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1
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Sorry to keep you waiting.
Balloon's gone up.
2
00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:51.620
Total chaos.
3
00:00:51.640 --> 00:00:54.200
Deadlines brought forward,
printers on the warpath -
4
00:00:54.400 --> 00:00:56.200
all kinds of merry hell.
5
00:00:56.400 --> 00:00:57.700
But that's Fleet Street for you.
6
00:00:57.720 --> 00:01:00.860
I wouldn't know about Fleet Street
but I'm familiar with merry hell.
7
00:01:00.880 --> 00:01:04.500
Oh, of course. Of course.
The, uh, war.
8
00:01:04.520 --> 00:01:11.980
Now, you have impressive references
here from Mr Gilbert Frankau
9
00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:13.260
and Mr RC Sherriff.
10
00:01:13.280 --> 00:01:17.260
Yes, I knew them back then when we
were all working on Tenth Avenue.
11
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Tenth Avenue? In New York?
12
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No, No. In Flanders.
13
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It was a trench.
14
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Oh, yes, the war. Very good.
I couldn't go of course.
15
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Eyesight.
16
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I'm sorry. You missed quite a show.
17
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Really? Yes, it must have been hell.
18
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From what I've read.
19
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We had some bad times.
20
00:01:37.840 --> 00:01:40.460
But we had some good times too.
21
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I'm sure. So perhaps you could
tell me about yourself, Mr...?
22
00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:49.940
Roberts, Fred Roberts.
23
00:01:49.960 --> 00:01:52.780
You do have my curriculum vitae?
24
00:01:52.800 --> 00:01:54.300
Yes.
25
00:01:54.320 --> 00:01:57.320
But I'd like to
hear about you in your own words.
26
00:01:59.320 --> 00:02:01.420
Frederick Roberts.
27
00:02:01.440 --> 00:02:04.700
Formerly of the North Midlands
Nottinghamshire and Derbyshire
Regiment,
28
00:02:04.720 --> 00:02:06.700
otherwise known as the Sherwood
Foresters.
29
00:02:06.720 --> 00:02:09.100
A mining engineer by profession -
30
00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:13.200
I worked in the Kimberley diamond
mines in South Africa
31
00:02:13.400 --> 00:02:16.620
until friend
Fritz kicked off the firework party.
32
00:02:16.640 --> 00:02:19.940
I see.
So you have mining qualifications?
33
00:02:19.960 --> 00:02:21.660
Jolly useful in a pioneer battalion
34
00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:23.980
charged with trench repair
and maintenance...
35
00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:26.540
Though less useful
in a newspaper office.
36
00:02:26.560 --> 00:02:28.680
I don't know - digging up
all that muck.
37
00:02:29.680 --> 00:02:30.880
Yes, Mr Roberts.
38
00:02:32.400 --> 00:02:37.180
My problem is that what we need here
is men with relevant experience.
39
00:02:37.200 --> 00:02:39.720
So tell me.
Do you have any relevant experience?
40
00:02:59.440 --> 00:03:02.640
BOMBS EXPLODE
41
00:03:07.720 --> 00:03:10.820
Come on. Come on, lads. Quickly
42
00:03:10.840 --> 00:03:12.740
BOMB EXPLODES
43
00:03:12.760 --> 00:03:14.560
Move it, move it, move it.
44
00:03:18.400 --> 00:03:20.940
BOMB EXPLODES
45
00:03:20.960 --> 00:03:22.100
All right?
46
00:03:22.120 --> 00:03:23.640
Come on! Come on!
47
00:03:28.640 --> 00:03:31.280
BOMB EXPLODES
Come on, lads.
48
00:03:33.400 --> 00:03:35.200
Everyone all right?
Good lads.
49
00:03:37.000 --> 00:03:40.140
BOMBS EXPLODE
50
00:03:40.160 --> 00:03:44.180
Oh, to be in Flanders now that
winter's here.
51
00:03:44.200 --> 00:03:45.300
It's April.
52
00:03:45.320 --> 00:03:48.560
Is it? I find it frightfully
difficult to tell.
53
00:03:52.400 --> 00:03:53.560
Usual drill, Sergeant.
54
00:03:54.640 --> 00:03:58.220
Oi! Smith, Dodd, Henderson, Barnes.
You heard the officer.
55
00:03:58.240 --> 00:04:00.100
Search the place for anything
we can use.
56
00:04:00.120 --> 00:04:03.780
Preferably of the metal or timber
variety. All right, sir.
57
00:04:03.800 --> 00:04:06.220
And be sharp about it, lads.
58
00:04:06.240 --> 00:04:09.940
Fritz's love tokens seem to be
arriving with greater frequency.
59
00:04:09.960 --> 00:04:12.420
BOMBS EXPLODE
60
00:04:12.440 --> 00:04:13.900
4.2s, sir.
61
00:04:13.920 --> 00:04:16.740
That's a relief. Thought
for a minute they were 5.9s.
62
00:04:16.760 --> 00:04:19.340
BOMB EXPLODES CLOSE BY
63
00:04:19.360 --> 00:04:21.320
No. Those are 5.9s, sir.
64
00:04:28.120 --> 00:04:30.200
What the hell are you doing, Dodd?
65
00:04:30.400 --> 00:04:32.180
Die Boche vermin!
66
00:04:32.200 --> 00:04:33.740
You're wasting your time.
67
00:04:33.760 --> 00:04:36.500
Put your bayonet away before you
hurt someone.
68
00:04:36.520 --> 00:04:38.200
But it's a rat, sir.
69
00:04:38.400 --> 00:04:39.980
Yes, I'm familiar with the species,
Dodd.
70
00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:42.980
We've encountered one or two
since we've been in Ypres.
71
00:04:43.000 --> 00:04:44.540
Ypres, sir?
72
00:04:44.560 --> 00:04:47.220
It's what the Belgians call Wipers.
73
00:04:47.240 --> 00:04:50.100
Oh right, sir.
Funny lot, the Belgians.
74
00:04:50.120 --> 00:04:52.740
It's like the Napoo Rum
they got over here, sir.
75
00:04:52.760 --> 00:04:54.500
Never seem to get any.
76
00:04:54.520 --> 00:04:56.460
Napoo it's from the French, Dodd.
77
00:04:56.480 --> 00:04:58.420
"Il n'y en a plus".
There is no more.
78
00:04:58.440 --> 00:05:02.220
Well, why don't
they just say that then, sir?
79
00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:03.640
Nothing here, Captain.
80
00:05:04.720 --> 00:05:06.820
Napoo salvage, sir.
81
00:05:06.840 --> 00:05:09.760
Very good, Dodd.
We'll make a sapper of you yet.
82
00:05:12.640 --> 00:05:14.660
Quickly. Quick. Come on, lads.
83
00:05:14.680 --> 00:05:17.120
BOMB FALLING
84
00:05:19.120 --> 00:05:21.680
BOMBS EXPLODE
85
00:05:22.840 --> 00:05:24.800
BOMB EXPLODES OUTSIDE
86
00:05:26.920 --> 00:05:28.360
Find me something, lads.
87
00:05:31.240 --> 00:05:34.540
Look what we have here, sir!
Boxes of paper.
88
00:05:34.560 --> 00:05:38.420
Excellent. Exactly what we're
looking for to reinforce trench 132.
89
00:05:38.440 --> 00:05:40.540
Really, sir? Er no, Dodd.
90
00:05:40.560 --> 00:05:43.260
I'm afraid you'll find when you've
been out here for a while that
91
00:05:43.280 --> 00:05:46.260
paper doesn't offer much protection
against crumps and whizz-bangs.
92
00:05:46.280 --> 00:05:48.820
Unless you're a red hat in HQ with
a cushy job, then the paper
93
00:05:48.840 --> 00:05:51.420
stops you getting anywhere
near the shooting gallery at all.
94
00:05:51.440 --> 00:05:55.580
Your cynicism could become
wearying, Lieutenant Pearson
95
00:05:55.600 --> 00:05:57.660
except fortunately
I find it quite amusing.
96
00:05:57.680 --> 00:05:59.540
Some tarpaulin here, sir.
97
00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:01.160
Well, that might be useful.
98
00:06:04.840 --> 00:06:05.880
Blimey.
99
00:06:06.880 --> 00:06:08.760
Now what the bloody hell is that?
100
00:06:10.280 --> 00:06:12.220
That, Smith, is an Arab.
101
00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:15.600
I'm not stupid, Sar'nt.
102
00:06:15.800 --> 00:06:18.500
The Arab is an Anglo-American
hand-fed platen press.
103
00:06:18.520 --> 00:06:20.860
It's probably
the finest in the world.
104
00:06:20.880 --> 00:06:23.660
It's a manual, pedal-operated
printing machine
105
00:06:23.680 --> 00:06:26.180
patented in 1872 by Josiah Wade.
106
00:06:26.200 --> 00:06:28.420
Manufactured in Halifax,
107
00:06:28.440 --> 00:06:30.500
subsequently sold all over the
world.
108
00:06:30.520 --> 00:06:33.600
In short, it's a work of art.
109
00:06:33.800 --> 00:06:34.620
So, shall we smash it up?
110
00:06:34.640 --> 00:06:37.140
No. Stupid, Dodd.
111
00:06:37.160 --> 00:06:39.900
Look, it's even got the blocks and
the trays of type.
112
00:06:39.920 --> 00:06:41.480
Go on, stick that over there, Smith.
113
00:06:43.440 --> 00:06:45.220
How on earth do you know all this,
Harris?
114
00:06:45.240 --> 00:06:47.420
I was a printer in civvy street,
sir.
115
00:06:47.440 --> 00:06:50.580
Good grief.
You kept quiet about that.
116
00:06:50.600 --> 00:06:53.780
Well, it didn't seem relevant to
fighting Fritz, sir.
117
00:06:53.800 --> 00:06:57.400
No. But it might be now.
118
00:06:59.160 --> 00:07:00.540
Can you make this work?
119
00:07:00.560 --> 00:07:04.620
Well, I mean,
she's not been used for a while.
120
00:07:04.640 --> 00:07:07.700
The type's all over the countryside.
121
00:07:07.720 --> 00:07:09.720
There's a few unwelcome visitors.
122
00:07:11.640 --> 00:07:15.600
But give it a bit of time, reckon
so, sir. Yes, sir.
123
00:07:15.800 --> 00:07:16.820
How's it work then, Sar'nt?
124
00:07:16.840 --> 00:07:20.500
Well, you stick
the ink on that plate there.
125
00:07:20.520 --> 00:07:23.300
And the rollers come down onto
the block there.
126
00:07:23.320 --> 00:07:24.500
Paper goes in there.
127
00:07:24.520 --> 00:07:26.460
Don't touch it.
128
00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:28.260
Very interesting.
129
00:07:28.280 --> 00:07:30.860
What are we going to do with it?
130
00:07:30.880 --> 00:07:32.980
We're going to borrow it.
131
00:07:33.000 --> 00:07:34.140
Isn't that looting?
132
00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:39.600
No, no. It's temporary requisitioning
of civilian
133
00:07:39.800 --> 00:07:41.380
facilities for military purposes.
134
00:07:41.400 --> 00:07:43.420
Oh, right. Sounds like looting.
135
00:07:43.440 --> 00:07:45.940
Have you ever done any journalism,
Pearson?
136
00:07:45.960 --> 00:07:47.540
Good God, no! Excellent.
137
00:07:47.560 --> 00:07:49.200
Me neither.
138
00:07:49.400 --> 00:07:52.300
Because what we're going to do, is
we're going to produce a newspaper.
139
00:07:52.320 --> 00:07:54.940
Aren't we, Sergeant? If you say so,
sir.
140
00:07:54.960 --> 00:07:56.860
What, like the Daily Mail?
141
00:07:56.880 --> 00:08:00.500
I was thinking something
rather more accurate.
142
00:08:00.520 --> 00:08:01.560
The Times?
143
00:08:03.680 --> 00:08:04.880
The Wipers Times.
144
00:08:06.760 --> 00:08:07.800
BOMB EXPLODES
145
00:08:10.600 --> 00:08:12.260
BOMB EXPLODES
146
00:08:12.280 --> 00:08:14.520
Move it, lads! Move it!
147
00:08:26.200 --> 00:08:28.820
BOMB EXPLODES
148
00:08:28.840 --> 00:08:31.200
We've got plenty of ink,
plenty of paper.
149
00:08:31.400 --> 00:08:32.540
In fact, according to Harris,
150
00:08:32.560 --> 00:08:35.380
the only thing
we seem to be lacking is "copy".
151
00:08:35.400 --> 00:08:37.660
Uh-huh. None of us is writing men.
152
00:08:37.680 --> 00:08:39.540
We haven't done any journalism.
153
00:08:39.560 --> 00:08:42.660
There's a first time for everything.
It can't be that hard.
154
00:08:42.680 --> 00:08:46.220
I think we should aim to produce
something a bit like Punch,
155
00:08:46.240 --> 00:08:48.780
except with jokes. Mm-hm.
156
00:08:48.800 --> 00:08:50.740
So what are we actually going
to write about?
157
00:08:50.760 --> 00:08:52.820
EXPLOSION
158
00:08:52.840 --> 00:08:54.700
Damn you, Fritz.
I can't hear myself think.
159
00:08:54.720 --> 00:08:56.800
Put on The Bing Boys would you, Jack?
160
00:09:01.120 --> 00:09:05.140
So will The Wipers Times address
the big questions of the war?
161
00:09:05.160 --> 00:09:08.220
Certainly. And how will we do that?
162
00:09:08.240 --> 00:09:11.340
I suggest we do so just by writing
down any old thing that
163
00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:12.980
comes into our heads.
164
00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:15.660
Trial page proof, sir.
165
00:09:15.680 --> 00:09:17.780
Looks pretty good,
I must say myself.
166
00:09:17.800 --> 00:09:20.420
Who do I show it to, sir?
Who's the editor?
167
00:09:20.440 --> 00:09:24.300
Well, as senior officer, I am, of
course, the editor.
168
00:09:24.320 --> 00:09:27.780
I will need a sub-editor.
Any volunteers? Jack?
169
00:09:27.800 --> 00:09:31.580
Ugh. Bad grammar is simply something
I will not put up with.
170
00:09:31.600 --> 00:09:34.260
Up with which you simply
will not put.
171
00:09:34.280 --> 00:09:36.160
All right, Jack, the job's yours.
172
00:09:38.800 --> 00:09:40.540
Only drawback, sir, is that we're
short of Ys and Es.
173
00:09:40.560 --> 00:09:43.580
Well, it's just as well we're not
based anywhere called Ypres then.
174
00:09:43.600 --> 00:09:46.180
Ah. Now, sir, what about some copy?
175
00:09:46.200 --> 00:09:48.820
Dammit, Harris,
haven't you heard of writer's block?
176
00:09:48.840 --> 00:09:51.720
Only every day, sir, come deadline
time for the newspaper.
177
00:09:53.600 --> 00:09:56.780
Very well, Harris.
But you are very annoying.
178
00:09:56.800 --> 00:09:58.660
Very good, sir.
179
00:09:58.680 --> 00:10:01.140
You know he's right, Fred.
180
00:10:01.160 --> 00:10:02.320
Et tu, Pearson?
181
00:10:06.000 --> 00:10:08.660
I'm going
to hold this pencil...
182
00:10:08.680 --> 00:10:09.920
and see what happens.
183
00:10:11.160 --> 00:10:13.140
Something's bound to turn up.
184
00:10:13.160 --> 00:10:15.160
You are an incorrigible optimist.
185
00:10:17.400 --> 00:10:19.600
Optimism.
186
00:10:19.800 --> 00:10:21.100
Well, there's a dangerous thing...
187
00:10:21.120 --> 00:10:23.540
particularly in a war.
188
00:10:23.560 --> 00:10:26.140
Do you suffer from optimism?
189
00:10:26.160 --> 00:10:28.540
Men! Do you suffer from optimism,
190
00:10:28.560 --> 00:10:31.180
but fail to recognise
the tell-tale signs?
191
00:10:31.200 --> 00:10:32.580
Many do.
192
00:10:32.600 --> 00:10:34.460
Is it serious, Doctor?
193
00:10:34.480 --> 00:10:37.740
I just need you to answer a few
simple questions.
194
00:10:37.760 --> 00:10:40.180
Do you sometimes wake up
in the morning feeling that all is
195
00:10:40.200 --> 00:10:41.780
going well for the Allies?
196
00:10:41.800 --> 00:10:43.500
Yes, Doctor.
197
00:10:43.520 --> 00:10:45.540
Do you sometimes think that the
war will be over,
198
00:10:45.560 --> 00:10:47.340
within the next 12 months?
199
00:10:47.360 --> 00:10:49.540
Absolutely, Doctor.
200
00:10:49.560 --> 00:10:52.420
Do you consider that our leaders
are competent to conduct the war
201
00:10:52.440 --> 00:10:54.600
to a successful issue?
202
00:10:54.800 --> 00:10:56.600
I should say so, Doctor.
203
00:10:56.800 --> 00:10:59.820
Oh, dear. This is the worst case
of cheerfulness I've encountered.
204
00:10:59.840 --> 00:11:02.380
Oh, Good. No. It's terrible.
205
00:11:02.400 --> 00:11:03.420
But don't worry.
206
00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:06.460
I promise I can cure
you of optimism within two days
207
00:11:06.480 --> 00:11:09.740
and effectively eradicate all
traces of it from your system.
208
00:11:09.760 --> 00:11:12.740
Really, Doctor?
And how are you going to do that?
209
00:11:12.760 --> 00:11:16.100
I'm writing something for you now,
which should do the trick.
210
00:11:16.120 --> 00:11:17.820
Is it a prescription, Doctor?
211
00:11:17.840 --> 00:11:21.980
No. It's your orders.
I'm sending you to the front line.
212
00:11:22.000 --> 00:11:24.660
Thank you, Doctor.
BOMB FALLING
213
00:11:24.680 --> 00:11:26.640
BOMB EXPLODES
214
00:11:30.200 --> 00:11:32.540
Not sure about this
piece about optimism.
215
00:11:32.560 --> 00:11:35.500
Are you questioning
the judgment of a superior officer?
216
00:11:35.520 --> 00:11:36.820
Er, yes. Good.
217
00:11:36.840 --> 00:11:39.820
So as a superior officer, of course,
I shall ignore you.
218
00:11:39.840 --> 00:11:43.260
Seriously, do you not think it's
gone a little bit too far?
219
00:11:43.280 --> 00:11:45.980
How can you accuse me of going too
far - when the entire
220
00:11:46.000 --> 00:11:49.200
24th Division has gone precisely ten
yards in the last six months?
221
00:11:49.400 --> 00:11:51.800
And that was sideways. I'm just
saying we have to be careful.
222
00:11:52.880 --> 00:11:55.660
Yes, I guess you are right.
We must be responsible.
223
00:11:55.680 --> 00:11:59.140
As will be made
clear in my editorial.
224
00:11:59.160 --> 00:12:00.700
You haven't written an editorial.
225
00:12:00.720 --> 00:12:02.420
How's your shorthand? Non-existent.
226
00:12:02.440 --> 00:12:04.800
Good. Take this down.
227
00:12:07.800 --> 00:12:10.180
Mm-hm? Editorial.
228
00:12:10.200 --> 00:12:12.480
Hmm, excellent.
229
00:12:14.920 --> 00:12:20.820
Having managed to pick up a printing
press, slightly soiled,
230
00:12:20.840 --> 00:12:23.740
at a very reasonable price,
231
00:12:23.760 --> 00:12:26.300
we have decided to produce a paper.
232
00:12:26.320 --> 00:12:29.100
There is much
we would like to say in it,
233
00:12:29.120 --> 00:12:34.140
but the shadows of censorship
enveloping us,
234
00:12:34.160 --> 00:12:39.660
cause us to refer to the war that we
hear is taking place in Europe...
235
00:12:39.680 --> 00:12:42.800
Careful.
..in a cautious manner.
236
00:12:44.000 --> 00:12:48.800
We apologise for any shortcomings
in production of our paper...
237
00:12:49.840 --> 00:12:51.800
..on account of...
238
00:12:53.400 --> 00:12:55.200
Editorial inexperience?
239
00:12:55.400 --> 00:12:56.380
Quite so.
240
00:12:56.400 --> 00:12:58.500
We hope to publish The Times weekly,
241
00:12:58.520 --> 00:13:03.200
despite the attentions of Messrs Hun
and co.
242
00:13:03.400 --> 00:13:05.600
Our local rivals. Excellent!
243
00:13:05.800 --> 00:13:08.180
And we take this opportunity
of stating that we accept
244
00:13:08.200 --> 00:13:10.640
no responsibility for the views
expressed. We?
245
00:13:12.160 --> 00:13:14.860
Yes. And we disassociate
ourselves from any
246
00:13:14.880 --> 00:13:16.700
statements in the advertisements.
247
00:13:16.720 --> 00:13:18.980
Well, that bit's true.
There are no advertisements.
248
00:13:19.000 --> 00:13:20.140
No? Why Not?
249
00:13:20.160 --> 00:13:24.300
There's a problem with potential
advertisers such as theatres,
250
00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:27.200
restaurants, hotels,
small businesses et cetera...
251
00:13:27.400 --> 00:13:28.220
Well, what's the problem?
252
00:13:28.240 --> 00:13:31.600
There aren't any.
They've all been blown to buggery.
253
00:13:31.800 --> 00:13:33.200
Is that anywhere near Poperinghe?
254
00:13:33.400 --> 00:13:36.340
No, it's not. And you didn't hear
that, Sergeant, did you?
255
00:13:36.360 --> 00:13:39.200
No, sir, but it was most amusing.
256
00:13:39.400 --> 00:13:40.300
Harris, you're our expert.
257
00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:43.900
We can't be a proper newspaper
without advertisements, can we?
258
00:13:43.920 --> 00:13:46.820
No, sir,
that's what the front page is for.
259
00:13:46.840 --> 00:13:47.880
So what do we do?
260
00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:20.640
Taxi! Taxi! I say, Taxi!
261
00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:24.180
'Are you having trouble getting
home?
262
00:14:24.200 --> 00:14:28.660
'Not any more, with our fleet
of handsomely-appointed taxicabs.'
263
00:14:28.680 --> 00:14:31.860
But how will I recognise your taxis?
264
00:14:31.880 --> 00:14:34.760
'Easy, they have a red cross
painted on each side.'
265
00:14:44.600 --> 00:14:46.260
'Is your friend a soldier?
266
00:14:46.280 --> 00:14:52.580
'Do you know what he wants?
No? We do.
267
00:14:52.600 --> 00:14:55.100
'Send him one of our latest improved
combination umbrella
268
00:14:55.120 --> 00:14:56.260
'and wire cutter.
269
00:14:56.280 --> 00:14:59.180
'No more nasty colds caught
when cutting the wire.
270
00:14:59.200 --> 00:15:03.180
'He will be absolutely delighted with
the combination umbrella
271
00:15:03.200 --> 00:15:04.340
'and wire cutter.
272
00:15:04.360 --> 00:15:06.740
'Just 15 francs.
273
00:15:06.760 --> 00:15:07.980
'Quite right, Miss.
274
00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:11.580
'Now you can rest assured
your soldier friend will stay fit
275
00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:13.720
'and healthy out in no man's land.'
276
00:15:20.840 --> 00:15:23.300
'Calling all harassed subalterns.'
277
00:15:23.320 --> 00:15:25.100
Who? Me?
278
00:15:25.120 --> 00:15:28.540
'Yes, you. Is your life miserable?
279
00:15:28.560 --> 00:15:31.260
'Do you hate your company commander?'
Uh.
280
00:15:31.280 --> 00:15:33.200
'Of course you do.
281
00:15:33.400 --> 00:15:37.400
'Then why not buy him one of our
patent "tip me up" duckboards?'
282
00:15:38.280 --> 00:15:41.100
But how does the "tip me
up" duckboard work?
283
00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:43.820
'You just get your company commander
on the end...
284
00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:45.760
'and the duckboard does the rest.
285
00:15:49.680 --> 00:15:51.740
'Every time a blighty!
286
00:15:51.760 --> 00:15:54.580
'That's our promise. Remember...
287
00:15:54.600 --> 00:15:56.780
'if once he steps onto the end,
288
00:15:56.800 --> 00:15:59.600
'to take a month his face to mend.'
289
00:16:00.760 --> 00:16:02.680
Thank you, "tip me up" duckboard.
290
00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:06.740
BOMB EXPLODES
291
00:16:06.760 --> 00:16:09.340
Excellent work, Sergeant.
When can we roll the pressers?
292
00:16:09.360 --> 00:16:10.740
Soon as it eases off a bit, sir.
293
00:16:10.760 --> 00:16:12.940
Surely you're not
bothered by a spot of rain?
294
00:16:12.960 --> 00:16:15.940
No. It's more the bombardment, sir.
295
00:16:15.960 --> 00:16:18.780
Fritz is getting a bit too close
to the print room to be pleasant.
296
00:16:18.800 --> 00:16:21.780
Well, when Herman knocks off for his
evening sausage let's print
297
00:16:21.800 --> 00:16:23.300
the blighter.
298
00:16:23.320 --> 00:16:25.280
BOMB EXPLODES
299
00:16:27.200 --> 00:16:28.940
Everything all right? I'm fine,
Sar'nt.
300
00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:31.240
Not you, the print blocks.
Get in there.
301
00:16:41.560 --> 00:16:44.500
Don't get your hand
caught in the plate, Dodd.
302
00:16:44.520 --> 00:16:45.960
Or you'll come a cropper.
303
00:16:48.400 --> 00:16:49.780
A phrase, incidentally,
304
00:16:49.800 --> 00:16:52.180
derived from the printing presses of
HS Cropper.
305
00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:54.420
Do you know that?
That's very interesting, Sar'nt.
306
00:16:54.440 --> 00:16:57.400
As is the phrase "mind your Ps and
Qs".
307
00:16:58.400 --> 00:17:01.700
It comes from a common mistaking of
the P for the Q in a tray of type.
308
00:17:01.720 --> 00:17:03.580
That's even more interesting,
Sar'nt.
309
00:17:03.600 --> 00:17:06.420
Whereas, the expression "get the
wrong end of the stick",
310
00:17:06.440 --> 00:17:09.220
that comes from grabbing the wrong
end of the compositing stick
311
00:17:09.240 --> 00:17:11.100
and getting your hand
covered in ink.
312
00:17:11.120 --> 00:17:15.100
It means thinking you're being
interesting when really... Yes,
Henderson?
313
00:17:15.120 --> 00:17:17.500
Very, very interesting indeed,
Sar'nt.
314
00:17:17.520 --> 00:17:18.560
Correct.
315
00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:25.340
Right, here we go. Grab it, Smith.
316
00:17:25.360 --> 00:17:26.520
There it is, Sar'nt.
317
00:17:28.920 --> 00:17:32.120
Now, the result, if I say it myself,
is a thing of beauty.
318
00:17:33.520 --> 00:17:34.760
Unlike any of you lot.
319
00:17:46.440 --> 00:17:49.640
MEN CHUCKLE
320
00:18:16.680 --> 00:18:19.680
Oi, Bill, this Wipers Times does what
it says!
321
00:18:29.880 --> 00:18:32.540
Have you seen this poppycock, sir?
322
00:18:32.560 --> 00:18:33.740
Yes, I have.
323
00:18:33.760 --> 00:18:35.460
It's downright insubordination.
324
00:18:35.480 --> 00:18:37.820
That's maybe why the men
seem to like it.
325
00:18:37.840 --> 00:18:41.220
The men also like the ladies of the
Poperinghe Fancies.
326
00:18:41.240 --> 00:18:44.140
Neither are exactly conducive to
winning the war.
327
00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:47.500
Really? Have you seen the ladies
of the Poperinghe Fancies?
328
00:18:47.520 --> 00:18:48.540
Of course not!
329
00:18:48.560 --> 00:18:50.200
I think they're doing their bit.
330
00:18:50.400 --> 00:18:51.780
Jolly, buxom girls.
331
00:18:51.800 --> 00:18:54.600
They can't sing,
they can't dance, but...
332
00:18:54.800 --> 00:18:57.140
no-one seems to care, particularly.
333
00:18:57.160 --> 00:19:00.980
I believe the chaps call them
glycerine and Vaseline.
334
00:19:01.000 --> 00:19:04.140
No idea why. We're getting off the
point here, sir.
335
00:19:04.160 --> 00:19:06.980
Which is surely that some
of the material in this publication
336
00:19:07.000 --> 00:19:09.780
is not merely unsuitable,
it's downright treasonable.
337
00:19:09.800 --> 00:19:11.300
Like what, in particular?
338
00:19:11.320 --> 00:19:12.360
Like this.
339
00:19:15.400 --> 00:19:18.100
Oh. Answers to correspondence.
340
00:19:18.120 --> 00:19:20.300
Whoever wrote this should be
court-martialed.
341
00:19:20.320 --> 00:19:23.420
Like this item advising young
officers not to wear turned-up
342
00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:26.380
slacks or shoes
when going over the top?
343
00:19:26.400 --> 00:19:28.540
What? Lovely, sound advice.
344
00:19:28.560 --> 00:19:31.500
A chap wearing turned-up
slacks on the battlefield not only
345
00:19:31.520 --> 00:19:33.260
looks a bloody fool,
346
00:19:33.280 --> 00:19:37.260
but he advertises the fact he's
an officer to any half-awake sniper.
347
00:19:37.280 --> 00:19:40.660
No, no, no. That is
not the offending article.
348
00:19:40.680 --> 00:19:42.580
I'm referring to this
response
349
00:19:42.600 --> 00:19:45.220
to a supposed query from a
junior officer.
350
00:19:45.240 --> 00:19:46.740
"Dear Subaltern.
351
00:19:46.760 --> 00:19:47.820
"No.
352
00:19:47.840 --> 00:19:50.600
"The death penalty is not enforced
353
00:19:50.800 --> 00:19:52.820
"in the case of murdering a senior
officer,
354
00:19:52.840 --> 00:19:56.580
"as you will always be able to claim
extenuating circumstances."
355
00:19:56.600 --> 00:19:58.120
HE LAUGHS
356
00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:01.620
That's a joke.
357
00:20:01.640 --> 00:20:04.380
It's an incitement to mutiny,
I'll have him shot.
358
00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:05.920
Not if he shoots you first.
359
00:20:09.160 --> 00:20:10.820
That's also a joke.
360
00:20:10.840 --> 00:20:12.540
The war is not funny, sir.
361
00:20:12.560 --> 00:20:14.980
I think the authors
are aware of that.
362
00:20:15.000 --> 00:20:17.120
I have a feeling that may be the
point.
363
00:20:18.840 --> 00:20:20.460
I mean...
364
00:20:20.480 --> 00:20:24.240
It's not all cocking a snook
at the general staff, although...
365
00:20:25.840 --> 00:20:27.660
..quite a bit of it is.
366
00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:30.980
I mean, some bits are deadly
serious - words from the heart.
367
00:20:31.000 --> 00:20:32.220
Such as?
368
00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:34.620
"People we take our hats
off to - The French at Verdun,
369
00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:36.700
"the British Navy at Jutland,
370
00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:39.100
"and the Canadians at Ypres."
371
00:20:39.120 --> 00:20:43.200
Saluting our fallen comrades is
hardly sedition, is it?
372
00:20:43.400 --> 00:20:45.940
They also take their hats
off to the officer in charge
373
00:20:45.960 --> 00:20:49.380
of the costume department
of the Poperinghe Fancies.
374
00:20:49.400 --> 00:20:51.860
They are just a gang of backchat
comedians deliberately
375
00:20:51.880 --> 00:20:55.980
undermining morale with this
impertinent, unpatriotic rag.
376
00:20:56.000 --> 00:21:00.100
Could you think of anything more
likely to produce discontent amongst
the men?
377
00:21:00.120 --> 00:21:01.920
Yes. Banning it.
378
00:21:20.200 --> 00:21:23.340
Put your back into it, Henderson.
Sir.
379
00:21:23.360 --> 00:21:26.140
Sergeant, we're running out of
timber.
380
00:21:26.160 --> 00:21:29.180
BOMB EXPLODES
381
00:21:29.200 --> 00:21:32.860
Go see if you can borrow something
from the communications line.
382
00:21:32.880 --> 00:21:36.260
Henderson. Barnes. You
work on the parapets.
383
00:21:36.280 --> 00:21:37.520
Yes, sir.
384
00:21:38.840 --> 00:21:42.920
Keep down, Barnesy, unless you want
sniper taking your head off.
385
00:21:46.400 --> 00:21:48.500
Smith. Dodd. Start on the supports.
386
00:21:48.520 --> 00:21:49.860
Do I have to work with Dodd, sir?
387
00:21:49.880 --> 00:21:51.860
Yes, you do. Poor Dodd drew
the short straw.
388
00:21:51.880 --> 00:21:53.100
Now get on with it, Smith.
389
00:21:53.120 --> 00:21:54.340
What's the plan?
390
00:21:54.360 --> 00:21:55.900
What I think we should do, Jack...
391
00:21:55.920 --> 00:21:57.380
BOMB EXPLODES
392
00:21:57.400 --> 00:22:01.180
Up the cover price, get in some new
writers and cut down on the poetry.
393
00:22:01.200 --> 00:22:05.600
You don't think you might be getting
rather obsessed with the paper?
Don't be ridiculous.
394
00:22:05.800 --> 00:22:07.420
I'm a model commanding officer
executing my duties
395
00:22:07.440 --> 00:22:08.740
in exemplary fashion.
396
00:22:08.760 --> 00:22:10.680
BOMB EXPLODES
397
00:22:12.960 --> 00:22:14.660
What do you think of the poetry?
398
00:22:14.680 --> 00:22:19.580
I think poetry's essential in the
modern battlefield. A bit like mud.
399
00:22:19.600 --> 00:22:21.580
If only it were just mud.
400
00:22:21.600 --> 00:22:27.180
Yes. Perhaps, better not
dwell on the...unmentionables.
401
00:22:27.200 --> 00:22:28.360
Better left unsaid.
402
00:22:31.720 --> 00:22:34.260
That's why I'd rather
think about the paper.
403
00:22:34.280 --> 00:22:37.380
It's important to me
because it's not important.
404
00:22:37.400 --> 00:22:39.420
Oh, dear. You're getting aphoristic.
405
00:22:39.440 --> 00:22:41.440
Am I? Apologies.
406
00:22:43.480 --> 00:22:44.940
So what are we thinking?
407
00:22:44.960 --> 00:22:47.300
I think we should crack out
another couple of issues.
408
00:22:47.320 --> 00:22:50.340
And if it keeps going this well,
try and sell it back home.
409
00:22:50.360 --> 00:22:51.860
You're getting obsessed.
410
00:22:51.880 --> 00:22:53.980
MEN SING
411
00:22:54.000 --> 00:22:57.600
Listen. Listen, Fritz is in
fine voice.
412
00:23:01.960 --> 00:23:05.380
What are they singing, sir?
Sounds like an hymn, sir.
413
00:23:05.400 --> 00:23:06.940
It is.
414
00:23:06.960 --> 00:23:08.700
It's called the Hymn Of Hate.
415
00:23:08.720 --> 00:23:10.440
It goes something like this...
416
00:23:12.600 --> 00:23:14.680
You we will hate with
a lasting hate.
417
00:23:16.720 --> 00:23:18.440
We will never forego our hate.
418
00:23:20.200 --> 00:23:23.540
Hate by water and hate by land.
419
00:23:23.560 --> 00:23:27.800
Hate of the head
and hate of the hand.
420
00:23:28.920 --> 00:23:31.920
Hate of the hammer,
hate of the crown.
421
00:23:33.000 --> 00:23:35.960
Hate of 70 millions choking down.
422
00:23:37.560 --> 00:23:40.580
We love as one. We hate as one.
423
00:23:40.600 --> 00:23:45.200
We have one foe and one alone.
424
00:23:45.400 --> 00:23:46.580
♪ Eng-er-land. ♪
425
00:23:46.600 --> 00:23:48.220
MEN SING: Eng-er-land.
426
00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:50.260
That's not very nice is it, sir?
427
00:23:50.280 --> 00:23:51.900
Spot-on, Dodd.
428
00:23:51.920 --> 00:23:53.980
We don't have any songs like that,
do we, sir?
429
00:23:54.000 --> 00:23:56.580
No, we don't and if we did they'd
certainly be a lot funnier.
430
00:23:56.600 --> 00:23:59.140
The Wipers Times should put that
right, sir.
431
00:23:59.160 --> 00:24:01.180
Good idea, Dodd.
432
00:24:01.200 --> 00:24:03.580
Since Dodd has joined
the editorial conference,
433
00:24:03.600 --> 00:24:06.260
I propose we take his excellent
suggestion on board
434
00:24:06.280 --> 00:24:09.540
and include something suitably
melodious in the issue.
435
00:24:09.560 --> 00:24:10.960
What do you have in mind?
436
00:24:12.320 --> 00:24:14.120
We all love the music hall, sir!
437
00:24:17.200 --> 00:24:19.000
MEN CHEER
438
00:24:20.920 --> 00:24:24.260
Ladies and gentlemen!
439
00:24:24.280 --> 00:24:28.820
Welcome to the Cloth Hall at Ypres.
440
00:24:28.840 --> 00:24:32.740
Best ventilated hall in the town.
441
00:24:32.760 --> 00:24:35.620
Tonight, for your delectation,
442
00:24:35.640 --> 00:24:38.340
we proudly present
positively the greatest
443
00:24:38.360 --> 00:24:44.600
collection of performers ever
collected in one place at one time.
444
00:24:44.800 --> 00:24:49.220
Yes, it's Mr Thomas Atkins And Co in
their stupendous new revue,
445
00:24:49.240 --> 00:24:51.340
The Big Bangs Are Here.
446
00:24:51.360 --> 00:24:54.820
MEN: Oooh!
447
00:24:54.840 --> 00:24:56.360
With music by Mr R Tillery.
448
00:24:59.240 --> 00:25:01.460
And not to mention
Mrs Miniworther,
449
00:25:01.480 --> 00:25:04.160
who always meets with
a thunderous reception.
450
00:25:05.600 --> 00:25:09.880
And not forgetting Bouncing Bertha,
who's only 17 inches high...
451
00:25:11.120 --> 00:25:13.600
..but is guaranteed to bring
the house down.
452
00:25:15.120 --> 00:25:20.620
And, there's more, with Hind and
Berg, sword swallowers...
453
00:25:20.640 --> 00:25:22.380
and nail eaters.
454
00:25:22.400 --> 00:25:23.580
MEN BOO
455
00:25:23.600 --> 00:25:28.280
And introducing the world's favourite
comedian, Kaiser Bill...
456
00:25:29.600 --> 00:25:32.420
..and his little Willie.
MEN LAUGH
457
00:25:32.440 --> 00:25:34.920
That's the crown prince I'm talking
about.
458
00:25:35.960 --> 00:25:39.900
Thank you. But I promised you a song
and a song you shall have.
459
00:25:39.920 --> 00:25:44.600
A pleasing patriotic performance
from our very own privates -
460
00:25:44.800 --> 00:25:47.800
The Atkins brothers -
Thomas and Tommy.
461
00:25:49.520 --> 00:25:54.940
♪ I heard the bugles calling
462
00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:59.200
♪ Join up, I felt I must
463
00:25:59.400 --> 00:26:02.380
♪ Now I wish I'd left them bugles go
on blowing till they bust. ♪
464
00:26:02.400 --> 00:26:04.120
MEN CHEER
465
00:26:06.880 --> 00:26:11.800
Yes, this show is going to run,
and run and run and run...
466
00:26:13.240 --> 00:26:16.820
Dodd, did you go swimming? Give its
a rest, Smithy I was switching
patrols.
467
00:26:16.840 --> 00:26:17.960
As you were, Smith.
468
00:26:21.760 --> 00:26:25.200
MUSIC HALL STYLE-MUSIC
469
00:26:25.400 --> 00:26:29.160
Great news, Fred, apparently the war
will be over within the week.
470
00:26:30.280 --> 00:26:31.980
Says who?
471
00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:33.240
Says Hilaire Belloc.
472
00:26:34.840 --> 00:26:38.540
Didn't he say the war was going to
be over within the week last week?
473
00:26:38.560 --> 00:26:39.900
I rather think he did.
474
00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:41.980
And the week before.
475
00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:44.900
Now you're just jealous cos we don't
have a war expert of our own.
476
00:26:44.920 --> 00:26:47.220
Somebody who really knows what's
going on.
477
00:26:47.240 --> 00:26:52.100
Yes, you're right. Perhaps we should
employ our own Hilary Belloc.
478
00:26:52.120 --> 00:26:58.140
What about Belary Helloc?
I hear he's very well informed.
479
00:26:58.160 --> 00:26:59.420
Really?
480
00:26:59.440 --> 00:27:04.540
So what is Mr Helloc's latest
take on the war?
481
00:27:04.560 --> 00:27:05.700
Good evening.
482
00:27:05.720 --> 00:27:08.740
I'm the famous Belary Helloc
and tonight my subject is
483
00:27:08.760 --> 00:27:11.140
"why we are going to win the war."
484
00:27:11.160 --> 00:27:14.460
Everything points to a speedy
disintegration of the enemy.
485
00:27:14.480 --> 00:27:16.760
So let's just have a
look at the figures.
486
00:27:18.800 --> 00:27:21.820
There are 12 million
fighting men in Germany.
487
00:27:21.840 --> 00:27:25.700
Of these,
nine million are already killed,
488
00:27:25.720 --> 00:27:27.900
or are being killed as we speak.
489
00:27:27.920 --> 00:27:29.960
Leaving just three million.
490
00:27:31.160 --> 00:27:33.940
Of these 2,500,000
are temperamentally
491
00:27:33.960 --> 00:27:37.860
unsuitable for fighting owing to
obesity, due to eating sausages.
492
00:27:37.880 --> 00:27:44.100
This leaves us just 500,000
as the full German strength.
493
00:27:44.120 --> 00:27:51.900
Now, of these, 497,250 are suffering
from incurable diseases.
494
00:27:51.920 --> 00:27:53.820
And I think we know which ones.
495
00:27:53.840 --> 00:27:57.420
Leaving just 2,750 men.
496
00:27:57.440 --> 00:28:01.620
Of these,
2,150 are on the Eastern Front.
497
00:28:01.640 --> 00:28:07.820
And of the remaining 600, we see
that 584 are generals and staff.
498
00:28:07.840 --> 00:28:10.320
Thus we find, that
there are in fact just...
499
00:28:13.360 --> 00:28:15.980
..16 men on the Western Front.
500
00:28:16.000 --> 00:28:20.420
Clearly not enough to resist one
final big push, or maybe two,
501
00:28:20.440 --> 00:28:23.180
or three - four at the very most.
502
00:28:23.200 --> 00:28:26.500
And that is why we are going
to win the war.
503
00:28:26.520 --> 00:28:29.800
If we haven't already
by the time you've heard this.
504
00:28:34.360 --> 00:28:36.920
Letters for you, sir.
Thank you, Henderson.
505
00:28:38.600 --> 00:28:40.160
Thank you.
506
00:28:42.680 --> 00:28:46.760
Ah, news from the home front.
507
00:28:48.800 --> 00:28:52.620
Has my wife been raising money for
noble causes,
508
00:28:52.640 --> 00:28:59.500
such as providing warm
woollens for war-worn Walloons?
509
00:28:59.520 --> 00:29:03.860
Is mine selling flags for blue body
belts for bucolic Belgians?
510
00:29:03.880 --> 00:29:04.920
Touche.
511
00:29:09.760 --> 00:29:13.140
Always a bit of a mixed blessing,
isn't it, a letter from home?
512
00:29:13.160 --> 00:29:16.100
A reminder of a land where gascons,
513
00:29:16.120 --> 00:29:19.700
whizz-bangs and mein und verfers
are not allowed.
514
00:29:19.720 --> 00:29:23.760
Good heavens - my wife has sent me
a clipping from the Tatler.
515
00:29:24.840 --> 00:29:26.900
We've been mentioned in Dispatches!
516
00:29:26.920 --> 00:29:29.100
What? Fame at last?
517
00:29:29.120 --> 00:29:31.180
What did they say?
518
00:29:31.200 --> 00:29:35.600
"We hear news from the front
of an amusing periodical designed
519
00:29:35.800 --> 00:29:36.780
"to entertain the troops.
520
00:29:36.800 --> 00:29:41.180
"It is entitled The Wipers Times
after the town of Ypres
521
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:44.740
"where its enterprising
creators are currently quartered.
522
00:29:44.760 --> 00:29:50.740
"So, we salute the anonymous
wits of the 6th Division..."
523
00:29:50.760 --> 00:29:52.140
We're the 24th Division.
524
00:29:52.160 --> 00:29:53.380
Nincompoops.
525
00:29:53.400 --> 00:29:57.900
Ah dear. Appears we're not to be
famous after all.
526
00:29:57.920 --> 00:30:00.820
Oh, damn journalists,
can't they get anything right?
527
00:30:00.840 --> 00:30:04.700
Is that a rhetorical question?
PHONE RINGS
528
00:30:04.720 --> 00:30:07.780
It's Lieutenant Colonel Howfield's
ADC, sir.
529
00:30:07.800 --> 00:30:09.620
Little bobbing Bobby.
530
00:30:09.640 --> 00:30:12.560
The one who has little red star
flashes on his jim-jams?
531
00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:20.400
Captain, how can I help?
532
00:30:21.400 --> 00:30:22.440
Of course. Yes.
533
00:30:24.800 --> 00:30:26.140
Looking forward to it, sir.
534
00:30:26.160 --> 00:30:28.400
Thank you, Smith. Sir.
535
00:30:31.840 --> 00:30:34.460
Lieutenant Colonel Howfield
has granted us
536
00:30:34.480 --> 00:30:38.140
the privilege of a full inspection.
537
00:30:38.160 --> 00:30:39.580
When?
538
00:30:39.600 --> 00:30:42.680
Now. Initiate "Operation Panic".
539
00:30:45.640 --> 00:30:47.940
Where is that "tip me up" duckboard
when you need it?
540
00:30:47.960 --> 00:30:48.980
We under attack, sir?
541
00:30:49.000 --> 00:30:51.980
Quite the reverse. We've got an
inspection by the Divisional Staff,
542
00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:55.180
which means for as long as they're
here, there won't be any action at
all.
543
00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:58.940
Not even our artillery would open
fire when there's a brass hat down
here.
544
00:30:58.960 --> 00:31:02.220
Henderson, Dodd, shift these trays.
Put them under the books.
545
00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:04.420
Barnesy, get hold of this.
546
00:31:04.440 --> 00:31:06.200
To say an old adage -
547
00:31:06.400 --> 00:31:10.400
war is long periods of boredom
punctuated by sheer terror.
548
00:31:14.360 --> 00:31:16.400
Sir. At ease, Roberts.
549
00:31:17.640 --> 00:31:19.740
Hope I'm not interrupting anything.
550
00:31:19.760 --> 00:31:23.100
No, sir.
Well, I should be, shouldn't I?
551
00:31:23.120 --> 00:31:27.200
Boche obviously not keeping you
occupied, and vice versa.
552
00:31:27.400 --> 00:31:29.380
You've got time on your hands,
Roberts,
553
00:31:29.400 --> 00:31:33.340
and time is the soldier's
greatest enemy.
554
00:31:33.360 --> 00:31:35.380
Isn't it, Booby? Yes, sir.
555
00:31:35.400 --> 00:31:37.780
Apart from the gas
and the flamethrowers.
556
00:31:37.800 --> 00:31:40.220
So, are your boys fit, Roberts?
557
00:31:40.240 --> 00:31:41.700
As a fiddle, sir.
558
00:31:41.720 --> 00:31:44.240
Because the men have got to be
fit for the big push.
559
00:31:46.400 --> 00:31:47.900
What about you, Roberts?
560
00:31:47.920 --> 00:31:48.960
Keeping busy?
561
00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:52.600
As a bee, sir.
562
00:31:52.800 --> 00:31:55.280
So no distractions?
Finding things to do?
563
00:31:57.120 --> 00:31:58.220
Yes, sir.
564
00:31:58.240 --> 00:32:00.340
Doing our best to make a little
cover for the lads
565
00:32:00.360 --> 00:32:04.600
who are hanging onto the remnants
of Belgium in the teeth of every
566
00:32:04.800 --> 00:32:07.980
disadvantage, discomfort and peril.
Sir.
567
00:32:08.000 --> 00:32:11.000
So not too much "paperwork", then?
568
00:32:13.800 --> 00:32:14.360
Not at all, sir.
569
00:32:16.840 --> 00:32:18.540
That's good to hear,
isn't it, Bobby?
570
00:32:18.560 --> 00:32:19.980
Yes, sir.
571
00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.740
Because the problem with the whole
damn line is inaction.
572
00:32:24.760 --> 00:32:28.600
We're getting bogged down in a mire
of defensive passivity.
573
00:32:28.800 --> 00:32:29.860
There's no forward movement.
574
00:32:29.880 --> 00:32:33.900
No sorties, no raiding parties,
no mining activity.
575
00:32:33.920 --> 00:32:39.000
You're right, sir. It's almost as
if we were...entrenched.
576
00:32:41.800 --> 00:32:42.740
Quite so.
577
00:32:42.760 --> 00:32:45.500
And the question you have to ask
yourself, and you,
578
00:32:45.520 --> 00:32:51.400
particularly, as commander, Roberts,
is are you being offensive enough?
579
00:32:55.160 --> 00:32:56.200
I'm not sure, sir.
580
00:33:00.800 --> 00:33:02.600
Are we being offensive enough?
Pearson?
581
00:33:04.640 --> 00:33:05.680
No, sir. I...
582
00:33:07.200 --> 00:33:09.860
I think we could be a lot
more offensive.
583
00:33:09.880 --> 00:33:11.580
Good man, Pearson.
584
00:33:11.600 --> 00:33:16.200
So from now on, you're going
to be a lot more offensive.
585
00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:18.520
You hear that, men?
586
00:33:19.760 --> 00:33:25.860
From now on, we are all going to be
as offensive as possible.
587
00:33:25.880 --> 00:33:27.500
MEN SNIGGER
588
00:33:27.520 --> 00:33:30.100
Very good, Roberts.
589
00:33:30.120 --> 00:33:31.820
Isn't it, Bobby?
590
00:33:31.840 --> 00:33:33.560
I'm not altogether sure, sir.
591
00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:40.900
BOMBS EXPLODE
592
00:33:40.920 --> 00:33:44.280
You heard the colonel,
we must attack something.
593
00:33:46.200 --> 00:33:48.800
How about...stupid moustaches?
594
00:33:50.920 --> 00:33:54.900
Good idea.
far too many of them around.
595
00:33:54.920 --> 00:33:57.000
I blame Charlie Chaplin.
596
00:33:59.640 --> 00:34:02.900
BOMB EXPLODES OUTSIDE
597
00:34:02.920 --> 00:34:05.500
I say, that was a bit friendly.
598
00:34:05.520 --> 00:34:08.800
Put the gramophone on, would you?
599
00:34:11.720 --> 00:34:14.720
BOMB EXPLODES OUTSIDE
600
00:34:20.560 --> 00:34:24.540
MUSIC HALL-STYLE MUSIC
601
00:34:24.560 --> 00:34:26.980
BOMB EXPLODES
602
00:34:27.000 --> 00:34:29.180
Well saved. No...
603
00:34:29.200 --> 00:34:33.480
It's not enough. Have to play the
piano. Oh, dear.
604
00:34:36.800 --> 00:34:37.680
BOMB EXPLODES
605
00:34:57.640 --> 00:35:01.500
♪ There are various types of courage
there are many kinds of fear
606
00:35:01.520 --> 00:35:04.940
♪ There are many brands of whisky
there are many makes of beer
607
00:35:04.960 --> 00:35:09.980
♪ There is also rum which sometimes
in our need can help us much
608
00:35:10.000 --> 00:35:14.400
♪ But 'tis whisky, whisky, whisky
hands the courage which is Dutch... ♪
609
00:35:24.320 --> 00:35:27.740
♪ There are various types of courage
there are many kinds of fear
610
00:35:27.760 --> 00:35:31.740
♪ There are many brands of whisky
there are many makes of beer
611
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:36.780
♪ There is also rum which sometimes
in our need can help us much
612
00:35:36.800 --> 00:35:40.740
♪ But 'tis whisky, whisky, whisky
hands the courage which is Dutch. ♪
613
00:35:40.760 --> 00:35:43.680
Bad news, sir. We've had a direct
hit.
614
00:35:53.320 --> 00:35:56.940
Bloody Boche. Excuse my French, sir.
615
00:35:56.960 --> 00:36:00.100
French excused, Sergeant.
616
00:36:00.120 --> 00:36:02.500
Is there nothing that can be done?
617
00:36:02.520 --> 00:36:04.540
I think it's finished, sir.
618
00:36:04.560 --> 00:36:06.440
It's the end of The Wipers Times.
619
00:36:09.000 --> 00:36:13.200
It was good while it lasted, Fred.
620
00:36:13.400 --> 00:36:16.200
I've tried, throughout this war,
621
00:36:16.400 --> 00:36:18.880
to maintain my sense of humour.
622
00:36:20.800 --> 00:36:25.960
But now I'm really unamused.
623
00:36:35.160 --> 00:36:38.920
MEN GRUMBLE AND LAUGH
624
00:36:42.280 --> 00:36:44.260
What are you men so happy about?
625
00:36:44.280 --> 00:36:48.260
Captain Roberts.
He's on grand form tonight, sir.
626
00:36:48.280 --> 00:36:49.740
What do you mean?
627
00:36:49.760 --> 00:36:54.180
Well, the orders that he gave the
men were not strictly according to
the drill manual. Really?
628
00:36:54.200 --> 00:36:58.740
Yes, sir. He said, "Fall in, you
blank, blank, blank, blank.
629
00:36:58.760 --> 00:37:01.500
"We're going up the blanking line
and if we see any blanking Boche,
630
00:37:01.520 --> 00:37:06.740
"we're going to shove their blanking
bombs up their blanking...shirts."
631
00:37:06.760 --> 00:37:10.660
Did he actually say shirts, Dodd?
No, sir.
632
00:37:10.680 --> 00:37:12.700
You'll have to excuse
Captain Roberts.
633
00:37:12.720 --> 00:37:15.860
I'm afraid he's taken the loss
of the printer somewhat badly.
634
00:37:15.880 --> 00:37:17.160
Sir.
635
00:37:18.360 --> 00:37:20.800
BOMB EXPLODES
636
00:37:24.680 --> 00:37:28.100
At least the old girl has been
put to some use.
637
00:37:28.120 --> 00:37:30.620
A distinguished end to her
literary career.
638
00:37:30.640 --> 00:37:34.980
Part of a transverse
wall of C4 trench number six post.
639
00:37:35.000 --> 00:37:37.100
Men and party coming through.
640
00:37:37.120 --> 00:37:41.540
Well, I assumed it wasn't a
delegation from the general staff.
641
00:37:41.560 --> 00:37:44.540
You wouldn't find them
at this end of the muddy stick.
642
00:37:44.560 --> 00:37:45.940
You must be, Roberts.
643
00:37:45.960 --> 00:37:50.140
Sir. I hear you're quite the thorn in
the red hats' backsides.
644
00:37:50.160 --> 00:37:51.580
Good man.
BOMB EXPLODES
645
00:37:51.600 --> 00:37:54.360
Off we go, boys. Good luck, Colonel.
646
00:38:00.640 --> 00:38:02.180
Who was that?
647
00:38:02.200 --> 00:38:04.820
Commanding officer
of the Royal Scots Fusiliers.
648
00:38:04.840 --> 00:38:07.100
Why was he wearing a French tin hat?
649
00:38:07.120 --> 00:38:09.780
A bit of a personality,
somewhat eccentric.
650
00:38:09.800 --> 00:38:12.260
Always suggesting the top brass
come down to the front
651
00:38:12.280 --> 00:38:13.500
and get a taste of the action.
652
00:38:13.520 --> 00:38:15.740
He won't last long, will he?
What's his name?
653
00:38:15.760 --> 00:38:16.880
Name's Churchill.
654
00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:19.900
Heard a rumour, sir.
655
00:38:19.920 --> 00:38:21.860
Don't tell me, the Kaiser has been
656
00:38:21.880 --> 00:38:25.180
arrested by Field Marshal
Hindenburg and shot as a spy?
657
00:38:25.200 --> 00:38:26.820
Not exactly, sir, no.
658
00:38:26.840 --> 00:38:30.100
It's a friend of a friend
of a friend, has told me...
659
00:38:30.120 --> 00:38:33.620
BOMB EXPLODES
He happens to know the whereabouts
of a lovely little hand-jigger.
660
00:38:33.640 --> 00:38:35.100
Speak English, Sergeant.
661
00:38:35.120 --> 00:38:38.540
It's a printing press, sir. And word
has it there's a lot more type.
662
00:38:38.560 --> 00:38:40.180
Priceless, Sergeant.
663
00:38:40.200 --> 00:38:42.620
Only drawback, sir, is its current
location.
664
00:38:42.640 --> 00:38:44.780
Which is where? Hellfire Corner.
665
00:38:44.800 --> 00:38:48.820
Oh, dear. That's the Hellfire
Corner, the most dangerous place on
the Salient.
666
00:38:48.840 --> 00:38:50.380
Hottest place in the world, sir.
667
00:38:50.400 --> 00:38:53.580
Where life expectancy is about,
what? 60 seconds?
668
00:38:53.600 --> 00:38:55.580
If that, sir.
669
00:38:55.600 --> 00:38:57.460
Well, it would be an
670
00:38:57.480 --> 00:39:01.180
act of pure folly to risk lives
rescuing a printing press.
671
00:39:01.200 --> 00:39:03.900
So no sensible commanding officer
could possibly sanction it,
672
00:39:03.920 --> 00:39:05.180
is that clear?
673
00:39:05.200 --> 00:39:06.240
Very clear, sir.
674
00:39:07.240 --> 00:39:08.480
Good luck, Sergeant.
675
00:39:09.560 --> 00:39:11.620
GUNFIRE AND EXPLOSIONS
676
00:39:11.640 --> 00:39:15.420
Why do they call it Hellfire Corner,
Sar'nt? Why do you think, Dodd?
677
00:39:15.440 --> 00:39:19.580
Dodd doesn't think! Shut up, Smithy,
before Fritz shuts you up for good.
678
00:39:19.600 --> 00:39:21.580
This bloody thing weighs a ton.
679
00:39:21.600 --> 00:39:24.600
If you drop it you'll find out about
hellfire from me.
680
00:39:24.800 --> 00:39:25.120
Now run, you bugger!
681
00:39:30.640 --> 00:39:34.280
Ah, well. So that is a hand jigger.
682
00:39:35.280 --> 00:39:36.540
Pardon my French.
683
00:39:36.560 --> 00:39:40.500
God bless this printer and all the
jokes who fail in her.
684
00:39:40.520 --> 00:39:42.420
Eh, sir! Careful of the printer.
685
00:39:42.440 --> 00:39:44.600
Careful of the champagne more like.
686
00:39:44.800 --> 00:39:46.140
You mustn't waste this stuff
there's a war on.
687
00:39:46.160 --> 00:39:48.600
Is there? I had no idea.
688
00:39:48.800 --> 00:39:50.460
Better make sure the Germans
don't get hold of it.
689
00:39:50.480 --> 00:39:51.760
CORK POPS
690
00:39:54.320 --> 00:39:56.240
Too slow. There we go.
691
00:39:57.640 --> 00:39:59.980
How on earth did you get
hold of this?
692
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.340
Well, I had a bit of luck at cards
with some of the brass hats
693
00:40:03.360 --> 00:40:04.820
billeted at the chateau.
694
00:40:04.840 --> 00:40:07.320
As it turned out,
magnificent cellar.
695
00:40:10.800 --> 00:40:11.180
To the hand jigger.
696
00:40:11.200 --> 00:40:13.840
CHEERING
697
00:40:16.600 --> 00:40:19.180
Ladies and gentlemen,
698
00:40:19.200 --> 00:40:23.600
welcome to the latest
venue in our grand tour of Flanders.
699
00:40:23.800 --> 00:40:27.640
The Neuve Eglise Hippodrome,
where our doors are always open.
700
00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:32.980
Tonight, we are honoured to present
a show to die for.
701
00:40:33.000 --> 00:40:34.440
The grand new revue, Over The Top.
702
00:40:36.760 --> 00:40:41.300
Positively the greatest spectacular
performance ever staged.
703
00:40:41.320 --> 00:40:42.660
And topping the bill,
704
00:40:42.680 --> 00:40:46.420
it's musical merriment from our very
own sapper songbirds,
705
00:40:46.440 --> 00:40:51.480
Trench And Foot, with their
delightful ditty, Minor Worries.
706
00:40:54.000 --> 00:40:57.900
♪ If the Hun lets off some gas
never mind
707
00:40:57.920 --> 00:41:02.640
♪ If the Hun attacks in mass
never mind
708
00:41:03.640 --> 00:41:06.300
♪ If your dugout's blown to bits
709
00:41:06.320 --> 00:41:08.180
♪ Or the CO's throwing fits
710
00:41:08.200 --> 00:41:11.980
♪ Or a crump your rum jar hits
never mind
711
00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:13.520
♪ Oh, never mind
712
00:41:15.240 --> 00:41:19.140
♪ If your trench is mud knee-high
never mind
713
00:41:19.160 --> 00:41:22.660
♪ You can't find a spot that's high
never mind
714
00:41:22.680 --> 00:41:24.760
♪ Oh, never mind
715
00:41:26.200 --> 00:41:29.700
♪ If a sniper has you set
through dents in your parapet
716
00:41:29.720 --> 00:41:33.380
♪ And your troubles fiercer get
never mind
717
00:41:33.400 --> 00:41:36.240
♪ Oh, never mind
718
00:41:38.800 --> 00:41:42.660
♪ If machine guns join the muddle
never mind
719
00:41:42.680 --> 00:41:45.260
♪ Though you're lying in a puddle
never mind
720
00:41:45.280 --> 00:41:47.260
♪ Oh, never mind
721
00:41:47.280 --> 00:41:48.740
♪ If the duck board barks your shin
722
00:41:48.760 --> 00:41:50.580
♪ And the barbed wire rips your
skin
723
00:41:50.600 --> 00:41:54.540
♪ 'Tis reward for all your sin
never mind
724
00:41:54.560 --> 00:41:58.160
♪ Oh, never mind. ♪
725
00:42:00.520 --> 00:42:03.580
Gas! Gas! Gas!
726
00:42:03.600 --> 00:42:06.560
ALARM BELL RINGS
727
00:42:36.680 --> 00:42:37.920
Looks good, Jack.
728
00:42:38.920 --> 00:42:43.540
Harris and his devils have
done a fine job.
729
00:42:43.560 --> 00:42:46.800
HE CHOKES
730
00:42:48.280 --> 00:42:49.660
It's nothing to worry about.
731
00:42:49.680 --> 00:42:53.700
The quacks say I'll be right as rain
and back on the front line in no
time.
732
00:42:53.720 --> 00:42:55.800
Are you sure? Mm. Thank you.
733
00:42:58.480 --> 00:43:00.500
I'm one of the lucky ones.
734
00:43:00.520 --> 00:43:02.460
I'm still here.
735
00:43:02.480 --> 00:43:04.100
Well, you were lucky.
736
00:43:04.120 --> 00:43:06.740
Apparently, Fritz has developed
a new type of stink bomb.
737
00:43:06.760 --> 00:43:10.460
Makes you wretch so you have to take
off your gas mask and then the
chlorine kills you.
738
00:43:10.480 --> 00:43:11.500
Fiendish.
739
00:43:11.520 --> 00:43:14.320
HE CHOKES
740
00:43:15.320 --> 00:43:16.440
Excuse me.
741
00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:29.320
What about Henderson?
742
00:43:33.840 --> 00:43:35.660
I'm very sorry.
743
00:43:35.680 --> 00:43:38.780
Well, the good news is, we still
have plenty of material
744
00:43:38.800 --> 00:43:40.900
coming in from our distinguished
contributors.
745
00:43:40.920 --> 00:43:44.460
Please, tell me it isn't all poetry.
Fine. It isn't all poetry.
746
00:43:44.480 --> 00:43:46.940
That's a lie. It is all poetry.
747
00:43:46.960 --> 00:43:49.380
Damn and blast.
Alert the medical orderlies, Jack.
748
00:43:49.400 --> 00:43:52.200
There's been a serious
outbreak of poet-itus.
749
00:43:52.400 --> 00:43:54.300
Subalterns are being seen with
notebook in one hand,
750
00:43:54.320 --> 00:43:55.340
a bomb in the other,
751
00:43:55.360 --> 00:43:58.540
absently walking near the wire
in deep communion with the muse.
752
00:43:58.560 --> 00:44:01.180
It's probably
because spring is in the air.
753
00:44:01.200 --> 00:44:02.500
The picture of little lambs
754
00:44:02.520 --> 00:44:05.820
gambolling among the whizz-bangs is
so beautiful and romantic.
755
00:44:05.840 --> 00:44:07.860
I've had enough verse. Doctor!
756
00:44:07.880 --> 00:44:10.100
I demand an injection of prose.
757
00:44:10.120 --> 00:44:15.580
What we do have is,
a lot of letters to the editor.
758
00:44:15.600 --> 00:44:18.940
This chap here wants to know why we
don't write more about the war.
759
00:44:18.960 --> 00:44:21.660
I rather thought we did? No the
"wider" war.
760
00:44:21.680 --> 00:44:23.500
The "big picture" et cetera.
761
00:44:23.520 --> 00:44:26.780
We can't write about the
"wider war" because we have no idea
what's going on.
762
00:44:26.800 --> 00:44:30.500
We're just fighting in it. Well, it's
lucky we have illustrious war
correspondents
763
00:44:30.520 --> 00:44:32.700
like William Beach Thomas to keep us
informed.
764
00:44:32.720 --> 00:44:34.900
Teach Bomas? That idiot.
765
00:44:34.920 --> 00:44:37.460
Are you trying to make me feel worse?
He's highly respected
766
00:44:37.480 --> 00:44:40.260
because he always manages to write
from the "thick of the action".
767
00:44:40.280 --> 00:44:43.900
Funny how we've never actually
seen him though, isn't it? Fred,
you're being cynical.
768
00:44:43.920 --> 00:44:47.280
He must know what he's talking
about. He's in the Daily Mail.
769
00:44:52.880 --> 00:44:58.640
I am here, in no man's land,
where all hell has broken loose.
770
00:45:03.400 --> 00:45:07.700
The air is thick with bullets
and shells but I don't mind that.
771
00:45:07.720 --> 00:45:10.600
And now I'm climbing up
a conveniently dangling
772
00:45:10.800 --> 00:45:11.800
rope into an observation balloon.
773
00:45:13.480 --> 00:45:15.420
I'm now right above the battle
774
00:45:15.440 --> 00:45:21.780
and looking down on the gallant
charge of the, hmm, Umpshires.
775
00:45:21.800 --> 00:45:28.900
Yes. The brave men of the
13th Umpshire Regiment,
776
00:45:28.920 --> 00:45:31.740
charging straight at the
elite Prussian guard -
777
00:45:31.760 --> 00:45:33.500
who are all surrendering.
778
00:45:33.520 --> 00:45:37.260
Yes, they are shouting, "Kamerad"
and putting up their hands.
779
00:45:37.280 --> 00:45:40.540
Same again, please.
780
00:45:40.560 --> 00:45:44.860
I am now over the German battle
lines where I can tell you,
781
00:45:44.880 --> 00:45:46.940
with complete confidence,
782
00:45:46.960 --> 00:45:50.980
that the cavalry are laying down a
barrage of shells,
783
00:45:51.000 --> 00:45:53.820
whilst the submarines have
advanced into the wood.
784
00:45:53.840 --> 00:45:57.780
This has been me,
William Teach Bomas,
785
00:45:57.800 --> 00:46:01.100
writing exclusively from the middle
of the bottle. Sorry, battle.
786
00:46:01.120 --> 00:46:02.620
Stop it, Jack. You're hurting me.
787
00:46:02.640 --> 00:46:05.780
Shhh, would you two, please, behave!
788
00:46:05.800 --> 00:46:10.300
There are very sick men here.
This is not the Palace of Varieties.
789
00:46:10.320 --> 00:46:12.480
No, no,
the girls here are much prettier.
790
00:46:22.240 --> 00:46:24.600
Splendid, Harris, that's much better
791
00:46:24.800 --> 00:46:28.920
I think he'll be very pleased with
that. Thank you, sir.
792
00:46:35.400 --> 00:46:37.260
Ah, what is it, Barnes?
793
00:46:37.280 --> 00:46:39.460
Are you still taking submissions,
sir?
794
00:46:39.480 --> 00:46:42.140
We are as long as there is no
poetry.
795
00:46:42.160 --> 00:46:45.200
The editor has decided
he is sick of rhyme.
796
00:46:45.400 --> 00:46:48.600
The paper cannot
live by poems alone.
797
00:46:48.800 --> 00:46:49.540
Oh.
798
00:46:49.560 --> 00:46:50.960
What have you got for me?
799
00:46:52.520 --> 00:46:53.740
Nothing, sir.
800
00:46:53.760 --> 00:46:55.160
Show me.
801
00:47:03.880 --> 00:47:08.400
To My Chum. Sounds suspiciously
like a poem to me, Barnes.
802
00:47:09.520 --> 00:47:11.120
It's about Henderson, sir.
803
00:47:12.640 --> 00:47:13.680
Ah.
804
00:47:14.680 --> 00:47:17.640
Well, I'm sure we can make
an exception in that case.
805
00:47:21.720 --> 00:47:24.820
"No more we'll share the same old
barn
806
00:47:24.840 --> 00:47:27.800
"The same old dug-out
the same old yarn
807
00:47:29.120 --> 00:47:30.760
"No more a tin of bully share
808
00:47:31.880 --> 00:47:34.360
"Nor split our rum
by a star-shell's glare
809
00:47:35.800 --> 00:47:37.400
"So long, old lad
810
00:47:38.640 --> 00:47:43.200
"What times we've had
both good and bad.
811
00:47:43.400 --> 00:47:46.260
"We've shared what
shelter could be had
812
00:47:46.280 --> 00:47:49.980
"The same crump-hole when the
whizz-bangs shrieked
813
00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:52.440
"The same old billet
that always leaked
814
00:47:53.840 --> 00:47:56.800
"And now - you've stopped one
815
00:47:59.640 --> 00:48:02.460
"We'd weathered the storms two
winters long
816
00:48:02.480 --> 00:48:04.460
"We'd managed to grin
when all went wrong
817
00:48:04.480 --> 00:48:06.840
"Because together we'd fought
and fed
818
00:48:08.280 --> 00:48:12.960
"Our hearts were light
but now, you're dead...
819
00:48:14.800 --> 00:48:15.960
"..and I am mate-less."
820
00:48:41.120 --> 00:48:46.400
Missed, bad luck.
Not artillery by any chance?
821
00:48:49.120 --> 00:48:53.200
Sir. Good to see you, Fred. Fully
recovered?
822
00:48:53.400 --> 00:48:54.220
Fighting fit, sir.
823
00:48:54.240 --> 00:48:56.520
Ready to be as "offensive"
as possible?
824
00:48:58.560 --> 00:49:02.860
Ah excellent.
Ah, so now it's The Kemmel Times?
825
00:49:02.880 --> 00:49:04.660
Well, they will keep moving us
around, sir,
826
00:49:04.680 --> 00:49:06.740
and now we seem to have
become infantry.
827
00:49:06.760 --> 00:49:10.580
Modern warfare's
all about flexibility, Fred.
828
00:49:10.600 --> 00:49:14.220
Take the cavalry, now they're riding
tanks. Whatever next?
829
00:49:14.240 --> 00:49:17.300
Anyway, you'd be glad to hear you're
going to have a change of scenery.
830
00:49:17.320 --> 00:49:20.480
Your days in the Salient are over.
831
00:49:22.360 --> 00:49:23.980
I'll miss it, sir.
832
00:49:24.000 --> 00:49:27.420
Unlike the Boche artillery, which has
made rather a mess of it.
833
00:49:27.440 --> 00:49:30.620
I'm not altogether keen on their
idea of landscape gardening.
834
00:49:30.640 --> 00:49:32.960
I think you'll
prefer your next posting.
835
00:49:39.720 --> 00:49:41.380
Ah!
836
00:49:41.400 --> 00:49:44.220
Frere Jacques! Bonjour!
837
00:49:44.240 --> 00:49:45.340
How was leave?
838
00:49:45.360 --> 00:49:47.580
Well, Amiens really is most
agreeable.
839
00:49:47.600 --> 00:49:51.700
Top-notch cathedral which, sadly,
I didn't have time to visit.
840
00:49:51.720 --> 00:49:52.780
Here, fromage.
841
00:49:52.800 --> 00:49:54.700
Oh. Merci.
842
00:49:54.720 --> 00:49:56.660
Fromage Bleu.
Oh, merci buckets.
843
00:49:56.680 --> 00:49:59.700
But Madame Fifi assures me it's one
of the finest
844
00:49:59.720 --> 00:50:03.220
examples of Gothic Architecture
in Northern France.
845
00:50:03.240 --> 00:50:04.420
And Madame Fifi is...?
846
00:50:04.440 --> 00:50:06.380
Absolutely charming.
847
00:50:06.400 --> 00:50:10.100
Runs a delightful little club where
if you buy a bottle of champagne,
848
00:50:10.120 --> 00:50:12.260
the girls very kindly agree to
sit on your knee.
849
00:50:12.280 --> 00:50:14.340
Oh. You really must go there.
850
00:50:14.360 --> 00:50:16.940
In fact, everyone must go there.
851
00:50:16.960 --> 00:50:20.260
I'm giving all ranks one day's
leave in Amiens.
852
00:50:20.280 --> 00:50:22.600
And that's an order!
853
00:50:22.800 --> 00:50:23.500
It's a bit far, isn't it?
854
00:50:23.520 --> 00:50:25.540
It won't be - we're on the move
again.
855
00:50:25.560 --> 00:50:27.100
Really? Where to?
856
00:50:27.120 --> 00:50:29.420
You'll love it, apparently it's very
pretty, indeed.
857
00:50:29.440 --> 00:50:31.540
Oh, capital. What's it called?
858
00:50:31.560 --> 00:50:32.860
The Somme.
859
00:50:32.880 --> 00:50:35.160
MARCHING
860
00:50:48.320 --> 00:50:49.380
Zero minus three.
861
00:50:49.400 --> 00:50:51.580
BOMBS EXPLODE
862
00:50:51.600 --> 00:50:54.340
I'm sorry, Jack, this
issue's a bit thin.
863
00:50:54.360 --> 00:50:56.540
Not even sure we'll make
the deadline.
864
00:50:56.560 --> 00:51:00.260
BOMB EXPLODES CLOSE BY
865
00:51:00.280 --> 00:51:03.600
Well, we have had other
calls on our time.
866
00:51:03.800 --> 00:51:05.580
Perhaps we should wait and bring it
out after the grand show.
867
00:51:05.600 --> 00:51:07.900
BOMB EXPLODES
868
00:51:07.920 --> 00:51:11.320
No. I think
sooner is better than later.
869
00:51:13.520 --> 00:51:16.940
DISTANT GUNFIRE AND EXPLOSIONS
870
00:51:16.960 --> 00:51:18.820
A harpsichord of hate...
871
00:51:18.840 --> 00:51:22.460
performed to an audience of terrified
Teutons.
872
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:25.460
I rather like that. Yes?
873
00:51:25.480 --> 00:51:27.880
I must remember it if I ever get out
of this.
874
00:51:30.200 --> 00:51:32.180
Rum ration.
875
00:51:32.200 --> 00:51:35.500
Rum ration, Sergeant. It's time to
give the boys a tot.
876
00:51:35.520 --> 00:51:37.920
Sir.
877
00:51:40.640 --> 00:51:43.540
BOMB EXPLODES
878
00:51:43.560 --> 00:51:45.700
Dodd's too young. I'll have his.
879
00:51:45.720 --> 00:51:48.600
We don't want you incapable, Smith.
880
00:51:48.800 --> 00:51:49.500
How would you tell, Sar'nt?
881
00:51:49.520 --> 00:51:51.900
Any chance of seconds?
882
00:51:51.920 --> 00:51:53.540
No, it's bad for your health.
883
00:51:53.560 --> 00:51:55.420
BOMB EXPLODES
884
00:51:55.440 --> 00:51:59.400
Swine. Can't even let
a man have a drink in peace.
885
00:52:00.440 --> 00:52:04.460
S'cuse me for asking, sir,
but there's rumours going round.
886
00:52:04.480 --> 00:52:06.220
Is this the big push?
887
00:52:06.240 --> 00:52:09.820
I'm afraid such information is
hush-hush, Dodd. Who told you that?
888
00:52:09.840 --> 00:52:13.620
Germans, sir. They've been shouting
out across no man's land.
889
00:52:13.640 --> 00:52:15.780
Yes, well, perhaps it isn't
the best kept military
890
00:52:15.800 --> 00:52:18.480
secret in the history
of the British military.
891
00:52:24.200 --> 00:52:25.680
Zero minus one.
892
00:52:33.880 --> 00:52:37.140
All right, men. Just wanted to say,
893
00:52:37.160 --> 00:52:41.260
whatever happens, you know you can
894
00:52:41.280 --> 00:52:44.500
rely on the old division to give
a good account of itself.
895
00:52:44.520 --> 00:52:45.560
Even Dodd, sir?
896
00:52:46.840 --> 00:52:47.940
Especially Dodd.
897
00:52:47.960 --> 00:52:51.560
So, here to all you lads.
898
00:52:55.400 --> 00:52:59.200
The game's started, so keep the
ball rolling and remember,
899
00:52:59.400 --> 00:53:01.260
the only good Hun is a dead Hun.
900
00:53:01.280 --> 00:53:03.800
MEN CHEER
901
00:53:15.680 --> 00:53:17.740
No jokes?
902
00:53:17.760 --> 00:53:18.920
A bit short of jokes.
903
00:53:24.400 --> 00:53:27.200
There was a young girl of the
Somme...
904
00:53:28.640 --> 00:53:30.440
..Who sat on a number five bomb...
905
00:53:35.320 --> 00:53:38.200
She thought was a dud 'un
but it went off sudden...
906
00:53:40.400 --> 00:53:41.860
Her exit she made with aplomb.
907
00:53:41.880 --> 00:53:43.920
MEN LAUGH
908
00:53:47.760 --> 00:53:50.260
MEN SHOUT
909
00:53:50.280 --> 00:53:52.400
BOMBS EXPLODE
910
00:53:55.640 --> 00:53:58.200
GUNFIRE
911
00:53:58.400 --> 00:54:01.800
MEN SHOUT
912
00:54:10.400 --> 00:54:11.780
Did you know it's still going on?
913
00:54:11.800 --> 00:54:15.180
The War? Yes, apparently it is.
914
00:54:15.200 --> 00:54:17.340
No, this mutinous magazine.
915
00:54:17.360 --> 00:54:20.820
They promised to stop producing it,
erm, when the war is over.
916
00:54:20.840 --> 00:54:24.460
Just listen to this.
"Realising that men must laugh.
917
00:54:24.480 --> 00:54:28.600
"Some wise man devised the staff."
918
00:54:28.800 --> 00:54:29.660
Is that supposed to be funny?
919
00:54:29.680 --> 00:54:31.460
Well, it's funnier than what
I'm reading.
920
00:54:31.480 --> 00:54:36.500
It's a subversive attack on the
entire high command. It continues...
921
00:54:36.520 --> 00:54:40.900
"Let them lead the simple life far
from all our vulgar strife."
922
00:54:40.920 --> 00:54:43.180
My God, that's us
they're talking about.
923
00:54:43.200 --> 00:54:47.700
"Lest their relatives might grieve
often, often give them leave
924
00:54:47.720 --> 00:54:52.460
"Decorations too, galore
What on earth could man wish more?"
925
00:54:52.480 --> 00:54:56.680
We cannot allow this scurrilous
insubordination to go unpunished.
926
00:54:58.920 --> 00:55:00.860
"And yet, alas, so goes the rumour
927
00:55:00.880 --> 00:55:03.000
"The staff all lack
a sense of humour."
928
00:55:04.800 --> 00:55:05.180
Utter rubbish.
929
00:55:05.200 --> 00:55:06.620
It's not all rude rhymes.
930
00:55:06.640 --> 00:55:11.380
In fact, er, they've put in a rather
helpful glossary of military terms.
931
00:55:11.400 --> 00:55:12.780
Really?
932
00:55:12.800 --> 00:55:15.420
"Duds, there are two kinds -
933
00:55:15.440 --> 00:55:19.200
"a shell on impact failing to
explode is called a dud.
934
00:55:19.400 --> 00:55:22.300
"These are unhappily less
plentiful on the other kind of dud."
935
00:55:22.320 --> 00:55:24.660
Go on. "The kind that draws a large
salary
936
00:55:24.680 --> 00:55:28.820
"and explodes for no reason
far behind the fighting area."
937
00:55:28.840 --> 00:55:32.600
The battlefield is not
a place for humour!
938
00:55:32.800 --> 00:55:33.620
Humour, my dear Howfield,
939
00:55:33.640 --> 00:55:37.500
is what separates
civilisation from incivility.
940
00:55:37.520 --> 00:55:38.560
Us from the Boche.
941
00:55:39.840 --> 00:55:43.500
Whilst Roberts and his men are busy
writing poems poking fun at us
942
00:55:43.520 --> 00:55:47.900
brass hats, the Germans' equivalent
literary contribution is
943
00:55:47.920 --> 00:55:49.300
a hymn of hate.
944
00:55:49.320 --> 00:55:51.500
Have you heard it?
Course I've heard it.
945
00:55:51.520 --> 00:55:54.980
Has all the subtlety of a dawn
barrage from Big Bertha.
946
00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:57.860
What the Germans sing or don't
sing is irrelevant.
947
00:55:57.880 --> 00:56:00.100
We have to maintain
discipline in our army,
948
00:56:00.120 --> 00:56:03.340
or the result is defeatism
and anarchy.
949
00:56:03.360 --> 00:56:06.580
I still say something should be done
about Captain Roberts.
950
00:56:06.600 --> 00:56:08.520
Oh? Something has been done.
951
00:56:10.400 --> 00:56:13.800
He's been awarded
the Military Cross for gallantry.
952
00:56:17.760 --> 00:56:20.460
"Captain FJ Roberts, 12th Sherwood
Foresters,
953
00:56:20.480 --> 00:56:23.600
"24th Division, for conspicuous
gallantry
954
00:56:23.800 --> 00:56:29.500
"and devotion to duty in the battle
of the Somme on August 12th 1916.
955
00:56:29.520 --> 00:56:32.700
"Captain Roberts showed
outstanding leadership under fire
956
00:56:32.720 --> 00:56:34.820
"as Company Commander.
957
00:56:34.840 --> 00:56:37.160
"Throughout he behaved most
gallantly."
958
00:56:38.800 --> 00:56:44.260
♪ If you're waking call me early
call me early, Sergeant, dear
959
00:56:44.280 --> 00:56:48.000
♪ For I'm very, very weary
and my warrants come, I hear
960
00:56:49.160 --> 00:56:54.140
♪ It is Blighty for a spell
my old troubles are all packed
961
00:56:54.160 --> 00:56:58.480
♪ So keep the war a-going, Sar'nt
it's all yours till I'm back. ♪
962
00:57:05.680 --> 00:57:07.260
Maitre d', maitre d'?
963
00:57:07.280 --> 00:57:08.900
Oh, I-I was saying - Pearson.
964
00:57:08.920 --> 00:57:12.220
Pearson's priceless and Harris is
an ace with the inkies.
965
00:57:12.240 --> 00:57:15.100
And you'd be amazed at the sort of
stuff that comes in from the chaps.
966
00:57:15.120 --> 00:57:18.380
The spoofs of Kipling
and Sherlock Holmes and...
967
00:57:18.400 --> 00:57:20.660
the Rubaiyat of Omar whats-it.
968
00:57:20.680 --> 00:57:23.580
And limericks and jokes from all
sorts of unlikely...
969
00:57:23.600 --> 00:57:25.920
Slow down, Fred, I'm not going
anywhere.
970
00:57:27.120 --> 00:57:30.660
But did I tell you about the poet,
Gilbert Frankau contributing?
971
00:57:30.680 --> 00:57:33.900
Now there's someone who's actually
famous, now he's working for us.
972
00:57:33.920 --> 00:57:35.820
You did mention it once or twice.
973
00:57:35.840 --> 00:57:39.900
There's a very promising writer
called Sherriff, who's good at little
dramatic squibs.
974
00:57:39.920 --> 00:57:43.860
Oh, and one of the men has started
carving drawings on wood blocks.
975
00:57:43.880 --> 00:57:48.220
So we're almost up there with the
Illustrated London News.
976
00:57:48.240 --> 00:57:50.100
You make it all sound such fun.
977
00:57:50.120 --> 00:57:52.820
It would be if the infernal
general staff didn't keep
978
00:57:52.840 --> 00:57:54.720
insisting on us
fighting all the time.
979
00:57:56.800 --> 00:58:00.140
Oh, Sommelier? Could we have another
bottle of the '97?
980
00:58:00.160 --> 00:58:02.540
Darling, can we afford all this?
981
00:58:02.560 --> 00:58:05.420
Of course we can't!
Not on a captain's pay.
982
00:58:05.440 --> 00:58:08.500
But as luck would have it,
I ran into a general in the boat home
983
00:58:08.520 --> 00:58:10.940
and I won a hand or two at cards.
984
00:58:10.960 --> 00:58:13.740
I do hope he's better at strategy
than he is at bridge.
985
00:58:13.760 --> 00:58:14.920
Same old Fred.
986
00:58:17.480 --> 00:58:18.520
Well, not quite.
987
00:58:51.600 --> 00:58:52.720
It's the quiet.
988
00:58:55.880 --> 00:58:56.920
It's keeping me awake.
989
00:59:00.560 --> 00:59:02.360
What's it really like?
990
00:59:06.920 --> 00:59:09.120
You know what the basis for this
war is?
991
00:59:10.920 --> 00:59:11.960
Mud.
992
00:59:15.680 --> 00:59:19.980
And sticking through the mud
at various places you can see
993
00:59:20.000 --> 00:59:21.240
pieces of towns.
994
00:59:23.880 --> 00:59:26.000
And out there are the trenches.
995
00:59:27.280 --> 00:59:31.200
One set for our men,
one for the Boche.
996
00:59:31.400 --> 00:59:33.400
With thick wire
fences in front of them.
997
00:59:36.440 --> 00:59:40.120
And time passes slowly.
998
00:59:43.240 --> 00:59:45.260
So, by way of amusement,
999
00:59:45.280 --> 00:59:50.660
one side will try to get in the
other's trench and bring back a man.
1000
00:59:50.680 --> 00:59:52.600
And the score is
1-0 for the night.
1001
00:59:55.360 --> 00:59:57.860
May seem a bit slow,
taking the enemy one by one,
1002
00:59:57.880 --> 00:59:59.760
when there are millions
more out there.
1003
01:00:01.400 --> 01:00:03.400
It all helps to pass the time.
1004
01:00:04.800 --> 01:00:07.280
Till Christmas,
when the war's going to end.
1005
01:00:08.600 --> 01:00:10.600
Is it?
1006
01:00:10.800 --> 01:00:13.800
Oh, yes.
We just don't know which Christmas.
1007
01:00:15.200 --> 01:00:16.240
We are winning?
1008
01:00:17.520 --> 01:00:21.480
I'm not sure anyone knows.
1009
01:00:25.440 --> 01:00:26.760
I fought in a battle...
1010
01:00:29.200 --> 01:00:33.360
..which was an epic of futility.
1011
01:00:36.600 --> 01:00:40.640
No-one could even speculate what the
battle was supposed to achieve.
1012
01:00:42.520 --> 01:00:43.980
In fact, there was never the
1013
01:00:44.000 --> 01:00:46.760
slightest chance of achieving
anything at all.
1014
01:00:49.320 --> 01:00:51.800
Apart from the flower of
British manhood...
1015
01:00:52.920 --> 01:00:55.900
..being hurled to a squalid death.
1016
01:00:55.920 --> 01:00:58.160
This isn't like you, Fred.
I'm sorry.
1017
01:01:00.400 --> 01:01:02.460
Most of us
have been cured of any illusion
1018
01:01:02.480 --> 01:01:05.560
we may have had about the pomp
and glory of war...
1019
01:01:07.440 --> 01:01:12.640
..and now know it as the vilest
disaster that can befall mankind.
1020
01:01:20.480 --> 01:01:25.680
War is nothing more than
wallowing in a dirty ditch.
1021
01:01:30.160 --> 01:01:31.280
Are you going back?
1022
01:01:35.800 --> 01:01:36.120
Of course.
1023
01:01:37.720 --> 01:01:40.280
MARCHING
1024
01:01:49.160 --> 01:01:51.500
'If you can live on bully
and a biscuit
1025
01:01:51.520 --> 01:01:54.780
'And thank your stars that
you've a tot of rum
1026
01:01:54.800 --> 01:01:56.580
'Dodge whizz-bangs with a grin
1027
01:01:56.600 --> 01:02:00.320
'And as you risk it, talk
glibly of the pretty way they hum
1028
01:02:01.520 --> 01:02:04.900
'If you can crawl through wire
and crump-holes reeking
1029
01:02:04.920 --> 01:02:06.900
'With feet of liquid mud
1030
01:02:06.920 --> 01:02:11.600
'And keep your head turned always
to the place which you are seeking
1031
01:02:11.800 --> 01:02:13.880
'Through dread of crying you will
laugh instead
1032
01:02:15.800 --> 01:02:17.980
'If you can grin, at last
when handing over
1033
01:02:18.000 --> 01:02:21.460
'And finish well, what you have well
begun
1034
01:02:21.480 --> 01:02:25.140
'And think a muddy ditch
a bed of clover
1035
01:02:25.160 --> 01:02:28.320
'You will be a soldier one day then
my son.'
1036
01:02:38.280 --> 01:02:40.000
Section, halt!
1037
01:02:43.120 --> 01:02:45.200
Give us a cigarette, Dodd.
1038
01:02:46.960 --> 01:02:51.560
We must be here.
Because this, here, is over there.
1039
01:02:52.560 --> 01:02:55.540
Where are we, sir?
If I'm not mistaken,
1040
01:02:55.560 --> 01:02:57.440
we're back at Wipers.
1041
01:02:59.280 --> 01:03:00.320
You sure, sir?
1042
01:03:13.560 --> 01:03:14.600
Pretty sure.
1043
01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:23.340
We've come a long way in the last
18 months, haven't we?
1044
01:03:23.360 --> 01:03:25.240
I'd say approximately 30 yards.
1045
01:03:28.640 --> 01:03:32.360
Find out what the hell monsieur
thinks he's up to, would you, Jack?
1046
01:03:35.640 --> 01:03:37.140
Monsieur! Bonjour!
1047
01:03:37.160 --> 01:03:39.100
Sergeant? Sir?
1048
01:03:39.120 --> 01:03:40.980
Make sure the printer's
come in one piece.
1049
01:03:41.000 --> 01:03:43.620
I thought the GS wagon
we put it on looked pretty ropey.
1050
01:03:43.640 --> 01:03:45.200
Sir. Thank you.
1051
01:03:48.920 --> 01:03:52.500
I don't think you're going to
believe this. Try me.
1052
01:03:52.520 --> 01:03:54.660
He's with the Michelin guide.
1053
01:03:54.680 --> 01:03:57.620
They're preparing a tourist
handbook for the battlefields.
1054
01:03:57.640 --> 01:04:00.300
Oh, so this is...? This is going to
be a holiday destination?
1055
01:04:00.320 --> 01:04:01.700
Apparently so.
1056
01:04:01.720 --> 01:04:03.740
We should consider ourselves
fortunate
1057
01:04:03.760 --> 01:04:06.500
we're among the first to have seen
the sights. Yes.
1058
01:04:06.520 --> 01:04:09.900
Did you ask him to recommend any top
class restaurants in the vicinity?
1059
01:04:09.920 --> 01:04:12.600
This is beyond parody.
You couldn't make it up.
1060
01:04:14.160 --> 01:04:17.860
Right. Come on men. Forward march.
1061
01:04:17.880 --> 01:04:18.920
Onwards.
1062
01:04:20.680 --> 01:04:23.600
He'll be put out of a job soon.
1063
01:04:23.800 --> 01:04:26.260
Should we see if the old editorial
den's still standing?
1064
01:04:26.280 --> 01:04:27.980
It'll be like old times.
1065
01:04:28.000 --> 01:04:32.720
Yes, very old times. Back
when there were no buildings at all.
1066
01:04:42.640 --> 01:04:46.220
Oh, tell me, Sergeant,
how many Es in Wenceslas?
1067
01:04:46.240 --> 01:04:49.340
As many of the little
blighters as I can find, sir.
1068
01:04:49.360 --> 01:04:51.220
Which, at the moment, is none.
1069
01:04:51.240 --> 01:04:57.220
Very well. I always thought the good
king was over encumbered with Es.
1070
01:04:57.240 --> 01:04:59.580
We're also short of paper, sir.
1071
01:04:59.600 --> 01:05:03.780
We... We've got
a bumper Christmas issue to produce.
1072
01:05:03.800 --> 01:05:05.900
I'm sure the readers will understand
1073
01:05:05.920 --> 01:05:08.780
if the issue's less than
the advertised 20 pages.
1074
01:05:08.800 --> 01:05:11.340
We've dropped
the pen in favour of the sword
1075
01:05:11.360 --> 01:05:13.580
and gone to liberate some
French villages.
1076
01:05:13.600 --> 01:05:17.580
No, we promised our readers 20 pages,
and 20 pages they shall have.
1077
01:05:17.600 --> 01:05:19.340
Well, that's all well and good, sir,
1078
01:05:19.360 --> 01:05:21.980
but it doesn't get
around our problem. No poo paper.
1079
01:05:22.000 --> 01:05:25.340
If I can find something funny to
say about another Christmas
1080
01:05:25.360 --> 01:05:27.220
on the front line...
1081
01:05:27.240 --> 01:05:32.720
then I'm sure you can find
some paper in Ypres, Sergeant.
1082
01:05:33.760 --> 01:05:34.900
I'll do my best, sir.
1083
01:05:34.920 --> 01:05:36.600
Thank you.
1084
01:05:38.360 --> 01:05:41.600
I had a profitable hand of Brag
with Bobbing Bobby.
1085
01:05:44.360 --> 01:05:47.120
If this issue comes out at all
it'll be a miracle.
1086
01:05:52.480 --> 01:05:54.620
A miracle at Christmas.
1087
01:05:54.640 --> 01:05:58.820
This is the story of a soldier,
Alfred Higgins,
1088
01:05:58.840 --> 01:06:03.660
or number 249921 Private Higgins A,
1089
01:06:03.680 --> 01:06:06.420
as he was officially known.
1090
01:06:06.440 --> 01:06:10.980
It was Christmas morning
and Alfred was holding the line.
1091
01:06:11.000 --> 01:06:13.260
All was peace and goodwill.
1092
01:06:13.280 --> 01:06:16.940
The Gas Gongs were chiming out
their message of joy to all mankind
1093
01:06:16.960 --> 01:06:20.700
and the merry bark of the pipsqueak,
aided by the staccato cough of the
1094
01:06:20.720 --> 01:06:24.880
howitzer, combined to reassure Alfred
that all was well with the world.
1095
01:06:25.880 --> 01:06:30.900
Alfred began to doze, when at last
his sergeant came in sight.
1096
01:06:30.920 --> 01:06:32.780
"Higgins," said the Sergeant.
1097
01:06:32.800 --> 01:06:35.180
"Have you been drinking rum?"
1098
01:06:35.200 --> 01:06:38.900
"No, Sergeant. Honestly, Sergeant,"
said Higgins.
1099
01:06:38.920 --> 01:06:41.100
"Well, then,"
said the Sergeant.
1100
01:06:41.120 --> 01:06:43.180
"You must have some of mine."
1101
01:06:43.200 --> 01:06:46.260
Alfred was treated for severe shock
1102
01:06:46.280 --> 01:06:48.840
and never went to the
front line again.
1103
01:06:50.800 --> 01:06:53.980
A happy Christmas
and New Year to all!
1104
01:06:54.000 --> 01:06:57.160
And may next Christmas see
the whole damn business over.
1105
01:07:01.640 --> 01:07:03.420
Bravo, Fred.
1106
01:07:03.440 --> 01:07:05.840
A festive tale to gladden the heart.
1107
01:07:07.400 --> 01:07:09.420
It's given me an idea.
1108
01:07:09.440 --> 01:07:11.660
Permission to go into
the pub business?
1109
01:07:11.680 --> 01:07:14.960
Permission granted.
What on earth are you talking about?
1110
01:07:16.280 --> 01:07:19.380
All right. Merci. Demain.
1111
01:07:19.400 --> 01:07:22.780
Demain deux fois, deux fois encore.
1112
01:07:22.800 --> 01:07:23.840
Very good.
1113
01:07:25.720 --> 01:07:29.820
Welcome to the Foresters Arms.
Very impressive.
1114
01:07:29.840 --> 01:07:31.500
Well, something had to be done.
1115
01:07:31.520 --> 01:07:33.660
The ambulances can't keep up
with the casualties
1116
01:07:33.680 --> 01:07:35.900
and get the wounded back to base
quick enough, so...
1117
01:07:35.920 --> 01:07:38.200
it's a sort of first aid post.
1118
01:07:38.400 --> 01:07:40.500
Or, rather, thirst aid post?
1119
01:07:40.520 --> 01:07:42.200
I'm terribly sorry.
1120
01:07:42.400 --> 01:07:43.420
That's dreadful.
1121
01:07:43.440 --> 01:07:44.680
Well done, lads.
1122
01:07:50.800 --> 01:07:53.660
There we are. One franc.
1123
01:07:53.680 --> 01:07:55.200
I've no money, sir.
1124
01:07:55.400 --> 01:07:58.220
Oh, dear. Well, then I shall have to
insist on giving it to you for free.
1125
01:07:58.240 --> 01:08:03.100
Cheers, sir. What the bloody hell is
going on here?!
1126
01:08:03.120 --> 01:08:05.980
You're meant to be a soldier
not a bloody publican.
1127
01:08:06.000 --> 01:08:08.220
Yes, sir, I was just... I want it
closed down immediately.
1128
01:08:08.240 --> 01:08:10.100
I'm afraid that's not possible.
What?
1129
01:08:10.120 --> 01:08:13.200
The Foresters Arms is providing
a vital service to these men
1130
01:08:13.400 --> 01:08:15.660
and following a petition from the
divisional chaplaincies,
1131
01:08:15.680 --> 01:08:18.900
the Foresters Arms has been
authorised to continue
its essential work.
1132
01:08:18.920 --> 01:08:21.340
On whose authority?
General Mitford's?
1133
01:08:21.360 --> 01:08:22.780
Field Marshall Haig's?
1134
01:08:22.800 --> 01:08:23.840
Higher than that.
1135
01:08:27.400 --> 01:08:30.960
You damned devil dodgers are going
to undermine the whole war!
1136
01:08:40.160 --> 01:08:44.600
May I add my own note of caution,
Captain Pearson? Sir?
1137
01:08:44.800 --> 01:08:46.620
I hope this new venture,
however admirable,
1138
01:08:46.640 --> 01:08:48.980
will not get in the way
of your duties.
1139
01:08:49.000 --> 01:08:54.460
May I remind you that you are first
and foremost assistant editor
1140
01:08:54.480 --> 01:08:56.260
of The Wipers Times.
1141
01:08:56.280 --> 01:08:57.320
Yes.
1142
01:08:58.880 --> 01:09:03.740
The General Staff are under severe
pressure from the good ladies
1143
01:09:03.760 --> 01:09:06.600
of the Temperance Society.
1144
01:09:06.800 --> 01:09:07.900
Why?
1145
01:09:07.920 --> 01:09:12.540
From their unique vantage point
on the home front, they attribute
1146
01:09:12.560 --> 01:09:16.440
all the army's reverses in the
field to the effects of alcohol.
1147
01:09:17.440 --> 01:09:21.200
They seem to be under the impression
that the trenches are awash
1148
01:09:21.400 --> 01:09:22.300
with the demon drink.
1149
01:09:22.320 --> 01:09:24.300
I can't imagine why
they would think that.
1150
01:09:24.320 --> 01:09:27.260
Rum business, war.
1151
01:09:27.280 --> 01:09:29.940
But the high command has given
the ladies their blessing
1152
01:09:29.960 --> 01:09:33.340
and whether we like it or not,
we will all have to acknowledge that
1153
01:09:33.360 --> 01:09:35.900
alcohol is a serious issue.
1154
01:09:35.920 --> 01:09:37.240
So what do you propose?
1155
01:09:38.600 --> 01:09:42.600
Well, obviously,
we'll have to do our bit...
1156
01:09:42.800 --> 01:09:47.180
and place a suitable advertisement
in a responsible trench newspaper.
1157
01:09:47.200 --> 01:09:48.660
Do you have a drink habit?
1158
01:09:48.680 --> 01:09:50.180
Do you have a drink habit?
1159
01:09:50.200 --> 01:09:51.620
Do you have a drink habit?
1160
01:09:51.640 --> 01:09:56.260
If not, I can help you acquire
one in three days.
1161
01:09:56.280 --> 01:10:00.200
If you, or any one you know, does not
drink alcohol regularly,
1162
01:10:00.400 --> 01:10:04.180
they need my new book
Confessions Of An Alcohol Slave.
1163
01:10:04.200 --> 01:10:05.260
I can cure anyone.
1164
01:10:05.280 --> 01:10:06.920
Take this once sad wretch.
1165
01:10:10.480 --> 01:10:13.980
I was a rabid teetotaller for the
first 15 years of my life,
1166
01:10:14.000 --> 01:10:16.820
but thanks to Dr Supitup
and his miracle cure
1167
01:10:16.840 --> 01:10:18.980
I now never go to bed sober.
1168
01:10:19.000 --> 01:10:21.700
All cases are treated in
absolute confidence.
1169
01:10:21.720 --> 01:10:26.700
This incredible three-step guide to
being a bona fide toper is yours now.
1170
01:10:26.720 --> 01:10:30.200
Just write to me, Dr Supitup,
at Have Another Mansions,
1171
01:10:30.400 --> 01:10:31.640
in Bedfordshire.
1172
01:10:32.920 --> 01:10:34.900
KNOCK ON DOOR
1173
01:10:34.920 --> 01:10:36.300
You wanted to see me, sir?
1174
01:10:36.320 --> 01:10:37.620
Come in, Fred.
1175
01:10:37.640 --> 01:10:39.940
If it's about ragging
the Temperance Society...
1176
01:10:39.960 --> 01:10:41.300
No, no, no. It isn't,
1177
01:10:41.320 --> 01:10:45.600
though I have had complaints
that your version of the war
1178
01:10:45.800 --> 01:10:47.800
consists of nothing but wine,
women and song.
1179
01:10:49.640 --> 01:10:52.700
Well, there has been the odd
visit to Madame Fifi's.
1180
01:10:52.720 --> 01:10:54.980
I'd keep quiet about that
if I were you, Fred.
1181
01:10:55.000 --> 01:10:56.440
Madame Fifi's is closed.
1182
01:10:57.720 --> 01:11:00.940
Napoo Madame Fifi? Quelle damage.
1183
01:11:00.960 --> 01:11:04.380
Sadly she had to leave her cosy club
one dawn for an appointment
1184
01:11:04.400 --> 01:11:05.720
with the firing squad.
1185
01:11:07.360 --> 01:11:09.380
Madame Fifi was a spy?
1186
01:11:09.400 --> 01:11:12.600
Apparently she was extracting
information from excitable
1187
01:11:12.800 --> 01:11:13.100
young officers
1188
01:11:13.120 --> 01:11:15.100
and passing it straight to Berlin.
1189
01:11:15.120 --> 01:11:16.900
My conscience is clear, sir.
1190
01:11:16.920 --> 01:11:20.200
I can't have given anything
away about the war
1191
01:11:20.400 --> 01:11:21.660
because I don't know anything.
1192
01:11:21.680 --> 01:11:24.600
Like all British
officers on the front line,
1193
01:11:24.800 --> 01:11:26.660
I'm kept completely in the dark.
1194
01:11:26.680 --> 01:11:30.780
I am amazed that, after all this
time, you can find anything funny.
1195
01:11:30.800 --> 01:11:34.500
Oh, I don't know, sir. You would have
to concede that it is somewhat
1196
01:11:34.520 --> 01:11:39.460
comical that we have spent years
fighting our way through Flanders
1197
01:11:39.480 --> 01:11:41.880
only to end up right back
where we started.
1198
01:11:43.800 --> 01:11:47.620
Then I think you'll find the news
of your next deployment hilarious.
1199
01:11:47.640 --> 01:11:49.460
I can hardly wait, sir.
1200
01:11:49.480 --> 01:11:53.400
24th division is being sent
back to The Somme.
1201
01:11:56.000 --> 01:11:57.260
And why not, sir?
1202
01:11:57.280 --> 01:12:02.660
It was such a success last time,
why not do it all again?
1203
01:12:02.680 --> 01:12:05.500
That's the spirit. War's waking up.
1204
01:12:05.520 --> 01:12:08.720
Seconds out of the ring.
Last round coming up.
1205
01:12:10.240 --> 01:12:11.260
Zero minus one.
1206
01:12:11.280 --> 01:12:12.920
EXPLOSION
1207
01:12:16.000 --> 01:12:19.140
Right, lads.
You all know the drill by now.
1208
01:12:19.160 --> 01:12:22.420
What's that you're drinking, Barnes?
Water, sir.
1209
01:12:22.440 --> 01:12:24.940
Don't you know the water is
not for drinking?
1210
01:12:24.960 --> 01:12:28.220
It's for putting in the radiators
of the staff cars.
1211
01:12:28.240 --> 01:12:32.300
Don't do anything risky, never mind
the water. Try some whisky.
1212
01:12:32.320 --> 01:12:34.300
Sir.
1213
01:12:34.320 --> 01:12:35.360
Ready, men?
1214
01:12:38.720 --> 01:12:40.120
Forward, the Foresters.
1215
01:12:41.920 --> 01:12:43.800
Give the Fritzes hell!
1216
01:12:49.600 --> 01:12:51.600
ALL SHOUT
1217
01:13:13.440 --> 01:13:15.280
Stop. Men.
1218
01:13:16.200 --> 01:13:17.940
Stop!
1219
01:13:17.960 --> 01:13:20.540
Hold your fire!
1220
01:13:20.560 --> 01:13:21.980
Sir?
1221
01:13:22.000 --> 01:13:23.320
They're already dead!
1222
01:13:26.640 --> 01:13:29.840
It's the gas. Their own gas.
1223
01:13:34.120 --> 01:13:35.720
The wind must have changed.
1224
01:13:38.840 --> 01:13:42.180
I thought they were a bit...passive.
1225
01:13:42.200 --> 01:13:44.740
What, you mean...
1226
01:13:44.760 --> 01:13:46.680
they didn't put up
much of a fight?
1227
01:13:49.360 --> 01:13:50.820
Not very sporting, is it?
1228
01:13:50.840 --> 01:13:53.180
HE LAUGHS
1229
01:13:53.200 --> 01:13:55.460
Signing off before the show
has even started.
1230
01:13:55.480 --> 01:13:57.900
Spoils the whole fun of war.
1231
01:13:57.920 --> 01:14:00.800
THEY LAUGH
1232
01:14:07.000 --> 01:14:08.400
Oh, Christ!
1233
01:14:38.160 --> 01:14:41.180
There was a little Hun and at war
he tried his hand
1234
01:14:41.200 --> 01:14:45.380
And while the Hun was winning
war was fine, you understand
1235
01:14:45.400 --> 01:14:48.300
When the others hit him
back, he shouted in alarm
1236
01:14:48.320 --> 01:14:51.240
"A little drop of peace
wouldn't do me any harm."
1237
01:15:21.480 --> 01:15:24.620
There was a young man of Avesnes...
1238
01:15:24.640 --> 01:15:27.280
Who took a stroll down a long
shady lanes...
1239
01:15:30.640 --> 01:15:34.740
..He trod on a dud
Half-hidden in mud
1240
01:15:34.760 --> 01:15:37.720
He never will do it agains.
1241
01:15:38.720 --> 01:15:41.320
Well up to our usual
terrible standard.
1242
01:15:43.640 --> 01:15:47.120
Sir, we've heard a rumour that
the Germans have surrendered.
1243
01:15:48.400 --> 01:15:50.540
Well, if that is the case, Corporal,
1244
01:15:50.560 --> 01:15:53.420
someone really ought to tell
their artillery.
1245
01:15:53.440 --> 01:15:55.620
Yes, and if Fritz really is
waving the white flag,
1246
01:15:55.640 --> 01:15:58.580
he might have the decency to
stop firing at us.
1247
01:15:58.600 --> 01:16:00.800
So you don't think it's true then,
sir?
1248
01:16:02.720 --> 01:16:06.820
All I'm prepared to say is that
the tide is apparently turned
1249
01:16:06.840 --> 01:16:12.520
and perhaps, at last, we can all
look forward to better times.
1250
01:16:13.480 --> 01:16:15.800
Better Times.
1251
01:16:16.120 --> 01:16:17.720
It's a good name for a title.
1252
01:16:32.920 --> 01:16:34.840
EXPLOSION
1253
01:16:40.560 --> 01:16:42.300
Letter to the editor.
1254
01:16:42.320 --> 01:16:43.860
Is it genuine?
1255
01:16:43.880 --> 01:16:46.200
Absolutely. I just
genuinely made it up.
1256
01:16:47.320 --> 01:16:50.380
"Dear sir.
I hear that when it's all over,
1257
01:16:50.400 --> 01:16:54.900
"people who joined up early are going
to be demobilised first.
1258
01:16:54.920 --> 01:16:57.180
"This is very unfair
1259
01:16:57.200 --> 01:17:00.180
"since they obviously much more eager
to be in the army than those of us
1260
01:17:00.200 --> 01:17:03.260
"who joined up reluctantly later.
1261
01:17:03.280 --> 01:17:06.380
"So surely we should go home sooner?
1262
01:17:06.400 --> 01:17:09.220
"Yours, Lance Corporal A Slacker."
1263
01:17:09.240 --> 01:17:10.840
Very convincing argument.
1264
01:17:14.320 --> 01:17:16.200
EXPLOSION
1265
01:17:18.680 --> 01:17:23.380
You sure about this title,
Better Times?
1266
01:17:23.400 --> 01:17:26.420
Apparently we only need one more
big effort
1267
01:17:26.440 --> 01:17:28.980
and we can completely bust the hump.
1268
01:17:29.000 --> 01:17:31.220
You seem to be
suffering from optimism.
1269
01:17:31.240 --> 01:17:33.260
Talking of which...
1270
01:17:33.280 --> 01:17:36.540
Harris thinks we can go
to a weekly edition,
1271
01:17:36.560 --> 01:17:41.580
despite brother Boche's best efforts
to prevent all forms of journalism
1272
01:17:41.600 --> 01:17:45.620
by filling the office with
shrapnel yesterday.
1273
01:17:45.640 --> 01:17:49.580
Why weekly? Why not a daily?
Now who's suffering from optimism?
1274
01:17:49.600 --> 01:17:51.200
We're selling like hot cakes.
1275
01:17:52.720 --> 01:17:56.500
Is that good? I can't remember what
a hot cake tastes like.
1276
01:17:56.520 --> 01:17:58.840
We're even selling
out on the home front.
1277
01:18:00.680 --> 01:18:02.940
It would take a lot more copy.
1278
01:18:02.960 --> 01:18:05.380
Surely there's enough
jokers out there
1279
01:18:05.400 --> 01:18:08.560
and more than enough
poets to fill the space.
1280
01:18:09.680 --> 01:18:12.600
EXPLOSION
1281
01:18:12.800 --> 01:18:14.400
It's a signal for you, sir.
Thank you, Harris.
1282
01:18:27.800 --> 01:18:28.120
My God!
1283
01:18:29.920 --> 01:18:30.960
What is it?
1284
01:18:34.560 --> 01:18:36.000
It's all over.
1285
01:18:42.000 --> 01:18:44.380
What, sir, just like that?
1286
01:18:44.400 --> 01:18:47.920
"Official radio from Paris. 6.01 am.
1287
01:18:49.800 --> 01:18:51.400
"November 11th 1918.
1288
01:18:52.360 --> 01:18:55.300
"Marshal Foch to Commander in Chief.
1289
01:18:55.320 --> 01:18:59.640
"Hostilities will be stopped
along entire front at 11 o'clock."
1290
01:19:02.720 --> 01:19:04.360
Fini la guerre.
1291
01:19:08.240 --> 01:19:09.280
Looks like it.
1292
01:19:11.760 --> 01:19:12.800
Napoo Boche.
1293
01:19:16.200 --> 01:19:17.240
So it would seem.
1294
01:19:20.920 --> 01:19:22.240
It's an armistice.
1295
01:19:23.960 --> 01:19:27.800
No big show then,
no final push to Berlin?
1296
01:19:33.480 --> 01:19:35.560
EXPLOSION
1297
01:19:38.120 --> 01:19:40.300
Shall I, er, tell the men then,
sir?
1298
01:19:40.320 --> 01:19:44.100
EXPLOSION
1299
01:19:44.120 --> 01:19:45.900
Thank you, Sergeant.
1300
01:19:45.920 --> 01:19:49.300
And tell them to keep their bloody
heads down until 11 o'clock.
1301
01:19:49.320 --> 01:19:50.440
Sir.
1302
01:19:56.560 --> 01:19:57.600
So, Jack...
1303
01:19:59.680 --> 01:20:02.660
..our swords are going to be
turned into ploughshares.
1304
01:20:02.680 --> 01:20:04.340
Mmm.
1305
01:20:04.360 --> 01:20:06.280
The order of the bowler hat for us.
1306
01:20:10.240 --> 01:20:11.840
We're going home.
1307
01:20:18.600 --> 01:20:20.320
Shouldn't we be celebrating?
1308
01:20:25.960 --> 01:20:28.140
I suppose we should.
1309
01:20:28.160 --> 01:20:30.240
Hmm.
1310
01:20:51.840 --> 01:20:55.200
OK, lads. Well...
just received a wire...
1311
01:21:20.880 --> 01:21:24.540
Now that we've actually won the war,
I hope that your scribbler friends
1312
01:21:24.560 --> 01:21:27.580
in The Wipers Times will treat the
staff with a little more respect.
1313
01:21:27.600 --> 01:21:28.700
Yes, indeed. In fact,
1314
01:21:28.720 --> 01:21:31.780
they're recommending the staff be
awarded more medals.
1315
01:21:31.800 --> 01:21:32.980
About time.
1316
01:21:33.000 --> 01:21:35.540
The want special recognition
for all those martyrs
1317
01:21:35.560 --> 01:21:39.620
who've had to endure wearying
years of soft jobs back at the base
1318
01:21:39.640 --> 01:21:42.200
and have missed out on all the fun
of the front line.
1319
01:21:47.480 --> 01:21:51.800
And welcome back to the European
Theatre for our grand finale.
1320
01:21:54.200 --> 01:21:58.620
Sadly Keiser Bill Hohenzollern will
not be appearing as he has
1321
01:21:58.640 --> 01:22:02.200
an alternative engagement singing
My Old Dutch in Holland.
1322
01:22:05.800 --> 01:22:08.760
Also not on the bill
are the famous Crumps.
1323
01:22:11.480 --> 01:22:13.800
And the little pipsqueaks.
1324
01:22:16.680 --> 01:22:22.320
And Duddy...whizz-bang!
1325
01:22:25.400 --> 01:22:28.180
Yes! The show mustn't go on.
1326
01:22:28.200 --> 01:22:29.900
You've seen the horrors of war.
1327
01:22:29.920 --> 01:22:32.380
Now prepare for the horrors
of peace.
1328
01:22:32.400 --> 01:22:34.600
You were an army of occupation.
1329
01:22:34.800 --> 01:22:36.860
Now you're going to be
an army of no occupation.
1330
01:22:36.880 --> 01:22:38.140
THEY BOO
1331
01:22:38.160 --> 01:22:39.900
So without further ado,
1332
01:22:39.920 --> 01:22:43.300
let's have one last
encore from Tommy Atkins with
1333
01:22:43.320 --> 01:22:46.620
a delightfully delicious ditty -
costumes kindly provided by Messrs
1334
01:22:46.640 --> 01:22:49.780
D Mob & Co - the celebrated
tailors of Cheap Street.
1335
01:22:49.800 --> 01:22:52.280
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1336
01:22:54.560 --> 01:22:57.500
♪ So scrap the mortar
mine and shell
1337
01:22:57.520 --> 01:23:01.500
♪ The job's completely done
and well
1338
01:23:01.520 --> 01:23:05.980
♪ We're done with mud
and rats and stench
1339
01:23:06.000 --> 01:23:09.920
♪ Hope never again to see
a trench... ♪
1340
01:23:12.280 --> 01:23:16.140
That'll do, lads. We don't want to
end the show on a low note.
1341
01:23:16.160 --> 01:23:19.700
♪..No more we'll hear
machine guns rattle
1342
01:23:19.720 --> 01:23:23.380
♪ The minny's din
the roar of battle
1343
01:23:23.400 --> 01:23:28.580
♪ The long lost years
have been well worth
1344
01:23:28.600 --> 01:23:32.380
♪ If once again we've peace
on earth... ♪
1345
01:23:32.400 --> 01:23:35.100
That's more like it.
Now, come on, everybody,
1346
01:23:35.120 --> 01:23:38.860
let's see that
demobilisation smile.
1347
01:23:38.880 --> 01:23:45.340
♪..Farewell to you
To dear old Wipers
1348
01:23:45.360 --> 01:23:49.560
♪ For better times
have come to pass
1349
01:23:50.880 --> 01:23:57.140
♪ And if they ask us back
to Flanders
1350
01:23:57.160 --> 01:24:00.640
♪ We'll all say
Shove it up your... ♪
1351
01:24:02.320 --> 01:24:04.460
A little decorum, gentlemen, please!
1352
01:24:04.480 --> 01:24:06.760
You are not in the army now!
1353
01:24:18.120 --> 01:24:22.100
Hmm. It's all very amusing,
1354
01:24:22.120 --> 01:24:25.940
but I'm sure that it is journalism.
1355
01:24:25.960 --> 01:24:28.560
Nowadays, ours is a very modern,
high-pressure business.
1356
01:24:29.720 --> 01:24:32.500
Have you ever sat in a trench,
in the middle of a battle
1357
01:24:32.520 --> 01:24:35.900
and corrected page proofs?
You should try it.
1358
01:24:35.920 --> 01:24:39.440
I'm sure.
But that was quite a long time ago.
1359
01:24:41.200 --> 01:24:44.280
And your CV is a bit sketchy
on your more recent career.
1360
01:24:46.360 --> 01:24:48.300
I went back to prospecting.
1361
01:24:48.320 --> 01:24:51.600
Spent some time in Africa.
Looking for gold.
1362
01:24:51.800 --> 01:24:54.140
Had some ups, had some downs.
1363
01:24:54.160 --> 01:24:57.100
Came home and thought I'd have a
last shot at something,
1364
01:24:57.120 --> 01:25:00.140
which people were once kind enough
to say that I was good at.
1365
01:25:00.160 --> 01:25:04.140
I thought if old Beach Thomas
can get a job,
1366
01:25:04.160 --> 01:25:07.600
then surely I'd
be in with a chance.
1367
01:25:07.800 --> 01:25:09.600
He's Sir William Beach Thomas
1368
01:25:09.800 --> 01:25:12.320
and he's one of our most
distinguished correspondents.
1369
01:25:13.440 --> 01:25:15.320
Of course. I'm sorry.
1370
01:25:16.840 --> 01:25:19.200
Only he was
a bit of a joke in the war.
1371
01:25:19.400 --> 01:25:20.800
Yes.
1372
01:25:21.560 --> 01:25:24.140
We're not really
interested in jokes.
1373
01:25:24.160 --> 01:25:26.720
Modern writers tell
the truth about the war.
1374
01:25:28.240 --> 01:25:31.940
Then perhaps I should write you
a harrowing article about
1375
01:25:31.960 --> 01:25:35.840
how all was not quiet
on the Western Front...
1376
01:25:38.400 --> 01:25:43.140
..and how with shells
raining down upon us,
1377
01:25:43.160 --> 01:25:47.300
and the chilly November air
being rent with fury, the sub-editor
1378
01:25:47.320 --> 01:25:51.600
and I drank a case of whiskey
and shot the padre for cowardice
1379
01:25:51.800 --> 01:25:52.880
and said goodbye to all that.
1380
01:25:55.120 --> 01:25:56.640
Well, that's more like it.
1381
01:25:57.960 --> 01:25:59.000
No.
1382
01:26:01.720 --> 01:26:03.920
This was my truth.
1383
01:26:07.520 --> 01:26:09.740
I'm sorry for wasting your time.
1384
01:26:09.760 --> 01:26:12.800
No, no, no. Don't be so hasty.
1385
01:26:13.280 --> 01:26:15.200
Here's the thing.
1386
01:26:15.400 --> 01:26:17.620
I like you, Mr Roberts, I really do.
1387
01:26:17.640 --> 01:26:20.580
And it's clear you're
clever with words.
1388
01:26:20.600 --> 01:26:22.640
So I think I might have something
for you here.
1389
01:26:24.480 --> 01:26:26.480
How about you start work on the,
er..
1390
01:26:28.320 --> 01:26:29.440
..the crossword?
1391
01:26:35.800 --> 01:26:38.380
You want me
to compile the crossword?
1392
01:26:38.400 --> 01:26:41.580
Er, no. HELP compile the crossword.
1393
01:26:41.600 --> 01:26:44.540
See how things go.
Better not rush things.
1394
01:26:44.560 --> 01:26:50.540
It's not exactly the front line of
the circulation war, is it?
1395
01:26:50.560 --> 01:26:53.900
A chap in your position can't
expect too much.
1396
01:26:53.920 --> 01:26:54.960
What do you think?
1397
01:27:00.120 --> 01:27:01.160
I think...
1398
01:27:15.760 --> 01:27:18.440
Er, you haven't given me
an answer, Mr Roberts?
1399
01:27:20.240 --> 01:27:22.780
Mr Roberts?
1400
01:27:22.800 --> 01:27:25.220
Do you want this job or not?
1401
01:27:25.240 --> 01:27:26.760
Mr Roberts?
109720
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