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1
00:00:05,942 --> 00:00:07,781
I love getting rid of old junk,
2
00:00:07,799 --> 00:00:09,933
but I always run into the same obstacle.
3
00:00:09,988 --> 00:00:12,327
Oh, my God! My T-shirt from the Fun Run!
4
00:00:12,338 --> 00:00:14,371
- Uh-huh.
- Came in 19th in my age group.
5
00:00:14,406 --> 00:00:15,873
- I know.
- Mm-hmm.
6
00:00:15,907 --> 00:00:18,108
Oh, and Lily's white belt from karate.
7
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,405
She earned this the first day
'cause we paid
8
00:00:19,444 --> 00:00:20,706
- for the whole year up front.
- Yeah.
9
00:00:20,779 --> 00:00:23,047
- Oh, my God. The memories!
- This is the junk pile.
10
00:00:23,081 --> 00:00:25,382
- What? Really?
- Yes, I was looking
11
00:00:25,417 --> 00:00:27,451
for something to wear to
our 15th-anniversary party,
12
00:00:27,485 --> 00:00:29,053
but, oh, my God, we have so much crap.
13
00:00:29,087 --> 00:00:32,489
Crap? Okay, real...
the kids' artwork is crap now?
14
00:00:32,524 --> 00:00:33,958
David, we have, like, 20 scraps of paper
15
00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,793
where four-year-old Louie
drew lines and dots.
16
00:00:35,827 --> 00:00:37,628
I mean, we get it...
you can draw a line, you can draw a dot.
17
00:00:37,662 --> 00:00:39,463
Congratulations. I'm keeping five.
18
00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:40,798
I'm just saying,
I think you can be a little cold.
19
00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:44,401
All right, well, I'm just saying
I think you can be a little sappy.
20
00:00:44,436 --> 00:00:46,070
Well, I don't think
there's a person in the world
21
00:00:46,104 --> 00:00:47,805
that would agree with you.
22
00:00:48,177 --> 00:00:50,708
Okay, that is Jake's bloody swaddle
23
00:00:50,742 --> 00:00:52,376
that we wrapped him in
when he was first born.
24
00:00:52,410 --> 00:00:54,144
It's where I keep
the kids' teeth and hair.
25
00:00:54,179 --> 00:00:55,512
Put it down, you psycho!
26
00:00:55,547 --> 00:00:57,748
Okay, you saved every tooth
27
00:00:57,782 --> 00:01:00,484
our children lost and a lock
of hair from every haircut,
28
00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:01,819
and I'm the psycho?
29
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:02,990
At least I'm hoping
that's what these are.
30
00:01:03,055 --> 00:01:04,533
Oh, my God. I don't want
to have to lie to the police.
31
00:01:04,623 --> 00:01:06,438
You know what? Just leave me alone.
32
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,898
Precious memories.
33
00:01:09,107 --> 00:01:11,929
Precious memories I'll throw
out when you're sleeping.
34
00:01:14,966 --> 00:01:16,934
_
35
00:01:17,563 --> 00:01:19,703
David finally agreed to
part with some stuff,
36
00:01:19,738 --> 00:01:23,173
although I'm pretty sure I saw him hiding
his Fun Run shirt in the planter.
37
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,675
Ah, thank you.
38
00:01:24,709 --> 00:01:28,840
Babe, don't you feel like a huge weight
has been lifted off your shoulders?
39
00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:31,289
- We have so much space now.
- Yeah.
40
00:01:31,831 --> 00:01:34,184
Do you still think we'll still be
in love with each other in 20 years?
41
00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:35,886
- David.
- Yeah?
42
00:01:36,773 --> 00:01:38,522
I want to be able
43
00:01:38,556 --> 00:01:40,691
to see into the closet.
44
00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,760
We are still growing old together.
45
00:01:42,794 --> 00:01:45,596
It just bothers me that you
can so easily emotionally
46
00:01:45,630 --> 00:01:47,931
detach yourself from things
that I find meaningful.
47
00:01:47,966 --> 00:01:50,701
What if we're so different,
one day you just detach from me?
48
00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:54,405
Babe, babe, babe. Don't be crazy, okay?
49
00:01:54,439 --> 00:01:55,806
I can't afford this mortgage by myself.
50
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,570
- Okay.
- Hello, hello, hello.
51
00:01:57,609 --> 00:01:58,716
- Hello.
- Hi. Wow.
52
00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:00,139
When you said you were
cleaning your closets,
53
00:02:00,145 --> 00:02:02,880
I thought, "Perfect,
now you have room for all the junk
54
00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:04,982
- you keep at my house."
- Great.
55
00:02:05,016 --> 00:02:06,141
All right, let's see what it is.
56
00:02:06,385 --> 00:02:09,053
Oh, it's all my old college stuff.
57
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,888
It doesn't spark joy for me.
58
00:02:10,922 --> 00:02:12,790
There are six more boxes on the porch.
59
00:02:12,824 --> 00:02:13,768
What?
60
00:02:13,792 --> 00:02:17,561
Oh, it's Daddy calling
from his golf trip.
61
00:02:17,595 --> 00:02:19,463
You've been gone from home for one day.
62
00:02:19,497 --> 00:02:21,231
Get a life, man.
63
00:02:21,266 --> 00:02:24,001
Ouch. I see your cold,
cold heart condition is hereditary.
64
00:02:24,035 --> 00:02:25,836
- Right from her.
- Yeah.
65
00:02:25,870 --> 00:02:28,072
Oh, my... Baby?
The day we skipped class,
66
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,441
- went to the beach.
- Oh, my God.
67
00:02:30,475 --> 00:02:34,899
- See? I keep stuff.
- I mean, that was a big day.
68
00:02:34,934 --> 00:02:36,180
I mean, that was the day
we finally knew that we were
69
00:02:36,214 --> 00:02:37,481
really in love with one another,
70
00:02:37,515 --> 00:02:40,517
and then I got you the necklace
to commemorate our beach-aversary.
71
00:02:40,552 --> 00:02:42,453
- Yeah.
- Try giving her mother
72
00:02:42,487 --> 00:02:44,088
a good gift once in a while.
73
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:47,491
A candle for my birthday?
We have electricity.
74
00:02:47,525 --> 00:02:48,577
- Okay.
- That was the first big gift
75
00:02:48,627 --> 00:02:51,095
I ever got you.
First big gift I ever got any woman
76
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:53,831
because you're the only
woman I ever really loved.
77
00:02:53,865 --> 00:02:56,133
Babe! Well, it's so special.
78
00:02:56,167 --> 00:02:58,102
- Yeah?
- It's my favorite necklace.
79
00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,104
- Yeah?
- Yes. Okay?
80
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,840
I have absolutely no
[bleep] idea what necklace
81
00:03:02,874 --> 00:03:04,675
he's talking about.
82
00:03:04,709 --> 00:03:08,011
You know, I haven't seen you
in that necklace in forever.
83
00:03:08,046 --> 00:03:10,714
Yeah, 'cause I was afraid
of losing it, babe.
84
00:03:10,749 --> 00:03:13,183
Oh, no, no, no.
I think you should just wear it.
85
00:03:13,218 --> 00:03:15,686
I mean,
it would remind me of old times and...
86
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,222
Yeah, well,
you just ruined the surprise, mister.
87
00:03:18,256 --> 00:03:19,957
- What?
- I was going to wear it
88
00:03:19,991 --> 00:03:21,825
for our anniversary party.
89
00:03:21,860 --> 00:03:24,661
- I would love that.
- I would love that also.
90
00:03:24,696 --> 00:03:27,798
Oh, look!
This is the teddy bear I bought you
91
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:29,500
when you had your tonsils out.
92
00:03:29,534 --> 00:03:32,803
Oh. I hid my fun money in there.
93
00:03:33,523 --> 00:03:35,739
- Oh.
- Hey...
94
00:03:35,774 --> 00:03:37,674
Daddy's away.
95
00:03:37,709 --> 00:03:40,811
Deuces Gone Wild Spa and Casino,
96
00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:43,680
Mama's coming to play.
97
00:03:43,715 --> 00:03:47,551
- That's a lot of money.
- That seems right.
98
00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:52,890
Hey, Lily, we don't have to do anything
for Mom and Dad's anniversary, right?
99
00:03:52,924 --> 00:03:55,695
Nah, we're off the hook for
anything before we were born.
100
00:03:55,727 --> 00:03:58,195
Great, there's too many things
to celebrate.
101
00:03:58,229 --> 00:04:00,898
The macaroni's barely dry
on the Mother's Day gift,
102
00:04:00,932 --> 00:04:02,866
and we're already pulling
out the pipe cleaners
103
00:04:02,901 --> 00:04:05,769
- for Father's Day.
- Hey, guys, hey.
104
00:04:05,804 --> 00:04:08,005
Listen, is your, uh, dad back yet?
105
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:09,840
No, he's still playing basketball.
106
00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:12,009
Oh, great.
107
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,849
You're looking for that necklace
you were pretending to have, aren't you?
108
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,284
Okay, I know I have it somewhere.
109
00:04:20,318 --> 00:04:22,019
You better find it for
the sake of your marriage.
110
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:23,251
I know.
111
00:04:23,288 --> 00:04:24,802
Did you hear what Grandma said?
112
00:04:24,823 --> 00:04:26,242
What if Mom and Dad are in trouble?
113
00:04:26,324 --> 00:04:29,026
Yeah, maybe we should do something
for their anniversary...
114
00:04:29,060 --> 00:04:30,794
remind them how good they've got it.
115
00:04:30,829 --> 00:04:32,696
Yeah, we can't let them get divorced.
116
00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:34,198
I don't want to end up like Judson.
117
00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:36,300
He has to teach his dad's
new girlfriend math.
118
00:04:36,334 --> 00:04:38,769
- Oh.
- Oh, what is wrong with me?
119
00:04:38,803 --> 00:04:39,722
I can't find what I'm looking for
120
00:04:39,805 --> 00:04:41,349
because I don't even
know what it looks like.
121
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,208
Wait. Do you remember
what it looks like?
122
00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:47,744
Yes. I remember exactly
what it looked like.
123
00:04:47,779 --> 00:04:48,979
Oh, thank God.
124
00:04:49,634 --> 00:04:50,881
Great. Will you draw it for me?
125
00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,083
- Yeah, sure.
- Thank you.
126
00:04:55,186 --> 00:04:56,787
That was fast.
127
00:04:58,323 --> 00:05:01,058
"It looks like a woman who is screwed."
128
00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:04,228
Happy anniversary, dear.
129
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:12,074
Everyone is intimidated by a shark. Become
a Card Shark AMERICASCARDROOM.COM
130
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:15,836
Oh, great. You guys are in.
Listen, I need your help.
131
00:05:15,872 --> 00:05:17,538
I spent the whole weekend cleaning,
132
00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:19,973
which, I think we can all agree,
is the worst.
133
00:05:20,433 --> 00:05:22,343
What, what, what?
134
00:05:22,377 --> 00:05:26,714
Oh, unless
you're talented at it like Gladys,
135
00:05:26,748 --> 00:05:28,883
and then you should do it professionally
136
00:05:28,917 --> 00:05:31,352
and follow your bliss.
137
00:05:31,386 --> 00:05:34,822
Damn it. Ugh. Okay, look,
I just need you guys to help me
138
00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:37,224
go through these boxes
of my old college stuff.
139
00:05:37,259 --> 00:05:38,702
David gave me this special necklace,
140
00:05:38,727 --> 00:05:40,734
and I have no idea what it looks like,
so I can't find it.
141
00:05:40,829 --> 00:05:42,697
I need clues. Go. Go, go, go.
142
00:05:42,731 --> 00:05:44,565
Let's see what's in this
sad-ass box of memories.
143
00:05:44,599 --> 00:05:47,234
Number one... we got art-class sketches.
144
00:05:47,269 --> 00:05:48,713
Oh, no, no, no. Put that down.
145
00:05:48,804 --> 00:05:50,871
That's probably the one thing
in the box I do care about.
146
00:05:50,906 --> 00:05:52,773
Oh, you don't care about
this guy in a porkpie hat
147
00:05:52,808 --> 00:05:54,508
playing the clarinet?
148
00:05:54,543 --> 00:05:56,577
Oh, I do, 'cause I married him.
149
00:05:56,611 --> 00:05:58,713
That is David
and his college swing band,
150
00:05:58,747 --> 00:06:00,781
"Big Papa D and the Jinx."
151
00:06:00,816 --> 00:06:05,119
Wow. So, tell me,
was it his ponytail or his chain wallet
152
00:06:05,153 --> 00:06:07,755
that made you think,
"Ooh, husband material"?
153
00:06:07,789 --> 00:06:09,757
What do you know, Chewey? You're alone.
154
00:06:09,791 --> 00:06:11,859
- Checkmate.
- Oh, boy. Jackpot.
155
00:06:11,893 --> 00:06:13,105
What, what? Did you find a clue?
156
00:06:13,128 --> 00:06:15,763
I found what appears to be 75 pages
157
00:06:15,797 --> 00:06:19,367
of "Bloodlust:
A Zuzhana St. DuBois Story."
158
00:06:19,401 --> 00:06:21,769
Were you trying to write
a trashy vampire novel?
159
00:06:21,803 --> 00:06:22,823
No, that was for English lit.
160
00:06:22,838 --> 00:06:25,239
"As he penetrated her pulsating jugular,
161
00:06:25,273 --> 00:06:27,608
she thought,
if this is how the night would be,
162
00:06:27,642 --> 00:06:29,577
she no longer needed daylight."
163
00:06:29,611 --> 00:06:31,026
It's a political metaphor, so...
164
00:06:31,113 --> 00:06:32,947
"Unsheathing his immortal manhood,
she whispered,
165
00:06:32,981 --> 00:06:35,883
'This has nothing to do with politics.
Take me.'"
166
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:38,319
- Part of the metaphor.
- Hey, here's a picture of you
167
00:06:38,353 --> 00:06:40,321
- wearing a necklace.
- What? Let me see.
168
00:06:41,491 --> 00:06:44,158
Oh, my God.
That's the necklace. I remember it now.
169
00:06:44,192 --> 00:06:46,660
Oh, my God. David had it
made for me from a pebble
170
00:06:46,695 --> 00:06:48,462
that he found on the beach.
171
00:06:48,497 --> 00:06:51,265
I had no idea this necklace
was so special to him.
172
00:06:51,299 --> 00:06:54,735
Oh, God, I'm a monster.
I got to do the right thing.
173
00:06:54,770 --> 00:06:57,171
Have a fake necklace made
and lie, lie, lie.
174
00:06:57,205 --> 00:06:58,272
Yeah.
175
00:06:59,708 --> 00:07:01,509
- Oh, we got next. Let's go.
- Let's go.
176
00:07:01,543 --> 00:07:02,730
Hey, hold up, one second.
177
00:07:02,745 --> 00:07:04,645
Just... uh, I need
a real quick emotional check-in.
178
00:07:04,679 --> 00:07:07,248
Oh, no. Hey, fellas, give us a second.
179
00:07:07,282 --> 00:07:09,650
Do you guys ever look over at
the person sleeping next to you
180
00:07:09,684 --> 00:07:11,819
and just think, "Who is this stranger?"
181
00:07:11,853 --> 00:07:13,821
Sure, I love sleeping with strangers.
182
00:07:13,855 --> 00:07:15,437
That's why I got divorced.
183
00:07:15,690 --> 00:07:17,491
What's going on, man?
184
00:07:17,526 --> 00:07:19,960
Sometimes I just think me
and Emet are so different.
185
00:07:19,995 --> 00:07:21,829
You know what they say...
"Men are from Mars,"
186
00:07:21,863 --> 00:07:23,330
- and... let's play.
- Wait, hold on.
187
00:07:23,365 --> 00:07:24,965
I made her a necklace
188
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:27,201
out of a stone I found to
commemorate our beach-aversary.
189
00:07:27,235 --> 00:07:28,803
Wait, wait, wait. Hold. Hold a second.
190
00:07:28,837 --> 00:07:31,539
You celebrate your beach-aversary?
191
00:07:31,573 --> 00:07:32,973
Yeah.
192
00:07:33,008 --> 00:07:35,609
Come on,
that's the most [bleep] romantic thing
193
00:07:35,644 --> 00:07:37,311
I ever heard in my life. Right? Okay.
194
00:07:37,345 --> 00:07:38,646
That is the first big
present I ever got her,
195
00:07:38,680 --> 00:07:40,014
and I don't even know if she likes it.
196
00:07:40,048 --> 00:07:41,849
I mean, she never wears the thing.
197
00:07:41,883 --> 00:07:43,684
Bro, hard truth time...
that thing is lost.
198
00:07:43,718 --> 00:07:45,786
Gone forever.
It's with Biggie and 'Pac now, right?
199
00:07:45,821 --> 00:07:47,822
Mm-hmm. Talking about losing,
we're about to lose this court.
200
00:07:47,856 --> 00:07:49,723
- Can we play?
- Dave, this may not
201
00:07:49,758 --> 00:07:51,725
be my place
just as your basketball friend,
202
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:54,862
but your wife undervalues
you as a husband and a man.
203
00:07:54,896 --> 00:07:56,497
Right. Thank you.
204
00:07:56,531 --> 00:07:58,299
'Cause that is
how it is feeling right now.
205
00:07:58,333 --> 00:07:59,700
I mean, if she had given me
that necklace,
206
00:07:59,734 --> 00:08:01,735
I would know exactly
where it is at all times.
207
00:08:01,770 --> 00:08:02,644
It's either around my neck,
208
00:08:02,671 --> 00:08:05,555
or it's in my locker 'cause I'm getting
a combination Thai, hot-stone massage.
209
00:08:05,641 --> 00:08:06,933
This thing isn't about the necklace.
210
00:08:07,009 --> 00:08:10,411
It's about the fear that you love her
more than she loves you.
211
00:08:10,445 --> 00:08:12,413
Or it can be in a drawer somewhere.
212
00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:13,990
- Can we play?
- No, no. He's right.
213
00:08:14,049 --> 00:08:15,816
I've been taking it way too easy on her.
214
00:08:15,851 --> 00:08:17,551
- I got to call her bluff.
- Do it.
215
00:08:17,586 --> 00:08:19,820
- Good talk. Thank you.
- Man up, baby.
216
00:08:23,925 --> 00:08:25,559
Who cares?
217
00:08:25,594 --> 00:08:27,728
I found Mom's old journals.
218
00:08:27,762 --> 00:08:30,564
We can use them to do a play
at the anniversary party...
219
00:08:30,599 --> 00:08:33,033
"Mom and Dad, A Love Story."
220
00:08:33,068 --> 00:08:36,570
That is much better than the
card I've been working on.
221
00:08:36,605 --> 00:08:40,674
Yeah, I always forget...
it's cut, then paste.
222
00:08:40,709 --> 00:08:42,710
I'll get started on the script.
223
00:08:44,542 --> 00:08:47,681
Guess what I did.
I had an exact replica made
224
00:08:47,716 --> 00:08:49,884
of the necklace David gave me
and a backup
225
00:08:49,918 --> 00:08:52,586
in case future me forgets it existed.
226
00:08:52,621 --> 00:08:56,423
So crisis averted, marriage saved,
cookie sleeve opened.
227
00:08:56,458 --> 00:08:58,592
Your marriage is built on lies.
228
00:08:58,627 --> 00:09:02,363
But don't worry.
Oh, they're big, strong lies.
229
00:09:02,397 --> 00:09:04,431
- Hey.
- Hey.
230
00:09:04,466 --> 00:09:05,766
How was basketball?
231
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,735
- Kind of intense today.
- Mmm...
232
00:09:07,769 --> 00:09:10,304
I'm just feeling so romantic
with our anniversary coming up,
233
00:09:10,338 --> 00:09:13,126
and I think that maybe
you should put on our special necklace
234
00:09:13,142 --> 00:09:16,577
and I should draw you Titanic-style.
235
00:09:17,147 --> 00:09:18,078
Oh!
236
00:09:18,113 --> 00:09:19,947
It's a sinking ship.
237
00:09:19,981 --> 00:09:21,782
- Did not see her there.
- Yeah, sorry about that.
238
00:09:21,816 --> 00:09:22,635
You could've...
239
00:09:22,651 --> 00:09:25,452
Anyway, hey, uh, baby,
that sounds so hot, but...
240
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:27,421
I'm having the necklace cleaned.
241
00:09:27,455 --> 00:09:28,789
- Hmm.
- So...
242
00:09:28,823 --> 00:09:30,925
you're just going to
have to draw me naked.
243
00:09:30,959 --> 00:09:32,626
- Mmm...
- Okay?
244
00:09:32,661 --> 00:09:34,094
- No, I think I'll wait.
- What?
245
00:09:34,129 --> 00:09:35,729
Yeah, but that cleaning
is really going to make
246
00:09:35,764 --> 00:09:37,765
that line of gold pop.
247
00:09:37,799 --> 00:09:40,648
What? There wasn't a line of
gold in that stupid picture.
248
00:09:40,736 --> 00:09:43,737
Ah, must've been on the other
side of the damn pebble.
249
00:09:43,772 --> 00:09:46,974
Oh, yes, I love that line of gold.
250
00:09:47,008 --> 00:09:49,743
Oh, it looks just like...
251
00:09:50,818 --> 00:09:51,645
- Jesus.
- A heart.
252
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:53,147
It looks just like a heart.
253
00:09:53,181 --> 00:09:54,156
- You remember the...
- You didn't let me finish.
254
00:09:54,183 --> 00:09:56,953
- All right.
- I was saying, "Jesus, I love that heart."
255
00:09:57,052 --> 00:09:59,753
It is one in a million...
nay, a billion...
256
00:09:59,788 --> 00:10:01,755
and I cannot wait
to see you in it again.
257
00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:08,162
Wow, Big Papa D and the Jinx.
258
00:10:08,196 --> 00:10:11,832
I assume the Jinx is for the
the bad luck of the listener.
259
00:10:11,866 --> 00:10:13,434
Oh, come on!
260
00:10:13,468 --> 00:10:16,370
I was listening to "Blow, Man, Blow."
261
00:10:16,404 --> 00:10:17,805
It sucks, man, sucks.
262
00:10:17,839 --> 00:10:19,039
You guys, this is hopeless.
263
00:10:19,074 --> 00:10:20,841
How am I supposed to find a rock
264
00:10:20,875 --> 00:10:22,977
with a heart-shaped line on it?
265
00:10:23,011 --> 00:10:25,512
Damn it, I wish I was
as sentimental as David is.
266
00:10:25,547 --> 00:10:27,047
Then I'd know exactly
where this necklace is.
267
00:10:27,082 --> 00:10:28,849
Wow, Big Papa D and the Jinx!
268
00:10:28,883 --> 00:10:30,031
Okay, lay off, Griff.
269
00:10:30,085 --> 00:10:32,886
No, no, look, check it out... for real.
270
00:10:32,921 --> 00:10:34,188
Oh, my God. Oh, that's right.
271
00:10:34,222 --> 00:10:37,658
I gave a big box of stuff
to Gladys for her church yard sale.
272
00:10:38,124 --> 00:10:39,860
Maybe she knows who bought the necklace.
273
00:10:39,894 --> 00:10:41,528
Oh, yes.
274
00:10:41,563 --> 00:10:42,863
Hey, Gladys, hey.
275
00:10:42,897 --> 00:10:45,899
Um, do you remember that box of stuff
I gave you a few months back?
276
00:10:45,934 --> 00:10:47,868
Did you happen to find a necklace in it?
277
00:10:47,902 --> 00:10:50,537
Do you mean this one?
278
00:10:50,572 --> 00:10:52,840
Yes! Okay, so, funny story...
279
00:10:52,874 --> 00:10:54,975
You know, this necklace
is my good-luck charm.
280
00:10:55,010 --> 00:10:58,545
- Oh, that's sweet.
- Last year, I was diagnosed with the Big C.
281
00:10:58,580 --> 00:11:01,882
- Oh, God.
- Then I got this, and it turned around.
282
00:11:01,916 --> 00:11:04,885
Oh, but I'm sorry.
What was your funny story?
283
00:11:04,919 --> 00:11:08,155
I could use a laugh these days.
284
00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:09,723
Ah, you know what?
285
00:11:09,758 --> 00:11:13,060
Never mind. Not that funny after all.
286
00:11:13,094 --> 00:11:17,131
Gladys has the Big C?
Ugh, can I ever catch a break?
287
00:11:23,522 --> 00:11:26,009
Feels like hoop o'clock to me.
288
00:11:26,044 --> 00:11:28,878
- Oh, hey, guys!
- Emet, wow!
289
00:11:28,913 --> 00:11:31,014
You look beautiful, sweetheart.
Come here.
290
00:11:31,048 --> 00:11:32,882
- Molto bene.
- Oh.
291
00:11:32,917 --> 00:11:34,817
- Beautiful. Let's go.
- Yeah.
292
00:11:34,852 --> 00:11:36,519
Um, hey, sweetie,
did the necklace come back?
293
00:11:36,554 --> 00:11:38,021
I really wanted to show the guys.
294
00:11:38,055 --> 00:11:40,523
Oh, uh, sorry. It's still being cleaned.
295
00:11:40,558 --> 00:11:42,859
- Cleaned... uh, how kind.
- Wow.
296
00:11:42,893 --> 00:11:44,761
Make it sparkle, sweetheart.
297
00:11:44,795 --> 00:11:47,664
I will. Okay, see you guys later.
298
00:11:47,698 --> 00:11:50,433
Lying while your childrens
are in the house.
299
00:11:50,467 --> 00:11:51,834
She's a sociopath.
300
00:11:51,869 --> 00:11:53,703
Hey, we could work this out
on the court.
301
00:11:53,737 --> 00:11:55,505
You know what, man?
I don't even want to play anymore.
302
00:11:55,539 --> 00:11:57,006
- Oh...
- How about a milkshake?
303
00:11:57,041 --> 00:12:00,877
That would be really helpful.
Thanks. Okay.
304
00:12:00,911 --> 00:12:02,912
Milkshakes.
305
00:12:02,947 --> 00:12:04,581
Anybody?
306
00:12:04,615 --> 00:12:05,748
Nope.
307
00:12:08,953 --> 00:12:11,420
- Hey, Mom.
- Hold on. I'm just about to learn
308
00:12:11,489 --> 00:12:14,757
Patricia Clarkson's
number-one antiaging secret.
309
00:12:14,792 --> 00:12:17,427
Oh. It's "living in the moment."
310
00:12:17,461 --> 00:12:18,653
- What's up?
- Okay, so...
311
00:12:18,729 --> 00:12:21,030
you know how I tend to not
acknowledge sentimental things
312
00:12:21,065 --> 00:12:22,632
because I'm your daughter and
we share the same black heart?
313
00:12:22,666 --> 00:12:24,467
- Go on.
- Well, you're right.
314
00:12:24,501 --> 00:12:26,769
I am screwed because I don't
have that necklace after all.
315
00:12:26,804 --> 00:12:28,689
Oh, Emet.
316
00:12:28,724 --> 00:12:31,074
I'm concerned, deeply concerned.
317
00:12:31,108 --> 00:12:33,610
- Thank you.
- Not for you, for me.
318
00:12:33,644 --> 00:12:35,445
- Okay.
- You can't ruin your marriage.
319
00:12:35,479 --> 00:12:37,914
I'm too old to start again
with another son-in-law.
320
00:12:37,948 --> 00:12:40,116
I'm used to this bozo now.
321
00:12:40,150 --> 00:12:42,619
The worst part is I know
exactly where it is,
322
00:12:42,653 --> 00:12:44,053
but I can't get it back.
323
00:12:44,088 --> 00:12:45,788
Nonsense, there's always a way.
324
00:12:45,823 --> 00:12:48,725
No, there isn't...
I gave it to Gladys at work,
325
00:12:48,759 --> 00:12:51,461
and it's the only thing that
got her through the Big C.
326
00:12:51,495 --> 00:12:53,796
Not a person in the world who's
cold enough to take it back
327
00:12:53,831 --> 00:12:55,398
from her after that.
328
00:12:55,432 --> 00:12:58,501
- That's what you think.
- Go on.
329
00:13:01,672 --> 00:13:04,741
Oh, hi, Gladys. Hi.
Fancy seeing you here.
330
00:13:04,775 --> 00:13:07,510
This is my mom, Maya.
331
00:13:07,544 --> 00:13:10,480
It's so nice to meet you.
I'm sorry my grip is so weak.
332
00:13:10,514 --> 00:13:12,081
You see, I am not well.
333
00:13:12,116 --> 00:13:13,950
At least with one kidney,
334
00:13:13,984 --> 00:13:17,487
there's less weight for me
to carry around on these legs.
335
00:13:17,521 --> 00:13:21,924
Oh, I understand.
I have health problems myself.
336
00:13:21,959 --> 00:13:23,826
- The Big C.
- Oh.
337
00:13:23,861 --> 00:13:26,362
Yeah, but, you know,
since you beat it and all,
338
00:13:26,397 --> 00:13:27,830
I just had a crazy idea.
339
00:13:27,865 --> 00:13:30,133
I wonder if your necklace
might help my mom.
340
00:13:30,167 --> 00:13:31,868
Oh, I understand.
341
00:13:31,902 --> 00:13:33,503
- Thank you.
- But, no.
342
00:13:33,537 --> 00:13:35,138
- What?
- I can't take this off.
343
00:13:35,172 --> 00:13:38,541
It's almost completely
cleared up my colitis.
344
00:13:38,575 --> 00:13:39,876
- What?
- Huh?
345
00:13:39,910 --> 00:13:41,062
I thought you said you had the Big C.
346
00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:43,479
Yes, the Big C... colitis.
347
00:13:43,514 --> 00:13:46,382
- No, the Big C is cancer.
- Cancer?
348
00:13:46,417 --> 00:13:48,484
- Yes.
- I don't have that.
349
00:13:48,519 --> 00:13:49,852
- She does.
- Oh!
350
00:13:49,887 --> 00:13:53,702
- Sorry. Good luck.
- Oh.
351
00:13:53,737 --> 00:13:54,524
Did you guys hear that?
352
00:13:54,558 --> 00:13:56,959
- She misrepresented the Big C.
- We heard.
353
00:13:56,994 --> 00:13:59,171
I don't know if you're willing to take
a different approach on this,
354
00:13:59,230 --> 00:14:01,657
but I can, uh,
undo the clasp on any woman.
355
00:14:01,666 --> 00:14:04,717
That's right... I practice on jewelry
to get ready for bras, so...
356
00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:07,070
- Who's this disgusting man?
- Don't worry about it.
357
00:14:07,104 --> 00:14:08,204
Yeah, Griff, do it. Go, go, go.
358
00:14:08,238 --> 00:14:09,472
- Now?
- Now!
359
00:14:09,506 --> 00:14:10,707
Uh, well, I'm Chewey,
360
00:14:10,741 --> 00:14:12,141
and it's a real pleasure to meet you.
361
00:14:12,176 --> 00:14:15,845
A Brit. Your people
and my people have a beef
362
00:14:15,879 --> 00:14:17,914
that goes way back.
363
00:14:17,948 --> 00:14:21,217
Yes, um, sorry about all that.
364
00:14:21,251 --> 00:14:23,119
Uh, scone?
365
00:14:26,576 --> 00:14:27,690
Ta-ding!
366
00:14:27,725 --> 00:14:30,159
Oh, Griff, you creepy artful dodger!
367
00:14:30,194 --> 00:14:34,097
Oh, thank you. Oh. Ah...
368
00:14:35,017 --> 00:14:37,233
Griff, did you unclasp my bra?
369
00:14:37,267 --> 00:14:38,768
Yeah, I was just
all warmed up on the necklace.
370
00:14:38,802 --> 00:14:40,603
- I mean...
- That's disgusting.
371
00:14:40,637 --> 00:14:42,140
Mom, we got to go.
372
00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:45,241
Necklace found. Mission accomplished.
373
00:14:45,275 --> 00:14:47,009
Husband happy.
374
00:14:47,044 --> 00:14:49,245
Draw me like one of your French girls.
375
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:51,748
You are wearing the necklace.
376
00:14:51,782 --> 00:14:53,616
Um, yeah. Of course I am.
377
00:14:53,650 --> 00:14:55,785
Did you think I lost it or something?
378
00:14:55,819 --> 00:14:58,221
Well, you know,
this little voice inside my head,
379
00:14:58,255 --> 00:15:01,457
and a very heavily accented
Brooklyn voice outside my head,
380
00:15:01,492 --> 00:15:03,593
kind of messed with me, but...
381
00:15:03,627 --> 00:15:05,595
- Oh, I love you.
- I love you.
382
00:15:05,629 --> 00:15:07,230
Okay, do you want to see the
cutest thing in the world?
383
00:15:07,264 --> 00:15:08,865
- Yeah.
- The kids are writing
384
00:15:08,899 --> 00:15:10,600
a play for our anniversary.
385
00:15:10,634 --> 00:15:11,639
They told us not to spy on them.
386
00:15:11,669 --> 00:15:13,196
- Oh, my God. That is too sweet.
- Mmmm.
387
00:15:13,237 --> 00:15:15,772
- Okay, let's go spy on them.
- Yeah.
388
00:15:15,806 --> 00:15:17,774
Emet, it's our beach-aversary.
389
00:15:17,808 --> 00:15:19,809
I made you a necklace
'cause that was the day I knew
390
00:15:19,843 --> 00:15:21,077
that I was in love with you.
391
00:15:21,111 --> 00:15:22,712
I have been, too, David.
392
00:15:22,746 --> 00:15:24,614
- Weird, but cute.
- Yeah.
393
00:15:24,648 --> 00:15:26,482
But I'm not sure you're right for me.
394
00:15:26,878 --> 00:15:28,618
What is she talking about?
395
00:15:28,652 --> 00:15:29,986
Cut, pause. Hold up.
396
00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:31,788
Does that feel like what Mom should say?
397
00:15:31,822 --> 00:15:35,291
Yeah, I mean, it's exactly
what she wrote in her journal.
398
00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,059
- See?
- No. What? No.
399
00:15:37,094 --> 00:15:38,795
- In your journal? No, no.
- Wait, wait. No.
400
00:15:38,829 --> 00:15:41,130
- Uh, can I have that?
- Hi. Shoop!
401
00:15:41,165 --> 00:15:43,232
"He was so excited about
giving me this rock necklace.
402
00:15:43,267 --> 00:15:47,236
"Was a little lame. I hope
he's not one of those super-emo guys
403
00:15:47,271 --> 00:15:50,606
who eventually gets womanly
hips in his middle age."
404
00:15:51,342 --> 00:15:53,042
And you haven't.
405
00:16:02,314 --> 00:16:04,669
- Well, here we are at our anniversary party.
- _
406
00:16:04,717 --> 00:16:07,317
Our kids are acting out our
beautiful love story,
407
00:16:07,385 --> 00:16:10,387
and my husband is acting
like he might never talk to me again,
408
00:16:10,389 --> 00:16:12,022
and I guess I deserve it.
409
00:16:12,124 --> 00:16:15,158
Emet, it's August 14th,
the day of our wedding.
410
00:16:15,193 --> 00:16:17,461
I can't believe how much weddings cost.
411
00:16:18,039 --> 00:16:19,317
Will you marry me?
412
00:16:19,564 --> 00:16:21,444
Why is it so hot in August?
413
00:16:21,466 --> 00:16:24,301
I'm sweating through my underwear.
414
00:16:24,661 --> 00:16:27,471
Yes, I will marry you.
415
00:16:27,505 --> 00:16:29,473
Wow, I really
should've taken my journals back.
416
00:16:29,507 --> 00:16:30,966
Yeah, what, you're not enjoying reliving
417
00:16:30,976 --> 00:16:33,310
what must have been one of the
most emo days of your life?
418
00:16:33,344 --> 00:16:36,179
Okay, David, you can't hold me
to stuff I wrote in my 20s.
419
00:16:36,214 --> 00:16:38,315
- That girl was dumb!
- Yeah, so dumb.
420
00:16:38,349 --> 00:16:40,819
She even changed her name
to Stefahni for a year!
421
00:16:40,919 --> 00:16:42,093
Yeah, that's true.
422
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:46,156
Look, that Emet wasn't mature enough
to appreciate your sentimentality.
423
00:16:46,190 --> 00:16:47,858
- But this one does.
- Okay, quiet.
424
00:16:47,892 --> 00:16:50,126
Emet, to celebrate
our first anniversary,
425
00:16:50,161 --> 00:16:52,662
I will release 50 doves.
426
00:16:56,501 --> 00:16:58,335
And you never appreciated the doves.
427
00:16:58,369 --> 00:17:02,005
Ah! Give me drugs! Give me drugs!
428
00:17:02,039 --> 00:17:05,575
Get this thing out of me!
429
00:17:05,610 --> 00:17:07,237
That's actually pretty accurate.
430
00:17:10,181 --> 00:17:13,517
She's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.
431
00:17:13,551 --> 00:17:16,019
Let's name her Lily Elizabeth.
432
00:17:16,053 --> 00:17:19,923
- I can't stop smiling.
- Yeah, okay, that...
433
00:17:19,957 --> 00:17:21,358
It's bull[bleep]. You didn't smile.
434
00:17:21,392 --> 00:17:23,527
You told me to stop crying
and get you some ice.
435
00:17:23,561 --> 00:17:26,663
- Hey, don't yell at my wife!
- Hey, the play is inaccurate!
436
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:28,431
Okay, you know what? It's wonderful.
437
00:17:28,466 --> 00:17:30,200
- What?
- God!
438
00:17:30,234 --> 00:17:32,369
Honey? Thanks, everyone. Honey? Honey!
439
00:17:32,403 --> 00:17:34,337
Please just listen to me. I'm so sorry.
440
00:17:34,372 --> 00:17:35,605
- Stop it. No, no, no.
- Honey.
441
00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:37,541
Honey, listen to me! I am sorry, okay?
442
00:17:37,575 --> 00:17:39,609
I did not mean to hurt you.
Just tell me how to fix this.
443
00:17:39,644 --> 00:17:41,411
- You want me to do that grapefruit thing?
- No, no.
444
00:17:41,445 --> 00:17:42,712
Do not tempt me with citrus erotica.
445
00:17:42,747 --> 00:17:44,256
- Maybe you can't fix this.
- Okay.
446
00:17:44,349 --> 00:17:47,050
Maybe we are just two different people.
447
00:17:47,084 --> 00:17:47,914
- David...
- You know what?
448
00:17:47,986 --> 00:17:50,220
I will ride this party out...
449
00:17:50,254 --> 00:17:53,189
and then I'm going to go
to a hotel... by myself.
450
00:17:53,224 --> 00:17:54,457
- Okay.
- Thank you.
451
00:17:54,492 --> 00:17:56,226
No, actually, you know what?
452
00:17:56,260 --> 00:17:58,061
- What?
- With my boys!
453
00:17:58,095 --> 00:18:00,030
Oh, yeah. Hey, Josh and Kevin!
454
00:18:00,064 --> 00:18:02,732
All right, we're going to a hotel...
anniversary after-party.
455
00:18:07,271 --> 00:18:09,239
- Yo.
- Whoa.
456
00:18:09,273 --> 00:18:11,541
Hey, uh, sorry we're late...
it's just, like, you know,
457
00:18:11,576 --> 00:18:13,410
- we weren't going to come.
- Yeah, Norman made us.
458
00:18:13,444 --> 00:18:15,245
We had to return Emet's box here.
459
00:18:15,279 --> 00:18:17,547
Heads-up, it's either full of,
like, loose peppercorns,
460
00:18:17,582 --> 00:18:20,083
or it's probably, like, a rat's toilet.
461
00:18:20,117 --> 00:18:21,651
We had to throw a lot of stuff out.
462
00:18:21,686 --> 00:18:23,473
But we saved a bunch of stuff
that you wanted to keep,
463
00:18:23,521 --> 00:18:25,956
and it is all yours, Big Papa D.
464
00:18:25,990 --> 00:18:27,757
Oh, yeah, big fan, by the way.
465
00:18:27,792 --> 00:18:30,260
Thanks, guys. I'm surprised
she kept anything, you know.
466
00:18:30,294 --> 00:18:32,329
I mean, what makes Emet's cut?
467
00:18:32,363 --> 00:18:35,098
Let's see.
468
00:18:35,132 --> 00:18:37,400
Oh, wow.
469
00:18:37,435 --> 00:18:40,103
I made the cut. It's a sketch of me.
470
00:18:40,137 --> 00:18:42,105
Um...
471
00:18:42,139 --> 00:18:43,219
It's kind of a weird thing to say
472
00:18:43,308 --> 00:18:47,277
about a drawing of yourself,
but that's amazing.
473
00:18:47,311 --> 00:18:48,712
She...
474
00:18:50,648 --> 00:18:53,984
- Excuse me.
- You're welcome.
475
00:18:54,018 --> 00:18:55,045
Thank you so much.
476
00:18:59,557 --> 00:19:01,625
Hey, um...
477
00:19:01,659 --> 00:19:03,360
can you tell me what this is?
478
00:19:03,394 --> 00:19:05,261
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
479
00:19:06,664 --> 00:19:09,366
I drew you for my art
class final in college.
480
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,334
Okay, you never told me that.
481
00:19:11,369 --> 00:19:13,303
I, um... I did it that night
482
00:19:13,337 --> 00:19:15,639
that you were super sick and
we were in my studio apartment
483
00:19:15,673 --> 00:19:17,474
with, like, zero heat.
484
00:19:17,508 --> 00:19:19,342
I remember I held back your
ponytail while you threw up,
485
00:19:19,377 --> 00:19:21,011
and then we'd snuggle in between,
486
00:19:21,045 --> 00:19:22,646
which was very gross...
you were very clammy.
487
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:27,283
- Yeah.
- Then when you finally passed out...
488
00:19:27,318 --> 00:19:29,319
I couldn't stop thinking
about how much I loved you.
489
00:19:29,353 --> 00:19:33,023
So I drew this.
490
00:19:33,057 --> 00:19:35,058
I guess that's the night I knew.
491
00:19:35,092 --> 00:19:38,161
So we kind of have a sketch-aversary.
492
00:19:38,195 --> 00:19:39,796
Okay, sure. Yes, we do.
493
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:42,198
- I love that.
- Oh, God.
494
00:19:42,233 --> 00:19:44,334
Look, honey, I'm so sorry
495
00:19:44,368 --> 00:19:47,470
for what I said about the
necklace in my journals, okay?
496
00:19:47,505 --> 00:19:48,538
And your hips.
497
00:19:48,572 --> 00:19:50,340
I don't care about that...
I was just worried that
498
00:19:50,374 --> 00:19:52,475
you don't have the same passion
for me that I have for you.
499
00:19:52,510 --> 00:19:55,211
Oh, come on. Of course I do.
500
00:19:55,246 --> 00:19:57,414
Look, David,
I'm never going to be the girl
501
00:19:57,448 --> 00:19:59,149
that releases 50 doves, okay?
502
00:19:59,183 --> 00:20:00,684
Mainly because they carry encephalitis.
503
00:20:00,718 --> 00:20:02,519
But...
504
00:20:02,553 --> 00:20:05,689
I feel 50 doves in my heart for you.
505
00:20:05,723 --> 00:20:07,417
And, God, that has got
to be corny enough
506
00:20:07,425 --> 00:20:09,483
- to count for something.
- I'll take it.
507
00:20:09,528 --> 00:20:12,562
Good, 'cause it's all I've got.
508
00:20:14,432 --> 00:20:16,332
Ah, this is worse than when I walked in
509
00:20:16,367 --> 00:20:19,269
on my grandma showering
and the door locked behind me.
510
00:20:19,303 --> 00:20:20,737
We're going to go.
511
00:20:20,771 --> 00:20:21,767
- Oh.
- Okay.
512
00:20:21,806 --> 00:20:24,574
Oh, by the way,
the gift was from all of us.
513
00:20:24,608 --> 00:20:26,376
- The...
- Art that I drew?
514
00:20:26,410 --> 00:20:29,212
- Yep, you're welcome.
- Okay.
515
00:20:29,246 --> 00:20:32,882
Maybe I'm not as sentimental as David,
but I do care.
516
00:20:32,917 --> 00:20:36,686
It's just I realize that he
focuses on the grand gestures
517
00:20:36,721 --> 00:20:38,388
and I focus on the little moments
518
00:20:38,422 --> 00:20:40,356
that shouldn't mean anything but do.
519
00:20:40,391 --> 00:20:42,392
Oh, God, now I'm gonna puke.
520
00:20:42,426 --> 00:20:44,594
Hey, you guys, come here for one sec.
521
00:20:44,628 --> 00:20:46,596
Lily, I'm really sorry I yelled at you.
522
00:20:46,630 --> 00:20:48,765
I mean, in my defense,
you were pretending to be your mother.
523
00:20:48,799 --> 00:20:51,101
So you guys are not getting a divorce?
524
00:20:51,135 --> 00:20:53,570
- What? No.
- No. Oh, my gosh.
525
00:20:53,604 --> 00:20:54,771
Of course we're not.
526
00:20:54,805 --> 00:20:56,694
Yes, our plan worked.
527
00:20:57,241 --> 00:20:58,742
- Oh.
- Okay.
528
00:20:58,776 --> 00:21:00,376
Oh, good news.
529
00:21:00,411 --> 00:21:03,213
Daddy's coming back from
his trip one day early.
530
00:21:03,247 --> 00:21:04,414
Well, Mother, of course he is.
531
00:21:04,448 --> 00:21:05,648
You didn't answer his phone calls.
532
00:21:05,683 --> 00:21:08,585
He probably thinks you're pinned
under a bookcase somewhere.
533
00:21:08,619 --> 00:21:10,420
I was playing hard to get.
534
00:21:10,454 --> 00:21:14,591
Tonight when he comes back,
I'll be extremely easy to get.
535
00:21:14,625 --> 00:21:18,828
Oh! Dunka, dunka, dunka,
dunka, dunka, dunka.
536
00:21:18,863 --> 00:21:21,765
Dunka, dunka, dunka,
dunka, dunka, dunka.
537
00:21:21,799 --> 00:21:23,433
Where the hell is that Uber?
538
00:21:23,467 --> 00:21:24,847
Just cancel it. We'll walk.
539
00:21:24,869 --> 00:21:27,137
Yeah, we need to leave
this geriatric orgy. Bye.
540
00:21:27,171 --> 00:21:28,571
Good-bye. Bye, strange people.
541
00:21:28,606 --> 00:21:31,541
Dunka, dunka, dunka,
dunka, dunka, dunka.
542
00:21:35,547 --> 00:21:37,611
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
543
00:21:38,305 --> 00:21:44,766
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