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Bumworth! Bumworth!
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00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,560
They're filming us, look. Oi!
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00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:17,840
Yeah, we're on TV, look.
4
00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:19,960
BBC, yeah.
5
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:24,360
He's a fucking twat, don't film him.
He's a fucking bell end.
6
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:32,074
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7
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,120
I'm so ill.
8
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:41,520
I can't even smell. I forgot what
it's like to smell.
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00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:44,800
You just take these sort of things
for granted, don't you?
KNOCK ON DOOR
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00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,000
What's the point in knocking if
you're just going to walk in anyway?
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00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,080
Fucking hell. Sorry, mate.
12
00:00:50,080 --> 00:00:51,160
I'm so ill.
13
00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,800
I'm so ill. You look like shit.
14
00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:54,880
Is Uncle Nugget here yet?
15
00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:56,720
No, he's not here.
16
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,640
Are these lot filming him, are they?
Yeah. Cos I got this.
17
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:00,680
Yeah, let's see it then.
18
00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:03,840
Took me ages. I'll hold it.
No, no...
19
00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:06,960
Hold it together.
I'll hold it together, then.
20
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:08,720
Justice. Justice.
21
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:12,800
On March the 13th, 2009,
22
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,880
our Uncle Nugget was wrongly
incinerated for having a laugh.
23
00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:20,120
Incarcerated. And today he's being
released and he's coming home so
24
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:23,760
we're throwing a justice party for
him.
25
00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:30,400
Well, the reason Uncle Nugget ended
up in prison was because he was just
26
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:33,560
having a laugh, right? He was at
Swindon bus station and one of the
27
00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:38,760
bus drivers quickly got off the bus
to go and get some change and Uncle
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00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,440
Nugget seen this as an opportunity
to have a laugh.
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00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:45,800
So he quickly ran on the bus, there
were still some passengers on it,
30
00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:49,920
turned on the ignition and just
drove the bus off and went round
31
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,720
and round the roundabout, for about
four hours.
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00:01:52,720 --> 00:01:56,200
It was a miscarriage of justice
though, cos what people forget is
33
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:59,640
12 out of them 20 hostages actually
found it funny. Yeah.
34
00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:03,000
I'd never, honestly never seen that
many people crying in court.
35
00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,560
Have you? Yeah. Tears of laughter,
though. Yeah.
36
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,720
Kerry does look up to her Uncle
Steve as a role model.
37
00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:13,880
But...
38
00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:16,120
I don't think Steve always
39
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:20,680
thinks very deeply about the example
he might be setting her.
40
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:25,880
So we started the "He Was Only
Having A Laugh" campaign because
41
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,800
we's the only one in the family that
has sort of stuck by him,
42
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:29,880
haven't we? Yeah.
43
00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:31,600
Cos our Auntie Pat HATES him.
44
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,640
She says she can't touch him with a
bargepole, didn't she? Yeah.
45
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:38,800
No!
46
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:39,840
I said no.
47
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,440
I put it in the plant pot outside.
48
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,960
Oh, we got rid of that ages ago.
49
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,280
Oh, fuck knows where that is!
50
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,880
Oh, she'll just have to use this,
then, That'll do, won't it?
51
00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,400
That'll do.
52
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,360
Mum, I can't...
53
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,080
I don't know where the hammer is but
I've found something else.
54
00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:13,160
I can't wait to take Nugget down the
Keepers for his first pint of
55
00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:17,400
freedom. Last time me and him went
down Keepers, yeah?
56
00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,120
We got so smashed,
57
00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,240
and when the pub closed he
frogmarched me to the cashpoint,
58
00:03:22,240 --> 00:03:23,600
made me get 200 quid out.
59
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:28,720
Which is a bit annoying but when
Nugget wants something you can't
60
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,040
really sort of...
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00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:33,640
You've got to let him, cos he
gets a bit cross.
62
00:03:33,640 --> 00:03:34,720
And...
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00:03:34,720 --> 00:03:37,080
yeah, he spent it all on acid and
knives, I think.
64
00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:40,200
And a roasting joint, which he ended
up stabbing with the knives.
65
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:43,760
But it was a laugh. I mean...
66
00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,840
Yeah, it's annoying, but...
67
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,720
He's just got that charm, you know?
68
00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:49,040
You can't say no to him.
69
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,040
God, we were...
That was a mad night.
70
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:55,920
Same again tonight, I think.
71
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,720
I'll probably leave my bank card
here though.
72
00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:02,440
So, me and Kurtan are both cousins,
right? And...
73
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:05,880
our Auntie Linda got married to
Nugget
74
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,680
so he's our uncle by marriage.
75
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:12,360
And they had a really good marriage
until one day they went to Ikea
76
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,440
and he brought back some, like,
flat-pack furniture
77
00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:18,520
and he was so mad cos he lost
the instructions,
78
00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,600
and he blamed her for stealing them,
79
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,200
cos he's very paranoid.
80
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:26,720
And he kept thinking that she was
making him have Alzheimer's cos
81
00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:31,240
she kept apparently moving his
belongings, like his slippers.
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00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,440
The thing is with Nugget, you can be
having a laugh with him,
83
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,240
and we'll be laughing,
laughing, laughing,
84
00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:37,920
he'll be laughing,
laughing, laughing
85
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:40,080
and then suddenly he'll stop...
86
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,520
..and be, like,
"What are you laughing at?"
87
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,360
Kerry, can you put the oven on,
please?
88
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:46,960
Sweet, I'm starving.
89
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,200
You're not having any. What, why?
90
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:51,320
Cos you're a skav - get your own
food. I'm not a skav.
91
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,920
I paid for this with my birthday
money. I'm not a skav.
92
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,600
Well, get a job and pay for
your own, then.
93
00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:58,800
I have got a job - I babysit
people's pets, thanks.
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00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:03,520
Yeah, how's that going for you?
Well, it's early days.
95
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,160
You can have that if you want.
Look, that.
96
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,640
Fuck off, mate.
97
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:13,760
There's nothing I hate more than
when we go to the pub together and I
98
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:15,880
buy a packet of crisps and she takes
them,
99
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,960
opens them up and puts them on the
middle of the table to share.
100
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,720
I do do that. That's not her place
to do that.
101
00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:22,760
KERRY SIGHS
102
00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:24,640
Cos I bought them for me,
not to share.
103
00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:26,680
Let it go. That's injustice.
104
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,480
Let it go.
105
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:32,280
But it was annoying. Also, when I
put 50p in the it-box
106
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:36,440
to play pub quiz, I don't want your
clammy fingers reaching over jabbing
107
00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:39,920
the screen - "Mel C, Mel C" -
when the question clearly states,
108
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,480
"Which of the following is
NOT a Spice Girl?"
109
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,760
You know, we've got 15 seconds to
answer the question,
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00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,120
enough time to confer -
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00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:49,040
you don't have to just
jab, jab, jab.
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00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:51,760
We can choose the right answer.
113
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,200
Sorry. What the fuck?
I don't know why I did that.
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00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:00,360
What the fuck? Sorry.
115
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,520
Mum, what have we got to eat?
116
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,040
What have we got to eat?
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00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:08,480
I am looking in the freezer.
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00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:14,600
What?
119
00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:16,640
What?!
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00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:18,760
WHAT?!
121
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,240
(Shit...)
122
00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:27,400
I forgot.
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00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:34,920
Oh, fuck's sake. Business going
well then, Kerr?
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00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:38,080
Please can I just have some of your
pizza, Kurtan? No.
125
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,600
So selfish today!
126
00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:44,200
Oh, yes - turkey dinosaurs.
127
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,960
Yes... Is it all right if I have
some, Kerr?
128
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,200
Yeah, if you give me a bit of
your pizza.
129
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,080
That's...that's not a fair swap.
130
00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:54,320
Well, don't have any of my
turkey dinosaurs, then.
131
00:06:54,320 --> 00:06:56,320
Yeah, but I'm the guest. Guest?
132
00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,720
You're here more than I am, mate,
and it's my fucking oven.
133
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,280
Whoa, whoa! What are you doing?
134
00:07:04,280 --> 00:07:06,040
You're letting the heat out,
you lummock.
135
00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:08,440
No, I'm going to take your pizza and
put it on the bottom shelf.
136
00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:11,320
What are you doing, you big oaf?
Mine takes longer to cook, Kurtan.
137
00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:12,680
That is just the way of the law.
138
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,480
Yeah, but my pizza, yeah, has to be
top shelf
139
00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:17,520
otherwise it won't cook evenly.
Well...
140
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,440
OK, here we go, here's something
for you.
141
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,480
Why don't you give me some of
your crusts?
142
00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,440
And then I'll let you have
top shelf.
143
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:25,600
No.
144
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,760
Here we go. This is going to be my
best offer. Right...
145
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,400
Because both of us want top shelf,
146
00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,680
I suggest what we do is cut the
pizza in half...
147
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,920
We can't do that. No, sorry. Why?
148
00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,640
Because I eat my pizza from
the inside out, right?
149
00:07:38,640 --> 00:07:42,040
If you cut it in half, yeah, there's
no inside to eat out from.
150
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:43,920
I don't use the basic slice system,
Kerr,
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00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:45,840
which is why I get so fussy at
Pizza Hut.
152
00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:49,920
Why are you crying?
153
00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:52,800
I'm not crying, I'm just...
154
00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:54,120
so hungry.
155
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:58,040
I'm really sorry, Kurtan, but at the
end of the day it is my oven so I am
156
00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,000
going to have top shelf.
157
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,520
Just...don't cut my pizza in half,
please.
158
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,800
I won't. Just chill out.
159
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:06,960
It's just a pizza, Kurtan.
160
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:10,120
Kurtan gets very emotional, but
that's just what we're like
in this family.
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00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,000
One of my first memories of
Nugget is...
162
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:16,240
we all go round Nan's for Christmas
Day and she was about to get the
163
00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:19,160
spread on and he was like,
Uncle Nugget was like,
164
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,800
"No, I want to watch Chicken Run
because I've been waiting for this
to come out for a year"
165
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,960
cos he loves Aardman Animations,
and she was like,
166
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,040
"No, we're all going to sit round
the table
167
00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,240
"and we're going to eat the
Christmas lunch."
168
00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,920
So he absolutely kicked off.
169
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,680
He said, "Well, why can't I just
watch it sat on my lap?
170
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:36,080
"And eat my food on my lap."
171
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:37,920
And she was like, "No".
She's having none of it.
172
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,920
So he stormed in,
he punched a hole in the turkey...
173
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:42,480
I started sniggering at this point,
174
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:47,640
so he just got...he literally got a
ladle of bread sauce and, like,
threw it across the...
175
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:51,520
across at me. It became a bit of a
joke in the family cos the next
176
00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,360
year we brought him
Chicken Run on DVD,
177
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:58,160
and we thought he was going to
absolutely love it and laugh,
178
00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:02,360
but he really did not find it
funny at all.
179
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,320
Shall I tell them about why he's
called Nugget?
180
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,360
You can, but it's a bit boring.
181
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,200
No. Right, Uncle Nugget, yeah?
182
00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:13,480
He's called Nugget because he went
in this nightclub and the DJ
183
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,480
wouldn't play this song he requested
so he got a knife, yeah?
184
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,840
Cut off half the DJ's scratching
thumb,
185
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:22,440
threw it on the floor and some bloke
came along who's just fucked out of
186
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:23,920
his brains, picked it up and ate it
187
00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:27,120
cos he thought it was a
chicken nugget.
188
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,960
He's called Nugget because his
second name's Nuggins.
189
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,800
Where the hell did that come from?
190
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:35,600
Seriously? Yeah.
191
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,240
I think that's still part of...
192
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:40,640
Kurtan went through a very bad
lying phase.
193
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:41,680
Yeah, I did, yeah.
194
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,280
That's the thing, I lied so much I
still don't know what's real life
195
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:47,720
and what's plain lies. Mmm-hmm.
196
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,120
I'm so glad you're out of that
lying phase.
197
00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,960
There's injustices in this world,
so many.
198
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,480
I experience it in my life
every day.
199
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,240
Like, people look down their nose
on me, like...
200
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,320
When I go into the village shop,
Mrs Wicks just follows me around
201
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:18,480
like a stale guff, thinking I'm
going to nick something.
202
00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:20,200
Which just makes me so mad.
203
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,920
Yeah. Cos you can't nick anything.
204
00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:24,720
Well, yeah, but she doesn't
know that.
205
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:27,680
For all she knows I could be going
in there to buy something.
206
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,080
But...you only go in there to
nick stuff.
207
00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:31,640
Yeah.
208
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:35,000
So your point is you want to go in
the shop to nick stuff,
209
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,400
without being followed around by
Mrs Wicks?
210
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:39,200
That would make my life easier, yes.
211
00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:41,960
What?
212
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:44,080
What?
213
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,840
She's doing this all...
214
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:50,880
Yeah?
215
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:58,200
Right, I'm just going to watch
something. This is winding me
up now.
216
00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,000
Yeah, I'll get some later.
217
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,440
TELEVISION:
'..across the whole of your plate
that I actually really, really like.
218
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:12,600
'The only thing I don't like the
taste of is the celeriac puree
219
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:15,320
'and the chocolate and
tamarind sauce.
220
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:19,720
'It's sweet, sweet earthiness and I
can't get it to sit happily.'
221
00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,480
She's not happy. 'I thought the
dish was cooked beautifully.
222
00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,000
'Your venison is wonderful and soft.
223
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,120
'Your celeriac puree is wonderful
and creamy.
224
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:29,920
'Your beetroot - melt in your mouth.
225
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,440
'The crispness of your little
rissoles, which crumble on the
226
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,160
'outside, they're really lovely and
shredded on the inside.
227
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:38,920
'But the thing for me is, it all
needs a little bit more seasoning.'
228
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:39,960
She's livid, look.
229
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,520
'The venison needs a decent...'
230
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,760
You know what? I actually can't
watch this - sorry, Kerr.
231
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:45,880
Oh, no, don't.
That is utter torture.
232
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,920
Can't take Gramps four hours to
drive from Gloucester.
233
00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,480
That's only a half an hour drive.
234
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,680
It does. It actually does cos he
goes at 5mph
235
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,600
and he likes to be the only person
on the road,
236
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,360
so whenever he sees a car coming the
other way he just pulls over.
237
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,400
Yeah.
238
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:12,840
Don't do that.
239
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:23,600
God, Kerr...I watched the most
fucked up thing last night. What?
240
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:27,800
It was this real-life documentary,
yeah, about this Nasa experiment,
241
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,720
yeah, where they sent this monkey
into space in its own spacecraft.
242
00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:32,280
But when it hit a certain altitude
243
00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:34,680
the monkey's head just exploded
like a grape.
244
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:36,480
So they sent this other monkey into
space...
245
00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,120
Yeah? ..in its own spacecraft.
246
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,480
And they sorted the altitude
problem out but,
247
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,040
cos the scientists were so obsessed
with doing that,
248
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,520
they totally forgot to teach the
monkey how to navigate its craft,
249
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:50,320
so he just got lost in space
for all time.
250
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,720
Which I think is far worse,
to be fair.
251
00:12:54,840 --> 00:12:55,880
What?
252
00:13:01,040 --> 00:13:03,440
Well, go to sleep then, Sue, rather
than shouting down here
253
00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,440
the whole time, you stupid old bat.
254
00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:11,440
Oh, well done(!)
255
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,320
Yeah?
256
00:13:15,560 --> 00:13:17,880
Me and Kerry's mum do not see
eye to eye.
257
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:21,040
We've had some proper stand-up
blazing rows.
258
00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:23,480
Actually, just me stand-up -
she's always in bed.
259
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,560
Cos, see, I live with my nan and we
like things in a certain way.
260
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:31,200
We like to know where everything is.
261
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,920
But Kerry and her mum,
262
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,760
they're just like two pigs rolling
around in their own muck.
263
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:40,240
Mum says you've got to leave.
264
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,320
What? Why? Cos you called her
an old bat.
265
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,360
She is an old bat.
266
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:52,600
You've got to leave now, mate.
Yeah...I heard her.
267
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:56,680
Bye, Sue.
268
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,160
I'm still here!
269
00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:17,400
If you want to have a laugh but also
be physically sick,
270
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,400
just watch Kerry's mum put
her sandals on.
271
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,440
It's disgusting.
272
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:23,400
They're like two...
273
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,080
Her feet are like two blocks of
spam, yeah?
274
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,400
And watching her trying to squeeze
them into her Birkenstocks is...
275
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,520
Get your mum to say tomato.
276
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:38,720
Oh, no, not now. Please.
277
00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,080
Please.
278
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,120
Mum!
279
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,440
What's in a BLT?
280
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,400
A BLT.
281
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:52,640
Yeah.
282
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:55,240
Yeah.
283
00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,240
Yeah, what else do you have?
284
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:06,120
No, but what's the T stand for?
285
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:09,680
Yeah.
286
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,000
What?
287
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,240
What?
288
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:27,760
I can't stop thinking about that
monkey. Yeah, same.
289
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,080
That's the thing, though.
290
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,120
They went through hundreds of them
in the '60s.
291
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:42,880
And now every time I see a really
bright star in the sky I can't
wish on it,
292
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:45,280
cos in my head I'm thinking,
293
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:48,200
"That's probably just a spacecraft
with some monkey bones in it."
294
00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:54,960
Scientists, as well, taught this
monkey once how to sign language
295
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,600
and it took them six months,
296
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:01,800
and after six months he finally
figured out how to do it
297
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:06,280
and all he could bang on about
was how his kids had been left
in the jungle.
298
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,640
Is that Uncle Nugget now?
299
00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:26,680
No.
300
00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:28,560
Yeah, Nugget scares me sometimes.
301
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:29,840
Actually, to be honest,
302
00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,520
don't tell Kerry this,
but I don't really like him.
303
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,080
He is...
304
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,120
He terrifies me.
305
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,360
And I don't really want him...
306
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,000
coming out of prison, to be honest,
cos he needs help.
307
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,520
I don't think he's getting the
right help he needs.
308
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,040
And cos Kerry can't see it,
309
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,880
whenever he's around we just end up
at each other's throats.
310
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,640
Is there anything in there?
311
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:56,680
No.
312
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,640
What did you just take out?
313
00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:02,680
Nothing.
314
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,080
I seen you just take something out.
315
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,400
No, I didn't. Show me your hand.
316
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,320
The other one. Hmm? The other one.
317
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,160
What hand? I just seen you take
something out.
318
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,120
I'm just going to the toilet...
No. Why?
319
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:13,680
Open your hand.
320
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:15,320
Open it. There's nothing in there.
321
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,560
Open it. What...?
322
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,280
A knob of cheese!
323
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:24,280
You absolute traitor. That's my
cheese - it's my fucking house.
324
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:25,960
I wanted to grate...
325
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,080
Ow! Sorry.
326
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:29,520
What the actual fuck?
327
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:30,800
I'm hungry. You...
328
00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:32,000
Aargh...
329
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,880
Ow! Right, say sorry now.
330
00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:35,040
Say sorry now.
331
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,000
Say sorry now, and then I'll let go.
332
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:38,840
No. Say sorry now and I'll let go.
333
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:40,680
Kerry, I'll go fucking apeshit.
Say sorry now.
334
00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,520
Say sorry now and then I'll let go.
335
00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:46,240
Ow... Say sorry. Say sorry.
Say sorry.
336
00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:47,600
Say it.
337
00:17:47,600 --> 00:17:49,160
Sorry!
338
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:50,560
(Absolute idiot.)
339
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,480
You wouldn't dare. Yeah, I would.
You would not dare.
340
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:59,080
Of course I would.
You eat that, right...
341
00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:00,920
You eat that... You wouldn't.
342
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:02,200
You wouldn't throw that.
343
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,920
I would. No, you wouldn't. I would.
344
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:05,680
Don't you dare eat that cheese.
345
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,680
You eat that and I will smash this.
346
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:10,880
I promise you, I will smash you
with this.
347
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:20,960
What the fuck?
348
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,000
Truce.
349
00:18:23,120 --> 00:18:26,600
Truce, truce. You've lost your head.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
350
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,760
Fuck! You switched them!
351
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:32,800
Did I?
352
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,800
Nothing!
353
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:39,800
Perfect! What the...?
354
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:40,840
No!
355
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:46,840
How has that happened?
356
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,400
Seriously!
357
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,520
I put it on the top shelf so
it would cook evenly!
358
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:52,960
It did. It's just cooked
evenly burnt.
359
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,640
Yeah, I can see it's fucking burnt,
Sherlock.
360
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,240
I fucking don't believe that!
361
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:05,360
Do you want a turkey dinosaur?
362
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:08,360
Can I?
363
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,400
No.
364
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:16,400
Hello?
365
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,560
Yeah.
366
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:21,080
All right.
367
00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:22,320
Yeah, see you in a bit.
368
00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:25,000
Is that Uncle Nugget?
369
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:26,400
No, it's my nan.
370
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,680
My tea's ready.
Well, what about Uncle Nugget?
371
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:29,840
Oh, I'll just see him later.
372
00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:32,120
And this. You've got to help me
clear up all this.
373
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,560
Fuck that.
374
00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:34,600
See you.
375
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:38,560
Well, it's his loss cos he's
just going to miss out on
376
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,120
Uncle Nugget time.
377
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,680
I can't wait to see Uncle Nugget.
378
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:46,000
He is such a laugh.
379
00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:51,360
He is going to make such great TV,
I tell you that now.
380
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,080
Can't wait.
381
00:19:58,305 --> 00:20:58,186
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