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("Funky Fanfare" by Keith Mansfield)

(ominous music)

(thunder) (witch cackling)

- Haunted Houses tend to be a main attraction

during Halloween season.

You enter a dark place,

you walk down a long hallway,

and you never know what will be lurking about.

(laughs)

What if you entered a contest, (cat yowling)

and won an exclusive ticket

to the one night only Shadow's Edge?

Well that's what tonight's feature's about.

(Halloween sound effects) We follow seven lucky winners

throughout their terrifying evening,

but remember to follow the rules.

Now, enter at your own risk.

(somber music)

(ominous music)

(maniacal laughter) (screaming)

("Monster Mash" by Bobby Pickett)

- Um, hi.

Can you get me some black cream makeup out of the case?

- I don't work here.

- But you have a name tag on.

- No, I don't.

- [Evan] You're gonna get fired, you know that?

- Good, I can finally get out of here, then.

- [Evan] How can you hate this place so much?

This place is great.

I mean, look at that, those girls are hot.

And that one's shorts are so short,

they might as well be called a belt.

- If you like it so much,

why don't you come around the counter and work for me.

- [Evan] All right, so why do you work here?

Your love of Halloween?

- Hell no, Halloween is the dumbest holiday.

I don't even know why people celebrate it.

It's like Easter, it looses it's appeal once you get older.

- [Evan] What are you talking about?

Easter rocks.

My mom still hides eggs in our back yard on Easter Sunday,

and I love it.

Hell, I still color Easter eggs.

- It's a wonder you don't have a girlfriend.

- [Evan] Hey, you're just jealous

'cause I can color some pretty bad ass eggs.

- Yeah, well, I wish I had a couple of those eggs right now.

There's a couple of people I'd like to throw them at.

- Am I one of them?

- I'll let you know.

- Hey, excuse me.

Um, is this where the contest winners

are supposed to meet for the haunted house outside?

- Unfortunately, yes.

- Sweet.

Man, I've been looking forward to this forever.

Halloween and horror are my life, you know?

I've actually seen just about every horror film

that you could possibly imagine.

I've been to, like, every haunted house so far this year.

Now, I don't know what it is about blood and guts,

but (sighs) just gets me excited.

- [Evan] Yeah, I can see that.

- [Vincent] Huh?

- (laughs) Evan.

I'm one of the contest winners, too.

- [Vincent] Oh, hey, how's it goin'?

Vincent.

- So you're a horror buff, huh?

- Yeah, I actually drove an hour to get here.

When I heard about this contest,

and knew that there was a chance

that I could spend the night locked in a haunted house,

I just had to put my name in this contest, you know?

So you got a ticket for this house?

- No, I don't believe in that sort of thing.

- You don't believe in what sort of thing?

- Halloween, you know, paying to go through

some cheesy plywood fun house,

watching people dress up like their five years old,

stuff like that.

- So, uh, this must be like winning

the lottery for you, huh?

- Yeah, (sighs) my mom was pissed when she found out

I entered in this contest.

You know, she thinks that Halloween is for, like, misfits,

and, you know, people with no time on their hands.

So if you ever see her, don't tell her I'm here.

I told her I was staying at a friend's house tonight.

- I'll be sure to keep my mouth shut.

- Oh, Christian.

(Christian sighs) (Evan snickering)

You wouldn't happen to know anything about

why a customer complained about one of my employees

refusing to help them, and taking their name tag off

right in front of them, would you?

- [Christian] No, I don't.

- Just out of curiosity, uh, where is your name tag?

- Uh...

Must have fallen off.

- Mm-hmm, look Christian,

I know Halloween isn't your favorite time of year,

but the fact is that you're getting paid

to help the customers with their wants

and needs inside the store.

You're not getting paid to lean on the counter,

and mope around.

You need to take a better interest in your work.

(Christian sighs)

- I bet if you showed a little more enthusiasm,

you'd really start to enjoy your work,

and maybe even Halloween.

Every little positive thing you do

can really make a world of difference.

Not only for you, but for the customers.

Do you understand what I'm trying to say, Christian?

- Yeah.

- Good.

Well, as you may know, I've been given the task

to work with The Shadow's Edge Haunted House,

and I'll be in and out of the store

getting everything set up for tonight.

So I need you to be on your best behavior.

Can I count on you to do that?

- You bet.

- Hey, you're a lucky ticket holder.

- Yeah, I am!

- Slap it!

- [Evan] All right!

(Nick mumbles excitedly)

(ominous music)

- How about him?

- Ugh, no, ew.

- Come on, this is the only way

into the house, tonight, with me.

- I don't know.

- Just go over there, and turn on that sex appeal

like I know you can, baby.

- I couldn't, he literally looks like he would

hump my leg, if he could.

- Look, listen, you said so yourself,

you want to come into this house with me

to have a little bit of, uh, fun.

So pop that chest out, lick those lips,

and, uh, seduce this guy out of his ticket.

- No, no, absolutely not.

- You serious?

- Yeah. - Fine, all right.

I'll do it, but you're gonna have to appreciate me

a little bit more for this.

So my man, I notice you got one of those tickets

into the house tonight.

Let's say I, uh, give you 20 bucks for it?

- No, no, man.

- How 'bout, uh...

How 'bout 40?

- Uh... - 40 bucks.

- I really want to go to this house.

- Right, uh...

50, that's the highest.

50. - No, man.

I just can't part with it.

(sighs) Sorry.

- All right, all right, check it out.

You see that chick standing right over there?

- [Creepy Guy] Yeah.

- [Eli] She will do anything you want.

If you want to dress her up like a little boy,

lick some frosting off her, or something?

She'll do it.

- You know, honestly, though,

I don't find her all that attractive.

- What, are you serious? (creepy guy stammering)

Are you a little dog fucker, what the fuck?

- I don't.

(paper crinkling) - Give me this.

- Hey, hey.

(clapping)

- I knew you'd do better than me.

- Yeah, you just remember

about the little appreciation you told me about.

- I still don't get it.

- You don't get it?

How do you not get it? - What nuts?

Like, I don't get it. - The hell?

Like, what's the joke? - Whoa.

- What are you looking at?

- Her.

- Hi, can I help you?

- Oh, no thanks.

- Okay, well, I'm here whenever you need help.

- Thank you.

- 'Scuse me, guys.

Be right back.

- What's he doin'?

- Thinkin' with his penis.

- Don't get it, you don't need that stuff.

- Excuse me?

- The clown makeup.

There's no way a gorgeous girl like yourself

is gonna be covering her pretty face with that garbage.

- Actually, I'm not here for a Halloween costume,

I'm just here killing time.

- Oh, you got a hot date next door at the cafe?

- No, no.

I actually won a contest to spend the night

out in the haunted house.

- Oh, so you're a Halloween junkie.

- Hardly, my friend said it would be funny

to enter me into this contest, and wouldn't you know,

my name was drawn, and I won.

I'm really not too typically optimistic,

but I thought it was worth coming and checking out,

and maybe the joke'll be on them, and I'll have a good time.

- [Christian] Yeah.

- What about you, are you here

looking for a Halloween costume?

- Me, no, I picked out my costume weeks ago.

I'm actually here for the haunted house, too.

I was chosen as a winner.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, that haunted house out there is, like, my heaven.

- (laughs) Well, it looks like

we'll be spending the night together.

- [Christian] I'm sorry?

- Out in the haunted house?

- [Christian] Oh, right, of corse that's what you meant.

- Well, I'm Abigail.

- Can I call you Abbie? - Sure.

- [Christian] I'm Christian.

- Can I call you Chris?

- [Christian] Well, you could, but I won't answer.

(laughing quietly)

- Nice to meet you, Christian.

- Nice to meet you.

(both laugh nervously)

Well, I have to go take care of a few things,

but I guess I'll see you out in the house, in a little bit.

- [Abbie] Yeah, I'll see you in a little bit.

- All right,

ta-ta. - [Abbie] Bye.

- Ta-ta?

- Hey, shut up.

At least I talked to her.

- Yeah, but ta-ta?

All right, a question for you, Einstein,

are you planning on continuing

a conversation with her within the tent?

- No, I'm gonna get inside.

- How?

- Give me your ticket.

- Hell no, you don't even like Halloween.

- So, we're good friends, right?

I've done a lot for you.

- [Evan] Like what?

- Um, (snaps) you remember that time

that you broke your mom's favorite vase?

I told her that I tripped and broke it.

I covered for you, man.

- We were like eight years old,

and the next day you told my mom

that I put you up to lying for me.

- Oh, come on, man.

I'll never ask you for anything again.

- Fine.

Yeah, right. (laughs)

- Sorry, man, you'll have to kill me to get this ticket.

- Fine, screw both of you.

(Evan and Vincent laughing)

There's gotta be a way I can get into that house.

- [Evan] Go talk to Nick.

- I don't think Nick likes me very much, right now.

- Then you better go kiss some ass.

- Okay, I have never kissed anyone's ass.

- Then you better skip kissing his ass,

and go straight for his crotch area.

(Christian and Evan conversing in the background)

- Do you have a ticket for this house?

- [Christian] Wish me luck.

- Why else would I be standing here?

- Touche. (laughs)

(clears throat) So I'm thinking that you and I

should probably stick together when we go inside this house,

just so, in case we get alone.

I mean, we are alone.

Because I don't want you to be alone.

- I prefer to be alone.

It's how I entered this dark, lonely world,

and it's how I'm going to leave this dark, lonely world.

- I've seen enough horror films to know

that you're as good as dead if you're out by yourself.

You know, new place, all alone.

I'm just trying to look out for you.

What was your name?

- Raven.

- Raven, huh?

- Yeah, why?

Do you have a problem with that?

- Oh, no, I just never heard the name Raven before.

It's unique.

- Raven is the darkest bird out there,

but yet, has this purity about itself.

I like to feel like I'm a raven.

Dark and mysterious on the outside,

but so knowledgeable and powerful on the inside.

- You know, I know of a couple porn stars named Raven.

- Well, I'm Vincent.

- And I am Woodpecker, because I like to peck at--

Ow!

- Well, anyways, I am getting very excited

to be going into this house with you.

You seem to be a very beautiful and interesting girl.

- A very interesting girl. (laughs)

(traffic zooming)

- Excuse me.

Sorry, I'm looking for Cecil Smith.

I was told he's the guy in charge of all this.

- House doesn't open til tomorrow.

- Yeah, I know that.

- You, uh, one of those contestant winner people?

- No, I'm from inside the store.

I was told I'd be out here to assist

with the sneak peak, tonight.

(spits)

Thank you.

Oh, by the way, I really like your costume.

What are you supposed to be, like,

a dirty person from the South?

Sorry.

- Prick.

- Mr. Smith.

Hi, Nick Mangelsens, I'm one of the managers here.

I just wanted to welcome you guys to our store,

and to our town.

- I didn't know we had a welcome crew for us.

Is there a reason why you're looking at me like that?

- Oh, no, I just didn't expect you to have the accent.

- Oh, yes, God forbid an Englishman

charge of something like this in the States.

Would you like me to get you some tea and crumpets?

Would that make you feel better?

- Nothing was meant by it, I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

You never know what to expect down here.

- You really had me goin' there.

- Usually, we come into town,

and people look at us as if we're murderers.

Excuse me a moment.

Waylon!

How many more times do I have to tell you

to get off your ass and help around here?

I've told you a hundred times to do something!

I'm sorry about that.

- Quite all right.

- He's a little crazy.

Look, I appreciate your kindness,

but I have a full staff who travel around me,

help me out.

I really don't think I have any use for you.

- Well, just look at me as your assistant.

If you need a water, just say, "Hey, Nick, get me a water."

You know, if you want me to dress up in a werewolf costume,

and hide inside of the house, and jump out and scare people,

just say the word and I'll do it.

Your wish is my command.

- Oh, what the hell.

Welcome aboard.

- Excellent!

Is there anything you need right now, Mr. Smith?

- No, and call me Cecil.

I think I'm fine, thank you.

- All right, well then, I guess I'll head back inside,

and gather up the contestant winners,

and fill them in on things, and, uh,

we'll see you at sundown?

- [Cecil] That you will.

- See you then.

Oh, and remember, if you need anything at all,

just shout for me.

Christian, what are you doing out here?

You need to be inside helping customers.

- Sorry, Nick, but this'll only take a sec.

- (sighs) What is it, Christian?

I'm kinda in a hurry, here.

- Well, I was thinking about what you told me about,

you know, taking more of an interest in my work,

and Halloween, and whatnot.

So I thought, um, maybe I could

help out in the haunted house tonight,

you know, just as an extra set of hands.

I really think it could help me

get more into the Halloween spirit.

- Why do I have the feeling

you're setting me up for something?

- I'm not!

I really think that this whole haunted house thing is cool,

and I should embrace it.

- I don't know.

Well, you see that guy over there?

- Yeah. - That's Cecil Smith.

He's the owner of this place.

He'd be the guy to make a decision like that.

Go talk to him.

- Thanks, Nick.

- Oh, hey, Christian.

- [Christian] Yeah?

- Feels good getting into the Halloween season, doesn't it?

(Christian sighs)

(gate dragging)

- So, this your baby, huh?

The house, I mean.

You own it?

- Something like that, yes.

Do I know you?

- No, actually, I work inside the store,

and I was curious about this haunted house-thing,

and my manager sent me out here

to see if you could use any help.

- [Cecil] My, this store is pretty friendly.

- So, is that a yes or a no on me helping.

- I have a full staff.

I really don't want or need a bunch of people

walking around inside here tonight.

Something could get broken, or worse.

Someone could get hurt.

It's the last thing I need at this point.

(ominous music) It's a big enough risk

opening this thing up to the public,

with some of the things that we do inside.

It's only a matter of time

before someone gets seriously hurt.

I've actually been quite lucky

that no one has gotten hurt, so far.

- I promise I'll be careful.

- You're word means nothing to me,

considering I only met you a minute ago.

- (sighs) You gotta let me in.

- Why do I gotta let you in?

- Halloween is my favorite holiday.

It's like my Christmas.

I work inside the store,

so I wasn't able to enter the contest

for the sneak peak tonight.

It's not fair.

Just 'cause I work inside the store,

and surround myself with Halloween, and what I love,

I don't get to have fun when something this amazing

comes to town for one night?

- Look, kid,

if I let you in,

then I'd have to let in everyone who asked me

if they could come inside the house.

It's just not fair.

Wait.

I guess it wouldn't hurt to let you inside here, tonight.

We'll just act like you're one of the VIP ticket holders.

(Christian laughs)

It could be our little secret.

- This is so awesome, thank you!

- But you can't tell anyone that I let you in.

- [Christian] I promise, I won't.

- I'm being serious.

If you tell anyone, then I'll have to kill you.

(Christian laughs and stammers)

- [Christian] Good one.

- Well, um...

- [Christian] Oh, um, Christian.

- Christian, it was nice meeting you.

- [Christian] Nice to meet you.

- But I have to get some work done

before I let you guys in here tonight.

- Right.

- Remember.

(old instrumental music)

- So?

- I'm in.

- How'd you manage that?

- Can I have all the contestant winners

gather over by me, please.

Greetings, everyone.

I'll be one of your hosts for this evening.

My name is Nicolas van Man-ghoul-sens,

and before we go inside the haunted house,

there are a few rules to go over.

No one is to touch anything inside the house,

and everyone is to stay together, unless told otherwise.

You wander away from the group,

you're likely to have the blood sucked from your neck.

I need everyone to sign these release forms

before we go inside.

- What for?

- Because once inside, we are the property

of The Shadow's Edge, and all the living

and non-living things inside.

If they want to eat your brains,

they're more than welcome to.

Now I'll need everyone to write legibly,

and have your IDs ready before we go inside,

so we know you're giving us the real name,

and not some phony made up name.

- Kind of like your phony made up name,

Nicolas van Man-ghoul-sens.

- Everyone take the next few moments

to fill out these forms.

Oh, and one more thing.

Once inside, the exits will be padlocked shut,

and there will be no way out.

Everyone will be locked inside

with all the demonic creatures. (laughs maniacally)

- I don't know if I can stand being trapped in the house

with that guy all night long.

- Maybe you're the one with the problem.

- By the way, I wanted to ask you,

what are you gonna put down as your name on your sheet?

- My name, Raven.

- Oh, oh, I'm sorry, I thought it was Crow, my bad.

- What name are you putting down?

Dicklicker?

- Funny, very, very funny.

- So can I borrow that pen when you're done with it?

- Sure.

- Thanks.

So did you drive yourself, today?

Or did a friend drop you off, like, a girlfriend,

or a guy friend.

- I drove myself.

- [Christian] Cool, cool.

So do you live with yourself,

(Abbie laughing) or you know, with a friend,

or maybe somebody who's more than a friend? (laughs)

What, what's so funny?

- Why don't you just ask me?

- [Christian] Ask you what?

- If I have a boyfriend?

Isn't that where this really uncomfortable

conversation is leading to?

- No, it's just, it...

Fine, do you have a boyfriend?

- No.

No, not right now.

Most guys, these days, are just looking for a free ride.

- [Christian] A free ride?

Oh, right, I get it.

- But I'm not that kind of girl.

I like to make a guy work for my affections.

- [Christian] There's nothing wrong with that.

- Well, I'm not like most girls.

- [Christian] I can see that.

Most girls wouldn't go through something like this.

Really shows you're willing to try anything once.

- Yeah, I feel like I'm like that most of the time.

- [Christian] Maybe we could hang out some time.

I'd like to put that theory to the test.

- I think I'd like that.

(clears throat) Here's the pen you wanted to borrow.

- [Christian] Oh, thanks.

- I'm gonna go turn this is in.

Um, I'll see you in a bit?

- [Christian] See you soon.

- Bye.

(ominous music)

(gate creaks)

- Right this way, everyone.

Get excited, say trick or treat!

- Trick or shut the fuck up!

(laughing)

(gate creaking)

(metal chinking)

(ominous music) (footsteps)

It smells like wood in here.

(door slams)

(lock rattling)

(Halloween sound effects)

- Welcome, everyone, to the study room.

Please, come in, come in.

- This looks like something

out of a children's public access show.

- Don't touch anything.

- [Christian] Okay, I'm sorry.

- Damn fools have no manners, whatsoever.

- Okay, I said I was sorry.

- Hey, Vincent, I think I found the perfect mate for you.

- I think I found my perfect mate.

- Please, there's no such thing as a perfect mate.

Only someone that you can tolerate to grow old with,

that doesn't make you want to go on a shooting rampage,

and kill everything and everyone in sight.

When it's all over, you lay next to them,

and rot together underneath the Earth's surface.

(Vincent laughs)

- I love your idea of pillow talk.

(Raven sighs)

(Sasha laughs)

- Come on, babe.

- Where are we going?

- Let's go find a little place where we can, uh...

Hmm? (Sasha laughs)

- Maybe we should wait a little bit.

(Eli sighs)

Come on, we've got all night.

- But I don't want to wait.

Besides, I know how you get.

- What?

- You're gonna get tired,

and you're not gonna be in the mood anymore.

- I'm not really in the mood right now, anyways.

- Why, because of the company?

- Well, kinda.

- Well, what is it?

- Eli, don't.

- No, he's staring my girl down.

- Come on, don't--

- I ain't gonna let him stare my girl down, like that.

- I promise, if you don't, I'll do that one thing you like.

(laughs) You know, when I...

- Go on.

Can I get a hell, yeah? (Sasha laughing)

- Hell, yeah!

(Sasha laughing)

- Hey! (metal thuds)

God damn it!

Don't you fucking kids listen?

- But it's just a cup.

- And you're just a dumb broad.

- Hey, leave her alone.

- What did you say, boy?

- I said, leave her alone.

- Or what?

- I'll, I'll-- - Christian...

- Enough, Waylon.

(Halloween sound effects)

- They were touching things, boss.

- Waylon, we've been over this a hundred times,

you have no say in anything that goes on around here.

You are my employee,

and you will listen to what I have to say.

Now put the cup back on the shelf,

and go and stand over in the corner until I need you.

- Yes, sir.

- I'm sorry about that, everyone.

Waylon sometimes gets a big head.

Hey, Christian, how are you?

Let me be the first to welcome you all

inside The Shadow's Edge Haunted House.

My name is Cecil Smith.

Have they all signed the forms?

- Yeah, yeah, I have them right here.

(paper rustling)

- Good, good.

We chose one lucky town to come to to set up.

A lot of people ask us

why we only have it open for one night.

Why set up this tent, and go through all that hard work

for one night a town?

Well, quite frankly, that's all the time we need.

It only takes a few hours for everyone

to have the life scared out of them.

This is no ordinary haunted house, this house is special.

The things that we do inside this house

mess with your minds.

You don't know what is real,

or what is fake.

The blood that stains these walls, these floors,

is it real?

Is it fake?

Let your minds decide.

People outside waiting to come through,

hear the screams from within,

and they don't know what to think.

Should they call for help?

Should they run away in fear,

that they could be the next to possibly fall victim

to The Shadow's Edge?

Now some of you may be asking yourselves,

hey, Cecil, why is it called The Shadow's Edge?

Because that's where the freaks play.

That's where reality and nightmares meet

to create a world so terrifying

that you don't know if this is real life,

or just fake.

Sure, you can scream for help.

Scream all you want,

but the truth is, you chose to be part of this contest.

Now that you've won, you're part of this nightmare.

There is no way out for you.

You're locked in.

Locked in with the freaks.

Freaks that have only one thing on their minds,

torture.

I see by your faces that it's all ready starting to set in.

Fear is in your mind.

Well before you have a chance to ease your minds,

let me remind you of something,

this is new territory for you.

You don't know what is behind that door.

You have no idea what is lurking in the shadows.

All you know is that you are mice

in this maze that I have created.

This will be the most interesting night of your life.

And what's even better,

those forms that you filled out,

they allow us to do anything we want with you.

(Cecil laughs)

There's no turning back now.

You're all in to the end.

It's showtime.

- Cecil Smith, hmm. (Halloween sound effects)

Who is this man of darkness?

He sends freezing cold shivers down my spine.

What I wouldn't do to spend a night

locked in a haunted house with him.

(laughs)

Well, who's ready to start this nightmare?

Let's get this party going?

Now remember to stay together,

and don't touch anything!

- Ooh, yes!

Can you feel it in the air? (Halloween sound effects)

That's Halloween, ladies and gentlemen.

- One more thing, before the real fun begins.

Everyone is to stay together, unless otherwise informed.

You'll get your chance to check things out,

but you do things my way, or else.

- That's right, everyone.

You wander away from the group,

you're subject to have the blood sucked from your neck.

- Can you wander away from the group?

- I'll second that.

- I'm going to suck your blood.

Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha.

- You know what, all of you can kiss my ass.

I'm just trying to have a good time,

and get everyone into the Halloween spirit,

and alls I've heard all night

is all of you mumbling under your breath,

and making fun of every God damn word I say.

Every single one of you can piss off.

I hope you all burn in hell, and die in here tonight.

I'm outta here.

(Evan laughing)

Sons of bitches! (mask clatters)

(Nick fumbling with door)

Damn it, I need the damn key.

(ominous music)

Hey, do you have the key to this lock?

Look, I don't have time for this,

do you have the key to this lock?

Listen, bitch, I just wanna get out of here

before I do something I regret,

so for one last time,

do you have the key to this lock?

(chain rattles)

(Nick choking)

(Nick gasping)

(chain clattering)

(gagging and choking)

(heavy breathing)

(shoes thumping on floor)

(bones crunching) (chain rattling)

(chain clatters to the floor)

- Get it, nuts?

- (laughs) Like balls, right?

- (laughs) Yeah.

- I didn't get it before, man.

- Oh my God.

- Text from your girlfriend.

- No, a text from my mom.

I'm telling her I'm staying at a friend's tonight.

- Aw, you still let mommy know where you're at.

- Yes, I don't want her to worry.

I mean, she is the type that if I tell her

I'm going to the store, and I'll be back in 20 minutes,

she'll start worrying after 21 go by.

- Ah, so, um, why are you lying about where you're at.

- 'Cause if I tell her I'm here, she's not gonna believe me.

Then she'll stay up all night worrying about me.

- You really are a momma's boy, aren't you?

- Hey, shut up.

You don't know me well enough to make fun of me.

- Well, in all honesty,

I think it's kinda cute. (ominous music)

- Really?

- Yeah.

- Okay, everyone, will you please come over this way?

The fun is about to start.

(ominous music)

(Halloween sound effects)

I told all of you

that you would get the chance to roam around this house,

and you have also been forewarned

about the dangers that lurk around every corner.

But right now, we have a special treat for one you.

Ah, how about this lovely young lady, right here?

I promise not to bite hard, sweet heart.

- I'm more of an observer.

- No one is an observer tonight.

You are all my prey.

Trust me, take my hands.

(indistinct)

(laughing)

(thump) - Oh!

- Fine.

- And what might your name be, my sweet?

- Sasha.

- Sasha, what a beautiful name.

- Thank you.

- You're a very attractive lady.

I take it that you're into fashion and makeup,

and all that glamor stuff.

- Well, looks like this don't come easy.

(men whistling and catcalling)

- What if I told you that we had some makeup artists

inside the house tonight?

Would that make you happy?

- I guess.

- Excellent.

Sasha, my darling, Waylon, here,

is going to take you for a special treat.

You're going to get a makeover, as you've never had before,

and it's all curtesy of The Shadow's Edge.

Don't be afraid, take his hand.

He isn't going to do anything to you, I promise.

That's it, now take her away. (Halloween sound effects)

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait.

- Relax.

- I don't want her leaving my sight.

- Well, unfortunately, you can't go with her.

There's only room for one, you see.

- I'll be right back, hon.

- Now, as for the rest of you,

won't you all follow me as I take you on a little tour.

- About time.

(footsteps)

- So, uh, need a hand to hold on to?

- There is no hand in this world worth holding,

especially not yours.

- Would a simple no have killed you?

(ominous circus music) (Halloween sound effects)

(clowns snickering menacingly)

- [Waylon] Go. (slap)

- Don't you ever touch me again, you fucking pig.

- You watch that pretty little mouth of yours.

- Get off me!

(restraints clatter)

Let me out--

(Sasha crying)

(Sasha whimpering)

- They'll make you so pretty.

(Sasha crying)

Perfect.

God damn, you're beautiful.

Stay still.

I want this to be special.

(thud) Ah!

God damn it!

You stupid bitch!

(breathing heavily)

(clown snickers)

(scissors snipping)

(Sasha crying)

Well, it's too bad.

We could have been something special.

Now I'm gonna have to make you look like one of us.

(laughing)

(Sasha screaming)

- What the hell was that?

- All part of the experience.

Nothing to worry about.

- No, that sounded like Sasha.

- Where are you going?

- To see if my girlfriend's all right.

- I assure you, she's just fine.

She's getting special VIP treatment, right now.

I promise you, everything is going to be just fine.

(Halloween sound effects)

Remember the rule of not touching anything

inside this house?

- Yeah, I just thought I saw some dust,

and I was gonna dust it off for you.

- Man, can't believe how much crap

they actually cram into this tent.

- You're calling all this crap? (laughs)

- Just seems like such a waste

to have all this stuff set up for one night,

don't you think?

- I don't know.

I mean, I guess if you're really passionate about something,

that makes it worth it,

and some people are so passionate about things

that they're willing to do anything for it.

- [Christian] What about you?

- What about me?

- [Christian] Do you have any passions in life?

- I have lots of passions?

- [Christian] Anything you'd do anything for?

- Some.

- Well, name one,

just to give me an example.

- All right, well, I guess, I'd have to say

that I'm passionate about becoming an actress.

- An actress, really? - Yeah, yeah.

- What kind of actress?

- What do you mean, what kind of actress?

- Oh, you know, like, TV actress, stage actress? (laughs)

- Hmm, I guess...

I guess I would like to be a stage actress.

- You know, I never would have pegged you

as the actress type.

- Oh, and what would you have pegged me as?

- Well, if I had to go with my first impression of you,

I'd say, quiet type.

You know, innocent little girl,

and in high school, sat in the back,

and kept her head down, didn't cause any trouble.

Always did what mommy and daddy told her,

never caused any problems. - (laughing) Oh, God.

- Perfect little angel.

- (laughs) That's what you thought I was?

- Yeah, and I have to say,

even after talking to you for a little,

I think that's partially true.

You know, I think you're a rather shy

and to herself kind of girl. - (laughs) Okay, okay, okay.

Well, let me let you in on a little secret.

Come here.

I'm not as innocent as I look.

- Can I help you with something?

- What happened to your face?

- I was in a car accident when I was younger,

and I went face-first through the windscreen.

- Did it hurt?

- What do you think?

- (sighs) So, doesn't this remind you of something

out of an '80s horror film?

- Is that all you do with your existence,

is watch horror films?

- No, I also watch porn.

- Ugh.

- What?

- (clears throat) So are we gonna get

to roam around on our own?

I'm about ready to fall asleep.

- [Evan] Yeah, this is pretty lame.

I've got a neighbor that does one out of his garage,

and that's scarier than this.

- (sighs) I have to agree. (Halloween sound effect)

Can't we go back to the makeover?

I've been dying to have an afternoon like that.

(laughs softly)

- You guys have no idea what you're in for.

Everything I told you (Halloween sound effects)

about this haunted house is true.

- That's funny 'cause I don't remember you saying

this haunted house blows ass.

What, dude?

Look, all I know is that when I signed up for this contest,

it sounded like we were gonna be able to roam around freely,

and we haven't been able to do a thing like that.

- If you want to roam freely throughout this haunted house,

all you have to do is ask.

- Can I roam around the haunted house?

- Of corse.

- Thank God.

- Finally.

- Wait, Raven!

I, uh, don't want you to be alone.

- Fuck this, I'm out of here.

- [Evan] Hey, Christian, you want to head off, too,

and check out this place?

- No, man.

- [Evan] What?

- Abbie.

- What about her?

- We're gonna go off by ourselves.

- Nice, give me some!

(Christian laughs)

- [Christian] Hey. - Hey.

- Which way you headed?

- I don't know, but I don't want to head off by myself.

- Would you like some company?

- I'd love it. (laughs)

- For someone who thinks this place is boring,

and wanted to go and explore the place,

you're sure spending a lot of time in the same room.

- Yeah, I just thought I'd hang out here,

and let everyone else get a head start

on checking out the place.

Besides, I thought I'd, uh,

touch all the pictures in this room when you leave.

- Don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it.

But you've got to be the biggest smart ass

that I've ever known,

and I promise you this,

if you touch anything else inside this house,

I'll kill you.

- Oh, I get it, now you're the one being a smart ass.

(laughs) I get it.

- Now, if you excuse me,

I have some business to attend to.

- [Evan] See you, See-cil.

- It's Cecil.

- [Evan] Catch you later, Cecil.

(door scraping) (ominous music)

(door scraping)

(thud)

(door scraping)

- Hm, hungry, Abbie?

- Mm, you know, as delicious as that looks,

I think I'm gonna pass.

- Whatever, you're missing out.

Man, you gotta have a lot of time on your hands

to think of all this creepy stuff for a haunted house.

- [Abbie] I don't know, I think it's kind of creative.

- Creative, I think it's borderline psycho.

(knife scraping)

Well, that's hot.

- Oh, yeah?

You think so?

- Yeah, the only thing that's missing

is some blood all over the knife.

- Well, come here and give me some blood.

- Hey, (Abbie laughing)

take it easy, you're gonna hurt somebody.

- I want some of your blood.

(both laughing)

Let's go check out some of the other rooms.

- Come on, work.

Sasha, you in here, babe?

Sasha, quit being the little bitch you are,

and come on out, all ready!

(picture rattles)

God damn clowns.

(creaking)

Who's there?

(ominous music)

Shit, man.

Fucking gave me a fucking heart attack.

Where's Sasha?

- Who?

- My girlfriend, the one you took with you.

- Oh, right, uh...

She's, uh, she's back that way.

(box creaking)

- Raven, where'd you go?

Man, that girl is playing hard to get,

and I'm loving it.

Oh, speaking of loving it, this is awesome.

Huh.

Whoa, kick ass.

(scissors slicing)

Ah, you cut me!

What the hell is the matter with you?

- Don't touch my doll.

- Yeah, well, don't play with sharp objects.

Give me those scissors!

I said, give the to me.

- No.

(Vincent grunts) (ominous music)

(footsteps)

- What's going on in here?

- Your little friend, here, just cut me

with those scissors in her hand.

- What have I told you about playing with these scissors?

Give me those scissors,

and go wait outside in the hall for me.

Let me see.

- Look, I understand you wanting to give

the ultimate scare, and all,

but having little girls run around with sharp scissors,

cutting into people's arms, isn't my idea of a fun time.

- It's just a scrape. (Halloween sound effects)

Look, I'll tell you what,

I've got some bandages in one of the control rooms

that Waylon can get for you.

- Good.

What are you gonna do about the little girl?

- [Cecil] Oh, I'll handle her.

She knows better.

She'll get a stern talking to.

- Yeah, and maybe a spanking wouldn't hurt her, either.

- I said I'll deal with it.

Now, if you can find your way back to the study room,

where we first met up, I'll send Waylon your way.

I'm going to have a word with the young lady, right now.

Young girl, what have I told you

about playing with these scissors, hmm?

This is not a toy,

this is a very serious and sharp tool,

and can do some serious damage.

Now what happens when I take a pair of scissors like this,

and I cut someone's arm, hmm?

- [Little Girl] They get cut.

- And what happens when someone gets a cut on their arm?

- [Little Girl] They bleed.

- How much do they bleed?

I said, how much do they bleed?

- [Little Girl] Not very much.

- (sighs) How many more times do I have to tell you?

If you're going to cut someone,

you do it either here, or here.

Never, ever cut their arm.

Not unless you have a bigger, sharper pair of scissors, hmm?

(sighing)

I know you're young, I know you're still learning.

I know, some day, you'll get all this stuff down.

You have potential,

and one day you'll make better decisions.

Now where's that pretty little smile of yours

that I like to see, hmm?

That's it.

Now, go on, get out of here.

- Well, I learned that lesson (Halloween sound effects)

a long time ago.

(scissors snipping)

Ooh, mine still has some blood on it.

Hmm.

(Halloween sound effects) - [Abbie] I thought there were

so-called monsters in here that were supposed to be hiding,

and jump out and scare us. (laughs)

- Maybe they fell asleep 'cause they were bored.

- What?

- Screw it.

Uh, I'm sorry.

It just felt right.

That was incredible.

- I'm not usually like this.

- Well, I'm glad you're like that with me.

Come on, let's get out of here.

(ominous music) (Halloween sound effects)

- Hello?

Babe, where are you?

Baby, where are you?

Who is this?

Ah, damn it!

(tape ripping)

- You know, for such a dark and isolated person,

you do have a tender touch.

(slap)

Ow.

So I bet everything that I'm saying right now

is turning you on.

It's getting you all wound up and excited.

You're just ready to explode with emotion.

You're just looking for something to take it out on.

You probably want to take me

right here, right now, don't you?

(thump)

Ah! (laughs nervously)

- Is that what you wanted?

(Vincent laughs)

- Uh, yeah..

- I want you, right here.

- Right here?

- Here.

- In front of him?

- Yeah.

- I've got an idea.

(hurried footsteps)

- So I see those two are still alive.

So what's the update on the rest of them?

- I don't know.

(ominous music)

- When our Sissy passed away,

I promised her I'd look after you,

but you are about to join her.

Now get out there and do your job,

before those kids start sniffing around too much.

- It's the room where that little girl cut me.

Thought we could make use of this bed.

Oh!

- Wait, you want to do this on the little girl's bed?

- It's not like she really lives here,

she's just an actor pretending.

- But what if she comes back in?

- She's not coming back in,

she's all ready got in trouble for cutting my arm.

Now come on, let's do this all ready.

(Raven sighs)

Ah, ah, ah, ow, ow, ow!

- (laughs) What, did I hurt you?

You little baby.

- No, no, it's just, uh, fine, baby.

I just wasn't expecting you to chow down on my lip.

Ow, jeez, what you do that for?

- (laughs) Just go with it.

- Baby, you are a freak.

- [Raven] Mm-hmm.

(ominous music)

(scissors stabbing)

(Vincent screaming)

(Raven screaming)

- What was that?

- I don't know.

(scampering footsteps)

(door slams open)

Ah, oh Jesus Christ!

(Raven screaming)

Somebody help me!

(thud)

Please, don't hurt me.

(Raven sobbing)

(head exploding)

(blood dripping)

(hammer thudding)

- What the fuck?

(grunting)

(smashing)

(yelling)

(door slamming)

(grunting)

(running footsteps)

- [Eli] Go! - Whoa, whoa, what's up?

- Just go!

- [Christian] What happened?

- [Eli] Come on!

(Eli breathing heavily)

- Eli, tell us what's going on.

(Eli breathing heavily) Eli, talk to us!

- This place, it's, uh...

Some-something's...

Something's, something's not right.

Something's going on.

- What?

- Look, just tell us what's going on.

- He just killed her.

- Killed who?

I don't, uh, the gothic looking chick.

- What, Raven?

- Yeah. - Wait, somebody killed Raven?

- Ugh.

- Are you sure she was killed?

I mean, it's not an act, or something?

It's a haunted house, dude!

- You think I don't know what I just saw?

He took a frickin' sledgehammer to her head.

- Wait, wait, you're starting...

You're starting to freak me out.

- [Christian] Look, who killed her?

- I don't know, it was some big guy.

He had long hair, looks like he didn't shower in years.

- Where is he?

- I...

I stabbed him.

- I want out of here, we need to get the hell out of here.

- We'll get out of here, just calm down.

- Ah, I don't believe this.

- Maybe we should call the police, first.

- [Abbie] Where is it?

- I don't know, I had it before.

Where's your cell phone?

- I don't carry a cell phone.

- Who doesn't carry a cell phone?

Well, Eli, let's use yours.

- No, screw that.

My girlfriend is somewhere in here,

and I'm not leaving til I find her.

- Wait, are you crazy?

There's a killer out there,

and you want to look for your girlfriend by yourself?

- You need to get your hands off me.

- We need to find a way out of here.

- And you need to get out of my way.

- Fine, give me your cell phone.

- I said get out of my way.

- Don't shove me! - Boys, stop it!

- Look, you guys can do whatever the hell you guys want.

I'm gonna go find Sasha.

- [Christian] We shouldn't leave each other.

- Listen, I don't care for either one of you.

All I know is someone just got killed,

and my girlfriend is still in here somewhere, alone.

I'm gonna do whatever I can to find her.

- Going somewhere?

- What kind of messed up house do you have here?

I just saw some chick get her face smashed in.

- I think you better calm down.

- I think you need to tell me exactly

what the hell's going on here.

- I told you before,

what's inside these walls lives--

(fist thudding)

- You better hope nothing happened to Sasha.

- Are you all right?

- I'm fine.

- Cecil, we need to get out of here and get help.

- Do you have the key to get out of here?

- Yes, it's right here.

- All right, let's go.

- [Cecil] Wait,

there's something we have to do before we go.

- What? (ominous music)

(Christian grunting) (Abbie screaming)

- Let go of me!

(thud)

Stop, stop hitting him!

(Abbie sobbing)

- I bet the two of you have a million questions

running through your heads right now.

- You won't get away with this.

- [Cecil] (laughs) I all ready have, my boy.

I all ready have.

You see, if word gets out that something fishy

was going on inside this house,

I just act like one of the contestant winners snapped,

and went on a killing rampage,

killing everyone inside the haunted house.

And then I'll give myself a few little cuts

to make it look as it the killer turned on me,

and when I get interviewed by the police and media,

I'll just say how unfortunate it was

that this had to happen, and how I feel for the families

and the victims, yadda, yadda, yadda.

And the next thing you know, I'm on my way.

It's perfect.

- What did we do to you?

- [Cecil] (laughs) Why does everything have to be

done for a reason, huh?

Did you ever stop to think

that there are sick people out there

who just enjoy torturing and killing other people, huh?

- [Christian] You're sick.

- You bet I am.

Take them to their separate rooms.

(quiet whimpering)

- Oh my God, no.

No, no, babe? (coughing and crying)

Babe, what happened to you?

(Sasha coughing and crying)

Oh my God.

I'm gonna get whoever did this.

I'm gonna fucking kill him.

(both crying)

I love you so much. (ominous music)

(flesh squelching)

(suspenseful music)

(thudding)

- My mother told me that when I was little,

I was fascinated with blood.

- Wait, don't kill me.

Let me go, I won't tell anyone about this.

(Cecil laughing)

- Oh, you kids are so dumb these days.

Do you think I'm going to kill you?

No, where's the fun in that?

I'm just going to torture you,

and then I'll let Waylon, here, kill you.

(Cecil chuckles)

- Don't touch me, asshole!

- Can one of you get his feet for me?

Thanks.

Now hold him tight.

(Christian yelling)

(Christian gasping) (Cecil laughing)

(blood dripping) Now this is living.

(sighs) Well, I'd love to stay and cause you

some more pain and discomfort,

but there's a young lady that needs some attention.

You know, there's something about torturing girls

that I enjoy better than guys.

- [Christian] You touch her and I'll kill you.

- Now, now, I believe that's what Waylon

is going to do to you.

- You hear that, boy?

I'm gonna kill you.

Right there.

(thud) (flesh squelching) (fence clattering)

- Evan?

Holly shit.

- What the hell's going on here?

Why are they trying to kill us?

- I don't know, man, but we gotta get out of here.

- How are we getting out of here?

- Cecil has the keys. (flesh squelching)

(thud) (horn honking) - [Evan] Where is Cecil?

- He's going after Abbie.

We gotta go save her.

(Evan breathing heavily)

Come on, man, we gotta keep moving.

- Yeah, I'm just getting dizzy, man,

I got hit in the head with a hammer.

- You gonna be all right?

- [Evan] Yeah, yeah, I just need to rest for a minute.

Go on, I'll catch up with you.

- No way, man, I'm not leaving.

Here, I'll help you,

we can keep moving. - [Evan] No, just go!

Go on, I'll be right behind you.

- You sure?

- [Evan] Yeah, just go. (breathing heavily)

- All right.

Don't take too long, I'm not leaving here without you.

- [Evan] Okay, just go get Abbie.

(ominous music)

(running footsteps)

(scuffling across floor)

(Evan screaming)

- I'm gonna kill 'em all.

(running footsteps)

- (whispering) Christian?

- [Christian] (whispering) Are you okay?

I'll get you out of here. (metal clanking)

- [Abbie] Christian, hurry.

- All right, let's get you the hell out of here.

Come this way.

- [Abbie] No, don't go that way.

Let's go this way.

- [Christian] But there's no exit

that way. - Come on!

(flesh squelching)

- Here, hold this.

(ominous music) (Abbie gasps)

Abbie!

- Don't come any closer,

or I'll cut her throat.

- Look, just put the knife down, and let her go.

She hasn't done anything to you.

- Do you understand the concept of me cutting her throat?

Now stay where you are.

- Just give us the key, and let her go.

- Let ger go, give us the key. (laughs)

Listen to you, you sound like an idiot.

Do you think I'm just going to let you waltz out of here?

I've got a good thing going on in here.

- Maybe we can help you.

Join you.

- Join me, yeah, right.

You don't have what it takes to kill people.

But wait a minute, you killed Waylon, didn't you?

That's how you got away.

Bravo, he's one of my best.

- [Abbie] You're a sick freak.

- Careful, honey.

I've got a sharp object up against your throat.

- We can work this out.

You killed my best friend, we killed your best friend.

We're even.

Firstly, Waylon wasn't my best friend,

and secondly, there you go again,

thinking there has to be a reason for someone being killed.

Do you know how many people we've killed?

Hundreds, and we're going to kill hundreds more.

I don't care who they are.

I don't even care that you killed Waylon.

All I care about is torturing people.

You see these scars on my face?

It wasn't a car accident.

I did it.

Handy work, right?

I got bored one night,

and I sat in front of the mirror and cut my face,

and watched the blood drip down my face.

So I guess you're right, I am a sick freak.

You know what?

I'm sick of explaining myself to you.

I'm going to kill her,

and I'm going to kill you.

Is there anything you want to tell Christian

before you die, sweetheart?

No?

(Abbie gasping)

Okay.

This is going to be sweet.

(ominous music) (squelching)

(Christian grunting and yelling)

(thud)

- Get the knife.

- Christian, no, wait!

We can work something out.

It doesn't have to end this way.

- Yeah, it does, you bastard.

(knife stabbing)

(Christian gasping)

- Looks to be a bit pale, dad.

- I'd say so, darling.

Wipe that makeup off your face, now, dear.

- What, you looked shocked, Christian?

What, you don't like me anymore?

I thought we had something going.

What do you think of my new boyfriend, dad?

- Mm, I don't know, sweetheart.

I don't think he's your type.

No, I don't approve of this one.

- Okay, dad.

(sighs) Oh, well.

I guess we can't date, after all.

So what are we going to do with this one?

- Let Chainz kill him.

- No, dad, let me kill him, please.

- I don't know, Abigail.

- Oh, come on.

- I don't think you're ready for killing someone, yet.

- Dad, I did all the work of keeping him here.

You should have seen me, dad.

I was doing so good.

I could be an actress, after all.

Let me kill him, dad, please.

I'm ready, I swear.

- These are the moments that a parent really treasures.

- [Christian] You bitch.

(Abbie laughs)

- What did you call me?

- [Christian] How could you do this?

- (laughs) Are you listening to this, dad?

He wants to know why.

You know, I don't know.

I guess you could say it's a family thing.

(knife stabbing) (ominous music)

(heart pounding)

(heart slowing)

(Christmas music) (people talking)

- (sighs) Holidays make me sick to my stomach,

wouldn't you agree?

- Yeah.

- I'm Abigail.

- Michael. - Michael.

You have the most beautiful eyes, Michael,

if you don't mind me saying so.

- Thanks, I grew them myself.

(Abigail laughs)

- So are you here with anybody?

- Yeah, my mom, dad, and sister

are inside that stupid Christmas Wonderland thing.

- And you decided to stay out here.

- Man, I grew out of this stuff when I was nine.

- Come on, don't you think it'd be fun to go through it?

Come on, you're not gonna make me

go in there all alone, are you?

- Uh, I don't know.

- Come on, it'll be fun, I promise.

- Ho ho ho.

- [Michael] (screaming) No!

(heavy metal music)

- You know what they say, (Halloween sound effects)

a family that slays together, stays together.

You know, I was thinking about purchasing

The Shadow's Edge, but seems they like to keep

the business in the family.

Well, many holidays are upon us,

so be careful which house you enter.

You may be there for eternity.

(laughs) Until next time, my victims.

(evil laughter)

(somber music)

(witch cackling)

("Funky Fanfare" by Keith Mansfield)