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♪ A-T-T-A-C-K ♪

♪ Attack, attack, attack Attack, attack ♪

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K Attack, attack ♪

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K Attack, attack ♪

♪ Attack, attack Attack, attack ♪

♪ Movin' in on my territory ♪

♪ Stealin' my moment All my glory ♪

♪ I'm comin' for ya What you gonna do? ♪

♪ Ain't gon' put up with your attitude ♪

♪ Don't try and get cute Stay outta my way ♪

♪ I'll crush you hard Put you in a bad place ♪

♪ Bad girls rule ♪

♪ Well, you're runnin' out of time ♪

♪ I think you'd better run for your life ♪

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K Attack, attack ♪

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K Attack, attack ♪

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K Attack, attack ♪

♪ Attack, attack Attack, attack ♪

♪ Attack, attack Attack, attack ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K Attack, attack ♪

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K Attack, attack ♪

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K Attack, attack ♪

♪ Attack, attack Attack, attack ♪

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K Attack, attack ♪

♪ A-T-T-A-C-K Attack, attack ♪

♪ Attack, attack Attack, attack ♪

♪ Attack, attack ♪

Let's go! Defense! Let's go!

Let's go, Bucs!

If you...

Are you all right?

Our next victim is...

Cassie Stratford?

Hi, Brittany.

Do I know you?

You were my guide for freshman orientation. And I'm pledging Zeta Mu?

Oh! That's right.

You're the legacy.

Too bad your Zeta mommy's not here to help you now.

This is cheer squad. If you want it, come down and earn it.

Go get 'em!

Hit it!

Five, six, seven, eight!

One, two. Shake that ass.

Finish.

Like that?

Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

Cheer.

Two, three, spike!

Try not to hurt yourself.

Next!

Brittany, please give me another chance. I swear, I'll do anything.

Oh, you really shouldn't have said that.

The physics lab will be having a freshman mixer...

this Thursday at 6:30 at the quad.

- Hey. - Yo-ho.

How were the tryouts?

You know that Hindenburg footage...

where people jump to their deaths to avoid a hell fire of burning hydrogen?

That bad, huh? Worse.

- Ah, well, screw 'em. - You don't understand.

My mom was captain of the cheer squad three years running...

and president of her sorority.

She has expectations.

Okay, no offense, but screw her too.

Thank you for coming on such short notice, Mr. Grey.

Zem-Chem poured a ton of money into this project, Doc.

If you've made a breakthrough, I need to know about it pronto. Just tell me one thing.

- Can it fix this? - I don't understand.

- What's the biggest problem with plastic surgery, Doc? - Sometimes patients get lost...

Wrong! It's goddamn turkey neck!

These middle-aged broads come out of face-lift surgery,

and their throats still look like my Uncle Bob's scrotum.

That's an interesting picture.

Kyle. Kyle! Cassie!

This is Kyle Brooks, Cassie Stratford, my assistants.

- And this is Mr. Grey, rep from Zem-Chem. - How are you?

He's just a kid. I know.

Well, a kid with a master's in biochemistry.

Listen, kid. Degrees don't mean a squatting shit to me.

Sure as hell ain't gonna get you a job. What I want is results.

Okay, uh, well, take a look then.

Um, just... Right over here.

This was taken three days ago,

right before we administered the Renew compound.

- Okay, it's a rat. - Actually, sir, it's a mouse.

Whatever. So what?

Are you saying Renew did this?

The compound was created to rejuvenate aging epidermal cells,

but it's gone so beyond that.

Yeah, a-a-and here's the really cool part. Come here.

Just one second.

Um, see, Renew is actually morphing chromosomes.

It's aiding replication, so only the healthiest cells undergo mitosis.

In other words, it turns ugly...

into cute.

I have one question.

- Will it work on titties? - Oh, we're a long way from Th...

Yes, it'll work on titties.

You're beautiful, Doc! I love ya!

Zem-Chem's gonna piss fireworks!

That's good? Good? Good?

That's better than good! Funding for Renew is gonna go through the goddamn roof!

- Great. - You know what?

This calls for a meditative moment.

Ladies and gentlemen, how do you like your hookers? I don't... I wouldn't think...

Come on! Let's get some champagne up here and celebrate!

- Okay. - Come on!

I can't. I have another appointment I have to go to.

You're bailing? This is what we've been waiting for.

- This is our big moment. - I'm so sorry. See ya later.

Uh, Cass...

Bye!

Oh. There you are.

It's Cassie, isn't it?

I'm Sondra, the Zeta's housemother.

Let's have a seat in the living room.

Oh! Where are my manners? Would you like a tea?

We have a wonderful chamomile.

It's, uh... It's very soothing.

Don't go to any trouble.

No, no, it's no trouble at all, not for Zeta's youngest sisters.

Here, I'll just put on a fresh pot.

Be back in a minute.

Wow, she's nice.

I was afraid there was gonna be a hazing.

The kettle's on. Shall we begin?

So beautiful.

Girls, lights out.

Step inside, you dumb skanks.

I said move, bitches,

before I rip your tits off!

May God have mercy on your souls.

What is that?

I don't wanna get hurt. I really wanna get out of here.

Here, pledgie, pledgie. Here, pledgie, pledgie.

Here, pledgie, pledgie. Here, pledgie, pledgie.

Here, pledgie, pledgie. Here, pledgie, pledgie.

Welcome to Hell Month, sluts.

Yeah. That's right.

I said Hell Month!

Most houses do a week,

but if you wanna be a Zeta Mu, you have to earn it.

Starting tonight! Strip!

Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

We need to work on this.

And here.

Oh, my God. Gross.

Next! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

I thought I told you to strip!

Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

Strip! Strip! Strip!

Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

You're, like, perfect.

You disgust me! Get out of my sight!

Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

Cassie, Cassie, Cassie.

Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!

Oh! Oh, yeah!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

- Oh... No. Come on. Give it to me! - Don't stop!

Give it to me! Yeah!

- Oh, yeah! - It's all you, baby! Ride this shit, baby!

Ride it! Yes!

Yeah! Yeah, ride it! Oh, yeah!

Take the stick, baby! It's like a steering stick!

Who's your mommy?

Dear God. Cassie.

Wh-What happened to your face?

I'm fine. Just some of the girls messing around.

Oh, thank God!

I thought you were breaking out again.

Remember Spanish Club? What did they call you?

Senorita Blotchy Face. Yeah.

Thanks for the memories, Mom.

Oh! Did you hear your sister's big news?

Her squad won the city tournament.

Whoo-whoo!

So, any news on the tryouts?

Yeah. I, uh...

I made the squad.

And you wanted to quit trying?

You remember what I said. Cheerleading is not just for the pretty girls.

So you'll send a check for the rest of the tuition?

Yep. You earned it.

- Go, Cassie. Go, Cassie. - Oh, don't stop!

What is that noise?

Nothing. Gorilla Weekend. History Channel.

- Gotta go. Bye! - No! No, no! No!

Crazy bitch! Get away from me!

It's organic!

No! I was gonna lube it up first!

No! You're fucking crazy! Get away from me!

Man! Somebody help me!

Oh. Hey, Cass. Hungry?

I'll pass.

Okay.

What do you have that I don't? Look at you, and look at me.

Senorita Blotchy Face.

Next! Next!

Too bad your Zeta mommy's not here to help you now!

Cheerleading is not just for the pretty girls.

- Look at you, and look at me. - Dear God.

Cassie, Cassie, Cassie.

♪♪ Hold on to that ticket stub.

It's worth a free soda at Jiffy Squid.

Jett. Jett?

Jett! Wake up!

What is wrong with her?

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Britt, you look amazing.

I do, don't I?

Holy shit.

Hi, Brittany.

How is this possible?

Uh, just a little makeover.

I know this stylist on Broadway.

A stylist? A stylist did all this?

- What's his name? - It's kind of a secret.

He likes to keep exclusive clientele.

Tell me.

Tell me his name, or I'll slice your fucking throat!

Whatever. You need to grab a leaf and start fanning, or there'll be hell to pay.

She looks incredible.

Hello?

Hey, Cass. It's Kyle.

Um, listen, something weird happened at the lab last night.

Define "weird."

I don't know.

Something broke into Fluffy's cage...

and ripped him apart.

I mean, I am talking full-on, like, Wolverine style.

There's nothing left but blood and fur.

Um, can you just... Can you come over here and help me inventory supplies, please?

I'm kind of in the middle of something right now.

In the middle of what? A kegger at the Zeta house? Come on. This is important.

Kyle, I'll be there in a few hours. I promise.

You know what? Forget it. Have fun at your party.

Oh! Son of a bitch! Oh! Geez. I'm so sorry.

That was in my face. Really? I'm so sorry.

I really am.

Don't even worry about it. Never happened. Okay? We're just gonna erase that one.

Um, who are you? Never seen you before in my life.

I'm a freshman pledge. I've seen you around campus.

Ah, you've seen me around campus. Freshman pledge.

Trudy, what's up? Hey, Brandon.

Trudy. She does all my math homework.

Looks like Brandon's on the rebound.

Zeta pledges!

Front and center!

Here at the Zeta house,

there's nothing more important...

than loyalty.

And what better symbol of loyalty...

than a man's best friend?

I give you... the Zeta canine challenge!

Ladies and gentlemen,

Zeta Mu House proudly presents...

the canine challenge!

Oh!

Lap it up, you! Lap it up! Go on now!

Drink me grog. Lap it up until the last drop.

I know mermaids that can suck the barnacles off my ship quicker than you.

Now lap! Come on now! Faster, will ya! That's right!

Ooh! Loser.

Very good. You're done. Off you go! Ha-ha-ha!

Come on, you slow poke! Make it quicker! Come with me, my dear.

There you go, lass. Good for you.

Good little pup y'are! Now off you go!

Quickly. Quickly, I tell ya.

You! Come on, you slow poke!

Me paint's dryin' on me ship. Now let's go!

And now, ladies and gentlemen, for your viewing pleasure,

the canine slalom.

Come on, you saucy wench. Come now.

Off you go, lass!

Have at ya! Har-har!

Weave. Bob and weave. Bob and weave.

I'm bobbing and...

- Ooh! - Last one, last one. Roundabout. Over here.

Here, pup. Here, pup. Aye!

Follow the line. Walk me plank, lass. Walk me plank.

She's not lookin' so good.

Oh! Oh!

And now, the best for last.

Come on now.

Away you go! Ohh!

Oh, my!

Impressive. Ha-ha!

Shiver me timbers! Ha-ha!

Oh, my... What?

For the ball challenge. Ha-ha!

Oh. Oh, my.

Whoa.

I... I got nothing else.

There you go.

I cannot believe you did that.

I don't know what came over me.

Ever since I injected the Renew, I've felt this weird confidence.

Hey, Cass, look at those guys checking you out.

No chance in hell, jerk-offs. Just keep movin'.

Ohh!

Yeah, okay.

Geez, they didn't even look my way.

Not sure I like what we got going on here.

What did Kyle say about your little science experiment?

- Yeah. About that... - Are you shitting me? You haven't told him yet?

Cassie, this Renew stuff turned you into a Barbie.

Overnight.

I meant to tell him, but...

I got distracted.

♪ If you were mine ♪

♪ Then the stars would align ♪

♪ Our hearts and minds would sing in perfect time ♪

♪ We'd never be blue ♪

♪ If it was just me and you ♪

♪ Please tell me you do... ♪

You little slut!

Totally want that quarterback to Shia your Le Douche, don't you?

I don't even know what that means.

You know. Beef your burrito.

Pound your mollywog. Make the sexy time. Okay, you can stop now.

All right.

- Just promise me you'll tell Kyle. Okay? - Sure.

Go, go, go! Get him!

Oh, hey, look. It's Ryan.

Hi, Ryan!

How about a pickle next time?

Why does he look so scared?

What?

It might have something to do with a cucumber.

Hello?

Anybody there?

Hello?

Stupid jackhole!

I almost peed myself.

Sorry, baby. I couldn't help myself.

Well, you're gonna be helping yourself from now on.

I hope you and your hand will be very happy together. Tiffy, don't be like that.

We got the showers to ourselves.

I thought we could do the sexy slip-and-slide.

- ♪ Ho-ho-ho ♪ - Oh! You smell like a hobo. Go take a shower.

And find your wallet, because you're taking me out for lobster.

Oh, man!

So unfair!

Mac, if that's you, I swear to God...

It's your final warning.

Everyone, thank Tiff for freaking out over a stupid bug and twisting her ankle.

It wasn't a little bug.

It was a spider, and it was "gibungous." Like, cow-sized.

Sure. A spider cow.

Sounds like Mac finally boinked what's left of your brains out!

I know what I saw.

Anyway, 'cause of Tiff's accident,

now we have to rearrange all of our routines.

No, you don't. I've seen all of your routines, and I'm a really quick learner.

You had your chance, and you choked on a big one.

Like Tiff on prom night.

Hey!

Anyway, we can't use you.

Bye-bye now.

Come on, Brittany. Let's give her a chance. Yeah, come on!

Just give her a chance. Yeah!

Yeah! She's, like, really pretty.

Fine!

Try not to embarrass yourself this time.

Hit it!

♪ ♪

Ahh!

♪ I'm a dirty girl, mm-hmm-mmm ♪

♪ I-I-I-I-I'm a dirty girl ♪

♪ Don't tell me what you wanna do to me ♪

♪ I can give you everything you need ♪

♪ Let me satisfy your fantasies ♪

♪ Come on, baby Just give it to me ♪

♪ Touch me there I-I-I-I can be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Pull my hair I-I-I-I will be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Dirty! Dirty! It's a dirty world ♪

♪ Dirty! Dirty! I-I-I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Touch me there, dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Touch me there, dirty! ♪

♪ I-I-I'm a dirty girl It gets better ♪

♪ Pull my hair, dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Touch me there I'll be your dirty girl ♪

That was so good!

Do you wanna go to the mall?

- I made the squad! - Okay, congratulations.

So you think your mom will quite riding your ass now?

Mm-hmm.

- That's why you tried out, right? - Yeah, of course.

- Mm-hmm. - Is this really necessary?

Dean Willis observed my class last semester.

It's university policy, Professor. You know that.

What's the school afraid of?

That I'm gonna use the "F" word...

or maybe show one of the coeds my stimulus package?

I find your crass attempt at humor very unprofessional.

Watch yourself, Professor White. I'm gonna have my eye on you.

"I'm gonna have my eye on you."

You all right? You eat a bad burrito or something?

No. I'm fine.

Good morning, class.

We have a guest observing today... Dean Hinkle.

Okay, guys.

It's time to put your phones away.

Put your phones away.

Put your...

Please put your phones away.

Okay. That one hurt.

Whoa. Cass, are you okay?

So I trust everyone has read their assignment... John Maynard Keynes.

Keynes's argument that...

"Inadequate aggregate demand could lead to extended periods of unemployment."

Keynes also said...

Son of a whore!

Ow! Ow-ow-ow-ow!

Shit! It hurts! It's like fire! I'm blind!

What the hell is... Ow! Ow! I'm blind!

Oh, my... Godda... Ow! Ow!

Ow! Shit! It hurts!

It stings! It burns!

Shit, it hurts! Goddamn fire! Blind!

Jesus Christ!

Someone's in big trouble! I am so...

Thank God this lecture wasn't televised.

Why me, God? Why not one of the students?

Why me?

It's clear. Cass, Kyle's not around.

Come on.

I got you. I got you.

Oh, God.

You're okay? Okay, take a seat.

Oh, God.

Cass, we really need to get you some help.

No, I'm fine. I'm...

Okay, no, you're not.

Hey, guys. What's up?

Hey, Kyle.

Kyle, let me explain.

Shit a brick. Are you kidding me?

Explain what? You took an experimental compound to impress some pom-pom-waving twits?

You should be happy. Renew works better than we imagined.

There's just one tiny side effect.

Tiny? I-I wouldn't call this "tiny," Cass. You're a she-hulk.

- Don't forget the tennis ball. - Oh, yeah.

I can jump really high, and I'm kind of a cheerleading stud.

Okay, I'm calling Dr. Higgs. We're gonna see if we can flush the Renew from your system.

No! Yes.

No! I don't want it out of my system.

Um, Cass?

I think, uh, Superdork might be right here.

You have no idea what that's doing to your body.

I don't care. I've been homely, forgettable Cassie my entire life.

Now people notice me, and I like it.

Uh...

- Where are you going? - I need a bigger uniform.

♪ Wanna be ♪

♪ Hangin' with the it crowd ♪

♪ A limousine ♪

♪ To take you to a club downtown ♪

♪ I'll put you down Make it you plus three ♪

♪ You could be with the bes and the wannabes ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Come on now ♪

♪ You wanna party with the "A" list ♪

Defense! Defense!

♪ Legendary like Elvis Let's! Hold! That! Line! ♪

♪ Come on now ♪

♪ Do you wanna shine just like a celebrity? ♪

♪ Flashing lights ♪

♪ From the paparazzi ♪

♪ And be who you wanna be ♪

♪ You wanna party with the "A" list ♪

Let's go! Let's go! ♪ Legendary like Elvis ♪

♪ You wanna party with the "A" list ♪

We're here to beat the Panthers!

We're here to beat the Panthers!

We're here to beat the Panthers!

♪ ♪

♪ Come on now ♪

♪ You could be with the bes ♪

Let's go! ♪ And the wannabes ♪

♪ You wanna party with the "A" list ♪ Let's go, defense! Let's go!

♪ You wanna party ♪

♪ With the "A" list ♪

See ya at practice.

See ya, Cassie!

Oop! Got your hat!

Hey. Cass.

What's going on? You haven't answered my calls.

I've been busy. Yeah, well, so has your pituitary gland.

Okay? It looks like Renew has accelerated the production of your growth hormones.

Which explains the increased vitality and dexterity.

I don't wanna talk about this right now.

Oh. Okay. Well, let's talk, uh, possible side effects.

Like liver failure or cardiac arrest.

I feel fine. I feel better than fine.

I feel freakin' awesome. But for how long?

Come on, Cass, be reasonable.

At least let us monitor your condition...

before all this pom-pomming sucks your I.Q. dry.

What'd you say? You heard me.

The Cass I knew was a scientist.

Now you're throwing all that away to be some bimbo cheerleader.

I happen to like cheerleading.

Okay. You know what? Fine.

I'm going back to the lab.

Hey! Hey.

Is that, uh... That little guy.

Is he, uh... Is he bothering you? Not anymore.

All right. 'Cause, uh, I'll kick his ass.

All right? Just for you. No problem. Free of charge.

I mean, not that, you know, you need my help. Could probably squash that guy like a bug.

Are you making fun of me? Oh, no, no. I'm a big fan of the new look.

Read all about it in the State Press.

Something about a... weird family growth spurt thing, like, genetic...

Something like that.

Gotcha.

Um, saw the picture of your mom, though, at the Zeta house.

How come she isn't... tall?

It skips a generation. Too bad for her.

'Cause this... whole thing...

is, uh...

You look good.

Thanks.

Um, you gonna do the... You're doing the fun run, right?

Me and the other pledges.

Cool. Well, uh, I'll see you there.

And maybe we could, uh,

hang out or something.

Oww!

See you later.Okay.

Dude, you are a freak!

She is like a mountain!

Yeah.

A sexy...

sexy mountain.

Yes, she is mountainous.

And I am gonna climb that shit like Mount Everest.

Kilimanjaro that shit!

Get the pack ready.

Oh, I've got it.

Think we need 0-2 on this one.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Welcome to the 12th annual Undie Fun Run!

Remember, all proceeds benefit testicular cancer research.

So screw you, cancer! Keep your hands off our balls!

The race will begin momentarily.

But first...

Zeta Hell Month is almost over.

Aww!

To celebrate,

we thought the pledges deserved...

a little treat.

And don't forget the whipped cream.

Hose 'em down, girls.

Okay. That's enough. Hmph!

We want to make sure that the pledges have plenty of fluids...

during the race.

You need to kill this before the end of the run,

or you aren't a Zeta Mu.

But I'm too young to die.

Yeah, me too.

I can't fit that in my mouth.

I don't know, Britt. That's a big bottle.

It's not safe.

Every... last... drop,

or you aren't a Zeta Mu.

Make your choice.

The race is about to start.

All right. All right.

Screw it.

Yes!

Is that what you want?

See? That's what I'm talkin' about!

That's what I'm talkin' about!

Right there! There it is!

What do you think you're doing?

I'm sick of being your bitch so you can feel a few inches taller.

But Hell Month is almost over.

No one ever quits Zeta Mu!

Watch me.

Run, bitches!

Let's get out of here, man!

Hey! Cassie.

That was awesome!

Thank you.Seriously. You're, like, my hero.

Where did that even come from?

Like, you were... What's wrong?

Are you all right?

Hey. Talk to me...

Oh, whoa.

I think I might hurl.

And this is not helping.

You know what? Um, I just had a great idea.

My room is, like, right down the... You know, over there.

And you can, uh, shower and...

- You wanna get me out of these wet clothes, don't you? - What?

No. I mean, I just want you to be, you know, clean and everything and...

Yes, I want you out of those clothes. Shut up.

I didn't know you were this type of girl.

Neither did I.

Kinda used to being the one in control here.

Okay, okay. When I said "take charge" this is not what I was talking about!

Not... You're getting bigger!

Why are you getting bigger?

Oh, shit! What the fu... What is that?

Is that... That's a fucking spider.

Is that a giant spider? That's a fucking giant spider.

That's a fucking... giant... spider!

Brandon!

You're a big girl now, Cassie. You're on your own!

Ah! Shit!

Oh!

Thank you. Thanks. Appreciate it.

Uh, all right. Now, take care!

It's nice playing with you. You look great!

♪ ♪

Ooh, hot.

Son of a...

Sorry. Uh...

It's okay. It's not like you just spat hot coffee in my eye.

Wait. Yes, you did.

I... Th-Th... This is okay.

Uh, we can... Yeah. We can fix this. No problemo.

Really? I look like slutty Statue of Liberty, and you say "no problemo?"

Okay. You know, I could've said,

"Oh, dear God. You're a ginormous freak."

I'm sorry, Kyle.

About everything. I just... I just wanted to be pretty.

I know, it's...

It's okay, Cass. All right? We'll do what we can.

I'll call Dr. Higgs. We'll figure this out.

You better make that call quick. We've got a mess to clean up.

Hey. Hey. No! Stop. Stop it!

Stop foolin' around. Stop.

Okay? Let's just go. Please.

Where is she? She's in the pool?

Yes, but listen. The Renew has sped up quite... quite a bit.

And she's growing a lot faster than I anticipated. So...

Well, how much? I'm not sure of the calculation, but...

How you doin'?

What the...

I think my aorta just crapped its pants.

You grew again?

My little piggies look like fat hogs.

The Renew compound must have altered my hypothesis.

Yes, uh, resulting in extreme gigantism.

It's truly amazing.

Be amazed from over there, Dr. Feelgood.

Oh. Okay. I'm sorry, Doc.

The Renew compound must be making me more spontaneously aggressive.

Yes, uh, among other side effects.

How is that counteractive agent coming along?

You're working on the antidote?

Well, yeah. Once the Renew started showing adverse effects,

I-I hit the lab, but...

It's not goin' so well, Cass.

I mean, once the Renew roots itself in your cells, it digs in deep.

So what do we do?

Okay, okay. Look.

I'm gonna call Zem-Chem.

Because they're the only ones with enough resources to help us.

But in the meantime, you hide her a little better.

Uh... There's eyes everywhere. Yeah.

Well, what do you... Hide?

I have nothing to wear.

Okay. Uh, I have an idea. But I'm gonna need your help.

Fine. But no peeking.

Oh, right.

Okay. Okay. We're good. Come on.

What do you think? Looks like your size, right?

Hey. Eyes front, boy genius.

Sorry. Sorry.

What do you think?

Perfect. Come on.

♪ ♪

You are not short.

The rest of the world is just freakishly tall.

Hey, sweetie, it's me!

- What the hell, Brandon? - Calm down, okay?

I need to talk to somebody.

All right. So, I'm with Cassie,

and there's this spider, and she starts growing.

Like, growing. She gets huge!

And I ran and then I passed out.

And... Oh, God. I think I'm... I think I'm gonna puke.

- I'm gonna puke. - Oh, my God. Gross!

Oh, no, I'm okay.

Oh, my God.

It was terrifying. Okay? This spider had these fangs.

Okay. these fangs were like... were like...

And it like... It was all, like...

And I was, like, freakin' out!

And she's gettin' huge and I just ran. And I passed out.

I have no idea what happened!

Enough about the spider. Tell me more about Cassie.

Arr.

I see you, Buccaneers! Let's get 'em, mates.

It's game day. And the stage is set for a homecoming brawl...

between Iron Coast University and their rivals, the Panthers.

Hmm. With two undefeated records on the line,

anything can happen.

This is Sophia Long reporting.

Hey!

Oh, really, dudes? Just stop it.

Get out of here. Sh... We're gonna have to do it over.

Okay.

All right.

- Uh. - Attention, 214 in progress.

Two students in hot water at the Agua Caliente. Hey.

What's going on here?

Oh, uh, didn't Animal Control call you guys?

Yeah, a pack of, um, giant pygmy howler monkeys...

They, uh, escaped from the lab.

They infested the whole gymnasium.

Really. Nobody told me about it.

I better take a check. Oh... Okay. Hang on a second.

If you're gonna go in there, you might...

wanna wear this.

What for?

Well, two words, okay? Explosive diarrhea.

Yeah. Some laxative company. We're using the monkeys as test subjects.

Yeah. I'm not gonna lie. It's like a poop apocalypse in there.

Spotting of a very unusually, extremely large woman...

I don't need no monkey shit today. I'll tell you what.

Tell Animal Control I was here.

Okay? Yeah. You got it. Will do.

I'll just... I'll lock... lock this up. Take care.

All units, there has been a spotting of a very large woman in the quad area.

Please investigate.

Ah, okay. They won't be buggin' us anytime soon.

What's up?

I'm not sure.

But I think your antidote may be working.

Check out these G.H. levels. Okay, inside voice. Please.

No. I can't tell.

Okay. Let's take another sample.

Oh, God.

Oh, you think that's funny?

Maybe. Huh? That's really funny, isn't it?

Yeah.Yeah. You think it's funny?

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Sure, you are.

What are you doin' here?

I thought my roomie could use some non-nerd company.

What's up, big mama?

Nothing much. Just growing into a gigantic mutant.

You?

Better than you.

Son of a...

That keeps happening.

Hey, Cass. Check this out. You're right.

The spider's G.H. levels are getting lower.

What's that?

It's an artificial antibody.

Hopefully, it'll target the altered cells like an antigen.

And disable the Renew compound. Will it work?

I don't know. Let's find out.

Should something be happening now?

Look, um, I'm sorry.

Whoa, uh, guys, guys you kind of want to see this.

Whoo!

Oh, yeah! Who rocks, huh? Me.

You rock, Kyle. You rock.

Where are you going?

Back to the lab. I got more antibodies there.

You know, he's kind of cute in a nerdy, puppy kind of way.

You noticed that too, huh?

Yeah.

It's a shame he'd have to go spelunking to have sex with you though.

Hmm!

♪ ♪

What are you doing? Blending in. What's it look like?

Want a dog? No.

Listen. I thought Zem-Chem was sending specialists to help Cass.

They did.

Disguises were my idea.

Now they can run all over campus and everybody will think they're just big fans.

Look. I was expecting medical professionals and scientists.

Who are those guys? Zem-Chem security. Ex-military mostly.

Nice fellas... once you get to know 'em.

Listen. This is not necessary.

Cassie is not a threat to anybody.

Oh, really? Yeah!

Really? A 50-foot cheerleader with superhuman strength.

She's a naive grad student.

You know, I'm so glad you cleared that up.

Let's roll, boys. This isn't right.

Listen, you eggheaded pussy.

There is no right or wrong, just profit and loss.

And right now, your freaky cheerleader has profit written all over...

her perfect, gigantic ass.

So she's goin' with us one way or the other.

Now, get in the goddamn van! Okay.

- Shotgun. - Okay.

- I'll just walk. - In the van.

Or get in the van.

♪ ♪

Uh...

You're that, um, cheerleader, right?

Shouldn't you be getting ready for the game?

I am getting ready for the game.

You see, the cheer squad has this tradition.

Before every homecoming game, we pick one lucky guy...

and we strip for him.

Um, you do what now?

Guess who we picked.

Listen, no. You can't... You can't do that here.

Mmm.

If you want me to leave, you need to manhandle me.

Please. Just... I don't have time for this.

Go away.

Is that the stuff that made Cassie beautiful?

What did you say?

Come on. You can tell me. Is that the stuff?

Just, please. Just go, okay? Please.

All right? Leave. Right now. Make me!

Oh!

Uh...

Listen. Don't freak out. Don't freak out.

It's just...

Just stop yell... Uh... Shit.

Oh, Brittany! Brittany, come on!

Oh, my babies! Stop, please!

Hey! Brittany!

Excuse me. Hey.

Oh, shoot.

That's not good.

Excuse me. Excuse me. Watch out.

So. Wanna tell me what's bothering you?

What are you talkin' about?

Well, Kyle found a way to make you normal again.

Shouldn't you be doing, like, big-ass cartwheels or something?

Maybe I don't want to be normal.

So, you'd rather be Gigantor the sex bitch?

No, I just don't want to be me.

In case you didn't notice, being me sucked.

Cass, your mom's Skyping you again.

You have to talk to her sometime.

Fine, but adjust the camera. She'll crap puppies if she sees me like this.

Okay.

Ready? Yep.

Cassie? It's me, mom.

But you're so... pretty.

That's some great parenting, Mom.

I'm your mother. I'm supposed to say you look pretty.

But this time, I really mean it. You look beautiful.

I found a good stylist near campus.

Better than good. This guy's a miracle worker.

I mean, I've had my stellar work in the past also,

but look what they had to work with. Okay, Mom.

I mean, you... You could say that Rome wasn't built in a day in your case.

Okay, Mom. Wow, really.

This guy should get a Nobel Prize or something.

Okay. We're done here.

Oh, but I haven't told you my good news yet.

I'm coming to homecoming. Isn't that great?

I'm overcome with joy.

My daughter makes the cheer squad, and now this?

I couldn't not come!

I'll see you on the field! Whoop, whoop!

Bye, honey. Mwah, mwah.

Whoop, whoop.

Wow.

It's like life is taking a steaming pee on my birthday cake.

Would ice cream help?

Twenty gallons, mint chocolate chip.

All right, well, that's gonna take a few trips.

I'll be back.

Cassie? Cass!

Cassie! Cass, get out of here!

Mr. Grey, what is this?

Taking you to remote installation, Miss Stratford.

So we can run some tests.

I hate to admit this, but that outfit is giving me just a tiny little chubby.

Ew.

Hey, Jett, Cassie. You guys all right? Dr. Higgs, what's going on?

It's okay. Cassie, Zem-Chem has

the resources to help you! We don't.

If they're trying to help me, then why are they armed?

There's no need for concern.

They're only Tasers for our own protection.

Protection from what?

We're afraid that the Renew might compromise your mental stability.

Your wardrobe, for example. Come on.

You know what? That's it. I'm calling the F.D.A. or something.

Why don't you set your phone to "shut the fuck up?"

Kyle!

Okay, that's it.

No more screwin' around!

Bring me the big boy!

You're goin' with us, girlie, or you're eatin' 500,000 volts!

Cassie, they will lock you up like a lab rat. Run!

Don't do it.

Son of a bitch!

That is one hell of a stride!

Look at ya. You could have had it all.

You could have been swimming in money and drowning in hookers.

But no. You threw it all away.

And for what?

Tough luck, kid.

By now, her vagina's a frickin' echo chamber.

You're just gonna be yodeling in the canyon.

Let's get crackin', Doc.

Huh?

College kids.

Come with me. You. Got it.

Cover me.

Where are you gonna hide, Cassie?

You're 50 feet tall, and we got eyeballs everywhere.

I will not be Zem-Chem's science experiment.

Well, you should have thought of that before you injected company property...

up your ass!

Capisce? Huh?

Ow.

You know, if you want something done right...

All right. Get the winches hooked up.

We gotta get her outta sight.

But first... somebody take my picture.

No, wait. Wait. Hold on. One more for safety.

♪ ♪

Hi. Uh, is Britt here?

Uh, I'm afraid Miss Andrews is upstairs.

- Ah. - Young man.

Follow me.

Okay.

♪ ♪

You know, of course, that no... lewd conduct...

is allowed in this house.

'Course. Yes, ma'am.

So, I expect you to be on your best behavior.

Because if your crank sees the light of day in there,

I will cut it off with a rusty pipe wrench.

Tea?

No, thank you. No, no. I'm... I'm good.

Hmm.

Okay. Ooh, calm down.

You can do this!

One, two...

Britt!

Britt, are you in there?

What is... What... Are you, like, waxing your pubes or something?

No, you idiot!

What's goin' on in there?

Nothing! Absolutely nothing!

Okay. Uh, you know what? Something crazy just happened.

Coach just called me. I gotta be at the practice field.

So I'm gonna... I'm gonna see you later.

Promise.

You're not going anywhere.

Huh?

Cass!

Cass, you all right? Hands off, creep.

She's gonna be fine. Vitals are very strong.

You sold her out, you piece of shit.

Oh, I wouldn't be too hard on him, kid.

Zem-Chem can't afford another company finding her.

They get Cassie's blood, they get Renew.

Well, so what are you gonna do? You gonna sneak her out?

It's homecoming. There's thousands of witnesses.

Who said anything about sneaking?

We're flying her out in plain sight.

Oh, God!

You're hurting me. You're hurting me! Oh, God!

Oh, God. Oh, God!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

You're hurting me!

Crushing me!

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Get off me! You're crushing me!

You bitch! Get off me!

Oh, shit!

Fucking huge bitch. Fuck!

Oh, my God!

Help! Help! Fuckin'...

Shit!

I'm so sorry! Brandon, no! Sweetie!

You're gonna fly her out on a blimp? You're crazy.

No. Believing a woman can grow into a 50-foot giant... that's crazy.

We are floating over the stadium...

with Zem-Chem Pharmaceutical's new mascot.

A 50-foot plastic cheerleader.

What about Cass stomping all over campus? People had to see her.

Eh, it's a special effect.

Hologram or some shit.

Part of a publicity stunt to promote Zem-Chem.

Listen to me, kid. Look around ya.

Your peers have got their noses buried so deep into their smartphones,

I could stage this year's cheer-palooza with a hundred Cassies.

And unless it's on this,

your peeps just don't care.

No. I don't believe that.

Well, you better believe it, buster.

Because it's simple and logical.

And most people are frickin' morons...

who will believe anything the Internet will tell 'em.

Okay, boys. Let's bag this big, bad Barbie up.

Take these two to the lab. Do a clean sweep.

Cass, I'll be back for you. I promise, okay?

- What is it with you guys? Geez! - Cass, I'll be back!

No, he won't.

You're on your own now, kid.

But, hey, that's what you came to college for, isn't it?

All right, Buccaneer fans.

On your feet as we get ready to rumble.

Let's show these Panther fans what it's like to take on a Buccaneer.

Whoo!

Thanks, sugar.

Oh, Brenda, girl. You look fantastic.

Hello. Well, you know my motto.

Zeta Mus never get old. We just get better plastic surgeons.

Whoo! Go, Bucs!

Whoo, whoo!

Ooh, hmm. Why, hey, there, chocolate thunder. Wanna go down under?

Mm-mmm.

Just you get over there.

Oh, what a lovely school.

I am so glad you made it.

You know I never miss a homecoming game.

Well, sure. But we thought you were gonna skip this year...

after we heard what happened to Cassie.

What happened to Cassie?

You don't know? No.

Oh, honey. My daughter said Cassie quit the Zetas a week ago...

and hasn't been to cheerleading camp since.

Oh, really, Candy?

If that's true, heads are gonna roll.

How could she do this to me?

Dude, we can not let those douche bags take Cassie.

Well, I know. We won't, okay? Check it out.

It's for elephants. I'm gonna inject her with the antidote.

I thought you said it needed more testing.

Well, we don't have any time, okay?

Ashley, I got you one.

That's what I call a red dress.

Oh, this is great. Hey, what's up, Brandon?

I remembered my robe.

Guys, guys...

Has Brittany put on weight?

What? Call the cops!

Holy shit!

Really?

Hey, Brit. You know, lookin' tall... good. Really good.

Listen.

All right. In the heat of the moment, I said some things.

I think you may have misunderstood 'em a little.

You called me a freak!

In a good way! Like, "What's up, you sexy freak?"

You know, like... Come on!

We're good.

And you, the times, memories there.

You need to take it easy right now!

Ah, there you go, babe. Have a beer. Have a beer!

There you go. Relax.

Hey, how about this?

He gets up on the podium and he says, um,

I've synthesized metabolic acids, I've reengineered cell walls.

- But I forgot to... - But you forgot to extrapolate the data.

You heard it before?

All right. Um...

Uh, you distract Cassie. I'll inject her.Okay.

And then take out Dr. Higgs. Okay, good. 'Cause I really wanna hit him.

Good.Okay. Let's go.

All right.

Maybe bein' big won't be so bad.

I mean, after all, you won't have to look for skirts anymore.

You can just use a tent.

Oh, oh. Listen. There's no need for violence. Okay?

Jett.Ow.

Aah!

How about this?

We'll find you a guy. We could advertise in Large and Tall Women Weekly.

Or not.

You wanna suck some volts?

Didn't think so.

Hey, stop it!

He... Oh.

Oh, no. No! Cassie, no!

Oh, this stinks.

Better late than never.

Let me give you a hand there, Superman.

Getting kicked in the stomach is highly overrated.

Oh, Kyle, are you okay?

I'm great too. Thanks for asking.

Oh, oh. Hey, hey. Cass, wait. Wait. Don't do that.

Okay? Listen to me. I'll inject you with the antidote.

You'll shrink back to normal size, you'll slip right out of those.

Yeah. I'll help.

Or not.

No. I don't want it.

Don't you get it? Grey is just afraid you're going to go to a rival company.

All right? If we eradicate Renew from your cells,

he'll leave you alone.

I heard about Brittany's rampage.

Renew made me more aggressive.

But in her, it'll pump the bitch factor way past 11.

No way Zem-Chem's men can stop that.

But I can.

We're moments away from kickoff here at Iron Coast University Stadium.

As you can see, fans are streaming into this Ga...

Oh, come on. Again?

This is network television, you stupid ho-bags!

Oh, whatcha got, man?

Whoa.

God! We're gonna...

Ooh.

So help me, Bob, if you're not getting this,

I'll turn your nutsack into a coin purse.

I'm gettin' it. I'm gettin' it.

Do you have a statement? Is there anything you wanna say?

Uh...

Oh, my God.

Let's go! Go!

Get outta here!

Okay, "chicka." Playtime's over.

You're comin' with us. And who are you supposed to be?

We're the only guys who can help you.

We're also the guys who can cut you down to size.

So what's it gonna be, "sistah?"

I've never missed a game, and I'm not about to start now.

Can we talk?

Whoa!

You think they scared her off? Oh, God. Did she kill him?

Lower.

No. He's breathing.

Wow. All right. Well, where is she, then?

♪ ♪

And now, the I.C.U. Buccaneer majorettes.

Holy Toledo. Is that a giant cheerleader?

Oh, my God. Ready or not, this announcer did not see that coming.

And I've seen a lot, thank you very much.

But this one takes the cake.

That felt like an earthquake. Holy smokes.

Come on, you guys. Where's your spirit?

Let's do the wave. Whee!

I got spirit, yes, I do! I got spirit! How about you?

Whoo! I.C.U.!

Number one!

Come on, you guys. Don't you want to see me cheer?

My name is Brittany. Don't mess with me.

I run Zeta Mu. I'm the queen of I.C.U.!

You guys are so lame! Aah!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this?

A second supersized cheerleader?

The football game... Brittany!

has taken a giant turn into W.W.F. territory.

You've been up my butt since the day we met. What did I do to you?

You were the nerdy little science girl, but that wasn't enough.

Well, if you're leaving now, fans,

you are going to miss the knock-down, drag-out of the century.

Bitchslap.

Counter-bitchslap.

Bitchslap. Counter-bitchslap.

That was a low blow.

Oh, right to the gut. Oh, that hurt.

No, that was a low blow.

These cheerleaders have it in for each other.

You gotta step into my world.

What ever has come between these two...

surely must be better than today's halftime show.

Only one of these giants is going home today.

There's a right. And left.

Oh, that's gonna leave a mark.

She's sitting on her face. Yahoo!

You can't make this stuff up.

Oh! Excuse me. Watch it.

Sorry. Look out.

Okay. Are you gonna use that thing or not?

Oh, the classic headbutt.

These two titanic titans will know the meaning of a migraine after that one!

Ohh! Look at that.

You should've stuck to being homely little Cassie!

Even though you're taller, you're still a little bitch.

A shot to the breasts?

They didn't teach me this in sportscasting class, that's for sure.

That was a backflip.

Looks like a kick.

Oh, and she's down for the count.

Oh, my God.

Look at the look on her face. That is the sign of a winner.

You've got to want it here today.

Is that her mother? I believe so.

What's she gonna say? You're a big girl now?

How did this happen?

I did it for you, Mom. I was just trying to meet your expectations.

You know I've always wanted the best for you, don't you? You know that.

No. You wanted me to be more like you.

But I forgive you.

The truth is, I should've stood up for myself more.

That girl's not down. She's getting up. And up. And up!

- That girl's growing faster than the I.C.U. tuition! - Oh, God.

The extra Renew's kicking in.

Better look out, Cassie. You go kick some butt, honey.

Oh, and once again, hold onto that ticket stub.

It's worth a free soda at Jiffy Squid.

Okay.

Excelsior, beeyotch! Oh, God.

Yes! You did it!

- Nice. - Electrifying!

All right. Looks like she pulled it out of her butt.

- Hey, Cass! - I'm gonna stomp you like a cockroach.

Oh, me, oh, my. Look at this.

She looks like she's got a syringe.

She's comin' at her.

Oh, right in the gluteus Maximus.

Stay down.

One more time. What is going to happen now?

Hiyah! Yes, it is. That is a scorpion kick.

Yeah!

Nice! Whoo! Whoo!

We have a winner!

- Way to go. - You got it, Cass!

Hey, nice kick.

I wanna say something.

Whoop, whoop!

Thanks, Mom.

Okay.

Hey, guys. Check it out.

Looks like your antibodies worked.

I guess it'll take a while to whip up another batch.

Well, it's a good thing I have these.

Now, you are aware this will reverse all the Renew effects?

That's okay. I think I like the old me better.

Didn't I tell you she was a great cheerleader?

Sorry.

You've never looked better.

Mm-hmm.

Wait. What's wrong?

I think we might have messed up the dosage of antibodies we gave Brittany.

I'm sure it's fine. Yeah?

Uh, guys? I'm pretty sure it's not fine.

Oh, my God. Is she?

- It's moving. - Brittany?

Brittany? Are you okay?

Is she in there? She's moving. I don't wanna...

Oh, my gosh.

Ew.Scary.

Should we help her? It is Brittany. Hey, Brittany.

Brittany, stand up.

I am standing up!

Didn't you come with my Happy Meal?

You're not Snow White anymore. Now you're one of the dwarves.

No!

You're just too much, boy.

Let's do this.

♪ Touch me there I-I-I-I can be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Pull my hair I-I-I-I will be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Dirty! Dirty! It's a dirty world ♪

♪ Dirty! Dirty! I-I-I-I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Touch me there, dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Touch me there, dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Pull my hair, dirty! ♪

♪ It's a dirty world ♪

♪ Touch me there I'll be your dirty girl Dirty! Dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be a dirty girl ♪

♪ Now that I made all of your dreams come true Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Let me show you what we're gonna do Here's what I want for you ♪

♪ You will obey me when I tell you to ♪

♪ Shut up, baby Let me give it to you ♪

♪ Surprise me When you take off my shirt ♪

♪ You're inside me When you reach up my skirt ♪

♪ Leave me be Don't make me wait no more ♪

♪ Just take me now and I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Touch me there I-I-I-I can be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Pull my hair I-I-I-I will be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Dirty! Dirty! It's a dirty world ♪

♪ Dirty! Dirty! I-I-I-I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Touch me there, dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Touch me there, dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Pull my hair, dirty! ♪

♪ It's a dirty world ♪

♪ Touch me there, dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Give it to me, give it to me Dirty ♪

♪ Come on, baby Just give it to me ♪

♪ Touch me there I-I-I-I can be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Pull my hair I-I-I-I will be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Dirty! Dirty! It's a dirty world ♪

♪ Dirty! Dirty! I-I-I-I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Touch me there, dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be your dirty girl ♪

♪ Touch me there dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be your dirty girl It gets better ♪

♪ Pull my hair, dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be your dirty girl I mean, who likes a dirty girl anyway? ♪

♪ Touch me there, dirty! ♪

♪ I'll be your dirty girl ♪