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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.777 --> 00:00:02.319 Previously on "American Princess"... 2 00:00:02.344 --> 00:00:03.834 It's Brett. He wants to FaceTime. 3 00:00:03.859 --> 00:00:05.920 - [BRETT MOANING] - What? 4 00:00:07.680 --> 00:00:09.397 Yeah, baby. Yeah. Yeah, right there. 5 00:00:09.422 --> 00:00:11.558 Are you out of your mind? You... How could you? 6 00:00:11.583 --> 00:00:13.008 I'm not having an affair. I love you. 7 00:00:13.032 --> 00:00:14.223 On our wedding day? 8 00:00:14.248 --> 00:00:17.161 [SCREAMS] 9 00:00:17.186 --> 00:00:19.379 Ugh, theme wedding. 10 00:00:21.170 --> 00:00:24.075 Sorry for interrupting your little wedding here. 11 00:00:24.356 --> 00:00:26.281 FYI, though, he doesn't know what play 12 00:00:26.306 --> 00:00:27.307 his own quote's from. 13 00:00:27.307 --> 00:00:29.315 - That is preposterous. - DAVID: [BRITISH ACCENT] She be right! 14 00:00:29.339 --> 00:00:32.033 From which play doth the quote come? 15 00:00:32.176 --> 00:00:34.080 "Richard II." 16 00:00:34.619 --> 00:00:36.127 Uh, ffff. 17 00:00:36.152 --> 00:00:38.307 The maid doth speak the truth. 18 00:00:38.332 --> 00:00:39.596 Huzzah! 19 00:00:39.621 --> 00:00:41.674 ALL: Huzzah! 20 00:00:41.978 --> 00:00:44.221 So, what? 21 00:00:44.246 --> 00:00:46.814 You all run around pretending to be Queen Elizabeth 22 00:00:46.839 --> 00:00:49.353 and stuff, and people get drunk with nerds? 23 00:00:49.378 --> 00:00:51.463 It be their... leidenschaft. 24 00:00:51.700 --> 00:00:53.327 It's German for passion. 25 00:00:53.352 --> 00:00:56.521 Do you really want to throw away everything you almost had? 26 00:00:56.546 --> 00:00:58.244 I'm not going back with you. 27 00:00:58.269 --> 00:01:00.361 I'm staying. Here. 28 00:01:00.856 --> 00:01:03.549 Nay. Hither. 29 00:01:07.409 --> 00:01:11.478 ♪♪ 30 00:01:20.719 --> 00:01:23.221 Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 31 00:01:30.453 --> 00:01:32.622 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 32 00:01:33.161 --> 00:01:37.283 ♪♪ 33 00:01:44.717 --> 00:01:47.095 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS CONTINUE] 34 00:01:47.095 --> 00:01:51.229 ♪♪ 35 00:02:14.188 --> 00:02:15.598 [INSECT BUZZES] 36 00:02:16.057 --> 00:02:17.283 [GROANS] 37 00:02:17.893 --> 00:02:19.658 - [BUZZING STOPS] - Ugh. 38 00:02:19.683 --> 00:02:22.060 [VIBRATOR BUZZING] 39 00:02:24.248 --> 00:02:25.783 What the... 40 00:02:27.626 --> 00:02:28.626 [MOANING] 41 00:02:33.942 --> 00:02:35.033 Ah! 42 00:02:35.066 --> 00:02:37.369 [GASPING] 43 00:02:37.562 --> 00:02:40.799 - [CLICK, BUZZING STOPS] - [LAUGHING] 44 00:02:40.824 --> 00:02:43.416 [SIGHS DEEPLY] 45 00:02:45.183 --> 00:02:47.362 Good morrow, cousin. 46 00:02:48.178 --> 00:02:49.744 Good morrow... morning. 47 00:02:50.301 --> 00:02:51.301 Where am I? 48 00:02:53.705 --> 00:02:54.979 D -Did I... 49 00:02:55.718 --> 00:02:57.252 - Did we... - No! 50 00:02:57.277 --> 00:02:58.971 No, no, no. 51 00:02:59.565 --> 00:03:01.799 [SIGHS] Just boob stuff. 52 00:03:01.824 --> 00:03:02.940 - What? - I'm kidding! 53 00:03:02.965 --> 00:03:04.166 - Oh. - No, I'm not. 54 00:03:04.191 --> 00:03:05.463 - What? - Yes, I am. 55 00:03:05.881 --> 00:03:06.881 No, I'm not. 56 00:03:06.906 --> 00:03:09.276 [LAUGHING] Yes, I am. 57 00:03:09.301 --> 00:03:10.409 Don't worry. 58 00:03:12.120 --> 00:03:13.455 You do have nice boobs, though. 59 00:03:13.822 --> 00:03:14.838 Thanks? 60 00:03:14.863 --> 00:03:16.635 Amanda Sophia Klein. [CHUCKLES] 61 00:03:17.422 --> 00:03:19.354 [SIGHS] My roommate, my hero. 62 00:03:19.900 --> 00:03:22.174 When you renounced your life last night... 63 00:03:23.518 --> 00:03:24.666 so dramatic. 64 00:03:24.691 --> 00:03:27.080 - And then you drank all that Devil's... - Scotch. 65 00:03:27.222 --> 00:03:28.222 Right. 66 00:03:29.437 --> 00:03:31.526 How much did I say? 67 00:03:31.668 --> 00:03:32.769 Brett is dead to me. 68 00:03:32.794 --> 00:03:34.292 - Terrific. - Mm-hmm. 69 00:03:35.943 --> 00:03:38.691 [SIGHS] I hope my vigorous self-pleasuring 70 00:03:38.716 --> 00:03:41.175 provided you a gentle waking. [CHUCKLES] 71 00:03:41.200 --> 00:03:44.003 No sweeter music than the stroke of your own strings, am I right? 72 00:03:44.287 --> 00:03:46.034 Wait, did you say "roommate"? 73 00:03:47.069 --> 00:03:48.120 Oh, yeah. 74 00:03:49.910 --> 00:03:52.159 I'm gonna show you everything. 75 00:03:52.184 --> 00:03:53.909 - Everything? - Mm-hmm. 76 00:03:54.436 --> 00:03:55.436 Hang on. 77 00:03:56.044 --> 00:03:58.573 If we're roommates... [GROANS] 78 00:03:58.598 --> 00:04:00.362 what happened to the person or... 79 00:04:01.604 --> 00:04:04.230 gimp that used to live here? 80 00:04:04.255 --> 00:04:05.255 Don't worry. 81 00:04:05.426 --> 00:04:06.558 She's never around. 82 00:04:07.717 --> 00:04:09.276 You may want to flip the mattress. 83 00:04:09.301 --> 00:04:11.798 This place needs some serious feng shui 84 00:04:11.823 --> 00:04:14.144 - or a hazmat team or... - [INSECT BUZZES] 85 00:04:14.675 --> 00:04:16.479 a citronella perimeter. 86 00:04:16.504 --> 00:04:19.338 I'm so excited you're here! 87 00:04:19.558 --> 00:04:20.558 [GROANS] 88 00:04:21.166 --> 00:04:23.088 - Yes. - [VIBRATING] 89 00:04:23.452 --> 00:04:25.354 Please tell me that's not your... 90 00:04:26.207 --> 00:04:27.643 It's Brett. Shall I? 91 00:04:27.668 --> 00:04:29.487 No! I mean... 92 00:04:29.638 --> 00:04:31.346 no, thank you. I'll... I'll handle it. 93 00:04:32.731 --> 00:04:34.358 [CELLPHONE VIBRATES] 94 00:04:34.383 --> 00:04:35.401 Ugh... 95 00:04:36.688 --> 00:04:39.305 Not everything can be fixed with emojis. 96 00:04:43.873 --> 00:04:45.101 [RING CLINKS] 97 00:04:48.083 --> 00:04:51.367 Now, want to find your leidenschaft? 98 00:04:53.265 --> 00:04:55.796 - Ja. - I wouldn't touch that hand. 99 00:04:56.431 --> 00:04:57.974 [WATER RUNNING] 100 00:04:57.999 --> 00:05:01.569 ♪♪ 101 00:05:11.987 --> 00:05:14.612 [YELLING, GROANING] 102 00:05:14.637 --> 00:05:15.858 SHART: Dude, you okay? 103 00:05:16.898 --> 00:05:18.046 You okay... Oh. 104 00:05:18.223 --> 00:05:20.522 Aah. Dude, what happened to your nipple ring? 105 00:05:20.712 --> 00:05:22.835 Just had an accident last night. 106 00:05:23.050 --> 00:05:24.389 Pretty crazy, right? 107 00:05:25.372 --> 00:05:27.124 - Is it? - What do you mean? 108 00:05:27.383 --> 00:05:29.303 [CHUCKLES] It's a nipple ring. 109 00:05:29.488 --> 00:05:30.929 I mean, the idea of it being torn out 110 00:05:30.953 --> 00:05:32.179 must have crossed your mind at some point. 111 00:05:32.203 --> 00:05:34.257 The idea of crashing my car's crossed my mind, 112 00:05:34.282 --> 00:05:35.436 but I still drive. 113 00:05:35.461 --> 00:05:36.530 Not with your nipple. 114 00:05:36.597 --> 00:05:37.597 Yeah. 115 00:05:38.638 --> 00:05:41.141 So you, uh, hook up with that new girl again? 116 00:05:41.166 --> 00:05:42.272 What, Amanda? 117 00:05:42.379 --> 00:05:44.057 No, nothing happened. Two nights ago, 118 00:05:44.082 --> 00:05:45.722 she got wasted and passed out on my floor. 119 00:05:45.936 --> 00:05:47.256 So now you got that to deal with. 120 00:05:47.710 --> 00:05:48.936 W -What? What do you mean? 121 00:05:48.974 --> 00:05:52.665 Dude, if you take in a stray, it's not a stray anymore. 122 00:05:52.743 --> 00:05:54.912 - It's your dog. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 123 00:05:54.937 --> 00:05:56.985 She's not my dog. 124 00:05:57.117 --> 00:05:59.536 I don't believe in pets, not even comfort animals. 125 00:05:59.561 --> 00:06:01.935 Yeah, well, at least she's a cute dog. 126 00:06:01.960 --> 00:06:02.960 Yeah. 127 00:06:04.947 --> 00:06:06.162 What's your Faire name gonna be? 128 00:06:06.186 --> 00:06:07.997 Like, mine's Prunella Bubblebottom 129 00:06:08.022 --> 00:06:09.169 because I'm a washer wench. 130 00:06:09.194 --> 00:06:12.232 We sing songs, make dirty jokes, we get wet, 131 00:06:12.257 --> 00:06:13.961 and our audiences have the best, best time, 132 00:06:13.986 --> 00:06:15.488 because they're in the splash zone. 133 00:06:15.488 --> 00:06:17.286 - Like at SeaWorld. - That's whales. 134 00:06:17.311 --> 00:06:18.638 We're wenches. It's different. 135 00:06:18.663 --> 00:06:20.263 - But... - It's different. 136 00:06:20.288 --> 00:06:21.873 - [FACETIME RINGING] - Mm. 137 00:06:21.898 --> 00:06:24.052 - Wi-Fi! - Yeah. It lives near the office. 138 00:06:24.077 --> 00:06:26.974 But don't move. It's shy, like a baby deer. 139 00:06:27.417 --> 00:06:28.592 I'll see you at the well, sister. 140 00:06:28.616 --> 00:06:30.376 And don't forget to think of your Faire name. 141 00:06:32.124 --> 00:06:33.513 Nice work, Amanda. 142 00:06:33.613 --> 00:06:36.607 Mom's so up my butt about you, I've got a stress zit. 143 00:06:36.723 --> 00:06:38.122 Hi, Erin. 144 00:06:38.187 --> 00:06:40.013 I'm fine. Thanks for asking. 145 00:06:40.038 --> 00:06:41.849 Ugh, not everything is about you. 146 00:06:41.921 --> 00:06:44.590 How about my life blowing up? Can that be about me? 147 00:06:44.615 --> 00:06:46.577 Oh, no, no, no. Do not play the victim. 148 00:06:46.602 --> 00:06:47.859 You're the one who blew it up. 149 00:06:47.884 --> 00:06:50.492 It's like ISIS declared jihad on dream weddings 150 00:06:50.517 --> 00:06:51.805 and sent you in first. 151 00:06:52.125 --> 00:06:53.258 I didn't blow it up. 152 00:06:53.283 --> 00:06:54.781 Brett blew it up by being... 153 00:06:55.034 --> 00:06:56.148 Classic Amanda. 154 00:06:56.173 --> 00:06:57.966 Can't take responsibility for anything. 155 00:06:57.991 --> 00:06:59.820 Oh, and you can shred your black card. 156 00:06:59.845 --> 00:07:00.945 Mom's cutting you off. 157 00:07:01.044 --> 00:07:02.809 I am taking responsibility, 158 00:07:02.834 --> 00:07:04.470 and I am the victim. And you know what? 159 00:07:04.495 --> 00:07:06.495 You can tell Mom to keep her emotional blood money. 160 00:07:06.852 --> 00:07:08.145 I'm getting a job here. 161 00:07:08.170 --> 00:07:09.989 - You're what? - Joanntha? 162 00:07:10.014 --> 00:07:12.574 [CHUCKLES] You're... I'm sorry. Say that... What... 163 00:07:12.599 --> 00:07:14.653 Ama... Stop, you're... No, Ama... 164 00:07:15.050 --> 00:07:17.082 - [CELLPHONE BEEPS] - Erin. 165 00:07:18.011 --> 00:07:19.470 Wait, you know my mom's name? 166 00:07:19.495 --> 00:07:20.996 You talked a lot last night. 167 00:07:21.344 --> 00:07:23.254 Stupid scotch. 168 00:07:23.337 --> 00:07:25.783 From now on, I'm strictly gay for rosé. 169 00:07:25.808 --> 00:07:26.817 - Whoa. - What? 170 00:07:26.842 --> 00:07:28.594 - My nipple ring. - You have a nipple ring, 171 00:07:28.619 --> 00:07:29.763 - like a fancy cow? - [CHUCKLES] 172 00:07:29.787 --> 00:07:31.082 Not since last night. 173 00:07:31.805 --> 00:07:32.957 You don't remember? 174 00:07:32.982 --> 00:07:34.856 My crazy accident? 175 00:07:35.644 --> 00:07:36.832 Ugh, no. 176 00:07:37.319 --> 00:07:39.512 Again, I have to plead scotch. 177 00:07:39.537 --> 00:07:41.051 That's two nights in a row for you. 178 00:07:41.076 --> 00:07:42.645 You think I have a drinking problem? 179 00:07:42.670 --> 00:07:44.637 Is alcohol your usual coping mechanism? 180 00:07:44.662 --> 00:07:46.020 - No! - Okay. 181 00:07:46.045 --> 00:07:47.371 I do not have a problem. 182 00:07:47.396 --> 00:07:48.762 - Okay. - I don't. 183 00:07:48.850 --> 00:07:50.301 I said okay. 184 00:07:50.326 --> 00:07:52.371 You said okay like five times. 185 00:07:52.396 --> 00:07:53.817 Why are you counting okays? 186 00:07:54.560 --> 00:07:55.574 Hey, lover. 187 00:07:55.938 --> 00:07:57.106 Uh, hey. 188 00:07:57.131 --> 00:07:58.910 Uh, Amanda, this is Callie. 189 00:07:58.935 --> 00:08:00.606 - Hi. - Hmm. 190 00:08:00.631 --> 00:08:02.896 - Um, I got the kambo. - What's kambo? 191 00:08:02.921 --> 00:08:04.256 Amazonian frog venom. 192 00:08:04.281 --> 00:08:05.285 It's for my nipple. 193 00:08:05.310 --> 00:08:06.543 That doesn't need venom. 194 00:08:06.568 --> 00:08:08.574 [CHUCKLES] That needs stitches. 195 00:08:08.599 --> 00:08:10.809 - Ah, it's not that bad. - You work in a mud pit, 196 00:08:10.834 --> 00:08:12.989 and that's an open wound. Are you... Are you crazy? 197 00:08:13.014 --> 00:08:14.044 I love what I do. 198 00:08:14.359 --> 00:08:16.418 Your need to be seen is profound. 199 00:08:16.542 --> 00:08:19.465 ♪♪ 200 00:08:24.184 --> 00:08:27.262 ♪♪ 201 00:08:28.412 --> 00:08:30.324 - [KNOCK ON DOOR] - LEE: [CHUCKLING] Ohh, man. 202 00:08:34.043 --> 00:08:35.232 Hi. 203 00:08:36.578 --> 00:08:37.755 I'm Amanda. 204 00:08:38.828 --> 00:08:39.871 Are you hiring? 205 00:08:39.896 --> 00:08:41.107 You have any felonies? 206 00:08:41.309 --> 00:08:42.309 No. 207 00:08:42.835 --> 00:08:43.904 Then we're hiring. 208 00:08:43.929 --> 00:08:45.122 Awesome. 209 00:08:45.812 --> 00:08:47.772 What's your dramaturgy situation? 210 00:08:47.797 --> 00:08:50.052 I have a degree in English from Vassar. 211 00:08:50.494 --> 00:08:54.201 Yeah, we've already got like six dramaturgists on staff. 212 00:08:54.623 --> 00:08:57.568 Okay. I'm also good at Word 213 00:08:57.593 --> 00:08:59.927 and, uh, Adobe Creative Suite 214 00:08:59.952 --> 00:09:01.201 a-and... 215 00:09:01.797 --> 00:09:03.802 Hey, hi. Eyes up here. 216 00:09:04.299 --> 00:09:05.716 Oh, I was just wondering 217 00:09:05.741 --> 00:09:07.377 if maybe a bodice would kind of... 218 00:09:07.402 --> 00:09:08.978 - What? - ... make things pop. 219 00:09:09.470 --> 00:09:11.627 Ugh. Offensive much? 220 00:09:11.802 --> 00:09:13.721 I'm here to work, not make it rain. 221 00:09:13.746 --> 00:09:15.307 Okay, Vassar, lighten up. 222 00:09:15.425 --> 00:09:17.174 You ever worked in food service? 223 00:09:17.465 --> 00:09:19.197 Summers on the Cape, I was a hostess 224 00:09:19.222 --> 00:09:20.775 at the Landfall in Woods Hole... 225 00:09:21.280 --> 00:09:23.689 classic surf and turf, occasional Kennedy. 226 00:09:23.714 --> 00:09:26.236 So I'm not afraid to get my hands dirty. 227 00:09:26.503 --> 00:09:28.799 Perfect. You're hired. 228 00:09:28.824 --> 00:09:30.697 This isn't meant to be, you know. 229 00:09:31.254 --> 00:09:32.596 It never was. 230 00:09:33.031 --> 00:09:34.699 And yet, perhaps the impossibility 231 00:09:34.724 --> 00:09:36.369 is what made it possible. 232 00:09:37.085 --> 00:09:39.767 Like the mighty salmon 233 00:09:40.041 --> 00:09:42.939 thrusting itself against the surging stream, 234 00:09:43.317 --> 00:09:46.557 determined to spawn, whatever the cost. 235 00:09:48.015 --> 00:09:49.391 But do not weep. 236 00:09:49.416 --> 00:09:51.080 You shall find this again. 237 00:09:51.746 --> 00:09:55.401 Well, not this, this, but... perhaps this-adjacent. 238 00:09:55.640 --> 00:09:56.713 Who's Jason? 239 00:09:57.967 --> 00:10:01.878 Oh, my sweet, simple boy. 240 00:10:02.597 --> 00:10:04.386 I am the Queen. 241 00:10:04.748 --> 00:10:06.269 You park cars. 242 00:10:06.760 --> 00:10:08.519 A titillating pornographic premise 243 00:10:08.544 --> 00:10:10.886 we explored most vigorously 244 00:10:10.911 --> 00:10:13.292 but has now concluded. 245 00:10:13.317 --> 00:10:16.403 Exeunt omnes. 246 00:10:19.114 --> 00:10:20.698 We're over, José. 247 00:10:20.723 --> 00:10:21.855 You can go. 248 00:10:22.495 --> 00:10:23.495 Okay. 249 00:10:23.944 --> 00:10:26.488 ♪♪ 250 00:10:26.629 --> 00:10:28.253 - Want to smoke out? - No. 251 00:10:28.614 --> 00:10:30.034 - Later? - No. 252 00:10:30.443 --> 00:10:31.653 Want to hook up after work? 253 00:10:31.678 --> 00:10:33.534 I literally just dumped you. 254 00:10:33.796 --> 00:10:34.796 Okay. 255 00:10:34.931 --> 00:10:37.558 ♪♪ 256 00:10:38.088 --> 00:10:39.261 In case you change your mind. 257 00:10:39.621 --> 00:10:40.643 [CLICKS TONGUE] 258 00:10:41.358 --> 00:10:46.308 ♪♪ 259 00:10:49.895 --> 00:10:52.175 - Hey, dude. - Good morning. 260 00:10:54.409 --> 00:10:55.441 Felipé? 261 00:10:55.935 --> 00:10:58.230 [SCOFFS] José, you racist. 262 00:10:58.447 --> 00:11:00.831 I'm not racist. I don't recall his name 263 00:11:00.856 --> 00:11:02.823 because I refuse to commit useful brain cells 264 00:11:02.848 --> 00:11:05.017 to some temporary toad in your hole. 265 00:11:05.042 --> 00:11:07.386 Well, then, you'll be glad to know I ended it. 266 00:11:07.941 --> 00:11:10.003 The poor dear, he was beside himself. 267 00:11:10.028 --> 00:11:11.753 Really? He seemed... 268 00:11:11.778 --> 00:11:13.780 Devastated, as if I'd extinguished 269 00:11:13.805 --> 00:11:16.058 the light that burned behind his eyes. 270 00:11:16.083 --> 00:11:17.151 Pretty dim light. 271 00:11:17.176 --> 00:11:18.802 All right, you've had your fun. 272 00:11:18.827 --> 00:11:20.862 No, I haven't, actually. 273 00:11:21.351 --> 00:11:23.562 We completely missed Leah Remini's marathon last night 274 00:11:23.587 --> 00:11:25.422 so you could get your fields plowed. 275 00:11:25.447 --> 00:11:27.407 Again with the stereotypes. 276 00:11:27.432 --> 00:11:28.475 What stereotypes? 277 00:11:28.500 --> 00:11:31.542 Fields. Plowed. José. 278 00:11:31.567 --> 00:11:33.769 [SCOFFS] That was a euphemism for sex. 279 00:11:33.794 --> 00:11:34.994 That has nothing to do with... 280 00:11:35.336 --> 00:11:36.691 Okay, now I hear it. 281 00:11:38.722 --> 00:11:40.401 MAN: Well, I wish you the best of luck. 282 00:11:42.549 --> 00:11:43.883 [PLOP] 283 00:11:43.908 --> 00:11:47.316 ♪♪ 284 00:11:47.341 --> 00:11:49.769 MAN 2: Milady, Mother has blessed you. 285 00:11:51.057 --> 00:11:53.435 Come, sir, handle my jugs. 286 00:11:53.460 --> 00:11:56.588 I see by your lady you have experience. 287 00:11:56.613 --> 00:11:59.566 In sooth, I wager you could handle a pair of jugs. 288 00:11:59.936 --> 00:12:01.956 - Am I correct, mistress? - He sure can. 289 00:12:01.981 --> 00:12:04.186 Oh, well, come, then. I'll show you my jugs, 290 00:12:04.211 --> 00:12:05.542 and you show me yours. 291 00:12:05.827 --> 00:12:07.464 This place is insane. 292 00:12:07.675 --> 00:12:09.761 It's like, "What if super-horny nerds 293 00:12:09.786 --> 00:12:11.198 designed an amusement park?" 294 00:12:11.223 --> 00:12:13.850 So what? Without "super-horny nerds," 295 00:12:13.875 --> 00:12:16.175 there'd be no movies, no music, no Internet, just... 296 00:12:16.370 --> 00:12:18.335 football and pharmaceutical reps. 297 00:12:18.360 --> 00:12:20.155 My fiancé's brother's a pharm... 298 00:12:21.319 --> 00:12:24.163 You mean your ex-fiancé, 299 00:12:24.188 --> 00:12:26.077 the one whose hooker you bloodied? 300 00:12:26.776 --> 00:12:29.093 - Hey, you had a lot to say last night. - Yeah, so I hear. 301 00:12:29.118 --> 00:12:31.745 Tankards and flagons and jugs for sale! 302 00:12:31.770 --> 00:12:33.796 Suck on my jugs, they'll fill you with ale. 303 00:12:33.927 --> 00:12:36.405 Seriously, I'm the only one who finds that skeevy? 304 00:12:36.486 --> 00:12:37.640 You and the puritans. 305 00:12:37.665 --> 00:12:38.968 - Hey, you. - Hey. 306 00:12:38.993 --> 00:12:41.182 It's just one big, beautiful community 307 00:12:41.207 --> 00:12:42.405 full of love and acceptance. 308 00:12:42.430 --> 00:12:43.929 It brought me Stephen. 309 00:12:44.127 --> 00:12:45.670 How long have you two been together? 310 00:12:45.779 --> 00:12:47.614 Oh, is it, uh, three Faires, babe? 311 00:12:47.639 --> 00:12:49.765 Mm-hmm. Well, my husband, Phil, met him first. 312 00:12:49.790 --> 00:12:52.007 They bonded over their love of craft beers 313 00:12:52.032 --> 00:12:53.617 and then over their love of me. 314 00:12:53.642 --> 00:12:54.976 - [LAUGHS] - Wait, I'm sorry. 315 00:12:55.348 --> 00:12:57.194 You're not... Who's your husband? 316 00:12:57.401 --> 00:12:59.014 Oh, let's see. Where's Phil? 317 00:12:59.047 --> 00:13:00.358 Oh, uh, t-there he is. 318 00:13:00.383 --> 00:13:02.070 He's right between the pub and the Hump Stump. 319 00:13:02.094 --> 00:13:04.265 - Babe. Babe! - Hey. Hey, Phil. 320 00:13:05.440 --> 00:13:06.545 So sorry. 321 00:13:07.233 --> 00:13:08.718 Did you say "the Hump Stump"? 322 00:13:09.044 --> 00:13:12.069 Oh, yeah. It's a popular after-hours spot 323 00:13:12.094 --> 00:13:13.280 for Rennies to... 324 00:13:13.478 --> 00:13:15.718 you know, love in the open air. 325 00:13:15.951 --> 00:13:18.015 - "The Giving Tree," unabridged. - Phil hates it. 326 00:13:18.040 --> 00:13:19.703 To be fair, it did give him a massive splinter. 327 00:13:19.727 --> 00:13:21.104 That was a nightmare, it's true. 328 00:13:21.129 --> 00:13:22.671 Babe, I'm looking for my Kindle. 329 00:13:23.244 --> 00:13:25.069 - Phil said you had it last? - Yes, yes, yes. 330 00:13:25.094 --> 00:13:27.805 It's in my yellow... It's easier if I just get it for you. 331 00:13:27.999 --> 00:13:29.213 Do you think you can handle the booth 332 00:13:29.213 --> 00:13:30.358 for 10 minutes on your own? 333 00:13:30.383 --> 00:13:32.069 I graduated summa cum laude. 334 00:13:32.094 --> 00:13:33.749 I think I can handle pork pockets. 335 00:13:33.774 --> 00:13:35.306 - Okay. - JUAN ANDRÉS: Tankards and flagons... 336 00:13:35.330 --> 00:13:36.899 - and jugs for sale! - Let's go. 337 00:13:38.203 --> 00:13:39.664 One pork pocket, please. 338 00:13:39.689 --> 00:13:40.695 Sure. 339 00:13:40.925 --> 00:13:43.531 ♪♪ 340 00:13:43.556 --> 00:13:45.182 [GASPS] 341 00:13:45.704 --> 00:13:47.938 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 342 00:13:47.963 --> 00:13:49.797 I'll get a turkey leg. 343 00:14:04.920 --> 00:14:08.144 With this sword, I dub thee Sir Daryl, 344 00:14:08.169 --> 00:14:10.449 Knight of the Realm. 345 00:14:10.668 --> 00:14:12.545 [FANFARE PLAYS] 346 00:14:12.570 --> 00:14:14.543 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 347 00:14:15.812 --> 00:14:17.988 Your Majesty, a word posthaste. 348 00:14:18.013 --> 00:14:19.432 Posthaste now? 349 00:14:19.457 --> 00:14:22.504 Indeed, that being what posthaste doth mean. 350 00:14:22.529 --> 00:14:24.957 What have I told you about the Shake-splaing? 351 00:14:25.603 --> 00:14:28.230 I dub these Lady Maya, 352 00:14:28.255 --> 00:14:30.433 Dame of County Essex. 353 00:14:31.039 --> 00:14:32.886 [FANFARE PLAYS] 354 00:14:33.775 --> 00:14:35.480 I think I just saw Colin. 355 00:14:35.842 --> 00:14:37.808 - Colin Hayes? - Don't worry. 356 00:14:37.833 --> 00:14:39.458 I'll make sure you won't have to talk to him. 357 00:14:39.482 --> 00:14:41.941 Oh, Colin did eight seasons here as Robert Dudley, 358 00:14:41.966 --> 00:14:43.910 Earl of Leicester. He's entitled to visit. 359 00:14:43.935 --> 00:14:46.347 I dub thee Sir Jayden, 360 00:14:46.372 --> 00:14:48.597 Knight of the Realm! 361 00:14:49.043 --> 00:14:51.863 Is he also entitled to tempt and torment you? 362 00:14:52.143 --> 00:14:54.481 Last time he visited, I had to spoon you so long 363 00:14:54.506 --> 00:14:57.082 - our clothes stuck together. - [SCOFFS] 364 00:14:57.535 --> 00:15:00.038 Did you know he'd be here and deliberately not tell me? 365 00:15:00.063 --> 00:15:02.793 Oh, please. Brian. Deliberately. 366 00:15:02.818 --> 00:15:04.683 You did know. 367 00:15:05.071 --> 00:15:07.136 So that's why you broke things off with Jorgé. 368 00:15:07.161 --> 00:15:09.988 I dub thee Lady Alexa, Dame of County Hamilton! 369 00:15:10.013 --> 00:15:12.082 It's José, and so what? 370 00:15:12.107 --> 00:15:14.715 One can't mount two productions on the same stage. 371 00:15:14.740 --> 00:15:16.158 You intend to mount? 372 00:15:16.183 --> 00:15:17.191 It's a metaphor. 373 00:15:17.216 --> 00:15:18.824 It's a synonym. 374 00:15:21.736 --> 00:15:24.316 - Jesus. - Food service, no bueno. 375 00:15:24.341 --> 00:15:27.074 - What else you got? - Uh, okay, uh... 376 00:15:27.099 --> 00:15:28.199 Boothie. 377 00:15:28.224 --> 00:15:31.293 Crafter. Gamer. 378 00:15:31.512 --> 00:15:33.668 You're probably too small to be a push monkey. 379 00:15:35.443 --> 00:15:36.644 A push monkey? 380 00:15:36.931 --> 00:15:39.035 Yeah, the guys that push the swings and stuff. 381 00:15:39.221 --> 00:15:41.278 - They run the rides. - And they're referred to 382 00:15:41.303 --> 00:15:43.136 - as monkeys. - Yeah, well, it's that 383 00:15:43.161 --> 00:15:46.074 or motion-generating entertainment specialists. 384 00:15:46.926 --> 00:15:48.996 I'm kidding. It's monkeys. 385 00:15:50.083 --> 00:15:51.855 WOMAN: God save the Queen! 386 00:15:51.880 --> 00:15:53.613 [PEOPLE CHEERING] 387 00:15:53.638 --> 00:15:54.793 Your Grace. 388 00:15:55.328 --> 00:15:58.543 I am most humbled to be in your presence this day. 389 00:15:58.831 --> 00:16:00.488 Arise, good sir. 390 00:16:01.638 --> 00:16:04.238 Hast thou e'er been told you do resemble Robert Dudley, 391 00:16:04.263 --> 00:16:07.605 Earl of Leicester, who once did frequent this shire? 392 00:16:07.827 --> 00:16:09.418 It hath been remarked upon. 393 00:16:09.703 --> 00:16:11.894 I am told he was thought quite handsome. 394 00:16:12.168 --> 00:16:14.582 - [CHUCKLES] - Uh, but today, 395 00:16:14.607 --> 00:16:17.215 I am Claudius Hollyband, if it please you. 396 00:16:17.419 --> 00:16:19.855 Linguist, philologist, and lexicographer. 397 00:16:19.880 --> 00:16:21.715 Ah. A weaver of words, then? 398 00:16:21.740 --> 00:16:23.825 A weaver of words, a student of syntax, 399 00:16:23.850 --> 00:16:25.644 a parser of paragraphs. 400 00:16:25.669 --> 00:16:27.880 Indeed. Then you would be well acquainted 401 00:16:27.905 --> 00:16:30.051 with terms such as "miscreant," 402 00:16:30.076 --> 00:16:32.136 "vagabond," and "lothario"? 403 00:16:32.594 --> 00:16:35.207 Academically, which be far different 404 00:16:35.232 --> 00:16:36.340 than were I to be termed 405 00:16:36.365 --> 00:16:39.285 a "contumelious pantywaist dilettante." 406 00:16:40.839 --> 00:16:41.839 Uh... 407 00:16:42.984 --> 00:16:45.832 Well played, good sirs, well played. 408 00:16:45.857 --> 00:16:47.108 Such sporting wit. 409 00:16:47.133 --> 00:16:48.566 Your Grace, if I may beg a boon, 410 00:16:48.591 --> 00:16:51.058 I would a word with you, uh, alone. 411 00:16:52.106 --> 00:16:53.176 Really? 412 00:16:54.081 --> 00:16:55.605 An' it would please me... 413 00:16:55.630 --> 00:16:57.066 But we must away, 414 00:16:57.385 --> 00:17:00.137 for our Queen's appointments are many and her hours few. 415 00:17:00.162 --> 00:17:03.472 Yea, but the joust is not until 1:00 and 30. 416 00:17:03.497 --> 00:17:06.621 Better three hours too soon than a minute too late. 417 00:17:06.800 --> 00:17:08.635 Anon, Master Holly-bland. 418 00:17:08.660 --> 00:17:10.074 - But... - I said anon. 419 00:17:10.099 --> 00:17:12.518 ♪♪ 420 00:17:13.038 --> 00:17:14.456 [SIGHS] 421 00:17:14.481 --> 00:17:16.168 Really? Three hours? 422 00:17:16.287 --> 00:17:17.956 That's the line. "Merry Wives of Windsor." 423 00:17:17.981 --> 00:17:19.701 More like "Bored Wives of Windsor." 424 00:17:21.516 --> 00:17:23.351 Holding his sword 425 00:17:23.540 --> 00:17:25.209 but bereft of his shield... 426 00:17:25.234 --> 00:17:26.652 Oh? Oh. Aw. 427 00:17:26.677 --> 00:17:29.481 - [LAUGHTER] - ... the valiant young knight 428 00:17:29.506 --> 00:17:32.134 - told the dragon to... - Yield! 429 00:17:32.159 --> 00:17:33.270 Why not stop? 430 00:17:33.295 --> 00:17:35.714 Yield seems like it's delaying things. 431 00:17:35.739 --> 00:17:37.082 - So do you. - Oh, that's because 432 00:17:37.107 --> 00:17:38.262 I know what's coming. 433 00:17:38.287 --> 00:17:40.199 We all do. It's why they have garbage bags. 434 00:17:40.224 --> 00:17:41.653 Oh. Can I have one? 435 00:17:41.678 --> 00:17:44.051 If your performance stays at this level, absolutely. 436 00:17:44.076 --> 00:17:45.895 - Ohh! - [LAUGHTER] 437 00:17:45.928 --> 00:17:49.778 But the dragon was cunning and clever and smart. 438 00:17:50.252 --> 00:17:54.332 He laid down, turned around, and spewed forth a great... 439 00:17:54.357 --> 00:17:55.801 Shart! 440 00:17:55.826 --> 00:17:57.778 Aah! 441 00:17:58.325 --> 00:18:00.744 Aah. Ah. 442 00:18:00.769 --> 00:18:01.973 [LAUGHTER] 443 00:18:01.998 --> 00:18:04.887 And so ends our tale of bravery and wit. 444 00:18:05.074 --> 00:18:08.192 But mostly of jokes that were all about... 445 00:18:08.330 --> 00:18:10.059 clever wordplay. 446 00:18:10.084 --> 00:18:12.003 [LAUGHTER] 447 00:18:14.311 --> 00:18:16.192 Thank you, thank you, 448 00:18:16.868 --> 00:18:19.246 lords and ladies. Gramercy. 449 00:18:19.490 --> 00:18:21.973 If thou didst enjoy the show, 450 00:18:22.360 --> 00:18:24.153 please put something in the hat. 451 00:18:24.178 --> 00:18:27.515 Even small coins, they, uh... they make a difference. 452 00:18:27.540 --> 00:18:30.910 But if you don't have any coins, we also accept sexual favors. 453 00:18:30.935 --> 00:18:32.614 Please don't put those in the hat. 454 00:18:32.771 --> 00:18:34.667 Uh, they make the coins sticky. 455 00:18:35.227 --> 00:18:38.395 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 456 00:18:38.420 --> 00:18:39.629 Hey. 457 00:18:40.654 --> 00:18:42.153 - You okay? - Tip-top. 458 00:18:42.490 --> 00:18:45.239 Yeah, but nip not top. 459 00:18:45.265 --> 00:18:47.357 Let me get you some of Lulu's breast milk to put on it. 460 00:18:47.381 --> 00:18:50.008 - Stuff will cure cancer. - Don't have cancer. 461 00:18:50.280 --> 00:18:52.783 - Mm, fixed my ear infection. - Don't have an ear infection. 462 00:18:52.808 --> 00:18:54.239 - It's good in coffee... - Stop. 463 00:18:56.157 --> 00:18:58.621 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 464 00:18:58.646 --> 00:18:59.723 You're... You're hot. 465 00:19:00.106 --> 00:19:01.232 Go rest. 466 00:19:01.257 --> 00:19:02.317 No. 467 00:19:02.799 --> 00:19:04.692 Pizzle Wanksworth Humpsalot, 468 00:19:05.283 --> 00:19:06.551 you'll do as you're told. 469 00:19:09.311 --> 00:19:10.311 Fine. 470 00:19:10.838 --> 00:19:11.838 Fine. 471 00:19:14.224 --> 00:19:16.014 - ♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at? ♪ - No! 472 00:19:16.039 --> 00:19:17.834 ♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody workin' like that? ♪ 473 00:19:17.858 --> 00:19:19.804 - Mama, he... he's pushing me! - ♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at? ♪ 474 00:19:19.828 --> 00:19:21.583 ♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody workin' like that? ♪ 475 00:19:21.607 --> 00:19:23.359 - Leave me alone! - ♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at? ♪ 476 00:19:23.383 --> 00:19:25.406 ♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody workin' like that? ♪ 477 00:19:25.431 --> 00:19:27.255 - He's not leaving me alone! - ♪ Hey, whatcha lookin' at? ♪ 478 00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:29.189 ♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody workin' like that? ♪ 479 00:19:29.213 --> 00:19:32.915 ♪ See Jane work, work, work, Jane work, work ♪ 480 00:19:32.940 --> 00:19:34.761 ♪ See Jane work, work ♪ 481 00:19:34.786 --> 00:19:36.697 ♪ Ain't you ever seen anybody workin' like that? ♪ 482 00:19:36.721 --> 00:19:40.359 ♪ See Jane work, work, work, Jane work, work ♪ 483 00:19:40.384 --> 00:19:42.753 ♪ Come on, got a thing, thing, come on, come on, come on ♪ 484 00:19:42.753 --> 00:19:44.630 ♪ Can you feel me, can you feel me? ♪ 485 00:19:44.630 --> 00:19:46.506 ♪ Can you feel me? Come on, come on, come on ♪ 486 00:19:46.506 --> 00:19:48.181 ♪ Can you feel me, can you feel me? ♪ 487 00:19:48.206 --> 00:19:50.001 ♪ Work, Jane, work, huh! ♪ 488 00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:54.212 - Hope he feels better. - Thanks. 489 00:19:54.237 --> 00:19:55.556 Oh, uh... 490 00:19:56.547 --> 00:19:58.716 Huzzah for the tipper! 491 00:19:58.741 --> 00:20:00.626 - Never gets old. - [GIGGLES] 492 00:20:01.438 --> 00:20:04.641 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 493 00:20:04.666 --> 00:20:06.821 Look, Mommy. What is this? 494 00:20:06.846 --> 00:20:08.188 No, no, no, no, no. 495 00:20:08.401 --> 00:20:11.352 No, no, no, uh, hey, no, ooh, ooh, ah, ah. 496 00:20:11.377 --> 00:20:13.504 This be a sheep's bladder. 497 00:20:13.529 --> 00:20:14.655 Like a balloon? 498 00:20:14.680 --> 00:20:17.173 Yes! Like a balloon! 499 00:20:17.198 --> 00:20:18.198 Blow it up. 500 00:20:20.217 --> 00:20:21.696 Blow it up, blow it up, blow it up. 501 00:20:21.899 --> 00:20:25.610 ♪♪ 502 00:20:27.659 --> 00:20:28.915 [COUGHS] 503 00:20:32.963 --> 00:20:37.415 ♪♪ 504 00:20:41.923 --> 00:20:43.243 CALLIE: And now the ring of six. 505 00:20:43.268 --> 00:20:45.103 [GRUNTS, SIGHS] 506 00:20:45.128 --> 00:20:47.087 Would you prefer to use my saliva or yours? 507 00:20:47.112 --> 00:20:48.259 Go for it. 508 00:20:49.086 --> 00:20:50.813 ♪♪ 509 00:20:50.838 --> 00:20:51.838 [SPITS] 510 00:20:54.475 --> 00:20:56.706 [GROANING] 511 00:20:56.731 --> 00:20:59.487 ♪♪ 512 00:21:00.398 --> 00:21:01.398 Stick? 513 00:21:01.957 --> 00:21:03.834 [GROANING] 514 00:21:03.834 --> 00:21:06.292 ♪♪ 515 00:21:06.551 --> 00:21:07.751 I don't want to talk about it. 516 00:21:09.529 --> 00:21:12.057 CALLIE: From here, the venom will find the wound. 517 00:21:13.293 --> 00:21:14.698 Stick. 518 00:21:15.334 --> 00:21:17.268 I know, but you try telling him. 519 00:21:20.635 --> 00:21:21.925 Repeat after me. 520 00:21:22.571 --> 00:21:24.614 - "I am the light." - I am the light. 521 00:21:24.639 --> 00:21:27.073 - "I am the spirit." - I am spirit. 522 00:21:28.838 --> 00:21:30.823 That the freaking Amazonian frog venom? 523 00:21:31.812 --> 00:21:33.022 Stick. 524 00:21:33.047 --> 00:21:34.846 Oh, yo, did you get that aspirin? 525 00:21:35.688 --> 00:21:36.760 Damn it. 526 00:21:37.426 --> 00:21:38.768 I'm sorry, man. 527 00:21:39.403 --> 00:21:41.784 I had a situa... tion. 528 00:21:42.345 --> 00:21:43.620 You don't need aspirin. 529 00:21:43.806 --> 00:21:44.806 You have me. 530 00:21:45.117 --> 00:21:46.327 "I am the soul." 531 00:21:46.352 --> 00:21:47.917 Yeah, baby, you know you are. 532 00:21:48.214 --> 00:21:49.417 No, repeat. 533 00:21:49.671 --> 00:21:50.768 "I am the soul." 534 00:21:51.006 --> 00:21:52.940 Maybe I need a real doctor. 535 00:21:54.114 --> 00:21:55.128 Define "real." 536 00:21:55.153 --> 00:21:57.495 [VOMITS] 537 00:21:58.611 --> 00:22:00.823 Good. It's working. 538 00:22:01.308 --> 00:22:03.185 [INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 539 00:22:03.185 --> 00:22:08.081 ♪♪ 540 00:22:18.006 --> 00:22:20.264 Will you stop being a... blocker? 541 00:22:20.289 --> 00:22:22.467 Stop being a... gawker. 542 00:22:23.066 --> 00:22:24.358 Colin walked out on you. 543 00:22:24.383 --> 00:22:25.635 Now he gets to walk back in? 544 00:22:25.660 --> 00:22:27.828 Enough, I say. Enough, enough, enough! 545 00:22:27.853 --> 00:22:29.615 Stand down, Malvolio. 546 00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:30.959 I'm a big girl. 547 00:22:32.374 --> 00:22:35.850 The day's announcements, Your Majesty. 548 00:22:36.715 --> 00:22:41.873 [FANFARE PLAYS] 549 00:22:42.479 --> 00:22:46.397 Lords and ladies, gentles all, I do entreat you 550 00:22:46.422 --> 00:22:49.256 to join me this day at our Royal Joust, 551 00:22:49.281 --> 00:22:53.587 where our bravest knights battle for honor and glory. 552 00:22:53.612 --> 00:22:56.114 [APPLAUSE] 553 00:22:56.414 --> 00:23:00.794 Today, we honor Lady Linda Sippey and Lord Eric Fundling 554 00:23:00.819 --> 00:23:03.017 upon their fourth anniversary. 555 00:23:03.042 --> 00:23:04.961 - Month. - Month-iversary. 556 00:23:04.986 --> 00:23:08.831 Fourth monthiversary. A full 120 days. Huzzah. 557 00:23:08.856 --> 00:23:10.274 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 558 00:23:10.299 --> 00:23:12.557 Duchess Carol Denbo is here 559 00:23:12.755 --> 00:23:15.091 celebrating her 60th natal day. 560 00:23:15.116 --> 00:23:16.117 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 561 00:23:16.142 --> 00:23:18.480 Congratulations to Joseph Oswald 562 00:23:18.505 --> 00:23:20.423 for coming out to his grandparents, 563 00:23:20.448 --> 00:23:22.206 visiting from the colony of Maine. 564 00:23:22.321 --> 00:23:25.073 - Very brave, sir Joseph. - ALL: Huzzah! 565 00:23:25.098 --> 00:23:29.060 Vanessa Ho-Chin, we commend your passing of the bar. 566 00:23:29.085 --> 00:23:31.159 - ALL: Huzzah! - And finally, 567 00:23:31.270 --> 00:23:33.307 we celebrate love 568 00:23:33.562 --> 00:23:36.690 with the betrothal of Lady Emily Shaw 569 00:23:36.715 --> 00:23:38.268 to Lord Colin... 570 00:23:40.647 --> 00:23:41.647 Hayes. 571 00:23:41.672 --> 00:23:43.549 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 572 00:23:43.574 --> 00:23:46.035 ♪♪ 573 00:23:46.060 --> 00:23:47.721 Uh, water. 574 00:23:47.746 --> 00:23:49.057 I need water. 575 00:23:49.453 --> 00:23:50.453 Uh... 576 00:23:50.478 --> 00:23:53.557 [APPLAUSE] 577 00:23:54.538 --> 00:23:56.130 Congratulations to all. 578 00:23:56.155 --> 00:23:59.137 And brevity being the soul of wit, 579 00:23:59.677 --> 00:24:01.317 lay on, MacDuff, 580 00:24:02.585 --> 00:24:05.927 for all the world's a stage, right? 581 00:24:11.020 --> 00:24:15.098 Now jousters to joust and musicians to play, 582 00:24:15.123 --> 00:24:17.848 as I, Will Shakespeare, will away. 583 00:24:18.512 --> 00:24:20.630 [CONFUSED FANFARE PLAYING] 584 00:24:20.655 --> 00:24:24.536 ♪♪ 585 00:24:25.262 --> 00:24:26.981 [SNIFFLES, SIGHS] 586 00:24:27.006 --> 00:24:28.739 That's what he wanted to talk to me about. 587 00:24:28.764 --> 00:24:30.317 - Maggie... - You should have let him. 588 00:24:30.860 --> 00:24:33.161 And if I'd known, I would have. 589 00:24:34.005 --> 00:24:35.950 Maybe. [SIGHS] 590 00:24:36.570 --> 00:24:39.270 My intention was to not let you get hurt again. 591 00:24:39.625 --> 00:24:40.731 Good intentions. 592 00:24:40.756 --> 00:24:42.786 They never fail to screw me over. 593 00:24:43.020 --> 00:24:44.318 And what if he had spoken to you? 594 00:24:44.342 --> 00:24:46.029 - What would it have changed? - Well, I could have... 595 00:24:46.053 --> 00:24:47.555 I would have had some warning. 596 00:24:47.580 --> 00:24:49.248 [SCOFFS] Yes. 597 00:24:49.504 --> 00:24:51.122 Warning that the man who broke your heart 598 00:24:51.147 --> 00:24:53.856 was back to rub your nose in it, publicly? 599 00:24:53.881 --> 00:24:55.317 He's such a dick. 600 00:24:55.802 --> 00:24:56.981 Always was. 601 00:24:57.616 --> 00:24:59.966 So why do I keep looking back and wondering, "What if?" 602 00:25:02.554 --> 00:25:05.645 Because he's the... who got away. 603 00:25:06.436 --> 00:25:08.536 He didn't get away. I let him go. 604 00:25:08.896 --> 00:25:12.770 Off to the suburbs to a regular job and a-a regular life. 605 00:25:13.457 --> 00:25:15.427 You could have gone with him and had it, too. 606 00:25:16.089 --> 00:25:18.591 But you chose Queen and country 607 00:25:18.616 --> 00:25:21.895 over a convenient and conventional union, 608 00:25:22.721 --> 00:25:24.458 just like the real Elizabeth. 609 00:25:26.546 --> 00:25:28.380 Probably die like her, too... 610 00:25:29.087 --> 00:25:31.173 bald and surrounded by pugs. 611 00:25:31.198 --> 00:25:34.036 But beloved, forever beloved. 612 00:25:35.230 --> 00:25:36.638 Victoria had the pugs, not Elizabeth. 613 00:25:36.662 --> 00:25:37.973 - Oh, damn it, Brian. - Sorry. 614 00:25:37.998 --> 00:25:41.961 [FANFARE PLAYS] 615 00:25:42.138 --> 00:25:44.450 Stay. I got it. 616 00:25:47.117 --> 00:25:52.052 ♪♪ 617 00:25:53.208 --> 00:25:55.731 BRIAN: Ladies and gentlemen, to the joust! 618 00:25:55.756 --> 00:25:57.473 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 619 00:25:57.758 --> 00:26:03.216 ♪♪ 620 00:26:16.344 --> 00:26:17.484 [FACETIME RINGING] 621 00:26:18.296 --> 00:26:22.050 ♪♪ 622 00:26:22.075 --> 00:26:23.118 Kombucha? 623 00:26:23.143 --> 00:26:25.477 Jesus, Cyril. Okay. 624 00:26:25.875 --> 00:26:27.336 Gross. 625 00:26:28.309 --> 00:26:30.186 Hey. [CHUCKLES] Don't panic. 626 00:26:30.211 --> 00:26:31.305 It's organic. 627 00:26:31.653 --> 00:26:33.471 - Ew. - What, you got something 628 00:26:33.496 --> 00:26:35.609 - against manure? - Got something for it? 629 00:26:35.634 --> 00:26:36.634 Yeah. 630 00:26:37.651 --> 00:26:39.336 - Funk of the earth, huh? - [RETCHES] 631 00:26:39.361 --> 00:26:41.156 What begins as grass 632 00:26:41.181 --> 00:26:44.102 becomes the power of those beasties' mighty haunches, 633 00:26:44.127 --> 00:26:45.711 becomes speed, and then, 634 00:26:45.736 --> 00:26:48.625 once expelled, becomes grass again. 635 00:26:49.371 --> 00:26:50.371 So... 636 00:26:52.486 --> 00:26:53.494 Kombucha? 637 00:26:54.314 --> 00:26:56.041 I foraged the rose hips myself. 638 00:26:56.457 --> 00:26:58.650 And hard pass. 639 00:26:58.675 --> 00:26:59.791 [FACETIME RINGING] 640 00:26:59.816 --> 00:27:00.861 [SIGHS] 641 00:27:03.603 --> 00:27:04.603 Oh, my God. 642 00:27:05.086 --> 00:27:06.416 It doesn't recognize me. 643 00:27:07.051 --> 00:27:08.767 My phone doesn't know who I am. 644 00:27:09.806 --> 00:27:11.177 Look at me. Look at me! 645 00:27:11.202 --> 00:27:13.121 Does my face not look like my face? 646 00:27:13.146 --> 00:27:15.674 Oof, scoby's off. 647 00:27:16.826 --> 00:27:17.826 [SIGHS] 648 00:27:19.899 --> 00:27:25.368 [FACETIME CONTINUES RINGING] 649 00:27:26.217 --> 00:27:27.243 [BREATHES DEEPLY] 650 00:27:31.025 --> 00:27:32.025 Hey. 651 00:27:32.311 --> 00:27:33.352 Hey what? 652 00:27:33.733 --> 00:27:35.477 Hey, I'm sorry? 653 00:27:35.580 --> 00:27:37.207 Hey, I love you? 654 00:27:37.232 --> 00:27:38.618 Hey, can we work things out? 655 00:27:38.643 --> 00:27:39.946 Can you just stop saying hey? 656 00:27:40.437 --> 00:27:42.032 I can't with the hay right now. 657 00:27:42.518 --> 00:27:44.687 You look different... good different. 658 00:27:44.712 --> 00:27:46.572 Like, earthy. 659 00:27:46.759 --> 00:27:47.759 Thanks? 660 00:27:48.123 --> 00:27:49.658 Yeah, no, I... 661 00:27:50.571 --> 00:27:53.322 Look, I'm beyond sorry that what I did upset you. 662 00:27:53.347 --> 00:27:55.099 [ROOSTER CROWS] 663 00:27:55.124 --> 00:27:56.764 But I also know that we're better together 664 00:27:57.125 --> 00:27:59.494 - and that it takes two to make a... - "Thing go right"? 665 00:28:00.325 --> 00:28:01.849 - I swear to God, Brett... - That it takes two 666 00:28:01.873 --> 00:28:03.616 to make a relationship work, 667 00:28:03.928 --> 00:28:05.309 to share in its joys, 668 00:28:05.908 --> 00:28:08.121 but also to shoulder its burdens. 669 00:28:08.382 --> 00:28:11.223 What kind of TED Talk bull... are you on, Brett? 670 00:28:11.530 --> 00:28:12.948 Shoulder its burdens? 671 00:28:12.973 --> 00:28:14.785 You cheated on me on our wedding day. 672 00:28:15.074 --> 00:28:16.449 Why should I shoulder that burden? 673 00:28:16.474 --> 00:28:18.852 - Because we're a couple. - Yeah, which means two, 674 00:28:18.877 --> 00:28:22.254 not two and then the occasional out-of-network beej. 675 00:28:22.279 --> 00:28:24.386 WOMAN: Bonjour, monsieur. Tout est d'accord ? 676 00:28:24.889 --> 00:28:26.834 - Oh, my God. - Merci. 677 00:28:27.532 --> 00:28:29.061 Are you in St. Barts? 678 00:28:29.894 --> 00:28:32.272 Are you on our... honeymoon?! 679 00:28:33.528 --> 00:28:36.389 Dr. Bloom after said after a major emotional trauma 680 00:28:36.414 --> 00:28:37.982 to prioritize self-care. 681 00:28:39.020 --> 00:28:41.287 And the tickets were non-refundable... 682 00:28:42.130 --> 00:28:43.465 - [CELLPHONE BEEPS] - No. 683 00:28:43.490 --> 00:28:44.568 No, no, no, no, no. 684 00:28:44.593 --> 00:28:47.037 I am not done yelling at you! 685 00:28:47.253 --> 00:28:49.440 Oh, come on, data plan. Come on, Wi -Fi. 686 00:28:49.637 --> 00:28:52.409 Oh. My kingdom for some Wi -Fi! 687 00:28:52.969 --> 00:28:56.144 ♪♪ 688 00:28:56.169 --> 00:28:57.948 Yes. [LAUGHS] 689 00:28:58.642 --> 00:29:00.183 [SIGHS] Finally. 690 00:29:01.214 --> 00:29:04.009 [LINE RINGING] 691 00:29:04.034 --> 00:29:05.214 Coward! 692 00:29:05.799 --> 00:29:07.876 I hope you go on our scuba excursion 693 00:29:07.901 --> 00:29:09.854 and get ... raped by an electric eel. 694 00:29:09.879 --> 00:29:10.960 [CELLPHONE BEEPS] 695 00:29:13.422 --> 00:29:15.744 Oh, my God. Amanda. You guys, it's Amanda. 696 00:29:15.769 --> 00:29:17.229 - Oh! - Oh! Hi! 697 00:29:17.254 --> 00:29:19.205 Hi. Morgan... 698 00:29:19.230 --> 00:29:20.708 - [WOMEN SHRIEKING] - We're getting drinks. 699 00:29:20.732 --> 00:29:22.025 Miss you, bitch. 700 00:29:22.050 --> 00:29:24.433 Ugh. Mocktails. So over it. 701 00:29:24.458 --> 00:29:26.621 - Morgan? - How's rehab? 702 00:29:26.646 --> 00:29:28.148 MORGAN: Lexi, she's not in rehab. 703 00:29:28.173 --> 00:29:29.800 That's just what we're saying. Did you... 704 00:29:29.825 --> 00:29:32.160 Lexi, stop waving the phone around. 705 00:29:32.185 --> 00:29:33.597 I just want to see. 706 00:29:33.622 --> 00:29:35.761 Lex... Lexi. [SIGHS] 707 00:29:35.786 --> 00:29:37.163 Morgan, take the phone from Lexi. 708 00:29:37.188 --> 00:29:38.597 - Ohh. - Hi. 709 00:29:38.622 --> 00:29:41.277 Okay. I just spoke to Brett. 710 00:29:41.302 --> 00:29:43.684 About the story the Post? I know. I saw. 711 00:29:43.709 --> 00:29:45.426 But don't worry. Honestly, I didn't share it, 712 00:29:45.450 --> 00:29:46.689 and don't freak out about the comments. 713 00:29:46.689 --> 00:29:47.904 It's not a big deal. It's gonna be fine. 714 00:29:47.928 --> 00:29:49.303 - That's not what I was gonna say. - I didn't share it, either, 715 00:29:49.327 --> 00:29:51.413 and... and truly, people have moved on. 716 00:29:51.663 --> 00:29:53.206 You know the Central Park polar bear, 717 00:29:53.231 --> 00:29:55.349 the one with autism? He drowned. 718 00:29:55.374 --> 00:29:57.138 - [GASPS] He drowned? - Yeah. 719 00:29:57.163 --> 00:29:58.831 I'm not calling about the Post! 720 00:29:58.856 --> 00:30:01.935 Hey, I also didn't share. And I know this is a weird time, 721 00:30:01.960 --> 00:30:05.013 but are you reimbursing us for the bridesmaid dresses? 722 00:30:05.242 --> 00:30:06.242 No. 723 00:30:06.729 --> 00:30:09.474 Did you guys know that Brett is on my our honeymoon? 724 00:30:10.463 --> 00:30:12.396 I'm sorry. I didn't know we weren't supposed 725 00:30:12.421 --> 00:30:14.584 - to share the story. - Give Morgan the... 726 00:30:14.609 --> 00:30:16.209 - I feel bad. - Give the phone to Morgan. 727 00:30:16.234 --> 00:30:18.606 But it got a bunch of likes and a ton of sad faces, and 728 00:30:18.631 --> 00:30:19.764 - those are hard to do, because... - All right, all right, all right. 729 00:30:19.788 --> 00:30:20.788 What... 730 00:30:21.862 --> 00:30:23.537 Lexi? Morgan. 731 00:30:24.143 --> 00:30:25.365 Are you guys there? 732 00:30:25.979 --> 00:30:27.021 Are you there?! 733 00:30:28.348 --> 00:30:31.380 Hey. Would you mind turning the volume down just a touch? 734 00:30:31.614 --> 00:30:32.873 I'm trying to nap. 735 00:30:34.106 --> 00:30:35.630 I need a drink. 736 00:30:37.993 --> 00:30:40.833 So this is your usual coping mechanism. 737 00:30:40.858 --> 00:30:43.396 I am not an alcoholic. 738 00:30:44.192 --> 00:30:46.677 People who buy Sour Apple vodka are alcoholics. 739 00:30:46.702 --> 00:30:48.538 Oh, I'm glad to see that you're taking things seriously 740 00:30:48.562 --> 00:30:49.669 on your first day. 741 00:30:50.414 --> 00:30:52.082 Says the guy who was napping. 742 00:30:52.107 --> 00:30:53.428 I was trying to just recover enough 743 00:30:53.452 --> 00:30:54.767 so that I could do the last show. 744 00:30:54.791 --> 00:30:57.599 Ew. Yeah, you need to get that looked at. 745 00:30:57.624 --> 00:30:59.708 When I was working at Refinery29, 746 00:30:59.733 --> 00:31:00.857 I had an alarming lump, 747 00:31:00.882 --> 00:31:02.362 and I had to take the whole week off. 748 00:31:02.577 --> 00:31:04.193 'Cause they thought you had cancer? 749 00:31:04.422 --> 00:31:06.387 No, but I did. 750 00:31:06.540 --> 00:31:08.841 It was a fatty lipoma. Benign. 751 00:31:08.974 --> 00:31:10.927 And apparently hereditary. 752 00:31:11.722 --> 00:31:13.098 Cheers to a lifetime 753 00:31:13.123 --> 00:31:15.302 of outpatient fatty lipoma removals. 754 00:31:15.327 --> 00:31:17.294 Um, I don't know, sorry? 755 00:31:17.435 --> 00:31:18.435 Thanks. 756 00:31:19.896 --> 00:31:21.803 Now, when are you gonna go to the doctor? 757 00:31:21.828 --> 00:31:24.037 I'm not. Do you have any idea what that would cost? 758 00:31:24.235 --> 00:31:26.983 Who cares? Where I come from, your health comes first. 759 00:31:27.008 --> 00:31:28.301 Yeah, well, where you come from, 760 00:31:28.326 --> 00:31:29.577 you have personal drivers, 761 00:31:29.602 --> 00:31:32.037 or better yet, a concierge physician. 762 00:31:32.240 --> 00:31:33.873 Why are you acting like this? 763 00:31:33.966 --> 00:31:36.552 It's not my fault that your nipple's infected. 764 00:31:38.746 --> 00:31:39.746 What? 765 00:31:39.966 --> 00:31:42.436 ♪♪ 766 00:31:42.909 --> 00:31:45.584 - Heya! [LAUGHS] - Whoa, shit. Hey. 767 00:31:45.609 --> 00:31:48.487 - Whatcha doing? - Uh, nothing. 768 00:31:48.512 --> 00:31:50.502 I'm gon' go pee-pee. 769 00:31:51.053 --> 00:31:52.053 Cool. 770 00:31:53.579 --> 00:31:55.710 - What's this about? - Oh, uh, 771 00:31:55.735 --> 00:31:57.682 youthful rebellion, binge drinking, 772 00:31:57.707 --> 00:32:00.026 - and who doesn't love a coupon? - Oh. 773 00:32:00.051 --> 00:32:02.284 - ♪ Here comes the bride ♪ - ♪ Comes the bride ♪ 774 00:32:02.325 --> 00:32:04.299 - [CACKLES] - [VOCALIZES, LAUGHS] 775 00:32:04.324 --> 00:32:06.993 Look, my finger's engaged to your nipple. 776 00:32:07.018 --> 00:32:10.728 - Whoa! - [SCREAMING] 777 00:32:10.753 --> 00:32:13.228 Oh, my God. 778 00:32:16.057 --> 00:32:18.017 Maybe I am an alcoholic. 779 00:32:18.042 --> 00:32:19.322 You might be. 780 00:32:21.585 --> 00:32:23.307 I'm so sorry. 781 00:32:24.517 --> 00:32:26.018 I can't believe I did that. 782 00:32:26.043 --> 00:32:28.057 Yeah, it surprised me, too. 783 00:32:28.538 --> 00:32:30.799 First the Post, and now this. 784 00:32:31.146 --> 00:32:33.978 Why am I all of a sudden a magnet for public humiliation 785 00:32:34.003 --> 00:32:35.291 and... and maiming? 786 00:32:38.511 --> 00:32:41.838 The only one that can humiliate you is you. 787 00:32:41.978 --> 00:32:44.230 Who's that? Lao Tzu? 788 00:32:44.255 --> 00:32:46.299 Sun Tzu? Shih Tzu? 789 00:32:46.324 --> 00:32:47.416 It's me. 790 00:32:50.057 --> 00:32:51.725 I didn't tell anyone that you did it. 791 00:32:51.750 --> 00:32:53.314 You didn't tell me I did it, 792 00:32:54.422 --> 00:32:56.416 which is insane. 793 00:32:56.908 --> 00:32:57.980 Where I come from, 794 00:32:58.005 --> 00:33:00.244 that kind of stuff trends like hashtag-immediately. 795 00:33:00.269 --> 00:33:02.221 Yeah, well, this isn't where you come from. 796 00:33:03.470 --> 00:33:04.830 It's where you are. 797 00:33:06.435 --> 00:33:08.432 - You again? - Me again. 798 00:33:09.973 --> 00:33:11.510 You're weirdly deep. 799 00:33:13.602 --> 00:33:14.602 Thanks. 800 00:33:16.172 --> 00:33:17.172 No. 801 00:33:18.424 --> 00:33:19.424 Thank you. 802 00:33:21.908 --> 00:33:23.489 - You're welcome. - [DOOR OPENS] 803 00:33:23.489 --> 00:33:25.353 Just close the door be... I'll get it. 804 00:33:29.853 --> 00:33:32.230 ♪♪ 805 00:33:32.761 --> 00:33:35.721 DELILAH: ♪ Where they beg all-in for me to sit on ♪ 806 00:33:35.849 --> 00:33:39.682 ♪ I'd sit on that man all day long ♪ 807 00:33:39.748 --> 00:33:42.236 ♪ And play and go whee, whee... ♪ 808 00:33:42.261 --> 00:33:44.143 Aah! Good cuz! 809 00:33:44.481 --> 00:33:47.580 How didst thou fare on thy first and inaugural day? 810 00:33:47.605 --> 00:33:50.149 Was it wonderfully wondrous? Tell me. Tell me all. 811 00:33:50.174 --> 00:33:51.174 [CRYING] 812 00:33:51.478 --> 00:33:52.478 Oh. 813 00:33:54.001 --> 00:33:56.102 [SOBBING] 814 00:33:57.105 --> 00:33:58.375 There, there. 815 00:34:00.044 --> 00:34:01.504 Let it all out. 816 00:34:01.529 --> 00:34:03.030 [SOBBING] 817 00:34:03.068 --> 00:34:06.751 Whatever it is, it'll all be fine. 818 00:34:07.640 --> 00:34:11.563 ♪♪ 819 00:34:12.353 --> 00:34:15.829 How can you have known me for one day and be nicer to me 820 00:34:15.854 --> 00:34:18.422 than the people who were supposed to be in my wedding? 821 00:34:19.362 --> 00:34:20.362 [SCOFFS] 822 00:34:22.490 --> 00:34:25.751 Because... you're one of us now. 823 00:34:29.130 --> 00:34:30.774 You're faire-mily. 824 00:34:32.062 --> 00:34:34.219 Oh, I don't know about that. 825 00:34:35.516 --> 00:34:37.532 This feels good. 826 00:34:39.030 --> 00:34:40.030 [GASPS] 827 00:34:40.771 --> 00:34:42.329 That's your Faire name. 828 00:34:44.057 --> 00:34:45.704 Something "Feelsgood." 829 00:34:46.862 --> 00:34:47.899 Titania. 830 00:34:48.277 --> 00:34:49.743 Okay, uh... 831 00:34:49.768 --> 00:34:50.985 Miranda. 832 00:34:51.918 --> 00:34:52.918 Uh... 833 00:34:53.803 --> 00:34:55.946 - Olivia. - Ophelia? 834 00:34:56.533 --> 00:34:58.352 Hamlet's Ophelia lost her mind. 835 00:34:58.377 --> 00:35:00.086 It seems weirdly appropriate. 836 00:35:01.845 --> 00:35:04.368 There you go. [LAUGHS] 837 00:35:04.752 --> 00:35:07.157 Ophelia Feelsgood. 838 00:35:07.680 --> 00:35:09.024 It's perfect. 839 00:35:13.227 --> 00:35:14.227 Hey. 840 00:35:15.500 --> 00:35:17.485 What job around here makes the most money? 841 00:35:18.223 --> 00:35:21.935 [LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS] 842 00:35:21.960 --> 00:35:23.868 Huzzah for the tipper! 843 00:35:24.221 --> 00:35:26.390 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 844 00:35:26.415 --> 00:35:27.938 ♪♪ 845 00:35:27.963 --> 00:35:29.882 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 846 00:35:29.907 --> 00:35:33.360 ♪♪ 847 00:35:33.385 --> 00:35:36.102 - Huzzah! Huzzah! - Huzzah! 848 00:35:36.226 --> 00:35:38.258 Huzzah for the tipper! 849 00:35:39.284 --> 00:35:41.243 More chest, less shoulders. 850 00:35:41.442 --> 00:35:43.290 Huzzah for the tipper. 851 00:35:43.902 --> 00:35:45.680 Better. We'll work on it. 852 00:35:45.829 --> 00:35:47.704 ♪♪ 853 00:35:48.394 --> 00:35:50.672 You know, I thought this would feel degrading, 854 00:35:50.697 --> 00:35:54.368 humiliating, and offensive, but I'm actually having fun. 855 00:35:54.393 --> 00:35:57.021 Good! As long as you're not an alcoholic. 856 00:35:57.046 --> 00:35:58.258 That's how we lost Gina. 857 00:35:58.283 --> 00:35:59.727 - Huh. - Mm-hmm. 858 00:36:01.089 --> 00:36:03.008 You don't happen to have a Sharpie, do you? 859 00:36:03.033 --> 00:36:04.649 Indeed, mistress. 860 00:36:06.031 --> 00:36:09.461 Behold, the Quill of Permanence. 861 00:36:10.708 --> 00:36:14.086 SHART: But if you don't have any coins, we also accept sexual favors. 862 00:36:14.111 --> 00:36:15.883 DAVID: Please don't put those in the hat. 863 00:36:16.063 --> 00:36:17.758 Uh, they make the coins sticky. 864 00:36:18.093 --> 00:36:22.610 ♪♪ 865 00:36:45.128 --> 00:36:46.343 MAN: God save the Queen! 866 00:36:46.368 --> 00:36:48.186 MAN 2: God save the Queen! 867 00:36:48.211 --> 00:36:50.811 - God save the Queen! - God save the Queen! 868 00:36:50.836 --> 00:36:54.874 ♪♪ 869 00:36:59.426 --> 00:37:01.358 Stop! Courtiers, halt. 870 00:37:01.383 --> 00:37:02.429 Halt! 871 00:37:02.625 --> 00:37:03.625 Oh. 872 00:37:03.984 --> 00:37:04.984 Steady. 873 00:37:09.822 --> 00:37:11.198 Oh, Your Majesty. 874 00:37:11.223 --> 00:37:13.624 Uh, excuse me, but would it be possible 875 00:37:13.649 --> 00:37:15.555 if I could get a picture of you with my daughter? 876 00:37:15.579 --> 00:37:16.788 [CHUCKLES] 877 00:37:20.770 --> 00:37:22.218 - Of course. - Oh. 878 00:37:22.885 --> 00:37:24.468 - Oh, yeah. - Hello. 879 00:37:24.493 --> 00:37:25.493 Okay. 880 00:37:26.484 --> 00:37:27.819 - Hi, little one. - Okay. 881 00:37:28.939 --> 00:37:32.007 - [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS] - Oh, thank you, Your Grace. 882 00:37:32.032 --> 00:37:33.280 Come here. 883 00:37:33.669 --> 00:37:35.725 Uh, may I show you something? 884 00:37:36.010 --> 00:37:39.233 My mom took this when... when I was a baby. 885 00:37:40.105 --> 00:37:42.960 - Oh. - This is, uh, you 886 00:37:43.047 --> 00:37:44.047 holding me. 887 00:37:44.255 --> 00:37:46.083 Indeed. 888 00:37:47.528 --> 00:37:48.746 And how old... 889 00:37:49.277 --> 00:37:50.316 Never mind. 890 00:37:50.945 --> 00:37:53.161 'Tis a portrait most wondrous. 891 00:37:53.652 --> 00:37:56.918 Thank thee, mistress, and blessings upon you 892 00:37:56.943 --> 00:37:59.364 and your most glorious progeny. 893 00:38:00.153 --> 00:38:01.653 Oh, no, please. 894 00:38:01.678 --> 00:38:03.356 That's a copy for you. 895 00:38:03.751 --> 00:38:05.569 Thank you, Your Majesty. 896 00:38:07.561 --> 00:38:09.506 You see how much you mean to people? 897 00:38:10.177 --> 00:38:11.475 To some people. 898 00:38:11.967 --> 00:38:14.928 As long as men can breathe or eyes can see, 899 00:38:15.164 --> 00:38:16.967 so long lives this. 900 00:38:17.350 --> 00:38:19.324 And this gives life to thee. 901 00:38:19.582 --> 00:38:22.105 So long lives this. 902 00:38:22.864 --> 00:38:25.261 So very, very long. 903 00:38:25.286 --> 00:38:27.456 Ah, this could be yesterday. 904 00:38:27.481 --> 00:38:28.941 Ah, would that it were, 905 00:38:29.065 --> 00:38:31.324 for then I could enjoy my reign all over again. 906 00:38:31.349 --> 00:38:33.081 [CHORTLES] 907 00:38:33.106 --> 00:38:35.410 And especially your friendship. 908 00:38:36.350 --> 00:38:37.652 You're high. 909 00:38:38.158 --> 00:38:40.081 Only a tiny, tiny little bit. 910 00:38:41.392 --> 00:38:43.769 Courtiers, musicians, good gentles all, 911 00:38:43.794 --> 00:38:45.839 our parade resumes! 912 00:38:45.864 --> 00:38:48.075 [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] 913 00:38:56.103 --> 00:39:00.087 ♪♪ 914 00:39:21.386 --> 00:39:24.892 [VIBRATOR BUZZING] 915 00:39:27.415 --> 00:39:28.735 Keep it clean and dry. 916 00:39:28.760 --> 00:39:30.065 The stitches will dissolve on their own. 917 00:39:30.089 --> 00:39:32.198 And be sure you complete the full course of antibiotics. 918 00:39:32.222 --> 00:39:34.759 Gotcha. And, uh, how do you feel 919 00:39:34.784 --> 00:39:36.564 about aggressive nipple play? 920 00:39:37.303 --> 00:39:38.509 For me or for you? 921 00:39:38.878 --> 00:39:40.525 [CHUCKLES] Ow. 922 00:39:44.159 --> 00:39:50.373 ♪ Oh, open up, p-parachute ♪ 923 00:39:50.398 --> 00:39:53.835 - ♪ I've got a lot of livin' to do ♪ - [LISPING] Oh! Pizzle! 924 00:39:53.860 --> 00:39:56.585 - It's me! - ♪ Open up, parachute ♪ 925 00:39:56.610 --> 00:39:58.140 P -Pizzle? Uh... 926 00:39:58.334 --> 00:39:59.555 David. 927 00:40:01.723 --> 00:40:07.320 ♪ When choosin' to see the bird's-eye view ♪ 928 00:40:07.471 --> 00:40:10.746 ♪ Didn't know what I was gettin' into ♪ 929 00:40:10.771 --> 00:40:12.922 So, did you, like, have to study and stuff 930 00:40:12.947 --> 00:40:15.017 - to be Queen? - ♪ Please, open up, parachute ♪ 931 00:40:15.042 --> 00:40:18.087 No, it's an inherited position, like an actual monarchy. 932 00:40:18.112 --> 00:40:19.861 Whoa. Cool. 933 00:40:19.886 --> 00:40:21.626 Of course I had to study. 934 00:40:22.008 --> 00:40:23.008 Okay. 935 00:40:23.033 --> 00:40:24.868 [BOTH PANTING] 936 00:40:25.111 --> 00:40:28.114 Um, Elizabeth was called the Virgin Queen, you know. 937 00:40:28.139 --> 00:40:30.673 - [CHUCKLES] - So you're a virgin? 938 00:40:31.902 --> 00:40:34.279 That's right. [CHUCKLES] 939 00:40:34.304 --> 00:40:35.400 Now say it. 940 00:40:35.843 --> 00:40:37.845 Say I'm your dirty virgin queen. 941 00:40:38.483 --> 00:40:39.937 I'm your dirty virgin queen. 942 00:40:39.962 --> 00:40:41.900 Ugh, not you, peasant. Me! 943 00:40:42.271 --> 00:40:44.173 O -Oh. You're my dirty virgin queen. 944 00:40:44.198 --> 00:40:45.658 Oh, how dare you? Say it again. 945 00:40:45.683 --> 00:40:46.876 You're my dirty virgin queen. 946 00:40:46.901 --> 00:40:48.986 Oh, you naughty little stable boy! 947 00:40:49.011 --> 00:40:52.829 [SHRIEKING] 948 00:40:54.878 --> 00:40:58.205 Oh! Guards, take him away. 64349

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