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1
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:15,158
- Dennis, I need a body guard.
2
00:00:15,182 --> 00:00:17,594
- Okay, uh, use mine.
3
00:00:17,618 --> 00:00:18,595
Strong enough for a man.
4
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:22,899
- No, I mean a real body guard.
5
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:24,801
- Are you in some
sort of danger, Jack?
6
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:28,305
- Elliot, these are violent
times and a man in my position
7
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:29,906
can never be too careful.
8
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:31,174
- Did Trump just get one?
9
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,411
- With an earpiece
and a big ol' gun.
10
00:00:34,435 --> 00:00:35,479
- I'll be your bodyguard.
11
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,117
Seriously, they have
a bodyguard school.
12
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,285
I can.
13
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:43,786
- They have bodyguard school.
14
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:46,390
- See, he makes a great
joke and then he builds on it
15
00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:48,825
so it's even funnier.
16
00:00:48,849 --> 00:00:49,893
- Yeah, see what I did there?
17
00:00:49,917 --> 00:00:51,161
Pretty sweet, huh?
18
00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:52,429
- Hey, I got an
even better idea.
19
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,520
Let me be your bodyguard.
20
00:00:58,059 --> 00:01:00,537
- See, it's funny
when Dennis says it
21
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,472
'cause he's scrawny.
22
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:03,806
- But I used a silly voice.
23
00:01:03,830 --> 00:01:05,342
- It's okay baby, let it go.
24
00:01:08,536 --> 00:01:11,348
- Sorry I'm late, I didn't
hear my alarm go off.
25
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:12,815
- Why not?
26
00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:16,186
- I was locked in a self
storage facility in Yonkers.
27
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:17,587
- That was the
Citizens for Morality.
28
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:19,556
The head guy will
be here at 3:00.
29
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:20,790
- Citizens for Morality?
30
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,092
What do they want with us?
31
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:24,394
- They think our
covers are too explicit.
32
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:26,329
- Well, they are.
33
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,265
But it's still our right.
34
00:01:28,289 --> 00:01:30,067
Although they do have a point.
35
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:32,202
But who are they to judge?
36
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:34,771
Although I kind of agree,
but they must be stopped!
37
00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:36,739
- Maya, you're gonna get
one of those headaches.
38
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,908
- Isn't that the same group
that got Cosmo banned
39
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,445
from all the Gelman's
supermarkets?
40
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:42,779
- That's right,
how did you know?
41
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,781
- It was in the newspaper.
42
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,950
- Ah, were you wrapping a gift?
43
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,321
- I was reading the paper, Jack.
44
00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:52,345
- But why?
45
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,526
- So what do we do
if they boycott us?
46
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:57,794
- Don't worry.
47
00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,329
I know how to deal
with these nuts.
48
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:00,597
- I'd like to be
in on this, Jack.
49
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,665
Would you like to meet
in my office or yours?
50
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:05,935
- I'll handle this Nina,
this is really not your area.
51
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:09,005
- And what exactly do
you consider my area?
52
00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:10,240
- Dennis?
53
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:12,342
- Sorry folks, no
more questions.
54
00:02:12,366 --> 00:02:14,744
Mr. Gallo has a big day.
55
00:02:21,242 --> 00:02:22,652
- I don't know.
56
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:26,389
Maybe my silly voice actually
hurt the bodyguard joke.
57
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,957
- Eh, maybe.
58
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:30,494
- What's the matter with you?
59
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,462
- I was serious about
being a bodyguard.
60
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,032
- Okay, you win.
61
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,267
You win, you're the funny one.
62
00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:38,101
I'm the cool one.
63
00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,558
That's how it is.
64
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,273
- Damn it, Elliot,
it's not a joke.
65
00:02:43,297 --> 00:02:45,375
- Come on, you really do
wanna be a bodyguard?
66
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,909
- Why is that so crazy?
67
00:02:46,933 --> 00:02:49,646
Because I'm not some tall,
muscular freak of nature?
68
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:51,714
I happen to have
lightning fast reflexes.
69
00:02:51,738 --> 00:02:52,549
- Really?
70
00:02:52,573 --> 00:02:54,217
- Oh yeah.
71
00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:55,852
Try to grab these
keys out of my...
72
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:57,254
I didn't say go!
73
00:02:58,679 --> 00:02:59,956
- Look, if it's so
important to you,
74
00:02:59,980 --> 00:03:01,324
just do it.
75
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,626
Go to that school.
76
00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:05,295
Prove to everyone that
you have what it takes.
77
00:03:05,319 --> 00:03:06,563
- Yeah, why not?
78
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:08,253
I'm smart, I'm fast,
79
00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:10,556
I'm agile, I...
80
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:14,293
Hey!
81
00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:19,075
Dennis, when's that decency
guy supposed to show up?
82
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,199
- Any minute.
83
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,713
- Jack, should we be
worried about this guy?
84
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,216
- Not at all, I'm
gonna use my famous
85
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,552
charm and disarm strategy.
86
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:29,952
- What's that?
87
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:32,121
- Remember when you
came in asking for a raise
88
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:35,158
and ended up babysitting
for me all weekend?
89
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,393
- Yeah.
90
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:37,827
Oh.
91
00:03:37,851 --> 00:03:38,728
Hey!
92
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,998
- Excuse me, I'm
Dean Logan from the
93
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,633
Citizens for Morality.
94
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,390
- Ah, I'm Jack Gallo!
95
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:48,638
I've been looking
forward to our meeting.
96
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,039
- Ah, the two-handed handshake.
97
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,241
I must be important.
98
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:55,267
Of course you are.
99
00:03:56,737 --> 00:03:58,981
- I appreciate you letting
me air my concerns
100
00:03:59,005 --> 00:04:00,350
about your magazine.
101
00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:02,785
- Hey, I take your
position seriously.
102
00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:04,921
So, let's get down to it.
103
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:07,624
That is one hell of a suit.
104
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,858
Sal Barone?
105
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:10,660
- Ah, the Gallo charm
and disarm approach.
106
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:11,661
I've heard about this.
107
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,096
- Really? I'm flattered.
108
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,131
- Nice shoes, Italian?
109
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,799
- Why yes, I ordered
them in Naples.
110
00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:18,423
I could order you...
111
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:21,304
Listen, I'm a very busy man.
112
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:22,672
Let's get down to it.
113
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,207
- Good, I will.
114
00:04:24,231 --> 00:04:26,443
We think your magazine
covers are smutty
115
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,278
and we want you
to tone them down.
116
00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,846
- That's ridiculous.
117
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:33,182
There's nothing smutty
about Blush magazine.
118
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,951
- Turn your bedroom
into a brothel.
119
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:37,186
Sizzling sex tips from the pros.
120
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:40,056
- Sure, if you
read it like that.
121
00:04:41,548 --> 00:04:42,759
- Look, obviously, you're
not gonna be offended
122
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,628
by your own magazine,
but I have to tell you,
123
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:48,598
many of us standing in
checkout lines are appalled.
124
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,634
- Then, avert your eyes.
125
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,702
Problem solved!
126
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:56,895
- I strongly suggest you
tone down the covers of Blush.
127
00:04:58,198 --> 00:05:00,477
- Let me tell you something,
Mr. Preacher man.
128
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,646
I don't take well to threats.
129
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,881
- I'm gonna give you a
day to change your mind.
130
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:06,916
Then, we're kicking off
a boycott of the entire
131
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:08,685
Gelman's market chain.
132
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:09,886
- Good luck.
133
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:12,422
Gelman's has
carried us for 20 years.
134
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,056
- Oh, I won't need luck Jack.
135
00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,848
I have a higher
power on my side.
136
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:21,063
You've got 24 hours
to agree to my terms.
137
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:22,532
- Good!
138
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,301
That'll give me time to think
of more naughty headlines.
139
00:05:24,325 --> 00:05:25,635
How 'bout this one?
140
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:28,827
Ten hot tips for
sexy, nudey, sex sex!
141
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:33,142
- Wait a minute.
142
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:35,745
Claire, Claire Noodleman
from Colby, Kansas?
143
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:38,437
- Oh Buster, is that really you?
144
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:43,986
- Boys, God may be on his side,
145
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,623
but lady luck is my bitch.
146
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,236
- So, Claire.
147
00:06:00,260 --> 00:06:01,971
- It's Nina Van Horn now.
148
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:04,173
I pushed Claire down a
well and shaved eight years
149
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:05,375
off her life.
150
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:07,009
- No kidding, I
changed my name too.
151
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:10,313
- Really, what was wrong
with Buster Churchdump?
152
00:06:10,337 --> 00:06:11,914
- Dean Logan's easier to say.
153
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:14,283
- Well, Dean Logan's
easier to look at too.
154
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,853
My God, you filled out.
155
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,589
Teeth are straight and
that gorgeous hair tells me
156
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,190
you've cured your head lice.
157
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,659
- Yeah.
158
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,828
The summer after you left,
my brothers and I got dipped.
159
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,563
Yeah, it was uh,
160
00:06:26,587 --> 00:06:27,864
so what are you doing here?
161
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:28,898
- Oh, I work here.
162
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:29,833
What about you?
163
00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,735
- Yeah, just a little business.
164
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:34,003
Say, we should get together,
catch up on old times.
165
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,304
- I'd like that.
166
00:06:35,328 --> 00:06:36,473
- Yeah, can I call you here?
167
00:06:36,497 --> 00:06:38,241
- Here, this is my private line.
168
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:40,377
Just let it ring in
case I'm napping.
169
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,736
- Say Nina, a word?
170
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,385
- I heard about your
funny bodyguard joke.
171
00:06:48,409 --> 00:06:49,452
- Shutup.
172
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:52,444
- Have a seat.
173
00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:56,559
By the way, you
look beautiful today.
174
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,727
- Oh, why thank you.
175
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:00,430
- In fact, you always do.
176
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:02,432
- Jack, are you gonna fire me?
177
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,668
- Of course not.
178
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,036
I just wanna catch up.
179
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:09,906
I mean, we are old friends.
180
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:13,376
Speaking of which,
you know that guy?
181
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,277
- Who, Buster?
182
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,779
I mean Dean.
183
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:18,648
I haven't seen him since
he was a barefoot little boy
184
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:20,983
with a crush on me.
185
00:07:21,007 --> 00:07:22,519
- You were sweethearts?
186
00:07:22,543 --> 00:07:25,455
- No, no, he was from
the wrong side of the holler.
187
00:07:25,479 --> 00:07:29,325
It's funny, that doesn't
seem so important now.
188
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:30,693
- You know, he's head of the
189
00:07:30,717 --> 00:07:33,129
Citizens for Morality.
190
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,597
- You're kidding!
191
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:37,700
He's the prude who's trying
to neuter our magazine?
192
00:07:37,724 --> 00:07:40,169
- I was thinking,
since you know Dean,
193
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:44,140
maybe you can help me
out with this boycott threat.
194
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,542
- Good idea.
195
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:46,242
We'll stage a press
conference where I'll debate the
196
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,444
issues with him.
197
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:49,412
I'll need a little time
to become an expert
198
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:50,613
on the Fifth Amendment.
199
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,615
- Um, First Amendment.
200
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,883
- You're right.
201
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,952
I'll start with the easy
one and work my way up.
202
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:59,021
- Or, you could just
have dinner with him
203
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:01,424
and win him over
with your charm!
204
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:04,193
- Why, don't you think I'm
capable of debating him?
205
00:08:04,217 --> 00:08:06,529
- I never said that.
206
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,832
Do you have something
with a lower neckline?
207
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:11,501
- Ya know Jack, it isn't
easy to believe in myself
208
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:14,170
when the people I respect
don't have any faith in me!
209
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:16,105
- Look, if you don't
wanna help the team...
210
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,574
- No, I do wanna help the team,
211
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,876
but as a player,
not a pom pom girl!
212
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,178
- Don't think of yourself
as a pom pom girl.
213
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:25,348
Think of yourself as
a situation specialist.
214
00:08:25,372 --> 00:08:26,382
- Alright, alright, fine.
215
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:27,851
I'll have dinner with him.
216
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,986
I'll wear something
sexy because,
217
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:32,789
well frankly, that's all I own.
218
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,591
But I won't have to
charm him because I'll be
219
00:08:34,615 --> 00:08:36,526
too busy winning him
over with a little thing
220
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:38,495
called my brain.
221
00:08:47,093 --> 00:08:50,540
- Welcome to A1 Action
Bodyguard School.
222
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:52,274
Hello, my name is Wanda.
223
00:08:52,298 --> 00:08:53,109
Hello Wanda.
224
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,544
- Shutup!
225
00:08:54,568 --> 00:08:55,778
While you were saying
hello, I could've kidnapped
226
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:58,748
a high power executive
and cut off his ear!
227
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:00,717
Now, listen up.
228
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:03,887
This is gonna be the
hardest two weeks of your life.
229
00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:07,356
I will build your body,
I will build your minds,
230
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,894
I will make you into
tactical machines.
231
00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:15,453
- I had a pickle for lunch.
232
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,701
- I admire your honesty.
233
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:21,638
Now shut your mouth
before I puke in it!
234
00:09:21,662 --> 00:09:26,042
Now, each of you will be
assigned a mannequin to guard,
235
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,710
like this one.
236
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,813
You will eat, drink, and
sleep with this mannequin.
237
00:09:30,837 --> 00:09:32,314
Is that perfectly clear?
238
00:09:32,338 --> 00:09:33,149
Yeah.
239
00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,383
- Shutup!
240
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:35,518
While you were saying
it was clear, I just blew
241
00:09:35,542 --> 00:09:37,709
your executive's head off.
242
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,289
- But you keep asking us stuff.
243
00:09:40,313 --> 00:09:41,891
- Bam bam, he's down!
244
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:42,825
What do you do now, pickles?
245
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,415
What do you do now?
246
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:48,464
- I think I know but
I'm afraid to say.
247
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,435
- Gold, your partner is Horton.
248
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,671
Fisher, team up with Workman.
249
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:31,173
Alright, starting positions.
250
00:10:31,197 --> 00:10:32,942
- Woah, woah, Wanda.
251
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,711
I don't have a partner.
252
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:36,079
- And you are?
253
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:37,614
- Uh, pickles?
254
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:42,218
- Yeah pickles, about that.
255
00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,988
I'm not sure there's any
more I can teach you.
256
00:10:45,012 --> 00:10:47,189
- But we've only
had the one day.
257
00:10:47,213 --> 00:10:49,826
- A day I'll never forget.
258
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,684
Here is your
certificate of effort
259
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,231
and your badgette.
260
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:58,134
I knew I could do it.
261
00:10:58,158 --> 00:10:59,869
And they all laughed at me.
262
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:02,438
- Well, I should've
put a stop to that.
263
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:05,041
- I meant the people at work.
264
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,731
- Anyway, good luck.
265
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:09,734
- Wanda dear,
266
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,884
now that we're not
teacher/student,
267
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:18,910
I guess that leaves us
room to go out on a date.
268
00:11:21,948 --> 00:11:24,060
That's weird, when
you grab there,
269
00:11:24,084 --> 00:11:26,328
I can't feel anything in my...
270
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:30,533
- My mother tells me our
hometown's been going
271
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:32,401
through some tough times.
272
00:11:32,425 --> 00:11:35,204
First, the private
prison went belly up.
273
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,406
Then the slaughter house.
274
00:11:37,430 --> 00:11:39,676
If the toxic waste dump
goes, there'll be no reason
275
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,133
for the young people to stay.
276
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,580
- Yeah, yeah.
277
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,883
I'm not here for a
hometown update.
278
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:49,218
I came to talk about
the First Amendment.
279
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,242
- Oh, okay.
280
00:11:51,745 --> 00:11:54,390
- To begin with, no successful
democracy has ever allowed
281
00:11:54,414 --> 00:11:56,392
any kind of censorship.
282
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,360
- Well, what about Singapore?
283
00:11:58,384 --> 00:11:59,862
- Huh?
284
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:01,998
- Well, they have laws
restricting sexual content
285
00:12:02,022 --> 00:12:04,400
in the media and they
have the seventh strongest
286
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,335
economy in the world.
287
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,137
- Really?
- Yeah.
288
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:10,239
- Okay yeah well,
maybe those guys.
289
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:13,475
But what about the
Declaration of Independence?
290
00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:16,612
- Actually, don't you
mean the Constitution?
291
00:12:19,639 --> 00:12:22,785
- Well, it seems I'm
not wearing a bra.
292
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,687
- What are you doing?
293
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:25,888
- Charming you.
294
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,523
- Well, you are very
charming, but I thought
295
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,258
you wanted to talk
about the issues.
296
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,227
- Well, I do, but I don't know.
297
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:33,629
Maybe it's not my
area of expertise.
298
00:12:33,653 --> 00:12:35,198
- Oh, I believe you
could be an expert
299
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:37,934
at anything you
set your mind to.
300
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:41,470
The way you've pulled yourself
up by your own bootstraps,
301
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,473
it's nothing short
of miraculous.
302
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:48,666
You are an exceptional,
resourceful, intelligent woman.
303
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:52,615
- You know me so well.
304
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:54,083
- I sure do.
305
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,452
Enough to see that
you can look at any issue
306
00:12:56,476 --> 00:12:58,054
with an open mind.
307
00:12:58,078 --> 00:12:59,355
- What do you mean?
308
00:12:59,379 --> 00:13:01,490
- Oh, like this thing
with the Blush covers.
309
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:03,392
- I know you think it's smut.
310
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:06,328
- No, no, just inappropriate
for grocery stores.
311
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:10,566
I'm not against sex, but
there is a time and a place.
312
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:13,435
You wouldn't do it on a
crowded subway train, would you?
313
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:14,503
- Not again.
314
00:13:14,527 --> 00:13:16,806
I learned my lesson.
315
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:26,916
- The thing is, all
my feminist friends
316
00:13:26,940 --> 00:13:29,585
think that the Blush
covers are sexist.
317
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,053
- These are the same
friends who think that all
318
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:34,290
intercourse is an
act of violence?
319
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,958
- Nan and Gurdy, yes.
320
00:13:35,982 --> 00:13:39,662
And this puts them on the
same side as the Morality group.
321
00:13:39,686 --> 00:13:43,299
Then, I called my Professor
from Columbia Journalism School.
322
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,734
- The guy who invited
you to his nudist colony?
323
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:47,436
- Professor Rick, yes.
324
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:51,207
And he said that any
form of censorship
325
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,976
is the first step to a
totalitarian society.
326
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,412
- I thought he felt
clothes was the first step
327
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:58,881
to a totalitarian society.
328
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:01,884
- Can't you see that I'm
having a crisis of conscience?
329
00:14:01,908 --> 00:14:04,220
- Can't you see I'm being funny?
330
00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:07,056
Hey, I wish Finch were here.
331
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,390
Oh sure, now you show up.
332
00:14:08,414 --> 00:14:09,225
Hey, check it out.
333
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:11,493
Maya was saying... - Save it.
334
00:14:11,517 --> 00:14:15,331
I have to register myself
as a lethal weapon.
335
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,799
- What's that?
336
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:19,668
- Little something they
gave me at bodyguard school.
337
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:22,171
- Certificate of effort.
338
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,373
Wow, did everybody
get one of those?
339
00:14:24,397 --> 00:14:25,507
- No.
340
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:28,110
- Nina!
341
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:29,345
How'd dinner go?
342
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,579
- Fabulous Jack.
343
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,849
- That a girl, so
the boycott is off?
344
00:14:32,873 --> 00:14:35,417
- The thing is, Dean made
some excellent points,
345
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:36,886
but don't panic.
346
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:38,654
We put our heads together
and came up with a compromise
347
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:40,556
I think will make
everybody happy.
348
00:14:40,580 --> 00:14:42,691
- Compromise, what
are you talking about?
349
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,693
- Well, we keep the
covers the way they are.
350
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:47,029
But now we sell Blush
under the counter at Gelman's
351
00:14:47,053 --> 00:14:48,530
with the other dirty magazines
352
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,532
like Backdoor Johnny and Scrunt.
353
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:54,603
- Are you crazy?
354
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:56,572
Our sales would
plummet and why the hell
355
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:57,840
were you even
talking about that?
356
00:14:57,864 --> 00:14:59,909
You were supposed to charm him!
357
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:02,144
- FYI, Dean is not
interested in charm.
358
00:15:02,168 --> 00:15:04,780
He's interested
in ideas, my ideas.
359
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:07,183
- Oh for God's sake, wake up!
360
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,919
He's turned you into a puppet
and he's brainwashed you.
361
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,588
- Please, I've been
brainwashed several times.
362
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:15,424
This is completely different.
363
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:18,827
- Then, you're a
trader which is worse!
364
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:19,661
- A trader?
365
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:21,163
- You heard me.
366
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,933
- Fine, then I'll just go
back to where I'm wanted
367
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:26,402
and respected and listened to.
368
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,170
- Oh, is that right?
369
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:30,907
Well, say hello to Geppetto.
370
00:15:30,931 --> 00:15:32,741
- Oh fine, go ahead, make fun.
371
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,934
Nothing you say can
get to me anymore.
372
00:15:57,424 --> 00:16:00,169
- Thank you for meeting
with me, Mrs. Gelman.
373
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:03,105
I know it's in both our interest
to keep Blush magazine
374
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,041
on your supermarket shelves.
375
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,508
- Well, we'll see.
376
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:09,778
- Have I mentioned how
much I love your supermarket?
377
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,135
- Yes, you have.
378
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:16,018
- Because they really
are super markets.
379
00:16:16,042 --> 00:16:17,375
- Yes, I get it.
380
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:21,790
Now, I've taken the
liberty of asking Mr. Logan
381
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,393
from Citizens for
Morality to join us.
382
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:25,761
- You have?
383
00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,285
What on earth for?
384
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:31,167
- Because frankly, I'm
not sure he's wrong.
385
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,336
I took a look at the
latest cover of Blush
386
00:16:33,360 --> 00:16:36,627
and the word orgasm
appears four times.
387
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:39,741
- What can I say?
388
00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:40,909
It's spring.
389
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:45,114
Can I get you
something to drink?
390
00:16:45,138 --> 00:16:46,682
- A cup of tea
if it's no trouble.
391
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:48,985
- No trouble at
all, I'll get it myself.
392
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:50,419
How do you take it?
393
00:16:50,443 --> 00:16:52,088
- Two bags steeps
a minute and a half,
394
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:53,856
a wedge of lemon,
a teaspoon of honey
395
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:55,546
and a sprig of mint.
396
00:16:56,582 --> 00:16:57,926
- Dennis?
397
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,032
Why don't you
just sit in my office
398
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:04,989
and I'll be right back.
399
00:17:07,593 --> 00:17:11,207
- Dad, I can't be in on
this meeting with you.
400
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:13,042
I'm so conflicted.
401
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:15,144
Not that there's anything
wrong with being conflicted
402
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,046
under certain circumstances,
although I'm not sure
403
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,481
this is one of them.
404
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:21,083
Anyway, if there's anything
else I can do for you.
405
00:17:21,107 --> 00:17:23,052
- Make this into a cup of tea.
406
00:17:25,445 --> 00:17:27,056
- Packin' heat Grandma, huh?
407
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,357
Am I gonna find something?
408
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:29,425
Wanna talk to me?
409
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:30,826
- Dennis!
410
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:33,351
- It's okay Jack, she's clean.
411
00:17:34,521 --> 00:17:37,233
- What the hell are you
doing to Mrs. Gelman?
412
00:17:37,257 --> 00:17:38,634
- She just waltzed
right in here,
413
00:17:38,658 --> 00:17:40,136
no knock, nothin'.
414
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,825
- Apologize at once!
415
00:17:44,431 --> 00:17:46,975
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Gelman.
416
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:49,211
- Could you both
turn around so I can
417
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,579
straighten my girdle?
418
00:17:50,603 --> 00:17:51,847
- Of course.
419
00:17:53,706 --> 00:17:56,374
- This is a big day for decency.
420
00:17:57,777 --> 00:17:59,288
- And the best part is,
Jack Gallo is gonna have to
421
00:17:59,312 --> 00:18:00,989
listen to every word I say.
422
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:02,191
- Yeah, about that.
423
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:05,161
Ya know, as our insider,
I think your silence
424
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,963
would be much more powerful.
425
00:18:07,987 --> 00:18:09,220
- Are you sure?
426
00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:11,557
Dean?
427
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:14,959
Say something.
428
00:18:17,163 --> 00:18:18,907
Why won't you speak to me?
429
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:22,411
- Now you understand
the power of silence.
430
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,271
- Well, hello Nina.
431
00:18:28,874 --> 00:18:29,874
- Jack-o.
432
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:33,089
- Mrs. Gelman, such a pleasure.
433
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:34,356
I'm Dean Logan.
434
00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:35,558
- Hello, I'm Nina...
435
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,726
- This is Nina Van
Horn, a Blush employee
436
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:39,928
who understands what's at stake,
437
00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:42,898
which is why she's
risking Mr. Gallo's wrath
438
00:18:42,922 --> 00:18:44,666
to support our cause.
439
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:45,690
- Oh please.
440
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,160
- Let's all have a seat.
441
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,842
- I was going to sit
next to Mrs. Gelman.
442
00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,111
- Too late, I'm already here.
443
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:59,315
- Alright, let's get
down to business.
444
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,949
- Well, first of all,
445
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:03,185
I just...
- Nina, please.
446
00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:05,821
- Actually, I would like to
hear what Miss Van Horn
447
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:06,845
has to say.
448
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:08,724
- You would?
449
00:19:08,748 --> 00:19:10,426
- Yes, I'm very intrigued.
450
00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,394
You work at Blush,
and yet you're in league
451
00:19:12,418 --> 00:19:14,062
with Mr. Logan.
452
00:19:14,086 --> 00:19:15,397
You have a unique perspective.
453
00:19:15,421 --> 00:19:18,767
- Yes, but I...
- And I'd like to hear it.
454
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:20,469
- Well, thank you.
455
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:23,205
Believe it or not, I
do have a few ideas.
456
00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:24,229
Of my own!
457
00:19:25,231 --> 00:19:26,231
- Oh boy.
458
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:30,546
- Yes, yes the
covers of Blush are
459
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:33,582
sometimes lured and
even pornographic.
460
00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:34,416
- Nina!
461
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:35,417
- Amen.
462
00:19:35,441 --> 00:19:37,153
- But they serve
a vital purpose.
463
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,388
- And what purpose is that?
464
00:19:39,412 --> 00:19:41,490
- They make women lonely.
465
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:44,160
- Will I have time
for a rebuttal?
466
00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:45,194
- If he gets time, I get time.
467
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:46,995
- Shh, both of you.
468
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:50,032
- Dear, I'm not
sure what you mean.
469
00:19:50,056 --> 00:19:52,067
- Blush lures women
with sexy headlines,
470
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:54,670
but then sets impossible
standards for them
471
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:56,138
to measure up to.
472
00:19:56,162 --> 00:19:58,507
Perky boobs, studly boyfriends,
473
00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:01,310
multiple orgasms, most
women will never have
474
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:03,111
any of these things.
475
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:06,804
So, how do these
women fill that empty void?
476
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,041
They eat!
477
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,355
Dairy products, produce, meat!
478
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:15,857
- Poultry, baked goods.
479
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,427
- Yes, we set 'em
up, you plump 'em up.
480
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:19,895
We need you to
sell our magazines.
481
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,097
You need us to sell your food.
482
00:20:22,121 --> 00:20:23,499
- Oh, this is absurd.
483
00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:24,788
- No, it's not.
484
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,892
Sometimes, I get lonely.
485
00:20:29,729 --> 00:20:32,107
And now, I'm hungry.
486
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:33,609
Yes!
487
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:35,511
- Don't listen to her, she's
nothin' but holler trash.
488
00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:37,913
- Hey, watch your mouth!
489
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,981
- Well maybe you
should watch your mouth.
490
00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:41,550
- Are you gonna make me?
491
00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:42,806
Reverend Golly.
492
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,657
- How's the eye?
493
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:49,747
- Still sore.
494
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:53,562
- Look, I heard
screaming, I ran in
495
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,698
and started kicking.
496
00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:57,299
I'm sorry.
497
00:20:57,323 --> 00:21:00,269
- Nina, I underestimated
you and in the presence
498
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:04,440
of everyone, I wanna say I
won't make that mistake again.
499
00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:06,242
- Oh really?
500
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,043
- Here's to you.
501
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:10,812
And from now on, I'm gonna
give you more opportunities
502
00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:12,381
to prove yourself.
503
00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:14,617
- Oh, thanks Jack.
504
00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:17,453
I only hope that doesn't
translate into more work.
505
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:33,602
♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you
506
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:37,506
♪ Keeps bringing me home
507
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:40,643
♪ It don't matter
what I wanna do
508
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:44,835
♪ 'Cause it's got
a mind of it's own
509
00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:51,475
♪ Life keeps
bringing me back to you
35943
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