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1
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:13,663
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
2
00:00:30,380 --> 00:00:31,381
Oh, no!
3
00:00:31,381 --> 00:00:33,883
Isn't it awful when something like
that
4
00:00:33,883 --> 00:00:35,668
happens right out on the stage
5
00:00:35,668 --> 00:00:37,587
and there's nothing you can do about
it?
6
00:00:37,587 --> 00:00:38,088
I know.
7
00:00:38,588 --> 00:00:39,589
Is anybody hungry?
8
00:00:39,589 --> 00:00:41,091
Hey, Fred, do you remember what
happened
9
00:00:41,091 --> 00:00:42,342
to that quick- change artist--
10
00:00:42,342 --> 00:00:44,511
you know, the one who used to change
11
00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:45,512
her clothes in the dark
12
00:00:46,012 --> 00:00:47,013
right out on the stage?
13
00:00:47,013 --> 00:00:49,516
Do I? Boy, was she ever mad at that
electrician.
14
00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:50,517
What happened?
15
00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:52,018
Well, she called for her tights
16
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,521
and he thought she said "lights."
17
00:01:01,861 --> 00:01:03,863
Uh... it's very amusing.
18
00:01:03,863 --> 00:01:05,331
Oh, I'm sorry, Lucy.
19
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,333
Oh, we shouldn't talk about our old
times
20
00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:09,335
in show business in front of Lucy.
21
00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:10,670
It makes her feel left out.
22
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:12,589
Oh, no, it doesn't.
23
00:01:12,589 --> 00:01:13,840
Yeah.
24
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,842
If you haven't been in show business
yourself,
25
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:17,594
it must all seem kind of dull.
26
00:01:17,594 --> 00:01:19,629
I've been in show business.
27
00:01:19,629 --> 00:01:21,431
Well, Ethel means real show business
28
00:01:21,431 --> 00:01:22,932
not trying to get in Ricky's act.
29
00:01:22,932 --> 00:01:26,219
I've been in show business!
30
00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:28,721
Honey, Ethel means show business,
31
00:01:28,721 --> 00:01:32,225
not playing a petunia in a grammar
school recital.
32
00:01:32,225 --> 00:01:34,194
You think you know all there is
33
00:01:34,194 --> 00:01:35,695
to know about me, don't you?
34
00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:36,696
Remind me sometime to tell you
35
00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:38,565
about my experience in musical
comedy.
36
00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:41,451
Come on, Ethel, let's get some
coffee.
37
00:01:41,451 --> 00:01:42,952
Hey, just a minute.
38
00:01:43,453 --> 00:01:44,954
You were in musical comedy?
39
00:01:44,954 --> 00:01:46,456
It was before I met you, dear.
40
00:01:46,456 --> 00:01:47,457
Come on, Ethel.
41
00:01:47,957 --> 00:01:49,459
Now, wait, wait a minute.
This is very interesting.
44
00:01:52,962 --> 00:01:54,464
She's just exaggerating as usual.
45
00:01:54,464 --> 00:01:56,466
I am not.
46
00:01:56,466 --> 00:01:59,669
Well, what was the name of the
musical comedy?
47
00:02:01,004 --> 00:02:02,338
Oklahoma.
48
00:02:02,338 --> 00:02:04,257
Oklahoma?
Oklahoma?
49
00:02:04,257 --> 00:02:07,260
Oklahoma, and I was the star too.
50
00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:09,262
Yeah? What was your maiden name,
51
00:02:09,262 --> 00:02:10,763
Alfred Drake?
52
00:02:12,182 --> 00:02:13,683
Well, maybe I wasn't exactly the
star,
53
00:02:13,683 --> 00:02:16,986
but would you believe I was a
featured player?
54
00:02:19,823 --> 00:02:20,824
Chorus girl?
55
00:02:23,359 --> 00:02:24,861
Ticket taker?
56
00:02:25,862 --> 00:02:27,831
Lucy, why don't you tell the truth?
57
00:02:27,831 --> 00:02:30,200
You know that you were never in
Oklahoma.
58
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,701
I was, too.
59
00:02:31,701 --> 00:02:33,953
I spent two weeks in Tulsa once.
60
00:02:35,338 --> 00:02:36,840
Why do you do it?
61
00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,676
You always fib and you always get
caught.
62
00:02:39,676 --> 00:02:40,627
I do not fib.
63
00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:42,629
I never told a fib in my life.
64
00:02:42,629 --> 00:02:44,347
Oh, there she goes again.
65
00:02:44,347 --> 00:02:45,765
Well, it isn't fibbing.
66
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,268
I just like to...
color things a little.
67
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:49,719
Well, why didn't you say so?
68
00:02:49,719 --> 00:02:51,721
I'll buy you some watercolors.
69
00:02:51,721 --> 00:02:53,223
Oh, you're all very funny.
70
00:02:53,723 --> 00:02:55,225
(door buzzer buzzes)
71
00:02:55,225 --> 00:02:56,226
Very funny.
72
00:02:58,228 --> 00:02:59,229
Oh, thank you.
73
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:02,148
Flowers.
74
00:03:02,148 --> 00:03:04,150
Oh, Ricky, you shouldn't have.
75
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:05,618
I din't.
76
00:03:06,452 --> 00:03:07,871
You "din't"?
77
00:03:07,871 --> 00:03:09,873
Oh, no, these are for you.
78
00:03:09,873 --> 00:03:10,874
For me?
79
00:03:10,874 --> 00:03:12,876
Who's sending you flowers?
80
00:03:12,876 --> 00:03:14,377
"Get well quick.
81
00:03:14,377 --> 00:03:16,246
Love, Jim and Dorothy."
82
00:03:16,246 --> 00:03:18,998
I feel fine.
83
00:03:18,998 --> 00:03:20,383
Oh, I know.
84
00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:21,885
I didn't want to go to dinner
85
00:03:21,885 --> 00:03:23,887
with Jim and Dorothy Wynn tonight,
86
00:03:24,387 --> 00:03:26,389
so I told them that you sprained your
ankle.
87
00:03:26,389 --> 00:03:27,891
There's another one.
88
00:03:27,891 --> 00:03:30,393
Oh, now, what's the matter with that?
89
00:03:30,393 --> 00:03:32,262
That's just a little social fib.
90
00:03:32,262 --> 00:03:33,730
Honey, you knew that we were
91
00:03:34,230 --> 00:03:36,232
going to have dinner with the
Mertzes.
92
00:03:36,232 --> 00:03:37,734
Why didn't you just tell them the
truth?
93
00:03:37,734 --> 00:03:39,235
You can't tell people the truth.
94
00:03:39,736 --> 00:03:41,237
They think you're lying.
95
00:03:41,237 --> 00:03:43,523
You have to lie to make them think
you're telling the truth.
96
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:44,908
But it's not funny.
97
00:03:44,908 --> 00:03:46,409
You got to cut it out.
98
00:03:46,409 --> 00:03:47,911
Now, now, Ricky, don't be too tough
on Lucy.
99
00:03:47,911 --> 00:03:49,162
Thanks, Fred.
100
00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,830
She can't help it if she's a liar.
101
00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:54,167
Well!
102
00:03:54,584 --> 00:03:56,085
Oh, Fred didn't mean it like that.
103
00:03:56,085 --> 00:03:59,088
He just means the colorful way you
push the truth around
104
00:03:59,088 --> 00:04:00,089
is part of your character.
105
00:04:00,089 --> 00:04:02,425
Yeah. Molly McGee should have such a
fibber.
106
00:04:02,425 --> 00:04:05,345
Oh, I think you're all just horrid.
107
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:08,848
I could tell the absolute truth like
everybody else
108
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:12,552
if I wanted to be dull, present
company not excepted.
109
00:04:12,552 --> 00:04:15,555
RICKY: Honey, you couldn't tell the
absolute truth
110
00:04:15,555 --> 00:04:18,391
if your whole life depended on it.
111
00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:21,194
Would you like to risk a little money
on that proposition?
112
00:04:21,194 --> 00:04:22,695
I most certainly would.
113
00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,197
I'll tell you what.
114
00:04:24,197 --> 00:04:25,198
I'll bet you
115
00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:28,034
that you can't tell the truth for,
uh...
116
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,452
For how long, one week?
117
00:04:29,452 --> 00:04:32,739
I'll make easy on you-- one day, 24
hours.
118
00:04:32,739 --> 00:04:34,624
Okay.
119
00:04:34,624 --> 00:04:36,125
How much you want to bet?
120
00:04:36,125 --> 00:04:37,627
Make it easy on yourself.
121
00:04:37,627 --> 00:04:38,628
Any part of $100.
122
00:04:39,128 --> 00:04:39,912
I'll take it all.
123
00:04:39,912 --> 00:04:41,164
Can I have a piece of that?
124
00:04:41,164 --> 00:04:42,465
I'd like a little of that, too.
125
00:04:42,465 --> 00:04:43,633
My friends.
126
00:04:44,050 --> 00:04:46,052
Oh, it hasn't anything to do with
friendship.
127
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:48,554
It's just that there are so few sure
ways
128
00:04:48,554 --> 00:04:49,889
of making a buck these days.
129
00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:52,008
I'll tell you what, I'll take 50
130
00:04:52,008 --> 00:04:54,010
and I'll give you each 25.
131
00:04:54,010 --> 00:04:55,511
Thank you.
Fine.
132
00:04:55,511 --> 00:04:58,514
Uh... when do you want to start?
133
00:04:58,514 --> 00:05:00,016
It's one minute to 8:00.
134
00:05:00,016 --> 00:05:01,517
I'll start on the hour.
135
00:05:02,018 --> 00:05:03,519
Okay, you got yourself a bet.
136
00:05:03,519 --> 00:05:05,405
Okay.
137
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,907
Did I ever tell you the time that
Cary Grant
138
00:05:07,907 --> 00:05:08,775
asked me marry him?
139
00:05:10,276 --> 00:05:12,779
It hasn't started yet.
140
00:05:15,665 --> 00:05:18,501
I just thought I'd have one last fib
for the road.
141
00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:20,920
Okay, it's started.
142
00:05:20,920 --> 00:05:22,422
For the next 24 hours.
143
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:23,923
Okay.
144
00:05:23,923 --> 00:05:24,924
All right.
145
00:05:26,926 --> 00:05:27,927
I can hardly wait
146
00:05:27,927 --> 00:05:29,429
to hear you tomorrow afternoon, Lucy.
147
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:30,763
Why?
148
00:05:30,763 --> 00:05:32,932
We're playing bridge at Caroline's,
remember?
149
00:05:32,932 --> 00:05:35,718
Oh, no, no, no.
150
00:05:35,718 --> 00:05:37,720
I can't spend the afternoon with
three women
151
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,222
and have to tell the truth.
152
00:05:39,222 --> 00:05:41,474
I'll call Caroline and tell her I'm
sick.
153
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,952
Eww...
154
00:05:56,572 --> 00:05:57,573
You'll go?
155
00:05:57,573 --> 00:06:00,043
I'll go.
156
00:06:09,552 --> 00:06:11,304
(knocking on door)
157
00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:15,675
Hi.
158
00:06:15,675 --> 00:06:16,676
Hi.
159
00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:17,677
How are you?
160
00:06:17,677 --> 00:06:18,678
Oh, look!
161
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:20,680
Oh, Caroline, you've redecorated.
162
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:21,681
Yep.
163
00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:23,683
Changed the whole mood of the room.
164
00:06:23,683 --> 00:06:24,684
My, I'll say.
165
00:06:24,684 --> 00:06:26,185
We threw out everything we had
166
00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:27,687
that was early American
167
00:06:27,687 --> 00:06:29,689
and started fresh with Chinese
modern.
168
00:06:29,689 --> 00:06:30,690
Here, let me take your coats.
169
00:06:30,690 --> 00:06:32,191
I'll put them in the bedroom.
170
00:06:32,191 --> 00:06:34,193
For heaven's sake.
171
00:06:34,193 --> 00:06:36,696
Gee, isn't this something, huh?
172
00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:37,697
Thank you.
173
00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:39,198
There.
174
00:06:48,007 --> 00:06:50,009
Look at this.
175
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:52,512
This is really something, isn't it?
176
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:55,214
And I thought it was awful before.
177
00:06:55,214 --> 00:06:58,351
It looks like...
I don't know what.
178
00:06:58,351 --> 00:06:59,185
I do.
179
00:06:59,685 --> 00:07:01,187
It looks like a bad dream
180
00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:04,190
you'd have after eating too much
Chinese food.
181
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:05,525
Ooh.
182
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:07,894
Well, how do you like my new
furniture?
183
00:07:07,894 --> 00:07:09,896
Oh, we were just talking about it.
184
00:07:10,396 --> 00:07:11,230
Weren't we, Lucy?
185
00:07:12,698 --> 00:07:14,200
What do you think?
Do you like it?
186
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,201
Oh, I think it's just lovely.
187
00:07:15,701 --> 00:07:17,036
What do you think, Lucy?
188
00:07:17,987 --> 00:07:18,988
Uh...
189
00:07:18,988 --> 00:07:20,490
Oh, don't be bashful.
190
00:07:20,490 --> 00:07:22,492
Just tell her what you said to me.
191
00:07:22,992 --> 00:07:25,495
Oh, she doesn't want my little old
opinion.
192
00:07:25,495 --> 00:07:26,963
Oh, but I do, Lucy.
193
00:07:26,963 --> 00:07:27,964
Come on, now.
194
00:07:27,964 --> 00:07:28,965
Tell me exactly
195
00:07:28,965 --> 00:07:31,467
what you told Ethel about my
furniture.
196
00:07:31,467 --> 00:07:34,837
Well, uh... I said it looked like a
dream.
197
00:07:34,837 --> 00:07:36,639
Didn't I, Ethel?
Isn't that what I said?
198
00:07:36,639 --> 00:07:38,090
Yes.
199
00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:40,593
Oh, well, thank you.
200
00:07:42,595 --> 00:07:44,096
Oh, that's all right.
201
00:07:44,096 --> 00:07:45,598
What kind of a dream, Lucy?
202
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,600
Well, let's play bridge.
203
00:07:48,601 --> 00:07:50,603
Lucy, we have to wait for Marian.
204
00:07:50,603 --> 00:07:51,604
Marian who?
205
00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:52,605
Marian Strong.
206
00:07:53,105 --> 00:07:54,607
When you're having four for bridge,
207
00:07:54,607 --> 00:07:56,108
it's always polite to wait
208
00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:57,610
until the fourth person arrives
209
00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:58,611
before you start playing.
210
00:07:59,111 --> 00:08:00,613
It's the only decent thing to do.
211
00:08:00,613 --> 00:08:01,614
Oh.
212
00:08:01,614 --> 00:08:02,615
Now, let's see.
213
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,116
What were we talking about?
214
00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:06,118
Oh, yes...
Caroline's furniture.
215
00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:07,503
Uh, what kind of a dream, Lucy?
216
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:11,457
Caroline, I told Ethel that your
furniture
217
00:08:11,958 --> 00:08:13,459
looked like a bad dream you'd have
218
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,962
after eating too much Chinese food.
219
00:08:15,962 --> 00:08:16,963
Well!
220
00:08:16,963 --> 00:08:19,966
Is that what you really think?
221
00:08:19,966 --> 00:08:20,967
Yes.
222
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,969
Well, Lucy, I hope it gives you
223
00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:25,304
a lot of pleasure to insult me.
224
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:26,722
No, it doesn't.
225
00:08:26,722 --> 00:08:28,224
I don't like it any better than you
do.
226
00:08:28,224 --> 00:08:31,143
Well, nobody's twisting your arm.
227
00:08:31,143 --> 00:08:33,029
Oh, no?
228
00:08:33,029 --> 00:08:35,031
Before you get too mad, Caroline,
229
00:08:35,031 --> 00:08:37,033
I think you ought to know something.
230
00:08:37,033 --> 00:08:39,535
Last night, Ricky and Fred and I bet
Lucy $100
231
00:08:39,535 --> 00:08:42,405
that she couldn't tell the absolute
truth for 24 hours.
232
00:08:42,405 --> 00:08:43,906
Oh.
233
00:08:43,906 --> 00:08:45,908
So you see, it wasn't my fault.
234
00:08:45,908 --> 00:08:48,411
I was tricked into it by old sneaky
here.
235
00:08:48,411 --> 00:08:49,912
Well, that explains it,
236
00:08:49,912 --> 00:08:51,914
but it doesn't make me feel any
better.
237
00:08:51,914 --> 00:08:52,915
(knocking on door)
238
00:08:53,416 --> 00:08:54,166
Oh, Marian.
239
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:00,473
Hi, Marian.
Hi, Caroline.
240
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:01,474
How are you?
241
00:09:01,474 --> 00:09:03,976
Hi, Ethel.
How are you?
242
00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:04,977
Oh, Marian!
243
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:06,812
That's a new hat.
244
00:09:06,812 --> 00:09:08,147
MARIAN: Yes.
245
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,982
(Marian cackling with laughter)
246
00:09:11,317 --> 00:09:12,318
Do you like it?
247
00:09:12,818 --> 00:09:14,820
Oh, I think it's lovely.
248
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:16,322
It's beautiful.
249
00:09:16,322 --> 00:09:17,323
Oh, thank you.
250
00:09:17,823 --> 00:09:18,658
Hi, Lucy.
251
00:09:18,658 --> 00:09:20,109
Hi, Marian.
252
00:09:20,109 --> 00:09:24,530
Uh, Lucy, Marian has on a new hat.
253
00:09:24,530 --> 00:09:25,531
Yeah, Marian.
254
00:09:25,531 --> 00:09:26,532
Take it off.
255
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:28,034
Let's play bridge.
256
00:09:28,034 --> 00:09:29,535
Lucy, what do you think
257
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:30,870
of Marian's new hat?
258
00:09:32,288 --> 00:09:34,674
Oh, that's a hat, all right.
259
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:36,626
Yeah, but what do you think about it?
260
00:09:36,626 --> 00:09:40,096
Well, Marian, if that's the kind of
hat you wanted,
261
00:09:40,096 --> 00:09:41,881
you sure got a good one.
262
00:09:41,881 --> 00:09:44,300
(cackling laughter)
263
00:09:44,300 --> 00:09:48,304
No, seriously, Lucy.
264
00:09:48,304 --> 00:09:50,306
Well, Marian, nothing personal,
265
00:09:50,306 --> 00:09:53,142
but I think that's the silliest-
looking hat I've ever seen.
266
00:09:54,610 --> 00:09:56,612
Oh, now, come on, Lucy.
267
00:09:56,612 --> 00:09:58,948
Tell me what you think of it?
268
00:09:58,948 --> 00:10:00,399
I am serious.
269
00:10:00,399 --> 00:10:01,701
It's horrible.
270
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:05,121
I think there's something you ought
to know.
271
00:10:05,621 --> 00:10:07,123
Last night, we bet Lucy $100
272
00:10:07,123 --> 00:10:10,626
that she couldn't tell the truth for
24 hours.
273
00:10:10,626 --> 00:10:11,627
Oh, no.
274
00:10:11,627 --> 00:10:14,630
(laughing)
275
00:10:15,131 --> 00:10:19,135
Then that's what she really thinks of
my hat.
276
00:10:19,135 --> 00:10:20,636
Come on, let's play bridge.
277
00:10:20,636 --> 00:10:23,639
That is if anyone still wants to play
with me.
278
00:10:23,639 --> 00:10:24,640
Uh... Marian,
279
00:10:25,141 --> 00:10:26,642
bring your things over here.
280
00:10:26,642 --> 00:10:28,644
(whispering inaudibly)
281
00:10:31,147 --> 00:10:32,898
Well, come on.
282
00:10:32,898 --> 00:10:34,684
Okay.
283
00:10:38,187 --> 00:10:39,939
Lucy, how old are you?
284
00:10:42,325 --> 00:10:44,860
How much do you weigh?
285
00:10:44,860 --> 00:10:46,862
What color would your hair be
286
00:10:46,862 --> 00:10:47,863
if you didn't dye it?
287
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:54,286
33... 129...
and mousy brown.
288
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:57,673
Anything else you'd like to ask me?
289
00:10:57,673 --> 00:10:58,924
What?
290
00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:00,509
Go ahead, ask me anything you like--
I like it.
291
00:11:01,010 --> 00:11:03,262
It feels wonderful to tell the truth.
292
00:11:03,262 --> 00:11:05,097
(laughing)
293
00:11:05,097 --> 00:11:06,599
Now, she's trying to use
294
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,100
psychology on us.
295
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,101
No, I mean it.
I feel very relieved.
296
00:11:09,101 --> 00:11:11,103
It is wonderful to tell the truth.
297
00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:12,605
You should try it sometime.
298
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,607
We'd all be much better friends.
299
00:11:15,107 --> 00:11:16,108
Somehow, I doubt that.
300
00:11:16,108 --> 00:11:18,110
Well, you do as you please.
301
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:19,111
I feel great.
302
00:11:19,111 --> 00:11:20,613
Come on, let's play bridge.
303
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:21,981
I'm your partner this week,
304
00:11:22,481 --> 00:11:23,482
aren't I, Caroline?
305
00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:25,284
Oh, I guess I play with you.
306
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,653
And, Caroline, let someone else keep
score this week.
307
00:11:27,653 --> 00:11:28,537
You cheat.
308
00:11:31,490 --> 00:11:32,992
Yes, cheat.
309
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:34,994
The last three times we've played,
310
00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:36,495
you added up the score
311
00:11:36,495 --> 00:11:37,913
in your favor.
312
00:11:37,913 --> 00:11:38,914
I would have said something about it
313
00:11:39,415 --> 00:11:40,249
if I hadn't been your partner.
314
00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:44,970
Well, I never!
315
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,423
And you stop jabbering and keep your
mind on the game.
316
00:11:47,423 --> 00:11:48,924
You talk so much you don't know
317
00:11:48,924 --> 00:11:49,925
what cards have been played.
318
00:11:49,925 --> 00:11:52,428
(laughing)
319
00:11:52,428 --> 00:11:54,397
Well!
320
00:11:54,397 --> 00:11:59,268
Oh, I'm sorry, Ethel, but it's so
true.
321
00:11:59,268 --> 00:12:01,771
Marian, stop cackling.
322
00:12:01,771 --> 00:12:05,024
I've been waiting ten years for you
to lay that egg.
323
00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:11,497
For heaven's sake, Caroline,
324
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:13,999
when are you going to get a new deck
of cards?
325
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,002
We've been playing with this same
dirty old deck
326
00:12:17,002 --> 00:12:18,504
since I've known you.
327
00:12:27,129 --> 00:12:28,631
Hey, how about that fella?
328
00:12:28,631 --> 00:12:30,633
Listen, Ricky, show your Uncle Fred
329
00:12:30,633 --> 00:12:33,135
how I taught you how to wave bye-bye
this morning.
330
00:12:33,135 --> 00:12:34,553
Show him.
Bye-bye.
331
00:12:34,553 --> 00:12:35,054
Bye-bye.
332
00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:36,555
Bye-bye, Ricky.
333
00:12:36,555 --> 00:12:37,556
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
334
00:12:37,556 --> 00:12:39,558
Looks more like he's teaching us
335
00:12:40,059 --> 00:12:41,560
how to wave bye-bye.
336
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,062
Well, he did it this morning.
337
00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:44,480
Now, look here, old man.
338
00:12:44,980 --> 00:12:46,482
You're going to have to learn
339
00:12:46,482 --> 00:12:47,983
how to perform on cue
340
00:12:47,983 --> 00:12:49,985
if you're going to be my son.
341
00:12:49,985 --> 00:12:50,986
Hi.
342
00:12:50,986 --> 00:12:52,488
Oh, here's your mommy.
343
00:12:52,488 --> 00:12:53,489
Oh, that's your mommy.
344
00:12:53,989 --> 00:12:54,990
Was he a good boy?
345
00:12:54,990 --> 00:12:55,991
He was an angel.
346
00:12:55,991 --> 00:12:56,992
Where's Ethel?
347
00:12:57,493 --> 00:12:59,495
She'll be right up.
Did you feed him?
348
00:12:59,495 --> 00:13:01,747
Yeah, I followed your instructions to
the letter.
349
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:04,133
Looks like you fed a whole nursery
full of babies.
350
00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:05,584
Well, he was hungry.
351
00:13:05,584 --> 00:13:07,586
Come on, honey, we go beddy-bye.
352
00:13:07,586 --> 00:13:08,587
Bye, old man.
Bye.
353
00:13:08,587 --> 00:13:09,588
Say bye-bye.
354
00:13:09,588 --> 00:13:10,589
Bye.
Bye-bye.
355
00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:11,640
They never do what you want them to
do
356
00:13:11,640 --> 00:13:12,641
when you want them to do it.
357
00:13:12,641 --> 00:13:13,642
I know it.
I can't help it.
358
00:13:13,642 --> 00:13:14,643
Hi.
359
00:13:14,643 --> 00:13:15,644
BOTH: Hi.
360
00:13:15,644 --> 00:13:17,146
How was the bridge game?
361
00:13:17,146 --> 00:13:18,147
Oh, yeah, how did we do?
362
00:13:18,147 --> 00:13:19,648
Is the bet all over?
363
00:13:20,149 --> 00:13:20,900
Not at all.
364
00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:22,434
What?
Not at all?
365
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:24,820
She never told one lie all afternoon.
366
00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:26,322
I don't believe it.
367
00:13:26,322 --> 00:13:28,324
What did she do, tape her mouth shut?
368
00:13:28,324 --> 00:13:29,742
I wish she had.
369
00:13:29,742 --> 00:13:32,745
She not only told the truth, but she
got brutally frank
370
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:35,080
and told us all exactly what she
thought of us.
371
00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:38,951
Oh, boy, I wish I'd have been there.
372
00:13:39,451 --> 00:13:40,836
Oh, that must have been good.
373
00:13:40,836 --> 00:13:43,839
When you two hyenas get through
laughing,
374
00:13:43,839 --> 00:13:45,708
you can go dig up a hundred bucks
between you.
375
00:13:45,708 --> 00:13:47,209
Oh, don't be silly.
376
00:13:47,209 --> 00:13:49,211
She won't be able to keep it up.
377
00:13:49,211 --> 00:13:50,012
Not Lucy.
378
00:13:50,012 --> 00:13:51,680
(both laughing)
379
00:13:51,680 --> 00:13:52,464
What's so funny?
380
00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:54,466
Ethel was telling us what happened
381
00:13:54,466 --> 00:13:55,467
when you told the girls
382
00:13:55,968 --> 00:13:56,969
the truth this afternoon.
383
00:13:56,969 --> 00:13:59,471
Oh, yeah, they all got a little
miffed,
384
00:13:59,471 --> 00:14:00,472
but I don't care.
385
00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:02,274
I feel wonderful telling the truth.
386
00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:03,692
Well, I don't feel so wonderful
387
00:14:03,692 --> 00:14:06,195
finding out you hate to play bridge
with me.
388
00:14:06,195 --> 00:14:08,480
Well, I wouldn't if you'd stop
gabbing once in a while.
389
00:14:09,899 --> 00:14:11,283
Oh, you shut up, Fred.
390
00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:12,167
You're no rose.
391
00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:13,669
LUCY: I'll say he's not.
392
00:14:13,669 --> 00:14:14,870
Yeah.
393
00:14:14,870 --> 00:14:16,872
Why don't you buy Ethel a new dress
once in a while?
394
00:14:16,872 --> 00:14:19,091
Yeah, you tell him, Lucy.
395
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,876
If you weren't such a tightwad,
396
00:14:21,377 --> 00:14:23,262
she wouldn't have to go around
looking so tacky.
397
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:24,263
Tightwad?
398
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:25,264
Tacky?
399
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:26,765
Come on, let's get out of here.
400
00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:28,267
We don't have to be insulted.
401
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,268
Now, wait a minute.
402
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:31,270
Wait a minute, Fred and Ethel.
403
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:33,772
I don't blame you for being a little
huffy
404
00:14:33,772 --> 00:14:35,774
but after all, we were the ones
405
00:14:35,774 --> 00:14:37,776
who forced Lucy to tell the truth.
406
00:14:37,776 --> 00:14:38,777
Well, that's right.
407
00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:40,779
And besides, a few truthful
criticisms
408
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:42,648
would do us all a lot of good.
409
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,149
Oh, that's easy for you to say.
410
00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,151
She hasn't said anything about you
yet.
411
00:14:46,652 --> 00:14:46,986
Yeah.
412
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:49,738
Okay.
413
00:14:54,126 --> 00:14:56,128
Go ahead, Lucy, tell me my faults.
414
00:14:56,128 --> 00:14:58,464
Tell me what you really think of me.
415
00:14:58,464 --> 00:15:02,334
I think you are the most handsome,
the most wonderful,
416
00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:05,671
the cleverest and the most talented
man in the whole world.
417
00:15:11,894 --> 00:15:14,146
The truth didn't hurt me.
418
00:15:14,146 --> 00:15:15,981
Oh, brother.
419
00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:19,852
Can you think of any other faults of
mine?
420
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:23,689
Yes, you're hammy, you're stubborn
and you're a coward.
421
00:15:25,107 --> 00:15:26,609
A coward?
422
00:15:27,109 --> 00:15:28,611
How do you like it now?
423
00:15:28,611 --> 00:15:31,614
She's really telling him, eh,
Tightwad?
424
00:15:31,614 --> 00:15:33,115
You said it, Tacky.
425
00:15:35,618 --> 00:15:37,119
Now, let's wait a minute.
426
00:15:37,119 --> 00:15:40,122
What is this business about being a
coward?
427
00:15:40,122 --> 00:15:41,624
I'm not afraid of anything.
428
00:15:41,624 --> 00:15:43,125
Yeah, he proves it
429
00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:44,960
every time he steps on the stage.
430
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,929
Never mind the wisecracks.
431
00:15:46,929 --> 00:15:48,931
What is this coward routine?
432
00:15:48,931 --> 00:15:49,932
You are afraid
433
00:15:49,932 --> 00:15:52,434
that if I got half a chance at a
career
434
00:15:52,434 --> 00:15:54,937
that I would be the star of the
family.
435
00:15:54,937 --> 00:15:56,805
Oh, I see.
You would, eh?
436
00:15:56,805 --> 00:15:59,274
I have more talent in my little
finger
437
00:15:59,274 --> 00:16:02,027
than most people have in their whole
body.
438
00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:04,313
Uh-huh... well, I'll tell you what:
439
00:16:04,313 --> 00:16:06,315
I'm going to an audition tonight.
440
00:16:06,315 --> 00:16:07,816
They're casting
441
00:16:07,816 --> 00:16:10,319
for one of the biggest shows in
television.
442
00:16:10,319 --> 00:16:11,820
Why don't you come along?
443
00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:13,122
Okay, what'll I do?
444
00:16:13,539 --> 00:16:15,541
Well, why don't you let them audition
your little finger?
445
00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:17,793
What does it do-- sing, dance?
446
00:16:17,793 --> 00:16:19,078
Never mind.
I'll show you.
447
00:16:19,078 --> 00:16:21,580
Ethel, will you take care of Little
Ricky?
448
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:23,082
Thank you.
I'll go get ready.
449
00:16:23,082 --> 00:16:25,084
What's the matter with you, Ricky?
450
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:27,086
Yeah, you can't run out to an
audition.
451
00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:29,088
If she doesn't tell a lie by 8:00,
452
00:16:29,088 --> 00:16:29,922
we're out a hundred bucks.
453
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:30,839
I know, I know.
454
00:16:31,340 --> 00:16:32,841
I just found a way how to...
455
00:16:33,342 --> 00:16:34,343
a way to win the bet
456
00:16:34,343 --> 00:16:36,645
and keep her quiet about show
business
457
00:16:37,146 --> 00:16:38,147
at the same time.
458
00:16:38,147 --> 00:16:39,014
You lost me.
459
00:16:39,014 --> 00:16:40,482
Well, look, I know
460
00:16:40,482 --> 00:16:42,985
the way that they conduct those
auditions,
461
00:16:42,985 --> 00:16:44,987
and she won't get to first base
462
00:16:44,987 --> 00:16:46,989
unless she can prove to them
463
00:16:46,989 --> 00:16:49,241
that she's got some experience.
464
00:16:49,241 --> 00:16:50,442
I don't get it.
465
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:51,443
I do.
466
00:16:51,443 --> 00:16:53,445
If she lies about her experience
467
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:55,447
to get a job, we win the bet,
468
00:16:55,948 --> 00:16:57,449
and if she doesn't lie
469
00:16:57,449 --> 00:16:58,450
about her experience,
470
00:16:58,951 --> 00:17:00,452
she won't get the audition.
Right.
471
00:17:00,452 --> 00:17:02,421
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
472
00:17:02,421 --> 00:17:04,423
Just give this to me slowly.
473
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:06,425
Now, look, if she doesn't win...
474
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:08,427
I can't understand where we come
into...
475
00:17:09,928 --> 00:17:12,931
Now, let me see-- who's next?
476
00:17:12,931 --> 00:17:15,801
Mercedes Minch.
477
00:17:15,801 --> 00:17:19,605
You've got a nice list of credits
here.
478
00:17:19,605 --> 00:17:21,607
"Sings like a chicken."
479
00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,609
Sings like a chicken?
480
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:25,110
Well, this won't be
481
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:28,614
the first "fowl" singer I've heard
today.
482
00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:35,370
Well, go right ahead, please.
483
00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:37,122
(piano plays)
484
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:42,377
(clucking an aria)
485
00:17:58,894 --> 00:18:01,897
(crows like a rooster)
486
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:06,518
Well, thank you very much.
487
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:07,519
Don't call us.
488
00:18:07,519 --> 00:18:09,521
We'll call you when we need you.
489
00:18:17,946 --> 00:18:19,448
MAN: Now, let me see...
490
00:18:20,949 --> 00:18:21,867
What are you doing here?
491
00:18:22,367 --> 00:18:22,868
Who's with Little Ricky?
492
00:18:23,368 --> 00:18:24,369
We got Mrs. Trumbull to sit with him.
493
00:18:24,870 --> 00:18:25,621
We couldn't miss this.
494
00:18:25,621 --> 00:18:29,291
Lucille McGillicuddy.
495
00:18:30,292 --> 00:18:32,294
"Singer, dancer, comedienne,
496
00:18:32,294 --> 00:18:35,264
"monologist, mistress of ceremonies,
497
00:18:35,264 --> 00:18:37,015
"after-dinner speaker,
498
00:18:37,015 --> 00:18:42,387
saxophonist, star, bit player or
extra."
499
00:18:42,387 --> 00:18:43,772
That's quite some accomplishments.
500
00:18:43,772 --> 00:18:47,276
Thank you... I'm just going to sing
and dance today.
501
00:18:47,276 --> 00:18:48,143
Oh, just a moment, please.
502
00:18:48,644 --> 00:18:50,946
There's nothing down here under
experience.
503
00:18:50,946 --> 00:18:51,864
Oh?
504
00:18:52,364 --> 00:18:54,366
Where have you appeared before?
505
00:18:54,366 --> 00:18:55,367
How's that?
506
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,202
I say, where have you appeared
before?
507
00:19:00,489 --> 00:19:04,960
Oh, uh... well, I... let's see, I
just finished at, um...
508
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:07,462
Well, well, there's been so many
places,
509
00:19:07,462 --> 00:19:09,464
it's hard to single one out.
510
00:19:09,464 --> 00:19:11,166
Well, try.
511
00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:12,467
Oh.
512
00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:14,970
Uh...
513
00:19:14,970 --> 00:19:16,972
I just finished a long run
514
00:19:16,972 --> 00:19:18,257
at Ricardo's.
515
00:19:18,257 --> 00:19:19,641
Ricardo's?
Yes, sir.
516
00:19:19,641 --> 00:19:21,643
I don't believe I've ever heard of
that place.
517
00:19:21,643 --> 00:19:23,395
What sort of an establishment is it?
518
00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:26,014
Oh, well, it's a three-ringed circus.
519
00:19:28,150 --> 00:19:29,568
Yes, it's quite a place.
520
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:30,903
You should drop by some night.
521
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,688
How long was your engagement there?
522
00:19:35,157 --> 00:19:35,941
11 years.
523
00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:37,192
(whistles)
524
00:19:37,192 --> 00:19:38,911
(whistles)
525
00:19:38,911 --> 00:19:40,779
Yes, well, I'm ready.
I have my...
526
00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:42,281
Oh, just a minute, please.
527
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,283
Where else have you appeared?
528
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:46,285
Well...
529
00:19:47,286 --> 00:19:49,621
I was in 3D.
530
00:19:51,373 --> 00:19:53,709
You say you've appeared in Third
Dimension.
531
00:19:53,709 --> 00:19:56,128
No, sir, I did not.
532
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:58,430
I said I was in 3D.
533
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:00,966
Well, what's 3D if it isn't Third
Dimension?
534
00:20:04,353 --> 00:20:06,605
It's the number on our apartment.
535
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,728
Well, I'm very sorry, Miss
McGillicuddy,
536
00:20:12,728 --> 00:20:15,113
but we're only interested in
professionals here.
537
00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:16,615
Now, it's almost 8:00.
538
00:20:16,615 --> 00:20:17,616
We have to move on.
539
00:20:18,116 --> 00:20:19,618
We only have time for one more.
540
00:20:19,618 --> 00:20:21,536
Now, let me see.
541
00:20:21,536 --> 00:20:23,288
Professor Falconi.
542
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:27,159
(speaking in Italian)
543
00:20:31,964 --> 00:20:35,133
(speaking in Italian)
544
00:20:35,133 --> 00:20:37,552
Something about a woman, you're
trying to say?
545
00:20:37,552 --> 00:20:39,838
(speaking in Italian)
546
00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:44,559
Anybody here speak Italian?
547
00:20:44,559 --> 00:20:46,061
Huh?
548
00:20:46,061 --> 00:20:48,347
Well, I'm afraid that's all for this
session then.
549
00:20:49,264 --> 00:20:51,266
Wait a minute, I speak Italian.
550
00:20:51,266 --> 00:20:52,267
(Ethel gasps)
551
00:20:52,267 --> 00:20:53,769
Well, I do speak Italian.
552
00:20:53,769 --> 00:20:56,271
(speaking in Italian)
553
00:21:23,131 --> 00:21:25,634
(speaking in Italian)
554
00:21:52,627 --> 00:21:55,130
(speaking in Italian)
555
00:22:39,541 --> 00:22:40,092
(screams)
556
00:22:40,092 --> 00:22:42,127
(speaking in Italian)
557
00:22:58,777 --> 00:23:00,228
(screams)
558
00:23:29,007 --> 00:23:31,843
(speaking in Italian)
559
00:23:43,105 --> 00:23:45,107
(screams)
560
00:23:45,107 --> 00:23:47,109
Ricky, Ricky, get me out of here!
561
00:23:47,109 --> 00:23:49,111
I don't know how to speak Italian!
562
00:23:49,611 --> 00:23:51,613
I'll pay the bet, I'll pay the bet.
563
00:23:51,613 --> 00:23:53,115
(laughing:)
Oh, honey.
564
00:23:53,115 --> 00:23:54,116
I'll pay the bet.
565
00:23:54,116 --> 00:23:55,617
I'm sorry I came in.
566
00:23:55,617 --> 00:23:56,618
I'm sorry.
567
00:23:56,618 --> 00:23:58,120
Oh, honey...
Don't worry, honey.
568
00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,621
I'll pay the bet.
569
00:23:59,621 --> 00:24:01,590
Oh, honey, you're wonderful.
570
00:24:01,590 --> 00:24:02,791
No, you're not.
571
00:24:02,791 --> 00:24:03,792
You let me stand up there
572
00:24:03,792 --> 00:24:05,293
and let him throw knives at me.
573
00:24:05,293 --> 00:24:07,295
What's the matter with you, are you
crazy or something?
574
00:24:07,295 --> 00:24:08,296
Don't you love me anymore?
575
00:24:08,296 --> 00:24:09,598
What are you trying to do, get rid of
me?
576
00:24:09,598 --> 00:24:11,516
Honey, he wasn't throwing knives at
you.
577
00:24:11,516 --> 00:24:14,019
What do you mean he wasn't throwing
knives at me?!
578
00:24:14,019 --> 00:24:16,021
No, no, look, look, honey, I'll show
you, look.
579
00:24:16,521 --> 00:24:17,522
The knives come from the back.
580
00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:18,807
Let one go.
581
00:24:20,025 --> 00:24:21,026
(shrieks)
582
00:24:21,026 --> 00:24:22,027
You see?
583
00:24:22,027 --> 00:24:22,944
You see, honey?
584
00:24:22,944 --> 00:24:24,696
They come from the back.
585
00:24:24,696 --> 00:24:27,482
Oh.
586
00:24:27,482 --> 00:24:28,984
Oh, I...
587
00:24:28,984 --> 00:24:30,535
(wails)
588
00:24:34,539 --> 00:24:36,274
(I Love Lucy theme music plays)
589
00:24:36,775 --> 00:24:38,777
Captioned by Media Access Group at
WGBH access.wgbh.org
590
00:25:33,298 --> 00:25:35,767
ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.
591
00:25:35,767 --> 00:25:37,736
Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz
592
00:25:37,736 --> 00:25:40,171
will be back next week at this same
time.
593
00:25:42,107 --> 00:25:44,659
This is the CBS television network.
39320
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