All language subtitles for S01E05 - The Art of Fulfillment.en

[CLASSICAL MUSIC]

My dad and my uncle had
founded Baskin-Robbins 31

Flavors, which became,
in my childhood,

the world's largest
ice cream company.

It was a
multibillion-dollar company.

I loved eating ice cream.

What kid doesn't?

And we had unlimited amounts.

We had an ice cream cone-shaped
swimming pool in our backyard.

I swam in it.

I had ice cream for
breakfast sometimes.

I wasn't well.

I was ill.

I was frail.

I actually had polio when I was
six, and I was in a wheelchair.

The doctor said I would be in a
wheelchair the rest of my life.

But then I started to regain
some feeling in my legs,

and some movement-- more on
the right leg than the left--

and I could kind of get around.

When I was 21, my left leg was
3 inches shorter than the right,

and I couldn't put
any weight on it.

It was very gimpy.

The doctor said, well, your
growing years are over now.

You're going to have
to live with this.

And I remember
thinking when I heard

that, I don't think you know
as much as you think you know.

I'm not accepting
that prognosis.

I'm an only son, so my dad
had groomed me to succeed him.

That was his plan.

And my dad was used to
getting what he wanted.

He was a doer.

He knew how to manifest stuff.

And he did.

He built this empire--

this ice cream empire.

He worked 80 hours a week.

And so I didn't really have
a relationship with him

much, other than
through the business.

But I started working
at Baskin-Robbins

when I was five years old.

I mean, all I did then
was sweep the floor,

empty the waste baskets.

But he wanted me to learn the
business from the inside out.

So as I got older, he would
give me age-appropriate jobs.

I worked in the factory where
ice cream was manufactured.

I worked in franchising,
where the stores were

located and sold.

I worked in advertising
and marketing.

I ran all the departments
of the business.

And that was my
relationship to my dad,

was we would drive together to
the office, then we drive home.

We talk about the business.

I hardly knew him
other than that,

because that's what
his life was all about.

And that's what
he wanted with me.

He didn't have much interest
in anything about my feelings

or thoughts other than, what did
I think about the next flavor?

And I actually liked it.

He was really good
at what he did.

He was really focused.

His ability to
concentrate was amazing.

Kind of yogic, in a
way, although not--

didn't have the values
of caring for others.

Although he wanted
to make people happy,

and he thought ice cream did.

I was a product of the '60s.

I had the opportunity to work
with Dr. Martin Luther King.

I marched with him.

I went to Alabama and
Mississippi to be with him

and participate in the
civil rights movement.

I was a kid from the north.

I was a white kid.

But to me, that was
history happening.

To me, that was an
opportunity to be

part of something--
to witness something

that was of immense
significance.

To me, the racism in our
society was abhorrent.

My dad thought, you're
trying to rock the boat.

They have their own
culture in the South.

You shouldn't go down there.

You should leave them alone.

They don't want you.

And then there was
the war in Vietnam,

and I thought it was a
ridiculously stupid idea--

the war-- and cruel.

And I opposed the war.

I protested it.

My dad was in favor of it.

So we had our differences.

And he was saying, well,
you could take stores

throughout the
world, and you could

build the company even bigger.

And I was thinking, yeah?

So what?

Why would I-- yes, I could.

You've built something
powerful, big, strong.

I could continue that.

But my uncle-- his
business partner,

my dad's brother-in-law--
died of a heart attack

at the age of 54.

He's a very big guy.

He ate a lot of ice cream.

And when he died,
I asked my dad,

do you think there could be a
connection between the amount

of ice cream that Burt Baskin
ate and his fatal heart attack?

And my dad said, no.

His ticker just got tired
and stopped working.

And then he looked at
me in a certain way.

And if I could
translate that look,

it said, don't ever
mention that again.

And I started to think
that my uncle's death

and some other things
that I saw, I was starting

to think, I don't think I want
to do what my dad has planned

for me, even though I was
enjoying working with him,

and the company was a
extravagant success,

and there was really unlimited
amounts of ice cream,

and almost unlimited amounts
of money, actually, coming in.

But I made a decision then.

And it was a decision that
defined my life ever since,

which was to walk away
from Baskin-Robbins

and the opportunity to run
the company with my dad,

and eventually, to inherit it.

And I also chose,
out of integrity,

to walk away from the money.

So I told my dad,
because I'm not

going to do what
you want me to do,

what you've planned
for me to do,

I think it's honorable and
respectful to you and to me

to not have any access
to your money, which

has come from the company.

My dad thought I was crazy.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC]

[LIGHT MUSIC]

I've met so many people that
have come to me 10 years, 15,

20 years--

arguably, you could
say-- too late

to discover that what
they've set out to achieve

wasn't really a part
of who they are.

Often, people are saying to
me, how do I find my passion?

How do I find my purpose?

Number one is we should reframe
the word "find" and say,

how do we uncover it?

Because finding
almost illustrates

that it's under the bed, or
it's over behind the counter,

or it's in a book somewhere.

And ultimately, it's
within ourselves.

So if you think about
that, and you say, OK,

what if I understand who I am,
therefore, what I am here to do

starts to become
very evident in time.

But if you want to
understand your patterns,

and you want to
understand self-sabotage,

you want to understand who
you are at the core, go back.

Go back and really do a
deep dive in your story.

It can be incredibly cathartic,
incredibly therapeutic.

It can be incredibly profound.

And what you'll find is insights
into what I call your gift.

Everyone has a gift.

People call it a purpose.

Some people call it a passion.

I believe we've all
got a gift within us.

It doesn't need to
be necessarily found.

It needs to be uncovered.

And the greatest clues--

I believe-- in terms
of what your gift is,

what you're here to
do, is in your story.

So many people that have
passed before us have been

generous enough
to give us wisdom.

One of my favorite books is by
Bronnie Ware, "The Five Regrets

of the Dying."

And the number one
regret that over hundreds

of beautiful souls that she's
helped pass to the other side,

it was this.

I wish I had lived a life true
to myself, and not the life

that others had expected of me.

And I feel like when it comes
to understanding that each of us

have a gift that we were put
on this Earth for a reason,

that there never will
be another one of us,

understanding that now is the
time to take whatever it is

that are our passions, and
our quirks, and our visions,

and bring them out
into the world,

because we will
never be here again.

And if we look at that
as something exciting,

that we have this
limited amount of time,

we're here to express our
joy, express our love, to make

a difference, to contribute
to others, all of a sudden,

it becomes less something
to fear and more

of something that's this
motivating, inspiring truth.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

What holds people back
is first and foremost

a desire for comfort and ease.

That's it.

They say, well, I
want to be great,

but I'm really comfortable here.

I understand this.

I'm not scared every
day, or I just--

I don't want to go
through that struggle.

I think the most important
thing in reaching

the next level in our life
is to honor the struggle.

That process is going
to bring hardship.

It's going to bring frustration.

It's going to bring the unknown.

It's going to bring
people making fun of you.

And instead of saying, oh, I'm
so scared of that, honor it.

Go, that's part of the process.

That's going to make me
smarter, wiser, better,

more kind, more
capable, more confident

to go through the muck.

I work with a lot
of Green Berets

and very elite military levels.

And they have this
great saying they say.

You have to embrace the suck.

You have to know, this is
going to suck a little bit.

All right, let's go at it, guys.

We know it's going to suck.

Just knowing that and allowing
that is really important.

And now, this person who
has a lot of potential,

a lot of greatness, who
could go to this next level,

they don't, because they're
not listening to that inside

restlessness.

That inside thing that
says, come on, man.

That inside thing that
says, we got to change this.

That inside thing that is scary
sometimes, because it says,

we got to blow all this up
because it's wrong for us.

Sometimes, it feels
irresponsible to listen

to that voice, and very
responsible to listen

the person says,
now, be careful.

But if you're always
listening to that person

or that side of you, then what
ends up winning is certainty.

Because past the comfort
zone is a lot of unknown,

is a lot of fear.

And there's only three
psychological mechanisms

that create fear.

Number one is called loss pain.

Loss pain means, if
I do that, then I'm

going to lose something
I like over here.

If I go to change my diet,
then I lose the foods I love.

If I quit this job, then I lose
those co-workers I do like.

I lose my health insurance.

So people don't
change because they're

scared they're going
to lose something.

Lose something tangible,
lose something intangible.

Sometimes they feel like,
I'm going to lose respect.

And loss pain terrorizes
people, so they stay stuck.

Because you know what?

I know this.

I don't know that.

And I don't want to lose
the things I'm already

certain about in life.

A second thing that people
fear is called hardship pain.

The process of
changing will bring

doubt, uncertainty, discomfort.

It will bring
hardship to me, where

I'm going to stretch, and
learn, and retool new things.

People don't quit the
job because they go, ugh,

I'm going to have
to create a resume.

I'm going to have
to go interview.

I'm going to have to put
myself out there again.

People don't go
dating because they

say those same things today.

People don't go and try to
change because they say,

oh, if I want to
lose weight, I'm

going to have to learn
to cook new things.

I'm going to have to change my
schedule to go to the gym now.

It's going to hurt.

I'm going to be
sore all the time.

I don't want to do that.

That's process pain.

And then the last one
is called outcome pain.

Outcome pain is, I'm scared that
if I go through all of that, I

put myself out there, I
try, I endure the hardship,

the grass won't be
greener on the other side.

I tried all of this work,
I did all the things

you told me only
to be disappointed.

They're terrified
of disappointment.

It's psychological
warfare in their mind

going, if I do that, it
might not turn out well.

And then what happens?

Well, then I lose something.

What happens if
I lose something?

Then it becomes hard.

And they get trapped
in this spinning loop

of fear of loss, hardship, and
outcome that they didn't want.

[SOMBER MUSIC]

What helps mitigate
fear, and move fear away,

is often living on purpose.

You see, people who live on
purpose understand this rule--

that there is no good or
no bad that happens to you

in the world.

Nothing is good, nothing is bad.

Everything is just so.

The only question you
want to ask yourself

is, am I aligned
with my purpose?

Is what I'm doing
true to my purpose?

Now, the thing is, we
are not omniscient.

We don't know if any
action we are taking

is always the right action.

But the point is,
we take it anyway.

[LIGHT PIANO MUSIC]

After I left Baskin-Robbins,
my wife and I moved to a little

island off the coast
of British Columbia,

built a one-room log cabin.

It's all we could afford.

And we lived there for 10 years.

And we grew our own food.

We were novices.

We made a lot of mistakes.

It was rugged.

But we were trying to
weave ourselves back

into the web of life,
and send our roots down

into the natural world.

I had grown up in what
I flippantly called

an air-conditioned nightmare.

In my family of origin, roughing
it meant room service was late.

But now, we were
really roughing it.

We were living
very, very simply.

And it was beautiful,
and it was tough.

I eventually wrote "Diet
for a New America,"

and I sent it to my dad.

By that time, we weren't
talking too much.

There was a lot of distance.

I had made my decision, my
choice, and he was hurt.

I tried to do it with
as much respect for him

as I possibly could,
but in essence, I

was rejecting his life work.

And that was a sad thing,
and he was angry about it.

So we didn't talk too much.

But I thought he might want to
know that I'd published a book,

and so I sent him a copy.

He didn't open it.

My dad at that time
had become very ill.

He had diabetes.

He had very high blood pressure.

He had heart disease.

He was overweight.

His diabetes was so
severe that the prognosis

was a possible amputation
of a foot, or even

a leg, and blindness.

And his blood pressure
was so out of control,

he had to take 10 what he
called horse pills every day.

I don't know what
they were, but he'd

been told he'd have to take
them for the rest of his life.

My dad went to his cardiologist,
and the cardiologist

leveled with him, and
said, Mr. Robbins,

you're a very sick
man right now.

And the best we
can do for you is

try to juggle your
medications, try

to control some of
the side effects

that you're experiencing,
and that are distressing you,

and try to make your few
remaining years a little more

comfortable.

And my dad was scared.

And then he said,
on the other hand,

if you were willing to
change your lifestyle

and what you eat, there might be
a different prognosis for you.

And my dad said, well,
what do you mean?

And the physician
handed him a copy

of "Diet for a New
America," my book,

not knowing that the John
Robbins who'd written it

was the son of his patient, Irv
Robbins, the founder and owner

of Baskin-Robbins.

And my dad of course
knew, because I'd

sent him already a copy of the
book, but he didn't tell him.

But he went home, and
now, because the book

had been blessed by the high
priest of Western medicine,

he began to read it.

I'm sure he read the
copy the doctor gave him,

not the copy I'd sent
him that was autographed.

But he read it, and he
started to make changes.

Small ones at first.

But he got results.

And then he made more changes,
more results, more changes,

more results.

Fast forward two
years, he's off all

the medications he'd been on.

His diabetes has gone
into complete remission.

He doesn't need insulin anymore.

He doesn't even need
diabetic pills anymore.

His circulation to his
legs and feet is restored,

and to his eyes is restored.

He's lost the weight
that he needed to lose.

His golf game has
improved by eight strokes,

and he's thrilled.

And the doctor's thrilled.

And he calls me up and
says, Johnny, you're

not going to believe
what's happened.

I said, OK.

What's happened?

He said, it's unbelievable.

I said, all right.

What's unbelievable?

It's really not possible,
but it's happened.

What, Dad?

Well, it turns out
you were right.

And-- honestly, that my
dad, who had achieved

this phenomenal
business success,

could say to this son that
rejected his life work that you

might have been
right, about anything,

I respect that enormously,
because that's of the heart.

That takes something.

This is a man who had it all.

He was a billionaire.

And yet, he could say to his
son who walked away from it all

that you might have been right.

To me, I will always
live with that joy.

Then after that, we
had a rapprochement.

We began to talk
about a lot of things.

There was a
reconciliation between us,

and our relationship
got completely renewed.

The connection was there.

The love was there.

The respect was there, both
ways, reciprocal, moving.

And we were connected again.

And he lived another
20 years, most of them

very healthy ones, when
the prognosis had been he

was on his deathbed.

I disappointed him so
much by making a choice

that I felt was for integrity,
but from his point of view,

it was a slap in the face.

And that, in the end,
I was able to give him

something perhaps more
valuable than had I

done the obvious thing.

And since then, I've
written other books,

and had sold millions of
copies of them, and had many,

many people write me and tell
me that their lives had been

changed in similar
ways to my dad's.

And that is so
much more rewarding

and fulfilling for me.

I think we really need
to redefine success

in a way that includes our
hearts, and includes our love,

and includes our compassion,
and includes our caring for one

another.

I think we know when
we're a success when

our hearts are strong, and
we live with them in a way.

And so our life
reflects our hearts.

We make choices that
express our love, or caring.

And then that becomes the
defining aspect of who we are.

[LIGHT PIANO MUSIC]

I grew up in New Jersey
in a very blue-collar family.

My parents got
divorced, and there

were all these issues that
happened throughout growing up.

I was actually the first in
my family to go to college.

I studied business,
and when I graduated

from college, the only
job that really interested

me was something
that was active,

so I got myself a job on the
floor of the New York Stock

Exchange.

So you're standing all
day long, and people

are screaming and yelling, and
it's a very exciting, energetic

place to work.

Everyone was making
millions of dollars,

but while they were
rich financially,

they were spiritually bankrupt.

And I started hearing this
small voice inside that said,

this isn't what
you're supposed to do.

This is not where
you're supposed to be.

And I tried to silence that
voice because I had debt.

Feeling like I should
be doing something else,

but I didn't know
what that was was

creating a lot of stress
and anxiety in my life.

And one day, I was on the floor
of the New York Stock Exchange,

and I started getting
a panic attack.

I remember telling
my boss at the time,

I'm going to go run out
and get a cup of coffee.

And I left the floor, and
instead of going to get coffee,

I ran to a church.

And I sat myself down on
the steps of Trinity Church,

outside the exchange, and
I just started crying,

because I didn't
know what else to do.

I felt all of this pressure,
and fear, and uncertainty,

and self-doubt, thinking
like, I have this job.

I'm getting a steady paycheck.

I should be so grateful
to have this position,

and all I want to do is quit.

And I thought I was going to be
a disappointment to my parents,

and to my friends,
and to everyone.

And I remember calling
my dad on a cell phone

and just bawling my
eyes out and saying,

Dad, I don't want
to disappoint you,

but I can't do this anymore.

And I don't know what
the hell I want to do,

but I gotta do something else.

And he said something to me
that forever changed my life.

And he said, Rie, you've worked
since you were nine years old.

You started babysitting,
and selling ice cream,

and working at the beach,
and you've always worked.

He's like, I'm not worrying
about you paying your bills.

He goes, but you have to
find something that you love.

Because once you
find that, it's never

going to feel like work again.

So as long as it takes you to
try every different thing you

could possibly imagine,
you have to keep

searching until you find it.

So if you need to quit, I'm
not going to be disappointed.

But you have to do
this, and you have

to find something you love.

And when I hung up
for my dad, I remember

within like the next
week, I quit my job,

and I went on an
odyssey to find what

I was meant to do in the world.

My first step was really
doing a bit of an excavation

and asking myself, what
am I really interested in?

What have I always been good at?

What sounds exciting to me?

Because again, I felt
paralyzed, because the thing

that I had just spent four
years studying, the epitome

of the job, that wasn't it.

So looking inside, I
really had two clues.

One was that I was
very interested

in the world of business.

My dad was a small
business owner,

so I understood what that
was like growing up with him.

And the other was
art and creativity.

I had always drawn,
and done fine art,

and considered being
an animator for Disney,

or a fashion designer.

So I was like,
OK, well, how do I

mesh these two passions
around business,

and small business, and
something around making money,

but also, it has to be creative.

And the idea that came to
me was magazine publishing.

And I got into the ad sales
department of a magazine called

"Gourmet," which was
part of Condé Nast,

that very big magazine
publishing company.

And I remember starting
and being so excited.

I'm like, oh, this
has gotta be it.

And I was thrilled to be
able to learn the business.

I had a great boss, and
I had a great publisher,

and they were just these
powerful, strong, intelligent

women.

But about six
months in, I started

hearing that voice again that
said, Marie, this isn't it.

And I was like, oh, no.

Not this again.

No, not this again.

I was like, wait,
this has to be it.

And at this point,
I have to tell you,

I really started to
feel a sense of panic.

I started to feel broken.

I knew I had a ton
of potential in me.

I knew I was a hard worker.

I knew I wanted to
contribute to the world.

But I didn't seem to fit
in to the regular corporate

structure.

So one day, I was
on the internet--

probably when I
shouldn't have been--

and I stumbled upon this
article about a new profession

at the time called coaching.

Now, this is back in 1999.

This is well before coaching
was anything in the mainstream.

And I remember
reading this article,

and something in my heart lit
up like nothing ever before.

It really was one of
those moments where

it feels like the clouds parted,
and the angels were singing,

and sunbeams were
just shooting down.

And something in my soul,
something in my being

felt like this was right.

This was something
that was more exciting.

There was something aligned.

I had to pursue it, even
though it didn't make sense.

So I signed up for a three-year
coach training program,

and I started to do my
studies at night while I kept

my magazine job during the day.

A few months in, I get a
call from the HR department.

They wanted to offer me a
promotion at "Vogue" magazine.

This was my fork in the road.

Do you take this
promotion, which

is more money, and more
prestige, a steady paycheck,

health benefits--

all of the things
that one should

want when you're getting
started in your career--

or do you quit and
do this weird thing

that no one has ever
heard of called coaching

and start your own
business, which

you have no idea how
to do, and you're

carrying thousands and
thousands of dollars of debt

from college, and you have
to take care of yourself.

So of course, I quit.

[CHUCKLES]

And I started bartending,
and waiting tables, and doing

every odd job I possibly could.

And I started working on
my business during the day,

and just hustling my buns
off on nights and weekends

to fund this brand new business.

[LIGHT MUSIC]

So over the years, I recognized
that one of my greatest

abilities was to be able
to communicate with people.

I love teaching on video.

I had a part of my career
in health and fitness

where I was teaching hip hop,
and I was a Nike Elite dance

athlete, and I was creating
all these fitness videos.

And one of the
things that I loved

about that was just being able
to talk to people straight

to camera and show
them how to do things,

and have them go from
feeling insecure and afraid

and a lot of self-doubt to
this other place of like,

oh my goodness, I can do this.

And I feel like that's
one of my superpowers.

That helps people
really take what

it is that they want
to do in this world

and bring it to life.

If there's a change they
want to make in their health,

or in their relationships,
or in their financial life,

or in their mental
or emotional health,

or they want to take this
idea they have for a business

and grow it, or their
existing business,

and take it to new
heights, a lot of it

comes from really simple
tools and the application

of those tools consistently.

And so many of us don't have
voices of encouragement.

So I think when any of
us are feeling lost,

or feeling stuck,
or feeling like,

gosh, nothing's
working right now,

I think one of the
best things we can do--

and it's so counter-intuitive--
is we have to celebrate.

We have to celebrate the fact
that we're in a tough spot.

Why?

Because we're about to have
some kind of breakthrough.

Something in our
life is not working,

and we've gotten
ourselves to the point

that we're willing
to take action

to do something about it,
so that means change is

on the horizon.

So again, I know it's a
little counter-intuitive,

but please, take a
minute to celebrate,

because something's
off-track, and you're going

to get it right back on track.

The next thing we got to
do is start where we are.

Oftentimes, we think we
have to change everything.

But really, what we have
to change is our attitude,

and how we're showing up.

So can you start with
the little things?

In the morning, can
you make your bed

with enthusiasm and passion?

Can you be the best
damn bed-maker ever?

Can you brush your teeth
like you really mean it?

Can you start talking
with your family

like they're the
best family ever?

Can you show up at
work and actually

give your excellence, and your
best, and your heart and soul?

Can you go into
that grocery store,

can you put a smile
on somebody's face?

I know these things may
sound trite or insignificant,

but they're not.

Because you can't be miserable
throughout your whole day.

80%, 90% of your
day complaining,

stuck, nothing's
working, and then expect

to have some big breakthrough.

Whereas if you practice
in the small moments--

I'm going to show up, and I'm
going to look for some answers.

I'm going to show
up, and I am going

to be this person who
is open to new ideas.

I'm going to show
up, and I'm actually

going to put a smile
on someone else's face.

I'm going to take the
attention off myself

and how I might
think that there's

something wrong with
me, and in that putting

my attention on someone
else, I might actually

discover new answers
or new possibilities.

So I think when
we're stuck, I think

when we're finding
ourselves in a bit of pain,

or we're feeling like nothing's
working, first, to celebrate,

and then to start changing
how we're showing up

in the micro moments can create
a big trajectory of change.

[LIGHT PIANO MUSIC]

[SOMBER MUSIC]

When I was born, the doctors
in the delivery room told

my parents that I wouldn't
survive my first 24 hours

of life.

My whole childhood, I was
riddled with physical abuse,

but not by the hands of any
other human, but my genetics.

Something as simple as
sneezing would break ribs.

Putting on a pair of pants too
quickly, I could snap a femur.

The physical pain was
nowhere near as abrasive

as the emotional trauma of what
it caused me to miss out on.

Pain and emotional
upset followed

me my entire childhood.

And it all kind of shifted
when I was in fourth grade.

I was out of my wheelchair.

And as I'm rolling around,
I catch my left leg

on the corner of the door.

And I bent it back, and I
snapped it at the femur.

Between hearing the sound of
the snap, and feeling the pain.

And even though it's a
fraction of a second,

it feels like an
eternity, because you

visualize everything you're
going to miss out on.

I thought, why did I
have to go through this?

What did I ever do
to deserve this?

I was furious.

My mom, she comes
running in the room.

She looked in my eyes,
and she said, sweetie,

is this going to be a gift
or a burden in your life?

First of all, I
thought she was crazy.

I mean, you and I
have had gifts, right?

They come in our birthday,
and we open them up

with joy and excitement.

But in fourth grade, such
a young impressionable age,

I got clarity on my life.

I realized that I loved my
life amidst all that pain.

And maybe there was a
bigger, grander purpose

to why I was in this container.

Maybe the reason was to teach
the rest of the human race

how to love their lives
amidst their pain.

[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]

So there are many different
ideas and models to help you

find your purpose.

One of the best
models I've learned

comes from a writer called
Amir Ahmad Nasr, who is

a Sudanese refugee in Canada.

And I was talking to
Amir, and he showed me

how often the pain that we go
through during our childhood,

during our growth
periods, is really

a sign of what our
greater purpose is.

So think back of that pain that
you went through as a child.

And I don't know what
that was for you.

But in that pain are the
clues to what your purpose is.

Knowing the purpose to your
pain doesn't make the pain go

away, but it gives you fuel to
keep pushing forward and not

want to quit, not want to check
out, not want to numb yourself.

I'm on this planet to look
human beings in the eye and say,

I know it's painful.

I wish it didn't
have to be painful.

You have a choice.

Are you going to see it
as a gift or a burden?

Fulfillment and meaning,
it really is a choice.

It's a choice that we get
to make in each moment.

What are we going
to make this mean?

How are we going
to choose to have

this event, this circumstance,
this moment be joyous?

Are we going to be sitting
back in our energy going,

I wish this was different?

There's no way it can be
different, so that's useless.

Or are we going to engage
with our full enthusiasm,

and our joy?

Are we going to show
up in each moment

like we're really
meant to be there?

And when we do that,
and train ourselves

to do that consistently, all
of a sudden, joy and meaning

and fulfillment becomes a habit.

It becomes a way of living.

It becomes a way that we engage
with the world around us.

So it's less of something
that we're looking for,

and it's more of
something that we

bring to everywhere we show up.

Some things don't
make sense in the moment.

But I believe, over the
course of our lives,

we can see the greater picture.

And whenever something is
unfair or upsetting to me,

I just know, OK, wait,
I'm too zoomed in.

If I zoom out, I'm going
to see that this is not

happening to me, but for me.

There's two ways to feel good.

You can gratify yourself, which
is pleasure now, pay later,

and then there's fulfillment,
which is effort now,

pleasure later.

And whenever you are
growing your mind,

your body, your
spirit, and/or you're

giving back to your planet and
others, that's so fulfilling.

I've been a therapist
for 16 years.

And I've never had somebody
sit down on my couch

and say, Shawn, every morning,
I do self-care rituals.

I kiss my kids goodbye.

I then spend five hours in the
homeless shelter, feeding them,

and I knit blankets for
children over in Africa,

and gosh, I just
want to kill myself.

I've never had it happen once.

And I'm not saying
it doesn't exist,

but I have never seen it.

When a human being is growing
their mind, body, and spirit,

and they're giving back to the
planet and humanity at large,

it's so darn fulfilling.

Now, there are three types
of pursuits that bring us

fulfillment.

And I'm really looking at
this from the point of view

that we are souls here in a meat
body on a giant rock hurtling

through space having
a human experience.

So the three things are this.

The first is human experiences.

And experiences are
not necessarily things

that money can buy.

An experience could be a kiss
with someone you really love.

It could be holding a child,
your child in your arms.

It could be an extreme sport,
or eating a food that you so

enjoy, or laughing with friends.

You do not need money for
many of these experiences.

And so the first question you
want to ask yourself is not,

what goals do I want in
life, because goals may not

necessarily lead to
happiness or fulfillment.

The first question you
want to ask yourself

is, what experiences do I want?

But there's a second question.

The second thing that causes
our souls to get fulfilled

is growth.

I believe that one of
the reasons we are here

is to grow and evolve.

So the second question
you want to ask yourself

is, how am I going to grow?

And this is where you
want to actually make

a list of all the
opportunities and ways you

want to grow as a human being.

It could be learning
a new language.

It could be learning
a new skill.

It could be learning
public speaking.

Learning to be a better parent.

It could be learning
mindfulness, or meditation,

or create a visualization,
or harnessing your intuition.

But we gain fulfillment
from growth.

But there is a third question.

That third question is, look,
if I was a human being who

had all of these
beautiful experience, who

has grown in all of
these amazing ways,

how can I give
back to the world?

And giving back or
contribution is the third step

to fulfillment.

You want to be happy?

Make other people happy.

Contribution is
where you make a list

of all the ways you can
contribute to pushing humanity

forward.

Whether it's charitable giving,
or raising spectacular kids,

or volunteering, or starting a
company, or building something

that can actually make
an impact in the world.

Contribution is that third step.

So really, the path
to fulfillment,

ask yourself the three
most important questions.

What experiences
do I want in life?

How do I want to grow?

And how do I want to contribute?

Even if you don't resonate
with those questions,

they're not exactly yours,
figure out your questions.

Figure out, at the
end of my life,

how would I evaluate my life?

What questions would I
ask to know whether or not

I lived a good life?

Because if you find out what
those questions are-- just

make them up.

Decide.

OK, I might ask,
am I a good mom?

I might ask, did I
follow my passion?

I might ask, did I honor
the gifts that God gave me?

Find out what questions
you're going to ask.

And once you know what
those questions are,

then you can live
each day intentionally

so you're happy with
the answers at the end.

[LIGHT MUSIC]

I'm a big believer-- and
this may sound more delusional--

that having a dream is more
important than achieving

a dream.

Because achievement
is not what keeps

us inspired, because
it's behind us.

Hope is what keeps us inspired.

Heading towards
something is far more

powerful than having
something behind you.

I think the goal is to be
an unrealistic human being.

And when you're
unrealistic, you can create

incredible possibilities.

Jeff Bezos.

Elon Musk.

The late Steve Jobs.

The late Walt Disney.

Mother Teresa.

Mahatma Gandhi.

Martin Luther King.

All these individuals are
incredibly unrealistic.

Martin Luther King was
saying, one day, we

will drink out of
the same fountain,

and it will be no big deal.

That was unrealistic
at the time.

And so unrealistic
people chart the course

for the rest of the human race.

Your obligation, your
responsibility is to live

your mission and your purpose.

That you were given this
unique soul, this unique gift,

this unique container.

It's unique out of
7 billion people.

And you're being asked.

People say, what's my purpose?

I say, well, let's take a look.

What's your purpose?

What do we know to be true?

Well, we know for sure
that you're unique.

That out of 7 billion people, we
cannot line up a genetic exact

match.

We just know that by science.

We know that by spirit as
well, that you're unique.

So part of your purpose?

Live that uniqueness.

Don't conform.

Be you.

Share with the world.

What do you really think?

What do you really feel?

What do you really want?

Contribute things that
pull at your heart,

because maybe that's a
part of you that's like,

there's some kind of
thing that's being called.

And you're supposed to listen,
because only you got that gift.

That you got that message.

You're supposed to do that.

There never has been and
there never will be another

you.

So to understand what
a miracle you are

on this Earth in this
moment right now,

and to be able to use your
heart, and your skills,

and your perspective,
and your unique story

to connect with other
humans, and to make

a difference in their life,
that's all you're here to do.

And it doesn't have to
be a grand expression.

You don't have to
be a billionaire.

You don't have to
change anything.

If you can take
control of your own path,

and then devote yourself in
service to the betterment

of other human beings, you
will find more fulfillment,

more purpose, more contentment,
and more happiness than you can

possibly imagine.

And that will be your gift to
humanity, and to the planet

that we all share.

And if we can learn
again where our hearts are,

find them, and let them teach
us and show us and guide us,

and live according to what is
in our hearts and souls that we

have come to this Earth
to share, to give,

then we are playing the
part we are here to play.

And yes, you and I are each one
seven billionth of humanity,

and you could think
of it that way.

That's just a tiny,
tiny drop in the bucket.

But if there's enough drops,
it ceases to be a bucket.

It becomes the tide
of history turning.

It becomes something
that is unstoppable.

It becomes something that
is good, and wholesome,

and beautiful, and
powerful beyond measure.

And that is the
power that Gandhi

called satyagraha, the
power of love force,

caring, the power of spirit.

And it is greater when
we create it together.

[UPLIFTING MUSIC]

I think it's up to each
of us to find our calling,

to find our spirit, to find
our integrity, and to live it.

And when we do, we're playing
the part in the greater healing

that we're meant to play.

You just have to show up,
and be willing to show up every

single day, and realize that
you do make a difference.

And the difference that
you make is up to you.

[MUSIC - NICK BROADHURST,
"ALWAYS YOU"]

(SINGING) Going back to
where the story all began.

Do you want to hear the
journey of this man?

So maybe, maybe you're
going to call me crazy.

A feeling I know
it can't be wrong.

So one day, you're
going to be my lover.

Everybody run for cover,
the ceiling's coming down.

And one day, we're
going to be forever.

Everybody said we'd never.

The ceiling's coming down.

So stop, I'm going to
be there for you now.

Don't go, I'm going to
be there for you now.

You, always you.

Always you.

I'll walk you through the
sunshine and the rain.

I believe that second
chances come again.

So maybe, maybe,
no longer call us

crazy, a feeling I
know it wasn't wrong.

So one day, you're
going to be my lover.

Everybody run for cover,
the ceiling's falling down.

And one day, we're
going to be forever.

Everybody said we'd never,
and the ceiling's coming down.

So stop, I'm going to
be there for you now.

Don't go, I'm going to
be there for you now.

You, always you.

Always you.