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1
00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:03,036
All: happy 21st birthday,
ling-Ling!
2
00:00:03,470 --> 00:00:04,771
[Noisemaker]
3
00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:06,072
Clara: oh, you'll
love your cake.
4
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:08,675
I got it
from a chinese
pastry shop.
5
00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:12,145
[Electric knife whirs]
6
00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:13,446
Aah!
7
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,519
Fantastic decorations,
xandir.
8
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,254
Nice touch having
the balloons
9
00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:22,555
Tied to
your nipple rings.
10
00:00:22,989 --> 00:00:25,158
[Thinking] i wish
i had nipple rings.
11
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:26,893
I didn't get
a single compliment
12
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:29,062
On where i put the banner.
13
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,664
[Farts]
14
00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:33,833
Since it was ling-Ling's
21st birthday,
15
00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:36,870
We made him do
the traditional 21 shots.
16
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,171
One!
One!
One!
17
00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:40,340
[Gasps]
18
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,509
2, 3...
2, 3...
2, 3...
19
00:00:42,942 --> 00:00:45,111
After that, it was time
for the traditional
20
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,581
21 doses
of sweet georgia brown.
21
00:00:48,581 --> 00:00:50,316
21!
21!
21!
22
00:00:50,316 --> 00:00:54,220
Oh, no! Ling-Ling
o.D.Ed somehow.
23
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,823
Still think
birthdays are cool?
24
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:14,174
Dr. Wooldoor, help!
25
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,644
Oh, my god.
26
00:01:17,644 --> 00:01:19,813
I need 10 ccs
of adrenaline
27
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:22,415
And a cardiac needle
right fucking now!
28
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:25,885
Uhh-Aah!
29
00:01:25,885 --> 00:01:27,187
[Gasps]
30
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:28,922
[Speaking japanese]
31
00:01:33,693 --> 00:01:36,729
Now all i need is your
insurance card, and--
32
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:38,465
Oy, gevalt!
33
00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:40,633
Ling-Ling's only
3 years old!
34
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:41,501
[All gasp]
35
00:01:44,971 --> 00:01:45,839
Sorry, ling-Ling,
36
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:48,007
But as a pretend
healthcare professional,
37
00:01:48,007 --> 00:01:49,309
I'm legally
required to call...
38
00:01:49,742 --> 00:01:51,911
Child services.
39
00:01:51,911 --> 00:01:53,646
No!
[Thunder]
40
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,815
[Birds squawking]
41
00:01:55,815 --> 00:01:58,418
[Whistling and
mellow music playing]
42
00:02:00,153 --> 00:02:01,454
Ah. [Laughs]
43
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:02,322
Ahh. Heh.
44
00:02:02,755 --> 00:02:04,491
[Woman vocalizes]
45
00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:05,792
Ohh.
46
00:02:05,792 --> 00:02:07,961
Hero, narrating: i was
getting pretty damn tired
47
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,563
Of that stupid xandir flaunting
his stupid nipple rings.
48
00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:11,865
.
I couldn't take it anymore
49
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:14,467
I had to get a nipple ring
of my very own,
50
00:02:14,467 --> 00:02:16,636
So i consulted
the hero computer.
51
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,805
A pig goes...
52
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:20,540
Oink-Oink.
53
00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:23,576
We've discussed this
pig-Emitting-Oinks issue,
54
00:02:23,576 --> 00:02:26,179
And we've agreed
to disagree.
55
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:27,914
A cow goes...
56
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,215
Moo-Moo.
57
00:02:29,215 --> 00:02:31,384
Damn your
superior intelligence.
58
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,553
I want a nipple ring now!
59
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:39,626
[Thunder]
60
00:02:39,626 --> 00:02:41,794
Oh, check me out,
assbags.
61
00:02:42,228 --> 00:02:43,530
I've got
a much cooler ring
62
00:02:43,530 --> 00:02:45,265
Than that homo
xandir.
63
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,301
Oink-Oink.
64
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:51,771
I'm going to show
the whole world
my new nipple ring.
65
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,506
Hero, i wouldn't
go outside.
66
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:55,241
There's a dangerous
electrical storm.
67
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:56,543
You're just jealous
68
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:58,711
Because i have
2 kinds of rings,
69
00:02:58,711 --> 00:03:00,880
Nipple and worm.
70
00:03:04,784 --> 00:03:05,652
Hello, world!
71
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:06,953
Who wants to see
72
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:08,254
My highly conductive--
73
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:11,291
Aah-Hah-Aah-Aah!
74
00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,062
[Dramatic music playing]
75
00:03:19,098 --> 00:03:19,966
[Doorbell]
76
00:03:21,267 --> 00:03:24,304
[Gasps]
child services.
77
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:25,605
Hero: aah-Hah-Hah-Hah-Hah-Hah!
78
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:28,208
Has it been
9 months already?
79
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,376
Actually, miss love,
i'm here about...
80
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:31,678
Ling-Ling.
81
00:03:31,678 --> 00:03:32,979
[Dramatic organ note]
[all gasp]
82
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:34,714
This is
a surprise twist.
83
00:03:34,714 --> 00:03:38,618
But i'm telling you,
we've very responsible
guardians.
84
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:41,221
I beg to differ.
85
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,823
Thank you,
dollar bin at blockbuster.
86
00:03:44,257 --> 00:03:45,558
Observe.
87
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:47,727
Ling-Ling has been
physically abused.
88
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:48,595
[Pounding]
89
00:03:49,028 --> 00:03:50,330
Ohh! Aah! Ohh!
90
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:51,631
Aah!
91
00:03:56,836 --> 00:03:59,439
He's been exposed
to sexual situations.
92
00:04:02,041 --> 00:04:04,644
[Grunts]
93
00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:08,982
He's even been
denied lasagna.
94
00:04:08,982 --> 00:04:11,150
Ahh!
95
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:12,885
Ohh.
96
00:04:12,885 --> 00:04:15,488
[Grunts]
97
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,369
From now on,
your family is...
98
00:04:29,369 --> 00:04:31,537
The foster care system.
99
00:04:31,537 --> 00:04:33,706
[Thunder]
[captain hero laughs]
100
00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:35,441
No--
101
00:04:38,911 --> 00:04:40,647
[Hums]
102
00:04:46,719 --> 00:04:48,454
[Children grunting]
[glass breaking]
103
00:04:55,395 --> 00:04:57,997
Hero? Are you ok?
104
00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,299
[Groans]
105
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:02,769
A disgusting pig?
A homosexual?
106
00:05:02,769 --> 00:05:05,371
G?
Am i at
prince charles' weddin
107
00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:07,540
Boy:
breaker, breaker.
Anyone there?
108
00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:09,709
Hero, what's going on
with your nipple?
109
00:05:09,709 --> 00:05:12,312
Oh, not too much.
What's up with yours?
110
00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:14,480
Hello. I'm
a 12-Year-Old boy
111
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,782
Looking for
a friend.
112
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:17,517
Really?
I might be interested.
113
00:05:17,517 --> 00:05:19,686
Do you have a donkey
and a penis cutter?
114
00:05:19,686 --> 00:05:22,288
No. All i have is
this walkie-Talkie.
115
00:05:22,722 --> 00:05:24,457
I'm majorly lonely
here in smalltown.
116
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:27,060
Smalltown?
That's where i grew up.
117
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:29,662
Well, if you're
like everybody else
here in 1986,
118
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:30,963
You probably
wouldn't want to b
e friends with me,
119
00:05:31,397 --> 00:05:33,566
Because i'm from
planet zebulon and
wear spandex shorts.
120
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,735
1986?
121
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:37,036
Smalltown?
122
00:05:37,036 --> 00:05:37,904
Zebulon?
123
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,639
Spandex shorts?
[Flatulence]
124
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:43,543
Dude, this guy sounds
like such a loser.
125
00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:44,844
Hey,schmeckelhead,
126
00:05:44,844 --> 00:05:47,013
I think that kid is
you from the past.
127
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:49,182
Is that possible?
128
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:52,218
Can i actually be talking
to me from the past?
129
00:05:52,218 --> 00:05:54,387
Well, there's only
one way to be sure.
130
00:05:54,387 --> 00:05:55,688
Me from the past
says what?
Huh?
131
00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:57,857
Close enough.
It is me!
132
00:05:57,857 --> 00:05:59,592
Wow. You're me
from the future.
133
00:05:59,592 --> 00:06:00,460
Radical-A-Rama.
134
00:06:00,893 --> 00:06:01,761
This is
totally tubular.
135
00:06:01,761 --> 00:06:03,930
Not! Psych! I mean,
not-Not to the max.
136
00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:06,099
Wickety-Wack.
For sure.
Do the bartman!
137
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,834
[Squeaking]
138
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:13,039
[Creaks]
139
00:06:17,810 --> 00:06:19,979
Shut your sassin' mouth.
140
00:06:19,979 --> 00:06:22,582
To me, you're just
a monthly check
for newports.
141
00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:23,883
Now, make yourself useful
142
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,486
And start scrubbin' out
my old war wound.
143
00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:29,522
[Gong plays]
144
00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:35,161
[Flies buzzing]
[sighs]
145
00:06:35,161 --> 00:06:37,764
[Grunting
and scrubbing]
146
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:41,534
[Man hocks]
[squirting]
147
00:06:42,635 --> 00:06:44,804
With our little
chinese friend gone,
148
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,539
Things just
weren't the same.
149
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:49,142
Our nails
was unmanicured.
150
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,877
The zen garden
was unraked.
151
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,045
[Bellows]
[screams]
152
00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:56,082
And now, our tibetans got
way too much freedom.
153
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,383
Whoo-Hoo!
Chug! Chug!
154
00:06:57,817 --> 00:06:59,552
I got your dalai lama
right here.
155
00:06:59,986 --> 00:07:01,287
Living without an asian
156
00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:03,022
Is like living
with a jewish woman.
157
00:07:03,022 --> 00:07:04,757
It's horrible,
and i don't understand
158
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,492
How or why anybody
would tolerate it.
159
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:08,661
Oh, we all miss
ching-Chong,
160
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:11,697
But maybe foster care
is the best place for him.
161
00:07:11,697 --> 00:07:13,866
Foster care is evil,
y'all,
162
00:07:13,866 --> 00:07:15,168
And i should know,
163
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:17,336
'Cause all my children
send me letters
about it.
164
00:07:18,638 --> 00:07:20,373
[Woman screams]
165
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:22,108
I'm gonna bring
lang-Lang home.
166
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:25,144
I will not let
another one
of my loved ones
167
00:07:25,144 --> 00:07:26,879
Go through
the foster care system!
168
00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:28,181
Yay!
169
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,916
Hey, xandir,
170
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:32,084
This blockhead
will believe anything.
171
00:07:32,518 --> 00:07:35,555
Oh, yeah. Sonny bono
is now an olympic skier,
172
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:38,591
And nancy reagan still has
the finest pair in town.
173
00:07:38,591 --> 00:07:41,627
You are short-Circuiting
my mind, johnny 5.
174
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:44,230
Will you stop lying
to your 12-Year-Old self
about the future?
175
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:46,399
Maybe instead of
lying to him,
176
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:50,303
You should consider
giving your past self
some good advice.
177
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,472
Hmm. Advice, you say.
178
00:07:52,905 --> 00:07:55,942
Yes, that is a great way
to mess with him.
179
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,110
[Snorts] so,
me from the past,
180
00:07:58,544 --> 00:08:00,713
Do you still have
that major crush
on letta lame?
181
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:05,051
Because i know a way
to get her to go to
the barn dance with you.
182
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,653
Wow! Really?
Funky fresh!
183
00:08:07,653 --> 00:08:09,388
[Ling-Ling humming]
184
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:20,233
[Chewing]
185
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:22,835
Ohh!
186
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,570
Choir: ♪♪ hallelujah ♪♪
[squeals]
187
00:08:24,570 --> 00:08:26,305
♪♪ hallelujah ♪♪
188
00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:27,607
♪♪ ha-- ♪♪
[grunts]
189
00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:35,848
[Flatulence]
190
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:38,017
Hey, get out of there!
191
00:08:42,788 --> 00:08:46,259
Well, maybe i was, once.
192
00:08:48,861 --> 00:08:51,030
But no one buys
my rice no more.
193
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:52,765
These days,
it's not cool
194
00:08:52,765 --> 00:08:54,934
To buy anything from
an old, black stereotype
195
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,537
Whose rice is flavored
with mouse feces.
196
00:09:05,344 --> 00:09:07,513
So you like my rice, huh?
197
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:09,248
Well, i'll be darned.
198
00:09:09,248 --> 00:09:12,285
Boy, i gots to say,
like the tumor in my brain,
199
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:15,755
You're beginnin'
to grow on me.
200
00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,394
Young hero: are you sure
this is going to work?
201
00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:24,430
After this,
you're going to be
so popular,
202
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:27,466
Letta will beg you to
take her to the dance.
203
00:09:27,466 --> 00:09:29,201
[Indistinct
chatter]
204
00:09:29,635 --> 00:09:32,238
Ok, then.
I'm doing exactly
what you said.
205
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,407
I got the sandwich,
and i'm unzipping my pants.
206
00:09:36,142 --> 00:09:37,443
Oh!
207
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:38,744
[Grunting]
208
00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,046
Hey, leslie,
209
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:41,347
[Grunting]
210
00:09:41,347 --> 00:09:43,082
I need a date
to the barn dance,
211
00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:45,251
And i was
wondering if--
212
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:46,986
Are you fucking
a hero sandwich?
213
00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:48,287
[Screams]
214
00:09:48,287 --> 00:09:49,589
You freak!
215
00:09:50,022 --> 00:09:51,757
[All laughing]
216
00:09:53,492 --> 00:09:56,529
From now on,
let's call leslie
captain hero.
217
00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:57,830
[Static crackles]
218
00:09:57,830 --> 00:10:00,866
In new england,
he'd be captain grinder.
219
00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:02,602
Burn! Ah ha ha!
220
00:10:02,602 --> 00:10:03,903
What a loser.
221
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,638
Captain hero.
222
00:10:05,638 --> 00:10:08,240
I almost forgot
me own nickname.
223
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,843
[Laughing]
224
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:12,144
Foxxy, narrating:
to rescue ling-Ling,
225
00:10:12,144 --> 00:10:13,879
I had to break into
the foster care system
226
00:10:13,879 --> 00:10:16,048
By going undercover.
227
00:10:16,048 --> 00:10:17,783
Unfortunately,
it wasn't so easy.
228
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:21,687
The foxxy got bounced
from one cartoon foster home
to another.
229
00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:27,760
[Gasps]
230
00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:29,061
[Whispering]
whatever you do,
231
00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:31,664
Don't let him
take your eyes.
232
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,833
[Grunting]
233
00:10:35,134 --> 00:10:36,002
[Gasps]
234
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:43,809
I can transform.
Observe.
235
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:48,147
Now you transform.
236
00:10:48,147 --> 00:10:49,015
-
But i can't trans-
237
00:10:50,316 --> 00:10:52,051
I said transform.
238
00:10:52,051 --> 00:10:53,352
[Gunshot]
239
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,822
Now, where's i
supposed to sleep?
240
00:10:58,124 --> 00:10:59,425
Hold up.
241
00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:01,160
Is this
some kind of joke?
242
00:11:02,895 --> 00:11:05,064
That's it!
Show yourself
243
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:06,799
Heh heh heh.
244
00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:08,968
Ain't i an asshole?
245
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,137
Well, i did
what you said,
246
00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:12,872
And i funky cold medinaed
that sandwich,
247
00:11:12,872 --> 00:11:14,173
And now,
i'm a laughingstock.
248
00:11:14,607 --> 00:11:15,474
Oops. My bad.
249
00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:16,776
I forgot
sandwich fucking
250
00:11:16,776 --> 00:11:18,944
Didn't become a fa
d until 1987.
251
00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:20,680
George michael
made it popular.
252
00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:21,981
Well, later.
253
00:11:21,981 --> 00:11:23,716
Wait. What do i do now?
254
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:26,318
Ok, ok.
It's not too late.
255
00:11:26,318 --> 00:11:29,355
I know a way to
change your nickname
from captain hero
256
00:11:29,355 --> 00:11:31,957
To captain guy
who saves the day.
257
00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:32,825
Here's
what you do.
258
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:34,126
The night
of the big dance,
259
00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:36,729
Douse the barn
with gasoline.
260
00:11:36,729 --> 00:11:40,199
Then light a match
and set the whole
thing on fire.
261
00:11:40,199 --> 00:11:41,500
[People screaming]
262
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,669
Uh, is now the part
where i put out the fire
263
00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:44,537
And save the day?
264
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,139
Even better.
Now is the part
265
00:11:47,139 --> 00:11:50,176
Where you
take out a sandwich
and you fuck it.
266
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:53,646
Um, ok.
I sure hope this works.
267
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,815
I don't see
how it couldn't.
268
00:11:55,815 --> 00:11:57,983
[Snorting and laughing]
269
00:11:57,983 --> 00:12:00,586
[Screams]
help me!
270
00:12:02,321 --> 00:12:04,056
Are you fucking
a hero sandwich?
271
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:05,357
You freak!
272
00:12:08,828 --> 00:12:09,695
[Screams]
273
00:12:10,129 --> 00:12:12,298
♪♪
♪♪ ling-Ling into battle go
274
00:12:13,599 --> 00:12:17,069
[Indistinct chatter]
275
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:19,238
Jesus h. Snork.
276
00:12:19,238 --> 00:12:21,407
You sure
knows rice.
277
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:30,082
Ling-Ling,
in these past
few weeks with you,
278
00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:33,552
My heart has
softened, swelled,
and lost nutrients,
279
00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:36,155
Just like
my crappy rice.
280
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:42,661
[Gasps]
281
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:47,433
,
foster son,
you's given me so much
282
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,602
I decided to give you
the one thing
283
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,204
All chinese boys want,
but can never have.
284
00:12:52,204 --> 00:12:53,939
[Gasps]
285
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,409
Yep. And whoever
foster care sends,
286
00:12:57,409 --> 00:13:01,313
I's hope she knows
what uncle benny likes
the most about rice.
287
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:03,916
It knows when
to shut the fuck up.
288
00:13:03,916 --> 00:13:05,651
[Doorbell rings]
289
00:13:07,386 --> 00:13:09,121
[Gasps]
290
00:13:09,121 --> 00:13:11,290
Lang-Lang!
I found you!
291
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:12,591
I been bouncin'
all over
292
00:13:13,025 --> 00:13:15,628
--
The foster care
system lookin' for
293
00:13:18,664 --> 00:13:19,532
Papa?
294
00:13:19,532 --> 00:13:21,700
Foxxy, is that you
295
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,303
For real-Real,
not for play-Play?
296
00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:29,074
Uncle benny is
my bilolasisul papa.
297
00:13:29,074 --> 00:13:31,243
[Thunder]
298
00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:35,581
Then how do you
explain this?
299
00:13:36,882 --> 00:13:39,051
[Thunder]
[captain hero laughs]
300
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:41,921
Still think
foster care's cool?
301
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:47,359
I can't believe
my new foster child
302
00:13:47,359 --> 00:13:49,528
Turned out to be
my own daughter.
303
00:13:49,962 --> 00:13:52,131
Oh, foxxyshaquaguafafaba,
304
00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:55,601
I miss you like red beans
miss a starchy complement.
305
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:56,468
[Both grunt]
306
00:13:56,468 --> 00:13:58,637
If you miss me so much,
307
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:01,674
Then why come
you left for cigarettes
when i was 3
308
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:02,975
And never came back?
309
00:14:02,975 --> 00:14:05,578
Oh, sweetie,
it wasn't 'bout you.
310
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:08,180
It was your mother.
311
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,481
We just had
different needs.
312
00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:11,217
I wanted oral sex,
313
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,385
And she wanted to hoard
squirrel carcasses.
314
00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:16,422
But you can see
i never stopped
lovin' you...
315
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,157
Or your poor sister.
316
00:14:19,458 --> 00:14:22,494
Well, it would be nice
to have a parent.
317
00:14:22,494 --> 00:14:26,398
All i gots left
of mama are these
fur wristbands...
318
00:14:26,398 --> 00:14:28,567
And this merkin.
319
00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:31,170
So i guess
i forgives you, papa.
320
00:14:32,471 --> 00:14:34,640
We need to get
our celebrate on.
321
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:38,544
Oh, yeah.
Let's go out and have
the funnest day ever.
322
00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:40,713
[Door closes]
323
00:14:45,918 --> 00:14:47,219
[Clamoring]
324
00:14:49,388 --> 00:14:51,123
Thanks to
your bogus schemes,
325
00:14:51,123 --> 00:14:53,292
I've been run
out of town,
and everyone hates me,
326
00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:55,027
And i burned letta
to death.
327
00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:56,328
That was you?
328
00:14:56,328 --> 00:14:58,497
You killed
my childhood sweetheart.
329
00:14:58,497 --> 00:15:00,666
I never got over
her death!
330
00:15:03,269 --> 00:15:04,570
You ruined my life!
331
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:05,871
I'm gonna go get
my father's gun
332
00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:07,172
And end it all
right now.
333
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:09,341
You don't have
the guts!
334
00:15:09,775 --> 00:15:11,510
[Laughs and snorts]
335
00:15:11,944 --> 00:15:14,546
Ah hoo hoo! Xandir,
this has gotten so good.
336
00:15:14,980 --> 00:15:17,149
You know that kid i've
been fucking with?
337
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:18,884
Um, yeah.
You mean you?
338
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:22,354
Yes. It turns out
he's unstable.
339
00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:23,656
Why are you looking
at me?
340
00:15:23,656 --> 00:15:25,824
Uh, because
you're talking
to me.
341
00:15:26,258 --> 00:15:27,993
Then why won't
you listen?
342
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:30,596
Anyhoo, that kid is
totally gonna kill himself.
343
00:15:30,596 --> 00:15:31,463
Up high!
344
00:15:31,897 --> 00:15:33,632
[Scoffs]
you idiot!
345
00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:36,669
If he kills himself,
you'll disappear.
346
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,404
Hmm.
347
00:15:38,837 --> 00:15:41,440
[Gasps] oh, no!
My sandwich-Holding hand!
348
00:15:47,513 --> 00:15:49,682
Oh, we had a blast.
349
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:52,718
We went to
the rice museum,
slash holocaust memorial,
350
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:55,321
And daddy got me
this awesome t-Shirt.
351
00:15:55,321 --> 00:15:57,056
Never forget...
352
00:15:57,056 --> 00:16:00,526
E.
To salt the water
before boilin' the ric
353
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:02,695
And we also had
our entire family
354
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:06,165
Painted onto
a single grain of rice
in jew blood.
355
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:09,635
[Gasps]
356
00:16:20,045 --> 00:16:21,780
Daddy, would you
close that window?
357
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:23,949
It's gettin' whiny
in here.
358
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:33,058
At least
i ain't adopted.
359
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:36,962
Repeat people much?
360
00:16:37,396 --> 00:16:38,697
Repeat people much?
361
00:16:38,697 --> 00:16:39,999
Repeat people much?
362
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:42,601
Oh, looky there.
I'm out of cigarettes.
363
00:16:43,035 --> 00:16:46,071
I best be gettin'
down to the store
and pick up a pack.
364
00:16:46,071 --> 00:16:47,806
Back in a couple
of minutes, kids.
365
00:16:47,806 --> 00:16:49,108
Repeat people much?
366
00:16:49,541 --> 00:16:52,144
Oh, i almost forgot
my, uh...
367
00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:53,445
Cigarette money.
368
00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:54,747
Repeat people much?
369
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:55,614
Repeat people much?
370
00:16:56,048 --> 00:16:57,349
And my tickets.
371
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,650
Repeat people much?
372
00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:01,687
To flavor country. Mmm.
373
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:06,992
Where are you,
leslie?
374
00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:08,293
Come on, pick up.
Pick up.
375
00:17:08,293 --> 00:17:09,595
F!
Don't kill yoursel
376
00:17:09,595 --> 00:17:11,330
Why should i listen to you?
377
00:17:11,330 --> 00:17:13,065
You ruined my life!
378
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:15,234
[Sighs]
listen, broham.
379
00:17:15,234 --> 00:17:17,836
I admit i was totally
messing with you.
380
00:17:17,836 --> 00:17:19,571
I thought
i was being funny,
381
00:17:19,571 --> 00:17:22,174
But it turns out
i was only being hurtful.
382
00:17:22,174 --> 00:17:24,343
Please, leslie,
forgive me.
383
00:17:24,343 --> 00:17:26,078
If you can't
forgive yourself,
384
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:28,247
Who can you forgive?
385
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:30,849
[Grunt]
386
00:17:30,849 --> 00:17:32,584
[Screaming]
387
00:17:40,826 --> 00:17:42,561
All right.
I forgive you.
388
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,730
I'm just glad
this is all over.
389
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,766
Ohh!
And the worst part is...
390
00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:51,670
There really is a sweet way
to bone-Storm a sandwich.
391
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:52,971
[Screams]
there is?
392
00:17:52,971 --> 00:17:55,140
Ah, yeah,
but it's just as well.
393
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,875
♪♪ you're too young
to handle it ♪♪
394
00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:59,912
No, i'm not.
Show me.
I can do it.
395
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,816
Yes! Ok, first i'll need
to examine your technique.
396
00:18:03,816 --> 00:18:05,117
Here's what you do.
397
00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:07,286
Take a picture of yourself
screwing a sandwich
398
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:08,587
And bury it under
the town oak tree
399
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,322
So i can find it
here in the future.
400
00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:12,057
Ice, ice, baby.
401
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,094
What is wrong
with you, hero?
402
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,130
Wh-Why are you
being so mean to
your 12-Year-Old self?
403
00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:20,299
Why?
I'll tell you why.
404
00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:21,600
Because when
i was that age,
405
00:18:22,034 --> 00:18:24,636
Some asshole did
the same exact thing to me,
406
00:18:25,070 --> 00:18:27,239
And i swore someday
i would get sweet revenge
407
00:18:27,239 --> 00:18:29,408
By doing it
to some other
12-Year-Old loser.
408
00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:31,143
Now,
if you'll excuse me,
409
00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:33,745
I have a picture of
a penis in a sandwich
waiting for me.
410
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:35,047
Hyah!
411
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,782
[Grunts]
412
00:18:42,421 --> 00:18:45,457
Aw, don't you worry.
Papa's comin' back.
413
00:18:45,457 --> 00:18:47,192
Papa loves me.
414
00:19:03,675 --> 00:19:04,543
[Sighs]
415
00:19:04,543 --> 00:19:07,146
Well, at least
we gots each other,
416
00:19:07,579 --> 00:19:10,616
And we can do
all the things that
a real family can do.
417
00:19:10,616 --> 00:19:12,351
We can go get
our nails did.
418
00:19:12,784 --> 00:19:15,387
I can press out that hair
like nobody business...
419
00:19:15,387 --> 00:19:17,556
[Faint talking continues]
420
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:20,159
Later.
421
00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:24,062
Ohh.
Don't worry, foxxy.
422
00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:25,797
Ling-Ling's comin' back.
423
00:19:25,797 --> 00:19:27,533
Ling-Ling loves me.
424
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:34,473
[Screaming]
425
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:43,148
Oh, this is
the best picture
of a prick i've had
426
00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,751
Since i sold
my cal ripken jr.
Rookie card.
427
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,353
[Weapons click]
put up your hands, sicko.
428
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:49,221
Holy cannoli!
429
00:19:49,655 --> 00:19:50,522
Yeah,
that's right, pervert.
430
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:52,691
It's a sting.
We've been waiting here
for 20 years
431
00:19:52,691 --> 00:19:54,426
For you to pick up
that kiddie porn.
432
00:19:54,426 --> 00:19:56,161
[Laughs]
looks like i win.
433
00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:58,330
I knew you were messing
with me again,
434
00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,499
But i outsmarted you.
Serves you right
for wanting to see
435
00:20:00,933 --> 00:20:03,101
A young boy's penis
in a sandwich. Face!
436
00:20:03,101 --> 00:20:04,403
Take him away, boys.
437
00:20:04,836 --> 00:20:07,005
Aww! Can i least
keep the photo?
438
00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:11,343
It's the only picture
i have of my penis
before the accident.
439
00:20:13,078 --> 00:20:15,681
Accident?
What accident?
440
00:20:16,114 --> 00:20:18,717
Never you mind.
We are done talking,
nipple.
441
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,018
As an asshole
on a walkie-Talkie
442
00:20:20,452 --> 00:20:21,753
Once said to me
when i was 12,
443
00:20:22,187 --> 00:20:23,922
Go screw
a garbage disposal!
444
00:20:23,922 --> 00:20:26,091
A garbage disposal?
445
00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:29,127
Oh, say, that might
feel pretty good.
446
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:30,862
Oh, yeah, baby.
447
00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:33,031
I'm going to walk
like an egyptian.
448
00:20:33,465 --> 00:20:34,333
Na-Nu na-Nu.
449
00:20:34,766 --> 00:20:36,501
Ooh. What is
this switch for?
450
00:20:36,935 --> 00:20:39,104
[Grinding]
aah!
451
00:20:39,104 --> 00:20:39,972
[Static crackles]
452
00:20:39,972 --> 00:20:40,839
[Liquid squirts]
453
00:20:44,309 --> 00:20:46,044
[Flatulating]
454
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:03,829
[Sputtering]
455
00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:17,276
[Flatluence stops]
456
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,011
[Flatulating]
457
00:21:25,083 --> 00:21:26,818
[Sputtering]
31012
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