All language subtitles for The.Final.Girls.2015.720p.BluRay.x264-ROVERS

Welcome to Camp Blue Finch,

where romance in the sun
can turn deadly!

Best summer ever!

This is the summer
that's going to change your life.

Where the days are warm...

- Hey, Nance, that guitar is choice.
- Thanks, Blake. Bitching hair.

...the girls are cool...

Did I miss the Kumbaya circle?

...the nights are always hot.

And evil lurks around every corner.

Gosh, you startled me.

So, I just go down that path
all the way?

A guy like you can go anywhere he wants.

And any moment, Billy can strike.

They won't be singing Kumbaya.

They'll be screaming Kum Ba No!

Pack your bags for Camp Bloodbath...

You just messed with the wrong virgin.

...where the only marshmallow
that will roast is your sanity.

Well, they'll let me know.

You know
you're too good for this crap, right?

The casting director was all like,
"I know you from somewhere."

And I went, "Really? It's probably
my arc on CSI as a bipolar mistress."

And he's like, "No, I got it.
Camp Bloodbath."

Am I ever going to live that movie down?
I mean, it was 20 years ago.

Honestly, if you ever become an actor,
don't ever do a slasher flick.

You wouldn't catch me dead in a movie.
You're the actress here.

Damn straight. And I'm no actress.
I'm a movie star.

Mel's?

Mel's.

Let's rock and roll.

So, we owe the electric company
$174.88 by next Monday...

You remember Frank?

He told me he was going to take me
to Palm Springs this weekend.

- No message. No text.
- No surprise.

You know,
it's just he said we were exclusive.

Well, he said it,
he doesn't act like it.

Whatever. What do I know?

You must think I'm a total zero.

Screw him, Mom. And screw
his shady hotel in Palm Springs.

Oh, my God.
Look at you taking care of me.

What happened to that little girl
I used to dance with in the backyard?

She grew up and is trying to figure out
where this $174 is gonna come from.

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

Our song!

Mom. We need to figure this out.

Her hair is Harlowe gold

Her lips sweet surprise

Her hands are never cold

You're such a dork.

She's got Bette Davis eyes

Everything in my life, I got wrong.

But you, I got you right.

I love you. You know that, right?

She's pure as New York snow

She's got Bette Davis eyes

What?

Nothing.

Nothing.

She'll unease you

All the better just to please you

She's precocious and she knows just

What it takes to make a pro blush

She got Greta Garbo stand off sighs

She's got Bette Davis eyes

Max, those are really expensive...

Gertie's here.

Coming, Aunt Pearl.

So, when Chris asked you to study,
was he like,

"I want you to come study"?

Or was he like, "I want you to come.

"Study."

Please. I'm only going,
so I don't flunk Classics.

Come on, you know that he broke up
with Vicki last week, right?

And she is a mess.

Have you seen the veiled suicide note/poem
she posted on her Facebook page?

It's so hilarious.

I read it out loud to myself. A lot.

Hey, just keep on keeping on.

- What does that even mean?
- Something my therapist tells me all the time.

You have a therapist?

Does that help you deal?

No, not really.
She's a physical therapist, so...

Okay. So, the myth of Persephone.
Max, you want to take this one?

Sure.

She's the daughter of Zeus
and she eats pomegranate seeds,

and then
Hades kidnaps her to the underworld.

Yeah. Okay, good.

So, they go back to the underworld
and Persephone is freaking out,

and Hermes is like,
"It's okay, it's okay.

"Just keep looking forward,
or we'll be stuck here forever."

Max, do you want to jot
any of this down or...

No, it's okay, Max.
I've already got a copy.

You can copy from me later
or I can give it to you if you want.

I'm gonna stop talking.

- Shit.
- Max, hey, wait.

- Did you not get my messages?
- Duncan. No.

Please, come on. Please.

Seriously, no.

The Bath-maticians were so excited
when I told them

that Amanda Cartwright's daughter
was my sister's best friend.

- Step-sister.
- Why would you say that? That's so hurtful.

Please, Max, I promised
that you'd be there.

I am the assistant general manager
of the varsity. Think of my reputation.

Wait. What are "Bath-maticians"?

Camp Bloodbath fans.
It's kind of our awesome nickname.

Did you know that a nickname
immediately becomes uncool

- when you give it to yourself?
- You know what, Gertie?

When my dad told me that I was going
to get a sister, I cried

because that's all I'd ever wanted.

But not like this. Not like this.

Don't.

Look, Camp Bloodbath
is like the granddaddy

of all campsite slasher films, okay.

Amazing production design, insane music,
over-the-top acting.

It's a cult classic.

Max's mom plays Nancy,
this sort of shy girl-next-door

who gives up her butterfly
to some dumb jock,

and Billy Murphy comes along
and chops her ass up on a waterbed.

Sorry, Duncan. Tell your cult,
maybe I'll see them next year.

I'll do all your Classics assignments
for the rest of the year.

Papers, your homework, all of it.

Gertie told me that you were failing.

Please, Max, what do you say?
You wanna graduate, or not?

Max!

- Gertie!
- You scared me.

Well, this will be fun.

Being trapped in a movie theater
with a bunch of nerds.

Yeah, sure.

You know what was fun, though?
Watching Chris today, ogle over you.

- Shut up.
- What? That's a word, right? Ogle?

He likes you so much, it's so cute.

Gertie. Get real. He's like a giant, okay?
So, imagine us together.

- I'd need stilts to kiss him.
- Hey!

- Hey!
- Hi.

- What are you doing here?
- I figured you needed some moral support.

Why, should I go?
Because I can if this is weird...

No, don't be crazy, Christopher.
We're so happy you're here.

I'm going to go popcorn up,
see you inside.

Wow. Your mom was gorgeous.

I'm sorry.
That's a weird thing to say, isn't it?

Kind of.

It's kind of cool we get to
honor her memory this way, right?

Today's the anniversary of her death.

I don't know what to say.

Me neither.

At least, I get to see her,

even if she is being chased
by a psycho with a machete.

- Stop, stop, stop.
- Great.

Hey! What a coincidence!

This is Tyson. We've been
hanging out and he's so funny.

My abs are like shredded
from laughing so hard.

Anyway, Tyson wanted
to come here tonight

and I was like, "Oh, my God, no."
But here we are.

So, you win, Tyson.

So, you didn't see my post about it,
or anything?

No, I don't go on your stupid Twitter,

which, by the way,
has lost three more followers today.

Anyway, see you guys inside, okay? Go.

I'm so wiped
from all these applications.

Even my safety schools,
Stanford and Cornell,

I'm not gonna just half-ass them.
It's just not my style.

I am lucky
that I even made it out tonight at all.

Thank you, Adderall.

Where'd Terry go?

- Terry? Tyson?
- Tyson.

Yeah, he just got like
super-sick super-fast.

No, not the super-sick super-fast.

Max, are they doing this because it's,
you know, the anniversary?

Yeah, I'm here for an appearance.
I didn't think you'd...

Come on, Max.
Of course, I would remember.

I have really good memory.
It's not just the Adderall.

Hey, do you want anything?

I'm gonna go get a popcorn
and then we can dump M&M'S into it.

That way, every handful is, like,
kind of suspenseful?

Sure.

Hey, Chris, I'm just gonna have
a Diet Coke and a child-size popcorn,

but make sure to dump half of it
into the garbage. You remember, right?

You know what,
I'm just going to come with you.

She is the worst.
She's like a living nightmare.

I can't believe
you used to be friends with her.

Look, she's probably gonna pee on him

- just to mark her territory.
- Gertie!

Max!

- Hey, hey, you came.
- Oh, God.

All hail, Max!

Sorry, I don't know why
I worshipped you then,

I'm just excited to see you.

You're also really weird.
You're very strange and weird.

I can put you down for the Q&A, right?

- After the show, do a little Q.
- No.

And a little...

I'll put you down as a maybe.
Okay, glad you're here.

Hey, guys, we're here!

Someone wake up
Sleeping Beauty back there.

Are we there yet?

You okay?

Yeah.

It all happened so long ago.

Little Billy Murphy
went to camp here decades ago.

And he was always picked on
for being different, ugly.

And then one summer,
the hottest one on record,

the counselors decided
to play a little prank on him.

No one really knows
how Billy was before it happened.

The counselors hated him,
and the other kids bullied him mercilessly.

Stop! Go away!

- Billy, open up.
- I know how to get him out.

Soak this moment in, babe,
because you're always gonna remember me.

- What does that tattoo mean?
- It was given to me in juvie.

I was caught stealing cherries.
I'm a cherry thief.

Neat.

Nice legs.

What time they open?

Kurt?

Kurt?

I'm going to get some air.

The exits are blocked!

- Duncan, is there an exit behind the screen?
- Yes. Yes.

- Come on!
- Go, go, go.

Go, go, go.

- Max!
- Oh, God! What happened?

- Where the hell are we?
- I don't know. Did the theater burn down?

That was the scariest thing
I have ever seen.

You're alive! Thank God!

What does poison ivy look like?
Because I think I got...

Help me.

Guys, somebody's coming.

Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?

- Tina!
- Yeah?

Oh, my God.
I'm having a psychotic episode.

- We all saw the same thing, right?
- Maybe it's a dream. A collective dream.

If this is a dream,
then there's a very strong chance

that my dad's going to come up to us
naked and offer us some pecan pie.

But don't take any. It is not pecan pie.

Maybe we're dead and this is heaven.

This can't be heaven.
Max is here and she's Jewish.

Right. Well, maybe it's Jewish heaven.

Look!

Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?

Yeah. Just keep going
the way you're going.

Wow, okay. Thanks so much.

We're not dead. We're insane!

No, we're not. And I don't think
we're in the Valley anymore.

- Is anybody getting any bars?
- No.

Eight, seven, six, five...

Hey, do you guys know
the way to Camp Blue Finch?

Yeah, actually we're counselors,

and we can show you
if you'd just give us a ride.

- Rad! Yeah, hop in.
- Tubular!

Dude, what are you doing?

Do we have a choice?
We're kind of stuck. Let's go.

Max.

Come on, guys.

You guys coming?

I can't believe you guys are counselors, too.
We've never had this many before.

When the kids get here next week,
they're gonna be so pumped.

Hey, where are you guys' suitcases?

Because, honestly, your clothes,
they're disgusting.

Says the guy in the crop top.

What's up? Are you guys poor people?
Are you guys poor?

We packed light. Yeah.
What did you pack, Tina?

The basics, bikini,
mouthwash, diaphragm.

Hell, yeah, you did.
'Cause they're gonna get so naked.

How did you know?

Spring break, forever.

Hey, guys, we're here!

Someone wake up
Sleeping Beauty back there.

Are we there yet?

Hi!

I'm Nancy. What's your name?

Max.

First time away from home? It's okay.
It's hard to be away from your parents, huh?

Best summer ever!

Yes.

Well, kiddo, this is the summer
that's going to change your life.

No kidding.

- Hey, Nance, that guitar is choice.
- Thanks, Blake. Bitching hair.

Okay. So, we're in the movie.

- How do we get outta here?
- Yeah, I like that question.

That's a really, really good question.

Duncan, can you answer
that question, please?

What are you talking about? It's 1986!
Our homes don't exist yet.

They're probably just landfills waiting to
be turned into crappy subdivisions.

We don't exist yet.

I know for a fact my parents haven't met
because I was an unplanned child.

Anyone wanna help me
pick some strawberries?

No, but I'll give you a hand
with those melons.

Talking about her boobs!
You guys get me, right?

Yeah, we do, brother.

Kurt is insatiable.

Okay, so Mimi's in the woods,
that means everything is right on schedule.

- She hooks up with that hiker.
- But then she gets killed, right?

Yeah, exactly. Everyone
who has sex in this movie dies.

It's awesome.

I got into bodybuilding big time.

- Yeah. Oh, my God, can I touch it?
- Yeah, touch it.

The backside's just as hard.
Touch the backside.

That's right. Everyone.

I'm with Gertie on this one.

Let's just take their van and bail.
What do we have to lose?

Yeah, did I say that? I did? Okay.

We actually probably
shouldn't talk to them.

- What's up, funbags?
- Funbags. Right. Yay, feminism.

Listen, we need to borrow your van
for a little while. Is that okay? Yeah?

I don't know. What's in it for me?

How about my friends
don't kick your ass?

This guy's your friend? Yeah, right.
You want to go?

- No, no. God, no.
- Bicep, smash.

And that would kill you.
That's a karate technique.

No, I don't. I've never actually
fought anyone before in my life.

Yeah, well, I have. So many times.

Seven times.

Hey, this is so weird. Do me a favor
and just zing me. Just get me.

Fine. How about you go suck a turd?

The writing is so bad.

Okay, tell you what.
You find the keys and the van's yours.

Really?

- I'm glad that you die.
- What?

Nothing! What she meant to say was,
that we all die eventually.

Technically, we start dying
the moment we're born.

Yeah, right.

- Yes, but not to overwhelm you...
- Okay.

I liked you
when you were laughing at my jokes.

Now, I just think you're weird.

Okay, let's just go get the... Sorry.
Let's go get the keys.

Hey, you wanna give me a hand?

Sure.

- All right. Let's rock and roll.
- Oh, my God. It really is you.

- What?
- Nothing.

All right! Push-up time!

So...

Kurt told me he wants to do it later.

- Wow. Just like that?
- I know!

And it's like, I can't stay
a virgin forever, you know?

And he's been with a lot of girls,
so he can probably, like,

I don't know, help me along.

- You shouldn't have sex!
- Why?

Because I heard that sex can kill you.

Max. Sex isn't anything to be afraid of.

I mean, Tina's already done it twice today,
and look at her, she's totally normal.

She says the best feeling in the world
is getting stoned and doing it on a waterbed.

Don't hang around Tina.

No, but I told myself that I was going
to lose my virginity this summer.

- Get drunk! Not necessarily in that order.
- Please, just trust me.

You sound like my mom.

Right back at you.

Hello, hi. We have to go get everyone.
Let's go.

We will pick this up again.
Is that understood?

In the meantime, just stay away from Kurt
and keep your shorts on.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Dibs on the one that looks like
Ricky Schroder.

Their hair's so flat.
It's making me sad.

That girl with the freckles
is sort of cute.

You know, none of them
are on the counselors' roster.

Where did they come from?

- We are never gonna find these keys.
- Not with that attitude, we're not.

Though, you are correct.

- Let's go back. Now.
- It's happening.

- We have to warn her.
- No. No.

Just think of them as animals
on a nature preserve, okay?

Our duty is not to disrupt,
but to observe.

Gosh, you startled me.

Sorry, I'm looking for town.

- So, I just go down that path all the way?
- A guy like you can go anywhere he wants.

I can't believe we're just gonna
casually watch someone get murdered.

What is this, Detroit?

- What is that noise?
- It's Billy. He's coming.

- Let's get out of here then.
- No, no. Stay, stay.

- Did you hear something?
- Baby, I didn't hear a thing.

Give me a second.
Go over there. Get ready.

Okay! Where's the beef?

Come on, man! I said, where's the...

Run!

Go, go, go, go!

- Guys, guys, wait, wait, wait.
- Duncan!

- What are you doing?
- Duncan.

It's okay. He won't hurt us.

He would've killed me by now, okay?

I think it's because we're not
actually part of the movie,

he doesn't really know
what to do with us.

Isn't that right, Billy Boy?

Man, you are big and scary.

I wonder if all this blood
is just corn syrup, you know?

Like these characters are walking around

with just corn syrup in their veins,
you know?

Let's give it a shot here.

God. No, that is not corn syrup.

That is... Oh, God, that's blood.

All the more reason
for us to get the hell outta here.

No, no. Look, everything in this world
is running exactly on schedule.

Besides, to leave,

we probably have to wait
until the movie's over, or something.

Well, when is that going to happen?

Okay, look, movies like this end
when the final girl kills the main bad guy

and the credits roll.
It's actually pretty sick in this one.

She kicks up the sword
and she kills him with his own machete

and she's like... And Billy's like...
It goes right through his hands.

Like...

Head splits open. Punches it.

- Brain goes out...
- Duncan!

Anyway, this smoking
hot girl called Paula,

she arrives in the next reel,
she's the final girl.

Yeah, she is the only one in this movie
who doesn't die.

All we've got to do is stick with her

and we're going to have
the best seats in the house.

Trust me,
this last battle will blow your minds.

- Okay, selfie time.
- Duncan!

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I think I almost just pissed my pants.

- You did piss your pants.
- What? No, I didn't.

Let's get out of here!

Wait! Where are you going?
You're gonna miss the slumber party.

You came back! Yay!

This way!

Wait! Where are you going?
You're gonna miss the slumber party.

You came back! Yay!

What is happening?

Wait! Where are you going?
You're gonna miss the slumber party.

You came back! Yay!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

I don't think Billy's the only problem.

It's the movie.
The movie won't let us leave.

Michael, row your boat ashore

Hallelujah

Michael, row your boat ashore

Hallelujah

Sister, help to trim the sails

Hallelujah

Sister, help to trim the sails

Hallelujah

Jordan's river is deep and wide

Hallelujah

Got a home on the other side

Hallelujah

Come on, everyone. Sing along!

Duncan is dead. We have to warn them.

Please. They're morons.

I wanna know where
they keep the hardware in this dump.

I want chainsaws and I want
big-ass knives, and I want them now.

What am I gonna tell our parents?

I don't want to die here, guys.

Me neither.
There's got to be a way to get home.

Did I miss the Kumbaya circle?

Paula, you're just in time to start
setting up for the slumber party.

Yeah, we took a vote
and you get to share my sleeping bag.

Thanks, Kurt. But I'm saving myself
for someone who doesn't have a needle dick.

Yeah right,
it's like a hammer dick, if anything.

It's a sledgehammer.

Who are they?

They're the new counselors.
They're super nice.

- We don't have new counselors.
- Well, now we do.

All right, guys, let's split up
into groups and get busy.

That's her. That's Paula.

She's the final girl, right?
She's the one that kills Billy.

We just have to stay with her
till the end of the movie.

I'm sticking to that bitch
like white on rice.

Okay. Now, we just have
to keep Billy away from us.

It's just like Duncan said. The moment
a top comes off, Billy shows up.

Vicki, stick with Paula and Tina.
Gertie, you take Blake. Chris, take Kurt.

- No, I want Chris to stick with me.
- No, we have to cover everyone.

- I'll stick with my mom.
- You know that's not your mom, right?

- Vicki!
- Don't defend her.

This delusional shit
is gonna get us all killed.

Look at the pair on her!
I would just motorboat those for hours.

Yeah, but look at those articles,
I could read those all night long.

What are you, a fag?
You don't like some nice big hoots?

Hooting!

My dads are gay. So, shut the hell up.

Yeah, right! Gay guys can't have kids.

They're too busy going to discos
and having sex with each other.

It's actually a pretty cool lifestyle.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- I really like your pin.
- Thank you.

- Where'd you get yours?
- My friends gave them to me.

Where'd you get yours?

I made it, actually,
at this prison pen-pal convention thing.

That's awesome!

Yeah.

Hey, what's up with this cassette?
There are no holes in it.

Give me that.

- What are these?
- No, no. Bad!

Not for you. Very bad!

It's too bad all the girls
are so busted.

The only way you or I are going
to get any is with angel eyes over there.

What? Are you nuts?

No, no, no.
These girls are slamming, my man.

And I am going to do all of them.

Yum! By the way, what's with you and Max?
Are you guys...

Are you guys having sex?

Because if not, I wouldn't mind
bench pressing her with my dumbbell.

Listen, brah, you're not bench pressing
anyone with your dumbbell.

If I so much hear your dumbbell
took a Pilates class...

- What?
- ...I'm gonna cut it off.

I swiped a whole case of this stuff
from my uncle before coming.

I'm gonna need it
if I'm stuck here for the summer

instead of souping up
this bitching firebird I found in...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, great.
Where do they keep the chainsaws here?

What?

We might want to find out, right?
Where they keep them?

Because you never know
when you might need a chainsaw.

Why do we need a chainsaw
for a slumber party?

I know what's going to go down
at this camp, and it's not pretty.

So, where's that other guy
you came with?

My brother. Yeah, he's...

He's napping somewhere.

Okay, let's go. You want to go? Yeah, let's.
You got all the wood you need.

Mom, no!

- Get dressed. Now.
- Oh, my God, Max!

What are you doing here? Get out!

Nancy, if you go through with this,
you're going to get hurt.

Kurt said he liked me, okay. He said it.

Yeah, they always say it,
they just don't act like it.

God. You must think I'm a total zero.

I just wanted to feel grown-up, special.

You are special.

I'm the shy girl with the clipboard
and the guitar.

Special to who?

Special to me.

Who are you, Max?

Soak this moment in, babe,
because you're always gonna remember me.

Shit.

Two for the price of one.
You babes just couldn't wait, could you?

- We're leaving.
- Too late.

Genie's already out of the bottle.
Make a wish.

- Where's Max?
- I don't know. Do you hear that?

What'd I say? Leave her alone!

Lock the windows! Shut the curtains!
He can see us!

Who is he?

Max. You have to tell them about Billy.

Oh, God. He's here.

Not Billy Murphy?
I mean, he's just a legend.

I love legends.

Loch Ness, Bigfoot, Bon Jovi.
All of them.

It all happened so long ago.

Little Billy Murphy went
to camp here decades ago.

And he was always picked on for being...

Guys?

...different, ugly.

- And then one summer...
- This is bad.

...the hottest one on record,

the counselors decided
to play a little prank on him.

What's happening?

This is... What, are we home?

God, why am I colorblind?
Am I having a stroke?

I think we're in a flashback.

It started as just another ordinary day.

- But little did they know...
- What the hell is that voice?

...something was about
to go horribly wrong.

No one really knows
how Billy was before it happened.

The counselors hated him,
and the other kids bullied him mercilessly.

- Stop!
- Where'd you get these clothes?

- Guys, that's Billy.
- Come on, Billy.

Hey, what are you little idiots doing?

Billy's in there,
and he's been in there forever.

Billy locked himself in the outhouse,
thinking he'd be safe, but he was wrong.

Billy. Billy, open up.

I know how to get him out.

Billy had third-degree burns all over his
body because of the counselors' prank.

And the only thing that could distract
Billy from his terrible pain,

was thinking about
what had been done to him.

And during those long,
agonizing nights in the burn ward,

Billy's fear was slowly replaced by
something else.

Hatred.

His face would never be the same.

And so, he made a mask
to hide his scars on the outside,

but his anger grew on the inside.

All Billy wanted was to make
everyone as afraid

as he was on that terrible day.

He started his reign of terror
by returning to exact his revenge.

He killed eight counselors that night.

One for every month
he spent in that hospital bed.

And legend has it Billy still lives
in these woods in his own little shack,

waiting for new counselors to cross his path,
waiting to get revenge again and again.

The car! The car!

Guys, you can't leave! Literally!

Get up! Get up! Stop!
Don't come any closer.

Okay, just listen. We can explain.

You can't leave. None of us can.

- Not until he's dead.
- Until who's dead?

- Billy Murphy.
- What?

Drive! Drive!

- Look, I'm just trying to save you.
- Why? Why are you trying to save me?

Well, because you're my...

My first friend here.

Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

Help me. I'm not dead!

Duncan! You're alive!

No, you killed Duncan!

Let's just go to a hotel
and just relax for the night

and maybe we can get into something.

Oh, my God, Kurt! Oh, my God!

- Paula! She's alive!
- Paula, don't move!

Shit!

I can't believe they're all dead.

They were never alive.

They weren't real. Neither are you.

Because this is just a movie,

and Paula was the only one
that could kill Billy.

We're screwed.

What does she mean, "just a movie"?

So, we're in a movie?

But this is a horror movie,
and Billy Murphy's really after all of us.

Why do I have to wear
all this stuff again?

Because you're scripted to do
a striptease at the slumber party,

and when you take your top off,
Billy comes running.

But why does he hate my boobs?
Because they're not big?

- So, wait, is new wave real?
- Yeah. Yeah, of course.

But I'm not real.

You're only real in the movie.
So, yeah, you're real here.

Cool.

- Guys, we just wanna get home.
- But, okay...

But you said Paula was
the only one who could kill him.

And she just died.

Exactly. Which is why
we need to nominate a new final girl.

And I'm willing to be it.

- What?
- Well, you're not a virgin.

I am, too, a virgin!

I technically am that...
Whatever, what does it matter?

Because it just does, Vicki.

You have to be a virgin in this movie
in order to kill Billy, okay?

And the only true-blue
virgin here is Max.

I'm not the only virgin.

- Gertie, you're a virgin.
- No. Not anymore.

Last summer, with that guy Gerry.

He had the like weird mustache
and he winked, remember?

Isn't he autistic?

Yeah. Yeah, he is.
But he's also very romantic.

Damn, superfreak. I like!

- Okay, let's make a plan.
- Yeah.

- We need to get Billy's machete.
- The one he's holding?

Yeah. Duncan said
that's the only way to kill him.

Everything else just slows him down.

So, we're supposed to
just pry it from his hands?

Well, we don't really have
any other options. Okay?

Look, we just have to get
his machete into Max's hands

so she can chop his head off,
end the movie, and we can all go home.

No. No way! I can't do this.

See? She's even saying
that she can't do it.

Vicki! Enough! Jesus!
Can you just shut up for a second?

God! I can't believe
I put up with you for so long.

- Max, you got this.
- No.

Max. You can do this.

If it wasn't for you, we'd all be dead
burning in the theater right now.

Yeah, and look where I got us.

I can do it. I can be the final girl.
I'm a virgin, too.

I didn't sleep with Kurt.

So, now I guess I'll be able to save myself
for George Michael after all.

- I wouldn't hold your breath, honey.
- Why?

It doesn't matter.
Nancy, you can't be the final girl.

It's not in your DNA, or whatever.

You're the shy girl
with the clipboard and the guitar.

You get laid and then you die.

You're just part of the body count.
No offense.

That came out wrong.

- Thanks a lot.
- Max.

I was just trying to help.

Nancy?

Am I really gonna die?

Yeah.

So, I guess I never grow up,

or fall in love or have kids.

I had this dream
that when I graduated college,

I would meet a guy.

And we'd have a baby. A girl.

And if she ever needed me,
I would do anything for her. Anything.

I would've made a really great mom.

The best.

God, this totally sucks! It's so bogus!

I should have known
something was up with this place.

I mean, think about it.

What the hell kind of summer camp
has waterbeds?

What do we do now?

We fight.

All right, guys.
No more junior varsity bullshit.

We gotta lead with a pro-style offense.
Something Billy won't see coming.

We have to use everything we have
at our disposal.

I was thinking
the best opportunity for an ambush

would be the slumber party,
with a few tweaks.

That means it's just a question of
luring him here at just the right time.

- How are we going to do that?
- I think I have an idea.

"Operation Booby Trap?"

Yup. And Tina's going to be the bait.

Vicki, are you crying?

I'm fine.

Gertie, I'm sorry for that time
in junior high

when I told everyone
to start calling you "Ba-chunk-adunk."

And then I covered your locker in bacon.
That was so crappy.

And I'm so sorry.

- I'm such a bad person.
- You're not. It's okay.

If it makes you feel better,

last summer,
I'm the one who spread the rumor

that said you had a weird disease
where you're always on your period.

- Wow. That's evil.
- Thank you.

Hey, Max, if I'm going to die tonight,
then I don't want to die without telling you

that when your mom died,
you shut down completely.

And just cut me out of your life.

And I missed you.
I missed our friendship.

And then you two became best friends
and, I don't know, I got jealous.

And so, I did some really bad things
and I'm not proud of them.

- Vicki.
- No, no, no, just let me finish, okay.

- I know that I've become a...
- A bitch?

Yes, thank you. But the thing is, Max,
I've always looked up to you

because you were always the brave one.

So, be brave again.

Vicki, you don't have to die.

I'm the mean girl
in the '80s horror movie.

And we're past the mid-point,
so, you know,

I'd say that I've overstayed my welcome.

No, no, no! No. No, Tina.

Tina, hey. Yeah. No.

You know not to take off any
of your clothes until we say so, right?

- Yeah.
- No sex.

How could anyone think about sex
when I have this rad gadget?

- What is this thing, anyway?
- It's a phone.

Yeah. Please, I'm not that gullible.

Hello, operator?
Yes, I'm trying to make a call

but I can't because
my phone's not plugged into anything.

Oh, my God, kill me.

Guys, it's almost time. Let's get ready.

Okay.

How you holding up?

Been better. How about you?

I'm really scared.

Are the arrows ready?

Yeah, I'm on it.

"Adderall."

God, your parents
must be freaking out right now.

You've been gone for hours.
They must be so worried about you.

Not really. I never knew my dad.
And my mom's away.

What's she like?

She was so beautiful and funny.

She never knew how awesome she was.

How'd she die?

- I never said she died.
- You said "was." So, I just figured.

It's okay. You don't have to tell me.

Here, I want you to have this.

It's a friendship bracelet.
So, you don't forget me.

How could I ever forget you?

You know, if this all works out,
I'm really gonna miss you.

When you go home, I mean.

God, I sound totally molded. I know
we just met, it's silly for me to say that.

It's just... I guess it's like,
who am I going to talk to after you leave?

You know? Tina?

She's not very smart.

- Maybe you don't have to.
- I don't?

I mean, I carpool with her to camp,
it's kind of inevitable.

No, I mean,
maybe you don't have to stay here.

Look, I know in the movie,
you're supposed to die,

but that doesn't mean
you have to, right?

- Right.
- And if you don't die,

then that means you'll be around
at the end of the movie, when we leave.

Right.

So, then who's to say
you can't just come home with me?

Oh, my God.

- Where's home?
- The Valley.

The Valley.

I don't know, Max, I don't know.

You're just... You're kind
of blowing my mind right now.

No, think about it!

If you come home with me,
you can be whoever you want.

You don't have to be the shy girl
with the clipboard and the guitar.

- You could be...
- I could, like, go to college.

- And drive a convertible.
- Right. Totally!

An go shopping at the mall.

Actually, people don't really shop
at malls anymore. They shop online.

What's online?

Never mind, I made that up.
Just keep going!

Okay! I wanna shop online
and I wanna start over.

You know, I could be different
in the Valley.

What if I don't make it, Max?

This time, you will.

Hey, guys.

Hi. So sorry to interrupt,
but we have a bit of a situation.

- Tina, are you...
- I'm great! I'm amazing!

- She ate your Adderall?
- Tina, hey. Eyes here.

Yes.

How many of my Tic Tacs did you have?

They're not Tic Tacs! And I had three.

No, 10 or 30!

- It was 30!
- Maybe we need to re-strategize.

No, no, no. I got this. I got this.

Tina.

- Are you sure you can...
- Look, man, I got this, all right?

I got this! I so got this.

She'll be fine.
I really think she's more focused now.

- Right, Tina?
- Yes!

Guys. Let's start.

All right, guys. This is it.
Sound off. Ready.

Ready! Ready! Ready!

- Totem pole?
- Ready!

- Stereo?
- Ready.

- Arrows?
- Ready!

All right then, Nancy,
unleash the beast.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, he's coming. He's coming!

- He's coming!
- Not yet. Wait to move!

No, no! He's so close!

Tina!

Cut the rope!

- Gertie.
- Yeah?

I love you.

Screw it.

Everybody in the kitchen! Now!
Now! Go now!

It's okay. It's gonna be fine.

Gertie, come on. Hurry up!

Go!

Go, go, go! Go!

Come on, Nancy. Come on.

Shit!

It's stuck!

We're stuck! We're stuck!

No!

Max, it's okay.

Just go.

Go.

What's happening?

It's slow motion.

Jump!

- Flashback! Flashback! Flashback!
- What?

- Just say the words!
- What words?

Billy Murphy was a kid
who went to camp here years ago.

Tell me the story again! Hurry!

He was always picked on
for being different, ugly.

Keep going. Don't stop!

And then one summer,
the hottest one on record,

the kids decided to play
a little prank on him.

- Where the hell are we?
- A flashback!

Does that mean we're safe?

Holy crap, this thing is heavy.

Guys, where's Billy?

Billy locked himself in the outhouse,
thinking he'd be safe, but he was wrong.

Oh, my God, that's me!

That's what I sound like?

- Look at him run!
- Wait.

Where's Billy going?

Wait.

I don't know that part of camp.
I've never seen that cabin before.

- Shit! End the flashback! End it!
- Just skip to the end!

Legend has it Billy still lives in these woods
waiting for new counselors to cross his path,

waiting to get revenge again and again.

- Did we leave him there?
- I wouldn't count on it. Let's move.

Oh, my God! Are you okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Max!

- Max!
- No!

Let me go! Let me go!

- She's gone, Max.
- No! She's alive! She's...

Max, she's gone.

No. She's not.

Come on.

Keep pressure on it.
Don't move, I'll be back.

Max, she's dead.

She's supposed to die,
just like the rest of them.

No, she's lived this far into the movie,
longer than she ever has before.

She's not real.

- None of this is real.
- Yes, she is!

Max, wait.

I don't wanna die alone.

Listen to me. You're not gonna die.

Nobody else is dying tonight.

I know exactly where he's taken her.

Hey, Nancy.

Max? Max!

He was right there.

No!

Get up!

Come on, let's get out of here.

Come on, come on.

- Chris.
- Max, over here.

Sit down.

- Am I dying?
- No. I know how to fix it.

You're not the final girl yet, Max.
Because of me. I'm still alive.

- No.
- Yes.

No! I'm already dying,
so you could survive!

- You can be the final girl.
- No, Max. No.

That's not who
I'm supposed to be, remember?

I'm just the shy girl
with the clipboard and the guitar.

Yeah, but you wanted to change that.

- Honey, let me do this.
- No.

Max, I'm not afraid.

I wanted to save you.

Max, you did.

You did, Max.

Just by letting me be here with you.

I've never felt more real
or more alive ever before.

No.

No, Mom, you belong at home, with me.

Look, your name is Amanda Cartwright,
and you live in Encino,

and you love Bette Davis Eyes
and Mel's Diner.

And you wanted to be the biggest movie star,
more than anything in the world.

And you had a daughter.

You have a daughter.

I'm not going back without you.

I don't wanna lose you again.

Max.

I'm not lost. I'm right here, all right?

You'll always know
where to find me, okay?

But you have to let me go.

You have to let me go.

Bye, Max.

I love you.

That's what I never got to tell her.

Don't worry.

Wherever she is, she knows.

You were right
about one thing, you know?

What?

I'm a movie star.

Her hair is Harlowe gold

Her lips sweet surprise

Her hands are never cold

She's got Bette Davis eyes

She'll turn her music on you

You won't have to think twice

She's pure as New York snow

She got Bette Davis eyes

And she'll tease you

She'll unease you

All the better just to please you

She's precocious and she knows just

What it takes to make a pro blush

She got Greta Garbo stand off sighs

She's got Bette Davis eyes

She'll let you take her home

It whets her appetite

She'll lay you on her throne

She got Bette Davis eyes

She'll take a tumble on you

Roll you like you were dice

Until you come out blue

She's got Bette Davis eyes

You just fucked with the wrong virgin.

It's over.

- What is happening?
- I don't know.

Hold on tight!

This food is so disgusting.

Speak for yourself, girl.
This tapioca pudding is incredible!

You've had like 15 of those
in the last 30 minutes.

I counted them, 15!

Little known fact,
I can't stand tapioca pudding.

- Then why did you eat 30 of them?
- Let me eat my feelings in peace.

- Max!
- Hey!

You're awake!

When you get a second, try the pudding.

- Wait, where are we?
- We're home.

- But was it a dream or...
- No, not at all!

Remember?

That is a machete wound,
poorly stitched by an incompetent doctor.

I'm actually more concerned about tetanus
because the machete had a bit of rust on it,

and I did not see the doctor
give me a shot.

Duncan, I love you
and I'm so happy you survived,

but do you hear yourself

- when you say things?
- God.

- Do you hear the words in your head first?
- And she's back.

I feel like the jock at high school
just gave me his promise ring.

- Doctor, stop.
- Come on.

- My shift's almost over.
- I have to do my rounds.

And what beautiful rounds they are.

Oh, my God. Of course.

Of course, what?

The sequel!

This is so great! The sequel is
so much cooler than the original.

Mark.

Let me just wipe my sweat off
with this tampon.

Blooper!

How about you go suck a turd?

That's perfect, so perfectly bad.

Like that's Bad. Michael Jackson Bad?
That guy's talented.

- King of Pop.
- Yeah.

Wasn't expecting that.

- No!
- Shit.

It's broken!

Oh, God, you killed Duncan.
You smell great, by the way.

You killed him!

I promise I won't tell the cops
if we just go have sex!

Right now! Now!

I'm not even scared.

God, Jesus.

...Chris.

One more time!

I've only had sex one time
and it was with my cousin Heather!

Honestly, that wasn't your fault,
and I won't tell the cops if we have sex.

Let's...

Look, Chris,
you and I don't know each other well.

So, lose the familiarity.

What a rude little girl you're being.

She's not like this at home.
She's just showing off.

You guys have to learn how to not break.

I'm scared.

I get it, because
you've only had sex with one person

and I'm freaking double-digits slayer
over here.

You probably don't even know this move.

I feel like I'm walking out like Kramer.

Jerry.

Well, all my bones are broken
except for the one.

I'm actually talking about this arm.
My penis is severely injured.

It's like split
in three different parts.

Okay, okay, people are dying.

Oh, my God!

It's not "Ew." It's not "Ew."

Too sexy? Was it too sexy?

Impossible.

Ever since I was a little boy,
I've dreamed of being the final girl.

I want you to come study.

One more time.

Well, Vicki, you're a virgin.
No, you're not, you're a slut.

He had, like, the weird mustache.

Yeah, right!
A phone that I can put in my mouth?

From the movie.

Jesus!

All right, see you in there.

That's a cut!