All language subtitles for Batman.1966.S01E15.The.Joker.Goes.to.School.eng

♪ Batman ♪

(male narrator)
Gotham City,
Woodrow Roosevelt High School.

3:09 p.m.

Normal healthy activity
in the school gymnasium.

- You got it memorized?
- I think so.

Okay, let's go.

And.

♪ Zing! Boom! ♪

♪ Sis boom bah ♪

♪ We're from Woodrow Roosevelt ♪

♪ That's who we are ♪

♪ Does anybody scare us? ♪

♪ The answer is nix ♪

♪ Come on team
let's make it six ♪

Yeah!

[cheering]

Okay.

Gosh, Susie, terrific!
Did you write it yourself?

Oh, heck no. Miss Browning,
our poetry professor.

Let's take a break, gang.
Anyone for a drink?

Me.

[coin clatters]

[coin jingling]

Holy cow! Look.

Silver dollars.

Let me try.

[coin jingling]

Hey, kids, everyone.
Come one. It's Christmas.

Look.

[indistinct chatter]

Silver dollars.

A strange disturbing bonanza
from a gimmick milk machine.

Either of you men fear
what I fear?

The Joker?

Exactly, Chief O'Hara!
The Joker.

That most pestilent
of predators.

The Clown Prince Of Crime.

This smells like an opening
gambit of his.

That devil!

- But how can we be sure?
- We can't. Not yet.

But if it's The Joker
we're facing

then his plot is aimed
at Gotham City youth.

We can't wait to be sure.

Now this if there ever
was one is a case

for our unknown friend
behind the mask.

[beeping]

And in Wayne Manor, stately
residents of millionaire

socialite Bruce Wayne and his
young ward Dick Grayson

whom we just saw at school.

[beeping]

Please, Bruce, I beg you.
Accept the proposal.

Run for mayor.

It's funny.

They come to you with the same
offer every two years.

You'd think they'd get it
through their heads

you're not interested.

I'm afraid she's right,
Mr. Vandergilt.

You see the good works
of my Wayne Foundation

require that I stay above
the brawl of politics.

But Gotham City needs you.

Think of our problems.

The snarl of traffic.
A water shortage.

And now these recurrent
power failures.

(Mr. Vandergilt)
'How can you turn this down?'

Ahem!

(Aunt Harriet)
'What is it, Alfred?'

Nothing of importance, madam.

It's the Bat-phone, sir.

Thank you, Alfred,
for reminding me.

I tell you what, Mr. Vandergilt.

I'll ponder it
and give you my answer tomorrow.

Aunt Harriet,
give Mr. Vandergilt

some more tea, will you?

He'll ponder it?

That's strange.
What's he got to ponder?

Yes, commissioner.

(Gordon)
'Prepare yourself for a blow.'

Someone has struck in
Woodrow Roosevelt High.

We think it's The Joker.

Good grief!
I'm on my way.

Dick's in the thick
of this already.

If he calls,
tell him to stay where he is.

- Very good, sir.
- The switch, Alfred.

Good luck, sir.

[theme music]

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman Batman Batman ♪

♪ Batman Batman Batman ♪

♪ Nana nana nana nana
nana nana nana na ♪

♪ Batman ♪

[tires screeching]

[theme music]

[tires screeching]

[dramatic music]

Looks sinister, doesn't it?

Joker released from jail
one week ago

immediately buys control

of One-Armed Bandit Novelty
Company.

Makers of coin operated gadgets.

Gum machines, pin balls,
that sort of harmless junk.

There's nothing harmless about
The Joker, we all know that.

Or about a machine which returns
20 silver dollars for a dime.

What about the men who install
the machine and service it?

Clean as driven snow, Batman.

And they're even more surprised
than we are.

Ah, it's open and shut.

Somebody got to that poor
innocent machine

and gimmicked it.

But why?
In the devil's name, why?

I can make a guess.

[buzzing]

Yes.

Oh, thank you, Bonnie.
Put him on the conference phone.

It's Principal Schoolfield.
Woodrow Roosevelt High.

(Principal Schoolfield)
'Commissioner Gordon?'

Speaking.

Another machine has gone mad.

In the library.

Instead of candy bars

it's dispensing negotiable
stocks and bonds.

'To put it mildly,
student morale is cracking up.'

Schoolfield,
this is Batman here.

Do you hear me?

'Ah, yes, hello, Batman.'

Who's the president
of your student council?

A boy named Grayson.
Uh, Richard Grayson.

'A fine lad.'

I'm glad to hear it.

Have him call a meeting
in your office

I'll be right there.

I'll have him waiting for you.

Goodbye.

- I think my guess was right.
- What, Batman?

No time to lose.

Chief O'Hara, get me a visual
ID file on The Joker.

- Meet me at the Batmobile.
- Yes, sir.

I mean, like, look, Dicky.

So everyone's goofing off.

- So why shouldn't they?
- It's quite true.

The purpose of our studies
is to equip us

to make our way in life.

If on the other hand

one has merely to insert
a dime in a machine--

He's right. Why go through
all that studying?

Cryin' out loud!
I'm surprised at you guys.

We're meant
to be student leaders.

Susie, what do you say?

I say, has anyone tried

Mr. Schoolfield's coffee
machine?

[chuckles]
Hey, not bad
for old Schoolfield.

Quarters! Look.

Hey, not bad, eh?

- How about that?
- Wise up, you guys.

Life isn't this easy.

Well, that's easy
for you to say.

You're the ward of that
rich millionaire.

That has nothing to do with it.

Hey, Gray, cut it out.
Here comes Batman.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chattering]

Sorry, kids. Stay back.
Sorry, Robin isn't with me.

This Batmobile is filled with
delicate anti-crime equipment.

You might set of the automatic
anti-theft system.

Nobody closer
than 50 feet, please.

Hey, Batman, where's Robin?

(Batman)
'Attending school.
Just as you are.'

- What school?
- I can't tell you that.

It might reveal his secret
true identity.

Now, listen, if anyone hears
a sharp beep

'let me know at once.'

It'll be the Bat-phone ring
with an important message.

And even as Batman races
into the school

across town in a fashionable
little bistro.

[dramatic music]

(The Joker)
'Ha ha ha, the joke's on you,
my cherry booze hounds.'

'It's a stick up!'

'Hands up, you coward.'

'Thanks, folks.
The party will now resume.'

Believe me, this may look
like a party but it's not.

There's a crook behind
these handouts.

- What's his angle?
- He may have several.

One is to lure you

into a receptive pattern
of easy living.

You'll quit your studies,
become dropouts.

You'll have no other recourse
but to join criminal groups.

Batman's right.
It's sort of...recruiting drive.

Sure, he's right.
What did I tell you?

Can you corroborate
this odd hypothesis?

Yeah, Batman, like,
what's the crook's name?

I can do better than that.
I can show you his picture.

- What's your name, son?
- Richard Grayson, sir?

'Thank you, Richard.'

You darken the room,
I'll man the projector.

Roger.

Here it is, everybody,
The Joker.

(Batman)
'Don't be deceived
by that grin, anyone.'

'He's one of the most malevolent
malefactors we've ever met.'

I'll bet he's a master
of makeup too.

You're right. He is.

He might be skulking
around here

in any one of
50 outrageous outfits.

For example,
here's another one.

'A little closer, kids.'

'I want you to see that phony
flower in his button hole.'

Sometimes it shoots out water.

Sometimes powder.

'Other times,
knock-out gas.'

Hey!

Holy magician!

[laughing]

Hello, kiddies,
meet The Joker.

And no hard feelings.

[buzzes]
Ow!

Corny, aren't I?

Joker, what are you
doing here?

Oh, just passing by.
I heard my name

and I couldn't resist
shooting a jolly jet

through the tiny perforation
in that screen.

Just passing by, huh?
To do what?

Gimmick another innocent
vending machine?

Oh, there must be bats
in your belfry, Batman.

Has anyone found fingerprints
or other evidence?

You're too smart for that,
Joker.

Hey, Batman,
nab him anyway.

Loitering on school property.

Right. $5000 fine
and five years imprisonment.

Ha ha! No.

Wrong, kiddies.

Look up the statute.

In Gotham City, the crime of
loitering requires the loiterer

to remain in the same spot
for over two minutes.

You..
You jailhouse lawyer!

A tricky trickster!
He's outwittin' us.

Oh, dear me!

The court jester must run.
Jest in time.

[laughing]

Well, goodbye, kiddies.
And remember

I was here, eh!

What an odd parting remark.

Yeah, why does he want us
to remember he was here?

From the lips of a crook,
it can mean only one thing.

Establishing an alibi.

Right.

Gee whiz!
Alibi for what?

[phone beeping]

The Bat-phone signal.

- Batman!
- Hey, Batman!

(female #1)
'It's your Bat-phone.'

(female #2)
'The Bat-phone, Batman!'

[beeping]

What now, commissioner?

Another strike.
A cocktail lounge.

A gimmick jukebox.
It must be The Joker.

We'll never make it stick.
He has an alibi.

- 'Maybe we can bring him.'
- Impossible, the alibi is me.

- What? You?
- Forget it.

Give me the address. I'll race
to the scene of the crime.

Right.
Goodbye.

(Grayson)
'Batman, sir.'

You forgot your
box of slides.

Good, lad.
Bring it over.

Fake a headache,
speed home

wait for me in the Bat-cave.

You're welcome, sir.

Boys and girls,
go back to your studies.

'Believe me,
nothing in life is free!'

[engine revving]

[tires screeching]

Scarcely, 500 yards away

behind this innocent seeming
candy store

an abandoned garage,
now headquarters of The Joker

and his current gang,
the Bad Pennies.

High school dropouts,
most of them.

It's a pretty good haul,
isn't it?

Peanuts, my boy,
mere peanuts.

That bar job was just
a pot boiling appetizer

for the real feast.

Oh-ho-ho! What an inspired
stroke of mind

buying up the One-Armed Bandit
Novelty Company.

Plunder by remote control.

Hey, Joker, I think
I got this one rigged.

Come and have a look.

- Put it all away.
- Right.

Set to go off
on the third strike?

Yeah, and I got two strikes
rung up already.

Ho-ho!
Here we go!

Sensational!
It's a gas!

Oh, you won't be caught
smoking a bar.

It'll be your knock-out stuff.

You've done it again,
Two Bits.

Thank--
[buzzes]

A timed reminder,
crime can be shocking.

[signal beeps]

Someone's trying
the bubblegum machine.

Hiya, gang!

Sweet Sue, shiniest
of my Bad Pennies.

Boy, Joker, you sure
are some card.

Popping out at school
like that at Batman.

Wondrously whimsical,
wasn't it?

It was real crazy
if you ask me.

I might have fainted
and given the whole game away.

However, you didn't.

Ah, I see you have this stuff.

- Of course.
- Any trouble getting it?

Heck no.
Like I told you

being chief cheerleader
puts me on the student council.

Once you're on that,
you can get away with anything.

Let's see.

Hands off.
Not until I get paid.

Trusting little wench,
aren't you?

I'm a crook, Joker,
just like you.

Now where's the payoff?

Oh!

Hiya there, lamb chop,
you busy tonight?

You lowlife,
get away from me.

Now, look here, baby,
I have plans--

Are you stupid
or something?

The reason
I've taken up crime

is so I can get a taste
of the finer things in life.

- Yeah--
- Now beat it!

Uh-oh.

- Shut your eyes, Sweet Susie.
- Oh, yeah?

And get an exploding cigar
in my ears?

No, thanks.

You mischievous varmint,
shut your eyes, I said.

Rhinestone bracelet.

A fox fur stole..

...and one full quart of
imported Mexican perfume.

Oh, gee, Joker.

I'm sorry I sassed you.

Why, this is like
some lovely dream.

Ah! Perfect!

Stolen right
from Schoolfield's safe.

The key card to my
malevolent machination.

But what is it, Joker?

Look, you boobs.
Look and laugh.

Examination papers.

[all laughing]

X plus Y

times X plus Y..

Holy alphabet,
what is it?

If you'll excuse me,
Master Robin.

Yes, Alfred?

The solution is
X squared plus 2XY

plus Y squared.

Gee, sure!
Why didn't I know that?

And with nationwide
pre-college exams coming up

in just three days.

[tires screeching]

Good to have you home.

- What'd you find out, Batman?
- Nothing.

Holy vacuum,
not a single clue?

We don't need clues, Robin.

We know our man
is The Joker.

What we need is evidence.

I went over that looted lounge
with a fine toothed comb

I didn't even find
a single hair to analyze.

Gosh.

And school morale
in a tailspin.

Come a month from now, there'll
be dropouts by the bushel.

- 'If he waits that long.'
- Huh?

I didn't want to cause panic
at the student meeting.

But I think The Joker has some
other dirty plan afoot as well.

- Like what?
- 'I don't know.'

But I think it involves
gimmicked machines

and Woodrow Roosevelt High.

Gee, if we just knew
how he gets in to fix them.

You've guessed it, Robin.
Our next move.

- Stake out the school.
- Right again.

Let's go!

[car approaching]

[telephone ringing]

Hello, hello.

Give me the sign.

How do you stop a dog
from barking in July?

Countersign,
Shoot them in June.

Very good.

[chuckles]

Listen, Batman and Robin just
drove into the parking lot.

What? The Dynamic Duo
at the school?

That's right, Joker.

What'll I do?
Take another lam?

No, no, no, no,
listen.

Oh. Ha ha ha.

Thank heavens for my
delicious sense of humor.

You have your crooked keys,
don't you?

Natch.

'Alright, Sweet Sue.
Find key 17.'

'Do exactly as I tell you.'

- Gain level set.
- Okay.

Set the anti-theft systems.
Let's go.

Susie.

Wow, am I ever glad
to see you two.

Just now, I saw a suspicious
character in the gym.

Quick! Run to safety.

We'll take care of him.

Wait, Batman,
look, a machine.

It's been tampered with.

This might be tricky.

Get out your Bat-a-rang.

I'll slip in a dime.

[coin clatters]

Holy ball and chain!

[grunts]

Quick! Let's get out
our cutting tools.

[hissing]

The knock-out gas.

[all laughing]

Twelve and one half minutes
later

inside this curious vehicle..

It's all hooked up, boys.

50,000 volts,
straight from the city main.

Good.

[chuckles]

Gosh, Joker, this sure is some
crazy mixed-up moving van.

One of the assets of the
One-Armed Bandit Novelty Company

built for a whimsical
Caribbean dictator.

Happily for us if not
for the Dynamic Duo.

Uh, deposed before delivery.

[groaning]

Oh, they're waking up.

Careful no, my dimple darling.
No names.

I'll speak to them through
this trick microphone

that disguises our voices.

(Susie over microphone)
'Oh, what a paw.'

Holy Las Vegas!
Where are we?

(Joker on speaker)
'In a strange kind
of game room, boy blunder.'

Do you see the machine
next to you?

'Right.'

'It's going to spin around
merrily and merrily.'

What's the payoff?

Three liberty bells,
your freedom..

...and $50,000 cash.

'Three oranges,
your freedom only.'

And if it's three lemons,
which the percentages say

is the more likely.

50,000 volts of electrifying
electricity

my fettered fatman.

'Automatically
on the third lemon.'

Holy fruit salad.

Sorry, I don't approve
of gambling.

(Joker)
'Enough, my captured
caped crusaders.'

I guarantee this machine
is fair.

So let the game commence.

[both chuckling]

[clatters]

Horrors!
One lemon.

Double horrors!
Two lemons.

And if it's a third,
instant and inescapable

50,000 volts.

Close your eyes.
Who dares to see it?

Try us tomorrow,
same Bat-time

same Bat-channel.

[theme music]

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman ♪

♪ Batman Batman Batman♪

♪ Batman Batman Batman ♪

♪ Nana nana nana nana na ♪

♪ Batman ♪

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