All language subtitles for Sex.and.the.City.S04E17.A.Vogue.Idea.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb

[Carrie]
Every morning,

millions of New Yorkers
leave their crowded apartments

and head out to the even
more crowded streets

on their way to work.

Today, I was one of them.

Sometimes a girl
just needs a new start.

I had a new do,
a new mortgage,

and therefore, a new job.

I had just submitted
my first freelance article

for one of the most relevant
and provocative magazines

on the newsstands today,
at least to me... Vogue,

also known as Mecca,
where I belonged.

This isn't Vogue.

Oh, you didn't like it?

No, no one is saying that.

Well, I am, I'll say it.

I didn't like it,
there, I said it.

No, what Enid is trying
to say, Carrie,

is that you wrote
a wonderful first draft--

-It isn't Vogue.
- [Carrie] There it was,

the article I'd put
my heart and soul into.

And it was bleeding.

Your spin on the idea,
Carrie, is very clever.

Different types of men as
the new accessories for fall.

A, uh, Prada--
[laughs]

A Prada dress should always
be worn

with an investment banker.

I mean, that's wonderful.

Julian, the assignment
was 500 words on accessories,

not men.

And I'm not convinced she knows
anything about purses,

or for that matter, men.

Enid, for the love of God.

Ms. Bradshaw,
what you've handed us here

is essentially just
your newspaper column

with the word "style" jammed in
where the word "sex" used to be.

We're not looking for Vogue
according to your agenda.

No one cares
about your agenda.

-That's not true.
-Oh, forgive me,

I don't care about your agenda.

I care about designers,

Oscar de la Renta,
Chanel, Dior.

I want less Carrie Bradshaw,

and more "carry" this bag
with these shoes,

do you see what I mean?

You're a writer,
you should be writing this down.

I was trying to find
a way to introduce the bags

and the bracelets
with a little humor.

Kind of
"men are the new black."

[Julian chuckles]

It was supposed to be funny.

It was supposed to be bags.

Well, I didn't really...

bring a writing... [groans]

Okay, bags.

[Carrie] An hour later,

-Enid had to leave
for a lunch date...
-[Billie Holiday CD playing]

...presumably to devour
another writer.

[Julian]
Don't let Enid get to you.

She just came
back from Paris

and apparently humor and irony
are "out" this season.

-[Carrie exhales]
-♪ My days can't... ♪

Billie Holiday... [inhales]

The only woman I could think of

in more pain
than you right now.

-Come on, cookie, chin up.
-[laughs softly]

In publishing,
you need two things,

a tough hide...

and a dry martini.

Martinis in the morning?

Is this allowed?

Is it Vogue?

Only in absolute emergencies.

Last time I broke this out
was when I heard

that "fun fur"
was making a comeback.

[breathy laugh]

Oh, look at this mess...

Why was I even hired?

Well, I'm afraid you have
me to blame for that.

My daughter introduced me
to your column about a year ago.

I thought you'd be
a natural at Vogue.

Well, I guess
you thought wrong.

I haven't been wrong yet.

Vogue is all about vision,
and you, cookie,

have got vision.

We just have to find a way
to hide your vision

from Enid's vision.

A little less you,
a little more purse.

-[laughs softly]
-[Julian chuckles] C'mon...

Drink.

Cheers.

[music continues playing]

[Carrie] One and
a half martinis later...

And the sad thing is...

This is what I do best.

-I mean, look at it!
-Cookie,

you're drunk.

Yeah, cookie's drunk.

I'm drunk at Vogue.

How can anyone get so drunk
on one and a half martinis?

I didn't eat breakfast
and I'm a size two.

Which should make me
perfect for Vogue,

but nope.

I'm drunk and
a failure at Vogue.

I feel awful,

this is my fault.

Aw, Julian...

I came in here today so cocky,

I thought I knew it all.

I had my man jokes
and my purse puns...

And you heard her,
what do I know about purses?

Nothing!

What do I know about men?

Oops.

[music continues playing]

I spilled.

I spilled at Vogue.

Okay, okay,

maybe we better
just take you home.

I can't go out there.

I'm drunk...

I'm drunk at Vogue.

Oh.

-[Julian] Right.
-[Carrie] Left.

Now look at me...

Pretend I'm saying something
fantastic about corsets.

-[Carrie groans]
-Excuse me.

Please tell me
that wasn't Anna Wintour.

It wasn't, now just...

Left...

[Julian and Carrie] Right, left.

[Carrie] Left.

[Carrie] Left. Oh...

I'm so sorry.

[Carrie]
That night, at a more
appropriate cocktail hour...

Oh, c'mon, there must be
something you want
for your birthday.

What I want for my birthday is
not to celebrate it this year.

Well, what if I want
to celebrate it?

Then that would be
celebration enough.

Besides, I have
everything I need.

It's not about
needing something.

It's about wanting something
just for fun.

Something decadent,
something naughty even.

[Alexa]
May I tempt you with dessert?

How is everything this evening,
Mr. Wright?

Delicious, thank you.

Alexa.

I took the liberty
of pre-ordering
our chocolate souffle

for you and Ms. Jones,

if you're in the mood
for something sweet.

Always, thank you
for keeping an eye on us.

I couldn't help it.

You're the most
attractive couple
in the restaurant.

-[Samantha chuckles]
-[Richard laughs]

I know what I'd like
for my birthday.

An all-night, non-stop
championship fuckfest with you.

Then consider
your candles blown.

And Alexa.

[breathy laugh] You asked.

Is a three-way
with a 21-year-old

a bad idea
for Richard's birthday?

What are you gonna
get him next year, a four-way?

Look, he doesn't
want to be monogamous.

So, either cheat
with me or without me.

Well, happy birthday to you.

It's not like he asked me
to get him a hooker.

These are the options!

It's someone we know,

and at least this way
I'm part of the fantasy.

Yeah, the fantasy being
that he's attracted

to someone young enough
to be his daughter.

He is, Charlotte!
That's the problem.

Richard's in his fucking prime.

Men get better looking
as they get older

and women get--

Three-ways apparently.

Or a Marc Jacobs ultra-mod
little notebook, huh?

Evidently, I'm recommending it
to Vogue shoppers.

Just be careful, Samantha.

When a man has a fantasy
and you fulfill it,

there's always the chance that
the relationship could blow up

and then you're just the idiot

who did it with him
on the golf course,
or something.

Was it you and Trey?

No, no, it's
a "for instance."

[Miranda] Sorry I'm late,

I was shopping for a stroller.

I shouldn't even be here.

I should be out doing all
the things I'm supposed to do

before the baby comes,

and I'm unable to leave
my apartment ever again.

Like what, Ju Jitsu
and off-track betting?

Like buying a crib.

-Oh.
-Evidently, I'm to go
to Crib World,

because it's a whole
world of cribs.

I guess Crib City
wasn't big enough.

Why isn't there a store called
"This Is The Crib For You"?

And they just have
one great crib,

and they deliver it,
and assemble it,

and help you
raise your child.

You don't have a crib yet?

No, Charlotte,
I have a job instead.

I'm sorry, but when
am I supposed to find time

to prepare for this baby?

I don't have a vague idea
how I'm gonna do any of this.

Well, I don't have
a Vogue idea, so, hello.

Why don't you let
ol' one ball help you?

Yeah, I tried that,

and he starts acting
all father-figure,
and I get territorial,

and the salespeople
get confused, and trust me,

it's too complicated
for Crib World.

Let me help you.
I mean, I know you said
you didn't want a baby shower,

but it's not too late
to change your mind.

-I hate baby showers.
-[Samantha] Ugh...

Who doesn't?

The games,
the finger sandwiches,

all that enforced
"ooh-ing" and "ah-ing."

I don't "ooh" and "ah,"
I don't care
who's having a baby.

[Charlotte]
But think of the gifts.

It would be a great way
to get all the stuff you need.

Without having
to go to Crib World.

But who would I invite
besides you guys?

All the bitches
that made you go to theirs.

-Hm.
-Well, it's your shower.

And you can invite or not invite
whoever you choose.

Would you really want
to throw me a baby shower

after all you've
been through this year?

Yeah, I think
it would be good for me.

Okay, but no
cutesy-storky shit.

Just an adult,

dignified lunch with presents.

Which I will open
after everyone leaves.

You have to open the presents.

No opening of presents,
no games, no crustless bread.

And I want fried chicken.

Fried chicken?
But it's not Super Bowl Sunday.

It's my shower
and I'll fry if I want to.

-[Miranda laughs]
-What should we do for our gift?

Let's just stick
to the registry, three-way.

[Carrie]
The next day, Charlotte decided

if she was going to
host a baby shower,

she should hide the evidence

that she had wanted
one of her own.

Later that week,

I had a meal with
the perfect dinner accessory...
Julian.

So, my wife is
a former dancer.

She was with
the Martha Graham Company.

And the first time
I saw her on stage

I fell in love with her.

She pliéd, and I plotzed.

[Carrie and Julian laugh]

It'll be 24 years
next September.

So, you got married
right out of grade school.

I knew there was something
about you that I liked. Mm.

What about your life?

Is there a man in your life?
Is it a great love?

Um...

Nah, I just broke up
with somebody.

And yes, it was a great love.

But, he went there.

I went there.

And there you have it.

So, Julian, the reason that
I asked you to dinner tonight...

Is because you knew
I would pay?

Besides that...

Um, I wanted to tell you
that I really appreciate

your interest in my article,

but I've decided
not to finish it.

So, what are you gonna do,
you're just gonna quit?

No, no, no, I don't
let my kids quit.

Well, technically,
I'm not one of your kids,

I'm just a girl
you get drunk sometimes.

Alright, forget about me...

What would your father say
about you quitting?

Well, my father wouldn't
have a whole lot
to say about quitting.

He quit my mother and me
when I was little.

I'm sorry.

Oh, thanks, no,
I mean, a long time ago,

-I was five.
-Why'd he leave?

No idea, never said.

And that's the name
of that tune.

Hmm...

-What?
-No, no, it's interesting.

Your father leaves
without any answers,

and you spend your life
asking questions about men.

Well, it's 20 years of analysis,
forgive me?

-Yes.
-Okay, Vogue.

Vogue?

What if I could fix it

so that you only deal with me

and Enid spends less time
hating your writing

and more time hating
Tom Ford's line, hmm?

[sighs] Julian...

Oh, come on, cookie,
you're no quitter

and we get to work
on this together,

what do ya say?

Why are you being so sweet?

Martini guilt.

[Carrie laughs]

[Carrie] Later that night,
I got to thinking
about fathers,

or the lack of them.
Some say

a daughter's
relationship with her father

is the model
for all her subsequent
relationships with men.

Is that just
"pop" psychology,

or is there some truth to it?

And if you were given
a less than perfect model,

does it mean a life of
less than perfect
relationships?

I couldn't help but wonder...

How much does
a father-figure figure?

Gentlemen,
I understand your concern,

but I'm looking at
the contract right now--

[beeping]

I'm sorry, could you
hold for a moment?

I'm on a conference call here.

[woman] Charlotte York
says it's an emergency.

[sighs]

Charlotte, what's wrong,
are you okay?

I'm fine, I'm just
looking over your registry

and there are some things
you forgot to include.

Like a Manhattan Whozit.

-A what?
-It's a learning toy.

Active toys make
for passive children.

There's a whole philosophy
behind it.

I don't have time
for philosophy.

I'm on a conference call
with our London Office.

What about a Peek-A-Ball?
Peek-A-Ball!

Peek-A-Ball, Miranda!

Jesus, Charlotte,
I have to get back.

Just one more quick thing.

I know you said
no storks,

but I saw the most gorgeous
centerpiece in the shape of a--

I'm at work!

Well, we have
to order it by noon.

Now, its feathers
are white Fiji mums...

What did I say?

No storks, but these people
are giving you

expensive gifts
and they're gonna want
to see a little baby.

No storks, no present opening,
no cutesy baby stuff.

We agreed!

What about
a marzipan baby carriage?

-Charlotte!
-It has a white chocolate
peanut butter baby inside

and you can
eat the baby.

Miranda? Miranda!

[Carrie] The next day,

Samantha made a conference call
of her own.

Ms. Jones, welcome.

Will Mr. Wright
be joining you for lunch?

No, actually,

it's Richard's birthday
this weekend,

and I'm trying to put together
a little celebration for him.

Certainly,
would you like to reserve
one of our banquet rooms or--

Oh, that won't be necessary.

It's a very small party,

a very small,

private party...
of three.

Just Richard,

myself, and a third...

If you have any openings.

[inhales] I'm wide open.

Lucky me. [laughs]

[Carrie]
And now that Charlotte's house
was ready for the baby shower,

she wanted to make sure
Miranda's house

was ready for the baby.

So, the bassinet can go
over here, by the bed.

-Uh-huh.
-So, when you have to

get up for feedings,
he's right there. See?

-Yeah.
-Unless you're

planning to have him
sleep in the bed with you.

-Can't I go to jail for that?
-No,

in fact, many cultures
believe that it's safer

for the baby's breathing.

Although you do
run the risk of rolling over

and smooshing him in your sleep.
But that almost never happens.

But, almost isn't never,

so, if you want to err
on the side of safety--

Um, I'll just put him
in the thing.

-The bassinet.
-Yeah.

-Great!
-[laughs]

And then when he's big enough,
you can put the crib here.

Is that what you were thinking?

Oh, I hadn't thought
about that yet.

Well, you need to start

thinking about these things,

'cause there are
a million questions to answer

before the baby
ever gets here.

Do you have a birthing plan?

Do you know what kind
of a mother you want to be?

Yes, I plan to be a...
good mother!

But a marsupial mom
or a stroller mom?

Will you be breast-feeding
or bottle-feeding?

And what about
baby-proofing?

'Cause with all
the sharp edges around here,

I mean, this place
is a deathtrap.

Okay, you need to back off.

I'm just trying to help.

This is your idea
of helping?

Pointing out all the things
I do badly?

I'm not pointing out--

Yes, you are.

You need to try to let
other people in a little,

because once
you have that baby,

it's not just you anymore.

You're not gonna be able
to control everything.

Look, I just want
to enjoy the fried chicken

and be done with it.

Oh, um...

Well, I had to re-think
the fried chicken.

'Cause you're the only one
who wanted all that breading,

so instead,
we're having mesclun greens

and a lovely puttanesca.

With a Fiji mum centerpiece.

A Fiji mum stork centerpiece?

One stork, I think
you can deal with one stork.

Two storks,
I saw the invitation.

There's a stork
on the invitation.

That's not a stork,
that is a duck.

And that duck is smoking
an "it's a boy" cigar.

That duck's not for children.

That duck is fucked,
this whole shower is fucked!

You can't have a shower
without some baby stuff.

You keep this up, you're gonna
have a shower without a mommy!

-Fine!
-Fine!

Miranda, you better show up!

I am not getting stuck
with a bunch of lawyers,

who, if they're
anything like you,

won't even appreciate
a beautiful puttanesca!

Watch out for the sharp edges!

Thanks for coming down
and talking.

Well, I really
didn't have a choice.

You couldn't make it
up the stairs.

[Miranda groans]

-There.
-[groans]

You feel better?

The back, yes,
the other stuff, no.

I'm gonna be
a terrible mother.

-Miranda...
-I am.

I have no maternal instincts,
no patience.

The way I yelled
at Charlotte.

She was just trying to point out
what needed to be child-proofed.

-Oh, my God.
-What?

I'm what needs
to be child-proofed.

You want to quit?

Come on, I'll quit the magazine,
you quit the baby.

We'll be two quitters,
we'll live happily ever after.

Can I tell you a secret?

You're not really pregnant,
it's water weight?

I dropped my niece on her head.

I was babysitting
when I was 13 and I got bored.

I got bored, Carrie!

I was doing my homework,
she slid down the couch.

Two stitches.

Get off my stoop.

[laughing] How is this kid
ever gonna make it?

A type-A mother
who works 50 hours a week

and no father figure.

He has a father figure.

Steve.

I meant you.

[laughs] Oh, really?

-Yeah.
-I do like those Yankees.

[couple chatting]

Second date,
dinner and a movie.

Yeah, I hate them.

Hey...

Do you think it really
can be as simple
as my father walked out,

therefore, I'll always
be messed up about men?

My father came home every night
at seven on the dot,

and I have no clue
about men either.

-So, it's a crapshoot.
-Mm.

Do I have to go
to my own baby shower?

I RSVP'd to a duck with a cigar.

-All right.
-You're going.

Okay, it's late,
I gotta catch a cab.

Wait, let me get you a forklift.

[Miranda laughs]

-Are you ready?
-Yeah, okay.

Go, go, go, go. Here you go.

-Thank you.
-You did good.

-You, too.
-[Carrie giggles]

[Carrie] The next day,

Miranda decided not
to duck her own shower.

Hey, you showed up.

Yeah, yeah, bring on
the ladies in hats

and let's get this over with.

Where'd you put all the storks?

Well, you said
you didn't want any storks.

Yeah, I know, but--

[gasping] Charlotte,
what did you do?

-Well, it's your shower.
-[gasping]

-[doorbell rings]
-Oh, can you get that?

'Cause I have to get
the rest of the sandwiches.

Which have all of their crusts,
nothing cute.

No ridiculous over-the-top
baby stuff allowed.

Oh!

-Hey, mama!
-Why are you opening the door?

Aren't you supposed
to be sitting on a lily pad

being worshipped?

What is that?

It's a four-tiered baby cake
made entirely of diapers.

I baked it myself.

We ordered it online.

What am I supposed
to do with it?

How the hell should we know,
didn't you want one?

-No.
-Well, we're not taking it back.

We've already been seen
carrying it down Park Avenue.

-Huh.
-Definitely not Vogue.

Charlotte said
it was the shower gift.

See, I told you
we should've gotten
a massage certificate.

[Carrie] One hour,
two platters of chicken,
and 13 lawyers later,

all talk had turned to babies.

Well, almost all.

She may be 21, but I have
21 years of experience.

I can fuck her under the table.

Well, that's good to know,

because in
a three-way situation,
it could come to that.

Honey, I have tricks
she hasn't even seen.

And those tricks
aren't for kids.

And no matter what happens,
she's just renting him.

I own.

Exactly.

Although, I don't really own.

So, it's more of an illegal
sublet type of thing?

-Yeah.
-Wow. [giggles]

[guests "ooh-ing" and laughing]

It's a breast pump.

-Oh!
-[woman] Well,

you know, I didn't want you
coming to my office to
borrow mine.

[laughter]

You know what, I have to pee.

Oh, no, no,
wait, wait, here.

-You take Charles.
-Oh.

Have fun, Mom.

-[Miranda] Okay.
-[murmurs]

Alright,
keep 'em coming, ladies!

-Let's keep the presents comin'!
-[baby crying]

-Miranda!
-Yeah?

Nothing.

[Charlotte]
Something tells me
this one's Tiffany.

-[women] Ooh...
-That's from me.

[all gasping]

Oh...

-That is elegant.
-Oh, my God.

That's exactly
like the rattle Trey gave me

when we first-- [crying]

You okay?

I'm fine, I'm fine.

I'm sorry, everybody.

Excuse me. [crying]

[women murmuring]

What did I do?

Charlotte?

I just need to be
alone right now.

Okay.

Except, you know,

you got 20 people
in the other room.

I'm sorry I ruined your shower.

You didn't.

And there wouldn't even
be a shower to ruin

if it weren't for you.

Look, I know
this is hard.

And I really appreciate
you trying to be okay

with me having this baby.

Because I need you.
[laughs]

I mean, let's face it,

you're the only person
in my life who...

knows how important it is
to have a cake

made entirely out of diapers.

[laughing and sniffling]

There's lotion in there, too.

Oh, yeah?

And baby bottles.
And a receiving blanket.

See?

I would never
have known that.

You would've figured it out.

[Carrie] And just like that,
Miranda realized,

she might be a good
mother figure as well.

[knocking]

Ah, hello?

Somebody better go check on
mommy in the guest bath,

because little Fitz here
has wet himself.

-And myself, I might add.
-Oh...

Well, I happen to have
four tiers of diapers.

-Oh, good.
-Ladies,

can we cut the cake
and get out of here?

I have a three-way
to go to.

-Yeah.
-[baby coos]

That's my earring.

[Carrie] That night,
at the birthday three-way,

Samantha made sure
it happened her way.

Just so we're clear.

Tonight is just
about sex, not love.

So, there will be
no kissing on the mouth.

Richard's lips are off-limits
to anyone but me.

What if he kisses me?

[champagne cork pops]

Who's up for champagne?

I'm up for anything.

[moaning]

Hey!

Easy, Sam, there's more
than enough of me to go around.

You tell her, daddy.

[Carrie]
The one thing Richard
didn't want for his birthday

was to feel older.

Get rid of her.

I'm on it.

Ooh!

Hey!

[Carrie]
It was time for the fledgling
to leave the love-nest.

Anything else you want
for your birthday?

Nah, this is great.

Just you and me.

What about my three-way?

I have a busboy
arriving at midnight.

[sighs]

Seriously, let's try this.

Just you and me,

nobody else.

Oh, okay.

[Carrie]
By giving Richard what
he thought he wanted,

Samantha finally got
what she needed...

Monogamy.

The following night,
with a little after-hours help

from my favorite editor...

I finished the impossible,

my first Vogue piece.

And now, my favorite part
of the writing process...

Print.

Congratulations, cookie.

500 beautifully written words,

and some of them even include
the Carrie Bradshaw agenda,

cleverly hidden, of course.

It's a literary Where's Waldo?

When I finish a new piece,

I usually celebrate by opening
a bottle of Chateau Latour.

How do you celebrate?

By buying shoes and purses.

Well, in that case...
Have you ever heard of
the Vogue accessories closet?

[Carrie] Oh, my God!

It's too good.

I'm sorry, but it's,
oh, it's too good.

Just like a kid
in a couture candy store.

This is too much.

How can this be?

Well, designers send us things,
and we photograph them.

Oh, my God!

Shh, Carrie!

Do you--
Do you know what these are?

We're not even
supposed to be in here.

Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes.

I thought these were
an urban shoe myth.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

I'll be pillaging
the men's side.

Okay, oh, my God!

These are authentic
patent leather.

And if they don't fit,

so help me, I'm gonna
wear them anyway.

Oh... Wow. Well, they--

-They almost fit.
-[Julian] Carrie?

-Yeah?
-Tell me what you think

about these Versaces.

Okay, alright.

Oh.

[gasping] Oh!

-What do you think?
-Oh, my...

Wha-- What are you doing?

I'm just showing you
these briefs.

[laughing] Well, don't!

Julian, pull your pants up.

Oof! Look at you
in those Mary Janes...

Stop!

What happened
to your wife, the dancer?

She's having an affair with
our friend, the chiropractor.

Oh...

-Carrie?
-Wha-- Uh... What?

I find you adorable.

You're old enough
to be my father.

Hardly, would your father
wear Versaces?

Pull your pants up now.

Alright, but, cookie, as someone
who really cares about you,
let me just say,

I think you have some
serious issues with men.

I do right now, yes.

An older man
can help you work through

some of those
father issues, cookie.

Okay, don't "cookie" me, Freud.

Pants up!

Show some respect...

This is Vogue.

[Carrie] Turns out Julian
had an agenda as well,

but it was cleverly hidden,
of course.

From then on, once a month,
when I went to Vogue,

I thought it best to work
exclusively with Enid.

Alright, this new piece
shows improvement,

but still positively
reeks of you.

This magazine doesn't care
what Carrie Bradshaw
has to say about shoes.

What does Carrie Bradshaw
know about shoes?

Enid, with all due respect...

Men, I may not know...

But shoes?

Shoes, I know!

[chuckling]
I'm walking.

Oh, I'm walking.

[Carrie] I admit, it's tempting
to wish for the perfect boss,

or the perfect parent,
or the perfect outfit.

But maybe the best
any of us can do

is not quit,

play the hand
we've been given,

and accessorize
the outfit we've got.