All language subtitles for 10. Close Rick-Counters Of The Rick Kind.English

- So, dad, guess what tomorrow is.
- Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday.

No.

- Well, it... might be.
- It is.

Fine. But also, tomorrow is your
one-year anniversary back in our lives.

I'm gonna make you
flying-saucer-shaped pancakes.

Oh, t-t-there's no
need to do that, Beth.

Regular pancakes are fine.

Oh, my God!

Oh, what is happening?!

Sync & corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com

- Happy anniversary, dad.
- Oh, I get it.

Regular pancakes are already
shaped like flying saucers.

I-I should be making you breakfast
for putting up with me.

You should be making
us a whole restaurant.

Nonsense. We couldn't be
happier to have you around.

I just wish I got
to see more of you.

Rick Sanchez of earth
dimension C-137,

you are under arrest
for crimes against

alternate Ricks by the authority

of the trans-dimensional
council of Ricks.

- Hey! What the heck?!
- Neutralize the Jerry.

Wait! No! I'll --

Dad!

- Dad!
- Rick!

Everybody, relax.

If I know these a-holes,
and I am these a-holes,

they just want to haul
me to their stupid

clubhouse and waste my time with
a bunch of questions.

Let's get it over with.

Bring his Morty.

- Oh, man.
- Leave my Morty out of this.

You lost the right to have a
say in these things when you

refused to j-- join the
council.

W-w-w-what about Jerry?

Will you at least
unfreeze my daughter's idiot?

...Give you anything!

I have a rare antique-coin
collection!

Just don't hurt me!

Okay, maybe not antique,
but it was a limited minting.

They have little R2-D2s instead
of George Washington.

- Our son's been abducted!
- You hate me for buying those coins!

- Geez, Rick, w-what is this place?
- The citadel of Ricks.

It's the secret headquarters for
the council of Ricks.

Council of Ricks?

As you know, Morty, I've
got a lot of enemies

in the universe that consider
my genius a threat --

galactic terrorists,
a few sub-galactic dictators,

most of the entire intergalactic
government.

Wherever you find people
with heads up their asses,

someone wants a piece
of your grandpa,

and a lot of versions
of me on different timelines had

the same problem, so a few
thousand versions of me had the

ingenious idea of
banding together

like a herd of cattle or a
school of fish or those

people who answer questions on
yahoo! Answers.

Hey! What do you know?
It's a cowboy version of me.

Geez, you're easy to impress.

Yeah, most timelines have a Rick,
and most Ricks have a Morty.

This place is a real who's who
of who's you and me.

Turn your boring, old Morty
into a-- hot fashion statement

with some Morty dazzlers.

Hey, check this out.

Show me the Morty.

Dumb.

Excuse me, sir,
is your Morty insured?

You know, every year,
hundreds of Mortys are injured --

Back off!

Not my cup of tea, this place.

I say the point of being a Rick
is being a Rick.

Save your anti-Rick speech for the
council of Ricks, terror-Rick.

Hey, save your Rick rules for the
sheep-Ricks, Rick-pig.

- [beep] me, pal.
- [beep] you?

No, no, no, no, no.
[beep] me.

Bring up the holograms.

27 Ricks brutally murdered in
their own timelines--

an unprecedented Rick-icidal
epidemic.

What say you, earth Rick C-137?

You think I did this?

Why am I the first Rick you pull in
every time a Rick stubs his toe?

You have a history of
non-cooperation with the council.

Yeah, so does the scientist
formerly known as Rick.

W-w-w-w-w-why isn't
he here in handcuffs?

Because he's dead, too!

Who else would you
have us question?

You fit the profile.

Of all the Ricks in the central
finite curve,

you're the malcontent,
the rogue.

I'm the Rick,

and so were the rest of you before
you formed this stupid alliance.

You wanted to be safe
from the government,

so you became a
stupid government.

That makes every Rick here less
Rick than me.

Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got pancakes back home with
syrup on top of them.

They're about to hit that
critical point of syrup

absorption that turns the cakes
into a gross paste,

and I hate to get all
Andy Rooney about it,

but I think we all like Fluffy
disks of cake with syrup on top,

and I think we also like to be accused
of crimes when there's evidence!

So, as they say in Canada,
peace oot!

Evidence! Good idea.

Scan his portal gun!

Oh, come on.

Don't look at another man's
portal-gun history.

We -- we all go to weird places.

Yes, but it appears you alone
have been going to the exact

timelines and locations in which
the murders occurred.

What?!
That's Rick-diculous!

I'm obviously being set up.

Earth Rick C-137, the council

of Ricks sentences you to the
machine of unspeakable doom,

which swaps your conscious and
unconscious minds,

rendering your fantasies
pointless while

everything you've known becomes
impossible to grasp.

Also, every 10 seconds,
it stabs your balls.

I've heard enough.

Run, Morty!

Unh-unh. Not you.

Aaaah!

No!

Oh! Oh!

Yeah, I'd like to order one large
person with extra people, please.

White people.
No, no, no, no. Black people.

And hispanic on half.

Yes, I'd like to order one large
sofa chair with extra chair, please.

High chair.
No, no, no, no. Recliner.

And wheelchair on half.

They could have gone into any
one of these.

- Son of a...
- Oh, geez.

- Oh, man!
- We lost 'em.

Yeah, I'd like to order one large
phone with extra phones, please.

Cellphone.
No, no, no, no. Rotary.

And pay phone on half.

That'll keep 'em busy for a while.

Those guys were wrong, right?

Y-y-y-you-- you wouldn't kill
yourself -- yourselves.

Of course not, Morty.
How could that profit me?

But someone out there
is killing Ricks,

and the council ain't
gonna stop thinking it's me

until we clear our names --
by finding the real Rick-killer.

I'm scared, Rick.

Maybe we should go home and
stockpile weapons,

like that show
"doomsday preppers".

Not really my style, Morty.

Besides, your home is most likely
swarming with Ricks by now.

All right, listen, Jerry.
If Rick calls,

this device is gonna
trace his location.

You just got to keep him on the
phone for 30 seconds or longer.

Who wants lemonade?

Oh, yeah.

Mmm!
Oh! Delicious!

Beth you're a treasure.

I have a Beth just like you in my
reality, except you know what?

She's not as brilliant or
attractive.

Aw.
Thank you.

Oh! She did! She did it!

H-hello?

- Hey, Jerry, it's Rick.
- Rick! Hey.

What's -- what's up?

So, listen, the heat's on,
and there's nowhere left to turn,

so Morty and I are just gonna fly
my spaceship into a black hole.

- What?!
- Is that cool with you, dawg?

Rick, no!

- Morty!!
- We got it.

The call's coming from...

♪ inside the house ♪

Look at his face!
You dummy!

Can't believe our daughter
married you.

Too easy!

The Ricks are probably gonna waste
some time messing with Jerry.

They won't be able to help
themselves.

But as soon as they get bored,
they'll be onto us.

Phones à la clams and
phonesghetti with phone balls.

- Anything else?
- Yeah, more phone sticks, please.

Right away, sir.

You know, Rick, when I
first saw all those Ricks and Mortys,

I thought, "Gee, that
kind of devalues our bond".

But then I realized it just
means that our relationship must

be pretty special to span over
all those different timelines.

Yeah, it's got to be that way.

- You're a camouflage.
- Camouflage?

What are you talking
about, Rick?

Ricks have a very distinctive and
traceable brain wave due to our genius.

The best way to hide from an
enemy's radar is to stand near

someone with complementary brain
waves that make ours invisible.

See, when a Rick
is with a Morty,

the genius waves get
canceled out by the, uh...

...Morty waves.

Um... Because o-our personalities
are so different?

Oh, shit, dawg.

My portal gun was hacked
remotely, Morty--

obviously by the real
killer, to frame me.

But I was able to trace the
signal.

Come on. Let's go.

- Uh-oh.
- Excuse me.

We've tracked a pair of dangerous
criminals to this exact location.

They look exactly like us,
so in order to avoid confusion,

I'm gonna mark us each
with a red "X" right now.

That way, if someone has a gun
and we both tell you to shoot

the other one because they're the
evil one, you'll know who's lying.

Hey, check it out.

Damn it!

- Hey, you didn't pay your bill!
- The red "X"! Red "X"!

Hey, it's a good thing
that space outlet had lab coats

and your favorite kind of shirt
in stock, huh, Morty?

Yeah, Rick, I-I heard
you the first time.

You don't have to keep saying it
over and over.

Man, this place is way
off the grid.

This guy does not
want to be found.

Well, if he's a Rick,

doesn't he just have to stand by
a Morty to hide?

I mean, isn't that what Mortys
are -- human cloaking devices?

Morty, you're making a bigger
deal out of this than it is.

Oh, my God, Rick, look!

There's a bunch of people
strapped all over that building!

Not people, Morty -- Mortys.

Oh, God!

W-w-why would somebody do this?
It's horrible!

Well, one Morty's enough to
hide from the bureaucrats,

but you get -- you
get a whole matrix of Mortys and

put them in agonizing pain,

that creates a pattern that can hide
even from other Ricks [beep].

I fiddled with a concept
like this once.

On paper, Morty. On paper.

I wouldn't do this.
It's barbaric overkill.

I mean, you could accomplish
the same result with, like,

five Mortys and a jumper cable.

Which I also wouldn't do!

I'm just saying,
it's bad craftsmanship.

- Coffee time!
- Yeah!

Yo, yo, yo, yo!

That's what I like to hear!

- Hi, Jerry.
- Leave me alone.

I'm working.

Oh, you are?

W-w-w-what do you do?

I-I'm -- I'm in between
advertising jobs.

Advertising? Wow!

So, people need help figuring

out what to buy, and then
y-y-you help 'em?

Well, it's a little more
complicated than that.

Well, I mean, you do it,

and you seem like a guy who
really has it all together.

Dude, are you -- w--
you're being a dick, right?

Oh, gosh, I-I hope not. I wouldn't
want to offend you in any way.

You're really a Rick?

Y-- of course I am -- just as
much as my Morty's a Morty.

Hey, he looks a lot like Eric
Stoltz from the movie "mask."

You know, the one
with Cher in it?

That's right, Jerry!

He -- he's from a reality where

everyone is Eric Stoltz "mask"
people.

He's Eric Stoltz mask Morty.

They assigned him to me because

I never had any kids of my own.

But if I did, boy, I'd love them

if they were as smart and as

successful as you are, Jerry.

Hey, get a load of this.

Jerry's hanging out with
doofus Rick.

This is perfect.

I'm not doofus Rick!

I'm Rick j19-zeta-7!

Oh, is that the timeline
where everybody eats poop?

Jerry, you know this guy eats
poop, right?

Hey, I don't eat poop!

Y-you guys are always
so mean to me.

I guess it's only fair to tell
you now, Jerry.

I'm the worst Rick of them all.

According to who --
other versions of you?

If I've learned one thing,

it's that before you
get anywhere in life,

you got to stop listening
to yourself.

Wow.
You really are wise, Jerry.

I-I-I guess that's why you work
in advertising.

The fact that you feel that way makes
you the best Rick of them all.

You don't care about me at all!

I'm no different than that
jacket you've got on!

Y-y-y-- o-or your stupid portal
gun!

I'm just a tool!

I-I-I'm just an object!

Hey, it's your choice
to take it personally, Morty.

Now, for the love of God,
be quiet.

The point of this is to get the
drop on the guy.

You know what, Rick?
I'll tell you something!

I'm more than a human shield!

Yeah, that's right.

You are.

You're a perfect, impenetrable
suit of human armor, Morty,

because you're as dumb as I am

smart, which is why when I say

"shut up," it's really
good advice.

Great. Nice work, Morty.

Ooh. Look at you, C-137.

You -- aren't you a tough
customer.

The slow clap? Really?

Kind of played out, dude.

Not in this dimension, it isn't.

In fact I invented it.

Nobody else has ever even done
it here before.

Well, la-di-da.

Hey, that's mine!

I don't like the look
of that Rick, Morty.

- We got to escape.
- I'm not gonna help you, Rick.

- Y-you're a monster.
- Don't be Rick-diculous, Morty.

Will you -- will you
stop saying that?

It's stupid.

Take his Morty away.

Come with me.

Yeah, gladly.

Geez, man. Ricks, huh?

Hey, man, you seem to know how
this place works.

Is there any way we could shut

down that grid and rescue all
those Mortys outside?

It would be pointless.

Mortys have no chance of
defeating a Rick.

In here.

- Ah. Isn't it beautiful?
- Yeah, yeah.

Looks like payday at
Neverland ranch in here.

Zing!

- That guy got it.
- Unh-unh-unh, Rick. Quiet.

You're missing my symphony.

Hey, I'll take it
over Mumford & Sons.

Zip!

This guy is on it!

He's not laughing at your
dumb jokes, Rick.

That's just a random noise it
makes every 10 seconds.

You see, Rick, you're not as
clever as you think you are.

I wanted you to find me.

We're not so different, you and I.

Yeah, duh!

See this right here, Rick?

I crunched the numbers.

I created a spectrum
of all the Ricks.

I listed them out from most evil
to least evil.

Here's where I am.

And look it -- right here's where
you are, Rick.

This guy right here --
super-weird.

I get it.

So you want me to team up with

you to take down the council of
Ricks, right?

Is that where you're
going with this?

'Cause that's where
I'd be going.

Please.

I think I'm doing pretty good on
my own.

I'm simply gonna download the

contents of your brain and then
kill you.

Okay, if we add a little more

titanium nitrate and just a tad
of chlorified tartrate...

...Ovenless brownies!

Mmm. Mmm!

It's incredible what a gifted

mind can accomplish when
priorities are in order.

Well, come on.

I can't take all the credit,
Jerry.

- It was your idea.
- Come here, Jerry!

Hey, uh, come here.

I-I want to show you something.

Okay, look, everybody makes
fun of me for getting these,

but you're a genius scientist.

What do you think? See?

There's little R2-D2s where the
George Washingtons should be.

You know, Jerry, I'm not
gonna tell you that these will

increase in value or even hold
their current value.

The truth is, you bought them
because you like them.

They have value to you.

That's what matters.

- How long are you staying?
- Until we find your Rick.

I found mine.

- Help!
- There is no escape, my son.

We will find our peace in the
next world.

So, what -- you're
just gonna give up?

We're giving in -- to the
power of the one true Morty.

One day, he will return.

Praise the one true Morty.

Ugh.

All right, Mortys, listen up.

My name is Morty Smith, from
earth dimension C-137.

I know you're scared, because
I'm scared.

But that's no reason to accept
our fate!

We're Mortys!

We're not defined by our
relationships to Rick!

Our destiny is our own!

This sounds like something
the one true Morty might say.

I'm sick of being a human
shield.

I want to be a gardener!

I want to write really crazy,
intense action novels!

I'm more than just a hammer!

He is the one true Morty!

Hooray!

The one true Morty!

Hey, keep it down!

You've lived quite a life, Rick.

It's a real shame you're not gonna
be around to see it through.

- You're crying? Over a Morty?
- No, I'm just allergic to dipshits.

Ugh. Pathetic.

We both know that if there's
any truth in the universe,

it's that Ricks don't
care about Mortys.

Do your worst, you little
bastards!

Kill me! Do it!

Do I-I-I-I-it!

Morty! Thank God!

Get me out of this.

Come on!

You're lucky I'm not a Rick.

Point taken, but this
is no time for arcs.

Oh!

Yeah, hello.

Hey, what do me and
O.J. not have in common?

Huh? W-who is this?

I found the real killer, bitch!

Get over here!

Yo, ding-dong, we're done here.
Time to go.

Well, Jerry, I guess
this means goodbye.

W-w-well, does it have to?

I mean, you -- you look just
like Rick.

We could maybe, you know, get
rid of him.

I'm not saying kill him,
necessarily.

I -- I'm also not saying

necessarily not kill him, but --

Jerry, w-we both know it
wouldn't work.

It's time to go back to our
lives.

I love you, Jerry.
I love you.

Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!
Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut! Hut!

W-what -- w-what's gonna
happen to all these Mortys?

They'll go back to their
families, attend school

regularly, play video games,
date girls.

Poor little rickless bastards.

Earth Rick C-137, the council

apologizes for its false

accusation, and in the way of

reparations for our

terrible mistake, we would like

to compensate you with this

voucher for a free replacement

Morty in the event that

your current Morty should --

Uh, guys, not a good time.

Come on, Morty. Let's hit it.

Is it time for arcs yet, Rick?

I did a pretty good job back there
for a human cloaking device.

Saved your ass.

All right, Morty.

Don't break an arm jerking
yourself off.

Man, I can't believe you, Rick.

That right there, that w-- that

was a great opportunity to show
a little humanity, you know?

- To connect with me a little.
- Hey, Morty, you want connection,

go be part of some stupid club,
like all those dumb Ricks.

You know, maybe I don't connect
because I'm the rickest Rick there is.

And, you know, it would

g-- Go without saying

that the rickest Rick would have
the Mortyest Morty.

- It would go without saying, huh?
- Yeah, it would.

- Did you hear me say it?
- Nah.

The Mortyest Morty.

Just don't get too big
for your loafers, Buster brown.

A cocky Morty can lead to some
big problems.

It can be a real bad thing for
everybody.

Oh, yeah? How's that?

U-uh, I'll explain when
you're older.

- What a mess.
- Pride cometh before the fall.

I guess he got what he deserved.

What is that?

Hand me the laser difibulator.

Hey, guys, uh, c-can I help?

No! Go clean the toilets.

Maybe you'll make friends with
some turds.

You make us ashamed to be
ourselves!

My God.
I've seen this technology before.

This Rick was being
controlled remotely --

puppeteered by somebody else.

This is the receiver.

Yeah, but where's the
transmitter?

- Wubba dubba dub dub!
- Oh. Hey, Jerry.

What are you doing
in my room, buddy?

Nothing. I was just, um,
checking the smoke detectors.

All right.

Okay, get out.

What's that dipshit doing out there?
Are you friends with him?

You know he eats his own shit,
right?

Oh, my God, this is rich!

I've got like 10 Ricks
to call right now.

Sync & corrections by XhmikosR
www.addic7ed.com