All language subtitles for Columbo---S02E07---The Most Dangerous Match

[ Hum Resonating Loudly ]

[ Grunts, Panting ]

Sir? Mr. Clayton, sir.

I don't suppose any grand master
actually relaxes the evening
before a match.

Can you tell us what
your schedule is for tonight?

Well, this evening, um,
a small martini perhaps,

a large steak definitely,

and a good horror movie,
if there's one close by.

[ Man ] Sir, are you telling us
you're not concerned
about tomorrow's game?

Chess is never merely
a game, my friend.

And as for tomorrow,
well, for me, it's just one more match.
No, please don't quote me on that.

Tomlin Dudek will, I'm sure,
prove a most worthy adversary.

After all, he was champion
of the world for many years.

- And I'm certain that
he'll be giving it his all.
- [ Man ] Mr. Clayton?

Mr. Clayton, do you know what
the reporters from Dudek's
country are saying?

They are saying that you could
never have become champion,
you never would have been champion...

Oh, that again.
ifTomlin Dudek hadn't gotten sick
and hadn't had to retire five years ago.

Yes, I've heard and read some
of you gentlemen speculating
about that a bit.

Most unpatriotic, you know.

Well, come morning,
we'll all be settling
our lingering little doubts, won't we?

Now, if you'll excuse me.
Hey, how about a picture
of the two of you together?

[ Man ]
Yeah!

Ah, so the living legend appears.

[ Dudek ]
Excuse me.
Which way to the dining room?

[ Reporters Chattering ]
[ Woman ]
Not now.

Please, no more interviews
this evening, please.
Mr. Clayton.

Here's the world's most
legendary chess genius, comes
out of retirement just to play you,

and you're not even curious enough--
Curiosity breeds sympathy,
my friend.

And sympathy is one emotion
a champion cannot afford
on the night before the match.

Tomlin Dudek will have mine
soon enough.

Well, Mr. Clayton, good luck
on tomorrow morning's match.

Thank you.
Take care.

Excuse me. Excuse me, please.

Thank you. Thank you.

[ Chattering Continues ]

[ Man ]
Mr. Dudek goes directly
back to his room.

He needs his rest.
I'm sure you understand.

I'm sure they won't bother you
anymore. Are you all right?
[ Chuckles ]

I'm fine.
Are you all right, huh?

I saw you looking at Clayton
with such daggers.

Such emotion.

He is despicable.
He always was and he always will be.

You'll beat him, Mr. Dudek.
You will beat him at the only
thing he really cares about.

[ Chuckles ]

So much emotion.

Listen, my little arranger
of chess matches,

you go with the others,
have something good to eat,

go dancing,
have a good time, huh?

I only need something to read
and maybe some fresh tobacco.

But I--
Please.

[ Woman Over P.A.]
Please dial the operator.

Huh?

Okay.

[ Chattering ]

[ Soft ]

[ Dudek ]
Mr. Clayton.!

You are Emmet Clayton, of course.

[ Chuckles ]
What a nice coincidence.

Hardly.

You noticed me
in the hotel lobby,
just as I noticed you.

And naturally, you knew
I'd see you slip away,
that I'd be curious,

wondering what my opponent
was up to on the night
before our match.

You are very clever.
Linda Robinson has told me
a great deal about you.

She was correct.
Was she?

Oh, please, please.
Sit down.

I only mention her as the person
who arranged our little match,
not as your ex-fiancée.

See, her mother and I were very, very
good friends in the old country.

So I didn't think you would be upset
if I mentioned her name.

I must warn you, Mr. Dudek.

I'm very aware of your
blatant psychological warfare.

I'm quite immune to it.
Immune, you say.

- Then why did you follow me here?
- Well, I--

Oh, please, please.
Never mind. Never mind.

I'll let you in on a little secret.

There is something
to which I am not immune.

And here they have the best
in the whole town.
The hotel bellboy guarantees it.

Escargot. Uh, snails.

Ah, snails stuffed
with butter, garlic.

Good wine,
French bread and snails.

[ Laughing ]

Please, please, Mr. Clayton,
I ask only your good company.

- Huh?
- I'm very honored, sir.

Oh, incidentally,

I saw you slip out
of the hotel at lunchtime too.

[ Boisterous Laughter]

It is just that reactionary food
which my doctor makes me eat
in my room.

He goes to the fancy dining room.

I must eat sugar substitutes.

Uh, everything low calories.
[ Groans ]

They aren't gonna harm you
in any way, are they?
Of course not.

I take my medications.

It is only that Berozski--
you know, our leader,

my coach, my, uh, nursemaid--

he's terrified that
I will lose my concentration,

that I will disgrace our country,
that I will crack my tired brain.

Who knows?

Well, chess
is the ultimate test...

of the human mind, isn't it?

You think so?
I always thought it was women.

Hmm?

Queen's pawn opening.

Do I expect that tomorrow?

Queen's gambit.

Declined.

[ Continues ]

Check.

[ Chuckles ]

Your rook checks my king.

You are very aggressive.
I heard that about you.

Don't think I haven't studied
every one of your games.

So, I move my king...

to queen one, and now--

[ Continues ]

Damn music!

But it's very good
that you have that.

Then you are deaf to everything
except your own concentration.

- Doubles it.
- But you heard me say that.

I can lip-read... when I want to.

S'il vous plaït.!
Gentlemen!

Please!

And now is my turn.

Check!

All right, come on!

I can't concentrate
in this stale pit anyway.

Now, wait, Clayton.
I just happened to think
something else.

You know, if we go into the lobby
and Berozski sees me,

he will put me to bed like a baby.

Is not good.
Also, if he sees us together...

the night before the match,
is also not good.

Well, there must be
some other way in. Come on.

[ Machine Humming ]

[ Loud Grinding ]

Yes? What in the blazes
do you want?

Mr. Clayton, excuse me.
I am Berozski. Mazoor Berozski.

I took the liberty of calling you
several times, sir, but you were out.
Why?

I was merely looking
for Mr. Dudek.

I thought perhaps he had dropped by
to meet his eminent adversary.

On the night before the match?
Oh, come now, Berozski.

These little ploys of yours
to interrupt my sleep are about
as subtle as a train wreck.

Don't you know
where your man is?
Mr. Clayton, I apologize.

It's just a small misunderstanding.
Please believe me.

It's-- It is just that
the hotel is so large, sir.
My apologies, truly.

Good night, sir.
Good night, Mr.--

[ Sighs ]
I know that man.

He's probably already called
the police, the military, the F.B.I.

Come on. It's your move.
Ah, yes.

Yes, my move.

So--

And my queen will take
your knight.

Surely you expected that.

And then your pawn
must take my queen.

Otherwise, my queen
would take your bishop,

and you would be down
two pieces.

Then my rook takes your rook.

Check.

And then you must interpose
your bishop at king one.

And then my bishop...

will take your pawn,
threatening your queen.

And therefore your queen
must take my bishop,

at which point
my rook takes your bishop.

Checkmate!

[ Sighs, Chuckles ]

[ Groans ]

Oh, please, please.
Never mind.

Never mind.

It's just a bit of luck.
It's nothing.

You have been distracted
all evening. I could see that.

Yes.
Perhaps there is one
too many beautiful ladies here,

like Linda Robinson, perhaps?

[ Applause ]

Tomorrow will be better
when we both concentrate.

Please.
But you were exhausted.

You have been drinking.

Please!

[ Pats Back ]
Rest yourself, my friend.

[ Applause ]

[ Applause Continues ]

[ Applause Continues ]

[ Glass Shattering ]

I jump you, you jump me.
That's no good.
Ah, take your time, Lieutenant.

On a Sunday morning
what else would I be doing...

except sleeping late,
playing with my kids,
watching a ball game.

Doc, I'm terribly sorry
to get you down here like that,

but believe me, I've been
an absolute bundle of nerves.

Forget it. Go ahead.
Jump me.

Doc, you sure
he's gonna be all right?

I told you, that's the mildest
anaesthetic in the book.

Boy. You know,
my wife went to visit
her mother for a few days,

and it's like everything
was waiting for her to leave
so it could happen to me.

First the kitchen sink,
and then the pilot light on the stove.

I don't even know
where the pilot light is.

And this thing wakes me up
at 6:00 a.m. scratching that ear.

Scratch, scratch, scratch,
always the same ear.

And last night--
I gotta tell you about last night.

Well, surprising
that he could reach it.
What?

Foxtails, Lieutenant.
I spend half my life
pulling those out.

And of course
with a low-slung model like yours,

well, hejust scoops 'em up
like a vacuum cleaner.

- He'll be around in a minute or two.
- Vacuum cleaner?

That reminds me,
I didn't vacuum the rug.
[ Chuckles ]

Well, anyway, last night--
last night, that was the worst.

For the first time in two years,
I figured I'd finally get to go bowling.
My friend Harry's outside.

He's ready to go. He's honking his horn.
What happens?

I get a call. Big emergency.

Some famous foreign
chess player has disappeared.
[ Snoring ]

Listen. Did you hear that?

So, uh, what happened?

Well, before I got to headquarters,
I got another call-- false alarm.

Not only is the gentleman not lying dead
in the streets, but you know
where he told people he'd been?

[ Snoring ]
Listen. There.
Did it again.

- Where had the man been?
- Bowling. The missing person went bowling.

Doc, that is a definite noise.
What is that?

That, Lieutenant,
is called snoring.

Hello? Aztec Airlines?

[ Imitating Dudek's Accent ]
I would like please to make
a reservation to Mexico City.

I believe there's a plane--
Yes, yes, that's the one.

Oh, excuse me, please,
but we have very poor connection.

One moment, please. Please.

[ Whistling ]

Uh, Dudek.

D-U-D-E-K.

Tomlin Dudek.

[ Ringing ]
Hello?

Yes. Clay-- Clayton?

What is the matter?

You-- You want me
to meet you where?

Clayton, I don't understand.

Clayton, can you hear me?
Yeah. What is the matter?

Are you sick?
Are you all right?

You want me--
All right, all right.

Five minutes, please.

Clayton, five minutes,
I will be right there, all right?

Right. Yes, all right.
All right.

Oh, excuse me.

Yes, is all right.
You-- You can go in the room.

Clayton!
What are we doing here?

Dudek. Dudek, please,
you've gotta help me.

I-I can't take it anymore.
She's making me feel so guilty.

I-- I can't sleep, I can't think, I--
I can't anything!

I do not understand.

She thinks that she loves me,
that I love her,
that we're gonna get married.

I don't know what she thinks!

Ah, there is a young lady
who's making you so upset.
I can't hear you.

I broke my damn hearing aid
last night after you left,
sitting up there alone.

I swear to you,
it was just a lark!

A passing little affair!
I never meant it to--

Dudek, look.

She's-- She's from
your own country.

Could you write something
for me in her own language?
Anything. I--

I'll-- I'll recopy it
and-and send it to her.

- What will I write?
- Well, I don't know.

Say--Just say... I-I'm sorry.

I was wrong.
I am very ashamed.

I--Just say anything.

Well, I-- I just couldn't face her.
Dudek, I'm sorry
to have to put you--

Uh-huh. All right, all right.
[ Chuckles ]

I understand.

The problems of you young people
with your love affairs.

Thank you, Dudek.
Thank you.

[ Machine Grinding Loudly ]
Clayton, calm yourself.

Now where are you going?
Where are you going?

The match. I-- I just can't.
I'm sorry, Dudek. I--

We postpone the match!

We merely tell them
that we mutually agreed
to postpone it for a few days.

All right?
Come on, Clayton, please.

What are you doing with my bag?
[ Screaming ]

[ Grinding Continues ]

[ Grinding Stops ]

[ Crowd Chattering ]

Please, ladies and gentlemen.

Please.

If I don't mind my distinguished
challenger being 20 minutes late,
why should you?

After all, it is my neck
he's supposed to be after.
[ Scattered Chuckles ]

While we're waiting,
let's warm up a bit, shall we?

I'll play any five of you at once.
Or 1 0, if you like.

Keeping it friendly, of course.
[ Crowd Laughing ]

[ Man ]
Hey, Lieutenant?

Well, hello, Sergeant.
They got you too, huh?
Yeah.

What is it with this guy,
keeps disappearing?

They found him a little early
this time. That's him
they're carting away right now.

[ Siren Wailing ]

He was coming through down here.
He must have slipped.

There's some grease
on the floor up there.
Wait a minute.

That big chess match--
that was supposed to be this morning?
That's right.

What was the man doing
in the basement?

Apparently trying to make
an easy exit.
I don't understand.

Well, he-- he had a cabbie
waiting for him outside
the service entrance.

A cabbie was waiting
for Mr. Dudek?
That's right.

You wanna bring that guy in?

You were waiting
for a Mr. Dudek?
Yeah, that was the name, sir.

He had a foreign accent,
the dispatcher said.

I don't know.
Uh, I was a little late
in getting here--

Do you know where
you were gonna take him?
Yeah, International Airport.

Okay, thanks a lot.
You bet.

This where he fell, huh?
Yeah, that's right.

[ Columbo ]
What kind of a machine
is this anyway?

That's the latest gizmo
for a clean environment.

Chews up everything--
bottles, cans.

Here, I'll show you.

[ Machine Whirring ]

[ Machine Grinding ]

That's enough.
I get the idea.

Accident, you say,

while sneaking out of the hotel,
like some criminal...

on his way to the airport?

I say nonsense.
Mr. Berozski, he was carrying
his flight bag and the cab driver--

Enough! All this at the very hour
he was to prove himself again...

the greatest master of chess
who ever lived?

You are a fool, sir.
Excuse me. Yeah.

Tell me.
What is your rank?
Lieutenant?

Lieutenant. Mr. Berozski,
this is Lieutenant Columbo,
homicide department.

A full lieutenant.
How do you do, sir?

Well, Lieutenant, I shall rely...

that your investigative imagination
is somewhat better...

than that of your underling.

Excuse me one moment.
What is that word?
What?

Oh. Dentures.
Dentures. Pardon me.

Uh, actually, sir,
from what I know
about chess players,

that is, the important ones,
they're sort of like geniuses.

Unpredictable and erratic.
And this man,
he was under great stress.

Now maybe the psychological
strain that he was--

Nonsense. Again nonsense.

You did tell Sergeant Douglas here
that Mr. Dudek traveled
with his own personal physician.

Does he have a record
of erratic behavior?

Dr.Jalnik is not a psychiatrist.

He's what you call
a general practitioner.

Mr. Dudek is not a well man.
He has diabetes.

But we always have
personal physician attending,

just as we always have Anton there,

Mr. Dudek's valet
and physical instructor.

- And you, sir?
- I beg your pardon?

May I ask what you do, sir?
I assume you're in charge.

I'm the coach to Tomlin Dudek.

Coach? You mean like a football team,
something like that?
That kind of coach?

Is hardly the same,
Lieutenant.

Officer?
May I talk to you for a moment?

Yes, ma'am. Excuse me.

I-- I can't explain
what might have happened,

but I-- I've been with Tomlin Dudek
for months now, ever since
I set up this match.

My mother knew him for years
and years before that.

So I can tell you, Officer,
Mr. Dudek would never sneak away,

not from any obligation,

and certainly not
from any chess match
with Emmet Clayton.

[ Sighs ]
Ma'am, are you all right?

Would you like to go
up to your room?
Maybe you'll feel better.

Lie down?

[ Knocking ]

If that is the press,
I have no statement.
They are not to be permitted.

Say, what's in this thing here?
The usual stuff a guy picks up
when he's in a hurry--

toilet articles, pajamas,

couple of extra shirts.

Like I said, Officer,
I'm Mr. Williams with the hotel,
in charge of the chess tournament.

It's all right, Gary.

Excuse me, Mr. Berozski.
Yes, Mr. Clayton.
What can I do for you?

This envelope was in my room.
The maid said she found it
under my door.

We noticed
the engraved stationery, sir.
We haven't opened it.

It's one of
our official envelopes.

Excuse me, sir.
Do you mind if I read that?

You're the champion, aren't you?
I wanna say it's a great honor
to meet you.

I've got a cousin up there in Albany.
He wears thick glasses and thinks
you're the greatest thing in the world.

That makes two of them.

- Hello, Linda.
- The envelope, Lieutenant.

Oh, yes. Excuse me.

Oh.

Can you translate that
for me, please?

I'm sorry. I was wrong,

and now I am very ashamed.

Please forgive me.

Wrong? Did he mean
wrong to come here?

To try for this match?

Oh, that poor tortured man.

Is that Mr. Dudek's handwriting?

Well, sir, I'm afraid that does
look like the explanation,
doesn't it?

I'm sorry,
but I can't accept that.

He wasn't afraid of you, Emmet.
He wasn't!

Mr. Berozski.

I know how you must feel.

Please accept
my deepest sympathy.
[ Sighs ]

Tomlin Dudek
was a great genius.

He'll be remembered for many,
many years by every chess player
in the world.

Excuse me, Mr. Clayton.
You're talking as though
Mr. Dudek were already dead.

What?
Well, of course
he's very badly injured.

He's critical.
But as far as we know,
he's still alive.

Well, we--
I just assumed that--

Everyone downstairs, uh--
Well, we know so little that--

Dr.Jalnik accompanied him
in the ambulance.
We do still have hope.

We must have hope.

We should all be thankful...

if there's even a slight chance
that he might live.

[ Speaking Russian ]

Uh, Mr. Berozski, sir? Sir?
[ Russian Continues ]

- Excuse me for just one moment.
- Lieutenant, I already told you,
you may leave.

Yes, sir. I understand that.
I'll tell you what I was wondering about.
If you please.!

I'm talking with my embassy.
What's that?

I think this is Mr. Dudek's shirt.
I found it in the laundry sack in there.

So?
Well, what I was wondering was,
can a diabetic eat garlic?

I mean,you told me
that he was a diabetic.
[ Russian ]

Garlic?
Of course garlic is all right.

Why not garlic?
Sir, I don't believe--

[ Russian ]
It's very noticeable.

I mean, you can smell it
all over the cuffs here.

He did wear this shirt
last night, didn't he?

And garlic was not on his diet.

Sir, look, I can understand
the position you're in.

I mean, if the man got hit by a truck,
that wouldn't be your fault.

But, uh, if he went out and he ate
something that he wasn't supposed
to eat and he got sick--

I will not have it insinuated
that I was in any way remiss
in taking care ofTomlin Dudek.

I'm not insinuating anything.
Nothing. Absolutely. Honestly.

You know, all I wanna do,
I just wanna have
this shirt analyzed.

It won't take very long.
It's a routine process.
Strictly routine. Nothing to it.

Sergeant, would you have
that shirt analyzed for me?
Thank you very much. Um--

Now you listen, Lieutenant.

I'm not responsible.

Anton, did you
or did you not last night...

order for Mr. Dudek
his proper prescribed dinner?

Yes, sir, I did. But just the dishes
on the doctor's list. I saw no garlic.

So! We already know that
Dudek slipped out by himself
somewhere last night.

So he didn't tell us the truth
about where he went to eat his garlic.
So who is responsible, huh?

Tell me something.
Why are you still here?
You are homicide!

No one has died.
Why don't you go home?
Yes, sir.

Go home!
What do you care about garlic,
about shirts? What?

I'm glad you asked that
question, sir. Uh,just give me
one moment, would you? Um--

Dentures. Right.
Dentures?
What?

What?
Those are false teeth.

Den-- Dentures.
Dentures.

Now, he does wear false teeth,
doesn't he?
So?

Seems that the ambulance driver
found them.

Well, I never had
that problem yet myself, but, uh--

I remember somebody
mentioned toilet articles.

Uh, bear with me one second.

Ah, yes.
Here we are.

Just an ordinary toothbrush.
Now, it seems to me--

See, my grandfather, he wore
dentures ever since he was 40.

And as far as I can recall,
he never used just
an ordinary toothbrush.

What is it?
Sir, I--

I'm afraid, sir, that...
this is my toothbrush.

- This is?
- We share the bathroom.

You see, I am Mr. Dudek's
physical trainer.
Never mind.

Lieutenant,
then Tomlin Dudek could not
have packed his own suitcase.

That's what I was trying
to get around to, sir, yes.

And if somebody else packed it
who didn't know that he wore
dentures, then--

Then his accident
was not an accident.

I, uh, thought you'd like
to know, sir, that, uh,

I think that is a possibility, yes.

Is, uh, Mr. Dudek
out of surgery yet?

No, sir.
They're still at it, I'm afraid.

Um, if everything goes all right,

how long will it be
before he's... conscious
and able to communicate?

Oh, I wouldn't presume
to make a guess like that, sir.

At least 1 0 to 2 4 hours,
though, I'm sure.

Oh.

I see. Thank you.

What happened?
Oh, he just gave me this list...

to take back to the hotel
to get some more medications
from his hotel room.

Medications?

Even if he does make it
through the operation, Mr. Dudek
will still need his daily injections--

the diabetes,
the circulatory regulator.

Emmet, ifhe should die, I just--

You can't take all the blame
for this mess.

You know, Dudek and I
ran into each other last night.

We even wound up
liking each other,

if you can believe
that paradox.

Ah, of course, naturally,
both of us being addicts,
we couldn't resist a couple of quick games.

And you know me,
and you're right.

When I can win, I do win.

I suppose it must have
shaken his confidence.

I didn't realize how much.

Emmet, I didn't know. You--
Linda.

Don't you think you ought to
get that stuff to Dr.Jalnik?

There's no hurry.
He doesn't need it before 7.:00.

[ Scoffs ] Wow, this is
unpronounceable language.

I just have to stay here
until I know he's out of surgery.

Well,

you've put up with me long enough.

I can't say I blame you.

Hello, Mr. Clayton.

I guess I just missed you upstairs.

Oh, I was--
[ Chuckles ]

I was just trying to compose
a little note to send up
with some flowers.

Oh, I don't think they'll allow
any flowers in there yet, sir.

Probably just as well.

Frankly, I--
I have great difficulty to--

to find the appropriate words
for the occasion.

Well, if-- if you'll excuse me,
Lieutenant.

Mr. Clayton! Your pen.

You left it on the seat there.
Oh. Thank you.

Just that little running.
Boy, I'm in lousy shape.

Listen, uh, would you like
to get some ice cream?

What do you say you and I go and get
some ice cream and get our minds off
this whole thing just for a minute?

What do you say?
If you're able to do that, Lieutenant,
you're a better man than I.

Well, I-- I'm gonna
tell you the truth, sir.

What I really had in mind is
I just wanted to get you someplace
and get you talkin' about chess,

and I thought I'd maybe
pick up some free pointers,
'cause I'd love to learn the game.

If you'd love to learn the game,
I suggest a correspondence course.
Taxi!

Oh,you don't have a car?
Oh, good heavens.

Here. Come along with me.
I'm parked right over there.

These fellas here,
they'll charge you a fortune.

Look, Lieutenant, I'm quite capable
of finding my own way
back to the hotel.

Mr. Clayton,
I better be truthful with you.

I can't get this mess
off my mind either, no more--
no more than you can.

And I would
appreciate it very much, sir,
if you'd ride along with me.

Obviously, you have a fine mind
and-- I'm gonna be frank--

there are a couple of things
that I'm really muddled about.

Oh? In what way?

Well, for instance, do you remember
that sad, confused little note...

that Mr. Dudek pushed
underneath your door?

I don't understand that.

Well, as upset
as he must have been, I--

it's a wonder he was able
to write anything at all.

Yes. Right. Yes.
I'll tell you what I don't understand
most about it though.

If the man is sitting in his room
with his own official stationery,

and he seals the note
in his own official envelope,

how come he wrote
the note itself...

on just some plain little piece
of white paper from a pad?

You're asking me why someone
in an irrational state failed to act
in a rational manner.

Obviously, he scribbled on
whatever was at hand.

Except that, uh, I couldn't find
a notepad like that
anywhere in his room,

and I looked everywhere.

I mean, now do you see
what I mean?

Uh, this way, sir. Right here.

You see, it's, uh--

it's just picayune little things
like that.

Now, for instance,
here's another one.
See what you can make of this.

And just because of
a wrongly packed toothbrush,

you're ready to imply
attempted murder?

A far more logical assumption
would be...

that some stupid bellhop
packed his bags for him and just
threw in the wrong toothbrush.

You know, you're right.
I never thought about that.
Thank you very much.

Oh, listen. There's something
I can check out with you right now,
if you don't mind.

I understand you were five or six minutes
late yourself to that match this morning.

It is my habit, Lieutenant,
to take a brisk walk
before an important match.

As it happens, this morning
I stopped to pick up a new transistor
for my hearing aid.

It went out on me last night.

[ Humming ]

I wonder why he didn't sign it.

- Sign what?
- That note he put under your door, sir.
He didn't sign it.

Well, I suppose he assumed we'd--
well, we'd know it came from him,
which we did.

Right.

I wish I could figure out someone
who would benefit from his death.

I think you've got something there,
Lieutenant.

Lieutenant,

you just missed the turn-in
to the hotel.

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
Uh, let me see.

I think if I go down here
a few blocks and make a right,
I'll be all right.

There's a terrific restaurant
around here, and I'm famished.
What do you think?

I told you I'm not hungry.

If you'd just kindly drive me back
to my hotel, I'd be most grateful.

Not hungry at all?
You don't wanna keep me company?

I'm just gonna grab a bite.
Oh, there it is.

You don't really mind stopping here
for a moment, do you?

Kind of dark in here,
isn't it? Mmm.

Something sure smells good.

Anybody home?

This booth all right?
Hmm? Oh, fine.

Have you ever had snails?
Yes, I'm quite fond of them.

You're gonna love these.
Sir!
Coming, monsieur.

Partial to French foods,
are you, Lieutenant?

I like fish,
anything that comes
out of the water.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Your pleasure today?

We'll have two orders of snails.

Deux plats des escargots.
Was it a good photograph?

- Beg pardon, sir?
- The one this gentleman
or one of his cohorts showed you.

Was it flattering?

- Oui, monsieur. Oui.
- Good.

You can make that one order.

Now that he's identified me,
which is why you brought me here,

I don't suppose you have
any further questions.

I have a further question.

Fine.

Lieutenant,
you're a pleasant enough man.

You work hard,
and I respect your motivations.

But please, stop this pretense.

Would you excuse us
for a moment, please?

Oui. Oui, monsieur.

Why did you conceal the fact
that you and Dudek met here
in the restaurant?

I didn't conceal it.
You certainly didn't volunteer it.

We started checking out
French restaurants...

because we found garlic stains
on Mr. Dudek's shirt.

What it boils down to,
if someone didn't get lucky...

and smell garlic on the shirtsleeves
of a diabetic,

we never would have known
you two were here.

Well, why didn't you ask me?
Or Miss Robinson?

- Miss Robinson knew about it?
- No, I told her about it.

She's at the hospital now.
There's a phone there.
Call her, check it out.

- You're not going to call her?
- No.

You see, you were wrong...
about my concealing information.

Bit warm in here.
Did you notice?

[ Clattering ]
Oh, dear. Almost forgot.

There's something
I wanted to show you.

Kind of scares me,
carrying this around.
It looks so valuable.

It's very beautiful.
They tell me these
are all hand carved.

Solid ivory. Very old.
Knight, bishop, rook, pawn.

You know, I'll tell you why
I brought this here.

It wasn't just because
it was so beautiful. Uh--

This particular set belongs
to Tomlin Dudek,
and that bothered me.

- As a matter of fact,
I couldn't sleep last night.
- Really?

Mmm. Yeah, seems to me
that if an artist takes a trip,
well, he's gonna bring a sketchpad,

he's gonna bring his pencil.

If a pool player goes somewhere,
he's gonna take his pool cue.

I couldn't figure out,
why would a great chess player
forget to pack his chess set,

particularly if it was
a valuable one?

That's a very telling observation.

- Do you think so?
- I do.

What you're saying is that
someone with intent to murder
packed his bag,

someone who didn't know
that he always carried
his chess set with him.

I wouldn't do a thing like that,
not in a million years.

You see, I always carry
my chess set with me.

Here it is.

Hmm.
Can't argue with that logic.

There's one other question,
Mr. Clayton.

Why did you tell Miss Robinson
instead of telling the police?

Uh, excuse me one moment,
Lieutenant. Proprietor?

Would you mind coming back here
a moment, please?

Oui, monsieur?

I was here last night
with another gentleman.
Is that right?

Oui, monsieur.
I've said so to the police.

And, uh, we were playing chess...

on this tablecloth,
in this booth.

You were quite annoyed.
[ Chuckles ]

Uh, yes, sir. Yes.

Would you mind telling us
who won that game of chess?

- Beg pardon, sir?
- Who won? Who lost?

- Uh--
- I was kind of wondering that myself.

Well, a-all I know is I was--

I was, uh, standing at the table,
pouring the wine...

when the little, round gentleman
with the accent,

he pushed forward the salt,

and, uh, this gentleman
pushed out the pepper,

and pretty soon they were
pushing all the things on the table,

and I didn't know
what they were doing.

Later on, I-I found out
that they were playing chess.

But I have never seen
anything like that.

As to who won or who lost,

je ne sais pas--
I don't know.

Thank you.
You've been most helpful.

Oui, monsieur.

I won that game.

If I could have trusted the police
to keep it confidential,
I would have told you,

but for 20 bucks,
any reporter could buy that story.

Now, it may not make
any difference to you, Lieutenant,

but it certainly does to me.

Tomlin Dudek
was a great chess player,

and at this time, it would have been
tasteless, cruel and unnecessary...

to even mention the existence,

let alone the result
of a match which he lost.

Now, does that answer
your questions, Lieutenant?

It certainly does, sir,
and I can see how strongly
you feel about it.

So you beat him... right here,
in this booth, on a tablecloth.

- Correct.
- Too bad you didn't bring
your portable chess set.

I left it at the hotel.

I was going out for dinner,
so I forgot it.

You wouldn't arrest me for that,
would you, Lieutenant?

Lot of people
forgetting chess sets these days.

Now, Mr. Clayton,
your story is very, very sound.

All we have to do now is just wait
for Mr. Dudek to recover
so he can verify it.

[ Buzzing ]
Must be coming from you.

Hmm? Oh! Yeah.

[ Buzzing Stops ]
Yeah, it's this thing here.

One of the doctors
loaned it to me at the hospital,
in case he wants to get me in a hurry.

I need a telephone.

Is there a telephone?

Phone?
Do you have a phone?
Your phone.

[ Proprietor ]
By the cash register.
Thank you.

Hello?
Uh, this is Lieutenant Columbo.

My number here is 5--

What was that?
Oh, sure. Absolutely.
Put me right through.

She can put me right through.
She's ringing now.

Hello. Doctor? Yes, sir.

Lieutenant Columbo.

But he is gonna be all right?
He's moving. Ah, that's terrific.

All right. I'll be right over.
Thank you, sir. Thank you very much.

See, my dog had a little operation,
and the vet was kind of upset
because I had to leave him there,

but he's just fine,
he's moving around.

He says his tail's
moving a mile a minute,
so that's terrific.

I-I'm gonna run along.

Mr. Clayton. Small world.

Listen, I was just up
to see Mr. Berozski.
I returned that chess set.

He had some very nice things
to say about you.
That's very kind of him.

[ Elevator Bell Dinging ]
Any news of Mr. Dudek?

Oh, yes, some very good news, sir.
Dr.Jalnik called from the hospital.

He said that Dudek
is out of surgery, and it looks good.
Stable is what he said.

All the vital functions look stable.

Thank heaven.

Do you know if Miss Robinson
and the doctor are gonna
come back here now?

I don't know about Miss Robinson.
The doctor's gonna stay at the hospital.

He's a pretty conscientious guy.

Say, I called you a little earlier
on the house phone, but you seemed
to be out someplace.

Well?

Well, you probably won't even
remember this, sir, but, uh--

Sir, you aren't champion
the you're.

I beg your pardon?
Very first sentence you ever said
to me, Lieutenant... backwards.

That was the backwards
of the very first thing I said to you?
You can remember that?

I wish you could remember what you
were going to say to me, Lieutenant.
I'm afraid I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Well, that's a terrific feat.
No, that's really remarkable.
I've never seen that done before.

Oh, yes.
What I was going to say to you.
What was that?

Oh. About your hearing aid, yes.

You told me that you went to get it fixed,
and that's why you were a few minutes
late to the chess match.

Well, you were right
about that, sir.

Supreme Optical
and Medical Supply Company,
three blocks down the line.

They confirmed that.
Thank you, Lieutenant.

[ Elevator Bell Dinging ]

Oh!

Mr. Clayton.
Gee, I almost forgot.

This is fascinating.
You know, we found Mr. Dudek's
chess journal.

I want to tell you, you chess players
are a remarkable bunch.

Apparently, what he did--

he recorded every game,
every move he ever played.

- Do you do that?
- Yes, but only the important matches.

Remarkable. What a memory.

Naturally, I was interested
in the game in the French restaurant,
and sure enough, there it was.

Back of the book,
the very last game he recorded.
Thought you might be interested.

Um, no names.

Just the date-- Wednesday,
October 20, black versus white,

and every move.

Here on the last page,
I notice that black resigned
on the 41 st move.

- Is that about the way it happened?
- Obviously.

Huh. I'll tell you why
I'm confused.

It's because I remember the proprietor
saying that he came over to the table,
and he was pouring the wine.

And when the game started,
the little, round fellow with the accent
pushed out the salt,

and then you responded
with the pepper.

- So I thought that you were black.
- No.

Hmm.

Just wanted to get that cleared up.
Thank you very much.

Not at all.
[ Bell Dinging ]

I'm sorry. I didn't know
about the medicines.

No, no, it's all right.
He gave me a list.
Just a few more things.

[ Rings ]

Yes? Hello to you too, but--

Oh. Okay. Lieutenant?

Lieutenant, it's for you.

Do you mind?
Yes, I would.

[ Barks ]

Columbo. Yes, Sergeant.

What? Sure, I can.

I can get over there right now.
Yes, I'm leaving right now,
immediately.

And don't forget your friend.
Doc, if you don't mind,
just a little while longer.

I've got a crisis.
I've got to go over
to the hospital right now.

Lieutenant Columbo?
I'm Dr. Sullivan.
He's right down here.

[ Monitor: Erratic Beeping ]

What's happened?
I don't know.

He was looking so stable,
then suddenly something just--
What do you mean, something?

He was given
his necessary injections
40 minutes ago.

Fifteen minutes later,
this started happening.
[ BodyJerking ]

[ Erratic Beeping Continues ]

-Joe?
- We ain't winnin'.

[ BodyJerks ]
[Jalnik ]
Tomlin.!

Tomlin! Tomlin!
[ Muttering ]

[ Speaking Russian ]

Can you hear me? Tomlin!

Tomlin!
[ Erratic Beeping ]

[ Monitor.:Sustained Tone ]

Is he gone?

[ Tone Stops ]

Dr. Sullivan?

Somebody tried to kill this man once.
That's why he's here.

Do you have an explanation for this?
No, sir, I don't. It's baffling.

It sure is.
What about those injections
Dr.Jalnik gave him?

Why, he's had those medications before,
and he's come through perfectly fine.

They couldn't have anything
to do with it?
No, sir.

The last set that he gave him--
did they come from
outside the hospital?

Yes, sir. That's right.
I want to see those syringes.

I want to bring 'em down to the lab.
I want my people to be able to--
I'm sorry, Lieutenant.

They were disposable.
If they're empty, they're taken
out of the room immediately.

That's hospital safety rules.

Statement? Reaction?
Regarding what?

[Jenkins ]
Tomlin Dudek is dead.

I just heard it from
another reporter at the hospital.

Oh, no. When?

I just called over there to check,
and they told me--
It just happened?

Oh, he died just 1 0 minutes ago, sir.
So any statement you'd like to--

No.

No, I-I'm just too shocked
right now.

I'm sorry.
Maybe later?

Yeah. Yeah, perhaps later.

Bye.

Miss Robinson?
Oh, I'm sorry. I--

May I sit down for a moment?
I know it's a bad time,
and I know you'd rather be alone.

It'll only take a moment.
Of course.

Thank you.

Mr. Berozski's saying
that everything that happened
to Mr. Dudek wasn't an accident.

He was such a gentleman.
He had no enemies, Mr., uh--
I'm sorry.

Columbo. I'm afraid he did have
at least one enemy, ma'am.

Just bear with me
for one moment.

Uh, those medications
that you brought to Dr.Jalnik
in the hospital?

Did you give them
to the doctor directly?
Yes.

You personally
handed it to him?

A list of medicines that he gave you
so you'd know what to bring him--

Did anyone else see that list?
No.

Are you sure?
Why do you ask?

Are you sure?

Didn't you talk with Mr. Clayton
at the hospital?

Didn't he tell you about meeting Dudek
in the French restaurant, playing chess?

Wasn't that the time
that you had that list?

Uh, yes, he did see the list,
but he only glanced at it
for a second or two.

How did he see it?

Um--
Show me how he saw it.

Make believe this is the list.

The list was on my lap.

He said to hurry up and, uh,
get the me-medications.

And then he took the list,
but he gave it right back.

He actually picked up the list?

He held it in his hand?
He picked it up like this and held it?

Yeah,just like you did.
Well, he gave it right back.

Thank you very much.

[ Motor Humming ]

[ Loud Clattering ]

Hey, Frank!
Give me a hand up here, will ya?

Garbage. Garbage.

Hey, how'd you get here?

Get outta here.! Beat it.!

Hey, I'm sorry. He's mine.
He enjoys garbage. I don't know why.

- What's his name?
- I don't know. He doesn't like any of
the ones I give him, so call him anything.

- Hey, hey!
- Hey!

Hey.! Hold him.!

[ Whining ]
Oh!

Okay, fella. Okay, fella.

Great. Oh.
That was close, wasn't it? Hmm?

Ah, dog like that wouldn't
get hurt much in there.

Wouldn't get hurt?
What's the matter with you?
Mashed up in that thing.

Fella, take it easy.
Let me show you something.
Watch this.

[ Motor Stops ]

It's a safety device.
Anything hits there when she's
grinding up, off she goes.

- It turns itself off?
- Sure.

Just load it up, hit the switch.

[ Motor Humming ]

[ Crushing Sounds ]

Again, Lieutenant?

This is the final gathering.

What better way to pay tribute
to that great Tomlin Dudek?

These ladies and gentlemen
are here by special invitation.

Among them are some of the--

What is it, Lieutenant?

I didn't realize that you were
in the middle of this.
I'll wait till later.

I don't wanna disturb you.

Uh-huh. You do that,

and it's mate.

Now, what were you saying,
Lieutenant?

Oh, I don't want to, uh,
throw your concentration, sir.

Not a chance.
Well, why don't you
make your next move?

No, please, go on.

The game that I'm really concerned about
is the game that you had with Dudek
in the French restaurant.

You see,
everything is motive, sir.

If you had lost that game--

I told you, Lieutenant,
I didn't lose.

I also told you that Linda Robinson
would confirm that.

Rook... takes pawn.

But, you see, sir,
that's only what you said,
and, technically, that's hearsay.

She wasn't actually there.
Lieutenant.

I have 1 0 games going at once.

Loathe as you are
to rely on hearsay,

I suggest you judge for yourself
my humble abilities.

Ah, I see you put yourself
in the same pickle as Alekhine...

in one of his matches
against, uh, Nimzovich in 1 91 4.

There's that memory again.
That's really amazing.
I really mean that.

[ Man ]
Rook to king bishop.

Mistake, my friend.
You fell into the trap.

There.

Now, I want you
to think about that.

And if you'd like to have
some supper this evening,
I suggest that you resign.

Well, you certainly are proving it, sir.
There's no question about it.

Well, thank you, Lieutenant.

Capablanca used to play
30 opponents simultaneously.

In 1 922, Frank Marshall played
1 5 5 games simultaneously,

and lost only eight.

One week later,

he replayed every single move
of 1 53 games...

perfectly.

Uh, what I meant, sir, is that you've
proven your ability to memorize
Dr.Jalnik's medication list...

with only a glance or two.

That's an amazing thing
to be able to do.

No, no.
Another two moves, and you'll--

Oh, I see.
All right. Let's try that.

There.

Now, you work on that.

What are you talking about, Lieutenant?
What glance or two?

Are you trying to imply
that I copied Jalnik's medication list?

That's not only reaching,
it's defamatory.

Check.

No, sir, I said memorized.
I didn't say copied.
You brought that up.

But come to think of it,you know,
maybe that's what you were doing.

Remember when I saw you
in the hospital?

You were sitting there
and you were writing.
Maybe you were copying.

- You're absurd.
- Excuse me, Mr. Clayton, sir? Could you?

Certainly.

About your pen, sir?

Thank you, Mr. Clayton.
Thank you.
Sir? About your pen--

Do you remember when you left it
at the hospital on the seat, and I came
running after you to return it?

Check.
Well, I took the liberty--

Ah, new game.
Yes, sir.

I took the liberty,
before I ran after you with the pen,
to scribble with it on some paper.

That's very clever of you,
Lieutenant.

The boy down there at the lab,
he tells me it's definitely the same ink...

and possibly the very same pen...

that Mr. Dudek used
to write his farewell note with.

Innuendo. Insinuation.

Circumstantial trivia.

That could be true, sir,
but if you put it all together,
maybe the grand jury will feel differently.

Do you really think
that the finest chess player
in the world...

would make even half the mistakes
that you ascribe to me?

[ Man ]
Mr. Clayton, sir?

I-I'm afraid that's check
and mate, sir.

What?

Just a foolish blunder.
It could happen to anybody.

All right, now,
prove it to me.

Prove it.
Prove something! Prove it!

What the devil is this place?
This is the basement, sir.

This equipment here
is the latest thing
in clean environment.

Takes bottles, cans,
all kinds of garbage
and crushes them up.

Now, Mr. Clayton, right there
at the top of the stairs,
[ Machinery Chugging Loudly ]

that's where Dudek fell.

Hit the chute, slid down,
came to this machinery.

Now, if you were
the murderer--

[ Shouting ]
If. Will you give me proof,
Lieutenant?

I didn't say you were the murderer.
I said, if you were the murderer--

I--
Wait! Listen.

It could have passed
for a terrific accident.

Where is your proof, Lieutenant?
It could have been
a perfect murder.

Will you give me the proof?

[ Enunciating Slowly ]
Can you read my lips now?

Mr. Clayton.

[ Shouting ]
I wanted to tell you
that this machine...

turns itself off automatically!

That's why Dudek wasn't killed
when he fell.

Machine just shut off.

Will you stop this rambling conjecture
and get out of my way!

[ Motor Stops ]

[ Shouting ]
Why are you detaining me,
Lieutenant?

[ Shouting ]
It would be easier
if I did not have to shout,

but the damn machine!

Well, turn the damn thing off.

I'll tell you what bothered me.

What bothered me was, if someone
pushes a man into a grinding machine
in order to kill him,

then the machine suddenly stops,

why doesn't he turn the machine
back on again?

The switch is right over there.

Then I remembered that you told me
your hearing aid went out
the night before,

and you only got it fixed
the next morning.

Now I understand.

You didn't turn it back on again
because you never knew it was off.

You didn't hear it go off then,

just like you didn't
hear it go off now.

I'm sorry, Mr. Clayton, but along with
all the other trivial evidence
that we've talked about,

the murderer in this case
just had to be a deaf man.

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