All language subtitles for 2 - Disease To Please English

I'm here with Kelly host and my great friend, lead author of our new book, How Women Rise, so excited

about her book aimed at helping women achieve higher levels of influence, authority to make more of

a positive difference in the world.

One of the things that that we talk about in the book is called The Disease to please share some of

your ideas and maybe I'll share a couple of mine.

Sounds good, Marshal.

The disease to please is what we call it.

And it's the tendency that many women have and that I've watched for decades sabotage women in which

you feel that your success is judged on whether everybody else is happy and that it's your job to make

sure other people are happy, whether you're at work or whether you're at home, that that's the burden

you take on one of the ways it can really sabotage you at work.

And we've got a wonderful example in the book of a woman who was a hospital administrator and she had

moved up to ever higher position in the hospital.

But a lot of patients and their families had come over the years to rely upon her.

And as she moved to a higher level, that was no longer her job.

But they kept saying, we love working with Deborah.

Can't Deborah help us on this?

Right.

And she felt because she wanted to make people happy in the world and because she had a sense of real

compassion for her patients and their families, that she had to keep helping them, even though that

was no longer her job and she was really burning herself out.

So that's the disease to please, to some extent, run wild.

You know, that's a great example.

And in my classes for women in leadership, I frequently bring up the issue of mothers who have fourteen

year old kids.

I when I tell them is, look, if you work full time, the 14 year olds are going to say you're a terrible

mother because you never don't.

If you don't work, they're going to say you're a loser because you can't get a job.

14 year old kids are not like anybody.

That's the word.

Right.

And you can't get into this place because it's hopeless.

It's just not going to happen.

So I think your point is very well taken.

You can't please everybody all the time, and this can end up holding you back from your career rather

than helping you.

Exactly.