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1
00:00:02,834 --> 00:00:04,200
[***]
2
00:00:13,634 --> 00:00:15,701
Ah, I see Carmen Electra
made the cover.
3
00:00:15,701 --> 00:00:17,300
Yeah. Great shot,
isn't it?
4
00:00:17,300 --> 00:00:19,434
Notice how I made
her sexuality
5
00:00:19,434 --> 00:00:20,701
leap off the page.
6
00:00:20,701 --> 00:00:21,968
Oh, yeah.
You're a genius.
7
00:00:21,968 --> 00:00:23,100
You took a picture
8
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:24,901
of one of the hottest women
in the world
9
00:00:24,901 --> 00:00:26,667
and somehow
made her look beautiful.
10
00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:29,334
What's your secret?
Are you using some kind of film?
11
00:00:29,334 --> 00:00:31,367
I can't wait
to show it to her.
12
00:00:31,367 --> 00:00:33,467
She's just gonna
turn you down again, pal.
13
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,133
Nobody says no
to Elliott DiMauro...
14
00:00:36,133 --> 00:00:38,133
53 times.
15
00:00:38,133 --> 00:00:41,334
Yeah. There's a fine line
between courting and stalking.
16
00:00:41,334 --> 00:00:43,501
A Connecticut judge
once spelled it out for me.
17
00:00:45,367 --> 00:00:48,033
Yeah, well, deep down,
Carmen loves me.
18
00:00:48,033 --> 00:00:50,334
She... just can't find
a way to express it.
19
00:00:50,334 --> 00:00:54,000
Oh, yeah.
That's probably it.
20
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,734
She just can't
express it.
21
00:00:56,734 --> 00:00:58,667
Hmm, maybe this is what
she's thinking.
22
00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:00,901
[IMITATING CARMEN]
Oh, Elliott.
23
00:01:00,901 --> 00:01:04,033
I'm Carmen Electra
from TV's Baywatch.
24
00:01:04,033 --> 00:01:06,567
Back off, you pasty freak.
25
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,300
I wouldn't even let
my stunt double
26
00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:09,667
give you
mouth-to-mouth.
27
00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:12,167
Yeah, that's cute,
28
00:01:12,167 --> 00:01:13,868
but it's going to be
more like this.
29
00:01:13,868 --> 00:01:15,868
[IMITATING CARMEN]
Oh, Elliott,
30
00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:17,300
not only are you a genius,
31
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:19,200
but you're the sexiest
guy on the beach.
32
00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:21,667
I want to run
slow-motion toward you
33
00:01:21,667 --> 00:01:23,734
and climb
your lifeguard tower.
34
00:01:23,734 --> 00:01:26,534
Oh, Elliott, save me!
The riptide!
35
00:01:26,534 --> 00:01:28,434
It's got me!
36
00:01:28,434 --> 00:01:30,601
I'm going down!
I'm going down!
37
00:01:30,601 --> 00:01:32,167
Are you just about
through, Elliott?
38
00:01:33,601 --> 00:01:34,601
Carmen.
39
00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:37,934
Care to
make it 54?
40
00:01:48,133 --> 00:01:50,467
The article's
about relationships.
41
00:01:50,467 --> 00:01:51,467
This shot's perfect.
42
00:01:51,467 --> 00:01:52,334
Let's see.
43
00:01:53,834 --> 00:01:54,934
Uh-oh, nipple.
44
00:01:54,934 --> 00:01:56,234
Give it.
45
00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:00,334
Oh, yeah,
there's Waldo.
46
00:02:01,868 --> 00:02:03,100
Good eye, chief.
47
00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:04,467
Wait, wait, wait.
Let me see.
48
00:02:04,467 --> 00:02:05,567
Let me see.
49
00:02:05,567 --> 00:02:08,200
Oh, yeah,
turkey's done.
50
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,601
And hopefully,
that concludes
51
00:02:10,601 --> 00:02:13,601
Mutual of Omaha's
"Nipple Safari."
52
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:14,634
Sorry, Maya.
53
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:15,834
We forgot
you were here.
54
00:02:15,834 --> 00:02:18,334
Well, it's my own fault
for wearing a shirt.
55
00:02:21,501 --> 00:02:23,300
Anyway, I'll need
your notes back on that copy
56
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:24,501
by the end of the day.
57
00:02:24,501 --> 00:02:26,601
No can do, pumpkin.
58
00:02:26,601 --> 00:02:28,200
I gotta leave here
early.
59
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,834
Allie and I
are taking in a show.
60
00:02:29,834 --> 00:02:31,868
What time do I need
to be out of here?
61
00:02:31,868 --> 00:02:33,067
6:00.
62
00:02:33,067 --> 00:02:34,133
[BUZZING]
63
00:02:34,133 --> 00:02:35,767
I'm sorry, Alex.
What is 6:00?
64
00:02:38,701 --> 00:02:40,734
Oh, here's my remote.
I was sitting on it.
65
00:02:40,734 --> 00:02:41,901
Another gadget?
66
00:02:41,901 --> 00:02:44,467
This is not a gadget!
67
00:02:44,467 --> 00:02:48,234
This is gonna revolutionize
the way I do business forever.
68
00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:50,133
[REMOTE BUZZES]
69
00:02:50,133 --> 00:02:51,868
ALL: Ooh.
70
00:02:51,868 --> 00:02:54,367
He's a witch,
I say. Burn him!
71
00:02:55,334 --> 00:02:56,434
You laugh,
but this thing
72
00:02:56,434 --> 00:02:59,534
can open and close doors
from five miles away.
73
00:02:59,534 --> 00:03:00,968
I find that hard
to believe.
74
00:03:00,968 --> 00:03:02,534
I can prove it.
75
00:03:02,534 --> 00:03:04,400
Dennis, don't make
any lunch plans.
76
00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:06,434
You're taking this baby
to the South Bronx.
77
00:03:06,434 --> 00:03:07,901
Oh, terrific.
78
00:03:07,901 --> 00:03:09,100
And could you
pencil me in
79
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:11,033
for an autopsy
around 2?
80
00:03:12,968 --> 00:03:16,133
Why would you possibly need
something like that?
81
00:03:16,133 --> 00:03:17,367
Wait until you hear
82
00:03:17,367 --> 00:03:18,701
about my
excruciating morning.
83
00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:20,434
[BUZZES]
Imagine waking up--
84
00:03:24,067 --> 00:03:26,200
I want one
of those.
85
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,634
[BUZZES]
86
00:03:27,634 --> 00:03:30,067
So after putting me on hold
for five minutes,
87
00:03:30,067 --> 00:03:31,367
I find out
88
00:03:31,367 --> 00:03:34,067
that those withered old snobs
from the co-op board
89
00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:36,701
are trying to keep me out
of their precious building.
90
00:03:36,701 --> 00:03:39,400
Well, they should kiss
my fat-free bottom.
91
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,133
I mean, I'm an
attractive, single,
92
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,467
attractive woman
with no pets.
93
00:03:43,467 --> 00:03:44,767
Uh-oh, nipple.
94
00:03:46,234 --> 00:03:48,334
I mean, who do I
have to sleep with
95
00:03:48,334 --> 00:03:50,067
to get
this apartment?
96
00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:52,234
No, seriously,
I want to know.
97
00:03:52,234 --> 00:03:54,400
Could we talk about work?
98
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,934
Good idea, peanut.
99
00:03:55,934 --> 00:03:57,100
Yeah, peanut.
100
00:03:58,367 --> 00:04:00,067
Um, could you not
call me peanut?
101
00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:02,634
What? Speak up, pickle.
102
00:04:04,434 --> 00:04:06,667
Um, the pet names, you know,
at the office.
103
00:04:06,667 --> 00:04:09,534
Oh, don't be ridiculous!
What--?
104
00:04:09,534 --> 00:04:11,467
Do you guys mind
if I call her peanut?
105
00:04:11,467 --> 00:04:12,567
No.
106
00:04:12,567 --> 00:04:13,934
You should hear
what we call her.
107
00:04:15,567 --> 00:04:18,267
See? You worried
for nothing.
108
00:04:18,267 --> 00:04:19,601
Okay, next piece of business?
109
00:04:19,601 --> 00:04:20,734
Uh, we have
to solve
110
00:04:20,734 --> 00:04:22,634
that perfume insert card
crisis today.
111
00:04:22,634 --> 00:04:23,801
What crisis?
112
00:04:23,801 --> 00:04:26,200
The, um, Liz Taylor
perfume card
113
00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:27,801
is clashing with
the Est�e Lauder card,
114
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:30,567
creating the scent
of a western omelet.
115
00:04:33,467 --> 00:04:34,501
Dennis?
116
00:04:34,501 --> 00:04:37,067
You already
had breakfast.
117
00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:38,067
Yeah, but I'm
still hungry--
118
00:04:38,067 --> 00:04:39,601
Now... shh!
119
00:04:42,601 --> 00:04:44,367
I think I got a fix.
120
00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:45,901
Let's bump
the Est�e Lauder ad
121
00:04:45,901 --> 00:04:48,300
in exchange for a reduced rate
on our double issue.
122
00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,701
That's my princess.
123
00:04:50,701 --> 00:04:53,467
There, that's what
I'm talking about,
124
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:54,968
calling me names
like "princess."
125
00:04:54,968 --> 00:04:56,734
I call everyone princess.
126
00:04:56,734 --> 00:04:59,033
You never call me
princess.
127
00:04:59,033 --> 00:05:02,601
I did the last time
I saw you play softball.
128
00:05:04,868 --> 00:05:06,434
I stand corrected.
129
00:05:06,434 --> 00:05:08,434
I'm serious.
130
00:05:08,434 --> 00:05:10,868
No special treatment,
no nicknames, okay?
131
00:05:10,868 --> 00:05:13,267
Fine, but I think
you're making a big deal
132
00:05:13,267 --> 00:05:14,634
out of nothing.
133
00:05:14,634 --> 00:05:16,067
You guys,
back me up.
134
00:05:16,067 --> 00:05:17,467
Don't you resent me
a little
135
00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:18,667
every time
you're reminded
136
00:05:18,667 --> 00:05:20,334
I'm Jack Gallo's
daughter?
137
00:05:20,334 --> 00:05:21,434
Maya, I don't resent you
138
00:05:21,434 --> 00:05:22,667
because
you're the boss' daughter.
139
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:24,634
I resent you
because if you weren't here,
140
00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:26,634
we'd still be talking
about nipples.
141
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:36,300
Funny. Very funny.
142
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:37,601
What?
143
00:05:37,601 --> 00:05:38,868
Oh, this letter
of recommendation
144
00:05:38,868 --> 00:05:40,667
from Jack
to my co-op board.
145
00:05:40,667 --> 00:05:42,100
You wrote it,
didn't you?
146
00:05:42,100 --> 00:05:43,667
Hmm. What gave it away?
147
00:05:43,667 --> 00:05:46,767
When I referred you as
America's premier clog dancer?
148
00:05:49,501 --> 00:05:52,267
[REMOTE BUZZES]
149
00:05:52,267 --> 00:05:53,634
Okay, is everyone
all right?
150
00:05:53,634 --> 00:05:55,000
Jack, I think
151
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,701
you're overloading the
circuits with your new toy.
152
00:05:56,701 --> 00:05:59,734
Don't blame me.
It's all these damn computers.
153
00:06:01,167 --> 00:06:03,133
While you were on the phone,
Allie called.
154
00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:06,133
Something about King Lear.
Oh, King Lear?
155
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:08,767
You know,
to snore or not to snore.
156
00:06:09,968 --> 00:06:11,634
Is that the show
you're going to see?
157
00:06:11,634 --> 00:06:15,234
I bid on a bunch of things
at a charity auction.
158
00:06:15,234 --> 00:06:17,701
Next week,
I'm a corpse on E.R.
159
00:06:21,968 --> 00:06:23,033
Ew.
[DOOR CLOSES]
160
00:06:23,033 --> 00:06:25,467
I hated Shakespeare
in high school.
161
00:06:25,467 --> 00:06:28,334
Why, did he write something mean
in your yearbook?
162
00:06:34,367 --> 00:06:35,801
How could you not
love Shakespeare?
163
00:06:35,801 --> 00:06:37,567
With one simple couplet,
164
00:06:37,567 --> 00:06:40,467
he's able to capture
the entire human experience--
165
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,300
joy, laughter, love, pain...
166
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:44,000
And boredom.
167
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:45,334
You too?
168
00:06:45,334 --> 00:06:47,033
Oh, look,
I appreciate Shakespeare,
169
00:06:47,033 --> 00:06:48,167
but let's be honest here.
170
00:06:48,167 --> 00:06:49,634
Nobody really loves it.
171
00:06:49,634 --> 00:06:51,901
They just pretend to,
you know, like cuddling.
172
00:06:53,167 --> 00:06:54,334
If that were true,
173
00:06:54,334 --> 00:06:55,534
people wouldn't have
performed his work
174
00:06:55,534 --> 00:06:56,634
for 400 years.
175
00:06:56,634 --> 00:06:58,534
Yeah? I saw
Shakespeare in the Park.
176
00:06:58,534 --> 00:07:00,767
It seemed like 400 years.
177
00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:03,801
The man wrote 37 plays,
178
00:07:03,801 --> 00:07:06,133
each more brilliant
than the last...
179
00:07:06,133 --> 00:07:08,000
except for Pericles.
180
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,000
I always felt
he phoned that in.
181
00:07:12,601 --> 00:07:13,467
[REMOTE BUZZES]
182
00:07:15,734 --> 00:07:18,567
Well, looks like
no King Lear for me.
183
00:07:18,567 --> 00:07:19,634
Why, what happened?
184
00:07:19,634 --> 00:07:21,067
Hannah's got the sniffles,
185
00:07:21,067 --> 00:07:22,601
and Allie doesn't
want to leave her.
186
00:07:22,601 --> 00:07:24,868
It's just a couple of hours.
I'd love to watch her.
187
00:07:24,868 --> 00:07:26,434
Oh, didn't I tell you?
188
00:07:26,434 --> 00:07:28,334
It's playing in London
at the National Theater.
189
00:07:28,334 --> 00:07:30,000
The National Theater!
190
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:31,200
Yeah, if you're interested,
191
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:32,601
you'd have to go
straight from work
192
00:07:32,601 --> 00:07:33,601
to catch the private jet.
193
00:07:33,601 --> 00:07:36,167
NINA: Private jet?
ELLIOT: Private jet?
194
00:07:36,167 --> 00:07:39,567
Hey, Dad... I would love
those tickets.
195
00:07:39,567 --> 00:07:40,968
Oh, well, you're
not the only one.
196
00:07:40,968 --> 00:07:42,300
You know,
I loved all 37
197
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,801
of Shakespeare's
plays.
198
00:07:43,801 --> 00:07:45,234
Hey, nobody
loves Shakespeare
199
00:07:45,234 --> 00:07:46,334
more than me.
200
00:07:46,334 --> 00:07:48,434
The way he captures
laughter and love,
201
00:07:48,434 --> 00:07:49,501
and joy, pain...
202
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:50,501
Boredom.
203
00:07:50,501 --> 00:07:51,834
I forgot to say
204
00:07:51,834 --> 00:07:53,000
Shakespeare
was a genius.
205
00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,234
People have loved
his plays
206
00:07:54,234 --> 00:07:55,434
for over 400 years.
207
00:07:55,434 --> 00:07:57,100
Yeah, even if he did
phone in Hercules.
208
00:07:57,100 --> 00:07:58,501
[LAUGHS]
209
00:08:00,634 --> 00:08:01,901
Well, I didn't
realize
210
00:08:01,901 --> 00:08:03,634
that everyone liked
Shakespeare so much.
211
00:08:03,634 --> 00:08:04,667
Oh!
Oh, yeah.
212
00:08:04,667 --> 00:08:06,334
Neither did they.
213
00:08:06,334 --> 00:08:08,467
It's quite a dilemma
we have here.
214
00:08:08,467 --> 00:08:10,534
I've only got two tickets.
215
00:08:10,534 --> 00:08:12,000
How shall I choose?
216
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,767
Oh, Jack, you didn't
rise to the top
217
00:08:13,767 --> 00:08:15,767
without knowing
how to make wise decisions.
218
00:08:15,767 --> 00:08:17,334
Oh, so true.
219
00:08:17,334 --> 00:08:18,934
Jack, I have learned
a lot from you--
220
00:08:18,934 --> 00:08:19,934
everything, really.
221
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,534
So don't worry.
222
00:08:21,534 --> 00:08:23,033
I, for one, will
not second-guess
223
00:08:23,033 --> 00:08:24,200
your thoughtful
consideration.
224
00:08:26,033 --> 00:08:29,868
Well, I-- I want
to be fair about this.
225
00:08:29,868 --> 00:08:30,901
Let's see.
226
00:08:30,901 --> 00:08:31,934
Nina.
227
00:08:31,934 --> 00:08:33,334
Oh.
228
00:08:33,334 --> 00:08:35,334
Elliott.
Have a great time.
229
00:08:35,334 --> 00:08:37,667
We're going
to London!
230
00:08:37,667 --> 00:08:39,133
What about me?
231
00:08:39,133 --> 00:08:40,968
Oh, yeah.
The printer called.
232
00:08:40,968 --> 00:08:44,000
They want you to come down
and sniff the new issue.
233
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,133
Apparently,
now it smells like waffles.
234
00:08:48,133 --> 00:08:51,901
Dad, I can't believe
you just did that.
235
00:08:51,901 --> 00:08:54,200
Well, you just gotta have
a little more faith
236
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,467
in your old man.
237
00:08:55,467 --> 00:08:56,968
What are you
talking about?
238
00:08:56,968 --> 00:09:00,667
Hey, I know
when I'm being tested.
239
00:09:00,667 --> 00:09:02,434
No special treatment.
240
00:09:02,434 --> 00:09:04,968
Just want to make you
proud of me, snookie bear.
241
00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:19,400
JACK: Dennis!
242
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,400
Yeah.
243
00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:26,067
I can't get the door
to stop doing that thing!
244
00:09:26,067 --> 00:09:30,400
Is someone
using the microwave?
245
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:34,601
Yeah. Baxter's making
a baked potato.
246
00:09:34,601 --> 00:09:35,968
Get in here
and help me!
247
00:09:37,534 --> 00:09:39,701
What, are you wasted?
I'm not going near that thing.
248
00:09:39,701 --> 00:09:42,267
It's like
a John Carpenter movie.
249
00:09:43,934 --> 00:09:44,868
[MICROWAVE BELL DINGS]
250
00:09:47,467 --> 00:09:49,200
JACK: Thank you.
251
00:09:51,734 --> 00:09:54,334
Ah, methinks the lady
doth pack too much.
252
00:09:54,334 --> 00:09:59,033
A skycap, a skycap.
My kingdom for a skycap.
253
00:09:59,033 --> 00:10:02,133
My kingdom for a muzzle.
254
00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:04,601
Oh, Maya, now I would've been
happy for you
255
00:10:04,601 --> 00:10:06,167
if you'd gotten
the tickets.
256
00:10:06,167 --> 00:10:08,634
Do you have any idea
how unconvincing that was?
257
00:10:08,634 --> 00:10:11,901
Hey, if I were an actor,
I'd be in the stupid play.
258
00:10:11,901 --> 00:10:13,968
There's no reason
for you to be mad at us.
259
00:10:13,968 --> 00:10:15,734
It was
your father's decision.
260
00:10:15,734 --> 00:10:18,067
Yeah, but you took my words
and you manipulated him.
261
00:10:18,067 --> 00:10:19,968
You two couldn't care less
about Shakespeare.
262
00:10:19,968 --> 00:10:21,501
I can quote King Lear
by heart.
263
00:10:21,501 --> 00:10:23,200
Look, don't tell me
the ending.
264
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,734
I hear there's a twist,
like The Crying Game.
265
00:10:26,901 --> 00:10:28,634
Seriously...
266
00:10:28,634 --> 00:10:30,767
I know, I know,
it doesn't seem fair,
267
00:10:30,767 --> 00:10:32,567
but this is a chance
for me to experience
268
00:10:32,567 --> 00:10:35,801
something that I've never
experienced before.
269
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:37,200
And it was your words
270
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,901
that excited me
about Shakespeare.
271
00:10:39,901 --> 00:10:42,367
There's no higher compliment
I can pay you.
272
00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:46,501
Well, when you put it
like that...
273
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,868
You see?
That's acting.
274
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:54,634
Hey, Nina, that snooty guy
from the co-op board
275
00:10:54,634 --> 00:10:55,934
is returning your call.
276
00:10:55,934 --> 00:10:57,501
What did you tell him?
277
00:10:57,501 --> 00:10:59,968
I told him I'd see him
at your housewarming party
278
00:10:59,968 --> 00:11:01,167
with my band, Kill the Rich.
279
00:11:01,167 --> 00:11:02,434
Oh, dear God!
280
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,000
Ah, ha, ha-- Carmen!
281
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,000
Hey, Finch.
282
00:11:11,634 --> 00:11:13,367
No hug?
283
00:11:13,367 --> 00:11:15,567
I just talked to you
10 minutes ago in the lobby.
284
00:11:15,567 --> 00:11:17,968
That's right.
I'm sorry.
285
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:19,000
Forgive me?
286
00:11:21,234 --> 00:11:24,000
Mr. Finch, please don't
squeeze the Carmen.
287
00:11:26,267 --> 00:11:27,267
I'm sorry about Finch.
288
00:11:27,267 --> 00:11:29,734
That behavior
is inexcusable.
289
00:11:29,734 --> 00:11:30,934
Forgive him?
290
00:11:30,934 --> 00:11:33,334
I'm back
for the proofs.
291
00:11:33,334 --> 00:11:35,067
Well, they're still
in the darkroom,
292
00:11:35,067 --> 00:11:36,434
if you'd like to join me.
293
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:39,300
Elliott, I wouldn't trust you
in a well-lit room.
294
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:40,567
I'll just come back
tomorrow.
295
00:11:40,567 --> 00:11:42,434
Well, actually,
I won't be here tomorrow.
296
00:11:42,434 --> 00:11:45,200
I'm jetting off to London
to see King Lear.
297
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,434
Oh, that's so weird.
298
00:11:47,434 --> 00:11:50,400
I've been working on a scene
from Hamlet in my acting class.
299
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:52,534
We're going to do it
at SeaWorld.
300
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,601
That is weird.
301
00:11:56,601 --> 00:11:58,133
I'm getting goose bumps.
302
00:11:58,133 --> 00:11:59,100
Feel.
303
00:12:01,934 --> 00:12:03,734
Would you like to go
with me?
304
00:12:03,734 --> 00:12:06,834
Are you kidding?
I'd kill to go.
305
00:12:09,834 --> 00:12:11,868
Oh, let's hope
it doesn't come to that.
306
00:12:13,501 --> 00:12:15,434
Yes, Mr. Rosencrantz,
307
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:17,200
I know the building
is exclusive.
308
00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:19,434
That's what I love
about it.
309
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:21,901
Uh, but before you
make your decision,
310
00:12:21,901 --> 00:12:24,868
isn't there some way
I could tip the scales,
311
00:12:24,868 --> 00:12:27,300
as it were?
312
00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,267
Oh, what I mean is, uh,
313
00:12:29,267 --> 00:12:31,801
do you enjoy long,
romantic walks in the park
314
00:12:31,801 --> 00:12:34,634
with a beautiful woman?
315
00:12:34,634 --> 00:12:36,567
You don't.
316
00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:39,667
Well, then, you must love
the theater.
317
00:12:46,968 --> 00:12:48,567
Oh, you hate
to see this.
318
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:49,667
What?
319
00:12:49,667 --> 00:12:53,033
You're the only woman
in here.
320
00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:56,667
That kind of boy-girl ratio
does not favor the Finch.
321
00:12:56,667 --> 00:12:58,934
Why is "the Finch" here?
322
00:13:00,334 --> 00:13:02,300
I'm not. I'm out
running safety checks
323
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:03,968
on the fire extinguishers.
324
00:13:03,968 --> 00:13:04,834
Seabreeze.
325
00:13:08,734 --> 00:13:11,767
I can't believe he gave
Elliott and Nina those tickets.
326
00:13:11,767 --> 00:13:13,567
All right, I'll bite.
327
00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:15,100
What's so great
about King Lear?
328
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:17,501
Oh, it's just a brilliant play.
329
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:21,033
It's got everything--
revenge, jealousy, betrayal...
330
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:24,801
Oh, I think I saw that movie
at a bachelor party once,
331
00:13:24,801 --> 00:13:27,934
but they spelled "Lear"
with two E's.
332
00:13:27,934 --> 00:13:30,334
It was on a double-bill
with The Keister Bunny.
333
00:13:30,334 --> 00:13:32,934
Well, in the version
with clothes,
334
00:13:32,934 --> 00:13:34,267
King Lear decides
335
00:13:34,267 --> 00:13:37,300
to divide his kingdom
among his three daughters.
336
00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:39,667
His two evil daughters,
Regan and Goneril,
337
00:13:39,667 --> 00:13:41,033
suck up to him big-time,
338
00:13:41,033 --> 00:13:42,467
even though
they don't really love him,
339
00:13:42,467 --> 00:13:44,167
but Cordelia,
who does love him,
340
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:45,934
refuses to join
in the false flattery
341
00:13:45,934 --> 00:13:47,100
and gets zip.
342
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:48,934
So, what's
the king's problem?
343
00:13:48,934 --> 00:13:51,033
Blinded by his own vanity.
344
00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:52,834
[LAUGHTER]
345
00:13:52,834 --> 00:13:55,701
Hey! Middle management,
zip it.
346
00:13:58,434 --> 00:13:59,868
So, what
are you saying,
347
00:13:59,868 --> 00:14:01,601
that the two suck-ups
get everything?
348
00:14:01,601 --> 00:14:05,434
Well, at first they do,
but then they get real greedy
349
00:14:05,434 --> 00:14:07,334
and start scheming
against each other...
350
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,334
Hello there, Elliott.
351
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:13,334
Nice to see you again, Nina.
352
00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:16,000
Yes, nice.
353
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,834
You know, I probably don't
say this as often as I should,
354
00:14:18,834 --> 00:14:20,901
but you really...
355
00:14:20,901 --> 00:14:24,434
own a lot of...
very nice shirts.
356
00:14:25,901 --> 00:14:27,801
Thank you.
357
00:14:27,801 --> 00:14:30,868
Uh... you're pretty.
358
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,067
So... should be quite
the flight later.
359
00:14:35,067 --> 00:14:36,133
Oh, what do you mean?
360
00:14:36,133 --> 00:14:37,534
Oh, I don't want
to alarm anyone,
361
00:14:37,534 --> 00:14:40,167
but my friend Vinnie
used to date our pilot,
362
00:14:40,167 --> 00:14:42,100
and, well, it's not
just the plane
363
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:44,601
that gets fueled up
before the flight.
364
00:14:46,701 --> 00:14:50,467
Ah, planes these days
practically fly themselves.
365
00:14:50,467 --> 00:14:52,367
I just feel bad
that you're going to miss
366
00:14:52,367 --> 00:14:55,000
the elderly millionaire
bachelor's convention.
367
00:14:57,767 --> 00:14:59,434
You're bluffing.
Am I, Nina?
368
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,534
You're not getting
my ticket.
369
00:15:02,534 --> 00:15:03,901
Well, you're not
getting mine!
370
00:15:03,901 --> 00:15:05,901
Do you have any idea
what we're talking about here?
371
00:15:05,901 --> 00:15:07,901
We are talking about
putting a roof over my head.
372
00:15:07,901 --> 00:15:08,968
Yeah, well,
we're talking about
373
00:15:08,968 --> 00:15:10,801
putting a beautiful
woman over mine.
374
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:14,501
So the fighting between
Regan and Goneril
375
00:15:14,501 --> 00:15:15,667
gets worse and worse.
376
00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,234
The only thing
they agree on
377
00:15:17,234 --> 00:15:19,133
is that their sister
Cordelia must die.
378
00:15:20,734 --> 00:15:22,801
Those little sluts.
379
00:15:22,801 --> 00:15:25,100
Don't worry.
They get theirs...
380
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:26,100
because they're
secretly plotting
381
00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:27,567
to kill each other.
382
00:15:27,567 --> 00:15:31,934
Elliott, I'm really sorry
about the way I acted earlier,
383
00:15:31,934 --> 00:15:34,601
and so I went out
and got you your favorite,
384
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:36,667
sushi.
385
00:15:36,667 --> 00:15:40,601
Wait, is this
that sushi someone left
386
00:15:40,601 --> 00:15:42,100
on the coffee machine
last week?
387
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:44,534
Just eat it!
388
00:15:44,534 --> 00:15:46,200
Shame on you.
389
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,067
Is a ticket to a show
so important
390
00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:50,701
that you would actually
compromise my health?
391
00:15:50,701 --> 00:15:52,801
I'm sorry.
392
00:15:52,801 --> 00:15:54,067
Here, drink this.
393
00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:58,200
With Lear's
two scheming daughters
394
00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,334
at each other's
throats,
395
00:15:59,334 --> 00:16:01,434
the kingdom is
falling into ruin.
396
00:16:01,434 --> 00:16:03,267
Well, why doesn't Lear
just step in
397
00:16:03,267 --> 00:16:04,567
and take back the throne?
398
00:16:04,567 --> 00:16:07,667
Ah, because Goneril and Regan
have had him exiled,
399
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:10,334
and to make matters worse,
he's starting to lose his mind.
400
00:16:10,334 --> 00:16:11,801
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
401
00:16:11,801 --> 00:16:16,267
Dennis, for the love of God,
stop the baked potatoes!
402
00:16:18,901 --> 00:16:21,434
And with the empire
in ruins,
403
00:16:21,434 --> 00:16:25,934
guess who's the only one
who stands by King Lear.
404
00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:27,300
Cordelia.
405
00:16:27,300 --> 00:16:31,501
Yes, Princess Cordelia.
406
00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:33,434
And as she takes
her final breath,
407
00:16:33,434 --> 00:16:34,634
Lear realizes
408
00:16:34,634 --> 00:16:36,434
that she's the only one
who truly loved him,
409
00:16:36,434 --> 00:16:38,634
and in his pain,
he cries out to the heavens,
410
00:16:38,634 --> 00:16:41,634
"Howl, howl, howl!"
411
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,300
But of course by then,
it's much too late.
412
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:45,434
Cordelia's dead.
413
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,934
Finch.
414
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,834
Dennis.
415
00:16:53,834 --> 00:16:56,367
[CRYING]
Don't look at me.
416
00:17:04,033 --> 00:17:05,133
Give me
those tickets.
417
00:17:05,133 --> 00:17:06,667
Never.
They're mine!
418
00:17:09,033 --> 00:17:10,033
Maya.
419
00:17:10,033 --> 00:17:11,033
Maya.
420
00:17:11,033 --> 00:17:12,167
Guys.
421
00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:18,601
Be careful.
You're gonna rip 'em.
422
00:17:18,601 --> 00:17:20,467
You be careful.
All right.
423
00:17:20,467 --> 00:17:22,501
All right. Uh!
424
00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:25,000
Let's just get ahold
of ourselves, all right?
425
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,000
Okay.
426
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:28,000
On the count of three,
427
00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:29,934
we'll let go of them
at the same time.
428
00:17:29,934 --> 00:17:31,767
No tricks.
No tricks. Ready?
429
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:34,133
One, two, three.
430
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,300
Aw, look
what you've done!
431
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:42,000
Who, me?
It was your idea!
432
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,734
Aw, yeah.
You-- Get in!
433
00:17:44,734 --> 00:17:47,400
[MOCKING] "We'll let go
of the tickets."
434
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,801
MAYA: Dad, can I
speak with you?
435
00:17:48,801 --> 00:17:49,801
[REMOTE BUZZES]
436
00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:51,200
Oh! Ow!
437
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,434
Sorry.
438
00:17:52,434 --> 00:17:53,300
[REMOTE BUZZES]
439
00:17:54,901 --> 00:17:58,400
Tomorrow, I'm throwing that door
into the East River.
440
00:17:58,400 --> 00:17:59,634
You hear me?
441
00:17:59,634 --> 00:18:01,501
[REMOTE BUZZES]
442
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:06,634
Maya, whatever you need,
keep it short.
443
00:18:06,634 --> 00:18:08,834
If that thing opens again,
I'm making a run for it.
444
00:18:08,834 --> 00:18:11,067
You're absolutely
incredible.
445
00:18:11,067 --> 00:18:14,033
Ah, too late for flattery.
I'm all out of tickets.
446
00:18:14,033 --> 00:18:16,601
Why did you give them
to Elliott and Nina?
447
00:18:16,601 --> 00:18:18,667
Because they said
they wanted to go.
448
00:18:18,667 --> 00:18:20,667
But I'm the one
who loves Shakespeare.
449
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,567
Well, how was I supposed
to know that?
450
00:18:22,567 --> 00:18:26,801
It was my major in college.
I was in, like, 10 productions.
451
00:18:26,801 --> 00:18:29,501
I named
the family cat "Othello."
452
00:18:29,501 --> 00:18:32,100
You named your turtle
Amelia Earhart.
453
00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:34,334
That doesn't mean you
wanted to be a pilot.
454
00:18:34,334 --> 00:18:37,601
Actually, I did.
I logged over 400 hours.
455
00:18:37,601 --> 00:18:39,801
Well, you get my point.
456
00:18:39,801 --> 00:18:41,534
[THUNDER RUMBLES]
457
00:18:41,534 --> 00:18:42,534
Oh, forget it.
458
00:18:42,534 --> 00:18:44,167
Oh, wait.
459
00:18:44,167 --> 00:18:47,067
Between you and the door,
I'm going crazy.
460
00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:49,300
You said you didn't want
any special treatment.
461
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:52,133
Well, that's because daughters
are supposed to say that.
462
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:53,868
And I'm supposed
to ignore you?
463
00:18:53,868 --> 00:18:55,934
Yes!
464
00:18:55,934 --> 00:18:58,734
So you do want me
to call you pet names.
465
00:18:58,734 --> 00:19:00,300
No.
466
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:02,767
Do me a favor.
Tell all this to Dennis
467
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:05,434
so he can make me
a little wallet card.
468
00:19:05,434 --> 00:19:06,934
Okay, fine.
469
00:19:06,934 --> 00:19:09,934
If you're gonna make fun of me,
I'll just go home.
470
00:19:09,934 --> 00:19:11,634
But before I do,
471
00:19:11,634 --> 00:19:13,667
I'd like to leave you
with a little free advice
472
00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:15,567
from Shakespeare himself.
473
00:19:15,567 --> 00:19:17,634
You attended to
their sugared words,
474
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:20,367
but looked not on the poison
of their hearts.
475
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:23,501
God keep you from them,
and from such false friends.
476
00:19:26,234 --> 00:19:28,067
Oh, God, will you open
this stupid thing?
477
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,634
You're killing my exit.
478
00:19:30,767 --> 00:19:32,067
Look, we'll be out of here
479
00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:34,033
as soon
as I get this thing fixed.
480
00:19:34,033 --> 00:19:35,133
Knock wood.
481
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,634
[THUNDER CRASHES]
482
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:37,834
[WHACK]
483
00:19:39,033 --> 00:19:40,968
Maya, are you all right?
484
00:19:40,968 --> 00:19:42,834
Oh, yeah. I'm fine.
485
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:48,467
What the hell
was that?
486
00:19:48,467 --> 00:19:49,634
You broke
the elevator.
487
00:19:51,033 --> 00:19:52,868
I didn't break it.
You did.
488
00:19:52,868 --> 00:19:54,067
Aw, this is
just great.
489
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:55,901
I can't believe that
490
00:19:55,901 --> 00:19:57,634
instead of going to London
with Carmen Electra,
491
00:19:57,634 --> 00:19:59,734
I'm stuck in an elevator
with you.
492
00:19:59,734 --> 00:20:02,734
Red lights,
no cigarettes, you...
493
00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:04,834
This is my vision
of hell.
494
00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:08,467
Yeah, well,
I'm getting out of here.
495
00:20:08,467 --> 00:20:10,167
Ah, this is
just perfect.
496
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:12,567
Some idiot ripped out
the emergency phone
497
00:20:12,567 --> 00:20:14,701
and replaced it
with a bottle of gin.
498
00:20:14,701 --> 00:20:17,701
Ah, it seemed like
a good idea last week.
499
00:20:17,701 --> 00:20:21,267
Maya, say something.
Are you okay?
500
00:20:21,267 --> 00:20:24,567
I'll be fine
once I'm off my feet.
501
00:20:24,567 --> 00:20:27,400
Princess,
what have I done?
502
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,834
How did I let that
cursed salesman
503
00:20:29,834 --> 00:20:32,400
sell me this demonic door?
504
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,200
How? How?
505
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:40,167
Howl!
506
00:20:40,167 --> 00:20:43,701
Howl!
507
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:46,601
Howl!
508
00:20:46,601 --> 00:20:49,567
O, you are men of stones!
509
00:20:49,567 --> 00:20:51,567
Had I your tongues and eyes,
510
00:20:51,567 --> 00:20:55,634
I'd use them so that
heaven's vault should crack.
511
00:20:55,634 --> 00:20:57,467
She's gone...
512
00:20:57,467 --> 00:21:00,067
forever.
513
00:21:00,067 --> 00:21:04,334
I know when one is dead
and when one lives.
514
00:21:04,334 --> 00:21:05,334
She's dead...
515
00:21:05,334 --> 00:21:07,033
as earth.
516
00:21:09,234 --> 00:21:11,934
Lend me
a looking glass.
517
00:21:11,934 --> 00:21:13,801
[SNIFFLES]
518
00:21:15,567 --> 00:21:18,133
Are you okay?
519
00:21:18,133 --> 00:21:20,601
Don't look at me.
520
00:21:29,801 --> 00:21:31,534
[***]
521
00:21:33,501 --> 00:21:37,400
* Life keeps bringing me
Back to you *
522
00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:41,267
* Keeps bringing me home *
523
00:21:41,267 --> 00:21:45,334
* It don't matter what I want
To do 'cause *
524
00:21:45,334 --> 00:21:51,067
* It's got a mind of its own *
525
00:21:51,067 --> 00:21:54,901
* Life keeps bringing me
Back to you **
36521
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