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We are polyamorous.
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And what polyamory means
is "many loves."
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Polyamorous people
believe that you can
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love more than one person
with the same intimacy.
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00:00:17,764 --> 00:00:19,332
Everybody's in full consent.
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00:00:19,366 --> 00:00:21,302
There's no secrets.
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- And there's no cheating.
- Yeah, everybody knows.
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So there's nothing--
nothing to hide.
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Polyamory is a healthy
alternative to monogamy.
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I think that human beings
are naturally poly,
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00:00:30,847 --> 00:00:33,584
and that there's some freaks
who are monogamous.
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I don't wanna have to stop
loving someone
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just because
I love somebody else.
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Monogamy destroys families.
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People are like, "oh, my God.
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"Aren't you afraid that
your husband's gonna
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meet somebody and like them
better than you?"
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But with poly,
the love never stops.
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Why not be with them and me?
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There is no prince charming.
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Prince charming may be
a combination of ten people.
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I'm excited to share our story.
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There are polyamorous people
all over
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who are in secrecy,
and they're hiding.
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It's time of us to come out
and band together.
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I want to be able
to talk about my life.
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I can't wait till
everyone knows.
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โช your love is like a river โช
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โช flowing through my veins โช
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โช your love is the fever โช
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โช I can't get enough โช
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โช I'm on fire โช
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โช we're on fire โช
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โช our love is too much โช
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โช for just one heart to take โช
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Sync and corrections by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
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So excited to be coming home.
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It's been way too long.
39
00:02:00,996 --> 00:02:02,564
Hi, I'm Lindsey.
40
00:02:02,598 --> 00:02:05,300
I have been up
in the bay area at Berkeley
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00:02:05,335 --> 00:02:09,439
going to school,
finishing my degree in English.
42
00:02:09,473 --> 00:02:13,443
I hate going this long
without seeing my family.
43
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How do you feel?
44
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I'm so good.
45
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So excited.
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Most exciting day.
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This goes here.
This goes here.
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I've been stressed out
and really ready to get home.
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Honies, I'm home.
50
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Yeah, whoo!
51
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No, you don't get her.
I get her.
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- No, me.
- Mwah. Mwah.
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- Mmm.
- Mmm.
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00:02:58,296 --> 00:03:00,698
Oh, I'm so happy to be home.
55
00:03:00,732 --> 00:03:01,999
Wifey's home.
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00:03:02,033 --> 00:03:06,004
Do want wine or water
or kisses?
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00:03:06,038 --> 00:03:07,405
Kisses.
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00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:08,640
My name's Anthony.
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00:03:08,674 --> 00:03:10,809
I'm a graduate student
at UC Riverside.
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00:03:10,843 --> 00:03:12,444
I teach Italian there.
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00:03:14,881 --> 00:03:16,582
Bravo.
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00:03:16,616 --> 00:03:17,817
And I'm married to Lindsey.
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00:03:17,851 --> 00:03:19,351
We've been together
for ten years,
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00:03:19,386 --> 00:03:21,521
and married for almost five.
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Look at our house.
It's still here.
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It's so clean.
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00:03:25,125 --> 00:03:27,026
- Guess who did that.
- You?
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I did a little bit.
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00:03:30,664 --> 00:03:32,331
Hi, I'm Vanessa.
I'm a writer.
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00:03:32,366 --> 00:03:34,066
I'm a graduate student at USC.
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00:03:34,101 --> 00:03:36,101
I'm in love with
Anthony and Lindsey.
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00:03:36,136 --> 00:03:39,171
And we are in
a polyamorous triad together.
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I'm their girlfriend.
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00:03:51,813 --> 00:03:54,114
A polyamorous triad means that
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00:03:54,148 --> 00:03:56,015
we're all in love
with each other,
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00:03:56,050 --> 00:03:57,683
and committed to each other.
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00:03:57,718 --> 00:03:59,285
You're gonna make it
a little dirty, right?
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00:03:59,319 --> 00:04:01,120
- That's cute.
- A little bit dirty,
79
00:04:01,154 --> 00:04:02,588
just like you.
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00:04:02,622 --> 00:04:04,389
- Ching ching.
- Ching ching.
81
00:04:04,424 --> 00:04:06,758
Ching, ching, eye contact.
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00:04:06,792 --> 00:04:09,061
I met Lindsey through
her brother,
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00:04:09,095 --> 00:04:12,163
and was immediately
taken by her.
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She is the most unique
person I have ever met.
85
00:04:14,934 --> 00:04:16,868
Everywhere she goes,
people either
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00:04:16,903 --> 00:04:20,372
are put off by her
or fall in love with her.
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00:04:20,406 --> 00:04:22,707
Anthony and I have known
each other since we were kids.
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00:04:22,741 --> 00:04:25,242
And were always the friends
who did not have sex.
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I was their maid of honor
at their wedding.
90
00:04:27,345 --> 00:04:29,713
And then we moved in together,
the three of us.
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00:04:29,747 --> 00:04:33,449
And within about a year,
the love relationship
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00:04:33,484 --> 00:04:35,785
between the three of us
really had developed.
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00:04:35,819 --> 00:04:40,221
Vanessa and I actually
became lovers first,
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00:04:40,256 --> 00:04:43,591
before Anthony and Vanessa
began to question
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00:04:43,625 --> 00:04:45,860
that their friendship
should be sexualized.
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00:04:45,894 --> 00:04:49,196
People assume that,
because we're two women,
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00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:51,531
that Anthony is just
getting to have two girls
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00:04:51,565 --> 00:04:53,099
and I'm just putting up
with it.
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00:04:53,133 --> 00:04:55,534
Am I polyamorous
because of Anthony?
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00:04:55,569 --> 00:04:56,736
No.
101
00:04:56,770 --> 00:04:59,304
I think that polyamory
should be a right.
102
00:04:59,339 --> 00:05:01,006
It should be an option.
103
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:02,541
I think it makes
a lot of sense.
104
00:05:02,575 --> 00:05:06,811
And as a bisexual woman,
monogamy would close off
105
00:05:06,845 --> 00:05:08,846
a huge part of my personality.
106
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:10,214
Aah!
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00:05:10,249 --> 00:05:11,415
We have some friends
in Portland
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00:05:11,450 --> 00:05:13,684
who say this really well.
109
00:05:13,718 --> 00:05:16,019
"Monogamy by choice, hot.
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00:05:16,053 --> 00:05:18,287
Forced monogamy is not."
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00:05:18,322 --> 00:05:21,790
I've heard, "you don't
seem like the marriage type."
112
00:05:21,824 --> 00:05:23,258
But for me,
the problem isn't so much
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00:05:23,292 --> 00:05:24,893
I'm not the marriage type.
114
00:05:24,927 --> 00:05:27,095
It's that marriage
isn't my type.
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00:05:27,129 --> 00:05:28,329
It's not my fault that marriage
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00:05:28,363 --> 00:05:30,631
has such a narrow definition
right now.
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Because you should never
be telling people
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00:05:32,367 --> 00:05:34,501
how to live their
private lives,
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00:05:34,535 --> 00:05:36,969
tell 'em what kind of family
they should have.
120
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,804
And it's amazing that
most people accept this,
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00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,139
but can't make the connection
with poly.
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Never go away again.
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I'm Kamala Devi.
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00:05:57,787 --> 00:05:59,855
And this is my husband Michael.
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00:05:59,889 --> 00:06:03,258
I work in a company
that does lighting sales,
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00:06:03,292 --> 00:06:05,893
increasing energy conservation
through lighting.
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00:06:05,928 --> 00:06:07,962
I'm a sex and
relationship coach.
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00:06:07,996 --> 00:06:10,097
Before he goes South,
what would you like?
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00:06:10,131 --> 00:06:11,865
- Some more kisses.
- Beautiful.
130
00:06:11,899 --> 00:06:13,733
More kisses are always good.
131
00:06:13,768 --> 00:06:14,967
You can pull my hair
a little bit.
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00:06:15,001 --> 00:06:17,336
Who better to learn
about relationship from
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00:06:17,370 --> 00:06:21,573
than somebody who's doing,
like, 12 relationships?
134
00:06:21,607 --> 00:06:22,874
Let's do a prayer for the food.
135
00:06:22,909 --> 00:06:25,977
Together we have a son.
We own this house.
136
00:06:26,012 --> 00:06:28,213
And we've been practicing
polyamory together.
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Slow down.
138
00:06:30,216 --> 00:06:32,184
Nobody should tell you
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00:06:32,218 --> 00:06:33,618
what your relationship
should look like.
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That feels so good.
141
00:06:35,788 --> 00:06:37,422
Ahh.
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00:06:37,456 --> 00:06:38,790
I don't wear a wedding ring,
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00:06:38,824 --> 00:06:41,059
'cause I think that's
a symbol of ownership.
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I don't own him,
and he doesn't own me.
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We got married because
it empowers us.
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00:06:46,199 --> 00:06:48,167
There's lots of great benefits.
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00:06:48,201 --> 00:06:49,768
And from within that system,
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we're looking
at transforming it.
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00:06:51,604 --> 00:06:52,837
I don't wear a wedding ring
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00:06:52,872 --> 00:06:54,339
because I don't like
wearing jewelry.
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00:06:56,776 --> 00:07:00,412
The life that Kamala
and I lead is very typical.
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00:07:00,447 --> 00:07:03,249
We do all the things that
any other family would do,
153
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except we have, you know,
ten lovers.
154
00:07:06,052 --> 00:07:09,589
We are going to visit
Tahl and Jennifer today.
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00:07:10,957 --> 00:07:12,224
You like that?
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00:07:12,259 --> 00:07:14,126
Yeah.
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00:07:14,161 --> 00:07:16,495
Michael and I are
primary lovers.
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00:07:16,530 --> 00:07:19,398
The next closest relationship
we have is Jen and Tahl.
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00:07:19,433 --> 00:07:21,901
We've been with them now
for two years.
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00:07:21,936 --> 00:07:24,404
It wasn't long before
we fell in love.
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And, you know, Jen and I share
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00:07:26,273 --> 00:07:29,042
this sisterhood
that is unparalleled.
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Get her.
You stop her from that side.
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It's so rare to have
four people
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that love each other
as deeply as we do.
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So you know, that's
probably why we're like,
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"hey, let's make this
go even deeper."
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We have this granny flat
backhouse.
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We actually just renovated it
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with the intention
of having lovers live here.
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Oh, this is exciting, honey.
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I do look kind of cute,
don't I?
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Are they?
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00:08:00,445 --> 00:08:01,579
Yeah.
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00:08:01,613 --> 00:08:04,081
- Hi, I'm Jen.
- And I'm Tahl.
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00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:07,084
Tahl and I have been
together for over ten years,
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00:08:07,118 --> 00:08:09,553
and married for eight.
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00:08:09,587 --> 00:08:12,623
I work Tahl's parents'
jewelry store.
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00:08:12,657 --> 00:08:13,924
- All right, bye.
- Bye.
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00:08:13,959 --> 00:08:16,727
And for a hobby,
I do salsa dancing,
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00:08:16,761 --> 00:08:18,229
a lot of salsa dancing.
182
00:08:18,263 --> 00:08:20,298
I'm a full-time student.
183
00:08:20,332 --> 00:08:22,333
And I'm studying
Chinese medicine.
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00:08:22,368 --> 00:08:25,103
I'm studying to be
an acupuncturist.
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00:08:25,137 --> 00:08:26,938
Tahl and I have been
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00:08:26,972 --> 00:08:29,574
dating Michael and Kamala
for two years.
187
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What time is it?
What time are they coming?
188
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:32,844
I think they're
coming pretty soon.
189
00:08:32,878 --> 00:08:34,212
We got this call from Kamala,
190
00:08:34,246 --> 00:08:35,947
and she doesn't usually
leave me
191
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:37,749
in suspense or anticipation.
192
00:08:37,783 --> 00:08:39,517
So when she said,
"oh, Michael and I wanna
193
00:08:39,551 --> 00:08:40,785
come over and talk to you,"
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00:08:40,819 --> 00:08:42,119
I thought she was gonna
break up with us.
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I got scared.
I felt a little insecure.
196
00:08:44,923 --> 00:08:46,891
You're looking cute.
I'm gonna give you a kiss.
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00:08:46,925 --> 00:08:48,726
Mm.
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00:08:48,761 --> 00:08:51,062
Mommy and daddy
are gonna ask Jen and Tahl
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00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:52,263
to come and live with us.
200
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How would you like that?
201
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:55,534
Yeah, I like it.
202
00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:56,835
Am I gonna come too?
203
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:57,936
You're not gonna
come this time.
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00:08:57,971 --> 00:08:59,104
You're gonna be at school.
205
00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:00,405
But we're gonna go have
a big conversation
206
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,509
with Tahl and Jennifer.
207
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,277
I'm asking a really big thing.
208
00:09:05,311 --> 00:09:07,379
I've never actually
proposed to somebody.
209
00:09:07,413 --> 00:09:10,516
So I'm asking her
to share their life with us.
210
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:13,252
But things are so good
with them right now.
211
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,154
So I'm concerned
I'm going to fuck up
212
00:09:15,188 --> 00:09:18,156
something extraordinary.
213
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,232
You're all done
with papers and stuff, right?
214
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:28,567
- You're done?
- Yeah, I'm done.
215
00:09:28,601 --> 00:09:30,669
- Oh, thank God.
- It's been crazy.
216
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:33,506
I wanna know what you guys
have been doing though.
217
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,042
All morning I was just
cleaning and waiting.
218
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:39,846
Lindsey has been away
for six months at UC Berkeley.
219
00:09:39,881 --> 00:09:42,082
And she developed
a serious relationship
220
00:09:42,116 --> 00:09:44,818
with Krystof,
her boyfriend over there.
221
00:09:44,853 --> 00:09:46,753
You can't avoid talking
about Krystof.
222
00:09:46,788 --> 00:09:48,489
Krystof's good.
Oh, I need to, uh,
223
00:09:48,523 --> 00:09:50,858
let him know that
I got in okay.
224
00:09:50,892 --> 00:09:55,696
Oh, is he your boyfriend now?
225
00:09:55,730 --> 00:09:57,698
Sort of.
226
00:09:57,733 --> 00:09:59,533
This is the first time
that Lindsey's had
227
00:09:59,568 --> 00:10:03,838
this intense kind of
boyfriendy-girlfriendy,
228
00:10:03,872 --> 00:10:06,540
mutual infatuation.
229
00:10:06,575 --> 00:10:08,509
So how much time
do you spend with him?
230
00:10:08,543 --> 00:10:10,244
Well, we've been spending
a ton of time together--
231
00:10:10,279 --> 00:10:12,113
It's too early
to make me feel this bad.
232
00:10:12,147 --> 00:10:13,548
We'll talk about it later,
okay?
233
00:10:13,582 --> 00:10:14,749
Why do you feel bad?
234
00:10:14,784 --> 00:10:16,051
We'll talk about it later.
235
00:10:16,085 --> 00:10:17,419
I don't want
to talk about it right now.
236
00:10:17,453 --> 00:10:19,854
I just wanna enjoy
you being home.
237
00:10:19,889 --> 00:10:21,155
Why does she feel bad?
238
00:10:21,190 --> 00:10:23,525
Because you pay more attention
239
00:10:23,559 --> 00:10:24,793
to Krystof than her.
240
00:10:24,827 --> 00:10:27,362
I'm running up against
the fact of polyamory,
241
00:10:27,396 --> 00:10:30,599
which is that I have
to practice what I preach,
242
00:10:30,633 --> 00:10:33,836
and open up the door for Lindsey
to love someone new.
243
00:10:33,870 --> 00:10:35,871
I want to be able
to do that in theory.
244
00:10:35,905 --> 00:10:38,673
But one of the biggest
challenges in polyamory
245
00:10:38,708 --> 00:10:40,074
is jealousy of other lovers.
246
00:10:40,109 --> 00:10:43,010
It's just, you know,
it's the new--
247
00:10:43,045 --> 00:10:45,213
brand-new, shiny love
in life.
248
00:10:45,247 --> 00:10:46,347
But that's just it.
249
00:10:46,382 --> 00:10:47,682
It's just a brand-new,
shiny thing.
250
00:10:47,716 --> 00:10:49,818
Oh, okay.
That's what I'm saying.
251
00:10:49,852 --> 00:10:51,920
We'll talk about that later.
252
00:10:51,954 --> 00:10:56,024
I just-- Can we not
fight about it right now?
253
00:10:56,059 --> 00:10:58,894
Vanessa gets a little bit upset
254
00:10:58,928 --> 00:11:01,863
if I don't remind her
that I'm in love with her.
255
00:11:01,897 --> 00:11:04,265
However, in this case,
her attitude
256
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:08,369
was totally resentful
and passive aggressive.
257
00:11:08,404 --> 00:11:10,471
- Will you wash me?
- Yeah.
258
00:11:10,506 --> 00:11:12,173
Every time.
259
00:11:12,207 --> 00:11:14,475
I love it!
260
00:11:16,311 --> 00:11:18,445
Hey, what did you do
up in Berkeley
261
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:20,514
without Vanessa
to scrub your body?
262
00:11:20,548 --> 00:11:21,881
I didn't shower.
263
00:11:21,916 --> 00:11:23,483
And I got fungus all over me.
264
00:11:24,919 --> 00:11:28,121
I like this spot.
265
00:11:30,792 --> 00:11:32,894
Oh, I really love you.
266
00:11:32,928 --> 00:11:35,363
We were just a stupid
straight line for awhile.
267
00:11:35,397 --> 00:11:39,133
- Yeah.
- Triangle is a stronger shape.
268
00:11:39,167 --> 00:11:41,602
Do you mind if I pee?
269
00:11:41,637 --> 00:11:45,073
Lindsey can have lovers.
She can have boyfriends.
270
00:11:45,107 --> 00:11:48,410
But when the shift happens,
from a lover to boyfriend,
271
00:11:48,444 --> 00:11:49,711
we need to know about it.
272
00:11:49,746 --> 00:11:52,748
And it was sprung on us.
273
00:11:54,818 --> 00:11:56,419
I think you should go call him,
274
00:11:56,453 --> 00:11:58,421
since you're supposed
to call him.
275
00:11:58,455 --> 00:12:00,490
Krystof is a real trigger
for me,
276
00:12:00,524 --> 00:12:02,058
because I get really jealous
277
00:12:02,093 --> 00:12:05,095
about how excited she gets
about him.
278
00:12:06,664 --> 00:12:09,166
I don't think she
understands or respects
279
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:12,102
- how much it hurts me.
- How much what hurts you?
280
00:12:12,136 --> 00:12:14,304
How much attention
she's giving him, you know?
281
00:12:14,338 --> 00:12:16,139
Like, how much
she wants to be around him,
282
00:12:16,174 --> 00:12:17,741
how much she wants
to talk to him.
283
00:12:17,775 --> 00:12:21,177
I mean, she's all sad
about leaving him up there.
284
00:12:21,212 --> 00:12:24,481
But you know how often
she texts me during the day?
285
00:12:24,515 --> 00:12:26,283
Don't you think that'll
just be out of sight,
286
00:12:26,317 --> 00:12:28,518
out of mind now
that she's here?
287
00:12:28,553 --> 00:12:32,990
I don't know.
I mean, we've never seen this.
288
00:12:35,594 --> 00:12:39,864
Hey!
289
00:12:39,899 --> 00:12:41,733
I miss you.
Thanks for calling me.
290
00:12:41,767 --> 00:12:43,601
I miss you.
291
00:12:43,636 --> 00:12:47,138
I feel more in love
with Krystof
292
00:12:47,173 --> 00:12:48,773
than I've felt
with other people.
293
00:12:48,808 --> 00:12:52,844
He's worth pissing my partners
off a little bit for.
294
00:12:52,879 --> 00:12:55,180
When can we
see each other again?
295
00:12:55,214 --> 00:12:57,149
I'm gonna try
to come down pretty soon.
296
00:12:57,183 --> 00:12:59,418
I would love that.
297
00:12:59,452 --> 00:13:01,386
Why aren't you here?
298
00:13:01,421 --> 00:13:03,822
I have this life down here
299
00:13:03,856 --> 00:13:07,459
that involves, um,
other people that I love.
300
00:13:07,494 --> 00:13:09,528
You know, you could
come down here.
301
00:13:09,563 --> 00:13:11,396
I mean, forever.
302
00:13:11,431 --> 00:13:13,932
It's a very elaborate,
long conversation
303
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:16,969
to let him know that
she's got home safe.
304
00:13:20,073 --> 00:13:21,774
Well, come on,
let's go talk to her.
305
00:13:21,809 --> 00:13:22,975
Okay.
306
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:24,510
You want things
to come to a head?
307
00:13:24,545 --> 00:13:27,513
We'll make it come to a head.
308
00:13:37,025 --> 00:13:39,926
Oh.
309
00:13:39,961 --> 00:13:41,795
Ooh, ooh.
310
00:13:41,829 --> 00:13:43,163
That's them.
All right, so, um--
311
00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:45,532
- Do I look all right?
- You look beautiful.
312
00:13:45,566 --> 00:13:46,800
You look--
Mwah.
313
00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:49,035
Absolutely delicious.
314
00:13:49,070 --> 00:13:52,172
I think Tahl is ready
to live with us.
315
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,974
Hey.
316
00:13:54,008 --> 00:13:56,543
Tahl has been wanting
to live with us for over a year.
317
00:13:56,577 --> 00:13:59,412
I think Jen is gonna
get peer pressured into it.
318
00:14:00,681 --> 00:14:02,149
We made some tea.
You guys want some tea?
319
00:14:02,183 --> 00:14:04,851
Um, I just wanna
drop in and talk.
320
00:14:04,885 --> 00:14:06,253
Are you guys
breaking up with us?
321
00:14:06,287 --> 00:14:07,487
Is that why you came over?
322
00:14:07,522 --> 00:14:09,690
- No.
- Oh, all right.
323
00:14:09,724 --> 00:14:12,226
- No, of course not.
- All right.
324
00:14:12,260 --> 00:14:15,729
I just wanted to have
a sit-down conversation.
325
00:14:15,764 --> 00:14:16,897
- Bedroom?
- Yeah.
326
00:14:16,932 --> 00:14:19,267
- Yeah? Perfect.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
327
00:14:19,301 --> 00:14:22,303
- Jump on?
- Yeah.
328
00:14:22,338 --> 00:14:23,605
All right, so what's the deal?
329
00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:25,907
I know we've all talked about
330
00:14:25,941 --> 00:14:28,276
- living together someday.
- Mm-hmm.
331
00:14:28,310 --> 00:14:31,380
Um, why not make that
someday now?
332
00:14:31,414 --> 00:14:33,415
Oh.
333
00:14:33,449 --> 00:14:36,151
Um--
334
00:14:36,185 --> 00:14:37,886
You can breathe.
335
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:39,120
I'm really--
I'm touched.
336
00:14:39,155 --> 00:14:40,722
- Yay.
- It's a big decision, Tahl.
337
00:14:40,756 --> 00:14:42,457
I mean, I know
we've talked about it,
338
00:14:42,491 --> 00:14:46,361
but it hasn't--
it just hasn't seemed real.
339
00:14:46,395 --> 00:14:48,830
You know, Tahl's always--
340
00:14:48,864 --> 00:14:50,198
Since we've been married,
he's always wanted
341
00:14:50,233 --> 00:14:51,700
to live in a community.
342
00:14:51,734 --> 00:14:56,505
And I'm-- I haven't been excited
about that until recently.
343
00:14:56,539 --> 00:14:59,541
Um, so I just-- I just
have a few concerns.
344
00:15:01,644 --> 00:15:03,345
Oh, my God.
She might say no.
345
00:15:03,379 --> 00:15:05,014
How could we keep going forward
346
00:15:05,048 --> 00:15:08,016
if we're not building
this dream together?
347
00:15:17,494 --> 00:15:19,362
When can we
see each other again?
348
00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,631
I'm gonna try
to come down pretty soon.
349
00:15:21,665 --> 00:15:24,067
Oh, let me guess.
350
00:15:24,101 --> 00:15:26,035
- Your mom?
- Come say hi.
351
00:15:26,070 --> 00:15:27,804
- Hey.
- Hi.
352
00:15:27,838 --> 00:15:29,405
- Hi.
- What's the matter?
353
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,308
You guys didn't get enough
time together this morning?
354
00:15:32,343 --> 00:15:33,710
- How you doing?
- I'm okay.
355
00:15:33,744 --> 00:15:36,446
I'm really happy
to have Linds home.
356
00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,014
We're already conspiring
to get her back.
357
00:15:38,048 --> 00:15:40,216
I bet you are.
358
00:15:40,250 --> 00:15:41,884
Don't you wanna
hug him so badly?
359
00:15:41,919 --> 00:15:43,887
How can you look at him
and stand it?
360
00:15:43,921 --> 00:15:45,021
Aw, you guys are so cute.
361
00:15:45,056 --> 00:15:46,956
I would like
to hug you so badly.
362
00:15:46,991 --> 00:15:49,392
And I-- also, it's time
to make dinner.
363
00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:51,160
And like, "I miss you.
I miss you. I miss you."
364
00:15:51,195 --> 00:15:53,129
And it was just, like,
"fuck off."
365
00:15:53,163 --> 00:15:55,631
Like, "miss me, you ass."
366
00:15:55,666 --> 00:15:57,267
- All right.
- We're gonna go cook.
367
00:15:57,301 --> 00:15:59,369
Okay, we're gonna
have dinner now.
368
00:15:59,403 --> 00:16:02,138
She knows I'm hurting
about this,
369
00:16:02,173 --> 00:16:03,540
and it was insensitive.
370
00:16:03,574 --> 00:16:04,941
Two minutes earlier,
I had been like,
371
00:16:04,976 --> 00:16:06,543
"I'm hurt about this."
372
00:16:06,577 --> 00:16:09,179
And then she's on the camera
going, "I miss you."
373
00:16:09,213 --> 00:16:10,814
And I was like--
374
00:16:10,848 --> 00:16:12,015
"Thanks."
375
00:16:12,049 --> 00:16:13,850
Take care of yourself.
376
00:16:13,885 --> 00:16:15,685
Okay, bye.
377
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,188
Jesus, Linds.
378
00:16:18,222 --> 00:16:21,224
You've just got back.
379
00:16:25,496 --> 00:16:27,964
Maybe it's time
we revisit our rules.
380
00:16:27,998 --> 00:16:29,899
Okay, I don't feel like
I've broken
381
00:16:29,934 --> 00:16:31,567
- any rules with him.
- Right, and I do.
382
00:16:31,602 --> 00:16:33,502
So we should talk about
that right now.
383
00:16:33,537 --> 00:16:36,205
Number one rule is honesty.
384
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:37,974
We tell everything
to each other.
385
00:16:38,008 --> 00:16:39,642
Always, no matter how hurtful.
386
00:16:39,676 --> 00:16:41,043
Before it happens.
387
00:16:41,078 --> 00:16:44,012
With none of that,
"oh, I didn't wanna hurt you."
388
00:16:44,047 --> 00:16:45,514
- Honesty, number one.
- Okay.
389
00:16:45,548 --> 00:16:46,881
- Number two, safety.
- Right.
390
00:16:46,916 --> 00:16:48,650
We don't wanna have
to worry about that.
391
00:16:48,684 --> 00:16:50,218
Okay.
392
00:16:50,252 --> 00:16:52,020
- Permission ahead of time.
- Mm-hmm.
393
00:16:52,054 --> 00:16:54,488
Number four, veto.
394
00:16:54,522 --> 00:16:57,958
No date, no night
of sex with someone else,
395
00:16:57,992 --> 00:17:01,995
no little romantic moment
is worth,
396
00:17:02,030 --> 00:17:03,497
you know, hurting the partner,
397
00:17:03,531 --> 00:17:05,565
if one of the partners says,
"I can't handle it
398
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,768
right now.
Please don't."
399
00:17:07,802 --> 00:17:09,937
And I love those rules.
400
00:17:09,971 --> 00:17:13,608
I just also really am--
401
00:17:13,642 --> 00:17:15,576
kind of in love
with another person...
402
00:17:16,912 --> 00:17:18,045
Who I wanna incorporate...
403
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,447
That's fine, under the rules.
404
00:17:19,481 --> 00:17:22,749
Into those rules.
405
00:17:24,151 --> 00:17:25,318
Lindsey's relationship
with Krystof
406
00:17:25,353 --> 00:17:27,521
is a really touchy issue
for the triad.
407
00:17:27,555 --> 00:17:29,956
She has developed
an intimacy with him
408
00:17:29,990 --> 00:17:32,758
that didn't abide
by the basic principals
409
00:17:32,793 --> 00:17:35,661
that we have about including
the triad
410
00:17:35,695 --> 00:17:37,629
in any outside relationship.
411
00:17:37,664 --> 00:17:40,598
So she got too serious
with him too fast.
412
00:17:40,633 --> 00:17:42,534
This is my issue
with you and Krystof,
413
00:17:42,568 --> 00:17:45,370
is that it does feel
like you are
414
00:17:45,405 --> 00:17:48,707
in a little monogamous
cocoon with him right now.
415
00:17:48,741 --> 00:17:52,444
I feel hurt
and left out of this.
416
00:17:52,478 --> 00:17:54,780
Because you are
doing things with him,
417
00:17:54,814 --> 00:17:56,682
and for him, and around him
418
00:17:56,716 --> 00:17:59,818
that you don't do--
and never did-- with me.
419
00:17:59,852 --> 00:18:01,386
He's doing things with me that
420
00:18:01,420 --> 00:18:03,221
you never did with--
for me.
421
00:18:03,255 --> 00:18:04,989
That is a really
hurtful response
422
00:18:05,024 --> 00:18:09,794
to me telling you I'm in pain.
423
00:18:09,828 --> 00:18:12,563
Don't you think that
taking a break, like,
424
00:18:12,597 --> 00:18:14,531
cutting myself off from him
at this time,
425
00:18:14,566 --> 00:18:17,635
that's totally inorganic
and unnatural,
426
00:18:17,669 --> 00:18:19,370
is just gonna make me
want him more?
427
00:18:19,404 --> 00:18:21,839
And it's just gonna
exacerbate the problem.
428
00:18:21,873 --> 00:18:23,374
You're not a child.
429
00:18:23,408 --> 00:18:25,476
No, I don't think
that will happen.
430
00:18:25,510 --> 00:18:28,512
That's what a child does.
431
00:18:41,227 --> 00:18:44,262
What would it take
to make it a little community?
432
00:18:44,296 --> 00:18:46,397
As long as we've lived here,
he comes home
433
00:18:46,432 --> 00:18:48,332
by the time--
by the time I'm home.
434
00:18:48,367 --> 00:18:49,968
'Cause I feel like
I just need to sleep with him.
435
00:18:50,002 --> 00:18:51,636
You know, when we go over there
436
00:18:51,670 --> 00:18:52,904
and I'm really super tired,
and then you and Tahl
437
00:18:52,938 --> 00:18:54,372
start fuckin' around and--
438
00:18:54,406 --> 00:18:56,107
and I feel like it's gonna
take him away
439
00:18:56,141 --> 00:18:57,308
from me at night,
440
00:18:57,343 --> 00:18:59,311
when I really need him
to be with me.
441
00:18:59,345 --> 00:19:01,046
Jealousy is an issue with me.
442
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,781
Around Kamala, it's a lot less.
443
00:19:02,815 --> 00:19:04,282
But I have to admit,
it's still there.
444
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:06,718
It takes a lot
of deep conversations
445
00:19:06,753 --> 00:19:09,388
to be able to deal
with the jealousy.
446
00:19:09,422 --> 00:19:10,856
If you're not ready
to do personal work,
447
00:19:10,891 --> 00:19:13,159
then definitely polyamory
isn't for you.
448
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:14,927
That's one boundary--
you know, we've--
449
00:19:14,962 --> 00:19:17,097
I've given you that space.
450
00:19:17,131 --> 00:19:18,832
That's one of the ones
that is hard for me.
451
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:20,367
- Right.
- Tahl and I right now,
452
00:19:20,401 --> 00:19:23,936
it's like, we have
such a hot connection.
453
00:19:23,971 --> 00:19:26,773
Um, and it doesn't--
like, we don't
454
00:19:26,807 --> 00:19:28,608
- get enough time together.
- And I get that.
455
00:19:28,642 --> 00:19:30,443
I get that, but this
is a new situation.
456
00:19:30,477 --> 00:19:32,478
- You know I've grown.
- You have.
457
00:19:32,512 --> 00:19:33,746
Like, in the years
that we've been doing this,
458
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:35,514
I've changed and I've made
more allowances.
459
00:19:35,548 --> 00:19:38,917
But, like, for me to move in
and take that big step,
460
00:19:38,952 --> 00:19:40,552
I just need you
to be there for me.
461
00:19:40,587 --> 00:19:43,221
I need that kind of, uh,
462
00:19:43,256 --> 00:19:45,557
agreement from you, initially.
463
00:19:45,592 --> 00:19:49,128
The most difficult part
of polyamory for me--
464
00:19:49,162 --> 00:19:50,429
are probably all of my rules.
465
00:19:50,463 --> 00:19:52,665
Are-- Exactly.
466
00:19:52,699 --> 00:19:54,767
It's all of Jennifer's rules.
467
00:19:54,801 --> 00:19:56,168
If he's there at the house,
you can always
468
00:19:56,203 --> 00:19:58,537
- come into the house and--
- And get him.
469
00:19:58,572 --> 00:20:00,406
- And get him, yeah.
- Yeah, okay, right.
470
00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:02,275
But I don't wanna seem
like the shrew
471
00:20:02,309 --> 00:20:04,176
that-- that keeps,
you know, saying,
472
00:20:04,211 --> 00:20:05,411
"Tahl, come here.
Tahl, come to the back.
473
00:20:05,445 --> 00:20:07,046
Tahl, do this."
I just--
474
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,148
I'm just asking
475
00:20:09,182 --> 00:20:12,352
for everybody's support,
because he's--
476
00:20:12,386 --> 00:20:14,487
he's eager to please,
and I'm just asking you guys
477
00:20:14,522 --> 00:20:15,989
to just say,
"okay, this is the time
478
00:20:16,023 --> 00:20:17,424
"with you agreed to with Jen.
479
00:20:17,458 --> 00:20:18,825
Please, you know,
go back in."
480
00:20:18,859 --> 00:20:20,059
And we can do that.
We can do that.
481
00:20:20,094 --> 00:20:21,394
It's a transition, so--
482
00:20:21,428 --> 00:20:23,096
There's plenty of time
during the day.
483
00:20:23,130 --> 00:20:24,731
You know,
fuck her during the day.
484
00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,567
Sleep with me at night.
485
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:28,802
That being said,
486
00:20:28,837 --> 00:20:32,206
does it seem like
something, uh, we can do?
487
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,041
It does.
488
00:20:34,075 --> 00:20:35,709
I'm afraid and I'm excited.
489
00:20:35,744 --> 00:20:38,379
And so-- but there's more
excitement than fear I think.
490
00:20:38,413 --> 00:20:39,646
- Yay.
- Aww.
491
00:20:39,681 --> 00:20:41,115
And I think we've lived
the two of us
492
00:20:41,149 --> 00:20:42,483
together for too long.
493
00:20:42,517 --> 00:20:43,717
And I think, like Kamala said,
494
00:20:43,752 --> 00:20:46,687
I'm ready to blend
our marriages,
495
00:20:46,721 --> 00:20:48,356
- or join our marriages, yeah.
- Yay.
496
00:20:48,390 --> 00:20:50,325
Yay.
497
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:52,160
- Mm.
- Mmm.
498
00:20:52,195 --> 00:20:53,695
You squished Kamala.
499
00:20:53,730 --> 00:20:54,964
You're squishing me.
500
00:20:57,100 --> 00:20:58,334
Ooh, sorry I got upset.
501
00:20:58,369 --> 00:21:00,303
- I got a little upset there.
- I know, I know.
502
00:21:00,337 --> 00:21:01,737
Aww.
503
00:21:01,772 --> 00:21:03,639
- What else do you want, honey?
- Butt rub.
504
00:21:03,674 --> 00:21:05,541
One of my biggest fears is that
505
00:21:05,576 --> 00:21:07,610
this isn't gonna work out.
506
00:21:07,644 --> 00:21:08,745
Tahl and I get in a fight,
507
00:21:08,779 --> 00:21:10,246
and it'll affect
our relationship.
508
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:13,115
- Bye.
- Bye, guys.
509
00:21:14,851 --> 00:21:16,952
All right,
let me-- Shit.
510
00:21:16,987 --> 00:21:19,955
Aah!
511
00:21:30,734 --> 00:21:33,303
It's hurtful for you
to be carrying on with this
512
00:21:33,338 --> 00:21:36,073
as long as the triad
isn't strong.
513
00:21:36,108 --> 00:21:38,509
So we think you should
take a break.
514
00:21:38,544 --> 00:21:40,044
I think the triad is strong.
515
00:21:40,078 --> 00:21:41,879
I love you guys more than ever.
516
00:21:41,914 --> 00:21:44,215
Speak for yourself.
I feel insecure about it.
517
00:21:44,249 --> 00:21:47,218
If Krystof is somebody
who's gonna be in our lives,
518
00:21:47,252 --> 00:21:51,222
he will understand.
519
00:21:54,459 --> 00:21:56,994
Okay, I think
that's reasonable.
520
00:21:57,028 --> 00:21:59,997
I don't want to take a break
from Krystof.
521
00:22:00,031 --> 00:22:03,101
And it's so unfair
to ask that of one person.
522
00:22:03,135 --> 00:22:07,338
But, even if I disagree
with their requests,
523
00:22:07,372 --> 00:22:09,507
I know it's coming
from a place of love.
524
00:22:09,542 --> 00:22:11,610
I don't want you to send
75 kiss, kiss,
525
00:22:11,644 --> 00:22:14,079
love you text messages
a day to him.
526
00:22:14,113 --> 00:22:15,680
- I want you to send them to me.
- Okay, felt good about it.
527
00:22:15,715 --> 00:22:17,149
But now you have to keep going.
528
00:22:17,183 --> 00:22:18,783
I don't feel good yet.
529
00:22:18,818 --> 00:22:23,388
I won't feel good
till she's naked.
530
00:22:23,423 --> 00:22:25,156
Go upstairs.
531
00:22:25,191 --> 00:22:26,391
Go clean up.
532
00:22:26,425 --> 00:22:29,160
What?
533
00:22:29,195 --> 00:22:32,164
Bullshit, I'm coming.
534
00:22:33,633 --> 00:22:35,367
Oh, my God.
I'm leaving these on.
535
00:22:35,401 --> 00:22:36,968
I like these.
536
00:22:37,002 --> 00:22:38,469
I'm leaving these on.
537
00:22:38,504 --> 00:22:42,440
In a threesome, I do a lot
of initiating and coordinating.
538
00:22:42,475 --> 00:22:44,642
I'm the director.
539
00:22:44,677 --> 00:22:46,678
Lindsey's like the doll.
540
00:22:46,712 --> 00:22:48,946
And Anthony's the, like,
totally unpredictable
541
00:22:48,981 --> 00:22:51,482
improv actor.
542
00:22:51,516 --> 00:22:54,885
It's beautiful.
543
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:57,487
It's dreamlike, our sex.
544
00:22:57,522 --> 00:22:59,956
For one thing,
I'm so in awe of them.
545
00:22:59,991 --> 00:23:02,092
They have their own dynamic,
546
00:23:02,126 --> 00:23:04,928
and it's really beautiful
to watch.
547
00:23:06,697 --> 00:23:08,831
I enjoy the sex with
Anthony and Vanessa.
548
00:23:08,866 --> 00:23:12,101
That level of closeness
and communication
549
00:23:12,136 --> 00:23:13,536
and respect for each other
550
00:23:13,570 --> 00:23:16,172
really translates well
to the bedroom.
551
00:23:26,651 --> 00:23:29,253
Yeah.
552
00:23:37,263 --> 00:23:39,330
You can just
put it on the floor
553
00:23:39,365 --> 00:23:40,965
- and then I can tape it?
- Yeah.
554
00:23:40,999 --> 00:23:43,167
Jen and Tahl
are moving in with us,
555
00:23:43,201 --> 00:23:46,170
and we're helping them
pack up their house.
556
00:23:48,907 --> 00:23:51,108
Moving in with Jen and Tahl
means change,
557
00:23:51,142 --> 00:23:53,911
and that's scary.
558
00:23:53,945 --> 00:23:55,446
People do crazy things
for love.
559
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,982
Is this one of them?
560
00:24:04,255 --> 00:24:06,290
This is bigger than
your bedroom at home.
561
00:24:06,324 --> 00:24:07,658
It is, it is.
562
00:24:07,692 --> 00:24:08,992
We should make out.
563
00:24:11,329 --> 00:24:13,997
Ooh.
564
00:24:14,031 --> 00:24:17,067
Mm.
565
00:24:17,101 --> 00:24:18,768
Didn't you find
the hardware for the bed?
566
00:24:18,802 --> 00:24:20,403
Yeah, see.
567
00:24:20,438 --> 00:24:21,738
Now that they're moving in,
I'm wondering
568
00:24:21,772 --> 00:24:23,506
if we're gonna have
more sex or less.
569
00:24:23,541 --> 00:24:24,941
I'm sure we're gonna
have more sex.
570
00:24:24,975 --> 00:24:26,309
I'm totally confident.
571
00:24:26,344 --> 00:24:29,346
It's part of the reason
I wanted to move in with them.
572
00:24:31,316 --> 00:24:32,516
Hey, where's Devin?
We didn't even
573
00:24:32,550 --> 00:24:34,184
get to say hi to him.
He's with my mom.
574
00:24:34,219 --> 00:24:35,653
Oh, he's staying the night
over there?
575
00:24:35,687 --> 00:24:36,954
Yep.
576
00:24:36,988 --> 00:24:38,522
We send Devin
to grandma's house,
577
00:24:38,557 --> 00:24:40,625
so he's well taken care of.
578
00:24:40,659 --> 00:24:43,795
And then we allow ourselves
to play
579
00:24:43,829 --> 00:24:46,064
and enjoy being adults.
580
00:24:46,098 --> 00:24:47,498
- So we have the whole night?
- Yep.
581
00:24:47,533 --> 00:24:48,833
The whole house to ourselves?
582
00:24:48,867 --> 00:24:50,901
You know it.
583
00:24:50,936 --> 00:24:53,938
Yeah.
584
00:24:58,744 --> 00:25:00,244
Just for you.
585
00:25:00,279 --> 00:25:01,546
- Mm-hmm.
- And you and you.
586
00:25:05,984 --> 00:25:07,351
Just because I'm polyamorous
does not mean
587
00:25:07,385 --> 00:25:08,552
I fuck everybody.
588
00:25:08,586 --> 00:25:10,253
I'm more into love
and relationship.
589
00:25:10,288 --> 00:25:11,821
And I love snuggling
and cuddling,
590
00:25:11,856 --> 00:25:14,157
and, you know,
looking into people's eyes
591
00:25:14,191 --> 00:25:15,959
and really getting
a nice heart connection.
592
00:25:15,993 --> 00:25:18,995
And sex is just
an added benefit.
593
00:25:22,266 --> 00:25:24,133
I love Jennifer,
but Jen doesn't have
594
00:25:24,167 --> 00:25:25,401
that big a sex drive.
595
00:25:25,436 --> 00:25:27,804
And so she can't really
meet all my demands.
596
00:25:27,838 --> 00:25:29,772
But Michael and Kamala have
597
00:25:29,807 --> 00:25:31,674
just as big a sex drive
as I do.
598
00:25:31,709 --> 00:25:34,277
So it's--
it's pretty hot.
599
00:25:34,311 --> 00:25:37,847
Mm-hmm.
600
00:25:37,881 --> 00:25:40,115
I really encourage
Kamala to have other lovers.
601
00:25:40,150 --> 00:25:42,351
In the beginning,
we did have a rule that
602
00:25:42,385 --> 00:25:44,453
she could see other women,
but not other men.
603
00:25:44,487 --> 00:25:48,157
But then she met a man
who was like a brother to me.
604
00:25:48,192 --> 00:25:49,959
It amazed me that I didn't
have any jealousy.
605
00:25:49,993 --> 00:25:51,928
And finally pushed them
into it.
606
00:25:51,962 --> 00:25:54,130
I said, "come on, guys,
just go have sex."
607
00:25:57,168 --> 00:26:00,136
You want more attention
from Tahl?
608
00:26:04,809 --> 00:26:06,310
Mm-hmm.
609
00:26:08,813 --> 00:26:10,514
People say I'm a slut,
610
00:26:10,549 --> 00:26:11,849
'cause I love so many people
611
00:26:11,883 --> 00:26:13,584
and I make love all the time.
612
00:26:13,618 --> 00:26:16,587
To me, that's a celebration
of life.
613
00:26:18,623 --> 00:26:20,591
So what's the big deal?
614
00:26:26,861 --> 00:26:29,258
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