Original subtitles

We are polyamorous.

And what polyamory means is "many loves."

Polyamorous people believe that you can

love more than one person with the same intimacy.

Everybody's in full consent.

There's no secrets.

- And there's no cheating. - Yeah, everybody knows.

So there's nothing-- nothing to hide.

Polyamory is a healthy alternative to monogamy.

I think that human beings are naturally poly,

and that there's some freaks who are monogamous.

I don't wanna have to stop loving someone

just because I love somebody else.

Monogamy destroys families.

People are like, "oh, my God.

"Aren't you afraid that your husband's gonna

meet somebody and like them better than you?"

But with poly, the love never stops.

Why not be with them and me?

There is no prince charming.

Prince charming may be a combination of ten people.

I'm excited to share our story.

There are polyamorous people all over

who are in secrecy, and they're hiding.

It's time of us to come out and band together.

I want to be able to talk about my life.

I can't wait till everyone knows.

♪ your love is like a river ♪

♪ flowing through my veins ♪

♪ your love is the fever ♪

♪ I can't get enough ♪

♪ I'm on fire ♪

♪ we're on fire ♪

♪ our love is too much ♪

♪ for just one heart to take ♪

Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

So excited to be coming home.

It's been way too long.

Hi, I'm Lindsey.

I have been up in the bay area at Berkeley

going to school, finishing my degree in English.

I hate going this long without seeing my family.

How do you feel?

I'm so good.

So excited.

Most exciting day.

This goes here. This goes here.

I've been stressed out and really ready to get home.

Honies, I'm home.

Yeah, whoo!

No, you don't get her. I get her.

- No, me. - Mwah. Mwah.

- Mmm. - Mmm.

Oh, I'm so happy to be home.

Wifey's home.

Do want wine or water or kisses?

Kisses.

My name's Anthony.

I'm a graduate student at UC Riverside.

I teach Italian there.

Bravo.

And I'm married to Lindsey.

We've been together for ten years,

and married for almost five.

Look at our house. It's still here.

It's so clean.

- Guess who did that. - You?

I did a little bit.

Hi, I'm Vanessa. I'm a writer.

I'm a graduate student at USC.

I'm in love with Anthony and Lindsey.

And we are in a polyamorous triad together.

I'm their girlfriend.

A polyamorous triad means that

we're all in love with each other,

and committed to each other.

You're gonna make it a little dirty, right?

- That's cute. - A little bit dirty,

just like you.

- Ching ching. - Ching ching.

Ching, ching, eye contact.

I met Lindsey through her brother,

and was immediately taken by her.

She is the most unique person I have ever met.

Everywhere she goes, people either

are put off by her or fall in love with her.

Anthony and I have known each other since we were kids.

And were always the friends who did not have sex.

I was their maid of honor at their wedding.

And then we moved in together, the three of us.

And within about a year, the love relationship

between the three of us really had developed.

Vanessa and I actually became lovers first,

before Anthony and Vanessa began to question

that their friendship should be sexualized.

People assume that, because we're two women,

that Anthony is just getting to have two girls

and I'm just putting up with it.

Am I polyamorous because of Anthony?

No.

I think that polyamory should be a right.

It should be an option.

I think it makes a lot of sense.

And as a bisexual woman, monogamy would close off

a huge part of my personality.

Aah!

We have some friends in Portland

who say this really well.

"Monogamy by choice, hot.

Forced monogamy is not."

I've heard, "you don't seem like the marriage type."

But for me, the problem isn't so much

I'm not the marriage type.

It's that marriage isn't my type.

It's not my fault that marriage

has such a narrow definition right now.

Because you should never be telling people

how to live their private lives,

tell 'em what kind of family they should have.

And it's amazing that most people accept this,

but can't make the connection with poly.

Never go away again.

I'm Kamala Devi.

And this is my husband Michael.

I work in a company that does lighting sales,

increasing energy conservation through lighting.

I'm a sex and relationship coach.

Before he goes South, what would you like?

- Some more kisses. - Beautiful.

More kisses are always good.

You can pull my hair a little bit.

Who better to learn about relationship from

than somebody who's doing, like, 12 relationships?

Let's do a prayer for the food.

Together we have a son. We own this house.

And we've been practicing polyamory together.

Slow down.

Nobody should tell you

what your relationship should look like.

That feels so good.

Ahh.

I don't wear a wedding ring,

'cause I think that's a symbol of ownership.

I don't own him, and he doesn't own me.

We got married because it empowers us.

There's lots of great benefits.

And from within that system,

we're looking at transforming it.

I don't wear a wedding ring

because I don't like wearing jewelry.

The life that Kamala and I lead is very typical.

We do all the things that any other family would do,

except we have, you know, ten lovers.

We are going to visit Tahl and Jennifer today.

You like that?

Yeah.

Michael and I are primary lovers.

The next closest relationship we have is Jen and Tahl.

We've been with them now for two years.

It wasn't long before we fell in love.

And, you know, Jen and I share

this sisterhood that is unparalleled.

Get her. You stop her from that side.

It's so rare to have four people

that love each other as deeply as we do.

So you know, that's probably why we're like,

"hey, let's make this go even deeper."

We have this granny flat backhouse.

We actually just renovated it

with the intention of having lovers live here.

Oh, this is exciting, honey.

I do look kind of cute, don't I?

Are they?

Yeah.

- Hi, I'm Jen. - And I'm Tahl.

Tahl and I have been together for over ten years,

and married for eight.

I work Tahl's parents' jewelry store.

- All right, bye. - Bye.

And for a hobby, I do salsa dancing,

a lot of salsa dancing.

I'm a full-time student.

And I'm studying Chinese medicine.

I'm studying to be an acupuncturist.

Tahl and I have been

dating Michael and Kamala for two years.

What time is it? What time are they coming?

I think they're coming pretty soon.

We got this call from Kamala,

and she doesn't usually leave me

in suspense or anticipation.

So when she said, "oh, Michael and I wanna

come over and talk to you,"

I thought she was gonna break up with us.

I got scared. I felt a little insecure.

You're looking cute. I'm gonna give you a kiss.

Mm.

Mommy and daddy are gonna ask Jen and Tahl

to come and live with us.

How would you like that?

Yeah, I like it.

Am I gonna come too?

You're not gonna come this time.

You're gonna be at school.

But we're gonna go have a big conversation

with Tahl and Jennifer.

I'm asking a really big thing.

I've never actually proposed to somebody.

So I'm asking her to share their life with us.

But things are so good with them right now.

So I'm concerned I'm going to fuck up

something extraordinary.

You're all done with papers and stuff, right?

- You're done? - Yeah, I'm done.

- Oh, thank God. - It's been crazy.

I wanna know what you guys have been doing though.

All morning I was just cleaning and waiting.

Lindsey has been away for six months at UC Berkeley.

And she developed a serious relationship

with Krystof, her boyfriend over there.

You can't avoid talking about Krystof.

Krystof's good. Oh, I need to, uh,

let him know that I got in okay.

Oh, is he your boyfriend now?

Sort of.

This is the first time that Lindsey's had

this intense kind of boyfriendy-girlfriendy,

mutual infatuation.

So how much time do you spend with him?

Well, we've been spending a ton of time together--

It's too early to make me feel this bad.

We'll talk about it later, okay?

Why do you feel bad?

We'll talk about it later.

I don't want to talk about it right now.

I just wanna enjoy you being home.

Why does she feel bad?

Because you pay more attention

to Krystof than her.

I'm running up against the fact of polyamory,

which is that I have to practice what I preach,

and open up the door for Lindsey to love someone new.

I want to be able to do that in theory.

But one of the biggest challenges in polyamory

is jealousy of other lovers.

It's just, you know, it's the new--

brand-new, shiny love in life.

But that's just it.

It's just a brand-new, shiny thing.

Oh, okay. That's what I'm saying.

We'll talk about that later.

I just-- Can we not fight about it right now?

Vanessa gets a little bit upset

if I don't remind her that I'm in love with her.

However, in this case, her attitude

was totally resentful and passive aggressive.

- Will you wash me? - Yeah.

Every time.

I love it!

Hey, what did you do up in Berkeley

without Vanessa to scrub your body?

I didn't shower.

And I got fungus all over me.

I like this spot.

Oh, I really love you.

We were just a stupid straight line for awhile.

- Yeah. - Triangle is a stronger shape.

Do you mind if I pee?

Lindsey can have lovers. She can have boyfriends.

But when the shift happens, from a lover to boyfriend,

we need to know about it.

And it was sprung on us.

I think you should go call him,

since you're supposed to call him.

Krystof is a real trigger for me,

because I get really jealous

about how excited she gets about him.

I don't think she understands or respects

- how much it hurts me. - How much what hurts you?

How much attention she's giving him, you know?

Like, how much she wants to be around him,

how much she wants to talk to him.

I mean, she's all sad about leaving him up there.

But you know how often she texts me during the day?

Don't you think that'll just be out of sight,

out of mind now that she's here?

I don't know. I mean, we've never seen this.

Hey!

I miss you. Thanks for calling me.

I miss you.

I feel more in love with Krystof

than I've felt with other people.

He's worth pissing my partners off a little bit for.

When can we see each other again?

I'm gonna try to come down pretty soon.

I would love that.

Why aren't you here?

I have this life down here

that involves, um, other people that I love.

You know, you could come down here.

I mean, forever.

It's a very elaborate, long conversation

to let him know that she's got home safe.

Well, come on, let's go talk to her.

Okay.

You want things to come to a head?

We'll make it come to a head.

Oh.

Ooh, ooh.

That's them. All right, so, um--

- Do I look all right? - You look beautiful.

You look-- Mwah.

Absolutely delicious.

I think Tahl is ready to live with us.

Hey.

Tahl has been wanting to live with us for over a year.

I think Jen is gonna get peer pressured into it.

We made some tea. You guys want some tea?

Um, I just wanna drop in and talk.

Are you guys breaking up with us?

Is that why you came over?

- No. - Oh, all right.

- No, of course not. - All right.

I just wanted to have a sit-down conversation.

- Bedroom? - Yeah.

- Yeah? Perfect. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Jump on? - Yeah.

All right, so what's the deal?

I know we've all talked about

- living together someday. - Mm-hmm.

Um, why not make that someday now?

Oh.

Um--

You can breathe.

I'm really-- I'm touched.

- Yay. - It's a big decision, Tahl.

I mean, I know we've talked about it,

but it hasn't-- it just hasn't seemed real.

You know, Tahl's always--

Since we've been married, he's always wanted

to live in a community.

And I'm-- I haven't been excited about that until recently.

Um, so I just-- I just have a few concerns.

Oh, my God. She might say no.

How could we keep going forward

if we're not building this dream together?

When can we see each other again?

I'm gonna try to come down pretty soon.

Oh, let me guess.

- Your mom? - Come say hi.

- Hey. - Hi.

- Hi. - What's the matter?

You guys didn't get enough time together this morning?

- How you doing? - I'm okay.

I'm really happy to have Linds home.

We're already conspiring to get her back.

I bet you are.

Don't you wanna hug him so badly?

How can you look at him and stand it?

Aw, you guys are so cute.

I would like to hug you so badly.

And I-- also, it's time to make dinner.

And like, "I miss you. I miss you. I miss you."

And it was just, like, "fuck off."

Like, "miss me, you ass."

- All right. - We're gonna go cook.

Okay, we're gonna have dinner now.

She knows I'm hurting about this,

and it was insensitive.

Two minutes earlier, I had been like,

"I'm hurt about this."

And then she's on the camera going, "I miss you."

And I was like--

"Thanks."

Take care of yourself.

Okay, bye.

Jesus, Linds.

You've just got back.

Maybe it's time we revisit our rules.

Okay, I don't feel like I've broken

- any rules with him. - Right, and I do.

So we should talk about that right now.

Number one rule is honesty.

We tell everything to each other.

Always, no matter how hurtful.

Before it happens.

With none of that, "oh, I didn't wanna hurt you."

- Honesty, number one. - Okay.

- Number two, safety. - Right.

We don't wanna have to worry about that.

Okay.

- Permission ahead of time. - Mm-hmm.

Number four, veto.

No date, no night of sex with someone else,

no little romantic moment is worth,

you know, hurting the partner,

if one of the partners says, "I can't handle it

right now. Please don't."

And I love those rules.

I just also really am--

kind of in love with another person...

Who I wanna incorporate...

That's fine, under the rules.

Into those rules.

Lindsey's relationship with Krystof

is a really touchy issue for the triad.

She has developed an intimacy with him

that didn't abide by the basic principals

that we have about including the triad

in any outside relationship.

So she got too serious with him too fast.

This is my issue with you and Krystof,

is that it does feel like you are

in a little monogamous cocoon with him right now.

I feel hurt and left out of this.

Because you are doing things with him,

and for him, and around him

that you don't do-- and never did-- with me.

He's doing things with me that

you never did with-- for me.

That is a really hurtful response

to me telling you I'm in pain.

Don't you think that taking a break, like,

cutting myself off from him at this time,

that's totally inorganic and unnatural,

is just gonna make me want him more?

And it's just gonna exacerbate the problem.

You're not a child.

No, I don't think that will happen.

That's what a child does.

What would it take to make it a little community?

As long as we've lived here, he comes home

by the time-- by the time I'm home.

'Cause I feel like I just need to sleep with him.

You know, when we go over there

and I'm really super tired, and then you and Tahl

start fuckin' around and--

and I feel like it's gonna take him away

from me at night,

when I really need him to be with me.

Jealousy is an issue with me.

Around Kamala, it's a lot less.

But I have to admit, it's still there.

It takes a lot of deep conversations

to be able to deal with the jealousy.

If you're not ready to do personal work,

then definitely polyamory isn't for you.

That's one boundary-- you know, we've--

I've given you that space.

That's one of the ones that is hard for me.

- Right. - Tahl and I right now,

it's like, we have such a hot connection.

Um, and it doesn't-- like, we don't

- get enough time together. - And I get that.

I get that, but this is a new situation.

- You know I've grown. - You have.

Like, in the years that we've been doing this,

I've changed and I've made more allowances.

But, like, for me to move in and take that big step,

I just need you to be there for me.

I need that kind of, uh,

agreement from you, initially.

The most difficult part of polyamory for me--

are probably all of my rules.

Are-- Exactly.

It's all of Jennifer's rules.

If he's there at the house, you can always

- come into the house and-- - And get him.

- And get him, yeah. - Yeah, okay, right.

But I don't wanna seem like the shrew

that-- that keeps, you know, saying,

"Tahl, come here. Tahl, come to the back.

Tahl, do this." I just--

I'm just asking

for everybody's support, because he's--

he's eager to please, and I'm just asking you guys

to just say, "okay, this is the time

"with you agreed to with Jen.

Please, you know, go back in."

And we can do that. We can do that.

It's a transition, so--

There's plenty of time during the day.

You know, fuck her during the day.

Sleep with me at night.

That being said,

does it seem like something, uh, we can do?

It does.

I'm afraid and I'm excited.

And so-- but there's more excitement than fear I think.

- Yay. - Aww.

And I think we've lived the two of us

together for too long.

And I think, like Kamala said,

I'm ready to blend our marriages,

- or join our marriages, yeah. - Yay.

Yay.

- Mm. - Mmm.

You squished Kamala.

You're squishing me.

Ooh, sorry I got upset.

- I got a little upset there. - I know, I know.

Aww.

- What else do you want, honey? - Butt rub.

One of my biggest fears is that

this isn't gonna work out.

Tahl and I get in a fight,

and it'll affect our relationship.

- Bye. - Bye, guys.

All right, let me-- Shit.

Aah!

It's hurtful for you to be carrying on with this

as long as the triad isn't strong.

So we think you should take a break.

I think the triad is strong.

I love you guys more than ever.

Speak for yourself. I feel insecure about it.

If Krystof is somebody who's gonna be in our lives,

he will understand.

Okay, I think that's reasonable.

I don't want to take a break from Krystof.

And it's so unfair to ask that of one person.

But, even if I disagree with their requests,

I know it's coming from a place of love.

I don't want you to send 75 kiss, kiss,

love you text messages a day to him.

- I want you to send them to me. - Okay, felt good about it.

But now you have to keep going.

I don't feel good yet.

I won't feel good till she's naked.

Go upstairs.

Go clean up.

What?

Bullshit, I'm coming.

Oh, my God. I'm leaving these on.

I like these.

I'm leaving these on.

In a threesome, I do a lot of initiating and coordinating.

I'm the director.

Lindsey's like the doll.

And Anthony's the, like, totally unpredictable

improv actor.

It's beautiful.

It's dreamlike, our sex.

For one thing, I'm so in awe of them.

They have their own dynamic,

and it's really beautiful to watch.

I enjoy the sex with Anthony and Vanessa.

That level of closeness and communication

and respect for each other

really translates well to the bedroom.

Yeah.

You can just put it on the floor

- and then I can tape it? - Yeah.

Jen and Tahl are moving in with us,

and we're helping them pack up their house.

Moving in with Jen and Tahl means change,

and that's scary.

People do crazy things for love.

Is this one of them?

This is bigger than your bedroom at home.

It is, it is.

We should make out.

Ooh.

Mm.

Didn't you find the hardware for the bed?

Yeah, see.

Now that they're moving in, I'm wondering

if we're gonna have more sex or less.

I'm sure we're gonna have more sex.

I'm totally confident.

It's part of the reason I wanted to move in with them.

Hey, where's Devin? We didn't even

get to say hi to him. He's with my mom.

Oh, he's staying the night over there?

Yep.

We send Devin to grandma's house,

so he's well taken care of.

And then we allow ourselves to play

and enjoy being adults.

- So we have the whole night? - Yep.

The whole house to ourselves?

You know it.

Yeah.

Just for you.

- Mm-hmm. - And you and you.

Just because I'm polyamorous does not mean

I fuck everybody.

I'm more into love and relationship.

And I love snuggling and cuddling,

and, you know, looking into people's eyes

and really getting a nice heart connection.

And sex is just an added benefit.

I love Jennifer, but Jen doesn't have

that big a sex drive.

And so she can't really meet all my demands.

But Michael and Kamala have

just as big a sex drive as I do.

So it's-- it's pretty hot.

Mm-hmm.

I really encourage Kamala to have other lovers.

In the beginning, we did have a rule that

she could see other women, but not other men.

But then she met a man who was like a brother to me.

It amazed me that I didn't have any jealousy.

And finally pushed them into it.

I said, "come on, guys, just go have sex."

You want more attention from Tahl?

Mm-hmm.

People say I'm a slut,

'cause I love so many people

and I make love all the time.

To me, that's a celebration of life.

So what's the big deal?

Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com

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