All language subtitles for Alone - S03E09 - The Point of No Return.en.forced

[ominous music]

*

- I am tapping out.

Doesn't matter
what the outcome is.

It's about the journey.

- Without that extra calories,

I don't know if I can
keep going on plants alone.

- 33 halves of fish.

That's two more months
that I can be out here.

- Oh, my God, I got him.

My dip net works.

I'm so happy.

- When you're out here
by yourself,

you think about family and...

It's so hard.

- This is the hardest terrain.

- Patagonia is a different
environment entirely.

- Everything out here
is so hard.

- Patagonia's no joke.

- Are you willing to give up--

- Oh!
- Who you are...

for what you will become?

- It's Patagonia,
for God's sake.

- Patagonia!

- It's tougher
than I ever imagined.

- Just missing home right now.

- You get a feeling
of helplessness,

like, "Why am I doing this?"

- Oh, my God!

- The last person left
wins $500,000

and is a badass.

- Bam!
- Ugh.

[animal growling]

- What is that?

- It's just how far
you can push yourself

and what you're able to do.

- Yeah!

- You don't have anyone
to lean on.

- Oh, my God, I got a fish!

- Go to bed hungry.
Wake up hungry.

*

- Can't believe I did that.
- Ready, guy?

- It's gonna come down
to mental endurance

and food deprivation.

- [cries]

- Person'll be dead in a week
at this rate.

[animal growling]

*

- Whoa.

That's a big cat.

*

[dramatic music]

*

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

[birds singing]

- Time to get up
and stoke the fire.

Get the day going.

*

41 days
of keeping the fire going

without a fire starter,
'cause I bank the fire.

*

Not burning the firewood
all night, just burying it

in coals so that it burns
an entire night.

*

Nice hot coals in the morning.

*

All right, heading out
into the world.

Ahh.

All right, time to get down
to business.

I gotta conserve my calories
as much as possible,

but it takes so much for me
to live day to day.

*

So today,
I'm gonna head down the shore,

and I think I might sit around
by the fire down there.

All right, all loaded up.

I'm gonna go down
and work on the fishing.

[ominous music]

*

I made it, only just.

Picked the wrong fire stick.

Doesn't wanna stay going.

It's enough of a breeze
that if I get my hands wet,

I'm gonna be cold in no time,
so I'm gonna

get the fire going and then
check to see if I got a fish.

*

This is ridiculous.

*

Screw it, that's [bleep].

*

Ah, I'm all messed up,
discombobulated.

Head's all ringing.

[groans]

*

Does not want to start up.

*

Man, this blows.
This freaking blows.

Oh, I just wanna keep
throwing a fit about it,

'cause I'm just
so frickin' pissed.

*

So cold down here.

Doesn't that just
make a miserable afternoon?

*

Forgive me
for the temper tantrum.

I am hungry and weak.

At this point in the game,
I'm just back and forth,

back and forth, you know?

Having fun, doing cool things,

don't wanna be here,

wanna be home with my family.

I'm kind of going up and down
like a bipolar roller coaster.

Ha-ha! I got a fish!
Whoo-hoo!

I'm gonna eat tonight,
yes, sir.

Man, he really tangled my lines,
little bastard.

[water splashes]
Oh...

[pants]

Oh, no!

Aw, I never should have
lifted him out of the water

like that.
That was so stupid.

I'm so...

[sighs]

*

Not my day.
Not my day.

That was the dumbest--
why did I--

The stupid lines
were so tangled.

I thought I'd just swing it over
and--and get 'em ashore.

Ah, [bleep].

*

I need a better way to mount
these freaking poles.

*

I can't walk in these boots.

*

I can't walk anyways.

I'm freaking exhausted
and hungry.

Things are not going well today,

not having a good day.

[ominous music]

*

[wind whistling]

*

[fire crackling]

- I don't know why--
I just started thinking

about swimming
in chocolate pudding.

That's how bad
I want desserts right now.

Just thinking of dreams
about swimming in the dessert,

that's how much I could eat
probably right now.

[water sloshing]

While I'm here, I'll just
take a look at these fish traps.

There's a fish.

Crazy.
Holy--this guy's a fighter.

Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, my goodness, a fish.

Holy smokes.

What a beauty.

Ooh, yes,
look at this rainbow.

*

Well, the fish were feeding
last night--oh, my gosh.

A lot of meat on this fish.

More gills for bait,
which is great.

I'll try to keep
some of the eggs as well.

*

This one looks
kind of pulled tight too.

Oh.

[gasps] There's a fish!

There's a fish just
floating there, oh, my gosh!

Wow, I caught one off this line.

I've never caught one
on this line.

Two fish in a day, no kidding!

Look at this.

Another fish.

I can't believe it.

*

So maybe I'm finally
getting the hang of fishing.

*

Oh, my God,
you gotta be kidding me.

There's a fish out here.

God, another fish.

Yes, oh, goodness.

*

Three fish in a day.

Was not expecting that.

*

There's a boat going by.

May be one of these
medical checks.

*

Let me just take my boots off.

- The knife.
- Oh, the knife.

- Yeah, and the knife
as well.

Yeah, all the heavy stuff,
like--

- Yep.

- Yeah, these too.
- Yeah.

*

Sorry, my hands
are all cold.

[blood pressure cuff hissing]

*

Breathe deep.

*

Yeah, okay.

[melancholy music]

*

- Yeah, I'm back down to, like,
my marathon running weight.

I haven't been that weight
for a bit.

I am so happy.

I'm healthy.

I'm so lucky to be here.

This journey just has
such a profound meaning for me.

Just putting your own limits
to the test,

not being completely cocooned.

I'm proud of myself
to make it this far.

*

Food definitely makes things
so much better.

[ominous music]

*

- Ooh, passed out
a little bit there.

Mm...

Hmm.

I'm feeling
a whole new level of hunger.

This is also an opportunity
to understand that hunger

and figure it out and to--
to be with it.

*

I'm learning
to be okay with hunger.

Back home, I try to do
vision quests every six months,

two- or four-day vision quests
where I won't eat anything

and just go outside,
learn from the land.

*

I'm finding myself just...

raw.

Like, spiritually raw.

Just, like,
everything's vibrating.

[hums]

I can see, like,
trees breathing.

It's this bizarre place.

*

All right, gonna go fishing.

Haven't eaten for a while,
my body needs nutrition.

I get that.

I mean, at this point,
I have 33 fish fillets

dried and smoked.

33 halves of fish,

filleted.

I want to save fish,
because if I can keep

eating them the way
I've been eating them,

which is one every other day,
I could be out here

for a long, long period
of time.

Ideally, if I can
bring home ten fish,

then I'll actually
have some for Christmas

to make some stew.

Is there a way to hide things
going through customs?

I can't put those--
I can't put 11 fish up my butt.

Hmm, we'll see.

*

[exhales]

It's amazing how
breathing can be so difficult

when you don't have
a lot of calories.

*

[exhales]

Just gonna move slow today.

Nice and slow.

[deep breathing]

*

[heavy breathing]

*

Ah!

[groaning]

Ah!

[dramatic music]

*

Ahh...

Holy [bleep].

[sighs]

*

God, I have no strength.

*

I can honestly feel
my body just deteriorating.

*

I think I've lost about
1/3 of my body weight.

Can't sustain myself
on the diet that I had.

*

I do want to be healthy,
and--

and I've got 33 halves of fish.

*

So just thinking about
just starting to dig in

to some of those
and just starting

to take care of my body.

*

All right,
so the process of my stew,

I just got the water to a boil.

Plop the fish
right in the stew.

Now, that's gonna go quick
'cause it's boiling pretty good.

Then we'll start
putting ingredients in.

Mushrooms and stuff.

I like things boiled
for a while

just to make
a really nice broth.

[as Julia Child]
You must boil in the nutrients

into the stew
to make a beautiful broth.

[normal voice]
Seriously, it's--

Ah, it's good.

*

I came out here
to go through an evolution.

I want to go to the next step

in my own personal evolution.

*

Out here, I'm learning
so much about myself.

I don't want to leave here

until I feel really,
really ready.

*

Ah.

Oh, my.

I needed that so bad.

[ominous music]

*

- So people come
every once in a blue moon

to give you a med check,
make sure you're okay

and stuff like that.
Not a big deal.

That's just
a safety precaution.

*

- Okay.

- 54.9.

- [speaking Spanish]
- [grunts]

- Okay, you can put
your boots on, if you want.

- Excellent.

- Sit down.

- Okay.

- No.
- Good.

[blood pressure cuff hissing]

- Pull everything up.

- Okay.
[sighs deeply]

- [speaking Spanish]

- Oh!

- Breathe deep with the mouth.

- [deep breathing]

[chuckles softly]

- Okay.
- [sighs]

[both speaking Spanish]

- No.

I've got food.

I've got food.
I can continue to eat.

- You're risking organ failure,

and so we need to pull you.

- No!

You--you...

I've got food.
I can eat.

I got food.

I have food.

I can continue--I can eat.

I can eat higher percentages
of the food that I have.

- You're too far gone.

- It's dangerous
for you to stay here.

- We're taking you
to the hospital.

- [sighs]

*

'Kay.

*

[sighs]
Wish I would have ate more.

I've got so much food.

*

I thought, "If I store
this food, then I have

the ability to continue
for a long period of time."

But I pushed myself
a little too far.

It's frustrating.

I feel frustrated.

*

I had enough food.
I felt that I could last

two more months...

being outdoors,
playing, learning.

*

I can't believe
that I'm going home.

I feel good at my life at home.

Everything's nice,

and I enjoy it,
but there's moments

where there's just
something missing.

And being out here,

I feel like I'm living.

Life has a higher resonance.

*

It's been an honor.

It's been beautiful.

*

[dramatic music]

*

[birds singing]

*

- I look forward
to using modern technology

when I get back,
make phone calls, Skype,

and FaceTime with my mom.

Boop-boop, boop-boop.

"Hey, Mom, here's my shelter.

"Here's my fireplace.

Here's where I sleep."

That'd be pretty cool.

[fire crackling]

*

Definitely getting tired-er,

but my focus is to stay busy

and keep making things.

*

[upbeat music]

I really want to make a drum.

*

Doing big projects
is wearing me down

a lot quicker than it did
earlier on...

I'm so thankful for the hide
that I found.

I'm using it
as a drum beater head.

This is so cool.

Looks like a cow to me.

Skull and the hide.

I potentially could make
something out of this, still.

This is gonna be like
my hardware store out here.

As a teenager,
my mom was really relaxed

about letting me work on hides
in the house.

One time, she let me brain tan
a deer hide in the bathroom.

I remember having to clean up
and sanitize afterwards,

but she let me do it.

Okay.

*

I aspire to make a drum.

I aspire to be
the last person here.

And my stubborn nature

is helping me keep going.

I've got a circle.

I'd like to get the hide
dried out

as soon as possible.

The next step is gonna be
drum head lacing.

[dramatic music]

*

- I had a touch
of the insomnia last night.

Like, the hunger
and everything else created,

like, a strange state
of insomnia euphoria

that I--I couldn't break.

I don't need this.

But I feel good now,
so I'm gonna get up

and keep on keeping on.

*

I never thought that I would
spend so much time hungry.

I really didn't.

Thought the baited traps
would catch stuff, you know?

I'd have rabbits,
I'd have deer, I'd have,

you know,
a million different things.

I thought my problem
would be missing home,

not starving, you know?

*

I've been de--debating
on whether to, you know,

eat some of these roots.

Plants here in Patagonia
are my weakness, you know?

So I'm trying to decide whether
I should be saving all those,

boiling them, and eating them,
or do I--

is that just a risk
I can't afford to take?

Without seeing the tops,
I don't know

if they're dandelion roots.

I don't trust
just eating them just yet.

*

So I'm gonna hold out on that.

*

All right, gonna head down,
see if I got a fish.

*

Wow.

The dock is under,
like, two inches of water.

This is bad down here.

I don't even know what to do.

The waves are rolling in.

And, man, some of them are big.

It's like the ocean today.

I could lose the dock
completely, and then I'd be,

like, up in the trees here
throwing lines out,

trying not to tangle them
with the trees

as I'm pulling them in.

I don't see anything moving
on any of my lines.

This is really a big blow
to my fishing capabilities.

Just not what I needed
right now

when I'm close to burn-out,
you know?

*

I think the plan is,
I'm going to lay a log

all the way to the shore,
all the way

to the end of the dock,

and it'll be 8 inches higher.

Yee-haw.

*

Whew, now I'm feeling
that I haven't had

anything to eat today.

*

Oy vey.

I'm at the end
of my limit here.

Feeling shaky,

put a lot into
getting this log out here.

The dock lines are all rigged
and set up the same way

they always are,
so there's no reason why

they shouldn't catch a fish,
if they--

couldn't catch a fish.

So sick of the weak feeling
in my muscles

and in my legs.

I'm gonna continue
to go downhill

if I don't get more
into me for food.

[dramatic music]

*

- I'm getting quite thin,

and I need to work on eating
a whole lot.

I feel like if I can get
some good animal protein,

I could keep going.

*

Plants have
a lot of great nutrients,

but I don't know how many
calories they have to give me.

*

Right now, I definitely
feel like I'm living

each day here
as if it could be my last day.

*

I have to do some stuff
to enjoy my time out here.

I really wanna complete my drum.

It's a good inside day.

It's a good inside project.

Go ahead and get
the awl holes punched in.

*

All the holes are in.

*

I got about 40 to 50 feet
of rawhide lacing cut.

*

Sometimes I have to push myself
to keep going,

to finish it up.

*

And it feels really good
when it's done.

*

Mentally, emotionally,
spiritually,

I'm still in it,
still enjoying being here.

I'm just really worried
that my body's gonna be

the Achilles' heel
of this adventure.

[ominous music]

*

- There's still a lot
I could make out here.

As soon as I know that
I have food and calories,

I start brainstorming again
about things to build.

I could almost build
a hammock, actually,

with branches.

*

Like, this branch might work.

It's nice to actually do things
that are a little bit artistic.

I think that's part of--
half the battle out here,

just keeping
the boredom at bay.

*

Keeping yourself busy.

So I've cut down
five saplings,

and I'm just gonna cut them
to length.

Hopefully
they're flexible enough

but sturdy enough
to hold my weight too.

*

So these will interweave
between all the--

five structural pieces
of the hammock.

*

It'll give it more support.

*

I have to adapt
and stay positive,

apply my skill set,
and just keep

moving forward every day.

*

If you have the right mind-set,
it's amazing

what can be accomplished.

*

I need to find two trees
to hang this from.

*

My hammock, made out of
paracord and saplings.

Let's see if this works.

*

This'll be relaxing.

*

Ahh.

[dramatic music]

*

- Feeling pretty tired today,

but I'm really excited
about my drum.

Finally got it made.

[gentle percussion]

[soft tapping]

* But you are awesome

[fingertips pattering]

I figured it'd make
some sort of noise

but didn't know if it would
make a nice resonance or not.

I'm loving being here,

but what do I miss?

I miss having a journal.

So many things that
I wish I could write down.

I miss our cat.

I miss Tyler a whole bunch,

and I miss all my other
loved ones and friends.

[melancholy music]

*

How long can I make it?

*

Oh, that's the hard part.

I do really want to win.

*

I'd love to be
the first woman to win.

I want to be the last person
here.

[ominous music]

*

- I gotta do a lot of foraging.

Always on the hunt for stuff.

Berries, bait...

Let's see if I can find
some mushrooms.

[laughs]

I'm a girl that gets excited
about "fun guys."

The mushroom, that is.

Pretty excited
about finding these.

I thought they were done
for the season, but they're not.

Mm, it's a good fungus.

*

I'm gonna look for more.

See if I can find some more.

*

Dinner, rose hips.

*

I would prefer a fish,
but this'll have to do.

*

The thing about foraging,

it kind of takes my mind away

from how much
I miss my family.

*

I got to be careful
with these rose hips.

Each of them have
about 20 seeds in them,

and they're hard as a rock.

*

I just woke up.

It's, uh...

I don't even know
what time it is.

It's like
the middle of the night,

and it's raining hard.

Uh, but what woke me up
is, I have this...

Pain in my tooth.

I haven't had a pain like that
for--I don't know when.

I don't think I've ever had
a pain wake me up

like that in my tooth.

Uh-huh, it looks like
there might be a piece

of my back molar missing.

[sighs]

Feels like it's a bit swollen
on that side too.

I assume it's from rose hips.

*

[groans]

Even a small chip
in your tooth can just lead

to the biggest problem,

'cause I don't have
antibiotics.

I don't want to be out here
with a jaw infection.

That's for sure.

[bleep].

*

*

- Wow.

One choppy lake.

*

Stripped hooks
and nothing there.

Man, this is starting
to really tick me off.

*

I've always caught stuff
again at some point,

and--just nothing.

As many times as I've baited,
in the past,

I would've caught
at least four or five fish.

This is ridiculous.

*

My consistent,
persistent effort

has always paid off,
except for now.

*

No fish.

Ever since the water's risen,

I haven't been able to catch
a single fish.

And maybe the chop
will slow down.

I don't know.

I don't know--I don't--
I don't know what else to do.

[ominous music]

*

Grubs and roots for dinner.

I know some of these
are dandelion roots,

and some of them
are this other flower

that's in here,
and I don't think

it's a problem, but there's
not much to them anyway.

But at least it'll give me
something to chew on.

I--I can't imagine it's more
than a couple calories.

*

Let's see if
they're tender and juicy...

*

Or even palatable.

*

Hot.

*

Oh, yeah.

*

Tastes like carrots.

Probably should have
done that sooner.

I don't know how much
they can do for me, but...

Aww...

[voice breaks]
It tastes like carrots.

[sobbing]

I'm so hungry.

[sniffles]

[whimpers]

[sobbing]

I don't know how long
I can keep going like this.

*

[sniffles]

*

It is mentally crushing me.

*

I wish the others
would just hurry up and quit.

*

I want to win so bad.

*

[sighs]

It tastes like carrots.

[laughing]

Oh, my goodness.

Losing it.

I don't think I've been so tired
and so hungry ever in my life.

- I have this guilt
as a mother,

leaving my children
for a very long time.

- Please, God,
help me catch a fish.

I'm getting so thin.

I'm guessing
I'm down around 100 pounds.

- Got another med check today,

and I don't think
it's good news.

That's probably where
it comes to an end for me.

- I gotta get
my tooth checked out.

- I'm not ready to go home yet.

[dramatic music]

*

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.