Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000
Downloaded from
YTS.MX
2
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000
Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
3
00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:00,883
There are moments in
life, you never truly forget.
4
00:01:01,300 --> 00:01:02,966
Like your first school massacre.
5
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:08,716
Your first demonic possession...
6
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:11,550
or your first suicide attempt.
7
00:01:12,883 --> 00:01:15,883
My name is Beth Connor,
and for the past 17 years.
8
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:18,258
My life has gone straight to video..
9
00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:20,508
Figuratively and literally.
10
00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:23,258
I know what you're thinking.
11
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:26,258
Teenage suicide is such a cliche in horror.
12
00:01:26,300 --> 00:01:29,258
They say that life is one great big movie.
13
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:32,925
But no matter what I do, I
can’t seem to pick my genre.
14
00:01:33,258 --> 00:01:35,216
I’ve tried everything.
15
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:36,633
Self mutilation.
16
00:01:36,883 --> 00:01:38,008
Poisoning.
17
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:39,966
And even hanging.
18
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,425
And I still end up in another horror movie.
19
00:01:45,008 --> 00:01:47,258
I think the only way to erase
your existence in this genre
20
00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:49,925
is by blowing your fucking brains out!
21
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:53,716
Well, Bottoms Up for a romantic comedy.
22
00:01:53,925 --> 00:01:56,966
And don't worry. It's vegan milk.
23
00:01:57,300 --> 00:02:01,050
No animals were harmed in
ones self-righteous suicide.
24
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:09,258
You know, I always imagined
date rape pills tasted like candy.
25
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:10,675
Not like ass!
26
00:02:10,966 --> 00:02:13,258
I mean, what's the
incentive to even take them?
27
00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:17,341
Well, remember kids, it’s
down the road not across the street!
28
00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:22,758
Well, I guess I'm stuck
in another horror movie.
29
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,758
With 30 somethings
portraying high school students.
30
00:02:25,966 --> 00:02:28,800
Nonsensical-violence and
edgy social commentary.
31
00:02:29,050 --> 00:02:31,466
God, I hate low budget movies.
32
00:02:31,758 --> 00:02:33,758
You know, what I wouldn’t
give for a happy ending?
33
00:02:33,925 --> 00:02:36,008
And by happy ending, I mean...
34
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,800
Let's shoot this straight to
DVD piece of shit already!
35
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:43,633
Fuck you!
36
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:53,133
♪ “S.A.S.S.” by Hands off Gretel ♪
37
00:03:20,591 --> 00:03:23,341
♪ ''Do You Dare'' by Die So Fluid ♪
38
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:28,008
I'm sorry, Dad never visits mum.
39
00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:33,133
You know, they say I get my looks from you.
40
00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:40,133
And I'm trying to abide by the mantra: live fast,
die young and leave a good-looking corpse behind.
41
00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:42,425
You know, just like Diana...
42
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:45,758
The Princess of Wales.
43
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:52,925
God, please prick my arm with heroin and blow my
fucking brains out like the patron Saint Kurt Cobain
44
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,091
Beth! Beth Conner!
45
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:56,675
Never mind.
-Yoohoo!
46
00:03:57,050 --> 00:03:59,175
Beth!
- Fucksake I'm coming!
47
00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:04,925
Beth! Sport! We got here just in the
nick of time. You forgot your packed-lunch!
48
00:04:05,091 --> 00:04:07,466
So you followed me all
the way from our house?
49
00:04:07,633 --> 00:04:12,133
And another nutritious lunch,
I’m sure! I’m vegan, remember!
50
00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:16,133
And let's not forget, your
18th birthday is next week.
51
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:22,341
I'd hate to break it to you, but you are a
lousy stepmom substitute... Frankie Sullivan.
52
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,633
Beth Conner. We’ve been through this.
53
00:04:25,883 --> 00:04:28,258
Mommy Conner is dead and buried
54
00:04:28,508 --> 00:04:30,883
#nostalgia is cancer!
55
00:04:31,216 --> 00:04:35,425
#don't make me stick those 17 characters up your...
- Ladies!
56
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:38,883
Beth, please.
57
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,466
Take your lunch.
58
00:04:42,050 --> 00:04:44,216
Must we ask twice?
59
00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:48,883
I don’t know Dad? How about we grab a
couple of shovels and get a fourth opinion!?
60
00:04:49,258 --> 00:04:52,008
Have a splendid day at school, sport!
61
00:04:58,716 --> 00:05:01,716
♪ “DTH FLG” by The Black Halos ♪
62
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:23,216
Well, welcome to purgatory...
63
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:46,258
Every student deserves to experience a
school massacre, at least once in their lives.
64
00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:51,925
...It’s a right of passage. Why
deny them of their God-given right?
65
00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:55,175
I didn’t ask you Nancy, I asked him!
66
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:56,300
TUSK!
67
00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:01,800
-Let’s talk about the
tragedies of 1999, shall we?
68
00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:07,216
NATO bombed Yugoslavia, Clinton was acquitted
in the senate, Family Guy premiered on FOX...
69
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:11,966
and, Henenlotter High experienced
it's first school massacre.
70
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:17,258
Resulting in loss of revenue and the
closure of this very academic institution.
71
00:06:17,425 --> 00:06:19,425
Meanwhile back in America.
72
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:24,008
We not only survived, but
thrived. Making Columbine...
73
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,050
...A household name.
74
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:34,258
Look at it this way! The school board no
longer has to worry about - lack of funding!
75
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:41,800
On-demand streaming channels will pay a handsome
seven figures for an .. 'academic faux-pas'
76
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:44,925
Like, I don’t know!?
77
00:06:45,133 --> 00:06:48,341
Gee-wizz. A school shooting!?
78
00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:55,716
And of course before any student gets trigger happy at our proposal, we of
course need to make sure all the correct sponsorship and marketing are in place.
79
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:59,050
After all, controversy creates cash.
80
00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:03,258
-Mark my words Everbone, I'll do
everything and anything in my power
81
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:07,258
to prevent another tragedy
happening here at Henenlotter High.
82
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:12,258
Why don't we introduce the brand spanking
new headmaster of Henenlotter High?
83
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:13,966
-A new headmaster!?
84
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:17,300
Remember the ''Reams for Less Massacre''!?
85
00:07:18,300 --> 00:07:24,758
When Henenlotter High alum Peltzer Arbuckle summoned his
imaginary friend Ronnie to shoot up the school, back in 1999?
86
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,258
The British school board did nothing.
87
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:32,800
And then 15 years later. The duo returned
to assassinate a stationary company in
88
00:07:33,258 --> 00:07:37,466
the infamously-titled
''Reams for Less Massacre''.
89
00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:41,966
And still, the people of
Henenlotter did nothing.
90
00:07:42,466 --> 00:07:44,425
Except for one.
91
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:51,341
Marcus, Henenlotter High has hired the one American
who put a stop to that Drop-dead-Fred bullshit.
92
00:07:52,300 --> 00:07:56,841
Please, everyone, welcome the
new headmaster of Henenlotter High!
93
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:05,841
Allow me to re-introduce myself...
94
00:08:06,300 --> 00:08:08,216
My name is Mr Sawyer.
95
00:08:09,300 --> 00:08:12,050
And Marcus, I hear you're the best.
96
00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:16,966
In fact, I hear that
you're the best... by par!
97
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:21,425
I am having so much fun!
98
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,216
Students!
99
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:39,216
Greetings and salutations Beth Conner!
100
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:44,258
Tell me, do goth vegans masturbate
with cucumbers or crucifixes these days?
101
00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:47,258
Give me a fucking break
Mr Auteur Filmmaker.
102
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:50,091
The power of the pickle compels you!
103
00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:55,258
That's Ethan Rembrandt,
Henenlotter High's resident date rapist.
104
00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:59,258
And the brother of the late
narcissistic dickhead Stiles Rembrandt.
105
00:08:59,300 --> 00:09:02,925
And you know what they say?
Like brother, like date rapist!
106
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:08,008
Everyone knows the token goth girl is a
school massacre cliche waiting to happen!
107
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:10,140
All you need is a trench
coat, and hey presto!
108
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,582
You could be the premature
love child of Harris and Klebold!
109
00:09:12,633 --> 00:09:14,550
Why subvert the expectation?
110
00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:18,883
Trench coats are so 1999.
Didn't you get the memo?
111
00:09:19,300 --> 00:09:21,550
#nostalgia is cancer.
112
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:26,466
Anyway, please allow me to introduce...
113
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:35,216
Please give a warm welcome, and
put your hands together for Mr Sawyer!
114
00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:37,675
Wahhh!
115
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:39,966
Woah!! Yes, sir.
116
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:46,258
Ooh.. Thank you so
much for that introduction.
117
00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:49,258
Come on people, give it up
for Clyde, my number one guy!
118
00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:50,883
Yes, sir!
119
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:54,925
Good morning Henenlotter Hamsters…
120
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:59,258
Now I'd like to speak to you
all regarding a very, very...
121
00:09:59,675 --> 00:10:01,800
controversial subject.
122
00:10:02,175 --> 00:10:03,675
Now...
123
00:10:14,300 --> 00:10:19,050
No, you didn't.
124
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,341
FUCK!
125
00:10:35,258 --> 00:10:38,925
Fucker, Fucker, Motherfucker!
126
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:44,258
Well, that's one way to deal with unruly
students dressed up as former presidents.
127
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:50,008
And let us return to the American precept that
every individual is accountable for his own actions.
128
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:55,050
I love it when you quote Ronnie
Reagan. It makes me so moist...
129
00:10:55,300 --> 00:10:56,758
Naturally.
130
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:05,258
Whoopsie fucking daisy!
131
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:08,258
WHOOPSIE FUCKING DAISY!
132
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:11,425
Whoopsie fucking daisy!
133
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:21,050
Now, my home country has a long
and rich history of school massacres...
134
00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:24,258
We know a thing about a thing or two.
135
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:29,258
So I thought. Why not bring a slice
of Americana here to the British isles.
136
00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:31,091
That's right folks!
137
00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:34,258
We here at Henenlotter
High will host the very first.
138
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:37,133
ALL YOU CAN EAT MASSACRE!
139
00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:40,258
What's wrong, Ethan?
140
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:44,258
Ran out of potential victims so you have
to lower your standards for the goth girl.
141
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:47,675
But Beth... it's the All
You Can Eat Massacre!
142
00:11:50,925 --> 00:11:54,883
Ooh!
No no no no no.
143
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:59,425
Take a look, in wonder, Deetz Montgomery.
144
00:11:59,675 --> 00:12:04,216
My love, my life, my everything.
145
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:08,675
WOOF!
- Okay, we need to talk about Deetz Montgomery.
146
00:12:08,758 --> 00:12:10,300
School secretary by day...
147
00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:13,383
And nymphomaniac
banjo-snapping mega bitch by night.
148
00:12:13,716 --> 00:12:18,925
Not to mention, the significant other of
our brand spanking new headmaster Mr Sawyer.
149
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:22,258
And whilst Mr Sawyer
only has eyes for Deetz.
150
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:25,258
Deetz has eyes for that dickhead
sitting behind me, Ethan Rembrandt.
151
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:30,966
And together, Deetz and Ethan became Henenlotter's
answer to Gislane Maxwell and Jeffrey Epstein.
152
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:35,883
Grooming and sodomizing vulnerable
students in exchange for top grades.
153
00:12:36,050 --> 00:12:41,800
Whilst Deetz and Ethan live out their sordid
fantasies, unbeknownst to poor Mr Sawyer.
154
00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:44,716
Poetic and fucked up, right!?
155
00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:52,258
Now at the inaugural All
You Can Eat Massacre.
156
00:12:53,091 --> 00:12:54,841
Sweet suicide.
157
00:12:55,300 --> 00:12:58,258
Imagine blowing your fucking
brains out with that thing?
158
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:00,175
God it's beautiful..
159
00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:05,258
Students will have the option to
binge and purge as they see fit.
160
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:09,883
So the winner either gets
the chance to commit suicide, blah!
161
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,258
Or shoot up Henenlotter High!
162
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:14,091
Kinda like pro choice!
163
00:13:14,175 --> 00:13:15,591
Or pro death!
164
00:13:15,758 --> 00:13:17,133
Prolapse!
165
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:22,258
And now to paraphrase
Big Willy Shakespeare:
166
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:26,758
''To kill yourself, or to
kill your classmates!?
167
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:30,175
..that is the motherfucking question!''
168
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:33,258
And now an instructional
video from Dr. Samuel Weil...
169
00:13:33,300 --> 00:13:34,966
Kill the lights!
170
00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:43,966
Alec Baldwin... nrrrgh!
171
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,091
Wasn't that riveting!?
172
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:50,883
Very riveting! Very riveting!
173
00:13:51,050 --> 00:13:55,091
Now, I would like to introduce you to
the new English teacher, Miss Campbell.
174
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:57,966
A fellow American, so give it up!
175
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:03,133
Thank you, Mr Sawyer for
that eloquent introduction.
176
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:10,258
Today is a new beginning
for us here at Henenlotter High.
177
00:14:10,508 --> 00:14:13,425
So remember, be kind to each other...
178
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:16,883
Or I'll kill ya!
179
00:14:17,050 --> 00:14:19,633
Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pewwww!
180
00:14:26,841 --> 00:14:28,425
Tough crowd.
181
00:14:37,300 --> 00:14:40,925
Alfred Packer also known
as the Colorado Cannibal...
182
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:45,258
was an American prospector and self
proclaimed professional wilderness guide.
183
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:50,175
Who confessed to cannibalism
during the winter of 1874.
184
00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:56,258
You totally have a boner
for Miss Campbell?
185
00:14:56,508 --> 00:14:58,925
Something wrong, Miss Conner?
186
00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:07,716
Beth...
187
00:15:07,966 --> 00:15:10,383
would you eat me?
188
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:12,966
Boy... would I?
189
00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:19,425
Wake up! Sleeping beauty!
190
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:26,050
Now Miss Conner, I would appreciate it if you
didn't take up all your time doodling in my class.
191
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:29,258
Do we have an understanding, Miss Conner?
192
00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:30,758
Yes, ma'am.
193
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:32,341
Good!
194
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:39,258
Now, when Packer returned to town, he claimed
that he'd been abandoned by his party…
195
00:15:39,300 --> 00:15:42,999
but he eventually confessed that his party had
resorted to cannibalism in order to stay alive.
196
00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:47,258
You know, if you don't have a boner for Miss
Campbell, you can always attend to mine!
197
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:50,258
How about a five knuckle shuffle, Beth?
198
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:52,841
And I'll Jackson Pollock
your desk with my love goo!
199
00:15:52,883 --> 00:15:54,841
You are a fucking pig!
200
00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:56,800
Oink! Oink!
201
00:15:57,300 --> 00:16:00,091
Chill out, Beth. I got you covered.
202
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:04,258
All you goth girls really
need is a damn good...
203
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:05,800
Fingering!
204
00:16:09,716 --> 00:16:11,008
Arrgh! Why?
205
00:16:11,091 --> 00:16:14,675
Why me!? Fuck me Jesus on a pogo stick!
206
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:32,883
Beth!?
207
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,258
Miss Campbell called earlier...
208
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:57,008
regarding an incident,
with Ethan Rembrandt?
209
00:16:57,300 --> 00:16:59,300
Do we care to explain?
210
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:06,258
She wanted to let us know that he
not going to be pressing charges!
211
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,550
Charges? He forced
his finger into my mouth!
212
00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:12,883
It wasn't finger food, Beth!
213
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:16,258
And what was I supposed to do? Ask him to stop?
214
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:21,258
''OMG Ethan, stop mouth raping me with
your index finger! This isn't consensual!''
215
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:26,091
Nevertheless, we have been
discussing things, Frankie... and myself!
216
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:32,050
And we would like you
a, to invite him around...
217
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,800
For dinner.
218
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:37,258
You've got to be fucking kidding me!?
219
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:39,258
Let's try that again shall we?
220
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:43,258
That would be nice. We'll see
you tomorrow at dinner, Frankie.
221
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,841
Come on Beth. What's the line?
222
00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:48,258
Go fuck yourself, Frankie!
223
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:03,925
Heavenly Miss Campbell,
please show me the way.
224
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:07,258
I know it will be sinful
to end a man's life.
225
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:11,258
But Ethan Rembrandt is the
epitome of toxic masculinity.
226
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:16,591
Sexually assaulting girls and getting off scott free just
because the school secretary has a life affirming rape kink?
227
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:20,008
Please, just give me a sign.
228
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,258
If you want me to kill the cunt?
229
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:27,633
Any... sign... at all?
230
00:18:28,300 --> 00:18:30,883
Destroy all men!
231
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:34,258
The sisterhood of the coven have spoken.
232
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:36,175
Fuck the patriarchy!
233
00:18:36,300 --> 00:18:40,341
♪ “Let’s Get Rid of Elizabeth”
by Wasted Prospects ♪
234
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:45,258
Ethan, I really am so
sorry about yesterday.
235
00:18:45,300 --> 00:18:48,258
Do you really mean it? I mean I hold no...
236
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:49,591
Grudges.
237
00:18:49,883 --> 00:18:53,258
Of course, I mean my parents
would love to have you over...
238
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,966
What you doing?
239
00:18:55,091 --> 00:18:56,466
Cara mia.
240
00:18:56,633 --> 00:19:00,216
No, Ethan. That's not
appropriate. Not in public.
241
00:19:00,383 --> 00:19:02,341
Eww, gross. Clarissa, look!
242
00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:05,258
Eww, Sabrina. Do you see what I see?
243
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:06,675
Melissa!?
244
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:12,258
Well, I never thought Henenlotter High
would approve of inter-clique erotica.
245
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:14,175
In fact, Clarissa...
246
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,716
-Please stop with the
generic bullying stereotypes.
247
00:19:16,883 --> 00:19:19,550
And 90s TV character name checks.
248
00:19:20,008 --> 00:19:21,425
It's painful.
249
00:19:21,550 --> 00:19:23,258
Interesting take, Beth.
250
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,258
You know, I'm surprised
you're still hungry.
251
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:29,050
Especially after you chowed down
on Ethan's poor finger yesterday.
252
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,050
You have no idea.
253
00:19:31,133 --> 00:19:33,091
Don't worry, ladies.
254
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:36,258
Tonight I'll be converting her
into a full-blown preppy carnivore.
255
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:44,258
In fact, we saw you making eyes
at the new English teacher earlier...
256
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:47,258
planning on inviting Miss Campbell to
the All You Can Eat Massacre contest?
257
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:51,258
Don't give her ideas, Clarissa. You
said we were going to win that contest.
258
00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:54,258
I. I said that I was
going to win that contest.
259
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:59,258
Check your station, Sabrina and understand
where you are in this pecking order.
260
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:00,966
I'm the lead.
261
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:05,258
And Beth, when I win that contest,
you'll be the first person on my kill list.
262
00:20:05,300 --> 00:20:08,050
Please, please. Kill me now...
263
00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:12,050
I'm going to exterminate all the
freaks and goths at Henenlotter High.
264
00:20:12,258 --> 00:20:15,966
Like it's 1940's Nazi
Germany, move over Schindler,
265
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:20,258
Clarissa's list only has room
for the elite student body!
266
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:24,258
Imagine if she did invite Miss
Campbell to the eating contest.
267
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,258
I bet she would quite literally.
268
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:29,508
Eat... her... out.
269
00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:39,300
♪ “Get Through the Day” by Twiztid ♪
270
00:20:44,716 --> 00:20:45,925
Sabrina
271
00:20:46,008 --> 00:20:47,216
Melissa.
272
00:20:47,300 --> 00:20:48,883
And Clarissa
273
00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:51,091
aka: The Mean Girls
274
00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:55,258
who wanted to be ''Heathers'' but
we're too busy sucking on ''Jawbreakers''.
275
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:58,258
And obsessing over the Tyler
McIntyre movie ''Tragedy Girls''.
276
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:01,258
Not to mention causing school
buses to ''Crash and Burn'' -
277
00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:04,258
and I ain't talking 'bout no Charles Band movie, either...
278
00:21:04,300 --> 00:21:08,258
Did you forget!? Henenlotter
High ain't your jurisdiction.
279
00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:11,258
Yeah! We're The Mean
Girls around here, Mister.
280
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:14,258
For fucksake, try and make it
sound less scripted next time.
281
00:21:14,300 --> 00:21:17,258
You're a 30 year old woman,
playing a high school student, okay!?
282
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:19,841
Come on, Clarissa, let me go...
283
00:21:20,300 --> 00:21:22,175
Without an apology!?
284
00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:32,258
This is going to hurt you, a lot
more than it's going to hurt me.
285
00:21:33,466 --> 00:21:34,591
Ahhhhh!
286
00:21:36,550 --> 00:21:37,675
Ahhhhh!
287
00:21:41,300 --> 00:21:43,258
And how about the time they!?-
288
00:21:43,300 --> 00:21:47,258
-Enough with the exposition,
Beth Conner. They get it...
289
00:21:48,300 --> 00:21:52,716
Meta and self aware foreshadowing
is so fucking pretentious...
290
00:21:53,883 --> 00:21:57,258
Maybe this woke princess
needs a taste of other white meat.
291
00:21:57,300 --> 00:21:59,716
Instead of this vegan slop...
292
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:09,966
Let's fucking go!
293
00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:13,258
♪ “Never Coming Back” by Our Last Enemy ♪
294
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:25,258
Eat me, Gomez Addams, I fucking dare you!
295
00:22:26,925 --> 00:22:28,800
You think that's edgy!?
296
00:22:28,883 --> 00:22:30,841
Explain this, Clarissa..
297
00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:41,633
On the contrary, Mr Conner.
298
00:22:44,300 --> 00:22:46,841
What the fuck am I supposed
to explain to Clarissa's parents?
299
00:22:46,966 --> 00:22:49,633
I'm sorry, your daughter
was an art class this afternoon
300
00:22:49,758 --> 00:22:52,258
studying Van Gogh, and lost a fucking ear!?
301
00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:54,258
Let Clarissa explain it all...
302
00:22:56,300 --> 00:22:58,508
Listen, Mr S.
303
00:22:59,091 --> 00:23:01,758
Soy.
- Sawyer.
304
00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:05,758
We are deeply and sincerely apologetic
305
00:23:06,008 --> 00:23:09,966
for the way our dear daughter
has reacted to this situation.
306
00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:13,258
I can assure you. We
didn't bring her up like this.
307
00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:14,966
Did we, Mark?
308
00:23:15,300 --> 00:23:18,216
What can I say? She's a hungry girl...
309
00:23:18,883 --> 00:23:20,175
Clyde...
310
00:23:20,300 --> 00:23:22,258
What Mr Sawyer is trying to say,
311
00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:25,175
is that we feel your daughter,
312
00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:26,966
enjoys the old...
313
00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:35,258
Guys, she's one horror movie
away from shooting up the school.
314
00:23:35,300 --> 00:23:37,758
Columbine 2: Electric Boogaloo
315
00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:43,550
Are you fucking kidding me?
316
00:23:43,841 --> 00:23:45,800
This school is enabling school massacres
317
00:23:45,883 --> 00:23:49,841
by allowing students to choose between
killing their friends or killing themselves.
318
00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:53,091
Beth, you need to broaden your mind
319
00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:55,258
about zero percent of
fucking kids out there right now
320
00:23:55,300 --> 00:23:57,258
are gonna actually amount to anything.
321
00:23:57,550 --> 00:24:00,883
I'm giving them the
option to binge and purge
322
00:24:03,175 --> 00:24:06,341
so they have no one else
to blame but themselves
323
00:24:06,716 --> 00:24:09,258
but it's students like you that
want to ruin it for everybody else.
324
00:24:09,300 --> 00:24:11,258
You want to blame Marilyn Manson
325
00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:16,425
violent video games, Child's
Play 3, imaginary friends...
326
00:24:16,925 --> 00:24:21,091
How dare you judge our
sweet little dumpling like that?
327
00:24:21,383 --> 00:24:24,591
I mean, just look at her,
328
00:24:24,841 --> 00:24:26,550
she wouldn't harm a fly.
329
00:24:26,675 --> 00:24:28,258
Now Miss Sullivan, I expect Beth to
330
00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:33,258
make a formal apology to the entire
school for her unorthodox outbursts.
331
00:24:33,508 --> 00:24:35,591
She's just a child.
332
00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:39,841
Has she not apologised enough? See!
333
00:24:41,050 --> 00:24:44,008
If there's one more incident
involving your daughter, Mr Conner.
334
00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:47,258
I'm afraid the school
will have to suspend her.
335
00:24:47,300 --> 00:24:50,133
I can see we're not
going to see eye to eye...
336
00:24:50,175 --> 00:24:53,508
Or mouth to ear!
- Hey, that's not funny!
337
00:24:53,883 --> 00:24:56,341
Nope!
338
00:25:22,300 --> 00:25:23,966
Please come in.
339
00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:26,966
Miss Campbell?
340
00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:28,300
Yes!
341
00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:32,216
Clyde Toulon, head of human resources.
342
00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:36,050
Sorry for the intrusion,
but I just saw you in here,
343
00:25:36,300 --> 00:25:39,091
all alone, and...
344
00:25:44,300 --> 00:25:47,925
And well, it's getting rather late.
345
00:25:48,300 --> 00:25:51,675
Yes, sorry. I was just
finishing up some work.
346
00:25:52,300 --> 00:25:54,633
It’s been all go here today.
347
00:25:55,300 --> 00:25:57,175
I'll see myself out.
348
00:25:58,300 --> 00:26:00,841
How disappointing.
349
00:26:01,300 --> 00:26:04,800
Well you see, I got
you an induction day gift.
350
00:26:05,300 --> 00:26:08,050
A little surprise, shall we say...
351
00:26:08,425 --> 00:26:13,258
That's very sweet of you. But I
really need to finish my work, Clyde.
352
00:26:13,300 --> 00:26:15,425
Perhaps some other time.
353
00:26:16,300 --> 00:26:18,258
It will be worth your while...
354
00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:20,841
A surprise?
355
00:26:37,300 --> 00:26:41,133
Ethan. I'm Beth's father, Mark Conner.
356
00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:43,258
It's a pleasure to finally meet you.
357
00:26:43,300 --> 00:26:45,258
Pleasure is all mine, Mr Conner.
358
00:26:45,300 --> 00:26:47,258
Sorry about the finger.
359
00:26:47,300 --> 00:26:51,258
Still. I hope it won't prevent you from scoring
for the Henenlotter Hamsters this season?
360
00:26:51,300 --> 00:26:56,258
No need for apologies Mr Connor. I can still
fit two in the pink and one in the stink, so…
361
00:26:56,300 --> 00:26:59,258
Ethan Rembrandt will always
score if you know what I'm saying?
362
00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:03,258
The youth of
today are quite something.
363
00:27:03,300 --> 00:27:05,258
Please, do take a seat.
364
00:27:05,300 --> 00:27:07,758
Beth will be down momentarily.
365
00:27:10,300 --> 00:27:14,258
I have to say I'm truly humbled by
your hospitality Mr and Mrs Conner.
366
00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:16,258
It's Miss Sullivan, actually...
367
00:27:16,300 --> 00:27:19,258
Mr Conner and I are in a civil partnership.
368
00:27:19,300 --> 00:27:23,216
Well, actually, I guess you
could say it was Beth that
369
00:27:23,300 --> 00:27:25,175
brought us together.
370
00:27:33,008 --> 00:27:36,091
Well my appetite just
flew over the cuckoo's nest.
371
00:27:36,341 --> 00:27:38,008
Mother of fuck!
372
00:27:38,300 --> 00:27:40,841
Good evening to you too, Ethan.
373
00:27:47,300 --> 00:27:48,966
Before I forget.
374
00:27:49,300 --> 00:27:50,966
This is for you.
375
00:27:51,300 --> 00:27:53,258
I don't drink on a school night.
376
00:27:53,300 --> 00:27:55,883
Beth, dear, we're British.
377
00:27:56,050 --> 00:27:57,633
We drink every night.
378
00:27:57,841 --> 00:28:00,841
Well, before we say grace, Ethan.
379
00:28:01,175 --> 00:28:06,175
I'd like to say what a beautiful addition
you're going to make to our family.
380
00:28:06,300 --> 00:28:07,966
I can just tell.
381
00:28:08,091 --> 00:28:10,258
A toast, to Beth Conner
382
00:28:10,300 --> 00:28:13,550
another notch on Ethan Rembrandt's bedpost.
383
00:28:14,883 --> 00:28:16,925
A-fucking-men.
384
00:28:32,300 --> 00:28:34,341
Testify, Mr Rembrandt.
385
00:28:36,300 --> 00:28:37,800
Okie dokie!
386
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:42,008
Let me know when I can
remove this blindfold, okay?
387
00:28:42,300 --> 00:28:44,425
Okay... Ready.
388
00:28:47,966 --> 00:28:49,341
Surprise!
389
00:28:50,091 --> 00:28:55,091
I'm sorry. I don't remember
signing up to this after school special.
390
00:28:56,216 --> 00:28:57,800
Well..
391
00:28:59,300 --> 00:29:00,883
Don't worry.
392
00:29:01,300 --> 00:29:05,966
I'll make sure you're very
well... financially compensated.
393
00:29:08,300 --> 00:29:10,883
Now, kneel before Toulon.
394
00:29:11,300 --> 00:29:13,883
Well, when you put it like that.
395
00:29:16,300 --> 00:29:19,550
I wouldn't want to be a problem, Mr Toulon.
396
00:29:33,300 --> 00:29:34,425
Mommy!
397
00:29:46,925 --> 00:29:49,883
Now I want you to get on your knees
398
00:29:50,008 --> 00:29:51,383
and pray.
399
00:30:03,258 --> 00:30:07,091
That's right. Pray to your
Weinstein God to save you.
400
00:30:08,341 --> 00:30:12,341
Harvey, Bob, little baby Jesus, help me...
401
00:30:12,633 --> 00:30:14,300
I'm sorry, Clyde.
402
00:30:14,425 --> 00:30:18,133
But your time in this
Dimension, has Miramaxed out!
403
00:30:38,300 --> 00:30:39,966
Wakey! Wakey!
404
00:30:43,300 --> 00:30:44,341
Beth?
405
00:30:45,300 --> 00:30:48,258
What are you doing? How did I get up here?
406
00:30:48,591 --> 00:30:51,716
Fuck yes!
407
00:30:52,425 --> 00:30:54,550
Thank you baby Jesus.
408
00:30:55,341 --> 00:30:58,591
I had no idea you
were into this kinky shit.
409
00:31:00,300 --> 00:31:01,966
Is that right?
410
00:31:02,300 --> 00:31:08,008
Beth, it would be an honour,
nay, a privilege, to be your victim.
411
00:31:08,300 --> 00:31:11,258
Do you feed that line to all your victims?
412
00:31:11,300 --> 00:31:13,258
I mean, potential suitors?
413
00:31:13,300 --> 00:31:16,258
You're the only one I
have eyes for, Beth Conner.
414
00:31:16,300 --> 00:31:20,425
Speaking of eyes, I noticed this evening.
You have the same eyes as Miss Sullivan
415
00:31:20,550 --> 00:31:23,258
you two could easily pass
as mother and daughter.
416
00:31:23,300 --> 00:31:25,425
She is not, my fucking...
417
00:31:25,508 --> 00:31:26,716
MOTHER!
418
00:31:58,300 --> 00:31:59,341
Fuck!
419
00:32:00,300 --> 00:32:03,258
Beth, honey, everything alright in there?
420
00:32:03,300 --> 00:32:06,258
Yeah, yeah, it’s fine!
We’re just finishing up.
421
00:32:06,300 --> 00:32:08,258
I hope you’re not raping him?
422
00:32:08,300 --> 00:32:09,966
rape
423
00:32:10,300 --> 00:32:15,258
Beth if you don't open this door right
now, I'm going to call the fucking police!
424
00:32:15,300 --> 00:32:17,341
Okay! Okay! I’m coming...
425
00:32:18,300 --> 00:32:20,216
Sport, what happened?
426
00:32:22,300 --> 00:32:23,966
Is Ethan alright?
427
00:32:24,300 --> 00:32:27,716
Ethan is just A-OK!
428
00:32:28,008 --> 00:32:30,050
So, how do you explain...
429
00:32:30,758 --> 00:32:34,091
Err... I was on my period?
430
00:32:35,300 --> 00:32:38,591
Okay...
431
00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,050
Well, I wasn’t expecting that.
432
00:32:41,300 --> 00:32:44,258
No, I could smell the
metallically coppery smell.
433
00:32:44,300 --> 00:32:47,258
Frankie! Frankie! Honey, that’s enough!
434
00:32:47,300 --> 00:32:49,966
Okay! Well, I’m gonna go wash up.
435
00:32:50,091 --> 00:32:51,758
Love you, Daddy!
436
00:32:55,300 --> 00:32:58,925
♪ “Goth Girls Are Easy”
by Lesbian Bed Death ♪
437
00:33:00,300 --> 00:33:01,425
Bingo!
438
00:33:11,675 --> 00:33:14,300
♪ Goth girls are easy ♪
439
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:20,133
♪ Dark lips, big tits.. Goth girls are easy ♪
440
00:33:20,550 --> 00:33:25,966
♪ Goth boots, cat suit..
Goth girls are easy ♪
441
00:33:26,425 --> 00:33:31,800
♪ Black hair, death
stare.. Goth girls are easy ♪
442
00:33:40,925 --> 00:33:46,300
♪ Black hair, death
stare.. Goth girls are easy ♪
443
00:33:46,675 --> 00:33:49,716
♪ Dark lips, big tits.. ♪
444
00:33:51,300 --> 00:33:56,258
I believe that I speak for my fellow
female students here at Henenlotter High.
445
00:33:56,300 --> 00:34:01,175
When I say that, Ethan Rembrandt
was taken from us far, far too soon.
446
00:34:01,300 --> 00:34:05,800
We may have woke up in a ditch or passed out outside
the door of our estranged parents' household...
447
00:34:05,966 --> 00:34:11,883
but the fact still remains Ethan Rembrandt
had a hell of a lot of love left to give.
448
00:34:12,300 --> 00:34:15,258
He did the deed and
indeed he spread his seed
449
00:34:15,300 --> 00:34:19,258
before taking part in his favourite
pastime of ding dong ditch. In fact-
450
00:34:19,300 --> 00:34:21,258
Am I hearing this bullshit correctly?
451
00:34:21,300 --> 00:34:24,258
Beth Conner, will you
please show some respect!?
452
00:34:24,300 --> 00:34:29,466
You of all people should understand the pain and
sorrow your fellow sisters are feeling right now…
453
00:34:29,550 --> 00:34:32,258
Besides, you were
scheduled to be his next victim!
454
00:34:33,841 --> 00:34:36,258
I'm sorry, but what I meant to say was...
455
00:34:36,300 --> 00:34:39,258
You were due to be Ethan
Rembrandt's next conquest!
456
00:34:39,300 --> 00:34:41,758
In fact, I am glad he is dead!
457
00:34:41,966 --> 00:34:45,258
He's probably down there in hell
right now, roasting marshmallows whilst
458
00:34:45,300 --> 00:34:48,258
watching horror movies produced
by those fucking Weinstein brothers!
459
00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:50,175
That’s enough, Beth!
460
00:34:50,300 --> 00:34:54,258
I won’t hear you say another sacrilegious
word about the Weinstein brothers.
461
00:34:54,300 --> 00:34:56,216
Yes, Miss Montgomery...
462
00:35:00,300 --> 00:35:03,258
Well, who doesn't love
the Scream franchise?
463
00:35:03,300 --> 00:35:05,050
Am I right, girls?
464
00:35:05,300 --> 00:35:06,966
I love Scream 3...
465
00:35:08,300 --> 00:35:10,550
Consider yourself cancelled.
466
00:35:17,300 --> 00:35:21,966
Well, if it isn’t the carpet munching
vegan goth-cannibal herself.
467
00:35:23,300 --> 00:35:25,758
Bit off more than we can chew?
468
00:35:26,300 --> 00:35:27,800
Come again?
469
00:35:28,300 --> 00:35:29,966
-You heard me.
470
00:35:30,300 --> 00:35:34,675
I’m sorry Clarissa, I couldn't “ear” you...
471
00:35:35,300 --> 00:35:38,258
Are we auditioning for
the Henenlotter Hamsters
472
00:35:38,300 --> 00:35:40,841
cheerleading contest, Beth?
473
00:35:43,300 --> 00:35:47,008
Beth. We know your dark little secret.
474
00:35:47,300 --> 00:35:50,258
Ethan’s parents phoned
the school to say that
475
00:35:50,300 --> 00:35:52,800
he was dropped off last night...
476
00:35:53,050 --> 00:35:54,175
Eaten.
477
00:35:54,758 --> 00:35:58,258
Not to mention, someone ripped
off Clyde Toulon’s fucking head!
478
00:35:58,300 --> 00:36:01,258
What are the chances of that, hey!?
479
00:36:01,300 --> 00:36:05,258
After attending the Conner household,
Ethan ends up as the main course...
480
00:36:05,300 --> 00:36:09,133
And then Beth fancied
herself a little head...
481
00:36:10,591 --> 00:36:13,258
You better come clean, Beth.
482
00:36:13,300 --> 00:36:16,175
Before we tell Deetz and Mr Sawyer.
483
00:36:16,300 --> 00:36:22,216
And that would be a fate
far worse than death...
484
00:36:25,300 --> 00:36:29,008
Death? You say that like
it’s a bad thing, Melissa.
485
00:36:40,300 --> 00:36:43,550
Too bad your Mommy’s not alive...
486
00:36:44,300 --> 00:36:47,883
To see what a freak her
cunting daughter has turned into
487
00:36:48,008 --> 00:36:50,216
on her 18th birthday.
488
00:37:14,300 --> 00:37:16,258
Did anyone ever tell you:
489
00:37:16,300 --> 00:37:18,258
You look kinda sexy when you bleed?
490
00:37:18,300 --> 00:37:22,258
That’s kind of inappropriate
for a teacher to say to a student.
491
00:37:33,300 --> 00:37:37,258
Can we order another round of
pancakes for Miss Gluttony over here?
492
00:37:37,300 --> 00:37:40,258
And just another refill of your
damn fine Henenlotter coffee.
493
00:37:40,300 --> 00:37:42,258
We close in five minutes.
494
00:37:42,300 --> 00:37:46,633
Don't worry, with the appetite
she has she'll be done in two.
495
00:37:48,300 --> 00:37:50,550
I’m sorry, you were saying?
496
00:37:52,425 --> 00:37:55,716
Well, I may have eaten Ethan...
497
00:37:58,300 --> 00:38:01,258
What do you mean you
“may have eaten Ethan?”
498
00:38:01,300 --> 00:38:05,966
Something came over
me, this like.. primal urge.
499
00:38:06,716 --> 00:38:08,091
Prove it.
500
00:38:08,300 --> 00:38:09,758
Excuse me?
501
00:38:09,883 --> 00:38:12,258
Prove it to me right here, right now.
502
00:38:12,300 --> 00:38:15,758
What’s the matter? Am I
not good enough to eat?
503
00:38:16,300 --> 00:38:21,258
You have no fucking idea.
504
00:38:22,300 --> 00:38:26,800
You've eaten every pancake in the diner.
505
00:38:27,300 --> 00:38:29,883
I recognise a cry for help when I see one.
506
00:38:30,300 --> 00:38:32,258
Do you wanna know my secret?
507
00:38:32,300 --> 00:38:33,341
Sure.
508
00:38:34,300 --> 00:38:35,966
What secret!?
509
00:38:40,300 --> 00:38:44,258
Everybody seems to be
falling for you lately, Beth!?
510
00:38:44,300 --> 00:38:45,675
Bye! Bye!
511
00:38:46,300 --> 00:38:47,800
What the fuck!?
512
00:38:48,091 --> 00:38:51,175
Beth? Beth! Do you wanna
know my secret or not?
513
00:38:51,633 --> 00:38:52,675
Sure?
514
00:38:54,050 --> 00:38:57,675
I suffer from something
known as erotophonophilia...
515
00:38:58,300 --> 00:38:59,966
Erono-nono-who?
516
00:39:00,300 --> 00:39:02,091
The lust for death!
517
00:39:02,300 --> 00:39:06,258
You remember the human resources
representative at Henenlotter High right?
518
00:39:06,300 --> 00:39:08,716
Clyde Toulon, of course, why?
519
00:39:14,300 --> 00:39:17,258
You know how we both
love animals right, Beth?
520
00:39:17,300 --> 00:39:18,258
Adore them.
521
00:39:18,300 --> 00:39:23,258
Well, you know how humans send animals off to
the slaughter without a conscience in the world?
522
00:39:23,300 --> 00:39:26,258
Well that’s what I did to Clyde right here.
523
00:39:26,716 --> 00:39:28,258
You know, Miss Campbell, I -
524
00:39:28,300 --> 00:39:33,300
I’ve waited a long time to find
someone who truly understands me, Beth.
525
00:39:33,675 --> 00:39:37,258
Together we could rid the world of
this toxic self-appointed patriarchy
526
00:39:37,300 --> 00:39:41,800
that serves nothing to
womankind but pain and grief.
527
00:39:42,300 --> 00:39:45,425
But we're only going
to kill bad people, right?
528
00:39:47,300 --> 00:39:48,966
Pinkie promise.
529
00:39:51,300 --> 00:39:55,800
Consider this my peace
offering, and understanding.
530
00:39:57,550 --> 00:39:58,758
Eat up!
531
00:40:09,300 --> 00:40:10,675
-Whoops!
532
00:40:31,300 --> 00:40:36,341
Miss Campbell, I think this is the
beginning of a beautiful relationship.
533
00:40:38,300 --> 00:40:42,591
♪ “Dancer in the Dark”
by Dylan Mars Greenberg ♪
534
00:42:06,300 --> 00:42:09,091
Wait, you sure we won't get caught?
535
00:42:09,425 --> 00:42:11,925
Would I lie to you, Beth?
536
00:42:13,300 --> 00:42:17,258
Trust me Tusk, the All You Can
Eat Massacre will be a grand success.
537
00:42:17,300 --> 00:42:22,175
Thus, guaranteeing yours truly,
another year as Headmaster.
538
00:42:22,300 --> 00:42:24,258
Am I right? I’m right!
539
00:42:24,300 --> 00:42:27,258
Just, hold your horses and
let’s wait for the ratings, okay?
540
00:42:29,300 --> 00:42:32,258
Who is that woman over there
making out with that student?
541
00:42:32,300 --> 00:42:37,216
That’s Miss Campbell, another
American member of the faculty...
542
00:42:39,966 --> 00:42:41,966
Doh! BETH!
543
00:42:47,008 --> 00:42:48,800
Mark my words Beth.
544
00:42:48,966 --> 00:42:52,258
No longer will you be groomed
here by a teacher at Henenlotter High.
545
00:42:52,300 --> 00:42:55,050
Again, I wasn’t groomed.
546
00:42:55,300 --> 00:42:58,258
Nonsense, that’s the
Stockholm Syndrome talking.
547
00:43:00,300 --> 00:43:02,883
Stockholm? I remember Stockholm...
548
00:43:03,300 --> 00:43:06,258
I once spent a weekend
skiing in Stockholm...
549
00:43:06,300 --> 00:43:07,800
with Clyde.
550
00:43:08,300 --> 00:43:11,258
Miss Campbell was hired under your watch.
551
00:43:11,300 --> 00:43:14,258
Do you have anything
to say about this Sawyer?
552
00:43:14,300 --> 00:43:16,258
I know what it’s like to lose someone...
553
00:43:16,300 --> 00:43:17,800
Come again?
554
00:43:18,300 --> 00:43:20,216
That’s what she said.
555
00:43:21,300 --> 00:43:24,258
Now look, Beth. You got to share
some of the responsibility here.
556
00:43:24,300 --> 00:43:27,050
Sawyer, she was sexually molested.
557
00:43:27,300 --> 00:43:33,008
Bullshit! I’m just calling it as I see it,
fingers, ears, decapitated heads of football players.
558
00:43:33,300 --> 00:43:35,425
My number one boy, Clyde!
559
00:43:37,300 --> 00:43:41,133
Get your shit together.
560
00:43:44,300 --> 00:43:49,341
We’re in Henenlotter, the United
Kingdom, the age of consent is sixteen.
561
00:43:49,841 --> 00:43:53,258
And after all, I’m seventeen,
going on eighteen...
562
00:43:53,300 --> 00:43:55,258
Alright, Sound of Music!
563
00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:59,633
The Sound of Music is my all
time favourite film about Nazis!
564
00:44:04,591 --> 00:44:06,341
SIEG HEIL!
565
00:44:06,841 --> 00:44:08,216
What the fuck, Nancy?
566
00:44:08,300 --> 00:44:09,883
What the fuck, Nancy!?
567
00:44:10,008 --> 00:44:15,258
Beth, there’s no reason to speak to the
rag sheets about this isolated incident.
568
00:44:15,300 --> 00:44:19,258
My significant other Nancy
has taken care of everything.
569
00:44:19,300 --> 00:44:21,091
Taken care of what?
570
00:44:21,300 --> 00:44:24,216
Miss Campbell has been sent on a plane
571
00:44:24,300 --> 00:44:27,883
back to the greatest
country on God’s flat earth.
572
00:44:30,133 --> 00:44:31,175
What?
573
00:44:31,300 --> 00:44:35,508
Teachers shouldn't be gallivanting with
students, it just isn’t cricket, darling.
574
00:44:35,591 --> 00:44:39,258
But it's okay for the school
secretary to fuck underaged students?
575
00:44:39,300 --> 00:44:40,466
Excuse me?
576
00:44:40,675 --> 00:44:44,258
Ethan Rembrandt was 17 years old, and
based on Henenlotter High’s jurisdiction,
577
00:44:44,300 --> 00:44:49,925
that brands you Miss Montgomery, a
paedophile, a kiddie fiddler, a child fucker!
578
00:44:50,300 --> 00:44:52,841
A Serbian hanky-panky!
579
00:44:53,300 --> 00:44:56,258
Pay no attention to
this edge lord centennial.
580
00:44:56,300 --> 00:44:58,258
She’s just trying to push the envelope.
581
00:44:58,300 --> 00:45:00,258
Speaking of envelopes...
582
00:45:00,300 --> 00:45:05,800
Mr Everbone, Miss Campbell asked me
to deliver this envelope directly to you.
583
00:45:07,300 --> 00:45:10,258
And now you've taken,
the only thing I truly love.
584
00:45:10,300 --> 00:45:14,258
I hereby announce my official entry
into the All You Can Eat Massacre contest.
585
00:45:14,300 --> 00:45:16,966
And mark my words, I’m
going to win that handgun,
586
00:45:17,050 --> 00:45:21,258
blow my fucking brains out, and escape
this shitty horror movie once and for all.
587
00:45:21,300 --> 00:45:24,258
No longer will I have to put up
with you loser characters again!
588
00:45:24,300 --> 00:45:27,091
Romantic comedy genre, here I come!
589
00:45:27,300 --> 00:45:32,175
Atta girl! That’s the kinda
passion I’m talking about!
590
00:45:32,300 --> 00:45:39,008
Pro-choice suicide! But anybody can shoot
up a school, there’s no talent in that!
591
00:45:41,300 --> 00:45:46,425
You want to take your own life?
Or partake in a school massacre?
592
00:45:47,300 --> 00:45:49,425
But you have to earn it.
593
00:45:50,300 --> 00:45:51,591
Earn it.
594
00:45:59,300 --> 00:46:00,966
Binge and purge.
595
00:46:01,300 --> 00:46:03,300
BINGE AND PURGE, BABY!
596
00:46:03,466 --> 00:46:04,591
Yeah!!
597
00:46:06,300 --> 00:46:08,758
That girls got talent. Pizzazz!
598
00:46:10,008 --> 00:46:11,716
I see big things coming!
599
00:46:11,841 --> 00:46:14,216
It’s a scream, baby!
600
00:46:14,466 --> 00:46:16,133
Woooh!
601
00:46:16,508 --> 00:46:20,675
Its a screaaaammmmmm.
602
00:46:22,300 --> 00:46:27,258
I've been looking for a girl
just like you all my life, Beth Conner...
603
00:46:27,300 --> 00:46:32,550
Someone that truly
loves and accepts me for the person I am...
604
00:46:33,300 --> 00:46:37,966
I would be
completely lost without you, my darling.
605
00:46:38,300 --> 00:46:43,341
Promise that you’ll
never leave me, Beth? Pinkie promise?
606
00:46:48,300 --> 00:46:51,591
You should have seen the
look on that goth girl's face,
607
00:46:51,716 --> 00:46:55,550
when I told her I sent back
Miss Campbell on a plane.
608
00:46:56,300 --> 00:46:58,175
On 9/11 nonetheless.
609
00:46:58,300 --> 00:47:01,050
Pew! Pew! Pew! Kaboom!
610
00:47:01,300 --> 00:47:03,508
I know! I know
611
00:47:04,425 --> 00:47:06,050
the irony.
612
00:47:07,300 --> 00:47:11,133
And who says jet fuel
can’t melt poisoned hearts?
613
00:47:27,300 --> 00:47:28,841
Cottonmouth.
614
00:47:30,300 --> 00:47:33,800
Rather have a cottonmouth
than a cotton eye joe.
615
00:47:34,300 --> 00:47:37,925
Campbell? What the
howdy-doody are you doing here?
616
00:47:38,300 --> 00:47:42,258
I booked you first class
tickets on that hijacked flight.
617
00:47:42,300 --> 00:47:45,425
9/11 is a national holiday for our people.
618
00:47:48,300 --> 00:47:51,550
Do you find this
titillating, Miss Campbell?
619
00:47:52,300 --> 00:47:55,258
We all know nudity in
the horror genre is only
620
00:47:55,300 --> 00:47:58,258
there to appeal to the
lowest common denominator.
621
00:47:58,300 --> 00:48:01,258
You donut bashers are
all the same, and I'm just-
622
00:48:01,300 --> 00:48:06,216
If this was an A24 film, it would be
classed as brave and progressive.
623
00:48:06,300 --> 00:48:09,258
Now, open up your virgin mouth
like a Criterion Collection cuck boy.
624
00:48:09,300 --> 00:48:11,425
And say Ahhhhhhh.
625
00:48:11,591 --> 00:48:12,800
Ahhhhh.
626
00:48:23,716 --> 00:48:27,216
Jiminy cricket! We gotta
get you to a hospital, lickity-split!
627
00:48:33,300 --> 00:48:35,633
Nancy has left the building.
628
00:48:56,966 --> 00:49:01,258
So ladies, Miss Goth Cheeks thinks she’s
going to win the All You Can Eat Massacre.
629
00:49:01,300 --> 00:49:05,175
But, once the food turns out
to be non-vegan, she’ll forfeit.
630
00:49:05,216 --> 00:49:09,216
Then I’ll win the All You Can Eat Massacre, and
be awarded a shiny gun by The Midnight Rose.
631
00:49:09,300 --> 00:49:14,258
And send all the freaks and geeks at Henenlotter
High to my own personal concentration camp.
632
00:49:15,300 --> 00:49:16,966
Any questions?
633
00:49:17,300 --> 00:49:18,966
Clarissa.
634
00:49:19,300 --> 00:49:21,175
What is it, Melissa?
635
00:49:21,300 --> 00:49:24,258
Don’t you think it’s about time that
we won something for a change?
636
00:49:24,300 --> 00:49:28,841
Yeah, Clarissa. Why do you always
want to have your cake and eat it too?
637
00:49:33,341 --> 00:49:38,300
I'm going to ruin Beth Connor's life and put
an end to her ridiculous American Pie fetish.
638
00:49:38,341 --> 00:49:41,301
Underrated franchise, I particularly
love those straight to video sequels.
639
00:49:42,050 --> 00:49:47,008
I think she means the pie, as in
the poontang pie, as in the pussy.
640
00:49:47,175 --> 00:49:48,216
Cunt.
641
00:49:48,300 --> 00:49:50,050
Ok thank you Sabrina.
642
00:49:50,091 --> 00:49:51,841
That good pie.
643
00:49:52,300 --> 00:49:53,966
Shut up, Sabrina.
644
00:49:54,300 --> 00:49:55,966
It’s Mellisa.
645
00:49:56,300 --> 00:49:57,883
I’m Sabrina.
646
00:50:02,300 --> 00:50:04,425
And who the fuck is this?
647
00:50:05,300 --> 00:50:09,258
Well sir, that's The Midnight Rose,
greatest wrestling manager of all time!
648
00:50:09,300 --> 00:50:12,258
And the host to the All
You Can Eat Massacre.
649
00:50:12,300 --> 00:50:13,966
Of course it is.
650
00:50:15,300 --> 00:50:19,050
Mr Braxton, can you please send in Mr Law?
651
00:50:23,300 --> 00:50:27,383
Sawyer, meet Byron Law,
head of the British school board.
652
00:50:28,300 --> 00:50:31,508
This won’t take long, Tusk. Please proceed.
653
00:50:32,300 --> 00:50:34,258
What’s happening here?
654
00:50:34,300 --> 00:50:38,966
Well, we’ve heard all about your
colourful history with Reams for Less.
655
00:50:39,008 --> 00:50:44,008
And your current tenure
with Henenlotter High is...
656
00:50:44,341 --> 00:50:47,758
for lack of a better term, problematic.
657
00:50:48,133 --> 00:50:51,050
Problematic? What is this woke shit!?
658
00:50:51,300 --> 00:50:53,758
Do you know what lies in here?
659
00:50:58,300 --> 00:51:01,258
We didn't know you were an accomplice to...
660
00:51:01,300 --> 00:51:03,341
child grooming, Sawyer?
661
00:51:19,383 --> 00:51:24,925
He he he.. This, this can’t
be right. There must be a mistake.
662
00:51:25,300 --> 00:51:29,258
The only mistake I see in this
room is the one sat in front of me.
663
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:30,841
What?
664
00:51:30,966 --> 00:51:33,091
You’re fired. Get the fuck out!
665
00:51:33,300 --> 00:51:35,258
Wait a second. You're firing me, Tusk!?
666
00:51:35,300 --> 00:51:37,175
That’s Mr Everbone!
667
00:51:37,300 --> 00:51:40,258
And where should I begin? Student
teacher relationships running rampant.
668
00:51:40,300 --> 00:51:44,258
Your partner, the school secretary,
sleeping with an underaged student.
669
00:51:44,300 --> 00:51:51,466
We are going to have a public
relations nightmare, all because of you!
670
00:51:52,300 --> 00:51:56,341
Listen, Tusk. Mr Everbone.
671
00:51:59,591 --> 00:52:02,175
You’re canceling me!
672
00:52:02,300 --> 00:52:04,258
You’re not firing me, you’re canceling me!
673
00:52:04,300 --> 00:52:07,258
Would be better if you
killed me, then cancel me!
674
00:52:07,300 --> 00:52:10,050
I mean, I had no idea, I had
no idea what was going on!
675
00:52:10,133 --> 00:52:12,258
I swear on the lives of
these kids, I had no idea!
676
00:52:12,300 --> 00:52:16,258
What happened to the man
who ruled with an iron... golf club?
677
00:52:16,300 --> 00:52:18,800
You’ve become nothing more
than a caricature of yourself.
678
00:52:18,883 --> 00:52:21,841
Relying on your cute little catch
phrases to pop an audience.
679
00:52:22,300 --> 00:52:25,675
What happened to the man who was Reams
for Less regional manager of the year,
680
00:52:25,800 --> 00:52:27,966
five years in a row?
681
00:52:28,300 --> 00:52:31,258
Or did the Sawyer we all know and love die?
682
00:52:31,300 --> 00:52:35,258
And what sits before me is
a figment of my imagination.
683
00:52:35,508 --> 00:52:40,008
Mr Sawyer, on behalf of Henenlotter High...
684
00:52:41,300 --> 00:52:43,425
We wish you all the best,
685
00:52:44,300 --> 00:52:46,425
in your future endeavours.
686
00:53:06,758 --> 00:53:08,425
And Sawyer.
687
00:53:10,300 --> 00:53:12,341
Whoopsie fucking daisy!
688
00:53:18,300 --> 00:53:19,966
No you didn't!
689
00:53:35,300 --> 00:53:39,050
♪ “Devil” by Delilah Bon ♪
690
00:53:44,300 --> 00:53:46,508
Good morning, goth cheeks!
691
00:53:50,300 --> 00:53:53,133
Poor pancake princess.
692
00:53:53,300 --> 00:53:56,008
I always knew she would
make a good cheerleader
693
00:53:56,091 --> 00:53:58,383
for the Henenlotter Hamsters football team.
694
00:54:00,050 --> 00:54:01,341
Get her!
695
00:54:04,300 --> 00:54:06,258
Hold still, Beth Conner.
696
00:54:06,300 --> 00:54:09,258
You flinch again and I
won’t hesitate to cut you.
697
00:54:09,300 --> 00:54:12,800
You should thank Clarissa
for doing your makeup.
698
00:54:13,300 --> 00:54:15,175
It’s so you.
699
00:54:20,341 --> 00:54:21,800
Let me go!
700
00:54:22,300 --> 00:54:23,883
Beth Conner,
701
00:54:24,300 --> 00:54:25,966
we meet again.
702
00:54:30,300 --> 00:54:32,258
I didn’t mean to eat him.
703
00:54:32,300 --> 00:54:35,258
So you admit it? You ate Ethan Rembrandt?
704
00:54:35,300 --> 00:54:37,716
We told you Miss Montgomery.
705
00:54:40,300 --> 00:54:43,091
Poor Mr Sawyer.
706
00:54:43,591 --> 00:54:46,175
Look who’s come to save the day.
707
00:54:46,300 --> 00:54:51,175
You know, the school board frowns upon members
of staff sleeping with students, Miss Campbell
708
00:54:51,300 --> 00:54:52,508
#me too.
709
00:54:53,300 --> 00:54:54,758
Excuse me?
710
00:54:54,883 --> 00:54:57,841
I wonder what Mr Sawyer
would have to say about a very
711
00:54:58,008 --> 00:55:01,466
senior member of staff
sleeping with a student?
712
00:55:02,883 --> 00:55:04,841
Prepare to resign Miss Campbell.
713
00:55:04,925 --> 00:55:06,216
I agree.
714
00:55:06,300 --> 00:55:07,341
BANG!
715
00:55:24,300 --> 00:55:26,258
Miss Campbell, what are you doing here?
716
00:55:26,300 --> 00:55:28,258
Have you forgotten what day it is, Beth?
717
00:55:28,883 --> 00:55:33,258
I had this awful dream that Clarissa,
Melissa and Sabrina kidnapped me.
718
00:55:33,300 --> 00:55:35,216
And you killed Deetz.
719
00:55:35,300 --> 00:55:37,966
Are you sure it was just a dream?
720
00:55:40,300 --> 00:55:44,091
Hey! I’ve got a surprise for you!
721
00:55:44,300 --> 00:55:46,050
For your birthday.
722
00:55:46,300 --> 00:55:48,175
Am I still dreaming?
723
00:55:52,300 --> 00:55:54,175
You wish.
724
00:55:58,300 --> 00:56:00,258
Welcome home, Miss Campbell.
725
00:56:00,300 --> 00:56:03,258
We weren't expecting you back so early.
726
00:56:03,300 --> 00:56:07,258
Wait, how do you know Miss
Campbell? And why is the house so dark?
727
00:56:07,300 --> 00:56:11,258
Well, sport. We wouldn’t want to
spoil anything for you would we?
728
00:56:11,300 --> 00:56:14,425
That’s right, Mark. Shall I do the honours?
729
00:56:15,300 --> 00:56:17,258
Or should Miss Campbell?
730
00:56:17,300 --> 00:56:19,258
Wait, how do you three know each other?
731
00:56:23,508 --> 00:56:26,425
It’s just like Ethan...
732
00:56:27,300 --> 00:56:29,425
it’s only a little prick.
733
00:56:42,300 --> 00:56:44,758
What did they say? They said..
734
00:56:45,300 --> 00:56:49,550
Mr Sawyer, forget Reams for Less.
735
00:56:50,300 --> 00:56:54,466
You’re the one to bring
prestige back to Henenlotter High.
736
00:56:57,300 --> 00:57:02,008
These students, they they will
respect you, they will love you.
737
00:57:03,300 --> 00:57:05,091
And I’ll love them.
738
00:57:08,008 --> 00:57:09,675
What happened?
739
00:57:12,216 --> 00:57:13,883
What happened?
740
00:57:16,300 --> 00:57:21,966
I fed them discipline,
respect, pride in education.
741
00:57:23,300 --> 00:57:26,175
And they bit the hand that fed them.
742
00:57:27,300 --> 00:57:30,258
They killed my number one boy, Clyde...
743
00:57:33,300 --> 00:57:36,550
And you, deserted me, Deetz.
744
00:57:39,300 --> 00:57:42,758
Was I not enough? Was I not enough?
745
00:57:44,300 --> 00:57:46,508
Were we missing something?
746
00:57:48,300 --> 00:57:51,633
I love... I loved you, Deetz...
747
00:57:55,300 --> 00:57:58,091
And you fucked a child. You fu...
748
00:57:58,300 --> 00:58:01,300
I can’t forgive that, I can’t...
749
00:58:03,550 --> 00:58:04,841
I can’t.
750
00:58:08,300 --> 00:58:10,716
And these motherfucking kids...
751
00:58:11,300 --> 00:58:14,091
spitting in my face.
752
00:58:15,716 --> 00:58:18,966
Spitting in Mr Motherfucking Sawyer’s face!
753
00:58:31,300 --> 00:58:34,216
Time to put the dogs in the pool area.
754
00:59:40,758 --> 00:59:47,966
A toast to our main course this evening.
755
00:59:48,300 --> 00:59:52,466
My daughter, Beth Conner.
756
00:59:52,675 --> 00:59:54,716
Crowd: Beth Conner.
757
00:59:58,300 --> 01:00:00,216
Can we eat her now, Mark? Can we?
758
01:00:01,091 --> 01:00:02,466
In due time...
759
01:00:03,633 --> 01:00:06,216
Miss Campbell, would you do the honours?
760
01:00:07,300 --> 01:00:09,883
It would be my absolute
pleasure, Mr Conner.
761
01:00:11,300 --> 01:00:15,466
The Conner clan has been
waiting for this moment for
762
01:00:16,050 --> 01:00:17,300
18 years.
763
01:00:18,175 --> 01:00:19,800
The last time we were all here...
764
01:00:21,425 --> 01:00:22,425
was for your mother.
765
01:00:23,633 --> 01:00:26,425
Your mother tasted so good Beth.
766
01:00:27,050 --> 01:00:30,716
Thankfully you both share
the same blood type, delicious.
767
01:00:31,633 --> 01:00:35,758
And we've been waiting a good 12
years to all be reunited once more...
768
01:00:36,091 --> 01:00:37,091
as a family.
769
01:00:39,050 --> 01:00:42,591
It was an absolute honour Mr
Conner to put an end to your wife.
770
01:00:43,425 --> 01:00:46,550
Thanks for inviting me back to
Henenlotter to tie up loose ends.
771
01:00:47,175 --> 01:00:52,591
Not to mention helping fatten your
daughter up on Henenlotter prime meat.
772
01:00:53,383 --> 01:00:55,675
You could say this is the...
773
01:00:55,883 --> 01:00:58,300
♪ CIRCLE OF LIFEEEEEE! ♪
774
01:01:00,425 --> 01:01:01,425
Meow!
775
01:01:02,008 --> 01:01:04,758
Think nothing of it, Miss Campbell.
776
01:01:08,466 --> 01:01:09,466
In fact...
777
01:01:10,300 --> 01:01:11,591
we have a special guest,
778
01:01:12,466 --> 01:01:13,550
don’t we Frankie!?
779
01:01:21,216 --> 01:01:24,508
Do you believe in miracles, Beth?
780
01:01:33,716 --> 01:01:35,550
There we go,
781
01:01:36,883 --> 01:01:38,591
there we go, Momma.
782
01:01:41,300 --> 01:01:44,716
Don’t you just love a family reunion?
783
01:01:46,300 --> 01:01:49,341
This feels just like old times...
784
01:01:57,716 --> 01:01:59,383
Ahhhhhh!
785
01:02:01,300 --> 01:02:04,758
Where do you think you’re
going dressed like that, dear?
786
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:06,050
To the All You Can Eat Massacre.
787
01:02:06,091 --> 01:02:08,050
Don’t you like my dress, Frankie?
788
01:02:08,300 --> 01:02:12,341
Your dress? Well, it’s
cute dumpling, but...
789
01:02:12,508 --> 01:02:15,425
I much prefer your plump flesh.
790
01:02:20,300 --> 01:02:23,091
Beth! Beth! Beth! Beth! Beth!
791
01:02:23,591 --> 01:02:27,716
Sport! This is a sacred family ritual.
792
01:02:28,300 --> 01:02:31,216
Think of it as quality time.
793
01:02:31,883 --> 01:02:35,133
Try not to take any of this personally.
794
01:02:37,300 --> 01:02:41,883
Now, now. That’s not very ladylike is it?
795
01:02:42,300 --> 01:02:44,550
What would your mother say?
796
01:02:49,633 --> 01:02:52,050
You’re right, Dad.
797
01:02:52,216 --> 01:02:54,175
Make room for daddy.
798
01:02:54,300 --> 01:02:58,841
There, there, easy does it.
799
01:02:59,300 --> 01:03:02,591
Arrrgh!
800
01:03:03,758 --> 01:03:07,466
I think she’d be fucking
proud of me! Daddy!
801
01:03:15,508 --> 01:03:20,466
You’re too late, Beth. Henenlotter
High is about to have their eating contest.
802
01:03:20,508 --> 01:03:23,258
School massacres will no longer see colour.
803
01:03:23,300 --> 01:03:26,550
We are one big melting pot of death!
804
01:03:26,716 --> 01:03:28,675
Don't fight it, Beth.
805
01:03:28,800 --> 01:03:32,050
You're the millennial product of
the American High School Trope.
806
01:03:32,300 --> 01:03:34,383
And what’s more poetic and American than...
807
01:03:34,508 --> 01:03:37,675
♪ a high school massacre? ♪
808
01:03:37,800 --> 01:03:40,716
Nostalgia is fucking cancer!
809
01:03:43,008 --> 01:03:44,050
BANG!
810
01:03:59,300 --> 01:04:04,133
Don't go far now. I'll be
returning for y'all soon!
811
01:04:12,300 --> 01:04:15,466
Nancy! Where have you been?
812
01:04:15,716 --> 01:04:22,883
The British school board has signed an exclusive
multi-year extension based on tonight's projected ratings.
813
01:04:23,883 --> 01:04:26,050
Sawyer has finally fucked off!
814
01:04:26,091 --> 01:04:32,050
And I, Tusk Everbone, control the intellectual
property rights to the All You Can Eat Massacre brand.
815
01:04:32,300 --> 01:04:34,550
And we, my little dumpling.
816
01:04:35,300 --> 01:04:38,882
Bask in all the glory,
illuminated by a hail of gunfire.
817
01:04:38,883 --> 01:04:42,091
Goddammit! Sandy Hook ain’t got shit on us!
818
01:04:44,008 --> 01:04:45,341
I ain’t Nancy.
819
01:04:46,300 --> 01:04:49,216
Tell me, do you have pride?
820
01:04:50,216 --> 01:04:52,008
Pride?
821
01:04:52,091 --> 01:04:55,050
I asked you a question, Tusk!
Do you have motherfucking pride...
822
01:04:56,133 --> 01:04:57,800
in education?
823
01:04:58,300 --> 01:04:59,507
Sawyer?
824
01:04:59,508 --> 01:05:01,716
That’s Mr Sawyer.
825
01:05:03,925 --> 01:05:06,716
Please listen! You must listen!
826
01:05:07,383 --> 01:05:09,758
We can rebuild Henenlotter High together.
827
01:05:10,300 --> 01:05:13,508
Think of the students. Think of the future.
828
01:05:16,716 --> 01:05:18,383
That’s right.
829
01:05:19,508 --> 01:05:24,675
Think of the dollars invested into
this institution and into this tragedy.
830
01:05:26,383 --> 01:05:29,966
Planning for the future,
when there is no future.
831
01:05:30,383 --> 01:05:34,341
Selling silver dollar fantasies
and pocketing the gold.
832
01:05:35,300 --> 01:05:38,966
Discarding the damage
and fist fucking the youth.
833
01:05:39,008 --> 01:05:42,341
That’s what you do!
That’s what you believe in.
834
01:05:43,300 --> 01:05:45,799
Mr Sawyer, I...
835
01:05:52,383 --> 01:05:55,258
Whoopsie fucking daisy!
836
01:05:56,300 --> 01:05:59,258
And how’s your 18th birthday going, Beth?
837
01:05:59,341 --> 01:06:02,050
Fucking terrible, thanks for asking!
838
01:06:02,091 --> 01:06:06,175
Not only have I discovered that my father and his
girlfriend help kill my mother many years ago,
839
01:06:06,300 --> 01:06:08,550
but that they’re also homicidal cannibals.
840
01:06:08,591 --> 01:06:12,633
And, my one true love, 1:
Helped them kill my mom.
841
01:06:12,716 --> 01:06:17,758
Helped fatten me up to be served as
the main course of my own 18th birthday.
842
01:06:17,800 --> 01:06:18,966
Fat chance!
843
01:06:19,508 --> 01:06:24,966
And 3: Wants my problematic high school to
implode into one big high school massacre.
844
01:06:25,300 --> 01:06:27,591
Well, not on my fucking watch!
845
01:06:27,675 --> 01:06:29,875
I am going to win the All You
Can Eat Massacre contest.
846
01:06:30,300 --> 01:06:32,550
Be awarded that gun.
Blow my fucking brains out!
847
01:06:32,800 --> 01:06:36,466
And say goodbye to the cast and
crew of Eating Miss Campbell for good.
848
01:06:36,591 --> 01:06:39,799
So, yeah, happy 18th birthday to me, right?
849
01:06:39,800 --> 01:06:43,966
And before I forget,
SCREW TROMA MOVIES!
850
01:06:45,008 --> 01:06:49,966
♪ “Ash” by Unquiet Dead ♪
851
01:07:53,383 --> 01:07:55,008
Sawyer, sweetie.
852
01:07:55,300 --> 01:07:57,091
Don’t fucking move!
853
01:07:58,300 --> 01:08:00,091
I don’t understand?
854
01:08:00,883 --> 01:08:02,966
After everything we’ve been through!
855
01:08:03,216 --> 01:08:07,550
You’ve been working long nights on
the All You Can Eat Massacre event.
856
01:08:07,716 --> 01:08:09,091
What do you expect a girl to do?
857
01:08:11,841 --> 01:08:12,925
Ethan?
858
01:08:13,091 --> 01:08:16,925
Ethan Rembrandt? Please, that’s absurd.
859
01:08:20,300 --> 01:08:23,008
I saw the polaroid photos.
860
01:08:23,383 --> 01:08:26,841
He was a child. A fucking child.
861
01:08:31,216 --> 01:08:32,758
I love you.
862
01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:36,633
I’ll always love you...
863
01:08:47,508 --> 01:08:50,050
But I fucking hate paedophiles...
864
01:08:57,508 --> 01:09:04,966
♪ Yankee doodle went to
town, a-riding on a donkey ♪
865
01:09:05,591 --> 01:09:11,716
♪ Stuck a feather in his
hat and called it macaroni ♪
866
01:09:13,508 --> 01:09:15,175
Someone there?
867
01:09:30,383 --> 01:09:32,883
Still hungry, Beth?
868
01:09:33,383 --> 01:09:36,508
I have so many delicacies to offer.
869
01:09:37,091 --> 01:09:39,050
Why did you kill her?
870
01:09:39,216 --> 01:09:40,300
Who, honey?
871
01:09:40,383 --> 01:09:41,550
My mother!
872
01:09:41,800 --> 01:09:45,508
Why does anybody do anything, Beth?
873
01:09:46,300 --> 01:09:48,883
Your father had a taste
for human flesh after he
874
01:09:49,008 --> 01:09:50,966
had an affair with Frankie, of course.
875
01:09:51,383 --> 01:09:54,300
He sought me out and the rest is history.
876
01:09:54,508 --> 01:09:56,966
That is such a fucked up excuse!
877
01:09:57,133 --> 01:10:03,091
Now Beth, is it fair to judge other people's
kinks when yours are morally questionable?
878
01:10:03,300 --> 01:10:05,716
I mean, look at us.
879
01:10:07,383 --> 01:10:10,258
We’re just the product of
what society made us into.
880
01:10:10,716 --> 01:10:15,716
Do you really think society,
much less the audience,
881
01:10:15,841 --> 01:10:19,382
cares about a confused suicidal goth girl,
882
01:10:19,383 --> 01:10:23,008
with an insatiable love for human flesh?
883
01:10:28,383 --> 01:10:30,091
You’ve got a point.
884
01:10:31,508 --> 01:10:34,050
Remember when I said that
you looked sexy when you bled?
885
01:10:43,383 --> 01:10:44,925
I meant it.
886
01:10:50,383 --> 01:10:52,175
You’re horribly mistaken, Miss Campbell.
887
01:10:52,383 --> 01:10:54,466
It’s not my time of the month!
888
01:11:10,508 --> 01:11:13,758
Give it up for Ochie and Friends!
889
01:11:28,300 --> 01:11:31,758
Look at what we’ve got
here, a late contestant.
890
01:11:32,383 --> 01:11:35,591
Put your hands together for Beth Conner!
891
01:11:45,508 --> 01:11:47,800
One for you.
892
01:11:48,383 --> 01:11:50,966
Yum, yum, yum.
893
01:11:58,383 --> 01:12:02,633
Snap into that, oooh yeah!
894
01:12:03,633 --> 01:12:05,966
Ooooh, spicy!
895
01:12:08,091 --> 01:12:09,883
What are we eating?
896
01:12:10,383 --> 01:12:12,091
Miss Campbell.
897
01:12:12,591 --> 01:12:20,800
Remember, the winner of the All You Can Eat Massacre
will win this beautiful handgun and choose...
898
01:12:21,300 --> 01:12:23,175
Whether to shoot up their school!
899
01:12:23,300 --> 01:12:25,175
Or shoot themselves!
900
01:12:26,383 --> 01:12:28,383
On your marks!
901
01:12:29,216 --> 01:12:30,591
Get set!
902
01:12:30,716 --> 01:12:32,133
Chow down!
903
01:13:12,133 --> 01:13:16,300
♪ “Far 2 Young 2 Die” by Tom Green ♪
904
01:14:00,300 --> 01:14:05,841
And the winner of the All
You Can Eat Massacre!
905
01:14:06,008 --> 01:14:08,883
Beth Conner!
906
01:14:09,300 --> 01:14:12,716
Ho! Ho! Ho!
907
01:14:19,300 --> 01:14:20,883
Beth, give me the gun.
908
01:14:21,300 --> 01:14:22,966
You know how this should end...
909
01:14:23,591 --> 01:14:27,966
mass genocide the likes
this town has never seen.
910
01:14:28,716 --> 01:14:30,550
On a curricular level.
911
01:14:31,508 --> 01:14:34,925
Clarissa. School shootings are so 1999.
912
01:14:35,258 --> 01:14:40,133
Beth’s right. We need to learn from this. Grow
as characters. School shootings are wrong!
913
01:14:40,383 --> 01:14:44,050
Yeah, Clarissa. Nostalgia is AIDS.
914
01:14:44,383 --> 01:14:46,091
Shut up, Sabrina.
915
01:14:46,508 --> 01:14:48,800
It’s Melissa!
916
01:14:49,300 --> 01:14:50,966
No one cares...
917
01:14:51,091 --> 01:14:53,883
♪ “Eaten Alive By Fucking
Crabs” by Bodach ♪
918
01:15:09,133 --> 01:15:12,300
Run and hide motherfuckers!
919
01:15:15,383 --> 01:15:18,008
Binge and purge, motherfuckers!
920
01:15:20,383 --> 01:15:22,383
Changed the rules on ya?
921
01:15:22,508 --> 01:15:24,882
You’re not stealing this
moment away from me!
922
01:15:24,883 --> 01:15:26,883
I won this fucking contest!
923
01:15:31,508 --> 01:15:34,758
Whoopsie fucking daisy!
924
01:15:38,508 --> 01:15:40,591
Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!
925
01:15:40,800 --> 01:15:45,425
You are a spectacle of teenage darkness!
926
01:15:46,883 --> 01:15:54,841
Only through tragedy, do we
truly understand each other.
927
01:15:55,800 --> 01:15:57,008
Don’t you get that?
928
01:15:58,508 --> 01:16:01,341
That’s what all this has been about!
929
01:16:10,300 --> 01:16:12,675
This is Mr Sawyer,
930
01:16:14,008 --> 01:16:15,091
wishing you...
931
01:16:15,758 --> 01:16:17,383
good health.
932
01:16:31,008 --> 01:16:33,300
Mr Sawyer...
933
01:16:34,508 --> 01:16:37,383
has left the building, motherfuckers!
934
01:16:46,508 --> 01:16:48,091
Beth Conner!
935
01:16:48,383 --> 01:16:51,800
The winner of the All You Can Eat Massacre!
936
01:16:52,508 --> 01:16:56,466
Now you have binged! You must purge!
937
01:16:56,591 --> 01:16:59,133
What shall your choice be?
938
01:17:02,008 --> 01:17:04,258
Well, I guess this is goodbye.
939
01:17:09,216 --> 01:17:10,633
Well...
940
01:17:10,716 --> 01:17:12,675
bottoms up for end credits!
941
01:17:41,383 --> 01:17:43,883
Greetings and salutations, Beth Conner.
942
01:17:44,300 --> 01:17:47,175
Do goth vegans masturbate
with cucumbers or-
943
01:17:47,383 --> 01:17:50,466
It’s just a dream, it isn’t real...
944
01:18:05,383 --> 01:18:08,383
I fucking hate low budget horror movies.
945
01:18:08,591 --> 01:18:11,591
♪ “Through” by Wheatus ♪
946
01:19:54,050 --> 01:19:58,966
♪ “Fellatio on the 4th of July''
by SomeWhere OutHere ♪
947
01:23:32,300 --> 01:23:33,883
Beth Conner!
948
01:23:34,133 --> 01:23:36,425
What the fuck
71082
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
