All language subtitles for My Life is Murder S03E05 Silent Lights

(FUNKY, UPBEAT MUSIC)

(TYRES SCREECH, ALEXA GRUNTS)

- Hello! Merry Christmas.
Ho ho ho. Here you go.

- Christmas was three weeks ago.
- Oh, on behalf of the Postal
Service, I apologise.

We were late (!)

SOFTLY: Sorry.

Oh. Hey, oh, no, they're
just real estate letters,

so it's not real.
It's just not from a real human.

- That's because real humans know how
much I despise environmental waste,

like, oh, Christmas cards,
tinsel, wrapping paper.

- OK, Mr Grinch. (CHUCKLES)

Hey, how was your Christmas?
Were you just sitting there
eating your, like, frozen meal?

Was it a lonely one, was it,...
dear?

- I had a lovely Christmas with
all my friends three weeks ago.

- Oh.

You're supposed to
put these in the mailbox.
- You're it.

(FUNKY MUSIC)

(MUSIC FADES)

Hello. You look
all relaxed and summery.

- Two weeks without phone reception
will do that. You get away?

- No. Stayed in town while
the rest of Auckland headed out to
their holiday homes. And I loved it.

- Yeah, I was in the Coromandel
with the rest of Auckland.
- Ha.

- Still relaxing, though ―
until I got back to work.

Paddy Jones did not have
a good Christmas.

Resident of Woodhouse St.
Famous Christmas light destination.

- Yeah, I know the one.
- Yeah.

Each year, the residents put on
quite a show, but Paddy's house
always stands out.

On Christmas Eve, Paddy went up on
to the roof to fix a faulty Rudolph.

He slipped, and he fell.

- Or was he pushed?
- Actually, everything
points to it being an accident.

- (SCOFFS)
- Paddy was getting on a bit.

The roof was cluttered
with cords and transformers.

Plus, there was a bunch
of eyewitnesses.

They saw him fall, and
he was definitely alone up there.

- So what are you doing here?
You just came to show me your tan?
- (CHUCKLES WEAKLY)

No, I need you to prove without
doubt that it wasn't a murder.

Paddy's wife, Josie, is convinced
that the neighbours are responsible.

Luke, he works in marketing,
and Heather is a home executive.

They've got two kids. Normal people,
as far as we can tell.

- But Josie thinks that they
pushed her husband off the roof.

- There's been a little bit of
rivalry the past couple of years.

- Rivalry?
- Yeah. The Christmas lights.

Paddy and Josie won best display
for a few years running

until the competition aspect was
cancelled by residents' vote.
- Mm-hm.

- It spilled over into
the rest of the year ― council
complaints, that sort of thing.

- So you want me to break up warring
neighbours? Harry, I'm on holiday.

- Josie needs some closure.
Look, she lost her man at Christmas.

She's grieving.
She's looking for someone to blame.

We've checked every possibility,
but I'm worried she might do
something silly.

- So I just go there,
prove it was an accident,

and I can go back to
my summer reading.
- Exactly.

Eat, Pray, Love?

I was joking.

See ya.
- Bye.

Captions by Sam Baker.
Edited by Alex Walker.

Captions were made with
the support of NZ On Air.

www.able.co.nz
Copyright Able 2022

- What happened? Someone was
lacking in Christmas spirit?

- Nah, somebody fell off a roof,
and we just have to prove
that it wasn't an accident.

- OK, well, this makes for a change.

Wow. These people are dedicated.

- Yup, they sure are.

That's Paddy, who fell,
and his wife, Josie.

And living to the right of them
are the McGrahams ―

Heather and Luke and...
two little Lukes.

- Uh, these people
named their house?

- Eh?

READS: McGraham Mews.
Established 2018.

- Who names their house?
And what even is a mews?

- Oh, I know.

It's a line of dwellings,
usually converted from a stables.

- Someone should tell them that.

- (CHUCKLES) Winner.

Hey. Contact the City Council

and find out what these neighbours
were really warring about.

- OK, the big stuff, huh (?)

- Can you pick up those grapes?
- RESIGNEDLY: Of course.

(FUNKY MUSIC)

(LOW-KEY JAZZ MUSIC)

- (KNOCKS ON DOOR)

(SLEIGH BELLS JANGLE)

- Paddy and I moved here
40 years ago.

Back then, there was no fences
between the properties.

Neighbours were friends.

- So the disagreements didn't start
with the Christmas lights?

- (SCOFFS) Do not get me
started on the lights.

Look at this.

'A gift,' they said.

'So we could fit in with

'the street's aesthetic,' they said.

'Cream or white,
a symphony in beige.'

Trying to make us get rid of
everything we've collected
over the years ― our decorations!

Did you see my big fat Santa
out the front there?
- Oh, I did, Josie.

Kind of hard to miss.
- Mm.

- Isn't it bad luck to leave
your Christmas decorations
out past a certain date?

- My husband is dead.

How can my luck possibly
get any worse?

- Josie, several eyewitnesses saw him
fall. There was no one else up there.

No one could have pushed him.
- Paddy had been on that roof
a hundred times.

He was a capable man! Not the sort
to just... topple off a roof.

- He looks like a wonderful guy.

- He wouldn't hurt a fly.

But do you know what Luke said
to him the night before he died?
- What?

- He said,

'I hope you fall off
that bloody roof.'

Now, are you gonna tell me
that's a coincidence?

(INTRIGUING MUSIC)

(KNOCKING)
- Hello.

- Hello. What's your name?
- Oscar.

- Hi, Oscar. I'm Alexa.

- Oscar! What have I told you
about talking to her?

Josie...

- Alexa, actually. You?

- Luke. Yeah.

Um, jump inside, Oskie.
- Actually, Luke, uh...

Mind if I just pop over
for a quick chat?

- Sorry about the chaos.
We're unpacking. We just
got in from the Coromandel.

- Yeah, it's embarrassing. (CHUCKLES)

So, I know that the police have
talked to all the neighbours,
so this won't take a sec.

- Well, we're... we're truly sorry
what happened to Paddy, of course,
you know, but... (INHALES)

he was a grumpy old guy.

- (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Not that
we wanna speak ill of the dead.

- He was grumpy to everyone,
or did you two get special treatment?

- Any time we did anything,
he'd complain.

We painted the house in
grey warbler; he complained.
- (CHUCKLES)

- We planted star jasmine;
he complained.

And it wasn't just Paddy; it was
Josie as well. She was just as bad.
- Mm.

Look, I mean, they weren't happy
unless there was something
to moan about.

Paddy gave himself
a heart attack last year.

- How does someone
give themselves a heart attack?

- Getting wound up over
Hamish and Monique's dogs.

- Oh, Hamish and Monique are the
neighbours on the other side?
- Yeah, lovely people. Lovely.

But Paddy gave them hell. I mean,
this one time, mid-tantrum,

he was going off at them, clutches
his chest, and over he goes.

- And even though he'd been
yelling abuse, Monique still
gave him CPR. Saved his life.

- Then the ambulance carted him off.
A week later, he was back at it
again.

- And the experience
didn't make him any nicer.
- It did not. (CHUCKLES)

- Not that you want to
speak ill of the dead.

- Look, I wouldn't wish
what happened on anybody,
but he's a very unpleasant man.

- What about you, Luke?
Would you wish ill on the dead?

'I hope you fall off
that bloody roof.'
- (GROANS)

Yeah, I, um...
Look, I shouldn't have said that.

- You know that Josie thinks that one
of you two pushed him off the roof.
- Of course we know.

Despite there being people there
that saw him up there. Alone.

She's mad.
- Look, if― if we'd killed the guy,

do you think we'd be standing here
openly bagging him?
- I dunno.

I don't know you.
- Well, we wouldn't lie.

We're straight-up people. Trust me,
what you see is what you get.

Eh, babe?
- (SIGHS)

- Thanks so much for that.
- No worries.

- Gosh, that's bright.
- Yeah.

I wanted the warm yellow, but
Heather wanted a cool white ― goes
with the grey warbler, apparently.

- Sure.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)

- Oh, Hamish! Monique.
- Oh, hi!
- Oh, gidday, Luke. How are you?

- These guys live on the
other side of Josie and Paddy.
- How do you do?

- This is Alexa.
She's from the police.
- Well, a friend of the police.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi there.
- (CHUCKLES)

You know how Josie's going on about
someone pushing Paddy off the roof?
- Yeah, poor thing.

- Right. What, and you're here
because of that? Do you think
there's something in it?

- Well, I'm reserving judgement.
- Right.

- Well, we can all save her
the time, though, right?

She's mad as a cut snake.
- Oh, come on, mate.
- Well, she has gone a bit... crazy.

She doesn't want anyone's help.
I started a meal train for her,

you know, where people volunteer to
provide dinner, and the neighbours
really rallied.

- Yeah, but then Heather
saw her pouring a beautiful vegan
green curry into a wheelie bin...

- (SCOFFS)
- ...like it was...
like it was poison or something.

- Yeah, not good. Mm.

- Hey, I noticed that you guys
have got security cameras
in front and back.

Do you think they captured any images
from the night that Paddy died?
- Oh, yeah, maybe.

- We hardly bother checking them,
cos the dogs set them off
quite a bit. (CHUCKLES)

- But the data's sent to my cloud,
so, I mean, you can have a look
at it if you want.

- I'd love that. Now?
- Yeah. Yeah, come on through.
- Yeah, sure. Cool.

- Great.
- Cool.

- Nice to meet you, Luke.
- Yeah. Like― Oh, actually, um...

Here, take that.
If you need anything.

- Thanks.
- OK.

- We definitely had
our moments with Paddy.

- Nothing like
Luke and Heather, though.

- Well, let's just say
he wasn't much of a dog lover.

- Don't tell me he gave you
a hard time about them.
- Oh, every single day.

- The little rascal used to get
into his yard, and he used to,
you know, dig underneath.

- Only a couple times, though, babe.
- Oh, but Paddy used to get
so wound up.

- Yeah, I heard he had a heart
attack, like, right in front of you.
- Mm-hm.

- Yeah. Lucky Monnie was there.
- Oh, well, it was instinct, really.
My training kickedin.

Now, Alexa, I am making cocktails.
Would you like a little dirty
martini?

- I'm good.
- OK.

- Ah. Here we are. December 24th.

It buzzed about a half dozen times,
so you might be able to find
something on there.

- Can you airdrop that to me?
- Uh, yes. Well, this computer's
a bit ancient for that.

- I think you mean you're
the ancient one, babe, who doesn't
know how to work it. (LAUGHS)

- Do you want me to email it to you?
- That would be awesome.
- Great.

- Really appreciate your help.
- Oh, anything to keep the peace.
(EMAIL WHOOSHES)

Look, uh, the old boy fell off
the roof. That's it. You know?

If you can convince Josie of that,
there'd be a lot of grateful people
out there.

(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)
- So, I found a couple of things
in the council records.

- Madison. Someone put
an ugly collar on my cat.

- (MIAOWS)
- An application
from Luke and Heather

to build a new carport
two years ago.
- I didn't see no carport.

Madison, the collar.
- Yeah, that'll be because the
building consent was turned down.

Complaints from neighbours.
- Our friends Paddy and Josie.

- (MIAOWS)
- Collar!

Any ideas?
- It was on sale,
and I couldn't resist.

- It's Christmas-themed.
- It's red and green.
- With snowflakes!

- It's cute, though, right?
- No, not cute.

You may notice that the Christmas
tree which you installed in December
was taken down January1st,

cos I don't like it when seasons
linger, and I don't like it
when they start too early.

Why can we not just live?

Why does everything
have to be an occasion?
(CELL PHONE PINGS)

Ooh, hey. Turn on the TV.

This is the security camera footage
from the other neighbours,
Hamish and Monique.

- Yeah, between August and November,

Paddy called the noise control
on them seven times ― dogs barking.

(DOGS YAP ON TV)
- Mm-hm. Dogs.

Dogs. Dogs.

(RATTLING ON TV, MUFFLED YELL)

(GASPS) That's the sound of
Paddy hitting the ground.

(RATTLING)

10.15 exactly,
just like the police report said.

- Poor guy.
- Let's go to the front view.

Here is just before the fall.
Did you see that?

- See what?
- To the side, at the house
where Luke and Heather live,

the light changes.

Top middle. There it is again,
just over two hours later.

Someone leaving the house
and tripping the sensor line.

- Luke or Heather?

- Picking him.

But where would he be going
at that time of night?

(MUSIC BUILDS)

(GROOVY MUSIC)

- We were just having a coffee.
Did you want one?

- Um, no, thank you. I just...

Oh, Monique. Hello.

- Hello.

- Uh, this won't take long. I just
wanna ask a couple of questions.

- Should we catch up later?
- Well, I can stay if you want.

- Oh, OK. Well,

let's see. Um...

So, 24th of December, where was Luke?

- Here, with me,...

watching a silly Christmas movie,
after which we went to bed.

We were both fast asleep
when Paddy fell off the roof.

- At 10.15? Gosh, that must have been
an early night or a very short film.

So nobody came to visit about 10.10,
leaving shortly before 1.00?

- As I said, we were in bed.

- Sorry. This is just feeling a
little bit like they're still being
harassed even after Paddy's gone.

- No, just looking for answers.

- Well, I think your answer is
that Josie needs some serious
grief counselling.

- And my husband and I
need to be left alone.

- Fair enough.

(LAID-BACK MUSIC)

- Hello. Come on through.
Come on through.

- Crikey! What do you guys do here?
Ooh, Spacies!

- Ah, like, digital agency,
PR, you know. Influencers,
content creators, artists.

- Oh! (GROANS)
- It's good fun, huh?

- Oh, I was always bad at Spacies.
It makes me nervous. OK.

So...
- So.

- Where were you
the night that Paddy died?

- Wow. That's a... Sounds a lot
like, 'Did you kill the guy?'

- No, cos if I wanted to ask that,
I'd just ask that.

I just wanna know
if you were at home.
- Right.

Well, I actually― I don't, uh...
I don't have to tell you
my personal business, so...

- No, no, you don't have to tell me.
But, you know, if you want Josie
to stop with the accusations,

let's just clear this up.
- (CLEARS THROAT) Josie. Right.

I think you're giving her
way too much credit.
(CELL PHONE BUZZES)

Yeah. And I'm actually
really busy, so...

- No, no. If you need to get that
other phone, wherever it is,
then please do.

I have time.
- And I have a big campaign on.

So if you want to humour that
old bat, that's fine with me.

But don't ever come
to my office again.

- Oh.
- Do you want me to show you out?
- No, no.

- Yeah.
- I know the way.
- OK.

(CURIOUS MUSIC)

Is that right?

Yeah, well...

(GROOVY MUSIC)

- Town was empty this time last week.

Reuben! Where the hell did
all these people come from,
and why don't they go back there?

- (CLEARS THROAT) Well,
I kinda like having customers.
- Coffee, please.

(CELL PHONE TRILLS)

- Hey, Beth. Happy New Year.

- The year is weeks old.
You can stop saying that already.

- Oh, it's just Alexa.
She's got a thing.

Yeah. Post-Chrissy slump, I reckon.

- You know, Luke's got
a second phone. I need to
get my hands on it somehow.

- Oi, Beth? You wanna steal a phone?
- Ooh, that's a great idea.

Get her to pose as a client.
Go and see Luke and look for
an opportunity to swipe it.

- Did you get that?

What kind of client?
- I dunno. Like, a content
creator or an influencer,

whatever kind of people Luke sees.
Madison will text you the address.

- And what are we doing?
- Well, you're going to be
my moral support.

- For what?
- For my thing. You know how the
lingering seasons make me queasy?

- You OK up there?
- Mm-hm.

- You know, you could've sent me up.
(CHUCKLES WEAKLY)

- (SIGHS)

Hey.

OK. Can you see me?

- Yes.

- Ouch. (GRUNTS, WINCES) Ouch.

OK. (PANTS)

Can you see me now?

- Still yes. There's no way
anyone else was up there with him.

- (SCOFFS) Blast.

(SIGHS)

(DOG YAPS)

- Hi.

Come on, you two.
(DOGS PANT)

- Are you sure you don't
need me to come up?

- Nah, I think you'd have
way too much fun.

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

- I bet this is punishment for
the Christmas-themed collar.

(DOOR CLATTERS SHUT)
- Oh. Did you find something?

- No, nothing yet.
- Well, you must have a theory.
Why else would you be up there?

- Just checking that the police
haven't missed anything.

- Well, of course
they missed something.

They missed the fact
that my husband was murdered,

and the people who did it
are sitting right next door.

- This is cool.
- Oh. Yeah.

Winners of the People's Choice Best
Display. We won that every year till
they cancelled the voting in 2019.

The neighbours thought it wasn't
in the spirit of Christmas.

Sore losers, more like.

- I wish I'd seen
your display at night.
- You still can.

I turn it on every evening
in Paddy's honour,

and I will keep doing it until
his killers are brought to justice.

- Look, if anyone can do that,
Alexa can.

- Josie, tell me about
Paddy's heart complaint.

- It was arrhythmia, but it wasn't
his ticker that made him fall.
He had a pacemaker.

That and the pills kept him
healthier than you or me.

- And the coroner said the
cause of death was the fall,
not a heart attack, right?

- Exactly.

(FUNKY MUSIC)

- Ta-da.

- Mm. And what am I looking at?

- A business proposal.
I designed an app for Beth
to pitch to Luke tomorrow.

- Well, this looks extremely stupid.

I think Luke will love it.
- Thank you.

You know, if that app existed, you
would definitely download it, Alexa.
- Oh, I don't think so.

- Hey, I'm going to check out
Josie's lights. You wanna come?
- No, thank you.

Chowder and I have things to discuss.
- OK. Bye.

- An app which sends fake messages
from your cat to an owner
when they're away.

Who would want a thing
like that, Chowder?
- (PURRS)

- I mean, what kind of a weirdo
wants messages from their pussycat?

(INHALES) Who's a pussycat?

(GROOVY MUSIC)

(CELL PHONE TRILLS)
(GROANS)

Hello.

- MADISON ON PHONE: Hi. So, I'm here
checking out Josie's light display,
and, um...

- And?
- And there's something
you need to see.

- HEATHER: You're joking.

- JOSIE: Oh, I'm next, am I?
- LUKE: Seriously, take a hint.
It's time for you to go.

- Ooh, I better lock my doors.
- Go to a home or something.
You're nuts. Completely nuts.

- Well, I don't regret it. And he
can sue me. I don't give a flying...

toss.
- Josie.

You can't keep doing this.
- Well, there's nothing else to do.

There's nobody to talk to, cook for,
have a glass of wine with.

I thought we'd go down together.

You know, there's people
you read about who die within
days or hours of each other.

I just never expected
to be living alone.

And don't tell me to get a cat.

- I wouldn't dare. Cats are jerks.

- Well, I quite like them,
actually, but it wouldn't
be fair on the thing,

not with those hairy rodents
in collars across the fence.

- Look, Josie, I know it's hard.
All right? And...

Now, I hardly ever do this for
people. Well, not for anyone,
actually.

But if you ever find that
you're about to do something
that's gonna land you in a jailcell,

I want you to call me. All right?

And we will just talk rubbish until
the urge for revenge goes away.
- Well, you are a brave woman.

You might be getting
a lot of phone calls.

- Well, I'd rather that than you wind
up on the end of legal proceedings.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- Luke and Heather are
starting legal proceedings.
- Ugh!

Honestly.
- They're allowed to be
a little bit peeved.

- (SIGHS) Luke is not an innocent
victim in all of this.
He's hiding something.

- The guy's a bit of a prat,
but do you really think he'd kill
someone over Christmas decorations?

- I don't think it's that.

But I've got another theory,
which I'm hoping to confirm
right about now.

- Um, what? Soda?
- Ooh, yes, please.
- Yeah, OK.

So, um,... I loved your prop.

- You did?
- Yeah, it's a really
cool idea for an app.

I mean, it's on point, you know?
(CHUCKLES) Can you just imagine
the crazy old cat ladies?

They are gonna lap this up.
- Oh.

- And you know
what that means, right?

- All right!

Oh my― Oh my God! Oh my God.
- Oh―

Whoa!
- Can you―

- Oh my God. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
I'm so sorry about that.
- Nah, nah.

- Um...
- Someone must've
shaken it up. It's just―

- Who would do that?
- You know, it's― it's not
your fault, Beth. I'll just...

I'll grab a cloth, yeah? Lily!
- (GROANS)

It's a really terrible
first impression.

I'm really embarrassed.

(CURIOUS MUSIC)

- Wow.
- Um, actually... You know what?
I don't think I'm ready.

Mm. (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
- What? Sorry, what?
You're not ready? What do you mean?

- I think the soda was a sign.
I don't think― I don't think
the app is ready,

and I'm really sorry about this,
but, hey, thank you!

- I just said it's money!
Don't worry about the s―

- Beth came through.
Luke's phone. Both of them.

- She didn't just swipe
the burner phone?
- She didn't know which it was.

Luke's got this vintage,
retro vibe going, and both
his phones are pretty alike.

- I love it. Oh, the guy calls the
same number over and over again.
He makes it too easy forus.

So, it looks like Luke really missed
his lover while he was away
at the beach with his family.

What do you suppose his wife
was doing when he sent this?

- Oh. Classy (!)

- OK, wait. Here's another one.

Here we go. (READS) 'I think
your neighbour saw us.'

- Meaning Paddy?
- Meaning Paddy. Does that
smell like a motive to you? Hm.

- Ooh. Don't look now, but...

- Oh God. You didn't disable
the location app?

- I didn't think phones this old
would even have that ability.

- OK, well, just be cool, fool.

- Alexa, what are you doing here?
- Luke!

This is my coffee house. I live here.

- With my phones?
- Oh, your phones. Yeah.
(CHUCKLES) Here you go.

- So you sent her,
the girl with that cat app.

You know, I don't care if they're
your mates. I'm calling the cops.

Comes into my office, sprays soda
all over me and all over my desk,
and then she steals my phones.

- Luke, let's just take a walk,
you and me.

You've really got a lot to learn
about having an affair and
not getting caught, don't ya?

- She's a brand manager.
- And she comes to Auckland
once a week.

- How do you know that?
- Well, your phone blows up
every Thursday.

You're not very good
at this, Luke, are ya?
- It's none of your business.

And it certainly has nothing
to do with that old bat next door.

- Well, considering you and
your mistress were talking about

how that old bat next door's
now-deceased husband
saw you together,

well, yeah, I think it's my business.

- Hold on. You th... (CHUCKLES)

Did you think I did something cos
I wanted to stop him telling anyone?

- Well, did ya?
- No.

No!

I don't even know if he did see us.

Caroline was dropping me
at the top of the street one night,

and he just happened
to be coming home from the
grocery store or something.

- Did he say anything
to you about it ever?
- No. Nothing came of it.

OK. And... (SCOFFS)

I... I don't want Heather
finding out. She doesn't know,
and I don't want her finding out.

- So tell me this ― where was your
girlfriend the night Paddy died?
- With me.

Hotel down by the Viaduct.
- On Christmas Eve?

- I've got the receipt.
- Well, don't let
your wife find that.

- What do you want, Alexa?

- Are you gonna tell Luke's wife
that he's sleeping with his
workmate?

- No, but he's about to drop the
legal proceedings against Josie,
so... win-win.

Yeah, Heather told me that Luke
was at home with her the night
that Paddy died, watching TV.

Luke admitted that he's getting a bit
of rumpty-pumpty at the local hotel,
so...

- So she did lie.
What, to give Luke an alibi?

- Or to give herself one.

(FUNKY MUSIC)

- This is getting a bit
over the top, isn't it?

- Why'd you lie for your husband?

You said that Luke was
home with you that night.

Silly Christmas movie, early night.

That wasn't true.

- Fine. Luke wasn't home
with me that night.

But he wasn't on
next door's roof either.
- So you know.

- About the affair.

Some things are more important ―
keeping the family together,

not throwing everything away
for a stupid... phase.

My boys deserve a family.

- So...

you were home on your own that night?
- I was home with my boys.

They were in bed,
and I didn't go anywhere.

I wouldn't leave them alone
in the house. Not even for a minute.

- She says she was
home alone all night.

- She could have popped out
while the kids were sleeping

and while her husband was out
doing whatever he was doing.
- Having his early mid-life crisis.

- So she could've. Might've.

Or, as Harry says, 'Maybe Paddy
just slipped and fell off the roof.'

- Meh, he doesn't believe that.
(CELL PHONE TRILLS)

Hello, Alexa speaking.
- Alexa. There's someone on my roof.

- Are you sure?
- Somebody's up there.
I can hear them.

I'm gonna go out there.

So help me God, I'm gonna
get Paddy's cricket bat,
and I'm gonna...

- Josie, do not do that.
Just stay where you are.
I'll be there as soon as I can.

- (SIGHS) It's hard enough
living without Paddy.

Now all this going on.

- I know. There you go.
Have a hot choccy.

Go on.

Gets better, you know.

I mean, you'll always miss him,
but eventually, the memories
stop hurting your heart,

and they just make you smile.

So, anyway, I've had a really good
look around, and I don't see anyone.

But if you're worried, I can get
the canine unit from the police

to come and make sure
no one's hanging around.
- There is no point.

They're long gone. Back next door
to their designer couch.
- (CHUCKLES)

- Look, thanks for coming,
Alexa, but... I'm fine.

- All right. Just so long as
you don't go over there with
a cricket bat.

- What have I got to lose?

- Well, quite a lot, actually.

I mean, this house ―
Paddy's house, his castle.

If those people get all litigious
on you, there'll be legal fees,
there'll be fines.

I don't think you can
afford to take them on ―
not financially, not emotionally.

So, Josie, you have a really
good sleep tonight, all right?

(MUGS CLINK)

SOFTLY: I got this.

(SLURPS QUIETLY)

(FUNKY MUSIC)

Someone was up on Josie's roof.
What on earth were they doing there?

Hello?

- Sorry, it's Monique's Dogstagram ―
Monique who lives next door
to Josie.

- Oh, her with the two yapping mutts.
- Look, they may yap, but these dogs
have a lot of followers.

I checked out the analytics,
and Monique is making major cash,

even before the big
sponsorship deal.

- Something was up on that roof
which made Paddy fall.

Maybe that's what our late-night
roof walker was doing.
- Huh?

- Removing evidence.

Whatever that evidence was.

- JOSIE: Get out of it,
you miserable creatures!

Go on. Go.
- MONIQUE: Oi!

Don't you shout at my babies.
- They were on my property.

- Careful, Josie. You don't wanna
give yourself a heart attack.

Come on, babies. Come on.
Come on, darling.

Leave that miserable
old witch alone.

That's it, girls. Come on, darling.
- (SIGHS)

- Good girls.

- Where did you go, little fella?

Do you know what this is?
- Mm. No.

Paddy did all the electrics.

Do you think it had something
to do with his fall?
- I dunno.

But it's not there any more. I think
someone came and took it down.
- The intruder from lastnight?

- Yeah.
- So now they're stealing
our decorations, our electronics.

I wouldn't put it past them.

- Hey, I heard Monique
yelling at you before.
- I'm used to it.

- 'Don't have a heart attack.'
It's pretty cruel.
- Hm. Well, I've heard worse.

That little cow doesn't bother me.

- So, tell me about
Paddy's pacemaker.

- It was a lifesaver, literally.

- Did it keep a digital record
like some of them do?
- It did.

Downloaded all the data
to our computer.

We used to joke the computer
always knew when something
had got his heart racing.

- (CHUCKLES)

Did you keep that data?

- The record of my husband's
heart beating? I'm not likely
to throw that away.

- So if Paddy had a heart attack
in July, that means you've got,
like, six months of data.

- From the new one, yeah.

- The new one?

- Paddy got his first pacemaker
eight years ago, but then
he had to have it replaced.

- Because?
- It malfunctioned.

That's what caused the heart attack.

- The heart attack he had
when he was fighting with Hamish
and Monique about their dogs?

- Yeah.

(CURIOUS MUSIC)

- So, the police took a look
at these, but they decided
there was nothing unusual

in a pacemaker which failed
when its owner died in a fall.

- It's doing its thing.
Beat, beat, beat until December 24.

And then the pacemaker stopped
at 10.14 when Paddy hit the ground.

- But in the security camera footage
from next door, we hear Paddy fall
at 10.15 on the dot.

- So his heart failed,
and then he fell?

- His pacemaker failed.

- So it is an accident.
- He had it replaced six months ago.

One pacemaker malfunctioning ―
well, that looks like an accident.

Two, it starts to look
a little bit like murder.
(CELL PHONE PINGS)

- New post from Bianca and Faye.

- Oh, Monique's dogs are pinging you?
- I subscribed, but in my defence,
they are super cute.

And you've got to admire her ―
making a career out of
what she loves.

- Well, she could have
stayed in school.

- Hey, don't judge a book
by its cover. Monique was
a registered nurse.

- Give me a look at that.
- I knew you couldn't resist. It's
OK. We call it 'hate scrolling'.

- Oh. (GASPS)
Babies on home detention.

- Yes, and you will note ― different
collars for different seasons,
so it totally is a thing.

- Send me that, would you?

- Am I missing something?
- I think that we have been
looking over the wrong fence.

(RELAXED MUSIC)

(KNOCKS ON DOOR)
(DOGS YAP)

- HAMISH: Hey! Hold the dogs.

Oh, hello again.
- Hi, Hamish. Got a sec?

- Sure.

So...

What's this all about? Not more
drama with crazy old Josie, is it?

- Well, it's more about proving
how crazy old Josie isn't.

You see, she was right
about one thing ―

someone did deliberately cause
her husband to fall off that roof.

What she was wrong about was who.
- Not sure what you're
trying to say.

- Well, let's face it.
Nobody liked Paddy. Or Josie.

But for you guys,
it was all about Bianca and Faye

and how they used to tunnel
under that fence to get to
Paddy and Josie's property.

- Well, we tried to, you know,
fix the problem a million times.
- Yeah, you did.

You, uh... bought

one of these.

Gives the dogs a little shock every
time they try to get past it, right?

I mean, it's like an invisible
electric fence, isn't it?
- And?

- And you stopped using yours.
How come?

- Well, Monique thought
it was cruel.
- It is cruel.

Poor babies cried every time
they went near it.
- Oh, yeah.

- Which upset Paddy even more.
I mean, we couldn't win.

- And he got so wound up,
he had a heart attack.

(MUFFLED YELLING, DOGS YAPP)

- (CHUCKLES) I thought―
I thought we told you all that.
- Yeah.

But it wasn't a heart attack
because he got wound up.

It was his pacemaker.

Did you know that these
electric pet fence systems,

they can interfere with pacemakers?
They can cause them to glitch.
- No.

- Yes. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it's documented.

And anyone with medical training
would know that.

That first heart attack ― that's how
you got the idea, wasn't it, Monique?

- Excuse me. Don't come in here
and talk to my wife like that.

- 24th of December. You pop
that dog fence up on the roof.

(TENSE MUSIC)

And then you unplugged the reindeer
knowing that Paddy would just have to
get up there and fix it.

And when he did, well, that
put Paddy and his new pacemaker
right next to the fence again!

Oh, it malfunctioned.

And then bam! He has a heart attack.
And then bam! He falls off the roof.

Eyewitnesses and all.

- (SPEAKS INAUDIBLY)

And you didn't have to do anything
but sit back and watch the police
deem it an accident.

Didn't even have to get that fence
down. You just left it up there
in plain view.

Till I came along, and then, phew!
You had a little panic,

got up there in the night
and took it back down again.

- You need to stop, OK?
This is outrageous.

- A man's life is less important
than those mutts.

- Those are my babies.

My children. And that mean old prick
threatened them.

He said he was gonna throw
poisoned meat over the fence.
- Monnie?

- He did, Hamish.
You heard him, babe. Remember?
- Yes.

He didn't mean it,
and I told you that at the time.

- They are everything to me.
Everything.

- And you'd do everything
to protect them, everything to
protect that sponsorship deal.

- Don't you say that.

It was never about the money.
- Oh my God, Monique.

- WHISPERS: This is my family.

It's my family.

Babe, I did this for us.
- Don't touch me. Please.

- Well...

Say goodbye to your
fur babies, Monique.
- (EXHALES)

(PENSIVE MUSIC)

- I know, I know.
- Watch out for the dogs.

Vicious.

(FUNKY MUSIC)

- Feliz Navidad.

- It's February.
- Yeah, I know.

I'm just a little late with
the festive wishes. Go on!
It's the good stuff.

- Who'd you steal it from?
- Ooh. Reow!

Actually, I had three interviews
with a boutique winery owner
out west.

He was looking for someone to
take care of his private gardens.

- Really?
- Yeah. Yeah, he asked me
to put a putting green

down the side of his place,
tropical gardens around the pool,
big Palm Springs vibe out front.

Thought it looked amazing,
if I do say so myself.
- Well, that's great.

- Yeah.
- Congratulations.

- I didn't get the job.
- Eh?

- Yeah, nah.
- Wait, you did this guy's
landscaping for free, and―

- Yeah, all right.
- Oh, he scammed you!
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Got a little bit scammed, OK?
- The con man gets conned.

What goes around comes around, huh?
- Yeah, and around again,

cos I noticed he'd never locked the
door to his wine cellar, so, yeahhh.

- Merry Christmas to me.
- I thought we could crack it open.

- Nah. We've given up drinking.
- Eh?

- But it'll make
an excellent re-gift.

- This is very nice.

- Very expensive too.
- Ooh, well, I'll save it for best.

He is lovely, your boyfriend.

- Oh, he's just my coffee guy.
- Oh, yeah? And he's helping out
today because...?

- Because I asked him nicely.
- Mm-hm.

- LUKE: Hey. Um...

Just wanted to see
if you needed a hand.
- No, I don't.

Um... No, thank you.

Oh, and please pass on my thanks
to Heather for the rum balls
she sent over.

- Oh, the bliss balls. Yeah.

No rum, just activated almonds,
cashews, dates, little bit of
Himalayan sea salt.

Yeah. I will.

- Lovely.

No wonder they tasted like sawdust.
- (CHUCKLES)

- Hiya!
- Come on, Madison.
I'll pop the kettle on.

We can have a toast to my Paddy.

- Oh, is that what I think it is?
- Easter eggs.

- In the shops already?
- Everywhere.

- What the hell is wrong with people?
We've got Christmas songs in October,
Easter eggs in Feb―

- You want one?

- (SIGHS)

Look, it's not that
I don't like them.
- Oh.

- It's just that I just don't wanna
be bullied into buying stuff...
- (LAUGHS) Bullied?

- ...at any particular― Yeah.
- 'Bullied into it'?

- It's like Valentine's Day. I hate
Valentine's Day. That really
rubs me up the wrong way.

- (CHUCKLES)

- HARRY: Leah Howell ―
a florist with a severe bee allergy.

She got stung walking down
the aisle of her own wedding.

- Did you have a planner
on your big day?

- Leah was fiancee number four?

Five?!

- Good to see Tom's moving on
at his usual speed.

- I miss Leah so much.

- The groom thinks
his father did what?

Trained a bee to
assassinate the bride?

- Not sure what it is
you're asking, Ms Crowe.

- You're lucky it's too late
to question you, little fella.

- This isn't what I thought
you meant by underdressed.

- And if anyone sees us,
just act inconspicuous.