All language subtitles for will_and_grace.2x23.2x24.ben_her.dvdrip_xvid-fov

Melanie Weaver is getting married?
I went to college with her.

What does it mean when
lesbians are getting married before me?

- Look at that. I'm five for five.
- What's that?

It's this test.
the five pillars of happiness.

Supposed to determine
the level of contentment in your life.

And it comes with a lotion sample.
so you know it's scientific.

I can't believe you would
evaluate your life

based on something
in the Lifestyle section.

Okay. that was obligatory.
Bring it on.

The first pillar is health.

I gave myself a big yes.
'cause I just had my physical.

Everything's where it's supposed
to be. I'm running every day. and...

well. Iook at those calves. It's like
my knees swallowed a grapefruit.

Your turn.

I think I'm hypoglycemic.
I'm always tired and I can't poop.

I would give that a "no."

Okay. pillar number two is family.

- That's a big yes. You?
- Well. Let's see.

My mother's idea of bonding
is making me scratch her back.

and for my last birthday.
my father gave me gum.

That's another "no" for Grace.

Moving on. Iove life.

- Another "no" for Grace.
- Excuse me!

No. you can mark that "yes."
thank you.

Josh and I are doing great.

I mean. it's not perfect.
but we care about each other very much.

Grace? Hey.
what are you doing?

You left an hour ago to get bagels.

Here.

Toast 'em up. I'll be back in 15.

Okay. honey.
Uh. your laundry is almost done.

Well. you get
a "no" on love life. too.

Actually. I haven't told you this yet. but
there's this lawyer. Alex.

We've only had one date.
but I'm already seeing

2.5 Jack Russell terriers
and his-and-his SUVs in my future.

Yeah. yeah. okay. Next.

Okay. pillar number four.
friendships.

- Okay. now we're talking.
- No. no. no. no.

Note the "s."
Friendships.

They're talking more
than just you and me.

This test sucks.

And the final pillar is work.
I love my job.

I work with a lush
who insults me.

Okay. final tally is...

Will.
Dee-de-de-lee-dee-dee

Grace.
Waa-waa-waa.

You're not that happy.

I've known you a very long time.
There's always something bugging you.

Come on. think hard.

- What is rotten in your life?
- I don't know.

My life is-- okay.
actually. there is something.

I don't like how you've stopped
having lunch with me at my office.

You know why that is.
I hate the view.

Really? I thought
it was because you hated Ben.

That's what I meant.
the view of Ben.

Okay. I'll tell you what.
We'll have him over.

I'll make dinner.
and all you have to make is nice.

Think you can do that?

- I can make nice.
- All right.

I'm always nice.

- Sweetie. the bagels are ready.
- Call me when they're cream-cheesed.

- Love you.
- Uh-huh.

( theme music playing )

And Cook. Iisten. tell Butler to
tell Gardener to stay out of my kitchen

If he wants a snack

he can root around the terrace for grubs
and berries like the rest of the help.

Now get back to work.

Hey Care Bear.

Something's bothering me.
Can we talk?

Sure. honey.
Hey. are you wearing make-up?

Nothing. really.
just a little man-tan.

- Your eyelashes look good. too.
- Thanks.

I'm wearing individuals.

I'm concerned. Um...

does Rosario seem different to you?

Come to think of it. she sent me
to work today with a juice box.

I guess that means Mason went
to school with a thermos full of Stoli.

She's distant.
she's distracted.

She's getting a little handsy
in her sleep.

Last night. she rolled over and shook
hands with Master Harold and the Boys.

And let me tell you.
they were not amused.

I know. honey. but listen.

it's been my experience that when
problems arise between husband and wife.

one should never
point the finger of blame

because it's always
the husband's fault.

I know what it is.

Doilet-toilet.

I forgot our anniversary.

How insensitive of me.

This is my wife.
my significant otra.

That's good. honey. Why don't you
just run home right now

and tell her
how much she means to you?

I would.
but I have a date with Fernando.

Oh.

Well. then. why don't you
pick up a little something.

and bring it to her tonight? Something
she'd love. Iike pork or Tinactin.

No. not that.

It has to be
a more meaningful gift.

I don't know. what's the traditional
first anniversary gift?

Ooh. well. Iet me try
to remember.

For my first
anniversary. I got...

a million dollars in cash.

Paper. it's paper!

Paper? Paper is so blah.

Let me tell you.

when the gays can get married.
that's the first thing that goes.

So we're at this dim sum
restaurant downtown.

- and they have this thing called bao--
- Yes. I know what bao is.

I spent the summer
at the Culinary lnstitute in Hong Kong.

Personally. I prefer har gow.

- Okay. not the point of the story.
- Will: Anyway...

so she decides to have
some fun with the waiter.

so she says. "What are these white
puffy things?" And he says "Bao."

So. I do.

- "Okay. but what are they called?"
- Bao.

- "Okay. but what are they called?"
- Bao!

She did it like five or six times.

( Will and Grace laughing )

It was a very funny story.

I guess the humor
was derived from two things:

One, that the two words
sounded the same;

two. that you made fun of someone
who doesn't speak English very well.

Funny people think it's funny.

Really?
How would you know?

You know what.
Benjamin?

What do you want me to say.
bow wow?

All right. all right. all right.
all right. all right. all right.

Don't make me turn this car around
or we're going home without ice cream!

(phone rings )

Hello.

Hi. Alex.
I was just thinking about you.

Okay. I wasn't.
but I certainly am now.

Let me take this outside.

( laughs )

- It bugs you. doesn't it?
- What?

When you're not
the center of attention?

It kills you. I can tell.

- You think so?
- Mmm.

I know you. Ben.

You're so focused on yourself
and your whole Ben Doucette thing.

But do you ever think
of anyone else?

Have you ever stopped
to ask someone else what's up?

What's up. Grace?

No. I don't think so.
that's not gonna work with me.

We're talking about you.

All right. fine.
What do you want to know?

How about something real?

Something
that doesn't involve the words

"Porsche." "beach house"
or "what's-her-name?"

Mmm.
Okay. something real.

Well.
I've been married twice--

first to the love of my life.
who died 10 years ago.

then to a woman
who reminded me of my first wife.

but was. I found out.
nothing like her.

I have two beautiful kids. one who's crazy
about me and one who's not.

And somehow.
driving my Porsche

to my beach house
with what's-her-name.

doesn't quite make up for the fact
that the things I really want in my life

are exactly
what's missing from it.

Wow.

Is that true?

All but the Porsche part.
I drive a Mercedes now.

S-Class.

Any more questions.
Grace?

Um...
how's the lamb?

I made it.
you know?

It's really good. Grace.
It's good.

Date number two is set.
The romance pillar is a little firmer--

Iet me rephrase that.

Uh-oh.

Grace. you didn't tell
the irregular pantyhose story. did you?

There was something
in the air tonight

The stars were bright.
Fernando.

What?

( sighs )
You know what?

Who needs brains
when you can lick your own eyebrows?

Why did you give the flowers
to the womens?

You like the mens.

'Nando.
Poor naive 'Nando

See Rosario married me
to get a Green card.

But as long as I'm married to her

I get a platinum card. a Barney's card

and a Hallmark card that says
"Welcome to Easy Street".

So I gotta keep the little women happy.

Now let me just give these to my wife. and
then we'll go make out.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Cha Cha.
what are you doing home?

I thought you had
a date with Dennis.

( mocks spitting )

Not till 10:00.

Anyway. Rosie. um...

I know you're upset
because I forgot our anniversary.

but I'm just hoping
that this will make up for it.

Oh. so sweet.

And since paper is the traditional
first anniversary gift...

Oh. Bounty.

Now I can cross it off my list.

Happy anniversary.
Rosebud.

Don't wait up.

Is it safe?

My husband's gone.
but I would not say that it is safe.

my little cup
of crema de cacahuates.

Rosie. can I have some cash--

Jennifer Love Hewitt!
What the hell is going on here?!

What can I say. chica?
The heart wants what it wants.

But you and Gardener?

We're in love.
We want to get married.

Well. I guess it's clear.

I'm the only one in this relationship who
values the sanctity of marriage.

Come on. Fernando!

Mr. Zamir?

- Mr. Zamir!
- What? What?

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

I was walking my dog.

- What dog?
- Uh. where did he go?

( makes kissing sounds )

Doggy. doggy. doggy.
Doggy. doggy. doggy.

You were hunched over.
reading a personal card to Grace.

I would never do something
like that. It is wrong.

I'm glad you realize that.

So. she has slept with a guy
with named Ben last night.

Let me see that.

Uh. that's a filthy note.

but also tender
and gentle in spots.

That Ben is a smooth operator.

Grace and Ben?

- Hey.
- Will. what are you doing?

I was helping Mr. Zamir
look for his dog.

I don't have a dog.

You and Ben?

Hey. you're the one
who wanted us to make nice.

We did.
We made nice. Twice.

You are unbelievable.

You're the second guy to tell me
that in the last 12 hours.

Come on. Iaugh.

Grace. he's my boss.

Obviously. I didn't plan
this thing with Ben. It just happened.

It was just this wild chemical.

"ripping off of a pair
of $50 panties" kind of thing.

Thank you. Grace.

That'll go next to the visual of my
grandmother getting out of the tub.

Don't make me
feel bad about this.

Ben's a great guy.

Besides. you have all five
pillars of happiness.

Let me have this one.

But my boss? I mean.
did you stop for one minute to--

you know what?
I'm not gonna do this.

This is your life.
your decision. Enjoy it.

Oh. Will. the passive-aggressive
gay man. it's been done.

No. no. no. no.
This is relaxed fit gay man.

I'm serious. I'm making a whole
new choice with this conversation.

See Ben.
Honestly. it's fine.

All right.
I'm gonna take you at your word.

because I do want
to keep seeing him.

Good. Terrific. have fun.
Just leave me out of it.

Last thing I need in my life
right now is somebody else's drama.

My wife is cheating on me!
My life is ruined! Will. help me!

Enter the drama queen.
exit the neighbor.

Can you believe this?

She wants to divorce me
and marry Gardener.

I'm out on the street!

That's shocking. Is there any way
you can tell me about this

without screeching
like a howler monkey?

You know what?
I don't need you!

I have plenty of friends who would be more
than happy to help me through this!

Goodbye!

You don't even pretend
to leave anymore. do you?

This is serious. Will.

I am about to lose everything.
and I have a dog and a bird to support.

Jack. it was
a sham marriage.

What are you going to do?
Take Karen to court and demand

she keep you in the lifestyle to which
you've become accustomed?

I'm not talking about--
I don't--

can I really do that?

Mr. Doucette said
that you should review the Blumen file.

- Where is it?
- I don't know. ask his assistant.

- You are his assistant.
- I just said I didn't know.

Wow. is that your fun side?

I'm just asking.
'cause I wouldn't want to miss it.

( sighs )

( romantic jazz music playing )

- ( Grace laughs )
- You should consider yourself lucky.

Why is that?

'Cause I get about $500 an hour
for the work I do at this table.

That's it? I wouldn't
get out of bed for $500.

Really?
Will you take a check?

All right. you either said
something very romantic.

or you called me a prostitute.

- Whatever. sounded good.
- Yeah.

How you doing. Truman?

Hi. Will.

What can I do for you?

Oh. I was just looking
for the Blumen file.

but hey.
Mr. Blumen can wait.

One more day in a Turkish prison
never hurt anybody.

Okay. okay. I'll get it for you.
It's in my office.

- You want to cut in?
- Uh.

- No. thank you. I'd rather not.
- Aw. come on. cut in.

This lady's gotta dance.

See you later. sweetheart.
You too. Grace.

Oh. please. with the look.
How many times did I have to watch

you and Michael do
"Summer Loving" from "Grease"?

That wasn't a look.
I was just looking at your skirt.

Shouldn't you be
on the dashboard of a cab. going...

It's amazing. you know.

when things are working
in the relationship department.

all those other pillars
just fall into place.

Me and my family
are getting along.

- I'm loving my job again.
- Yeah. what about your health?

Health's better too.
but that's not Ben. that's bran.

Hello. Karen.
Hello. Grace.

I am here on business.

Oh. great. Put me down
for two boxes of the Thin Mints.

Okay. different business.

Damn. now I want a cookie.
Okay. I'll be back.

This is in regard to the very tragic

and devastating collapse
of my marriage to Rosario.

It's the laughter you'll remember.
honey. Let's go buy make-up.

And... even though
one could never

put a price on the pain
and suffering this has caused me.

one has.

Jack. I don't read.
I'm read to.

Very well. Item one.
$500.000 paid to me by you

over the next four years.
preferably in 50s.

Item two. A Shetland pony
dyed powder blue to match my eyes.

Item three.
powder blue eyes.

- Item four--
- Wait a minute. wait a minute. Blanche!

I'm still on item one.
500.000 in 50s?

Yeah. I've always been turned on
by one Benji Franklin.

He wasn't afraid to wear his hair
up and away from the face.

Franklin's on the 100.
you mook.

And where do you get off
asking me for 500K?

Do you know how many times
I had to...

( pants )
"Oh my God. Stan!"

( screams )
...to get that?

Well. we did have a contract.

I gave you a year of my life
so Rosario could stay in the country.

I don't think a trust fund
and a Corvette is too much to ask for.

Are you kidding me with this?

I plucked you out
of a 4x4 hovel

above a blinking light
in Times Square.

and I put you in a 6x6 maid's quarters
on Park Avenue.

- and this is the thanks I get?!
- ( gasps )

Hey. you got something
out of this too. Missy.

Who read "Valley of the Dolls"
to your kids every night?

Who distracted Stan for you
on Oyster Tuesdays?

Me. It was me.

Now I want my 500.000 in 50s!
50s with Ben Franklin on 'em!

You know.
you should think very carefully

about what you're asking for.
Miss Gurley Brown.

You've got a good thing
going here.

and if you think that you can just
shamelessly siphon cash off a loved one

Iike I'm doing with my husband.
you've got another thing comin'!

I want my money.

You ain't getting 88 cents
from me. Rose.

Very well.
I will see you in court.

By the way. your boobs
look great today.

It's a custom-made Jean Claus. came in
from Paris yesterday. Get outta here!

And at that point. the arbitrator will hear
your side and Karen's side.

and then he'll render his decision.

But Jack. you've got to be
more reasonable in your demands.

You can't. for instance ask for

all of Karen's camisoles.

Why do you want them anyway?

For Halloween.

Me and 12 of my gym buddies
want to go as an East Side brothel.

And you will never get
this amount of money.

I know it was
a little excessive.

but then just get me enough
for the essentials. okay?

Like food.
clothing and bikini waxes.

Well. that was good.
That way we all win.

( phone rings )

Hello. Alex. hi!

I'm so sorry about last night.
I couldn't get out--

Tomorrow brunch?
I will be there.

I will absolutely be there.
Okay, bye.

Jack.
he's straight and married.

Yeah. so I am.

- (jazz music playing )
- Oh. good. Grace is here.

I'm gonna go tell her
about Alex.

Oh. you gotta go tell
your wife about your boyfriend.

( Jack blows a raspberry )

Spooky.

What?

When you said that.
you looked just like a woman.

Gracie. good news--

oh. you're not Gracie.

And this is not good news.

(phone rings )

Hello.

Hey, it's Alex.
Where are you?

Ooh. were we having
brunch today?

I thought we were having brunch
on your birthday.

Today is my birthday.

Ooh! I've got to break some really bad
news to a friend of mine.

Is there any way we could
reschedule your birthday?

'Cause you seem
more like a Libra to me anyway.

Okay, Will,
why don't youjust tell me now?

You're actually
a straight married man

with three kids
who has no intention ofdating me again.

Nothing could be
further from the truth.

Morning. sweetie.
Oh my God. is that bacon?

I love you.
I love you. I love you.

Alex I'll call you back tonight.
I'm so sorry.

What's going on?

Bacon. pancakes.

You put a chocolate chip
smiley face on them

this would be the meal
you make to cheer me up.

But I don't need cheering up.

Ask me Why.

Okay. here's a hint.

Check the outfit.

You picked up a shift at Long John Silver?

I'm going yachting.

Yes. that's right. I yacht now.

But you're Jewish.

Hello? Have you ever heard
of a little boat called the Ark?

Did I mention that it's Ben's yacht?

- Now about Ben.
- Oh. thanks I should Carbo load

drinking Martinis and having
sunscreen applied to your back

really takes it out of you.

Remember when you first met Ben

how you really. really hated him?

Yeah. now I really. really like him.

You know what else I really. really like?

Bacon. Where you hiding it chief?

Remember how you said
he was slick and slippery

and you wouldn't trust him as far as you
could throw The Commish?

I guess I was wrong.

Gosh Will. it is so great to
date a guy who's grown up.

Who's secure with who he is.

who isn't emotionally needy.

Who owns a big ass yacht.

I don't know. you are a pretty
good judge of people.

You hated Dr. Laura long before
the rest of the world did.

- Okay. taking these to go.
- What? Why?

I'm not gonna let you do that thing

where you chip away at a guy I'm dating.

I start to question and we break up

and then I'm back to flirting with the
manager at Blockbuster again.

I'm just trying to...

Just try to be happy for me okay.
that's what friends do.

Friends don'tjudge

and friends don't criticize.

And most importantly

friends do not let me leave the house

Iooking like the little boy on
the Cracker Jack box.

My God. what the hell were you thinking?

Will. I need to see you for a moment.

Great. I need to see you too.

- Can I get you anything else?
- No thanks.

I'd like a Diet Coke. no ice.

I'd like a date with Denzel.
but that's not gonna happen either.

Ben. I'm in
an awkward position here.

I know. so I'm gonna
make this easy for you.

This inappropriate behavior
is gonna stop immediately

before someone gets hurt.

Wow.
I couldn't agree more.

Good. I'm glad
we talked about this.

- Yeah. so you'll stop.
- Why would I stop?

I'm not the one representing Jack against
our client. Karen Walker.

No. you're the one
who's cheating on Grace.

- Is that what we're talking about?
- Yeah.

Then why are we
still holding hands?

Will. I really don't see
where this thing with Grace

is any of your business.

Really?
Give me a second.

My boss plus my best friend
divided by chippy on the table--

yeah. that comes out
to my business.

Check your math.
You work for my business.

A business which bills seven
figures a year. from Walker. Inc.

So if you're gonna be
representing anybody.

you're gonna be
representing them.

- No. I'm not.
- Yes. you are.

- No. I'm not.
- Yes. you are.

No. I'm not!

You know. it's kind of ironic.

35 years of legal experience
between us.

and this is the way we argue.

- And yes. you are!
- No. no. no!

Forget it. You want to talk about conflict of
interest. that's one thing.

but I am not going down
that road again

where you pit me
against one of my friends.

Will. I hate to reopen
an old discussion.

but yes. you are!

So basically. you're taking
my two best friends.

screwing over one of them and telling
me I have to screw over the other.

It's amazing. all this screwing.
you'd think somebody would be happy.

Here's your problem. Will.

You've let your personal life
interfere with your business life.

Now. I take some
responsibility here.

After all. I am schtupping
your best friend.

But you have to set
boundaries.

You know what?
You're absolutely right.

and I'm about to set
a very big boundary. I quit.

- No. you don't.
- Oh. yes. I do.

Jack:
There's something I need to tell you.

Mommy and Daddy.

well. we've decided
to live apart.

Now. this doesn't mean
we don't love you.

In fact. it was because of you that
we stayed together as long as we did.

But in this crazy.
mixed up world.

how long can a marriage
between a Salvadoran maid

and a West Village
singer-actor-dancer-choreographer last?

( parrot squawks )

It's not your fault. okay?
It's not anyone's fault.

But. Iet's face it.
Mommy's a whore.

Mommy cheated on Daddy

and Mommy's going to hell.

Hey. poodle.

What the hell
are you doing here?

Isn't it enough you destroyed me
in arbitration today?

You have to come and gloat
over your victory?

Oh. Jack.
I wouldn't do that.

You know I can't hide
anything from you.

You've got nothing. nothing!

( laughs. grunts )

Yeah.

Go ahead. Iaugh.

Laugh at my pain.
but I'll be the one who laughs last.

- No. you won't.
- No. I won't.

Yeah. but really. is there anything
I can do to make you feel better?

You could apologize.

Oh. I don't want to set
a precedent.

but. Iisten.
I'll tell you what I will do.

On your way out.
Security Guard is gonna frisk you

to make sure
you didn't take any silverware.

Hateful!

I should haul you
back to court for slander!

Karen.

Who let you in?

- Your butler.
- Huh. you mean ex-butler.

Speaking of exes.
you know what's nice?

Being your ex-lawyer.

Yeah. not having to kiss your ass
and pretend you're interesting

is gonna free up a lot of my time.
I might even learn a language.

Honey. if you look
inside this bag.

I'm giving you
a little sign language right now.

- Hey. Jack.
- Oh. hey. Will. hi.

I just want to thank you so much
for your fine work at arbitration today.

Yeah. it was so nice.
Oh. wait a minute.

That wasn't you.
That was the opposing counsel.

I'm sorry.
I just have a lot on my mind

and my life is
in a very weird place right now.

Well. Boo Radley-hoo. Iady.

My freaking world
is collapsing.

Then why did you bring a date
to your divorce hearing?

"I bored. Yack.
Iet's go get a grape juith."

- 'Nando is my rock.
- ( sighs )

And when we're
at a better place.

I have stuff to tell you. It's like
the man does not have hamstrings.

But back to the point.

I am out on the street
and it's all your fault!

I'm sorry. children.
I don't want you to see Daddy cry.

- ( parrot squawks )
- ( Jack crying )

Jack. I'm sorry.

How can I help?
What can I do?

Can two gay men
share an apartment

without driving
each other crazy?

- ( parrot squawks )
- ( dog barks )

Probably not.

You know.
it's not the Four Seasons.

but since life
has given me lemons.

I will drink your lemonade.

With crushed ice. please.

Okay. time to lay down
a few ground rules.

Ooh, good idea.

First rule. if the pad's rocking.
don't come a'knocking.

That's a good rule.
but I was thinking more like.

you take your bags
and your menagerie. Laura.

and... take them
into the back room.

and I won't smother you
in your sleep.

Still waiting
on that limonada.

Well.
while you're waiting.

just make sure that Claus
doesn't make a urinada on the floor.

- I gotta go talk to Grace.
- Oh. Will. Iook. quick thought.

The back bedroom's kinda small.

How about every six months
we switch rooms?

Hey. how about every two months.
you and the bird switch heads?

- Hi. Hi.
- Hi. Hi.

Is this too sexy
for the symphony?

- Uh. probably.
- Good.

Be a shame if the only overture
I got tonight was from Gustav Mahler.

- Get it? Classical humor.
- Yeah. it was very good.

Somewhere. Beverly Sills
is chortling into her cleavage.

Look. there was something
I was trying to say yesterday.

and I didn't and I think
I should say it now.

Sounds important.

It is. so I'm
just gonna say it.

I know you like Ben.
but he's not the guy you think he is.

Sweetie. he's cheating on you.
He's seeing someone else.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- You ready to go?
- Uh-huh.

You look beautiful.

( kissing )

I'm gonna find a vase
and put these in some water.

Ooh. Will.

I am getting a lot of stuff.

If you'd like. Iater.
I can sit with you

and teach you
some calming pranayama.

- You were saying?
- Ben's seeing someone else.

which may not have quite the impact
I thought it would a moment ago.

Oh. yeah. you mean that chick
with the Macy Gray hair?

So. you're okay with this?

Sure. why wouldn't I be?

Well. because...
he's seeing someone else!

And so am l.
and so is Josh--

some girl
with armpit hair. named--

ugh. what is it again?
Hon. what's her name again?

Pond? River?

- Ocean.
- Ocean.

God. the guys I'm dating
date such losers.

Okay. who are you?

You're dating two guys.
and they are seeing other people.

This is not your life.
You're not gay or French.

I know. isn't it great?
I'm naughty.

I'm dating two guys at the same time.
My mother would so not approve.

I can't wait to tell her.

Well. that's--
that's great. I--

I just quit my job over this.
but that's great.

- What?
- I quit my job!

Oh my God. no!
No. you can't!

Hey, we better get going.

My electric car only has
30 minutes left on the charge.

Look. this is just
a huge misunderstanding.

I'll talk to Ben
and I'll straighten the whole thing out.

Come on. honey.
Tick-tock.

Okay. we'll work this out.

You worry about me
too much. mister.

So. you sound tall.
How tall are ya?

I don't know,
six t-- is Will there?

Jack! Alex.
I've not forgotten about our date.

I'm running a little bit behind.
but I will definitely--

Is that guy living with you?

- Yeah!
- No! It's a long story.

You know what? I think I'm done
with your long stories.

In fact, l--
I think I'm done with you.

No. no. Alex. come--
don't hang up. Don't t--

Goodbye.

I blew it.

I'm sorry.
I know you're hurting. buddy.

Thank God I'm here.

He sounded cute.
You think he'd like me?

Uh. that was insensitive.
I'm sorry.

You probably need
a couple hours to mourn.

Remember. black is slimming.

Okay. we plugged the car
into a Chinese restaurant

so I can give you
five more minutes.

Are you okay?

I don't know.
Let's ask the Lifestyle section. huh?

Love life. gone.
Job got in the way.

Job. gone.
Friend got in the way.

Health. something's in the way.
I may have to borrow some of that bran.

And friends...

Okay. okay. I get it.

And I'm so sorry 'cause
I know a lot of this is my fault. but--

but trust me.
I will make it better.

I don't think so.
I-- I don't think you can.

I think this is something
I need to fix myself.

What are you talking about?

We don't fix ourselves.

That's not what we do.

I fix you. you fix me.

So. this is
what we're gonna do.

Tomorrow.
it's all about Krispy Kremes.

blender drinks

and more Krispy Kremes.

So. by the time we're fighting
over the last honey glaze.

everything will seem
so much better.

No. it won't.
I don't think a sugar buzz.

a morning drunk and a stomach ache
is gonna do the trick this time.

I need a change.
I-- I need something different.

You always say that.

and you're always wrong.

Trust me.
I will take care of everything.

( Will sighs )

I got to go.
but everything is gonna be okay.

Right?

- Sure.
- Sure.

I'll see you later.

( shower running )

Sorry I'm late.

A horrible thing happened
on the way from the donut place--

three and half of 'em
disappeared.

Make that four.

What are you yammering about?

I wasn't yammering to you.
Erykah Ba-don't.

I was yammering to Will.

Well. you're gonna have to yammer
a whole lot louder.

Will's gone.
Left on a jet plane.

- What?
- Yeah. she's exhausted.

Her life. Iike her hair.
had become unmanageable.

- Where did he go?
- Uh, some island.

I couldn't really make it out.
I was in there watching the "Creek."

But-- but he--

no. no.

No. no. he would never leave
without telling me.

We didn't do the chicken dance
so the plane wouldn't crash.

No. he would never do that.
That would be totally unlike him.

Well. maybe that's why he did it.

But he--

oh my God.

And since this is my apartment now.
we have a few new ground rules.

Rule number one. if the pad's rocking.
don't come a knocking.

And rule number two.
the pad will always be rocking.

Okay?

Will's voice:
Day one.

What have I done?

I quit myjob,
I left my home, my friends.

I'm all alone
in the middle ofnowhere.

This is the most ridiculous
thing I've ever done.

I kick ass.
This is fantastic.

And the best part is, no one
can reach me, no one can bother me.

- Phone call. Will Truman.
- What?

Hello?
Ben. how did you--

never mind. I--

No. I am not coming back.
I quit. Leave me alone.

Thank you.

Okay, people can reach me.

But still, this feeling
ofremoteness is exhilarating.

I'm experiencing for the first time
what it means to be completely alone.

And you know what?
I think I like it.

- It's rude to hang up on people.
- Ahh!

What the hell
are you doing here?

I didn't hear Tattoo announce you.

- How did you find me?
- I'm me. I can find people.

I hope you like pi�a coladas.
Me. I like getting caught in the rain.

I don't care if you like making love
at midnight. I'm not coming back.

Coming back? What makes you think
I even want you back.

- You just said so on the phone.
- Hear me out.

We have a client who is in a bit
of a dicey tax situation. and--

- mm. mm. mm.
- What?

It's not for you.
It's for me.

He wants to start
an offshore company.

- and this is as good a place as any.
- Forget it.

Come on.
it wouldn't even be like work.

Couple of hours a day. the rest
of the time you work on your tan.

write in your journal.
meet guys.

There's a place down the road
called the Rasta Fairy lnn.

I'm assuming that's for you.

And the whole tab
is paid for by me.

Ben. forget it.
You're wasting your breath.

And by the way.
the Rasta Fairy lnn is not a gay bar.

It's a head shop.
I already checked.

Come on. Truman.
what's it gonna take?

I know there's something
out there I can give you.

- Come on. name it.
- No.

- Ask for anything.
- No.

- Whatever it takes.
- No.

- Piss me off.
- Make me partner.

You're pissing me off now.
Truman.

Nobody makes partner
after six months.

And I want that corner office.
the one that Steve has.

Kick him out. He's homophobic
and he smells like gin and Hai Karate.

I want my name
on the letterhead.

prettier numbers
on my paycheck.

and a no dancing policy
on my conference table.

Where the hell do you get off
asking for all this?

I know you. Ben.

I know you'd never come down here
unless you couldn't do this without me.

So. the way I see it.
you've got two choices.

You can either give me what I want.
or you can take a plane home.

You know. you can be a real jerk
when you want to be. Truman.

I knew I liked you. Deal.

Oh. one more thing. when I get back.
when ever that may be.

I'd like Mrs. Freemen to treat me
a little more politely.

Will. there are limits to what I can do.

Have a nice vacation

- I'll take that drink now.
- No. you won't. Yo!

Grace:
Look at this.

Janet Eisenberg. 33. and David Bromberg.
35. are getting married.

It is the second marriage for both.
Can you believe that?

Uh. I really don't follow
straight society.

Come on. Jack.
it's Sunday morning.

We're supposed
to go through the paper.

You comment on what I read. and then
I will comment on what you read.

Okay. got a little bit
of a problem here.

See. you're trying to make me Will.
and I'm trying to make you disappear.

How about we compromise.
and you make me scrambled eggs?

Jack. Iook where my foot is.

I could scramble
a couple eggs from here.

Oh. Grace. I'm not like
the other men in your life.

I will hit you.

Bring it on. Nancy.

You don't scare me.
I'll pull your hair.

Do whatever you want.

'cause today I'm handing out
lollipops and ass whoppings.

and I'm all out of lollipops.

- I miss Will.
- I do too.

I can't believe things were
so bad that he had to leave.

I just hope he finds
what he's looking for.

Do you think he left
because of me?

Yes. I do.

You know what. Iets just

Iets just try to be really
supportive of one another okay.

Sure. Is there anything
you need from me right now?

No I'm okay.

Oh. I guess I'm -- is there
anything you need from me?

Yeah. just your keys. I don't really like you
walking in and out all the time.

May I help you?
- Hello. I'm Will Truman. the attorney.

I have a 10:00 appointment.

The Mister is not feeling well.

We told him goat does not agree
with everybody.

- But the Missus is right over there.
- Thank you.

Good morning.

Well. well. well.
and they say fruit doesn't travel.

If anyone's hungry.
I made BLTs.