All language subtitles for Not Bad For A Girl (1995) m-720p eng

it was angry there was a lot of energy

it was dangerous and it just wasn't a

place that a 15 year old girl should be

and i like that a lot

is

[Music]

she's

is

fast and frightening i wrote as an ode

to a rad gal

[Music]

but it's kind of funny too you know like

blows them 80s off in the halls that's

so much glitch you don't need no balls

a cool girl you might know in high

school you know what i mean who's just

like kind of like

is just like out of control

popping wheelies on her motorbike all

that stuff

came from uh when i first met becky

rucker the lunachick she pulled up on a

motorcycle and she was just so rad i was

just like wow that girl and you know

straight girls wish they were dykes i

was like she picked up a friend of mine

and i was like god i wish i was a dyke

so i could go riding on her motorcycle

and you know

have fun with becky

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

so you know i'm a shrink right okay so

my subjective framework affects the

interview format in that i have two

themes i want to explore

the first theme is about music because

musicians relationship to their music

fascinates me and i want to know things

like how you channel your experience

into sound

how your music mimics the kinetic energy

of your emotional experience

what sounds appeal to you and why

and how writing and playing and

performing work for you

and then the second half the interview

will focus on gender issues okay the

fantasy as a child was to be on stage

and to be looked up how i looked at

bands that i really

respected not so much like

oh isn't she cute or anything but just

like be ripping

[Music]

i mean the same way i looked at like

bands like the rolling stones and stuff

who who used to be my favorite when i

was a kid

i would just um it wasn't like oh god

mick jack is so cute i really want to

kiss him or you know or

i mean i used to pretend i was mick

jagger and i can even remember

early on when i was first exposed to

music thinking

you know wow i wonder would be like to

go out with that guy he's so cute and

then at some point in my life it just

changed and it wasn't wow i wonder what

it'd be like to go out that guy it's

like i wonder what it'd be like to be up

there playing guitar and playing music

[Music]

i was a rock star's girlfriend for a

little while when i was in high school

and i hated it i just remember

that was it sealed it i couldn't be

around him when he was getting all this

attention when he was on stage

performing

[Music]

i wasn't sitting there going

my boyfriend is so cool everyone loves

him i was just sitting there going oh

god why can't that be me

i think it's good for women to get their

yayas out and i think it's good that

there's really um very spiritual very

intelligent

uh and varying degrees politically

active women that are really now paving

the way like if joan jet in the runaways

and that whole trip was like a first

wave to this i think this is a really

strong second wave coming i think that

women as musicians in the 90s are going

to

really make a mark on the music industry

i think it's inevitable

[Music]

uh as far as drummers go

i always wanted to be uh

i always wanted to be keith moon

but

i mean he was always like my um

favorite drummer and um

i always i would always listen to

their you know the who or something and

listen to his playing just

oh god i wish i could play like that

maybe someday i will

i really love to be able to destroy

drunk kid after drunk

[Music]

[Applause]

i kid going out with the singer for the

cows and had like had this terrible

breakup because i was living so

vicariously through him you know

watching them climb up and

i thought that was really cool what

happened in this house was i kind of

came into my own about that like i

didn't need him to be creative and you

know i didn't have to use him to like

well i'm attached to this person who's

really creative so i'm creative you know

it was time for me to be creative

[Music]

i just thought guitars were the coolest

and i wanted to learn how to play one of

course i was going out with guys and

bands

and i was real jealous of them and i

wanted to do it but

i was really insecure about my playing

and i knew guys

that i could play with

i didn't know any chicks i finally got

over mike being a chicken and i said

could you help me would you play drums

while i play these songs i got i've

written some songs

[Music]

i wasted many years

um being scared

and this the fight came from

i'm not good enough to play with these

guys or who will i ever meet that's at

my level

[Music]

those songs are very simple a couple

chord progressions and then i come in

with this lead and i you know i just get

carried away i start doing all these

notes

and you overdo it and you know less is

more sometimes and i just i get away

from that i can't help myself and i

start like

going off and

i just wonder if it's just too busy

[Music]

when you're on stage and people are

looking at you and

you're in you're in my mind i'm just

knowing what they're thinking about me

i'm like oh they think

this they think that um that guitar

player i look really stiff and goofy on

stage you know i feel like really goofy

nerdy on stage and that's what i think

that they're thinking

and that's what makes me

high uh

[Music]

it took me about two years to stop

feeling sick to my stomach before i got

on stage

very good friend of mine

one day just said you know dee um

you're really hyper

and you're a great dancer

so why don't you try to learn how to

play jumps

[Music]

so i knew this guy who was a drummer and

i asked him if you could like

teach me a real basic just how to

go

you know

so he sat me down at his kit and he just

said okay

hit this symbol

and now start

so all of a sudden i just started doing

it and i sat in this guy's practice room

and did it for like a half an hour just

sat there one two

to

do

and then as i was started getting more

comfortable i was like going dude

oh wow i did that oh cool you know and

um it just kind of came naturally i mean

not that like i became keith's moon

overnight or anything like that but i

was able to

keep a steady beat and even throw a roll

in here and there

i was very concerned about

people thinking of me or hearing that oh

this band has a girl drummer and

thinking oh yeah she's probably very

you know so

when i started learning how to play

teaching myself i

my number one concern was

to play as hard as any guy would play

you know

so when i learned how to play i

just

slammed

[Music]

there's a certain age when you're a kid

in school and they come around and say

you want to start playing an instrument

and it works true and i picked drums and

my mom made me write flute first

speaking of traditional how she wanted

me she had two choices she made me write

down the flute first which is not what i

was like get out of here

you know that's like sucking a cup

[Music]

they had too many flute players so i was

the drummer and believe me when they

called me in they're like why do you

want to be a drummer

girls don't usually want to play the

drums and these teachers try to talk me

out of it and pick something else

and that made me more like

there was an l7 show with the marquee a

few weeks ago

um and the luna chicks ended up doing a

song there and backstage joe jett was

there

and i was on to meet her because i think

she's the person who whether you're a

really big fan of her music or not i

think if you're a woman in rock and roll

you have to respect joan jett because

she really paved the way and she was

walking around she kept nudging me with

her elbow and going when i was doing

this with the runaways there weren't all

these girls in rock and roll you didn't

walk in backstage stages somewhere and

there's all these girls in leather

jackets that can really play their

instruments and she's like

wow she just kept kind of going wow

now we're gonna be

face to face

[Music]

starting band in 1975 it consisted of

15 and 16 year old girls

you know

it just blew people's minds you know it

was we just

constantly took a lot of [ __ ] people

looked at us like we were from mars you

know and

and

after that initial response then people

got

very threatened by it

you know and people would say really

negative things to us the press

reviews

uh just people on the street you know

they call you names it really hurt us

but the thing that we had was

we had our gang you know it was like the

band

we kept ourselves sane because we were

all in it together

you know and it's after a while getting

called a [ __ ] a [ __ ] a dyke

just because you're playing a guitar or

an instrument i mean that's just out of

line

[Music]

yeah i spent a lot of time close to

danita and

smiling at her you know i tried to get

over to everybody and

laugh because it was just so much fun it

really was

[Music]

[Applause]

smoking

what's heavy it's just like a rumbling a

chunk

and you just i don't know i i feel like

spinal tap explaining it it's really

just a feeling to me that's all i don't

think it goes

much further than that and i like it and

i like to involve it with music and i

like dynamics with it because that that

maybe it's like a personality to me it's

you're getting more of a spectrum

[Music]

that's like sabbath and it's like it's

just so

i mean it's like heavy and kind of scary

but it's

it's just a good thing and i mean i

don't know if they do that but i mean i

like the idea of the chords

you know it's

it's heavy for a base and and i like it

and i don't know what got me into that

i don't even know where i got this but i

know people do it

[Music]

i mean like this is dissonant

in a strange way and

then you throw the heaviness

[Music]

[Music]

i don't know much about jazz i wish i

did and i try and think about it but

it's kind of where they don't have to

speak they can just intertwine their

personalities through the music because

they know what they're doing and they

can improv and it's okay you just go on

and i i like that it's like

personalities

that combine it's strange

[Music]

i enjoy making music i enjoy connecting

with people i mean that's one time i can

connect without him like the speaking

thing it's like all right with jana

we're doing it and it works sometimes it

doesn't work and that's how life is

anyways that's kind of how i talk you

know how these paintings are because

they um

i just i don't always have an idea and i

just start and i was taught that if you

make a mistake it's okay don't erase it

maybe it can turn into something and so

they just kind of turn into things

and they always end up work not always

sometimes i like to throw them out the

window but certain ones

just end up being how i like them it's

all kind of subconscious and then it

comes to my conscious and it turns out

that's my conscience it turns into that

you know what

i was just thinking you're interviewing

people that write songs and sing and the

whole reason they do that is because

they don't like talking to people very

much in the first place like they like

talking but they're not as good as it as

writing and singing per se

so

[Music]

when i start head banging i feel a lot

better i mean one of my favorite things

is music i guess i do become uninhibited

when i'm either playing it or listening

to it because i it's like my favorite

thing sometimes i feel really

uncomfortable talking to people

sometimes i'm just not in the mood and

so when i'm watching a band hairs in my

face i'm rocking out don't bother me and

i'm enjoying myself a lot more so than

like conversing with people i have a

better time watching and listening to

live music

than i do talking to people or i feel

more comfortable doing that when i was

like about nine months old i had a

problem with going into the kitchen in

the in the cupboards and like taking the

pots and pans and just like

smashing them so my mom had to like

according off or however you say the

kitchen you know she had to make that

completely off limits to me because i

would just go and cover close the cover

door and take the pots and pan

the noise like an autistic kid

[Music]

and the only thing that kept me sane

during my youth is like just

repetitively like keeping myself in like

some kind of hypnotic trance playing

sports

it's like troublesome or you'd get

catatonic at least i would if i would

just keep things beside me i'd come to

the point where i couldn't move to keep

it kind of like

healthy colon like in your mind or

something

like

i would just play sports back and forth

hit the tennis ball against the wall

just do

do do

that's how i can explain why drums do

that for me by putting it into motion i

can say this and i can say that i can

say it very quietly and i can say that

very angrily and it sort of sings and

speaks to me

but and sometimes i feel people get it

too there'll be a lyric going on in a

song

and sometimes it will move me sometimes

i'll feel like hannah i like that part

i've always been drawn towards the heavy

thing i don't know what it is it sort of

gets the

sound of it and the feelings gets you

right in your gut

so

[Music]

so

[Music]

i think that's the part that's like

can

get you know suicidal or whatever you

know

and the part that's

maybe sometimes really unhappy and also

the part that's just

um

sort of the egg around part

um dementia

[Music]

i'm not scared because i've been into my

own abyss and i know what it looks like

and it's really gross and scary

it's uh and good at the same time it's

like both it's like completely like hell

in heaven

it's just like maybe from taking

mind altering drugs but anyway just you

like totally delve into every part of

your brain

so i know what the dementia side looks

like in a really good part and they're

equally as intense as each other but

they're really one's really scary one's

really good

[Music]

my stepmother

you know i really hate to talk about it

because she's great now and i'm sure

she's all better but in my childhood

she was very abusive it probably did

help my creativity a lot like i said i

was grounded all the time so

it's just good for your

imagination and stuff i hate to talk

about because i feel like she doesn't

think she did it you know wasn't abusive

because you know how you try to block

bad things out but she was and it

influenced my life quite a great deal

it's like i am now going to remove

myself from this you know what i mean

because you have to do that otherwise

you crack up

[Music]

i was told to shut up a lot i wasn't

allowed to like speak

that much that's why i think i'm

probably like really outspoken now

it's like the opposite you know what i

mean

completely like you don't even it's like

i was really confined to not like

explain myself and stuff

if i did it was the wrong answer so

[Music]

when you internalize things it's just

like it comes out like double when you

get it out instead of being like a

normal person that would like express

themselves and go you know say you're

having a fight with your mom or

something you go well this is what i

think and then you can get it out

instead of being just like

you know like not being able to say

anything

then you go into your room and think of

every which way you could have said

something he's letting me in soon

[Music]

sometimes like when i kick it's because

i'm trying to get the like the highest

you know the most out of your voice as

you can so you need like energy so you

get on your toes just like push out the

sound

it's like just wrenching it's like

ringing as much energy as you can out of

your body so i guess your body's gonna

like twist funny

you know instead of just standing there

can't get anything out that way

[Music]

[Music]

when you scream like that it's just like

letting yourself go it's just like you

just go

like you just go up into your head and

whatever comes out comes out it's like

this thing that i can do it's just like

you just go okay now and then it's like

you just like let something else take

over

[Music]

it's like going into a trance letting

like your natural voice come out it's

going up behind your eyeballs or

something that's like the farthest i've

got into like abandonment is that kind

of singing

first it was like screaming really like

in a certain pitch or a certain way and

now it's like

whatever that is babble

[Music]

oh

[Music]

[Music]

i play

very fast only downstrokes the blur hand

thing very ramon's influence

speed is very important to me

i'm working i'm really working it's like

a struggle

but i can do it

i like when i get mad and favorite that

i'm going to have to fight the

adrenaline just

boom it comes through my body so hard

same thing with going on stage

pumps pumps feels good

the way i write a song is

it usually starts with lyrics i work it

out on tar there's always a melody with

it when i write it and then i throw the

lyrics away

and i bring the song in it's usually not

not very nice stuff i guess that that's

where any of the anger that i do have

because i know i have some from

early in life that's where it comes out

i was the one who didn't cause any

stress for anybody else you know

something upsetting me i'll just deal

with myself i can do it myself

like i don't share it people have their

own problems who wants to hear about

this i use it to write the music and so

it serves its purpose

that's a way to work it out no i don't

think i work it out i think i need

therapy someday i will get it i won't

even let myself think about it that much

because i've always buried things i can

bury him so deep that i can't even find

anger is fun sometimes but that keep to

the kind of anger that i can have fun

with wants to feel angry and i can feel

happy

there's a particular song called

broomstick it was written about emotion

there's one line in it that says what's

the use of lying i won't believe you and

what cease of crying if it doesn't

relieve you it's just like a spigot

[Music]

it's a release and i need it and it like

it fixes me when they're really

vulnerable and really exposed when it's

something that just makes you

uncomfortable

you know when leonard cohen says certain

things that just make you uncomfortable

to even hear another human being say

those things that to me is like wow

that's chained out wow

that's that's a good thing and that

doesn't have to be based in hatred or

anything that that's more of a

self-immolation or

even a catholic thing

[Music]

there's a kind of appeal in

vulnerability and there's an appeal

and sort of a quantum

vulnerability where

you really

are

exposing something it's like yeah what

are you gonna do

kind of thing yeah come here [ __ ] with

me i'm only like hanging upside down on

a cross

[Music]

[Music]

it's totally masochistic

[Music]

it was about the expression

of my experience

i was not coming from a black void i was

trying to create light

i am trying to create light i am trying

to heal how can you heal

through martyrdom i guess at this point

in my life i felt like people want to

know

about my pain they have to get a morbid

fascination like human beings do

[Music]

i want to be like christ

which coming from me of all people

probably our people have a hard time

understanding that

[Music]

my life isn't all of it it's my after my

death look at a van gogh he's not alive

he affects me

those dead sunflowers say everything to

me about fertility and about

menopause that i could ever think of

[Music]

i don't wanna appear to be like

i am so [ __ ] cool you know what i

mean like look at us we are so cool it's

like i would rather appear to be like a

geek or a [ __ ] and have people accept

me on a [ __ ] level you know what i

mean

then on like then respect me because

like oh look they're so cool you know

it's like i'm a [ __ ] geek

[Music]

and if i'm in a stupid outfit it makes

me feel like freer

as like a geek you know what i mean to

like to just to like move like a [ __ ]

you know what i mean and sort of like

stumble around and be like whatever and

i'll like shake my head like this

because it's like stupid what are you

doing are you just leaving it

[Music]

lipstick no

no no oh yes pink lipstick

[Music]

sometimes i just get like

depressed afterwards because i guess you

know you invest your whole life

in this band and this thing you know

it's like all i really care about my

band's all i really want to do and if it

doesn't work out you know it's like all

the work and all the [ __ ] and put it all

into it and it all comes down

to being on stage like we're not a

studio fan or a live band

that's the experience and if if that

didn't work

then it just kind of almost seems like

it was like all for nothing sometimes i

just get really low it's kind of scary

because i just want to get like loaded

you know i come off stage and i'm just

like

i can't deal i feel like i've been

through so much weird [ __ ] that it's

like

i don't even i don't even know who i am

i was like sitting there in my boots and

i was like looking at my boots and like

i didn't want to take my clothes off i

identified with it in it and it made me

feel comfortable and like i guess that's

why i want to be like tattooed because

like i identify with it and it makes me

feel comfortable because half the time i

don't know who the [ __ ] i am

[Music]

maybe i'd want to be a doll well and

some of them are really twisted and

they're just like i don't know they're

all of them are different and they're

just they kind of just represent people

or something i mean they're innocent but

it can't ever like stand up for itself

but it's always your friend it's not

really like something that you beat the

[ __ ] out of or trash or anything like

that like whenever anyone has a doll

it's something that they really take

care of they get anyone that doesn't

believe in them they think dolls like

you know don't have any feelings and

stuff and then anyone that like

betrays anybody else and like is

conniving and

lying and cheating and all that they

just get them revenge it's really cool

[Music]

now i'd like to present the mud women

are coming up next here

some of the lyrics to our songs are

um tributes to friends that we've lost

to

drugs aids

people who've left us left this world

and when we're playing those songs i can

feel them there with us

and i can feel

us living for them who feel

that kinetic energy and that energy

together and it's like in invoking these

spirits

it is really tribal and it is really

spiritual and it is really um

shamanistic when the gate opens the

bucking bronco goes on you have eight

seconds to write the but i was thinking

about it as life

really short and you got to appreciate

every moment and go for it

[Music]

rodeos

[Music]

so

[Music]

open your eyes

[Music]

there is

no

[Music]

sound

sometimes i try to have an orgasm of

myself

have you

i came really close but the song's not

long enough it was great until the med

women discovered i think bambi she

caught on and she's like what are you

doing

nothing

music will move it in a certain way so

you whenever that part of the music

comes up you'll always move like that

you know maybe when

some guitar part makes you want to go

you know

every night for nine weeks

[Music]

[Applause]

over here

[Music]

it's just a natural thing that just in

yourself that you just fit with that

kind of music of that musical movement

[Music]

[ __ ] over here

[Music]

when you're on stage

everybody becomes one person it's the

audience you know

so i actually i mean i love getting up

on stage and making a fool of myself

attention wow this is great i didn't get

enough attention when i was young i've

got everybody looking going julia's

having a good time isn't she maybe when

i was young i wasn't listened to enough

when i'm on stage i get to convey that

and make some credibility and people

actually listen to me because i am on

that four-foot platform and i am above

them which means that

i must be a superior person everyone on

the stage is superior

the thing that was so cruel about

bulimia banquet is it was so [ __ ]

mixed with really heavy strong

aggressive punk rock

people would be

you know slamming or doing this kind of

like punk rock skinhead brain dead

and then the beat changes the rhythm

changes in there they get all screwed up

and they can't do anything so i have to

generate it on the stage with my band

members because it's really hard to get

it from an audience who's completely

bewildered

[Music]

especially when you're doing it and you

see other people in the crowd

doing it back or singing the lyrics with

you and just like you know with their

fists in the air and stuff and it sounds

corny but sometimes it's really moving

that's a double whammy i'm blowing off

steam and my ego is being stroked that

somebody else is blowing off steam off

of something that i've written

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

i mean you've been to a show where the

band just blows you away and just kind

of like

i can't believe like next day you have a

stiff neck and you feel like you're all

bruised but you just had a great time

yeah

when i see people react that way to us

i feel like we're doing our job

[Music]

[Music]

i love when the crowd becomes more

entertaining than we are that's like my

best show you know when there's like

just people acting like complete

spastics and losing their dignity in

every way shape and form that is blast

to me

i hope to god that some little girl

picks up a guitar and says l7 sucks and

i can do this better

that would make my dream come true give

us a beat down

[Music]

in the midst of production i picked up

nelly weekly and i read all about riot

girl i decided to go to washington dc to

their first annual convention and see

for myself what rat girl was all about

our drummer just learned the drums to

this song yesterday

[Music]

the first time we played and stuff there

were a lot of girls from ride girl who

came and have always been really

supportive of us and it was really cool

and that's like the origin of the group

or whatever is that no matter what you

do you can you have support yeah it's

awesome because without riot grill we

probably wouldn't have done it well i

wouldn't have done it because it's good

to know that people are going to support

you no matter what you do

hey hey

hey hey baby

well i'm third grade i didn't know

anything about paul i just knew that i

didn't want to be those people that were

calling me like [ __ ] for a while i

wanted to fit in but then i couldn't fit

in but i didn't want to fit in with

people that were being racist towards me

hey fox

[Music]

hey baby

[Music]

wow

[Music]

you better just say

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

my name's stephanie and i run rock and

roll high school setting up the school

was an alternative to what most young

girls seem to have open to them

currently we have 140 girls and 10 boys

most of them are about 15 and 16. we

have a bass player as young as 7 and 26

bands

school is important for rock music

generally we haven't

gotten a female aesthetic as yet we

haven't got a tradition

of rock music made up largely of

original material the school may

possibly produce some extremely good

musicians

this is miranda yeah our youngest

drummer

[Music]

so set within the second verse

[Music]

i was probably more excited than anyone

else down there i was so flattered that

they were playing l7 songs and had a

picture on the wall

[Music]

in three and a half years we haven't had

one love song written considering that

girls themselves are supposed to be

totally possessed by romantic ideology i

find this very interesting and very

encouraging

[Music]

they tend not to

write title music and they really like

the noise aspect of electrified

instruments

obviously if the students are

really good at what they do

i can't see that gender could continue

to be an

issue at rock and roll high school the

students take their involvement in music

for granted this is the quiet room by

boasting toy labs

um i'm fran and this is mel

from hecate

[Music]

we've tried to give an alternative to

the mass media stereotypical

presentation of rock music in that sense

i have a view

that it's necessary for young people to

see something other than what is

presented to us as human behaviour

[Music]

people have remarked that sometimes they

wonder if what i'm about is actually

frankenstein feminism they get so

confident it's not funny

so

[Applause]

what these women gave me was a gift an

image of a woman intense and commanding

kinetically and vocally

they represent expansion upon that

female stereotype i've always felt so

constrained by

but i'm curious is the internal process

as easy

is there any shame any conflicts or

doubts and if so how do they deal with

them

what do you think about your body

wanting to have children i think you

better get over it

i'm not gonna procreate that's why we

have these things that make us want to

have sex so we can procreate like

cockroaches really nothing but

cockroaches when it gets right down to

it

i don't have any mothering instincts at

all i barely mother this cat i mean i'm

petting this cat i like this cat but

i don't mother it

it's hard to be different we're taught

that there was supposed to be a certain

way when things don't turn out like that

you either think there's something wrong

with you

or i don't fit in it's incredibly

painful jeez isn't the clock ticking

away you know shouldn't i be married by

now those pressures i feel real when i

feel the urge to succumb i just think

this is not me this is just something

i've learned i don't know what other

women feel it's always been kind of like

a dark secret

with me something that i haven't been

able to share with a lot of other women

because i always think that i'm the only

one sheesh i'll be in it and then i'll

just have to like

be strong you just kind of have to be

tough and say i know what i'm doing you

have to respect your vision

this is what i'm going for

and this is the only way i'll truly be

happy even though you have this doubt

i'm very shy and insecure

but the tough thing is either sometimes

a cover and then just what you have to

be whether it's a front or not i'm okay

with myself

and it shows a place of self-esteem

sometimes i feel like a sexual suspect

growing up i really question my

sexuality am i a guy i act more like a

guy you know what i mean and yet i had

friends who acted just like me until

around like 15 16 and then all of a

sudden they started shutting off that

one side of them

that feminine masculine thing and just

went for like

how they were supposed to be i had rowdy

ass girlfriends and then at a certain

age they stopped being rowdy anymore and

i couldn't understand why and i thought

there's something wrong with me because

of my feminist upbringing there was

really a time when i thought that

it was going to be a different world and

we were all going to have careers

but still i felt weird and because i

never had boyfriends i was like am i

like a lesbian or am i like a man

trapped in a woman's body what's going

on with me but now i'm like whatever i

do whatever i want to do

[Music]

it's tomboy from day one when i was in

sixth grade i ran the 50 yard dash 75

yard dash and won all those things but i

didn't wear a bra and the principal saw

that and ordered me to wear a bra

brought me in the office and talked to

my mother it was so horrifying for my

mother because my mother let me do what

i wanted and then he's like

we live in a fine community she should

be dressing like a young lady it just

felt like him saying to me there's

obviously something wrong with you so

you need to suppress the thing that is

wrong with you and i'll tell you what's

wrong with you and you fix it and you

won't bring it up again people were

actually in a room discussing my breasts

it was out of my control without my

permission that these things are

sprouting a time of insanity my dad

really regretted me around in a way just

until the past year maybe we never

really spoke to each other never had any

relationship at all i think it's because

i wasn't the daughter that daughters are

supposed to be i didn't wear pink

chiffon dresses and curl my hair and

pretty makeup and nice shoes and carry a

little you know i just was always like

the way i am

since i can remember you're always hung

out with the guys and listen to loud

music i guess what i figured basically

now that the public is accepting

us so i guess it's okay for my father to

know as far as men go i'll see someone

or i'll meet someone who i'm like wow

that person's like really special and

they're interesting and blah blah and

for sure they'll like me like they

should like me and it doesn't work out

that way and i'm like wow well what the

[ __ ] there she is

sometimes i see this really cool guy go

for this kind of passive beautiful

gal who isn't really doing anything

maybe they need to feel really important

by dating someone who's not happening

maybe i'm just too much for them to

handle i like the uh

the nervous breakdown

the uh whatever happens

it blows me away where i think there's a

happening guy and he thinks i'm

happening too it blows my mind i'm just

like no way it still really surprises me

people like that do exist

i had a boyfriend not too long ago i

think i kind of turned him off because

i'm loud and like it cuts just as much

as any man i think that scares some guys

[Music]

and i start thinking well maybe i uh

i should

put a cork in it it's called magdalena

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

it's about being taken seriously as a

woman and having a voice and a choice

about what you want to do a friend of

mine was telling me the story of

mary of magdalene and how she was really

good friends with christ and that he

spoke through her after he died and

nobody believed her because she was a

[ __ ]

you won't hear what i have to say

[Music]

nobody believed her you can't be the

chosen one you know you're a [ __ ] i

think i'm one of those people that has

always been considered the town [ __ ]

and the town [ __ ] and in 10 20 years

someone's gonna go oh no she wasn't

[Music]

i was trying more to negotiate the world

and the world's terms and trying to

subvert some sort of archetype because i

had so much

insecurity about that archetype in my

own life and didn't really want to

participate in that archetypical way but

at the same time i knew that being all

haggy or butch or just plain

it was fine with me

in terms of my colossal

legendary vanity but it seemed more

powerful to create something else just

to see what would happen

[Music]

i was blonde wore makeup had to support

my band but dancing and had to play this

ridiculous archetype at work so i took

just like high heels and white pumps and

i had to wiggle it and stuff take that

and just mess with it

[Music]

i was really involved with feeling plain

and feeling ugly what is beauty vanity

and competition amongst women this whole

worshiping in the alder of beauty is

ridiculous

[Music]

even though i'm guilty of some of that

myself it's something that at least i

struggle with i'd never just give in to

it completely oh my god i can't believe

you're saying that do you know how many

zits i have right now

i'm menstruating you think that now

i'm not cool i don't dish out cruelty

i don't expect to have cruelty

hold back for me no matter what i

provoke in you if i'm provoking some

kind of you're not used to this you're

not used to seeing an archetype

destroyed or subverted like this fine

but it seems like a violent reaction

[Music]

i've always been provocative towards

guys like that they're lame and they

make it not fun for

nerdy guys and nerdy girls and uncool

people it's like these self-righteous

jock pricks up at the front and they

come there just to razz you to tell you

that they have a bone or they want to

see your tits or you're ugly or you're a

[ __ ] or something they're

[Music]

sit and ridiculous

me

watch me while i go down

[Music]

are you gonna

[Music]

and it's like you know i'm just i mean

i'm a man and i know that and you know i

wear makeup and stuff and that doesn't

make me a woman thank you so much for

coming

a few more minutes to give away she

promised

fabulous door prizes now we are looking

for

one male 1

with no hair in their armpits bald pits

come on boys we know you're out there

honey it's okay

[Music]

it's really important to get rid of all

the distinctions because it just puts

people in such small boxes

come out of the womb you know it's like

it works and even if your parents are

like cool or whatever and they don't

shove gender down your throat you go to

school

so when people are confronted with it

the immediate reaction is an anxiety one

female in the audience

hairy armpits

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

right i don't think i would probably not

go to certain shows

and if somebody starts messing around

once once they get in there and if

they're gonna you know whatever the

whole skin has dating

they're always in the menorah whatever

they start swimming around what did you

stop the show they're just like forget

it this is over you know we're not gonna

play anymore if you guys are gonna be

[ __ ] that should be happening all

over the place even in new york city me

and my friends we could have someone

walk in the street like i would never

take the subway even dressed in my like

jeans and a t-shirt because the fact

that i've read an hour taking the subway

in brooklyn people are just like

freaking it's dangerous people are

physically abusive people are scared a

lot of it comes from the home women must

suppress their

physical side their aggressive side

which we all have and men are taught to

suppress their sensitive side and not to

cry otherwise they're not men and the

more i think about that that's absurd

you're cutting off

half of who everybody is

by denying that

part of yourself and to me

being physical and getting on stage and

really letting it out and sweating

profusely which doesn't sound like a

feminine thing but to me i think it's

very sexy be up there and just

let loose sweat all over the place

that's really important a lot more girls

are capable of doing it and want to do

it maybe they have friends that are on

their case about trying to start a band

and making fun of them that happens a

lot you have to really dig down

and just say i don't give a [ __ ] it's my

life i'm gonna do it eventually i think

those walls will come down they're gonna

have to people are becoming too militant

about it and not just women there's a

lot of men into seeing women get their

justice

girls can rock this hardest guy doesn't

mean what their anatomy is hello who

cares about their attitude as long as

they're out there playing their music

that's all we need

i don't care if they're girls if they're

transvestites up there freaking they had

a player

there's so many more opportunities for

women today now i think historically

they're coming into their own the rock

bands have been around for a long time

we've been predominantly

successful in the field and now i think

it's time women are taking charge it's

very upsetting to the status quo that

women can rock and rock hard and they

can yell and scream

say what they really feel and it's just

nuts it's outrageous because they've

never really done that patty smith

you know there's been a few but

not too far between there's this whole

flood of people expressing themselves

and it's

you know it attacks

like society's psyche if someone has

something to say and maybe it's not so

nice they'll just have to deal with

another aspect of people's feelings

[Music]

one of the things we get asked a lot is

like you're so angry how can you be so

angry all the time but what they fail to

realize is this is how we deal with it

and i think in a healthy way so it's not

like we're negative we're trying to have

the audience be able to be cathartic

with us so it's not like let's be mad

and

really negative you know it's not like

that

[Music]

why are people so interested the second

a girl picks up a guitar is it because

they really want to see strippers

playing guitar or is it because they

want to see their sisters become

successful and being able to express

themselves

[Music]

stereotyping is annoying in general the

press uses it on us a lot if we're not

something they can understand like a

feminine sensibility they'll swap it to

the angry young women almost like as in

a direct opposite to create another

stereotype you have your feminine pretty

thing you have your like angry young

women you're like russ meyer built

kick-ass woman l7 is very diverse we're

humorous

we're angry

we're political and we don't give a [ __ ]

my senior year i ended up being

homecoming queen and that was just so

[ __ ] incredible because

here i am looking like hell basically

you know in the stereotype view

and i end up being homecoming clean and

it just like gives me that you don't

have to look a certain way you don't

have to wear the tight clothes and

have all the makeup on i mean to be

beautiful there's more to being a woman

than your than your physical presence i

want to see

in my lifetime a time when a band can

just be a band i'd kind of like it if

people didn't find out i was a woman

it'd be nice if there were more

bands females in bands that were fat and

ugly you know i mean

that would that would make me feel bad

when you see

a f an overweight woman

on stage

dressed like a complete spectacle with

her body

accentuated by weird things i think it

has a lot more impact maybe it just

makes them feel disgusted but

secretly they're very envious the whole

emphasis on the exterior i mean it has

to conform to a certain thing

how i look and act on stage isn't

necessarily how i feel about myself

it's acting it's my way of getting back

that i was always the

unattractive

dorky girl in high school or junior high

school or preschool

[Music]

it's like therapy it's a way to

transcend my

[Music]

self-consciousness one time in england i

came out to sing somebody said

you fat bastard so i just went with it i

was like yes right i'm fat so what i'm

[ __ ] fat and i just started going off

without being fat i'll [ __ ] kick your

skinny [ __ ] ass come here and say i'm

[ __ ] fat within seconds every big

large person i'm not even gonna say fat

in the audience was freaking out

screaming their heads off when i went

back to my drums i had this like

entourage of heavy boys and girls

standing by my drums the rest of the

night like

yeah we're fat

[Music]

time when you hear warning singers it's

a voice it's a singer it's a

lie

you know that kind of stuff and

i like to hear

women

yeah

you know like when becky sings

[Music]

oh

[Music]

anything that you don't get to see

normally is going to be the thing that

you want to see it's fascinating to me i

used to think of things that i've never

thought of before try and picture

something that i've never ever seen

before try and

imagine something so outrageous so

completely foreign

to anything that i'm used to most of my

drawings have always been disturbed it's

another vomiting back of what we've

absorbed in here now look at it some

people are very disturbed by that stuff

especially they call the farting and

[ __ ] we were interviewed once in

italy and this one was like

what's i don't like that so people get

offended by it too and that's like

yeah people should yeah people fart you

know deal with it the skull obsession

has been for so long and i think i just

think that they're beautiful but it's

got to be something else i don't know if

i really know i don't know if i really

know what this is all about i just love

it i designed it i definitely have an

eyeball obsession women are supposed to

be beautiful and like pretty things and

lacy you know and i sort of just took

the complete opposite

[Music]

the bigger the show is the sillier i

become being a woman and all these

stereotypes you get of the boobs and the

hair and you care about makeup and you

care about your hair i can't help but

just be ridiculous because i want to

sort of break all that

[Music]

i almost consider myself like a drag

queen or a drag king i try to be

semi-incognito most of the time and then

when i'm on stage it's just like look at

me here i am i can wear whatever i want

and no one can touch me

[Music]

i myself

do films about

gender identity it's just a way of

communicating to myself learning more

about

gender and liberating myself from

prescribed social definitions of

sexuality scientific and biological

supposedly there's like 20 different

genders that people aren't even aware of

we can like take on all these different

sexual identities there aren't just like

two well i have a fascination with

little girls youth

is so androgynous it's just amazing it's

the goddess worship thing the fertility

goddess thing so she's sort of a modern

day one it's edith massey the character

of aunt ida

from uh john waters film female trouble

it's like brazen womanhood and not

classic beauty whatsoever not afraid no

apologies made for her

own sense of being a woman i admire it

the anti-homogenous

approach it only seems that in modern

times that being just like everyone else

being homogeneous has been the preferred

way of doing things i couldn't be in a

band with a bunch of girly girls

no way

it would be fun it only takes two of us

we have fun everybody burps and farts

and spits i can do whatever i want i'm

not gonna feel bad about it keep you on

your toes do you think it's gross don't

[ __ ] yourself no but

one time i was on the subway with my

friend and she's a real little girl

these two guys got on and one of them is

real big he was saying some [ __ ] to us

and she went and spit on his arm and he

spit in her face i didn't even think

about it i just grabbed him i pushed him

through all these people to the end of

the car slammed him against the wall and

started punching and he was just like

because this little girl just like done

this and i booked out of the train and

that guy deserved to get punched

[Music]

i wish that i could [ __ ] go out there

and take my [ __ ] shirt off and then i

have to be like

i might i'm vulnerable if my breasts are

showing i mean that's sec it pisses me

off parts of me wants to squat [ __ ]

like naked it's weird because like

that's a weird band thing you don't want

to be thought of as a [ __ ] sex object

but i'd like to think that you could go

out there and show your tits and [ __ ]

hold a chainsaw at the same time it's a

perfect way to like integrate i don't

have to cover my body and look like a

man to be as tough as a man

i don't really like having a big chest

it's kind of a drag because it's a very

vulnerable thing i can go swim a mile a

day and get every part of my body to be

lean and hard and i still have these

sensitive things it's not muscle it's

flesh the only time i really enjoy

having tits is like when i'm in bed that

is when i enjoy being a woman when i'm

with somebody

that i

trust

and i feel like i can be

a woman i don't feel safe

walking around

as a woman all the time because i feel

open to [ __ ] abuse i'm not taking

that from some [ __ ] on the street so

i'm just gonna be my androgynous self

out there but like give me an

opportunity to break it down and be

emotional and be fragile give me an

opportunity in a situation that i really

have to trust that situation but that's

freedom to not have to feel like you

have to be like tough and defensive and

protective to just be able to [ __ ]

like open your heart and [ __ ] open

your legs that's part of it where you're

a woman you're letting someone inside

you are vulnerable and that's why i

don't [ __ ] people that i don't trust

i'm spending my life exploring my

masculine side dedicating my life to it

even in what sex i want to be with in

every way putting on a [ __ ] and wanting

to [ __ ] a woman like a man

[Music]

i'm trying to relate with the world as a

male would so that i can get by and not

feel

all the setbacks that there are if

you're a woman

if you just look at someone on the

outside the outside might look very

masculine safe but i have other feminine

qualities that aren't just

visible

my friend the other day was walking down

the street and a guy went up and like

tweaked her tit like that

excuse me why are you doing that because

you're physically stronger than this

girl and you know that she can't punch

you in the face and actually do physical

harm to you would you walk up to some

guy and [ __ ] tweak his tick you know

no you wouldn't because he'd [ __ ] lay

you out nothing could be more degrading

than someone you don't know touching you

and and a goddamn private part of your

body when i was younger i shaved my head

and i had to skin it i wanted to make

myself

in people who would do that eyes as ugly

as i could because they would leave me

alone this is police mace my friend

god's illegal

just whip it around you can knock

somebody out with that or you can hold

it like this

this is really hard if you just whack

somebody in the head with it they'd be

out cold i'm sure if not dead hit them

in the nose probably could kill them

what i came away with from the riot girl

convention in dc was that riot girl is

about creating personal and social

change by identifying racism classism

and sexism empowering women by unifying

them and healing women's emotional

physical and sexual wounds through

meetings workshops fan zines and music i

just cut my hair every two weeks because

i wanted to look like a man in the dark

because if other men were in the dark

they would think i'm a man and wouldn't

bother me if i saw anyone wouldn't want

a man i would walk like he-man so

everybody would be afraid of me

basically

like [ __ ] like a man you know a riot

girl came to my school to talk about

sexual assault i'd been sexually

assaulted great whatever i kept it

bottled up and when she came to my

school and talked about it i just

it basically exploded so somebody comes

up and does something like that to you

just look them square in the eye and say

very nicely

get

your

hands off my body and my oh

what does riot grow mean to you women

getting together and being strong as

women and being sensitive as women and

being weak as women

but in a comfortable environment and if

that doesn't work square them in the

nuts and maybe they'll think twice about

it next time it's a place where they can

be weak without feeling like they're

going to be

taking advantage of a place where they

can be open and have a total trust i'm

really scared you should be grateful for

what i'm doing to you because when you

get older you're gonna know that none of

the boys are gonna like you because they

don't like [ __ ] [ __ ] they don't like

[ __ ] like you

stop it daddy i'm three years older when

my father comes in my room to tuck me in

and read me a bedtime story he doesn't

read me anything he ties me up and i'm

naked and he

he you have to promise me you won't tell

anybody he takes his

his um

his thing

and he puts it inside me in my mouth in

my body and it hurts it hurts and i have

these burned

and i have these scars

i have this body but it's not my body

thank you

[Applause]

why does misogyny

the exist that men have of women a lot

of men cannot relate to women at all

the only way they know how to relate to

women is through sex and control and if

they can't control us then they try and

kill us

rape's got the same effect it's just

like a control method

male and female are two halves of the

same coin and i think the problem comes

when people aren't in touch with their

other side the sexes have been

completely polarized the natural male

female relationship has been so screwed

up by social conditioning and a lot by

religion religion has so much to answer

for

[Music]

i don't think there's a god religion was

made up by the people up there

people in control to keep the masses

under control

as the master servant ritual that sort

of relationship will always work one

person sees and the other one does is

like the perfect relationship but it's

all wrong

[Music]

people want to put somebody else in a

pedestal and look up to them and that's

why you have rock stars and movie stars

and stuff like that most people don't

want to rebel it's almost become an

instinct to be a sheep

[Music]

growing up i had the worst female role

models women on all sides i was just

like i don't want to be like any of

these [ __ ] you know at all when i was

in freight lake it was a very different

thing it was a newer thing and i was

just really into [ __ ] with people's

heads about female role models and

what's expected and what people's idea

of beauty is that was really

important for me then i think probably

because i really didn't know where i was

at as a woman

because i was a lot younger than and it

took giving birth to a daughter

to change my whole

feel and attitude about women

[Music]

i always knew women are powerful

but to accept that you know women can be

really really

women are okay i'm a woman i'm okay i

don't have anything to prove at this

point in my concept of myself as a

sentient being on this planet and i love

everything

i'm in my body now

[Music]

please give a kick ass welcome to l7 all

right the song goes out to george bush

and it goes out to the operation rescue

[ __ ]

and it's a little number we call

shitless

[Music]

i just feel this urgency so i'm reacting

to it the only way i can with power and

that's lyrically

and also we're doing a lot more benefits

now and we're organizing these

pro-choice things and we're doing stuff

for aids act up la stuff that maybe kind

of has to do with the election year this

is an election year now if i'm going to

be in a position of power i'm going to

use it because the right wing certainly

uses it if i'm going to have a mic in

front of me may as well reach some

people you know have fun now or pull off

some steam now but tomorrow you got to

register to vote this is what's going

down make sure it doesn't happen to you

[Music]

i don't feel helpless or anything i

don't feel like i have to be like i'm a

female and i can do this if i want to

because

of course i can

i already know that i never felt being

female hurt anything

anything had helped

[Music]

uh

[Music]

[Music]

i wanted to be something when i grew up

and i grew up in the 70s and what was i

going to be a movie star movie stars say

other people's words a writer i'm

undisciplined a rock star that's when i

wanted to be when i was a kid it started

with the runaways the idea i'm gonna be

in a band i wanted to be the brain you

know the musician a friend of mine for

years came to see my band all night long

female jim morrison courtney you've got

to do it for the kids you're the female

jim morrison i'm not the female jim

morrison how can any woman be the female

jim morris and what jim morrison was was

a sexual object for women we invented

rock and roll to sexualize men so that

we could go and scream

over these unattainable football

captains

you said you couldn't be jim morrison

what can you be an undefined archetype

so it's dangerous so no one knows i'm

not checking my sexuality at the door

i'm shoving semiotically all of this

female sexuality all of these things

that symbolize historically what we are

supposed to aspire to lipstick hair legs

tits i'm not gonna be masculine even

though i'm sort of masculine but very

feminine

[Music]

i wanted the prize and i might get the

prize and if i don't get the prize i'll

be kind of sad but i'll have gone down

as being someplace an evolution that is

a reference point to whoever does get

the prize the prize being the crown

passed from

man to man to man in rock and roll

and the prizes to get that crown

and everything that goes with it as a

woman on a woman's terms i want to

affect culture in a very large way if i

[ __ ] die without having written

two three or four brilliant rock songs

[ __ ] i don't know why i live my life

[Music]

do not hurt yourself destroy yourself

mangle yourself to get the football

captain be the football captain that's

it it's that simple

[Music]

the seed of unrealized potential

it's got to be

the biggest fear in my entire life the

combination of my band is a powerful

female unit it's not for everyone but

the greatest thing in the world is to

come up

to other women who can like grasp onto

it kind of like waking something up in

them

that's going like wow look what they're

doing i can do it too and that's why i

don't want there to be this thing like

we're rock stars you know like look at

us we're so cool it's like oh we're just

like you and all we did it's like me and

dean were like

man you know and i was like

you can do [ __ ] anything you want i

believe in that all you have to know is

that you can do it when someone comes up

and goes wow it was so cool to see you

guys doing that i just served a purpose

i just opened somebody's eyes and i just

maybe fulfilled something in in some

woman who because of this [ __ ] up

world had no idea that she could do

whatever she wanted

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hello

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foreign

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so

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i mean i wouldn't even be close to

saying that our audience is represented

by even

30 percent women i still think it's very

low but they're making themselves very

present very known that they're there

they're participating in the experience

more than standing back and holding

their boyfriend's jacket well he's out

in the pit

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oh

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so

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wow

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wow

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uh

[Applause]

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so

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in it was perfect i mean some guy was

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i was pounding

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no problem

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i was holding it

you