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1
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:13,381
[KEYBOARD CLACKING,
BUTTONS BEEPING]
2
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:26,094
[VERDI'S "LIBIAMO NE'LIETI
CALICI" PLAYING]
3
00:00:57,024 --> 00:00:59,160
[LAUGHING]
4
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,267
[GRUNTING]
5
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:14,675
[SIRENS APPROACHING]
6
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,544
[G.H.O.S.T. & XL'S
"LOCKED DOWN" PLAYING]
7
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,045
* This goes out to all
My people *
8
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:20,248
* Lost in the system *
9
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:21,615
* Whoa *
10
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:22,750
* A lockdown *
11
00:01:22,816 --> 00:01:24,185
* Whoa *
12
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:26,220
* Whoa *
13
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,122
* Smile for the camera *
14
00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:29,657
* Whoa *
15
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:33,527
* They can't keep me in here
Forever *
16
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,263
* I see you walkin'
With your head down *
17
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:36,630
* Locked down *
18
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,199
* You got a right
To be scared now *
19
00:01:38,266 --> 00:01:39,633
* Locked down *
20
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,502
* You never see the light
Of the sun *
21
00:01:41,569 --> 00:01:43,804
* Only suits and khaki
'Cause your life is done *
22
00:01:43,871 --> 00:01:45,339
* Uh, uh *
23
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:46,907
* Take your place
At your two-man cell *
24
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:48,342
* Think about the good times *
25
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:49,977
* But crime got you
Into hell *
26
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:52,146
* A bad decision
Just look at how you lived it *
27
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:53,514
* You wastin' away *
28
00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,082
* With lonely years
You were given *
29
00:01:55,149 --> 00:01:57,551
* Maybe your alcohol
Made you lose your mind *
30
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,254
* No, merely, it was just
A wrong space and time *
31
00:02:00,321 --> 00:02:01,789
* So tell me
What could be worse? *
32
00:02:01,855 --> 00:02:03,657
* You're feeling down
On your luck *
33
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:06,894
* Why your cellmate
Staring, like, what? *
34
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,062
Is there a problem?
35
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,564
[DOOR BUZZING
IN BACKGROUND]
36
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,335
You're that guy.
37
00:02:14,402 --> 00:02:16,904
Yeah, you're that guy
with the crazy family.
38
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,815
Yeah. Harvey.
39
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:28,949
Harvey Wallbanger.
40
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,150
Yeah, that's it.
41
00:02:30,218 --> 00:02:31,619
That's you.
42
00:02:31,685 --> 00:02:32,653
Bellinger.
43
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:36,156
Ah, well. Tell you what,
Harvey Barringer,
44
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,891
better make yourself
at home.
45
00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:39,327
You gonna be here
a while.
46
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,696
Don't worry,
I'm not here for long.
47
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,201
["LOCKED IN" CONTINUING]
48
00:02:47,268 --> 00:02:48,769
MAN:
Bellinger.
49
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:49,803
Showtime.
50
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,672
[LOCK CLICKS]
51
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,507
* Years later
I'm still doin' hard time *
52
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,209
* Locked down *
53
00:02:55,276 --> 00:02:56,910
* Convicted felon
Prayin' for a peace of mind *
54
00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:59,513
* I watch time
What else can I do? *
55
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,250
* 'Cause in jail, the system
Really trash you *
56
00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:04,752
* I can't see another year
Bein' locked down *
57
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,987
* I can't take another charge *
58
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:08,589
* Or be knocked down *
59
00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:10,724
* Shackled and chained
I wanna see my lawyer *
60
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,993
* "Man, I can't do nothin'
For you" *
61
00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:14,595
* So where the governor at? *
62
00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,630
MAN 1: Who's up next here?
MAN 2: Bellinger, Harvey A.
63
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,632
MAN 1: Oh, yes. Yes.
MAN 2: The arsonist.
64
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,069
We have a half hour
with him.
65
00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,304
No, no. No,
not a half hour.
66
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:24,905
I'm hungry.
It's late.
67
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,240
[WHISPERS]
Lunchtime.
68
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:32,846
[CHAIR SCRAPES]
69
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:35,215
[SIGHS]
70
00:03:36,284 --> 00:03:38,185
Bellinger,
Harvey A.?
71
00:03:38,252 --> 00:03:39,186
Yes.
72
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,154
I'm Deputy Commissioner Orr.
73
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,557
This is
Commissioner Rishwain.
74
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:46,226
And District
Hearing Agent Tanaka.
75
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:50,130
You've got 10 minutes.
76
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:51,231
HARVEY:
All right.
77
00:03:51,299 --> 00:03:54,668
Lydia Anne Layton.
78
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:55,903
[***]
79
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:58,238
She was the wet dream
of every teenage boy
80
00:03:58,306 --> 00:04:01,442
from Pasadena
to Pennsylvania.
81
00:04:01,509 --> 00:04:04,312
She did, uh,
some modeling,
82
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,314
few B movies...
83
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:08,316
but her real moment of glory
84
00:04:08,382 --> 00:04:10,451
was her Playboy pictorial.
85
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:14,021
"Screen Sirens, 1975."
86
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,523
[MOANING]
87
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,024
RISHWAIN:
Stop right there.
88
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,660
Are you for real?
89
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:22,863
Do not make the mistake
of mocking this panel.
90
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,400
Okay, what does this
have to do with arson?
91
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,968
HARVEY:
Setup and payoff.
92
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,770
Yeah, if I don't set it up
properly, the payoff,
93
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:32,340
the fire, will make
absolutely no sense,
94
00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:35,108
and you'll never know
why I did it
95
00:04:35,175 --> 00:04:36,677
or if I'll do it again.
96
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,717
You've got eight minutes.
97
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:45,753
[INHALES]
98
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,356
So I got married...
99
00:04:48,422 --> 00:04:50,858
to a woman just like Mom.
[***]
100
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,793
That was my first mistake.
101
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,863
And after 17 years of
the American dream...
102
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,365
[WOMAN MOANING]
103
00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:59,467
...I find my wife
doing the sprinkler guy
104
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:00,534
in the garage.
105
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:02,235
[GROANS]
She got the house,
106
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:03,504
I got the payments.
107
00:05:03,571 --> 00:05:06,840
And let us not forget,
a job...
108
00:05:06,907 --> 00:05:07,841
selling toilets.
109
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,242
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
110
00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:12,646
The one truly perfect result
111
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:15,549
of our unholy union...
112
00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,452
my little girl, Audrey.
113
00:05:27,895 --> 00:05:31,465
She was nothing
like her mother, thank God.
114
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,000
Perfect little princess.
115
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,135
[MOANING]
116
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:36,136
Oh.
117
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,671
[SIREN APPROACHING]
Ah!
118
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:43,544
OFFICER [ON BULLHORN]:
This is the L.A.P.D.
119
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:46,213
Everyone in a single line.
120
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,082
Have your ID cards
and/or driver's license ready.
121
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:51,685
HARVEY:
If it had not been
for her one night
122
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:53,854
of teenage indiscretion,
123
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:56,990
I would never have run headlong
124
00:05:57,057 --> 00:05:58,559
into my destiny:
125
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:02,696
Lydia...
126
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:04,264
Anne...
127
00:06:04,331 --> 00:06:05,599
Layton.
128
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:08,769
Screen siren, 1975.
129
00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:11,639
And, of course...
130
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,073
[NEEDLE SCRATCHES]
131
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:14,975
...the product of
her unholy first union,
132
00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,944
the demon seed.
133
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,413
[HELICOPTER
WHIRRING]
134
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,314
It wasn't long
before I was gone.
135
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,382
[PIANO PLAYING]
136
00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:24,418
So, Audrey,
your dad tells me
137
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,319
that you and Colby
actually knew each other
138
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,389
before our little run-in
with the police.
139
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,125
Uh...
140
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,627
Uh, well, uh--
141
00:06:33,694 --> 00:06:35,663
Well, we're
in the same class?
142
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,931
Cool. So you guys
are buds.
143
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:38,932
Yeah.
144
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:41,134
Uh, we're really
quite close.
145
00:06:41,201 --> 00:06:45,405
Ah. Well. This is the first
I've heard of it.
146
00:06:45,473 --> 00:06:46,707
[CHUCKLES]
That's excellent.
147
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,342
HARVEY:
So everything was perfect.
148
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,445
We were like two kids in love.
149
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:53,447
It was amazing.
150
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,916
[PACHELBEL'S "CANON
IN D MINOR" PLAYING]
151
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:01,489
I can't believe
this is happening.
152
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:03,857
This is so weird.
153
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,158
Yep.
154
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,728
Our deal still
stands, right?
155
00:07:07,795 --> 00:07:10,564
No one is to know.
I got your word?
156
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:12,099
Water under the bridge.
157
00:07:12,165 --> 00:07:13,200
Ugh.
158
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,835
[***]
159
00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:16,504
[MAN CLEARS THROAT]
MAN 2: Sorry, bro.
160
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:20,641
HARVEY:
Any of you know the true
meaning of obsession?
161
00:07:20,708 --> 00:07:22,442
And I'm talking
roll-up-your-sleeves,
162
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:23,777
pull-your-head-out-of-your--
163
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:25,378
pardon my colorful language
164
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,482
--ass, lost-all-common-sense
165
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,651
obsession.
166
00:07:31,819 --> 00:07:33,887
RISHWAIN:
Eh, okay, we get the picture.
167
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,324
Uh, no. I don't
think you do.
168
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:39,326
[***]
169
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,529
[WOMAN MOANING]
170
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,298
[GRUNTING]
171
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:47,501
[GASPING]
172
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:51,639
[MOANING]
[GRUNTING]
173
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:53,440
RISHWAIN:
Mr. Bellinger, this board
174
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:54,942
is not the slightest bit
interested
175
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,545
in your sexual exploits,
no matter how imaginative.
176
00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:00,013
Well,
uh...
177
00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:01,515
turns out
that, uh,
178
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:04,552
sex...was the more benign
179
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,019
of Lydia's addictions.
180
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:07,688
[PHONE DIALING,
MODEM CONNECTING]
181
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,090
Remember early 2000?
182
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,925
Come on, Intel.
The beginning of the end.
183
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:13,661
And I'm not talking Y2K.
184
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:14,895
Come on, Intel.
185
00:08:14,962 --> 00:08:16,697
Come on.
We were all gonna get rich.
186
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:18,966
Stupid rich.
Emphasis on "stupid."
187
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,969
The NASDAQ had climbed
from 1500 to 5000
188
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,904
in a little over a year.
Come on, Intel.
189
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:27,107
Everyone and their second
cousin's dog was day trading.
190
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:29,743
But things were just
starting to unravel.
191
00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,044
Like a cheap sweater.
192
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:32,780
Sixty seven
and five-eighths. Wha--?
193
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:36,984
I've got the confirmation number
right here: YTO376.
194
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:40,020
Good morning, Dow Jones.
[WHIMPERS]
195
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:41,622
I made mommy an espresso.
Come on.
196
00:08:41,689 --> 00:08:43,023
Come on, WorldCom. Come on.
197
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:45,158
Not in that direction.
Not in that direction.
198
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:46,159
That direction. Yes!
199
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,728
[RINGS]
Finally. Yes!
200
00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:49,963
Thanks, sweets. I almost got
caught with my pants down
201
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,865
this morning, with
all my short positions.
202
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:54,301
The market's gone berserk.
Everything's going up.
203
00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:56,904
Thankfully, I saved the day
by covering my short positions
204
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,238
and going long on everything.
205
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,340
Just made 7 grand in
20 minutes. How about that?
206
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:02,509
Huh? Yeah, I'm still here.
207
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:04,277
Hm?
208
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:05,545
I love you. Now...
209
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,214
don't forget to
pick up the costumes.
210
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,416
The place closes at 5.
211
00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,952
W-what? What?
212
00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:14,254
[***]
213
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,166
So you're telling me
I have no margin left to trade?
214
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:29,202
I had 150K yesterday,
and now I'm 150K underwater?
215
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:30,971
MAN [ON PHONE]:
I'm sorry, ma'am.
216
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:33,306
It looks like they changed
the margin rate on your JDSU
217
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:36,476
from 35 percent to 50 percent.
[WHIMPERS]
218
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:37,611
You can't do that.
219
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,479
[DOG YELPS]
220
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:40,814
[GASPS]
[DOG WHIMPERING]
221
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:41,749
Oh.
222
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,116
Credit cards, credit cards.
223
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:45,518
[***]
224
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:46,720
Oh.
225
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,024
* Ooh *
226
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:54,127
* Ooh *
227
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:57,898
* Ooh *
228
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:05,773
* Ooh *
229
00:10:07,775 --> 00:10:08,909
* Ooh *
230
00:10:11,578 --> 00:10:13,113
* Ooh *
231
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,281
[TIRES SQUEALING]
232
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,684
[***]
233
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,285
[COMPUTERS BEEPING]
234
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,128
[WHISPERS]
Very good.
235
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,864
Harv?
236
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,633
Oh.
237
00:10:33,701 --> 00:10:35,335
Here you go.
238
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,576
Uh--
Harvey, um--
239
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,645
I'm missing
page three.
240
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:47,147
And I need
page two.
241
00:10:47,214 --> 00:10:50,483
Harvey...
242
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:52,285
what is all
this stuff?
243
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:56,123
Remake orders for
another 2314 re-glazes
244
00:10:56,189 --> 00:10:59,693
on fixtures for
Landmark CMT.
245
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,897
[***]
246
00:11:07,634 --> 00:11:10,771
Yeah, I'm sorry, ma'am.
This one was declined as well.
247
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:13,974
Look at my face, honey.
I'm a hormonal menace.
248
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:15,709
And if I have to hear
"I'm sorry, ma'am"
249
00:11:15,776 --> 00:11:17,945
one more time,
I'm gonna have to hit somebody.
250
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,413
Oh. This is Lydia Anne Layton
Bellinger. What is the problem?
251
00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,215
WOMAN: I'm sorry, ma'am.
Excuse me?
252
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,684
Lydia Anne Layton. You were
in It Lives part 1 and 2.
253
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,319
You were
great in those.
254
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:27,320
[SIGHS]
Ma'am?
255
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,688
[WHIMPERS]
256
00:11:28,756 --> 00:11:30,023
Ma'am?
257
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:39,499
Harvey...
258
00:11:39,566 --> 00:11:41,634
got a minute?
[PATS BACK]
259
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:44,004
Yeah.
260
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:46,874
LYDIA:
I can't believe
they did this to you.
261
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,441
Well, you can hardly
blame them, Mom.
262
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,710
I mean, Harv here can barely
operate a microwave.
263
00:11:50,778 --> 00:11:52,012
I'd have cut you loose
long ago,
264
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:53,646
hired a couple of
hungry Young Turks
265
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,248
for the hit they took
paying you.
266
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,417
'Course the company would get
nailed on the benefits.
267
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,552
But if you run the numbers,
at the end of the day,
268
00:11:59,619 --> 00:12:00,587
it was a good call.
269
00:12:00,653 --> 00:12:02,689
Uh, I mean,
for the company.
270
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:03,957
For you, it sucks.
271
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,592
Can't you ever just shut up?
Hey. Hey!
272
00:12:05,658 --> 00:12:08,728
It sucks for all of us.
We're a family. Come on, Colby.
273
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:11,431
MAN [ON TV]:
You don't get to be
number one in anything.
274
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,466
I don't care if you're
playing Ping-Pong.
275
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:14,634
[CLICKS MUTE]
276
00:12:14,701 --> 00:12:15,836
[WATER RUNNING,
TEETH BRUSHING]
277
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:17,704
That unctuous
Wharton pinhead
278
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:20,473
said I was an analog
dinosaur.
279
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:23,076
LYDIA:
Honey, you had
an off-day.
280
00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:25,846
Don't work yourself
into a midlife crisis.
281
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:27,747
Well, who's
kidding who?
282
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,417
I sell toilets
for a living, Lydia.
283
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:33,020
When you need a place
to shit, you come to me.
284
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,754
Yeah, but you're
the best at it.
285
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,857
[SIGHS]
You don't have to sell toilets.
286
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:39,659
You could get
any sales job you wanted.
287
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:41,929
You're just trying
to pump me up.
288
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:46,366
I haven't begun
to pump you up.
289
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,368
[***]
290
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,570
You're not the only one
that's going to be doing
291
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:52,873
some sucking tonight,
my dear count.
292
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:58,178
Hm.
293
00:12:58,245 --> 00:13:00,747
AUDREY:
Dad, I'm looking for
Dow's leash.
294
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:01,748
[GASPS]
295
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:02,782
[GROANING]
296
00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,084
[BOTH SCREAM]
297
00:13:04,151 --> 00:13:05,452
LYDIA: Oh, my God!
Ah!
298
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,054
Get in.
AUDREY: Oh, my God!
299
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,121
[WHINES]
300
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,458
[HARVEY
CHUCKLING]
301
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,666
All right, so then what?
302
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,801
HARVEY:
Well, it was time
for the analog dinosaur
303
00:13:21,869 --> 00:13:23,403
to face the digital jungle.
304
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,338
I assume you know how
to use your PowerPoint.
305
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:27,140
To squirt the bird--
With tons of spam.
306
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,542
The bigger your bandwidth...
The better your chances...
307
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,744
For an extended hard drive--
In the lap link--
308
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,446
With the fastest processor--
Known to man.
309
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:35,782
I'm sure you know--
That digital compression--
310
00:13:35,849 --> 00:13:37,484
Can make for unsatisfactory
performance.
311
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,920
You have to be familiar--
With adequate protection.
312
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:42,022
From viruses.
After the inevitable download--
313
00:13:42,089 --> 00:13:43,991
Of your MPEG--
You'll have to take your TIFF.
314
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,225
GIF.
And zip it.
315
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,927
But only after--
The hardware turns to--
316
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:48,929
Software.
Because if you wind up with a--
317
00:13:48,996 --> 00:13:51,164
Breach in the stream or a--
Leak in your firewall--
318
00:13:51,231 --> 00:13:53,766
You'll hire a specialist--
To determine if the problem--
319
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,502
Is in your chips
or your salsa.
320
00:13:55,568 --> 00:13:58,405
Any questions?
321
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:03,276
RISHWAIN:
Okay, okay, okay.
Mr. Bellinger.
322
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,980
Is there the slightest relevant
fact in our foreseeable future?
323
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:10,483
Because your 10 minutes
are over, and it's lunch.
324
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:16,023
O-Or-- Or we could order in
and-- And work through.
325
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,292
There's a Noah's Bagel
down the road.
326
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:26,900
Oh. C-could I have a-a Nova lox
on a poppy seed bagel?
327
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:29,402
Uh, maybe a crunchy
dill pickle, please?
328
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,872
Make that two pickles.
329
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:35,142
LYDIA:
Thank God for cash advances.
330
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,744
...following reporting
of consumer confidence...
331
00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:40,180
[***]
332
00:14:44,051 --> 00:14:45,185
What the--?
333
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,457
[BEEPING]
334
00:14:51,591 --> 00:14:54,127
[PHONE DIALING]
335
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,895
WOMAN:
Bruce Horton's office.
336
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:59,266
This is Lydia Bellinger.
723-1992.
337
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,101
My account is frozen.
What's up?
338
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,703
I'm sorry, ma'am, but we've
had to suspend your trading.
339
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:05,338
What do you mean,
no more trading?
340
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:08,675
Bill Gates, Harvard dropout,
60 billion.
341
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:11,378
Michael Dell, 16 billion,
quit UT.
342
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:14,481
Steve Jobs dropped out
after one semester
343
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:17,650
and went on to build
a little company called Apple.
344
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,352
The list goes on and on, Mom.
345
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,421
There's just no point in
wasting time in college.
346
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:23,723
A full 18 percent of
every billionaire in America
347
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,392
never even got
a college diploma.
348
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,860
I can't afford the setback
in terms of years.
349
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,163
It might be
too late already.
350
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,265
The IPO window
is closing fast.
351
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:35,202
HARVEY:
Okay. Listen up.
352
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:37,837
What's wrong
with you?
353
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:38,938
Nothing.
Okay.
354
00:15:39,006 --> 00:15:40,173
I've been putting
this off,
355
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,808
hoping things would
somehow turn around,
356
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,511
but, uh, we're gonna have
to batten down the hatches,
357
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:46,746
dip into our nest egg.
358
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:48,081
Let's all have
a prayer of thanks
359
00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:49,816
for your mom's
residuals.
360
00:15:49,882 --> 00:15:51,351
[SCOFFS]
Now, I'm expecting you both
361
00:15:51,418 --> 00:15:53,720
to be very grown-up
about this.
362
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:54,721
Audrey?
363
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:55,888
Yep.
364
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,825
All nonessentials...
are history
365
00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:00,994
until we turn
things around.
366
00:16:01,061 --> 00:16:03,663
Satellite, cable, DSL,
367
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,033
piano, tap dancing,
368
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:09,636
restaurants, magazine
subscriptions, tango lessons,
369
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,804
horseback riding, tennis, yoga,
370
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:13,040
Dr. Jacobs.
371
00:16:13,106 --> 00:16:14,841
You guys wanna keep
any of this stuff,
372
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,509
you're gonna have
to get jobs.
373
00:16:16,576 --> 00:16:18,311
And your cars...
374
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:19,812
Unless you come up
with the money
375
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:21,614
to cover
the insurance...
376
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:22,615
we're selling 'em.
377
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,617
[***]
378
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,028
No car?
379
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,265
How am I supposed to
get to school?
380
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:42,769
It's called a bus,
Audrey.
381
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,371
You know. Bus.
382
00:16:46,106 --> 00:16:47,040
All of it?!
383
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:48,375
It's all gone?
384
00:16:48,441 --> 00:16:50,577
It's not as bad
as it sounds.
385
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:51,378
What does that mean?
386
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,746
Many are unrealized losses.
387
00:16:53,813 --> 00:16:54,914
To whom?
388
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:57,117
I realize the losses
perfectly well.
389
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,719
As long as we don't sell,
it's just on paper.
390
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:02,822
This is pretty much
the bottom of the market.
391
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:03,990
You said it was
going up.
392
00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,425
It was.
393
00:17:05,492 --> 00:17:08,395
This is just, uh,
a little correction.
394
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,463
Little? We're wiped out.
395
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,299
You've gotta think
long-term. Over time,
396
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,734
these are sure winners.
We're talking Enron here.
397
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:16,836
Oh.
WorldCom, Global Crossing.
398
00:17:16,903 --> 00:17:17,937
It's not like I gambled
399
00:17:18,004 --> 00:17:19,906
on some fly-by-night
penny stocks.
400
00:17:19,972 --> 00:17:22,675
These are blue-chip plays.
401
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:23,810
Ah.
[SIGHS]
402
00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:27,114
[SOBS]
403
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,681
We're fucked.
404
00:17:28,748 --> 00:17:29,682
[SIGHS]
405
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,119
Just fucked.
406
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:34,121
You know what
this means, don't you?
407
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:37,524
We're gonna be living
off of our credit cards.
408
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,528
What?
409
00:17:41,594 --> 00:17:45,432
I just-- Well, I sort of
took out some cash advances.
410
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:47,467
Sort of?
411
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,769
Just to cover some
margin calls!
412
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:50,770
[ROARS]
413
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:52,672
[SOBBING]
414
00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:56,109
[***]
415
00:17:56,176 --> 00:17:57,310
Harvey!
416
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:59,579
You gambled
our life savings away.
417
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:02,215
Those are
my life savings, first off.
418
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:05,785
Well, I see.
419
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:08,221
When it's convenient,
they're your life savings.
420
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,089
When it's debts,
they're my debts.
421
00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:11,291
[GRUNTS]
422
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:13,126
Well, here's
your computer.
423
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:14,961
Put that down this instant!
Okay.
424
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,163
Harvey!
425
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:17,730
[GROANS]
Harvey!
426
00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,299
[SCREAMS, GASPS]
427
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:20,700
Well. I guess
we don't have to worry
428
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:23,136
about that problem anymore.
[SOBBING]
429
00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:27,507
You fucking jerk!
430
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,744
[CRYING]
431
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:37,317
Oh, my God.
432
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:39,886
[DOORBELL RINGS]
433
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,390
Hm.
434
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,031
Colby!
435
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:54,601
It's your girlfriend.
436
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,181
WOMAN:
What the hell's going on?
437
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,217
Old Harv pulled the plug
on the nonessentials
438
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:13,520
'cause he's too obsolete
to find a job.
439
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,755
AUDREY [MUFFLED]:
She, like, bent over
the tailgate
440
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,590
of his four-by-four
behind the theater,
441
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:20,059
and he drove her
all the way home.
442
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,561
GIRL [ON PHONE]:
No way.
443
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:23,963
Way. Why do you think
she's been standing in class
444
00:19:24,030 --> 00:19:25,932
for, like, a week?
445
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,203
Don't eavesdrop, Randi.
446
00:19:30,270 --> 00:19:31,971
You, of all people,
are gonna lecture me
447
00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,105
on the morality of privacy?
448
00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:34,341
You spend
your days and nights
449
00:19:34,407 --> 00:19:36,243
looking at naked chicks
on the Web.
450
00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:38,110
Oh, yeah. No.
I mean, you don't have to.
451
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,579
Here.
452
00:19:39,646 --> 00:19:41,414
AUDREY [OVER COMPUTER]:
Oh, my God. Would you?
453
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,516
I mean, I wonder what
a rear delivery feels like.
454
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:46,052
Could you ever?
No way.
455
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:49,556
Well, I don't know.
Maybe.
456
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:52,359
If I were really drunk,
for the right guy.
457
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:54,294
Do you hear an echo?
458
00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:57,530
GIRL:
What do you mean, echo? No.
459
00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:00,667
You know, rumor has it,
when you were really drunk,
460
00:20:00,733 --> 00:20:03,169
your stepbro
was the right guy.
461
00:20:03,236 --> 00:20:04,871
[GASPS]
Um...
462
00:20:06,105 --> 00:20:07,874
What?!
463
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:09,342
Oh!
464
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:12,545
TOY:
I'm Comet the Hippo.
Wanna play?
465
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:13,713
Hmm.
466
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,483
You fucking little prick!
How dare you!
467
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,184
Whoa!
I thought
we had a deal.
468
00:20:18,251 --> 00:20:19,185
Nancy knows.
469
00:20:19,252 --> 00:20:20,453
If she fucking knows,
470
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,189
the whole goddamn school
knows, you asshole!
471
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:24,657
Chill.
472
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,158
Nobody cares.
473
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,561
Besides, I never told Nancy.
474
00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:31,398
You told your little freak
friend here, didn't you?
475
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,866
I'm the freak
friend.
476
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,502
Randi, did I ever
tell you
477
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,036
Audrey and I had
drunken, messy,
478
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:39,339
and not-that-impressive
silly sex
479
00:20:39,406 --> 00:20:41,173
in a momentary lapse
of judgment last year
480
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:42,975
in a bathroom stall?
[WHINES]
481
00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:44,311
Mm?
482
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,078
Sorry.
Guess I did.
483
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:47,480
Must have slipped.
484
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,916
God!
485
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:50,917
What's the big deal?
486
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:52,151
Oh, hey now! Come on!
Whoa.
487
00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:54,053
How much do you like
your toy here, Colby,
488
00:20:54,120 --> 00:20:55,588
you asshole loser?
Look-- Heh.
489
00:20:55,655 --> 00:20:57,590
Come on now, Audrey.
That cost nearly 5 grand.
490
00:20:57,657 --> 00:20:59,326
You heard what
your dad said!
491
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:01,361
Promise me you'll deny
anything ever happened.
492
00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:02,862
COLBY:
Okay, okay!
493
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,464
Say it! Say "I promise."
494
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:05,765
I promise. I'll
deny ever having
495
00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:07,534
uninteresting,
lame sex with you. Oh--
496
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,602
If you don't deny this,
you are one dead asshole!
497
00:21:09,669 --> 00:21:11,671
Audrey, who's gonna
believe you two ever had sex?
498
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:13,473
Really?
Rumors, that's it.
499
00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:15,442
Say "I'm a loser."
500
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:16,843
You're a loser.
501
00:21:16,909 --> 00:21:17,944
[GASPS]
502
00:21:18,010 --> 00:21:19,679
Okay. Okay.
503
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:20,880
I'm a loser.
504
00:21:20,947 --> 00:21:22,749
Now say, "I'm the biggest
loser in school,
505
00:21:22,815 --> 00:21:24,517
and I have a little
limp dick."
506
00:21:24,584 --> 00:21:27,787
Well, you know firsthand,
or mouth, that's a total lie.
507
00:21:27,854 --> 00:21:29,121
Okay. Okay.
508
00:21:29,188 --> 00:21:30,490
I'm the biggest
loser in school,
509
00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:31,858
and I have
a little dick.
510
00:21:31,924 --> 00:21:34,994
Louder! And it's
"little limp dick."
511
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:39,466
I'm the biggest loser in school,
and I have a limp little dick.
512
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:41,934
Now can I have
my computer?
513
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:43,302
Mm.
514
00:21:44,371 --> 00:21:45,672
Sure.
515
00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:49,175
Oops. Must have slipped.
516
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:50,176
Oh!
517
00:21:50,242 --> 00:21:51,378
[COMPUTER CRUNCHES]
518
00:21:51,444 --> 00:21:52,379
You bitch!
519
00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:53,380
[AUDREY SHRIEKS]
520
00:21:53,446 --> 00:21:55,114
Get
back here.
521
00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:56,416
Come here.
AUDREY: Oh, my God.
522
00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:57,617
RANDI:
Colby! Stop.
523
00:21:57,684 --> 00:21:59,085
No! Ow!
524
00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,520
RANDI:
Come on, let her go.
525
00:22:00,587 --> 00:22:02,288
Ahh!
526
00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:04,190
[GROANS]
I got your limp dick.
527
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:05,224
RANDI:
Colby! Come on.
528
00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:06,493
Get off me. Get off.
529
00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:08,260
Oh, my God! What
have you done to her hair?
530
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:11,097
His psycho daughter
decimated my laptop.
531
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,533
Daddy, it was an accident.
I didn't mean to.
532
00:22:13,600 --> 00:22:15,267
Oh, well. It seems to
run in the family.
533
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:16,803
HARVEY:
Hold tight, hon.
534
00:22:16,869 --> 00:22:18,971
Mom, it was deliberate.
She did it on purpose.
535
00:22:20,106 --> 00:22:21,173
HARVEY:
Is this true?
536
00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:22,509
[MOANS]
537
00:22:22,575 --> 00:22:24,511
Daddy, I didn't
mean to.
538
00:22:24,577 --> 00:22:25,978
You fucking liar!
539
00:22:26,045 --> 00:22:27,146
Hey, watch
your tongue!
540
00:22:27,213 --> 00:22:28,381
That's it. Go
into your room.
541
00:22:28,448 --> 00:22:30,049
Randi,
time to go home.
542
00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:32,619
Grab
some ice.
543
00:22:33,620 --> 00:22:35,287
[DOOR SLAMS]
[SIGHS]
544
00:22:35,354 --> 00:22:36,989
You all right?
545
00:22:37,056 --> 00:22:38,791
[***]
546
00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,993
[GIRLS MOANING, LAUGHING
ON COMPUTER]
547
00:22:44,397 --> 00:22:45,898
[GIRL SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
548
00:22:51,237 --> 00:22:52,405
GIRL:
Ah!
549
00:22:54,474 --> 00:22:55,775
[SQUEALING, LAUGHING]
550
00:22:56,843 --> 00:22:58,745
Love it!
551
00:22:58,811 --> 00:23:00,146
Oh! Ah!
552
00:23:02,849 --> 00:23:04,383
* Ah *
553
00:23:04,451 --> 00:23:05,384
[KEYS CLACKING]
554
00:23:05,452 --> 00:23:07,053
* Da-da-da, da, da *
555
00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:09,722
* Da, da *
556
00:23:09,789 --> 00:23:12,925
* Da-da-da-da *
557
00:23:12,992 --> 00:23:15,394
* Da *
558
00:23:15,462 --> 00:23:17,797
* Da-da-da, da, da, da, da *
559
00:23:17,864 --> 00:23:19,732
[BRAKES SCREECH]
560
00:23:19,799 --> 00:23:22,602
* Da-da-da-da *
561
00:23:22,669 --> 00:23:23,803
[DOORBELL RINGS]
562
00:23:26,639 --> 00:23:27,907
[SCANNER BEEPING]
563
00:23:27,974 --> 00:23:30,109
[G TOM MAC'S "I SEE YOU"
PLAYING]
564
00:23:33,980 --> 00:23:37,784
* Watch you, watch me
See you through my naked eye *
565
00:23:37,850 --> 00:23:40,086
* Watch the future
Turn up your TV *
566
00:23:40,152 --> 00:23:41,788
* Look at what
You've never seen *
567
00:23:41,854 --> 00:23:45,157
* There are no limits
To the modern spy *
568
00:23:45,224 --> 00:23:47,159
* If you want to be
My future star *
569
00:23:47,226 --> 00:23:48,828
[DRILL WHIRRING]
570
00:23:48,895 --> 00:23:50,630
* All you've got to do
Is open up your windows *
571
00:23:50,697 --> 00:23:53,500
* Up to mine
Every day is prime time *
572
00:23:53,566 --> 00:23:55,167
* Never mind your cable days *
573
00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:57,369
* They're so over
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah *
574
00:23:57,436 --> 00:23:59,305
* Take a look around *
575
00:23:59,371 --> 00:24:01,173
* There's the future
Goin' down *
576
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,975
* Am I gonna
Change the world? *
577
00:24:03,042 --> 00:24:05,478
* I don't think so today *
578
00:24:05,545 --> 00:24:07,146
* Ooh-wah today *
579
00:24:07,213 --> 00:24:10,883
* I see you... *
580
00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:12,719
WOMAN:
I knew this day would come.
581
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:14,954
I see the way you people live.
582
00:24:15,021 --> 00:24:16,823
There's something
systematically wrong
583
00:24:16,889 --> 00:24:19,526
with your entire generation.
584
00:24:19,592 --> 00:24:21,393
Consume, consume.
585
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:23,395
Spend, spend.
586
00:24:23,462 --> 00:24:25,865
You have always lived
beyond your means.
587
00:24:25,932 --> 00:24:29,101
It's been your problem
your whole life.
588
00:24:29,168 --> 00:24:31,671
Doris, I think you're
being a little unfair here.
589
00:24:31,738 --> 00:24:34,473
I'll get to you
in a second.
590
00:24:34,541 --> 00:24:35,908
This is
the most pampered,
591
00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:38,310
self-indulgent era
in history.
592
00:24:38,377 --> 00:24:40,312
Now look where
it's gotten you.
593
00:24:40,379 --> 00:24:43,282
COLBY:
How about
SeeMySister'sSkankyAss.com?
594
00:24:43,349 --> 00:24:44,316
[KEYS CLACKING]
595
00:24:44,383 --> 00:24:45,585
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
Taken.
596
00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:47,887
RANDI:
Try SeeMySister'sAss.com.
597
00:24:55,294 --> 00:24:56,896
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
It's taken.
598
00:24:56,963 --> 00:24:59,832
Every possible combination
of words is friggin' taken.
599
00:24:59,899 --> 00:25:02,468
My naked sister
and her lesbian friends.
600
00:25:02,535 --> 00:25:04,671
[COLBY TYPING]
601
00:25:06,138 --> 00:25:08,240
It's too long.
602
00:25:08,307 --> 00:25:10,176
Yeah, but what
a grabber, huh?
603
00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:11,744
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
604
00:25:11,811 --> 00:25:13,680
Colby, do you, um--
605
00:25:13,746 --> 00:25:15,848
Do you think I'm pretty?
606
00:25:15,915 --> 00:25:19,018
Ahh, umm...
607
00:25:19,085 --> 00:25:21,087
Yeah, I'd say
you're pretty smart.
608
00:25:21,153 --> 00:25:24,490
And I'd take smart over pretty
any day of the week.
609
00:25:24,557 --> 00:25:26,492
So...
610
00:25:26,559 --> 00:25:28,728
"My Sister's Naked Ass."
611
00:25:29,996 --> 00:25:31,731
So, how much
should we charge?
612
00:25:31,798 --> 00:25:34,333
I was thinking a buck a hit
or something.
613
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,202
I mean, no one takes you
seriously
614
00:25:36,268 --> 00:25:37,970
unless you charge 'em.
615
00:25:38,037 --> 00:25:39,872
Hm. Wait.
616
00:25:41,273 --> 00:25:43,109
What about "I See You"?
617
00:25:43,175 --> 00:25:44,777
I like that one.
618
00:25:50,516 --> 00:25:52,752
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
Taken.
619
00:25:52,819 --> 00:25:54,153
Wait. Why don't
you try, um--
620
00:25:54,220 --> 00:25:55,287
Try it with hyphens.
621
00:25:55,354 --> 00:25:57,824
Like, "I-hypen-See-
hypen-You"?
622
00:26:07,533 --> 00:26:08,968
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
623
00:26:09,836 --> 00:26:11,137
You're a genius.
624
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:13,806
I love you.
625
00:26:15,808 --> 00:26:17,844
Get out of here.
626
00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:21,080
You had no idea this was
going on right under your nose?
627
00:26:21,147 --> 00:26:22,514
Nope.
628
00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:24,116
Now, let me
get this straight now.
629
00:26:25,484 --> 00:26:27,253
Your voyeur stepson...
630
00:26:27,319 --> 00:26:30,623
plants a camera
in his sister's room.
631
00:26:30,690 --> 00:26:32,391
Then broadcasts it
over the Internet,
632
00:26:32,458 --> 00:26:34,661
so that strangers
and perverts
633
00:26:34,727 --> 00:26:36,262
can watch her undress?
634
00:26:38,030 --> 00:26:39,298
Well, yeah.
635
00:26:39,365 --> 00:26:41,467
HARVEY:
Listen, we were way
ahead of the curve.
636
00:26:41,533 --> 00:26:44,737
Survivor, the Simple Life,
Joe Millionaire, Big Brother.
637
00:26:44,804 --> 00:26:46,939
Even My Big, Fat,
Obnoxious Fiancé.
638
00:26:47,006 --> 00:26:50,777
All these shows proved that
manufactured reality sells.
639
00:26:50,843 --> 00:26:52,679
But you deliver the real deal,
640
00:26:52,745 --> 00:26:54,480
you throw some skin in.
641
00:26:54,546 --> 00:26:57,216
Hey, there's a lot of regular
guys like you and me
642
00:26:57,283 --> 00:26:59,786
that'll pay cash to see
that sort of train wreck.
643
00:26:59,852 --> 00:27:01,520
Not just freaks.
644
00:27:01,587 --> 00:27:02,889
See, I think...
645
00:27:02,955 --> 00:27:04,991
it's the-- The stark reality.
646
00:27:05,057 --> 00:27:08,027
The fact that she did not
know anybody was watching.
647
00:27:08,094 --> 00:27:10,262
See, that's what made it
so enticing.
648
00:27:10,329 --> 00:27:12,231
No, no. I'll tell you
what made it so enticing.
649
00:27:12,298 --> 00:27:14,233
The stark nakedness
of your daughter.
650
00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:15,334
[***]
651
00:27:15,401 --> 00:27:16,535
That too.
652
00:27:16,602 --> 00:27:18,838
Two-dollar peepshow.
653
00:27:18,905 --> 00:27:20,472
It's unbelievable.
654
00:27:20,539 --> 00:27:23,676
Well, it started out as a dollar
peepshow, but not for long.
655
00:27:23,743 --> 00:27:27,446
Within a couple of months,
Colby not only got his revenge,
656
00:27:27,513 --> 00:27:29,248
but a little windfall going.
657
00:27:29,315 --> 00:27:32,618
He was making more money
than I was selling cars.
658
00:27:32,685 --> 00:27:34,053
[BUZZING]
659
00:27:35,788 --> 00:27:36,889
["JINGLE BELLS" PLAYING]
660
00:27:36,956 --> 00:27:38,858
* Dashing through the snow *
661
00:27:38,925 --> 00:27:41,327
* In a one-horse open sleigh *
662
00:27:41,393 --> 00:27:44,764
Oh, we may have to
use this paper again next year.
663
00:27:44,831 --> 00:27:48,067
* We're laughing all the way *
664
00:27:48,134 --> 00:27:49,335
* Bells on bob tails ring *
665
00:27:49,401 --> 00:27:50,870
Killer Piranhas?
666
00:27:50,937 --> 00:27:54,506
It Lives,
part one, part two!
667
00:27:54,573 --> 00:27:55,742
Oh, Lydia.
668
00:27:55,808 --> 00:27:57,309
Where did you
find these?
669
00:27:57,376 --> 00:27:58,945
Amazon.com.
670
00:27:59,011 --> 00:28:00,546
The Net's
an amazing thing.
671
00:28:00,612 --> 00:28:01,981
Thank you.
I love you.
672
00:28:02,048 --> 00:28:04,316
LYDIA:
Mm. I love you.
673
00:28:04,383 --> 00:28:06,753
Okay, then.
674
00:28:06,819 --> 00:28:08,187
* Oh, what fun it is... *
675
00:28:08,254 --> 00:28:11,724
To Audrey from Colby.
676
00:28:12,725 --> 00:28:15,661
* Jingle bells, jingle bells *
677
00:28:15,728 --> 00:28:18,064
* Jingle all the way *
678
00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:21,133
* Oh, what fun it is to ride *
679
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,436
* In a one-horse open sleigh *
680
00:28:25,838 --> 00:28:27,073
Batteries?
681
00:28:27,139 --> 00:28:30,743
Yeah. You know,
for your toys?
682
00:28:30,810 --> 00:28:31,778
Oh, you have
toys?
683
00:28:31,844 --> 00:28:33,412
What sort of
toys, hon?
684
00:28:33,479 --> 00:28:36,048
Well, let's see. She's got
the Spiky Salamander,
685
00:28:36,115 --> 00:28:38,617
the Dura-Dong
Deep Drone...
686
00:28:38,684 --> 00:28:39,651
[GASPS]
687
00:28:39,718 --> 00:28:41,520
What?
688
00:28:41,587 --> 00:28:43,122
Little prick!
689
00:28:43,189 --> 00:28:44,056
Audrey.
690
00:28:44,123 --> 00:28:45,224
Colby, what's
with you?
691
00:28:45,291 --> 00:28:46,658
Yeah, what's this
all about?
692
00:28:46,725 --> 00:28:48,427
Why can't you two
get along?
693
00:28:48,494 --> 00:28:51,097
I know. It's like there's some
sexual tension or something.
694
00:28:51,163 --> 00:28:52,464
[WOMEN GASP]
695
00:28:53,766 --> 00:28:55,634
LYDIA:
Colby, you didn't.
696
00:28:55,701 --> 00:28:57,636
What?
Colby!
697
00:28:57,703 --> 00:28:59,872
Hey. It's a joke, Mom.
698
00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:02,541
It's a joke.
699
00:29:02,608 --> 00:29:04,143
A joke?
700
00:29:04,210 --> 00:29:07,847
RANDI:
Ha. Damn, things are never
that interesting over here.
701
00:29:07,914 --> 00:29:09,481
Well, how'd they take it?
702
00:29:09,548 --> 00:29:13,219
Yeah. I don't know if they
bought the whole "joke" thing.
703
00:29:13,285 --> 00:29:15,187
[LAUGHS]
It's like a regular soap opera.
704
00:29:15,254 --> 00:29:17,389
I swear, you should put
cameras in every room.
705
00:29:18,490 --> 00:29:20,292
Yeah, right.
706
00:29:22,728 --> 00:29:24,396
A camera in every room?
707
00:29:26,866 --> 00:29:28,000
[DOORBELL RINGS]
708
00:29:29,335 --> 00:29:30,236
Hey.
709
00:29:30,302 --> 00:29:31,703
[G TOM MAC'S "I SEE YOU"
PLAYING]
710
00:29:31,770 --> 00:29:33,772
* I see you *
711
00:29:35,041 --> 00:29:36,642
* I see you *
712
00:29:36,708 --> 00:29:38,277
[BEEP]
713
00:29:43,715 --> 00:29:47,987
* Watch you watch me
See you through my naked eye *
714
00:29:48,054 --> 00:29:50,022
* Watch the picture
Turn off your TV *
715
00:29:50,089 --> 00:29:52,058
* Look at what
You've never seen *
716
00:29:52,124 --> 00:29:55,161
* There are no limits
To the modern spy *
717
00:29:55,227 --> 00:29:57,596
* If you want to be
My future star *
718
00:29:57,663 --> 00:30:01,467
* All you got to do is open up
Your windows up to mine *
719
00:30:01,533 --> 00:30:04,937
* Every day is prime time
Never mind your cable days *
720
00:30:05,004 --> 00:30:07,173
* There so over
Yeah, yeah, yeah *
721
00:30:07,239 --> 00:30:10,676
* Take a look around
Is the future going down? *
722
00:30:10,742 --> 00:30:15,081
* Am I gonna change the world
I don't think so today *
723
00:30:15,147 --> 00:30:16,515
* Ooh-wa, today *
724
00:30:16,582 --> 00:30:22,021
* I see you in the click
Of real time *
725
00:30:22,088 --> 00:30:24,290
* You could make it
What you like *
726
00:30:24,356 --> 00:30:29,528
* I see you
From another point of view *
727
00:30:29,595 --> 00:30:32,431
* Watching everything
You do *
728
00:30:32,498 --> 00:30:36,368
* Watch what everybody
Wants to see through mine *
729
00:30:36,435 --> 00:30:38,971
* Watch you, watch, you need me
On the reel *
730
00:30:39,038 --> 00:30:40,506
* We can make it
Mass appeal *
731
00:30:40,572 --> 00:30:43,742
* I see your vision
I can never lie *
732
00:30:43,809 --> 00:30:45,811
* I see everything
And everymove-- *
733
00:30:45,878 --> 00:30:47,579
Look. Oh,
there's my mom.
734
00:30:47,646 --> 00:30:49,481
* All you really want to do
Open your windows *
735
00:30:49,548 --> 00:30:52,384
* Up to mine
Every day is prime time *
736
00:30:52,451 --> 00:30:54,220
[GRUNTING]
737
00:30:54,286 --> 00:30:56,555
* They're so over
Yeah, yeah, yeah *
738
00:30:56,622 --> 00:30:58,857
* Take a look around
Is the future going... *
739
00:30:58,925 --> 00:31:01,760
Well, that explains
a few things.
740
00:31:01,827 --> 00:31:04,696
RANDI:
This is gonna be so weird.
741
00:31:04,763 --> 00:31:07,333
And now, let's let the world
know we're here.
742
00:31:07,399 --> 00:31:09,101
Credit card?
Mm.
743
00:31:15,307 --> 00:31:16,976
Every room?
744
00:31:17,043 --> 00:31:18,744
Even the bathroom?
745
00:31:18,810 --> 00:31:22,214
No, every room except the little
maid's bathroom downstairs,
746
00:31:22,281 --> 00:31:24,350
which no one hardly
used anyway.
747
00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:27,019
Of course, Colby...
748
00:31:27,086 --> 00:31:29,488
thoughtfully installed
four cameras
749
00:31:29,555 --> 00:31:32,258
in my bathroom alone.
750
00:31:32,324 --> 00:31:34,260
[FARTING]
751
00:31:35,995 --> 00:31:38,297
[GRUNTS]
752
00:31:38,364 --> 00:31:40,232
[***]
753
00:31:45,804 --> 00:31:47,239
Shit.
754
00:31:53,045 --> 00:31:54,346
Great.
755
00:32:02,488 --> 00:32:03,522
Uh.
756
00:32:09,361 --> 00:32:12,331
WOMAN:
Hey, did you take my loofa?
757
00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:16,335
Oh.
[LAUGHING]
758
00:32:16,402 --> 00:32:17,636
Ew.
759
00:32:17,703 --> 00:32:20,072
Oh, my god, Alicia. You have got
to come here and see this.
760
00:32:20,139 --> 00:32:23,042
ALICIA:
You used my loofa again,
didn't you?
761
00:32:34,253 --> 00:32:35,221
Mm.
762
00:32:37,256 --> 00:32:38,657
Oh, my God. Alicia.
763
00:32:38,724 --> 00:32:39,658
Right now!
764
00:32:39,725 --> 00:32:41,027
ALICIA:
What?
765
00:32:46,698 --> 00:32:48,134
Oh!
[CHUCKLING]
766
00:32:48,200 --> 00:32:50,902
Oh, my God, Alicia. You are
gonna miss the whole thing.
767
00:32:50,969 --> 00:32:52,404
Get over here right now.
768
00:32:52,471 --> 00:32:53,972
[WATER FLOWING]
769
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,208
[WOMAN MOANING]
770
00:33:16,462 --> 00:33:17,496
Hey, Mike?
771
00:33:17,563 --> 00:33:20,199
Have you ever met
Bellinger's wife?
772
00:33:20,266 --> 00:33:23,135
No. But I'm
meeting her now.
773
00:33:38,050 --> 00:33:39,251
[ALL CHUCKLING]
774
00:33:42,354 --> 00:33:43,289
Hm.
775
00:33:46,592 --> 00:33:48,527
[CHUCKLING]
776
00:33:49,995 --> 00:33:51,530
[PHONE RINGING]
777
00:33:54,933 --> 00:33:56,068
Hello.
778
00:33:56,135 --> 00:33:57,836
Hey.
779
00:33:57,903 --> 00:33:59,438
Hold on a second.
780
00:34:02,341 --> 00:34:04,076
When they call?
781
00:34:04,143 --> 00:34:05,644
They want to license the show?
782
00:34:05,711 --> 00:34:06,712
Sweet.
783
00:34:07,779 --> 00:34:10,048
We are gonna be so rich.
784
00:34:10,116 --> 00:34:12,818
[UPBEAT TELEVISION
THEME PLAYING]
785
00:34:12,884 --> 00:34:14,320
Oh, shit.
786
00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:24,163
This can't be good.
787
00:34:29,335 --> 00:34:31,002
Know where
your family is?
788
00:34:31,069 --> 00:34:32,138
Don't look now.
789
00:34:32,204 --> 00:34:34,373
They may be on
a PC near you.
790
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,108
Imagine having
your most private moments
791
00:34:36,175 --> 00:34:39,411
Webcast for the whole world
to see at the click of a mouse.
792
00:34:39,478 --> 00:34:40,946
Well, stop imagining.
793
00:34:41,012 --> 00:34:41,980
It's here.
794
00:34:42,047 --> 00:34:43,482
Meet the Bellingers,
795
00:34:43,549 --> 00:34:45,917
the unwitting stars of
their own real-life sitcom.
796
00:34:45,984 --> 00:34:49,555
Giving a whole new meaning
to family home entertainment.
797
00:34:49,621 --> 00:34:51,890
Could this be the trend
of the future?
798
00:34:51,957 --> 00:34:53,992
In-your-face reality TV?
799
00:34:54,059 --> 00:34:57,163
Network executives say,
"No way."
800
00:34:57,229 --> 00:35:00,266
How could you not know
what was going on?
801
00:35:00,332 --> 00:35:03,034
I had pulled the plug
on the satellite, the cable,
802
00:35:03,101 --> 00:35:05,036
canceled all the magazines.
803
00:35:05,103 --> 00:35:07,439
For a brief moment in time...
804
00:35:07,506 --> 00:35:10,776
We were literally
media castaways.
805
00:35:10,842 --> 00:35:12,211
[***]
806
00:35:12,278 --> 00:35:13,479
[BOYS GIGGLE]
807
00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:16,382
[GIGGLING]
808
00:35:19,218 --> 00:35:21,920
Excuse me.
Is there a problem here?
809
00:35:21,987 --> 00:35:24,623
How's Mr. Smuggles,
Audrey?
810
00:35:24,690 --> 00:35:26,192
[BOTH GIGGLE]
811
00:35:26,258 --> 00:35:28,327
How do you know my name?
812
00:35:29,395 --> 00:35:31,197
Who's Mr. Smuggles?
813
00:35:31,263 --> 00:35:32,564
Your teddy bear?
814
00:35:32,631 --> 00:35:33,565
[BOTH LAUGH]
815
00:35:34,533 --> 00:35:36,768
Audrey, we need
to talk.
816
00:35:39,738 --> 00:35:41,273
[GASPING]
817
00:35:46,111 --> 00:35:50,482
HARVEY:
I'm telling you
this baby's a classic.
818
00:35:50,549 --> 00:35:53,485
It started slowly at first.
People just stared.
819
00:35:53,552 --> 00:35:54,553
Is that him?
820
00:35:54,620 --> 00:35:56,222
And I felt terribly
self-conscious,
821
00:35:56,288 --> 00:35:58,624
like my fly was always open
or something.
822
00:35:58,690 --> 00:36:01,092
And then came the whispering,
823
00:36:01,159 --> 00:36:03,529
the pointing, the giggling.
824
00:36:03,595 --> 00:36:04,996
Yeah-- Oh.
825
00:36:05,063 --> 00:36:06,665
And then it happened.
826
00:36:06,732 --> 00:36:07,666
Ha.
827
00:36:07,733 --> 00:36:08,834
[***]
828
00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:10,702
[SECRETARY SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
829
00:36:23,482 --> 00:36:25,317
RECEPTIONIST:
Bryant Bocelli?
830
00:36:36,662 --> 00:36:37,729
[GASPS]
831
00:36:41,467 --> 00:36:43,235
Look at this:
leather-trimmed interior,
832
00:36:43,302 --> 00:36:44,436
plenty of cup holders.
833
00:36:44,503 --> 00:36:46,104
Make yourself comfortable
there, huh?
834
00:36:46,171 --> 00:36:47,273
Look at the workmanship.
835
00:36:47,339 --> 00:36:50,141
Kids, jump in.
Look at this, huh?
836
00:36:50,208 --> 00:36:51,543
Your friends are
gonna like that--
837
00:36:51,610 --> 00:36:53,312
Oh, they found
the magic third seat.
838
00:36:53,379 --> 00:36:56,181
And especially for
you kids, VHS, DVD...
839
00:36:56,248 --> 00:36:58,149
and local TV. Huh?
840
00:36:58,216 --> 00:37:00,218
First, you got to watch
Survivor and Big Brother.
841
00:37:00,286 --> 00:37:03,789
And now the World Wide Web is
bringing to a computer near you
842
00:37:03,855 --> 00:37:05,457
The Bellingers.
843
00:37:05,524 --> 00:37:08,093
If they weren't so real,
you'd think it was TV.
844
00:37:08,159 --> 00:37:11,029
You can check this family's
crazy antics yourself
845
00:37:11,096 --> 00:37:13,465
at www.l-See-You.com.
846
00:37:13,532 --> 00:37:16,101
And you'll think your family...
Oh, my God.
847
00:37:16,167 --> 00:37:17,469
...is suddenly really normal.
848
00:37:17,536 --> 00:37:19,037
We leave you tonight
with Harvey Bellinger
849
00:37:19,104 --> 00:37:22,107
in his rendition of
"You Made Me Love you."
850
00:37:22,173 --> 00:37:23,241
We think.
851
00:37:23,309 --> 00:37:25,076
Oh, yeah.
852
00:37:25,143 --> 00:37:27,313
* I didn't want to do it *
853
00:37:27,379 --> 00:37:28,314
[BOYS GIGGLE]
854
00:37:28,380 --> 00:37:29,415
* You-- *
855
00:37:29,481 --> 00:37:30,949
Yeah, You know.
Let-- Let me--
856
00:37:31,016 --> 00:37:34,986
Let me show you another one
of my favorite cars, okay?
857
00:37:35,053 --> 00:37:36,087
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
858
00:37:36,154 --> 00:37:38,690
Yeah. Yeah,
I got, uh-- Come on.
859
00:37:41,727 --> 00:37:43,362
We're in the eyeball
business.
860
00:37:43,429 --> 00:37:45,597
Our job is to get
as many as we can.
861
00:37:45,664 --> 00:37:48,033
The more we get,
the more ads we sell.
862
00:37:48,099 --> 00:37:49,701
And in this shrinking
market,
863
00:37:49,768 --> 00:37:50,969
you guys are
eyeball magnets.
864
00:37:51,036 --> 00:37:52,738
This isn't TV,
and it's not film.
865
00:37:52,804 --> 00:37:55,206
This isn't about big stars
or big productions.
866
00:37:55,273 --> 00:37:57,909
This is about real people.
Reality.
867
00:37:57,976 --> 00:38:01,647
It is the hippest, coolest
thing out there since...
868
00:38:01,713 --> 00:38:02,981
fiction.
869
00:38:03,048 --> 00:38:05,283
See, something about your
homegrown little creation here
870
00:38:05,351 --> 00:38:07,018
has really plugged
into the Zeitgeist
871
00:38:07,085 --> 00:38:08,687
of our target web demo.
872
00:38:08,754 --> 00:38:11,890
And I think what we have here is
a Blair Witch effect.
873
00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:14,360
You got the key in the door
to the next big thing.
874
00:38:14,426 --> 00:38:16,962
And we wanna help you
turn the key.
875
00:38:17,028 --> 00:38:18,564
And open the door.
876
00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:19,798
We do.
877
00:38:23,469 --> 00:38:25,804
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS,
PHONE RINGING]
878
00:38:25,871 --> 00:38:28,474
RECEPTIONIST:
Good morning. Insytive.
879
00:38:28,540 --> 00:38:30,008
One moment, please.
880
00:38:36,081 --> 00:38:37,449
[BOTH SCREAMING]
881
00:38:43,855 --> 00:38:45,457
Hello?
882
00:38:47,292 --> 00:38:48,326
Mom?
883
00:38:48,394 --> 00:38:50,662
Audrey?
884
00:38:51,863 --> 00:38:53,465
Hello?
885
00:38:54,666 --> 00:38:56,768
Mom?
886
00:38:56,835 --> 00:38:58,637
Audrey?
887
00:39:00,706 --> 00:39:02,107
Harvey?
888
00:39:04,810 --> 00:39:06,044
Hello?
889
00:39:06,111 --> 00:39:07,045
Audrey?
890
00:39:08,146 --> 00:39:09,748
Mom?
891
00:39:11,450 --> 00:39:12,584
Where is everybody?
892
00:39:12,651 --> 00:39:13,452
Whoa!
893
00:39:13,519 --> 00:39:14,820
Hey. Hey!
Easy!
894
00:39:14,886 --> 00:39:16,321
AUDREY:
I'm completely ruined!
895
00:39:16,388 --> 00:39:17,556
Hey! Whoa!
896
00:39:17,623 --> 00:39:18,657
I can't go back
to school!
897
00:39:18,724 --> 00:39:20,392
What the hell
were you thinking?
898
00:39:20,459 --> 00:39:22,060
Colby Allen, do you
have any idea
899
00:39:22,127 --> 00:39:23,595
how awful this is
for us?!
900
00:39:23,662 --> 00:39:25,697
I-I-- I think there is something
seriously wrong with you.
901
00:39:25,764 --> 00:39:27,365
Forget about
what you've done to me,
902
00:39:27,433 --> 00:39:28,534
what about your poor mother?
903
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:29,601
I am so humiliated.
904
00:39:29,668 --> 00:39:31,069
I am
so embarrassed!
905
00:39:31,136 --> 00:39:33,472
How could you take advantage
of your family like this?
906
00:39:33,539 --> 00:39:34,873
I can't believe
you're my son.
907
00:39:34,940 --> 00:39:37,643
Ah! Are you
all quite finished?
908
00:39:37,709 --> 00:39:42,013
Okay. Now, before you all have
a collective meltdown,
909
00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:43,214
let me just point out that
910
00:39:43,281 --> 00:39:44,983
there have been
some positive benefits
911
00:39:45,050 --> 00:39:46,518
to this so-called disaster.
912
00:39:46,585 --> 00:39:49,621
We're on the verge
of a seven-figure deal
913
00:39:49,688 --> 00:39:51,623
with one of the fastest
Internet plays around.
914
00:39:51,690 --> 00:39:53,124
They love us.
Okay?
915
00:39:53,191 --> 00:39:55,827
Not to mention, that
over the last five weeks,
916
00:39:55,894 --> 00:39:59,465
we've brought in
an average of, oh, 17K a week.
917
00:40:03,735 --> 00:40:05,637
Hi.
918
00:40:05,704 --> 00:40:08,840
You are an unscrupulous
opportunist, Colby.
919
00:40:08,907 --> 00:40:11,777
You're not gonna pimp out
your family for profit.
920
00:40:15,313 --> 00:40:17,849
Did you say 17,000?
921
00:40:17,916 --> 00:40:19,150
A week?
922
00:40:19,217 --> 00:40:21,487
[***]
923
00:40:21,553 --> 00:40:23,121
HARVEY:
Yes, it's a lot of money,
924
00:40:23,188 --> 00:40:25,657
but I don't see how you plan
to keep this charade going.
925
00:40:25,724 --> 00:40:28,960
Look...we go about
our business as usual.
926
00:40:29,027 --> 00:40:30,128
Nothing's changed.
927
00:40:30,195 --> 00:40:32,230
We don't have cable,
we don't read.
928
00:40:32,297 --> 00:40:34,733
What makes you think people
are gonna keep on watching?
929
00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:37,202
Hah. You kidding?
The public loves this shit.
930
00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:40,706
I can see the day when
there's nothing else on TV.
931
00:40:40,772 --> 00:40:43,274
Unedited
dysfunctional real life.
932
00:40:43,341 --> 00:40:45,711
Total exposure,
unvarnished?
933
00:40:45,777 --> 00:40:48,313
And we've got the eyeballs
to prove it.
934
00:40:48,379 --> 00:40:49,481
I don't think you understand
935
00:40:49,548 --> 00:40:52,350
what those eyeballs
have seen me do.
936
00:40:52,417 --> 00:40:54,385
You mean to say, there's...
937
00:40:54,452 --> 00:40:55,987
cameras in the bathroom?
938
00:40:57,255 --> 00:40:58,189
Hm.
939
00:41:00,191 --> 00:41:01,126
Aah!
Whoa!
940
00:41:01,192 --> 00:41:02,694
Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
941
00:41:02,761 --> 00:41:04,863
What? He's my son. I can
kill him if I want to.
Hey.
942
00:41:04,930 --> 00:41:06,031
Look.
943
00:41:06,097 --> 00:41:10,736
The money we're talking about
is unbelievable.
944
00:41:12,538 --> 00:41:14,806
And Mom...
945
00:41:14,873 --> 00:41:16,675
you'd be back in your element.
946
00:41:16,742 --> 00:41:18,810
Wouldn't it
be nice to
947
00:41:18,877 --> 00:41:21,747
put all those hard years
of acting back to use?
948
00:41:23,214 --> 00:41:24,683
Yeah.
949
00:41:26,051 --> 00:41:28,987
Are you--? Uh--
Are you guys serious?
950
00:41:29,054 --> 00:41:31,523
HARVEY:
My dear child, I don't know how
to put this to you,
951
00:41:31,590 --> 00:41:34,425
but we can't make
next month's mortgage.
952
00:41:34,492 --> 00:41:37,495
Besides, Colby
may have a point.
953
00:41:37,563 --> 00:41:40,031
We, uh-- We just
ride it out.
954
00:41:40,098 --> 00:41:43,635
When everyone gets bored,
take the money and run.
955
00:41:43,702 --> 00:41:45,170
It's not gonna
last long anyway.
956
00:41:45,236 --> 00:41:46,404
It never does.
957
00:41:46,471 --> 00:41:47,739
What's the worst
that can happen?
958
00:41:47,806 --> 00:41:50,542
So, Insytive flew
Randi and Colby
959
00:41:50,609 --> 00:41:52,310
to New York
during spring break.
960
00:41:52,377 --> 00:41:53,645
Uh, they closed the deal.
961
00:41:53,712 --> 00:41:56,848
Colby, of course,
lied about his age.
962
00:41:56,915 --> 00:41:59,050
So how'd you convince
your leading lady
963
00:41:59,117 --> 00:42:00,151
to keep up the show?
964
00:42:00,218 --> 00:42:01,419
Lydia?
965
00:42:01,486 --> 00:42:03,454
[LAUGHS]
She's an actor. Come on.
966
00:42:03,521 --> 00:42:06,658
Your daughter.
Ooh.
967
00:42:06,725 --> 00:42:09,595
Misgivings about that one.
968
00:42:09,661 --> 00:42:11,597
Not my proudest
moment as a father.
969
00:42:11,663 --> 00:42:13,632
Let's just
say we...
970
00:42:13,699 --> 00:42:16,401
met her terms
and conditions.
971
00:42:16,467 --> 00:42:18,069
[BEEPING]
972
00:42:19,370 --> 00:42:22,307
Uh...
973
00:42:22,373 --> 00:42:23,809
Hey, asswipe.
974
00:42:23,875 --> 00:42:25,310
[SIGHS]
975
00:42:25,376 --> 00:42:26,612
Hm?
976
00:42:26,678 --> 00:42:28,614
Guess who got her
bandages off today?
977
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:30,616
[***]
978
00:42:33,284 --> 00:42:35,954
Sweet mother of Moses.
979
00:42:37,723 --> 00:42:40,225
They're ginormous.
980
00:42:42,260 --> 00:42:43,028
Ow.
981
00:42:43,094 --> 00:42:45,163
In your freaking
dreams, loser.
982
00:42:45,230 --> 00:42:48,734
Is that post-surgical swelling,
or the way they--
983
00:42:49,635 --> 00:42:51,269
[OPENS SODA CAN]
984
00:42:51,336 --> 00:42:52,871
Or the way they...
985
00:42:56,307 --> 00:42:57,676
Not bad.
[DOOR CLOSES]
986
00:42:57,743 --> 00:42:59,845
[***]
987
00:43:01,279 --> 00:43:03,649
Honey. I'm home!
988
00:43:03,715 --> 00:43:05,450
Hello, darling.
Daddy!
989
00:43:05,516 --> 00:43:07,052
How was
your day?
990
00:43:07,118 --> 00:43:08,954
Just swell.
991
00:43:09,020 --> 00:43:10,021
Mm.
992
00:43:10,088 --> 00:43:12,824
Daddy!
How's my little princess?
993
00:43:12,891 --> 00:43:17,729
Colby, my son. I see you're
back from your spring break.
994
00:43:18,697 --> 00:43:19,965
Wh-- Huh?
995
00:43:21,566 --> 00:43:22,768
COLBY:
We got a problem.
996
00:43:22,834 --> 00:43:24,369
RANDI:
I know. I've been watching.
997
00:43:24,435 --> 00:43:25,503
What the hell happened?
998
00:43:25,570 --> 00:43:26,838
Did some aliens come down
999
00:43:26,905 --> 00:43:28,473
and suck their brains
out of their assholes?
1000
00:43:28,539 --> 00:43:31,342
Look at 'em. They look like
a bad sitcom out of the '50s.
1001
00:43:31,409 --> 00:43:33,779
RANDI:
We haven't had a new hit
in 52 minutes.
1002
00:43:33,845 --> 00:43:35,681
Its dropping our average
through the floor.
1003
00:43:35,747 --> 00:43:38,083
You've gotta come up
with something fast.
1004
00:43:38,149 --> 00:43:39,484
Mm.
[SIGHS]
1005
00:43:39,550 --> 00:43:41,586
HARVEY:
See, I like
this university.
1006
00:43:41,653 --> 00:43:43,154
More than 200 clubs
and organizations.
1007
00:43:43,221 --> 00:43:45,623
And they have beaches
in Malibu.
Madeleine?
1008
00:43:45,691 --> 00:43:47,092
Don't mind
if I do.
1009
00:43:47,158 --> 00:43:51,162
Colby, my brother.
There you are.
1010
00:43:51,229 --> 00:43:54,299
Is something wrong?
Why the long face?
1011
00:43:54,365 --> 00:43:55,734
I don't know,
Audrey?
1012
00:43:55,801 --> 00:43:57,202
Maybe it's your new...
1013
00:43:57,268 --> 00:43:58,704
boob job.
1014
00:43:58,770 --> 00:44:00,538
You should massage them
before they harden.
Oh.
1015
00:44:00,605 --> 00:44:02,307
What are you doing,
dickhead?
1016
00:44:02,373 --> 00:44:04,175
[ALL SCREAMING, YELLING]
1017
00:44:06,077 --> 00:44:07,212
Stop it!
1018
00:44:07,278 --> 00:44:08,814
Get your hands
off her.
1019
00:44:11,082 --> 00:44:13,384
Remember this sound,
Harvey?
1020
00:44:13,451 --> 00:44:14,720
What are you
talking about?
1021
00:44:14,786 --> 00:44:16,454
Everything's going along
as smooth as silk.
1022
00:44:16,521 --> 00:44:17,756
Let me just read you
a few things
1023
00:44:17,823 --> 00:44:19,157
I pulled down
off the Web.
1024
00:44:19,224 --> 00:44:20,892
"What used to be
an inside, edgy,
1025
00:44:20,959 --> 00:44:23,194
"sometimes erotic
look at real Americana,
1026
00:44:23,261 --> 00:44:26,631
has ebbed into a pretentious,
manufactured embarrassment."
1027
00:44:26,698 --> 00:44:28,199
Ph, what's it
say about me?
1028
00:44:28,266 --> 00:44:29,634
Hm, I got
that one.
1029
00:44:29,701 --> 00:44:31,269
Want some chat room
dialogue?
1030
00:44:31,336 --> 00:44:33,271
Oh, here it is:
"The Bellinger Bitch Project."
1031
00:44:33,338 --> 00:44:35,273
"Headliner Audrey
used to be my constant
1032
00:44:35,340 --> 00:44:36,507
"chicken-choking companion.
1033
00:44:36,574 --> 00:44:38,777
"What's with the turtle necks
and the bathrobes?
1034
00:44:38,844 --> 00:44:42,280
How come no one uses
the bathroom anymore?" Freaks.
1035
00:44:42,347 --> 00:44:44,282
[***]
1036
00:44:45,717 --> 00:44:47,352
LYDIA:
Yo, what is this?
1037
00:44:47,418 --> 00:44:49,054
These are show bibles.
1038
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:50,655
COLBY:
Look, it's all very simple.
1039
00:44:50,722 --> 00:44:52,791
We need to take drastic steps.
1040
00:44:52,858 --> 00:44:55,293
These bibles outline
our characters,
1041
00:44:55,360 --> 00:44:58,363
complete with back stories,
foibles and new story lines.
1042
00:44:58,429 --> 00:45:03,434
Now, people want real,
but above all, they want drama.
1043
00:45:03,501 --> 00:45:05,303
Conflict equals drama.
1044
00:45:05,370 --> 00:45:06,704
Drama equals hits.
1045
00:45:06,772 --> 00:45:09,307
Hits equal eyeballs,
which equals...
1046
00:45:09,374 --> 00:45:11,242
Money.
1047
00:45:11,309 --> 00:45:15,013
Listen, everybody. We're flat.
No sizzle. Boring.
1048
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:17,248
If we don't do something
and do it, like, right now,
1049
00:45:17,315 --> 00:45:19,550
our entire Insytive deal
is gonna go up in smoke.
1050
00:45:19,617 --> 00:45:23,421
You know, they have the 2 mil
in licensing fees alone.
1051
00:45:23,488 --> 00:45:25,623
Bondage?
Forget this.
1052
00:45:25,690 --> 00:45:26,792
This is ridiculous.
1053
00:45:26,858 --> 00:45:29,060
I would never do this
to your Mom.
1054
00:45:29,127 --> 00:45:30,495
With a dog?
1055
00:45:30,561 --> 00:45:32,931
RANDI:
Well, we're gonna close out
the quarter soft.
1056
00:45:32,998 --> 00:45:35,200
You know we got 14K
from FreshPasta.com.
1057
00:45:35,266 --> 00:45:36,968
Another 10K from
Bouquet of Fruits.
1058
00:45:37,035 --> 00:45:40,071
And, you know, twenty-six thou
from, uh, Popeye's Chicken.
1059
00:45:40,138 --> 00:45:41,840
But Adam Brothers
wants to renegotiate
1060
00:45:41,907 --> 00:45:42,941
becauseof our numbers.
1061
00:45:43,008 --> 00:45:44,175
I know we can turn
this around.
1062
00:45:44,242 --> 00:45:46,277
We just got to keep
amping up the stakes.
1063
00:45:46,344 --> 00:45:49,480
They'll come back,
like flies to shit.
1064
00:45:49,547 --> 00:45:51,516
[SIGHS]
1065
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:53,618
Hello?
1066
00:45:53,684 --> 00:45:54,986
Did you hear me?
1067
00:45:55,053 --> 00:45:57,422
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
1068
00:45:57,488 --> 00:45:58,423
What?
1069
00:45:58,489 --> 00:45:59,690
You having doubts?
1070
00:45:59,757 --> 00:46:01,526
No. No, it's not that.
1071
00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:03,361
It's just that-- You--
1072
00:46:03,428 --> 00:46:05,296
It's just that we never
have time to, like--
1073
00:46:05,363 --> 00:46:07,565
You know, just be with
each other anymore alone.
1074
00:46:07,632 --> 00:46:09,167
I mean--
1075
00:46:09,234 --> 00:46:11,002
I mean, we have--
We've been, like, together,
1076
00:46:11,069 --> 00:46:12,370
for months and
everything. It--
1077
00:46:12,437 --> 00:46:14,472
Oh, my God.
1078
00:46:14,539 --> 00:46:16,875
Okay. Well, you don't have to
freak out about it.
1079
00:46:16,942 --> 00:46:18,709
No. No.
Look at the site!
1080
00:46:18,776 --> 00:46:19,744
Look at the site!
1081
00:46:19,811 --> 00:46:21,246
What?
1082
00:46:21,312 --> 00:46:23,314
HARVEY:
Ouch. What the fuck
are you doing? Ow.
1083
00:46:23,381 --> 00:46:25,416
Shut up and bark
like a dog.
1084
00:46:26,852 --> 00:46:28,786
[TIMID BARKING]
1085
00:46:29,955 --> 00:46:31,756
Ow.
Bark!
1086
00:46:31,823 --> 00:46:33,959
[BARKING]
Bark!
1087
00:46:34,893 --> 00:46:35,861
[COCKS GUN]
1088
00:46:35,927 --> 00:46:37,428
Now, put on
the mask.
1089
00:46:37,495 --> 00:46:39,931
Oh. For God's sake.
Put it on!
1090
00:46:39,998 --> 00:46:41,332
RANDI:
Shouldn't we do something?
1091
00:46:41,399 --> 00:46:42,968
I mean, shouldn't we
call the cops?
1092
00:46:43,034 --> 00:46:44,269
What? And ruin
this scene?
1093
00:46:44,335 --> 00:46:46,204
She's got a gun
for crying out loud.
1094
00:46:46,271 --> 00:46:47,672
This is great.
1095
00:46:47,738 --> 00:46:50,575
HARVEY:
Go on, do what you have
to do, shit. Ow!
1096
00:46:50,641 --> 00:46:52,210
A real revolver?
1097
00:46:54,345 --> 00:46:57,448
I might have paid to have
seen you in that situation.
1098
00:46:57,515 --> 00:47:01,786
Thanks. Unfortunately for you
and the rest of the world,
1099
00:47:01,853 --> 00:47:03,754
the damage was done.
1100
00:47:03,821 --> 00:47:05,023
And we had lost
so many hitters,
1101
00:47:05,090 --> 00:47:07,558
that virtually no one
saw the gag anyway.
1102
00:47:07,625 --> 00:47:08,927
I saw it.
1103
00:47:08,994 --> 00:47:11,596
He was just like
the gimp in Pulp Fiction.
1104
00:47:18,103 --> 00:47:20,305
Look, guys.
This isn't working.
1105
00:47:20,371 --> 00:47:23,008
No, AC Nielsen,
Media Metrix.
1106
00:47:23,074 --> 00:47:24,876
These are
the lowest numbers
1107
00:47:24,943 --> 00:47:26,511
since you had
a one-camera peepshow
1108
00:47:26,577 --> 00:47:28,713
with little
Miss Tool Time.
1109
00:47:28,779 --> 00:47:32,017
You're just gonna pull the plug
at the first sign of trouble?
1110
00:47:32,083 --> 00:47:33,885
[SCOFFS]
Look.
1111
00:47:33,952 --> 00:47:35,420
I can appreciate
your enthusiasm.
1112
00:47:35,486 --> 00:47:38,990
But we've spent
a lot of money on you.
1113
00:47:39,057 --> 00:47:41,326
And we're now going to
cut our losses.
1114
00:47:41,392 --> 00:47:43,561
Well, naturally,
you will give us
1115
00:47:43,628 --> 00:47:44,562
the three weeks
we need
1116
00:47:44,629 --> 00:47:46,597
to "cure" the problem.
1117
00:47:49,234 --> 00:47:51,903
If you'll indulge me
for a minute.
1118
00:47:53,304 --> 00:47:55,573
Paragraph 34,
double I.
1119
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:59,544
"In the event of defect or
default by the 'Producers'--
1120
00:47:59,610 --> 00:48:01,412
"that would be us
--the 'Company'--
1121
00:48:01,479 --> 00:48:02,780
that would be you
1122
00:48:02,847 --> 00:48:04,115
"shall give 'Producers'--
us again
1123
00:48:04,182 --> 00:48:05,750
"--twenty-one working days
to cure
1124
00:48:05,816 --> 00:48:08,954
such defect
or...default."
1125
00:48:11,489 --> 00:48:12,590
What--?
1126
00:48:12,657 --> 00:48:15,793
That's-- It's, uh,
standard, boilerplate.
1127
00:48:15,860 --> 00:48:18,563
I believe it also states
in that section
1128
00:48:18,629 --> 00:48:19,830
that in the event...
1129
00:48:19,897 --> 00:48:22,867
the default
or defect is not cured...
1130
00:48:22,934 --> 00:48:26,004
then "Producers--"
that would be you
1131
00:48:26,071 --> 00:48:28,539
--are financially liable
to the "Company."
1132
00:48:28,606 --> 00:48:30,541
That would be us.
1133
00:48:36,114 --> 00:48:37,915
We'll take that risk.
1134
00:48:38,916 --> 00:48:40,485
HARVEY:
We'll take that risk?
1135
00:48:40,551 --> 00:48:42,387
COLBY:
Uh, yeah. That's what
we told 'em.
1136
00:48:42,453 --> 00:48:44,355
Three weeks? Are you guys
fucking nuts?
1137
00:48:44,422 --> 00:48:46,024
Who do you think's
gonna go to jail
1138
00:48:46,091 --> 00:48:47,558
when we can't make good
on the money?
1139
00:48:47,625 --> 00:48:51,262
You, probably.
I'm, uh, still a minor.
1140
00:48:51,329 --> 00:48:53,598
Heh. Well, you're no longer
in charge of anything.
1141
00:48:53,664 --> 00:48:54,832
See, this is what we get
1142
00:48:54,899 --> 00:48:56,767
for listening to
your scam-artist son
1143
00:48:56,834 --> 00:48:58,536
and his crazy-ass
bondage ideas.
1144
00:48:58,603 --> 00:49:00,271
Yeah, well, it was
a hell of a lot better
1145
00:49:00,338 --> 00:49:03,474
than your lame-o '50s sitcom
shtick, Ward Cleaver.
1146
00:49:03,541 --> 00:49:05,143
If you had been paying
more attention
1147
00:49:05,210 --> 00:49:07,578
to June and the Beaver, none
of us would be in this mess.
1148
00:49:07,645 --> 00:49:11,116
Colby. Heh. See. I told you
we weren't having enough sex.
1149
00:49:11,182 --> 00:49:12,750
Everybody seems to know it.
1150
00:49:12,817 --> 00:49:14,485
[PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
1151
00:49:14,552 --> 00:49:17,188
Oh. Sure, that's your answer
to everything, isn't it, Lydia?
1152
00:49:17,255 --> 00:49:19,557
Why, you little silicone
hypocrite.
1153
00:49:19,624 --> 00:49:22,627
You mean saline,
you liposuction has-been.
1154
00:49:26,131 --> 00:49:27,365
HARVEY:
That's enough!
1155
00:49:27,432 --> 00:49:28,899
I will not have you
speak to us this way,
1156
00:49:28,966 --> 00:49:30,135
while you live
under my roof.
1157
00:49:30,201 --> 00:49:31,669
If it weren't
for me,
1158
00:49:31,736 --> 00:49:33,571
we'd all be living
under your mother's roof.
1159
00:49:33,638 --> 00:49:34,705
Stop, okay.
1160
00:49:34,772 --> 00:49:37,375
The bottom line is sex sells.
1161
00:49:37,442 --> 00:49:40,111
Seventy-three percent
of Internet users hit sites
1162
00:49:40,178 --> 00:49:41,812
which involve
sex or nudity.
1163
00:49:41,879 --> 00:49:43,914
According to
these stats...
1164
00:49:43,981 --> 00:49:45,850
Audrey's boobs are
our greatest draw.
1165
00:49:45,916 --> 00:49:48,786
You know, she gets 48 percent
of the total hit-ship.
Hm.
1166
00:49:48,853 --> 00:49:49,954
Hm.
1167
00:49:50,021 --> 00:49:51,156
I want a raise.
1168
00:49:51,222 --> 00:49:52,857
You already have two.
1169
00:49:52,923 --> 00:49:54,092
COLBY:
Look. Bottom line.
1170
00:49:54,159 --> 00:49:55,393
We're not cutting it.
1171
00:49:55,460 --> 00:49:57,362
We need some new blood,
a new character.
1172
00:49:57,428 --> 00:50:00,665
Maybe a professional.
I don't know.
1173
00:50:00,731 --> 00:50:02,567
Maybe, uh, Inga,
1174
00:50:02,633 --> 00:50:03,901
the Swedish housekeeper?
1175
00:50:03,968 --> 00:50:05,570
Oh. I'm sure you'd love to live
1176
00:50:05,636 --> 00:50:08,339
that adolescent,
cliché fantasy, dickweed.
1177
00:50:08,406 --> 00:50:10,608
Well, if I do, so does
every other adolescent.
1178
00:50:10,675 --> 00:50:13,844
Let's not forget our target
audience: 16-to-24 male.
1179
00:50:13,911 --> 00:50:15,946
No, no, no, no, no.
1180
00:50:16,013 --> 00:50:18,383
We got the cheesecake,
we need the beefcake.
1181
00:50:18,449 --> 00:50:20,785
Female 18-to-34
is way down.
1182
00:50:20,851 --> 00:50:23,221
And who can blame them?
I mean, all they got to look at
1183
00:50:23,288 --> 00:50:25,423
is a middle-age fart
and a scrawny geek.
1184
00:50:26,724 --> 00:50:28,526
We need a hunk.
1185
00:50:29,594 --> 00:50:30,728
Mm.
1186
00:50:30,795 --> 00:50:35,233
Yes. Like a gorgeous,
ripped Latin pool boy
1187
00:50:35,300 --> 00:50:37,102
with six-pack abs
and a tight ass
1188
00:50:37,168 --> 00:50:39,470
you could bounce
quarters off of.
1189
00:50:39,537 --> 00:50:41,906
Ooh. How about
Antonio Sabato Jr.?
1190
00:50:41,972 --> 00:50:44,842
I don't know. The pool boy
thing's been done to death.
1191
00:50:44,909 --> 00:50:47,044
It's too familiar.
Feels, uh...
1192
00:50:47,112 --> 00:50:48,746
manufactured.
1193
00:50:48,813 --> 00:50:51,449
RANDI:
What about a foreign exchange
student? Comic relief?
1194
00:50:53,951 --> 00:50:56,221
A young Antonio Banderas.
1195
00:50:56,287 --> 00:50:58,022
Umm...maybe. Uh--
1196
00:50:58,089 --> 00:51:00,091
No, we could hire
a pro. An actor.
1197
00:51:00,158 --> 00:51:01,792
COLBY:
No. No, no, no. Too dangerous.
1198
00:51:01,859 --> 00:51:03,761
If anybody ever found out,
we'd be ruined.
1199
00:51:03,828 --> 00:51:06,697
Speaking of which, we should
burn those story bibles.
1200
00:51:06,764 --> 00:51:08,499
We can't use a real
exchange student.
1201
00:51:08,566 --> 00:51:11,669
It would be way
too unpredictable.
1202
00:51:18,443 --> 00:51:20,478
Welcome to Chart House.
1203
00:51:20,545 --> 00:51:21,479
Uh-- Uh.
1204
00:51:21,546 --> 00:51:22,480
"Kiro."
1205
00:51:23,781 --> 00:51:25,015
Ciro.
1206
00:51:25,082 --> 00:51:27,752
Oh. Oh, sorry.
Ch-- Cheerio.
1207
00:51:27,818 --> 00:51:29,654
Uh-- Ciro.
1208
00:51:29,720 --> 00:51:32,323
ALL:
Ciro.
1209
00:51:34,692 --> 00:51:36,194
Okay. Ahem.
1210
00:51:37,662 --> 00:51:39,530
[COMPUTER BEEPING]
1211
00:51:39,597 --> 00:51:42,032
Next week, log on
as the Bellingers
1212
00:51:42,099 --> 00:51:44,169
get a new addition
to the family.
1213
00:51:44,235 --> 00:51:45,670
[DOORBELL RINGS]
1214
00:51:47,838 --> 00:51:50,675
[***]
[SIGHS]
1215
00:51:50,741 --> 00:51:52,243
Oh, my.
1216
00:51:52,310 --> 00:51:54,145
Well, you must be
Ciro.
1217
00:51:54,212 --> 00:51:55,746
Si.
I'm Lydia.
1218
00:51:55,813 --> 00:51:57,047
Oh.
Won't you come in?
1219
00:51:57,114 --> 00:51:59,217
[***]
1220
00:52:01,118 --> 00:52:03,654
Everybody...Ciro
from Italy is here.
1221
00:52:03,721 --> 00:52:05,456
[GIGGLES]
1222
00:52:05,523 --> 00:52:06,924
This is my husband, Harvey.
1223
00:52:06,991 --> 00:52:09,026
Benvenuto.
1224
00:52:09,093 --> 00:52:10,195
Signore Harvey.
1225
00:52:10,261 --> 00:52:12,062
And this is--
Audrey.
1226
00:52:12,129 --> 00:52:13,564
So mice to neat you.
1227
00:52:13,631 --> 00:52:16,834
Ah-- N-nice. So nice
t-to meet you.
1228
00:52:17,968 --> 00:52:19,704
A-and this
is Colby, our son.
1229
00:52:19,770 --> 00:52:20,671
Hey.
1230
00:52:20,738 --> 00:52:22,373
Hey, let me
give you a hand there.
1231
00:52:22,440 --> 00:52:24,209
I'll show you where you're
staying. This way.
1232
00:52:24,275 --> 00:52:25,210
Oh. G-- Grazie.
1233
00:52:25,276 --> 00:52:26,744
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
1234
00:52:29,547 --> 00:52:31,849
COLBY [WHISPERING]:
Psst. Hey, guys.
1235
00:52:31,916 --> 00:52:33,618
Hey.
1236
00:52:34,885 --> 00:52:36,487
[CLICKS TONGUE]
Psst.
1237
00:52:39,524 --> 00:52:42,059
HARVEY:
Welcome to your new home,
Cheerio.
1238
00:52:42,126 --> 00:52:43,861
Got the bathroom
over there,
1239
00:52:43,928 --> 00:52:47,265
closet, nice, comfortable
bed for you.
1240
00:52:49,467 --> 00:52:51,936
Ciao.
Ciao.
1241
00:53:09,787 --> 00:53:11,121
[BEEPS]
1242
00:53:11,188 --> 00:53:13,123
COLBY:
How's he doing?
1243
00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:14,725
AUDREY:
He's just sitting there.
1244
00:53:14,792 --> 00:53:15,726
COLBY:
Heh.
1245
00:53:16,994 --> 00:53:19,163
So...are we
looking good?
1246
00:53:19,230 --> 00:53:20,765
No, we're dying.
1247
00:53:20,831 --> 00:53:22,767
LYDIA:
Poor man. He's scared
out of his mind.
1248
00:53:22,833 --> 00:53:24,935
HARVEY:
Either that or he's
a stultified moron.
1249
00:53:25,002 --> 00:53:27,372
RANDI:
We shouldn't have told him
about the cameras.
1250
00:53:27,438 --> 00:53:29,540
Ah, shit. We should have
a hired a pro.
1251
00:53:29,607 --> 00:53:32,142
We gotta do something.
Ah. This is ridiculous.
1252
00:53:32,209 --> 00:53:33,678
[SIGHS]
1253
00:53:33,744 --> 00:53:36,180
Wait a sec. What
are you doing?
Mm.
1254
00:53:36,247 --> 00:53:37,482
[SIGHS]
1255
00:53:37,548 --> 00:53:40,685
I am putting our business
investments to work.
1256
00:53:40,751 --> 00:53:42,987
Your business investments?
Uh-huh.
1257
00:53:44,054 --> 00:53:45,556
Okay.
Okay.
1258
00:53:45,623 --> 00:53:46,424
What?
1259
00:53:46,491 --> 00:53:47,725
What is she doing?
1260
00:53:47,792 --> 00:53:48,926
You heard her.
1261
00:53:48,993 --> 00:53:51,296
She's putting our business
investments to work.
1262
00:53:51,362 --> 00:53:54,499
[***]
1263
00:53:59,337 --> 00:54:00,938
Avanti.
1264
00:54:06,243 --> 00:54:07,712
[SIGHS]
Hi.
1265
00:54:09,814 --> 00:54:12,450
[SIGHS]
I thought you might be thirsty.
1266
00:54:15,119 --> 00:54:16,954
You know? After that...
1267
00:54:17,021 --> 00:54:20,425
long trip of yours from...
1268
00:54:20,491 --> 00:54:22,693
From Vienna?
V--
1269
00:54:22,760 --> 00:54:24,295
A-actually, Vienna
is in Austria.
1270
00:54:24,362 --> 00:54:27,197
I'm from Italy.
From Venice, Italy.
1271
00:54:27,264 --> 00:54:28,899
Of course you are.
1272
00:54:32,603 --> 00:54:33,571
[GASPS]
1273
00:54:35,840 --> 00:54:37,575
[EXHALES]
1274
00:54:37,642 --> 00:54:39,109
Oops.
1275
00:54:39,176 --> 00:54:40,411
Oops.
1276
00:54:44,815 --> 00:54:48,386
I keep a few of
my extra clothes in here.
1277
00:54:50,655 --> 00:54:51,589
[SIGHS]
1278
00:54:54,124 --> 00:54:56,361
I hope you don't mind.
1279
00:54:57,261 --> 00:54:58,729
Mind?
1280
00:54:58,796 --> 00:55:00,565
Go, Audrey.
1281
00:55:02,232 --> 00:55:04,702
What is my baby girl doing?
1282
00:55:14,712 --> 00:55:16,714
Can danger come out
to play?
1283
00:55:16,781 --> 00:55:19,016
I need a little
danger in my life.
1284
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:21,852
I'm horny, Harvey.
1285
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:24,288
[SIGHS]
1286
00:55:24,355 --> 00:55:27,324
Lydia...not now.
1287
00:55:27,392 --> 00:55:28,859
Sure.
1288
00:55:28,926 --> 00:55:31,128
Why should this week be
different from any other?
1289
00:55:31,195 --> 00:55:32,430
[GROANING]
1290
00:55:32,497 --> 00:55:35,199
I'm sorry, hon.
1291
00:55:35,265 --> 00:55:37,935
I'm just a little...
preoccupied.
1292
00:55:38,002 --> 00:55:40,070
Do tell.
[CAMERA BEEPS]
1293
00:55:40,137 --> 00:55:41,238
[HARVEY SIGHS]
1294
00:55:41,305 --> 00:55:43,574
I'm kind of worried
about Audrey.
1295
00:55:43,641 --> 00:55:46,010
She seems a little
too interested in Ciro,
1296
00:55:46,076 --> 00:55:47,011
if you know what I mean?
1297
00:55:47,077 --> 00:55:48,679
[HANGERS RATTLING]
1298
00:55:48,746 --> 00:55:51,549
I don't know.
Am I being silly?
1299
00:55:51,616 --> 00:55:53,984
[SIGHS]
Not at all.
1300
00:55:55,386 --> 00:55:57,622
He's a handsome...
1301
00:55:58,489 --> 00:55:59,990
ripped young man.
1302
00:56:00,057 --> 00:56:03,728
It's only natural for a woman
to be attracted to him.
1303
00:56:03,794 --> 00:56:08,032
Girl. You said "woman,"
and Audrey's still a girl.
1304
00:56:08,098 --> 00:56:09,434
Right.
1305
00:56:10,668 --> 00:56:11,769
Do you think, uh...
1306
00:56:11,836 --> 00:56:14,038
he's, you know,
uh...?
1307
00:56:14,104 --> 00:56:15,606
Circumcised?
1308
00:56:16,507 --> 00:56:20,077
Interested in Audrey?
Nah.
1309
00:56:20,144 --> 00:56:22,747
I'm sure he hasn't even
looked twice at her.
1310
00:56:22,813 --> 00:56:25,115
Oh, well, maybe if you could,
uh, I don't know,
1311
00:56:25,182 --> 00:56:27,418
divert his attention
from her.
1312
00:56:29,386 --> 00:56:30,721
No way.
1313
00:56:30,788 --> 00:56:32,322
I'm not suggesting
you do anything
1314
00:56:32,389 --> 00:56:33,858
but flirt with
the guy a little.
1315
00:56:33,924 --> 00:56:35,760
Just to get his mind
off Audrey.
1316
00:56:36,961 --> 00:56:38,095
[BEEPS]
1317
00:56:38,162 --> 00:56:40,931
[WHISPERS]
It'd be great
for the ratings.
1318
00:56:50,541 --> 00:56:52,677
GIRL [ON PHONE]:
Ah, you are so lucky.
1319
00:56:52,743 --> 00:56:56,614
He's a man. Not some pencil
prick in high school.
1320
00:56:58,483 --> 00:57:00,851
Damn. Oh.
1321
00:57:02,086 --> 00:57:03,020
Is he really hot?
1322
00:57:03,087 --> 00:57:05,956
You should see his ass.
1323
00:57:06,023 --> 00:57:08,693
I could just take
a bite out of it.
1324
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:12,697
He sounds so hot.
Mm.
1325
00:57:12,763 --> 00:57:14,699
[KATIE MARINO'S "LEAVE
MY MAN ALONE" PLAYING]
1326
00:57:14,765 --> 00:57:19,036
* Ooh, girl, leave
My man alone... *
1327
00:57:19,103 --> 00:57:21,271
AUDREY:
That bitch!
1328
00:57:21,338 --> 00:57:24,041
She's trying to move in
on my exchange student.
1329
00:57:24,108 --> 00:57:26,143
I gotta go, Nance.
1330
00:57:26,210 --> 00:57:28,979
* I'm not likin' what I'm seein'
In this little game... *
1331
00:57:29,046 --> 00:57:32,016
Was I good or what?
How are the numbers?
1332
00:57:32,082 --> 00:57:33,484
COLBY:
Cha-ching.
1333
00:57:33,551 --> 00:57:35,419
We're back. Mom
and Audrey are, like,
1334
00:57:35,486 --> 00:57:37,855
really getting
into this Ciro guy.
1335
00:57:37,922 --> 00:57:41,191
Do all Italian men
have muscles like this?
1336
00:57:41,258 --> 00:57:43,494
[BOTH GIGGLING]
1337
00:57:43,561 --> 00:57:45,730
Excuse me. Lydia?
Can I talk to you?
1338
00:57:45,796 --> 00:57:47,431
Audrey, your--
Your surgeon called.
1339
00:57:47,498 --> 00:57:49,867
He-- He wanted to check
on your fake boobs.
1340
00:57:49,934 --> 00:57:51,869
[AUDREY GASPING]
1341
00:57:52,970 --> 00:57:54,171
Ahh!
1342
00:57:54,238 --> 00:57:56,674
Will you excuse us, please?
I need to talk to her.
1343
00:57:56,741 --> 00:57:58,943
Ciro, if you change your mind
about that massage,
1344
00:57:59,009 --> 00:57:59,877
I have great hands.
1345
00:57:59,944 --> 00:58:01,411
Maybe he could take
a rain check.
1346
00:58:01,478 --> 00:58:03,047
Lydia's got a doctor's
appointment.
1347
00:58:03,113 --> 00:58:04,448
No, I don't.
1348
00:58:04,515 --> 00:58:06,416
Heh. You know,
your estrogen injection
1349
00:58:06,483 --> 00:58:08,285
and that nasty
yeast infection.
1350
00:58:08,352 --> 00:58:10,555
[GASPS]
1351
00:58:10,621 --> 00:58:14,559
* Walk around like you
Own the play *
1352
00:58:14,625 --> 00:58:18,362
[IN ITALIAN]
1353
00:58:18,428 --> 00:58:21,331
* And I'm likin' what I'm seein'
in this little game you do *
1354
00:58:21,398 --> 00:58:22,767
* It's obvious *
1355
00:58:22,833 --> 00:58:24,602
* You're my man *
1356
00:58:24,669 --> 00:58:26,771
* You can't have him *
1357
00:58:26,837 --> 00:58:32,710
* You better leave my man
Alone. Alone. Alone. *
1358
00:58:32,777 --> 00:58:36,180
* Alone *
* You're my man... *
1359
00:58:38,549 --> 00:58:40,284
HARVEY:
Ciro's initial stage fright
1360
00:58:40,350 --> 00:58:42,953
quickly became the least
of our problems.
1361
00:58:43,020 --> 00:58:44,622
How's that?
1362
00:58:44,689 --> 00:58:46,056
Somewhere along the line,
1363
00:58:46,123 --> 00:58:48,593
things really got
out of control.
1364
00:58:48,659 --> 00:58:50,160
We, uh...
1365
00:58:50,227 --> 00:58:54,231
We became these characters,
caricatures.
1366
00:58:54,298 --> 00:58:58,302
I basically pushed Lydia
into Ciro's arms...
1367
00:58:58,368 --> 00:59:00,605
and she locked onto that...
1368
00:59:00,671 --> 00:59:02,106
like a laser beam.
1369
00:59:03,373 --> 00:59:06,176
Unfortunately...
1370
00:59:06,243 --> 00:59:07,578
so did Audrey.
1371
00:59:07,645 --> 00:59:09,714
[***]
1372
00:59:09,780 --> 00:59:12,617
Oh, my goodness.
1373
00:59:12,683 --> 00:59:16,253
Ciro...can I help you
find something?
1374
00:59:16,320 --> 00:59:17,254
Perfetto.
1375
00:59:17,321 --> 00:59:19,223
No, no. I'm okay. Thank you.
1376
00:59:21,158 --> 00:59:22,727
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
1377
00:59:22,793 --> 00:59:26,631
Have you ever had
Agnolotti all'Aragosta?
1378
00:59:26,697 --> 00:59:29,734
No. But it sounds
delicious.
1379
00:59:30,868 --> 00:59:31,769
Hey.
1380
00:59:31,836 --> 00:59:33,804
What are you doing?
1381
00:59:33,871 --> 00:59:36,874
Oh. I cannot cook
or make love in shoes.
1382
00:59:40,745 --> 00:59:42,112
Hm.
Hm.
1383
00:59:45,115 --> 00:59:48,118
I grew up in the shadow
of Mount Etna.
1384
00:59:49,754 --> 00:59:51,722
I thought you grew up
in Venice.
1385
00:59:52,923 --> 00:59:54,625
Oh, yes, but I had
family in Sicilia.
1386
00:59:54,692 --> 00:59:58,128
I would-- I would
visit in summer.
1387
00:59:58,195 --> 01:00:00,731
Cooking is like
a religion in my family.
1388
01:00:00,798 --> 01:00:02,900
It's what I love
to do the most.
1389
01:00:02,967 --> 01:00:04,635
I love to
cook also. Heh.
1390
01:00:04,702 --> 01:00:06,470
Ah, but for Italians...
1391
01:00:06,536 --> 01:00:09,339
cooking is
an emotional experience.
1392
01:00:09,406 --> 01:00:11,608
Like making love.
1393
01:00:11,676 --> 01:00:13,944
The heat, the fire,
the passion,
1394
01:00:14,011 --> 01:00:15,946
the waiting for the right
moment, and then--
1395
01:00:16,013 --> 01:00:17,381
And then the climax.
[GASPS]
1396
01:00:17,447 --> 01:00:19,349
[LAUGHS]
1397
01:00:19,416 --> 01:00:20,751
[BLOWS]
[SQUEALS, LAUGHS]
1398
01:00:20,818 --> 01:00:22,787
And cooking is play.
Play, love and art.
1399
01:00:22,853 --> 01:00:24,855
[BLOWS]
Oh.
1400
01:00:24,922 --> 01:00:25,656
Lydia.
1401
01:00:25,723 --> 01:00:26,724
[BOTH LAUGHING]
1402
01:00:26,791 --> 01:00:30,160
Come. You help me.
Okay.
1403
01:00:30,227 --> 01:00:31,261
Here's the flour.
1404
01:00:32,429 --> 01:00:36,166
The flour...is the body.
Mm-hm.
1405
01:00:36,233 --> 01:00:37,968
The earth. Ah.
1406
01:00:39,503 --> 01:00:42,039
From which all things
begin and end.
1407
01:00:42,106 --> 01:00:43,607
See?
1408
01:00:43,674 --> 01:00:45,109
Now, Lydia...
1409
01:00:45,175 --> 01:00:48,913
here comes the source
of life and energy.
1410
01:00:48,979 --> 01:00:49,780
Now...
1411
01:00:49,847 --> 01:00:52,482
pour it in the womb.
1412
01:00:52,549 --> 01:00:54,484
See?
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
1413
01:00:54,551 --> 01:00:56,053
[MOANING]
1414
01:00:57,487 --> 01:00:58,689
Mm.
1415
01:01:00,624 --> 01:01:01,959
Mm.
1416
01:01:04,461 --> 01:01:06,463
Huh? Mm.
1417
01:01:06,530 --> 01:01:08,132
Lydia! What are
you doing?!
1418
01:01:08,198 --> 01:01:11,836
Coming-- Cooking.
I'm cooking with Ciro.
1419
01:01:11,902 --> 01:01:14,972
We're-- We're making ravioli.
Agnolotti.
1420
01:01:15,039 --> 01:01:17,708
We're creating life.
You must help us.
1421
01:01:17,775 --> 01:01:20,110
Viene. Viene.
1422
01:01:20,177 --> 01:01:21,311
I think I will.
1423
01:01:21,378 --> 01:01:22,780
Mm.
1424
01:01:39,263 --> 01:01:40,230
Mm.
1425
01:01:45,202 --> 01:01:46,270
Oh, Ciro.
1426
01:01:47,938 --> 01:01:49,907
I don't think
I'm doing this right.
1427
01:01:49,974 --> 01:01:52,743
Maybe you should run along
and do your homework.
1428
01:01:52,810 --> 01:01:54,945
Um, come help me.
1429
01:01:55,012 --> 01:01:59,183
No. No, no, actually, uh--
Uh, I'll show you.
1430
01:01:59,249 --> 01:02:00,684
Si.
1431
01:02:00,751 --> 01:02:01,952
[SPEAKS ITALIAN]
1432
01:02:02,853 --> 01:02:05,222
Uh, slow...
Mm-hm.
1433
01:02:05,289 --> 01:02:07,291
...long.
1434
01:02:07,357 --> 01:02:09,126
Slow strokes
like this.
1435
01:02:09,193 --> 01:02:12,396
Let it mold into your hands.
Huh? Into thick rolls.
1436
01:02:12,462 --> 01:02:14,965
[BOTH SPEAKING ITALIAN]
1437
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:18,735
[MOANING]
1438
01:02:20,838 --> 01:02:22,006
Like this,
Ciro?
1439
01:02:22,072 --> 01:02:23,007
Huh?
1440
01:02:24,641 --> 01:02:26,410
Perfetto.
1441
01:02:27,711 --> 01:02:30,815
A kiss for
good luck.
Ah.
1442
01:02:30,881 --> 01:02:34,051
Okay. Now, we have to
move faster and faster
1443
01:02:34,118 --> 01:02:36,553
before it gets too hard.
1444
01:02:36,620 --> 01:02:38,688
All right, now.
Faster, faster.
1445
01:02:38,755 --> 01:02:41,425
Like this. Si, si,
faster. Faster.
1446
01:02:41,491 --> 01:02:42,459
[BOTH MOANING]
1447
01:02:42,526 --> 01:02:45,029
Eh? We can go faster.
1448
01:02:46,496 --> 01:02:47,664
Oh, my--
1449
01:02:47,731 --> 01:02:49,366
God!
1450
01:02:49,433 --> 01:02:50,835
Oh.
1451
01:02:50,901 --> 01:02:52,803
Damn good, Cheerio.
1452
01:02:52,870 --> 01:02:55,339
[***]
1453
01:02:55,405 --> 01:02:57,074
Ciro is
the master.
1454
01:02:57,141 --> 01:02:58,008
Mm.
1455
01:02:58,075 --> 01:03:01,145
We should cook together
more often.
1456
01:03:05,182 --> 01:03:07,818
We should sell
this stuff online.
1457
01:03:07,885 --> 01:03:09,453
Mm. Damn good,
Cheerio.
1458
01:03:12,122 --> 01:03:14,391
Yeah, it's not bad.
1459
01:03:14,458 --> 01:03:16,626
Not bad?
Are you kidding?
1460
01:03:16,693 --> 01:03:19,897
It's too bad you didn't have
any shaved white truffles.
1461
01:03:19,964 --> 01:03:21,498
That would have
really crowned it.
1462
01:03:23,834 --> 01:03:25,069
Tar--
1463
01:03:25,970 --> 01:03:27,204
[CLEARS THROAT]
1464
01:03:27,271 --> 01:03:29,039
Tartufi bianchi
with seafood?
1465
01:03:29,106 --> 01:03:31,075
I would never have thought
of that combination.
1466
01:03:31,141 --> 01:03:33,243
It's-- Sounds really good.
1467
01:03:34,678 --> 01:03:36,213
My dad was a chef.
1468
01:03:39,016 --> 01:03:41,852
Next week, will the sexy
Italian exchange student
1469
01:03:41,919 --> 01:03:43,753
get private lessons in love?
1470
01:03:43,820 --> 01:03:47,024
And if so, who from?
Mother or daughter?
1471
01:03:47,091 --> 01:03:50,427
Log on to see what
they won't show you on TV.
1472
01:03:50,494 --> 01:03:53,297
I-See-You.com.
1473
01:03:54,831 --> 01:03:56,233
[SIGHS]
1474
01:04:02,472 --> 01:04:04,975
COLBY:
All right, we just hit
10 million hits.
1475
01:04:07,912 --> 01:04:09,313
Yeah!
1476
01:04:12,249 --> 01:04:16,053
Kid. That's the last time
I do voice-over in a sauna.
1477
01:04:17,354 --> 01:04:19,623
But Mr. La Fontaine,
it's a shower.
1478
01:04:22,960 --> 01:04:25,862
[G TOM MAC'S "I SEE YOU"
PLAYING]
1479
01:04:25,930 --> 01:04:28,165
LA FONTAINE:
Know where your family is?
1480
01:04:28,232 --> 01:04:31,068
Don't look now.
They may be on the Web
1481
01:04:31,135 --> 01:04:33,037
for the whole
wide world to see.
1482
01:04:36,773 --> 01:04:40,444
* Watch you, watch me see you
through my naked eye *
1483
01:04:40,510 --> 01:04:43,213
* Watch the future
Turn up your TV *
1484
01:04:43,280 --> 01:04:44,748
* Look at what you never seen *
1485
01:04:44,814 --> 01:04:47,551
* There are no limits
To the modern spy *
1486
01:04:47,617 --> 01:04:50,520
* If you want to be
My future star *
1487
01:04:50,587 --> 01:04:54,324
* All you got to do is open up
Your windows up to mine *
1488
01:04:54,391 --> 01:04:56,961
* Every day is prime time
Never mind... *
1489
01:04:57,027 --> 01:04:58,362
LA FONTAINE:
Meet the Bellingers:
1490
01:04:58,428 --> 01:05:01,631
Harvey, Lydia, Audrey
and Colby.
1491
01:05:01,698 --> 01:05:04,901
And watch America's
real nuclear family
1492
01:05:04,969 --> 01:05:08,338
melt down on
a computer near you.
1493
01:05:10,574 --> 01:05:13,577
* I see you... *
1494
01:05:13,643 --> 01:05:16,080
I-See-You.com.
1495
01:05:16,146 --> 01:05:17,914
If they weren't so real,
1496
01:05:17,982 --> 01:05:19,649
you'd think it was TV.
1497
01:05:19,716 --> 01:05:22,519
* I see you
From another point of view *
1498
01:05:22,586 --> 01:05:25,956
* Watching everything
You do... *
1499
01:05:26,023 --> 01:05:27,958
I-See-You.com.
1500
01:05:28,025 --> 01:05:32,629
Giving a whole new meaning
to family home entertainment.
1501
01:05:34,198 --> 01:05:35,799
After living with
the Bellingers,
1502
01:05:35,865 --> 01:05:39,403
you'll thank God
this train wreck isn't yours.
1503
01:05:39,469 --> 01:05:40,870
* All you really
want to do *
1504
01:05:40,937 --> 01:05:42,939
* Open your windows up to mine *
1505
01:05:43,007 --> 01:05:45,675
* Every day is prime time
Never mind your cable days... *
1506
01:05:47,644 --> 01:05:51,148
RANDI:
"Which is how I came up
with the name."
1507
01:05:51,215 --> 01:05:53,117
Um, excuse me,
king of the world,
1508
01:05:53,183 --> 01:05:55,152
I came up with
the name, remember?
1509
01:05:55,219 --> 01:05:57,587
Yeah. Uh, I mentioned that.
1510
01:05:57,654 --> 01:05:59,990
They must have just
edited it out or something.
1511
01:06:00,057 --> 01:06:01,491
[PIANO PLAYING]
1512
01:06:03,093 --> 01:06:04,494
You know, babe...
1513
01:06:04,561 --> 01:06:06,563
I've been meaning to talk
to you about something.
1514
01:06:08,132 --> 01:06:09,366
Now that our numbers are up
1515
01:06:09,433 --> 01:06:11,268
and our Internet partners
are all happy again,
1516
01:06:11,335 --> 01:06:13,670
I wanted to talk to you
about fleshing out the C story.
1517
01:06:14,738 --> 01:06:16,506
The "C story"?
1518
01:06:16,573 --> 01:06:19,476
Yeah, you know how the A story
is basically the family,
1519
01:06:19,543 --> 01:06:22,246
Audrey, her boobs,
and bending over and stuff.
1520
01:06:22,312 --> 01:06:25,415
And the B story is basically
the whole Ciro business.
1521
01:06:25,482 --> 01:06:27,717
Well, the C story, which
is as yet undeveloped,
1522
01:06:27,784 --> 01:06:32,689
is me and you, which
is relatively, uh...flat.
1523
01:06:34,558 --> 01:06:36,693
Flat? What are you
talking about?
1524
01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:41,165
We need a new character.
I mean, nothing personal.
1525
01:06:41,231 --> 01:06:43,633
Our real relationship
will stay the same off camera.
1526
01:06:43,700 --> 01:06:46,036
But on camera, things
are gonna be a different deal.
1527
01:06:46,103 --> 01:06:47,404
Dysfunction sells.
1528
01:06:47,471 --> 01:06:48,672
So, what I'm thinking is,
we basically
1529
01:06:48,738 --> 01:06:51,075
replace your character
to build some drama,
1530
01:06:51,141 --> 01:06:53,377
have a big confrontation,
a big breakup, you know?
1531
01:06:53,443 --> 01:06:56,913
And, uh...you know,
you'll have a great exit.
1532
01:06:56,980 --> 01:06:59,149
You're throwing me
off the show?
1533
01:06:59,216 --> 01:07:02,552
Well, no. Just
your character, babe.
1534
01:07:02,619 --> 01:07:05,622
What? I mean,
am I not good enough?
1535
01:07:05,689 --> 01:07:07,857
Am I not pretty enough
to be your girlfriend?
1536
01:07:07,924 --> 01:07:09,093
I mean, what?
1537
01:07:09,159 --> 01:07:12,262
It has nothing to do
with how I feel.
1538
01:07:12,329 --> 01:07:13,963
I mean, you saw what happened
to the numbers
1539
01:07:14,030 --> 01:07:17,234
when we brought Ciro onboard.
Hell, it was your idea, right?
1540
01:07:17,301 --> 01:07:20,104
Besides, it's way
too heavily slanted female.
1541
01:07:20,170 --> 01:07:22,939
So I think it's pretty
obvious that I should have
1542
01:07:23,006 --> 01:07:24,508
the equivalent
new love interest.
1543
01:07:24,574 --> 01:07:27,211
I think the big blowup
should be next Tuesday.
1544
01:07:28,112 --> 01:07:29,613
Big dramatic
breakup?
1545
01:07:31,615 --> 01:07:32,549
Yeah.
1546
01:07:32,616 --> 01:07:33,950
Hm.
1547
01:07:34,017 --> 01:07:35,619
Well, why wait?
1548
01:07:35,685 --> 01:07:36,620
Huh?
1549
01:07:38,088 --> 01:07:41,125
I said, "Why wait?"
1550
01:07:44,161 --> 01:07:47,631
You insignificant,
pretentious, shrimp-dick,
1551
01:07:47,697 --> 01:07:50,134
fucked-your-own-sister
asshole!
Whoa!
1552
01:07:50,200 --> 01:07:51,835
[SCREAMS]
1553
01:07:53,470 --> 01:07:54,704
Check.
1554
01:07:55,905 --> 01:07:58,408
Hey. Psycho.
1555
01:07:59,543 --> 01:08:02,078
Enter...Jessica.
1556
01:08:04,481 --> 01:08:05,449
Jessica.
1557
01:08:06,316 --> 01:08:07,284
Who the hell's Jessica?
1558
01:08:07,351 --> 01:08:09,786
Oh, man. Jessica. Heh.
1559
01:08:19,729 --> 01:08:21,465
[DOORBELL RINGS]
1560
01:08:22,466 --> 01:08:25,235
Son of a--
This can't be right.
1561
01:08:27,937 --> 01:08:28,905
Hi.
1562
01:08:28,972 --> 01:08:31,040
Oh. Can I help you?
1563
01:08:31,107 --> 01:08:33,009
I'm Jessica.
1564
01:08:33,076 --> 01:08:34,478
Colby's friend.
1565
01:08:35,379 --> 01:08:38,715
Ah. Sure.
Come on in, please.
1566
01:08:38,782 --> 01:08:39,983
Okay.
1567
01:08:40,049 --> 01:08:42,986
I'll, uh-- I'll let
him know you're here.
1568
01:08:43,052 --> 01:08:43,987
Okay, thanks.
1569
01:08:44,053 --> 01:08:45,789
Jessica.
Yeah.
1570
01:08:47,224 --> 01:08:48,525
[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]
1571
01:08:50,160 --> 01:08:51,461
[***]
1572
01:08:51,528 --> 01:08:54,664
Colby. Hi.
1573
01:08:54,731 --> 01:08:56,900
[MUMBLING INDISTINCTLY]
1574
01:08:56,966 --> 01:08:59,002
And you are?
Jessica.
1575
01:08:59,068 --> 01:09:00,737
Jessica. Uh-huh.
1576
01:09:00,804 --> 01:09:03,707
What a beautiful
name. Jessica.
[GIGGLES]
1577
01:09:03,773 --> 01:09:04,808
Jess-
1578
01:09:07,577 --> 01:09:09,913
Hi. Hi. Hi.
1579
01:09:09,979 --> 01:09:11,548
Come here.
1580
01:09:12,716 --> 01:09:13,817
Hey. Hey.
1581
01:09:13,883 --> 01:09:14,951
Who the hell
is Jessica?
1582
01:09:15,018 --> 01:09:16,220
She here?
She hot?
1583
01:09:16,286 --> 01:09:18,355
Yeah, but who is she?
My new "girlfriend."
1584
01:09:18,422 --> 01:09:20,224
I invited her over
to watch Barry Kibrick.
1585
01:09:20,290 --> 01:09:21,591
Who said you could
have a new girl?
1586
01:09:21,658 --> 01:09:23,493
Who said I couldn't?
I'm the showrunner.
1587
01:09:23,560 --> 01:09:25,229
I'm the creative
executive producer.
1588
01:09:25,295 --> 01:09:26,563
I'm the fucking network.
1589
01:09:26,630 --> 01:09:28,232
Ah, I'm out of here.
What about Randi?
1590
01:09:28,298 --> 01:09:30,300
What about Randi?
She went psycho.
1591
01:09:30,367 --> 01:09:31,968
HARVEY:
She went psycho?
1592
01:09:32,035 --> 01:09:34,037
I went psycho?
1593
01:09:34,103 --> 01:09:36,906
Hey. Before you go down there,
we need to talk a minute.
1594
01:09:36,973 --> 01:09:40,244
Is this an error, or are we
really short 296 thou?
1595
01:09:40,310 --> 01:09:41,778
What are you talking about?
1596
01:09:41,845 --> 01:09:43,112
No.
1597
01:09:43,179 --> 01:09:45,215
Oh, I'm sorry. I thought
you were Colby.
1598
01:09:46,783 --> 01:09:47,951
That's Colby.
1599
01:09:48,017 --> 01:09:48,952
Oh, Colby.
1600
01:09:49,018 --> 01:09:50,987
[LAUGHS]
1601
01:09:51,054 --> 01:09:53,223
I almost forgot what
you looked like.
1602
01:09:53,290 --> 01:09:55,292
We have to talk about
my contract rider.
1603
01:09:55,359 --> 01:09:57,761
I'm not doing
any nudity.
1604
01:09:58,895 --> 01:09:59,896
Ciao bella.
1605
01:09:59,963 --> 01:10:01,097
I see you've
met Ciro,
1606
01:10:01,164 --> 01:10:02,666
our exchange student
from the mafia.
1607
01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:05,335
[GIGGLES]
Mwah.
1608
01:10:10,540 --> 01:10:11,608
Shh.
1609
01:10:13,677 --> 01:10:15,745
Cool.
Yeah.
1610
01:10:19,549 --> 01:10:22,719
KIBRICK [ON TV]:
Colby, let's get back
to the embryo of the idea
1611
01:10:22,786 --> 01:10:26,423
that put I-See-You
on the worldwide map.
1612
01:10:26,490 --> 01:10:31,361
I mean, who or what
inspired you to do this?
1613
01:10:32,362 --> 01:10:33,530
COLBY:
You know, it was weird.
1614
01:10:33,597 --> 01:10:34,798
It just sort of
came to me.
1615
01:10:34,864 --> 01:10:36,132
Randi.
1616
01:10:36,199 --> 01:10:37,334
I sensed a collective
alienation.
1617
01:10:37,401 --> 01:10:39,068
Isn't that Colby?
1618
01:10:39,135 --> 01:10:42,539
And a hunger for raw,
unmanufactured reality.
1619
01:10:42,606 --> 01:10:45,174
Sort of a schadenfreude,
that America would watch
1620
01:10:45,241 --> 01:10:47,176
because they were thinking:
1621
01:10:47,243 --> 01:10:49,446
"Thank God there are
other families
1622
01:10:49,513 --> 01:10:51,315
"out there that
make mine look normal."
1623
01:10:51,381 --> 01:10:53,817
Sounds like he's taking
all the credit, sweetie.
1624
01:10:53,883 --> 01:10:58,388
KIBRICK:
...by self or divinity, Colby,
you do write these words:
1625
01:10:58,455 --> 01:11:01,425
That you designed and
executed the website,
1626
01:11:01,491 --> 01:11:04,428
handled all the now-
precedent-setting
1627
01:11:04,494 --> 01:11:06,663
business deals
all on your own.
1628
01:11:06,730 --> 01:11:09,232
The power of a singular
vision, Barry.
1629
01:11:09,299 --> 01:11:13,337
In fact, as you know,
it's the title of my new book.
1630
01:11:13,403 --> 01:11:17,073
Yes, and, uh, quite
obviously understated.
1631
01:11:17,140 --> 01:11:18,508
[SIGHS]
1632
01:11:18,575 --> 01:11:20,610
That was a huge mistake.
1633
01:11:20,677 --> 01:11:23,079
What? What was
a mistake?
1634
01:11:23,146 --> 01:11:24,514
Jessica?
1635
01:11:24,581 --> 01:11:26,750
Jessica, the book,
the Barry Kibrick interview,
1636
01:11:26,816 --> 01:11:28,284
the whole thing.
1637
01:11:28,352 --> 01:11:30,354
Because of Randi, right?
1638
01:11:30,420 --> 01:11:32,922
Hell hath no fury
as a woman scorned.
1639
01:11:32,989 --> 01:11:34,924
That's right,
baby.
1640
01:11:37,361 --> 01:11:38,895
[CHUCKLING]
1641
01:11:42,065 --> 01:11:43,433
[SIGHS]
1642
01:11:46,135 --> 01:11:47,871
You fucker.
1643
01:11:52,409 --> 01:11:55,745
[***]
1644
01:12:06,956 --> 01:12:08,558
[BEEPING]
1645
01:13:27,937 --> 01:13:29,706
Hi.
1646
01:13:35,745 --> 01:13:38,147
It's so hot out.
1647
01:13:39,348 --> 01:13:41,417
I couldn't sleep.
1648
01:13:43,186 --> 01:13:44,721
I hope
you don't mind.
1649
01:13:45,789 --> 01:13:48,124
Share a cool drink
with me?
1650
01:13:49,859 --> 01:13:50,794
Mm.
1651
01:13:54,698 --> 01:13:55,832
Oh.
1652
01:13:57,166 --> 01:13:59,669
Mm. Oh.
1653
01:13:59,736 --> 01:14:03,039
Haven't we played
this game...
1654
01:14:03,106 --> 01:14:04,440
long enough?
1655
01:14:05,909 --> 01:14:07,110
[CLEARS THROAT]
1656
01:14:08,177 --> 01:14:11,114
[***]
1657
01:14:17,854 --> 01:14:21,491
Was that the pool?
I-- I don't know.
1658
01:14:24,427 --> 01:14:25,562
Hm.
1659
01:14:27,196 --> 01:14:28,665
You stay here.
1660
01:14:28,732 --> 01:14:30,133
[DRAMATICALLY]
I'll see.
1661
01:14:35,371 --> 01:14:36,873
[DOOR OPENS]
1662
01:14:37,941 --> 01:14:39,008
[DOOR CLOSES]
1663
01:14:40,309 --> 01:14:41,578
Signora Bellinger.
1664
01:14:43,513 --> 01:14:45,882
Ciro.
1665
01:14:45,949 --> 01:14:49,553
It's such a hot night
tonight. Don't you think?
1666
01:14:51,988 --> 01:14:53,757
[YAWNS]
1667
01:15:01,064 --> 01:15:02,231
[***]
1668
01:15:02,298 --> 01:15:03,600
Signora
Bellinger.
1669
01:15:04,734 --> 01:15:07,203
Signora Bellinger.
Lydia.
1670
01:15:07,270 --> 01:15:09,372
Signora Bellinger,
it's really cold out,
1671
01:15:09,438 --> 01:15:11,174
and you could
catch pneumonia.
1672
01:15:11,240 --> 01:15:12,576
Mm.
1673
01:15:12,642 --> 01:15:15,178
I was hoping to catch
something else.
1674
01:15:19,583 --> 01:15:21,117
[SIGHS]
1675
01:15:22,318 --> 01:15:23,887
Are you gonna come in?
1676
01:15:23,953 --> 01:15:26,189
Or do I have to come out
and get you?
1677
01:15:26,255 --> 01:15:27,523
[LAUGHS]
1678
01:15:29,525 --> 01:15:31,995
Signora Bellinger.
Oh. Ho-ho.
1679
01:15:32,061 --> 01:15:35,398
It's nice to see that
a...38-year-old woman
1680
01:15:35,464 --> 01:15:37,734
can still get a rise
out of you.
Hm.
1681
01:15:37,801 --> 01:15:39,836
Thirty-eight?
What--?
1682
01:15:39,903 --> 01:15:41,605
[MOANS]
1683
01:15:41,671 --> 01:15:43,306
Signora Bellinger, but--
1684
01:15:43,372 --> 01:15:44,641
[GIGGLES]
1685
01:15:46,643 --> 01:15:48,712
AUDREY [GASPS]:
Lydia!
1686
01:15:48,778 --> 01:15:50,546
Audrey.
[GASPS]
1687
01:15:50,614 --> 01:15:52,782
HARVEY:
Lydia?!
1688
01:15:52,849 --> 01:15:55,551
Audrey?! What
the hell's going on?!
1689
01:15:55,619 --> 01:15:58,955
Harvey. Oh, my--
1690
01:15:59,022 --> 01:16:02,058
That's it. I'm raising
the ad rates in the morning.
1691
01:16:02,125 --> 01:16:03,660
Harvey.
1692
01:16:05,929 --> 01:16:07,196
[GROANS]
1693
01:16:09,966 --> 01:16:12,368
Sweetheart!
No, don't you
sweetheart me, Lydia.
1694
01:16:12,435 --> 01:16:13,970
[CAR ALARM BLARING]
Shit. Shit.
1695
01:16:14,037 --> 01:16:16,405
Don't you think you're just
overreacting just a little?
1696
01:16:16,472 --> 01:16:18,507
Nothing happened.
We were just acting.
1697
01:16:18,574 --> 01:16:20,309
Acting?! You were
fucking naked!
1698
01:16:20,376 --> 01:16:22,679
You were this close to
taking the meat thermometer
1699
01:16:22,746 --> 01:16:24,614
from the master chef of Milan.
1700
01:16:24,681 --> 01:16:26,115
Venice or Sorrento.
It's not clear.
1701
01:16:26,182 --> 01:16:28,251
Let's not forget whose idea
this all was.
Uh-huh.
1702
01:16:28,317 --> 01:16:30,687
"Just divert his attention
from my daughter."
1703
01:16:30,754 --> 01:16:32,255
Besides, weren't you
the one that said,
1704
01:16:32,321 --> 01:16:34,858
"This is all an act.
We're just playing characters"?
1705
01:16:34,924 --> 01:16:37,060
Oh, oh, oh. So I suppose
you were just gonna fake
1706
01:16:37,126 --> 01:16:39,629
your orgasm
with Ciro then, huh?
1707
01:16:39,696 --> 01:16:41,397
[CAR ALARM BLARING]
I'm quite certain
1708
01:16:41,464 --> 01:16:42,866
I would have had to!
See what I mean?
1709
01:16:42,932 --> 01:16:44,200
You were never acting.
1710
01:16:44,267 --> 01:16:48,571
You...menopausal
nymphomaniac actress.
1711
01:16:48,638 --> 01:16:50,840
I am not menopausal!
Oh, fine.
1712
01:16:50,907 --> 01:16:52,075
And I had to literally hold
1713
01:16:52,141 --> 01:16:54,577
a gun to your head
just to make love.
1714
01:16:54,644 --> 01:16:55,945
You knew
from the day you met me
1715
01:16:56,012 --> 01:16:58,347
that I have
an elevated libido.
1716
01:16:58,414 --> 01:16:59,348
[YELLS]
1717
01:16:59,415 --> 01:17:00,684
Hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey.
1718
01:17:00,750 --> 01:17:02,318
This better not be drama
happening in here.
1719
01:17:02,385 --> 01:17:04,487
'Cause if it is, take it
inside. This camera isn't...
1720
01:17:04,553 --> 01:17:05,855
[GASPS]
1721
01:17:05,922 --> 01:17:07,323
I don't know what's
with you people.
1722
01:17:07,390 --> 01:17:09,693
But, like, the whole world is
waiting to see the fallout
1723
01:17:09,759 --> 01:17:10,927
from this
Ciro thing will be.
1724
01:17:10,994 --> 01:17:12,762
Colby, can you just
give us a few minutes?
1725
01:17:12,829 --> 01:17:14,864
Sure, sure. Take all
the time you need.
1726
01:17:14,931 --> 01:17:16,966
But just let me put
some things in perspective.
1727
01:17:17,033 --> 01:17:19,803
The tires you're driving on?
Free. Promo deal.
1728
01:17:19,869 --> 01:17:21,705
The Cokes in
our fridge. Free.
1729
01:17:21,771 --> 01:17:23,639
The designer robes,
gratis.
1730
01:17:23,707 --> 01:17:25,641
And while Bugle Boy
and Billabong are fighting
1731
01:17:25,709 --> 01:17:27,711
over who gets
our six-figure exclusive,
1732
01:17:27,777 --> 01:17:30,046
our banner ads
just hit 5K a pop.
1733
01:17:30,113 --> 01:17:31,848
Fuck off, Colby.
Fuck off, Colby.
1734
01:17:32,716 --> 01:17:34,183
And speaking of money,
1735
01:17:34,250 --> 01:17:36,686
I'd like to know what happened
to the missing 300,000.
1736
01:17:36,753 --> 01:17:38,755
What 300,000?
1737
01:17:38,822 --> 01:17:41,825
There's 300,000 missing
from our cash account.
1738
01:17:41,891 --> 01:17:44,994
Excuse me.
Are you accusing me?
1739
01:17:45,061 --> 01:17:47,263
Hey, I'm not
the compulsive gambler
1740
01:17:47,330 --> 01:17:48,397
with the market addiction.
1741
01:17:48,464 --> 01:17:50,666
You really need to see
a therapist or something.
1742
01:17:50,734 --> 01:17:52,268
How about a divorce
lawyer?
1743
01:17:52,335 --> 01:17:53,669
Fine!
Fine!
1744
01:17:56,272 --> 01:17:57,606
[GRUNTS]
1745
01:17:57,673 --> 01:17:58,808
Fuck.
1746
01:18:00,343 --> 01:18:02,145
[GARAGE DOOR OPENS]
1747
01:18:02,211 --> 01:18:04,080
[STARTS ENGINE]
1748
01:18:07,483 --> 01:18:09,953
[GLASS SHATTERS]
Uh. What the hell was that--?
1749
01:18:11,020 --> 01:18:12,288
[SCOFFS]
1750
01:18:13,189 --> 01:18:14,758
Mr. Bellinger.
Mr. Bellinger.
1751
01:18:14,824 --> 01:18:16,459
Is it true that I-See-You
is nothing but a fraud?
1752
01:18:16,525 --> 01:18:18,661
Sorry, I don't know
what you're talking about.
1753
01:18:18,728 --> 01:18:20,596
Just, can you comment
on the events earlier?
1754
01:18:20,663 --> 01:18:21,798
That Insytive is suing you?
1755
01:18:21,865 --> 01:18:23,066
HARVEY:
What?
1756
01:18:24,300 --> 01:18:26,903
Pack it up, Colby.
We're out of here.
1757
01:18:26,970 --> 01:18:28,772
And get rid of the bimbo.
Mom?
1758
01:18:28,838 --> 01:18:30,439
Excuse me?
1759
01:18:30,506 --> 01:18:31,741
Everybody,
let's just
1760
01:18:31,808 --> 01:18:33,442
calm down here
a moment, okay?
1761
01:18:33,509 --> 01:18:36,512
Colby, do you have any idea
what has happened here?
1762
01:18:36,579 --> 01:18:38,848
Leaving so soon?
What a shame.
1763
01:18:38,915 --> 01:18:41,384
I've had just about
enough tonight, Audrey.
1764
01:18:41,450 --> 01:18:42,952
Enough? Enough?!
1765
01:18:43,019 --> 01:18:46,089
You pissed away all our money,
driven my poor dad nuts,
1766
01:18:46,155 --> 01:18:48,825
stolen my boyfriend,
and you've had enough?
1767
01:18:48,892 --> 01:18:50,159
Uh, you go, girl.
1768
01:18:50,226 --> 01:18:52,595
And you can just shut
your clam, sister.
1769
01:18:52,661 --> 01:18:53,963
[GASPS]
[CHUCKLES]
1770
01:18:54,030 --> 01:18:55,698
[SCOFFS]
I guess
you found a way
1771
01:18:55,765 --> 01:18:57,767
to get laid after all,
pencil prick.
1772
01:18:57,834 --> 01:18:58,902
Pay for it.
1773
01:18:58,968 --> 01:19:00,136
I don't have
to take this
1774
01:19:00,203 --> 01:19:02,939
from some bullshit
amateur Internet joke.
1775
01:19:03,006 --> 01:19:06,142
I'm a professional.
You'll hear from my agent.
1776
01:19:06,209 --> 01:19:07,676
Yeah.
1777
01:19:07,743 --> 01:19:09,779
Oh, hey, baby.
I'm sorry.
1778
01:19:10,679 --> 01:19:12,181
Don't run.
1779
01:19:12,248 --> 01:19:15,118
REPORTER 1: Mr. Bellinger.
REPORTER 2: Mr. Bellinger, is--?
1780
01:19:15,184 --> 01:19:16,853
Back so soon?
1781
01:19:17,887 --> 01:19:20,356
What the hell?
1782
01:19:20,423 --> 01:19:21,490
Whoa.
1783
01:19:21,557 --> 01:19:23,026
What is it?
1784
01:19:23,092 --> 01:19:25,228
The landing of a mother ship.
1785
01:19:25,294 --> 01:19:28,197
I'm sorry. I will have
a full statement for you later.
1786
01:19:28,264 --> 01:19:29,966
REPORTER 2:
How do you answer the claims
1787
01:19:30,033 --> 01:19:31,367
that your life is
all a staged sham?
1788
01:19:31,434 --> 01:19:33,702
REPORTER 3: Right here.
Mr. Bellinger, please.
1789
01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:35,872
Just one
comment, please.
1790
01:19:35,939 --> 01:19:38,041
We're back.
What are you talking about?
1791
01:19:38,107 --> 01:19:40,043
We're exposed.
It's over. We're over.
1792
01:19:40,109 --> 01:19:41,644
Listen, I know
I said some things.
1793
01:19:41,710 --> 01:19:44,613
We all said-- Did things.
I'll be the first to admit
1794
01:19:44,680 --> 01:19:46,549
we all went
a little overboard.
1795
01:19:46,615 --> 01:19:47,951
But look where
it's gotten us.
1796
01:19:48,017 --> 01:19:49,953
Guys, we're
on the cover
1797
01:19:50,019 --> 01:19:52,956
of People magazine.
1798
01:19:53,022 --> 01:19:54,858
You can't buy
publicity like this.
1799
01:19:54,924 --> 01:19:55,892
[WHIMPERS]
1800
01:19:55,959 --> 01:19:57,193
Look out the window.
1801
01:19:57,260 --> 01:19:59,562
Look. And this is
just the beginning.
1802
01:19:59,628 --> 01:20:01,130
Yeah. Beginning
of the end, Harv.
1803
01:20:01,197 --> 01:20:04,400
We got the network news
on the front lawn.
1804
01:20:04,467 --> 01:20:06,369
First, we'll call
a press conference.
1805
01:20:06,435 --> 01:20:08,737
We'll deny all of
Randi's claims.
1806
01:20:08,804 --> 01:20:10,173
Then we will set up
the controversy.
1807
01:20:10,239 --> 01:20:12,475
Oh, Harvey. Would you hear
what you're saying?
1808
01:20:12,541 --> 01:20:13,943
What are you talking about?
1809
01:20:14,010 --> 01:20:16,079
Daddy, maybe it's time
to pack it in.
1810
01:20:16,145 --> 01:20:17,146
Quit?
1811
01:20:17,213 --> 01:20:18,614
We just hit
the big time.
1812
01:20:18,681 --> 01:20:20,349
We're mainstream.
1813
01:20:20,416 --> 01:20:21,350
Ah!
1814
01:20:21,417 --> 01:20:23,853
There are a lot of
reporters out there.
1815
01:20:23,920 --> 01:20:26,990
Hey. You two wanna quit? Fine.
1816
01:20:27,056 --> 01:20:29,125
Audrey,
upstairs. Now.
1817
01:20:29,192 --> 01:20:31,027
And don't forget...
1818
01:20:31,094 --> 01:20:33,229
I still got Ciro.
1819
01:20:33,296 --> 01:20:35,731
What do you mean,
you've got Ciro?
1820
01:20:35,798 --> 01:20:37,366
Uh, Dad?
1821
01:20:37,433 --> 01:20:39,668
I think I'm gonna be staying
at Nancy's for a few days.
1822
01:20:39,735 --> 01:20:41,170
Come on, Colby.
We're leaving.
1823
01:20:41,237 --> 01:20:43,106
No, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
1824
01:20:44,040 --> 01:20:45,374
You go out
there now...
1825
01:20:45,441 --> 01:20:47,110
it's all over.
1826
01:20:47,176 --> 01:20:48,744
Everything we built...
1827
01:20:48,811 --> 01:20:51,080
will be ruined.
1828
01:20:51,147 --> 01:20:53,616
It's already ruined, Harvey.
1829
01:20:53,682 --> 01:20:55,284
Now, move aside.
1830
01:20:55,351 --> 01:20:57,386
[***]
1831
01:20:59,088 --> 01:21:02,625
What are you gonna do, Harvey?
Club us with the Tiki man?
1832
01:21:02,691 --> 01:21:03,927
Calm down,
Signore Bellinger.
1833
01:21:03,993 --> 01:21:05,895
Just calm down.
Come on, Harv.
1834
01:21:05,962 --> 01:21:07,196
Just hand over
the blunt object
1835
01:21:07,263 --> 01:21:08,864
before it winds up
in a police report.
1836
01:21:08,932 --> 01:21:10,566
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1837
01:21:12,601 --> 01:21:14,303
[SHRIEKS]
1838
01:21:14,370 --> 01:21:16,572
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
CIRO: Signore Bellinger.
1839
01:21:16,639 --> 01:21:18,074
Audrey. Audrey.
1840
01:21:18,141 --> 01:21:20,076
Harvey, stay away from her.
Stay away from her!
1841
01:21:20,143 --> 01:21:22,845
It wasn't my fault!
It wasn't my fault.
1842
01:21:22,912 --> 01:21:25,281
Jeez. Are you
okay, sweetie?
1843
01:21:25,348 --> 01:21:27,316
[GROANING]
1844
01:21:27,383 --> 01:21:29,285
[SHUTTERS CLICKING]
HARVEY: Hold on! Wait!
1845
01:21:29,352 --> 01:21:31,654
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
1846
01:21:33,022 --> 01:21:34,423
You're not supposed
to go in there.
1847
01:21:34,490 --> 01:21:36,359
Okay.
I'll call you
from the hospital.
1848
01:21:36,425 --> 01:21:38,594
Look, I'll be right over
as soon as I'm finished.
1849
01:21:38,661 --> 01:21:40,529
I love you.
Oh, sweetie.
1850
01:21:40,596 --> 01:21:42,498
What have I done?
1851
01:21:42,565 --> 01:21:44,667
Back off, back off!
1852
01:21:44,733 --> 01:21:46,369
Just back off, please.
1853
01:21:50,673 --> 01:21:52,608
[***]
1854
01:21:54,243 --> 01:21:55,211
[SIGHS]
1855
01:22:07,390 --> 01:22:08,457
[SIGHS]
1856
01:22:10,093 --> 01:22:13,029
How is Audrey doing?
A-any news?
1857
01:22:27,977 --> 01:22:29,512
I can see that
you are really upset,
1858
01:22:29,578 --> 01:22:31,380
and I feel badly.
1859
01:22:38,887 --> 01:22:40,689
You know...
1860
01:22:41,957 --> 01:22:44,460
in my country,
we do not--
1861
01:22:44,527 --> 01:22:45,494
How do you say that?
1862
01:22:45,561 --> 01:22:49,232
We do not dwell
on the negative.
1863
01:22:53,836 --> 01:22:56,239
We celebrate
the positive.
1864
01:22:57,473 --> 01:23:01,010
There is so much
positive...
1865
01:23:01,077 --> 01:23:03,046
to be about.
1866
01:23:04,080 --> 01:23:06,215
[SPEAKING
IN ITALIAN]
1867
01:23:10,286 --> 01:23:12,321
We cook together,
eh?
1868
01:23:13,489 --> 01:23:14,523
Eh?
1869
01:23:14,590 --> 01:23:16,659
Eh? Eh? Eh?
1870
01:23:16,725 --> 01:23:17,926
Fucker.
1871
01:23:17,993 --> 01:23:19,495
Son of a bitch.
1872
01:23:19,562 --> 01:23:20,829
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1873
01:23:20,896 --> 01:23:22,731
Fucker.
1874
01:23:24,900 --> 01:23:27,070
Wait, you're hurting me now.
You're hurting me.
1875
01:23:27,136 --> 01:23:29,272
Eh. I don't wanna fight.
I don't wanna fight.
1876
01:23:29,338 --> 01:23:31,574
[SPEAKING
IN ITALIAN]
[SCREAMS]
1877
01:23:34,977 --> 01:23:36,712
Aah!
[BOTH SCREAM]
1878
01:23:37,813 --> 01:23:38,881
I like you.
1879
01:23:38,947 --> 01:23:40,783
Damn right,
you fucking asshole.
1880
01:23:40,849 --> 01:23:44,087
I like you.
I like you.
1881
01:23:44,153 --> 01:23:46,522
You motherfucking
Italian wife stealer.
1882
01:23:46,589 --> 01:23:48,457
You're crazy,
Signore Bellinger.
1883
01:23:49,592 --> 01:23:51,294
It's all over!
1884
01:23:57,266 --> 01:23:59,168
Everything's fucked.
1885
01:23:59,235 --> 01:24:01,604
[STATIC]
HARVEY: Eyeballs?
1886
01:24:01,670 --> 01:24:03,572
You want eyeballs?
1887
01:24:03,639 --> 01:24:05,641
You want hits?
1888
01:24:05,708 --> 01:24:09,145
I'll give you hits,
you voyeuristic bastards.
1889
01:24:13,682 --> 01:24:15,318
[LAUGHING, PANTING]
1890
01:24:20,723 --> 01:24:23,159
This is all
your fault, assholes.
1891
01:24:23,226 --> 01:24:24,760
[GRUNTING]
1892
01:24:26,495 --> 01:24:30,133
Not enough drama for you, huh?!
1893
01:24:30,199 --> 01:24:33,469
I got your frigging
drama right here!
1894
01:24:34,703 --> 01:24:35,671
[GRUNTS]
1895
01:24:35,738 --> 01:24:37,673
[GAS HISSING]
1896
01:24:39,007 --> 01:24:41,144
[INHALING]
1897
01:24:46,615 --> 01:24:48,784
Figured out the big finish yet?
1898
01:24:48,851 --> 01:24:51,086
Oh, yeah.
[BEEPS]
1899
01:25:00,129 --> 01:25:02,165
RISHWAIN:
You're a lucky man.
1900
01:25:02,231 --> 01:25:04,433
'Cause I hit a gas main?
1901
01:25:04,500 --> 01:25:07,470
Because you didn't
kill anybody.
1902
01:25:07,536 --> 01:25:09,605
We wouldn't even be
here talking.
Yeah.
1903
01:25:11,574 --> 01:25:13,242
And the family?
1904
01:25:13,309 --> 01:25:15,178
Audrey's at UCLA.
1905
01:25:15,244 --> 01:25:17,213
My little girl had to
grow up pretty fast.
1906
01:25:17,280 --> 01:25:19,248
She, uh--
She visits.
1907
01:25:20,249 --> 01:25:21,517
Things were sort of strained
1908
01:25:21,584 --> 01:25:23,252
with Lydia and I
after the trial.
1909
01:25:23,319 --> 01:25:25,954
Uh, but I guess that's
to be expected
1910
01:25:26,021 --> 01:25:27,890
with...me here
and, uh--
1911
01:25:28,991 --> 01:25:30,559
And her, uh...
1912
01:25:31,860 --> 01:25:33,396
Who really knows?
1913
01:25:33,462 --> 01:25:35,431
So, what about
Colby?
1914
01:25:35,498 --> 01:25:38,334
I didn't talk to him
for a year...
1915
01:25:38,401 --> 01:25:40,969
even though he tried
to patch things up.
1916
01:25:41,036 --> 01:25:43,372
Took me two years
to realize that...
1917
01:25:43,439 --> 01:25:46,509
uh, I could hardly blame him
without blaming myself.
1918
01:25:46,575 --> 01:25:48,911
So...
1919
01:25:48,977 --> 01:25:51,514
w-what happened
to the 300K?
1920
01:25:53,249 --> 01:25:54,617
[CHUCKLES]
1921
01:25:56,385 --> 01:25:59,322
[***]
1922
01:26:06,262 --> 01:26:07,463
[GATE CLOSES]
1923
01:26:14,803 --> 01:26:15,738
[SIGHS]
1924
01:26:47,102 --> 01:26:48,637
Hey there, handsome.
1925
01:26:49,905 --> 01:26:51,139
Hey.
Hm.
1926
01:26:51,206 --> 01:26:53,709
You got that Tim Robbins
thing going for you.
1927
01:26:53,776 --> 01:26:56,845
You know, like at the end
of Shawshank Redemption.
1928
01:26:56,912 --> 01:26:59,515
That would make you, what?
Morgan Freeman?
1929
01:26:59,582 --> 01:27:01,083
Exactly.
1930
01:27:01,149 --> 01:27:02,285
I'm sorry we're late.
1931
01:27:02,351 --> 01:27:04,420
We had...some issues.
1932
01:27:07,089 --> 01:27:10,225
You look like crap.
Thank you.
1933
01:27:10,293 --> 01:27:11,427
Good to see
you too, Mother.
1934
01:27:11,494 --> 01:27:13,762
Hi, Daddy.
Hey, pumpkin.
1935
01:27:15,230 --> 01:27:17,333
Hey. Let me get that for you.
Hey.
1936
01:27:17,400 --> 01:27:19,402
Why, thank you.
1937
01:27:19,468 --> 01:27:20,536
What's with the, uh--?
1938
01:27:20,603 --> 01:27:22,104
Real-time product
placement.
1939
01:27:22,170 --> 01:27:24,239
Real-time what?
[GRUNTS]
1940
01:27:24,307 --> 01:27:26,141
What's this thing cost?
AUDREY: Nothing.
1941
01:27:26,208 --> 01:27:27,776
Nothing?
Yeah.
1942
01:27:27,843 --> 01:27:29,778
COLBY:
Well, nothing as long as
we drive 400 miles a week
1943
01:27:29,845 --> 01:27:32,681
around upper-middle-income
neighborhoods, nothing.
1944
01:27:32,748 --> 01:27:34,116
HARVEY:
What do you mean nothing?
1945
01:27:34,182 --> 01:27:36,585
COLBY:
Oh, I mean, I went to Hummer
of Sherman Oaks.
1946
01:27:36,652 --> 01:27:37,953
Got them to play ball
in exchange
1947
01:27:38,020 --> 01:27:40,122
for plastering their name
everywhere.
[SIGHS]
1948
01:27:40,188 --> 01:27:42,658
Then made a bunch of deals
with several corporate sponsors.
1949
01:27:42,725 --> 01:27:44,126
Okay, I don't
even wanna know.
1950
01:27:44,192 --> 01:27:45,528
Forget I asked.
1951
01:27:45,594 --> 01:27:47,996
COLBY:
So...Dad...
1952
01:27:48,063 --> 01:27:50,466
I've been coming up with a plan
to get us back on our feet
1953
01:27:50,533 --> 01:27:52,167
and out of Grandma's
house fast.
1954
01:27:52,234 --> 01:27:55,704
Don't do me any favors.
No one's asking you to stay.
1955
01:27:55,771 --> 01:27:58,006
Do you think I'm gonna
listen for a second
1956
01:27:58,073 --> 01:28:01,109
to anything you come up with
after what I've been through?
1957
01:28:01,176 --> 01:28:03,579
DORIS:
So, Harvey, I'm gonna
need to be paid back
1958
01:28:03,646 --> 01:28:06,615
now that you're, well,
able-bodied.
1959
01:28:06,682 --> 01:28:09,618
I mean, I-- I'm out
a lot of money.
1960
01:28:09,685 --> 01:28:11,219
Mom, we're not even
a mile
1961
01:28:11,286 --> 01:28:12,755
from where I spent
the last three years
1962
01:28:12,821 --> 01:28:14,757
being someone's girlfriend.
AUDREY: Gross.
1963
01:28:14,823 --> 01:28:16,959
Think this might wait
until we hit the freeway.
1964
01:28:17,025 --> 01:28:17,960
Or until I get a job?
1965
01:28:18,026 --> 01:28:20,663
What about the 300K?
1966
01:28:20,729 --> 01:28:23,366
Everybody knows
you salted it away someplace.
1967
01:28:23,432 --> 01:28:26,369
I don't have 300K, Mother.
I never had it.
1968
01:28:26,435 --> 01:28:27,636
Someone else here
might know
1969
01:28:27,703 --> 01:28:29,905
where it went,
but I sure don't.
1970
01:28:29,972 --> 01:28:31,540
[***]
1971
01:28:31,607 --> 01:28:33,409
Don't look at me.
We thought you had it.
1972
01:28:33,476 --> 01:28:34,543
AUDREY:
Yeah, Daddy.
1973
01:28:34,610 --> 01:28:37,079
I told you,
I don't have it.
1974
01:28:37,145 --> 01:28:39,715
Well, if you don't,
where the hell did it go?
1975
01:28:42,084 --> 01:28:43,118
HARVEY AND COLBY:
Randi.
1976
01:28:43,185 --> 01:28:44,219
Thanks.
1977
01:28:44,286 --> 01:28:45,421
[***]
1978
01:28:45,488 --> 01:28:47,155
Hi.
VALET: Do you have the ticket?
1979
01:28:47,222 --> 01:28:51,059
MAN:
Got it. I think I parked in,
uh, Section 1-6.
1980
01:28:54,329 --> 01:28:57,032
VALET 1: Welcome to Ciro's.
Thank you.
1981
01:28:57,099 --> 01:29:00,669
VALET 2: Welcome to Ciro's.
GARRY: Ah, thank you, my man.
1982
01:29:00,736 --> 01:29:03,205
There's a bit of
Italian heaven in L.A.
1983
01:29:03,271 --> 01:29:05,608
Look how packed
this place is, Chloe.
1984
01:29:05,674 --> 01:29:07,943
You did confirm our reservations
for all six, huh?
1985
01:29:08,010 --> 01:29:09,044
Uh, right, Garry.
1986
01:29:09,111 --> 01:29:10,879
I confirmed them last week
and this morning.
1987
01:29:10,946 --> 01:29:13,015
We've been on their waiting
list for two weeks.
1988
01:29:13,081 --> 01:29:14,349
And you used
my name?
1989
01:29:14,417 --> 01:29:16,752
Of course. It would have been
a month otherwise.
1990
01:29:16,819 --> 01:29:18,253
I'm so happy
for Randi.
1991
01:29:18,320 --> 01:29:21,424
That kid must be
printing money in here.
1992
01:29:21,490 --> 01:29:23,225
Hi, Mr. Marshall.
1993
01:29:23,291 --> 01:29:25,260
Randi. You look
beautiful.
1994
01:29:25,327 --> 01:29:28,597
Mr. Marshall, Chloe.
You look wonderful.
1995
01:29:28,664 --> 01:29:30,733
Come, please. We have
your table all ready for you.
1996
01:29:30,799 --> 01:29:32,568
The other people
are on their way.
1997
01:29:32,635 --> 01:29:34,269
Looks like business
is booming.
1998
01:29:34,336 --> 01:29:36,705
RANDI: It is booming.
Where's your partner in crime?
1999
01:29:36,772 --> 01:29:38,240
RANDI: Here he is.
CIRO: Garry.
2000
01:29:38,306 --> 01:29:39,875
Hi!
Hey, hey.
2001
01:29:39,942 --> 01:29:40,776
Hey!
2002
01:29:40,843 --> 01:29:42,611
Chloe. Good to see you.
Ciro.
2003
01:29:42,678 --> 01:29:45,548
Please, please,
be seated. Be seated.
2004
01:29:45,614 --> 01:29:47,716
What can I get you
tonight? The rigatoni?
2005
01:29:47,783 --> 01:29:50,385
No, no, no.
Your masterpiece.
2006
01:29:50,453 --> 01:29:52,320
Lobster Agnolotti.
Ah.
2007
01:29:52,387 --> 01:29:54,423
Lobster Agnolotti.
Sauce on the side.
2008
01:29:54,490 --> 01:29:55,791
Sauce on
the side.
2009
01:29:55,858 --> 01:29:57,493
Coming right up.
You got it. Okay.
2010
01:29:57,560 --> 01:29:59,161
Good. He cooks
without his shoes on.
2011
01:29:59,227 --> 01:30:00,162
Yeah.
Cannot cook
2012
01:30:00,228 --> 01:30:01,464
or make love
in shoes.
2013
01:30:01,530 --> 01:30:02,798
I'll be-- I'll be
right back, okay?
2014
01:30:02,865 --> 01:30:04,833
But he doesn't put
his toes in the lobster.
2015
01:30:04,900 --> 01:30:05,834
God, I hope not.
2016
01:30:05,901 --> 01:30:06,835
[LAUGHTER]
2017
01:30:06,902 --> 01:30:09,137
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