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1
00:00:18,503 --> 00:00:21,199
This has got
to be a dream.
2
00:00:27,813 --> 00:00:33,880
Stuff like this just does
not happen in my life.
3
00:00:33,954 --> 00:00:37,584
I mean,
look at her.
4
00:00:37,659 --> 00:00:39,491
She is beautiful.
5
00:00:39,562 --> 00:00:40,688
Adam!
6
00:00:40,763 --> 00:00:42,627
And she just
said my name.
7
00:00:45,569 --> 00:00:47,763
My God, she's
like an animal!
8
00:00:55,780 --> 00:00:56,940
That's disgusting.
9
00:00:59,451 --> 00:01:01,008
It's like
the fourth time
10
00:01:01,086 --> 00:01:02,849
that this has
happened this month!
11
00:01:02,921 --> 00:01:04,115
Lucy, please
get off me.
12
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:09,026
Oh, come here
you dirty whore.
13
00:01:09,095 --> 00:01:11,290
Get out of bed,
lazy man!
14
00:01:11,364 --> 00:01:13,390
Will you just tell her
I can't come down?
15
00:01:13,466 --> 00:01:14,866
I'm sick.
I don't feel well.
16
00:01:14,934 --> 00:01:16,164
You don't look sick.
17
00:01:16,237 --> 00:01:20,037
My hands are all cold and clammy.
18
00:01:20,108 --> 00:01:24,603
You totally stole that trick
from Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
19
00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:25,669
Busted.
20
00:01:27,316 --> 00:01:29,375
Come on, Adam,
this is your big day.
21
00:01:29,453 --> 00:01:31,852
Senior Skip Day,
it's a rite of passage.
22
00:01:31,922 --> 00:01:34,255
It's like the best thing
about being a senior!
23
00:01:34,325 --> 00:01:35,349
Where are
they having it?
24
00:01:35,426 --> 00:01:36,893
Um, I don't know.
25
00:01:36,961 --> 00:01:39,191
You could have the
Skip Day party here,
26
00:01:39,264 --> 00:01:40,993
just like
your sister did.
27
00:01:41,065 --> 00:01:43,432
Mom, I've apologized about
that party a million times.
28
00:01:43,500 --> 00:01:46,336
I still can't figure out how
my bed ended up in the pool.
29
00:01:46,405 --> 00:01:49,068
Lucky for you, Adam
doesn't even want to go.
30
00:01:49,142 --> 00:01:51,736
Honey, why don't you want to go?
31
00:01:51,813 --> 00:01:53,178
'Cause I'll be miserable.
32
00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:56,079
You have party
in your genes.
33
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:58,482
Back in my day, which
was not that long ago,
34
00:01:58,553 --> 00:01:59,953
I never missed
a party.
35
00:02:00,022 --> 00:02:02,319
I was known as the disco queen.
- Uh-huh.
36
00:02:02,391 --> 00:02:04,325
And every
guy knew it.
37
00:02:04,392 --> 00:02:07,795
It's not easy when your
mom is cooler than you are.
38
00:02:07,863 --> 00:02:09,126
Mm-mm.
39
00:02:09,198 --> 00:02:11,133
You can stop now.
40
00:02:11,201 --> 00:02:13,169
And this reminds me of something.
41
00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:17,498
Holy Lord!
42
00:02:17,575 --> 00:02:19,942
Is this about a girl
or something?
43
00:02:20,011 --> 00:02:23,641
Okay. Yes, it is about a girl.
And, uh, frankly,
44
00:02:23,716 --> 00:02:25,650
I just don't feel
like going to a party
45
00:02:25,718 --> 00:02:27,777
to watch her make out
with her boyfriend.
46
00:02:27,854 --> 00:02:29,914
Honey, that's kinda gay.
47
00:02:29,990 --> 00:02:31,923
I don't want to talk
about it anymore.
48
00:02:31,992 --> 00:02:33,983
On a completely
different note,
49
00:02:34,060 --> 00:02:36,656
doesn't this Lamar Washington
go to your school?
50
00:02:36,730 --> 00:02:38,129
Yeah, why?
51
00:02:38,198 --> 00:02:41,259
It says that his brother
died over the weekend.
52
00:02:41,336 --> 00:02:43,271
Yeah, that kid had cancer.
53
00:02:43,337 --> 00:02:46,069
The paper says that he died
in a skydiving accident.
54
00:02:46,141 --> 00:02:47,665
What was he
doing skydiving?
55
00:02:47,744 --> 00:02:50,143
It was one of those make
a last wish kind of things.
56
00:02:50,213 --> 00:02:52,306
Oh, that's so fucked up!
57
00:02:52,383 --> 00:02:57,252
Yeah. So look, this kid would
do anything to be in your shoes.
58
00:02:57,321 --> 00:02:58,720
You have to
seize the day.
59
00:02:58,788 --> 00:02:59,721
Okay.
60
00:02:59,790 --> 00:03:02,020
Seize... the... day.
61
00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:04,186
[pop music]
62
00:03:12,705 --> 00:03:15,072
This is my high school.
63
00:03:15,142 --> 00:03:19,636
This fucking place is filled with
your standard group of stock characters
64
00:03:19,714 --> 00:03:22,148
that inhabit every high
school in America.
65
00:03:22,218 --> 00:03:25,709
Uh, this right here,
this is Scott Taylor.
66
00:03:25,787 --> 00:03:28,085
He's one of those guys
that's sort of like
67
00:03:28,156 --> 00:03:32,390
"Oh, I'm Mr. Cool, everybody
loves me, I'm so popular"
68
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,828
but really, he's
just a bit of a cock.
69
00:03:34,898 --> 00:03:36,456
Give me a break.
For guys like me
70
00:03:36,533 --> 00:03:38,763
it doesn't get much
better than high school.
71
00:03:38,836 --> 00:03:40,234
I mean, look at me, I'm the man.
72
00:03:40,305 --> 00:03:42,364
I'd better enjoy it,
because in 10 years,
73
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,567
I'll probably be working at some
shitty HR dept. or something.
74
00:03:45,644 --> 00:03:50,605
Actually, I picture you sweating
it at a used car dealership.
75
00:03:50,684 --> 00:03:52,242
Maybe Congress.
76
00:03:52,319 --> 00:03:54,651
Oh, this right here,
this is Laura.
77
00:03:54,721 --> 00:03:57,054
She's Whippany
Park's prom queen.
78
00:03:57,124 --> 00:03:57,987
Fuck off!
79
00:03:58,059 --> 00:03:59,687
Classic man hater.
80
00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,355
But only until
I find true love.
81
00:04:02,430 --> 00:04:04,796
Until then, I kinda
like being a big bitch.
82
00:04:04,866 --> 00:04:06,264
Yeah.
Good luck.
83
00:04:06,335 --> 00:04:10,396
Oh, this is Denise.
She's, uh,
84
00:04:10,472 --> 00:04:13,443
always talking
about her boobs.
85
00:04:13,509 --> 00:04:15,306
Does this top make
my tits look good?
86
00:04:15,377 --> 00:04:18,041
No, that would be
your, uh, your tits!
87
00:04:18,116 --> 00:04:19,742
They make your
tits look good.
88
00:04:19,817 --> 00:04:21,512
You know Pam
Anderson's surgery?
89
00:04:21,586 --> 00:04:23,883
The one she had in '97
with areola adjustment?
90
00:04:23,955 --> 00:04:25,115
I wanna get
that one.
91
00:04:25,189 --> 00:04:26,749
Then I'll be
beautiful, right?
92
00:04:26,825 --> 00:04:28,453
Poor girl.
93
00:04:29,694 --> 00:04:30,956
Adam!
You're sensitive.
94
00:04:31,031 --> 00:04:32,656
Then there's Isha.
95
00:04:32,732 --> 00:04:34,428
Tell them about
the slaughter.
96
00:04:34,501 --> 00:04:36,969
She's hot but
she's crazy.
97
00:04:37,038 --> 00:04:38,800
The slaughter
in the Middle East?
98
00:04:38,872 --> 00:04:40,841
No! The slaughter
of animals!
99
00:04:40,907 --> 00:04:45,242
And for what?! To feed the
public's blood thirst for red meat.
100
00:04:45,314 --> 00:04:47,179
Isn't that
a leather handbag?
101
00:04:47,248 --> 00:04:48,909
This is designer!
102
00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:52,011
Am I the only senior with
a fucking conscience?!
103
00:04:54,223 --> 00:04:57,556
Oh, and this
is Snippy.
104
00:04:57,627 --> 00:05:01,826
He, uh, he smokes
way too much pot.
105
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:05,835
Yeah. Surely I do
imbibe in copious herbage
106
00:05:05,904 --> 00:05:09,964
but I don't drink alcohol,
I made straight A's,
107
00:05:10,042 --> 00:05:15,139
and I show the utmost
respect for ladies. Yeah.
108
00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:18,576
Yeah.
109
00:05:19,752 --> 00:05:23,519
Oh, God.
And there's Cara.
110
00:05:34,337 --> 00:05:35,360
[record scratches]
111
00:05:38,808 --> 00:05:41,972
It makes you
uncomfortable, doesn't it?
112
00:05:42,045 --> 00:05:44,571
Well, imagine how I feel.
113
00:05:44,648 --> 00:05:48,608
I've been in love with
this girl since junior high.
114
00:05:48,686 --> 00:05:52,054
I mean, she's just, she's perfect.
115
00:05:53,358 --> 00:05:55,020
I am not perfect.
116
00:05:55,095 --> 00:05:57,530
If I don't shave my
legs every single day,
117
00:05:57,597 --> 00:06:01,329
I start looking like that monkey
chick from Planet of the Apes.
118
00:06:02,702 --> 00:06:06,401
She's perfect in every
way, shape and form.
119
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,072
Man, did you hear?
120
00:06:11,145 --> 00:06:14,378
The Skip Day party is supposed
to be at the principal's house?
121
00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:17,248
I know. That's Ralph, he
planned that. He's a genius.
122
00:06:17,319 --> 00:06:18,344
Ralph Lee Che-zang!
123
00:06:20,190 --> 00:06:24,321
Party at Dickwalder's, tell
everybody. Party at Dickwalder's.
124
00:06:30,735 --> 00:06:32,896
Hey man, party
at Dickwalder's.
125
00:06:32,972 --> 00:06:37,170
Party at Dickwalder's?
There's a party at Mr. Dickwalder's.
126
00:06:37,243 --> 00:06:40,872
That's fantastic.
A party at Mr. Dickwalder's.
127
00:06:40,947 --> 00:06:43,508
You know what's weird, is
that I'm Mr. Dickwalder.
128
00:06:43,584 --> 00:06:45,212
So maybe I
should be there.
129
00:06:45,286 --> 00:06:46,378
Adam, you did
the right thing.
130
00:06:46,453 --> 00:06:49,446
Oh my God.
131
00:06:49,524 --> 00:06:51,220
Hey, Laura.
132
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:58,590
I want to fuck you so... uh...
133
00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:01,262
Oh. Oh,
hey sweetheart.
134
00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:02,327
Hey!
135
00:07:04,073 --> 00:07:07,202
Hi! Are you ready to
get the hell out of here?
136
00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:09,075
Know what I'm
picturing right now?
137
00:07:09,147 --> 00:07:10,239
I can
probably guess.
138
00:07:10,315 --> 00:07:11,873
You and me
on Dickwalder's bed.
139
00:07:11,950 --> 00:07:13,474
Really.
140
00:07:13,552 --> 00:07:17,319
Oh, Mr. Dickwalder.
Oh my God, these sheets are so soft.
141
00:07:17,391 --> 00:07:18,756
Scott.
142
00:07:18,824 --> 00:07:21,259
Oh, yeah, this blanket,
it is so smooth and...
143
00:07:21,327 --> 00:07:23,626
Maybe you should
just bang Dickwalder.
144
00:07:23,698 --> 00:07:26,962
Girl! It reminded me
of my wedding night.
145
00:07:27,035 --> 00:07:29,596
I felt like a virgin
all over again.
146
00:07:29,672 --> 00:07:32,139
Yes you did. You
thought you could
147
00:07:32,208 --> 00:07:33,902
mess with me, didn't you?
[gong]
148
00:07:33,976 --> 00:07:36,967
You won't believe what these kids
had planned for my house, Minn.
149
00:07:37,047 --> 00:07:39,412
And I never laid a hand
on him, it's not my style.
150
00:07:39,483 --> 00:07:41,245
Is that new?
It's very flattering.
151
00:07:41,318 --> 00:07:45,085
Oh, I told you he was
gonna like my new shirt.
152
00:07:45,155 --> 00:07:48,956
Settle down, people.
Settle down.
153
00:07:49,025 --> 00:07:51,996
I know it's all part
of Skip Day tradition.
154
00:07:52,064 --> 00:07:55,464
You sign in, then you skip out,
a little "fuck you" to the system,
155
00:07:55,534 --> 00:07:58,504
nothing wrong with that.
That's what makes America great.
156
00:07:58,570 --> 00:08:00,198
However, for the
next 45 minutes...
157
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:01,762
Um, are you okay?
158
00:08:01,841 --> 00:08:03,173
you belong
to Mr. Rigetti.
159
00:08:03,244 --> 00:08:05,108
Sure.
160
00:08:05,179 --> 00:08:08,876
Snippy I Would you care to take
attendance for the class today.
161
00:08:11,485 --> 00:08:14,479
Uh...
162
00:08:14,556 --> 00:08:16,080
we're all
here, dude.
163
00:08:16,158 --> 00:08:20,561
That's the last time I slip
you any of my chronic, huh?
164
00:08:21,731 --> 00:08:23,323
Don't touch me!
165
00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:25,424
Rigetti's been clean
and sober for 14 years.
166
00:08:25,501 --> 00:08:29,997
I have a special Senior
Skip Day announcement.
167
00:08:30,074 --> 00:08:33,010
I'm here with Ralph
Lee Cheng. Ralph...
168
00:08:34,912 --> 00:08:36,641
Tell them what
you told me.
169
00:08:39,385 --> 00:08:40,613
Hold on.
170
00:08:42,221 --> 00:08:44,156
Speak, Ralph.
171
00:08:50,330 --> 00:08:51,959
One second.
172
00:08:52,033 --> 00:08:55,697
Speak you son-of-a-bitch, or
I'll crack your head like a melon.
173
00:08:58,206 --> 00:09:01,870
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I took you too far back. Speak English.
174
00:09:01,944 --> 00:09:04,412
Look, I'm sorry, alright.
I'm sorry. Blame me.
175
00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:06,505
I did it, I planned
the whole thing.
176
00:09:06,583 --> 00:09:07,811
It's your
fault right?
177
00:09:07,885 --> 00:09:09,079
I planned the
Skip Day.
178
00:09:09,153 --> 00:09:10,313
You sorry?
179
00:09:10,388 --> 00:09:11,946
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry.
180
00:09:12,023 --> 00:09:14,116
Okay, okay.
181
00:09:14,193 --> 00:09:17,559
Alright. You
did good.
182
00:09:17,630 --> 00:09:21,258
Well, looks like Ralph
has peed in his pants.
183
00:09:21,333 --> 00:09:24,930
Don't worry, I'm not
mad at you. By the way...
184
00:09:25,005 --> 00:09:28,338
I just spoke to the admissions
department at Harvard University,
185
00:09:28,408 --> 00:09:30,706
where Mr. Cheng planned
to attend in the fall.
186
00:09:30,778 --> 00:09:32,473
He will not
be going now.
187
00:09:32,546 --> 00:09:35,244
How many of the rest of
you would like to join him
188
00:09:35,316 --> 00:09:38,149
in the minimum wage
club? For instance. ;
189
00:09:38,220 --> 00:09:41,884
Peter O' Leary, still interested
in going to Michigan State?
190
00:09:41,957 --> 00:09:45,155
Gary Glenn, I suppose you're
still interested in Cal Arts?
191
00:09:45,228 --> 00:09:50,063
Timmy Cisneros, Apex Tech?
What the hell is Apex Tech?
192
00:09:50,135 --> 00:09:52,797
What were his boards?
193
00:09:52,870 --> 00:09:56,534
In addition, there's something very
important here I want you to know.
194
00:09:56,608 --> 00:09:59,634
I would not have been privy
to any of this information
195
00:09:59,710 --> 00:10:02,236
without the aid of a
very special student.
196
00:10:02,314 --> 00:10:06,011
Someone I respect a lot. So as
you're going through your day,
197
00:10:06,085 --> 00:10:09,681
hitting the books, I want
you to think to yourselves,
198
00:10:09,757 --> 00:10:13,090
"Maybe I should be a little
more like Adam Harris."
199
00:10:20,236 --> 00:10:22,135
I don't fucking
believe you, Harris.
200
00:10:22,204 --> 00:10:23,637
Oh, bro!
201
00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,537
Scott, knock it off.
202
00:10:25,608 --> 00:10:27,474
No, this is
fucking bullshit.
203
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:30,411
That Adam Harris here had
to ruin our Skip Day. No!
204
00:10:30,481 --> 00:10:31,345
Relax, dude.
205
00:10:31,415 --> 00:10:32,474
Take it easy.
206
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,609
Yeah, that's enough!!
207
00:10:34,685 --> 00:10:40,420
It happened, alright? it sucks. You
think Rigetti doesn't know life sucks.
208
00:10:40,492 --> 00:10:43,985
I wanna die right now. I wanna die.
209
00:10:44,063 --> 00:10:47,693
I wanna curl up
into a little ball...
210
00:10:47,767 --> 00:10:48,825
and I wanna die.
211
00:10:53,407 --> 00:10:54,634
How's it going?
212
00:10:54,708 --> 00:10:57,040
I'm... I'm alright,
how are you doing?
213
00:10:57,110 --> 00:10:58,476
Shitty.
214
00:10:58,547 --> 00:11:00,946
Yeah, I heard about your
brother. I'm so sorry.
215
00:11:01,016 --> 00:11:02,176
Yeah, shit sucks.
216
00:11:02,251 --> 00:11:03,650
What's that?
217
00:11:03,719 --> 00:11:06,017
Oh this?
This fucking eulogy.
218
00:11:06,088 --> 00:11:09,182
I didn't expect him to die so
quick, I was still working on it.
219
00:11:09,259 --> 00:11:10,885
Jesus, that's rough.
220
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,393
Shit, who're
you telling?
221
00:11:12,463 --> 00:11:14,091
Now I gotta change
all this cancer crap
222
00:11:14,164 --> 00:11:16,689
into this parachute malfunction
for the funeral today.
223
00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:21,536
Funeral? Wait, wait wait, where's
the, where's the funeral service?
224
00:11:21,607 --> 00:11:24,940
At my Auntie's house where we
had that bitchin' party last fall.
225
00:11:25,011 --> 00:11:25,942
You hang
in there.
226
00:11:26,012 --> 00:11:27,945
Thanks, man.
227
00:11:31,718 --> 00:11:33,380
Funeral, huh?
228
00:11:36,424 --> 00:11:42,295
Okay, alright look. I know this
is bad, okay? But look at me.
229
00:11:42,364 --> 00:11:46,198
I mean, I'm desperate here,
okay? My entire class hates me.
230
00:11:46,269 --> 00:11:51,902
I'm backed up against a wall,
alright? So don't judge me.
231
00:11:53,644 --> 00:11:55,009
A skydiving accident?
232
00:11:55,079 --> 00:11:56,206
Yes, sir.
233
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,747
You said
he had cancer.
234
00:11:57,815 --> 00:11:59,681
Oh, he did sir.
235
00:12:11,330 --> 00:12:14,960
So, if a kid has cancer, what's he
doing jumping out of an airplane?
236
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,664
Well, he was living
life to the fullest, sir.
237
00:12:17,738 --> 00:12:22,506
And, and I think it's only
fitting, that we take a page
238
00:12:22,578 --> 00:12:27,914
from little Jamal Washington's
short yet fearless life,
239
00:12:27,982 --> 00:12:31,180
and that we set aside
whatever excellent curriculum
240
00:12:31,253 --> 00:12:34,554
our teachers may have
prepared for us this afternoon
241
00:12:34,625 --> 00:12:37,856
and instead, suffer through
a much crueler but ultimately
242
00:12:37,928 --> 00:12:40,727
far more
powerful lesson.
243
00:12:40,798 --> 00:12:44,826
That is, the frailty of human life.
244
00:12:44,903 --> 00:12:48,499
I don't know, Adam, sounds
a little far fetched to me.
245
00:12:48,574 --> 00:12:51,976
Mr. Dickwalder, if I may,
you need to ask yourself
246
00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:56,073
why would I tip you off to the
location of the Skip Day party,
247
00:12:56,149 --> 00:12:58,812
saving your house and
your personal belongings
248
00:12:58,886 --> 00:13:01,481
from a vicious
thrashing, I might add,
249
00:13:01,556 --> 00:13:06,653
only to create some
fantastic mirage?
250
00:13:08,263 --> 00:13:10,926
You know, if this was from
any other student but you,
251
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:15,096
I'd be a little suspicious, but
considering it's you Adam, you're different.
252
00:13:15,171 --> 00:13:16,433
Yes, sir.
253
00:13:16,506 --> 00:13:18,098
You spend your time
studying and debating.
254
00:13:18,175 --> 00:13:20,302
They spend all their time
drinking and having sex.
255
00:13:20,378 --> 00:13:22,369
Yeah.
256
00:13:22,447 --> 00:13:25,007
We're not so different, you and I.
257
00:13:25,082 --> 00:13:27,517
Oh!
258
00:13:27,586 --> 00:13:29,884
You remind me of me
when I was your age.
259
00:13:29,955 --> 00:13:32,322
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
260
00:13:32,392 --> 00:13:35,691
Out from the same cloth,
as they say. Huh? Huh?
261
00:13:35,763 --> 00:13:37,424
Uh, yeah.
Yeah.
262
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:42,065
Oh, uh, yeah!
263
00:13:42,136 --> 00:13:44,764
Thata boy! Don't be
afraid of it, son.
264
00:13:47,142 --> 00:13:49,769
I think I'm
going to puke.
265
00:13:50,847 --> 00:13:54,284
A school lies
in mourning.
266
00:13:54,916 --> 00:13:57,284
A little boy
has died.
267
00:13:57,387 --> 00:14:03,055
So, I declare this day
Jamal Washington Day.
268
00:14:03,128 --> 00:14:06,325
I am actually
impressed with you man.
269
00:14:06,399 --> 00:14:10,335
Yeah, way to save your ass from getting
dry docked by the entire senior class.
270
00:14:10,404 --> 00:14:11,927
So what now?
271
00:14:12,003 --> 00:14:16,100
Wait, wait, wait.
Everybody, um, hang on one second.
272
00:14:16,176 --> 00:14:20,943
Please, um. Look, I know I
really messed things up today
273
00:14:21,014 --> 00:14:23,142
with my big mouth.
274
00:14:23,216 --> 00:14:25,242
You suck.
275
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:30,757
Uh-huh, but, see the thing is, we could
still turn this into the best Skip Day ever.
276
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:33,625
We'll have the party at my house.
277
00:14:33,696 --> 00:14:37,292
Harris, that is
so nice of you.
278
00:14:37,366 --> 00:14:41,396
And I bet you have a whole basement
full of alcohol for us to drink?
279
00:14:41,472 --> 00:14:44,838
No?! Look buddy, you're
in over your head here.
280
00:14:44,910 --> 00:14:48,140
Party at your house is
going to be lame. Let's go.
281
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:59,182
I can get you booze.
282
00:15:10,205 --> 00:15:12,173
How do you know this guy?
283
00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,038
I don't know
this guy.
284
00:15:14,110 --> 00:15:15,407
Well, how do you know him?
285
00:15:15,478 --> 00:15:17,343
I don't. I thought
he was your friend.
286
00:15:20,217 --> 00:15:23,187
Holy shit, that's a lot
of booze for 40 dollars.
287
00:15:30,928 --> 00:15:32,623
We can go now.
288
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:36,499
That guy's got a gun. That guy's
got a gun. Start the car, Sicki!
289
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:38,002
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
290
00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:41,166
Drive the car!
Drive the car!
291
00:15:42,309 --> 00:15:44,038
Drive! Drive!
292
00:15:46,181 --> 00:15:48,115
Oh, fuck! Jesus.
293
00:15:48,182 --> 00:15:49,513
My fucking window!
294
00:15:49,584 --> 00:15:50,744
Jesus!
295
00:15:52,020 --> 00:15:53,454
That was awesome.
296
00:15:55,558 --> 00:15:59,426
Tough break, cancer boy dying
in a freak skydiving accident.
297
00:15:59,495 --> 00:16:02,761
Yeah, I did a little
parachute work myself.
298
00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:06,826
I was a paratrooper in the Gulf
War, the first one. The big one.
299
00:16:06,905 --> 00:16:08,702
Did you?
300
00:16:08,773 --> 00:16:12,869
Yep. My instructor told me that
1 in 17,000 jumps go bad, and only
301
00:16:12,945 --> 00:16:15,209
a quarter of those are fatal.
302
00:16:15,282 --> 00:16:17,681
Would it surprise you,
Dickwalder, if I told you
303
00:16:17,751 --> 00:16:20,685
that only 1 in 3.8
million kids have cancer?
304
00:16:20,755 --> 00:16:22,245
Okay.
305
00:16:22,322 --> 00:16:24,518
And his funeral lands
on Skip Day, I mean,
306
00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:28,552
what are the odds? It's gotta be
astronomical, like getting the lottery.
307
00:16:30,766 --> 00:16:33,530
Maybe that's what
I'll do right now.
308
00:16:33,602 --> 00:16:35,365
Maybe I'll go
buy a lottery ticket.
309
00:16:37,173 --> 00:16:39,539
I can't carry the
speakers by myself.
310
00:16:39,609 --> 00:16:41,440
What did you say?
311
00:16:41,511 --> 00:16:43,140
That's 'cause
you're a pussy.
312
00:16:45,282 --> 00:16:46,806
What's your
deal, man?
313
00:16:46,884 --> 00:16:49,182
I love high school.
314
00:16:49,252 --> 00:16:51,449
You do?
You fuckin' nuts?
315
00:16:51,522 --> 00:16:54,720
No, this is the best
time of your life.
316
00:16:54,794 --> 00:16:56,658
Really?
317
00:16:56,728 --> 00:17:01,895
You build your future on the foundation
that's poured during high school.
318
00:17:01,969 --> 00:17:05,131
Don't squander it, son.
319
00:17:05,206 --> 00:17:07,504
Hello, ma'am.
320
00:17:07,575 --> 00:17:08,837
Hello.
321
00:17:08,909 --> 00:17:09,933
Oh no.
322
00:17:10,011 --> 00:17:11,069
Oh Blanche.
323
00:17:11,145 --> 00:17:13,136
What's she
doing here?
324
00:17:13,215 --> 00:17:15,479
She must have escaped
from the home again.
325
00:17:15,551 --> 00:17:18,850
Say, Minn, what do you know about
this Washington kid's funeral?
326
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,252
So, what you
trying to say?
327
00:17:20,323 --> 00:17:23,019
That because I'm black,
I gotta know where
328
00:17:23,094 --> 00:17:25,288
every other black
person's funeral is at?
329
00:17:25,362 --> 00:17:26,386
Jesus.
330
00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:27,692
That we all
know one another?
331
00:17:27,765 --> 00:17:28,993
Here we go.
332
00:17:29,066 --> 00:17:30,967
Every black person
is a fucking cousin.
333
00:17:31,034 --> 00:17:32,936
Frankly, yes.
334
00:17:33,005 --> 00:17:39,570
Well, I'll have you know that
I'm married to a white man.
335
00:17:39,645 --> 00:17:41,135
Fantastic.
336
00:17:41,214 --> 00:17:45,845
Very touching words, Auntie
Sue. Thank you very much.
337
00:17:45,919 --> 00:17:52,723
And now, Jamal's Uncle Sheik would
like to sing a song in loving memory.
338
00:17:55,631 --> 00:17:59,727
This goes out
to Jamal, yeah.
339
00:18:53,498 --> 00:18:58,595
Wasserman, Weston. Washington.
340
00:18:58,671 --> 00:18:59,898
Alright.
341
00:19:22,263 --> 00:19:23,322
Hello, who this?
342
00:19:26,302 --> 00:19:28,328
Lamar, is that you?
343
00:19:28,405 --> 00:19:31,239
Uh, yeah.
Who this?
344
00:19:31,309 --> 00:19:34,243
"Who this?"
It's Mr. Dickwalder.
345
00:19:34,312 --> 00:19:36,836
Okay, Mr. Dickwalder.
What do you want?
346
00:19:36,915 --> 00:19:39,577
What's going on
over there, Lamar?
347
00:19:39,651 --> 00:19:41,586
I'm at my
brother's funeral!
348
00:19:41,654 --> 00:19:44,589
Doesn't sound like any
funeral I've ever been to.
349
00:19:44,657 --> 00:19:46,921
It sounds more
like a party to me.
350
00:19:46,993 --> 00:19:48,758
Who are you
talking to?
351
00:19:48,829 --> 00:19:50,922
It's my principal,
Mr. Dickwalder.
352
00:19:50,998 --> 00:19:53,022
Give me that.
353
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:57,002
Tell me what's really going
on over there, you little shit.
354
00:19:57,071 --> 00:19:59,940
How 'bout you
go fuck yourself!
355
00:20:01,910 --> 00:20:04,539
How 'bout... hello?
How 'bout I go fuck myself?
356
00:20:04,613 --> 00:20:10,144
I don't fuck myself, my friend.
I don't fuck myself ever.
357
00:20:10,220 --> 00:20:15,352
You fuck yourself. People
fuck themselves. Not me!
358
00:20:15,426 --> 00:20:16,984
[cell phone rings]
359
00:20:17,061 --> 00:20:19,860
Motherfucker!
360
00:20:19,933 --> 00:20:23,196
Listen to me. You call this fucking
number one more goddamn time,
361
00:20:23,269 --> 00:20:26,863
and I'm gonna back my brand new
Escalade over your motherfucking skull!
362
00:20:30,846 --> 00:20:32,107
I don't...
363
00:20:34,583 --> 00:20:38,713
Hmm, where you going? To do some
more generalizing about black folks?
364
00:20:38,787 --> 00:20:41,551
Number one, yes. Number
two, shut up! Number three,
365
00:20:41,622 --> 00:20:43,682
I think that Adam
Harris was duped,
366
00:20:43,758 --> 00:20:46,819
and there really is a Senior
Skip Day party going on.
367
00:20:46,896 --> 00:20:48,886
And I'm just the
guy to bust it.
368
00:20:52,568 --> 00:20:57,064
Hey, Snippy, we should
have the party right here.
369
00:20:57,142 --> 00:20:58,905
I appreciate
the thought,
370
00:20:58,977 --> 00:21:03,472
but do you really think my
house is appropriately situated
371
00:21:03,549 --> 00:21:05,848
for such a
festive gathering?
372
00:21:05,918 --> 00:21:07,943
Let me check.
373
00:21:14,794 --> 00:21:15,886
Dude.
374
00:21:18,133 --> 00:21:21,728
Your house
has wheels!
375
00:21:21,804 --> 00:21:26,467
Come on! Should have held
onto that kid when I had him.
376
00:21:26,542 --> 00:21:32,538
[blaring rap music]
377
00:21:32,616 --> 00:21:35,847
Turn that
crap down!!
378
00:21:41,226 --> 00:21:42,557
Yeah, you
better leave!
379
00:22:20,739 --> 00:22:23,207
So what are
you thinking?
380
00:22:23,275 --> 00:22:25,140
I'm thinking
381
00:22:25,211 --> 00:22:29,011
that we're gonna make
the biggest gravity bong
382
00:22:29,081 --> 00:22:31,049
that this world
has ever seen.
383
00:22:31,117 --> 00:22:32,584
With all this shit?
384
00:22:32,653 --> 00:22:33,676
Oh yeah.
385
00:22:59,750 --> 00:23:01,844
That'll get
you high.
386
00:23:01,918 --> 00:23:05,412
Okay, fellas, alright, we
got alcohol, we got music,
387
00:23:05,491 --> 00:23:07,926
we got the world's biggest
gravity fucking bong
388
00:23:07,993 --> 00:23:09,790
that I've ever seen,
or I want to see.
389
00:23:09,862 --> 00:23:11,922
But there's just one
thing missing here.
390
00:23:11,997 --> 00:23:12,761
Understand?
391
00:23:12,831 --> 00:23:15,266
Oh yeah. Yeah.
392
00:23:15,335 --> 00:23:17,360
Bang them out.
393
00:23:19,041 --> 00:23:22,772
A little "pick 'em and stick 'em."
You know what I mean?
394
00:23:22,844 --> 00:23:24,539
Yes, I do.
395
00:23:24,612 --> 00:23:28,049
Hi, uh, is this the
Borenstein Modeling Agency?
396
00:23:28,116 --> 00:23:28,599
Yeah, hi.
397
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,520
I was wondering if you had any girls
available for a party this afternoon.
398
00:23:32,588 --> 00:23:34,453
No. Okay.
399
00:23:34,524 --> 00:23:36,754
Well, that makes
perfect sense.
400
00:23:36,826 --> 00:23:38,556
Yes, thank you.
Okay, bye.
401
00:23:40,031 --> 00:23:41,019
So?
402
00:23:41,099 --> 00:23:43,395
They do not
do parties.
403
00:23:43,467 --> 00:23:45,732
They told you to
fuck off, didn't they?
404
00:23:45,804 --> 00:23:46,861
Yes, they did.
405
00:23:52,511 --> 00:23:54,241
Hey Borenstein?
406
00:23:54,313 --> 00:23:56,043
Where the fuck
are my models?
407
00:23:56,116 --> 00:23:58,847
Oh, the ones I called
about over a month ago.
408
00:23:58,919 --> 00:24:01,718
For the fucking
lingerie shoot.
409
00:24:01,788 --> 00:24:06,056
Look, I'm paying for a crew
to sit here and do nothing.
410
00:24:06,129 --> 00:24:07,958
They better be
here in 30 minutes
411
00:24:08,029 --> 00:24:09,965
or it will be
your arse!
412
00:24:10,032 --> 00:24:12,694
Yeah. 10 Forrest
Lane, Fucko!
413
00:24:15,338 --> 00:24:19,435
Gentlemen, I'm gonna go beat
off before they get here.
414
00:24:22,011 --> 00:24:24,037
Oh my God,
I'm so sorry we're late.
415
00:24:24,115 --> 00:24:26,448
Sorry, we had a hard
time finding your street.
416
00:24:30,088 --> 00:24:31,316
We're so ready to go.
417
00:24:31,390 --> 00:24:32,619
So, where do
you want us?
418
00:24:32,692 --> 00:24:35,627
Hideous.
Absolutely hideous.
419
00:24:35,695 --> 00:24:38,995
Oh what, did we make a little pit
stop at the Krispy Kreme on the way?
420
00:24:39,066 --> 00:24:40,055
Oww.
421
00:24:40,134 --> 00:24:42,831
Silence!
Let's do this!
422
00:24:51,713 --> 00:24:53,682
Yes, beautiful.
423
00:24:53,749 --> 00:24:58,084
Yes, yes, do that.
Now, give me a little giggle.
424
00:24:58,155 --> 00:25:00,851
Just a little, yes, good, good.
That is sexy.
425
00:25:00,925 --> 00:25:03,655
Okay, pop it up,
pop it up.
426
00:25:03,728 --> 00:25:05,628
Beautiful. That's it.
427
00:25:36,999 --> 00:25:37,897
What is it?
428
00:25:37,966 --> 00:25:40,937
Hold Bessy.
429
00:25:44,576 --> 00:25:46,976
Hey, Adam's party's
up and running.
430
00:25:47,045 --> 00:25:48,103
Really?
431
00:25:48,180 --> 00:25:49,340
Look.
432
00:25:49,414 --> 00:25:51,473
Douche bag
pulled it off.
433
00:25:51,549 --> 00:25:52,608
Well, let's go.
434
00:25:52,684 --> 00:25:55,051
No. No, it's
gonna suck balls.
435
00:25:55,120 --> 00:25:58,488
Scott, I am not going to
spend Skip Day in bed with you
436
00:25:58,558 --> 00:26:01,549
while the rest of our grade's
partying over at Adam's house.
437
00:26:01,628 --> 00:26:03,687
What's wrong with
being in bed with me?
438
00:26:03,764 --> 00:26:05,733
Can you please stop being so pushy?
439
00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:10,260
I just really want to do
this, I think we're ready.
440
00:26:10,338 --> 00:26:15,403
Yeah, I know, me too. But, let's do
it over at the party, like we said.
441
00:26:15,478 --> 00:26:19,244
Oh. Party. Fuck.
442
00:26:19,316 --> 00:26:23,479
Smoke, smoke,
smoke your boat.
443
00:26:23,553 --> 00:26:27,490
Smoke it
down the stream.
444
00:26:27,557 --> 00:26:31,427
Smoke it, smoke it,
smoke some more,
445
00:26:31,497 --> 00:26:33,725
Smokey, smokey.
446
00:26:37,469 --> 00:26:38,767
Oh, I'm so excited!
447
00:26:40,874 --> 00:26:43,308
Oh, a cutie just
showed up.
448
00:26:43,377 --> 00:26:46,312
That's no cutie,
that's my sister.
449
00:26:46,380 --> 00:26:48,211
Why would your
sister care?
450
00:26:48,282 --> 00:26:51,275
There is some bad family
history with Skip Day parties.
451
00:26:51,352 --> 00:26:53,752
Look, we need to hide.
Everybody needs to hide,
452
00:26:53,821 --> 00:26:58,122
we need to get rid of the alcohol.
And you need to get rid of Blanche.
453
00:27:03,034 --> 00:27:04,898
Looks like she might
like a cocktail.
454
00:27:04,968 --> 00:27:06,402
I don't know why
we're doing this.
455
00:27:06,470 --> 00:27:08,028
She'd like a few.
456
00:27:08,105 --> 00:27:12,805
Um, I would say probably
somewhere around, like, $650,000.
457
00:27:12,878 --> 00:27:14,368
Oh shit, I
forgot my keys.
458
00:27:14,446 --> 00:27:16,971
There is no fashion
shoot, okay?
459
00:27:17,050 --> 00:27:18,949
He is not
a photographer.
460
00:27:19,017 --> 00:27:21,613
And I'm sure one of you
must have figured out by now,
461
00:27:21,689 --> 00:27:24,886
he's not French.
And this mustache is fake.
462
00:27:24,959 --> 00:27:27,051
Let's save this,
save this.
463
00:27:27,126 --> 00:27:27,923
Yeah.
464
00:27:27,996 --> 00:27:29,394
Yeh, I like that.
465
00:27:29,463 --> 00:27:31,489
Look, we're holding
my Skip Day party here.
466
00:27:31,565 --> 00:27:33,898
And, the only way we
could get people to come
467
00:27:33,970 --> 00:27:36,233
is if we had pictures
of really hot girls.
468
00:27:37,873 --> 00:27:41,104
Dude, that sounds so gay
when you put it like that.
469
00:27:41,178 --> 00:27:42,941
And now your sister's coming here,
470
00:27:43,012 --> 00:27:44,810
and you want us to
hide in the closet.
471
00:27:44,881 --> 00:27:47,873
Yeah. That's pretty much it, yep.
472
00:27:49,186 --> 00:27:51,314
Wow, that's
so cute.
473
00:27:51,389 --> 00:27:54,018
I know. I never even
had a Skip Day party.
474
00:27:54,093 --> 00:27:56,254
True. Mine did
get busted.
475
00:27:56,327 --> 00:27:57,818
Can we stay
here for yours?
476
00:28:01,835 --> 00:28:04,497
Get in the closet.
Get in, get in, get in, get in.
477
00:28:07,007 --> 00:28:09,168
You gotta get your
sister out of here fast,
478
00:28:09,242 --> 00:28:11,336
people are gonna start
coming any minute.
479
00:28:11,412 --> 00:28:13,176
Listen. You are a
guest in my house.
480
00:28:13,246 --> 00:28:14,875
You do what I say.
Get in the closet.
481
00:28:17,519 --> 00:28:18,884
Alright, I
can do that.
482
00:28:18,954 --> 00:28:19,944
Hey.
483
00:28:20,022 --> 00:28:21,218
What are you
doing home?
484
00:28:21,290 --> 00:28:22,484
What are you
doing home?
485
00:28:22,559 --> 00:28:24,253
Mom needs to get
her For Sale signs.
486
00:28:24,326 --> 00:28:25,793
Well, I'm
skipping school.
487
00:28:25,862 --> 00:28:28,696
Cool. Isn't there supposed
to be a big party today?
488
00:28:28,766 --> 00:28:29,756
Yes there is.
489
00:28:29,833 --> 00:28:31,130
You gonna go?
490
00:28:31,202 --> 00:28:32,191
I'll be there.
491
00:28:32,270 --> 00:28:33,258
Yeah, bullshit.
492
00:28:33,337 --> 00:28:34,670
Where you going?
493
00:28:34,739 --> 00:28:36,434
To get the signs out of the closet.
494
00:28:36,508 --> 00:28:37,770
They're not there.
495
00:28:37,843 --> 00:28:39,275
This is
fucking awesome.
496
00:28:39,344 --> 00:28:41,108
I moved them
this morning.
497
00:28:41,181 --> 00:28:42,807
Okay, where'd
you put them?
498
00:28:42,882 --> 00:28:45,214
Upstairs in the
guest room.
499
00:28:45,285 --> 00:28:47,219
You did?
Why?
500
00:28:48,722 --> 00:28:50,155
'Cause I
felt like it.
501
00:28:58,000 --> 00:29:00,524
Everyone get out.
Get out.
502
00:29:00,602 --> 00:29:03,001
Give me
those signs.
503
00:29:07,577 --> 00:29:08,566
Yeah.
504
00:29:08,645 --> 00:29:09,976
Fuck off!
505
00:29:10,047 --> 00:29:11,480
Need to smoke.
506
00:29:11,549 --> 00:29:13,813
My sister is
upstairs right now.
507
00:29:13,884 --> 00:29:16,079
Alright, alright,
come on. Go!
508
00:29:16,154 --> 00:29:18,349
Adam, there's no
signs up here.
509
00:29:20,827 --> 00:29:23,386
Ow. Ow. Ow.
510
00:29:26,867 --> 00:29:30,199
Adam! There's an old
lady in the guest room.
511
00:29:30,269 --> 00:29:31,328
She's my friend.
512
00:29:32,506 --> 00:29:33,530
Who's in the closet?
513
00:29:33,607 --> 00:29:34,540
What?
514
00:29:34,609 --> 00:29:35,633
Who's in
the closet?
515
00:29:35,710 --> 00:29:36,939
No one is
in the closet.
516
00:29:37,010 --> 00:29:38,774
No one is in the closet?
Really?
517
00:29:38,848 --> 00:29:39,780
That's right.
518
00:29:39,849 --> 00:29:41,214
Okay.
519
00:29:44,755 --> 00:29:46,154
What's going on?
520
00:29:46,223 --> 00:29:48,817
I'm throwing the Skip
Day party at our house.
521
00:29:48,891 --> 00:29:51,122
Look, I know,
I know it looks bad.
522
00:29:51,194 --> 00:29:53,993
I know how you and Mom hate
Skip Day parties and all that.
523
00:29:54,064 --> 00:29:56,295
But, I screwed up, and
I didn't have a choice.
524
00:29:56,366 --> 00:29:59,360
I know it's stupid and it's
irresponsible and everything...
525
00:29:59,438 --> 00:30:04,240
Look at me. I am
so proud of you.
526
00:30:04,310 --> 00:30:06,905
I mean, you're keeping
up the family tradition.
527
00:30:06,980 --> 00:30:09,107
I knew you had that
fucking gene in you.
528
00:30:09,182 --> 00:30:10,171
Really?
529
00:30:10,250 --> 00:30:11,342
Yeah.
530
00:30:11,418 --> 00:30:12,577
Thank you.
531
00:30:12,652 --> 00:30:13,915
Fuck, I wish
I could stay.
532
00:30:13,987 --> 00:30:15,889
Better not do
anything I wouldn't do.
533
00:30:15,956 --> 00:30:17,822
I won't do anything
you wouldn't do.
534
00:30:17,893 --> 00:30:20,589
Maybe you'll
get lucky.
535
00:30:20,662 --> 00:30:21,856
Bye, baby.
536
00:30:21,930 --> 00:30:23,056
Bye.
537
00:30:27,170 --> 00:30:28,502
What do you want?
538
00:30:28,571 --> 00:30:30,597
What do you
think I want?
539
00:30:30,673 --> 00:30:32,141
Adam, is it
weird that
540
00:30:32,208 --> 00:30:34,110
there's a motor home
across the street?
541
00:30:34,178 --> 00:30:36,079
That's my house, yo.
542
00:30:36,147 --> 00:30:37,374
Yeah, he
lives there.
543
00:30:40,118 --> 00:30:43,055
Congratulations.
544
00:30:43,121 --> 00:30:44,214
What?
545
00:30:44,290 --> 00:30:45,724
You're growing
some balls.
546
00:30:45,791 --> 00:30:47,281
Witty. Want to
go to the bong?
547
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:48,348
Yes.
548
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:12,281
Party!
549
00:32:25,140 --> 00:32:26,540
Can you believe this?
550
00:32:26,608 --> 00:32:28,770
There's actually a party
in my house right now.
551
00:32:28,845 --> 00:32:31,142
Yeah, but
nobody's dancing.
552
00:32:33,551 --> 00:32:36,986
It'll take just one
person to start it off.
553
00:32:37,054 --> 00:32:38,647
Who?
554
00:33:35,989 --> 00:33:37,649
Dance party!
555
00:33:50,339 --> 00:33:51,704
Yeah.
556
00:33:51,775 --> 00:33:53,333
Oh my God.
557
00:33:59,849 --> 00:34:04,413
It's a Cara sandwich with
a side of Scotty. Scotty.
558
00:34:32,888 --> 00:34:35,152
Dog trainer.
[sobs]
559
00:34:35,223 --> 00:34:39,127
Hey, hey, why
the long face?
560
00:34:39,196 --> 00:34:41,960
Mr. Dickwalder, I'm
sorry, I'm sorry. Please.
561
00:34:42,033 --> 00:34:45,561
Pull yourself together. There may
still be a way out of this for you.
562
00:34:45,636 --> 00:34:48,867
Hey Ralph,
where's the party?
563
00:34:48,940 --> 00:34:53,708
Look at me. Do I look like a guy
that knows where the party's at?
564
00:34:53,778 --> 00:34:56,749
Look at me! Do I look like a man who's
gonna leave without what he wants?
565
00:34:56,817 --> 00:34:58,908
Where's the party?
There had to be a backup plan.
566
00:34:58,985 --> 00:35:01,750
No, the plan was originally to
have the party at Carl's house.
567
00:35:01,822 --> 00:35:03,289
Carl Smith?
568
00:35:03,357 --> 00:35:06,224
Yeah, but he's got these
relatives, they're scary.
569
00:35:06,293 --> 00:35:09,286
Aaaggh.
570
00:35:09,364 --> 00:35:10,695
Who's your
friend, Ralph?
571
00:35:10,765 --> 00:35:12,893
This is my principal,
Mr. Dickwalder.
572
00:35:12,968 --> 00:35:14,197
Aaghh, Mr. Dickwilder.
573
00:35:14,270 --> 00:35:15,237
Walder.
574
00:35:15,304 --> 00:35:16,202
Wi-Wilder?
575
00:35:16,272 --> 00:35:17,035
Dickwalder.
576
00:35:17,106 --> 00:35:18,233
Dick-Wilder.
577
00:35:18,307 --> 00:35:19,366
Dickwalder!
578
00:35:19,442 --> 00:35:21,104
Dickwalder!
Dickwalder!
579
00:35:21,178 --> 00:35:25,115
Yes, my son Ralph, he studied
so very hard to get into Harvard.
580
00:35:25,184 --> 00:35:27,743
Can you please find it in
your heart to reconsider?
581
00:35:27,820 --> 00:35:30,879
I wish I could
help you,
582
00:35:30,956 --> 00:35:33,289
but he should've thought
of the consequences
583
00:35:33,358 --> 00:35:35,724
before he decided to
throw a kegger at my house.
584
00:35:35,794 --> 00:35:37,319
You can forget
about Harvard.
585
00:35:37,396 --> 00:35:39,456
In fact, maybe he can
work with you in the kitchen
586
00:35:39,532 --> 00:35:40,556
or whatever it
is you do.
587
00:35:40,634 --> 00:35:43,297
I'll be back,
one minute.
588
00:35:44,538 --> 00:35:46,905
One minute,
take two minutes.
589
00:35:46,974 --> 00:35:49,943
Father's not very
friendly, Ralph, huh?!
590
00:35:54,283 --> 00:35:57,617
Wilder. Dickwilder,
you sonuvabitch!
591
00:35:57,687 --> 00:35:59,245
What about Harvard?
592
00:35:59,322 --> 00:36:02,086
First I find the party, then
we'll talk about your future.
593
00:36:02,158 --> 00:36:05,595
'Til then, I wouldn't throw
away those classifieds. Huh?
594
00:36:05,663 --> 00:36:07,255
Watch out for
that one, huh?
595
00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:09,424
Dickwilder!
596
00:36:09,501 --> 00:36:17,102
[screams]
597
00:36:17,175 --> 00:36:18,768
It's just Harvard!
598
00:36:22,849 --> 00:36:24,942
My cleaver!
599
00:36:33,094 --> 00:36:35,460
Why are you getting
all whiny and shit?
600
00:36:35,598 --> 00:36:38,122
Like you're some big
fucking douche geek gay boy.
601
00:36:38,200 --> 00:36:42,638
Oh Cara, I'm so shy around
you. If you would only kiss me,
602
00:36:42,706 --> 00:36:45,732
my rich and meaningless
life would somehow be saved.
603
00:36:45,809 --> 00:36:48,938
Please, man. You're Adam
Harris. Adam Fucking Harris.
604
00:36:49,013 --> 00:36:52,312
You're the John F. Kennedy
Elementary School Spelling Bee Champ.
605
00:36:52,383 --> 00:36:56,184
You're the Thomas Edison Memorial
Junior High School Science Fair winner.
606
00:36:56,256 --> 00:36:58,189
You won the fucking
science fair, man.
607
00:36:58,257 --> 00:37:00,782
Shut up, you're making me
sound like a fucking dork.
608
00:37:00,860 --> 00:37:03,557
President of the
Debate Club.
609
00:37:03,630 --> 00:37:06,293
Vice President of
The Late Society.
610
00:37:06,367 --> 00:37:08,164
Quiet. People are
gonna hear you.
611
00:37:08,235 --> 00:37:11,069
The Chess Club. The AV Club.
Need I go on?
612
00:37:11,140 --> 00:37:12,697
I am a loser.
613
00:37:12,774 --> 00:37:14,606
You are a risk
taker, my friend.
614
00:37:14,676 --> 00:37:18,408
You are a walking, burning cauldron
of intelligence and testosterone
615
00:37:18,481 --> 00:37:23,078
all rolled into one beautiful, swaggering
package of unmediated, undoubting love.
616
00:37:23,153 --> 00:37:24,177
That's really nice.
617
00:37:24,254 --> 00:37:25,846
I'd fuck you myself.
618
00:37:25,923 --> 00:37:29,724
Seriously, if I was a chick I
would fuck the shit out of you.
619
00:37:29,794 --> 00:37:31,658
Hell, I'd even let
you do me in the ass.
620
00:37:31,729 --> 00:37:35,826
If I was a guy, I am a guy, if I
was myself, I would say no to that.
621
00:37:45,078 --> 00:37:47,069
[panting]
622
00:37:47,149 --> 00:37:51,449
Oh, 70's Bush, 80's Trim, 90's
Shaved, oh, Tranny Surprise.
623
00:37:56,325 --> 00:37:58,725
I just locked
myself out.
624
00:37:58,795 --> 00:38:00,352
Can I come in
for a little while?
625
00:38:00,429 --> 00:38:02,193
Yeah, sure.
626
00:38:02,266 --> 00:38:05,929
Oh, it's so hot in here.
I've got to take my clothes off.
627
00:38:11,775 --> 00:38:12,969
Is that all you got?
628
00:38:13,044 --> 00:38:15,843
Uh, yes. This is
all I have, yeah.
629
00:38:15,914 --> 00:38:18,679
Well, do you want, like,
a dip to go along with it?
630
00:38:18,750 --> 00:38:23,780
These chips are flavored like
guacamole, so, no dip needed.
631
00:38:23,856 --> 00:38:27,724
Adam, you can put
guacamole-flavored chips in dip.
632
00:38:27,794 --> 00:38:29,625
It actually tastes
a lot better.
633
00:38:29,696 --> 00:38:31,061
You sure?
634
00:38:31,132 --> 00:38:33,124
Positive. Let's see
what you've got.
635
00:38:42,810 --> 00:38:44,301
That is
really good.
636
00:38:44,382 --> 00:38:46,314
It's a start.
637
00:38:46,383 --> 00:38:50,285
That's absolutely amazing,
actually. What else can we make?
638
00:38:52,722 --> 00:38:55,556
I've always wanted to
throw a crepe party.
639
00:38:55,627 --> 00:38:57,753
Crepes are, like, the
perfect party food.
640
00:38:57,830 --> 00:38:59,387
It would be
a buffet thing,
641
00:38:59,465 --> 00:39:01,695
and you'd put what you
want inside the crepe.
642
00:39:01,768 --> 00:39:03,997
And they're really
fucking good.
643
00:39:04,070 --> 00:39:05,697
Well, you
know what?
644
00:39:05,773 --> 00:39:07,171
We oughta make some.
645
00:39:07,241 --> 00:39:09,003
Oh, I don't know.
646
00:39:09,076 --> 00:39:10,542
No, you should.
647
00:39:10,611 --> 00:39:12,703
Cara's not gonna cook
for you, you know,
648
00:39:12,781 --> 00:39:17,218
just 'cause you didn't buy decent
food except these stupid guacachips.
649
00:39:19,288 --> 00:39:21,311
Wow, these suck.
650
00:39:21,390 --> 00:39:26,623
Estu problemo, hombre?
Spanish for Be-atch!
651
00:39:26,696 --> 00:39:28,721
It's cool. I love you.
Come on.
652
00:39:28,799 --> 00:39:31,165
Thanks anyways.
653
00:39:31,234 --> 00:39:34,137
What do you think?
654
00:39:34,205 --> 00:39:38,040
I could step up to the
plate, or take it in the ass.
655
00:39:38,109 --> 00:39:41,511
Step up to the plate, right?
Wait! You in the back!
656
00:39:41,581 --> 00:39:45,710
Who said take it in the ass?
Fuck you!
657
00:39:48,122 --> 00:39:53,150
Oh, uh, hey! Um.
See ya out there.
658
00:39:53,227 --> 00:39:54,387
Yeah.
659
00:40:07,511 --> 00:40:09,944
Hey.
660
00:40:10,013 --> 00:40:11,571
Hey Sweetie.
661
00:40:11,648 --> 00:40:15,176
This is amazing, 'cause
you two are models,
662
00:40:15,253 --> 00:40:18,312
and like you're so beautiful,
and I just have to ask you this.
663
00:40:18,389 --> 00:40:19,720
Yeah?
664
00:40:19,791 --> 00:40:25,389
Your boobs, they're
like so big, and perfect,
665
00:40:25,464 --> 00:40:27,830
and I just want to know,
did you get them done?
666
00:40:27,901 --> 00:40:30,028
And if you did, then who did them?
667
00:40:30,103 --> 00:40:31,662
You don't need a boob job, girl.
668
00:40:31,738 --> 00:40:33,261
They're beautiful.
[coil]
669
00:40:33,341 --> 00:40:35,070
I went to Dr. Murray Scholl Smith.
670
00:40:35,143 --> 00:40:38,373
I used to be a C,
he made me a double D.
671
00:40:38,446 --> 00:40:39,776
But, there's
no incision.
672
00:40:39,848 --> 00:40:41,338
He goes in
under the arm.
673
00:40:41,415 --> 00:40:42,678
Not through
the nipple?
674
00:40:42,750 --> 00:40:43,776
Hell no!
675
00:40:43,852 --> 00:40:45,877
So, what's your
name anyway?
676
00:40:45,954 --> 00:40:47,650
Sicki.
Mark Sicki.
677
00:40:47,724 --> 00:40:50,022
I know a Sicki.
678
00:40:50,094 --> 00:40:51,459
What's going on?
679
00:40:51,528 --> 00:40:54,259
Oh, I took
a dump.
680
00:40:54,330 --> 00:40:56,732
N ice party.
681
00:40:56,800 --> 00:40:58,267
Thank you.
682
00:40:58,334 --> 00:41:01,396
Maybe the Sicki I know is
like a relative of yours.
683
00:41:01,473 --> 00:41:02,701
Yeah, I doubt that.
684
00:41:02,774 --> 00:41:04,538
The only other
Sicki in my family
685
00:41:04,608 --> 00:41:06,237
is my brother Alex.
He's in jail.
686
00:41:06,311 --> 00:41:12,114
Bingo! Alex Sicki the tattoo guy.
He's in my cell block.
687
00:41:12,186 --> 00:41:14,119
Get the fuck
out of here.
688
00:41:15,588 --> 00:41:18,526
Small world.
Huh?
689
00:41:27,002 --> 00:41:32,101
Scary people huh? They're gonna
be scared of me, I'm scary people.
690
00:41:32,175 --> 00:41:33,802
Make sure that
they get...
691
00:41:36,514 --> 00:41:37,708
Aagh!
692
00:41:39,851 --> 00:41:43,786
How do you sell a purple car with a
cleaver in the roof, for God's sake?
693
00:41:45,757 --> 00:41:46,815
Who are
these bozos?
694
00:41:46,891 --> 00:41:48,382
Leo.
695
00:41:54,334 --> 00:41:56,735
Get over here.
Get over here.
696
00:41:56,803 --> 00:41:58,739
What are you,
hard of hearing?
697
00:41:58,806 --> 00:42:00,171
Huh?
698
00:42:00,241 --> 00:42:02,505
I said what took
you so long.
699
00:42:06,115 --> 00:42:08,139
Come on, brother.
Come on.
700
00:42:08,218 --> 00:42:10,310
Hey, have
something to eat.
701
00:42:10,386 --> 00:42:13,379
Yeah, try the sausage.
They're the best in the city.
702
00:42:13,456 --> 00:42:15,015
He's a little
hard of hearing.
703
00:42:15,091 --> 00:42:17,959
He says the sausages are good.
Do you want a sausage?
704
00:42:18,028 --> 00:42:21,089
I'm not hard of hearing, and
I don't care how... Jesus!
705
00:42:21,165 --> 00:42:23,656
That's Philly.
706
00:42:23,734 --> 00:42:26,796
He won't be snitching
anybody out anymore.
707
00:42:26,872 --> 00:42:29,865
You want something to eat?
You got a lot of work ahead of ya.
708
00:42:29,943 --> 00:42:32,173
You can't dig a hole
on an empty stomach.
709
00:42:32,245 --> 00:42:35,613
Ohh! I don't
think I...
710
00:42:35,682 --> 00:42:39,119
Oh! He's not dead.
711
00:42:46,361 --> 00:42:47,794
He is now.
712
00:42:47,863 --> 00:42:50,458
Hey, good work.
713
00:42:50,533 --> 00:42:52,057
My first time.
714
00:42:52,135 --> 00:42:53,193
You'd never
know it.
715
00:42:53,269 --> 00:42:54,600
That's so sweet.
716
00:42:54,672 --> 00:42:56,570
Really, great work,
great work.
717
00:42:56,639 --> 00:42:58,938
Oh golly.
What a day this has been.
718
00:42:59,008 --> 00:43:01,307
Here's your
ounce of coke.
719
00:43:01,377 --> 00:43:04,506
We'll give you another ounce
when you get back from the desert.
720
00:43:04,583 --> 00:43:06,049
Believe me,
this is plenty.
721
00:43:06,117 --> 00:43:08,881
This is good shit,
don't snort it all at once.
722
00:43:08,954 --> 00:43:11,286
You want a little food
to hit the road with?
723
00:43:11,356 --> 00:43:13,222
No, I think this
will be okay.
724
00:43:13,292 --> 00:43:17,126
Uh! These guys never
shoot anyone thin.
725
00:43:17,197 --> 00:43:19,723
Oh, come on.
726
00:43:28,410 --> 00:43:30,036
Just great.
727
00:43:32,648 --> 00:43:36,312
I bet this never happens to
a private school principal.
728
00:43:53,206 --> 00:43:55,198
Oh, hey Isha!
729
00:43:55,274 --> 00:43:56,639
Hey, what's your deal?
730
00:43:56,710 --> 00:43:59,372
You're fucking hot,
but you're crazy as shit.
731
00:44:02,984 --> 00:44:04,951
Crazy but hot!
732
00:44:13,863 --> 00:44:15,330
My bad.
733
00:44:15,397 --> 00:44:17,731
Damn right
your bad.
734
00:44:17,801 --> 00:44:20,566
I like to drink beer, not wear it.
735
00:44:20,637 --> 00:44:23,904
I oughta cut your fucking arms off.
736
00:44:28,547 --> 00:44:32,950
Yeah, suck my dick, baby.
Yeah, suck it. Suck it hard.
737
00:44:33,019 --> 00:44:35,782
Oh, that's right, baby!
Oh, yeah, oh yeah. Fuckin' eh.
738
00:44:35,854 --> 00:44:37,584
Oh my.
739
00:44:37,658 --> 00:44:39,488
Suck that motherfucker.
Oh, oh.
740
00:44:39,559 --> 00:44:41,026
How nice.
741
00:44:51,506 --> 00:44:57,776
I have here a poignant
artifact of little Jamal's.
742
00:44:57,847 --> 00:45:02,581
His cellular phone, that
miraculously survived
743
00:45:02,653 --> 00:45:05,781
the impact of
the fall.
744
00:45:05,856 --> 00:45:09,349
Now, if only
Jamal's fragile,
745
00:45:09,426 --> 00:45:12,693
cancer-ridden young body
746
00:45:12,764 --> 00:45:15,233
had been as durable.
747
00:45:15,302 --> 00:45:17,895
[cell phone rings]
748
00:45:21,675 --> 00:45:22,835
Hello?
749
00:45:22,909 --> 00:45:24,206
(male voice)
Is Jamal there?
750
00:45:24,278 --> 00:45:26,643
No. Jamal has
passed on.
751
00:45:26,713 --> 00:45:28,409
Oh man.
That's fucked up!
752
00:45:28,483 --> 00:45:30,575
Thank you very much
for those kind words.
753
00:45:30,651 --> 00:45:32,449
Dead?!
Shit!
754
00:45:32,520 --> 00:45:33,954
Goodbye.
755
00:45:34,023 --> 00:45:36,752
And then they shot the guy.
They had guns, Minn!
756
00:45:36,824 --> 00:45:38,019
Who did?
757
00:45:38,093 --> 00:45:39,652
The mafia.
You even listening?
758
00:45:39,729 --> 00:45:40,890
Not really.
759
00:45:40,964 --> 00:45:42,795
This is terrific.
760
00:45:42,867 --> 00:45:45,962
The one person supposed to be
trustwor... hold on a second...
761
00:45:46,037 --> 00:45:48,631
Let me finish with her
before I deal with you.
762
00:45:48,706 --> 00:45:51,903
Hey, I'm sorry. Turns out the
dead guy's not de... AAAGH!
763
00:45:57,316 --> 00:45:58,681
Holy shit!
764
00:45:58,752 --> 00:46:00,583
Oh shit.
765
00:46:02,922 --> 00:46:04,050
These things smell.
766
00:46:04,124 --> 00:46:05,648
Oh my God, sir,
are you okay?
767
00:46:05,726 --> 00:46:06,920
I think so, yeah.
768
00:46:06,994 --> 00:46:08,757
Mr Dickwalder?
769
00:46:08,829 --> 00:46:10,263
Who wants to know?
770
00:46:10,330 --> 00:46:13,300
Ellen Harris.
Class of '96.
771
00:46:13,369 --> 00:46:15,097
You busted my
Skip Day party.
772
00:46:15,170 --> 00:46:17,969
Oh yeah. You look good,
what have you been up to?
773
00:46:18,040 --> 00:46:20,941
This isn't my regular car.
I just use this for school stuff.
774
00:46:21,011 --> 00:46:22,001
Think I give
a shit?
775
00:46:22,078 --> 00:46:23,943
You like
Mexican food?
776
00:46:24,014 --> 00:46:26,449
Oh, you gotta be
fucking kidding me.
777
00:46:26,517 --> 00:46:29,816
Oh yeah? You know what
Dickwalder means in German?
778
00:46:31,890 --> 00:46:33,619
Scumbag!
779
00:46:35,394 --> 00:46:40,196
No. Not scumbag.
But you're close.
780
00:46:48,275 --> 00:46:49,264
Dude.
781
00:46:49,344 --> 00:46:50,538
[scream]
782
00:46:52,913 --> 00:46:56,406
I'd like to make amends
for my behavior earlier.
783
00:46:56,484 --> 00:46:58,646
You see, I have
anger issues.
784
00:46:58,721 --> 00:46:59,949
Uh-huh.
785
00:47:00,022 --> 00:47:02,718
And I'm now gonna
make you an offering.
786
00:47:02,793 --> 00:47:05,820
Drink.
787
00:47:05,896 --> 00:47:08,694
Go ahead, it'll make
me feel better.
788
00:47:08,765 --> 00:47:11,131
I don't,
I don't want to.
789
00:47:11,201 --> 00:47:13,136
Drink up.
790
00:47:13,205 --> 00:47:14,195
Drink!
791
00:47:26,453 --> 00:47:30,618
Good. Now I feel better.
Have a nice party.
792
00:47:32,493 --> 00:47:36,659
Oh, yes!
Yes, oh!
793
00:47:36,732 --> 00:47:38,825
She's very pretty.
794
00:47:38,900 --> 00:47:41,699
Not him,
but her.
795
00:47:45,710 --> 00:47:46,697
[click]
796
00:47:49,179 --> 00:47:55,085
O-o-oh, Jesus.
797
00:48:05,064 --> 00:48:06,123
Sorry.
798
00:48:16,745 --> 00:48:18,735
So, Tate. How did
you meet Adam?
799
00:48:18,814 --> 00:48:20,782
At a Star
Trek convention.
800
00:48:20,849 --> 00:48:23,944
Although he'd probably punch
me in the eye for saying that.
801
00:48:24,021 --> 00:48:27,477
So, for the record,
I met him at the gym.
802
00:48:27,558 --> 00:48:28,957
I was spotting him.
803
00:48:29,026 --> 00:48:32,325
He must have been
benching 500, 000 pounds.
804
00:48:32,396 --> 00:48:33,955
Yeah, right.
805
00:48:34,032 --> 00:48:36,661
He's stronger
than he looks.
806
00:48:38,702 --> 00:48:40,001
What do you think?
807
00:48:40,072 --> 00:48:42,668
I, I... that
was weak.
808
00:48:46,647 --> 00:48:48,637
Whoa.
809
00:48:48,714 --> 00:48:50,342
Uh, excuse me.
Everybody, can
810
00:48:50,417 --> 00:48:53,387
I just get your attention
for one quick sec?
811
00:48:53,454 --> 00:48:55,082
Is everybody having
a good time?
812
00:48:55,156 --> 00:48:56,679
Yeah!!
813
00:48:56,758 --> 00:48:58,191
You suck!
814
00:48:58,259 --> 00:48:59,385
Okay.
815
00:48:59,461 --> 00:49:02,022
Um, I have an
announcement to make.
816
00:49:02,097 --> 00:49:06,866
Somebody in our class
is a master chef
817
00:49:06,937 --> 00:49:09,701
and that somebody is
gonna cook you all
818
00:49:09,772 --> 00:49:13,141
the greatest meal
known to man.
819
00:49:13,211 --> 00:49:16,840
And to woman as well.
And that somebody
820
00:49:16,913 --> 00:49:22,181
is none other than Whippany
Park's own Cara Manwell.
821
00:49:22,254 --> 00:49:25,690
Give her a hand, Cara!
[cheers]
822
00:49:31,464 --> 00:49:32,865
Wait, Cara,
wait wait.
823
00:49:32,932 --> 00:49:35,561
I can't believe you put
me on the spot like that.
824
00:49:35,636 --> 00:49:37,570
Can I just tell you
something quickly?
825
00:49:37,638 --> 00:49:40,233
I see you, and you
clearly love cooking, okay?
826
00:49:40,307 --> 00:49:43,334
But you have this weird thing
where you don't want to do it.
827
00:49:43,411 --> 00:49:46,643
Or you think you're not good,
I, I don't get it.
828
00:49:46,716 --> 00:49:50,153
But I can tell you
really do want to do this.
829
00:49:52,790 --> 00:49:54,347
So, let's make
some crepes.
830
00:49:57,561 --> 00:50:00,122
This is going to be our
chopping station over here.
831
00:50:00,198 --> 00:50:03,635
I'm going to need a big, um,
mixing bowl. And a wooden spoon.
832
00:50:03,703 --> 00:50:06,729
Wooden spoon, right?
I have two, as a matter of fact.
833
00:50:06,805 --> 00:50:08,500
Yeah, both,
that's good.
834
00:50:08,575 --> 00:50:10,008
A whisker?
835
00:50:10,076 --> 00:50:11,976
Whisk. Yeah,
it's a whisk.
836
00:50:30,968 --> 00:50:33,697
Oh my God, this is
gonna be so awesome.
837
00:50:33,771 --> 00:50:38,037
I think Cara's talking to that
Harris guy or something. Oh, hey.
838
00:50:40,212 --> 00:50:43,512
Up, up, up, up.
Oh, shit.
839
00:50:47,419 --> 00:50:50,082
Okay, you're going
to catch this one.
840
00:51:01,270 --> 00:51:04,671
Aagh! Oh, shit.
841
00:51:04,740 --> 00:51:07,834
Do you want this? Okay.
Yeah, no, no problem.
842
00:51:07,910 --> 00:51:12,143
Um, Cara, when do
the cooks get to eat?
843
00:51:12,215 --> 00:51:14,979
This one's for you.
844
00:51:16,954 --> 00:51:19,718
What's this?
845
00:51:19,790 --> 00:51:23,056
Holy Shit. Hey, Harry,
come check this out, dog.
846
00:51:23,128 --> 00:51:27,657
Man, I cannot believe what a
diversified portfolio this is, man.
847
00:51:27,733 --> 00:51:31,226
Is that the flagship
episode of Dirty Debutantes?
848
00:51:31,304 --> 00:51:33,773
Yes, it is my brother.
Yes it is.
849
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:35,330
I'm speechless, man.
850
00:51:35,609 --> 00:51:38,840
That one such landmark
film was Romancing the Bone.
851
00:51:38,913 --> 00:51:41,881
There's a scene with Steve Drink
and steamy Tory Whales
852
00:51:41,950 --> 00:51:43,679
it's just one
of the highlights.
853
00:51:43,752 --> 00:51:46,687
Are you referring to where
he got her bent over the sink
854
00:51:46,756 --> 00:51:48,985
and smacked her on the
ass with a Brillo pad?
855
00:51:49,058 --> 00:51:50,856
Yes, perfection.
I love it.
856
00:51:50,927 --> 00:51:53,862
I respectfully disagree.
I mean, this much louder scene
857
00:51:53,930 --> 00:51:58,493
never done it for me, like,
uh, Sexy Sorority Kittens II.
858
00:51:58,569 --> 00:52:00,400
Where 50 women go
down on them boys?
859
00:52:00,472 --> 00:52:05,603
Dude, I can't believe that you put
that confusing mangle of pulsating flesh
860
00:52:05,678 --> 00:52:08,806
on the same level as a hot and
intimate moment over a toilet.
861
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:12,249
You know how freaky your girl gotta
be to let you hit her over the toilet?
862
00:52:12,319 --> 00:52:14,378
Yeah, but that shit
gave me cream dreams.
863
00:52:14,454 --> 00:52:15,387
You're tripping.
864
00:52:20,961 --> 00:52:22,451
There chicken
in that crepe?
865
00:52:22,530 --> 00:52:24,362
Isha, it's not that
big of a deal.
866
00:52:24,433 --> 00:52:26,230
Oh, it is
a big deal.
867
00:52:26,301 --> 00:52:31,295
The genocide of poultry. Bovine mutilation.
The fornification of pork.
868
00:52:31,374 --> 00:52:32,465
What the fuck?
869
00:52:32,541 --> 00:52:35,102
Have you ever
nestled your cheek
870
00:52:35,179 --> 00:52:37,875
into a chicken's
soft feathers?
871
00:52:37,948 --> 00:52:40,782
They're glorious creatures.
872
00:52:40,852 --> 00:52:44,618
Tell me something.
Did a chicken ever find a cure to polio?
873
00:52:44,689 --> 00:52:48,455
Has a chicken ever represented
you in court? Pro bono?
874
00:52:48,526 --> 00:52:53,396
When's the last time a chicken sang
a song so sweet it made you cry?
875
00:52:53,466 --> 00:52:56,300
Tell me.
Name one. No?
876
00:52:56,370 --> 00:52:59,168
That's 'cause they're
fucking chickens.
877
00:52:59,240 --> 00:53:02,004
You know what I
think your problem is?
878
00:53:02,076 --> 00:53:04,806
You're secretly
craving it.
879
00:53:04,879 --> 00:53:06,643
You're despicable.
880
00:53:06,715 --> 00:53:08,182
Hmph!
881
00:53:10,619 --> 00:53:11,712
Mmm.
882
00:53:11,788 --> 00:53:13,755
Dude, we're running
low on booze.
883
00:53:13,823 --> 00:53:16,452
What about that liquor
cabinet your parents have?
884
00:53:16,526 --> 00:53:18,620
I do not want to deal
with Sanjai right now.
885
00:53:18,696 --> 00:53:20,255
Who?
886
00:53:20,331 --> 00:53:24,324
I don't even want to get into
it, to be honest right now.
887
00:53:27,671 --> 00:53:31,472
What the hell's the mafia doing
in Southern California anyway?
888
00:53:32,779 --> 00:53:34,007
May I help you?
889
00:53:35,381 --> 00:53:36,473
Scott Taylor here?
890
00:53:36,550 --> 00:53:37,915
Who are you?
891
00:53:37,984 --> 00:53:41,216
Frank Dickwalder. Whippany
Park High principal.
892
00:53:41,288 --> 00:53:42,813
Now, is Scott
Taylor here?
893
00:53:42,891 --> 00:53:44,381
Uh, no. He's
in school.
894
00:53:44,459 --> 00:53:48,726
Um, no, he's not,
'cause, like, I'm here!
895
00:53:48,798 --> 00:53:51,995
I don't want to interrupt you,
whatever it is you're doing.
896
00:53:52,067 --> 00:53:54,730
I'm stretching.
I'm a dancer.
897
00:53:54,805 --> 00:53:56,466
Course you are.
898
00:53:56,539 --> 00:53:59,236
Um, do I detect
a hint of sarcasm?
899
00:54:00,410 --> 00:54:01,935
No.
900
00:54:02,012 --> 00:54:04,208
Sarcasm would be if you said
you were a dancer and I said
901
00:54:04,282 --> 00:54:05,545
"Gee, you don't
look it!"
902
00:54:05,616 --> 00:54:07,584
Ooh.
903
00:54:07,652 --> 00:54:09,746
Alright, forget
I said that.
904
00:54:09,822 --> 00:54:13,313
I didn't intend to get angry, because
I know you people are sensitive.
905
00:54:13,393 --> 00:54:17,091
Wait, wait, wait.
What people? What people?
906
00:54:17,164 --> 00:54:20,598
You! Christ,
look at you!
907
00:54:20,667 --> 00:54:24,935
You better get off my porch before
I'm unable to control myself.
908
00:54:25,006 --> 00:54:28,533
Buddy, you're already
unable to control yourself.
909
00:54:28,610 --> 00:54:30,874
Oh, it's show time!
910
00:55:09,825 --> 00:55:11,792
Best Skip Day ever.
911
00:55:13,995 --> 00:55:16,295
You know, you totally
ruined Skip Day.
912
00:55:16,365 --> 00:55:18,231
I know. I did.
913
00:55:18,301 --> 00:55:20,998
I can't believe you told
Dickwalder about the party.
914
00:55:21,070 --> 00:55:24,337
Yeah, I know. I should
not have done that.
915
00:55:24,408 --> 00:55:27,845
But then you saved it.
And you made it even better.
916
00:55:29,514 --> 00:55:30,446
Hey.
917
00:55:30,515 --> 00:55:32,005
Hi.
918
00:55:32,083 --> 00:55:36,452
So, it's getting right
around cleanup time, I'd say.
919
00:55:36,521 --> 00:55:39,753
So Cara, you know, Harris and I,
we'll take it from here,
920
00:55:39,825 --> 00:55:43,455
because as you know, the chef doesn't
clean up after her masterpiece.
921
00:55:43,529 --> 00:55:45,556
Thanks Scott.
I think we got it.
922
00:55:45,632 --> 00:55:49,091
He's right. You should just hang
out, have fun. We'll take care of it.
923
00:55:49,170 --> 00:55:50,364
Really?
924
00:55:50,438 --> 00:55:51,905
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.
925
00:55:51,973 --> 00:55:53,634
Okay.
Thanks.
926
00:55:56,078 --> 00:55:57,841
Look at the legs
on that, huh?
927
00:56:01,918 --> 00:56:03,818
Listen, I was talking
about the wine.
928
00:56:03,887 --> 00:56:07,584
You know Harris, you are
one sick fuck, you know that?
929
00:56:07,657 --> 00:56:09,058
But I like you.
930
00:56:09,127 --> 00:56:12,584
So, uh, yeah. Did you
have fun today? You know.
931
00:56:12,663 --> 00:56:14,291
Yeah, I did.
Yeah. Thank you.
932
00:56:14,366 --> 00:56:17,130
Yeah? You know, uh,
my name's Adam Harris
933
00:56:17,202 --> 00:56:19,467
and I graduated in
the top of my class.
934
00:56:19,539 --> 00:56:23,566
Hey, Cara, how 'bout we make some
crepes, how does that sound? Yeah!
935
00:56:23,643 --> 00:56:27,910
Yeah, sounds great!
Maybe I can get in your panties.
936
00:56:27,911 --> 00:56:28,876
No. Wrong. X.
937
00:56:28,949 --> 00:56:32,407
Don't even think about it.
Forget about it, as they say in Italian.
938
00:56:32,487 --> 00:56:35,684
At the end of the day, she's my girl,
don't forget about that.
939
00:56:35,757 --> 00:56:36,747
I haven't.
940
00:56:36,826 --> 00:56:38,623
That skirt,
right there.
941
00:56:38,694 --> 00:56:41,754
Yeah, there is a nice supple
peach under that motherfucker.
942
00:56:41,831 --> 00:56:43,389
Fuck me.
943
00:56:43,467 --> 00:56:44,330
FYI,
944
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:46,700
she swallows.
945
00:56:50,475 --> 00:56:51,738
Hey Denise.
946
00:56:51,809 --> 00:56:56,838
Look at her, that's
what I want to do.
947
00:56:56,915 --> 00:56:59,906
What, give a lap dance
to some drooling idiot?
948
00:56:59,985 --> 00:57:01,453
Yeah.
949
00:57:01,522 --> 00:57:05,049
Way to let 'em drop,
that's what I'm talking about.
950
00:57:05,125 --> 00:57:07,593
That shit is called game, homie!
951
00:57:13,567 --> 00:57:16,435
Did you know that hemp can
be made into bags and clothes?
952
00:57:19,442 --> 00:57:20,807
Even shoes.
953
00:57:22,345 --> 00:57:24,677
Why would I wanna
smoke my shoes,
954
00:57:24,747 --> 00:57:28,775
when I can just take my stash
and smoke with my lady friends?
955
00:57:28,852 --> 00:57:33,654
Hemp is an alternative to animals.
956
00:57:33,726 --> 00:57:35,954
Yeah.
957
00:57:36,027 --> 00:57:38,929
So, don't
wear animals.
958
00:57:38,999 --> 00:57:40,259
But, uh,
959
00:57:40,332 --> 00:57:45,396
cotton is of
the plant kingdom.
960
00:57:45,472 --> 00:57:48,134
The Snipster
is safe.
961
00:57:50,111 --> 00:57:51,100
Yeah.
962
00:57:51,179 --> 00:57:52,806
Yeah.
963
00:57:52,879 --> 00:57:54,438
Yeah.
964
00:57:54,514 --> 00:57:56,676
Where are we?
965
00:58:12,436 --> 00:58:13,460
Hey.
966
00:58:13,537 --> 00:58:15,130
Hi!
967
00:58:15,207 --> 00:58:17,675
You developed a bit of
a taste for nerd today.
968
00:58:17,743 --> 00:58:19,734
He's a good guy.
969
00:58:19,812 --> 00:58:20,869
But I'm
a good guy.
970
00:58:20,947 --> 00:58:22,175
Are you?
Really?
971
00:58:22,248 --> 00:58:23,715
Yeah. Let
me show you.
972
00:58:23,783 --> 00:58:26,081
Oh my God, is that all
you ever think about?
973
00:58:26,153 --> 00:58:28,917
Sweetheart, it's my favorite
thing to think about.
974
00:58:28,988 --> 00:58:30,513
You are hopeless.
975
00:58:30,591 --> 00:58:33,493
Hopelessly in love.
With you, no?
976
00:58:33,562 --> 00:58:34,858
No.
977
00:58:34,929 --> 00:58:38,422
Oh, look, sweetheart.
I know you're nervous.
978
00:58:38,500 --> 00:58:39,866
Yeah, I
am nervous.
979
00:58:39,935 --> 00:58:43,702
Me too. It's okay.
You know, but, I love you.
980
00:58:43,773 --> 00:58:49,076
And, just, you know, I want it
to be special for the both of us.
981
00:58:49,146 --> 00:58:53,550
I love you.
Just you and me, nice and slow.
982
00:58:53,618 --> 00:58:57,748
Just scented candles,
it's gonna be awesome.
983
00:59:03,095 --> 00:59:04,085
Hey.
984
00:59:04,163 --> 00:59:06,028
Hey.
985
00:59:06,099 --> 00:59:08,590
Did anyone ever tell you
that you're beautiful?
986
00:59:08,668 --> 00:59:13,002
Your passion is
very attractive.
987
00:59:17,679 --> 00:59:21,307
Oh my God. I'm so
fucking hungry.
988
00:59:21,383 --> 00:59:26,481
Oooh. Oh, I think
you're ready to be bad.
989
00:59:35,532 --> 00:59:39,402
Mmm. Oh my God.
Oh my God.
990
00:59:39,470 --> 00:59:44,032
That is so good. Give
me another bite. Please.
991
00:59:50,750 --> 00:59:53,845
See, the thing is guys,
I've got a secret.
992
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:54,944
What?
993
00:59:55,022 --> 00:59:56,613
The alphabet.
994
00:59:56,692 --> 00:59:57,680
The alphabet?
995
00:59:57,757 --> 00:59:58,987
You know,
the alphabet.
996
00:59:59,060 --> 01:00:00,152
A,
997
01:00:02,064 --> 01:00:04,828
B,
998
01:00:06,301 --> 01:00:07,998
you do it right,
chicks love the B.
999
01:00:08,071 --> 01:00:10,973
Carl, check this out I'm talking
about tongue-fucking bitches
1000
01:00:11,040 --> 01:00:13,134
Dude, that's the oldest
trick in the book, man.
1001
01:00:13,209 --> 01:00:14,972
I was getting my
girl to climax by O.
1002
01:00:15,044 --> 01:00:17,309
Well, uh, I get
Cara by the I.
1003
01:00:17,382 --> 01:00:18,110
I?
1004
01:00:18,182 --> 01:00:19,275
Yeah.
1005
01:00:19,351 --> 01:00:20,443
Never done
that before.
1006
01:00:20,517 --> 01:00:21,951
'Cause you're
not dotting it.
1007
01:00:22,087 --> 01:00:23,782
Did you
invite Ralph?
1008
01:00:23,855 --> 01:00:26,188
Yeah, I think I
invited everybody.
1009
01:00:26,259 --> 01:00:28,056
That's good.
Can you text him again?
1010
01:00:28,127 --> 01:00:29,617
'Cause I'm kinda
feeling like
1011
01:00:29,695 --> 01:00:32,061
he needs to come to this
party more than anyone.
1012
01:00:32,131 --> 01:00:33,428
That's a good call.
1013
01:00:33,500 --> 01:00:35,469
Yeah, I mean, I'm playing.
But I'm not.
1014
01:00:35,536 --> 01:00:36,525
Okay.
1015
01:00:36,603 --> 01:00:38,333
Let's do that.
1016
01:00:42,677 --> 01:00:44,168
Kleenex in
the bathroom.
1017
01:01:02,066 --> 01:01:03,056
What?
1018
01:01:03,134 --> 01:01:05,967
Frank, are you okay?
1019
01:01:06,038 --> 01:01:07,903
Never better, Minn.
Top of the world.
1020
01:01:07,974 --> 01:01:13,537
Well, perk up Sunshine.
I know who's behind the Skip Day party.
1021
01:01:13,613 --> 01:01:17,380
[screeching tires]
1022
01:01:17,450 --> 01:01:21,980
Hold on. What? Who?
Who's behind it?
1023
01:01:22,056 --> 01:01:24,583
Adam Harris.
1024
01:01:24,659 --> 01:01:26,787
Adam Harris?
You asshole, Minn.
1025
01:01:26,861 --> 01:01:30,263
It can't be Adam Harris, he's the
only decent one in the whole bunch.
1026
01:01:30,333 --> 01:01:31,892
Give me
another name.
1027
01:01:31,968 --> 01:01:34,062
What the hell is
you talking about?
1028
01:01:34,137 --> 01:01:37,072
Adam just sent a text
message over to Ralph's phone
1029
01:01:37,140 --> 01:01:39,006
inviting him to
the Skip Day party.
1030
01:01:39,076 --> 01:01:41,739
It can't be him,
it's a forgery!
1031
01:01:41,813 --> 01:01:45,909
Frank, Adam sent a
picture of himself
1032
01:01:45,984 --> 01:01:49,182
grinding with a bunch
of skinny hooches!
1033
01:01:50,924 --> 01:01:51,947
Adam?
1034
01:01:53,960 --> 01:01:57,088
Frank? Frank,
are you there?
1035
01:01:58,799 --> 01:02:02,200
Frank? Frank are you there?
[disco music]
1036
01:02:19,523 --> 01:02:20,921
Hello, old friend.
1037
01:02:20,992 --> 01:02:22,583
What the hell?
1038
01:02:41,249 --> 01:02:43,945
What's the big deal about
having sex with Cara anyway?
1039
01:02:44,018 --> 01:02:46,919
You're about to go to UCLA on
a football scholarship, man!
1040
01:02:46,989 --> 01:02:48,786
You're gonna be knee deep in pussy.
1041
01:02:48,858 --> 01:02:53,089
But, I put three good goddamn
years into this relationship.
1042
01:02:53,163 --> 01:02:54,721
I deserve to get
laid at least once.
1043
01:02:54,799 --> 01:02:56,493
You get laid
all the time.
1044
01:02:56,565 --> 01:02:59,434
Everyone knows you're having sexual
relations with the prom queen.
1045
01:02:59,503 --> 01:03:00,801
Dude, shut up!
1046
01:03:00,871 --> 01:03:03,431
Besides, I got a secret
that always works.
1047
01:03:03,508 --> 01:03:05,031
Tell her you're
a virgin, man.
1048
01:03:05,109 --> 01:03:06,975
Oh, she'll never
believe that.
1049
01:03:07,044 --> 01:03:09,411
She will.
Tell her you're a virgin.
1050
01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:12,747
She'll believe it 'cause she wants
to, 'cause she loves you, man.
1051
01:03:12,818 --> 01:03:13,718
A virgin.
1052
01:03:13,786 --> 01:03:15,344
She loves you!
1053
01:03:17,623 --> 01:03:18,852
You're so right.
1054
01:03:18,925 --> 01:03:20,223
I know.
1055
01:03:20,293 --> 01:03:21,885
You're like
a prophet, man.
1056
01:03:21,962 --> 01:03:23,293
I watch a lot
of videos.
1057
01:03:23,364 --> 01:03:25,058
Hey.
1058
01:03:25,133 --> 01:03:27,397
Hey.
1059
01:03:27,469 --> 01:03:29,563
You were really cute
when you were little.
1060
01:03:29,638 --> 01:03:32,300
Ah, thank you.
1061
01:03:32,374 --> 01:03:35,502
Sorry. You don't want
people in here, do you?
1062
01:03:35,578 --> 01:03:37,308
No, no, no.
It's no big deal.
1063
01:03:37,379 --> 01:03:40,110
That one my dad
took, actually.
1064
01:03:40,183 --> 01:03:41,775
Where is he?
1065
01:03:41,852 --> 01:03:44,515
I have no idea
where my dad is.
1066
01:03:44,589 --> 01:03:47,354
Uh, the North Pole
I guess. I don't know.
1067
01:03:47,425 --> 01:03:49,052
So, he skipped.
1068
01:03:49,127 --> 01:03:53,190
Yes. He did. He left his
7-year old daughter with my mom,
1069
01:03:53,266 --> 01:03:55,666
and he sort of headed out of town.
1070
01:03:57,337 --> 01:04:00,773
Sometimes I wish my
family would skip.
1071
01:04:00,841 --> 01:04:02,933
They just don't
really get me.
1072
01:04:06,014 --> 01:04:08,380
Well, I get you.
1073
01:04:10,118 --> 01:04:11,278
Oh shit.
1074
01:04:11,352 --> 01:04:12,412
I really like him.
1075
01:04:12,487 --> 01:04:14,319
That sounded
so gay.
1076
01:04:14,391 --> 01:04:17,382
I think I can
trust him.
1077
01:04:17,460 --> 01:04:21,089
Adam? Um,
1078
01:04:21,164 --> 01:04:24,430
are you, are you a virgin?
1079
01:04:24,501 --> 01:04:27,561
What? No.
No, what?
1080
01:04:27,639 --> 01:04:28,627
Shit.
1081
01:04:28,706 --> 01:04:30,037
Why would you
think that?
1082
01:04:30,108 --> 01:04:32,840
Oh my God.
She is onto me.
1083
01:04:32,912 --> 01:04:34,573
I can't believe
I just said that.
1084
01:04:34,648 --> 01:04:36,512
You know, 'cause
it's okay if you are.
1085
01:04:36,583 --> 01:04:40,041
Right, well, yeah. No, it would
be okay if I was. But, I'm not.
1086
01:04:40,120 --> 01:04:44,956
That's not how things are.
I have not been a virgin for years.
1087
01:04:45,025 --> 01:04:47,721
Decades. I lost my
virginity so long ago.
1088
01:04:47,795 --> 01:04:50,560
What happened, I was in
Eastern Europe with my family.
1089
01:04:50,631 --> 01:04:54,728
I was at a hotel.
Um, I had nothing to do that night.
1090
01:04:54,803 --> 01:04:58,240
And I went out, and thought, why
don't I try and lose my virginity,
1091
01:04:58,308 --> 01:05:02,938
you know, let's go for it. So, went
out to this whore district, you know,
1092
01:05:03,014 --> 01:05:07,278
just 'cause I figured easier, right?
So, I go there, and I meet this girl, Gretchen,
1093
01:05:07,351 --> 01:05:11,287
she had one leg. And, and I, you
know, talked to her and I was, like,
1094
01:05:11,355 --> 01:05:16,795
hey, you know, let's do it. So she's, like,
alright, well, sure, why not, you know.
1095
01:05:16,862 --> 01:05:19,797
And so we did, and it was good.
And it was fun and all that.
1096
01:05:19,865 --> 01:05:22,232
You know, I was nervous,
I was really nervous.
1097
01:05:22,302 --> 01:05:23,964
Yeah.
1098
01:05:24,037 --> 01:05:26,802
Never done that before, you
know, but then I figured,
1099
01:05:26,874 --> 01:05:32,312
she's, you know, amputee, virgin,
right? Whole thing kind of evened out.
1100
01:05:32,380 --> 01:05:34,008
What the fuck am
I talking about?
1101
01:05:34,083 --> 01:05:35,744
Who is this guy?
1102
01:05:35,817 --> 01:05:38,480
Come downstairs.
You're not gonna believe this.
1103
01:05:48,800 --> 01:05:51,131
Oh my god, No,
no, no, no, no.
1104
01:05:51,201 --> 01:05:54,664
That's my mom's table.
That table's very expensive.
1105
01:05:54,665 --> 01:05:54,798
No!
1106
01:05:54,872 --> 01:05:56,670
Oh God.
1107
01:05:58,778 --> 01:06:01,178
Go Denise.
Go Denise.
1108
01:06:01,248 --> 01:06:03,408
Go Denise.
Go Denise.
1109
01:06:07,488 --> 01:06:10,651
I need a dollar bill. I need a dollar bill.
Who's got a dollar?
1110
01:06:10,724 --> 01:06:14,456
Does anybody have dollar?
Okay, okay. Does anybody have a dollar?
1111
01:06:14,529 --> 01:06:18,022
I do not have a dollar.
Can anybody bust up a ten?
1112
01:06:18,099 --> 01:06:19,863
Can anybody
bust up a ten?
1113
01:06:19,935 --> 01:06:26,569
Hey, uh, you know, I have
something I need to tell you.
1114
01:06:26,643 --> 01:06:29,702
But I've been
hiding it from you,
1115
01:06:29,782 --> 01:06:33,616
because I'm really
embarrassed about it.
1116
01:06:33,685 --> 01:06:35,482
What?
1117
01:06:35,554 --> 01:06:41,188
The truth is, I'm
I'm a virgin, Cara.
1118
01:06:41,261 --> 01:06:42,193
Really?
1119
01:06:42,262 --> 01:06:43,627
Yeah.
1120
01:06:50,870 --> 01:06:53,670
Oh, let's go to
the bedroom.
1121
01:06:56,345 --> 01:06:59,314
Oh my god.
I really did blow it.
1122
01:06:59,381 --> 01:07:01,407
Hey man,
this isn't over.
1123
01:07:01,484 --> 01:07:03,247
Yes it is.
It's too late, I blew it.
1124
01:07:10,995 --> 01:07:12,791
Are you nervous?
1125
01:07:12,864 --> 01:07:14,388
Yeah.
1126
01:07:14,465 --> 01:07:18,563
Me too. Happy, but
nervous at the same time.
1127
01:07:18,637 --> 01:07:20,867
I can't believe you're
letting this happen.
1128
01:07:20,940 --> 01:07:23,135
Tate, I fucked up, and
it's done, it's over.
1129
01:07:23,209 --> 01:07:26,610
Stop them, stake your claim.
Plant your flag.
1130
01:07:26,680 --> 01:07:30,098
Okay, plant your flag.
What does that even mean?
1131
01:07:30,099 --> 01:07:31,912
That doesn't mean anything.
1132
01:07:31,986 --> 01:07:35,980
I don't know what it means.
But it sounds good.
1133
01:07:36,057 --> 01:07:37,117
It does sound good.
1134
01:07:37,192 --> 01:07:38,557
Damn right it
sounds good.
1135
01:07:38,627 --> 01:07:39,889
That sounds
really good.
1136
01:07:39,962 --> 01:07:41,657
Damn right it sounds really good.
1137
01:07:41,731 --> 01:07:42,822
I gotta plant
my flag.
1138
01:07:42,898 --> 01:07:44,059
You plant that flag!
1139
01:07:44,133 --> 01:07:45,658
I gotta
plant my flag.
1140
01:07:45,736 --> 01:07:47,067
Go!
Go!
1141
01:07:47,137 --> 01:07:50,436
I'm glad it's the first
time for both of us.
1142
01:07:50,508 --> 01:07:53,477
I know.
I know.
1143
01:07:53,544 --> 01:07:58,642
Alright, I know. I should just, I gotta,
but no, can you really expect me to just...
1144
01:08:01,386 --> 01:08:05,016
Okay, look, no. This is the moment
of truth. I gotta seize the day.
1145
01:08:05,090 --> 01:08:08,061
Okay. I think
I'm ready.
1146
01:08:08,128 --> 01:08:09,925
Me too.
1147
01:08:12,866 --> 01:08:15,198
I'm gonna do this.
I'm gonna do this.
1148
01:08:15,269 --> 01:08:16,669
Ready?
1149
01:08:16,737 --> 01:08:17,829
Yeah.
1150
01:08:25,915 --> 01:08:29,579
I can't believe it.
It's too late. I'm too late.
1151
01:08:29,654 --> 01:08:32,554
Oh yeah. Oh, this is
gonna be fucking awesome.
1152
01:08:32,622 --> 01:08:34,557
Here we go, Laura,
I just gotta get it...
1153
01:08:34,625 --> 01:08:35,717
What? Wait.
1154
01:08:35,794 --> 01:08:36,784
Cara. Cara.
1155
01:08:36,862 --> 01:08:38,329
No, what did
you just say?
1156
01:08:38,397 --> 01:08:41,424
That is so messed up.
She's definitely fucking him.
1157
01:08:41,500 --> 01:08:42,660
You just called
me Laura!
1158
01:08:42,733 --> 01:08:44,201
No!
1159
01:08:44,270 --> 01:08:47,364
I'm not making this shit up.
She was fucking him.
1160
01:08:47,440 --> 01:08:48,772
Have you been
fucking Laura?
1161
01:08:48,841 --> 01:08:51,539
She was fucking
his brains out!
1162
01:08:53,280 --> 01:08:54,679
You bastard!
1163
01:08:54,748 --> 01:08:56,340
Oh.
1164
01:08:59,721 --> 01:09:01,746
Hey! You're hot.
1165
01:09:01,824 --> 01:09:04,417
I can't believe
how stupid I was.
1166
01:09:04,495 --> 01:09:07,794
Oh, fuck, man.
Cara!
1167
01:09:07,865 --> 01:09:09,127
Fuck off!
1168
01:09:12,937 --> 01:09:14,198
Jesus.
1169
01:09:14,272 --> 01:09:15,466
You wanna make out?
1170
01:09:15,540 --> 01:09:18,064
Okay.
1171
01:09:21,312 --> 01:09:23,077
Oh, I can't fucking
believe this.
1172
01:09:27,687 --> 01:09:28,710
Hey!
1173
01:09:43,539 --> 01:09:45,062
Um, this
is weird.
1174
01:09:45,141 --> 01:09:46,506
Get it dude.
1175
01:09:52,917 --> 01:09:53,975
Oh my God.
1176
01:09:54,050 --> 01:09:55,576
Oh my God!
1177
01:09:59,990 --> 01:10:01,515
Cara...
1178
01:10:01,593 --> 01:10:03,720
Get away!
I don't want to talk to you!
1179
01:10:03,796 --> 01:10:05,025
He's all
yours, honey.
1180
01:10:05,097 --> 01:10:07,087
This is your own fault,
you cock tease.
1181
01:10:07,165 --> 01:10:08,963
Hey, you can't talk
to her like that.
1182
01:10:09,035 --> 01:10:11,027
What are you gonna
do about it?
1183
01:10:14,074 --> 01:10:17,704
I'm sorry bro. But, fuck. I'm been
wanting to do that all day, man.
1184
01:10:17,778 --> 01:10:21,043
Oh my god.
1185
01:10:21,115 --> 01:10:21,877
Mom.
1186
01:10:21,950 --> 01:10:23,009
Oh, shit.
1187
01:10:25,255 --> 01:10:29,123
Mom, uh, seize the day. Remember,
you said seize the day this morning?
1188
01:10:29,191 --> 01:10:30,818
You've destroyed
the house...
1189
01:10:34,664 --> 01:10:38,101
Not again.
What have you done?
1190
01:10:38,168 --> 01:10:43,631
Mom, I threw a party. I threw
a party, and it was awesome.
1191
01:10:44,776 --> 01:10:46,300
Wasn't it?
1192
01:10:46,379 --> 01:10:47,937
You rule!
1193
01:10:48,014 --> 01:10:51,314
Thank you. Whoever said that.
That's a long time coming.
1194
01:10:51,384 --> 01:10:54,980
Tate, he played all of this
music, and it was amazing, and
1195
01:10:55,054 --> 01:10:57,421
this old guy, he bought us liquor,
1196
01:10:57,491 --> 01:11:00,392
I built a bong
in our garage.
1197
01:11:00,462 --> 01:11:01,793
Oh great.
1198
01:11:01,862 --> 01:11:03,764
Then we called
up these models,
1199
01:11:03,832 --> 01:11:06,858
and we took pictures of
them in their underwear.
1200
01:11:06,936 --> 01:11:09,770
And then everybody came
over and we just partied.
1201
01:11:09,839 --> 01:11:12,273
And, you stuck your
finger in a dog's ass.
1202
01:11:13,845 --> 01:11:18,178
Yes, that, I, I did do that.
That was an accident.
1203
01:11:18,248 --> 01:11:20,945
And then there's Cara.
1204
01:11:21,020 --> 01:11:25,047
She made these crepes that
are just, they were amazing.
1205
01:11:25,124 --> 01:11:29,060
And she's amazing, and
I got a chance to talk to her.
1206
01:11:29,129 --> 01:11:34,966
And I lied,
and I said some stupid things,
1207
01:11:35,035 --> 01:11:36,127
and I'm sorry.
1208
01:11:39,339 --> 01:11:41,103
Oh shit.
It's Dickwalder.
1209
01:11:41,175 --> 01:11:43,906
Mom, you cannot
open that door.
1210
01:11:43,978 --> 01:11:48,916
If you do, none of us are
going to college. He is insane.
1211
01:11:53,256 --> 01:11:54,986
Everybody hide!
1212
01:12:02,233 --> 01:12:04,098
Hi, Mrs. Harris.
1213
01:12:04,169 --> 01:12:06,637
Is the entire senior class home?
1214
01:12:06,705 --> 01:12:09,401
Mr. Dickwalder.
What are you doing here?
1215
01:12:09,475 --> 01:12:13,071
What am I doing here?
I'm working my way through college.
1216
01:12:13,146 --> 01:12:16,137
I'm here to bust the
Senior Skip Day party.
1217
01:12:16,217 --> 01:12:18,741
Well, good luck
with that, sir.
1218
01:12:18,819 --> 01:12:22,381
You trying to tell me there's not 100
kids on the other side of that door?
1219
01:12:22,456 --> 01:12:23,856
I think I would
know, alright?
1220
01:12:23,925 --> 01:12:25,791
How 'bout Ellen,
is she home?
1221
01:12:29,431 --> 01:12:30,990
Say I asked, okay?
1222
01:12:31,066 --> 01:12:35,026
I've got it. They're at
the Washington funeral.
1223
01:12:35,104 --> 01:12:37,266
They're at the
Washington funeral.
1224
01:12:37,341 --> 01:12:39,171
There is
no funeral.
1225
01:12:39,243 --> 01:12:41,974
Your son made fools
out of all of us.
1226
01:12:42,045 --> 01:12:45,574
He's been there all day,
with the entire senior class.
1227
01:12:45,650 --> 01:12:48,312
He's been there all day
with the entire senior class.
1228
01:12:48,386 --> 01:12:51,184
There's no funeral!
They're at a party!
1229
01:12:51,257 --> 01:12:53,122
I dropped him
off myself.
1230
01:12:53,192 --> 01:12:55,753
I dropped him
off myself.
1231
01:12:55,828 --> 01:12:57,125
They're at, uh,
1232
01:12:57,197 --> 01:13:00,633
1762 One
Eden Lane.
1233
01:13:00,702 --> 01:13:04,399
1762 One
Eden Lane.
1234
01:13:04,472 --> 01:13:06,463
Gotta go.
1235
01:13:06,541 --> 01:13:08,736
Bye.
1236
01:13:09,378 --> 01:13:10,845
Dickwalder,
you remember me?
1237
01:13:10,912 --> 01:13:13,780
People like you don't
remember people like me.
1238
01:13:13,849 --> 01:13:16,546
You just prance away
through other people's lives,
1239
01:13:16,621 --> 01:13:19,555
spewing your bullshit about
taking the moral high road.
1240
01:13:22,425 --> 01:13:24,121
Wait a minute.
Huffer?
1241
01:13:24,195 --> 01:13:26,926
Your old classmate.
You do remember.
1242
01:13:26,998 --> 01:13:28,863
You 'member anything
else about me?
1243
01:13:28,933 --> 01:13:32,267
Like how you ratted out my
Skip Day party to the principal?
1244
01:13:32,337 --> 01:13:37,105
That's right. Good times.
Well, see ya.
1245
01:13:37,177 --> 01:13:40,271
You ruined any chance
I had of going to technical college!
1246
01:13:40,346 --> 01:13:41,541
You see, I
had a dream.
1247
01:13:41,614 --> 01:13:43,582
Oh God!
1248
01:13:43,651 --> 01:13:47,019
I had a dream of being an air conditioning
repairman, and you fucked that dream up.
1249
01:13:47,087 --> 01:13:48,816
And then they
locked me up.
1250
01:13:48,890 --> 01:13:50,915
And the long, lonely nights began.
1251
01:13:50,992 --> 01:13:52,050
Aagh.
1252
01:13:52,127 --> 01:13:53,560
That's when I
got a new dream.
1253
01:13:53,629 --> 01:13:55,324
Alright, let's
hear it.
1254
01:13:55,399 --> 01:13:59,858
I'm dreaming of opening a barbecue
shack, Lionel's Barbecue Palace.
1255
01:13:59,936 --> 01:14:02,031
I came back for you,
Dickwalder, 'cause
1256
01:14:02,105 --> 01:14:05,132
you're gonna help me make
my new dream come true.
1257
01:14:05,210 --> 01:14:10,375
See, I'm gonna cut your fucking
head off and put it on the menu.
1258
01:14:20,961 --> 01:14:24,159
You think too small.
Ever been to Burma?
1259
01:14:24,231 --> 01:14:27,963
Chase their whiskey with snake venom
and the women all do that basket trick.
1260
01:14:28,035 --> 01:14:31,528
Now, excuse me! But I've got
a phony funeral to attend.
1261
01:14:34,276 --> 01:14:37,643
Boy. That guy's
really changed.
1262
01:14:37,714 --> 01:14:39,375
What the hell
have you done?
1263
01:14:39,448 --> 01:14:41,179
He's gonna show
up at the funeral,
1264
01:14:41,252 --> 01:14:42,912
none of us
will be there.
1265
01:14:42,986 --> 01:14:46,321
Shut up! Ellen, you're
the only sober person here.
1266
01:14:46,391 --> 01:14:50,953
Do me a favor. Do you
know how to drive a house?
1267
01:14:51,029 --> 01:14:54,123
Beat the Dick!
1268
01:15:00,607 --> 01:15:01,937
Whoa.
1269
01:15:03,076 --> 01:15:05,839
Beat the Dick!
Beat the Dick!
1270
01:15:34,413 --> 01:15:37,541
Here you go, Philly.
She's all yours.
1271
01:15:37,617 --> 01:15:38,982
Use it in
good health.
1272
01:15:57,974 --> 01:15:59,669
Cease!
1273
01:16:04,715 --> 01:16:07,877
Well, well, well, looks like
Mr. Dickwalder wins again.
1274
01:16:07,951 --> 01:16:11,216
Got the entire senior class,
might as well have graduation here,
1275
01:16:11,289 --> 01:16:13,383
except none of you
are gonna graduate now!
1276
01:16:15,260 --> 01:16:16,783
Drinks, food,
1277
01:16:16,860 --> 01:16:21,424
everything I'd want if I
lost a son. I have lost a son.
1278
01:16:21,500 --> 01:16:24,959
Mr. Dickwalder, sir. I think
you've got the wrong idea here.
1279
01:16:25,038 --> 01:16:27,098
You broke my
heart, kid!
1280
01:16:29,310 --> 01:16:32,211
I'll call it even if you put
in a good word with your sister.
1281
01:16:33,447 --> 01:16:37,817
Come on.
Hot.
1282
01:16:41,958 --> 01:16:44,256
Who is
this asshole?
1283
01:16:44,327 --> 01:16:47,126
That's my principal, pop.
Mr. Dickwalder.
1284
01:16:47,197 --> 01:16:48,425
Motherfucker.
1285
01:16:49,699 --> 01:16:52,295
You got a cast
of extras too?
1286
01:16:58,309 --> 01:17:01,608
The rest of you disgust me as well
'cause you covered up for them.
1287
01:17:01,680 --> 01:17:04,844
You like to party, you wanna have
a party? I like to have a party!
1288
01:17:04,918 --> 01:17:08,439
I know how to party!
You wanna have a party?
1289
01:17:08,440 --> 01:17:08,752
Yeah!
1290
01:17:20,202 --> 01:17:23,797
No? Suit yourself.
More for me.
1291
01:17:23,873 --> 01:17:25,773
Motherfucker.
1292
01:17:31,582 --> 01:17:35,349
Not my style. I like a cold beer,
and I bet I know just where it is.
1293
01:17:43,297 --> 01:17:44,627
That's a dead kid.
1294
01:17:44,697 --> 01:17:46,095
Motherfucker.
1295
01:18:01,517 --> 01:18:02,484
Phew.
1296
01:18:02,550 --> 01:18:04,144
Dickwalder!
1297
01:18:05,655 --> 01:18:08,646
Tell me more
about Burma.
1298
01:18:13,030 --> 01:18:14,929
Fantastic.
1299
01:18:17,468 --> 01:18:20,927
Does anybody else find it ironic
that this asshole goes through hell
1300
01:18:21,005 --> 01:18:23,065
trying to punish us
for skipping school,
1301
01:18:23,143 --> 01:18:29,242
and yet he himself ends up skipping
off to Burma with an escaped convict?
1302
01:18:29,316 --> 01:18:31,477
You know
what though?
1303
01:18:31,552 --> 01:18:34,385
I'm actually kinda proud of him.
I really am.
1304
01:18:34,455 --> 01:18:36,856
Sick bastard
that he is.
1305
01:18:36,924 --> 01:18:39,792
Aren't you sick of
listening to him already?
1306
01:18:39,861 --> 01:18:42,160
What's your problem,
are you still mad at me?
1307
01:18:42,230 --> 01:18:44,630
I don't know.
Are you still full of shit?
1308
01:18:44,700 --> 01:18:46,964
I am always
full of shit.
1309
01:18:47,037 --> 01:18:49,130
Now, just one more thing.
Really quickly.
1310
01:18:49,205 --> 01:18:52,973
True love. It is a
rare, rare thing.
1311
01:18:53,043 --> 01:18:57,036
And when you find it, you need
to grab the bull by its horns.
1312
01:18:57,114 --> 01:19:01,051
And you need to wrestle it to the
ground. And then you need to take...
1313
01:19:01,120 --> 01:19:02,848
Just shut up
and kiss me.
1314
01:19:02,922 --> 01:19:03,912
Okay.
1315
01:19:16,871 --> 01:19:18,361
That was
really good.
1316
01:19:18,439 --> 01:19:19,667
Was it?
1317
01:19:19,740 --> 01:19:21,368
You got it all
over your mouth.
1318
01:19:21,443 --> 01:19:23,604
Know how long I've
been waiting to do that?
1319
01:19:23,679 --> 01:19:25,237
Three weeks.
That's how long...
1320
01:19:25,314 --> 01:19:28,944
Three weeks.
Four if you count rehearsals.
1321
01:19:29,018 --> 01:19:30,485
We kissed
in rehearsal.
1322
01:19:30,553 --> 01:19:31,383
No we didn't.
1323
01:19:31,455 --> 01:19:32,512
Yeah we did.
1324
01:19:32,590 --> 01:19:34,148
You have a
warped imagination.
1325
01:19:34,224 --> 01:19:35,851
You kissed Talan
in rehearsals.
1326
01:19:35,926 --> 01:19:37,791
You just don't
remember. That sucks.
1327
01:19:37,861 --> 01:19:39,488
I never kissed
you in rehearsals.
1328
01:19:39,564 --> 01:19:41,896
Oh my god,
that's really sad.
1329
01:19:41,966 --> 01:19:43,160
This was
our first kiss.
1330
01:19:43,235 --> 01:19:44,931
No, it wasn't.
That's really sad.
1331
01:19:45,003 --> 01:19:48,599
The first one didn't make much
of an impression, obviously.
1332
01:19:48,675 --> 01:19:50,836
Obviously.
That's sad.
1333
01:19:50,911 --> 01:19:53,209
Are you upset that we're
done with the movie?
1334
01:19:53,279 --> 01:19:54,611
Yeah.
1335
01:19:54,682 --> 01:19:56,206
What are you
gonna do?
1336
01:19:56,283 --> 01:19:58,114
Now?
I don't know.
1337
01:19:58,186 --> 01:20:01,212
Can I finish up what I was gonna
say before you interrupted me
1338
01:20:01,290 --> 01:20:02,314
and made me
kiss you?
1339
01:20:02,390 --> 01:20:03,722
You're annoying.
1340
01:20:03,792 --> 01:20:05,657
True love is a rare thing,
when you find it
1341
01:20:05,727 --> 01:20:07,629
you need to grab
the bull by the horns,
1342
01:20:07,696 --> 01:20:09,891
you need to wrestle
it to the ground,
1343
01:20:09,965 --> 01:20:13,834
and then you need to take your
matador saber and you need to plunge it
1344
01:20:13,904 --> 01:20:16,337
into the cavity of its chest.
And then you need...
1345
01:20:16,407 --> 01:20:18,273
What are you
plunging it into?
1346
01:20:18,342 --> 01:20:22,541
You take your matador saber.
Matador is the guy that fights bulls in Spain.
1347
01:20:22,613 --> 01:20:26,106
Or in really strange areas
of the US, I suppose.
1348
01:20:26,185 --> 01:20:28,948
And he kills the bull
with his matador saber.
1349
01:20:29,022 --> 01:20:31,717
Plunges it into the
feathering cavity of his chest,
1350
01:20:31,791 --> 01:20:35,786
and then he kicks it while it's on the
ground. Then later on he barbecues it.
1351
01:20:35,863 --> 01:20:37,126
Wanna do the
head butt?
1352
01:20:37,197 --> 01:20:39,256
Yeah! Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Okay.
1353
01:20:39,333 --> 01:20:40,699
This is
our version.
1354
01:20:40,769 --> 01:20:43,238
Yeah. So, okay.
1355
01:20:43,306 --> 01:20:44,829
True love is
a rare thing.
1356
01:20:44,906 --> 01:20:47,569
When you find it you need
to grab the bull by the horns
1357
01:20:47,643 --> 01:20:50,373
and you need to wrestle it
to the ground. And then...
1358
01:20:50,445 --> 01:20:52,471
Just shut up
and kiss me.
1359
01:20:52,548 --> 01:20:53,742
Okay.
1360
01:20:55,118 --> 01:20:57,019
Boom.
1361
01:20:57,087 --> 01:21:00,216
Then she falls to the ground, and
then I kick her. And I kick her.
1362
01:21:00,290 --> 01:21:03,419
And I say, "That's
for six years,
1363
01:21:03,495 --> 01:21:06,293
junior high and high
school, of torture."
1364
01:21:06,364 --> 01:21:09,801
Uh, your frappuccino's
here, Mr. Lundy.
1365
01:21:12,237 --> 01:21:17,198
Harris, that's
my girl.
1366
01:21:17,277 --> 01:21:18,767
Give me a kiss.
1367
01:21:21,415 --> 01:21:23,316
During sexually
intimate moments,
1368
01:21:23,385 --> 01:21:26,182
do you ever feel like
your woman's distracted?
1369
01:21:27,856 --> 01:21:31,155
There's a party
at Mr. Dickwalder's?
1370
01:21:42,140 --> 01:21:43,334
Motherfucker.
1371
01:21:43,408 --> 01:21:45,000
One more time.
1372
01:21:45,075 --> 01:21:46,270
Motherfucker.
1373
01:21:46,344 --> 01:21:47,778
One more time.
1374
01:21:47,846 --> 01:21:50,041
Who is
that asshole?
1375
01:21:50,115 --> 01:21:53,280
That's my principal, Pop.
Mr. Dickwalder.
1376
01:21:53,352 --> 01:21:54,285
Motherfucker.
1377
01:21:55,423 --> 01:21:56,617
Marker.
1378
01:21:58,792 --> 01:22:00,624
Set!
And action!
1379
01:22:00,695 --> 01:22:03,459
What do you know about this
Washington kid's funeral?
1380
01:22:03,531 --> 01:22:05,089
So, what you
trying to say?
1381
01:22:05,165 --> 01:22:07,362
That because I'm black,
I gotta know where
1382
01:22:07,435 --> 01:22:09,563
every other black
person's funeral is at?
1383
01:22:09,637 --> 01:22:10,663
Oh, Jesus.
1384
01:22:10,739 --> 01:22:12,104
That we all know
each other?
1385
01:22:12,175 --> 01:22:13,505
Here we go.
1386
01:22:13,575 --> 01:22:16,271
That every black person
is a fucking cousin?
1387
01:22:16,346 --> 01:22:18,371
Frankly, yes.
1388
01:22:18,449 --> 01:22:21,144
Well, I'll have
you know
1389
01:22:21,217 --> 01:22:23,515
that I have
three cousins,
1390
01:22:23,587 --> 01:22:27,318
Shaniqua, Shantandra, and
Quanda, and they all white.
1391
01:22:28,193 --> 01:22:29,161
Marker.
1392
01:22:29,227 --> 01:22:31,526
You broke my
heart, kid.
1393
01:22:36,002 --> 01:22:40,168
I'll call it even if you put
in a good word with your sister.
1394
01:22:40,241 --> 01:22:45,577
'Cause she's like, phew,
I mean, know what I mean?
1395
01:22:49,584 --> 01:22:51,382
Oh my God.
1396
01:22:51,455 --> 01:22:53,285
Cut.
1397
01:23:08,973 --> 01:23:10,874
I'm so fucked up.
1398
01:23:14,246 --> 01:23:15,440
Cut!
96544
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