All language subtitles for Columbo---S01E06---Short Fuse

Better than a Borgia.

[Typewriter Keys Clacking]

- A little spontaneous merriment.!
- [Woman Screaming]

Hey, Junior...
Workers, arise!

Protest the sale
of your company, your jobs!

Junior, will you...
Junior...

Hey, come on. Junior.!

[All Chattering, Laughing]
Junior, please. Wait.

What is that? Plastic?
Yeah.

You invent it?
Oh, no.
I wish I had.

Not that anybody'd care
around this square organization.

Mr. Stanford,

Mr. Buckner
is waiting.

Boo! Bye, girls.
[Woman Squeals]

Roger, what is the matter
with you?

What's wrong?
I came right over
the moment you phoned.

I was afraid you'd gone home.
I tried every place in the plant.

Roger,

what were you doing
in your darkroom?

Now, don't you worry.
You were underexposed.

You didn't... You didn't
develop those pictures?

You know, I've been analyzing this stuff.
Why doesn't our plastics division
ever make...

Will you get into your uncle?
He is very upset.
Wait.

What is that stuff doing here?
Benson dropped it off
from the house.

I'm gonna have someone
take it out to his car.

But he isn't going to Pinewild
until tomorrow morning.

At breakfast,
he told Aunt Dory that...
So he changed his mind. Roger, please!

No. Now, wait a minute. Have you
checked to make sure that Benson
packed everything he needed?

The royal cravats?
The gold toothbrush?
[Sighs]

[Tut-Tuts]
No cigars. [Sighs]

Benson, you are fired.
And you, Miss Bishop...
you are next.

Do you realize what will happen
when the great D.L. Wakes up
to find no box of Fidel's finest?

I was just gonna get them.

Now, will you stop this?
Roger, he's got Quincy
in there with him.

Oh, you know, I love
that worried expression on your face.
Now, you just hold it. Hold it.

- Roger, stop this and get in there.
- Hey, c-come on, now.
Give me a smile.

Roger, what do you think?

Hmm?
[Camera Shutter Clicks]

[Hums]
Smile.

Look over here and smile.
Roger, will you put that silly camera
down and tell me?

- Now, what do you think?
- I tell ya, Quincy.

When I was 17 years old,
I told my aunt not to marry him.

Oh, dear. Your syntax is terrible.
Listen to this.

- ' I, Roger Stanford Il..."
- Roger, I have a management meeting
I'd like to wind up.

Who is going to believe this,
anyway? I mean,
a statement from me...

approving the sale
of a company that
my own father started.

- I mean, he'd roll over in his grave.
- You didn't read down the bottom
there... the last paragraph.

They'll believe it, all right,
if you tell them that you've
lost your interest in chemicals,

you don't care about working here
anymore, and you're going to Europe.

[Clicks Tongue] Ohh.
I've gotta calm my people down
around here, Roger.

I've gotta get rid of this rumor...
this silly fear...

that the sale
of the company is going
to endanger their jobs.

It's not. It's not
going to change anything
around here.

Except at the top,
because besides being president
of Stanford Chemical,

you would also be the big man
in the conglomerate, now,
wouldn't you?

- It isn't just me, Roger.
- Yeah, and what about
your vice president?

I mean, how long
is Logan gonna last when
they find out how he opposed you?

He thinks the sale of this company
is criminal. Me, I don't matter.
I didn't inerit enough stock.

But Aunt Dory did, and I tell ya,
you haven't persuaded her yet.

She'll go along
just as soon as you do.

If she hadrt bent over backwards
to spoil you and pamper you
when she took you in as a kid...

Oh, Quincy, isn't he amusing?
He married my aunt, but he couldn't
marry her stock. What's the matter?

- Why can't you get her
to give you control?
- It's almost 6:00, Mr. Buckner.

- The roads will be wet,
and we've got a long drive.
- Yes.

- I thought there'd be something else.
- Yes, there is.

Roger, I've been very patient with you
down through these past several years...

all the trouble you've caused
here in this company,

not to mention
the half a million dollars
you cost us...

by fooling around
in something you called research.

[Clicks Tongue]
That was kind of you.

But enough is enough.

Quincy.

Item: I found the place
where you gambled in Vegas.

This is a letter
from a handwriting expert that'll
swear you forged your aunt's signature.

Oh, D.L. Now,
this is really beneath you.

- Go on, Quincy.
- Item: The drug thing in college.

Item: The mess in Acapulco.

And this is a photostat
of that car theft report.

Oh, Quincy, I tell ya,
you are superb.

You really are, you know?
You are the best combination chauffeur
and private detective in the business.

But what is the matter? Tell me. Why
can't he get something for you on Logan
and get rid of all your opposition?

Tell me, now, Quincy.
What is it? What's wrong?

Your wiretapping...
It's not working?

Why can't you frame
a harmless old bachelor?

[Phone Buzzes]
Yes, Valerie?

[Valerie]
Excuse me, Mr. Buckner.
Mr. Logan and the others are here.

Thank you.

It's all here, Roger.
Tomorrow, some of the attorneys
from the conglomerate...

are coming up to meet with me
at the cabin at Pinewild
to discuss the terms of sale.

But tonight,
I want you to go see your Aunt Dory,

tell her you don't care
about working here anymore...
you're quitting...

and tomorrow,
you release that statement
to the press.

Otherwise, I'm afraid
I'll have to show her all this.

- You really would, wouldn't you?
- I would.

You know, D.L.,
I have been well aware...

of what you and Quincy
have been up to the past couple
of months,

and, uh...
[Sighs]

Well, seeing you've got my back
up against the wall,

you win.

Hmm?

You're, uh,
gonna give up this easily?

I just know
when I'm outclassed.

Oh.

I'll sign it tonight.
[Clears Throat]

Anyway, I mean... [Scoffs]
Who wants a chemical company?

- Ah, gentlemen.
- Good afternoon, gentlemen.

Hello, Junior.
Oh, and good night,
Uncle David.

Roger.
Come on, gentlemen.

- Junior.
- Mm.

Well?

Don't worry.
They haven't sicced Quincy
onto you yet.

If only you didn't
feel it necessary
to play the fool so much.

Hmm.
What was it this time?

Oh, it's nothing.
Really. N-Nothing.
It's nothing at all except...

Well, we have decided
that it is time...

for people
to stop calling me 'Junior"
around here.

Roger, should
we see each other later?
Why not?

I've got this littlejob to do first,
but it shouldn't take very long.

Wasting your time, Fergy.
It's gonna rain.

Good night, Junior.
[Chuckles]

Oh, Fergy, I am sorry. Look.
I forgot to tell you this morning,
but could you look under my hood?

I think I've got
a loose plug wire or something.
Yeah.

Thanks.

Oh, you have
missed a spot here, Fergy.

[Singsong]
My uncle will not like that.

Hmm.
[Chuckles]

You're crazy, Junior.
The wiring's okay.

Hose clamp
needs tightening
a little; that's all.

It does? Well, now,
how did that get loose?

Oh, don't worry, Fergy.
I don't want you
to miss your nickel tip.

[Engine Revs]

[Thunderclap]

[Inaudible Dialogue]

[Inaudible Dialogue]

[Inaudible Dialogue]

[Typewriter Carriage Whips]

[Typewriter Keys Clacking]

[Typewriter Carriage Whips]

[Footsteps Approaching]

- Oh, sir?
- Uh...

- [Sighs] Who are you?
- Uh, is that you?

Your aunt said it sounded like your car
down here in the drive. I mean,
you're Mr. Stanford, aren't you?

Well, obviously.
And who might you be?

Oh, I'm sorry.
Uh, Columbo.

Lieutenant Columbo.
I'm from the police.

The police? You mean
that old heap out there is yours?

Oh, yeah. It needs a coat of paint,
doesn't it?

Uh, anyway... Mrs. Buckner,
she asked me to get you quick.

There are no servants up there in
the house. She was afraid you were gonna
go straight on to your place or something.

Why? What's wrong?
Nothing that we know about so far,

but she's very upset,
so I suggest that you close your door
and come right away.

Uh, my... Ohh!
Oh, no. I don't live here.

I live in a guest cottage out back.
That's what she meant.

This is where the chauffeur lives.
See, I went... was
on my way home tonight.

I thought
I saw his door open.

You did?
Yeah.

The chauffeur?
Yes.

You mean Mr. Quincy, the fellow
who was driving Mr. Buckner tonight?
Yes.

Well, I'd better look in here.

Couldrt you find the light?
Well, of course I did.

I mean, that's how I found out
nobody was home.
Oh.

Well, everything seems to be in order.
Maybe somebody's been tamperir
with this lock.

Lieutenant?
Huh?

Just what are you doing here now?
What has happened?

Mr. Buckner.
He sort of disappeared.

He may have been attacked somewhere.
They warned him, didn't they?

They threw that awful stench bomb
on our lawn yesterday.

Yes. Your aunt says
there's been some kind of trouble
out there at Stanford Chemical.

Well, he, uh,
has been threatened.

And then there have been
those anonymous phone calls,
but those are from hotheads.

Hotheads?
What are they hot about?

He's been negotiating
with a conglomerate,
dickering to sell.

Now, a lot of the old retainers
do not like this. You might say
there has been an excess...

of corporate bad feeling.

I see. Uh, how did you feel
about this, ma'am? Did you side
with your husband on this?

I was in the process
of making up my mind, which
is beside the point right now.

David is missing.
That's the only issue.

Yes, it certainly is, ma'am.
Tell me. Do you know anything
about his whereabouts tonight?

He left the plant around 7:00.
He was going to Pinewild.

- Pine...
- Wild.

Pinewild. I'm not familiar
with that, uh...

We have a place up there.
He should've arrived hours ago.

The caretaker hasn't heard anything,
and I called the sheriff'
mountain office.

- They can't find them.
- Oh, look. Maybe they got hungry.

Maybe they stopped off somewhere
for a drink.
Oh, Rog, you know that isn't so.

He told Benson
he'd have supper up there.
You know how awful those roads are.

If he'd only taken the aerial tram
and had the caretaker meet him
at the top, as I do.

It's so much safer, faster.

Well, ma'am, I checked with
highway patrol, and there's no report
of any accidents on those roads.

There. You see? Ohh.

Oh, Lieutenant,
I think we owe you a drink.

Aunt Dory,
when he was out of town last week,
you didn't even notice he was gone.

Now, what made you
call the police tonight,
of all nights?

Do you want a drink?

Roger, I called the commissioner
of police, and he said he'd
send over his very best man.

- Is that a fact?
- Well, my wife,
she says I'm second-best,

but, uh, she claims
there are 80 fellas tied for first.

Uh, at any rate,
I don't mind being sent out
on a false alarm.

I just hope that this is one,
because she had a right to call.

You see, uh,
she got this message.

Here. L-I'll show ya.

Message?

Yes. He called
just before I got home
from the opera board meeting.

That was at 7:30.

Uh, maybe you'd better
operate this, because
I'm not sure how it...

All right, Lieutenant.

You can tell
that he's calling from a car.
You can hear it on the recording.

[Machine Clicks]

[Woman On Machine]
There's no one answering at the moment.
This is a recording device.

Would you care to leave a message?
[David]
Oh, these modern, idiotic devices.

She's not home yet.
Quincy, look in the dash there, will ya?

'Dash." Ya hear that?
Dash from the car?

[Woman On Machine] If so, your voice
will be recorded, and the connection
won't be broken until you hang up.

[Quincy On Machine]
Nope. What's the matter with Benson?

You sure your cigar case
isn't in your coat pocket?

[Woman On Machine]
You may start your message now.
Thank you.

[David]
Yeah. Just give me the box.
Thank you.

Hello? Hello, darlir.
It's me. Hold on just a second.

[Quincy On Machine]
Want me to pull over
and open that for you?

[David]
Nah. That's all right. I got it.

[David Groans On Recorder]

Look. I tried
to get you earlier today, darlir,

but I guess you were in one
of those silly committee meetings.

Miss Bishop couldn't get you
from the office either.

But what I was calling about...
I'm, uh... I'm on my way
up to the cabin now,

so I'll see you tomorrow...
Sunday, rather...

Sunday afternoon
or evening sometime,

but, uh, what I wanted you
to know is that...

Roger is gonna come over
to see you tonight.

He wants to talk to you
about something, so I just wanted
to make sure you'd be home...

and wait up for him, will ya?

It's... Well, he's made a decision
about something.

It might not be
exactly what you figured it would be,

but to my way of thinking,
it... it's a wise decision.

So, after you talk to him, uh,

call me back at the cabin,
will ya?

Let me know what he decided.

Bye-bye for now, darlir.
[Phone Clicks Off

- [Gasps]
- Gee. I'm terribly sorry.

[Sighs]
Here. I've got something
in my pocket.

Yeah.
Well, anyway, that's it.
He just hung up.

Yeah. Sure.
Roger, you're just as concerned
about him as I am, aren't you?

- What?
- You seem so upset.

I'm surprised, because
you don't like him very much,
do you?

Oh, well, actually,
I've been growing... I've been
growing much fonder of him lately.

- Did you call him back?
- Yes. I tried to reach him
on the car phone.

There was no answer.
[Sighs]

Lieutenant, look,
if there's anything you can do, do it.
Yeah. Go out there and find him.

Well, I can assure you
I've started all the wheels rolling.

We're doing everything we can.
Now, this area... this Pinewild...
that's out of our bailiwick.

But we've got the sheriff' office
and the highway patrol, and I'm gonna
stay after 'em.

And don't you worry,
Mrs. Buckner.
Fine.

We're gonna find 'im.
Thank you, Lieutenant.

Good night.
Good night.

I certainly hope
you're right, Lieutenant.
My uncle is a very important man.

Oh, I'm aware of that, sir.
Listen. By the way,
what about your parents, Mr. Stanford?

Are they both alive?
Oh, no. They died
when I was in college.

It was a freak explosion
at the plant. Aunt Dory
became my guardian,

and then she married David.
Mm-hmm.

Were there any other children?
No.

Aunt Dory
is your father's sister?
Yes.

And on your father's side,
were there other aunts and uncles?
Um, tell me, Lieutenant.

Why are you so fascinated
with my family history?

Oh, no.
It's just that, uh...

try to get things
straightened out in my mind.

Well, in case you're wondering,
if anything does happen to David,
his money goes to her, not me.

Oh, I wasrt thinking
about that at all. Oh, no.

Listen. By the way,
I didn't wanna mention this
to your aunt inside,

but, uh, is it possible
that Mr. Buckner might've
wanted to stop someplace...

without telling anybody...
you know, visit somebody in private?

I don't think that's any
of your business, Lieutenant.

It certainly is none of mine.

Oh, no. No.

Sorry. Good night.

Good night.

- Is your watch broken?
- Hmm?

Your watch?

My watch? Broken?

- No. Why?
- Oh, it's nothing important.
It's just that inside,

I noticed you kept
looking at it.

[Sighs]
Well, you know, Lieutenant,

people do look at their watches.

Yes, they certainly do.
Sorry. Good night.

Good night.

Rog?

What did you want to talk
to me about tonight?
What did David mean?

Oh, that was nothing.
Nothing at all.

See, I had this idea I might
like to work in the legal department
for a while.

David said it was fine.
I start there Monday.

[Chuckles]
Oh, life would be so simple
if you two could just get along.

[Chuckles]
We're going to.

Where is he, Roger?

If he'd only listened to me.
If he'd only taken the tram.

He's going to be fine,
just fine, sweetheart.

[Man]
Some view, huh, Lieutenant?

All the way to the top...
8,600 feet above sea level.

It's only a 15-minute ride.

Look down there...
about a 2,000 foot drop.

Now, uh, over here,

the only way to scale that rock...
you'd have to be a mountain goat.

They had to use helicopters
to build this thing.

Don't worry.
This tram is absolutely safe...
designed to last.

Never had an accident.
Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

[Wind Whistling]

[Bird Squawking]
Sure a nice view, isn't it?

Yes, it is.
That's exactly what
our problem is.

See, earlier this morning,
the sheriffs found a shiny bumper...

at the base of the cliff.

Now, here we are.
Now, it's just about a half hour
or so down the road.

Down. Yes.
Well, that'd be good.

[Columbo] What is that?
Quincy the chauffeur?
[Sheriff] Yeah.

We spotted Buckner's body
further down there.

You can barely
see a man workir his way towards it.

Now, step out here on this ledge,
you get a better view.

Right over there.
Thank you very much.
That won't be necessary.

Thank you.
Okay.

As you can see,
there's no guardrail.
The roads were slick last night.

Now, this stuff here
looks burned.
The bodies are charred.

There's debris scattered
over thousands of feet.

We're getting more climbers.
I'll keep you posted
on everything we find.

[Dispatcher Over Police Radio,
Indistinct]
Look here.

Glass.
Yeah.

Scattered up
and down the road... all over.

Now, we found
the chauffeur's cap intact...

blown 200 yards
clear off to one side down there.

Well, you know, sometimes
a gas tank explodes.

Well, yeah...

Well, maybe the car skidded
and smacked that rock,
and the gas tank blew.

- Or maybe something
inside the car blew.
- Exactly.

And since they're just
out from L.A., well,

I guess in a way
it's sort of your jurisdiction,
Lieutenant,

or at least your problem.

[Man]
The possibility of murder?
Well, that's ridiculous.

[Dory]
What difference does it make?
Dead is dead, isn't it?

No. There's talk of the fact
that it is not an accident.

Well, the lieutenant was here
again today, and he...

He said that they always
have to investigate.

It's probably just routine.
He didn't want to bother me
too much, I guess.

Anyway, he's gone
looking for Roger.

Oh, did l...

Oh, did I tell you
that David had decided
to put Roger in the legal department?

Did he? Well,
that is something of a switch.

Roger and I have become friendly.

I know he's made mistakes
in the past, but I think
he's coming along very well.

I could never understand
why David didn't like him better.

Course, I never
understood Roger too well myself,

but I've tried to do the best
I could for him.

And he is a Stanford.
Somehow I always thought
he might be in charge someday.

Everett, you don't think
David was murdered, do you?

Of course not. No.

Look. You just let me
handle everything.

We're not even
going to talk about business
for a while yet.

I'll take care of it all...
newspapers, the arrangements.

I know it's a dreadful thing
to say, but I'm so glad
you're next in line.

- I need someone I can trust.
- You just leave everything to me, hmm?

And if either you or Roger
have any problems
with the police,

you let me know.

[Clank]

You do get around,
don't you, Lieutenant?

[Laughs Deviously]

I was just waiting for you
when I came in,

you know, to look
into the darkroom, and, uh...

What are you doing, Lieutenant?
Looking for secret weapons?

Secret weapons? No.
What is this? Kids' stuff?

Look, Lieutenant...

Lieutenant,
I was talking to my aunt,

and she said
that you think that maybe
somebody killed my uncle.

I mean, she said
that there was something
about the accident... I don't know.

Oh, no. We don't
know anything for sure
just yet.

Ah. Hey.
No. It's just that, um... You know,
that's a wonderful darkroom.

Imagine having something like that
right next to your own office.
Wonderful.

You know, my wife's kid brother,
he's a nut on photography too.
Uh-huh.

Wonderful hobby.
You know, Lieutenant,

I also work on inventions in there,

and you are very lucky
that you didn't knock over
a bottle of acid...

or some cyanide crystals
or nitroglycerin...

Don't tell me any more.
I'll have a heart attack.

You really know that stuff, don't you?
Mm.

I noticed that medal
you wear around your neck.
That's an honor society medal, isn't it?

Oh. It's a national science fraternity.
I had my Ph.D. In chemistry
before I was 21.

But that's before my M.B.A.
And lawyer.

- You don't say.
- Hmm.

You know, I knew
you'd be the one
that could help me.

Would you come?

Now, you see,
my problem with chemistry...
That started way back in high school.

'Cause in my junior year,
l... I had to get a better grade.

So I said,
'To heck with this chemistry stuff.
I'll take another year of woodshop."

[Laughing]

You know, you just build a birdhouse,
and if you paint it red, you get an ' A."

[Roger Laughing]
So that's what I did.

Because that chemistry stuff,
it's just too hard.
You follow my meaning?

Uh, so?
Oh, well, you see,
the fellows over at our lab,

they tell me that you can make
all sorts of, uh, trigger devices
that don't use any powder...

Uh, they're sort of like
explosive fire things maybe.
Is that true?

Oh! So you think someone
put a bomb in his car.

Well, you know,
there could have been an explosion
before they went off the cliff.

Oh.
You see, now, if that's the case,
then we got a whole different kind of...

Uh, Lieutenant...
You see what I mean?

Lieutenant, I, uh... I would
not light that cigar now...

unless you wish to witness
an explosion right now.

Oh, uh, yeah, right. I'm sorry.
No, I won't light it.

Okay. And for your information,
Lieutenant,

there are, uh,
30 Ph.D.'s in this plant,

uh, and over 60
qualified chemists.

Yes. There are
10 private experiment rooms
just like mine back there.

That is not even to mention
the, uh, main laboratory building
right over there...

where 2,000 more employees
toil away like merry little gnomes.

[Columbo] You don't think
that all of these people wanted
to kill Mr. Buckner, do you?

I have no idea. But a large corporation
is like a jungle, Lieutenant,
to coin a phrase.

I can't tell you how many executives
there are in our ivory tower...

who would, uh, commit felonious assault
just for the key to a private washroom.

That's not even to mention the ones
who, uh, were very unappy
because my uncle wished to sell.

Yeah. You know, like those malcontents
who kept threatening him.

Well, you know,
somehow we just can't
get a handle on those threats.

I mean, like that stink bomb.
The boys we sent to check it out,

they say nobody even saw a car
in your neighborhood during that time.

Well, that is unfortunate.
However, Lieutenant, I witnessed
one of those phone calls myself.

You did?
Yes.

Well, never mind about that.
I'll get somebody else
to check it out, okay?

Yeah.
Because I have
my own personal lead in this case.

You have?

Do you remember
that recorded telephone message
on your aunt's phone?

Yes.
Well, I've been listening to that
over and over again.

It's all right in there.

And I'll tell you what...
Good cigar.

This is one area
that I do know about.

His cigars?

Yes, Benson told me that
he dropped off Mr. Buckner's suitcase
here at 6:00.

But no box of cigars.

He said that you told him that
you were gonna take care of that.

Yes. Y-Yeah.
L-I keep a supply right here.

Go on, Miss Bishop.

Oh, what's the matter?

That's just funny your asking
about cigars, that's all.

- You see, Mr. Buckner
had a little pocket cigar case...
- Here.!

- What?
- Don't touch that.

Well, why not?
The cleaning lady just gave it to me.

Sh-She said she found it
underneath my desk.

It-It must have been
in Mr. Buckner's overcoat.
That's where he always kept it.

Benson put the overcoat
on the suitcase.

And it must have fallen out, that's all.
I guess I just didn't notice it.

Oh.

What's the matter, Lieutenant?
Did you think someone had stolen it?

Well, it did seem like
a kind of a coincidence.

On that telephone tape,
you could just barely hear...

'Cigar case missing.
No cigars in the dash."

Oh, so, uh,
you thought that someone...

wanted him to open a box of cigars
while he was still in the car, I suppose?

- Well, it was a possibility.
- Lieutenant, what's this all about?

I mean, why are you
so interested in cigars?
Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

It's just that we have
to check out everything.

I know how badly
you must feel at this point.
Forgive me.

Listen, by the way,
Mrs. Buckner said she tried
to reach you that night.

She thought you'd be working late
here in the office, but, uh...

Oh, no.

No. See, my-my mother
was expecting me to work late...

and I knew she'd be going to bed early,
so I went to a movie.

Lieutenant. Lieutenant, you have
not answered the lady's question.
Now, will you tell her the truth?

Miss Bishop,
the lieutenant is from Homicide,

and obviously he is under the impression
that the accident was caused by,

uh, an exploding cigar.

What?

Well, now, you see, Lieutenant, uh,
Miss Bishop got the box of cigars from here.

Yeah. I saw her.
And, uh, she put them
over there on the suitcase.

Hmm. Yeah. Here.
Try one yourself.

Wow. I never saw cigars
quite like this before.

Are all the boxes the same?

Uh, listen, don't you tell customs.
They're from Cuba. That's a dollar a puff...
Now, wait just a minute!

Are you suggesting that something
was wrong with one of those cigar boxes?

Oh, of course not.
The lieutenant is just simply wrong.

You see, if there was an explosive in that car,
it would have to have been placed
somewhere else.

No. No, I'm afraid not. Nope.

You see, on the way over here,
I bumped into a very nice old fella
that works in one of your service stations.

His name is Ferguson.
And he cleaned that car
before they left.

And he told me there was nothing else
in that car except a suitcase,
a coat and a box of cigars.

And the old boy
who carried everything down,
he said the same thing.

[Roger]
All right, then...
[Clears Throat]

Then the, uh, explosive
must have been in the cigar box.

Yeah, I'll grant you that, Lieutenant.

And, uh, if somebody tampered
with it or, uh, switched it,

that would have to have
happened here, right?

Okay. Miss Bishop,
will you tell me...

how long did D.L.'s suitcase sit there
in the middle of this floor...

with people coming and going?

Oh... 20, 30 minutes.

But you were here
at that time, werert you?
Didrt I hear you say that you were here?

Oh. Oh, no, no, no.
Now, Mr. Stanford did not touch it.

Now, I just happen to know...
he left without touching it.

Oh, well, that's right.
But l-I can remember Mr. Logan,
Joe Stevenson, Burneimer, uh...

Oh, look, Miss Bishop, would you
make a list for the lieutenant?
Oh, certainly.

And put down anything else
you can remember,

uh, anything like, uh, stolen boxes,
uh, boxes given away, uh...
oh, just anything.

What's the matter, Miss Bishop?

Well, the vice president.

Well, he has a supply.

Well, the cigar orders
sometimes come in together.

Uh, Mr. Everett Logan.

Mm, I have about, uh...
about four boxes left.

Did you say four, sir?

Yes. That's very strange.

- Nancy?
- What's the matter?
Is something wrong?

[Door Opens]
[Nancy]
Yes, sir?

Oh, here. You've been keeping tabs
on these supplies. How many boxes
of cigars were there?

Oh. Well, I really haven't checked them
much in the last two days,

but did you take
some home, Mr. Logan?
No, I did not.

Well, they must be
in here someplace.

Uh, please don't touch the boxes,
if you don't mind.

Oh, that'll be all, Nancy.
Thank you. You can go now.
Yes, sir.

Be sure and close the door
on your way out.
[Door Closes]

If you don't mind, sir,
if you'll just lock this up
and not touch anything;

then I'll call the fingerprint crew.

Why, Lieutenant?
I thought you were investigating
David's accident.

Just, uh, covering all bases, sir.

I mean, we haven't found
anything suspicious.

He thinks there might have been
a bomb in a cigar box.

A what?
Well, that's just a theory.

Well, of course we'll cooperate
in any way possible.

I'm afraid that isn't very much of a lock,
and I have had several meetings here.

But, well, I must warn you, Lieutenant.

Unless you find something a little bit
more important than that,

if one word of a murder investigation
is leaked to either the press
or anyone else...

Oh, no, sir, no. And that's all I need for
now. Thank you very much. Much obliged.
[Camera Shutter Clicks]

Roger.!

What the devil is going on around here?
Does he really think
it wasrt an accident?

[Door Closes]

Hop in, Lieutenant.
I'll give you a lift.

Oh, thanks.

Boy, this plant of yours is really something.

You know, you can get lost here
just wandering around.

I told you, Lieutenant...
This plant is not mine.

It belongs to my Aunt Doris.

Hey, and you know...
about Logan.

He was right when he said
there were a lot of people
in his office.

Anybody could have taken that box.

This fellow, Logan...
He's quite a friend of yours, I guess.

Hmm? Oh, well, I mean, he, uh,

he has been nice enough to take
a good deal of interest in my work lately.

Why?
Uh...

You mean he sort of fires you up,
like, maybe?
Like... Like what?

I found this in the wastepaper basket
in that apartment above the garage
where the chauffeur lived.

It looks like it's some kind of a report
from Mr. Quincy to Mr. Buckner.

And, uh, Quincy claims that Mr. Logan,
for some funny reason,

was trying to upset you
over this sale thing,
using you to manipulate your aunt.

Hey. Let me see that.
No, I'd rather not. It's just hearsay.

I don't want to spread
these rumors around.

You know,

I really don't understand
this business stuff.

Of course,
I never could understand business.

My wife,
she always makes out our taxes.
Your...

Oh, by the way, Benson mentioned
that Quincy was at one time a cop?

Well, l-I knew that he, uh...

or suspected, rather... that he did
some extracurricular work for my uncle,

you know, like, uh,
checking up on people.

Why?
Well, you see, I couldn't find the typewriter
that this report was written on,

and Benson, uh,

he had an idea that Quincy might
have had another hideaway someplace,

something else that he used
as a base of operations.

You know anything about that?

Sorry.

Oh, no, no, no.
Now, wait a minute.
What is the matter with me?

Of course.
Hey, you know, one night...

I was dumb enough
to get caught in a poker game
with him, you know what I mean?

And, uh, quite by accident I saw
a piece of paper that was in his wallet.

And it...
well, it didn't say ' Quincy" on it.
It said, uh... ' O'Neill."

Yeah, that's what it said...
HarryJ. O'Neill. Yeah.

Well, you know,
I can check up on that right away.

Uh, car's right over here.
Oh.

Thank you very much.
Okay.

I knew you'd be a help to me.
Welcome.

Bye.

[Horn Honks]

Mr. Stanford? Roger, wait.!

What's your problem?
I nearly died out there...
all those questions.

All I could think to say was that
I went to the movies last night.
Now, relax. Relax.

D.L. Wasrt really murdered,
and you know it.
Do you know that?

That's a funny thing to say.

I'm sorry.

Well, it's just that they keep
investigating around here
and checking into everything,

like those private personal files
I let you look at, like Mr. Logars.

I put those back days ago.

It was just curiosity.
Oh, how to succeed in business.

Roger, l-I don't want anyone
to find out about us.

Oh. Well, how could they?

You took those pictures of me.

Oh, I cleaned out my desk already...
and the darkroom.
I got rid of everything.

I'm sorry. It's...

It's just the past few days, l...

Ah, you know, you need a rest.
[Engine Starts]

Yeah. I authorize it.
Yeah, and don't worry about a thing.

It's all gonna be over soon.
It is. Believe me. Soon.

Well, it'll be dark in a while.
But we'll send the climbers up again
first thing in the morning.

We'll try the lower cliffs.

No piece of the cigar box yet?
No.

It's funny.

Some things we're finding intact,
others smashed, others burnt.

Well, anyway, we're still trying.
Here. I thought you might want to see this.

- Piece of the gas tank.
- Yeah. And it did explode.

- The autopsy report's
not much help either.
- I heard.

Just burns. Nothing on the tissue
that prove any foreign inflammable.

Maybe some kind of
petroleum jelly was used.

- Well, something will turn up.
- Well, how can you be so sure?

Well, it's a big corporation...
kind of like a jungle, to coin a phrase.

[Chuckling]

[Doors Closing]

There shouldn't be anybody in there.
Cover the front. I'll get the back.

[Tires Squealing]

[Siren Wailing]

[Man]
Stop.!

Stop.!

[Dory]
Roger, I don't believe it.

What were you doing?
Nothing.

Oh, I do wish you would
listen to me, Aunt Dory.

You haven't answered me.
I can't.

I can't.
Not with these two men here.

Would you mind
leaving us alone, please?

Sorry, ma'am. They told me to bring him
over here, but that doesn't mean
I can let him out of my sight.

Listen. I got here as fast
as I could. Where is Farrell?
Oh, good evening, ma'am.

Lieutenant Columbo,
I'd like an explanation of this.

He's on the way. Look, I told her where
we caught him. He broke and entered,
tore up the place, resisted arrest...

They literally jumped me.

All right. We're gonna get this thing
cleared up just as fast as we can...
don't worry about that.

Now, say, I thought you said to me
that you had no idea
where Quincy's hideaway was?

Well, I didn't. But then I remembered
this car salesman that Quincy
was friendly with, and he did.

Lieutenant, look, if I could just talk
to you alone for a few minutes.

Excuse me, please.
What do you have, Farrell?

[Farrell]
I just brought a couple of things.
The typewriter was there.

And we got quite a bit
of information from his file...
dossiers, actually.

I left Charlie there to go over 'em.

Now, what I brought you is a couple
of things here that I think...
Dossiers? What kind of dossiers?

Uh, something about Mr. Logan?

What makes you say that?

You see, this afternoon,
I found something in the pocket
of one of David's suits.

Some sort of report
about Everett Logan...
personal information.

Very damaging.

From Quincy?
Yes.

May I see it?
I burned it, Lieutenant.

You see, I finally realized that...

David was using Quincy
to keep tabs on the executives.

Hmm. All right, Mrs. Buckner,
would you give me a moment, please?

Now, there is quite a bit
of stuff on Logan there...
also on a couple of other executives.

Only, take a look at this...
Quincy's bankbook.

New account.
Pretty big deposit.

Yeah. Nice guy, Quincy.
Looks like he was trying to
put the bite on his own boss.

Oh, look here.
This is what I took off the kid
when I caught him.

That's the only thing
he tried to get out of Quincy's.

And I guess
he was in quite a bit of a hurry,
because he forgot the negative.

Uh, Mrs. Buckner, uh,
would you excuse us for a moment?

I want to speak to
Mr. Stanford for a moment.
Oh.

I think we can settle this right now.

[Farrell]
Hey, wait a minute.
That's evidence, lady.

No! Don't let her see them!
Aunt Dory, you give them back!

Valerie Bishop and David?

Look, why do you think
I went there?

I knew Quincy would have
something like that!

Now you've let her see the very thing
I never wanted her to!

It's all right, Rog.
I have to see things.

I have to see everything.

But I'm the only one,
do you understand, Lieutenant?

And I want this trash burned.

But, ma'am,
we can't destroy evidence.

There's no evidence
if there's no murder.

And you haven't proved
there was a murder.
But, ma'am, if we had more time...

Lieutenant,
will you please get out of here
and leave us alone?

Look, I'm sorry about
what's happened here tonight...
Lieutenant, please get out.

[Roger]
I am truly sorry.

[Dory]
Oh, Rog, I liked that woman very much.

All the time, she and David...

[Roger]
I never wanted you
to know about this, ever.

I mean, I've known
for a couple years about them.

But, well, it's only recently
that I realized...

that Quincy was beginning
to snoop around.

You knew?

Oh, yes.

I went to David.
I asked him to stop.

He refused.

[Dory]
No wonder he turned against you.

No wonder he kept
demeaning you in front of me.

Oh, Rog, dear, I've been...
I've been such a fool.

I've misunderstood everything so.
Oh.

There.

[Door Closes]

Thank you, Benson.
5:00, please.

[Typewriter Keys Clacking]

Oh. Oh, hi, Junior.

Uh, excuse me, Mr. Stanford.
[Clacking Stops]

Good morning, Mr. Stanford.

Good morning, Mr. Stanford.

What's wrong?
Oh.

Excuse me.

I just found this on the desk.
It's from the personnel manager.

Well, l... I tried to reach you
at the house, but you'd already gone,

and your aunt wouldn't
come to the phone.

You know, she hasn't answered
one single call from me
since the funeral.

Oh, I sent her up to Pinewild for
a short rest. It was the doctor's orders.

Let me see this.

Well, that's a pink slip...
That stupid personnel department.
You're not fired.

Well, but I don't understand.

You see, my aunt remembered...

how much your mother
always wanted to live in the desert...
in Arizona, wasrt it?

And-And she thought that
you might be happier there too.

Roger, I can't afford that.

Oh. I'll take care of that.

Listen, now. Don't you worry.

We'll see each other a lot.
Yeah, a lot.

Yeah, a lot.
[Chuckles]

I'm gonna be here for quite a while.
You can come back later.

Would you tell maintenance
I'll keep the desk and the chair?
The rest of this stuff is just dreary.

Yeah, I'll, uh, have a decorator
come in next week and refurnish.

What about your office?
Your old office?

Oh, I don't care.
Wrap it up. Give it away.
I don't particularly care.

[Sighs]

[Phone Buzzes]

I don't want to be disturbed,
Miss Bishop.

Well, it's-it's Mr. Logan
and Lieutenant Columbo.

Uh, well, tell them, uh...
tell them to come in.

[Whistling]

Ah, gentlemen.

I hate to interrupt like this, Mr. Stanford,
but Miss Bishop said you were in.

Huh. So I am.
What can I do for you?

Uh, quite a surprise.
I mean, I went down to your old office,
but they told me you moved in here.

Uh, Lieutenant, would you mind
coming to the point?

Oh, certainly. By the way,
Miss Bishop seems unappy.
Did something go wrong?

I've no idea.

Uh, could you explain the reason
for your interruption, Lieutenant?

Oh, yeah.
Well, I came to get you.

And Mr. Logan here.

Of course, the funny thing...
I found him cleaning out his desk too.

- Whatever for, Everett?
- I've been fired.

Fired?

Oh, I find that very hard
to believe, Everett.

Do you? It was your aunt's request.
She wouldn't even talk to me
on the phone when I called.

Oh! Obviously it's a mistake.
Obviously. We were rather close,
if you'll remember.

You wouldn't have any possible idea
why she might have changed her mind
about me, would you?

Oh, no, no.
None whatsoever.

Of course, you know,
it is a family corporation,

so she has every right
to do whatever she chooses.

Uh, this must have fallen over.

Lieutenant,
you take an inordinate length
of time to come to the point.

Oh. Well, I heard from the, uh, people
at the Pinewild Sheriff' Office.

They're gonna meet us
at the bottom of the grade.

Oh, I'm awfully sorry.

Perhaps Mr. Logan could go along,
but I'm afraid I'm just much too busy
this morning to go for a long drive.

Oh, I see. I just thought you'd
want to know what they found.

I mean, you are interested
in any latest development, aren't you?

Of course I am. What was it?

You know, they didn't say.
They just said it was very important.

Oh, that seems very peculiar
they didn't say what it was.
[Columbo] Sure does.

All right, Mr. Logan. Let's go.

Fine. Doris will be up at the cabin,
and I want to talk with her.

Uh, just a minute, Lieutenant.

If this does concern my uncle's death,
I suppose in good conscience,
I should go along.

Fine. I've got the car outside.

Hi, Sergeant.
Lieutenant.

Is that it?
Yeah! Pretty good shape,
too, considering.

See right up there, to the left
of the second dark crag?

You can't see the road from here,
but it was right to the left of that,

just about a couple hundred feet
from where they went over.

It must have been blown apart,
like the cap and that other stuff.

Yeah. Skidded right into a crevice.
What is it, Lieutenant?

I think that we ought to get this
information to your aunt in a hurry.
So let's go on up.

Oh, no, no.
L-I sent her up to the cabin
so she wouldn't be disturbed.

Anyway, it would take us hours
to get there in this old heap...
We'll be there in no time. Here, Sergeant.

Engineer's waiting for you.
Thank you very much.
This way.

[Chattering]

[Columbo]
Yeah, your aunt put me
on this contraption.

She said it was a lot faster
than driving.

[Columbo]
A lot safer.

I hope she's right.
[Chuckles]

Well, uh, let's look in this, huh?

Yes. I'd like to know
what they found.
Let's see what we have.

Uh-huh.

Why, that's...
that's David's cigar box.

I told you this would be won'th
coming out for, didn't I?

Yeah. Yeah, it sure is.

You see, except for the hinges,
which are a little shaky,
this whole thing is in one piece.

Well, this means that David
was not murdered, doesn't it, huh?

Oh, yes, sir.
Yes, uh, this changes everything.
There's no question about it. Yeah.

Uh, must've been
the gas tank after all.

Oh, that's... that's comforting news.
I mean for her.

Even so, I'm afraid she's not gonna be
very happy to see me up there.

Why? Do you think that she blamed you
for her husband's death?

Well, I certainly do.

I mean, after all, I was the one that
was fighting David on this sell business.
Everybody knew that.

I figure some troublemaker misunderstood
and stole the box out of my office.

Fortunately, I was wrong.
I can't tell you how good
that cigar box looks to me.

Now, if I can just get Doris
to tell me why she let me go.

Oh, I can tell you that.

You can?
Yeah, I think she fired you
for a couple of reasons.

Like those secret meetings that you had
with the competition last year.

Like that patent that you sold
to a friend very cheaply.

What are you talking about?
Those are lies.

Really? Well, Mr. Quincy wrote 'em
all down in a report to Mr. Buckner.

Then Quincy made them up himself.
They're simply not true.
Lieutenant. Lieutenant.

You promised Aunt Dory never
to say anything about that.

Now, what are you trying to do,
cause more trouble?

Well, it doesn't make any difference now.
Everything's changed now, isn't it,
because of this?

[Columbo]
You know, and then there was
that thing with Miss Bishop...

Lieutenant!
Now, that is private information.

- Wait-Wait a minute.
What thing with Miss Bishop?
- Now, I am warning you...

You see, Miss Bishop
and Mr. Buckner, you know,
for the past year or so, they...

That is enough!

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

I just don't...
l-l-I just don't know why we...

why we can't, uh, sit here...

sit here and-and...
just sit here quietly while we ride
to the top of the mountain.

[Columbo]
You know something, Roger?
The truth is hard to find... sometimes.

- But sometimes it's right in front of you
and you can't prove it.
- What?

Do you know I had
a whole theory worked out...

how you could have
fixed this box here?

But I mean a high I.Q. Thing...

so that the explosive
might not be discovered.

It might get burned up
with the gasoline.

Oh, yes. I had a theory worked out
how you could have done
all sorts of things.

But now...

now it turns out to be
just an ordinary cigar box.

[Chuckling]
Yeah.

Well, listen. Now that, uh...

Don't you think you should take it
to a laboratory and have it examined?

I mean, now you've got
all these fancy theories?

What on earth for?
The theories are all wrong,
and that would only prove it.

Oh, no, that would make me look foolish.
Mr. Logan, would you care for a cigar?

- No. No, thank you.
- No?

And, you know...
and the funny thing is this, Roger...

- This whole thing could've
been a plan of yours.
- Huh?

Like those reports of Mr. Quincy's.
You could have forged those
on his typewriter.

- And the photograph between
Miss Bishop and your uncle.
- [Sighs]

[Columbo]
Any good photographer
could trick that up.

You know, you just do some
double printing and replace one figure
with somebody else's.

And even Mr. Quincy's
new bank account.

That could have been opened
by anybody, even you.

Yes, and Mr. Logars cigars
being stolen.

You see, now, there you go.
You're looking at your watch again.

Would you do me a favor?
Would you please keep quiet?

Why? It's only a dumb theory of mine.
It only goes to prove how wrong I can be.

You see, what I figured...

lfigured there was two people
between you and the presidency...

Mr. Logan here and your uncle...
and now there's just you.

Of course, you had to fire Miss Bishop.
I mean, an executive secretary...
she probably knows too much.

Everett, are you just gonna sit here
and let him just mumble on?

Why not, Roger?
It's all very interesting.

- You! You are more of a fool than he is!
- The trouble is, even if I was right...

Will you just shut up! Ohh!

Roger, what's bothering you?
What's the matter?

Shut up! Oh, my!
[Whimpers]

We have got to
get rid of that box!

- Why? What for?
- Oh...

[Panting]

Give me that box.
Give me that box!

[Screams]
Give me that...

[Moaning]

Good Lord.

Where did you get that, uh...
that box of cigars, Lieutenant?
From your secretary.

My secretary?
Mm.

Yeah. She, uh...
she had three boxes.

I hope you didn't mind?

No. I don't suppose I do
in this case, do I, Lieutenant?

Oh, uh, aren't those supposed
to be evidence, Lieutenant Columbo?

Uh, yeah, I guess they are.
It's a shame though.

[Laughing]

[Laughing Continues]

You!
[Laughing]

[Laughing Continues]

[Laughing Continues]