All language subtitles for Horseplay (2022)

And Sombra Cine

Present.

A film by Marco Berger.

Artur!

Hey!

What's up?

-How are you?
-Not bad.

Hi Cami. How are you?

-Is your mum home?
-No. Some friends are here.

Cool. Look, she lent me this.
It was really useful.

Cool. Look, she lent me this.
It was really useful.

-Tell her thanks.
-To put ice in it?

No, to bathe my little girl.
The youngest one.

-The bathtub broke and...
-Why don't you keep it?

Thanks, but we're off to Uruguay and we won't
be back until 15th February.

Nice.

How many of you are here?

Just a few. We came to spend
Christmas and New Year's.

Just to unwind a bit.

It's a nice place to do that.

Cool. Well...

Cheers.

- Bye. Have fun.
- You too. Have a good journey!

-See you!
-Bye!

Dammit! Fuck off.
You scared the shit out of me.

Wait, wait, wait.

HORSEPLAY

What's wrong with you, plonker?

- I can't sit anywhere

Don't be mad.

Come here.

Kiss him.

Stop it, dick.

The noise!

Cinematographer.

Music.

Direct sound.

Assistant director.

Colour.

Focus puller.

Audio post production.

Art department assistant.

Location.

Line producer.

Executive producer.

Producers.

Scriptwriter and director.

You know that girl, Cami?
The shy one.

We went home the other day.
The way she fucks, mate. Mind-blowing.

All positions. Her arse too.

She's into everything.

Anyway, we'd been shagging non-stop for a while
and I wanted to cum,

so I pulled my cock out.

Suddenly she kneels down, looks at me and says,
"Give me the honey".

The honey?

"The honey", she said.

And?

I got dressed and left, you gormless.

I'm sure you did, homo.

Hey. Andy's arriving tonight.

I know.

What shall we eat?

Give me the honey.

In your ass or mouth, you bloody homo?

Mayby Faro's. But yours, never.
Thanks.

Smelly cum.

-Where's Gordo?
-Inside.

And what are we going to eat?

There are some hamburgers.

You can eat my meat and two veg.

Sod off, Poli. You're such a bell end.

Okay.

What's wrong with him?

Look.

She's pretty. Nice pussy.
Who is she?

My cousin's girlfriend.

ls that the cute slut?

Yes. Look.

Love her tits. They're all natural.

She's so hot.

So sexy.

You're a prick.

Come on. When I checked it out,
the sign was a wreck and

it was covered in leaves.

And then the bloke came up to me
and started making a scene...

to provoke me.

So I punched him. I got fed up and
punched him in his mouth.

He forgot who he was talking to.

I mean, if you provoke me,
be ready to face the consequences.

You know what I mean?

Yes, but you're always
parking your car anywhere.

Not just this time.

You always leave it
in controversial places.

I park it wherever it suits me
and that's it.

And then you get huge fines.

And? I pay them.

Problem solved.

You're a bastard.

What would you have done?

Dammit.

-Put pressure.
-This is a piece of shit.

Come on, Faro. Dribble...

-That's me.
-You're that one?

Yes. And now the offensive team.
It bounced. It bounced again.

Now it's one-on-one.

Come on, Farito.

-I stop and...
-Goalkeeper.

Come on.
Beat him for once in your life.

No doubt that bloke broke his neck.

They must have stopped recording
because he was sent to hospital.

-Or to the cemetery.
-What's going on here?

-The ''Hairy classic'' is here!
-You can smell homos from the front door.

He's talking to you.

My wife's here.
I'm gonna shag all night.

Hi, handsome. How are you?

Kiss him. Come on.

Eat his mouth.

You smell like cock. Yuck.

Hey. What's up?

Can anybody help me unload the car?

Artur?

Hey.

Come on. Just a bit.

Put your face next to it.

That's it.

Put some more.

Make some more.

I'm emptying it.

- You're spilling it on my leg.
- Add some more.

We can still see your cock.

Come on. Throw him in.

Fuck off, you twat!

Hang on. Don't be mad.

It was just a joke.

Show us some butt.

Let us see your bum.

- What's the matter?
- Nothing.

Not here.

Did I say anything?

No, but you're standing there.

-Hurry up. Been waiting for half an hour.
-I'm emptying my bowels.

Bollocks. You're wanking.

Wanking to you.
Go to the other toilet.

-Come on.
-Bugger off, dickhead!

Fuck you.

Stop it. You want to see
my cock, you homo?

I'd love to.
I'm tying my shoelaces.

Bye, dickhead.

Take it.

Come on. Hurry up.

Two more sips and pass it on.

Grandpa is in rehabilitation.
Be careful what you give him.

Please.

-This is good.
-Bitter.

Come on. It's getting closer.

-Don't drink it all.
-No doubt he would do that.

Stop it.

Wait. You're drinking too much.
Pass it back.

-He always does the same.
-Stop it, Tongui.

He drank it up!

-He drank twice as much as us.
-It came almost empty.

Bollocks!

Come on.

Make it slippery for these pussies.

I think it's ready.

Come on, Artur.

Hold it there.

Bloody cool!

Come on, Belito.

Cool.

The first to bleed is the winner.

Line up.

Homos tie these with a rope and
pull them out of their asses.

You know a lot about it, huh?

- Come on. Throw it.
- Ready?

To me, Poli.

Good.

Try not to brake it.

Let's see.

-That's better.
-Wait, Gordo.

Come on.

Good!

To my hand.

Try to make it go upwards.

-Come on.
-Wait, Gordo.

Something happened
because Gordo is bleeding.

We were batting in the woods
and Poli hit him in his mouth.

I didn't mean to.
I didn't see him.

It wasn't on purpose.

I'm OK.

Glue won't be enough.

You'll need stitches.

-A plaster will do.
-I told you.

This happened because you're
all the time messing around.

-Let's go to the ER.
-I'll take you to the hospital.

-Go to the ER.

Just put a plaster on it.

-Look at it.
-It'll get infected. Let's go.

-My knob will get infected.
-You might shag the doctor.

At least we should bangage it or something.

"We should bandage it". Shut up.

Some blokes were having a
stag night at the tyre shop.

And?

They were all naked, partying hard.

Suddenly, one of them sticked this
air thing inside another's arse.

Ugh. Sounds painful.

Painful? He sticked compressed air inside.

His guts exploded. Kidneys, everything inside.

You're joking, right?

No. It's a true story. He used to work at
the pizza restaurant my dad and I would go to.

So, what happened to him?

Obviously, he didn't make it to the hospital.

His guts blew up.
Flowers, morgue. That was it.

What do you mean?

Don't be so literal. He passed on.

Really?

He kicked the bucket.

That's so sad.

Don't take photos of my cock, you wanker.

Let's take a photo of Nico and Andy.

They're sleeping like husband and wife.

Let's put Nico's hand on Andy's bollocks.

Let's go.

Be quiet.

What are you two up to?

Porn pics for your daughter.

ls this real?

I grabbed his hand and put it in there.

Poli, why don't you go get some pastries?

OK.

I'll get my wallet.

Off to the loo.

Will you send it to the group?

Yes. I'll write
"lndiana Jones and the temple of doom"

That's a good one.

Let's go.

Hold on! I'm crapping.

Bugger off!

Come have a look at this.

Indiana Jones and...

He's a bastard.

-This can't be real.
-Brilliant.

-Wicked.
-Bloody brilliant.

-So gay.
-Indeed.

-Send it to his girlfriend.
-Do you think it's a good idea?

-Do it.
-I'm on it.

-Close the door.
-OK.

He's a genius.

I don't know if I should say this,
but Gago can do it.

-Can you?
-Yes, I can.

Because of your elastic spine, right?

What elastic spine?
It's Gago.

-I know. It's a joke.
-Try it, Fran.

-His belly impedes it.
-Shut up. He's so thin.

You really sucked your own cock?

I tried once.

Bollocks. You're sucking your knob all day.

But when you suck it,
do you imagine a girl doing it...

or someone else's cock?

I imagine yours, but then
I remember it's not that big.

Poli also can.

Really?

Show them.

It's true. He does this...

...to someone else's cock.
So no doubt he can suck.

Yeah. Yours.

-You got roasted!
-One-nil.

He kicked your arse.

Well played.

You know it's just horseplay.

I know.

OK.

Bye. Love you.

Gordo.

She's not that cross, but I get it.

Last week she received a photo.
Now she gets another one.

She's fed up.

She's worried about what
her family and friends might think.

She gets it, but...
I don't know.

I see where's she's coming from.

So she phoned him and said,
"I know you're just having fun,

that you take photos showing your arses and
pose as if you were fucking.

I'm OK with that.

I'm not fussed.

I don't think you're gay.

But it bugs me when those photos
end up in the hockey group

and then I have to explain everything."

She also said people make a fool of her.

She got really mad.

I haven't sent the photo to anybody.

I told Artur to send it to her only.

I know. Don't worry.

What did he tell you?
Who sent it to that group?

He's got no clue.

The person who sent it
thought Guada had already seen it.

But she hadn't.

Somebody from that group leaked it.

Fuck.

Listen up. The photos and stickers we send
in our group chat are just for us.

If you send it to your brother or whoever,
it will end up leaking.

Especially if you send it to a group.

The photo enters a group and then it leaks
without knowing who did it.

Take that photo of you taking
a crap on the floor in your own bathroom

Imagine your mum saw it.

You're dead.

She asked me if I had limits or if
I was going to crap at my sister's wedding.

Then you appear in your sister's
photo album taking a shit on one side

while they're cutting the cake.

Or his aunt cutting the cake
Artur left on the floor.

It's simple. If it was up to me, you could take a
"homo photo" of me right now.

But what happens? Then it leaks
and the game is over.

Homo photo!
Homo photo!

-Ready?
-Come on!

Be quick.

Show me your left side.

Pull his shorts down.

You too.

Andy, when I start shooting,
show me your hand.

-As I didn't want it.
-That's right.

Like this. Alright?

OK.

-I stand here waiting my turn.
-Be careful with the lamp.

Let me know when you're ready.

Wait, you homo.

He rushed.

Come on.

If you stand in that position,
nobody will see your cock.

-OK.
-Wait.

Like this?

-Just like that. Perfect.
-Move a bit.

Move closer, Nico.
That's it.

-Nice moves, huh?

Dick.

Look at this.

Good photo.

At one point, Gordo rubbed
his cock on Nico's butt.

-Really?
-Yes.

Hilarious.

We could do the same to you know.

Shall I call them?

Stop it. I'm washing up.

Easy.

Look at Artur.

He looked so different.

He was a baby.

It's a shame we don't have a Chistmas tree.

We do. Artur asked Lu for it.

-His sister?
-Who else could it be?

Yes, his sister.

I didn't know she was coming.

I don't know
if she is coming.

Perhaps her mum will bring it.

So you don't know if she's coming.

What?

You like Lu, don't you?

That's rubbish.

I'm joking.

She's pretty.

There she is.

You've always liked her.

It's OK.

I can't even look her in the eye.

That's normal.

Shall we try?

This. We add the salt.

Then a bit of water,
an egg and that's it.

You knead for a while.

A piece of cake.

-Have you finished using this?
-Yes.

What are you doing?

I'll wake Artur up.

Dammit! Who was it?

You bloody twats.

You didn't share.

Dickheads.

It was you, bloody Faro.
I'll kick the shit out of you.

Stop it, you dick.
That's enough.

Hi.

Hey.

Come on. You're not fifteen anymore.

-Hello.
-Hi.

-Sorry.
-My bad.

-How are you?
-Fine.

-Hi.
-How's it going?

-What's up?
-Hey.

Is that the tree?

Yes. It's in there.

This is why I came.

You didn't tell me you were coming.

Why would I do that?

I texted you last night though.

My mobile is dead.

How was the journey?
The entrance was a bit muddy...

Wait. You threw flour on the pouf.

It's OK if they do that to you,
but not on the pouf.

Things got out of hand.

Yes. You went too far.

The hoover will solve it. Don't worry.

It won't.

Well, I'll put it in the washing machine.

But the washing machine uses water.

Flour and water form a kind of concoction.

Faro's mum should pay for it.
It was his bloody idea.

Lu, you know we aren't always like this.

In fact, we were about to organise a cleaning team.

Some would clean one part of the house
and some...the other.

For real.

What?

We were about to do it.

Excuse me. I need something.

Go ahead.

Have you seen some skis?

No. Sorry.

Are you going to spend New Year here or not?

Yes.

I might sleep at this girl's house for a couple of day
but I'm staying here.

You're leaving the house empty?

Not "empty". My mates are staying.

Come on. Are you serious?

How many times did you go to
Pinamar with your friends

to end up in Gessel sleeping with that
guy at Olimpia or something like that?

I was 18.

You're 25.

And what's the difference?
Are you serious?

The thing is, what if they cock things up
and you're not here?

What do you mean?

Do you think we're going to set the house on fire?

Everything's under control. Don't worry.

Why did you do that?

What?

You removid everything.
It was beautiful before.

I took out the garland and put the baubles.

Why?

Because this is the eight way.

You're wrong.

I'm not, mate.

-If I put...
-You've never celebrated Christmas here.

"Shit Claus" comes here, not Santa Claus.

Let me show you.

Saint Nicholas.

Nicolás.

What?

I'll introduce them to Shit Claus.
You know him.

I'll show them.

-Sod off. You're obsessed with my arse.
-I am.

Stop it, Artur.

-It'll be just a sec.

-The garland goes here.
-Can you let me put up the tree in peace?

It's Shit Claus.

Wait.

-It itches.
-Put it in. Man up.

The Christmas Spirit.

Here it is. Saint Nicholas. Shit Claus.

Say cheese.

I wish I was that garland.

Spank him.

-Open it.
-I'll do it later.

-Come on. Open it now.

-Sod off.

-I love this shit.

-Your turn, Gago.
-Let's see.

My present for you.

Which one?

That one.

What is it?

We're using it tonight.

My butt is so bloody flat.

Haven't you spent the whole year doing squats?

If you look at a photo from last year
you'll see it was tucked inside.

Nice bum. If I don't find a bitch before 5 a.m.

I'll pierce through this diaper with my drill.

Your turn, Poli.

A lot of wrapping, huh?

The same as the last three years.

It's time you got on the stick.

Don't get angry. It's a classic.

Let's take a "homo photo" here.

Licking your arse.

Hold on.

I'll take his cock out.

Milking him.

So good.

Brilliant.

I want to go out.

I can't believe it.

Look.

Nice blowjob.

Did you get any sleep last night?

No.

Don't be mad.

There was a present for you last night.

For Artur as well.

Some golden cards.

Some headphones for Luquitas.

Thanks.

Andy told me you've been
looking for it for quite some time.

I bought it in San Telmo.

Let me know what you think.

Your back hurts, right?

It's killing me.

You're not sleeping well.

Not much and I feel uncomfortable.

Well, none of us is sleeping much.

Wait.

They're so good.

They're hard. Look.

Can you see this?

I don't know if you can see it well.

Yes.

Poker, a lot of games.

Of course we don't bet.

I don't gamble anymore, mum.

And they're all liars.

They play dumb when I know
they're hiding cards.

I can't bet with them anymore.

Fine.

Yes. Very well.

No.

Belo wanted to make vitel toné

but we told him to make asado instead.

What is vitel toné?

I don't get it. It's weird.

This homo started to follow me on Instagram.

Who?

A friend of Rama's that
played football with us once.

He played quite well.

Now he's following me.

Luckily, he wasn't feminine.

Like a fairy.

When he came, we didn't know
he was homo.

After the match, he took a shower
in the same place where we were.

Wait outside if you're homo, mate.

And now he's following you on Instagram?

Yes.

Bloody homo.

I should block him, shouldn't I?

Why?

You're not a lad anymore.

You're a bit smarter than Gordo, Gago...

Haven't you ever followed a
girl from university?

Of course I have.

To shag her.

Do you really think this bloke

is shagging you from the distance
just by following you?

I'm concerned.

Listen to you.
You sound like a nazi.

It bothers you when a bloke
showers in the same place as you

just because he likes men?

Sometimes I'd love to be gay.

A cum-swallower homo.

What would you do?

Would I still be allowed to stay here with you?

It wouldn't be the same.

Come on.

Do you really think none of us likes sucking cock?

You always say something that blows my mind.

You were going to block a man
who might be really cool

just to win my approval?

On top of that, you thought he wants to shag you.

You really think you're that sexy, huh?

There's no doubt he craves cock.

You're hopeless.

It took me two hours to get here.

This is Poli. Juanma.

We call him Poli
but he's more of a thief.

Poli is short for Policastro.
Juan Manuel Policastro.

He's a genius.
This is Luquitas.

Artur.

Belo, the Grandpa.

His real name is Dario.

Why "the Grandpa"?

He was born an old man.
He reads the morning paper.

He puts on the towel like this
after showering.

Gago, short for Gabriel.
I don't know why we call him that.

We also call him "The Fat One".

-Why "the fat one"?
-Girl!

-Because...
-He's packing!

I can show you. I'm not shy.

If you want,
he can show it completely.

The one who just spoke is Faro. Rafael.

Rafa, Faro...
Anybody else?

Me. Nico, short for Nicolás.

No, for Walter.

Tongui, short for Gastón, and Fran, for Francisco.

The so-called Gordo.

Artur, short for Arturo, the house owner.

I've already told them.

And Andy, short for "Andrea",
Nico's girlfriend.

Yes. We're a couple.

A French kiss now.

They liked it.

They like it. They got jittery.

Now it's your turn.

You two.

It's unfair that we two kiss and you don't.

A little one.

With the girl on your left.

There she is.

Or you can come over and do it here.

Hey. We've brought some pastries.

Yummy.

I want one.

Take off your shorts first.

You do that.

King!

I want to do the same.

What's in there?

That looks big.

Well...

No! Wait!

That's too much.

Let's go!

I'm not 100% a flat-Earther.

It's true that most of the things

It's true that most of the things
they say are illogical

but there are others
that are really interesting

For example, that water doesn't curve.

Or something about the Earth's density.

Or the effects of tide on the surface
or something like that.

I don't remember well,
but they make you doubt.

That's loads of tosh.

Who told you water doesn't curve?

It's obvious.

Look at the lake.

It's doesn't curve.
It's flat.

Or the pool.

Flat.

It doesn't curve.

Does it curve or not?

You're right.

It curves a little.

Does it curve or not?

It curves.

Where did you learn that?

Easy as ABC.

Mortal Kombat is the worst
video game film adaptation.

Definitely.

It's a game we continue playing,
it's being constanly being updated...

In fact, six-year-olds play it.

I don't understand why they haven't made
a good film out of it

despite being so popular
with such interesting characters.

But they are making new films.

I know.

There's one from 1995
and another one from 1997.

The one from 1955 is really bad.

And the other is one of
the worst film ever made.

It's got a score of
about two percent on Rotten Tomatoes.

What is Rotten Tomatoes?

You swim, right?

Yes. I swim and I have
a sit-up workout routine

from when I did Jiu-jitsu,
full contact and so on.

Do you have to wear a Speedo?

Yes. Actually I'm wearing
one right now because these shorts are faulty.

They have no lining.

Can we see it?

It's comfier.

I bet it is.

I like it.

Thanks.

You've blushed a bit, haven't you?

Because of the sun, dickhead.

The blokes are old and fat.

Thank goodness they're ugly.

Don't be mean.

That's sexist.

Why?

Who told you porn is meant just for men?

It's just men and women fucking.

I can watch if I feel like it.

And?

Two girls sucking each other
is common.

But if there are two men sucking
each other, they're "homos".

-Of course.
-Why?

It's not the same, Maca.

That's sexist.
There are no supportive arguments.

When I watch porn, I want to see
to blokes sucking each other's cock.

Like you do when you see
two women sucking each other's pussy.

It's not the same.
Are you nuts?

Porn is just for men.

There's no doubt about it.

Everybody knows that.

You see?
You can't support your opinion.

I agree. It's not the same.

Luna, do you mean to tell me
that two men sucking each other

and two women sucking each other
are not the same thing?

Yes, they're not the same.

I agree with Maca. She's right.

It's true that if you see two
blokes fucking, that's bisexual porn.

It wouldn't appear as ''normal''
in "normal" porn.

I mean, without saying "bisexual".

Well, that is sexism.

It condemns two men together
but it praises the image of a blonde woman

with big tits and a big butt who shouldn't
be a closeted lesbian but a man's possession.

Lula, if you support that,
you're being sexist.

I know you don't do it on purpose.

But you're supporting
a man's point of view.

-The man as the centre of the universe.
-I don't agree.

Nice friends.

Bioody hell.

And now the aggresion.

You can't support your point of view,
so now yow you think I'm bonkers.

it was a joke. I apologize for it.

-No worries.
-I agree with you.

I think you are right.

Me too.

Now they're acting like tough men.

But they're such pussies
behind closed doors.

Would you like to see photos
of them fucking each other?

Yes, please.

-No.
-Show us.

And tonight when they get drunk
you'll see these "tough guys" shagging.

They'll rub their cocks.

It's just a mask.

It's true. Google it.

National Tournament.

Lower.

Provincial.

Lower.

-Local?
-Regional.

Regional!

Regional Arse Tournament 2020.

Wait. Grandpa should participate.
He's got a nice butt.

No chance!

Come on!

Nico. Come here.

I can't.

-Come on!
-He won't allow it.

My arse is much nicer than yours.

You are no competition.

Please, turn around.

Faro goes first.

-Nice butt!
-What's that?

It's got a stain.

Gago, you're next.

Nice ass.

That's powerful!

Show it to us. Gasti.

They're all different.

Difficult choice.

I don't know.

Look!

We've got a winner!

I agree with you.

They're all gone.
I haven't seen anything like that.

Thanks.

I can imagine.

Shall we?

Shut up, prick.

No.

A minute.

Are you nuts?
That's too much.

Ten long seconds.

Five seconds.

OK.

I think it's reasonable.

Five seconds?

Ready?

Come on, pussies.

One...

Two...

Three...

Four...

Five!

Give me the money.

I'll fuck Artur for 500 dollars
right here in front of you.

How much will I get?

Have you seen your arse?
How dare you ask for money.

I won't let you fuck me for free.

Specially you, minger.

Pinky winky.

Bugger off.

Let's go.

Let's go.

I'm too drunk.

A handjob at least.

Please, I'm too drunk.

You're not drunk.

I mean it. Some other time.

When?

Some other time. Come on.

Stop it, really.

You can't leave me like this.

Stop it!

-Just a little.
-You're hurting me.

-Go off me!
-I'm not hurting you.

It's not funny. Let me out.

Let me out!

Podcasts are like radio programs,
but nobody listens to them on the radio

because they're uploaded onto a platform
and you can listen to them anytime.

They're timeless.

Do you follow me?

They're usually about specific topics
like documentaries.

About Egypt, for example.

Or horror stories.

Anything.

What?

Vicky.

Vicky!

-Text you later.
-OK.

Coming.

What's up?

Last night I dreamt
I was riding my motorbike.

Really fast.

It didn't feel like a dream.

Well, I am riding on a route along a cliff.

Like in a film.

And then when I see a tunnel,
I speed up as much as possible.

But before going into the tunnel,
just to see what it feels like,

I crash into some rocks.

I speed up and I get fucked up.

When I stand up, I look at
my hands full of blood.

And suddenly I realise my
little brother, Facu, was on the motorbike.

He's lying on the floor
with his head chopped off.

I was terrified, mate.

I thought it was real.

That's when I woke up.

You ride too fast.

And you know it.

That kind of thing happens.

I don't know what it means.

I'll have a swim.

It's prohibited.

We had to stop in the middle of the
road because Nati was feeling really bad...

Nati wasn't feeling well.

She was crying and throwing up

but she didn't anything.

Maca thinks something bad
happened to her

but Nati didn't want to tell her.

Something like...?

I don't know.

Can you take me
to the bus stop?

Sure.

What a beautiful day!

What time is it?

One, two, three!

Gordo.

-Look at my little flower.
-I'm busy.

Look at my flower!

Do you like it?

I do. You look good.

Hold on.

Like this.

Now you're ready.

Hello!

What's he doing?

-Whose bikini is that?
-Turn around!

One of the girl's.

I know. Just asking.

What's the matter?

Perhaps it's his girlfriend's and
he thinks you're bullying him.

I see.

You're worried that it might be hers.

Don't worry, daddy. It isn't hers.

She's not my girlfriend.

Do you like it?

I love it.

Photo?

Look, I think I'll be back
in Buenos Aires on 2nd January.

First I'm going to Pilar.

My brother might pick me up
up and take me there.

What about you?

Where's the ball?

Do you think you'll win?

You won't beat anybody.

Let's go!

Dammit!

Come on, grab the balloons!

Bloody hell!

Come closer.

We don't have many left!

Listen up.

The Bear can sleep alone
in the living room. He doesn't mind.

The girls can sleep in a bedroom and
you in your parents' room.

That doesn't make sense.
It's simple.

Nico will take my parent's room because
he's the only one that shags "legally"

As far as we know, 'cause we know
there are closeted homos here.

Belo, the Bear and I can sleep
in my room.

Juanma and Andy
can sleep in the living room.

We'll take Lucas' tent.

Andy, watch out.
He might want to shag you.

You're leaving but you want to organise
everything. What's the point?

Alright.

Plan your bloody
New Year's Eve yourselves.

Say hi to your mum.

Tell her you're ready
to cross the street alone.

We all have families.

Come on, give me a mate.

I don't want to be late.

Bye.

See you. Have a good journey.

Bye, folks. See you.

You're a twat.

Dickhead.

She's so hot.

Geez.

Stunning.

What a nice slut.
Look at this.

What did she tell you?

So sexy. Beautiful pussy.

She told me she's not that much into it.

I told her we want to
do a threesome to fuck her.

If I wanted to fuck my friend,
I wouldn't invite a girl.

The told me she did a threesome once.

She was shocked when
the blokes started to make out.

So gay.

She was unlucky.

Tell her we won't do that.

We'll fuck her "cuntarse"
together at most.

-"Cuntarse".
-No more than that.

Hilarious.

What's up?

Look at this chick.

She's so pretty.

I'm worried that she might
not be 18 though.

I have a felling she's younger.

Yes.

Maybe.

Let me see.

She looks 18.

Stop it, arsehole.
You're pinching me!

I don't know. She goes to the club.

If she's a minor and also goes to the club,
everybody might find out about it.

-Listen...
-Shh!

Is that the Bear?

Yes.

When did he arrive?

About an hour ago.

He's knackered.

He spent Christmas
with his family in Mendoza.

Then he went to Retiro Station
and came here.

He took a shower and lay down.

Where are Artur and the others?

Artur's gone to town.

The others have gone for a walk.

This T-shirt is mine.

I'll take it.

We've got the same hair.

Hey.

Hi. How are you?

Did you spend Christmas
on your own here?

No, there were a lot of us.

But half left to celebrate
New Year's with their families.

Your parents are in Istambul, aren't they?

I've just seen some photos
that your mum posted.

Yes, they are.

If I didn't have to look after
the little monsters, I'd stay here.

Don't call them that.

They're angels.

Yeah, sure.

Would you like to
look after them for a while?

But you're staying here for a bit, right?

Yes. The thing is I haven't
brought any swim trunks.

I'll lend you a pair.

Cool.

I met a girl.

I'm thinking of introducing
her to the kids.

How long have you known her?

Only for a couple of months.

Yes. I know.

Speak your mind. Say something.

I don't know what to do.
I'm sitting on the fence.

That's great news.

What should I do?

If you like her, go ahead.

I don't know I'm ready to
tell the kids I'm dating somebody.

They're very little.

I don't know if they are ready
after what happened with their mum.

Is she cool?

She is.

So?

That's yours.

Geez.

Ready?

Let's go.

Come on, mummy.

Shut up.

Are you up for a race?

A race?

One, two...

I'm always horny, mate.

And you accepted the rules.

It's my fault, but I'm
not going to date a man.

I'm telling you this because I can.

If I have to choose between
a man and woman,

I'll pick the woman.

Even if I don't like her that much.

if we go backpacking alone

and you're horny

it'll happen, as always.

If we go to the mountains

we can fuck around
and it's all good.

But if a girl appears

you're fucked, mate.

It's what I'm inclined to.

What I really like.

That's why I'm not even bisexual.

Not for the label.
I don't care about it.

I guess I get hard really easily.

I like shagging and
getting my cock sucked.

I'm telling you this
because you asked.

If you're gay,
that's fine by me.

It's your business.

You do what you want.

If I was gay, I'd say it.

You know I love you, mate.

That's why I don't want to
create false expectations.

What's on your mind?

You're so mean to Poli.

You don't see it, but it's joke after joke.

It's not OK.

All of us do the same.

But you act like a leader.

Love, it's a group code.

We always bully him.

But not all of you are here now.

It makes me feel uneasy.

The other day I bumped into him
in Serrano and we chatted a bit

but I felt he knew I'm aware
of his private stuff.

And it made me feel awkward.

You talk about him as if he was a saint.

But he's not.

In fact, he's also a bastard.

It was him who took the photo
that leaked.

Let's not talk about that.

You took a photo putting your
cock in Belo's mouth.

-While he was sleeping!
-OK.

And you showed it to me as if it
was the funniest shit ever

but it's not funny.

I've already told you.

One day your dad might see it
and that will be a problem.

They're all men.

They can tell the difference between
a joke and a real photo in two minutes.

They're blokes.

All of them were lads.

More than one still cock it up when
they send videos of prossies eating shit.

Nico!

What? Nobody forces them.

They do it for the money.

I don't send any of that though.

Just for you to know.

Your uncle is in that group chat.

I think Poli leaked it.

Your photo with Andy?

No.

Tongui sent it to his cousin.

Eli told me that's how it leaked.

Anyway, it's true that I've been
locking horns with Poli lately.

Why?

I don't know.

He's hiding something. He's different.

What would be the problem
If he was gay?

He should say it.

That's all.

Water is water.

Yes, but the problem with boiled water

is that it hasn't got salt
or the minerals the body needs.

Because... I mean.

It was the first thing people thought of
to make sea water drinkable,

but if you boil it,
you get distilled water.

Of course it can be useful for while.

But it's not water you can drink
every day for the rest of your life.

Also, if you drink boiled water,
it doesn't have much taste.

Have you ever tried it?

Hey, mate.

-What's up, Bear?
-How are you?

Not bad.

Your girlfriend's here
with some friends, right?

Yes. They arrived
while you were sleeping.

I heard something, but I
rolled over and went back to sleep.

Is Artur back?

No. Belo's gone to town to
help him bring some stuff.

He's got a girlfriend there
or something like that.

Yes.

And the others?

He told me they were here.

Poli, right?

And Andy.

-Yes.
-I haven't seem them.

What are you doing, homos?

Having a mind wank.

-Where were you?
-Here

This morning.

We went to the river.

Why?

Just asking.

Hey, that's my sleeping bag.

Not suitable for ETs.

Shove it up your arse.

Looking for a fight?

Watch out or I'll leave a mark
on your face, plonker.

OK. You can't keep it.
I don't care!

What a drama queen.

That was so bad.

Wait. Let's have a whip-round.

One or two thousand pesos each
so that we can buy a lot.

The cheap ones aren't good quality.

It'd be a waste of money.

-I agree.
-That's true.

Why do I talk?
I'm leaving today.

-Hey.
-Can you stay a bit longer?

Three of us can go to the supermarket
to buy everything we need for our stay.

And then we'll see what's missing.

Remember that the kids
are coming home at seven.

Unless you phone her and tell her I'm staying
with you until nine or ten.

He's always putting me
in the middle.

I don't want to. The other day...

You're their aunt.

Well, I'll text her and then
you take us to the supermarket.

Deal.

Perfect.

What's up?

-Hi.
-Uow are you?

Very well.

Are you free tonight?

Yes.

We're planning to go to the woods.
The sky is so clear there.

You can take incredible
photos of the stars.

That's bloody amazing.

Poli and I are coming.

I don't know.

There's going to be beer, joints...
It's going to be a laugh.

We're going to smoke weed
looking at the stars.

Bloody wicked.

No, sorry. I'll pass.
I know what you're like.

You set yourself an objective
and beaver away.

And you've already caused trouble.

You persistance is undelievable.

You're a genius.

We're all single.
Some good clean fun to chill out.

Whatever happens, happens.

You know that Juanma and I are saints.

That's true.

He's slept on the same bed as Ana.

Nothing happened.

I'm a saint.

Not me.

I know you.

You always end up doing
what want.

Anyway, I'm dating someone.

Looking at the sky is a marvellous thing.

With his permission. Always.

Come on. Join us.

Beer, weed...

stars.

Nope.

What are you going to do?

If you have a better idea,
I'll leave.

Brilliant.

So I tell this bloke:

"The Big Bang is like the chicken or the egg."

He gives me a funny look
because I'm a woman, of course

and tells me to ellaborate on that to hear
the rubbish I was about to say.

I say that the Universe is the chicken
and the Big Bang is the egg.

Let's assume the universe was the size of a pinhead
when everything exploded, as they say.

Well.

That pinhead exploded and created everything.

But how long had that pinhead been there?

Where did it come from?

"What chicken laid it?" I said,
making fun of him.

He didn't know.

He didn't know what to say.
He had no answer.

That is the paradox.

I mean, The Big Bang came to decompress it.

But that is the point that gets them on their nerves

All of them.

It's obvious.

There was nothing and suddenly everything.

It's kind of related to magic.

Yes.

To God.

To drugs.

He looked at me
without saying anything.

I went on with the theory.

"Do you agree or not?"

He didn't utter a word.

As if I was crazy,
but I don't think this is crazy.

What's the matter?

You've looked pissed all night.

Nothing.

I don't know.

What about you?
How are things?

I took too much coke, mate.

I'd been doing fine.

But during the festive season
there's alcohol, parties...

and things got out of hand.

Well, at least you're aware of it.

It's dark.

It's bloody hell.

Good thing Belo doesn't do it anymore and
it would've been inappropriate

to do it here with your girlfriend and the others.
It would've been worse.

A cold bathtub.
So bloody embarrassing.

You laugh, but it's fucking hell.

I'm awake till 6 a.m. and don't
wake up until 4 p.m.

Just before New Year's Eve.

I spent ten days with my family.

I need to calm down.

My mum is so smart.

She notices it.

So I had to pretend all Christmas.

What about you?

I don't know.

We were very quiet.

I mean, we did coke the first days.

But Belo and Luquitas are such killjoys.

Then it ran out.

But we had beer, joints...

meth, acid...

Just to fuck around, you know?

Besides...

What?

Nothing.

Go on playing.

What's up, homo?

Hi, ghost.

Look. My babe gave me churros from
her dad's bakery to share with you.

What time is it?

8 a.m.

You're a bastard.

-How did it go?
-What?

Your babe.

Really well. I'm in love.

I think I'll move here.

The girls must hate me
because I disappeared.

They don't.

Why don't you come with me
to buy chocolate and milk?

To start the new year like kings.

Come on.

Let's go.

Wait for me.

-Hey. What's up?
-Artur.

-How are you?
-Very well.

We slept oudoors, by the river.

Weren't you cold?

No, we slept in sleeping bags.

With the girls?

No. They didn't have the courage.

Are you going into town?

Yes. We're about to leave.

-I'll go with you.
-Cool.

Are you coming?

You go.

OK, but first I have to get some fags for And.

I'll get them for you.

And a joint.
They're in the tent.

OK.

Let's go.

Wake him up for a super breakfast.

Why "super"?

Look. Churros.

Stuffed with "dulce de leche."

I got them as a present
from my girl's dad.

He's a baker.

What are you doing?

That doesn't make any sense.

It does.

I like sex.
What's wrong with that?

You like it too.

-You've never told me...
-I'm not gay, pillocks!

I just like fucking.
What's wrong with you?

Are you gay?

Are you?

-No.
-I know you aren't. So?

-Once you...
-I rimmed your arse.

I liked it. So?

You liked it too.

Why are you so scared of that?

Do not tell anybody about that.

We were 16, dickhead.

We'd taken too much Molly.

You're not homo.

Calm down.

Take it easy.

You are sick.

Am I?

I see you're nervous,

so I assume you're a closeted homo
that likes getting his arse eaten.

Don't cock it up, mate.