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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 0 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,085 - When I lost my ferro rod, I wanted to go home. 1 00:00:01,117 --> 00:00:02,552 I need to get my head back in the game 2 00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:03,985 if I'm gonna do this. 3 00:00:04,019 --> 00:00:06,235 - A lot of bear activity right here, and, you know, 4 00:00:06,268 --> 00:00:08,256 predators aren't something to trifle with. 5 00:00:08,289 --> 00:00:10,473 Caught my first fish in my net. 6 00:00:10,505 --> 00:00:12,591 - Dinner tonight, man. 7 00:00:12,624 --> 00:00:14,287 Whoo! 8 00:00:14,319 --> 00:00:16,633 - Who are you when everything's been stripped away? 9 00:00:16,666 --> 00:00:18,165 [bleep]. 10 00:00:18,198 --> 00:00:19,762 - [yelping] 11 00:00:19,795 --> 00:00:21,915 - It's scary out here in these woods. 12 00:00:21,947 --> 00:00:24,000 - I have not had a serious meal in a week. 13 00:00:24,032 --> 00:00:26,412 - If I can't get a fire, then I can't stay here. 14 00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:27,846 - It's always in the back of your mind, 15 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,476 "Well, I could tap out." 16 00:00:29,508 --> 00:00:31,236 - Putting up with this filming [bleep]? 17 00:00:31,268 --> 00:00:33,126 - Running into a predator, it's not an if. 18 00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:34,170 It's a when. 19 00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:35,278 Get the hell out of here. 20 00:00:35,311 --> 00:00:37,169 I see you. Get out of here! 21 00:00:37,201 --> 00:00:39,125 - I'm living a hand-to-mouth existence. 22 00:00:39,157 --> 00:00:40,330 Yes! Ah! 23 00:00:40,363 --> 00:00:42,025 - $500,000 is a lot of money. 24 00:00:42,058 --> 00:00:43,526 - It's just gonna keep getting harder. 25 00:00:43,558 --> 00:00:45,090 - It's not the world that needs to change. 26 00:00:45,122 --> 00:00:47,242 It's me that needs to change. 27 00:00:47,274 --> 00:00:49,523 - [moans] 28 00:00:49,555 --> 00:00:57,378 * 29 00:00:58,830 --> 00:01:04,763 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers. 30 00:01:12,829 --> 00:01:15,730 [birds chirping] 31 00:01:15,762 --> 00:01:17,816 * 32 00:01:17,849 --> 00:01:21,140 - Hey, so I'm traveling 33 00:01:21,173 --> 00:01:23,749 and exploring the, uh, 34 00:01:23,781 --> 00:01:27,171 the knoll behind and up above my camp. 35 00:01:27,203 --> 00:01:28,540 So check it out. 36 00:01:28,573 --> 00:01:30,985 Just right down 37 00:01:31,017 --> 00:01:33,364 from the kitchen area, 38 00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:36,429 oh, about 50 feet away. 39 00:01:36,461 --> 00:01:39,590 * 40 00:01:39,622 --> 00:01:41,937 And there is this root 41 00:01:41,970 --> 00:01:43,762 that's turned right here 42 00:01:43,795 --> 00:01:47,479 and covered with soft moss, 43 00:01:47,511 --> 00:01:49,337 And... 44 00:01:49,369 --> 00:01:50,574 * 45 00:01:50,608 --> 00:01:54,519 There is a hole 46 00:01:54,551 --> 00:01:56,475 in there. 47 00:01:56,507 --> 00:02:00,908 Man, this is the perfect toilet. 48 00:02:00,940 --> 00:02:02,407 [chuckles] 49 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,330 I can take care of business 50 00:02:04,362 --> 00:02:05,700 right here, 51 00:02:05,732 --> 00:02:07,819 and I'm just gonna kind of pan around 52 00:02:07,851 --> 00:02:09,220 so you can see 53 00:02:09,252 --> 00:02:11,404 where I've been hiking. 54 00:02:11,437 --> 00:02:13,653 So I'm just gonna explore around. 55 00:02:13,686 --> 00:02:15,739 If I see anything interesting, I'll show you. 56 00:02:15,772 --> 00:02:22,128 * 57 00:02:22,161 --> 00:02:24,833 So just all along the shore here, 58 00:02:24,866 --> 00:02:28,126 I anticipate finding stuff. 59 00:02:28,159 --> 00:02:29,527 * 60 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,679 I'm hoping to find a fair number 61 00:02:31,711 --> 00:02:33,831 of plastic bottles 62 00:02:33,863 --> 00:02:37,840 that I can use to store the food 63 00:02:37,872 --> 00:02:39,958 that I--that I'm hoping I can preserve. 64 00:02:39,991 --> 00:02:41,294 Catch some fish. 65 00:02:41,326 --> 00:02:43,902 * 66 00:02:43,935 --> 00:02:46,477 As I'm standing here, 67 00:02:46,510 --> 00:02:50,323 I see something. 68 00:02:50,356 --> 00:02:51,465 Look at that. 69 00:02:51,497 --> 00:02:55,376 That's a gigantic plastic container. 70 00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:57,886 Man, this is just awesome. 71 00:02:57,918 --> 00:03:00,429 I mean, it's context, right? 72 00:03:00,461 --> 00:03:02,678 I would otherwise be disappointed 73 00:03:02,710 --> 00:03:05,024 to find this kind of trash 74 00:03:05,056 --> 00:03:06,849 on a beautiful beach like this, 75 00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:08,545 but because I'm surviving alone 76 00:03:08,577 --> 00:03:10,240 on North Vancouver Island, 77 00:03:10,272 --> 00:03:13,303 oh, man, this is a score. 78 00:03:14,574 --> 00:03:17,183 I am really excited about this. 79 00:03:17,215 --> 00:03:19,302 * 80 00:03:19,334 --> 00:03:22,431 So I--I'm thinking 81 00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:25,494 of making a boat out of the black tub, 82 00:03:25,526 --> 00:03:28,787 and if the weather will allow me, 83 00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:30,481 you know, tying some outriggers to it 84 00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:31,851 to help stabilize it. 85 00:03:31,883 --> 00:03:34,491 * 86 00:03:34,524 --> 00:03:37,360 I can go places 87 00:03:37,393 --> 00:03:39,674 with the boat that would take me 88 00:03:39,706 --> 00:03:42,510 a much longer time by foot. 89 00:03:42,542 --> 00:03:45,704 I could put the gill net out in deeper water 90 00:03:45,737 --> 00:03:48,182 and perhaps catch salmon. 91 00:03:48,214 --> 00:03:50,137 * 92 00:03:50,170 --> 00:03:51,669 With a little more effort, 93 00:03:51,702 --> 00:03:54,635 I can access better fishing, 94 00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:57,373 and I have no doubt in my mind 95 00:03:57,406 --> 00:03:59,361 that I could stay out here 96 00:03:59,395 --> 00:04:00,470 for a very long time. 97 00:04:00,502 --> 00:04:05,099 * 98 00:04:05,131 --> 00:04:09,369 All right, so tying the outriggers to the tub, 99 00:04:09,401 --> 00:04:11,749 you've got to tie it underneath, so the-- 100 00:04:11,781 --> 00:04:16,278 the black container won't slip all the way through. 101 00:04:16,312 --> 00:04:17,681 It's gonna be a little bit 102 00:04:17,714 --> 00:04:19,637 diagonally unstable, 103 00:04:19,669 --> 00:04:23,385 but the container will help hold that some. 104 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:27,003 Now it's just a matter of going out on the water. 105 00:04:27,035 --> 00:04:29,578 * 106 00:04:29,611 --> 00:04:32,479 Oh, man. 107 00:04:32,512 --> 00:04:34,142 That could be epic. 108 00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:41,997 * 109 00:04:47,311 --> 00:04:48,679 I want to succeed at this. 110 00:04:48,712 --> 00:04:52,298 I don't want to fail at this, 111 00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:54,678 because if I end up 112 00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:57,643 in the drink and swimming, 113 00:04:57,677 --> 00:04:59,892 if I get hypothermic, 114 00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,392 can't start a fire, 115 00:05:01,424 --> 00:05:03,055 can't get warmed up in my bag, 116 00:05:03,087 --> 00:05:06,444 and I have to call in for help, 117 00:05:06,478 --> 00:05:08,661 then this could be the end of my journey. 118 00:05:08,693 --> 00:05:15,148 * 119 00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:16,452 Here we go. 120 00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:24,307 * 121 00:05:28,219 --> 00:05:29,783 Here we go. 122 00:05:29,816 --> 00:05:31,413 Yeah. 123 00:05:31,445 --> 00:05:35,031 * 124 00:05:35,064 --> 00:05:36,400 [grunts] 125 00:05:36,432 --> 00:05:40,148 * 126 00:05:40,181 --> 00:05:42,136 Hey-hey. 127 00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:44,647 Look at this. 128 00:05:44,679 --> 00:05:47,352 Oh, yeah. 129 00:05:47,384 --> 00:05:51,230 She is floating! 130 00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:53,318 Ahoy, matey! 131 00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:57,262 Look at this boat float, would ya? 132 00:05:57,294 --> 00:05:59,869 Whoa-ho-ho! 133 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:04,466 Man, this thing feels as solid as land. 134 00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:05,769 * 135 00:06:05,801 --> 00:06:09,094 Whoo-hoo! 136 00:06:09,126 --> 00:06:10,658 Holy moly. 137 00:06:10,690 --> 00:06:14,765 * 138 00:06:14,798 --> 00:06:20,437 Yeah, yeah, and it's super solid. 139 00:06:20,469 --> 00:06:22,752 Whoo-hoo! 140 00:06:22,784 --> 00:06:24,446 I could dance. 141 00:06:24,478 --> 00:06:26,924 Oh, I could dance. 142 00:06:26,957 --> 00:06:28,749 Whoo-hoo! 143 00:06:28,782 --> 00:06:30,607 All right. 144 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,541 This is what being a captain 145 00:06:33,573 --> 00:06:36,181 is all about, matey. 146 00:06:36,213 --> 00:06:37,550 Yeah. 147 00:06:37,583 --> 00:06:39,147 * 148 00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:41,820 Wow. 149 00:06:41,853 --> 00:06:44,069 This is just fabulous. 150 00:06:44,101 --> 00:06:45,047 Golden. 151 00:06:45,079 --> 00:06:48,568 Absolutely solid, stellar, 152 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,133 golden. 153 00:06:50,165 --> 00:06:51,371 Thank you, Jesus. 154 00:06:51,404 --> 00:06:53,196 Thank you, Jesus. 155 00:06:53,229 --> 00:06:55,250 [waves crashing] 156 00:06:55,282 --> 00:07:03,105 * 157 00:07:16,633 --> 00:07:18,849 - So story of my life out here 158 00:07:18,882 --> 00:07:21,065 on this accursed island. 159 00:07:21,098 --> 00:07:22,305 [chuckles] 160 00:07:22,337 --> 00:07:24,912 I'm waiting for the tide to go down. 161 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,477 It's--it's dark, 162 00:07:26,510 --> 00:07:27,618 but I still got to wait 163 00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:29,639 probably at least another hour 164 00:07:29,671 --> 00:07:31,724 before I can start checking my sets. 165 00:07:31,757 --> 00:07:34,463 * 166 00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:36,679 Seems to be going down later and later 167 00:07:36,712 --> 00:07:38,049 every day. 168 00:07:38,081 --> 00:07:39,677 * 169 00:07:39,711 --> 00:07:41,471 The boredom. 170 00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:43,166 Absolute, sheer boredom. 171 00:07:43,198 --> 00:07:45,447 * 172 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,185 I just kind of stand and dwell on thoughts. 173 00:07:48,219 --> 00:07:50,434 * 174 00:07:50,467 --> 00:07:52,260 Funny how there's little things in life 175 00:07:52,292 --> 00:07:54,640 can be so stressful. 176 00:07:54,673 --> 00:07:56,531 I have a mouse in my house. 177 00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,780 That stupid mouse, like, follows me 178 00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,540 when I come down here. 179 00:08:00,572 --> 00:08:02,951 I'll turn around, and there's the frickin' mouse, 180 00:08:02,984 --> 00:08:06,178 like, darting in and out of rocks. 181 00:08:06,211 --> 00:08:09,079 Oh, I would be so mad if he got into my sleeping bag. 182 00:08:09,112 --> 00:08:12,568 They are such destructive little...things, 183 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,111 so that's what I'm concerned about. 184 00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:18,077 [water gurgling] 185 00:08:20,651 --> 00:08:22,704 * 186 00:08:22,737 --> 00:08:24,660 Looks like I got one here. 187 00:08:24,693 --> 00:08:27,236 * 188 00:08:32,158 --> 00:08:33,950 And I don't want him... 189 00:08:33,983 --> 00:08:35,254 getting away. 190 00:08:35,287 --> 00:08:38,873 You mother[bleep]. 191 00:08:38,905 --> 00:08:40,502 Sorry about that. 192 00:08:44,609 --> 00:08:47,543 [metal scraping] 193 00:08:52,368 --> 00:08:53,964 What the hell? 194 00:08:57,322 --> 00:08:59,734 [metal scraping] 195 00:08:59,766 --> 00:09:02,667 [kindling sparks] 196 00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:05,406 You're [bleep] me. 197 00:09:05,438 --> 00:09:08,274 This [bleep] [bleep]'s all wet. 198 00:09:08,307 --> 00:09:10,458 [bleep] damn it. 199 00:09:10,490 --> 00:09:12,838 Never had so much [bleep] problems 200 00:09:12,870 --> 00:09:14,336 lighting a [bleep] fire 201 00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:15,575 in a [bleep] damn place 202 00:09:15,607 --> 00:09:17,629 in my entire [bleep] life. 203 00:09:17,662 --> 00:09:22,682 * 204 00:09:22,714 --> 00:09:24,898 Oh, I'm so [bleep] ready for bed. 205 00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,789 [bleep] [bleep] [bleep] 206 00:09:26,821 --> 00:09:30,276 you mother[bleep] piece of [bleep]. 207 00:09:30,309 --> 00:09:33,341 [bleep] you, you [bleep]sucker. 208 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,590 You [bleep] piece of [bleep]. 209 00:09:35,622 --> 00:09:43,445 * 210 00:09:49,085 --> 00:09:52,344 Dinner in a little bit. 211 00:09:52,376 --> 00:09:53,517 [thud] 212 00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,700 [groans] 213 00:09:58,961 --> 00:10:01,862 [dramatic music] 214 00:10:01,895 --> 00:10:09,718 * 215 00:10:18,062 --> 00:10:19,105 - I caught one fish 216 00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:22,724 in the new gill net location. 217 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,289 Very happy to have had 218 00:10:24,321 --> 00:10:27,450 a good, good, solid meal, 219 00:10:27,482 --> 00:10:29,112 but in an ideal world, 220 00:10:29,145 --> 00:10:30,449 it would be, like, in-- 221 00:10:30,481 --> 00:10:33,970 in real deep water, where I have to set it 222 00:10:34,002 --> 00:10:36,935 at retrieve it from a boat. 223 00:10:36,968 --> 00:10:40,423 In that valley, there must be a good-sized stream, 224 00:10:40,455 --> 00:10:41,726 and in that good-sized stream, 225 00:10:41,759 --> 00:10:43,748 there must be a good-sized salmon run. 226 00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:45,964 * 227 00:10:45,997 --> 00:10:48,736 Some food is coming in, 228 00:10:48,768 --> 00:10:50,429 but... 229 00:10:50,462 --> 00:10:51,962 the people that lived here, 230 00:10:51,994 --> 00:10:55,547 they depended on a stable food supply, 231 00:10:55,581 --> 00:10:58,350 and that was the salmon, 232 00:10:58,383 --> 00:11:01,023 and I'm still on time to catch the last migration, 233 00:11:01,056 --> 00:11:03,697 so that's where my mind goes. 234 00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,522 That's where my thoughts are right now. 235 00:11:05,555 --> 00:11:09,531 * 236 00:11:09,564 --> 00:11:12,498 [saw whooshing] 237 00:11:14,844 --> 00:11:16,996 If I hit the salmon run full on, 238 00:11:17,029 --> 00:11:19,407 it would make a huge, huge difference 239 00:11:19,441 --> 00:11:20,385 in my situation. 240 00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:23,287 [sawing continues] 241 00:11:23,319 --> 00:11:25,764 So I guess the sooner I get to it, the better. 242 00:11:25,797 --> 00:11:28,078 * 243 00:11:28,111 --> 00:11:30,100 This week, I've gone on long walks. 244 00:11:30,132 --> 00:11:32,772 I've picked up anything that was useful to me, 245 00:11:32,805 --> 00:11:36,129 any bit of cordage, any bit of lumber. 246 00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:39,781 So I think today, I'm gonna start with that. 247 00:11:39,813 --> 00:11:41,541 I think there is enough lumber 248 00:11:41,573 --> 00:11:44,702 to make the gunwales and the main stringer 249 00:11:44,735 --> 00:11:46,430 for a boat. 250 00:11:46,463 --> 00:11:48,875 * 251 00:11:48,907 --> 00:11:51,320 I'm abandoning survival 252 00:11:51,352 --> 00:11:53,894 and trying to go into wilderness living. 253 00:11:53,926 --> 00:11:57,838 Survival per se is how you stay out of trouble 254 00:11:57,871 --> 00:12:01,131 until you go back to civilization, 255 00:12:01,163 --> 00:12:02,663 but what I teach and what I do 256 00:12:02,695 --> 00:12:04,423 is wilderness living, 257 00:12:04,455 --> 00:12:06,868 trying to actually live in the place. 258 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:09,117 I have to maximize 259 00:12:09,149 --> 00:12:11,300 what the land and the sea has, 260 00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:13,549 and the number one way to maximize it 261 00:12:13,581 --> 00:12:15,669 is having a boat. 262 00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:17,135 That's good. 263 00:12:17,168 --> 00:12:20,036 Now I can start looking into the crosspieces it gets, 264 00:12:20,069 --> 00:12:22,807 and preparing the holes for the ribs. 265 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,393 * 266 00:12:26,426 --> 00:12:27,664 I'm pressed for time. 267 00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:29,163 I wonder if I'm gonna reach the creek, 268 00:12:29,195 --> 00:12:31,641 and a bunch of salmon carcasses is just laying there, 269 00:12:31,673 --> 00:12:33,499 'cause the run just went past me 270 00:12:33,531 --> 00:12:36,106 while I was here building a boat. 271 00:12:36,138 --> 00:12:38,258 And I hope not. 272 00:12:40,246 --> 00:12:43,017 Just--just put up a couple of crosspieces 273 00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:45,070 to support the gunwales. 274 00:12:45,103 --> 00:12:46,048 [wood cracks] 275 00:12:46,081 --> 00:12:48,101 Oh. 276 00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,438 [groans] 277 00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:53,024 * 278 00:12:53,056 --> 00:12:55,077 Now you break, you son of a gun. 279 00:12:55,110 --> 00:12:57,782 * 280 00:12:57,816 --> 00:13:00,292 [groans] 281 00:13:00,324 --> 00:13:04,921 This was a big setback in my plans, 282 00:13:04,954 --> 00:13:07,529 and I basically am back to starting out 283 00:13:07,561 --> 00:13:09,288 with that boat, 284 00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:12,809 and I'm still days away from having this completed. 285 00:13:12,841 --> 00:13:15,188 If I miss the salmon run because I'm too late, 286 00:13:15,221 --> 00:13:19,067 oh, that would be very, very bad. 287 00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:22,686 I wish I didn't have that time-pressure thing going. 288 00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:24,544 [sighs] 289 00:13:25,652 --> 00:13:32,367 * 290 00:13:38,104 --> 00:13:41,005 - I had an interesting night last night. 291 00:13:41,038 --> 00:13:44,524 A mouse has completely destroyed my gear. 292 00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,448 * 293 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,850 Right next to my head, 294 00:13:47,883 --> 00:13:50,164 he was chewing on my pack all night, 295 00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:52,609 and every time I turned on my head lamp, 296 00:13:52,641 --> 00:13:55,413 he'd scurry away. 297 00:13:55,445 --> 00:13:56,846 I swear to God, if that thing 298 00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,640 fricking chews my sleeping bag up, 299 00:13:58,672 --> 00:13:59,617 I'm blowing this place up. 300 00:13:59,650 --> 00:14:00,660 I'm gonna find some way 301 00:14:00,693 --> 00:14:04,017 to blow the whole fricking place up. 302 00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:06,332 [birds chirping] 303 00:14:06,365 --> 00:14:10,015 My greatest struggle is emotional. 304 00:14:10,048 --> 00:14:11,450 What's really throwing me for a loop 305 00:14:11,482 --> 00:14:13,959 is how mental this is. 306 00:14:13,993 --> 00:14:16,567 I did not expect this to be this big a mental challenge. 307 00:14:16,599 --> 00:14:18,522 [birds chirping] 308 00:14:18,555 --> 00:14:21,848 The fact that I am secluded 309 00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:25,204 in a 100-foot area, 310 00:14:25,238 --> 00:14:27,747 with walls sloped down 311 00:14:27,781 --> 00:14:29,214 on side of me... 312 00:14:30,779 --> 00:14:33,093 Quite frankly, it gets quite depressing. 313 00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:34,201 [sighs] 314 00:14:34,234 --> 00:14:38,504 And now I have a mouse in my house. 315 00:14:38,537 --> 00:14:41,177 I mean, this place is just really starting to get to me. 316 00:14:41,209 --> 00:14:42,449 [birds chirping] 317 00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:44,664 [sighs] 318 00:14:44,698 --> 00:14:52,325 * 319 00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:55,259 [chirping continues] 320 00:14:55,291 --> 00:15:03,082 * 321 00:15:03,114 --> 00:15:04,842 [fire crackling] 322 00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:08,264 * 323 00:15:08,297 --> 00:15:11,687 I've been trying to formulate a thought, 324 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,316 to express it... 325 00:15:13,349 --> 00:15:15,012 * 326 00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:17,032 Without breaking down and crying. 327 00:15:17,065 --> 00:15:19,151 * 328 00:15:19,183 --> 00:15:20,879 And I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to relay it 329 00:15:20,911 --> 00:15:21,857 without crying. 330 00:15:21,889 --> 00:15:24,204 * 331 00:15:24,236 --> 00:15:27,300 This--so my issue... 332 00:15:28,605 --> 00:15:32,223 One of the reasons why I wanted to come out here 333 00:15:32,255 --> 00:15:35,938 was to try and think 334 00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:37,405 on... 335 00:15:39,621 --> 00:15:44,185 the new aspect of my life. 336 00:15:44,217 --> 00:15:46,532 In other words, after kids. 337 00:15:50,541 --> 00:15:54,550 A person can endure a lot of things 338 00:15:54,582 --> 00:15:56,376 for someone that they love. 339 00:15:58,298 --> 00:16:02,243 Trying to endure... 340 00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:05,862 those same things just purely for yourself 341 00:16:05,894 --> 00:16:07,557 is not as easy. 342 00:16:09,447 --> 00:16:11,370 I'm an electrician. 343 00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:12,771 You might think it's not that hard, 344 00:16:12,804 --> 00:16:15,118 but it's a lot of repetitive tasks. 345 00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,628 I know everybody has to go to work. 346 00:16:20,660 --> 00:16:23,854 I know it's just the way of the world, 347 00:16:23,886 --> 00:16:27,342 but for me to think... 348 00:16:28,515 --> 00:16:30,993 that I have another 15 years... 349 00:16:33,111 --> 00:16:37,642 of basically wasting my life, 350 00:16:37,674 --> 00:16:39,859 waiting for the weekends. 351 00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:49,508 Just the mundane torture of it all. 352 00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:56,580 * 353 00:16:56,614 --> 00:16:57,819 I'm gonna have to make a change. 354 00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,352 It's not the world that needs to change. 355 00:16:59,384 --> 00:17:01,698 It's me that needs to change. 356 00:17:01,731 --> 00:17:03,784 My--my outlook on life. 357 00:17:03,816 --> 00:17:11,151 * 358 00:17:11,184 --> 00:17:14,052 This place, I know the rules. 359 00:17:14,085 --> 00:17:15,649 It's life outside of this place 360 00:17:15,682 --> 00:17:17,247 that makes me want to cry. 361 00:17:17,279 --> 00:17:19,235 * 362 00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:32,240 * 363 00:17:39,673 --> 00:17:42,117 - All right, I'll stand in front of the camera. 364 00:17:42,149 --> 00:17:45,377 Move it down. 365 00:17:45,410 --> 00:17:46,420 I'm still here 366 00:17:46,452 --> 00:17:48,278 and doing well, 367 00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:49,679 so keeping myself warm, 368 00:17:49,712 --> 00:17:52,710 making sure I have enough food. 369 00:17:52,744 --> 00:17:56,264 I think I've figured out black bear behavior. 370 00:17:56,297 --> 00:17:58,643 It's been a learning experience. 371 00:17:58,675 --> 00:18:02,034 It's a sort of game, like, the bears and I 372 00:18:02,066 --> 00:18:04,902 forage on the beach together at the same time. 373 00:18:04,934 --> 00:18:06,271 They stay on their side of the river 374 00:18:06,303 --> 00:18:07,738 and don't come over here. 375 00:18:07,770 --> 00:18:10,280 Plenty, plenty of fish. 376 00:18:10,312 --> 00:18:14,257 I love that I'm part of the ecosystem here. 377 00:18:14,289 --> 00:18:16,864 I feel at home here. 378 00:18:16,898 --> 00:18:19,276 It's another good day. 379 00:18:19,309 --> 00:18:20,939 I'm gonna go check my gill net. 380 00:18:20,971 --> 00:18:23,807 That Chinook run should be coming in really soon, 381 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,741 and that's a great source of food. 382 00:18:26,774 --> 00:18:28,241 * Watching for bears 383 00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,935 'cause they like it right here. 384 00:18:29,968 --> 00:18:32,641 Oh, I think we're gonna coexist just fine. 385 00:18:32,674 --> 00:18:35,575 * Looks like we got something * 386 00:18:35,607 --> 00:18:38,932 We got some salmon. 387 00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:42,029 Oh! And it is alive and kicking. 388 00:18:42,062 --> 00:18:44,115 You need to cut its backbone, is the main thing. 389 00:18:44,147 --> 00:18:46,886 * 390 00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:49,265 Hold it really firmly, 391 00:18:49,298 --> 00:18:51,579 and cut through its spinal cord in there. 392 00:18:51,612 --> 00:18:53,731 * 393 00:18:53,764 --> 00:18:56,468 Kind of cool: the heart is still-- 394 00:18:56,501 --> 00:18:57,479 it's still beating. 395 00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,566 Oh, it just was. 396 00:18:59,598 --> 00:19:01,032 There we go. 397 00:19:01,064 --> 00:19:02,010 See that? 398 00:19:02,042 --> 00:19:05,433 * 399 00:19:05,465 --> 00:19:09,572 [French accent] Now for ze body. 400 00:19:09,605 --> 00:19:11,430 Oh, boy. 401 00:19:11,463 --> 00:19:13,321 Feeling very lucky today. 402 00:19:13,354 --> 00:19:16,646 This amazing, fresh salmon. 403 00:19:16,678 --> 00:19:20,036 Here's the body. 404 00:19:20,069 --> 00:19:22,089 [grunts] Put it here to fillet. 405 00:19:22,122 --> 00:19:23,296 How you doing over there, bears? 406 00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,056 How's your river? 407 00:19:25,088 --> 00:19:28,087 They got their own river where the salmon are spawning. 408 00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,586 We're all eating well, 409 00:19:29,618 --> 00:19:31,412 so that works out. 410 00:19:31,444 --> 00:19:34,019 [laughs] 411 00:19:34,052 --> 00:19:36,236 All right, well. 412 00:19:36,268 --> 00:19:40,506 Time to get these puppies filleted 413 00:19:40,538 --> 00:19:42,103 and cleaned. 414 00:19:42,135 --> 00:19:44,580 It's really important to me that if I take a life, 415 00:19:44,614 --> 00:19:46,797 that I use every single bit of that animal. 416 00:19:46,829 --> 00:19:48,166 It's respectful, 417 00:19:48,198 --> 00:19:50,611 and I want to be respectful of this sacred land 418 00:19:50,643 --> 00:19:52,892 that we're being allowed to use. 419 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,588 Those reflexes always get me 420 00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:56,901 when they move when you're cutting it. 421 00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:57,912 Voila. 422 00:19:57,944 --> 00:20:00,520 Better than your best restaurant. 423 00:20:00,553 --> 00:20:03,975 That's dinner, lunch, breakfast. 424 00:20:04,007 --> 00:20:05,084 Dinner, lunch, breakfast. 425 00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:07,267 Oh, yeah, a whole lot of food. 426 00:20:10,559 --> 00:20:15,156 * 427 00:20:20,077 --> 00:20:22,979 [water gushing] 428 00:20:23,011 --> 00:20:30,280 * 429 00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,497 - So last night, 430 00:20:32,530 --> 00:20:35,561 a mouse completely destroyed my gear. 431 00:20:35,593 --> 00:20:39,277 He was chewing on my pack all night. 432 00:20:39,309 --> 00:20:41,363 I really want to give it a concerted effort 433 00:20:41,395 --> 00:20:44,199 to try and find a new location. 434 00:20:44,231 --> 00:20:45,600 * 435 00:20:45,633 --> 00:20:47,458 It's up to me. It's not up to anybody else. 436 00:20:47,491 --> 00:20:49,349 It's up to me to make a change. 437 00:20:55,737 --> 00:20:57,824 That's the plan for today. 438 00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:00,659 I'm getting the hell out of here. 439 00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:03,072 Let this damn mouse have this frickin' place. 440 00:21:03,104 --> 00:21:05,255 * 441 00:21:05,288 --> 00:21:06,690 So I've lost some weight. 442 00:21:06,722 --> 00:21:09,721 I need another couple of notches on my belt. 443 00:21:09,754 --> 00:21:13,111 Let's get this hip belt situated. 444 00:21:13,144 --> 00:21:14,089 Tightened down. 445 00:21:14,121 --> 00:21:19,141 * 446 00:21:19,174 --> 00:21:21,064 All right. 447 00:21:21,096 --> 00:21:23,314 Time to head out. 448 00:21:23,346 --> 00:21:26,345 I'm pretty nervous about leaving a known entity, 449 00:21:26,378 --> 00:21:29,572 but it's either try and survive where I'm at, 450 00:21:29,604 --> 00:21:32,506 and potentially tap quite early, 451 00:21:32,538 --> 00:21:34,820 or it's go for broke 452 00:21:34,852 --> 00:21:36,808 and really try to get out here 453 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,698 and try to find a good location 454 00:21:38,732 --> 00:21:39,709 and live out here. 455 00:21:39,742 --> 00:21:44,403 * 456 00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:46,718 I've done three or four little walks, 457 00:21:46,751 --> 00:21:49,618 and the only other place I haven't gone 458 00:21:49,651 --> 00:21:51,966 is more south, 459 00:21:51,998 --> 00:21:53,694 so it's opened up a little bit. 460 00:21:53,726 --> 00:21:56,040 I'm following this creek bed. 461 00:21:56,073 --> 00:21:57,180 [exhales] 462 00:21:57,214 --> 00:21:59,331 But it's thick back here. 463 00:21:59,365 --> 00:22:02,070 I see a little bit of daylight up there 464 00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:04,353 through the trees. 465 00:22:04,385 --> 00:22:07,319 I'm hoping that that pans out to a-- 466 00:22:07,351 --> 00:22:08,460 I don't know. 467 00:22:08,492 --> 00:22:10,741 It's got to empty into the ocean sometime. 468 00:22:10,773 --> 00:22:15,435 * 469 00:22:15,467 --> 00:22:17,391 Oh, this is killing my knees. 470 00:22:17,423 --> 00:22:18,955 [groans] 471 00:22:18,988 --> 00:22:20,097 I've got old man knees. 472 00:22:20,129 --> 00:22:21,856 [groans] 473 00:22:21,888 --> 00:22:23,812 Oh, my pack's caught. 474 00:22:23,844 --> 00:22:24,790 Damn you. 475 00:22:24,822 --> 00:22:32,384 * 476 00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:34,601 Oh, my gosh. 477 00:22:34,634 --> 00:22:36,068 Oh, you son of a... 478 00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:37,046 * 479 00:22:37,078 --> 00:22:38,480 God. 480 00:22:38,512 --> 00:22:41,577 * 481 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:42,815 [groans] 482 00:22:42,848 --> 00:22:43,793 * 483 00:22:43,826 --> 00:22:44,999 Damn it. 484 00:22:45,032 --> 00:22:47,444 * 485 00:22:47,477 --> 00:22:48,944 All right, well, I'm getting excited. 486 00:22:48,976 --> 00:22:50,019 I can hear the ocean. 487 00:22:50,051 --> 00:22:53,409 * 488 00:22:53,442 --> 00:22:55,593 [laughing] 489 00:22:55,626 --> 00:22:57,191 Oh, my God. 490 00:22:57,223 --> 00:23:00,025 * 491 00:23:00,059 --> 00:23:03,644 To get out of that confining space of-- 492 00:23:03,676 --> 00:23:06,155 to be able to see this, man, 493 00:23:06,187 --> 00:23:07,783 and to expend the calories and stuff 494 00:23:07,816 --> 00:23:09,609 and not know where I was gonna end up 495 00:23:09,641 --> 00:23:11,044 or what was gonna happen. 496 00:23:11,076 --> 00:23:12,640 Let's get down here and see 497 00:23:12,672 --> 00:23:14,042 what the heck's going on. 498 00:23:14,075 --> 00:23:16,031 * 499 00:23:16,063 --> 00:23:17,073 I can just tell already 500 00:23:17,107 --> 00:23:20,300 that this is gonna be loads better, 501 00:23:20,333 --> 00:23:22,451 loads better. 502 00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:24,701 Look--there's dead wood right there. 503 00:23:24,734 --> 00:23:26,983 Look at all the kindling and stuff like that right here. 504 00:23:27,015 --> 00:23:28,319 * 505 00:23:28,352 --> 00:23:30,732 And this place is fricking chanterelle heaven. 506 00:23:30,764 --> 00:23:33,143 * 507 00:23:33,176 --> 00:23:34,611 Oh, my God. 508 00:23:34,643 --> 00:23:36,012 * 509 00:23:36,044 --> 00:23:38,945 Just the emotional uplifting 510 00:23:38,978 --> 00:23:40,933 this is gonna give me 511 00:23:40,967 --> 00:23:42,238 is huge. 512 00:23:42,271 --> 00:23:44,422 * 513 00:23:44,454 --> 00:23:45,758 Look at this. 514 00:23:45,790 --> 00:23:48,756 There's sunlight on the rocks. 515 00:23:48,790 --> 00:23:49,931 I could be sunbathing. 516 00:23:49,964 --> 00:23:52,082 * 517 00:23:52,115 --> 00:23:54,364 It's frickin' awesome. 518 00:23:54,396 --> 00:23:58,666 * 519 00:24:01,926 --> 00:24:04,892 [dramatic music] 520 00:24:04,925 --> 00:24:12,748 * 521 00:24:25,232 --> 00:24:27,514 - This was the best move. 522 00:24:27,546 --> 00:24:28,622 Not just move, literally. 523 00:24:28,654 --> 00:24:30,448 This was the best move I've done 524 00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:33,674 this entire journey. 525 00:24:33,707 --> 00:24:36,510 All right, well, I haven't even been here ten minutes, 526 00:24:36,543 --> 00:24:38,596 and what did I find? 527 00:24:38,628 --> 00:24:39,574 Rope. 528 00:24:39,606 --> 00:24:41,009 Cordage. 529 00:24:41,041 --> 00:24:43,192 I'm gonna split this rope down, 530 00:24:43,225 --> 00:24:44,659 and right back behind me 531 00:24:44,692 --> 00:24:46,191 is where I'm gonna make my shelter. 532 00:24:46,224 --> 00:24:48,603 * 533 00:24:48,637 --> 00:24:50,918 God, that was a craphole I left. 534 00:24:50,950 --> 00:24:52,808 This place is so much better. 535 00:24:52,841 --> 00:24:55,318 There's a lot of man-made resources. 536 00:24:55,350 --> 00:24:57,795 I got a whole nother thing of this cordage, 537 00:24:57,828 --> 00:24:59,523 and that was just what I found on the beach 538 00:24:59,555 --> 00:25:02,913 in the first five minutes I was here. 539 00:25:02,945 --> 00:25:06,401 I've got to get shelter set up. 540 00:25:06,434 --> 00:25:09,302 I've got stuff in my backpack 541 00:25:09,334 --> 00:25:10,703 that can't get wet. 542 00:25:10,736 --> 00:25:14,355 I cannot afford to get my sleeping bag wet. 543 00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:16,636 I just need to hurry up and set up a shelter, 544 00:25:16,668 --> 00:25:18,103 and then I'll go back for my other crap 545 00:25:18,135 --> 00:25:20,189 that I left. 546 00:25:20,222 --> 00:25:23,546 I'm just gonna make a simple A-frame. 547 00:25:23,578 --> 00:25:24,980 I'm really partial to the plow point, 548 00:25:25,014 --> 00:25:26,349 but the problem with the plow point 549 00:25:26,382 --> 00:25:27,685 in this country is it rains so much 550 00:25:27,719 --> 00:25:31,859 that the rain leaks down the pole, 551 00:25:31,891 --> 00:25:34,759 and it's such strong winds 552 00:25:34,792 --> 00:25:36,780 that I don't want to put that much pressure on the tarp 553 00:25:36,813 --> 00:25:40,562 and not have a ridgepole. 554 00:25:40,594 --> 00:25:44,244 I'm so happy to be rid of that frickin' mouse. 555 00:25:44,277 --> 00:25:47,537 Little destructive piece of crap. 556 00:25:47,569 --> 00:25:48,906 I'm gonna make it my life's mission 557 00:25:48,938 --> 00:25:51,481 to kill every frickin' mouse I possibly can. 558 00:25:51,514 --> 00:25:55,360 That's my new mission going forward, yes. 559 00:25:55,392 --> 00:25:58,164 We could have lived in harmony. I wasn't hungry. 560 00:25:58,196 --> 00:25:59,955 I was gonna leave him alone, 561 00:25:59,989 --> 00:26:03,411 but oh, no. 562 00:26:03,444 --> 00:26:06,867 Him and his kind are gonna feel my wrath from now on. 563 00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:14,005 * 564 00:26:14,037 --> 00:26:16,939 [saw cutting] 565 00:26:16,971 --> 00:26:22,838 * 566 00:26:22,871 --> 00:26:24,826 I really want this to be a good, strong shelter, 567 00:26:24,860 --> 00:26:26,554 so... 568 00:26:33,563 --> 00:26:34,703 Limbs. 569 00:26:34,736 --> 00:26:35,714 I need two of 'em, 570 00:26:35,746 --> 00:26:37,343 and they need to be long. 571 00:26:37,377 --> 00:26:38,648 * 572 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,766 I've never made one like this before. 573 00:26:40,799 --> 00:26:45,493 * 574 00:26:45,525 --> 00:26:48,622 It's always just a [bleep] inch too short. 575 00:26:48,654 --> 00:26:50,578 [bleep] damn it. 576 00:26:50,610 --> 00:26:58,433 * 577 00:27:13,818 --> 00:27:14,927 [bleep] 578 00:27:14,959 --> 00:27:19,425 Once again, [bleep] four inches too short. 579 00:27:19,458 --> 00:27:23,662 Oh, you [bleep]-loving mother[bleep]. 580 00:27:23,695 --> 00:27:26,107 Piece of [bleep]. 581 00:27:28,095 --> 00:27:31,420 [bleep] [bleep] damn it. 582 00:27:39,211 --> 00:27:42,601 Cut another [bleep] ten-[bleep] tree down. 583 00:27:47,914 --> 00:27:51,401 I can definitely feel a lot of mood swings. 584 00:27:53,651 --> 00:27:56,030 Um, I get frustrated pretty easy. 585 00:27:56,062 --> 00:27:58,018 I get angry pretty easy. 586 00:27:58,051 --> 00:28:05,548 * 587 00:28:05,581 --> 00:28:08,189 But I usually come back 588 00:28:08,222 --> 00:28:09,818 and try and solve the problem 589 00:28:09,850 --> 00:28:11,285 semi-rationally. 590 00:28:11,318 --> 00:28:13,502 * 591 00:28:24,356 --> 00:28:27,746 * 592 00:28:27,779 --> 00:28:29,735 Feel like everything's okay now. 593 00:28:29,767 --> 00:28:31,951 * 594 00:28:31,984 --> 00:28:33,613 I mean, maybe I'll be plagued by predators. 595 00:28:33,647 --> 00:28:34,982 I don't know, but... 596 00:28:35,015 --> 00:28:36,645 * 597 00:28:36,678 --> 00:28:38,405 I still think it's better. 598 00:28:38,438 --> 00:28:40,524 It's way, way better 599 00:28:40,556 --> 00:28:42,088 than where I came from. 600 00:28:46,587 --> 00:28:51,019 * 601 00:28:56,072 --> 00:28:58,974 [rain falling] 602 00:28:59,006 --> 00:29:00,212 * 603 00:29:00,245 --> 00:29:03,145 [fire crackling] 604 00:29:03,178 --> 00:29:06,112 [rain pattering on tarp] 605 00:29:10,251 --> 00:29:11,914 - Ugly faces. 606 00:29:11,946 --> 00:29:13,576 Me and my sister used to make ugly faces 607 00:29:13,609 --> 00:29:16,640 in the mirror. 608 00:29:16,673 --> 00:29:18,791 [chuckles] 609 00:29:18,824 --> 00:29:26,648 * 610 00:29:32,058 --> 00:29:34,633 All right, so I'm out 611 00:29:34,666 --> 00:29:36,524 checking all my fishing lines. 612 00:29:36,556 --> 00:29:40,436 * 613 00:29:40,468 --> 00:29:43,336 Finding some food is a priority. 614 00:29:43,369 --> 00:29:45,096 The number one priority. 615 00:29:45,130 --> 00:29:52,953 * 616 00:29:56,994 --> 00:30:00,189 That is a really interesting fish. 617 00:30:00,221 --> 00:30:03,481 I have no idea... 618 00:30:03,514 --> 00:30:05,110 what it could possibly be. 619 00:30:05,142 --> 00:30:09,249 It is so beautiful, though. 620 00:30:09,283 --> 00:30:10,652 [laughing] 621 00:30:10,684 --> 00:30:12,706 Two lines, two fish. 622 00:30:12,738 --> 00:30:15,704 [laughing] Oh, yeah. 623 00:30:15,737 --> 00:30:17,497 Oh. 624 00:30:17,530 --> 00:30:18,735 It's amazing. 625 00:30:18,768 --> 00:30:20,691 This is working. 626 00:30:20,724 --> 00:30:22,973 [laughing] 627 00:30:23,005 --> 00:30:25,482 [exclaims] 628 00:30:25,516 --> 00:30:27,145 That I've been catching fish 629 00:30:27,178 --> 00:30:29,069 every day for the last three days, 630 00:30:29,101 --> 00:30:31,741 after going two weeks without catching anything. 631 00:30:31,774 --> 00:30:34,088 That's--that's so huge. 632 00:30:34,121 --> 00:30:35,914 * 633 00:30:35,946 --> 00:30:39,401 Good old-fashioned regular fishing. 634 00:30:39,434 --> 00:30:41,064 A bobber, 635 00:30:41,096 --> 00:30:42,367 a little sinker, 636 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:43,345 a hook, 637 00:30:43,377 --> 00:30:44,812 and some bait. 638 00:30:44,845 --> 00:30:46,344 * 639 00:30:46,376 --> 00:30:49,245 Another day where I'll have a bit of meat. 640 00:30:49,278 --> 00:30:51,625 I am so grateful for you. 641 00:30:51,658 --> 00:30:54,036 I'm really happy with what I have accomplished so far. 642 00:30:54,070 --> 00:30:56,515 * 643 00:30:56,547 --> 00:30:59,318 But I just, like, am craving 644 00:30:59,351 --> 00:31:00,784 human companionship 645 00:31:00,817 --> 00:31:02,675 even more than food. 646 00:31:02,707 --> 00:31:07,662 * 647 00:31:07,694 --> 00:31:10,694 I wish I could talk to my dad, actually. 648 00:31:10,726 --> 00:31:12,616 * 649 00:31:12,649 --> 00:31:14,540 He'd do good out here. 650 00:31:14,572 --> 00:31:16,137 He'd do real good. 651 00:31:18,224 --> 00:31:22,982 * 652 00:31:23,015 --> 00:31:24,351 It's really hard being alone. 653 00:31:24,384 --> 00:31:26,340 I've never been alone for this long before. 654 00:31:26,372 --> 00:31:29,763 * 655 00:31:29,795 --> 00:31:33,609 You just, like, crave companionship, 656 00:31:33,641 --> 00:31:35,467 someone to talk to. 657 00:31:35,499 --> 00:31:37,292 * 658 00:31:37,324 --> 00:31:39,639 It definitely takes its toll on you. 659 00:31:39,671 --> 00:31:47,494 * 660 00:31:52,905 --> 00:31:55,871 [dramatic music] 661 00:31:55,904 --> 00:32:03,727 * 662 00:32:10,736 --> 00:32:12,626 - This morning, I walked down to the water 663 00:32:12,659 --> 00:32:15,658 and had this amazing experience, just... 664 00:32:15,690 --> 00:32:17,906 this bald eagle came from the other side of the bay, 665 00:32:17,939 --> 00:32:19,504 and it circled the bay 666 00:32:19,537 --> 00:32:22,340 and then flew right in front of me. 667 00:32:22,373 --> 00:32:23,806 It was amazing. 668 00:32:28,108 --> 00:32:29,902 I do wonder how my kids are doing. 669 00:32:29,934 --> 00:32:32,249 You know, I try to compartmentalize. 670 00:32:32,282 --> 00:32:35,574 Try to just think about being here, 671 00:32:35,606 --> 00:32:39,029 'cause this is where I am, but... 672 00:32:39,061 --> 00:32:40,332 I think if you have any issues 673 00:32:40,365 --> 00:32:41,930 kind of going on in your head, 674 00:32:41,963 --> 00:32:44,082 being alone for long periods of time-- 675 00:32:44,114 --> 00:32:46,167 I think that's when things crop up for people. 676 00:32:46,199 --> 00:32:50,796 * 677 00:32:50,829 --> 00:32:52,817 [crying] I really miss my-- 678 00:32:52,849 --> 00:32:54,707 my stepson. 679 00:32:57,609 --> 00:32:59,238 Beau died two years ago. 680 00:32:59,270 --> 00:33:02,399 He drowned in San Francisco. 681 00:33:02,433 --> 00:33:04,225 [crying] 682 00:33:04,258 --> 00:33:06,475 He went swimming, and... 683 00:33:06,507 --> 00:33:08,169 he was missing for a long time, 684 00:33:08,201 --> 00:33:09,962 and I spent a month looking for him 685 00:33:09,995 --> 00:33:12,440 until we figured out what happened to him. 686 00:33:15,112 --> 00:33:16,970 He died on the day that I-- 687 00:33:17,002 --> 00:33:20,198 I was in Arizona. 688 00:33:20,230 --> 00:33:21,273 When I got the call, 689 00:33:21,305 --> 00:33:25,348 I was graduating with my doctorate, and... 690 00:33:25,380 --> 00:33:26,977 we texted back and forth a lot. 691 00:33:27,011 --> 00:33:30,660 That was an easy medium when he moved, 692 00:33:30,693 --> 00:33:33,823 and I texted him a picture of me 693 00:33:33,856 --> 00:33:36,985 in my, like, cap and gown, 694 00:33:37,017 --> 00:33:39,070 saying, "I did it. I'm finally a doctor now. 695 00:33:39,103 --> 00:33:40,505 I finally did it." 696 00:33:40,537 --> 00:33:41,874 And I think I was probably, 697 00:33:41,906 --> 00:33:44,351 like, 30 minutes too late. 698 00:33:44,383 --> 00:33:45,786 I remember thinking, "That's weird. 699 00:33:45,818 --> 00:33:47,023 He didn't write right back," 700 00:33:47,057 --> 00:33:49,469 'cause he always writes right back. 701 00:33:49,502 --> 00:33:50,773 And I just sometimes think, like, 702 00:33:50,805 --> 00:33:54,391 what if I'd texted an hour earlier, you know? 703 00:33:54,423 --> 00:33:55,531 I don't know 704 00:33:55,564 --> 00:33:57,423 if anything I could have done 705 00:33:57,455 --> 00:33:59,183 made any difference. 706 00:33:59,215 --> 00:34:02,800 * 707 00:34:02,833 --> 00:34:05,082 [sniffles] Ohh. 708 00:34:05,115 --> 00:34:11,177 * 709 00:34:11,211 --> 00:34:12,905 I know his brothers feel it every day. 710 00:34:12,938 --> 00:34:13,981 I feel it every day. 711 00:34:14,013 --> 00:34:15,839 I'm sure his dad does too. 712 00:34:15,871 --> 00:34:17,664 I'm sure his grandparents do. 713 00:34:17,696 --> 00:34:19,293 * 714 00:34:19,327 --> 00:34:22,422 My God, I miss him every day, so much. 715 00:34:22,456 --> 00:34:23,792 It's so hard. 716 00:34:23,825 --> 00:34:27,182 [breathes deeply] 717 00:34:27,214 --> 00:34:28,845 But I look for the beauty in things, 718 00:34:28,877 --> 00:34:30,279 and I look for joy in life, 719 00:34:30,311 --> 00:34:32,299 and I have other kids 720 00:34:32,332 --> 00:34:34,451 that I need to take care of, you know? 721 00:34:34,484 --> 00:34:35,917 [somber chuckle] 722 00:34:35,951 --> 00:34:42,763 * 723 00:34:42,796 --> 00:34:45,077 But it'll never mean I don't miss Beau 724 00:34:45,110 --> 00:34:46,381 every day. 725 00:34:46,414 --> 00:34:48,077 * 726 00:34:48,109 --> 00:34:50,749 [exhales] 727 00:34:50,781 --> 00:34:52,216 Wow. 728 00:34:52,248 --> 00:34:54,465 * 729 00:34:54,497 --> 00:34:56,421 I have to just think of him 730 00:34:56,453 --> 00:34:59,517 as being there with me and cheering me on. 731 00:34:59,550 --> 00:35:01,342 It's all I can do. I mean... 732 00:35:01,376 --> 00:35:02,843 He'd be proud of me here. 733 00:35:02,875 --> 00:35:05,026 I know he would. 734 00:35:05,058 --> 00:35:07,177 He'd be stoked. He'd think this was cool. 735 00:35:07,210 --> 00:35:08,318 [chuckles] 736 00:35:08,351 --> 00:35:16,174 * 737 00:35:35,047 --> 00:35:39,057 - I've been in a pretty funky headspace all day, 738 00:35:39,089 --> 00:35:41,958 just getting the blood flowing a little bit, 739 00:35:41,990 --> 00:35:44,794 keeping myself occupied. 740 00:35:44,826 --> 00:35:46,782 [sawing] 741 00:35:46,814 --> 00:35:49,292 I'm happy with the cabin so far. 742 00:35:49,324 --> 00:35:52,257 It's not done yet, but it's getting there. 743 00:35:52,290 --> 00:35:55,681 I'm gonna start reinforcing the walls. 744 00:35:55,713 --> 00:35:58,190 Put in a post at the very end. 745 00:35:58,222 --> 00:35:59,527 This one I did a couple of more, 746 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,613 'cause I noticed that this wall 747 00:36:01,646 --> 00:36:03,242 was leaning a little bit. 748 00:36:03,275 --> 00:36:07,481 That should definitely secure it, 749 00:36:07,513 --> 00:36:12,337 at least for the duration that I will be here. 750 00:36:12,370 --> 00:36:13,478 * 751 00:36:13,510 --> 00:36:14,456 Now, what I do here 752 00:36:14,488 --> 00:36:19,117 is just tie the posts together. 753 00:36:19,150 --> 00:36:20,648 * 754 00:36:20,681 --> 00:36:23,061 It's like there's a party going on in here all the time. 755 00:36:23,093 --> 00:36:25,538 * 756 00:36:25,571 --> 00:36:28,700 But I'm the-- I'm the only one here. 757 00:36:28,732 --> 00:36:30,590 I'm the only one-- I was the only one invited, 758 00:36:30,622 --> 00:36:32,970 is what it was. 759 00:36:33,003 --> 00:36:35,447 Make myself a little-- a little mattress. 760 00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,990 * 761 00:36:38,022 --> 00:36:40,695 I'm set up to be here 762 00:36:40,728 --> 00:36:41,673 for a long time. 763 00:36:41,706 --> 00:36:44,117 * 764 00:36:44,151 --> 00:36:48,290 I have walls around me. 765 00:36:48,323 --> 00:36:50,344 I have, you know, an entire ocean 766 00:36:50,376 --> 00:36:51,876 full of fish 767 00:36:51,908 --> 00:36:54,679 that I have been catching. 768 00:36:54,712 --> 00:36:56,798 I mean, you could have the best life in the world, 769 00:36:56,830 --> 00:37:00,416 but if you're alone, then what's the point, really? 770 00:37:00,448 --> 00:37:03,545 What's the point of living if you're just doing it alone? 771 00:37:03,577 --> 00:37:05,403 All right, well, let's see how she does. 772 00:37:05,435 --> 00:37:11,434 * 773 00:37:11,466 --> 00:37:12,965 [sighs] 774 00:37:12,999 --> 00:37:17,659 * 775 00:37:17,693 --> 00:37:19,289 Luxury. 776 00:37:19,321 --> 00:37:21,702 * 777 00:37:21,734 --> 00:37:25,026 What am I doing out here? 778 00:37:25,058 --> 00:37:26,819 Besides building [bleep]. 779 00:37:26,851 --> 00:37:30,078 * 780 00:37:30,111 --> 00:37:32,164 You know, you build, and you build, and you build, 781 00:37:32,197 --> 00:37:33,892 and when you run out of things, 782 00:37:33,925 --> 00:37:37,021 then you're just sort of left here 783 00:37:37,054 --> 00:37:39,727 without anything to do. 784 00:37:39,759 --> 00:37:42,921 * 785 00:37:42,953 --> 00:37:45,919 I think if the world ended, 786 00:37:45,952 --> 00:37:47,550 or if society as we know it 787 00:37:47,582 --> 00:37:49,408 just, like, crashed... 788 00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:51,005 * 789 00:37:51,038 --> 00:37:52,569 and I were, like, 790 00:37:52,602 --> 00:37:55,862 the last survivor... 791 00:37:55,894 --> 00:37:59,708 I wouldn't do it. 792 00:37:59,741 --> 00:38:01,338 There'd be no point. 793 00:38:01,370 --> 00:38:06,422 * 794 00:38:06,455 --> 00:38:07,987 I knew it was gonna be hard, 795 00:38:08,020 --> 00:38:11,051 being alone. 796 00:38:11,084 --> 00:38:12,454 I guess I just didn't know 797 00:38:12,486 --> 00:38:14,343 it was gonna be this hard. 798 00:38:14,376 --> 00:38:16,430 * 799 00:38:16,463 --> 00:38:18,549 There's times when I, like-- 800 00:38:18,581 --> 00:38:22,428 every fiber of my being is just saying, like, 801 00:38:22,460 --> 00:38:23,927 that I want to go home. 802 00:38:23,959 --> 00:38:28,230 * 803 00:38:31,163 --> 00:38:33,412 [dramatic music] 804 00:38:33,445 --> 00:38:41,268 * 805 00:39:03,172 --> 00:39:05,519 - Hello, ocean. 806 00:39:05,552 --> 00:39:10,735 It is good to see you again. 807 00:39:10,767 --> 00:39:13,928 I got a big decision to make. 808 00:39:13,962 --> 00:39:17,156 It is nice that you haven't left, 809 00:39:17,189 --> 00:39:20,155 =or else I'd be in big trouble. 810 00:39:20,187 --> 00:39:22,045 The biggest question I have is just 811 00:39:22,079 --> 00:39:24,718 "What am I doing this for?" 812 00:39:24,750 --> 00:39:28,303 * 813 00:39:28,337 --> 00:39:31,139 It's impossible to describe what this is like 814 00:39:31,173 --> 00:39:33,356 until someone comes out here and does it. 815 00:39:33,388 --> 00:39:34,953 * 816 00:39:34,986 --> 00:39:37,170 It's just so incredibly beautiful here. 817 00:39:37,202 --> 00:39:40,788 It's just--it's mind-blowing. 818 00:39:40,821 --> 00:39:43,656 It's like, it's not something that you just get used to. 819 00:39:43,690 --> 00:39:47,308 * 820 00:39:47,340 --> 00:39:48,546 But I don't know if there's more 821 00:39:48,579 --> 00:39:52,099 that I can get from this place, you know? 822 00:39:52,131 --> 00:39:54,967 I don't know if there's more that this place has 823 00:39:54,999 --> 00:39:56,532 to offer me. 824 00:39:56,564 --> 00:39:59,498 * 825 00:39:59,531 --> 00:40:00,574 I mean, don't get me wrong. 826 00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:02,725 Like, I love living this way. 827 00:40:02,758 --> 00:40:05,235 I--I actually want to live this way. 828 00:40:05,268 --> 00:40:06,898 * 829 00:40:06,930 --> 00:40:09,310 But there's no way I could do it alone. 830 00:40:09,342 --> 00:40:11,526 * 831 00:40:11,559 --> 00:40:12,928 There's been a lot of times 832 00:40:12,961 --> 00:40:15,535 I've felt like I wanted to go home. 833 00:40:18,534 --> 00:40:21,859 But--but I wasn't ready. 834 00:40:21,891 --> 00:40:27,009 * 835 00:40:27,042 --> 00:40:28,932 I just want to leave on a high note. 836 00:40:28,965 --> 00:40:32,224 * 837 00:40:32,257 --> 00:40:33,985 I want to leave... 838 00:40:34,017 --> 00:40:36,625 * 839 00:40:36,657 --> 00:40:38,320 still loving this. 840 00:40:38,353 --> 00:40:46,241 * 841 00:40:51,228 --> 00:40:53,281 I was hoping this would be an easier decision. 842 00:40:53,315 --> 00:41:01,138 * 843 00:41:04,364 --> 00:41:06,809 - I just can't get enough to eat. 844 00:41:06,842 --> 00:41:08,765 Where my fishing hole was, I can see these waves-- 845 00:41:08,797 --> 00:41:10,590 bam--just crashing against it. 846 00:41:10,623 --> 00:41:12,872 Not very happy about it. 847 00:41:12,904 --> 00:41:13,980 - I just woke up. 848 00:41:14,012 --> 00:41:15,577 My sleeping bag is soaked. 849 00:41:15,610 --> 00:41:18,152 It looks like it's groundwater, seeped through. 850 00:41:18,185 --> 00:41:19,815 This is [bleep] ridiculous. 851 00:41:19,847 --> 00:41:22,031 - Another day of boatbuilding. 852 00:41:22,064 --> 00:41:24,346 I sure hope to have her in the water in time 853 00:41:24,378 --> 00:41:26,465 to get to that salmon run. 854 00:41:26,497 --> 00:41:27,931 - A sweat lodge is one of those things 855 00:41:27,963 --> 00:41:29,626 that feeds you spiritually. 856 00:41:29,658 --> 00:41:31,843 I think it'll probably help me make a decision. 857 00:41:31,875 --> 00:41:33,929 I have to figure out how long I want to stay here. 858 00:41:33,962 --> 00:41:38,622 * 859 00:41:39,431 --> 00:42:38,059 Someone needs to stop Clearway Law. Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers. 51051

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