Original subtitles

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

ANNOUNCER: And now, "I Love Lucy."

(applause)

(theme song fading out)

What you doing, honey?

Filling out my 'gagement book.

Your 'gagement book?

Mm-hmm.

Let me see it.

(whistles)

Look at all those 'gagements.

I hope you left some time for me.

Oh, sure, honey.

I wouldn't forget you.

See? Let me see.

Right here.

"February 2."

"Kiss Lucy."

February 2 happens to be Groundhog Day.

Did you ever kiss a groundhog?

No.

Hey, I didn't know what I was missing.

Oh, fine.

I'm going to get back in my hole.

I'll see you in February.

Hi, Rick.

Hi. Oh, hi. Hi.

How you feeling?

Fine, thanks.

Everything's going all right, huh?

Great. Thanks, Fred.

How's Lucy?

She's fine, Fred.

She's in there with little Ricky.

Oh, yeah?

What's on your mind, Fred?

Mind? Well, nothing.

Oh, Fred, go ahead and ask him.

Oh, now, wait a minute, Ethel.

Just hold your horses.

I know how busy you are, Rick,

And well... well, you are.

There ain't many guys as nice as you.

Oh, boy. You're a prince!

Fred, what do you want?

What do you mean what do I want?

Oh, Fred, he has to put on a show for his lodge,

and he wants to know if you'll be in it for him.

Why, sure, Fred, I'd love to.

You see, Ethel?

I told you all I had to do was ask him.

Oh, fine.

Oh, boy, what a feather in my cap.

At the election,

I'll be a cinch for sergeant at arms.

(chuckling)

What night is it?

Uh, next Friday.

Oh, I'm sorry, Fred.

I can't do it next Friday.

Oh, you're sure?

Yeah. I'd rather do your show,

but, you see, I'm...

I'm booked to do a radio program that night.

Oh, well, it looks like

he won't be the next sergeant at arms.

Well, doggone, I'm not gonna be flag-bearer again.

I doubt if they'll want you

to be flag-bearer again with that pot.

The last time they marched down Fifth Avenue,

the flag was two blocks ahead of the parade.

Aah! Can't you get out of it, Rick?

Yeah, I wish I could, Fred, but I can't.

It's a commitment.

Now what am I gonna do?

I got to put a show together.

Oh, I wish I could help you out.

Did I hear someone say

that they had to get a show together?

ETHEL: Lucy, you were way out in Little Ricky's room.

How did you hear him say that?

Listen, when it comes to hearing about show business,

Lucy has a special sense--

something that the Navy later developed and called radar.

Oh... How about it, Fred, you need some talent

in the show, huh? Can I be in it?

Now, wait, wait a minute. Can I...?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute, will you?

Let me get comfortable. I'm going to enjoy

watching this happening to somebody else.

Go on. Oh...!

Go ahead!

Can I, Fred, Can I be

in the show, please? (cackling)

Will you be quiet now!

Fred, look, I know there's something I could do

for the lodge show, I know there is. Can I be in it, can I?

Okay, Lucy, I'll take you.

Oh, Fred, thank you!

Mmm... Thank you!

Now, that's the kind of appreciation I like.

Ha, ha, ha!

Can I be in the show, too?

Yep.

Oh, Fred, thank yo...

What kind of show did you have in mind?

Well, I don't know. It's for my lodge brothers.

I know just exactly the kind of show

that your lodge brothers would like to see.

So do I, but you can't do that kind of a show.

What's the matter with an operetta?

Oh, an operetta! And I could sing.

The one we did at the women's club.

The one we did at the club.

"Lily of the Valley."

La da dee la

Of the valley... Wouldn't that be fun?

Yeah, wouldn't it be fun?

La da dee la... Are you kidding?

They'll throw you out of that place

if they do a show like that.

Lucy...

I got it. I got my act for Fred's lodge show.

It's just the gypsy in my soul.

Well, just forget it.

Fred's got What? another idea.

He just called. He'll be here any minute.

What are we gonna do now?

He didn't say.

He's out having lunch with some old crony of his again.

Another old crony? Where does he dig 'em up?

I don't know.

I think somebody put Fred on the old crony mailing list.

(guffawing)

Hi, kids.

Oh, hi. Hi, Fred.

Well, our troubles are over.

Oh.

Meet, uh, Rattlesnake Jones.

Rattlesnake, my wife Ethel and Lucy Ricardo.

How do you do? How do you do?

You know, Fred, you always did have a good eye

for a young heifer.

Glad to know you, Mrs. Mertz.

I'm Mrs. Mertz.

Oh, excuse me.

Well, the heifer part still goes.

Now, Fred.

Honey, I'm just kidding.

Yeah, he's quite a kidder.

Yeah. Sit down, everybody. Sit down.

You say you got a new idea for the show, huh, Fred?

Yeah. Well, uh, Rattlesnake is in town to see the rodeo

at Madison Square Garden. Uh-huh.

His kid brother's in the show.

Is that so? Oh, that's nice.

He's going to help us put together

a Western show for my lodge.

A Western show! A Western show! Yeah.

Well, that's great, ain't it, partner?

You said it, Red.

Yeah, boy.

Well, we gotta get going.

We ain't got much time here.

Let me see what kind of talent we got around here.

Say, Fred, uh, can you and your missus,

can y'all do a Western number?

Oh, I'll say we can.

We did "Birmingham Jail" once.

Yeah. "Birmingham Jail"?

You want to hear it? Let me hear it.

Come on, Fred. Yeah.

Ta ta tum Ba ba ba ba bum

Send me a letter

Oh, send it by mail

Send it in care of

The Birmingham Jail...

(whistling)

Oh, send me... Wait, wait.

What's the matter?

That's a Western song,

and y'all are doing it Eastern.

FRED: What do you mean?

ETHEL: What's the difference?

Western music, you gotta take your time.

Now, you was rushing through that song

like your britches was on fire.

Well, we can sing it slower.

Yeah, we'll slow it up.

Yeah, you gotta slow it up a little bit.

You know what you gotta do?

You gotta take your time on it

and you really gotta make it sound sad.

Sounded pretty sad to me.

And I'll tell you what to do.

Give it to me again this time.

And when I bend...

Just bend them notes a little bit.

"Bend them notes," what do you mean?

Bend 'em, just bend... When I move my hand

down like that, bend them.

Oh, that way.

RATTLESNAKE: That's right.

ETHEL: Oh, we can do that.

Yeah, we can try.

Now, make it sad.

Real sad, huh? Yes, ma'am.

Bum... bum... bum... bum... bum... bum...

Send... me... a... let-ter

Send... it... by... ma-il...

Send.... it... in.... care... of...

The... Birmingham... jail-il-il-il...

Oh, we can do that.

That's it, that's it. Now, that's it.

Okay. We'll do that. All right.

Can't go wrong on that there.

Now, little lady...

What you aiming to do?

I'm aiming to do anything you aim at me.

Well, what we need, we need a pretty girl

that can sing a song and yodel.

Well, then you can just stop looking.

Oh, Lucy, you can't yodel.

Well, if you're gonna be technical,

she can't sing either.

You just pay them no never mind, Rattle.

They don't know everything about me.

All right, then give me a little touch

of yodeling and singing, then.

All right, um...

Ah, ah, oh, oh, oh

Oh... oh....

(singing off-key): Give me a home

Where the buffalo roam

And the deer and the antelope play

Yodel, yodel, yodel

And seldom is heard

A discouraging word

(whistling)

And the skies...

What's the matter?

You're about to hear

your first discouraging word.

Well, now, I know my yodeling's a little rusty

but how about my singing?

You're about to hear

your second discouraging word.

Oh...

Wait a minute.

Now, there must be something we can do with that voice.

Well, I can make a few suggestions.

Now, Fred!

Now, listen, little lady,

all you got to remember that us Western folks,

we always sing through our noses right here.

Oh, you do?

Yep. It keeps the prairie dust out our lungs.

Oh, is that right?

Now, this time, give it to me

and really whine it out.

Okay.

I will. Whine it.

Mm. Yeah. Oh...

(singing through nose :) Oh, give me a home

Where the buffalo roam

And the deer and the antelope play

Yodel, yodel, yodel...

How's that?

Can you spin a rope?

No.

Well, can you play a fiddle or-or-or a steel guitar?

No.

I don't know, little lady.

You just don't seem to be the Western-type entertainer.

Oh, I'm not the Eastern-type entertainer either.

I'm just an all-American flop.

Aw, now, honey.

You gotta to think up something for her to do,

'cause Fred promised her she could be in the show.

Yes, I did.

Well, I got it.

Say, I know an act you can do.

What is it? I'll do anything.

All you got to know is your right hand from your left.

My right hand from my left.

Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I know. I know.

(muttering)

Ah. This is my left hand!

Good girl!

The idea of this act--

to make tune on bells.

Like a Swiss bell ringer.

No, like a Western bell ringer.

Oh.

Now, you take these bells

Yeah.

and you tie 'em all over you.

All over you?

Yeah, and then you start jingling a little tune.

Uh-huh.

Yeeng...

Yeeng, yeeng, re-reeng...

We-re-weeng...

Oh, she can do that.

I'll be able to do that.

All you gotta do

is to play the right note with the bell.

Yeah, I'll be able to do that.

...mill stream

Where I first... met... you

Down by the

Old... mill...

Stream

Where... I... first...

Met...

You...

Down by the old...

Hi, honey.

Oh, hi, dear.

Hi, sweetie.

Dinner ready?

Not yet, but soon.

Okay.

(humming)

(humming)

Lucy...

Yeah?

What are you doing?

Rehearsing.

Oh.

Rehearsing?!

Yeah, for the act

I'm going to do at Fred's lodge.

Oh.

Lucy, you can't do that kind of an act.

Ricky, I'm gonna have bells tied all over me

and I'm going to jiggle a tune.

You know, I've been married to you so long

that that sounds logical.

It's gonna be the hit of the show, now, you see.

Hmm, hmm, ho, ho, ho...

Would you mind stop rehearsing long enough

to jiggle me some dinner?

Okay.

(humming)

You'd better make it scrambled eggs.

Hey, your agent called. I forgot to tell you.

He wants you to call him.

Johnny?

Yeah.

(phone ringing)

Johnny Clark speaking.

Hello, Johnny, this is Ricky. You called me?

Yeah. I just wanted to check on what numbers you're gonna do

Friday night on the Western show?

Western show? What Western show?

Well, don't you remember?

I asked you to get together a program for the rodeo.

Yeah?

Well?

What's that got to do with a Western show?!

Oh, no!

Don't you know what a rodeo is?

Of course I know what it is.

It's a little box, and it has a dial

and out of it comes music

and football games and all that stuff.

Not radio, rodeo.

Rodeo is a big Western show with horses and cowboys.

Oh, are you crazy or something?

I can't do that.

I got a rumba band.

You want to be sued for breach of contract?

Well, I don't...

Breach of contract?

Fine. I knew you wouldn't disappoint your public.

I'll tell them everything's all set. Good-bye.

Mira, que tiene cosa de decirle a esta gente mira...

(grumbling)

What's the matter, honey?

What's the matter? I'll tell you what's the matter.

I'm going back to Cuba where the language makes some sense.

You Americans sure have a funny way of talking.

We have a funny way of talking?

Yeah. You know that radio show I was supposed to do?

Yeah?

It turned out to be a rodeo.

Oh, no!

Oh, yeah.

Now I got to put a whole Western show in two days.

Well, what do you know?

A Western show.

Yeah. I'd never been in such a mess in my life.

You never had it so good.

What are you talking about?

If I was a Western snake, I'd bite you.

I got to go back to Cuba.

No, no, listen.

Ricky, Ricky, the show we're gonna do

for Fred's lodge is a Western show.

Oh, now, honey, now, come on.

Look, it's a natural.

You need a Western show, we got a Western show.

It's heaven-sent.

Well, send it back.

Now, Ricky,

you'd better think twice about this.

Now, honey, I got a lot of work to do.

I got to call some agents and see if they've got some

Western acts in town. Now, don't...

(grumbling)

Hello, Harry?

Look, this is Ricky.

Look, they've booked me

into a Western show,

and I want to know if I can get some Western acts from you.

Yes.

What about Tex Ritter?

He's out of town.

What about that, uh, fellow, that Gabby Hayes?

He's very good. No.

RICKY: Well, how about that fellow that plays Wyatt Earp?

You know, O'Brien.

Oh. Well, look, I-I know that the rodeo

is booked into the Garden for two weeks,

but there must be some Western acts around

that are not at the Garden.

You couldn't get anybody at all?

Uh, all right.

Thanks for trying. Bye.

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay Yahoo!

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay Yahoo!

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay Yahoo!

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay Yahoo!

Wait a minute!!

Wait till you hear the rest of it

before you turn us down.

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay Yahoo!

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay... Yahoo!

I am not going to turn you down.

You're not?

No. After I found out

that I can't get anybody else,

you're beginning to look pretty good to me.

You mean you'll take us?

I'm afraid so.

(clamoring)

I've already had a wonderful act.

Well, there's one thing

that I like real good about your act.

What's that?

It won't cost me any money.

Fellow Western performers who are the only ones available,

may I see you for a minute?

About that Western show you need so badly,

I am afraid we have other commitments.

Uh, yes.

Fred's lodge show is that night.

Of course, we can postpone the lodge show

if the price was right.

All right, all right.

I know when I'm hooked.

How much do you want?

How much will you pay?

How much do you want?

You go first.

All right.

I'll give you $25.

We'll take $100.

Twenty-five.

A hundred.

Twenty-five.

We'll take it.

All right, all right, come on.

Call that fellow...

I'll get him right away.

Frank call him right away.

We got two days to do this, you know?

Madison Square Garden!

In two days we got to put the whole thing.

(laughing uncontrollably)

What are you laughing at?

You will probably be the first Cuban cowboy

that ever hit Madison Square Garden.

ETHEL (laughing): A Cuban cowboy!

Well, it so happens that I was born West Havana.

No kidding.

Well. That's correct,

and I also know how this cowboy talk goes.

Oh, really? Well, give us a little sample.

Well, it goes something like this.

They said something like, uh...

"Howdy, pardner.

"I reckon I mosey along down yonder

and saddle up Old Paint."

Muzzy along dun yonner and sall up Ole Pain.

Oh, brother.

Some cowboy.

Well, I'd like to hear Roy Rogers sing "Babalu."

(applause)

(band playing flourish)

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

This is Doye O'Dell again

and I want to tell all of you folks

that we have a great treat in store

for you here at the rodeo tonight.

A new MGM star--

in fact, a great singing cowboy star-- Ricky Ricardo,

and I want to tell you that he brought along

his whole rootin'-tootin' gang.

So, here he is, Ricky Ricardo.

(rousing musical introduction, applause)

They call me Texas Pete

I'm the king of the western beat

When I play my gee-tar, I go yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay

A-ha!

(band answers with "a-ha")

Yes, sir, I'm Texas Pete

And I sweep the gals off'n their feet

When I start to twang, everything goes

Yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay

A-ha!

So little darlin'

I know that you will like the yippee yahoo

'Cause it's the dance of western romance

And Texas Pete doesn't teach you in a hurry

Like Hop Along Murray

You're out on the range

So don't be strange...

Hold it there, men.

I think I lost something here.

There we go, folks.

So everybody dance

Grab a gal and commence to prance

And I'll teach you to yippee-ki-yay

Yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay

Yip, yip, yip, yippee-ki-yay

Yippee-ki-yay, yippee-ki-yay.

Yahoo!

(applause)

Thank you, everybody.

(applause continues)

Thank you, thank you.

Folks, I want to tell you that I'm sure happy

to be here with you'uns tonight,

and it is my pleasure to introduce to you

two lovable darlins from the West--

Fred and little Ethel Mae Mertz

and they're gonna sing for you

their version of "Red River Valley."

Let's bring them on, folks.

What you say? Bring them on.

(musical introduction, applause)

From this valley they say you are leaving

I shall miss your bright eyes and sweet smile

For you take with you all of the sunshine

That has brightened my life for a while

Listen to the mockingbird

(harmonizing): Ha, ha

Listen to the mockingbird

Ha, ha

Ha... ha... He's singing of the coming

Of the day Ha...

From this valley (yodeling in harmony)

They say you are leaving (yodeling)

I shall miss your bright eyes (yodeling)

And sweet smile (yodeling)

For you take with you (yodeling)

All of the sunshine (yodeling)

That has brightened (yodeling)

My life for a while. (yodeling)

(song ends, but musical reprise continues; applause)

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Well, so while they're getting all changed

for the grand finale,

which, by the way, is gonna feature

Miss Lucy, uh, "Cannonball" McGillicuddy

and all of her famous Western Bell-Ringers,

why, I would like to do you a little cowboy song

called "The Old Chisholm Trail."

Come along, boys, and listen to my tale

I'll tell you my troubles on the Old Chisholm Trail

Come-a-ty-yi-yippee- yippee-yay, yippee-yay

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay

On a ten-dollar horse and a forty-dollar saddle

I started punchin' Texas cattle

Come-a-ty-yi-yippee- yippee-yay, yippee-yay

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay

Well, I went to the boss to draw my roll

And he figured me out nine dollars in the hole

Come-a-ty-yi-yippee- yippee-yay, yippee-yay

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay

Oh, a stray in the herd and the boss said kill it

So I hit it in the neck with a long-handled skillet

Come-a-ty-yi-yippee- yippee-yay, yippee-yay

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay

Well, it's cloudy in the West and lookin' like rain

And my doggone slicker's in the wagon again

Come-a-ty-yi-yippee- yippee-yay, yippee-yay

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay

I'll sell my outfit soon as I can

And I won't punch cows fer no man

Come-a-ty-yi-yippee- yippee-yay, yippee-yay

Come-a-ty-yi- yippee-yippee-yay

Come-a-ty-yi-yippee- yippee-yay.

(thunderous applause)

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, here they are--

Lucy "Cannonball" McGillicuddy

and all of her famous Western Bell-Ringers

in their version of "Down By The Old Mill Stream."

(musical introduction playing)

(ringing bells to melody)

(bells ringing melodiously)

(bells ringing rhythmically)

(band joining in for finale)

(band stops playing)

(bells ringing)

(band playing finale)

(band resumes playing upbeat music, applause)

Yeah!

Yeah!

(applause continues)

("I Love Lucy" theme song playing)

ANNOUNCER: Mark "Rattlesnake" Jones was played by Dub Taylor,

Johnny Clark was played by John Gallaudet,

and the master of ceremonies was played by Doye O'Dell;

choreography by Jack Baker.

"I Love Lucy" is a Desilu Production.

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

will be back next week at the same time.