All language subtitles for New Amsterdam (2018) - 05x04 - Heal Thyself.GGEZ.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

Previously on "New Amsterdam"...

I can... I can't be who I want to be

with you.

I think I might have to crash here.

Yeah, sure thing, sis.

You're sober, Lauren.

You can't handle
that kind of temptation.

What I can't handle is guilt, okay?

She's a mess because I left
her there with my mother.

You went from
Norman Rockwell to screaming.

Could've gone to jail.

No, we're not goin' fishing.
We're going home.

You've been pestering me for months!

It sounds like a textbook example

of someone with bipolar disorder.

Friends.

Friends.

Move, move, move, move, move, move.

Clear a path!

Clear a path!

Hey, you get Max's page?

You only got one?

- What do three 911s mean?
- Can't be anything good.

Oh, excuse me,
excuse me, coming through!

- Did he page everyone?
- Yes, this must be bad.

- Make a damn hole!
- Move aside, please.

Move. Move. Move.

Max, what's wrong?

- What's the emergency?
- What is it?

Is everything okay with the hospital?

Is it a mass casualty?

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Tell me Veronica's not back.
- Hold on.

Just take a seat. All right?

Come on in. Why don't you take a breath?

In fact, why don't we all take
a nice, deep breath with me?

Ready? In...

And out.

There we go. Doesn't that feel better?

Yeah? Okay, now that we are

nice and relaxed, I have some bad news.

You are all in critical condition.

What... what does that mean, exactly?

Well, it means that morale for doctors

is at an all-time low.

You gotta be kiddin' me, Max.

Uh, not kidding.

Burnout and turnover
are at an all-time high,

and if it continues at this pace,

we're not gonna have enough
staff to keep the doors open.

Yeah, you made this sound
like it was a real emergency.

This is a real emergency.

Your hours are too long.
Your downtime is too short,

and you don't have the mental space

to take care of yourselves.

And if you can't do that,

how are you gonna
take care of your patients?

I got some surgeries to attend to.

Well, actually, you don't,
because I took the liberty

of clearing your entire schedule.

In fact, nobody in this room

has anything urgent to do today,

because today, your one
and only patient is you.

I hope everyone gets as excited
as Dr. Lauren Bloom here.

Yes, question. Elizabeth?

- "No."
- Okay, not really a question,

but, uh, the answer is yes.

We are all going to prioritize
the health issues

that we have been putting off,

because we're either
too busy or too tired.

- Now say it with me.
- Please don't.

We can do it. Ready?

Doctors, heal thyself!

Oh, God.

Ooh.

Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com

Ooh, I think
the New Amsterdam newsletter

has found its centerfold.

Pretty sure you're not
allowed to say stuff

- like that anymore.
- Yeah.

Let me.

This latest Max plan is such
a ridiculous waste of time.

Suck it up. I just got my first

mammogram in three years.

It had been weighing on my mind,

but I had no time
to do anything about it.

- And?
- I'm in perfect health,

and you'll be too.

What?

If this is a bit, it's not funny.

You... you have a short
PR interval and a delta wave

at onset of the QRS complex.

Are you suggesting
pre-excitation syndrome?

No, I am saying it flat-out.

You have Wolf-Parkinson-White Syndrome.

I'm fitting you in for
a catheter ablation at 4:00.

Nah.

Floyd, you know the risks
of a re-entrant tachycardia.

What I do know is that
they're not as immediate

as the risk posed to my five
patients I had scheduled today.

Now, I did my part
for Max's stupid plan.

I'm gonna go tend to them.

I'll deal with this on my next day off.

Oh, when is that?

Yeah, I'll see you at 4:00, hot stuff.

So it's so nice to finally meet you

in the flesh, Ronel, you know?

Not that our emoji-ladened
chats on the app

haven't been fun.

Cowboy hat, cowboy hat, fireworks.

Uh, spaceship, pretzel, sunglasses.

You've always been so busy,
and now you're suddenly free?

- Yeah.
- Did you get fired?

No, no... not that I know of, anyway.

No, no, I'm as shocked as you are.

You know, my boss he, uh...

he insisted that all of us
take a health day...

you know, out of the blue.

Initially, I was really resentful,

but then I realized that,
like, it had been so long

since I had actual
human-to-human contact

outside of work that

I thought this was the
most healthy thing I could do.

So you wanna hit it?

What... do I wanna hit it?

Uh...

Yeah, I mean, I'd love...
I'd love to hit it.

But you know, I heard that this place

has a wonderful tarte Tatin

that's apparently somethin' else.

It's nothing compared
to what I'd like to give you.

Doctor's orders, right?

'Scuse me.

Check, please.

I... so, sorry...

so, so sorry.

Okay, spoiler alert.

This one is going to be
clean as a whistle.

I mean pristine.

You seem real proud of this sample.

Oh, I am, yeah.

You have any idea
how hard it is staying sober,

- living with my sister?
- Can't say I do.

Well, she wakes up to tequila shots.

Yeah, her apartment
is like one big pharmacy.

Essentially, the whole thing is, like,

one big trigger for me.

BP's good. Now let's check your weight.

I guess I'd be lying if I said it hadn't

tested my sobriety,
but she needs me, you know?

- Mm-hmm.
- What does it cost me, right...

to finally be there for her?

It looks like you lost five pounds.

Oh.

Why, thank you, doctor.

You need to stop taking your Adderall.

I'm sorry, what?

You're underweight,
and the protocol is clear.

So I can't refill your prescription,

and you'll have to hand over
any pills you have.

So you just want me to quit cold turkey?

I'm just following the protocols.

Yeah, but you're not
gonna hold me to that.

You know that this
is a class of medication

that makes it harder to maintain weight,

and yours is dangerously low.

You know, if I don't get my meds...

you know what happens.

My hands are tied here.

I get irritable, anxious, distracted.

- I can't focus.
- Lauren...

the bottle.

I run an emergency department.

I mean, I can't do that

if I, myself, am in a state
of emergency.

Look, come back at the end of the week

for another weigh-in.

If you put on the weight,

I'm happy to give you your pills back.

Okay.

Just take the rest of the week off.

I'm perfectly capable
of running the E.D.

- if you recall.
- Actually, as I recall,

- you needed me to do it.
- Wow, already,

the moodiness is upon us. That was fast.

No, it's just a couple of pounds.

I mean, I'm gonna have it
handled by lunchtime,

'cause I got a plan... right there.

See?

- All right, let's do this!
- I've never been so inspired.

- What do we got?
- Displaced patient,

32 weeks gestation and contracting.

Uh, why didn't we send her up to the OB?

I did. They sent her back... no room.

Oh, the cafeteria served
the eggplant parm again?

Like clockwork.
Every time, we get flooded

- with patients in labor.
- The ergots are gonna get ya.

Hi, Aria. I'm Dr. Bloom.

So your contractions are
what we call Braxton-Hicks.

It's actually fake labor,

but it's nothing to stress over.

My husband's in Cleveland.
Should he fly back?

No, no. There is no need

to disrupt his day, okay?

What you need is rest and peace.

So I'm just gonna move you
to a quieter part of the E.D.

where you can relax, okay?

I'll be right back to check
on you in just a moment.

All right, who's got grub?

I was gonna eat that one.

With that, ladies and gentlemen,

we coast right into aggression.

Closed for the day, good.

Closed.

Closed, excellent.

Closed. Great.

Oh, hey.

Sorry to micromanage.
I'm just, uh, goin' around,

checkin' in to see how people

are doing with today's mandate, so...

- "Me?
- Oh, well, uh, you know,

"I just took a power nap.

That was... wow.
Best five minutes of my day."

Huh, yeah, naps are good,
but I was kind of looking

for more of a designated,
real self-care day...

you know, appointments and procedures,

that kind of thing.
Is there anything you've been

letting fall by the wayside?

- Mm-mm.
- "Nope."

Come on. Surely there's something.

- What?
- Uh...

"Uh," what? What?

What was that? That was something.

That's "Him... him. Tell... tell him."

That means, "Tell him."
I know what that means.

Tell me.

What?

_

He's right.

- Okay.
- "I need surgery.

But it's really not a big deal."

Mm.

Uh, but see the thing is,
surgery is kind of a big deal,

because it's surgery. So what is it?

I have...

"I have carpal tunnel syndrome."

Well... well, that's fixable, right?

"Yes, sure. Uh, physical therapy,

"acupuncture,
icing your wrists twice a day,

"steroid shots and all that.
It did not work.

Now surgery is the only option."

Well, uh, so you... you get it.

"It is my hands, Max.

"Even if everything goes perfectly,

I wouldn't be able
to use my hands for weeks."

- Well, but you...
- Stay!

Just...

Ignatius,

you look positively trounced,

though, not necessarily in a bad way.

Hello, Dorian. It's nice to see you.

You know, you would think
that being a psychiatrist,

you would know
a little more about tact...

you know, especially after practicing

for what, 900 years now?

Ouch.

I'm sorry.

Dorian. Dorian, I'm sorry.

Hey, I just... it's just...

it's us.

- Psychiatrists?
- No, gay people.

- Why is our culture like this?
- I completely agree.

I say this Gaga person is no Streisand,

and I don't care who knows.

I am talking about
our obsession with sex, Dorian.

You know on some of these dating apps,

they don't even want
a picture of your face?

- That's awful.
- Yeah!

What did you say
the name of that one was?

Of course, gosh.
It's dehumanizing, you know?

The last time I was in the dating pool,

which was pre-internet,
you had to talk to someone

before you just took 'em home.

Yes, that's what gay clubs
have all been famous for...

- talking.
- Look, I'm just saying

that I was shocked
at how bad it is out there.

That's all.

In my day, the best I could hope for

was a furtive meeting in a park,

while keeping my fingers
crossed that no vice cops

- were watching.
- Right.

Talking wasn't exactly
at a premium then either.

But what this sounds like,
to my experienced ears,

is a guy complaining after a bad date.

No, no, wrong, completely.

Yeah, okay, I mean, yes, I had a date.

I did have a date, but it wasn't bad.

It wasn't bad at all.
It was just, you know, off.

He didn't want to have sex with you.

Um, in fact, he did,
Rylance, thank you very much.

But it wasn't that.
It was his approach, you know?

It was his, um... it was his directness.

He didn't really wanna get to know me,

and it, uh, it just threw off my game.

- That's all.
- You couldn't get an erection.

Oh...

man, come on. Hey.

Yes, yes, I couldn't get an erection.

The last thing you need is to
treat this issue with silence.

Oh, just because I don't want
my entire department

to know that I couldn't get it up,

doesn't mean I don't wanna deal with it.

Iggy, you just asked me
to agree with your rant

about gay culture, thus,
validating the notion

that your erectile dysfunction
is everyone else's fault.

But I won't, and it isn't.

If you're experiencing E.D.,
Iggy, that's about you.

What's going on?

I couldn't help but notice
you reassigned your surgeries

back to yourself, so I took the liberty

of re-reassigning them
back to other surgeons.

I'm the chair.

You need approval to do that.

- Yeah, she got approval.
- What the hell?

Do you remember
that little speech I gave

about three hours ago about doctors

taking care of themselves?
That wasn't just advice.

That was actually an order that
you're apparently ignoring.

So we have decided to take
matters into our own hands,

and we're gonna take care of that
Wolf-Parkinson-White Syndrome.

- Max...
- Oh, I have an opening right now.

You're in good hands, my friend.

I never liked you... either of you.

- I am fine with that.
- I think he's excited.

Yeah, I think he is.

I'm just saying five pounds
is a lot to put on in one day.

I've got science on my side.

I've got an extra-large vegan, veggie,

double meatless chicken pie.

Need our ooey-gooey
garlic cheese dipping sauce?

Ha, more than you even know.

Uh, okay...

- What, did you skip breakfast?
- Watch it, pal.

I've got a bunch of scalpels back there.

All right, keep the change.

Thank you.

Okay, time to pack on the pounds.

I've got a male, 30s,

complaining of stomach pains
and vomiting blood.

Or not.

Right, yeah,

okay, that sounds like a stomach ulcer.

Stomach ulcer? No, that can't happen.

I'm supposed to work a double tonight.

I'm afraid Red Papayas is gonna
have to make do without you.

We need to perform an emergency
endoscopy.

Let's get him in the procedure room.

Okay, I need two large-bore IVs,

normal saline, wide open.

Start a propofol drip,
and let's... oh, shoot,

uh, just a sec.

Hi, Aria, how are you feeling?

- Much better, thank you.
- Oh, great, 'cause we need

to move you to a quieter part
of the hospital, okay?

- Oh.
- You're gonna love it.

Oh, okay.

All right, let's do this.

I can't see a thing.

Okay. Irrigating...

That ulcer's
gotta be in here, somewhere.

Come out. Come out wherever you are.

Try deeper in the antrum.

Okay,

getting closer.

There, three o'clock.

Whoa, ulcer eroded into the artery.

It's a real pumper.

I... I can't see anything.

BP's dropping. You gotta zap it.

- No, Walsh, just...
- You gotta zap it now!

Those are the exact coordinates.

- Now!
- Just zoom in.

D... on the monitor! G... just...

Use fully thought-out sentences!

Fully thought-out.

Switching to cautery mode.

You got it.

That was a close one.

Try salty food.

You really need
to get back on your meds.

Oh, um, hello.

Dr. Yamadi.

"Dr. Yamadi, I'm so sorry
to keep you waiting.

Give me just a moment, please."

"So tell me about your cancer.

When were you diagnosed?"

I'm fine. I'm here to see you.

Carpal tunnel, right?

"A hand surgeon?"

Well, not just any hand surgeon...

the best hand surgeon
in Manhattan just for you.

"Oh, just for me? Oh, well, thank you,

- wonderful."
- I know that you're worried

about taking care
of your patients, all right?

But by getting this surgery,

you are taking care of your patients.

And Yamadi is so good

that you'll be performing
surgery again in no time.

"You have overstepped, Max."

All right, how much pain
are you in right now?

Scale of one to ten...

How much discomfort

in your wrists?

- "Six."
- What does that really mean?

- Eight.
- "Eight."

And today was your clinic day,

which means no surgeries.

So how bad is it when you operate?

Elizabeth.

Elizabeth.

You can tell me
it's none of my business.

And as a friend, you'd be right,

but I am also the medical director.

And as a surgeon,
your hands are your gift.

What would you say

to a patient who was ignoring
this kind of pain?

"Yes, Max, my hands

are my career. But..."

"They're also my way
of connecting with the world."

"Surgery means I won't be able
to communicate for weeks."

"No ASL,

"no writing, no texting..."

"Not being able to take care of myself,

and not being able to say what I need."

"It's not recovery.

Max, you would be
putting me in a prison."

Oh, wonderful news.

I have high blood pressure,
and now I'm very anxious.

Oh, uh, take an ACE inhibitor
and call Dr. Frome.

My CAT scan was inconclusive,

so I'm gonna need another day
off for a follow-up.

You got it.

What?

There's a reason I don't pick up

my meds from the pharmacy.

They remind me I'm sick.

Why can't I live
in denial like my patients?

Guess who did what you said

and got their ADHD meds confiscated.

- Why?
- Doesn't matter.

What does matter is you were right.

Taking care of yourself feels great!

Ah.

Have you been pleasuring yourself?

Uh, the correct medical
terminology nowadays

- is... is non-partnered sex.
- Of course.

Thank you.

So have you been whacking it?

Ugh, Dorian, come on.

Yeah, yes, yeah.

And you and your husband's sex life?

My soon-to-be ex-husband
and I had a very good sex life.

Happy to hear it, because it allows me

to state with confidence that
your problem isn't physical.

Well, good. That's a relief.

You already knew it wasn't,
or you would've prescribed

yourself Viagra.

Your block is psychological, emotional.

So get emoting.

What's this about?

Okay, um,

okay.

Yeah, um, um, today was, um,
I tell you, would've been

the first time I had sex
with somebody since Martin,

which is a big deal, you know?

In the heat of the moment,
with this beautiful guy,

I, uh, I didn't feel turned on.

I didn't feel...

you know, I didn't feel charged.
I felt...

I felt guilty.

You know, 'cause there we are
about to do it.

We're gonna have sex,
and we're gonna share this,

like, sacred space, and uh,

that was me destroying
the final thread of connection

- between Martin and I...
- No.

I'm sorry, what?

Not buying it.

You don't get
to say that to me, all right?

Your sex life wasn't a sacred
space when you were signing up

for no-face dating apps.

Whatever caused your E.D.,

it's not your ex-husband.

Try again...

this time with honesty, please.

Please set the gain at
200 microvolts per centimeter.

You know...

I might set the gain to 100 microvolts.

It's more sensitive.
I don't wanna miss anything.

Set the gain at 100, please.

Set. Let's start with the
radio frequency ablation

of the macro-reentrant
right atrial pathway.

Yo, hold on, hold on.

You're gonna approach the main
bypass track from the right?

The left's atrial pathway
might be easier.

You think we should approach
from the left?

Yes. You know what?
As a matter of fact, just, uh...

can someone grab me a laptop

and just put it here, bedside?

- A laptop?
- Yeah, put it right here.

I could probably just do it myself.

You can do it yourself?

I just... all I need is my right hand.

Oh, okay, great.

Hey. Diana, where you goin'?

Okay, I'll shut up.

Can I, uh, talk to you...
talk to you for a minute?

"Sorry, I'm busy.
I can't talk right now."

Yeah, I found a lump in my neck,

making breakfast for Luna this morning,

and, uh, it wasn't there,
and then suddenly...

It was,

and, uh, I'm walking Luna to school,

and I'm thinking,
you know, Georgia is gone,

and now, Helen is gone,
and then what if in a year...

What if I'm gone,

and I just leave Luna...

alone?

Max...

It almost, uh, killed me

the first time...
the chemo and the radiation.

I got through it,
but what if I don't next time?

I guess that's why
I'm pushing everyone...

pushing you so hard,

'cause you can't push off
what your body needs,

not till tomorrow or next week.

It's just today.

So anyway, I got an MRI
when I first got here.

"When do you get your results?"

Oh, later this afternoon.
Would you take a look?

"I don't think I can."

Why not?

"I'll be in surgery."

"For my wrists."

Mm.

Nurse Parker, ER. Nurse Parker, ER.

Wow, trying to get into

the "Guinness Book of World Records"?

You know, the key is dipping
that into water first.

Did I call for a consult?

School bus jumped a curb.
We're about to get flooded

with a whole lot of bumps
and bruises, which means

your disgusting gorge-fest
is gonna have to wait.

Fine.

Do I have something in my teeth?

Funny.

I need a portable chest, bay 30!

I got multiple head lacerations

and possible concussion in 27.

Okay, let's order a CT scan.

- Which?
- Both.

Bus driver hit the windshield.

- Is he critical?
- Vitals stable.

Okay, let's get him to Trauma One.

Okay, um, I need an air splint
for the soccer coach, bay 25!

- My son, Jabari...
- Yes, yeah, I've seen him.

He's fine. He's in Bay 5

with a broken wrist
and really dark sense of humor.

- Huxley.
- I'll take you.

Uh, all right,
let's fix this broken pinky.

All right, okay, on three.

- One, two...
- Wait.

- Is it gonna hurt?
- Not at all, okay?

On three.

But wait...

I'm scared.

Arlette, I need help over here!

Bay 24!

We all get scared, but we can't
go through life with a pinky

shaped like a bendy straw, can we?

- Okay.
- Okay.

On three. One, two...

Brunstetter, splint!

See? Easy-peasy.

Kid with LLC?

All right, I need two IVs

- and a portable chest.
- I paged surgery.

Okay, now page every other department.

Right. Hey, how you feelin'?

Yeah, I'm a little hungry. Go.

What's happening to me?

You're about to have a baby.

Hey, can we get some help over there?

Busy!

I don't know
what you want me to tell you.

The truth.

How hard is that?

Not the first time you've heard
that today, one suspects.

Oh, man, my marriage
of 15 years is ending,

and I don't think
it's that ridiculous to suggest

that maybe that's
the root of my problem.

Tell me about your date.

Um, I did already.

Not the boudoir.

The date.

All right, all right.

So he was hot.

You know, way out of my league.

That's not me being self-deprecating.

That's just the facts, all right?

Objectively speaking,

he was like if Apollo
walked off of Mount Olympus.

You know, but our profiles
matched up on the app,

and, uh, I didn't pursue it at first,

because I thought
it was too far-fetched.

But then he beeped me.

Is that a euphemism?

Is that a what?

No, he beeped...
if you like someone's profile

on the app, you beep them.

You p... you ping them.

Do you understand
what I'm talking about?

Anyway, he set it up. He reached out,

and, uh, and then he propositioned me

before we even got dessert.

Essentially, it was the easiest date

of all time. You know, all I had to do

- was just say yes.
- Hmm.

Sounds familiar.

Oh, is that your usual?

Must be nice to be so popular.

It's familiar, because it's extremely

reminiscent of your first date
with someone else.

Martin?

Isn't that your origin myth?

Staggeringly handsome Martin
swoops down on dear, sweet Iggy

at the bar and picks him right up.

The location's different,
but the dynamics...

exactly the same.

Moments ago, you said your
marriage of 15 years is ending.

Now, that is a sentence without
a subject, but this divorce

didn't just happen.

Your relationship is ending

because someone decided to end it.

Which of you was it?

Me.

Damn right.

You felt so strongly it was over

that you upended your entire life,

and then for your first
post-Martin intimacy,

you chose a man
who replicated every part

of the relationship you just left.

Your impotence wasn't your body failing.

It was your body giving you a warning.

This is not what you want.

Why did you end you marriage?

Because I couldn't be
who I wanted to be.

Well, marvelous news...

now you can.

The question is who do you wanna be?

I was out of line, and I apologize.

Keep going.

I have a hard time
giving up control, and...

I'm sorry.

Uh...

Guess who's behind the wheel
when I'm in a car.

At a barbecue, guess who's at the grill.

I think it all comes down to...

my dad leaving when I was a kid.

I mean, you know how it goes.
Everyone said,

"You gon' be the man of the house now."

I guess I took that to heart,

and, uh,

I never let it go.

So you didn't have a mother?

Yeah, uh, yeah, I had a mother.

Was this mother not capable
of running the household?

Well?

Answer the woman.

Yeah, uh, yeah.

I guess she... she was capable...

is... is very capable.

She's a force of nature.

So you're telling me that
your mother was a competent,

highly intelligent woman
who knew how to do

what she needed to do.

Okay, you know what?
Just knock me out, please,

for the sake of everyone.

You're doing great, Aria.
You're doing great.

Baby's heart rate's dropping,
another decel.

Okay, the umbilical cord is
wrapped around the baby's neck.

- What?
- Hold on, hold on,

- hold on, Aria.
- No, no, no!

Aria, I can fix it! Aria, Aria, Aria,

you have to trust me right now, okay?

I can fix it, okay?

Okay, okay, come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Okay, almost got it. Almost got it.

Damn.

What does that mean?

Okay, I thought I had it,
but I can't unwrap the cord.

Another decel.

Fetal scalp blood pH 6.8.

Okay, page OB stat.

Tourniquet inflation is effective.

Give me the status of
the distal edge of the TCL.

Thank you.

For what?

For changing her mind
about the procedure.

Not a lot of people
can do that with Elizabeth.

Uh...

no, actually,
no one can do that with Elizabeth...

except for you.

_

As you can see,
there's definitely a mass,

and we can't say whether or not
it's cancerous without a biopsy.

Of course.

So I suggest we don't drag our heels.

I'd like to get some tissue
to the pathologist today,

then based on his findings...

Where the hell is OB?

Emergency C-section on L
and D... at least an hour away.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Okay, there's the... there's the scalp.

There's the scalp. There's the scalp.

Ah!

Okay, right down from the ear,

right down from the ear.

Okay, there's the cord.
There's the cord.

Gently over the scalp.

Come on! Come on.

Okay, okay, I got it, I got it.

Oh, the baby, the baby, the baby, no!

Aria, Aria, Aria, your baby is crowning!

Okay, Aria, I need you to look at me.

Aria, Aria!

Bring your focus to your breath, okay?

Okay, I got you. I got you, I got you.

Breathe with me. Come on, Aria,

that's it, that's it. Breathe.

Breathe. That's it. Breathe.

On the next breath,
I want you to push, okay?

Okay, I need you to push.

Okay, and push.

Aria!

Aria, your baby's right shoulder is out.

I need you to give me one more push.

Come on! Come on, Aria!

You got this!

Okay, you did it, Aria. You did it.

Hi.

You did it, Aria.

She's perfect.

Hey.

Hey.

Are you new?

I usually know everybody in my O.R.

It wasn't your O.R. though, was it?

Hmm, touché.

I started here last week.

- How do you like it?
- Dr. Reynolds,

I have worked on four continents,

in six countries
and 27 different cities,

and I can say without a doubt

that you are the worst patient
I've ever encountered.

And Dr. Flores, she's literally
drinking in a bar right now

because of you.

Hey, what'd you say your name was?

I didn't.

Hm.

Okay, get your prescription pad.

Meet me by the scales.

- It's been 12 hours.
- Get it.

Okay.

- Wow.
- Told you.

You actually lost a pound.

No, that's not possible.
No, I... I gained at least

five pounds... what?
No, that's impossible!

I mean, I... I housed, like,
two orders of egg rolls.

I mean, I crushed
the stuffed-crust pizza,

a bear claw.
I mean, how have I not gained

any weight?

Wha... I raced around all day today

searching for high-calorie food.

I mean, I even skipped a bathroom break,

so I could run
across to third for poutine.

There's gotta be some kind
of mistake with this thing.

Well, check your phone

and see how many steps you walked.

25,201.

Well, that's about 18 miles.

Come back next week.

Are you okay?

Actually, I am.

You wanna try going more than a week?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think I do.

Yeah, who knows?

Maybe you don't need them anymore.

Waiting for a call?

Uh, something like that.

How can I help?

Oh, yeah, uh, I just popped
by because I wanted to tell you

that today was quite possibly
the most mortifying day

of the last 40 years of my life.

Heard that from some
of the other department heads.

Yeah, yeah, I bet you did.

Yeah, I can't speak for them.

I can only speak from my experience.

But, uh, your little experiment
felt embarrassing.

It was humiliating.
It was painfully awkward,

and I can't begin to thank you enough.

Y... sorry, really?

Yeah, really.

Thanks to you, I was, uh,
I was forced to look inward,

and I had a breakthrough.

- You did?
- I did...

one that I needed more than
I could've ever have known.

- There you go!
- Yeah.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I am off to have consensual sex

with a stranger of my choosing.

Uh, I think that's great.

Heal thyself, Max.

Heal thyself.

Dr. Gellar.

Yeah, no, no. I can talk.

Uh-huh.

_

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You want?

Thank you.

How's your throat?

_