like back home in India.

-(Trudy) Penny! -Uh-oh, Animal Control.

Penny? Penny?

No, that's my Mom

trying to claw her way in here to save me.

I'm 14, I can't even talk to a tiger

without her trying to control me.

It is so embarrassing.

Baby, are you all right?

Hyah!

I'm fine, Mom.

What are you doing?

You have to let them know you're not afraid. Hyah!

Mom, I'm okay.

Ajay is friendly.

Mom, you've got to listen.

Ajay's from India.

He was taken from home when he was a cub

and misses his friends and his brothers and sisters

and fat, juicy antelopes this time of year

but most of all, he misses his mom.

-Mom, you believe me, don't you? -Of course I do.

See? She's listening.

I knew she was nice, just like my mom.

You're so lucky.

Ajay says I'm lucky to have you as a mom.

He just wants to get back to his.

You've got to help him.

Honey, even if I wanted to help you,

he's a 500-pound Bengal tiger.

I only way 400 pounds, thank you very much.

He says...

I'm sorry, Ajay. I didn't mean anything.

Okay, I don't know how but we'll get Ajay back to his mother.

I promise.

(slurps)

(Announcer) Well, Stu, looks like the next stop

on the Wizard's All-Star Good Will Tour is Asia.

(Stu) Right, Chick. They're stopping in Okinawa, Korea

China, Vietnam and India.

Now, the children who make the sneakers

can watch the grown-ups who make the money

up close and personal.

(Chick) The Wizard's got the ball comes across the ten-second line.

This guy Wizard Kelly is really a player, Stu.

(Stu) One of the best of all time, Chick.

(horn blows)

(Chick) Wow, the Wizard is really hungry for the ball tonight, Stu.

More like ice cream balls

the way he dove on that poor vendor.

Good job.

Did you see that?

The Wizard himself patted me on the butt.

Hey, ice cream man,

there's a VIP party after the game.

I hope you'll be there.

Oh, yeah. I'll be there.

(dance music plays)

Yeah. Doesn't get any better than this.

(game horn blows)

(Chick) Folks, we've got breaking news.

Looks like there's trouble at the magic show.

(Oscar) Of course there is.

Isn't that your mother?

Of course it is.

One second, we was watching the show

and the next thing you know the tiger just lost his natural mind.

(cellular phone ringing)

(Felix) Isn't that your phone?

You know it is.

Yes, dear?

Back off. I'm a vet.

We have a very sick animal here.

(ice cream truck music plays)

That's my baby.

I love it when you running things.

Is Sasha going to be all right?

(Trudy) Ajay is very, very sick.

I think he needs a rest.

We're booked on Rosie next week.

-What am I going to do? -I don't know.

Stick your head in her mouth.

You know, that's not a bad idea.

(Wizard Kelly) And our mission is to spread joy and basketball

and build Wizard Kelly Theaters all over the world

so people all through Asia can sit and watch a movie

in their own neighborhood.

I know I will.

Wizard, Wizard, a question.

What do you think about the current political and religious clashes in India?

Good question.

I think every man, woman and little children

should be entitled to eat their popcorn with or without butter.

So without further ado, I do want to board this plane.

And remember, folks, it all started with an orange basketball.

Time out, time out.

Something's not right here.

Look at this guy.

He's got stripes on his shoes.

That's tight! That's tight!

Get me some just like his.

You the Wiz.

I like your flavor.

Man, did anybody ever tell you

you look just like that guy on that cereal box?

You're g-r-r-reat!

We did it!

Mama, do you think Ajay will find his mom?

I don't know, but I hope so.

I hope so, too

because I know I would be lost without you.

Really, Penny?

Yeah.

I love you, Mama.

I love you, too.

Hey, can't Daddy get some love, too?

I left floor seats to come here.

Of course you can, Daddy.

Hey, what are we going to do with John Salley?

Don't worry, I'll take care of old, long, tall Salley.

(airplane passing)

♪ Buckle up, y'all ♪

♪ Get a move on ♪

♪ 'Cause the plane is landing ♪

♪ 747, y'all ♪

(Dijonay) Before Sir Paid-A-Lot rapped one dirty word,

the police arrested him.

Then we had to walk home because Zoey's Mom's limo had a boot on it.

Good thing there was a TV in that store window

or we would have never known about you and that tiger.

Please, she's not Dr. Doolittle.

There are documented cases

of people making a psychic connection with animals.

(Ajay) Dear, Penny

I wanted to let you know I made it home okay.

My mother sends you love.

You should see it and I wish you were here.

It's beautiful.

Just like I remember.

The trees, the flowers...

Uh-oh, there goes dinner. Got to go.

(LaCienega) Sticky, where are you reading this?

(Dijonay) You mean like the connection that you and I have?

(theme music playing)