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1
00:00:01,336 --> 00:00:04,576
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,643 --> 00:00:07,782
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,916 --> 00:00:11,690
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,757 --> 00:00:14,696
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,763 --> 00:00:18,136
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,203 --> 00:00:21,309
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,409 --> 00:00:23,046
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,113 --> 00:00:24,315
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:30,260
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:31,029 --> 00:00:33,033
♪ ♪
11
00:00:33,801 --> 00:00:37,241
Ah, look at this, Peter,
a new restaurant in town.
12
00:00:37,341 --> 00:00:39,011
What a lightning bolt
to the balls
13
00:00:39,111 --> 00:00:40,915
for a couple of schmoes
like us, huh?
14
00:00:40,982 --> 00:00:44,322
I know, I can't believe Quahog
finally got a His and Hers.
15
00:00:44,388 --> 00:00:45,792
Check it out:
I can drink beer,
16
00:00:45,892 --> 00:00:47,562
watch sports,
and play Pop-A-Shot
17
00:00:47,662 --> 00:00:49,432
right here at the table.
18
00:00:49,465 --> 00:00:52,404
And I can drink wine and scroll
through Bonnie's Facebook,
19
00:00:52,471 --> 00:00:55,077
secretly enjoying
that she has an ugly baby.
20
00:00:55,177 --> 00:00:57,114
(sighs)
Look at that thing's eyes.
21
00:00:57,214 --> 00:00:59,920
You know, maybe one glass
a night wasn't fine.
22
00:00:59,987 --> 00:01:01,523
Hey, folks.
We ready to order?
23
00:01:01,590 --> 00:01:02,525
I think so.
24
00:01:02,626 --> 00:01:03,360
Shall I cover your ears
25
00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:04,963
for your wife's
menu questions?
26
00:01:05,030 --> 00:01:06,399
That'd be great.
27
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,638
Yeah, are you able
to do the salmon
28
00:01:08,771 --> 00:01:10,173
but without the dill cream?
29
00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:13,413
Sorry, no substitutions.
We're a dick restaurant.
30
00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,319
Hmm. Then I'll have
the fettuccine Alfredo.
31
00:01:16,419 --> 00:01:20,160
And my Instagram will have
the watercress salad.
32
00:01:20,227 --> 00:01:20,962
And for you, sir?
33
00:01:21,062 --> 00:01:22,832
How much is that
tomahawk rib eye?
34
00:01:22,933 --> 00:01:24,603
-$85...
- Kid's personal pan pizza.
35
00:01:24,703 --> 00:01:26,840
Great, and if you folks need
anything else,
36
00:01:26,941 --> 00:01:29,078
I'll be invisible.
37
00:01:29,178 --> 00:01:31,583
(video game music plays)
38
00:01:32,384 --> 00:01:35,257
Remember this, Peter?
Remember us?
39
00:01:35,324 --> 00:01:38,229
I do remember us.
I miss us.
40
00:01:38,296 --> 00:01:41,804
When we get home, let's do it
so loud, the kids wake up.
41
00:01:41,904 --> 00:01:45,511
Yeah, let's do it on the couch
where we all gather as a family
42
00:01:45,612 --> 00:01:47,414
and watch television.
43
00:01:47,481 --> 00:01:49,853
ANNOUNCER: Family Guy is
brought to you by Parent Sex.
44
00:01:49,953 --> 00:01:51,624
Parent Sex:
It happens in rooms
45
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:53,460
that you hang out in
and watch TV.
46
00:01:53,527 --> 00:01:55,732
Maybe even right there
where you're sitting now.
47
00:01:55,832 --> 00:01:57,702
Pretty gross, right?
48
00:01:57,769 --> 00:02:00,340
(classical music playing)
49
00:02:25,057 --> 00:02:27,862
Gentlemen, we have work to do.
50
00:02:29,165 --> 00:02:31,135
-(saw whirring loudly)
- Son of a bitch.
51
00:02:31,235 --> 00:02:34,375
Just when I'm onto
something good, really good.
52
00:02:35,578 --> 00:02:37,348
Hey, what the hell's
going on out here?
53
00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:38,951
You got a permit, pal?
Huh?
54
00:02:39,018 --> 00:02:40,253
Hey, guys,
I'll be right back.
55
00:02:40,387 --> 00:02:42,625
I'm just gonna toss this dog
a beating real quick.
56
00:02:42,726 --> 00:02:43,426
Wait, what?
57
00:02:43,527 --> 00:02:45,297
Easy there, Gussy,
I know this guy.
58
00:02:45,364 --> 00:02:46,767
Why don't you go get
yourself a sandwich?
59
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:49,806
Can-can I leave the wrappers
in the bushes?
60
00:02:49,940 --> 00:02:51,944
All right, you can leave
the wrappers in the bushes.
61
00:02:52,011 --> 00:02:53,848
Guys, he said we can.
62
00:02:55,150 --> 00:02:56,085
Stewie, what's happening?
63
00:02:56,185 --> 00:02:58,289
I'm trying to write,
and all I hear is banging.
64
00:02:58,356 --> 00:02:59,191
Oh, yeah, check it out.
65
00:02:59,325 --> 00:03:01,697
I'm having these guys
put up a tree house.
66
00:03:03,701 --> 00:03:06,940
Sort of like a man cave/dance
studio kind of deal.
67
00:03:07,007 --> 00:03:09,412
Why don't you stop by later
and I'll give you the tour?
68
00:03:09,513 --> 00:03:11,850
- Tell Chris, too.
- Sure, I'm free.
69
00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:15,090
- Is that Lois's sweater?
- Cardigans are unisex.
70
00:03:15,157 --> 00:03:17,294
♪ ♪
71
00:03:18,096 --> 00:03:20,300
So, Loey, how was
the big date night?
72
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,572
Wonderful date night.
Great, great, great.
73
00:03:22,672 --> 00:03:25,645
Yeah, I'm still not...
not completely sold on "Loey."
74
00:03:25,712 --> 00:03:28,183
(chuckling):
So, tell us, tell us...
75
00:03:28,316 --> 00:03:31,489
after you had dinner,
how was the pork?
76
00:03:31,557 --> 00:03:34,629
(laughing)
77
00:03:34,696 --> 00:03:35,698
Who is this bitch?
78
00:03:35,798 --> 00:03:39,171
Uh, it was good.
Yeah, it was really nice.
79
00:03:39,238 --> 00:03:41,209
Oh, no, you're not
getting off that easy.
80
00:03:41,309 --> 00:03:45,518
Oh, classic Loey trying
to dodge the question.
81
00:03:45,585 --> 00:03:47,789
Seriously, who is this
froggy little bitch?
82
00:03:47,922 --> 00:03:49,024
How come she's sitting with us?
83
00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:52,498
Now, about the sex, though,
I just... how do I put this?
84
00:03:52,632 --> 00:03:54,936
Let's just say
Peter doesn't always...
85
00:03:55,003 --> 00:03:57,776
Munchausen my proxy.
86
00:03:57,842 --> 00:03:58,644
What do you mean?
87
00:03:58,744 --> 00:04:01,583
Well, he doesn't always
go to Australia.
88
00:04:01,650 --> 00:04:04,823
You know, the land down under.
89
00:04:04,890 --> 00:04:06,192
ALL:
Oh...
90
00:04:06,325 --> 00:04:08,463
He's just never liked it.
I don't know.
91
00:04:08,531 --> 00:04:10,300
I-I guess it's not
a requirement,
92
00:04:10,367 --> 00:04:13,072
but, yeah, I do like
having the option.
93
00:04:13,139 --> 00:04:15,377
You know, Joe and I went
to a sex therapist
94
00:04:15,477 --> 00:04:16,780
after his accident.
95
00:04:16,847 --> 00:04:18,116
She really helped us,
96
00:04:18,183 --> 00:04:20,253
turned him
into a real spelunker.
97
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:21,389
I'm sorry.
98
00:04:21,523 --> 00:04:23,661
The six-year-old birthday party
has asked if you could...
99
00:04:23,794 --> 00:04:25,698
(quietly):
keep your voices down.
100
00:04:27,669 --> 00:04:29,973
♪ ♪
101
00:04:39,391 --> 00:04:41,028
Oh, there they are.
102
00:04:41,095 --> 00:04:42,097
The boys.
103
00:04:42,164 --> 00:04:44,101
- Come on in, fellas.
- Dang, Stewie.
104
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:46,874
This is a legit
little pad you got here.
105
00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:47,742
(floor creaks)
106
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:49,513
Yeah, that one spot
creaks a little.
107
00:04:49,579 --> 00:04:52,417
- I might have them look at it.
- Oh, I-I didn't even notice.
108
00:04:52,484 --> 00:04:54,556
So, yeah, you know,
pretty self-explanatory.
109
00:04:54,623 --> 00:04:57,829
Couch, plasma, kind of a little
office nook over there.
110
00:04:57,896 --> 00:04:58,998
And...
111
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:02,939
- Hey-yo!
- Boom.
112
00:05:03,006 --> 00:05:06,513
Photo booth with props,
if anyone's feeling sassy.
113
00:05:06,580 --> 00:05:09,218
Eh? Eh?
114
00:05:09,285 --> 00:05:11,590
Um, yes. Yes.
115
00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:13,928
But, uh, do you mind
if we take a rain check?
116
00:05:13,994 --> 00:05:16,465
I got to take Chris to baseball
in like five minutes.
117
00:05:16,533 --> 00:05:17,635
Well, come by later.
118
00:05:17,702 --> 00:05:19,271
Maybe we can watch a movie
or something.
119
00:05:19,371 --> 00:05:21,743
Wow, that's super generous
of you, Stewie.
120
00:05:21,810 --> 00:05:23,514
This place is dope.
121
00:05:24,281 --> 00:05:27,454
♪ ♪
122
00:05:29,826 --> 00:05:32,164
You see that, Rupert,
they like it.
123
00:05:32,297 --> 00:05:36,607
This place might just be
my masterpiece.
124
00:05:36,673 --> 00:05:38,409
♪ ♪
125
00:05:38,476 --> 00:05:39,679
BRIAN:
Okay, wow.
126
00:05:39,746 --> 00:05:42,251
What... the hell... was that?
127
00:05:42,317 --> 00:05:44,188
CHRIS:
So we're on the same page?
128
00:05:44,288 --> 00:05:45,958
I thought I was nuts.
129
00:05:46,025 --> 00:05:49,131
- BRIAN: Brutal, right?
- CHRIS: Oh, brutal.
130
00:05:49,164 --> 00:05:51,703
BRIAN:
I have no idea what he's going for up there.
131
00:05:51,770 --> 00:05:55,076
CHRIS:
That's the thing. I don't think he does either.
132
00:05:55,176 --> 00:05:56,747
(Brian and Chris laughing)
133
00:05:56,813 --> 00:05:59,653
CHRIS:
I'm sorry, he wants us to come watch a movie up there?
134
00:05:59,753 --> 00:06:01,623
(chuckling):
On a Vizio?
135
00:06:01,690 --> 00:06:03,493
Oh, is that what he was saying?
136
00:06:03,561 --> 00:06:05,998
I couldn't hear a word
over those floorboards creaking.
137
00:06:06,065 --> 00:06:07,902
Oh, my God.
Creak City.
138
00:06:08,002 --> 00:06:11,475
BRIAN:
Poor guy. Just has no idea. And, like, nothing to eat?
139
00:06:11,543 --> 00:06:13,413
CHRIS:
Like, dude, go to Costco,
140
00:06:13,479 --> 00:06:15,483
grab some of those
frozen quiches.
141
00:06:15,585 --> 00:06:17,354
BRIAN:
It's not like he didn't know we were coming.
142
00:06:17,454 --> 00:06:20,561
CHRIS:
Oh, poor Stewie. what are you gonna do?
143
00:06:20,628 --> 00:06:21,863
BRIAN:
I'll tell you what I'm not gonna do.
144
00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:24,368
A photo shoot with
a top hat and a boa.
145
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,673
(Brian and Chris laughing)
146
00:06:28,611 --> 00:06:30,648
♪ ♪
147
00:06:32,819 --> 00:06:33,954
So, Peter...
148
00:06:34,054 --> 00:06:36,827
Oh, big surprise.
Take her side, why don't you?
149
00:06:36,927 --> 00:06:40,501
Peter, let's take a breath.
We're just here to talk.
150
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,004
So, Lois tells me
151
00:06:42,070 --> 00:06:45,110
you don't like doing
everything in the bedroom.
152
00:06:47,214 --> 00:06:48,349
(sighs)
153
00:06:48,483 --> 00:06:50,655
Listen, if he's too shy
to talk about this,
154
00:06:50,755 --> 00:06:53,092
we could always try hypnosis.
155
00:06:53,159 --> 00:06:54,629
Oh, how would that work?
156
00:06:54,696 --> 00:06:57,401
Well, we get him
in a very relaxed state,
157
00:06:57,502 --> 00:06:59,539
and I give him what's called
a "trigger phrase."
158
00:06:59,606 --> 00:07:00,942
It's essentially
training the brain
159
00:07:01,075 --> 00:07:04,081
to behave a certain way
every time he hears it.
160
00:07:04,181 --> 00:07:05,250
You can do that?
161
00:07:05,317 --> 00:07:07,522
Just kind of make me
zone out during?
162
00:07:07,588 --> 00:07:09,258
That's the idea, yeah.
163
00:07:09,325 --> 00:07:10,962
Whenever you hear
the trigger phrase,
164
00:07:11,062 --> 00:07:13,667
you just imagine yourself
sitting on a beach,
165
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,337
eating an ice cream cone.
166
00:07:15,403 --> 00:07:16,607
I don't hate that.
167
00:07:16,707 --> 00:07:19,011
Go ahead and close
your eyes for me.
168
00:07:19,078 --> 00:07:22,518
Try to relax.
We are now in a tranquil place.
169
00:07:22,652 --> 00:07:27,361
Leaving the cares and concerns
of the physical world behind.
170
00:07:27,427 --> 00:07:28,664
Peter,
171
00:07:28,731 --> 00:07:31,302
we are now
in our suspended state.
172
00:07:31,435 --> 00:07:34,141
And from now on,
whenever you hear the words...
173
00:07:34,208 --> 00:07:36,445
♪ Extra, extra. ♪
174
00:07:36,546 --> 00:07:38,449
Sorry, I get push notifications
175
00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:40,621
whenever Chrissy Teigen
cyberbullies a nobody.
176
00:07:40,688 --> 00:07:42,024
What was that phrase again?
177
00:07:42,090 --> 00:07:45,096
Vanilla ice cream.
178
00:07:45,196 --> 00:07:46,667
Huh, anything?
179
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:47,869
Um...
180
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:49,539
My elbows are itchy?
181
00:07:49,639 --> 00:07:52,010
(sighing):
Oh, well, we tried.
182
00:07:52,077 --> 00:07:52,979
Sorry, Lois.
183
00:07:53,112 --> 00:07:55,985
I guess I'll just go make
some sad spaghetti.
184
00:07:56,052 --> 00:07:57,287
(sighs)
185
00:07:57,321 --> 00:07:59,559
♪ Extra, extra. ♪
186
00:08:00,493 --> 00:08:03,199
(Latin-style music playing)
187
00:08:04,268 --> 00:08:05,905
Corazón.
188
00:08:05,971 --> 00:08:09,144
♪ ♪
189
00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:20,968
(music stops)
190
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:29,218
♪ ♪
191
00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:33,894
Peter, last night was amazing.
192
00:08:33,961 --> 00:08:35,898
Oh, when I farted
the Pledge of Allegiance?
193
00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:36,933
Yeah, I tell you,
194
00:08:37,067 --> 00:08:39,371
things got a little dicey there
on "indivisible."
195
00:08:39,471 --> 00:08:41,108
You really don't remember?
196
00:08:41,208 --> 00:08:43,346
Wow, that hypnosis works.
197
00:08:43,446 --> 00:08:45,016
Well, I got to get
in the shower.
198
00:08:45,116 --> 00:08:47,989
You know, 'cause of
that "indivisible" part.
199
00:08:48,089 --> 00:08:50,661
♪ Extra, extra. ♪
200
00:08:54,268 --> 00:08:57,542
I'm just gonna go ahead
and save this song on my phone.
201
00:08:57,642 --> 00:08:59,746
CHRIS:
Mom, what's for breakfast?
202
00:08:59,813 --> 00:09:01,650
Shut up, you little turd!
203
00:09:01,683 --> 00:09:03,687
ANNOUNCER: Parent Sex.
When your mom yells at you
204
00:09:03,754 --> 00:09:06,092
through a closed door,
that's why.
205
00:09:06,225 --> 00:09:08,262
♪ ♪
206
00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:11,636
♪ Extra, extra. ♪
207
00:09:11,737 --> 00:09:13,607
Wow, Mom and Dad
have sure been watching
208
00:09:13,674 --> 00:09:15,511
a lot of entertainment television.
209
00:09:15,611 --> 00:09:17,080
LOIS:
Yahtzee!
210
00:09:17,147 --> 00:09:20,086
And apparently found their way
to the game closet.
211
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:23,292
Good morning, everyone.
Who's hungry?
212
00:09:23,359 --> 00:09:26,666
Hey, Dad, are you still okay
to bring me to Boy Scouts?
213
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:28,504
Oh, no, is that today?
(groans)
214
00:09:28,604 --> 00:09:30,373
I was hoping to get
a little golf in.
215
00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,244
I'll tell you what,
I'll take Chris.
216
00:09:32,310 --> 00:09:35,116
- You go have fun.
- What, really?
217
00:09:35,216 --> 00:09:36,720
Yeah, no biggie.
218
00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:39,559
Just don't forget we have dinner
at my parents' house later.
219
00:09:39,626 --> 00:09:40,493
Aw, sweet.
220
00:09:40,561 --> 00:09:42,698
I can't wait to spread
ten minutes of fun
221
00:09:42,732 --> 00:09:44,669
over five hours.
222
00:09:44,769 --> 00:09:46,773
Boy, you two seem like
you're getting along well
223
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:47,742
- these days.
-(chuckles softly)
224
00:09:47,875 --> 00:09:50,681
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing, just...
225
00:09:50,781 --> 00:09:53,554
You don't often give him a whole
Saturday to go play golf.
226
00:09:53,654 --> 00:09:56,693
Oh, yeah, is that
my idiot dog's opinion?
227
00:09:56,793 --> 00:09:58,697
I-I'm not...
I'm not an idiot.
228
00:09:58,764 --> 00:09:59,899
Well, you might not know this
229
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:01,603
because of the idiot thing, Brian,
230
00:10:01,703 --> 00:10:04,174
but marriage is about
give and take.
231
00:10:04,241 --> 00:10:07,013
If my husband wants to go
play golf, he plays golf.
232
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,220
I keep him happy,
he keeps me happy.
233
00:10:11,489 --> 00:10:12,725
I'm not an idiot.
234
00:10:12,825 --> 00:10:13,594
In fact, I would say...
235
00:10:13,727 --> 00:10:16,533
I would say
I'm very smart for a dog.
236
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:17,835
All right, I'm off.
237
00:10:17,869 --> 00:10:19,572
Thanks again for letting
me do this, Lois.
238
00:10:19,639 --> 00:10:21,075
Oh, before you go, can I...
239
00:10:21,142 --> 00:10:23,580
Can I just talk to you
upstairs for one minute?
240
00:10:23,647 --> 00:10:25,885
Just... I-I want to
ask you something.
241
00:10:26,686 --> 00:10:27,855
♪ Extra, extra. ♪
242
00:10:27,922 --> 00:10:30,995
LOIS (laughs):
Go fish.
243
00:10:31,061 --> 00:10:33,099
♪ ♪
244
00:10:34,736 --> 00:10:37,374
Hey, Stewie, you said
you wanted us to see...
245
00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:38,944
Whoa, what happened in here?
246
00:10:39,077 --> 00:10:41,081
♪ ♪
247
00:10:43,019 --> 00:10:46,893
Okay. (laughs)
Okay, now we're talking.
248
00:10:46,993 --> 00:10:50,466
- Stewie, this is incredible.
- Oh, yeah, you like?
249
00:10:50,534 --> 00:10:52,337
The old place just
didn't really...
250
00:10:52,437 --> 00:10:53,907
didn't have much
of a vibe, you know?
251
00:10:53,941 --> 00:10:56,913
Well, it sure as hell
has a vibe now.
252
00:10:56,947 --> 00:11:00,220
Yup, there he is.
Nolan Ryan.
253
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,859
Von Ryan's Express. Eh?
254
00:11:02,925 --> 00:11:04,762
Oh, I happened to be over
at Costco today
255
00:11:04,796 --> 00:11:06,633
and I grabbed some
of these quiches.
256
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:07,902
You guys ever try these?
257
00:11:08,002 --> 00:11:11,475
Ooh, very cool.
Love these things.
258
00:11:11,543 --> 00:11:13,212
Gracias, Stewie.
259
00:11:15,316 --> 00:11:18,891
Yeah, so, you know,
added a little workout area.
260
00:11:18,957 --> 00:11:21,395
Oh, I got that creak
taken care of, too.
261
00:11:21,462 --> 00:11:23,032
See? Nothing.
262
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,270
Wait, that's not
the same TV, right?
263
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:26,272
Good eye.
264
00:11:26,338 --> 00:11:27,440
Yeah, I looked up Vizios
265
00:11:27,508 --> 00:11:28,810
and realized
they're kind of crap.
266
00:11:28,877 --> 00:11:30,948
(inhales)
Ended up going with the Sony.
267
00:11:31,015 --> 00:11:33,352
Excellent choice
going with the Sony.
268
00:11:33,419 --> 00:11:34,689
Can't go wrong there.
269
00:11:34,756 --> 00:11:36,058
Well, congratulations, Stewie.
270
00:11:36,158 --> 00:11:38,262
You officially have
a kick-ass man cave.
271
00:11:38,362 --> 00:11:40,300
I mean, don't get me wrong,
it was great before.
272
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,536
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
273
00:11:41,603 --> 00:11:44,509
But this is, I mean,
this is a man cave.
274
00:11:44,576 --> 00:11:47,380
Agree.
You know who would love this?
275
00:11:47,447 --> 00:11:48,550
Eric.
276
00:11:48,617 --> 00:11:51,890
Oh, yeah, this is right up
Eric's alley.
277
00:11:51,957 --> 00:11:53,927
I mean, would-would you mind
if we brought a buddy?
278
00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:55,764
Yeah.
Bring Eric, bring whoever.
279
00:11:55,831 --> 00:11:58,069
Eric'll love Stewie,
don't you think?
280
00:11:58,135 --> 00:11:59,939
Totally.
How have they never met?
281
00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:03,112
A wrong that will soon
be righted, my friend.
282
00:12:03,179 --> 00:12:05,183
All right, Stewie,
we'll see you later.
283
00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:06,185
Yeah, yeah.
284
00:12:06,285 --> 00:12:07,320
See you guys in a bit.
285
00:12:07,387 --> 00:12:09,191
Peace, brah.
286
00:12:11,028 --> 00:12:15,069
BRIAN (laughs):
Wow, it's all so cliché.
287
00:12:15,136 --> 00:12:17,073
CHRIS:
Cliché and just desperate.
288
00:12:17,140 --> 00:12:20,514
Literally not one thing
about that place says "Stewie."
289
00:12:20,581 --> 00:12:21,516
BRIAN:
It's like he googled
290
00:12:21,583 --> 00:12:23,553
"man cave" and said, "That."
291
00:12:23,620 --> 00:12:24,956
I mean, Nolan Ryan?
292
00:12:25,023 --> 00:12:27,360
CHRIS:
Oh, I know, I know.
293
00:12:27,427 --> 00:12:29,599
BRIAN:
He really solved the TV problem, huh?
294
00:12:29,699 --> 00:12:32,270
CHRIS:
Everybody knows LG is the way to go.
295
00:12:32,370 --> 00:12:34,709
But what does Consumer Reports
know, right?
296
00:12:34,809 --> 00:12:36,345
(Brian laughing)
297
00:12:36,445 --> 00:12:37,247
CHRIS:
I wouldn't bring Eric
298
00:12:37,314 --> 00:12:39,786
within a hundred yards
of that place.
299
00:12:39,852 --> 00:12:41,690
BRIAN:
Eric would be miserable up there.
300
00:12:41,756 --> 00:12:44,261
CHRIS:
I could see him punching Stewie.
301
00:12:44,294 --> 00:12:47,400
That's it.
Fool me once, shame on me.
302
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:50,206
Fool me twice...
you have to die.
303
00:12:50,273 --> 00:12:51,241
CHRIS:
Not to nitpick,
304
00:12:51,342 --> 00:12:54,582
but those weren't even
the right frozen quiches.
305
00:12:54,682 --> 00:12:55,751
BRIAN:
Yeah, not great.
306
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,220
CHRIS:
I spit mine out in a napkin
307
00:12:57,287 --> 00:12:59,124
and put it
in his "workout area."
308
00:12:59,191 --> 00:13:01,630
BRIAN:
Well, I think we know he won't find it in there.
309
00:13:01,696 --> 00:13:03,934
(Brian and Chris laughing)
310
00:13:05,069 --> 00:13:06,873
♪ ♪
311
00:13:07,642 --> 00:13:11,315
I'm sorry your mother won't be
coming downstairs for dinner.
312
00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:13,386
I know, that damn sciatica.
313
00:13:13,452 --> 00:13:15,189
You know, she's got to go
see a doctor.
314
00:13:15,289 --> 00:13:16,893
The kids really
wanted to be here,
315
00:13:16,993 --> 00:13:19,966
but they're watching strangers
play video games on Twitch.
316
00:13:20,066 --> 00:13:24,041
BABS:
Lois, would you be a dear and make a plate for me?
317
00:13:24,141 --> 00:13:26,011
Peter, I'm gonna open
a bottle of wine.
318
00:13:26,078 --> 00:13:28,349
Do you mind making a plate
and bringing it up for Mommy?
319
00:13:28,416 --> 00:13:30,988
Yeah, I can do that.
Maybe open a couple bottles.
320
00:13:31,055 --> 00:13:33,560
Oh, oh, why?
Did you, did you bring one?
321
00:13:33,627 --> 00:13:35,898
I didn't.
But you always say...
322
00:13:35,964 --> 00:13:38,169
Well, you typically say,
"Help yourself."
323
00:13:38,235 --> 00:13:40,373
One bottle ought to be plenty.
324
00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:45,149
Hey, Babs,
325
00:13:45,216 --> 00:13:47,888
I got something I think'll
make you feel better.
326
00:13:50,828 --> 00:13:53,199
Sounds like a hippo
clomping around up there.
327
00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:55,671
Ugh, I feel so sorry for Mommy.
328
00:13:55,738 --> 00:13:56,673
Don't worry about your mother.
329
00:13:56,740 --> 00:13:58,910
She's got her celebrity news
programs up there
330
00:13:58,977 --> 00:14:02,283
- keeping her company.
-(laughs) Yeah, right.
331
00:14:02,350 --> 00:14:03,954
♪ ♪
332
00:14:04,021 --> 00:14:07,427
Wait, celebrity news?
(gasps) What time is it?
333
00:14:07,460 --> 00:14:09,398
Just about 7:30. Why?
334
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,068
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
335
00:14:11,135 --> 00:14:12,705
♪ Extra, extra. ♪
336
00:14:12,838 --> 00:14:15,276
(groans)
337
00:14:15,343 --> 00:14:16,780
Peter, no!
338
00:14:16,846 --> 00:14:17,915
Peter!
339
00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,719
(Hawaiian-style music playing)
340
00:14:19,786 --> 00:14:21,121
LOIS:
Peter!
341
00:14:21,188 --> 00:14:23,059
Peter!
342
00:14:23,125 --> 00:14:24,494
♪ ♪
343
00:14:24,595 --> 00:14:25,597
Peter!
344
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,810
Peter...!
345
00:14:31,843 --> 00:14:35,450
(screaming)
346
00:14:35,517 --> 00:14:39,625
Ah...
347
00:14:49,712 --> 00:14:51,916
(phone ringing)
348
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:10,186
(phone buzzing)
349
00:15:19,505 --> 00:15:21,810
-(turns radio on)
-♪ Just eat it ♪ -♪ Eat it ♪
350
00:15:21,876 --> 00:15:22,878
-♪ Just eat it ♪
-♪ Eat... ♪
351
00:15:22,978 --> 00:15:24,615
(turns radio off)
352
00:15:28,255 --> 00:15:30,627
♪ ♪
353
00:15:32,731 --> 00:15:34,201
Stewie, you here?
354
00:15:34,234 --> 00:15:38,242
Got your text, so let's see
that "best tennis ball ever."
355
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:42,350
STEWIE:
Hey.
356
00:15:43,152 --> 00:15:45,123
Didn't hear you guys come in.
357
00:15:45,189 --> 00:15:46,125
Stewie.
358
00:15:46,258 --> 00:15:48,462
Hey, we were just saying
how cozy it feels in here.
359
00:15:48,563 --> 00:15:52,137
Yeah, Brian used the term
"lived-in," and I totally agree.
360
00:15:52,203 --> 00:15:54,709
There's just this real
welcoming vibe...
361
00:15:54,809 --> 00:15:55,944
Right. Oh, good.
362
00:15:56,044 --> 00:15:58,917
Welcoming is exactly
what I was going for.
363
00:15:59,017 --> 00:16:01,523
(screaming)
364
00:16:01,589 --> 00:16:03,192
Wh-What the hell, Stewie?
365
00:16:03,259 --> 00:16:04,394
What the hell was that ab...?
366
00:16:04,461 --> 00:16:05,496
(grunting)
367
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:07,568
(groans)
368
00:16:08,369 --> 00:16:09,906
You two think I don't know
what's going on?
369
00:16:10,039 --> 00:16:12,511
I've heard every word
you two said about me
370
00:16:12,611 --> 00:16:14,281
and about my man cave.
371
00:16:14,347 --> 00:16:16,853
So... you know how
much we love it.
372
00:16:16,953 --> 00:16:18,824
Ow! And for no reason!
373
00:16:18,924 --> 00:16:21,596
I bought a thousand
of these frozen quiches.
374
00:16:21,663 --> 00:16:26,606
And you two are gonna eat
every... last... one of them.
375
00:16:26,706 --> 00:16:27,908
(gulping)
376
00:16:27,975 --> 00:16:29,979
There you go.
Good boy.
377
00:16:30,046 --> 00:16:31,381
Those aren't the...
378
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:33,954
They're not the chicken sausage
ones again, are they?
379
00:16:34,054 --> 00:16:36,191
They are the chicken sausage.
380
00:16:36,291 --> 00:16:39,732
Do, um, do you mind if I get
a glass of water, then?
381
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:41,268
I just, um...
382
00:16:41,335 --> 00:16:43,507
I just found them
a little dry, is all.
383
00:16:43,573 --> 00:16:44,474
Oh, were they dry?
384
00:16:44,575 --> 00:16:46,913
You know, for my taste
they were a little...
385
00:16:46,980 --> 00:16:48,917
(gulping)
386
00:16:48,984 --> 00:16:51,121
(muffled groaning)
387
00:17:00,874 --> 00:17:03,078
(brakes screech softly)
388
00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,220
(turn signal clicking)
389
00:17:13,934 --> 00:17:15,436
(sighs)
390
00:17:15,571 --> 00:17:17,608
♪ ♪
391
00:17:19,077 --> 00:17:22,417
Hey, Stewie, come on.
Let us out of here.
392
00:17:22,483 --> 00:17:23,419
Stewie?
393
00:17:23,553 --> 00:17:25,691
Chris, now's our chance.
We got to get out of here.
394
00:17:25,724 --> 00:17:27,528
(both grunting)
395
00:17:29,899 --> 00:17:31,034
(gasps)
396
00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:33,005
Heading somewhere?
397
00:17:33,072 --> 00:17:34,609
Stewie.
398
00:17:34,709 --> 00:17:35,744
No. No.
399
00:17:35,811 --> 00:17:37,715
My own brother.
400
00:17:37,781 --> 00:17:40,119
My so-called best friend.
401
00:17:40,186 --> 00:17:41,288
I trusted you.
402
00:17:41,355 --> 00:17:43,425
I invited you into my man cave,
403
00:17:43,526 --> 00:17:46,431
and all you did
was humiliate me.
404
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,772
Stewie, no.
Please don't kill me.
405
00:17:49,839 --> 00:17:53,045
Wait. Did, did,
did you make that?
406
00:17:53,145 --> 00:17:55,049
What? Of course I did. Why?
407
00:17:55,149 --> 00:17:57,153
Wow.
No, it's just--
408
00:17:57,220 --> 00:18:00,026
I-I just don't know
how you're able to make
409
00:18:00,126 --> 00:18:02,497
such cool weapons at your age.
410
00:18:02,598 --> 00:18:05,771
Wow, that is really well-made.
Holy crap.
411
00:18:05,804 --> 00:18:07,240
Do you have any others?
412
00:18:07,340 --> 00:18:10,012
- Yeah, of course I have more.
- Are you serious?
413
00:18:10,112 --> 00:18:12,350
Yeah, I have like a hundred--
Wait a minute.
414
00:18:12,417 --> 00:18:14,822
You're not gonna win me over
with flattery.
415
00:18:14,922 --> 00:18:16,726
♪ ♪
416
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,105
Is there... is there
anything else you like about it?
417
00:18:23,205 --> 00:18:25,944
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I mean,
418
00:18:26,011 --> 00:18:28,449
ch-check out how sturdy
the sight bridge is.
419
00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:30,319
First thing
I noticed, too, Chris.
420
00:18:30,386 --> 00:18:32,023
And, of course,
the cocking stirrup.
421
00:18:32,056 --> 00:18:34,060
Yeah, very pretty.
422
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:37,066
Barnett makes a hell of a bow,
but this is probably
423
00:18:37,166 --> 00:18:39,204
one of the nicest ones
I've ever seen.
424
00:18:39,270 --> 00:18:42,678
Anyway, Stewie, you can go ahead
and kill us now.
425
00:18:48,022 --> 00:18:49,491
Listen, if you guys want,
426
00:18:49,525 --> 00:18:52,030
I suppose I could show you
how to make one.
427
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:54,602
You'd do that?
Even after everything we--
428
00:18:54,669 --> 00:18:56,739
even after everything
Chris said?
429
00:18:58,309 --> 00:19:01,281
Of course I will.
I love you guys.
430
00:19:01,348 --> 00:19:03,118
We love you, too, Stewie.
431
00:19:03,218 --> 00:19:05,524
Listen, go clean yourselves up.
I'm around.
432
00:19:05,657 --> 00:19:07,695
Just come by whenever,
and I'll show you.
433
00:19:07,795 --> 00:19:08,863
Thank you, Stewie.
434
00:19:08,963 --> 00:19:10,132
Do you do parties here?
435
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,403
Because this is, like,
a good event space.
436
00:19:12,538 --> 00:19:14,240
Eric is turning 50 next month,
437
00:19:14,307 --> 00:19:16,011
and we still don't have
the venue.
438
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:17,146
I think we do now.
439
00:19:17,246 --> 00:19:18,516
I'll put together a menu.
440
00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:20,954
Any dietary restrictions
I should know?
441
00:19:21,021 --> 00:19:23,025
He says he's on a seafood diet.
442
00:19:23,125 --> 00:19:25,797
He sees food, then he eats it.
443
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:27,901
(all laughing)
444
00:19:29,371 --> 00:19:32,410
I got to meet this guy.
He sounds like a nut.
445
00:19:32,477 --> 00:19:34,515
♪ ♪
446
00:19:37,654 --> 00:19:40,594
Well, you know, Rupert,
I think the lesson here
447
00:19:40,660 --> 00:19:42,831
is that maybe
I shouldn't be so concerned
448
00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,267
with what other people think.
449
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:47,040
I should trust my instincts
and be myself...
450
00:19:47,106 --> 00:19:48,543
(Brian and Chris laughing)
451
00:19:48,643 --> 00:19:50,346
BRIAN:
Oh, I can't believe he bought it.
452
00:19:50,413 --> 00:19:54,020
CHRIS:
Like we would ever do Eric's nifty fifty up there.
453
00:19:54,087 --> 00:19:57,928
BRIAN:
And the table assignment card station would be where exactly?
454
00:19:57,995 --> 00:19:59,598
CHRIS:
And that crossbow?
455
00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,468
I mean, a Barnett is like,
I don't know,
456
00:20:01,569 --> 00:20:03,707
Thor's hammer compared
to that thing.
457
00:20:03,740 --> 00:20:05,476
BRIAN:
When you pointed out the cocking stirrup--
458
00:20:05,577 --> 00:20:07,280
I mean, if you can
call that one--
459
00:20:07,346 --> 00:20:08,449
I thought I was gonna lose it.
460
00:20:08,516 --> 00:20:10,052
CHRIS:
Oh, I know. If you're gonna...
461
00:20:10,152 --> 00:20:13,560
BRIAN: Oh, oh.
Hey, there he is, David Cross.
462
00:20:13,626 --> 00:20:16,465
CHRIS:
Riddick Bowe. The Crossbow Kid.
463
00:20:16,498 --> 00:20:18,001
-(bow snaps)
- CHRIS: Ow! -(thud)
464
00:20:18,102 --> 00:20:20,206
BRIAN:
Stewie... Come on, Stewie.
465
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:21,776
-(bow snaps)
- BRIAN: Aah! -(thuds)
466
00:20:21,876 --> 00:20:23,212
MEG:
Hey, Stewie.
467
00:20:23,278 --> 00:20:25,049
Sorry, I couldn't
find a shirt or a bra,
468
00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:27,955
so I figured I'd just let 'em
flop around the hallway...
469
00:20:28,055 --> 00:20:29,759
-(bow snaps)
-(thud)
470
00:20:29,859 --> 00:20:32,263
Mom! Stewie shot himself.
471
00:20:48,797 --> 00:20:50,299
There you go.
472
00:20:51,869 --> 00:20:53,439
Get it all out.
473
00:20:55,176 --> 00:20:56,746
Hey, guys.
474
00:20:56,846 --> 00:20:59,685
-♪ Extra, extra. ♪
- Peter, no.
475
00:20:59,752 --> 00:21:01,756
No, no, no, no!
476
00:21:01,806 --> 00:21:06,356
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