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WEBVTT
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I've dreamed of this day since forever.
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00:00:03.728 --> 00:00:05.563
I started clipping from bridal magazines
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00:00:05.563 --> 00:00:06.844
when I was 8.
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The dress, the flowers, the venue.
5
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By the time I was 20,
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00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:14.329
I'd collaged the most perfect wedding.
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Even my mother approved.
8
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But you, my almost husband,
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you had yet to manifest.
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I started to lose hope.
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But then, like a
knight in shining Zegna,
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00:00:28.336 --> 00:00:31.235
you stuck your hand between
two closing subway doors for me
13
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and smiled.
14
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Very nice.
15
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You don't think it's too much?
16
00:00:36.928 --> 00:00:38.522
Everybody loves Pink Powder Pout.
17
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No, I meant the vows.
18
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Your vows are as
perfect as your eyebrows.
19
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How come you got the good eyebrows?
20
00:00:43.688 --> 00:00:45.001
Your story is so good.
21
00:00:45.213 --> 00:00:47.215
You think it's too late
to rewrite mine and Joel's?
22
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Something that doesn't include
a mix-up at the dermatologist?
23
00:00:49.857 --> 00:00:52.485
Lily, I'm collecting advice on marriage.
24
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How do you and Tom keep things fresh?
25
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Food and sex.
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Make them think you like both,
27
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- you'll have a happy couple.
- I do.
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Cut the food in
half and triple the sex.
29
00:01:01.369 --> 00:01:03.235
You ladies want a drink? Champagne.
30
00:01:03.260 --> 00:01:04.639
- Yes, please.
- Bring the bottle.
31
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♪ Let me give myself a hand ♪
32
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- ♪ Uh-huh ♪
- Faster, bridezilla.
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Monique Lhuillier does not forgive.
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I'm going as fast as I can, bitch.
35
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Not my fault there's
no SoulCycle up here.
36
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Thank God they had yoga in the gazebo.
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Bumpkin yoga, but at
least it was something.
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Civilization!
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Faster!
40
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♪ I want it ♪
41
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♪ Imma treat myself ♪
42
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♪ I want it ♪
43
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- Do you have LaCroix?
- La what?
44
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Bubbly water? Flavor, no sugar?
45
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We got ginger ale.
46
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Mmkay. Awesome.
47
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Thank you so much.
48
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You were all about my
wedding being up here
49
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- when we were planning it.
- That's because we were in Aspen
50
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when we were planning it.
51
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A summer wedding in the country
52
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- sounded just warmer to me at the time.
- [BELL RINGS]
53
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Ew.
54
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See?
55
00:01:55.113 --> 00:01:57.366
Someone up here is
having a theme wedding.
56
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I'm telling you, I look
very right in 1930s chic.
57
00:02:00.845 --> 00:02:02.388
We could've done the whole
"Downton Abbey" thing.
58
00:02:02.388 --> 00:02:04.473
- Okay, tick check.
- What, we're on to Lyme now?
59
00:02:04.473 --> 00:02:06.392
- What happened to Zika?
- I made the wedding planner
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00:02:06.392 --> 00:02:08.605
do a citronella perimeter
around the ceremony.
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00:02:08.630 --> 00:02:11.426
You're welcome for your
beautiful, bug-free wedding.
62
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- Not like mine.
- Your wedding was beautiful.
63
00:02:14.131 --> 00:02:16.615
It was Modern Orthodox
in a temple social hall.
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All for Joel's bitch mother.
65
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Hey, our mom's a bitch, too.
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00:02:19.447 --> 00:02:21.407
Yeah, well, at least
she doesn't keep kosher.
67
00:02:21.407 --> 00:02:23.326
I couldn't even have
buttercream frosting.
68
00:02:23.326 --> 00:02:25.592
Sorry, "Cake Boss."
Nobody likes fondant.
69
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JENNY: God ye good den, fair maidens.
70
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Might I retrieve a Dew of the Mountain?
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[CHUCKLES]
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♪♪
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Thank thee.
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♪♪
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Yeah, that's who does a theme wedding.
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♪♪
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Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
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LEXI: I cannot get over this place.
79
00:02:57.431 --> 00:02:59.600
It's like that place
my dads took me to
80
00:02:59.625 --> 00:03:02.031
in France after I got
bat mitzvahed at Masada.
81
00:03:02.031 --> 00:03:03.366
The French countryside?
82
00:03:03.366 --> 00:03:04.992
Yes, that.
83
00:03:04.992 --> 00:03:06.452
Ah, so pretty.
84
00:03:06.452 --> 00:03:08.329
We talked about France,
but Brett has that thing
85
00:03:08.329 --> 00:03:09.554
where he takes on the accent.
86
00:03:09.579 --> 00:03:10.997
Ugh, he did that with my house cleaner.
87
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ERIN: Check it, bitches.
88
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[CHEERS]
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- Pretty. So pretty.
- Oh, my God.
90
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Ahh!
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[CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING]
92
00:03:19.939 --> 00:03:21.275
Guys, I'm in my Spanx.
93
00:03:21.722 --> 00:03:22.885
- I posted.
- Me too.
94
00:03:22.910 --> 00:03:23.652
- Delete.
- Got it.
95
00:03:23.677 --> 00:03:24.261
- Deleted.
- Done.
96
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Oh, sorry.
97
00:03:25.550 --> 00:03:27.365
Now, from the collar bone up.
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Perf!
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- Adding a filter.
- So good.
100
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What hashtag are you guys using?
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Oh, my God, you guys, look.
102
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Two years ago today.
103
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Oh.
104
00:03:37.306 --> 00:03:39.801
Now, that would've
been good wedding hair.
105
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I remember this night.
106
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We took edibles, and
I thought I was dying.
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00:03:43.823 --> 00:03:45.215
Oh, barely felt them.
108
00:03:45.676 --> 00:03:47.011
What? I have a high tolerance.
109
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Yeah, and then you and Farah
left me alone to sleep it off.
110
00:03:49.203 --> 00:03:50.513
[LAUGHING] Oh, yeah.
111
00:03:50.538 --> 00:03:52.379
But Brett stayed with me all night.
112
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I puked in front of him.
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I don't even do that
in front of my mom.
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Because she critiques your form.
115
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"Don't strain.
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You'll pop a blood vessel in your eye."
117
00:04:01.048 --> 00:04:02.091
[LAUGHTER]
118
00:04:02.091 --> 00:04:04.622
He didn't care that I was
a disgusting train wreck.
119
00:04:04.647 --> 00:04:07.184
I felt so safe
in his big, scruffy arms.
120
00:04:07.209 --> 00:04:08.781
You made him wax the scruff, though.
121
00:04:08.806 --> 00:04:10.645
- Gone.
- Lexi, grab the crinoline.
122
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Aww, is that your mom's veil?
123
00:04:13.243 --> 00:04:14.328
No.
124
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[CHUCKLES] It's mine.
125
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I might be miserable,
126
00:04:16.733 --> 00:04:18.332
but I'm still on husband number one,
127
00:04:18.357 --> 00:04:19.926
so we thought it had better juju.
128
00:04:20.776 --> 00:04:22.692
[GASPS] Holy...
129
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Gwyneth is here!
130
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- Gwyneth's here.
- [SQUEALS]
131
00:04:25.748 --> 00:04:27.708
Oh, yay, she made it.
132
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Her prenatal smoothie recipes
are totally how we conceived.
133
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Oh, good, good, good.
134
00:04:32.455 --> 00:04:35.166
Gwynnie's here.
[LAUGHS] Gwynnie's here.
135
00:04:35.166 --> 00:04:38.419
Oh, Erin, remind me to ask her
for Blythe's e-mail address.
136
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The one she gave me, I don't know,
137
00:04:39.754 --> 00:04:41.255
it just keeps bouncing back.
138
00:04:41.255 --> 00:04:42.423
- Imagine that.
- Erin.
139
00:04:42.423 --> 00:04:43.716
On it. Mom, we got you
140
00:04:43.741 --> 00:04:45.847
your very own mother-of-the-bride suite.
141
00:04:45.872 --> 00:04:47.356
[GASPS]
142
00:04:47.834 --> 00:04:49.211
Oh, Mandy.
143
00:04:49.236 --> 00:04:52.864
[CHUCKLES] Oh,
Mandy, my Amanda.
144
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You look like an angel.
145
00:04:57.271 --> 00:04:59.716
A Jewish one... the best kind.
146
00:05:00.441 --> 00:05:03.372
Oh, and you're still
wearing that ballerina dress.
147
00:05:03.397 --> 00:05:05.379
- In her underwear.
- And we're out.
148
00:05:05.404 --> 00:05:06.405
Come on. Move along.
149
00:05:06.405 --> 00:05:07.740
Darling, darling.
150
00:05:07.740 --> 00:05:08.908
Let's get you more to drink.
151
00:05:08.908 --> 00:05:10.056
Oh, good.
152
00:05:10.081 --> 00:05:11.385
- [CELLPHONE RINGING]
- Oh, my God.
153
00:05:11.410 --> 00:05:12.703
Ooh, it's Brett.
154
00:05:12.703 --> 00:05:13.730
He wants to FaceTime.
155
00:05:13.755 --> 00:05:15.264
- Don't let him see you.
- Get it.
156
00:05:15.289 --> 00:05:16.714
- It's bad luck.
- It's fine. It's fine.
157
00:05:16.816 --> 00:05:17.942
Hey, sweetie.
158
00:05:17.975 --> 00:05:19.018
[BRETT MOANING]
159
00:05:19.043 --> 00:05:20.895
Babe? Brett?
160
00:05:20.920 --> 00:05:22.521
Wait. Is your volume down? Give me that.
161
00:05:22.752 --> 00:05:24.435
Brett, I think you butt-dialed me.
162
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Yeah, baby.
163
00:05:26.968 --> 00:05:29.320
[MOANING CONTINUES]
164
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What?
165
00:05:31.847 --> 00:05:33.537
Yeah, baby. Yeah.
Yeah, right there.
166
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Oh, my God. Oh.
167
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[GIN WIGMORE'S "MAN LIKE THAT" PLAYS]
168
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♪♪
169
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♪ Girl, you better wake up ♪
170
00:05:47.632 --> 00:05:48.883
♪ Girl, you better run ♪
171
00:05:49.031 --> 00:05:50.199
♪ He's gone ♪
172
00:05:50.199 --> 00:05:51.495
♪ First thing in the mornin' ♪
173
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Come back!
174
00:05:54.122 --> 00:05:55.638
Follow her. Where are all the cars?
175
00:05:55.663 --> 00:05:57.038
The photographers from Town & Country
176
00:05:57.063 --> 00:05:58.327
said they didn't want
them in the foreground.
177
00:05:58.352 --> 00:05:59.694
Ugh, them must've parked
them down the hill.
178
00:05:59.719 --> 00:06:00.975
Ugh!
179
00:06:01.000 --> 00:06:03.725
Oh, stop being so dramatic.
180
00:06:03.750 --> 00:06:05.689
Okay, you realize that is hilarious
181
00:06:05.714 --> 00:06:06.715
coming from you, right?
182
00:06:06.715 --> 00:06:07.913
Opa!
183
00:06:08.589 --> 00:06:13.233
Now, who wants the mystery pill
from the bottom of my purse?
184
00:06:13.489 --> 00:06:14.490
Mom!
185
00:06:14.515 --> 00:06:15.724
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
186
00:06:15.724 --> 00:06:16.936
♪ Tells you that he loves you ♪
187
00:06:16.961 --> 00:06:18.978
♪ Ooh, ooh, then he
takes it all back ♪
188
00:06:18.978 --> 00:06:20.360
♪ Girl, you gotta wonder ♪
189
00:06:20.385 --> 00:06:21.596
♪ Girl, you gotta wonder ♪
190
00:06:21.621 --> 00:06:23.956
♪ Girl, you gotta wonder
'bout a man like that ♪
191
00:06:23.981 --> 00:06:26.135
♪ Girl, you gotta wonder
'bout a man like that ♪
192
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[MOANING]
193
00:06:27.767 --> 00:06:28.963
Are you out of your mind?
194
00:06:28.988 --> 00:06:30.906
[GASPS]
195
00:06:30.906 --> 00:06:32.663
- You... how could you?
- Amanda... Amanda, wait, wait,
196
00:06:32.688 --> 00:06:33.868
- wait, wait.
- Wait? Wait for what?
197
00:06:33.893 --> 00:06:35.836
I'm not... I'm not having
an affair. I love you.
198
00:06:36.250 --> 00:06:37.453
On our wedding day?
199
00:06:37.478 --> 00:06:39.250
- Shh, calm down, calm down.
- Oh, Brett!
200
00:06:39.275 --> 00:06:40.735
Let's talk about this, okay?
201
00:06:40.958 --> 00:06:43.407
Calm down. Okay?
202
00:06:43.570 --> 00:06:45.229
Is that a real-life hooker?
203
00:06:45.254 --> 00:06:46.561
- Excuse me?
- No.
204
00:06:46.586 --> 00:06:48.429
- Then, who is it?
- Hey, look at me, look at me.
205
00:06:48.454 --> 00:06:50.276
It was nothing.
Look, a leftover
206
00:06:50.301 --> 00:06:51.385
from the bar last night,
207
00:06:51.385 --> 00:06:52.507
a last hurrah.
208
00:06:55.261 --> 00:06:56.812
It is out of my system now,
209
00:06:57.161 --> 00:07:00.359
and we are getting married today.
210
00:07:00.589 --> 00:07:02.037
We're going to St.
Barts tomorrow
211
00:07:02.062 --> 00:07:03.843
because, Amanda Klein, you...
212
00:07:04.020 --> 00:07:05.968
you make my life complete.
213
00:07:06.890 --> 00:07:09.737
[SCREAMS]
214
00:07:09.737 --> 00:07:13.539
♪♪
215
00:07:13.564 --> 00:07:15.257
It's "you complete me," ...
216
00:07:20.372 --> 00:07:22.470
[COUGHS]
217
00:07:22.929 --> 00:07:24.470
[GASPING]
218
00:07:24.894 --> 00:07:28.298
♪♪
219
00:07:29.470 --> 00:07:30.470
Oh...
220
00:07:36.309 --> 00:07:38.854
♪♪
221
00:07:41.769 --> 00:07:43.302
♪ Girl, you better wake up ♪
222
00:07:43.327 --> 00:07:44.455
- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
- Ugh!
223
00:07:44.480 --> 00:07:45.481
♪ Girl, you better run ♪
224
00:07:45.481 --> 00:07:46.649
♪ He's gone ♪
225
00:07:46.649 --> 00:07:47.958
♪ First thing in the mornin' ♪
226
00:07:47.983 --> 00:07:50.110
♪ Faster than a bullet
comin' outta that gun ♪
227
00:07:50.396 --> 00:07:51.559
Congratulations!
228
00:07:51.712 --> 00:07:53.005
She's not answering,
229
00:07:53.030 --> 00:07:55.309
but I think the wedding is probably off.
230
00:07:55.334 --> 00:07:57.509
Because of a little oral? Oh, please.
231
00:07:57.534 --> 00:07:58.880
If I called off every
wedding because of that...
232
00:07:58.905 --> 00:07:59.942
Not now, Mom.
233
00:07:59.967 --> 00:08:01.180
Wait, who is this bitch?
234
00:08:01.205 --> 00:08:02.325
Do we know her?
235
00:08:02.350 --> 00:08:03.724
We know some very horrible people.
236
00:08:03.749 --> 00:08:05.935
I don't know, and I don't care.
237
00:08:05.960 --> 00:08:08.599
What I do care about is
that, according to Brett,
238
00:08:08.624 --> 00:08:10.189
Amanda assaulted the hooker,
239
00:08:10.214 --> 00:08:12.299
and now there may be a legal situation.
240
00:08:12.299 --> 00:08:14.216
- Drama.
- Oh, for God's sake,
241
00:08:14.241 --> 00:08:16.201
how badly was this woman hurt?
242
00:08:16.226 --> 00:08:17.821
Joel treated her immediately after
243
00:08:17.846 --> 00:08:19.515
and says she has a concussion,
244
00:08:19.515 --> 00:08:21.266
and based on the
angle of how she fell,
245
00:08:21.266 --> 00:08:25.104
I guess... she bit off
the tip of her tongue.
246
00:08:25.104 --> 00:08:26.230
[GASPS] Aw, gross.
247
00:08:26.230 --> 00:08:27.815
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, that's disgusting.
248
00:08:27.815 --> 00:08:31.110
And... she swallowed it.
249
00:08:31.135 --> 00:08:32.147
- Ugh!
- Holy...
250
00:08:32.172 --> 00:08:34.215
How many Weight Watchers points is that?
251
00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:36.173
Well, it's not Amanda's fault
252
00:08:36.198 --> 00:08:38.294
that that hooker bit off her own tongue.
253
00:08:38.319 --> 00:08:39.529
It might be.
254
00:08:39.577 --> 00:08:40.919
Come on!
255
00:08:41.328 --> 00:08:44.665
[CELLPHONE VIBRATING]
256
00:08:44.665 --> 00:08:46.458
♪♪
257
00:08:46.483 --> 00:08:50.069
[AMANDA PANTING AND CRYING]
258
00:08:50.336 --> 00:08:51.950
Oh, God.
259
00:08:52.688 --> 00:08:58.145
♪♪
260
00:09:10.357 --> 00:09:12.026
Oh, God.
261
00:09:12.026 --> 00:09:14.028
[CRIES]
262
00:09:14.028 --> 00:09:17.474
♪♪
263
00:09:17.499 --> 00:09:20.208
[GRUNTING]
264
00:09:20.873 --> 00:09:23.599
Okay. Okay.
265
00:09:24.872 --> 00:09:26.874
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
266
00:09:26.874 --> 00:09:27.888
It's okay.
267
00:09:28.125 --> 00:09:29.200
[CHUCKLES]
268
00:09:29.336 --> 00:09:30.336
It's okay.
269
00:09:33.445 --> 00:09:34.770
Oh, no.
270
00:09:37.063 --> 00:09:38.263
Oh, no. My phone.
271
00:09:39.970 --> 00:09:41.169
My phone.
272
00:09:43.515 --> 00:09:45.786
[GRUNTS]
273
00:09:46.435 --> 00:09:48.513
[SCREECHES]
274
00:09:49.620 --> 00:09:51.956
[CRYING]
275
00:09:51.981 --> 00:09:55.184
♪♪
276
00:10:04.473 --> 00:10:08.720
[RENAISSANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
277
00:10:08.745 --> 00:10:11.216
Ugh, theme wedding.
278
00:10:11.241 --> 00:10:12.747
[SNIFFLES, SOBBING]
279
00:10:13.670 --> 00:10:18.669
♪♪
280
00:10:27.950 --> 00:10:30.662
Excuse me, Father, I could
really use some water.
281
00:10:30.687 --> 00:10:32.231
[BRITISH ACCENT] Pretty
lady, thou looks like
282
00:10:32.231 --> 00:10:33.816
thou couldst use a drink.
283
00:10:33.841 --> 00:10:34.841
Here.
284
00:10:36.110 --> 00:10:37.247
[COUGHS]
285
00:10:37.272 --> 00:10:39.317
Aye, miss. It's the Devil's brew,
286
00:10:39.446 --> 00:10:41.448
fire from the Scots, not
for the faint of heart.
287
00:10:41.473 --> 00:10:44.167
- Water?
- Oh, yeah, here, child.
288
00:10:44.660 --> 00:10:49.699
♪♪
289
00:10:50.621 --> 00:10:52.242
Is this beer?
290
00:10:52.267 --> 00:10:54.812
That's a fine ale to wash
down the Devil's brew.
291
00:10:54.837 --> 00:10:56.361
Look, I really need a phone.
292
00:10:56.386 --> 00:10:57.589
It's kind of an emergency.
293
00:10:57.589 --> 00:10:58.632
Phone?
294
00:10:58.632 --> 00:11:00.964
Now, what be a phone?
295
00:11:03.512 --> 00:11:10.199
This must be some wedding,
because you... are wasted.
296
00:11:10.495 --> 00:11:12.683
For sooth most verily...
297
00:11:13.964 --> 00:11:15.503
Yeah, I am, I am.
298
00:11:17.606 --> 00:11:21.110
♪♪
299
00:11:21.697 --> 00:11:26.034
♪ Landlord, fill the flowing
bowl until it doth run over ♪
300
00:11:26.034 --> 00:11:30.330
♪ Landlord, fill the flowing
bowl until it doth run over ♪
301
00:11:30.330 --> 00:11:32.583
♪ For tonight we'll merry be ♪
302
00:11:32.583 --> 00:11:34.751
♪ For tonight we'll merry be ♪
303
00:11:34.751 --> 00:11:36.503
♪ For tonight we'll merry be ♪
304
00:11:36.503 --> 00:11:38.839
Why wasn't I shown this site?
305
00:11:38.871 --> 00:11:41.105
♪ Tomorrow we'll be sober ♪
306
00:11:41.229 --> 00:11:43.106
♪ Here's to the
man drinks water pure ♪
307
00:11:43.131 --> 00:11:45.863
♪ And goes to bed quite sober ♪
308
00:11:46.196 --> 00:11:48.722
Probably had to use the
in-house catering, right?
309
00:11:48.747 --> 00:11:50.659
Uh, beg thy pardon?
310
00:11:51.034 --> 00:11:52.855
Oh, I'm on the bride's side.
311
00:11:54.396 --> 00:11:55.396
Oh!
312
00:11:56.527 --> 00:11:57.833
Cry your mercy, mistress.
313
00:11:57.858 --> 00:11:59.067
No problem.
314
00:11:59.067 --> 00:12:00.485
Maybe it'll get the blood out.
315
00:12:00.485 --> 00:12:03.530
Please, do accept this
mead as recompense.
316
00:12:03.530 --> 00:12:05.449
Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
317
00:12:05.449 --> 00:12:07.326
♪ Here's to the man
who drinks strong ale ♪
318
00:12:07.326 --> 00:12:09.620
♪ And goes to bed quite mellow ♪
319
00:12:09.620 --> 00:12:12.206
♪ He lives as
he ought to live ♪
320
00:12:12.206 --> 00:12:13.957
I shall go get more.
321
00:12:13.957 --> 00:12:17.127
♪ He lives as
he ought to live ♪
322
00:12:17.127 --> 00:12:20.175
♪ And dies a jolly good fellow ♪
323
00:12:20.547 --> 00:12:22.564
♪ Here's to the girl
who steals a kiss ♪
324
00:12:22.589 --> 00:12:25.745
Hey, can I use your phone?
325
00:12:27.331 --> 00:12:30.002
Ah, thou must mean the
little portrait maker
326
00:12:30.027 --> 00:12:31.391
I do carry with me.
327
00:12:31.391 --> 00:12:35.034
It doth also serve as a
carrier pigeon, know ye.
328
00:12:36.824 --> 00:12:39.581
♪ She'll never get another ♪
329
00:12:40.108 --> 00:12:41.191
Holy...
330
00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:43.847
I don't know anyone's numbers.
331
00:12:44.815 --> 00:12:46.150
Beg pardon?
332
00:12:46.175 --> 00:12:47.650
No, I'm not kidding. I mean, I know...
333
00:12:47.675 --> 00:12:49.619
I know mine, but I
don't know anyone else's.
334
00:12:49.644 --> 00:12:50.744
Ah.
335
00:12:50.744 --> 00:12:52.287
How the hell are people
supposed to communicate
336
00:12:52.287 --> 00:12:53.664
without a phone?
337
00:12:53.664 --> 00:12:55.824
Do you not get it? I
do not have my phone.
338
00:12:57.184 --> 00:13:01.396
Ma'am, does thou need to see
the village apothecary perchance?
339
00:13:01.652 --> 00:13:03.715
Okay, your commitment to this theme
340
00:13:03.715 --> 00:13:05.759
is seriously, like, next-level.
341
00:13:05.759 --> 00:13:08.720
♪ For tonight we'll merry be ♪
342
00:13:08.720 --> 00:13:13.181
♪ Drink, drink, drink, drink,
drink, drink, drink, drink ♪
343
00:13:13.206 --> 00:13:16.503
♪ Tomorrow we'll be sober ♪
344
00:13:16.528 --> 00:13:17.988
[APPLAUSE]
345
00:13:18.021 --> 00:13:19.206
[CLEARS THROAT]
346
00:13:19.231 --> 00:13:23.300
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
347
00:13:24.409 --> 00:13:26.446
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Well played, musicians,
348
00:13:26.446 --> 00:13:29.366
and well met, good gentles.
349
00:13:29.366 --> 00:13:34.621
I, your glorious queen, do
welcome thee, my subjects,
350
00:13:34.621 --> 00:13:38.159
gathered here at the end of
another day in Shropshire,
351
00:13:38.267 --> 00:13:42.620
where each summer I take
my progress, where mine...
352
00:13:43.064 --> 00:13:45.339
Oof, is she officiating?
353
00:13:45.464 --> 00:13:46.842
In the words of the bard,
354
00:13:46.842 --> 00:13:50.095
if music be the
food of love, play on.
355
00:13:50.095 --> 00:13:52.636
[CROWD SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
356
00:13:52.661 --> 00:13:55.492
William, please approach.
357
00:13:55.517 --> 00:13:59.646
[APPLAUSE]
358
00:13:59.646 --> 00:14:01.728
Cute idea for the groom.
359
00:14:01.753 --> 00:14:02.941
ALL: Shh!
360
00:14:02.941 --> 00:14:05.110
Wilt thou provide us
with some parting words
361
00:14:05.110 --> 00:14:06.494
as the day ends?
362
00:14:06.519 --> 00:14:09.423
[BRITISH ACCENT] Ah, Your Majesty,
it would be mine honor.
363
00:14:09.448 --> 00:14:13.080
For you, England's most precious jewel.
364
00:14:13.105 --> 00:14:16.955
ALL: Hear, hear!
365
00:14:17.206 --> 00:14:19.511
One half of me is yours.
366
00:14:20.074 --> 00:14:23.009
The other half... yours.
367
00:14:23.034 --> 00:14:24.629
- Thank you.
- [AUDIENCE "AWWS"]
368
00:14:24.629 --> 00:14:26.673
Huh. "Merchant of Venice."
369
00:14:26.673 --> 00:14:28.699
The anti
-Semitic play.
370
00:14:29.167 --> 00:14:32.487
- But romantic, flirty.
- MAGGIE: Bravo, dear William.
371
00:14:32.674 --> 00:14:35.462
She's the bride. I got it now.
372
00:14:35.487 --> 00:14:38.415
I have penned yet another simple musing
373
00:14:38.440 --> 00:14:40.440
- on thy royal life.
- Ooh.
374
00:14:40.465 --> 00:14:41.659
[CLEARS THROAT]
375
00:14:42.356 --> 00:14:46.318
You may my glories and my state depose,
376
00:14:46.318 --> 00:14:48.779
but not my griefs.
377
00:14:48.779 --> 00:14:51.682
Still am I king of those.
378
00:14:52.534 --> 00:14:55.393
Ah, such true words.
379
00:14:55.846 --> 00:14:59.985
'Tis from my newest play,
entitled "Richard III."
380
00:15:00.010 --> 00:15:01.975
[APPLAUSE]
381
00:15:02.000 --> 00:15:03.409
Um, no, it's not.
382
00:15:03.667 --> 00:15:06.797
Dear maiden, that be
the bard of Avon himself,
383
00:15:06.797 --> 00:15:08.548
William Shakespeare.
384
00:15:08.548 --> 00:15:12.681
Okay, well, he be wrong about
hith owneth playeth, then.
385
00:15:12.706 --> 00:15:15.899
Please be quiet. Her
Majesty is speaking.
386
00:15:15.924 --> 00:15:17.142
Who, the bride?
387
00:15:17.167 --> 00:15:18.995
Sorry. Queen Elizabeth.
388
00:15:19.737 --> 00:15:21.978
Do not disrespect Her Majesty.
389
00:15:21.978 --> 00:15:23.897
Well, somebody ought to tell her
390
00:15:23.897 --> 00:15:26.174
that King Elizabeth isn't up on his...
391
00:15:26.651 --> 00:15:30.104
Dude. Shut up.
392
00:15:30.690 --> 00:15:33.423
Dude, you shut up, jack off.
393
00:15:33.448 --> 00:15:36.743
Who the hell are you anyway,
some strange, crazy pirate?
394
00:15:36.743 --> 00:15:38.078
Hey, you want to go?
395
00:15:38.078 --> 00:15:41.130
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
396
00:15:41.155 --> 00:15:42.206
MAGGIE: Hark!
397
00:15:44.065 --> 00:15:46.424
What be the meaning of this disruption?
398
00:15:48.120 --> 00:15:50.941
Uh, uh... God save the queen!
399
00:15:50.966 --> 00:15:52.801
ALL: God save the queen!
400
00:15:52.801 --> 00:15:53.927
Jesus!
401
00:15:53.927 --> 00:15:55.376
BO: Forgive us, Your Majesty,
402
00:15:55.401 --> 00:15:57.848
for this maid be
most truly in her cups.
403
00:15:57.848 --> 00:15:59.266
[LAUGHTER]
404
00:15:59.266 --> 00:16:00.517
You know it.
405
00:16:00.517 --> 00:16:02.060
Double-sided tape.
406
00:16:02.060 --> 00:16:05.105
Ah, a dear lost beggar's doxy.
407
00:16:05.105 --> 00:16:08.108
[LAUGHTER]
408
00:16:08.108 --> 00:16:11.010
[CHUCKLES] Look, ma'am.
409
00:16:12.509 --> 00:16:16.091
Quee... Sorry for interrupting
your little wedding here.
410
00:16:16.116 --> 00:16:17.299
Wedding?
411
00:16:18.041 --> 00:16:20.956
And whose nuptials might
we all be attending?
412
00:16:24.766 --> 00:16:25.767
Oh.
413
00:16:25.792 --> 00:16:29.004
[LAUGHTER]
414
00:16:31.965 --> 00:16:35.427
Oh, my dear lost child,
415
00:16:35.427 --> 00:16:39.509
I am married first and
foremost to mine country,
416
00:16:39.534 --> 00:16:41.600
- mine England.
- ALL: Hear, hear.
417
00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:44.376
And this man hither be but
a consort of my high court.
418
00:16:44.401 --> 00:16:45.520
Okay, okay, fine.
419
00:16:45.520 --> 00:16:47.105
Consort. Don't consort.
420
00:16:47.222 --> 00:16:49.837
FYI, though, he doesn't know
what play his own quote's from.
421
00:16:49.862 --> 00:16:51.597
That is preposterous.
422
00:16:52.495 --> 00:16:55.790
God. Men, right?
423
00:16:55.815 --> 00:16:58.540
"I know this play I wrote so well."
424
00:16:58.565 --> 00:17:01.251
Or, or, "I got it
fully out of my system."
425
00:17:01.276 --> 00:17:03.915
Or, "It's your fault she's
all covered in blood, Amanda."
426
00:17:03.940 --> 00:17:07.720
So, even if this...
this... whatever this is
427
00:17:07.745 --> 00:17:09.251
is not a wedding,
428
00:17:09.276 --> 00:17:11.690
you should all know that men are pigs.
429
00:17:12.189 --> 00:17:13.523
And he's gay.
430
00:17:13.548 --> 00:17:14.799
DAVID: [BRITISH ACCENT] She be right!
431
00:17:14.799 --> 00:17:16.134
[SPECTATORS GASP]
432
00:17:16.134 --> 00:17:18.275
About the play, I do mean.
433
00:17:18.300 --> 00:17:20.228
Such a wretched creature doth approach.
434
00:17:20.253 --> 00:17:22.665
Your Majesty, may I beg a boon?
435
00:17:22.690 --> 00:17:23.705
Why's he so gross?
436
00:17:23.730 --> 00:17:25.185
Speak, mud man.
437
00:17:25.185 --> 00:17:26.937
Seriously, you guys, is he homeless?
438
00:17:26.937 --> 00:17:30.611
I, man of mud, orator of dirt,
439
00:17:30.636 --> 00:17:34.205
hero and defender of
the most vile sludge...
440
00:17:34.230 --> 00:17:35.322
To it, creature.
441
00:17:35.347 --> 00:17:37.736
I, Sir Pizzle Humpsalot,
442
00:17:37.761 --> 00:17:40.659
do put forth that the verse
by William Shakespeare be,
443
00:17:40.659 --> 00:17:44.720
as the maid did say, not
in sooth from "Richard III."
444
00:17:44.745 --> 00:17:46.964
Aha! Told ya.
445
00:17:48.433 --> 00:17:53.595
Sir Humpsalot, which play
did Shakespeare then quote?
446
00:17:53.620 --> 00:17:55.006
"Henry V."
447
00:17:55.006 --> 00:17:56.478
- Nope.
- All right.
448
00:17:56.503 --> 00:18:00.995
And if I had my phone,
I could prove it.
449
00:18:02.034 --> 00:18:04.183
Come hither, you.
450
00:18:05.769 --> 00:18:07.581
- Go.
- Go.
451
00:18:09.187 --> 00:18:10.690
Approach.
452
00:18:11.022 --> 00:18:16.503
♪♪
453
00:18:19.470 --> 00:18:21.151
What be thy title?
454
00:18:23.785 --> 00:18:25.253
Thy name.
455
00:18:26.409 --> 00:18:28.261
Amanda Klein.
456
00:18:28.737 --> 00:18:30.839
Stay not your tongue, woman.
457
00:18:31.058 --> 00:18:34.198
From which play doth the quote come?
458
00:18:34.815 --> 00:18:36.722
"Richard II."
459
00:18:37.120 --> 00:18:39.878
Uh, ffff.
460
00:18:40.316 --> 00:18:41.346
Ugh.
461
00:18:41.386 --> 00:18:44.019
The maid doth speak the truth.
462
00:18:44.831 --> 00:18:46.182
Huzzah!
463
00:18:46.182 --> 00:18:47.934
ALL: Huzzah!
464
00:18:47.934 --> 00:18:52.439
[APPLAUSE]
465
00:18:52.746 --> 00:18:55.284
Well met, young maid.
466
00:18:55.433 --> 00:18:59.394
Now, if thou wouldst not mind...
467
00:19:00.581 --> 00:19:02.784
Her Majesty will now end the faire day.
468
00:19:02.809 --> 00:19:05.448
Copy. Got it. Sorry.
469
00:19:05.816 --> 00:19:06.894
♪♪
470
00:19:06.919 --> 00:19:08.045
Where's the bar?
471
00:19:08.147 --> 00:19:09.732
The pub be right this way.
472
00:19:09.757 --> 00:19:10.987
Thanks, Mr. Pizzalot.
473
00:19:11.012 --> 00:19:12.198
That be Humpsalot.
474
00:19:12.223 --> 00:19:13.339
Whatever.
475
00:19:13.374 --> 00:19:14.948
They have more of that mead stuff?
476
00:19:14.973 --> 00:19:16.636
It's like hard lemonade.
477
00:19:16.661 --> 00:19:19.455
[CHUCKLES] Yeah. Barrels.
478
00:19:23.483 --> 00:19:27.339
[GASPS, BREATHES HEAVILY]
479
00:19:27.364 --> 00:19:29.825
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
480
00:19:33.956 --> 00:19:35.487
What?
481
00:19:36.285 --> 00:19:37.589
[NORMAL VOICE] Morning.
482
00:19:38.252 --> 00:19:39.920
[GASPS]
483
00:19:39.982 --> 00:19:41.275
[RETCHES, VOMITS]
484
00:19:41.300 --> 00:19:42.808
I, uh...
485
00:19:43.978 --> 00:19:46.188
I'm gonna give you some space.
486
00:19:51.207 --> 00:19:53.815
Bright. So bright.
487
00:19:54.160 --> 00:19:55.331
Hey, there.
488
00:19:56.456 --> 00:19:57.935
Uh, coffee?
489
00:19:59.793 --> 00:20:01.862
Yes, please.
490
00:20:14.889 --> 00:20:16.003
Thank you.
491
00:20:17.562 --> 00:20:21.214
So... where am I?
492
00:20:21.276 --> 00:20:22.730
At the fairgrounds...
493
00:20:22.937 --> 00:20:25.097
just outside of where
you passed out last night.
494
00:20:25.434 --> 00:20:26.730
Oh, good, good.
495
00:20:26.755 --> 00:20:28.417
Right. The fairgrounds.
496
00:20:33.367 --> 00:20:35.737
Did I...?
497
00:20:36.117 --> 00:20:38.823
- Did we...
- Whoa, you tried,
498
00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:40.119
but no.
499
00:20:40.144 --> 00:20:42.596
I make it a point to
not date-rape people.
500
00:20:42.755 --> 00:20:44.870
It's just one of my
personal philosophies.
501
00:20:44.895 --> 00:20:45.987
- Good.
- Yeah.
502
00:20:46.012 --> 00:20:48.112
Good. That's really good.
503
00:20:49.247 --> 00:20:51.331
And... And when you say "fairgrounds"...
504
00:20:51.356 --> 00:20:54.432
Ren Faire... where you bested
William Shakespeare himself.
505
00:20:54.769 --> 00:20:56.831
I mean, I got no beef
with Brian personally,
506
00:20:56.856 --> 00:20:59.245
but he can be a huge...
about historical accuracy.
507
00:20:59.270 --> 00:21:00.557
So that was kind of awesome.
508
00:21:00.582 --> 00:21:03.376
Right, at the wedding.
509
00:21:03.401 --> 00:21:05.417
At the Renaissance Festival.
510
00:21:06.551 --> 00:21:07.551
Wow.
511
00:21:07.703 --> 00:21:09.448
Sounds like you got
into Friar Woodruff's
512
00:21:09.473 --> 00:21:10.745
homemade Devil Scotch.
513
00:21:11.180 --> 00:21:14.245
Last time I had that, I woke
up in a boat on Lake Oswego...
514
00:21:14.677 --> 00:21:15.739
naked.
515
00:21:15.838 --> 00:21:17.006
Look, mud man...
516
00:21:17.031 --> 00:21:18.237
It's Pizzle Humpsalot,
517
00:21:18.719 --> 00:21:20.304
but you can call me David.
518
00:21:20.329 --> 00:21:22.456
Faire gates don't open till 10:00, so...
519
00:21:23.481 --> 00:21:24.481
David.
520
00:21:26.793 --> 00:21:28.836
I don't know what a
Renaissance Festival is.
521
00:21:28.861 --> 00:21:30.729
Also, I don't know any of
my family's phone numbers,
522
00:21:30.754 --> 00:21:32.761
and I seriously have to get
back to the Country Cottage...
523
00:21:33.062 --> 00:21:34.062
damn it.
524
00:21:34.714 --> 00:21:37.089
No, I can't go back there.
525
00:21:37.114 --> 00:21:39.018
Uh, you could e-mail.
526
00:21:39.631 --> 00:21:40.631
Huh?
527
00:21:40.656 --> 00:21:41.940
Electronic mail?
528
00:21:41.965 --> 00:21:43.698
The Wi-Fi on the grounds
is pretty terrible,
529
00:21:43.723 --> 00:21:44.909
but that's intentional, you know?
530
00:21:44.934 --> 00:21:46.604
Time period. Uh, but it's also why
531
00:21:46.629 --> 00:21:49.152
I have a router in the RV.
Easy now, she's first gen.
532
00:21:49.177 --> 00:21:50.675
I keep her in good condish.
533
00:21:52.063 --> 00:21:53.871
I guess I'll read the paper later.
534
00:21:53.896 --> 00:21:56.230
Please, you call the Post the paper?
535
00:21:56.500 --> 00:22:00.675
_
536
00:22:01.799 --> 00:22:02.799
[GASPS]
537
00:22:04.554 --> 00:22:05.816
You forget your login?
538
00:22:08.985 --> 00:22:11.425
So you've never heard of a Ren Faire,
539
00:22:11.450 --> 00:22:14.370
but you came to a Ren
Faire dressed in full garb.
540
00:22:14.395 --> 00:22:15.675
It was Monique Lhuillier.
541
00:22:15.700 --> 00:22:18.011
And then you schooled every Rennie there
542
00:22:18.036 --> 00:22:19.050
in "Richard II."
543
00:22:19.075 --> 00:22:20.347
Can I ask how that happened?
544
00:22:22.384 --> 00:22:24.410
I wrote a paper on "Richard II."
545
00:22:24.989 --> 00:22:26.316
English major at Vassar.
546
00:22:26.341 --> 00:22:28.427
And then you opened up an English store?
547
00:22:28.523 --> 00:22:30.074
- Funny.
- Thanks.
548
00:22:30.668 --> 00:22:32.168
So...?
549
00:22:32.193 --> 00:22:35.183
So now I write freelance
for upscale-lifestyle sites
550
00:22:35.570 --> 00:22:37.074
in English, so...
551
00:22:38.792 --> 00:22:41.519
You know, lifestyle, wellness,
552
00:22:41.544 --> 00:22:43.527
and, like, clean beauty?
553
00:22:43.796 --> 00:22:45.929
- Jade eggs for up your [WHISTLES]?
- Mm.
554
00:22:50.081 --> 00:22:51.179
What's a Rennie?
555
00:22:51.438 --> 00:22:54.452
A Rennie is a person who works
at a Renaissance Festival.
556
00:22:55.092 --> 00:22:57.912
Like how a carny is a person
who works at a carnival.
557
00:22:57.937 --> 00:22:59.804
- Okay.
- Or a druggie is a person
558
00:22:59.829 --> 00:23:00.921
who works at a carnival.
559
00:23:00.946 --> 00:23:02.030
[CHUCKLES]
560
00:23:04.911 --> 00:23:07.640
So, what?
561
00:23:07.665 --> 00:23:10.007
You guys all pretend
to be Queen Elizabeth
562
00:23:10.032 --> 00:23:12.382
and run around and drink with nerds?
563
00:23:14.232 --> 00:23:15.624
You have anywhere to be this morning?
564
00:23:15.927 --> 00:23:18.597
[RENAISSANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
565
00:23:18.622 --> 00:23:24.999
♪♪
566
00:23:25.024 --> 00:23:26.693
This is ringing a bell now.
567
00:23:26.718 --> 00:23:28.257
Yeah, parade should begin in a few.
568
00:23:28.282 --> 00:23:30.727
- Parade?
- But what parade can compare
569
00:23:30.752 --> 00:23:33.212
to the festivities within
filthy hearts and loins,
570
00:23:33.237 --> 00:23:34.313
eh, clean maiden?
571
00:23:34.338 --> 00:23:35.641
On the clock now. Got it.
572
00:23:35.666 --> 00:23:38.696
Uh, meet my best mates
and fellow muddy beggars,
573
00:23:38.721 --> 00:23:40.992
Shart O'Belly and Stick.
574
00:23:41.017 --> 00:23:42.578
Goodly day for a goodly woman
575
00:23:42.603 --> 00:23:45.399
to be embraced by a goodly mud beggar!
576
00:23:45.424 --> 00:23:46.453
Back it up.
577
00:23:47.093 --> 00:23:48.678
Shart is it?
578
00:23:48.703 --> 00:23:51.735
Aye. I was christened "Shart" in 1565.
579
00:23:51.810 --> 00:23:53.344
See, I went to simply break wind,
580
00:23:53.369 --> 00:23:55.524
but when I bent over
and spread me cheeks...
581
00:23:55.549 --> 00:23:57.969
Uh, mayhap save the
detail for another time,
582
00:23:57.994 --> 00:23:59.313
most beloved Shart?
583
00:24:01.471 --> 00:24:02.472
[CHUCKLES]
584
00:24:02.497 --> 00:24:03.508
Stick.
585
00:24:04.220 --> 00:24:06.891
I hope thou whilst attend our mud show
586
00:24:06.916 --> 00:24:09.633
at Froggy Bottom Mud
Pit at noon o'clock.
587
00:24:09.658 --> 00:24:12.867
[BRITISH ACCENT] Nay,
Pizzle! Nay, nay, nay!
588
00:24:12.892 --> 00:24:15.711
[CHUCKLES] Let the lass
come to the Wash Pit instead
589
00:24:15.736 --> 00:24:17.024
to see my show.
590
00:24:17.049 --> 00:24:21.788
It hath love, loss,
and, of course, laundry!
591
00:24:22.165 --> 00:24:23.585
Are you a mud beggar, too?
592
00:24:23.610 --> 00:24:24.827
- [GASPS]
- Quite the opposite, really.
593
00:24:24.852 --> 00:24:26.904
- Please meet Prunella Bubblebottom...
- Whoo!
594
00:24:26.929 --> 00:24:28.247
Washer Wench.
595
00:24:28.272 --> 00:24:29.741
[CHUCKLES]
596
00:24:29.981 --> 00:24:30.981
Oh.
597
00:24:33.416 --> 00:24:36.674
Thou hath had a tear
recently upon thy cheek.
598
00:24:37.954 --> 00:24:41.249
What ails thee, my fairest,
most prepossessing friend?
599
00:24:41.274 --> 00:24:42.984
MAN: God save the Queen!
600
00:24:43.009 --> 00:24:45.088
- Redhead.
- What's happening?
601
00:24:45.113 --> 00:24:46.408
Her Majesty awaits.
602
00:24:46.433 --> 00:24:48.768
Surely the good mistress
remembers Queen Elizabeth
603
00:24:48.793 --> 00:24:52.041
and her most trusted
courtier, William Shakespeare?
604
00:24:52.066 --> 00:24:54.979
Shakespeare was never, like,
in Elizabeth's court, you know.
605
00:24:55.371 --> 00:24:57.705
WOMAN: Make way for the Royal Court.
606
00:24:57.730 --> 00:25:02.737
♪♪
607
00:25:04.422 --> 00:25:06.846
She definitely remembers me.
608
00:25:07.471 --> 00:25:08.994
I'll see you at the show, mistress.
609
00:25:09.872 --> 00:25:11.651
Aye, aye, Captain.
610
00:25:12.560 --> 00:25:14.354
Stick, stick.
611
00:25:15.299 --> 00:25:17.301
[APPLAUSE]
612
00:25:17.403 --> 00:25:20.940
♪♪
613
00:25:21.541 --> 00:25:24.494
_
614
00:25:30.072 --> 00:25:33.604
♪♪
615
00:25:49.537 --> 00:25:52.123
[INDISTINCT SPEAKING]
616
00:25:55.126 --> 00:25:57.086
[APPLAUSE]
617
00:26:16.876 --> 00:26:18.210
Make way!
618
00:26:18.243 --> 00:26:20.462
Whoo-hoo!
619
00:26:21.190 --> 00:26:22.759
I found him!
620
00:26:23.020 --> 00:26:25.197
I met my husband!
621
00:26:25.222 --> 00:26:26.618
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
622
00:26:26.643 --> 00:26:28.493
Thank you!
623
00:26:28.518 --> 00:26:30.021
What's your name?
624
00:26:30.787 --> 00:26:34.728
♪♪
625
00:26:34.753 --> 00:26:36.439
ALL: Huzzah!
626
00:26:36.740 --> 00:26:41.017
♪♪
627
00:26:43.056 --> 00:26:44.939
Let's start the bidding at 10!
628
00:26:45.040 --> 00:26:48.509
♪♪
629
00:27:13.476 --> 00:27:15.165
WOMAN: Huzzah for the tipper!
630
00:27:15.190 --> 00:27:16.704
Hey, hi. Excuse me.
631
00:27:16.729 --> 00:27:18.392
[GASPS] Do you know
where the mud pit is?
632
00:27:18.417 --> 00:27:20.079
Hey ho, dear friend.
633
00:27:20.104 --> 00:27:22.376
[NORMAL VOICE] So, you and Pizzle?
634
00:27:22.401 --> 00:27:24.445
Oh, no, no, no.
We are not... we didn't.
635
00:27:24.470 --> 00:27:25.763
We... no.
636
00:27:25.788 --> 00:27:27.142
You're wearing his chemise.
637
00:27:27.167 --> 00:27:30.868
That shirt has seen a
lot of morning-afters.
638
00:27:31.075 --> 00:27:32.196
No judgment.
639
00:27:32.221 --> 00:27:33.848
[BRITISH ACCENT] And if I might say,
640
00:27:33.873 --> 00:27:36.931
thou art one of the loveliest ladies
641
00:27:36.956 --> 00:27:38.813
who has ever donned these threads.
642
00:27:38.838 --> 00:27:39.892
I'm not a lovely lady.
643
00:27:39.917 --> 00:27:41.759
I'm just a lady who needed a shirt
644
00:27:41.784 --> 00:27:42.931
that wasn't covered in blood.
645
00:27:42.956 --> 00:27:46.501
May I escort thee to Ye
Olde Costume Rental Shoppe?
646
00:27:46.526 --> 00:27:48.001
You can be anything you want to be,
647
00:27:48.103 --> 00:27:50.688
from a fair maiden to a fish wife.
648
00:27:50.713 --> 00:27:51.767
[NORMAL VOICE] Don't go near the hats.
649
00:27:51.792 --> 00:27:53.946
There are wee beasties
that live within them.
650
00:27:54.693 --> 00:27:55.693
Lice.
651
00:27:55.819 --> 00:27:57.813
No, there will be no costumes.
652
00:27:57.838 --> 00:27:59.212
I don't even know why I'm still here.
653
00:27:59.237 --> 00:28:01.740
[CHUCKLES] The faire
does that to people.
654
00:28:01.908 --> 00:28:04.157
I came for one day five years ago
655
00:28:04.363 --> 00:28:05.363
and never left.
656
00:28:05.636 --> 00:28:06.971
LULU: [BRITISH ACCENT] Prunella!
657
00:28:06.996 --> 00:28:08.782
My goodly sister.
658
00:28:08.807 --> 00:28:10.353
- New bit. Check this out.
- Okay.
659
00:28:10.378 --> 00:28:12.502
[BRITISH ACCENT]
Mistress, hast thou seen
660
00:28:12.527 --> 00:28:14.696
our great Queen Elizabeth's cousin,
661
00:28:14.721 --> 00:28:16.580
the one she doth detest?
662
00:28:17.103 --> 00:28:18.103
Um...
663
00:28:18.128 --> 00:28:20.830
The one our good Queen
Bess hath banished?
664
00:28:21.579 --> 00:28:22.642
Uh...
665
00:28:22.957 --> 00:28:23.962
[NORMAL VOICE] Last name Stuart?
666
00:28:23.987 --> 00:28:25.471
Oh, uh, Mary, Queen of Scots.
667
00:28:25.496 --> 00:28:27.127
[AS GROUCHO] Have you
seen her undergarments?
668
00:28:27.152 --> 00:28:29.221
More like Mary,
Queen of Spots.
669
00:28:31.232 --> 00:28:32.816
Ooh, it needs work.
670
00:28:32.841 --> 00:28:33.939
- Fair.
- Yeah.
671
00:28:34.339 --> 00:28:35.509
[BRITISH ACCENT] If
you're looking for David,
672
00:28:35.534 --> 00:28:36.994
the mud pit's thataway.
673
00:28:37.416 --> 00:28:39.486
Thank you. It was cute.
674
00:28:40.453 --> 00:28:41.767
- One of David's?
- Mm.
675
00:28:41.792 --> 00:28:42.924
New flavor for him.
676
00:28:43.314 --> 00:28:45.947
She smells like marzipan. Ah!
677
00:28:47.313 --> 00:28:49.517
[GASPS] Mary, Queen of Farts.
678
00:28:49.996 --> 00:28:54.728
♪♪
679
00:28:56.945 --> 00:28:57.945
Oh.
680
00:28:59.587 --> 00:29:00.611
Pray tell.
681
00:29:00.768 --> 00:29:02.978
Oh, pray your forgiveness.
682
00:29:03.003 --> 00:29:04.236
No worries. Go ahead.
683
00:29:04.708 --> 00:29:07.283
Hi. 'Tis you.
684
00:29:07.308 --> 00:29:10.221
- Sir Bo.
- It's you guys. Again.
685
00:29:10.246 --> 00:29:12.916
Miss, please, I have no more ducats
686
00:29:12.941 --> 00:29:14.174
for which to buy thee libations.
687
00:29:14.199 --> 00:29:18.025
No, no, no, no, no. I...
I am done with libations.
688
00:29:18.870 --> 00:29:20.033
I'm leaving soon.
689
00:29:20.161 --> 00:29:22.663
Well, would you care to sit
with us for the mud show?
690
00:29:22.718 --> 00:29:24.385
'Tis most fun in the front,
691
00:29:24.410 --> 00:29:26.525
where one could get bespotted with mud.
692
00:29:27.429 --> 00:29:28.429
I'm good.
693
00:29:28.948 --> 00:29:30.127
You guys go ahead.
694
00:29:30.897 --> 00:29:32.713
Aye, then. Well met.
695
00:29:32.738 --> 00:29:33.932
Fare thee well.
696
00:29:37.614 --> 00:29:39.407
♪♪
697
00:29:39.524 --> 00:29:43.487
[AUDIENCE CHANTING "PIZZLE!"]
698
00:29:43.512 --> 00:29:46.955
♪♪
699
00:29:46.980 --> 00:29:50.608
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
700
00:29:50.633 --> 00:29:55.291
♪♪
701
00:30:04.898 --> 00:30:05.994
To be...
702
00:30:07.284 --> 00:30:08.463
or not to be?
703
00:30:09.703 --> 00:30:11.142
That is the question.
704
00:30:12.346 --> 00:30:14.971
Whether 'tis nobler
in the mind to suffer
705
00:30:15.487 --> 00:30:18.580
the slings and arrows
of outrageous fortune
706
00:30:18.704 --> 00:30:20.581
- or to take...
- Oi!
707
00:30:20.681 --> 00:30:25.049
Did I hear someone out here
say, "To pee or not to pee"?
708
00:30:25.074 --> 00:30:28.244
How now it be Sir Shart O'Belly
709
00:30:28.269 --> 00:30:30.896
and faithful companion Stick.
710
00:30:30.921 --> 00:30:31.971
Stick!
711
00:30:31.996 --> 00:30:37.885
[AUDIENCE CHANTING "STICK!"]
712
00:30:37.910 --> 00:30:39.620
I may have said "to be,"
713
00:30:39.645 --> 00:30:42.580
but what I meant was, to pee!
714
00:30:42.872 --> 00:30:45.958
♪♪
715
00:30:46.646 --> 00:30:49.525
Get this whizzle out my Pizzle!
716
00:30:49.550 --> 00:30:52.853
[LAUGHTER]
717
00:31:04.692 --> 00:31:07.111
I'm, uh, sorry about the mud, milady.
718
00:31:07.566 --> 00:31:09.533
Listen, Humpsalot,
I need an Uber.
719
00:31:11.032 --> 00:31:13.002
I mean...
720
00:31:13.027 --> 00:31:14.861
[BRITISH ACCENT] canst
thou send a carriage
721
00:31:14.886 --> 00:31:17.377
to ferry me the "F"
out of here, prithee?
722
00:31:17.402 --> 00:31:19.627
That's, uh... that's not
bad with the vernacular.
723
00:31:20.422 --> 00:31:25.557
Sir Humpsalot, thy performance
was most glorious on this day.
724
00:31:25.582 --> 00:31:28.603
Aye, aye. Thy "Hamlet" is only second
725
00:31:28.628 --> 00:31:31.197
- to that of Richard Burbage.
- Indeed.
726
00:31:31.222 --> 00:31:34.111
My most deep and glorious thank-thees.
727
00:31:34.136 --> 00:31:35.744
[NORMAL VOICE] Who are
you two even supposed to be?
728
00:31:35.852 --> 00:31:38.635
I be Lady Jenny Miller from Rochester.
729
00:31:38.660 --> 00:31:41.260
And I be Sir Bo Kapinski of Utica.
730
00:31:41.364 --> 00:31:43.635
But those aren't real
historical figures.
731
00:31:43.660 --> 00:31:45.736
Nay, milady. They do not work here.
732
00:31:46.194 --> 00:31:47.994
Wait. What?
733
00:31:48.019 --> 00:31:50.605
Nay, nay, nay.
We attend the faire.
734
00:31:50.630 --> 00:31:53.091
We seek pleasure, not employment.
735
00:31:53.205 --> 00:31:54.455
I'm in I.T.
736
00:31:54.480 --> 00:31:55.705
Dental hygienist.
737
00:31:56.045 --> 00:31:57.244
Playtrons.
738
00:31:58.105 --> 00:32:00.478
Play... trons.
739
00:32:01.149 --> 00:32:03.166
We must off to the joust.
740
00:32:03.191 --> 00:32:04.346
Fare thee well.
741
00:32:10.344 --> 00:32:13.166
What kind of people dress
up and talk like that
742
00:32:13.191 --> 00:32:14.760
when they don't even work here?
743
00:32:15.219 --> 00:32:17.377
Well, mistress, uh, what can I say?
744
00:32:17.892 --> 00:32:20.228
It be their... leidenschaft.
745
00:32:20.266 --> 00:32:21.392
Their what now?
746
00:32:21.424 --> 00:32:23.799
It's German for passion.
747
00:32:24.158 --> 00:32:26.658
Then why didn't you just say "passion"?
748
00:32:28.057 --> 00:32:29.225
[NORMAL VOICE] I was a double major...
749
00:32:29.250 --> 00:32:30.689
art history and German.
750
00:32:30.714 --> 00:32:32.478
- Ah.
- I went to SUNY Purchase.
751
00:32:34.824 --> 00:32:36.614
You never asked.
752
00:32:39.321 --> 00:32:40.989
[SIGHS]
753
00:32:41.880 --> 00:32:45.091
Oh, well, I'm sorry. I've kind
of been hit with a lot recently.
754
00:32:46.325 --> 00:32:47.497
[SCOFFS]
755
00:32:47.560 --> 00:32:53.543
♪♪
756
00:33:11.993 --> 00:33:12.993
I get it.
757
00:33:13.251 --> 00:33:14.925
I didn't play "Dungeons & Dragons,"
758
00:33:14.950 --> 00:33:17.027
and somehow that makes
me a bully, right?
759
00:33:17.052 --> 00:33:18.845
Well, guess what? I
don't need to pretend
760
00:33:18.870 --> 00:33:20.480
to be somebody else
to have a good time.
761
00:33:20.505 --> 00:33:22.074
[BRITISH ACCENT] Well,
perhaps this pretending
762
00:33:22.099 --> 00:33:23.769
be more authentic to who they are
763
00:33:23.794 --> 00:33:26.144
than what thou dost believe
is so real out there.
764
00:33:26.433 --> 00:33:27.879
What would you know about it?
765
00:33:27.904 --> 00:33:30.090
You mix Shakespeare with
fart jokes for a living.
766
00:33:30.115 --> 00:33:31.168
Aha!
767
00:33:31.193 --> 00:33:32.668
Thou hast been paying attention.
768
00:33:32.693 --> 00:33:35.780
Oh, God save the queen!
769
00:33:35.805 --> 00:33:37.769
ALL: God save the queen!
770
00:33:38.743 --> 00:33:39.743
Again?
771
00:33:39.768 --> 00:33:42.146
Good lady, please step aside.
772
00:33:42.171 --> 00:33:44.144
I'm expected at the joust.
773
00:33:44.169 --> 00:33:45.918
Here we go.
774
00:33:46.516 --> 00:33:48.566
Do I detect a hint of defiance
775
00:33:48.591 --> 00:33:50.676
against Her Majesty the Queen?
776
00:33:50.701 --> 00:33:52.496
Nay, girl. I was just going.
777
00:33:52.521 --> 00:33:55.074
Too bad our Lord
Executioner, Lady Helen,
778
00:33:55.099 --> 00:33:57.129
did not attend the faire on this day.
779
00:33:57.621 --> 00:33:59.238
We could've had a public flogging.
780
00:33:59.263 --> 00:34:02.224
[LAUGHTER]
781
00:34:02.249 --> 00:34:03.933
Not to, again,
782
00:34:03.958 --> 00:34:06.753
point out a hole in your
little reenactment here,
783
00:34:06.778 --> 00:34:09.269
but you do know that
there never would've been
784
00:34:09.294 --> 00:34:11.941
a female Lord Executioner
in your time, right?
785
00:34:12.091 --> 00:34:14.402
Well, as I'm the most
powerful woman in the land,
786
00:34:14.427 --> 00:34:15.472
mayhaps anything is...
787
00:34:15.497 --> 00:34:18.285
- Was.
- Is possible.
788
00:34:18.393 --> 00:34:20.488
I could lead the flogging, my queen.
789
00:34:20.513 --> 00:34:24.730
Nay. Sadly, Lady Helen holds
the key to the prop shed.
790
00:34:25.393 --> 00:34:27.687
- Where be she anyway?
- Mayhap she decided
791
00:34:27.712 --> 00:34:29.465
that this particular Queen Elizabeth
792
00:34:29.490 --> 00:34:31.644
be a wit too aggro to deal with.
793
00:34:31.669 --> 00:34:34.840
ERIN: Ugh, Amanda. Thank God.
794
00:34:35.056 --> 00:34:37.261
- Erin?
- We were so worried.
795
00:34:40.205 --> 00:34:43.087
Why... Why... Why are you so dirty?
796
00:34:43.581 --> 00:34:44.735
And damp?
797
00:34:45.158 --> 00:34:46.751
And dressed like a poor?
798
00:34:46.985 --> 00:34:50.665
Well, I guess that would
be a fare the well for good.
799
00:34:51.625 --> 00:34:52.626
Courtiers.
800
00:34:52.677 --> 00:34:55.165
[FANFARE PLAYS]
801
00:34:55.190 --> 00:34:56.422
Good riddance.
802
00:34:56.579 --> 00:34:58.204
"Troilus and Cressida."
803
00:34:59.776 --> 00:35:00.969
[NORMAL VOICE] Google it.
804
00:35:03.090 --> 00:35:05.508
Don't even want to know
what that was about.
805
00:35:05.533 --> 00:35:06.701
How did you find me?
806
00:35:06.976 --> 00:35:08.110
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
807
00:35:08.135 --> 00:35:09.844
You mean after looking for you all night
808
00:35:09.869 --> 00:35:11.016
and calling the police
809
00:35:11.041 --> 00:35:13.766
and having to drug Mom more than usual?
810
00:35:13.837 --> 00:35:15.881
I saw the tricycle on
the side of the road.
811
00:35:15.906 --> 00:35:19.200
I thought you were dead until
I saw the themed-wedding people.
812
00:35:19.225 --> 00:35:21.258
I ran back and grabbed one
of your gifts from the suite.
813
00:35:21.283 --> 00:35:22.524
I can't show up to a
wedding empty-handed.
814
00:35:22.549 --> 00:35:23.759
Erin, it's not a wedding.
815
00:35:23.784 --> 00:35:25.202
It's a... It's a Ren Faire,
816
00:35:25.227 --> 00:35:26.938
a Renaissance Festival.
817
00:35:27.719 --> 00:35:29.352
I don't know what you mean,
but you'll tell me later.
818
00:35:29.377 --> 00:35:30.920
- Let's go.
- Stick.
819
00:35:30.945 --> 00:35:32.071
- What are you doing?
- Erin, it's fine.
820
00:35:32.096 --> 00:35:33.188
Stick. Stick!
821
00:35:33.213 --> 00:35:34.251
Poke me again, weirdo.
822
00:35:34.276 --> 00:35:35.751
Stick, not now.
823
00:35:37.888 --> 00:35:39.258
What's with the stick?
824
00:35:39.939 --> 00:35:41.766
He's just trying to play with you.
825
00:35:41.871 --> 00:35:44.040
Play? Like mug?
826
00:35:44.065 --> 00:35:45.868
Well, he's... he's harmless.
827
00:35:45.893 --> 00:35:47.649
He's performing.
828
00:35:48.554 --> 00:35:50.337
What the... are you talking about?
829
00:35:51.229 --> 00:35:53.356
Listen, Mom called Dr. Bloom.
830
00:35:53.381 --> 00:35:55.174
She's waiting to see you in the city.
831
00:35:55.199 --> 00:35:56.743
We can be there in a few hours.
832
00:35:56.768 --> 00:35:59.282
People upstate are so overweight.
833
00:35:59.307 --> 00:36:01.047
Mom, I told you to
wait out in the car.
834
00:36:01.072 --> 00:36:02.891
All right, time to cut the ..., dear.
835
00:36:03.775 --> 00:36:05.694
- Brett has been crying.
- Oh.
836
00:36:05.719 --> 00:36:08.720
Now, you'll go together to
Dr. Bloom, and you'll work it out.
837
00:36:08.745 --> 00:36:09.906
- Together?
- Mm-hmm.
838
00:36:09.931 --> 00:36:11.063
Mom, do you even know what happened?
839
00:36:11.088 --> 00:36:12.344
Oh, yeah,
840
00:36:12.369 --> 00:36:14.039
everyone knows what happened, darling.
841
00:36:14.064 --> 00:36:15.899
It meant nothing.
One last hurrah.
842
00:36:15.924 --> 00:36:17.289
I see you got his side already.
843
00:36:17.314 --> 00:36:19.977
Guys like Brett don't just
show up on JSwipe every day.
844
00:36:20.002 --> 00:36:21.016
Trust me.
845
00:36:21.095 --> 00:36:23.031
You're playing this all wrong, dear.
846
00:36:23.056 --> 00:36:25.219
When Erin's father cheated on me
847
00:36:25.244 --> 00:36:27.497
[CHUCKLES] I got a schooner.
848
00:36:27.575 --> 00:36:29.899
You're almost geriatric,
as far as fertility.
849
00:36:29.924 --> 00:36:31.634
I can hear your eggs cracking,
850
00:36:31.659 --> 00:36:34.110
and Erin's IVF put a real
dent in my safari budget.
851
00:36:34.135 --> 00:36:35.789
- Shut up, Mom.
- Well, it's true.
852
00:36:36.563 --> 00:36:39.969
Do you really want to throw
away everything you almost had?
853
00:36:42.566 --> 00:36:43.566
I...
854
00:36:45.552 --> 00:36:46.552
don't know.
855
00:36:47.819 --> 00:36:48.819
[SCOFFS]
856
00:36:52.725 --> 00:36:54.633
Okay, this place is skeeving me out.
857
00:36:54.834 --> 00:36:56.242
I did everything.
858
00:36:56.267 --> 00:36:57.267
What?
859
00:36:58.347 --> 00:37:00.684
Everything was the best.
Everything was perfect.
860
00:37:01.027 --> 00:37:02.590
- Well...
- And for what?
861
00:37:03.029 --> 00:37:05.012
So I could walk
in on my perfect fiancé
862
00:37:05.037 --> 00:37:06.301
getting a perfect...
863
00:37:06.537 --> 00:37:08.754
an hour before my perfect ceremony?
864
00:37:09.319 --> 00:37:11.363
Or maybe so I can be
just like you, Erin...
865
00:37:11.388 --> 00:37:13.473
married and mean and
dragging my yoga ass
866
00:37:13.498 --> 00:37:15.709
to Balthazar every Sunday
with my bitchy friends
867
00:37:15.734 --> 00:37:17.356
so we can whine about private schools
868
00:37:17.381 --> 00:37:18.598
and how much we hate our husbands.
869
00:37:18.623 --> 00:37:19.816
I hate Balthazar.
870
00:37:19.841 --> 00:37:21.426
You hate everything!
871
00:37:21.663 --> 00:37:22.910
Mandy, darling,
872
00:37:22.935 --> 00:37:27.020
we can fix this without
anyone even knowing.
873
00:37:27.045 --> 00:37:28.871
Like good plastic surgery.
874
00:37:28.896 --> 00:37:30.035
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
875
00:37:30.060 --> 00:37:32.785
Which we should talk about.
876
00:37:32.825 --> 00:37:35.316
Um, under chin.
877
00:37:39.219 --> 00:37:40.676
I think you're beautiful.
878
00:37:40.701 --> 00:37:44.788
♪♪
879
00:37:45.374 --> 00:37:46.582
[SIGHS]
880
00:37:51.810 --> 00:37:53.824
I'm not going back with you.
881
00:37:54.620 --> 00:37:55.620
BOTH: What?
882
00:37:58.367 --> 00:38:00.629
I'm staying. Here.
883
00:38:01.941 --> 00:38:04.520
Nay. Hither.
884
00:38:04.545 --> 00:38:06.856
Isn't this someone else's wedding?
885
00:38:06.881 --> 00:38:08.996
What do you mean?
That's ridiculous.
886
00:38:09.021 --> 00:38:10.777
[LAUGHING] Maybe it is ridiculous.
887
00:38:11.389 --> 00:38:14.676
And maybe it's not perfect
for once in my life.
888
00:38:15.013 --> 00:38:16.682
And maybe if I
don't go back with you,
889
00:38:16.707 --> 00:38:20.395
then... then... then m-maybe, uh...
890
00:38:21.532 --> 00:38:26.395
I'll... find my leidenschaft.
891
00:38:26.420 --> 00:38:27.863
[BOTH GASP]
892
00:38:27.888 --> 00:38:30.433
Veyismir, she's speaking German.
893
00:38:30.458 --> 00:38:34.012
I wasn't gonna tell you this,
but people are mad, Amanda.
894
00:38:34.037 --> 00:38:36.498
Brett made a mistake,
but you made a mess
895
00:38:36.523 --> 00:38:37.699
and just ran away.
896
00:38:39.864 --> 00:38:40.864
Come on, Mom.
897
00:38:44.727 --> 00:38:46.809
You had such a nice prenup.
898
00:38:46.834 --> 00:38:47.840
ERIN: Mom!
899
00:38:48.348 --> 00:38:49.348
[SIGHS]
900
00:38:52.076 --> 00:38:55.777
♪♪
901
00:38:56.495 --> 00:38:57.777
Stick?
902
00:38:59.479 --> 00:39:02.520
♪♪
903
00:39:02.545 --> 00:39:03.856
Scotch?
904
00:39:04.748 --> 00:39:10.473
♪♪
905
00:39:21.134 --> 00:39:24.345
Mmm, God, that's good.
906
00:39:25.130 --> 00:39:27.681
It's so nice not to have
my mother mouthing at me
907
00:39:27.706 --> 00:39:29.892
across the table, "Stop eating."
908
00:39:29.917 --> 00:39:31.919
- That's awful.
- You think that's awful?
909
00:39:31.944 --> 00:39:34.376
She fired my favorite nanny
because she was too pretty.
910
00:39:35.729 --> 00:39:36.931
I loved Hilda.
911
00:39:37.530 --> 00:39:39.806
Oh, honey, of course you did.
912
00:39:39.831 --> 00:39:41.119
And Hilda loved you.
913
00:39:41.144 --> 00:39:42.562
This is like camp.
914
00:39:42.674 --> 00:39:45.728
I mean, it is camp. We camp.
915
00:39:45.753 --> 00:39:47.494
[SLURRING] I was gonna be a counselor,
916
00:39:47.519 --> 00:39:49.892
but then I did a summer
immersion at the Sorbonne.
917
00:39:50.031 --> 00:39:52.306
I ate so much bread.
918
00:39:52.331 --> 00:39:54.625
And, oh, Tiffany blue accents.
919
00:39:54.650 --> 00:39:56.728
I got the sweetest little mason jars,
920
00:39:56.753 --> 00:39:58.111
and we just, like, set them around,
921
00:39:58.136 --> 00:40:00.220
and we had, like, a
citronella perimeter getting...
922
00:40:00.363 --> 00:40:01.595
it was gonna...
923
00:40:01.620 --> 00:40:03.080
it was gonna be really good.
924
00:40:03.105 --> 00:40:05.236
Erin thinks that she's so cool
925
00:40:05.261 --> 00:40:07.721
because she has a summer
house in the Hamptons.
926
00:40:07.746 --> 00:40:10.207
I mean, she's not even
north of the highway.
927
00:40:10.232 --> 00:40:11.689
[NORMAL VOICE] You know,
ma'am, I'm an alcoholic,
928
00:40:11.714 --> 00:40:13.095
and even I think you should slow down.
929
00:40:13.120 --> 00:40:14.205
Lightweight.
930
00:40:14.230 --> 00:40:16.439
So, you speak French.
931
00:40:16.464 --> 00:40:18.665
- Oui.
- I speak German.
932
00:40:18.690 --> 00:40:19.915
- Do you?
- Yeah, I told you.
933
00:40:19.940 --> 00:40:21.503
- I was a double major.
- Gotcha.
934
00:40:21.911 --> 00:40:24.502
Brett used to leave all these
teensy, tiny, little hairs
935
00:40:24.527 --> 00:40:25.744
all over the sink.
936
00:40:25.962 --> 00:40:27.877
Beard or pubes?
Beard or pubes?
937
00:40:27.902 --> 00:40:28.908
I don't know which... I don't...
938
00:40:28.933 --> 00:40:30.226
I don't want to play that game.
939
00:40:30.333 --> 00:40:31.557
I love that game.
940
00:40:31.946 --> 00:40:33.674
Does he not love me anymore?
941
00:40:33.806 --> 00:40:35.432
Why does he not love me?
942
00:40:36.623 --> 00:40:38.135
Ah, I win.
943
00:40:38.167 --> 00:40:40.377
- Regret that immediately.
- Oh, yeah.
944
00:40:40.402 --> 00:40:41.643
I give great...
945
00:40:42.767 --> 00:40:44.104
I learned from a gay guy.
946
00:40:44.129 --> 00:40:46.006
I swirl under the helmet.
947
00:40:46.031 --> 00:40:47.127
I rule.
948
00:40:51.985 --> 00:40:53.650
Have you ever been in love?
949
00:40:55.183 --> 00:40:56.705
I have, yeah.
950
00:40:56.730 --> 00:40:57.893
Me, too.
951
00:40:58.625 --> 00:41:00.088
[SIGHS]
952
00:41:02.454 --> 00:41:04.580
This doesn't end in an orgy, does it?
953
00:41:05.290 --> 00:41:07.025
Not on Sundays.
954
00:41:10.853 --> 00:41:13.354
Can you imagine biting
off your own tongue?
955
00:41:13.517 --> 00:41:14.955
She's been out since yesterday.
956
00:41:14.980 --> 00:41:16.955
Every summer, these
wild Ren Faire people
957
00:41:16.980 --> 00:41:18.440
get into all kinds of trouble.
958
00:41:18.595 --> 00:41:20.221
She had these business
cards in her pouch
959
00:41:20.246 --> 00:41:22.736
that said, "Ye Old Lord Executioner...
960
00:41:22.761 --> 00:41:24.525
for all of your torturous needs,"
961
00:41:24.768 --> 00:41:25.794
whatever that means.
962
00:41:25.819 --> 00:41:27.655
S&M, obviously.
963
00:41:27.680 --> 00:41:28.729
[CLICKS TONGUE]
964
00:41:28.754 --> 00:41:30.471
Ugh, nothing but losers,
965
00:41:30.496 --> 00:41:32.164
weirdos, and sex freaks...
966
00:41:32.189 --> 00:41:34.283
real fringy people, you know.
967
00:41:35.867 --> 00:41:37.283
I do love the turkey legs, though.
968
00:41:37.308 --> 00:41:38.935
Oh, sure. Everyone does.
969
00:41:38.960 --> 00:41:39.986
Mm.
65704
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