All language subtitles for bros.02__srt__en-GB_ShiftedBY_-0.3_-ELSUBTITLE.COM-

OK everyone, it's Bobby Lever
and welcome to your favorite podcast,

the 11th Brick at Stonewall.

Because we all know a Butch lesbian
or a trans woman of color.

Probably through the 1st brick
at Stonewall,

but it was the CIS white gay man
who threw the 11th brick.

And today, as always, I will take you
on a journey throughout LGBTQ plus history

and much more importantly,
my own problems.

And whatever I feel
like talking about.

And this is a big day
because as of today,

the 11th brick is celebrating
1,000,000 subscribers.

And in honor of all this exciting news,
I am taking your questions.

Live.

First question.

Hi, Bobby.

Any chance for more children's
books?

Ohh, not at the moment,
but thank you.

As some of you know, I wrote
a series of children's books

to help parents teach kids
about gay history,

which no one bought.

Turns out a four year old didn't
want to hear a bedtime story

about Martina Navratilova.

Hey, parents, thanks for teaching your kids
about Santa Claus.

The straight man that doesn't exist
and not Martina Navratilova,

a lesbian who does.

In other news, I finally got the footage
from my audition

to be part of the next cast of Queer Eye,

and you can watch that on the app right now.

Ohh no.

Sorry, this is not sad.

It's just not sad.

You gave him a haircut
and a pair of pants.

I mean, it looks fine.

Not great.

Next caller.

Whatever happened
to that movie you wrote?

Ohh yeah,
the movie.

These big movie producers came to me

and said we want you to write
a romcom about a gay couple.

Something the whole world
would enjoy.

Something that a straight guy
might even like

and watch with his girlfriend.

I said something
a straight guy might like.

Like what exactly am I going
to be in the middle of?

Some high speed chase

and then all of a sudden
fall in love with ice cube?

I'm gonna get butt fucked
by Jason Mamoa while we're both,

I don't know, worrying about a volcano.

And he said, Bobby, we just
wanna make a movie that shows the world.

Played straight, relationships
are the same.

Love is love is love,
I said love is love is love.

No, it's not.

That's bullshit.

That is a lie we had to make up
to convince you idiots

to finally treat us fairly.

Love is not love.

Our relationships are different.

Our sex lives are different.

And he said, Bobby, we were just
trying to make a nice movie

about nice gay people and I said,
well, there's your first mistake

because not all gay people are nice.

And I got up and left anyway.

It's totally fine.

I'm not the right person
to write a romcom anyway.

Why not?

I don't know.

I mean, I'm 40 years old.

I've never been in love.

I've never even had
a serious relationship.

Which is fine.

You know, I love my life.

I love my freedom.

I love my independence.

But, you know, probably means
I'm not the right person

to write a love story.

In exciting news, I remain
very horny.

And tonight, I am being honored
at the LGBTQ Plus Pride award.

Being in the NFL,
I never thought I could come out.

For years I had to suffer as a hot,

ripped, gay person living my life in private.

But this last year has really shown me

how amazing life can be when you
are finally publicly hot.

Please welcome any Antonio award winner
Kristin Chenoweth.

Good evening.

What an honor for me
to be here tonight.

On my head is a hat
depicting the Stonewall riots

where the queer Liberation movement began.

And now the award for CIS, White Gay Man
of the Year.

Please welcome Bobby lieber.

Oh, my goodness.

Thank you, New York.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Meet Kunam Hotep and Ryan Kanam,

the Bert and Ernie of ancient Egypt.

Many scholars believe that they are the first
recorded same-sex couple in history.

Yet to this day,

there are historians who refuse
to believe that these men were lovers

and insist that they were brothers instead.

Thus began 5000 years of queer love stories
erased from the history books.

No gay love stories to teach us about love
and how to love each other.

Well, I'm happy to say
this erasure.

Friends today and I am thrilled
to announce I have accepted

a position as the Executive director
of the first national LGBTQ

Plus History Museum
right here in New York today.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, what's up?

Looking into.

Bottom here.

Versatile.

Sure you are.

Yeah.

What's up?

Hey, what's up?

Thank you.

You wanna finish?

I think I'm good, actually.

For that it's very clear.

I love you.

For me, the cold and awkward
grinder hookup is often followed

by a walk around the city by myself
and anyone else.

Do that.

It's weird because you still had like,

this romantic encounter,

even though it was odd
or unsatisfying,

and you don't even know the person
you're still feeling this kind of post sex,

warmth, and wistfulness.

So I usually walk around for a bit

and I kind of coast on that warm feeling
as long as it lasts.

And between the weird sex with strangers

that you don't like and conversations
with friends you love

that you would never have sex with,

you know, you cobble together
a version of a romantic single life,

and it's good.

You know, it works.

It's a lot more than what
a lot of other people have in this world.

And you try to remember that.

As always, this podcast is brought
to you by career Donkey.

Hi, I'm sorry, I'm not you know,
I'm sorry.

Alright.

What's going on?

What are my missed?

How are you guys Lucas?

Well our surrogate just hit
three months and not only that,

but we are having triplets.

I'm sorry you guys have to go
the late shift at the bar,

but it was great meeting you guys.

Nice to meet you, and congratulations
on my Marty

Texas.

Wait, so what's happening?

Didn't you guys have an announcement?

OK, so I totally know this
is a little weird and unexpected,

but the reason we've been hanging
around with Marty

so much is that we are kind of.

Dating him?

OK, wait a second.

Wait, wait, wait.

What do you mean you're dating?

I mean, together, like,
there's a couple.

We're seeing him.

I guess it's kind of like
a throuple situation.

Hold on.

So what does that mean exactly?

Like, are you guys just having
threesomes or something?

Well, we hooked up,

but then we started spending
a bunch of time together

after it turns out we have a lot in common.

It's more than just sex.

We genuinely like each other.

Wait, wait.

So how long has this been going on?

Six months.

Ohh, 6.

You're enough rumble for six months

and you didn't tell me
we didn't know.

Get that serious.

I'm serious.

Isn't gonna get.

You're gonna throuple.

What are you gonna do next?

Tell your grandparents.

Hi, grandma.

Ohh.

Hi, honey.

I have some news.

Yes, Peter and I are jointly fucking
a third person.

Ohh my goodness,
it's Paul.

He and Peter are jointly fucking
someone else.

Ohh, how wonderful.

It's a truffle.

That would be fine.

We really trust each other
enough to do this.

Just be careful.

I know a lot of guys who've done this
and it's a slippery slope.

These things are fragile
and, you know, we're men, OK?

Men dating men.

Love is not love.

We are horny
and selfish and stupid.

I am too, you know,
someone called into my show the other day

and asked me why I'm still single.

I said, you wanna know why?

Because I've been gay my whole life

and I don't trust
these gay motherfuckers.

I support them,
but I don't trust them.

And are you happy?

I'm so happy all the time.

A lot of people.

Well, I really don't trust
those people.

Sorry, I love your podcast.

Can I can I get a selfie?

Ohh sure.

Thank you.

Shit, I told Henry I'd made
about this launch party.

Ohh, I wanted to go home
and change first.

Aren't you guys just gonna
take your shirts off anyway?

No, we're not just gonna
take our shirts off.

It's not 2003.

You have a very cliched view
of what gay men do at a party.

What happened before again?

Money is launching dock grinder.

We've got Tinder.

This is Zellweger is for gay guys.

You just want to talk
about actresses?

Then go to bed.

Ohh, I'd use that buddy.

I had sex with a 65 year old 65.

She didn't have an age
on his profile.

He was really nice and amazing body,

but he had this like big white beard.

Felt like Mrs Claus.

I kind of love that.

There's that guy Aaron.

Ohh.

Yes, you have the gym.

Sometimes very hot, very bored.

You know what else is new?

Ohh also today I had sex
with a guy who peed on me.

Ohh you into that?

Not really, but what else
was I doing there?

Kind of boring.

Hey, what's up?

Hello, Aaron?

Hey, this is Bobby.

Do you boys need another drink?

I'm getting a shit rocket.

What the Hell's a shit rocket?

It's like the Red Bull,
but with protein.

Ohh, shit rock and vodka,
I guess.

Thank you.

You look angry.

Me?

I'm not.

That's just the way I look.

I know people always come up to me
and tell me that, but I'm not.

I'm not angry.

I listen to your podcast.

Ohh really.

Well, that's cool.

I hear you're boring.

He said that I'm not boring.

I don't know a lot of people.

Who?

I'm sorry, that was mean.

I'm very bad at flirting,

and I'm also the type of person
who tells you I'm flirting,

which is so sexy it's OK.

What do you do?

For work, I do probate law,
I'm in state planner.

Basically I write people's
wills.

Do you like it?

Ohh sure.

When I was a kid,

first thing I would think
when I would meet someone,

who's that person gonna leave
their shit to when they die?

I really wanted to be part
of the legal logistics of that.

That's funny.

OK, it's alright.

Ohh yeah, he is.

I'm supposed to fuck him
and his husband later.

Cool.

Very good.

You know I love this song.

What is this old school Mariah?

How do you not know this?

I'm more of a country guy,
you know, like Garth Brooks.

Garth Brooks?

Who are you?

Actually, Carrie Underwood
blocked me on Twitter.

What the fuck?

Watch it.

Here you go.

I don't know.

This is why I hate these people.

Oh my God, that's the 65 year
old Jesus he's ripped.

I know.

It's like they injected
steroids into Dumbledore.

Hey, what's up?

Hey.

Where'd you go?

I don't know.

Don't worry.

God.

You guys are so stupid.

Oh my God, I know gay guys are usually
like the absolute smartest

or like the dumbest people
I've ever met.

We've been smart enough to brand ourselves
as being smart and clever.

I've hooked up with guys and afterwards
I'll make a joke or I'll say something sarcastic

and the guy does not understand
that I'm making a joke.

Literally does not
understand satire.

I know, and straight people think
we're all smart,

but a lot of these guys are dumb as shit, yes?

My little secret?

Actually.

Are you fucking kidding me?

So long just.

And how a lot of gay guys
are secretly incredibly stupid.

Ohh, how fabulous.

I don't understand.

We're having a good time.

And then he goes.

He just fucking disappears.

Bobby, don't let it go.

He's a Dick.

No, I am not letting it go.

I do not let things go.

I did dancing.

I am dancing.

OK, what do you want me to do?

The fucking Nutcracker suite.

Hey.

Hey, what's up?

I tried to kiss you
and you didn't kiss me back as.

What's up?

I'm sorry.

I'm shy.

Please.

What are you into one of these boring,
ripped idiots with no opinions?

No.

I'd like someone who's physically very frail
and won't stop talking.

Come home with me.

I can't.

Why?

Because you have to fuck
the fake baseball player and his husband.

I don't know what to tell you.

Goodbye.

Wait, wait.

Take my number.

Absolutely not.

Why?

Because I'm one of the smart ones,
asshole.

Ohh, are you emotionally
unavailable?

No, it's more mostly
unavailable than me.

No one.

I pride myself on that.

Anyway, it doesn't matter.

Henry has my number.

See you on Grinder, Zellweger.

Whoever the fuck
the next one is.

I'm not on any of those.

And how do you meet people?

I'm not really looking.

Yeah.

Me neither.

Oh my God.

They cannot stop fogging.

They cannot stop fogging.

Excuse me.

Go home, please.

I had a gut feeling
you would be online.

Hi.

Hey, what's up?

Not much, you.

But US texting each other anonymously.

I never realized
how much Grinder was.

Just like you've got mail:)

ha ha lol Dick pic no Dick pic sorry,
think about you've got mail.

Meg Ryan would never send you
a picture of her genitalia.

Ha ha lol can I see your ass?

Don't have aspic sorry.

Need to see aspic though.

Don't have ass pick, not going to meet
up unless you send aspic.

Must see pic of ass.

Ah.

Out.

Fuck.

How am I gonna shit now?

I can't fuck.

I can't shit.

I'm not a person.

God damn it.

It's too fucking flat.

Took this just for you bro.

Did he block me, motherfucker?

Ohh I'd proudly presents
our first bisexual holiday film,

the award-winning Christmas,

with either

Paul Hart always on
the cutting edge of Christmas.

OK, OK, people,
people, please.

It's getting late.

We still need to find a donor
to fund the exhibit in the final wing.

As you know, Pier one imports
was supposed to make a big donation,

but they went bankrupt and have been bought
by the Taliban.

So we are short $5 million.

We cannot afford
to push our opening again.

People will think
we're in trouble.

Maybe this whole place
could fall apart.

We need new ideas
for what goes in the final wing.

And we need them now.

Cherry go.

You know, the blue whale
hanging in the Museum of Natural history?

Yes.

What about that?

But instead of the blue whale,
it's a lesbian.

Ohh no.

Yeah.

OK, well, yeah,
we can't do that.

No.

What about a transgender woman
from an indigenous nation?

God damn it, Wanda.

What about the 400 lesbians
who fought in the civil war?

Shut up, cherry.

They were not all lesbians.

Some of them were trans men.

They stopped.

This building is a rare chance
to legitimize the history of bisexual God.

Here we go.

We say LGBTQ.

You always skip over the BI.

Wanna holla?

Bisexuals like Disney's
Hall of Presidents.

I want a stage full of animatronic
talking bisexuals.

Talking and moving and gesturing
bisexuals.

You know what this happens to be?

Bisexual Awareness Week and no one
has acknowledged it.

I acknowledge that is true.

My bad lesbian History Month
was in March.

Nobody said a God damn thing.

It's June.

It was in March.

Of course lesbians get a month
and we get a week.

Robert.

What?

I want you to know
that I hear you.

I see you and I'm holding space for you.

There she go.

There she go.

She never has any ideas of her own,

but she's always herding space
and lesbian, wrote America.

The beautiful God.

Katherine Lee Bates wrote
the lyrics on a napkin.

If you go to her house in Virginia,
they have the napkin.

What if the final exhibit
was a recreation of a queer wedding?

I like that.

That I don't have tomorrow.

That is so sweet.

I love that.

And people can come and register
for wedding gifts here.

Oh my God, no.

That is old fashioned heteronormative nonsense.

We need to get people to rethink history
through a queer prism,

not comfort them with another fucking gay wedding.

Alright?

It's a museum.

It's not shit's Creek.

Ohh, I'd like that love shit's Creek.

That show has layers.

Everyone loves shifts.

Create.

Great.

OK, that's who you remind me of.

Eugene levy.

OK, Mr funk.

How can I help you today?

I need to adjust my will.

OK?

Can I ask you why?

Because I'm dying.

I have cancer.

I'm so sorry.

I just need to figure out
where my money's going.

OK?

Do you have a partner or spouse?

No.

And no children?

No family member?

No close friend.

Not anymore.

OK?

Well, sometimes it helps to close your eyes

and think about who means
the most to you in the world.

Who is it?

Share

OK, so you want to leave $100,000?

To share.

Do you really think that she needs
that she has a huge staff?

Mr Shepherd,
sorry to interrupt.

Mrs Bailey passed away.

Oh God, this is so depressing.

I'm so sorry.

I can only imagine
what you're going through.

No, I mean your job.

What a downer.

It's Aaron.

How's grinder?

The dream has spent 45 minutes

taking a picture of my own ass.

How are you?

How is group sex with that photo,
Chicago cub?

It was fun.

They invited me back tomorrow.

Their surrogate is pregnant and they're
having a gender reveal orgy.

A gender reveal orgy?

James Baldwin
would be so proud.

Lol.

I woke up laughing about you so
rudely calling me out on my shit.

Well, you deserved it, bitch.

Honestly, I was impressed.

You may be more emotionally
unavailable than I am.

Well, maybe we can be
emotionally unavailable together.

Maybe we can be emotionally
unavailable together.

Who's writing your texts?

Maroon 5?

Fuck off.

Kidding.

We can go out.

Are you asking me out?

I'm down for whatever.

Yeah, same cool.

Sounds good.

So tomorrow.

Or we can do whatever.

Yeah, I can do whenever,
and I can do whatever.

I don't care.

We do.

Yeah, me neither.

We can do whatever,
and we can do it whenever.

Does that work for you?

Yeah, that definitely works great.

Whatever.

Whenever.

Cool.

Whatever.

Whenever.

GIF of Michael Scott dancing.

That's good.

I'm off this GIF.

This person isn't gay heart.

Ohh, no.

Unhurt.

Thumbs up.

Peace.

Peace later.

Can you heard my later,
bitch?

Bye.

You're from here, right?

Your parents still live
in the city?

No, my parents
both passed away, actually.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Ohh.

Yeah, thanks.

It wasn't recent.

My mom died when I was in college
and my dad died like 10 years ago.

You're gonna kill it?

Well, that's what I'm trying to do.

It's on my neck.

The bees are dying, don't you?

Yes, but gay stuff in movies.

Can you, like, do something?

You're touching the bee.

Wow.

Thank you.

You're like a grown up gay Boy Scout

and I'm like whatever
ends up happening to Evan Hansen

and you see what's playing.

What's your favorite movie
of all time?

What's my favorite movie
of all time?

I don't know why.

What's your favorite movie?

The hangover?

The hangover is your favorite movie
of all time.

How many movies
have you seen?

One.

It's a funny movie.

Yeah, kinda.

And you remember one
of the first lines of that movie?

Paging Dr faggot.

Remember that?

Yeah.

Paging Dr Faggot is one of the first lines
of the highest grossing comedy of 2009.

And no one talks
about it, right?

No one that long ago.

You know, we're just supposed
to, like, laugh it off.

Doesn't bother me.

I'm not sensitive like that.

I think you just like getting angry
at things.

Getting angry at things is like your brand.

What?

No, it's not.

Fuck you.

Getting angry at things.

That's my Brandon.

And you just don't like
to complain about it

because that means your feelings were hurt,

and that means admitting you're weak,

and that's too vulnerable.

And as much as we go around saying
then should be vulnerable,

you and I both know
that is such bullshit,

because for a lot of these gay guys,

sweetness and vulnerability
are wonderful and lovely,

but they can also be a real boner killer.

You're very intense.

Yes.

I was kidding, by the way.

About what?

Hang on,
it's not my favorite movie.

Yeah, I was.

I just like seeing
you get riled up.

I don't believe you.

I was kidding.

I don't like this.

OK, let's see what we have here.

Ohh, the treasure inside supposed
to be really good actually.

What's that about?

It's about 2 closeted gay frontiersmen
in the California Gold Rush of 1849.

But really it's about two straight actors
playing gay trying to win an Oscar.

I never tire of watching 2

very straight actors
really transformed themselves

into being sad and gay.

Gay actors playing gay?

That's not even acting.

Ohh I totally agree,
if they ever make a movie about my life,

they better hire A straight actor.

I like to think of my life story
as just another way

for Benedict Cumberbatch to really score.

OK, if we don't see this movie,
what are we gonna do?

Well, I didn't say
I didn't want to see the movie.

Ohh, see the fucking movie.

I'm dying too.

God put it way
above calling by your name.

But sure, the one Dallas buyers.

Well, it got me in the end.

Yeah, but why does it always
have to be so tragic?

I don't know.

Philadelphia Milk broke back.

Happy endings don't win
Oscars straight.

People love seeing us miserable.

Wait, Aaron shepherd?

Josh Evans, hammerly.

Shoot.

What is up, dude?

Shit for fucking ever.

Aaron and I, we played
hockey in high school.

This is my fiance,
Samantha.

Hey, nice to meet you.

This is Bobby.

Hey.

Hey.

We just saw the treasure inside.

It's about closet.

It gave frontiersmen.

Ohh.

OK, nice.

It's just like some dumb movie.

Ohh.

Wait, I wanna see
that gay guys are my jam.

So what are you guys
doing here, Josh?

The little trip, it's her first
time in New York City.

Is she is sick.

It really is.

Yeah.

Well, awesome.

Yeah, nice to meet you Bob.

Nice to meet you guys.

That is crazy.

I never run into anybody
from my hometown.

Ohh yeah bro.

Totally bro.

Just some dumb movie bro.

I had the biggest crush
in high school.

Yep, that tracks.

Well, like the bearded lady
and the greatest showman, this is me.

Ohh.

The vote?

Chicago cub.

Yeah, husband just sent me that.

Wow, they are extremely hot.

Yeah, Mike and Doug, there are these
roided out meat heads.

Not the brightest
with the really sweet.

Do you want to go over there?

Wait, are you ditching me again to go fuck
the baseball cosplayer and his husband?

Ohh, not ditching you,
I'm inviting you.

Why don't you just come upstairs?

Ah, I don't really do
the whole relationship thing very well.

Relationship?

When did I say I wanted to be
in a relationship with you?

We literally hung out one day.

Yeah, but if I go upstairs,
becomes like a whole thing.

Whatever.

We should just go over there.

Be fun.

I'm not gonna go.

But you should go.

Can I ask you one thing, though?

Why did you text me if you didn't
wanna hook up?

I'm not angry.

I'm just honestly curious and said
I didn't wanna.

I.

I guess I had fun talking to the club
and I wanted to say, hey, what's up?

Hey, what's up?

So basically you texted me

when you were feeling hungover
and lonely in that moment,

but you're not actually into me.

But you went on the date anyway.

Why are gay guys so weird?

Actually, you know,
we're not weird.

We're just constantly catering
to our own whims and needs,

which can change on a dime,

but we never even think about
the emotional consequences

of the other person anyway,

it's been a blast catering to your whims,

and honestly, I can't really say anything about it

because I do the same thing
to people all the time.

Fun day.

Yeah.

Have fun with those guys.

OK, bye.

Bobby wade.

When you're dreaming
with a broken heart.

Have a really nice time today.

You too.

I never go on dates,
but that was really fun.

I had a really good time too.

Oh.

Hey, I'm gonna go.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Is everything OK?

This is weird.

Oh, no, no, no.

It's fun.

It's great.

I just.

I'm just gonna go.

I'll see you.

Bye.

OK, bye.

My heart.

Go.

Thank you so much.

No.

You're leaving.

Yeah.

I gotta go.

Ohh, this is nice meeting you.

Yeah, you too is lovely.

Thank you, Aaron.

Thanks for coming.

We're convinced Brian's gay
and I think it's good for him

to have his gal around.

Oh, my God.

Of course I'm always here to be
a good gunkel to my good nephew.

Uncle Bobby,
will you read my report?

It's about Freddie Mercury.

He's obsessed with getting me
Rhapsody.

Oh my God, I love this
and like that movie.

Does your report take a story
about one of the great gay icons

and make it about that?

One time he maybe had sex
with a woman?

I thought Freddie Mercury was by.

He had a wife.

Yeah.

Well, so did Jesus.

And he was gay.

This is excellent
and an improvement on the film.

Good job.

What are those gifts
from the hangover?

Nothing.

This guy I went out with won't
stop texting me a guy.

Really?

Like a grinder guy?

No, shockingly, actually.

Met this one in real life.

Bobby.

Yeah, that's fantastic.

You think you gonna see
him again?

No.

He told me he prefers group sex to one-on-one
because one-on-one is too intense

and makes it a whole thing.

We went on one date and we had sex
with three people.

Gay relationships these days
are like a clown car.

Ohh, there's another one.

Ohh, look.

Another one.

Ohh, another one.

It's ridiculous.

Plus, I don't think
I'm his type.

How do you know?

Because I know.

He told me he likes country music
and his favorite singer is Garth Brooks.

What kind of gay man says
his favorite singer is Garth Brooks?

That scares me.

Plus, I see the guys he likes.

They'll look exactly like him.

They're all these, like,
big, hot, straight acting dudes.

It's just not me.

Or is he a top or bottom?

What does that have to do
with anything?

Maybe you're both bottoms
and that's a problem.

I'm not always the bottom, Edgar.

Oh my God, gay sex was more fun
when straight people were uncomfortable with it.

Fucking shit streak.

Maybe we should stop talking about anal sex
in front of your children.

Ohh, there's a natural part of life.

Bobby.

Ask him out again.

You never like anyone.

He is so handsome.

So are you.

You're a hottie.

He is like on another level.

He's like gay Tom Brady
when I'm with him.

I feel like friggin alpha.

I bet he's as intimidated
by you as you are by him.

Ohh yeah, I'm telling you,
he's just scared of.

Being vulnerable gay guys
from your generation still have

all these pent up masculinity issues
and you just need to get over it.

Already have the kids
and Brian's class are not binary.

Well, it's not fair, Tina.

We had AIDS and they had Glee,
but there is a work thing.

I was thinking of maybe inviting him
to maybe a work thing with lots of celebrities

and fancy people.

Are you gonna Peacocks
to impress him?

No, it's just a big fundraiser for the museum
and I need to bring someone.

You can be on stage.

No, I'm not going to be on stage, OK?

I am not some sort
of narcissistic.

Sociopath.

Thank you, doja cat.

Everyone there are rock paintings in Zimbabwe
which depict homosexuality

that date back to the year 2000 BCE.

If only the men on those paintings
had lived another 4000 years

to see a character
come out on it's

always sunny in Philadelphia.

Ohh no, it's real.

Yeah, mine too.

Please continue to give generously
so the museum can tell all the stories

in between that have never been told.

Thank you very much.

Goodnight.

Hey, I'm so sorry I left you alone.

Things got a little crazy.

Hey, dude.

You you were you were awesome.

I mean, I could never do that.

Speak in front of a bunch
of people like that.

We moved in some pretty fancy
circles.

I had no idea.

Ohh.

Trust me, it's not always
this glamorous.

Bobby, that was amazing.

Always.

Thank you.

Congrats on everything.

Thank you so much.

Thank you for coming.

Thank you, Bobby.

Thank you so much.

Hey, do you want to see
the museum?

I can give you a private tour.

Oh, sure.

I don't want to drag
you away from all this.

Oh no, it's fine here.

I thought was OK.

This is the Legends pavilion.

Unsung heroes from LGBTQ plus history.

Marsha P Johnson and Sylvia Rivera.

Usually, Stonewall is the only thing
straight people know about queer history.

Truthfully, no one really knows you
through the 1st bricks of Stonewall,

but it was trans women
of colour like Marsha and Sylvia

who drove the earliest days
of the Queer liberation movement.

So what do you think?

It's pretty incredible, right?

Yeah.

I mean, it's it's it's really impressive.

But but it's kind of depressing.

It's depressing.

It made you depressed.

It's aids, Nazis and homophobia.

All of it's just.

It's kind of a downer.

OK, well, what were you
expecting a night at the museum?

Honestly, my family loves that movie.

Ohh.

OK.

What have you did something like that?

Where?

Where?

The things.

They come alive and they,
like, talk at you.

Where the things come alive
and they talk at you like what?

Exactly?

Ohh, what if we had, like,
a bust of Eleanor Roosevelt?

Right?

And you get really close,

and then all of a sudden you realize
that's not Eleanor Roosevelt,

it's Amy Schumer.

No, it's a museum.

It's not supposed to be fun.

Bobby, we've got Debra Messing's
agent on his own.

It's urgent.

Debra's worried that she's
on the verge of being cancelled.

She said in an interview
that she was the Viola Davis of Tufts.

And people are mad.

Agent is saying that she may give
a very big donation

to the museum to save face.

Who's Deborah?

Messy from willing grace.

Oh my God.

OK, wait, this is amazing.

Yeah, stay right here.

I'll be back in 5 minutes, OK?

Alright.

Aaron?

What the fuck?

Say hi to your brother.

So, so, Jason staying here
while he figures out where to live?

Never get divorced?

Aaron.

Never get married.

Very bum.

I'm sorry.

I'm at work,
so I should probably get going.

I almost forgot to tell you.

Do you remember
Josh Evans?

Yeah, Josh Evans from high school.

I actually ran into him
and his fiance on the street the other day.

Well, they just broke up
and you want to know why?

Because he's gay.

Josh?

No, I'm definitely embarrassed
about how long this is taking me,

but I'm told people do this in their own time.

I've been empowered
by my hero.

Colton Underwood say that,
as it turns out.

I'm gay.

And like this post,
if you like that I'm gay.

Peace.

Holy shit.

So we started going back and forth for a while

and then at the end I was just like,

why don't you call
the album lemonade?

Bobby, when you're ready, what?

When you're ready.

Sorry.

OK.

People wonder if America is ready
for its first gay president.

I say we already had
one for the final wing,

please consider the Lincoln letters
a gay American love story.

For years, historians have speculated
about Lincoln sexuality.

He shared a bed and exchanged intimate letters

with multiple men over the years,

including Joshua Speed
and David Derrick's

stopping you.

Bobby.

It won't work.

You can't say Lincoln was gay.

Why?

There's no way
to confirm those were.

Sexual relationships.

There's no evidence of love.

Well, of course there's
no evidence of love.

Robert, we weren't
allowed to exist.

How would we have enough evidence?

OK, Lincoln was married
to a woman and had four children.

He was not gay, Bobby.

He might have been by telling you we have

let the world erase gay love story

since the beginning of time.

This is our chance to reject the shame
and restore the truth.

And if we don't do this,
we're letting them win.

We're letting the heterosexual terrorists
win the heterosexual terrorist.

That's right.

There are also gay terrorists.

And there are.

By terrorists.

OK, there are many bisexual terrorists.

OK, there are trans terrorists, too.

Caitlyn Jenner.

Enough people.

Let's vote on it.

OK.

Looks like we have two votes
for the great bisexuals of the world.

Thank you, someone.

And three votes
for the Lincoln letters.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Never messing is in the building.

Has a girl.

Are you OK?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm fine.

OK.

Wish me luck.

Miss masango?

Ohh, please call me Deborah.

Oh, I love this space.

How did you find it?

Ohh, God,
how did we find it?

I don't know.

I'm sorry.

Are you OK, dear?

You seem a little flustered.

Trust me, I know.

I'm Deborah messing, but I'm only
human, right?

No, I'm fine.

It's.

I'm so sorry.

It's boy problems.

It's nothing it's doing.

Yeah.

He was actually here last night.

He came to the fundraiser with me,
and then out of nowhere, he left.

You know, and I came back to the game
and it doesn't text me back.

I don't know.

It doesn't matter.

How are you?

I am so excited for this tour.

Can I just ask you really quickly
because I actually think you're, like,

the perfect person
to ask what is going on, you know?

Like, is he not interested in me
or did something really come up?

And why am I thinking
about it so much?

That's what's so annoying, you know,
because I'm never distracted like this.

OK?

This is not who I am.

And it's like, what do I do now?

Do I text him again?

Do I call him?

Do I go to his house?

You know, what do I do,
Deborah?

You know, for the last 25 years

I have been listening to
every gay man on Earth.

Complain to me.

I am not my character.

I am not every gay
man's best friend.

I am simply out in the world thinking

that I'm gonna get
a tour of a museum.

But no.

No.

Did I waltz in here and lay
all my shit on you?

Answer me.

Answer me.

I'm just shut up.

I am a divorced single mother.

You wanna hear
what that's like?

I'm so sorry about this.

I'm terribly embarrassed.

Please let me.

Let me start again.

What?

What's going on in here?

Do you have some personal shit?

You wanna complain?

Tell me about of course not.

Because lesbians have
their shit together.

I gotta go.

I lose my sitter in an hour.

Just messing.

Please come back.

I'm so sorry.

I am not Horace.

It is a character.

I won an Emmy for it.

I even beat Sarah Jessica Parker.

People forgets I'm shaving my head.

What the fuck is this doing?

Bobby?

What's going on with you?

Debra Messing just told you to fuck off
and doors fucking locked.

Ohh please let me help you.

No, I want her.

Do.

Don't call him.

Don't call him.

Do you not call him?

Ozark like a normal person.

Hey, it's me.

Um.

Call me when you're on, OK.

Bye.

Hey, what's up?

What's up?

Sorry I haven't replied,
I've just been busy.

No worries, Sam.

You wanna hang out this weekend?

Hey, Bobby,
I have to be honest.

I really like hanging out with you.

You're so smart and funny,

but I'm not sure I'm
the right match for you.

I'm not sure I'm at your level.

Maybe your friends were right
when they said I was boring.

Good luck with everything.

Come on.

Sure.

Why you sitting on the grass
and not this gigantic blanket?

I like graphs.

Cool.

So what's up?

What's been going on?

Crazy story.

Remember that guy ran into
that little buddy from high school?

Yeah, yeah,
he just came out.

What?

Broke up with his fiance?

I had no idea.

Wow.

Crazy good for him.

Yeah, that's cool.

Very cool.

OK.

I'm sorry, what is going on?

What do you mean the other night,

leaving me at the museum like that

and you didn't return any of my texts?

Will you text me like 15 times?

It was a little scary, OK?

And you to be honest with me?

You're not attracted
to me, right?

It's OK.

I can handle it.

I won't be insulted.

I just need to know.

Just be honest with me
so I don't waste my time.

I'm not your type, right?

Bobby is not that.

You are a very attractive guy.

Ohh.

OK, well, thanks.

So why are you being so weird
and passive aggressive?

You're being very loud,
actually.

You like dumb guys?

What?

Yeah, you heard me.

I see what you like.

You like these big, like
fucking, bro?

We like meathead idiots.

Who's that?

What?

You like Erin?

Yeah.

You wanna play?

With the big boys.

Ohh, Aaron,
they're fighting.

You wanna be in the fight?

You wanna be back
in the old high school locker room

with your hockey friends?

Like stealing the glands
and fucking Josh, right?

Huh?

Yeah, you like that?

Hey, yeah,
I can be tough.

Ohh.

Wow.

I can be tough like your boys.

Yeah.

Ohh, that's what you like.

Ohh, now you're on my blanket, bro.

Now you

know you want to.

Oh, there you are.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's going on?

My place.

Let's go the fuck.

Ohh.

Wow.

I like that.

Yeah I think you might have.

Ohh yeah ohh through.

Ohh yeah, yeah.

Hmm.

OK.

Ohh.

So how you gonna tap out?

Ohh, I'd have her.

Are you doing?

What are you doing?

OK, I'm sorry, OK?

Ah.

Oh OK.

Yeah.

You like that?

Oh yeah.

You like that?

Yeah.

You like that?

You like that?

You like that?

Ohh yeah.

You like that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You like palmers?

I'm the woman.

I can feel the.

You feel that you?

I.

Ohh.

That was crazy, yeah.

Ah.

I like how your chest
goes in like that.

Ohh.

Thank you.

It's called a concave chest.

Wow, I like it.

It's like a tiny bird bath.

It's like a bird bath.

Great.

Always wanted my chest
to look exactly like a tiny bird.

That's what every man wants.

Like our hair you are.

Like Austin Powers?

Thank you.

God, I never thought I would date someone

who gets more excited
about Austin Powers than Debra Messing.

Where did I go wrong?

Where are we dating?

No.

And I'm dating?

Please, I was joking.

You don't date people.

I don't date people.

We don't date people.

Remember, I remember.

How are you doing

OHP?

So annoying.

How good a warm body feels laying
I don't another warm body.

Ohh.

I hate getting work emails
on this Sunday.

Your job is really intense,
yes, and I hate it.

It's fucking stressful and depressing
and so fucking boring, I.

I fucking hate it.

I'm sorry.

Was there something else
you wanted to do?

Bobby, I need to tell you something.

When I was younger.

What happened?

You can tell me.

When I was younger,
I wanted to make little chocolates.

You wanted to make
little chocolates?

I used to tell my parents
I was going to the arcade at the mall,

but I would sneak off to Godiva.

I just loved how all the chocolates
were wrapped,

and I thought about how I would
design my own chocolates.

How each little chocolate has its own specific,
unique design on it,

and that little design tells you
what they're going to taste like.

So I would draw
my own chocolates.

In in a notepad.

Tight on about.

Tiny little pretty chocolates.

That's good.

What was he gonna do
with that, though?

What was it gonna be?

A chocolatier?

Bobby, I wasn't gonna
be a fucking chocolate.

I don't know why not.

It seemed kind of faggy.

Oh my God, Aaron faggy.

It's not faggy to spend your life
making Pretty Little chocolates, Bobby.

OK, fine.

But So what?

So you're a big fag.

So am I.

It's great.

Did you not realize that a few minutes ago

when you were sticking
your enormous penis into my tiny?

OK, yeah,

it's it's kind of cliche,
don't you think?

I'd rather be a cliche
than be miserable.

Well, my 15 year old brain in 1995,
that is all I thought about.

I was right around the time
that my brother caught me hooking up with a guy.

No no, I was making
little chocolates.

Ohh.

I lied and I said that I was.

Making chocolates for this girl that I had
a crush on at school.

I'm sorry, this is the cutest thing
I've ever heard.

I guess you just have
this big, exciting life.

I just want you to think
that I was some boring schlub.

I don't think you're boring.

Your friend said I was boring.

Oh my God,
you were mad about that.

I was joking.

I'm sorry, but, like,
I don't understand.

You don't have to be stuck
in that miserable office all day.

You could be out in the world,
I don't know, making fudge.

You know?

You're like a Keebler elf
with internalized homophobia.

You have to do this.

You have to become
a chocolatier.

Hobby?

You have to become
a chocolatier.

I'm telling you, you make
that sound so easy.

Well, no, it's not easy.

Nothing's easy.

My God, you know what I have
to do this weekend?

I have to drag my concave
chest up to Provincetown

and beg donors for money.

I need $5 million or else
the museum can open

and it's pride up there.

So the museum has to have
a float in the parade,

and that's a whole thing.

I'm telling you, it is not easy.

It is never easy.

But it's worth it.

Hey, maybe I can come.

To where?

Provincetown.

Ohh.

Yeah.

Come, come, come.

Welcome.

I'm Louis.

Let me show your bedroom.

Thank you.

Oh my God,
this house is so beautiful.

How long have you had this place?

I've been coming up to Pee Town since 1976.

Wow.

We're all these guys.

Ohh.

Well, actually, that that's me.

Oh my God, Louis,
you were so hot.

Yeah, I know.

Wow.

To any of these guys
still come up here too?

Ohh now by 1996 four,
the seven of them were gone.

I got this place in 1999 when I realized

it somehow, miraculously,
I was gonna survive.

I'm so sorry.

So tell me, what are you
guys up to today?

Ohh well, I have a work thing this afternoon
so I don't really know.

I'll be just lay low.

Lay low.

You're in P town.

Go out, have fun.

You'll be dead soon enough.

Come on, let me show you.

Alright.

Here's your bedroom.

Oh my God.

Wow.

And if you wanna fuck
you, let me know.

Ohh.

Hey, I need to grab something.

Ohh.

Shit.

I'm sorry.

Why are you just walking in?

I'm sorry.

I thought you were
in the shower.

It's not steroids.

Just testosterone
isn't that dangerous.

Like for your liver
and balls and stuff.

No, half the guys
I know do this stuff.

Yeah, but half the guys
you know are roided out morons.

Yeah, well, that doesn't seem to bother you
when you're obsessing over my body.

Yeah.

OK, that's fair.

I'm going to shower.

Perfect.

She's out of my.

Just the.

She's like.

You have a really nice voice.

I heard you sing in the shower.

Well, that's mortifying.

Wait, so you're asking this guy
to donate the remaining 5,000,000?

No.

If I can get 1,000,000 out of him,
I'll take it.

You can't scare these people
off by seeming too needy.

Kind of like with you.

Who's Lawrence grave?

Larry grape.

Biggest gay TV producer on the planet.

He's made all this groundbreaking
queer content.

He's major Mr grape.

I'm thinking the final wing
should be about Lincoln.

Love that.

Love Lincoln.

Very few people know this,
but our most popular president

was also our first gay president.

Sorry, this is a Lincoln Museum.

Is this a Lincoln Museum?

Sir?

This is actually an LGBTQ
History Museum.

It's the first of its kind
on a national level.

We actually fucking Bush.

God, my neighbors planted.

That version, it blocks
my view.

Can you believe that?

Let's go take care of this.

This is a fucking disaster.

He won't even listen to me.

He's too busy getting his Rottweiler
ready for pride, OK?

For my experience and my job.

We're rich people just wanna
be listened to.

Ask him what he's interested in.

But I don't care what he's interested,
and I'm here to pitch him my idea of them.

Pretend like you're interested.

Just do a listening face.

Do a listening face.

Huh?

Hmm?

Yeah, I can't.

Come on.

Go.

OK.

Yes, really?

Yeah, that looked like
I'm listening to.

Ohh yeah.

Of course.

I'll see you then.

Love you.

I love you too.

Alright, listening.

I'll try it.

I'll try it.

Sorry, I have to get going, boy.

Ohh, Mr grape.

Let me ask you something.

Umm.

What would you like to see
in the museum?

A haunted House of gay trauma.

A haunted House of gay trauma?

Yeah, it's a cart on a track.

And there's I'm sorry,
this is a ride.

That's a fucking ride.

Do you think a ride
is too much?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's perfect.

Please keep going.

OK, we find ourselves
in an intimate little bar

with some young hot animatronic man.

The man turned to dance
with each other

when suddenly, ohh cop car

smashes through the wall.

Police storm out of the cars,

there's sirens and batons
and voices screaming

and suddenly the car
takes off like a roller coaster.

And there's blood everywhere and a monster
with Reagan's face on it

is chasing you down the hallway,

saying Shining City on a hill,

shining city on a hill.

And then we shoot out
into the lights and ends on something.

Happy like little Nazak's
working out with pink dumbbells.

Wow.

A gay trauma coaster.

I mean, it's it's
very provocative.

I just don't think we can afford
that sort of thing unfortunately.

Right.

Well, OK.

It was so lovely meeting
you got Mr great Mr Greg.

I'm not a creative guy.

I'm a money.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

I can tell you, to accomplish
what you want,

we need more than just a little donation.

And we need.

$5 million and you won't
just get the gay trauma coaster.

You get the Lincoln exhibit.

You get all of it.

You rewrite history
for an entire LGBTQ community.

You're a storyteller,
Lawrence.

And this.

Is the ultimate story.

You already pushed the museum opening back
twice as it really happening.

Yes, it's definitely happening.

I promise.

My entire life
has led up to this, right?

Well, $5 million is nothing
to rewrite history.

I'm in.

Wait.

Really?

Yes.

Yes.

God, Mr.

Green, thank you.

Of course.

Congratulations on my money.

Happy pride.

Happy pride.

Now I have to go to a Pride party,

and you're both too old
to be in the pool.

Please leave.

Oh my God,
you're a genius.

You're a storyteller.

Where did that even come from?

I told you I'm good at talking to weird rich folk
could tell you had money to spend.

I I don't know what to say.

Thank you.

Oh my God.

Shit.

I gotta go to the parade.

I gotta get on that stupid float.

I'll see you after.

OK?

OK.

Thank you.

OK.

I kiss you.

Are we kissing each other now?

I don't know.

You're gorgeous.

Why did you fart?

I still can't believe what you did
with Lawrence today.

That was amazing.

$5 million.

It's not that big a deal.

It is a huge deal.

Are you kidding me?

I always have to do
everything for myself.

No one ever does shit
like that for me.

You know what you did for me
you could do for yourself?

Open a chocolate shop.

I don't know.

I'm not opening
a chocolate shop.

Another.

Confident as you.

Ohh please, I'm not that confident you
are the most confident person I know.

Like.

To a fault, it's actually
it's kind of scary.

Trust me, it's all an act.

Confidence is just a choice you make,

so decision like any other,
usually born out of necessity.

You think I have
a good singing voice now?

You should have heard me.

When I was a kid,
I was even better.

Had American Idol existed
then I would have been the gay guy

with an amazing voice
who comes in second.

And then let's see.

Then I went to college
and my musical theatre teacher.

He told me that I had a gay walk
and a flamboyant quality

which would limit my options.

And then, for grad school, I went to one of the best
journalism schools in the country.

And my teacher there,

this old closeted queen
who was married to a woman,

pulled me aside and thought
he was doing me a favor

when he told me that I should stick
to writing because my voice

sounded too gay
to do the news on TV's true story.

And that I did stick to writing
and my dear history books,

every single publisher,

every single one told me there wasn't
enough of an audience for it.

I was always too gay,
or I was too niche,

or, you know,
I made people uncomfortable.

Even my dad,

who was so wonderful
and supportive,

I remember him saying.

You know, not everyone wants
to hear this gay stuff all the time.

But what was I supposed to do?

I mean,

I'm writer.

I wanted to write
about my life, my friends.

My world.

And I'm telling you, enough people
tell you things like that,

no matter how confident you are
when you're alone at night.

You start to think
that maybe they're right.

So.

I just.

I put my head down.

And I just worked really hard.

And I just hoped that somehow.

All these other people.

Were wrong.

And they were.

And they were.

I mean, I spent years watching a wave

of mediocre straight men passing me by,

men with half the talent
who worked half as hard,

who didn't care as much as I did,

and they got twice as far.

Always.

I mean, that's an old story, but.

And you know, we're all caught up with us.

Didn't catch up fast enough.

Didn't catch up fast enough for my parents
to see all these great things happen for me.

Right.

Didn't catch up fast enough
for a lot of people.

That's the truth.

Let me tell you, confidence
is just knowing you're

the only person left you can count on.

That's all that is.

That's all.

Or another beer.

Sure.

Sorry, that was a lot.

For that, where you at?

good

You can help me?

Love this song?

With affection.

That is a weird dance.

Excuse me.

At least I dance.

I can dance.

I've never seen you dance.

Literally.

No one has.

Really no dance.

Yes.

Ohh.

Ohh very good, there you go.

I want you to fuck me.

Are you sure?

Was the last time you did that?

It's been a while.

I want you to.

Sing me another song.

Thank you.

Hello

there.

So earth.

What's up, man?

Wondering when I was going
to win seven of us.

Hey, congratulations
on everything.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.

It's been crazy, man.

Cool.

So yeah,

would have been doing Louis was like, no,
I need to see options.

And then he started sending me Airbnb options
and then bring it.

No.

And I'm like, no,
we deserve this.

Bobby, what do you want?

I want you.

What's up?

Where do we stand on this?

Where do we stand on what?

Mammography.

One Mama agony.

Are we open?

What are we gonna do?

What are we doing?

Like, ohh, this is just like
when Harry met Sally.

What do you wait?

It's that classic scene

where Billy Crystal runs to Meg Ryan
on New Year's Eve

and asked her if she wants to have
an open relationship.

But I mean, I'm not like.

Into monogamy, you know?

But I don't think we should be,
like, constantly fucking other people.

Why do you ask?

Oh, you wanna fuck
your little hockey fan?

I wanna fuck you.

Ohh, that's nice.

But maybe he's there too.

He's very hot.

And Joshua?

Hi.

I'm Steve.

I believe

it's Steve.

Santa, baby, just.

Hey.

Ohh.

That's OK.

Hmm.

I'm sorry.

Baby

down.

Pillow fight.

Can I have a massage?

Sure.

I got really tight hamstrings school.

Just.

Now.

Ignore me.

I think.

Henry, get out.

Bobby lieber.

You made some friends.

Hi, Henry.

Hey, Steve.

Sure.

I am so hungover.

Thank you.

So I may have been wrong about
the whole hooking up with other people thing.

OK, I don't know, I just.

I want to be cool and free and you know,
I don't want to be lame, but.

Actually seeing you,
I don't know.

It's just.

It wasn't working for me.

Yeah, no, totally.

I I get it.

You sure?

Yeah.

OK.

Thank you.

Oh, sorry.

My mom will not stop texting me.

When do your folks get here again?

The 21st.

She wants to do
the whole magical Christmas in New York thing.

They love sightseeing.

I have no idea
what to do with them.

Well, if you need me,
I'll be home.

Hate watching Hallmark Christmas movies.

Hey.

Do you maybe want
to spend Christmas with me?

And my folks.

Really?

Because honestly, I'm totally fine alone.

That is very sweet
of you, though.

No, you shouldn't be alone.

That's crazy.

OK.

And that would be fun.

And honestly, no one knows
New York City better than me.

I will plan the ultimate
New York City.

Christmas is only a New York City
Jew could amazing.

But just keep in mind, you know,
they're like quiet folks from a small town.

Aaron, I understand you
and I come from different worlds.

I'm from New York City.

You're from upstate New York?

I mean, they're sweet, but just.

If you could just be like.

Chill.

I promise I won't embarrass
you.

I'm Mr shepherd.

These are the first holiday windows

to ever feature
a sex positive Tiny Tim.

And it's so important we don't get
queer characters

in the stories that we read as kids.

There's no gay Cinderella.

There's no lesbian Rapunzel.

There's no nonbinary Ebenezer Scrooge.

Bobby.

I think they get it.

Guys, we gotta go.

I told Josh Evans we would meet him
at the Hallmark Christmas movie.

APA village.

We're seeing Josh Evans.

I do know.

Let's do it.

Are you a wholehearted fan?

I dabble.

This is so beautiful.

She know I love it.

There's Josh wearing shorts in winter
like a total psychopath.

Ohh my goodness, they have Rachel
Ray edible gentzel.

Josh Evans, village house,
all heart, village tree.

You see the game movie that
they did you was kind of dumb.

Yeah.

For years they ignored us.

Then their audience got 10%
less homophobic,

so they decided we're new demographic.

They can sell shit, too.

I mean, look at these movies.

Have yourself a heteronormative little Christmas miracle

on 34th street,

but with one gay guy home alone.

But with Sarah Paulson,
I mean, it's absurd.

Josh.

Hey, Merry Christmas.

Come get skates.

I wanna see you
and Aaron.

Back out on the ice
for old time sake.

Bobby, Josh and Aaron played
hockey together in high school.

Ohh I know.

Dude, what is your problem?

What can you just like, maybe tone
it down a notch?

I'm sorry, I don't understand.

We've been with my parents for two hours

and you've already talked about
transgender mannequins, HIV prevention,

and you pointed out the route
to the 1976 Dyke March.

They're having fun.

They're totally fine.

What is your problem?

I'm nervous, OK?

I've never introduced them to anybody.

I just don't want them
to get weirded out.

I want them to have,
like, a chill, normal time.

So now I'm not normal.

But you know what I mean.

I'm just being myself.

OK, but maybe you could just be like
a little less yourself for like 3 hours.

I want them to like you.

Oh.

Yeah.

No, sure, of course.

Yeah, I'll just.

I'll just be quiet.

OK.

Thank you.

Honey?

Hi, Jesus Christ,
we have to go anywhere.

We have a dinner reservation.

Where's dinner again?

Look at me way up high.

Hey, Dad, how are
the polar bears doing?

That's the team Josh
and I used to play on.

They haven't won all year.

I told Josh.

Then you do boys to come back.

Barbie,
you seem quiet tonight.

It's everything alright.

Ohh yeah,
I'm totally fine.

Yeah, I'm actually, you know,
I'm sorry if I spoke too much today.

I just.

I think I got nervous.

This is actually more
like how I usually am.

I'm very quiet, very quiet,

and just like, weirdly normal.

Well, thanks again for planning
such a lovely day.

You're so welcome, Mr Shepherd.

Ohh.

Sound like one of my students
call me Anne.

OK, I will.

My mom's been a second grade teacher
for almost 40 years now.

Oh my God, that's amazing.

We need good teachers now
more than ever.

Thank you.

I agree.

And Aaron says you're working
at an American History Museum.

Yes.

Yes, it is.

It's an American History Museum.

Well, it's actually an LGBTQ
History Museum.

It's the first major queer
History Museum in America.

Do you teach your students
any gay history?

Because I know in a few states
they're finally starting to do it.

Well, I teach 2nd grade, so no.

Ohh right, no,
I understand yeah.

Out of curiosity,
why not well?

I just think they're
a little young for that.

No, of course.

Yeah.

No, I understand that.

I don't think so, though.

I'm Bobby.

No, no, no.

I'm just saying,
if I may disagree, respectfully,

that's actually the best time
to teach them when they're young.

You know?

That way they develop
an appreciation for queer people

before they all start bullying each other

or hating themselves if they're gay.

Maybe you're right.

Feels a little young though,

right?

Totally.

I get it.

I will drop it.

Agree to disagree.

Cheers to that.

Yeah.

Hey, So what,
are you guys heading home?

Really?

That young, though?

It's not that young.

Bobby, can you please drop it?

No, I can't, because we're talking
about gay kids here,

and it's important.

One of the things that saved me

is that my parents exposed me
to gay stories when I was a kid,

when I was 12 years old.

This is true.

My parents took me to see a Broadway play
called Love and Compassion.

It was about a group of gay men spending
the summer together in Provincetown,

and all of a sudden the curtain goes up

and there are seven completely
naked gay men on stage.

And there I am, sitting between.

My mom and dad at age 12,
looking at 7 soft penises.

And all of a sudden two of the guys
start making out

and then one of them starts,
like, talking dirty, you know?

And I remember this so vividly,

there was a sex scene
and one of the guys is like, ohh, my prostate.

Pound my prostate.

You know, milk me,
milk me.

And I didn't even know
what that was, but now I do.

But, you know, it was incredible,

you know, to know that I could sit there

between my mom and dad looking at 7 penises.

7 penises.

Anne.

I was 12, and to know
that they were OK with that,

I mean, that had a profound
effect on me.

All I'm saying is we need
to remove the stigma from that type of thing

so that gay kids can feel
good about themselves.

That's all I'm saying.

I mean, look at Aaron
and how much he hates his life.

Abby.

No, I'm saying is there is a direct correlation

between how unhappy you are with your life

and what you were in town
about your potential as a child

probably stopped talking seriously enough.

I will kill you.

Aaron, you hate your life.

Pick it up.

Change.

Black Widow.

A lot of people.

Your brother's
a real chatterbox.

Hey, are you mad at me now?

I'm great.

Josh is texting me.

I'm gonna meet him
at that bar.

I think we should go home
and talk about ohh.

Really?

You wanna talk more?

Well, I think it's better
than going to party with Josh,

the self loathing meathead.

It took 40 years to come.

Now, not everybody's you,
Bobby, OK, but 40 years.

JRR Tolkien took less time
with his journey.

You fucking relentless.

Aaron hates his life.

God.

Hey.

Hey.

Fuck.

OK, OK, OK.

OK.

Ah.

Eric?

Hey, Bob.

Ship it.

We were just playing around.

You were just playing around.

What the fuck is wrong
with you, Josh?

Leave.

I'm sorry.

Get the fuck out of here.

Calm down.

Oh my God.

I knew it.

I fucking knew it.

Just say it.

Can you please just say it finally?

Just fucking say it,
because I already know.

You're not attracted to me.

What I see, the guys you look at,

at the gym and the club
everywhere, everywhere we go.

Bobby, go be with him
if that's what you want.

But I will not let you drag me
into this any further.

And I will not let you
break my heart.

I am too smart for that.

Why did you say that shit about me
in front of my parents?

I begged you not to embarrass me,
but you couldn't help yourself.

What is wrong with you?

What is wrong with me?

Tone it down, Bobby.

Be quiet, Bobby.

Can't you be a little bit less of yourself,
just for a few hours?

You don't think I know what that means?

You don't think I know
what that's code for?

You don't think I've been hearing
that my whole fucking life?

That's what you think about me.

I'm not apologizing for myself.

I will leave that to you.

Hey, question for you,
because you know everyone,

I need a makeover.

Ohh yeah, let's go
to a spa weekend.

No, I want steroids
or like testosterone or HGH or something.

I keep working out,
but I don't get bigger.

I wanna look like
a fucking action star.

Forget province town.

I want people to think I have
a summer share on Jumanji.

I'm sick of being niche.

I wanna be Thor.

But you know that steroids
don't make you big on their own, right?

Like you still have to work out.

And again, it's the window.

I know.

Let's fucking go.

Now.

No, stop.

It's sort of an inspiration.

I both know I'm torn now.

What are you doing?

Something that.

Bobby, the Lincoln exhibit
is cancelled.

Why?

People are threatening to boycott.

They're pulling their donations.

There's just not enough proof.

OK?

You wanna put Lincoln
back in the closet?

Fine.

I'll put him back in the closet.

I'll put him back
in the fucking closet.

Here.

There you go.

Lincoln is back in the closet
where you all need him to be.

I'm on steroids.

OK, Bobby,
just calm down.

So Angela and I proposed
that the final exhibit be called post gay.

Post gay?

Yes, because she's being gay
is old news.

OK, so now I'm too gay for Aaron,
but I'm too straight for you.

Will somebody please tell me exactly
how gay I'm supposed to be?

Poor Abraham Lincoln
can't even be gay now

because he wasn't gay, Bobby.

He was Bobby.

OK, I know you want to get rid
of my stories, vine.

Let's get rid of them.

I have road rage.

Bye, bye.

Bobby?

Like a black man down there.

Angela and the lesbians hold him down.

No.

You're on steroids.

You can't tell.

You know what?

I don't need this shit.

Me neither.

Lesbians disperse.

I hate the museum.

But most of all, I really
fucking hate storytelling.

She doesn't like telling stories.

Maybe the final wing should be a big empty room

where people can go
to just shut the fuck up.

OK?

Yeah, leave all of you shit.

My window, my workout window.

Grace.

Hey, bro.

Hey bro.

What's up?

What's up from Joel?

Rob?

Hey, can you help me
with this problem?

Yeah, sure bro.

Yeah.

Nice.

You're doing chest yeah
leg day for me bro.

Ohh nice.

Gonna work on those hammies.

Yeah go put them all on.

Doing the Super set today.

Ohh super set.

Yeah yeah super set.

Pack it up bro.

Lots of places.

I haven't seen this many plates
since you have Jewish holidays bro.

It's nice.

You're gonna hang out again
sometime.

Maybe watch a game?

Yeah, I love that.

I'll give you my number.

Holy shit.

Dude, what happened
to your voice?

Ohh.

Fuck.

OK, I'm really sorry,
but I know this is very strange,

but when I when I walked up
to you in the gym,

I I just did this voice, you know,
like, you know, like.

Hey bro.

What's up?

I don't know.

I just was trying it.

Holy shit.

Are you a serial killer?

You gonna fucking killer,
bro, right now?

No, no,
I'm not killing you, bro.

I'm so sorry.

No, this is weird.

I'm sorry.

I'll go.

Yeah, you need to leave.

Right now.

But it kind of worked, right?

Like, that's what's weird
about dude, hurry up, man.

But just the fact that I was like,
hey, bro, what's up?

OK, I'm leaving.

I'm so sorry.

I'm going through
a very hard time right now.

I asked for all that.

OK?

I'm sorry.

I'm going.

I'm going.

Can I just ask you one thing, though,

if I come up to you
and use my real voice?

Would you been attracted to me?

Wow, that is really sad,
but.

Yeah, I think so.

But not now.

OK.

I'm really sorry.

Streisand of course I love her.

She's the best stress
and fucking rules.

This is actually kind of like yentel
if you think about it.

Dude, get the fuck out.

I'm so sorry.

Later.

Sorry, I had that whole heart
proudly presents our first

polyamorous holiday film,
a Holly Polly Christmas.

It's snowing, snowing on all seven of us.

Hey.

We talk.

OK.

So what's up?

Bobby, I am so sorry I told you
not to be yourself.

I know I fucked up,
but this is new for me too.

And when you blew up
in front of my parents?

Honestly.

It felt like you were doing it on purpose.

I was.

And I'm sorry, I shouldn't
have handled it like that.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

But Aaron?

That doesn't change the fact that.

You like a certain type of guy,
and that isn't me, and that's OK.

You're right.

I always pictured myself
with a guy like Josh.

Yeah, a guy like Josh.

Yeah.

He's hot.

Yes, he's simple, conventional, basic as hell,
and not somebody that actually makes me happy.

Bobby, you're so different from me.

You're not afraid
to take up space in the world.

You challenge me.

Which at first it freaked me out

because who the fuck
wants to be challenged all the time?

But.

But I love it.

You're what's been missing.

I know I fucked up,
but please give me another chance.

I miss you so much.

I miss you too.

A lot.

I didn't realize
until after we broke up.

There were actually a couple
of months there where I was.

What do they call it?

In a good mood.

But I can't.

My whole life I have prided myself
on being self aware

and self reliant and self possessed
and it didn't matter.

It didn't matter because at the end of the day

I just ended up in the street looking at you
and looking at jobs and thinking.

I'm not enough for him,
I know and I feel awful,

but do not throw this away
because of 1 mistake.

What do you want me to do?

So you'll give me another chance?

I can't do that.

Why not?

Because I don't trust you.

I've been alone so long.

Who knows?

Maybe that's the only way
I know how to be.

I don't know.

I'm going.

Hey.

If you don't trust me,
that's fine.

But if for some reason,

underneath all that strength and confidence,

you still don't trust that you are lovable enough,

I'm living proof.

But you're wrong.

First of all, thank you all
for letting me do this.

I really appreciate it.

Look, I know I've been a very angry,
judgmental person.

Obviously.

And sometimes anger
can be good.

I know you all know that,

because for years, it was the fuel
we all needed to keep going.

It wasn't that long ago
that the straight gatekeepers of the world

didn't allow for all of us
to really succeed in a big way.

Oh, my God.

Do you guys remember straight people?

Yeah, they had a nice run.

Look, Bobby, I'm a black trans woman,

and I don't need you to come here
and lecture me about anger.

But.

I get it.

I am brimming with anger.

And if I were to let
just an ounce of it out,

I would probably explode
and kill everyone of you.

But Bobby, I want you to know something.

I hear you.

And I forgive him.

You do?

Yes.

Look, this is the only community
I've ever loved being a part of,

and we fight like crazy and we always have.

But.

You're my people.

And I am so sorry that I was so rude
and spoke down to you.

I should have shown you
much more respect.

There is truly no group
of people on Earth

that I love and respect more.

Well, I am not going to lie,
I am still angry.

But I insist on progress,

not just for our LGBTQ heroes,

but for our LGBTQ assholes.

Like you.

Thank you, Robert.

The life of this apology
has like 40K viewers.

You're posting this.

Can you please?

No, OK.

Yeah, no, you should definitely
post this.

Everything should.

Everything should be posted.

And thank you
for teaching me that.

It's just, you know?

Hey, I've decided to quit.

I just quit too.

You did?

I do this Kamala Harris impression online
and it's really taken off.

Ohh yeah,
like I'm Kamala Harris, OK.

Good luck.

Yeah.

Good luck with whatever
you're doing.

Thank you.

Hey Bobby, I wanted you to be
the first person to see this.

This is Aaron Shepherd's
shock factory.

He made these little chocolates.

I also made some special treats
to celebrate the opening of the LGBTQ plus museum.

These are Harvey milk duds.

And instead of a heart-shaped Valentine's
Day box filled with chocolates.

We have a pink silence equals death triangle

filled with chocolates and attribute
to my favorite day television character.

This is.

8 tier missus.

From friends, where's Aaron?

Likes friends, of course.

All the profits go
to the museum.

OK.

Goodbye.

It's all

good.

Thanks for letting me
crash here.

I know Mom pressured
you into inviting me.

Like.

School you.

Yeah, sure.

OK bro, yeah,
I'm fine.

I'm a very happy chocolatier.

I mean, there was that guy.

Buds over whatever,
I'm fine.

Yeah, totally.

Jesus, how do you decapitate?

Seriously?

That's all you're gonna say?

How do you decapitate?

What do you want me to say?

How do you remove the heads?

What about?

Hey, bro, how are you doing?

How are you holding up?

I'm sorry, bro.

We don't talk about this shit.

I'm crashing here because I'm
in the middle of a divorce

and you haven't asked me about it once.

I'm sorry.

So how's the divorce?

I don't wanna talk
about it, OK?

So.

What happened to you?

OK, you remember at Christmas
when mom and Dad came?

I asked Bobby to.

I asked him to tone
it down.

I know, I know.

I fucked up.

I panicked.

Did you try to get him back?

Yes.

I mean, Bobby is the best,

but he's a stubborn son of a bitch.

And do you love
this stubborn little bitch?

Whatever.

It's over.

Bobby Strong,
he doesn't need me.

He doesn't need anyone.

Hey guys, it's your girl.

Tomorrow we're opening
the LGBT museum tonight.

Tonight is our grand opening and we're
gonna have a wonderful time.

What's the?

Hi, I'm Leonardo da Vinci.

I changed the world with my work
as an inventor, scientist, and artist.

But most importantly,
I may have been by

arrivederci.

Congrats, you've made it
to the Obama administration,

but what's that around the corner?

OK, seriously,
this place is incredible.

Are you happy?

I don't know.

It's weird, you know?

Like this place was my dream
that it happened.

Why can't I answer your question?

OK, can I just say one thing?

Yes, I know that what he did was wrong,

but you didn't have to argue with his parents.

I did, though.

Plus, I apologize
and he apologized too.

I just don't know
if I can trust him.

He fucked up people.

Fuck up.

Is there no part of you that
wants to give him a second chance?

You know what it is.

I just don't wanna want
someone else this much.

But you do.

It doesn't make you look weak
to love someone.

Vulnerability is not
a boner killer.

I know you.

I know that you've had a million reasons
to keep your guard up all these years.

But there are people out there worth
letting your guard down for.

Were you happier with him
or without him?

That's all that really matters.

Can I tell you something extremely embarrassing
that I would only tell you?

Yeah.

I wrote a song about him.

I know that's the only time
I'm ever going to talk about it.

We're not talking about it.

I didn't send it
and I'm not sending it.

OK, fine.

Just never seen you
that happy is all.

And I love seeing it.

Hi guys.

Sweetie, yeah?

Holy shit, he texted me.

Bobby texted me.

What he saying?

He said.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, what's up?

Fuck.

Yeah bro, you're talking about.

Yeah, right.

So hey, what's up?

Hey, what's up?

Hey, what's up?

Wait, wait, wait.

OK.

Yeah.

I'm gonna wait to text him
back though, you know?

Ohh.

Shit, I got to get to the gym, alright.

What the fuck is up with you
in the CrossFit everyday?

Jesus, what do people
all training for?

You go to war, stop playing.

It's so cool.

Just go and tell him
how you feel.

Or what about you?

What about divorce?

What about keeping it young
and fun?

Whatever.

Straight people were so set
in our ways for gay people.

You guys are all so you're so smart
you're going to figure it out.

My story is not your story.

Go write your own damn story.

Go now, OK, yeah.

Hey.

Hey, what's up?

Hey, what's up?

What's up?

Yeah?

Yeah, it's time for the toast.

OK, great.

One of the hardest parts
of putting the museum together

was figuring out what the final
exhibit would be.

The message we leave people
with about who we are.

But the truth is,
we are not one thing.

We are not a monolithic group.

We are some of the smartest
and most self-reliant people

you will ever meet,
and we are so stupid.

And we are a total mess
and we are great.

We've been around since the beginning of time,

of course, and yet it still feels
like we're at the very beginning

of being able to tell our own stories.

In many ways, I think we're still
getting to know each other, really.

Now I'm just a boring
old sis white gay.

But

one thing I have learned
from my trans and by

and non binary family is that happiness

for all of us comes
from staying fluid,

staying open to change open
to being more than just who you thought

you were or more than what
other people assume you are.

So this is a toast to all of us.

We've come a long way.

And there are a lot of people
who deserve to live long enough

to be here tonight.

And we are here and they are not.

And we are very lucky.

We are very lucky.

I have no complaints.

Hey.

Umm.

Sorry,

just one more thing.

Sorry.

Hold on.

I'm going to do it.

Let's do it.

Let's do it.

So I'm.

This is a little special something
I wrote for tonight and.

I didn't think I would actually
have a reason to sing it.

And I haven't sung in front
of people in a very long time,

so forgive me, but tonight is about love,

and we've seen a lot of tortured gay Cowboys

played by a lot of straight actors
over the years.

So this is a love song from 1 Gay Cowboy

to another inspired by everyone's
favorite LGBTQ plus icon.

Garth Brooks.

We met at the club.

Mariah Carey remix song.

All the boys in harnesses.

You didn't recognize the song.

It took me a.

Up to parade
and Stan.

For years, the deviant boys
have run around because love is not love.

Is really.

And I'm nervous as hell
to tell you how I feel.

Because after all these years
of running round.

It's nice to have somebody slowing down
because love is not love.

Freeze free.

Let you be you,
and you let me be mean.

And we're gonna wrestle on the beach
when you pin me to the ground.

But if I tell you
how much I love you,

boy, will you stick around
and you can lift me here

and I'll come you down.

I've made a lot of noise,
but only you can hear me now.

Love is not love.

This love is real.

I hope you feel the same goes.

This is how I feel.

Angry baby, I'm sick of being strong
and I know a lot of Sinner.

This song.

Hard.

It's a second chance.

It's fun in your first love
as a 40 year old man

and we don't have
to get married, babe.

This is our real man.

Just because we're gay
doesn't mean we have to dance.

Because love is not.

Love is not.

Love is not.

Bobby, I just have to tell.

All my years I never thought I'd say this,
but Debra Messing?

It'll have to wait.

What's wrong?

I just really love you.

I love you too.

You like love bro?

Ohh yeah.

Wait, what?

Ohh.

Ohh, what are you
just let me do this?

Oh shit, I need a ring.

Tomorrow, can I borrow your ring?

Ohh yeah.

Thank you, Bobby.

I'm Aaron shepherd.

I know we're not relationship people.

But will you date me for three months
and then we'll reassess?

Yes, Bobby Lieber,
I will date you for three months

and then we can reassess.

Mommy?

Uncle Bobby's gonna date
someone for three months.

Hey queers, I'm the museum guard here.

Just going to do some dusting.

Ohh, what are you doing
dusting me?

I'm lesbian first Lady
Eleanor Roosevelt.

Hi, I'm Seth Meyers.

It's Harvey milk.

Hello, I'm Keena Thompson
as James Baldwin.

It's a night at the Gay Museum.

Come here.

Assistant.

Someday Spirit will lift
you, take you.

Everybody is free.

Aaron?

Umm Bobby.

Bobby, this is spectacular.

Thank you.

And the kids are loving it.

I'm so glad you're here.

I mean so much to me that you would
make it part of your trip.

It really does.

You were right.

Of course they should see this.

It's their history, too.

Congrats.

You're a four on the Kinsey scale,
you're a bisexual.

Ohh bye.

Thanks for teaching me
about Liberachi anytime.

You know, we just hit three months.

I don't think it's gone.

I think it's going pretty well.

How do you think it's going?

I think it's going pretty well too.

I'm good.

Good job.

Yeah.

Bye, boys.

Bye, mom.

You want kids someday, right?

No, Bobby, absolutely not.

Ohh, Bobby.

No.

Come on.

No.

Bobby, where are you going?

I'm not having children like kids.

Those younger.

Story.

Go.

It's OK.

Happy.

no