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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,237 --> 00:00:05,682 Brian: Hi. 2 00:00:05,706 --> 00:00:09,252 The question I get asked, more than any other by far is, 3 00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:12,622 what's it like to work with So-and-So. 4 00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:15,592 The answers are often interchangeable general compliments 5 00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,461 that give little, if any information 6 00:00:17,485 --> 00:00:20,063 about the actual experience. 7 00:00:20,087 --> 00:00:24,568 What is it really like to work with Sylvester Stallone? 8 00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:26,303 Arnold Schwarzenegger? 9 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,205 Steven Segal? 10 00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:32,275 What is it like to work with JCVD? 11 00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:36,446 The title for this movie could have been WILT WW. 12 00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:40,406 What's it like to work with... 13 00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:43,453 This movie isn't going to tell you. 14 00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:46,723 It's going to show you my impression of what it's like 15 00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:49,359 to be on the set with So-and-So. 16 00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:51,595 We've combined traits of these action stars and 17 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:55,332 a few others into one fictional character. 18 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,068 The great Vardell Duseldorfer. 19 00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:01,538 His friends simply call him VD. 20 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,441 Much of what you're about to see, I actually witnessed. 21 00:01:04,465 --> 00:01:07,077 And as they say on TV, the names have been changed 22 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,780 so the guilty won't sue you. 23 00:01:09,804 --> 00:01:15,519 And so, to my aforementioned muses, thank you. 24 00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:21,547 Now, let's find out what it's like to work with So-and-So. 25 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:35,365 Tara: Welcome to Excess Hollywood! 26 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,934 Studio singers: ♪ Excess Hollywood 27 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,925 Tara: Lots of dirt, no cleanup! 28 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:43,540 Tara: I'm your host, Tara Grey. 29 00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:49,568 Tara: On the comeback trail, the great Vardell Duseldorfer. 30 00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:56,319 Tara: His adoring fans who often 31 00:02:56,343 --> 00:02:59,623 contract his uberlong name to VD, 32 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:01,458 some things defy explanation. 33 00:03:01,482 --> 00:03:04,694 But one thing is for sure, his fans do love him. 34 00:03:04,718 --> 00:03:06,885 First VD fan: I love VD. 35 00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:09,821 Second VD fan: I've been a fan of VD for 17 years. 36 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:11,902 Third VD fan: Keep it comin', stay off the hook, 37 00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:14,437 stay hot with the people, this how we do it! 38 00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:17,607 Fourth VD fan: To have VD is to love VD. 39 00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:20,199 I've been a VD fan for 52 years. 40 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,647 Ralek: You can say what you want about Vardell, 41 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:26,716 but he got where he is because of one reason. 42 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,385 He's the great VD. 43 00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,887 Redheaded child: My momma told me that VD was a disease. 44 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:35,581 Video guy: Duseldorfer, number, number one! 45 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:39,663 Tara: The embarrassed ubernatorial has wandered 46 00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,965 once again in front of a camera. 47 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:45,702 Uzbekistan apparently wishes to play host to VD, 48 00:03:45,726 --> 00:03:47,871 and welcomes him with open arms, 49 00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,029 if not a nice, warm petri dish. 50 00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:56,846 Tara: What might the Uzbekis expect? 51 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,615 Well, let's hear from some stars 52 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,884 who've had some experience with VD. 53 00:04:00,908 --> 00:04:02,619 Mr. Kove? 54 00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,454 Martin: I don't kiss and tell. 55 00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:07,479 Especially when it involves something as personal as VD. 56 00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,294 Tara: I know, how about a Herculean quote 57 00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,630 from Mr. Kevin Sorbo himself. 58 00:04:13,654 --> 00:04:18,023 Kevin: Working and Duseldorfer. 59 00:04:19,959 --> 00:04:22,928 It's kind of an oxymoron. 60 00:04:23,029 --> 00:04:25,742 Or a moron disguised as an ox. 61 00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,444 No, don't, don't use that one. 62 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,612 I got a better one. 63 00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,947 Working with Duseldorfer. 64 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:34,017 It was sort of like juggling water. 65 00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:35,952 You never really get the balls in the air 66 00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:39,456 and you have to clean up afterwards. 67 00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,747 Nice shot, Kevin. 68 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,427 Tara: Who would have thought that 69 00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,963 the former bodybuilder's small... 70 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:51,868 Time in office would be punctuated a maid escapade. 71 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,271 Tara: I was just trying to show her 72 00:04:54,295 --> 00:04:58,375 how to work off the large fold of fat the tummy bellyflap. 73 00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,777 And it just slipped in! 74 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:04,414 Yeah it was accident! 75 00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:07,773 And poof, it made a baby! 76 00:05:10,576 --> 00:05:12,422 Vardell: Fuck you, Tara. 77 00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,424 Tara: We can support his support of moms, 78 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:16,293 and public breastfeeding. 79 00:05:16,317 --> 00:05:17,761 Tara: More public breastfeeding! 80 00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:20,030 More public breastfeeding! 81 00:05:20,054 --> 00:05:23,700 Tara: But what about his bill to get goldfish, 82 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:27,470 yes, goldfish in every home? 83 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,406 Vardell: Not the goldfish! 84 00:05:29,430 --> 00:05:30,874 Tara: Goldfish propagation 85 00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:35,000 reduces the greenhouse gases and helps the children relax! 86 00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,382 Vardell: You made goldfish dirty. 87 00:05:39,406 --> 00:05:41,117 Tara: The movie that made him go into politics 88 00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:44,521 in the first place was that Fascist Time Machine 89 00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:47,612 wreck that detonated more than his fragile career. 90 00:05:49,650 --> 00:05:51,695 Vardell: That was the director's fault! 91 00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:55,131 Tara: So can dysfunction be dysfunctional? 92 00:05:55,155 --> 00:06:00,136 Has the expendable actor, yes, expendable actor 93 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,639 passed his expiration date? 94 00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,474 It's not looking good for our hero. 95 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,443 Possible movie trailer voice. 96 00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:08,011 Thank you. 97 00:06:08,035 --> 00:06:11,803 Will our hero make it out alive? 98 00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:19,389 Oooo, you think it's easy to make a movie? 99 00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:21,891 You sit there in your thong and your 100 00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,561 air conditioner and you judge me! 101 00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,496 I'd like to see you crawl through mud. 102 00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:29,888 Sweat, work 20 hours a day. 103 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,770 I tell you, Hard Time on Mars will make more 104 00:06:33,794 --> 00:06:35,872 money than you can count to! 105 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,607 I show you! 106 00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:40,065 I show you!!! 107 00:06:45,671 --> 00:06:48,407 I show you. 108 00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:56,715 I did not retire, I got extension. 109 00:07:51,103 --> 00:07:56,541 Old, young, old, young. 110 00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,463 Retired. 111 00:08:06,487 --> 00:08:08,687 Not retired. 112 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:18,975 You! 113 00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,765 Will direct. 114 00:08:25,506 --> 00:08:27,806 I will direct. 115 00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:34,090 Studio singers: ♪ Excess Hollywood 116 00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:37,160 Tara: Can our favorite rehabinator rekindle 117 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,729 his past and extend his career? 118 00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:42,065 Will he "be back?" 119 00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:45,635 Will Hard Time on Mars be the spark VD needs? 120 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:48,171 Or just hard time? 121 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:51,508 Should we wish the Uzbekistanis luck? 122 00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:52,542 Or send them penicillin? 123 00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:55,100 Only time will tell. 124 00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,586 Intercom voice: VD 10 yards and closing. 125 00:09:03,610 --> 00:09:04,954 Quiet on the set! 126 00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:08,992 Our director Vardell Dusel-dorfer 127 00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,215 has come to join us. 128 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:16,688 Vardell: Thank you! 129 00:09:17,925 --> 00:09:19,791 Thank you! 130 00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:22,260 Action! 131 00:09:41,748 --> 00:09:44,594 Unidentified man: Nicely done, thank you. 132 00:09:44,618 --> 00:09:47,586 Thank you very much. 133 00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:53,836 VD? 134 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:55,772 What? 135 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,629 What're you doin' sir? 136 00:09:58,731 --> 00:09:59,943 We need more rock. 137 00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:00,843 What? 138 00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,680 We need more rock. 139 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:04,314 Where? 140 00:10:04,338 --> 00:10:06,282 There. 141 00:10:06,306 --> 00:10:07,884 VD, you know, we have 142 00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:10,687 set decorators that do that. 143 00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:12,755 I like set decorating. 144 00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,713 Yes, sir, so what about the fight? 145 00:10:15,181 --> 00:10:17,716 What about it? 146 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:19,295 Can we lock it? 147 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,997 Vardell: Lock? 148 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,099 Lock means that we're not gonna change it. 149 00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,167 Can we lock it? 150 00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,269 We're not going to change it? 151 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,194 I don't know, are we? 152 00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:31,841 I don't know. 153 00:10:31,865 --> 00:10:35,100 I don't either. 154 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:40,984 Why did you let him direct? 155 00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:42,785 Burton: He wouldn't do the film otherwise. 156 00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:44,954 This is nice. 157 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,945 This is fun! 158 00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:51,427 Burton: Get him to talk about his dick. 159 00:10:51,451 --> 00:10:54,831 It scares him I think, it makes him insecure. 160 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:59,691 Maybe he'll cover by heaving and getting back to work. 161 00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:01,304 Dick. 162 00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,105 Burton: Dick. 163 00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:03,339 Dick. 164 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:05,664 Burton: Dick, yes. 165 00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,018 Wow my dick hurts. 166 00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:17,420 Really? 167 00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,355 You want me to rub it for you? 168 00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,290 Maybe later, 169 00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:24,115 maybe after the fight scene? 170 00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,963 Yes! 171 00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:30,767 I'm thinkin' about it. 172 00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:33,036 Wow. 173 00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,271 So, VD, what about 174 00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:37,228 the fight, can we lock it? 175 00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:42,333 I don't know. 176 00:11:44,837 --> 00:11:47,472 Maybe you should teach me part of it. 177 00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:49,352 The first part? 178 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,020 Yeah! 179 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,355 Okay. 180 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,423 Mark! 181 00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:55,124 Let's get that fight going on. 182 00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,515 Yeah, where's my saber ha ha! 183 00:12:02,488 --> 00:12:04,067 Mark: Freeze. 184 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:06,035 Sir Jeffrey, would you mind if I take over? 185 00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,737 Sir Jeffrey: Yeah, actually I would enjoy that. 186 00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,205 Mark: Great, we'll call you when you're up. 187 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,007 Sir Jeffrey: I'll be working on my lines. 188 00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:14,210 Mark: I need you to use and trust 189 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,312 the length of your sword. 190 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,815 Use and trust the length of my sword. 191 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:20,283 Mark: Yes. 192 00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:22,040 It's kind of like the force. 193 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,721 Mark: Yeah, the force. 194 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,355 Think about keeping your hand in your pocket. 195 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,024 Okay, in my pocket. 196 00:12:28,048 --> 00:12:29,914 Mark: Yes. 197 00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:32,261 Okay, I can do that. 198 00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:35,053 I can handle that. 199 00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:36,866 I think we need the girl. 200 00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,301 Mark: What? 201 00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:39,502 Yeah, the girl. 202 00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:40,770 Mark: No, she's knocked out. 203 00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,371 Yeah, but she can wake up. 204 00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,841 Mark: No, she's not supposed to wake up yet, VD. 205 00:12:44,865 --> 00:12:50,413 No, she wake up, but she want to come to my aid. 206 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:53,449 Mark: No. 207 00:12:53,473 --> 00:12:54,851 And knocks herself out! 208 00:12:54,875 --> 00:12:55,985 - Mark: No. - It would be very funny! 209 00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:59,410 Mark: VD, we're running out of time. 210 00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,190 Get me Louie. 211 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,425 Sir... 212 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,282 Mark: VD... 213 00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:06,885 Page Louie. 214 00:13:07,019 --> 00:13:09,198 I would like the girl, please. 215 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,300 Mark: VD? 216 00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,169 I want the girl. 217 00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:15,293 Mark: Get me Maria. 218 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,940 VD, your chef, Louie. 219 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:22,178 Louie, what were those strips of things we had? 220 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:23,045 Louie: When? 221 00:13:23,069 --> 00:13:23,780 Last week. 222 00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:24,547 Louie: What day? 223 00:13:24,571 --> 00:13:25,448 Tuesday. 224 00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,083 Louie: That was the chicken. 225 00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,251 No, it was not the chicken. 226 00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,452 Louie: Maybe it wasn't Tuesday? 227 00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,887 Maybe. 228 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:32,789 Louie: Wednesday? 229 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:33,890 I don't know, it was the strips of things 230 00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,491 with maybe the light pesto. 231 00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,828 Louie: No, the pesto was on the chicken on Tuesday. 232 00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:40,897 Calamari! 233 00:13:40,921 --> 00:13:43,299 Louie: Yes, calamari! 234 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,467 But that was Thursday. 235 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,558 With a lemon herb and a sesame oil. 236 00:13:47,293 --> 00:13:49,172 It was Thursday. 237 00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:50,196 Louie: Yes, Thursday. 238 00:13:51,431 --> 00:13:55,545 Well I will have two strips of calamari al dente. 239 00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:57,869 Louie: Yes, sir. 240 00:13:58,137 --> 00:14:01,372 VD, Maria. 241 00:14:06,612 --> 00:14:08,224 Maria. 242 00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,225 How are you? 243 00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:10,893 Maria: Good, how are you? 244 00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:12,962 I'm very good now that you are here. 245 00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:15,164 We have decided to add you into the fight. 246 00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,899 Maria: Do I get to punch you? 247 00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,901 No. 248 00:14:18,925 --> 00:14:21,204 Maria: Kick you? 249 00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,038 No. 250 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,372 Maria:. 251 00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:26,242 But you do get to slap me in the face 252 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,578 with your fair and ample bosom. 253 00:14:28,602 --> 00:14:31,870 Maria: okay. 254 00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:54,492 Maria: VD, you okay? 255 00:14:55,394 --> 00:15:00,142 Umm... 256 00:15:00,166 --> 00:15:01,566 Maria: What happened? 257 00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,480 Sometimes I see things. 258 00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:06,015 Maria: What did you see? 259 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:09,641 It was large and warm, and it felt really good. 260 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,220 Maria: So, you're okay. 261 00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:13,089 Yeah! 262 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,523 Maria: Okay. 263 00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,225 Okay. 264 00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,327 You know we have to do the fight sometime today! 265 00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:21,464 Yes? 266 00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:22,698 Why don't you show us the second part 267 00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:25,356 of the fight Mr. Choreographer? 268 00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:27,169 Sir Jeffrey: You will never get me. 269 00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,138 The crystals are mine. 270 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:30,072 You'll never get me! 271 00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:31,696 The crystals are mine! 272 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,076 You'll never get me ha ha! 273 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,200 God. 274 00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:48,057 A word, if I may. 275 00:15:48,081 --> 00:15:50,226 Burton: Sir Jeffrey, of course. 276 00:15:50,250 --> 00:15:51,727 Let me know what I can do for you. 277 00:15:51,751 --> 00:15:55,698 Sir Jeffrey: You will never get me, the crystals are mine. 278 00:15:55,722 --> 00:15:59,435 Does the previous sentence have a ring of familiarity to it? 279 00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,570 Burton: Sort of. 280 00:16:01,594 --> 00:16:03,940 Sir Jeffrey: Shall we call it by its real name? 281 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:05,074 Burton: What? 282 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:06,108 Sir Jeffrey: Cliche. 283 00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,411 Do you want me saying cliches? 284 00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,546 Burton: No. 285 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,248 Sir Jeffrey: What exactly was it about this script 286 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,483 that made you want to make this movie? 287 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:17,987 Why don't you re-title the film and call it, The Cliche? 288 00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,189 Then it can be a comedy and I can laugh about it. 289 00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,590 Burton: What do you want to say? 290 00:16:21,614 --> 00:16:24,393 Sir Jeffrey: I want the words to not be plagarized. 291 00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,729 I want them to have something to say that vaguely resembles 292 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,699 my character, who is fucking religious by the way. 293 00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:33,102 "The crystals are mine," what the fuck is that? 294 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:34,603 What did you pay for this script? 295 00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:36,439 Burton: One hundred. 296 00:16:36,463 --> 00:16:41,666 Sir Jeffrey: Hmmmm, a 100,000 dollar cliche. 297 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,217 Mark: VD! 298 00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:50,252 You may want to stand clear. 299 00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:51,554 Mark: Jesus! 300 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:53,089 Wafting! 301 00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,457 Sir Jeffrey: In his pants right now, there is more 302 00:16:54,481 --> 00:16:58,227 original color and content than in your script. 303 00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,730 Stay! 304 00:17:00,754 --> 00:17:03,154 Stay. 305 00:17:05,257 --> 00:17:06,557 Wow. 306 00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,139 Maria? 307 00:17:10,163 --> 00:17:14,243 Did you see the size of that guy's bulge? 308 00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:17,313 European men put it pointed up to make it look bigger. 309 00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:20,082 Maria: American men put it down to make it look bigger. 310 00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:22,306 No, they don't, it looks bigger up! 311 00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:26,589 Maria: No, American men point it down 312 00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,424 to make it look bigger. 313 00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,759 No, it looks bigger up. 314 00:17:29,783 --> 00:17:31,594 Maria: Down. 315 00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:32,762 Up. 316 00:17:32,786 --> 00:17:33,662 Maria: Down. 317 00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:34,563 Up. Maria: Down! 318 00:17:34,587 --> 00:17:35,598 Up. Maria: Down! 319 00:17:35,622 --> 00:17:37,299 Up. Maria: Down! 320 00:17:37,323 --> 00:17:38,567 Stop talking about dick. 321 00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:39,735 Maria: Are you the only one who's allowed 322 00:17:39,759 --> 00:17:42,171 to talk about it, Mr. Director? 323 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:43,506 Well maybe I am! 324 00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,797 Louie: VD, I have the calamari! 325 00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:50,268 It looks fantastic! 326 00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:01,190 It is not as good as last week! 327 00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,660 No, VD, sir, umm... 328 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,596 Louie... 329 00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,265 Louie? 330 00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:12,557 V... Louie? 331 00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:16,272 Burton: 10 minutes, we are taking break. 332 00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:19,275 Why don't we just make a movie about break? 333 00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:23,112 Sir Jeffrey: At least it wouldn't be a cliche. 334 00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:26,115 You should have budgeted for some star wranglers. 335 00:18:26,139 --> 00:18:27,583 Burton: They have those? 336 00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:28,751 Sir Jeffrey: Yes. 337 00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:32,388 Complete with ropes and cattle prods. 338 00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:35,847 Burton: Do you have their number? 339 00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,727 There, yeah. 340 00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:55,299 Yo. 341 00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:08,446 VD and friends: Aaahh! 342 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,360 I could not do this without you guys. 343 00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:13,529 I love you. 344 00:19:13,553 --> 00:19:14,930 You guys always be there for me! 345 00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:18,789 I promise, I will always be there for you. 346 00:19:19,758 --> 00:19:23,194 What's your name? 347 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:27,776 Okay, we start today with a prayer and some meditation. 348 00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,545 A little prayer. 349 00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:30,713 5 minutes. 350 00:19:30,737 --> 00:19:31,737 Quiet. 351 00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:33,949 HEY!!!!! 352 00:19:33,973 --> 00:19:36,252 TURN OFF THE CELL PHONES AND THE WALKIES! 353 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,254 Turn off the cell phones and the walkies! 354 00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:42,346 AND THE CELL PHONES AND THE WALKIES! 355 00:19:43,615 --> 00:19:45,650 JESUS! 356 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:52,334 Burton: What is this meditation costing me? 357 00:19:52,358 --> 00:19:55,626 Five, ten thousand? 358 00:19:56,929 --> 00:20:00,743 Okay, we go to work. 359 00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,879 Yes, maybe now we can make some movie! 360 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,447 Lay down, lay down, lay down. 361 00:20:05,471 --> 00:20:06,448 Quickly. 362 00:20:06,472 --> 00:20:07,449 Okay. 363 00:20:07,473 --> 00:20:09,552 Is that beautiful? 364 00:20:09,576 --> 00:20:11,387 Is that so nice? 365 00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:14,957 Okay, so, you need to wake up, you're asleep, you're asleep. 366 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:15,724 Sleep. 367 00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,359 You wake up. 368 00:20:17,383 --> 00:20:19,962 Okay, now, you got to g..., we need something 369 00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:21,664 for her to hit me with. 370 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:24,889 How 'bout, a... 371 00:20:37,336 --> 00:20:39,348 Rubber chicken. 372 00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:40,916 Yeah? 373 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,406 Rubber chicken? 374 00:20:43,710 --> 00:20:45,454 That would be funny! 375 00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:48,457 Or better, you know, there's a lot of rubber chickens. 376 00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,226 What about... 377 00:20:50,250 --> 00:20:51,694 I think this is it. 378 00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:52,795 Turkey neck! 379 00:20:52,819 --> 00:20:53,729 Yeah? 380 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,264 Whup, turkey neck! 381 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:56,265 Huuuh! 382 00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:57,466 Yeah what do you think? 383 00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:59,824 Props! 384 00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:01,904 Do you have a turkey neck? 385 00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:03,939 Prop guy: I've got this lizard thing. 386 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:05,474 It is a lizard. 387 00:21:05,498 --> 00:21:06,475 Prop guy: Yeah. 388 00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:07,977 Does your lizard speak? 389 00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:09,945 Prop guy: Not in my experience. 390 00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:11,447 On Mars, a rubber lizard. 391 00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:14,583 Prop guy: This is a big beef thing. 392 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,684 Maybe you could try that. 393 00:21:15,708 --> 00:21:16,785 Does it hurt? 394 00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:18,287 Prop guy: Well, you try. 395 00:21:18,311 --> 00:21:19,688 Thanks. 396 00:21:19,712 --> 00:21:21,390 Hahahaha! 397 00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:22,291 Prop guy: Go ahead. 398 00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:22,958 You like? 399 00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:23,859 Yeah, that's good! 400 00:21:23,883 --> 00:21:25,327 That doesn't hurt at all. 401 00:21:25,351 --> 00:21:26,495 Yeah, hey come here! 402 00:21:26,519 --> 00:21:27,718 Is this good? 403 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:29,498 Yeah! 404 00:21:29,522 --> 00:21:30,866 What else do you have? 405 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:31,800 Prop guy: A wooden leg? 406 00:21:31,824 --> 00:21:33,302 A peg leg? 407 00:21:33,326 --> 00:21:34,069 Prop guy: Yeah, it actually belonged to my uncle. 408 00:21:34,093 --> 00:21:35,133 I don't know if it will... 409 00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:36,038 Prop guy: Jeez. 410 00:21:36,062 --> 00:21:37,306 It doesn't work. 411 00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:38,274 Prop guy: No, that's not gonna work. 412 00:21:38,298 --> 00:21:38,907 Step back here for a second. 413 00:21:38,931 --> 00:21:41,010 Prop guy: Some crabs? 414 00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:43,612 That is a space crab! 415 00:21:43,636 --> 00:21:45,047 Prop guy: Those are hard to get rid of. 416 00:21:45,071 --> 00:21:46,582 Yeah? 417 00:21:46,606 --> 00:21:47,638 Prop guy: Yeah. 418 00:21:48,474 --> 00:21:51,876 What, umm... 419 00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:54,290 A little aluminum missile. 420 00:21:54,314 --> 00:21:56,425 Prop guy: A little aluminum missile. 421 00:21:56,449 --> 00:21:58,327 An itty bitty little aluminum missile. 422 00:21:58,351 --> 00:22:00,462 Prop guy: A little bitty tiny aluminum missile. 423 00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:01,664 What do you think? 424 00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:02,631 Maria: It's funny. 425 00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,433 Hit me on the head with it. 426 00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:06,657 Hey... 427 00:22:08,861 --> 00:22:11,640 Man, Mark, you have a very big package. 428 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:13,108 What is that, kielbasa? 429 00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:14,943 Maria: Are we fighting, or talking dick? 430 00:22:14,967 --> 00:22:18,314 I guess I do talk about dick a lot. 431 00:22:18,338 --> 00:22:19,782 Can we kiss and make up? 432 00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:21,684 Maria: I would like that. 433 00:22:21,708 --> 00:22:24,420 Did she say lick, she would lick that? 434 00:22:24,444 --> 00:22:25,321 Maria: Like. 435 00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:26,544 I would lick that, too. 436 00:22:35,821 --> 00:22:37,788 I lick it. 437 00:22:41,493 --> 00:22:43,439 Alright everybody, that's five minutes. 438 00:22:43,463 --> 00:22:44,840 Make it six! 439 00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:47,631 Okay, make it six. 440 00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:51,847 Maria! 441 00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:55,406 Something's happening! 442 00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:10,966 Cradle the balls, work the shaft. 443 00:23:10,990 --> 00:23:13,936 Paint: Cradle the balls, work the shaft. 444 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,605 Cradle, more cradle. 445 00:23:16,629 --> 00:23:17,706 Crewman in orange: I just had an inspiration 446 00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:19,141 for a new crew T-shirt. 447 00:23:19,165 --> 00:23:20,898 Paint: Sure. 448 00:23:31,109 --> 00:23:34,412 Maria: It's been about five minutes, baby. 449 00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:40,062 Are you okay? 450 00:23:40,086 --> 00:23:43,399 What do stupid doctors know, anyway? 451 00:23:43,423 --> 00:23:46,635 Do you think they could wait maybe five more minutes? 452 00:23:46,659 --> 00:23:49,171 I don't want them to think I went too quickly. 453 00:23:49,195 --> 00:23:52,474 And maybe you could mess your hair up a little? 454 00:23:52,498 --> 00:23:54,610 Maria: Don't worry, we'll have fun on the set. 455 00:23:54,634 --> 00:23:57,501 I promise. 456 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:04,153 Crewman in orange: Two pools, 20 dollars each. 457 00:24:04,177 --> 00:24:05,821 One, we get a shot of anything today, 458 00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:07,489 Two we don't get a shot all day. 459 00:24:07,513 --> 00:24:09,992 Vladimir: That is whack. 460 00:24:10,016 --> 00:24:11,193 I'm in. 461 00:24:11,217 --> 00:24:13,695 Prop guy: No shot. 462 00:24:13,719 --> 00:24:15,597 Sir Jeffrey would like to speak with his director, 463 00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:16,799 do you have a minute for him? 464 00:24:16,823 --> 00:24:18,534 Sir Jeffrey, of course. 465 00:24:18,558 --> 00:24:19,835 This way, sir. 466 00:24:19,859 --> 00:24:23,071 Of course for Sir Jeffrey, I always have time. 467 00:24:23,095 --> 00:24:26,742 Sir Jeffrey: VD, structurally, they're 468 00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:28,510 doing a rather strange thing. 469 00:24:28,534 --> 00:24:32,448 They're having a sub-villain killed after the main villain. 470 00:24:32,472 --> 00:24:34,983 A sub-villain. 471 00:24:35,007 --> 00:24:37,486 I'm a bad guy on a submarine. 472 00:24:37,510 --> 00:24:40,189 Sir Jeffrey: No, no we don't have a submarine in the movie. 473 00:24:40,213 --> 00:24:41,723 We have rocket ships. 474 00:24:41,747 --> 00:24:43,058 Yes! 475 00:24:43,082 --> 00:24:44,893 Sir Jeffrey: My character is a main villain, so 476 00:24:44,917 --> 00:24:47,129 anyone who would work for a main villain 477 00:24:47,153 --> 00:24:49,620 would be a sub-villain. 478 00:24:51,890 --> 00:24:53,802 A smaller bad guy? 479 00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:54,970 Sir Jeffrey: Exactly! 480 00:24:54,994 --> 00:24:56,605 So, why would you kill a little bad guy 481 00:24:56,629 --> 00:24:59,541 after you've just killed the biggest bad guy? 482 00:24:59,565 --> 00:25:03,601 Because, he's a bad guy and he has to die. 483 00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:07,916 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, but um, killing of the big villain, 484 00:25:07,940 --> 00:25:09,952 that's the climax of the movie. 485 00:25:09,976 --> 00:25:12,154 Climax, like, orgasm. 486 00:25:12,178 --> 00:25:13,655 Sir Jeffrey: Exactly, right! 487 00:25:13,679 --> 00:25:15,257 Yes, so after the orgasm, do you have foreplay? 488 00:25:15,281 --> 00:25:17,559 No. 489 00:25:17,583 --> 00:25:20,028 I just, take a nap. 490 00:25:20,052 --> 00:25:20,963 Sir Jeffrey: Right. 491 00:25:20,987 --> 00:25:22,164 Because the movie's over. 492 00:25:22,188 --> 00:25:24,066 Right, I never watch the credits. 493 00:25:24,090 --> 00:25:25,968 Sir Jeffrey: So, why would you kill a little bad guy 494 00:25:25,992 --> 00:25:28,604 after you've just killed the big bad guy? 495 00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:31,006 Because he is a bad guy. 496 00:25:31,030 --> 00:25:34,042 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, but you see, umm, killing 497 00:25:34,066 --> 00:25:37,012 of the little bad guys is the foreplay that leads up 498 00:25:37,036 --> 00:25:40,549 to killing of the big bad guy, which is the climax. 499 00:25:40,573 --> 00:25:43,151 I don't understand. 500 00:25:43,175 --> 00:25:45,320 Sir Jeffrey: Okay, umm... 501 00:25:45,344 --> 00:25:49,157 Action-adventure movies are really like romance movies. 502 00:25:49,181 --> 00:25:52,261 The romantic hero identifies the beautiful girl, 503 00:25:52,285 --> 00:25:55,998 chases after her, romances her, finally gets to have her. 504 00:25:56,022 --> 00:25:57,332 Climax! 505 00:25:57,356 --> 00:26:01,069 Action-adventure hero, identifies the bad guy, 506 00:26:01,093 --> 00:26:04,206 chases after him after some close encounters, 507 00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:06,241 finally the bad guy's caught and killed, climax! 508 00:26:06,265 --> 00:26:09,144 So you see it's, it's almost like a love story. 509 00:26:09,168 --> 00:26:12,014 But, I don't love the villain. 510 00:26:12,038 --> 00:26:13,582 Sir Jeffrey: Well no, of course, but, but you know, 511 00:26:13,606 --> 00:26:14,683 you still wanna fuck him. 512 00:26:14,707 --> 00:26:15,884 I do? 513 00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,886 Sir Jeffrey: Yes. 514 00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:20,556 Where? 515 00:26:20,580 --> 00:26:22,057 In the butt? 516 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:24,359 Sir Jeffrey: No! 517 00:26:24,383 --> 00:26:25,994 Well then they... 518 00:26:26,018 --> 00:26:28,130 Or they... 519 00:26:28,154 --> 00:26:31,233 69? 520 00:26:31,257 --> 00:26:33,001 Sir Jeffrey: No, it was a metaphor! 521 00:26:33,025 --> 00:26:34,636 A metaphor. 522 00:26:34,660 --> 00:26:36,171 Sir Jeffrey: You don't know metaphor? 523 00:26:36,195 --> 00:26:38,373 Comes before meta-five. 524 00:26:38,397 --> 00:26:40,008 Sir Jeffrey: It doesn't come at all. 525 00:26:40,032 --> 00:26:41,643 It doesn't? 526 00:26:41,667 --> 00:26:42,844 Sir Jeffrey: No. 527 00:26:42,868 --> 00:26:46,048 So Jeffrey, could you explain please, 528 00:26:46,072 --> 00:26:49,117 but with the smaller words. 529 00:26:49,141 --> 00:26:52,955 Sir Jeffrey: Look, as the script is now, it's as though 530 00:26:52,979 --> 00:26:55,357 you get to fuck the beautiful girl that you'be been 531 00:26:55,381 --> 00:26:57,593 chasing after the whole movie, then you climb off her, 532 00:26:57,617 --> 00:26:59,728 go into the next room, and fuck her ugly sister! 533 00:26:59,752 --> 00:27:01,163 Does that make any sense? 534 00:27:01,187 --> 00:27:02,297 Yes! 535 00:27:02,321 --> 00:27:03,799 Sir Jeffrey: Why? 536 00:27:03,823 --> 00:27:07,736 Because, if you can fuck the sister, you should. 537 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:08,971 Sir Jeffrey: But, she's ugly. 538 00:27:08,995 --> 00:27:13,430 It's not the face you fuck. 539 00:27:13,732 --> 00:27:16,712 Sir Jeffrey: Do you know the expression pearls before swine? 540 00:27:16,736 --> 00:27:18,413 Yes. 541 00:27:18,437 --> 00:27:20,382 Sir Jeffrey: Do you know what it means? 542 00:27:20,406 --> 00:27:23,173 Yeah. 543 00:27:26,778 --> 00:27:28,390 Don't feed pigs pearls because they could 544 00:27:28,414 --> 00:27:31,315 choke on them and die. 545 00:27:38,156 --> 00:27:39,334 Sir Jeffrey: Exactly. 546 00:27:39,358 --> 00:27:40,769 Right. 547 00:27:40,793 --> 00:27:42,259 Call it. 548 00:27:44,195 --> 00:27:45,674 Yes? 549 00:27:45,698 --> 00:27:46,842 VD, the crew wants to present you with a cake. 550 00:27:46,866 --> 00:27:48,076 They do? 551 00:27:48,100 --> 00:27:49,711 For our director. 552 00:27:49,735 --> 00:27:52,314 Hey cake for everybody! 553 00:27:52,338 --> 00:27:54,016 Ha ha! 554 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:56,306 Cake cake cake cake I like cake. 555 00:28:02,248 --> 00:28:03,825 Crowd: Congratulations! 556 00:28:03,849 --> 00:28:10,688 I don't know what to say, I'm, I'm really very moved. 557 00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:20,175 I know that having a crew like you guys 558 00:28:20,199 --> 00:28:22,844 makes my job all the much easier, you guys 559 00:28:22,868 --> 00:28:24,713 are fantastic, and I hope that we can always 560 00:28:24,737 --> 00:28:28,350 work together forever, forever, yes. 561 00:28:28,374 --> 00:28:32,454 Please, VD, blow out your candles. 562 00:28:32,478 --> 00:28:34,756 Thank you. 563 00:28:34,780 --> 00:28:37,159 Thank you very much. 564 00:28:37,183 --> 00:28:39,383 Well. 565 00:28:47,393 --> 00:28:50,872 Help me, I'm blind! 566 00:28:50,896 --> 00:28:52,196 I'm blind! 567 00:28:53,199 --> 00:28:54,242 No, no, it's okay, it's okay. 568 00:28:54,266 --> 00:28:57,000 I'm cake-blind! 569 00:29:01,005 --> 00:29:03,351 VD, VD. 570 00:29:03,375 --> 00:29:07,189 VD, it's whipped cream and it's actually pretty good. 571 00:29:07,213 --> 00:29:08,857 Well get it off of me! 572 00:29:08,881 --> 00:29:11,248 Burton: Alright, 573 00:29:17,522 --> 00:29:19,968 YOU'RE ALL FIRED!!! 574 00:29:19,992 --> 00:29:22,204 GET OFF MY SET, ALL OF YOU! 575 00:29:22,228 --> 00:29:24,072 Right now, you fire them right now! 576 00:29:24,096 --> 00:29:26,441 Burton: VD, it was practical joke! 577 00:29:26,465 --> 00:29:28,543 Nobody was hurt. 578 00:29:28,567 --> 00:29:30,112 Get off of my set! 579 00:29:30,136 --> 00:29:31,813 All of you! 580 00:29:31,837 --> 00:29:33,248 You're all fired! 581 00:29:33,272 --> 00:29:35,450 You're fired right now brother, right now! 582 00:29:35,474 --> 00:29:37,886 Burton: It's pie in face, it's part of show business. 583 00:29:37,910 --> 00:29:39,855 Bullshit! 584 00:29:39,879 --> 00:29:41,056 Fire them! 585 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:42,457 Burton: We have to finish the movie! 586 00:29:42,481 --> 00:29:43,525 No! 587 00:29:43,549 --> 00:29:48,285 GET OFF MY SET NOW ALL OF YOU! 588 00:30:10,575 --> 00:30:13,255 Alright, that's enough. 589 00:30:13,279 --> 00:30:16,346 Not yet, not yet. 590 00:30:21,821 --> 00:30:24,454 Stay here! 591 00:30:27,926 --> 00:30:31,206 Hey, you stupid FX motherfucker. 592 00:30:31,230 --> 00:30:32,563 Who's pissing their panties now? 593 00:30:35,467 --> 00:30:37,067 Hasta la vista, maybe. 594 00:30:45,643 --> 00:30:48,912 You want a retake? 595 00:30:49,113 --> 00:30:52,916 Eat my lead. 596 00:30:57,088 --> 00:30:59,423 Vaya con dios, baby. 597 00:31:02,528 --> 00:31:03,872 Hey, it's pretty funny, a man 598 00:31:03,896 --> 00:31:06,174 all covered in whipped cream firing a shotgun. 599 00:31:06,198 --> 00:31:08,877 Yeah, funny, let's laugh! 600 00:31:08,901 --> 00:31:11,379 Funny pie in the face man, come on let's all laugh! 601 00:31:11,403 --> 00:31:12,647 Yah, yah, is funny. 602 00:31:12,671 --> 00:31:14,349 All we need is some maybe nice tits, 603 00:31:14,373 --> 00:31:16,940 then we really have a show. 604 00:31:20,511 --> 00:31:23,058 That is pretty good you stupid FX motherfucker 605 00:31:23,082 --> 00:31:26,595 that doesn't even know the sound of his own blanks? 606 00:31:26,619 --> 00:31:28,218 Yippee kay-yay motherfucker! 607 00:31:32,157 --> 00:31:35,237 Doesn't even know the sound of his own blanks. 608 00:31:35,261 --> 00:31:39,062 Yoke's on you, ha! 609 00:31:41,399 --> 00:31:44,346 Rub yourself, rub your boobies on me. 610 00:31:44,370 --> 00:31:47,249 I feel something. 611 00:31:47,273 --> 00:31:49,017 It's working! 612 00:31:49,041 --> 00:31:50,585 It's working! 613 00:31:50,609 --> 00:31:52,709 Okay. 614 00:31:53,011 --> 00:31:54,422 Well that was fun while it lasted. 615 00:31:54,446 --> 00:31:57,147 Let's go! 616 00:31:59,417 --> 00:32:00,962 Okay, it's working, yes! 617 00:32:00,986 --> 00:32:03,899 Sir Jeffrey: Sophocles heard it long ago on the Aegean, 618 00:32:03,923 --> 00:32:06,668 and it brought into his mind the turbid ebb and flow 619 00:32:06,692 --> 00:32:09,660 of human misery. 620 00:32:14,666 --> 00:32:17,145 Sir Jeffrey: Down the vast edges and 621 00:32:17,169 --> 00:32:22,172 naked shingles of the world. 622 00:32:50,101 --> 00:32:53,114 S-Sue, I was in the warm. 623 00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:57,007 I saw the warm. 624 00:33:14,392 --> 00:33:17,427 Thank you, my little fish. 625 00:33:24,769 --> 00:33:28,016 Alright, time to get back to work, bring me. 626 00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,452 Touch-ups, after rehearsal. 627 00:33:30,476 --> 00:33:32,754 Okay, at this point in the fight, 628 00:33:32,778 --> 00:33:34,723 get rid of the swords. 629 00:33:34,747 --> 00:33:40,228 We're going to grapple mano a mano, yeah? 630 00:33:40,252 --> 00:33:40,228 Okay. 631 00:33:40,252 --> 00:33:45,033 By now, Darkwing has managed to get me in a sleeper hold. 632 00:33:45,057 --> 00:33:46,801 But the last minute, I will overpower him and 633 00:33:46,825 --> 00:33:48,436 him on the ground. 634 00:33:48,460 --> 00:33:51,506 Mark: VD, nobody can get out of a sleeper hold. 635 00:33:51,530 --> 00:33:53,742 Bull shit. 636 00:33:53,766 --> 00:33:55,310 I do it all the time. 637 00:33:55,334 --> 00:33:56,745 Mark: You said you wanted the fight to be realistic? 638 00:33:56,769 --> 00:33:58,279 Nobody can get out of a sleeper hold. 639 00:33:58,303 --> 00:34:00,215 I do it all the time, Mark! 640 00:34:00,239 --> 00:34:01,182 Mark: It's gonna knock you out. 641 00:34:01,206 --> 00:34:03,451 Ha ha ha ha. 642 00:34:03,475 --> 00:34:06,554 Put one on me, come on, give it your best shot, stuntman. 643 00:34:06,578 --> 00:34:08,523 Mark: Listen, let's continue the fight? 644 00:34:08,547 --> 00:34:11,559 Are you afraid of the great VD? 645 00:34:11,583 --> 00:34:12,794 You think I don't know what I'm doing? 646 00:34:12,818 --> 00:34:15,730 You think I got this way from being photographed? 647 00:34:15,754 --> 00:34:17,799 My chi will overpower your chi 648 00:34:17,823 --> 00:34:19,734 and that is what you are afraid of. 649 00:34:19,758 --> 00:34:20,702 Bring it on, stuntman. 650 00:34:20,726 --> 00:34:22,337 Put your best move on me now. 651 00:34:22,361 --> 00:34:23,772 Mark: VD, it's gonna knock you out. 652 00:34:23,796 --> 00:34:27,442 Bullshit, do it. 653 00:34:27,466 --> 00:34:29,077 Mark: Get the medic. 654 00:34:29,101 --> 00:34:30,745 Tell him he's gonna need to revive VD. 655 00:34:30,769 --> 00:34:33,248 Ha ha ha ha. 656 00:34:33,272 --> 00:34:34,716 Burton: What's happening here? 657 00:34:34,740 --> 00:34:36,251 One minute, I am proving a point 658 00:34:36,275 --> 00:34:39,154 to the bullshit stuntman. 659 00:34:39,178 --> 00:34:41,556 Burton: Ha, okay. 660 00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:45,660 Don't do anything until I say go. 661 00:34:45,684 --> 00:34:47,395 Are you ready? 662 00:34:47,419 --> 00:34:49,486 Mark: Ready. 663 00:34:56,260 --> 00:34:58,373 Go! 664 00:34:58,397 --> 00:35:00,141 Mark: One. 665 00:35:00,165 --> 00:35:02,099 Two. 666 00:35:02,701 --> 00:35:04,345 Mark: Three. 667 00:35:04,369 --> 00:35:06,147 Four. 668 00:35:06,171 --> 00:35:07,749 Five. 669 00:35:07,773 --> 00:35:09,350 Six. 670 00:35:09,374 --> 00:35:11,086 Seven. 671 00:35:11,110 --> 00:35:12,454 Eight. 672 00:35:12,478 --> 00:35:14,456 Nine. 673 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:16,524 Medic? 674 00:35:16,548 --> 00:35:18,693 Crap he pissed himself. 675 00:35:18,717 --> 00:35:20,728 Medic: His pulse is good. 676 00:35:20,752 --> 00:35:23,098 Alright, alright. 677 00:35:23,122 --> 00:35:24,766 Get wardrobe in here to change his pants. 678 00:35:24,790 --> 00:35:26,267 Hey, look. 679 00:35:26,291 --> 00:35:29,337 VD wakes up, and he finds out that we know that 680 00:35:29,361 --> 00:35:32,307 he pissed his pants, we're gonna kiss off the whole day. 681 00:35:32,331 --> 00:35:34,409 Best Boy: I thought that's what we're doing already. 682 00:35:34,433 --> 00:35:38,301 Come on, come on, pants, fly it on in here! 683 00:35:44,776 --> 00:35:46,554 Paint: He stuffs his pants? 684 00:35:46,578 --> 00:35:49,379 Vladimir: That is whack. 685 00:36:08,799 --> 00:36:11,902 Paint: Has somebody got a magnifying glass? 686 00:36:14,539 --> 00:36:16,184 A tattoo. 687 00:36:16,208 --> 00:36:17,785 He got his Johnny tattooed. 688 00:36:17,809 --> 00:36:19,721 Ivan: Man, what that would feel like. 689 00:36:19,745 --> 00:36:22,257 Jam: No, no that's a rumor, man. 690 00:36:22,281 --> 00:36:23,591 I don't believe that. 691 00:36:23,615 --> 00:36:24,759 No. 692 00:36:24,783 --> 00:36:26,261 Tattoo artist: It's definitely not a rumor. 693 00:36:26,285 --> 00:36:27,695 Tattoo assistant: This is what he wanted. 694 00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:31,299 Tattoo artist: It took about 2000 pricks on his porksword. 695 00:36:31,323 --> 00:36:33,268 Patrick: On the tip of his... 696 00:36:33,292 --> 00:36:33,935 Craig: His manhood? 697 00:36:33,959 --> 00:36:34,903 Patrick: His manhood. 698 00:36:34,927 --> 00:36:35,737 Craig: I hope he told you that. 699 00:36:35,761 --> 00:36:37,460 I hope you did not... 700 00:36:38,730 --> 00:36:39,574 Patrick: No! 701 00:36:39,598 --> 00:36:41,231 I saw it. 702 00:36:45,870 --> 00:36:49,951 He had a, he had a tattoo of like eagle's wings or 703 00:36:49,975 --> 00:36:51,719 a talon going over the tip. 704 00:36:51,743 --> 00:36:55,323 Craig: How did how did you happen to see it? 705 00:36:55,347 --> 00:36:56,624 What was the circumstance? 706 00:36:56,648 --> 00:36:57,759 Patrick: No, he just decided to show it to me. 707 00:36:57,783 --> 00:36:59,794 Craig: So you kept your trousers up. 708 00:36:59,818 --> 00:37:00,962 Patrick: I kept mine up. 709 00:37:00,986 --> 00:37:02,197 Craig: He just, he gave you a quick visual, 710 00:37:02,221 --> 00:37:03,631 and that was that. 711 00:37:03,655 --> 00:37:06,734 Paint: Red talons on the left and blue talons on the right. 712 00:37:06,758 --> 00:37:08,303 It's like, an eagle. 713 00:37:08,327 --> 00:37:09,404 Very patriotic. 714 00:37:09,428 --> 00:37:10,838 Ivan: Maybe he's wanting to fly. 715 00:37:10,862 --> 00:37:14,209 Paint: No, I think if he wanted to fly it would be wings. 716 00:37:14,233 --> 00:37:15,543 Get the pants on him, okay! 717 00:37:15,567 --> 00:37:17,612 Mark! 718 00:37:17,636 --> 00:37:19,347 Lay down next to VD. 719 00:37:19,371 --> 00:37:21,916 We got a movie to make here, now. 720 00:37:21,940 --> 00:37:24,519 When the medic hits VD with the smelling salts, okay, 721 00:37:24,543 --> 00:37:26,921 I want you to roll over, like he's just 722 00:37:26,945 --> 00:37:29,257 flipped you over his back and onto the floor, okay? 723 00:37:29,281 --> 00:37:31,392 Hey look, with any luck, he'll believe this, too. 724 00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:32,760 Alright, the rest of you. 725 00:37:32,784 --> 00:37:35,396 When VD wakes up, all I want to hear is cheering. 726 00:37:35,420 --> 00:37:36,598 Congratulations, hey you were great, 727 00:37:36,622 --> 00:37:37,765 hey you're the best guy in the world, 728 00:37:37,789 --> 00:37:39,367 Hey bullshit, blah blah blah blah blah. 729 00:37:39,391 --> 00:37:40,268 Okay? 730 00:37:40,292 --> 00:37:40,935 Alright. 731 00:37:40,959 --> 00:37:41,936 You ready? 732 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:42,837 Mark: Yeah. 733 00:37:42,861 --> 00:37:48,398 , action. 734 00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:05,560 I tell you, you bullshit stuntman, 735 00:38:05,584 --> 00:38:08,463 now you have met the great VD. 736 00:38:08,487 --> 00:38:11,699 Who is the one with the, embarrass now, man? 737 00:38:11,723 --> 00:38:12,800 Is it you? 738 00:38:12,824 --> 00:38:13,801 Ho ho ho ho. 739 00:38:13,825 --> 00:38:14,991 Mark: Yeah, VD, me. 740 00:38:19,798 --> 00:38:22,510 Something smells like shit. 741 00:38:22,534 --> 00:38:26,347 What, did somebody step on a barking spider? 742 00:38:26,371 --> 00:38:30,785 General, please stop wafting in my direction. 743 00:38:30,809 --> 00:38:36,546 When did I remember to forget to tie my shoes? 744 00:38:39,818 --> 00:38:41,796 I have a great idea for the fight. 745 00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:44,565 Um, the great VD is going to fly in the movie 746 00:38:44,589 --> 00:38:46,467 like House of Frying Dragons. 747 00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:47,669 Yes! 748 00:38:47,693 --> 00:38:49,671 House of Frying Dragons, we're going to fly me. 749 00:38:49,695 --> 00:38:52,907 VD, why would your character fly? 750 00:38:52,931 --> 00:38:54,709 Cuz he is a spaceman. 751 00:38:54,733 --> 00:38:57,445 Yes, but House of Frying Dragons was a fantasy. 752 00:38:57,469 --> 00:38:58,746 Yeah, life is a fantasy. 753 00:38:58,770 --> 00:38:59,614 Like Peter Pan. 754 00:38:59,638 --> 00:39:00,882 Never grow up! 755 00:39:00,906 --> 00:39:03,073 Never grow up, no way not sir, no not me! 756 00:39:04,576 --> 00:39:05,620 I just thought of something. 757 00:39:05,644 --> 00:39:07,822 What? 758 00:39:07,846 --> 00:39:10,358 The first time I had jellybeans. 759 00:39:10,382 --> 00:39:11,759 Louie! 760 00:39:11,783 --> 00:39:14,062 Get me some jellybeans and take out all the yellow ones! 761 00:39:14,086 --> 00:39:15,963 Louie: Jellybeans are on their way, captain. 762 00:39:15,987 --> 00:39:18,655 Aye, aye! 763 00:39:19,457 --> 00:39:21,035 Alright, back to work. 764 00:39:21,059 --> 00:39:22,537 In here. 765 00:39:22,561 --> 00:39:23,805 Paint: The design had to come from somewhere, 766 00:39:23,829 --> 00:39:25,139 even if it was just his subconsious. 767 00:39:25,163 --> 00:39:26,941 It's like a, that makes it even better, 768 00:39:26,965 --> 00:39:29,677 a direct snapshot into his inner psyche. 769 00:39:29,701 --> 00:39:31,346 I think he has color issues, what's the whole thing 770 00:39:31,370 --> 00:39:34,415 with getting all the yellow jellybeans taken out? 771 00:39:34,439 --> 00:39:36,117 Maybe he does not like lemon. 772 00:39:36,141 --> 00:39:37,418 Paint: No, I think he has color issues. 773 00:39:37,442 --> 00:39:38,519 I think that's least of issues. 774 00:39:38,543 --> 00:39:39,809 Paint: Well, that may be. 775 00:39:44,849 --> 00:39:45,993 What happened to you? 776 00:39:46,017 --> 00:39:48,429 You used to be my best friend. 777 00:39:48,453 --> 00:39:53,790 Johnny doesn't come out and play anymore. 778 00:40:00,999 --> 00:40:04,734 That's better. 779 00:40:09,507 --> 00:40:11,741 Hi, girls. 780 00:40:24,755 --> 00:40:29,726 Look, she has a bottom like a little boy's. 781 00:40:30,027 --> 00:40:32,640 ♪ Space Cowboy by Matt Long 782 00:40:32,664 --> 00:40:34,597 I love you. 783 00:40:45,243 --> 00:40:46,154 10, no 15 minutes. 784 00:40:46,178 --> 00:40:48,745 Then they will respect me! 785 00:41:06,564 --> 00:41:08,576 Somebody needs to cum. 786 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:11,668 Woman in pink bra: Let me. 787 00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,786 Are you recording this? 788 00:41:18,810 --> 00:41:19,876 Soundman: Maybe. 789 00:41:51,008 --> 00:41:51,953 The rockets are falling! 790 00:41:51,977 --> 00:41:54,811 The rockets are falling! 791 00:42:00,584 --> 00:42:02,752 That's a wrap! 792 00:42:04,555 --> 00:42:06,133 Burton: I had to work with VD. 793 00:42:06,157 --> 00:42:07,969 I am idiot! 794 00:42:07,993 --> 00:42:11,873 Schmuck! 795 00:42:11,897 --> 00:42:14,509 We have to be out of here by midnight. 796 00:42:14,533 --> 00:42:16,978 We still have three days' work left. 797 00:42:17,002 --> 00:42:20,648 Emily, get him out of his trailer. 798 00:42:20,672 --> 00:42:24,040 Do whatever it takes. 799 00:42:25,643 --> 00:42:30,580 Just pretend that you're at the beach! 800 00:42:45,729 --> 00:42:51,034 Emily: I want speak, to Mr. VD. 801 00:42:54,838 --> 00:42:57,707 The great VD. 802 00:42:59,944 --> 00:43:01,856 Ray: I made it work. 803 00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:05,793 I've got VD's lines in this script. 804 00:43:05,817 --> 00:43:09,085 And it works. 805 00:43:09,620 --> 00:43:10,698 Burton: Okay. 806 00:43:10,722 --> 00:43:14,257 We have to cut 10 more pages. 807 00:43:14,792 --> 00:43:15,836 Ray: 10 pages? 808 00:43:15,860 --> 00:43:17,338 Burton: Yes, yes. 809 00:43:17,362 --> 00:43:19,862 Ray: Okay. 810 00:43:21,231 --> 00:43:22,276 Is that enough? 811 00:43:22,300 --> 00:43:24,801 Wait that's only seven? 812 00:43:25,669 --> 00:43:27,848 Does that work for you? 813 00:43:27,872 --> 00:43:29,016 Burton: Ray. 814 00:43:29,040 --> 00:43:30,284 No no no, Ray, that's not what I mean. 815 00:43:30,308 --> 00:43:35,089 What if the bad guy falls to his death? 816 00:43:35,113 --> 00:43:37,191 Trips and falls. 817 00:43:37,215 --> 00:43:38,259 Ray: By, by himself? 818 00:43:38,283 --> 00:43:39,760 Burton: Yes. 819 00:43:39,784 --> 00:43:43,331 It, it's logical, people trip and fall all the time. 820 00:43:43,355 --> 00:43:47,234 Ray: No final fight scene, no dialog, no, no, no swords? 821 00:43:47,258 --> 00:43:48,636 Burton: No, no. 822 00:43:48,660 --> 00:43:51,172 Just trips, and falls. 823 00:43:51,196 --> 00:43:52,373 Like life. 824 00:43:52,397 --> 00:43:55,231 Life! 825 00:44:00,871 --> 00:44:04,652 Ray: Well why don't we just have them kiss and make up? 826 00:44:04,676 --> 00:44:06,320 They could walk out holding hands. 827 00:44:06,344 --> 00:44:09,857 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to rape and kill your sister, 828 00:44:09,881 --> 00:44:09,857 it was an accident. 829 00:44:09,881 --> 00:44:13,694 That's okay because I live my life out of love now 830 00:44:13,718 --> 00:44:15,963 and I want you to know that I love you too. 831 00:44:15,987 --> 00:44:17,131 I forgive you! 832 00:44:17,155 --> 00:44:18,332 Burton: Okay. 833 00:44:18,356 --> 00:44:19,767 Ray: The bad guy and our hero could become the 834 00:44:19,791 --> 00:44:22,103 poster children for anger management. 835 00:44:22,127 --> 00:44:26,007 If we can make it work, you can, too! 836 00:44:26,031 --> 00:44:29,198 Burton: Okay, I get point. 837 00:44:30,034 --> 00:44:34,115 Ray: Burton, thanks for the job, really. 838 00:44:34,139 --> 00:44:35,950 But I'm done. 839 00:44:35,974 --> 00:44:37,652 I wish you luck. 840 00:44:37,676 --> 00:44:40,309 Goodbye. 841 00:44:55,859 --> 00:44:58,127 Yah! 842 00:45:20,150 --> 00:45:23,052 Hewwo. 843 00:45:26,356 --> 00:45:27,702 Ivan: I'm almost feeling sorry 844 00:45:27,726 --> 00:45:30,071 for cards dealting to Burton. 845 00:45:30,095 --> 00:45:31,806 He put everything to this picture. 846 00:45:31,830 --> 00:45:33,074 Paint: Yeah, what an idiot. 847 00:45:33,098 --> 00:45:34,842 Ivan: Well, VD's pictures still make money. 848 00:45:34,866 --> 00:45:36,210 Paint: Not in America. 849 00:45:36,234 --> 00:45:38,979 Did you know that his name, VD, in America is actually 850 00:45:39,003 --> 00:45:41,949 a sexually transmitted disease? 851 00:45:41,973 --> 00:45:42,950 Ivan: Really? 852 00:45:42,974 --> 00:45:44,318 Paint: Yeah. 853 00:45:44,342 --> 00:45:46,087 Yeah, yeah I think it's how you say it in Europe, 854 00:45:46,111 --> 00:45:48,322 the whole W, V, Wagner, Vagner... 855 00:45:48,346 --> 00:45:49,457 Ivan: Wagner, Vagner. 856 00:45:49,481 --> 00:45:50,391 Paint: Yeah. 857 00:45:50,415 --> 00:45:51,981 Yeah. 858 00:45:56,754 --> 00:46:01,535 You know Emily, last time you were very angry with me. 859 00:46:01,559 --> 00:46:06,874 I sent you flowers, chocolates, candy, wine. 860 00:46:06,898 --> 00:46:10,044 And I even wrote you a poem and you did not respond to me 861 00:46:10,068 --> 00:46:15,816 and it's my dying wish that I have the key to your heart. 862 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,120 I do not have the key, I cannot find the key. 863 00:46:19,144 --> 00:46:27,144 And I just, I, I love you, Emily and I, I want your love. 864 00:46:32,256 --> 00:46:35,191 Emily: You want see my... 865 00:46:39,029 --> 00:46:40,863 Tits? 866 00:46:42,065 --> 00:46:44,345 Yes. 867 00:46:44,369 --> 00:46:45,579 Emily: Then you go set! 868 00:46:45,603 --> 00:46:48,115 Work! 869 00:46:48,139 --> 00:46:51,240 Yes. 870 00:46:51,909 --> 00:46:53,320 Emily: No picture. 871 00:46:53,344 --> 00:46:56,190 Emily, you know I have to have a picture. 872 00:46:56,214 --> 00:46:59,482 Emily: No. 873 00:47:00,951 --> 00:47:03,898 I'm kind of sleepy now, I have to, 874 00:47:03,922 --> 00:47:07,368 I think I have to take a nap. 875 00:47:07,392 --> 00:47:09,603 Whoa. 876 00:47:09,627 --> 00:47:12,962 Emily: Wait! 877 00:47:38,121 --> 00:47:40,590 She'll be back. 878 00:47:53,136 --> 00:47:54,481 Burton: Emily? 879 00:47:54,505 --> 00:47:56,383 What happened? 880 00:47:56,407 --> 00:47:58,352 Emily: I am virgin. 881 00:47:58,376 --> 00:48:01,388 Burton: He doesn't want your virginity. 882 00:48:01,412 --> 00:48:03,279 Emily: He wants take picture. 883 00:48:03,981 --> 00:48:05,414 Burton: Cover your face. 884 00:48:06,516 --> 00:48:08,062 Emily: No! 885 00:48:08,086 --> 00:48:10,186 Burton: 1,000 Euro! 886 00:48:10,888 --> 00:48:12,889 2,000! 887 00:48:15,025 --> 00:48:16,070 Emily: Two? 888 00:48:16,094 --> 00:48:18,339 Thousand Euro? 889 00:48:18,363 --> 00:48:20,463 Burton: Yes. 890 00:48:23,033 --> 00:48:26,969 Emily: 3,000 Euro me, 3,000 more my family. 891 00:48:31,642 --> 00:48:34,143 Emily. 892 00:48:34,978 --> 00:48:38,225 Emily. 893 00:48:38,249 --> 00:48:41,250 You are so beautiful. 894 00:48:41,385 --> 00:48:44,064 No flower or the things that pop up out of the ground 895 00:48:44,088 --> 00:48:46,967 in the spring can equal your beauty. 896 00:48:46,991 --> 00:48:51,438 I, I love you. 897 00:48:51,462 --> 00:48:54,096 I do. 898 00:48:59,269 --> 00:49:01,548 Thank you Emily, at last my mirror is complete. 899 00:49:01,572 --> 00:49:04,218 You will never forget this. 900 00:49:04,242 --> 00:49:05,452 Emily: You come! 901 00:49:05,476 --> 00:49:08,010 Almost, almost. 902 00:49:09,546 --> 00:49:11,358 Am I such a bad boy? 903 00:49:11,382 --> 00:49:14,228 My mommy, she breastfed me, I love breasts. 904 00:49:14,252 --> 00:49:16,030 There is nothing in the world that 905 00:49:16,054 --> 00:49:19,288 a good breast suck can't cure. 906 00:49:20,223 --> 00:49:23,526 Am I such a bad boy? 907 00:49:26,430 --> 00:49:30,244 Okay, umm, checklist. 908 00:49:30,268 --> 00:49:31,445 Let's take it from where Maria doinks me on the head 909 00:49:31,469 --> 00:49:34,281 with the little aluminum missile. 910 00:49:34,305 --> 00:49:36,450 Maria: You know, maybe instead of hitting you, 911 00:49:36,474 --> 00:49:38,218 I could help you. 912 00:49:38,242 --> 00:49:41,388 What are you going to do if a woman doesn't have a gun? 913 00:49:41,412 --> 00:49:44,425 You going to, blow kisses at him? 914 00:49:44,449 --> 00:49:47,183 Maybe you beat him up with your batting of the eyelashes? 915 00:49:48,519 --> 00:49:49,697 Is that what it is? 916 00:49:49,721 --> 00:49:51,565 You know, I get great idea for your character 917 00:49:51,589 --> 00:49:52,733 and you want to change it? 918 00:49:52,757 --> 00:49:53,734 Is that it? 919 00:49:53,758 --> 00:49:56,270 You want to be the director? 920 00:49:56,294 --> 00:49:57,438 Is that it? 921 00:49:57,462 --> 00:50:00,407 Maria: Sure, yeah this will be fun, yeah! 922 00:50:00,431 --> 00:50:03,344 We bring in all the helpless girls and the great VD 923 00:50:03,368 --> 00:50:05,546 can come and rescue them. 924 00:50:05,570 --> 00:50:07,281 What are you doing? 925 00:50:07,305 --> 00:50:08,349 Maria: Directing. 926 00:50:08,373 --> 00:50:11,185 You, get off my set, stupido! 927 00:50:11,209 --> 00:50:13,620 Get out of here! 928 00:50:13,644 --> 00:50:15,322 You are stupido! 929 00:50:15,346 --> 00:50:19,360 If only implants were brains, then you could be Einstein. 930 00:50:19,384 --> 00:50:20,761 And then, you could direct. 931 00:50:20,785 --> 00:50:21,996 Yes? 932 00:50:22,020 --> 00:50:23,297 Get off my set! 933 00:50:23,321 --> 00:50:24,720 I fire you! 934 00:50:37,768 --> 00:50:40,247 Women! 935 00:50:40,271 --> 00:50:41,415 Ivan: It's still hard to believe they're 936 00:50:41,439 --> 00:50:43,484 not getting bad boy clause. 937 00:50:43,508 --> 00:50:45,486 Paint: Unbelievable with his reputation. 938 00:50:45,510 --> 00:50:46,754 And! 939 00:50:46,778 --> 00:50:50,057 I hear he gets to choose his own call time. 940 00:50:50,081 --> 00:50:52,559 Ivan: Who you have to fuck, choosing own call time? 941 00:50:52,583 --> 00:50:54,361 Paint: Producer. 942 00:50:54,385 --> 00:50:56,597 Ivan: No no no no, I mean in life? 943 00:50:56,621 --> 00:50:59,033 Being dealting these cards? 944 00:50:59,057 --> 00:51:00,801 Paint: That'd be the dealer, the dealer. 945 00:51:00,825 --> 00:51:02,302 Yeah. 946 00:51:02,326 --> 00:51:05,806 Ivan: The dealer, the dealer, the fucking dealer. 947 00:51:05,830 --> 00:51:08,108 Paint: The fucking dealer. 948 00:51:08,132 --> 00:51:10,277 Burton: VD I'm sorry, we cannot fly you, 949 00:51:10,301 --> 00:51:11,545 we just don't have the time. 950 00:51:11,569 --> 00:51:13,580 Mr Producer, you will make the time. 951 00:51:13,604 --> 00:51:16,583 Burton: No no no no, we must shoot the fight scene as is. 952 00:51:16,607 --> 00:51:21,288 As fight choreographer, you shoot the fight 953 00:51:21,312 --> 00:51:23,390 the way I say it is in my contract. 954 00:51:23,414 --> 00:51:25,793 Burton: You are the director and 955 00:51:25,817 --> 00:51:28,729 the fight choreographer, but you aren't the set designer. 956 00:51:28,753 --> 00:51:31,598 As the fight choreographer, the next part of the fight 957 00:51:31,622 --> 00:51:35,602 is in the air, is what I say, you cheap Euro producer! 958 00:51:35,626 --> 00:51:36,703 Burton: Hey! 959 00:51:36,727 --> 00:51:37,838 You can't spend 5 Euro on a stunt? 960 00:51:37,862 --> 00:51:40,140 I'll tell you what, you take this, 961 00:51:40,164 --> 00:51:43,777 you go hock it for 10 Euro, and you build us a fucking set! 962 00:51:43,801 --> 00:51:45,746 What is this piece of shit? 963 00:51:45,770 --> 00:51:47,381 What is it, cardboard? 964 00:51:47,405 --> 00:51:49,216 No, it's paper. 965 00:51:49,240 --> 00:51:51,118 You give me 5,000,000 Euro, yeah? 966 00:51:51,142 --> 00:51:52,886 You tell me this is 10,000,000 Euro movie. 967 00:51:52,910 --> 00:51:55,422 Where's the other 5,000,00? 968 00:51:55,446 --> 00:51:56,590 What did this cost? 969 00:51:56,614 --> 00:51:59,215 One Euro? 970 00:52:00,418 --> 00:52:01,628 I show you what I think of your set? 971 00:52:01,652 --> 00:52:04,854 Precious set, I love you. 972 00:52:06,657 --> 00:52:08,135 Shit shit shit! 973 00:52:08,159 --> 00:52:09,369 My toe, get away from me! 974 00:52:09,393 --> 00:52:10,604 Get away from me. 975 00:52:10,628 --> 00:52:12,895 Finished... set... I am not finished! 976 00:52:15,466 --> 00:52:16,466 Take that you stupid set! 977 00:52:28,712 --> 00:52:32,459 I showing you, you fucking set! 978 00:52:32,483 --> 00:52:34,150 Ha ha ha ha. 979 00:52:41,959 --> 00:52:43,170 Shit. 980 00:52:43,194 --> 00:52:45,205 I think I am stuck. 981 00:52:45,229 --> 00:52:46,273 Hello? 982 00:52:46,297 --> 00:52:48,142 Where's my grippers? 983 00:52:48,166 --> 00:52:50,210 Where's my grippers? 984 00:52:50,234 --> 00:52:51,612 Vladimir: That is whack. 985 00:52:51,636 --> 00:52:57,317 I'm over here you know, hey, like hey! 986 00:52:57,341 --> 00:52:59,219 Hey, I'm over here. 987 00:52:59,243 --> 00:53:00,888 In here, hello? 988 00:53:00,912 --> 00:53:02,222 I'm in the rock! 989 00:53:02,246 --> 00:53:04,291 Video, come on, 990 00:53:04,315 --> 00:53:05,926 Help me. 991 00:53:05,950 --> 00:53:08,651 Excuse me? 992 00:53:10,388 --> 00:53:11,468 What's happening out there? 993 00:53:25,569 --> 00:53:27,648 Da, except I don't speak Russian! 994 00:53:27,672 --> 00:53:28,837 I know you want to help. 995 00:53:31,808 --> 00:53:34,288 Keep the producer away from me. 996 00:53:34,312 --> 00:53:36,011 Keep him away from my butt. 997 00:53:54,698 --> 00:53:57,778 Sir Jeffrey: Harry, are you awake? 998 00:53:57,802 --> 00:54:02,616 I had to call and let you know that he's stoned, 999 00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:06,853 he's drunk, he's high, he's wielding a knife, 1000 00:54:06,877 --> 00:54:09,623 I could get killed right now, he's so psycho. 1001 00:54:09,647 --> 00:54:11,981 He's just rammed his head into a fiberglass rock. 1002 00:54:19,957 --> 00:54:20,901 That's better! 1003 00:54:20,925 --> 00:54:22,035 Paint: Can I say it? 1004 00:54:22,059 --> 00:54:23,704 Ivan: No, is... no. Paint: I'm going to. 1005 00:54:23,728 --> 00:54:24,738 Ivan: Okay, go ahead. 1006 00:54:24,762 --> 00:54:26,295 Paint: Dickhead! 1007 00:54:33,571 --> 00:54:35,971 Soundman: Shouldn't you be out there giving him a hand? 1008 00:54:37,475 --> 00:54:38,652 Sir Jeffrey: So you're sending me back to the hotel 1009 00:54:38,676 --> 00:54:40,053 until you have ironclad assurances that I do not 1010 00:54:40,077 --> 00:54:43,323 have to do battle with um, a person 1011 00:54:43,347 --> 00:54:46,815 who is on drugs and alcohol. 1012 00:55:06,403 --> 00:55:08,615 Sir Jeffrey: Harry, wake up Harry. 1013 00:55:08,639 --> 00:55:09,449 Come on. 1014 00:55:09,473 --> 00:55:10,884 You have no idea! 1015 00:55:10,908 --> 00:55:14,888 There's a psychopath on the loose wielding lethal weapons. 1016 00:55:14,912 --> 00:55:16,089 You're supposed to be my agent, 1017 00:55:16,113 --> 00:55:18,514 standing in front of me and protecting me. 1018 00:55:19,717 --> 00:55:21,094 Sir Jeffrey: Here you are, off in America, 1019 00:55:21,118 --> 00:55:23,697 in a nice warm bed, and here I'm on a set with a psycho! 1020 00:55:23,721 --> 00:55:25,632 Hello? 1021 00:55:25,656 --> 00:55:28,468 Hello? 1022 00:55:28,492 --> 00:55:33,329 Sir Jeffrey: You voiceless, lawless, neutered coward. 1023 00:55:33,563 --> 00:55:35,964 Take that, you stupid rock! 1024 00:55:43,474 --> 00:55:46,453 Take that you stupid shit. 1025 00:55:46,477 --> 00:55:47,788 Burton: Hey, VD! 1026 00:55:47,812 --> 00:55:50,691 I've spoken to special effects, we're going to fly you. 1027 00:55:50,715 --> 00:55:52,726 I like the idea, it will give extra... 1028 00:55:52,750 --> 00:55:54,561 Now you like the idea? 1029 00:55:54,585 --> 00:55:56,352 Burton: Visual interest to... 1030 00:55:57,922 --> 00:56:02,803 You will be very happy that you have flown the great VD. 1031 00:56:02,827 --> 00:56:04,971 Sir Jeffrey! 1032 00:56:04,995 --> 00:56:07,407 Hey, let's run lines. 1033 00:56:07,431 --> 00:56:10,099 Leave us alone, we are rehearsing! 1034 00:56:11,034 --> 00:56:12,379 Emily: What he's doing? 1035 00:56:12,403 --> 00:56:15,015 Okay, you have the first line. 1036 00:56:15,039 --> 00:56:16,583 Sir Jeffrey: The crystals are mine. 1037 00:56:16,607 --> 00:56:19,453 The crystals are for the people. 1038 00:56:19,477 --> 00:56:21,355 Sir Jeffrey: The people are ignorant peasants. 1039 00:56:21,379 --> 00:56:24,825 They'll just piss away their money on tithes and beer. 1040 00:56:24,849 --> 00:56:27,627 I represent the people's beer. 1041 00:56:27,651 --> 00:56:29,463 Sir Jeffrey: Are you really going to say that? 1042 00:56:29,487 --> 00:56:32,399 I wrote that, I think it's funny. 1043 00:56:32,423 --> 00:56:34,189 Sir Jeffrey: There's beer on Mars? 1044 00:56:36,993 --> 00:56:39,539 There is now. 1045 00:56:39,563 --> 00:56:41,108 Sir Jeffrey: Why are you doing that with your voice? 1046 00:56:41,132 --> 00:56:43,176 I heard that when a director does that 1047 00:56:43,200 --> 00:56:45,779 it makes his voice low and gravelly. 1048 00:56:45,803 --> 00:56:47,447 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, but naturally your voice has 1049 00:56:47,471 --> 00:56:48,982 so much more color in it. 1050 00:56:49,006 --> 00:56:51,785 My voice has color? 1051 00:56:51,809 --> 00:56:54,488 Sir Jeffrey: In real life, you're so animated. 1052 00:56:54,512 --> 00:56:58,091 But when you act, you stick your voice down in one note. 1053 00:56:58,115 --> 00:56:59,393 I do? 1054 00:56:59,417 --> 00:57:00,460 Sir Jeffrey: Yes. 1055 00:57:00,484 --> 00:57:01,628 Why would you do that? 1056 00:57:01,652 --> 00:57:04,030 Because it sounds cool. 1057 00:57:04,054 --> 00:57:05,565 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, for a minute. 1058 00:57:05,589 --> 00:57:07,567 But you know, when you go to a concert, don't you want 1059 00:57:07,591 --> 00:57:10,637 to hear all the instruments, not just the tuba? 1060 00:57:10,661 --> 00:57:12,906 A tube of what? 1061 00:57:12,930 --> 00:57:14,474 Toothpaste? 1062 00:57:14,498 --> 00:57:16,209 Sir Jeffrey: Come on you know it's like, big brass horn? 1063 00:57:16,233 --> 00:57:17,744 Got a big bell on it? 1064 00:57:17,768 --> 00:57:20,080 The tuba! 1065 00:57:20,104 --> 00:57:21,848 Bom bom bom bom bom bom. 1066 00:57:21,872 --> 00:57:23,717 I lick the tuba! 1067 00:57:23,741 --> 00:57:25,852 Oops. 1068 00:57:25,876 --> 00:57:28,522 I said lick, so I have to, sorry. 1069 00:57:28,546 --> 00:57:30,123 Ha hahaha! 1070 00:57:30,147 --> 00:57:32,559 Sir Jeffrey: Do chicks dig that? 1071 00:57:32,583 --> 00:57:35,929 They go crazy. 1072 00:57:35,953 --> 00:57:37,631 Sir Jeffrey: Boy, you've had some breaks, haven't you? 1073 00:57:37,655 --> 00:57:39,966 A little luck has hit me on the head. 1074 00:57:39,990 --> 00:57:43,058 Among other things. 1075 00:57:45,094 --> 00:57:47,641 Sir Jeffrey: Is it true that you went down on 1076 00:57:47,665 --> 00:57:50,899 all those chicks in front of everyone at your birthday? 1077 00:57:51,568 --> 00:57:53,113 Of course. 1078 00:57:53,137 --> 00:57:55,804 Sir Jeffrey: Aren't you afraid of contracting something? 1079 00:57:57,208 --> 00:57:58,718 I never get sick. 1080 00:57:58,742 --> 00:58:03,812 Life, is the disease, and I am the cure! 1081 00:58:06,082 --> 00:58:07,994 Is your microphone on? 1082 00:58:08,018 --> 00:58:09,796 Disconnect the cable, I once knew a sound guy 1083 00:58:09,820 --> 00:58:12,699 who played me a tape once of crews, you know, 1084 00:58:12,723 --> 00:58:14,857 going at it in his trailer. 1085 00:58:17,728 --> 00:58:19,639 You know what he says when he's cumming? 1086 00:58:19,663 --> 00:58:20,841 Sir Jeffrey: What? 1087 00:58:20,865 --> 00:58:23,210 Crew: Awwww! 1088 00:58:23,234 --> 00:58:26,268 No mommy, no! 1089 00:58:27,003 --> 00:58:29,149 That's fucked up! 1090 00:58:29,173 --> 00:58:31,740 Sir Jeffrey: Quite. 1091 00:58:38,548 --> 00:58:41,194 You must now swear to me that you will never 1092 00:58:41,218 --> 00:58:43,997 tell a single soul what I'm about to tell you, 1093 00:58:44,021 --> 00:58:46,633 or I will hunt you down and kill you. 1094 00:58:46,657 --> 00:58:50,637 Sir Jeffrey: You have my solemn word as a gentleman. 1095 00:58:50,661 --> 00:58:52,706 Okay. 1096 00:58:52,730 --> 00:58:57,332 I will now tell you something about the great VD. 1097 00:58:57,700 --> 00:59:00,213 No one fucks the great VD. 1098 00:59:00,237 --> 00:59:01,648 You give me one pile of shit 1099 00:59:01,672 --> 00:59:04,651 I will give you 100 piles of shit. 1100 00:59:04,675 --> 00:59:08,855 Burton, he told me that we were making a 10,000,000 Euro 1101 00:59:08,879 --> 00:59:11,091 movie, he gives me 5,000,000 Euro, right? 1102 00:59:11,115 --> 00:59:13,326 What does he spend on this set, like 10 Euro? 1103 00:59:13,350 --> 00:59:16,251 This set will look like shit, I will look like shit. 1104 00:59:16,586 --> 00:59:19,988 I don't want them to release this movie. 1105 00:59:20,089 --> 00:59:21,968 Burton is out there right now eating his shit 1106 00:59:21,992 --> 00:59:23,570 and I am salting it. 1107 00:59:23,594 --> 00:59:26,106 As long as I do what I am doing, I am free 1108 00:59:26,130 --> 00:59:29,264 to leave here at midnight tonight. 1109 00:59:29,832 --> 00:59:31,978 Pretty brilliant? 1110 00:59:32,002 --> 00:59:32,879 Sir Jeffrey: But no one will ever 1111 00:59:32,903 --> 00:59:34,247 want to work with you again. 1112 00:59:34,271 --> 00:59:37,817 Bullshit, I got a three-picture deal waiting, 1113 00:59:37,841 --> 00:59:39,653 I could do a television series. 1114 00:59:39,677 --> 00:59:40,887 Sir Jeffrey: Really? 1115 00:59:40,911 --> 00:59:44,746 My aching vagina! 1116 00:59:46,249 --> 00:59:48,684 What's the matter? 1117 00:59:49,018 --> 00:59:50,864 Sir Jeffrey: Can I tell you a secret that if you tell 1118 00:59:50,888 --> 00:59:53,055 anyone else I get to kill you? 1119 00:59:54,157 --> 00:59:56,792 You have my word as a gentleman. 1120 00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:59,005 Sir Jeffrey: Your film is the only job I've been offered 1121 00:59:59,029 --> 01:00:01,207 in the last two years. 1122 01:00:01,231 --> 01:00:03,810 This job saved my house. 1123 01:00:03,834 --> 01:00:04,945 What?! 1124 01:00:04,969 --> 01:00:07,180 That is bullshit, fire your agent! 1125 01:00:07,204 --> 01:00:09,683 You are the best actor! 1126 01:00:09,707 --> 01:00:11,351 Sir Jeffrey: VD, there are a million good actors, 1127 01:00:11,375 --> 01:00:12,886 but very few stars. 1128 01:00:12,910 --> 01:00:14,354 You are a star. 1129 01:00:14,378 --> 01:00:16,289 I am just an actor. 1130 01:00:16,313 --> 01:00:18,892 Ha ha no, you are a star. 1131 01:00:18,916 --> 01:00:21,628 Sir Jeffrey: A minor twinkler, perhaps. 1132 01:00:21,652 --> 01:00:23,363 Only a few stars rise. 1133 01:00:23,387 --> 01:00:26,666 And you have got yours a long way up there. 1134 01:00:26,690 --> 01:00:29,603 Yeah my star did go up a little ways. 1135 01:00:29,627 --> 01:00:31,638 Yours could, too! 1136 01:00:31,662 --> 01:00:34,040 Sir Jeffrey: You know how when you meet some people, 1137 01:00:34,064 --> 01:00:36,209 you just want to rush up and hug them? 1138 01:00:36,233 --> 01:00:38,078 There's something about them you just 1139 01:00:38,102 --> 01:00:39,946 want to hold close to you? 1140 01:00:39,970 --> 01:00:42,849 And then there are other people who give you the creeps. 1141 01:00:42,873 --> 01:00:44,684 Okay. 1142 01:00:44,708 --> 01:00:46,953 Sir Jeffrey: You have this boyish quality about you. 1143 01:00:46,977 --> 01:00:48,355 It's adorable. 1144 01:00:48,379 --> 01:00:51,291 I am one of those people who give others the creeps. 1145 01:00:51,315 --> 01:00:52,993 No! 1146 01:00:53,017 --> 01:00:55,095 Sir Jeffrey: Who's playing the villain in the movie? 1147 01:00:55,119 --> 01:00:56,329 Who? 1148 01:00:56,353 --> 01:00:57,664 You. 1149 01:00:57,688 --> 01:01:00,922 Sir Jeffrey: Was that an accident? 1150 01:01:02,392 --> 01:01:03,403 No. 1151 01:01:03,427 --> 01:01:04,904 Sir Jeffrey: And it's okay. 1152 01:01:04,928 --> 01:01:06,806 Do I look sad? 1153 01:01:06,830 --> 01:01:10,844 It's been a great living, most of the time. 1154 01:01:10,868 --> 01:01:12,679 Do you want to get out of here? 1155 01:01:12,703 --> 01:01:14,381 Do you want to get out of this stinking set? 1156 01:01:14,405 --> 01:01:15,882 Sir Jeffrey: I want to go home. 1157 01:01:15,906 --> 01:01:17,651 I want to hold my children. 1158 01:01:17,675 --> 01:01:19,352 Then the great VD will fire you, too. 1159 01:01:19,376 --> 01:01:21,721 Let's do it on the set with more people around. 1160 01:01:21,745 --> 01:01:23,857 Maria wanted an audience. 1161 01:01:23,881 --> 01:01:25,959 Sir Jeffrey: She wanted you to fire her? 1162 01:01:25,983 --> 01:01:28,228 Yes she has to leave tomorrow and wanted to go shopping. 1163 01:01:28,252 --> 01:01:29,029 Sir Jeffrey: Really? 1164 01:01:29,053 --> 01:01:29,963 Yes. 1165 01:01:29,987 --> 01:01:32,432 She's going to buy me a present! 1166 01:01:32,456 --> 01:01:35,135 Sir Jeffrey: VD, that was great acting! 1167 01:01:35,159 --> 01:01:36,692 Really? 1168 01:01:37,461 --> 01:01:39,973 Well, thank you Sir Jeffrey. 1169 01:01:39,997 --> 01:01:41,274 Think of some really horrible things to say 1170 01:01:41,298 --> 01:01:44,210 about me, it will be all the more fun. 1171 01:01:44,234 --> 01:01:45,745 Sir Jeffrey: I think I could muster 1172 01:01:45,769 --> 01:01:47,847 a few things for the occasion. 1173 01:01:47,871 --> 01:01:49,783 I finally get to do some acting. 1174 01:01:49,807 --> 01:01:51,851 Yes, yes a performance is in order! 1175 01:01:51,875 --> 01:01:53,119 It's going to be fun, yes? 1176 01:01:53,143 --> 01:01:54,254 Sir Jeffrey: Yes! 1177 01:01:54,278 --> 01:01:55,689 Good! 1178 01:01:55,713 --> 01:01:58,792 Sir Jeffrey: VD, what a brilliant surprise. 1179 01:01:58,816 --> 01:02:01,717 It's been fun working with you. 1180 01:02:02,218 --> 01:02:04,519 Well not everyone has said that about me. 1181 01:02:07,290 --> 01:02:10,459 Thank you. 1182 01:02:12,995 --> 01:02:17,365 You see, I want to hug you. 1183 01:02:18,935 --> 01:02:22,537 Burton: I told you he hits for other team. 1184 01:02:23,005 --> 01:02:25,340 Emily: Baseball? 1185 01:02:26,776 --> 01:02:29,945 See you on the set, Sir Jeffrey. 1186 01:02:45,228 --> 01:02:47,507 Sir Jeffrey: You know what your problem is? 1187 01:02:47,531 --> 01:02:49,876 No one says no to you anymore. 1188 01:02:49,900 --> 01:02:52,345 When was the last time anyone said no to you? 1189 01:02:52,369 --> 01:02:55,971 When was the last time you said no to yourself? 1190 01:02:56,139 --> 01:02:59,040 What are you talking about? 1191 01:02:59,909 --> 01:03:03,022 Sir Jeffrey: What is a man if his chief good and 1192 01:03:03,046 --> 01:03:07,293 market of his time be to sleep and feed. 1193 01:03:07,317 --> 01:03:09,829 A beast no more. 1194 01:03:09,853 --> 01:03:13,433 The best part of you is not being fed. 1195 01:03:13,457 --> 01:03:15,001 Why not? 1196 01:03:15,025 --> 01:03:16,770 Sir Jeffrey: Because you've locked it away from yourself 1197 01:03:16,794 --> 01:03:20,306 and from everyone else with bars of coke and drugs. 1198 01:03:20,330 --> 01:03:22,342 It's not bars, it's lines. 1199 01:03:22,366 --> 01:03:23,209 Sir Jeffrey: Whatever! 1200 01:03:23,233 --> 01:03:24,177 It's drugs. 1201 01:03:24,201 --> 01:03:25,512 It's killing your discipline. 1202 01:03:25,536 --> 01:03:27,280 And you being a star, it's killing the discipline 1203 01:03:27,304 --> 01:03:28,882 of everyone around you. 1204 01:03:28,906 --> 01:03:31,117 You have too much power. 1205 01:03:31,141 --> 01:03:33,553 And everyone is afraid of losing favor with you, 1206 01:03:33,577 --> 01:03:36,523 or you're going to use your power against them. 1207 01:03:36,547 --> 01:03:38,525 Everyone is afraid to say no to you, but 1208 01:03:38,549 --> 01:03:41,917 all they have to do is just say no. 1209 01:03:42,084 --> 01:03:43,463 You want to say no to me? 1210 01:03:43,487 --> 01:03:45,598 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, everyone should say no to you. 1211 01:03:45,622 --> 01:03:49,803 Because you are an addict, and you belong in rehab. 1212 01:03:49,827 --> 01:03:51,237 You say no to me? 1213 01:03:51,261 --> 01:03:53,373 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, I say no to you. 1214 01:03:53,397 --> 01:03:55,175 You want to say no to me? 1215 01:03:55,199 --> 01:03:56,209 Sir Jeffrey: Yes. 1216 01:03:56,233 --> 01:03:58,545 You say no? 1217 01:03:58,569 --> 01:03:59,312 Sir Jeffrey: Yes. 1218 01:03:59,336 --> 01:04:00,547 No or yes? 1219 01:04:00,571 --> 01:04:02,048 Sir Jeffrey: I say no to you, and everyone else 1220 01:04:02,072 --> 01:04:03,216 should say no to you as well! 1221 01:04:03,240 --> 01:04:06,820 You want to say no to the great VD. 1222 01:04:06,844 --> 01:04:12,325 Ha ha, well, man of flowery words, then you are stupid. 1223 01:04:12,349 --> 01:04:15,428 Because no one says no to the great VD, especially 1224 01:04:15,452 --> 01:04:18,298 when VD is the director! 1225 01:04:18,322 --> 01:04:20,567 So I fire you! 1226 01:04:20,591 --> 01:04:23,203 Get off my set! 1227 01:04:23,227 --> 01:04:24,971 Sir Jeffrey: You think having to leave your 1228 01:04:24,995 --> 01:04:27,429 little playground here, your sandbox, is punishment? 1229 01:04:30,933 --> 01:04:32,445 Hey, don't let the door hit your 1230 01:04:32,469 --> 01:04:35,971 flowery dick on the way out. 1231 01:04:40,209 --> 01:04:42,655 Sir Jeffrey: You're not a hero, VD. 1232 01:04:42,679 --> 01:04:44,924 You're a movie star. 1233 01:04:44,948 --> 01:04:46,159 An icon. 1234 01:04:46,183 --> 01:04:47,994 That is not as substantial or deep as the 1235 01:04:48,018 --> 01:04:50,563 film your image is recorded on. 1236 01:04:50,587 --> 01:04:54,934 A vapid photon, glittering for an ignorant audience. 1237 01:04:54,958 --> 01:04:57,904 I pity, really pity your fans. 1238 01:04:57,928 --> 01:04:59,639 I wish they knew what an appalling effort it takes 1239 01:04:59,663 --> 01:05:02,876 to get your facade ready to be photographed. 1240 01:05:02,900 --> 01:05:05,545 A photograph of a facade that moves. 1241 01:05:05,569 --> 01:05:08,681 That is how I shall remember you. 1242 01:05:08,705 --> 01:05:12,085 You cannot hear my no, but you will hear the no 1243 01:05:12,109 --> 01:05:15,477 that life delivers you. 1244 01:05:16,145 --> 01:05:20,460 VD, you are the disease. 1245 01:05:20,484 --> 01:05:24,386 And you, and you alone are the cure. 1246 01:05:58,521 --> 01:06:01,968 I am the disease and I am the cure. 1247 01:06:01,992 --> 01:06:05,627 That was my line, he changed it. 1248 01:06:07,396 --> 01:06:09,309 He was joking. 1249 01:06:09,333 --> 01:06:12,233 Joke's on you. 1250 01:06:17,707 --> 01:06:21,120 Burton: VD, where are you going? 1251 01:06:21,144 --> 01:06:24,157 I'll be back. 1252 01:06:24,181 --> 01:06:26,982 Burton: We have to finish the movie. 1253 01:06:34,757 --> 01:06:36,703 People are supposed to say no to me, 1254 01:06:36,727 --> 01:06:39,260 you wanna say no to me? 1255 01:06:40,029 --> 01:06:43,977 Burton: Okay, umm, no, no! 1256 01:06:44,001 --> 01:06:47,268 You cannot leave set. 1257 01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:08,089 Fuck you. 1258 01:07:39,288 --> 01:07:41,790 Soundman: 1259 01:07:44,527 --> 01:07:45,738 You want to say no? 1260 01:07:45,762 --> 01:07:47,540 To me? 1261 01:07:47,564 --> 01:07:50,432 To the great VD? 1262 01:07:51,267 --> 01:07:54,069 You should say no to me. 1263 01:08:06,550 --> 01:08:09,350 What, did I get some on my face? 1264 01:08:14,790 --> 01:08:17,670 Burton: What, what, what are you doing? 1265 01:08:17,694 --> 01:08:20,073 My dick says no to me. 1266 01:08:20,097 --> 01:08:21,641 My dick says no to me. 1267 01:08:21,665 --> 01:08:22,642 Burton: Stop this! 1268 01:08:22,666 --> 01:08:25,266 Stop it! 1269 01:08:28,238 --> 01:08:29,437 Who is it? 1270 01:08:33,509 --> 01:08:34,709 Maria. 1271 01:08:35,678 --> 01:08:37,256 Maria: Hi. 1272 01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:38,291 Hi baby. 1273 01:08:38,315 --> 01:08:39,692 What are you doing here? 1274 01:08:39,716 --> 01:08:43,262 Maria: Well I wanted to get you something to remember me by. 1275 01:08:43,286 --> 01:08:44,430 Thank you, Maria. 1276 01:08:44,454 --> 01:08:46,332 I didn't think maybe you were gonna actually 1277 01:08:46,356 --> 01:08:47,567 go shopping for me. 1278 01:08:47,591 --> 01:08:49,435 What is it? 1279 01:08:49,459 --> 01:08:51,860 Maria: Well open it. 1280 01:08:58,267 --> 01:09:00,146 You didn't get this at a store. 1281 01:09:00,170 --> 01:09:01,247 Maria: No, I didn't. 1282 01:09:01,271 --> 01:09:02,748 Props had an extra one. 1283 01:09:02,772 --> 01:09:03,483 You like? 1284 01:09:03,507 --> 01:09:05,473 Awwww. 1285 01:09:07,343 --> 01:09:08,754 I love you. 1286 01:09:08,778 --> 01:09:13,526 Maria: Awww, honey you know it's not love, it's location. 1287 01:09:13,550 --> 01:09:15,461 I know. 1288 01:09:15,485 --> 01:09:18,431 But it's still sad to see you go anyway. 1289 01:09:18,455 --> 01:09:19,699 Maria: Aww, it was fun. 1290 01:09:19,723 --> 01:09:21,367 Yeah. 1291 01:09:21,391 --> 01:09:23,324 Maria: Bye. 1292 01:09:27,296 --> 01:09:28,307 Have fun. 1293 01:09:28,331 --> 01:09:29,442 I'll miss your tuckus. 1294 01:09:29,466 --> 01:09:32,600 Maria: I'll miss yours too. 1295 01:09:37,206 --> 01:09:39,507 Maria. 1296 01:09:41,343 --> 01:09:43,623 VD, I need you to focus, are you ready? 1297 01:09:43,647 --> 01:09:45,458 I was born ready. 1298 01:09:45,482 --> 01:09:49,595 Today is a good day to fly. 1299 01:09:49,619 --> 01:09:53,499 Today is a good day to fly. 1300 01:09:53,523 --> 01:09:54,567 Alright, here we go. 1301 01:09:54,591 --> 01:09:58,704 On three, two, one. 1302 01:09:58,728 --> 01:10:01,574 Look I am Superman! 1303 01:10:01,598 --> 01:10:03,409 Ho ho! 1304 01:10:03,433 --> 01:10:07,780 And once again, I have saved New York for the 47th time. 1305 01:10:07,804 --> 01:10:09,949 Wooo! 1306 01:10:09,973 --> 01:10:12,707 And I go woooooo... 1307 01:10:15,778 --> 01:10:18,413 That's a nice rocket. 1308 01:10:19,014 --> 01:10:20,826 Director. 1309 01:10:20,850 --> 01:10:23,429 Director. 1310 01:10:23,453 --> 01:10:26,232 Now do I look like a fish? 1311 01:10:26,256 --> 01:10:28,234 Am I the fish? 1312 01:10:28,258 --> 01:10:31,559 Woo! 1313 01:10:35,297 --> 01:10:39,000 And now, I'm Super, not yet I'm not Superman. 1314 01:10:44,807 --> 01:10:46,786 We got hung behind the rocket. 1315 01:10:46,810 --> 01:10:48,888 Okay. 1316 01:10:48,912 --> 01:10:51,657 Ivan: You think they can keep hoisting him 1317 01:10:51,681 --> 01:10:52,925 right out of building? 1318 01:10:52,949 --> 01:10:54,293 Paint: I think they have something 1319 01:10:54,317 --> 01:10:56,629 even better than even that planned. 1320 01:10:56,653 --> 01:10:59,899 Woo! 1321 01:10:59,923 --> 01:11:02,368 Whoa! 1322 01:11:02,392 --> 01:11:05,304 That was a little bit too fast there, Mark. 1323 01:11:05,328 --> 01:11:09,875 I'm a-spinning like that little thing with the horses, 1324 01:11:09,899 --> 01:11:12,011 the round one. 1325 01:11:12,035 --> 01:11:15,314 I, I think the balance is off. 1326 01:11:15,338 --> 01:11:17,783 I'm a-stuck-ed here. 1327 01:11:17,807 --> 01:11:19,619 Let's take me down. 1328 01:11:19,643 --> 01:11:20,953 Mark: Hey, yeah we're on it VD. 1329 01:11:20,977 --> 01:11:21,821 Bring it down! 1330 01:11:21,845 --> 01:11:23,522 It's uncomfortable. 1331 01:11:23,546 --> 01:11:27,827 I don't, I don't feel so good. 1332 01:11:27,851 --> 01:11:30,385 I feel all sweaty. 1333 01:11:35,292 --> 01:11:37,603 I told Louie I did not want the fish. 1334 01:11:37,627 --> 01:11:39,305 Mark: VD are you all right? 1335 01:11:39,329 --> 01:11:44,577 Okay I think I'm, I feel better actually I'm Okay. 1336 01:11:44,601 --> 01:11:46,301 But get me down. 1337 01:11:48,071 --> 01:11:50,916 God. 1338 01:11:50,940 --> 01:11:53,286 I don't feel so good. 1339 01:11:53,310 --> 01:11:56,822 God, my arm hurts, GET ME DOWN! 1340 01:11:56,846 --> 01:11:59,614 My arm! 1341 01:12:35,150 --> 01:12:36,862 Can we get him down? 1342 01:12:36,886 --> 01:12:38,798 VD, VD, here. 1343 01:12:38,822 --> 01:12:40,433 VD, talk to me. 1344 01:12:40,457 --> 01:12:41,600 Talk to me. 1345 01:12:41,624 --> 01:12:44,592 Mark: Get in here, come on come on come on! 1346 01:12:45,060 --> 01:12:47,640 Ivan: That was a puke smell. 1347 01:12:47,664 --> 01:12:49,542 Paint: I think I know what it is. 1348 01:12:49,566 --> 01:12:50,710 Ivan: What? 1349 01:12:50,734 --> 01:12:53,079 Paint: The the tattoo, the talons. 1350 01:12:53,103 --> 01:12:55,081 Ivan: Yeah? 1351 01:12:55,105 --> 01:12:57,116 Paint: I think it's a straight shot into his 1352 01:12:57,140 --> 01:12:58,751 subconscious, he knows. 1353 01:12:58,775 --> 01:13:00,152 Ivan: What? 1354 01:13:00,176 --> 01:13:02,154 Paint: He knows that he is controlled by his dick. 1355 01:13:02,178 --> 01:13:05,758 And his dick is controlled by some winged thing 1356 01:13:05,782 --> 01:13:08,160 in the sky that he has no control over, some 1357 01:13:08,184 --> 01:13:11,964 winged, whimsical beast that has pulled him 1358 01:13:11,988 --> 01:13:15,801 and yanked him and the talons are deep into his flesh, 1359 01:13:15,825 --> 01:13:19,105 and he can't control it, and it's like he's 1360 01:13:19,129 --> 01:13:20,639 telling his dick that he knows. 1361 01:13:20,663 --> 01:13:22,641 It's a concession of sorts. 1362 01:13:22,665 --> 01:13:24,977 He's conceding to his dick. 1363 01:13:25,001 --> 01:13:26,946 Ivan: He was blown out of his mind and 1364 01:13:26,970 --> 01:13:28,748 probably picked the wrong picture. 1365 01:13:28,772 --> 01:13:30,516 Paint: No, he knows. 1366 01:13:30,540 --> 01:13:32,885 It's a recognition of your own faults. 1367 01:13:32,909 --> 01:13:35,121 You know it actually takes a lot of, he may 1368 01:13:35,145 --> 01:13:36,789 have more insight than we think. 1369 01:13:36,813 --> 01:13:38,157 You know, God damn, the tattoo, I like it. 1370 01:13:38,181 --> 01:13:40,059 Son of a bitch knows! 1371 01:13:40,083 --> 01:13:42,795 He knows! 1372 01:13:42,819 --> 01:13:44,029 Mark: Can I get a gurney in here, please? 1373 01:13:44,053 --> 01:13:47,822 Medic: Let's go, move it in. 1374 01:13:51,994 --> 01:13:53,472 Here we go, here we go. 1375 01:13:53,496 --> 01:13:54,673 Get him off, get him off. 1376 01:13:54,697 --> 01:13:56,142 Let's go, let's go let's go! 1377 01:13:56,166 --> 01:13:59,567 Mark: How 'bout some help, Ivan! 1378 01:13:59,902 --> 01:14:00,902 Mark: We got it. 1379 01:14:13,916 --> 01:14:17,585 Medic: Clear! 1380 01:14:20,856 --> 01:14:24,170 Ivan: Do you believe in karma? 1381 01:14:24,194 --> 01:14:26,439 Paint: Well, yeah, but it's not often you get to see 1382 01:14:26,463 --> 01:14:31,010 the big wheel go all the way around in one lifetime. 1383 01:14:31,034 --> 01:14:33,913 Ivan: I know you're liking his tattoo, but 1384 01:14:33,937 --> 01:14:35,915 he shits on everybody. 1385 01:14:35,939 --> 01:14:41,175 His wife, his children, he probably shits on his own dog. 1386 01:14:54,957 --> 01:14:57,236 Burton: Hey, don't wrap up! 1387 01:14:57,260 --> 01:14:59,138 This is not a wrap! 1388 01:14:59,162 --> 01:15:01,774 We will shoot the scene with doubles. 1389 01:15:01,798 --> 01:15:02,842 Not today! 1390 01:15:02,866 --> 01:15:03,843 Burton: No no no! 1391 01:15:03,867 --> 01:15:05,077 Get his body off of here! 1392 01:15:05,101 --> 01:15:09,537 We are going to shoot the scene with... 1393 01:15:11,740 --> 01:15:12,985 Sue: No! 1394 01:15:13,009 --> 01:15:14,620 Paint: Now she says no. 1395 01:15:14,644 --> 01:15:16,522 Sue: NO! 1396 01:15:16,546 --> 01:15:19,914 NO!!! 1397 01:15:25,954 --> 01:15:28,067 What happen-ed? 1398 01:15:28,091 --> 01:15:34,240 I was, I was Peter Pan, and I was doing the flying, 1399 01:15:34,264 --> 01:15:38,043 and I saw Neverland, and Tinkerbell was calling, 1400 01:15:38,067 --> 01:15:42,904 and there was the fippy-fippy thing. 1401 01:15:44,673 --> 01:15:47,686 God my mouth tastes like shit, could I have some water? 1402 01:15:47,710 --> 01:15:48,721 Louie: Water! 1403 01:15:48,745 --> 01:15:50,723 Mark: Louie's supplying it. 1404 01:15:50,747 --> 01:15:52,525 Medic: VD please, just lay back down. 1405 01:15:52,549 --> 01:15:53,692 Thank you. 1406 01:15:53,716 --> 01:15:54,660 Medic: We gotta get you to the hospital. 1407 01:15:54,684 --> 01:15:55,828 What? 1408 01:15:55,852 --> 01:15:56,862 Medic: We gotta get you to the hospital. 1409 01:15:56,886 --> 01:15:58,664 We have a movie to make! 1410 01:15:58,688 --> 01:16:01,233 Medic: VD, you just had a heart attack! 1411 01:16:01,257 --> 01:16:03,202 What?! 1412 01:16:03,226 --> 01:16:05,804 Medic: You had a heart attack. 1413 01:16:05,828 --> 01:16:08,596 That is bullshit. 1414 01:16:16,705 --> 01:16:19,018 Whoa. 1415 01:16:19,042 --> 01:16:21,153 Sue? 1416 01:16:21,177 --> 01:16:22,988 Sue! 1417 01:16:23,012 --> 01:16:24,056 Okay. 1418 01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:24,890 Alright. 1419 01:16:24,914 --> 01:16:27,848 Alright, to the trailer! 1420 01:16:31,154 --> 01:16:33,354 Burton: VD, we must get this shot! 1421 01:16:37,192 --> 01:16:38,771 Medic: Does he listen to anybody? 1422 01:16:38,795 --> 01:16:41,662 No. 1423 01:16:54,843 --> 01:16:57,712 It's working! 1424 01:17:05,888 --> 01:17:10,758 ♪ 1812 Overture by Tchaikovsky 1425 01:17:56,338 --> 01:17:58,283 Burton: Starring in the next movie 1426 01:17:58,307 --> 01:18:00,775 that I make, Salma Hayek. 1427 01:18:03,346 --> 01:18:04,256 Salma: Adios! 1428 01:18:04,280 --> 01:18:08,015 Burton: Salma, call me! 1429 01:18:09,217 --> 01:18:11,697 Burton: Yes, Mr. Duseldorfer directed much 1430 01:18:11,721 --> 01:18:13,332 of what you will see tonight, plus 1431 01:18:13,356 --> 01:18:18,237 he will direct the sequel, Hardest Time on Mars. 1432 01:18:18,261 --> 01:18:19,838 Starting next month. 1433 01:18:19,862 --> 01:18:21,173 Emily: He is a natural. 1434 01:18:21,197 --> 01:18:24,298 Behind and in front, 1435 01:18:34,209 --> 01:18:37,111 News 6 reporter: Vardell, Vardell! 1436 01:18:38,914 --> 01:18:41,248 Rude reporter: VD, tell us about rehab. 1437 01:18:41,917 --> 01:18:44,118 Paparazzi woman: VD, are you single? 1438 01:18:51,226 --> 01:18:53,372 You stay up all night thinking of that questions, 1439 01:18:53,396 --> 01:18:56,341 you you you you, you go to many colleges, 1440 01:18:56,365 --> 01:18:59,778 to think up questions like that to ask in front 1441 01:18:59,802 --> 01:19:05,150 of a man with a wife and a family? 1442 01:19:05,174 --> 01:19:08,020 I tell you this, we make movies. 1443 01:19:08,044 --> 01:19:09,421 Yes. 1444 01:19:09,445 --> 01:19:10,956 Man in crowd: You make great ones, Vardell! 1445 01:19:10,980 --> 01:19:12,524 You, you you you make opinions, which is like 1446 01:19:12,548 --> 01:19:16,328 that, that that joke, that everyone has one of 1447 01:19:16,352 --> 01:19:21,122 You use that to make a questions, too? 1448 01:19:21,389 --> 01:19:24,036 I tell you this, Mr. Reporter, your words 1449 01:19:24,060 --> 01:19:29,308 they will be read for a few day, Hard Time on Mars 1450 01:19:29,332 --> 01:19:31,232 will be watched forever! 1451 01:19:45,080 --> 01:19:47,126 I thought one of you geniuses would 1452 01:19:47,150 --> 01:19:53,420 ask me about rehab, so I prepared a little answer. 1453 01:19:53,789 --> 01:19:56,835 I tell you this. 1454 01:19:56,859 --> 01:20:02,775 Re, re, re-rehab, it's a little embarrassing but 1455 01:20:02,799 --> 01:20:08,881 like pie in the face, it's a part of show business! 1456 01:20:08,905 --> 01:20:10,048 Ha ha! 1457 01:20:10,072 --> 01:20:12,473 Burton: All part of show business! 1458 01:20:48,376 --> 01:20:50,556 Sir Jeffrey, stick with me, we just became 1459 01:20:50,580 --> 01:20:52,224 the photo op of the week. 1460 01:20:52,248 --> 01:20:53,625 Sir Jeffrey:! 1461 01:20:53,649 --> 01:20:56,929 You think I left rehab three times to get high? 1462 01:20:56,953 --> 01:21:00,154 Every time it made the front page! 1463 01:21:04,259 --> 01:21:08,662 Tell your lazy ass agent to send me a thank you. 1464 01:21:09,865 --> 01:21:11,143 Are you ready to do this? 1465 01:21:11,167 --> 01:21:12,377 Sir Jeffrey: Yes, all right. 1466 01:21:12,401 --> 01:21:13,512 Okay. 1467 01:21:13,536 --> 01:21:15,047 Ready? 1468 01:21:15,071 --> 01:21:18,339 Three, two, one. 1469 01:21:25,180 --> 01:21:26,491 Sir Jeffrey: There you are. 1470 01:21:26,515 --> 01:21:31,352 That's how we did Hard Time on Mars. 1471 01:21:55,911 --> 01:21:59,546 Hard Time on Mars! 1472 01:22:00,582 --> 01:22:05,152 ♪ Hard Time on Mars by Gooding and Brian Thompson ♪ 1473 01:23:29,671 --> 01:23:33,085 Burton: VD, it's pie in face, it's part of show business. 1474 01:23:33,109 --> 01:23:35,776 It's pie in face, it's part of show business. 1475 01:23:44,019 --> 01:23:46,231 I, I don't know what to say I'm... 1476 01:23:46,255 --> 01:23:51,325 I'm really very moved. 1477 01:23:54,562 --> 01:23:57,798 Ian: The Greek salad olives and tomatoes. 1478 01:24:02,537 --> 01:24:05,806 Ian: Boss says you should come wit' us. 1479 01:24:22,357 --> 01:24:26,760 Ian: Hey Poncho, suck on this. 1480 01:24:27,195 --> 01:24:31,243 Hey you come to my restaurant, I get the best domates, 1481 01:24:31,267 --> 01:24:34,201 tzatziki, salad, you come with me, come on. 101341

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