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0
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- When I lost my ferro rod,
I wanted to go home.
1
00:00:01,117 --> 00:00:02,552
I need to get my head back
in the game
2
00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:03,985
if I'm gonna do this.
3
00:00:04,019 --> 00:00:06,235
- A lot of bear activity
right here, and, you know,
4
00:00:06,268 --> 00:00:08,256
predators aren't something
to trifle with.
5
00:00:08,289 --> 00:00:10,473
Caught my first fish in my net.
6
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- Dinner tonight, man.
7
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Whoo!
8
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- Who are you when everything's
been stripped away?
9
00:00:16,666 --> 00:00:18,165
[bleep].
10
00:00:18,198 --> 00:00:19,762
- [yelping]
11
00:00:19,795 --> 00:00:21,915
- It's scary out here
in these woods.
12
00:00:21,947 --> 00:00:24,000
- I have not had
a serious meal in a week.
13
00:00:24,032 --> 00:00:26,412
- If I can't get a fire,
then I can't stay here.
14
00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:27,846
- It's always in the back
of your mind,
15
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:29,476
"Well, I could tap out."
16
00:00:29,508 --> 00:00:31,236
- Putting up
with this filming [bleep]?
17
00:00:31,268 --> 00:00:33,126
- Running into a predator,
it's not an if.
18
00:00:33,160 --> 00:00:34,170
It's a when.
19
00:00:34,202 --> 00:00:35,278
Get the hell out of here.
20
00:00:35,311 --> 00:00:37,169
I see you.
Get out of here!
21
00:00:37,201 --> 00:00:39,125
- I'm living
a hand-to-mouth existence.
22
00:00:39,157 --> 00:00:40,330
Yes!
Ah!
23
00:00:40,363 --> 00:00:42,025
- $500,000
is a lot of money.
24
00:00:42,058 --> 00:00:43,526
- It's just gonna keep
getting harder.
25
00:00:43,558 --> 00:00:45,090
- It's not the world
that needs to change.
26
00:00:45,122 --> 00:00:47,242
It's me
that needs to change.
27
00:00:47,274 --> 00:00:49,523
- [moans]
28
00:00:49,555 --> 00:00:57,378
*
29
00:00:58,830 --> 00:01:04,763
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
30
00:01:12,829 --> 00:01:15,730
[birds chirping]
31
00:01:15,762 --> 00:01:17,816
*
32
00:01:17,849 --> 00:01:21,140
- Hey, so I'm traveling
33
00:01:21,173 --> 00:01:23,749
and exploring the, uh,
34
00:01:23,781 --> 00:01:27,171
the knoll behind
and up above my camp.
35
00:01:27,203 --> 00:01:28,540
So check it out.
36
00:01:28,573 --> 00:01:30,985
Just right down
37
00:01:31,017 --> 00:01:33,364
from the kitchen area,
38
00:01:33,397 --> 00:01:36,429
oh, about 50 feet away.
39
00:01:36,461 --> 00:01:39,590
*
40
00:01:39,622 --> 00:01:41,937
And there is this root
41
00:01:41,970 --> 00:01:43,762
that's turned right here
42
00:01:43,795 --> 00:01:47,479
and covered with soft moss,
43
00:01:47,511 --> 00:01:49,337
And...
44
00:01:49,369 --> 00:01:50,574
*
45
00:01:50,608 --> 00:01:54,519
There is a hole
46
00:01:54,551 --> 00:01:56,475
in there.
47
00:01:56,507 --> 00:02:00,908
Man, this is the perfect toilet.
48
00:02:00,940 --> 00:02:02,407
[chuckles]
49
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:04,330
I can take care of business
50
00:02:04,362 --> 00:02:05,700
right here,
51
00:02:05,732 --> 00:02:07,819
and I'm just gonna kind of
pan around
52
00:02:07,851 --> 00:02:09,220
so you can see
53
00:02:09,252 --> 00:02:11,404
where I've been hiking.
54
00:02:11,437 --> 00:02:13,653
So I'm just gonna
explore around.
55
00:02:13,686 --> 00:02:15,739
If I see anything interesting,
I'll show you.
56
00:02:15,772 --> 00:02:22,128
*
57
00:02:22,161 --> 00:02:24,833
So just all along
the shore here,
58
00:02:24,866 --> 00:02:28,126
I anticipate finding stuff.
59
00:02:28,159 --> 00:02:29,527
*
60
00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,679
I'm hoping to find
a fair number
61
00:02:31,711 --> 00:02:33,831
of plastic bottles
62
00:02:33,863 --> 00:02:37,840
that I can use
to store the food
63
00:02:37,872 --> 00:02:39,958
that I--that I'm hoping
I can preserve.
64
00:02:39,991 --> 00:02:41,294
Catch some fish.
65
00:02:41,326 --> 00:02:43,902
*
66
00:02:43,935 --> 00:02:46,477
As I'm standing here,
67
00:02:46,510 --> 00:02:50,323
I see something.
68
00:02:50,356 --> 00:02:51,465
Look at that.
69
00:02:51,497 --> 00:02:55,376
That's a gigantic
plastic container.
70
00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:57,886
Man, this is just awesome.
71
00:02:57,918 --> 00:03:00,429
I mean, it's context, right?
72
00:03:00,461 --> 00:03:02,678
I would otherwise
be disappointed
73
00:03:02,710 --> 00:03:05,024
to find this kind of trash
74
00:03:05,056 --> 00:03:06,849
on a beautiful beach like this,
75
00:03:06,882 --> 00:03:08,545
but because I'm surviving alone
76
00:03:08,577 --> 00:03:10,240
on North Vancouver Island,
77
00:03:10,272 --> 00:03:13,303
oh, man, this is a score.
78
00:03:14,574 --> 00:03:17,183
I am really excited about this.
79
00:03:17,215 --> 00:03:19,302
*
80
00:03:19,334 --> 00:03:22,431
So I--I'm thinking
81
00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:25,494
of making a boat
out of the black tub,
82
00:03:25,526 --> 00:03:28,787
and if the weather
will allow me,
83
00:03:28,820 --> 00:03:30,481
you know, tying
some outriggers to it
84
00:03:30,514 --> 00:03:31,851
to help stabilize it.
85
00:03:31,883 --> 00:03:34,491
*
86
00:03:34,524 --> 00:03:37,360
I can go places
87
00:03:37,393 --> 00:03:39,674
with the boat
that would take me
88
00:03:39,706 --> 00:03:42,510
a much longer time by foot.
89
00:03:42,542 --> 00:03:45,704
I could put the gill net out
in deeper water
90
00:03:45,737 --> 00:03:48,182
and perhaps catch salmon.
91
00:03:48,214 --> 00:03:50,137
*
92
00:03:50,170 --> 00:03:51,669
With a little more effort,
93
00:03:51,702 --> 00:03:54,635
I can access better fishing,
94
00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:57,373
and I have no doubt in my mind
95
00:03:57,406 --> 00:03:59,361
that I could stay out here
96
00:03:59,395 --> 00:04:00,470
for a very long time.
97
00:04:00,502 --> 00:04:05,099
*
98
00:04:05,131 --> 00:04:09,369
All right, so tying
the outriggers to the tub,
99
00:04:09,401 --> 00:04:11,749
you've got to tie it
underneath, so the--
100
00:04:11,781 --> 00:04:16,278
the black container won't slip
all the way through.
101
00:04:16,312 --> 00:04:17,681
It's gonna be a little bit
102
00:04:17,714 --> 00:04:19,637
diagonally unstable,
103
00:04:19,669 --> 00:04:23,385
but the container will help
hold that some.
104
00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:27,003
Now it's just a matter
of going out on the water.
105
00:04:27,035 --> 00:04:29,578
*
106
00:04:29,611 --> 00:04:32,479
Oh, man.
107
00:04:32,512 --> 00:04:34,142
That could be epic.
108
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:41,997
*
109
00:04:47,311 --> 00:04:48,679
I want to succeed at this.
110
00:04:48,712 --> 00:04:52,298
I don't want to fail at this,
111
00:04:52,330 --> 00:04:54,678
because if I end up
112
00:04:54,710 --> 00:04:57,643
in the drink and swimming,
113
00:04:57,677 --> 00:04:59,892
if I get hypothermic,
114
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,392
can't start a fire,
115
00:05:01,424 --> 00:05:03,055
can't get warmed up in my bag,
116
00:05:03,087 --> 00:05:06,444
and I have to call in for help,
117
00:05:06,478 --> 00:05:08,661
then this could be the end
of my journey.
118
00:05:08,693 --> 00:05:15,148
*
119
00:05:15,181 --> 00:05:16,452
Here we go.
120
00:05:16,484 --> 00:05:24,307
*
121
00:05:28,219 --> 00:05:29,783
Here we go.
122
00:05:29,816 --> 00:05:31,413
Yeah.
123
00:05:31,445 --> 00:05:35,031
*
124
00:05:35,064 --> 00:05:36,400
[grunts]
125
00:05:36,432 --> 00:05:40,148
*
126
00:05:40,181 --> 00:05:42,136
Hey-hey.
127
00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:44,647
Look at this.
128
00:05:44,679 --> 00:05:47,352
Oh, yeah.
129
00:05:47,384 --> 00:05:51,230
She is floating!
130
00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:53,318
Ahoy, matey!
131
00:05:53,350 --> 00:05:57,262
Look at this boat float,
would ya?
132
00:05:57,294 --> 00:05:59,869
Whoa-ho-ho!
133
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:04,466
Man, this thing feels
as solid as land.
134
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:05,769
*
135
00:06:05,801 --> 00:06:09,094
Whoo-hoo!
136
00:06:09,126 --> 00:06:10,658
Holy moly.
137
00:06:10,690 --> 00:06:14,765
*
138
00:06:14,798 --> 00:06:20,437
Yeah, yeah,
and it's super solid.
139
00:06:20,469 --> 00:06:22,752
Whoo-hoo!
140
00:06:22,784 --> 00:06:24,446
I could dance.
141
00:06:24,478 --> 00:06:26,924
Oh, I could dance.
142
00:06:26,957 --> 00:06:28,749
Whoo-hoo!
143
00:06:28,782 --> 00:06:30,607
All right.
144
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,541
This is what being a captain
145
00:06:33,573 --> 00:06:36,181
is all about, matey.
146
00:06:36,213 --> 00:06:37,550
Yeah.
147
00:06:37,583 --> 00:06:39,147
*
148
00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:41,820
Wow.
149
00:06:41,853 --> 00:06:44,069
This is just fabulous.
150
00:06:44,101 --> 00:06:45,047
Golden.
151
00:06:45,079 --> 00:06:48,568
Absolutely solid, stellar,
152
00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:50,133
golden.
153
00:06:50,165 --> 00:06:51,371
Thank you, Jesus.
154
00:06:51,404 --> 00:06:53,196
Thank you, Jesus.
155
00:06:53,229 --> 00:06:55,250
[waves crashing]
156
00:06:55,282 --> 00:07:03,105
*
157
00:07:16,633 --> 00:07:18,849
- So story of my life out here
158
00:07:18,882 --> 00:07:21,065
on this accursed island.
159
00:07:21,098 --> 00:07:22,305
[chuckles]
160
00:07:22,337 --> 00:07:24,912
I'm waiting for the tide
to go down.
161
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,477
It's--it's dark,
162
00:07:26,510 --> 00:07:27,618
but I still got to wait
163
00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:29,639
probably at least another hour
164
00:07:29,671 --> 00:07:31,724
before I can start
checking my sets.
165
00:07:31,757 --> 00:07:34,463
*
166
00:07:34,495 --> 00:07:36,679
Seems to be going down
later and later
167
00:07:36,712 --> 00:07:38,049
every day.
168
00:07:38,081 --> 00:07:39,677
*
169
00:07:39,711 --> 00:07:41,471
The boredom.
170
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:43,166
Absolute, sheer boredom.
171
00:07:43,198 --> 00:07:45,447
*
172
00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,185
I just kind of stand
and dwell on thoughts.
173
00:07:48,219 --> 00:07:50,434
*
174
00:07:50,467 --> 00:07:52,260
Funny how there's
little things in life
175
00:07:52,292 --> 00:07:54,640
can be so stressful.
176
00:07:54,673 --> 00:07:56,531
I have a mouse in my house.
177
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,780
That stupid mouse, like,
follows me
178
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,540
when I come down here.
179
00:08:00,572 --> 00:08:02,951
I'll turn around,
and there's the frickin' mouse,
180
00:08:02,984 --> 00:08:06,178
like, darting in and out
of rocks.
181
00:08:06,211 --> 00:08:09,079
Oh, I would be so mad
if he got into my sleeping bag.
182
00:08:09,112 --> 00:08:12,568
They are such
destructive little...things,
183
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,111
so that's what
I'm concerned about.
184
00:08:15,143 --> 00:08:18,077
[water gurgling]
185
00:08:20,651 --> 00:08:22,704
*
186
00:08:22,737 --> 00:08:24,660
Looks like I got one here.
187
00:08:24,693 --> 00:08:27,236
*
188
00:08:32,158 --> 00:08:33,950
And I don't want him...
189
00:08:33,983 --> 00:08:35,254
getting away.
190
00:08:35,287 --> 00:08:38,873
You mother[bleep].
191
00:08:38,905 --> 00:08:40,502
Sorry about that.
192
00:08:44,609 --> 00:08:47,543
[metal scraping]
193
00:08:52,368 --> 00:08:53,964
What the hell?
194
00:08:57,322 --> 00:08:59,734
[metal scraping]
195
00:08:59,766 --> 00:09:02,667
[kindling sparks]
196
00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:05,406
You're [bleep] me.
197
00:09:05,438 --> 00:09:08,274
This [bleep] [bleep]'s all wet.
198
00:09:08,307 --> 00:09:10,458
[bleep] damn it.
199
00:09:10,490 --> 00:09:12,838
Never had so much
[bleep] problems
200
00:09:12,870 --> 00:09:14,336
lighting a [bleep] fire
201
00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:15,575
in a [bleep] damn place
202
00:09:15,607 --> 00:09:17,629
in my entire [bleep] life.
203
00:09:17,662 --> 00:09:22,682
*
204
00:09:22,714 --> 00:09:24,898
Oh, I'm so [bleep] ready
for bed.
205
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,789
[bleep] [bleep] [bleep]
206
00:09:26,821 --> 00:09:30,276
you mother[bleep]
piece of [bleep].
207
00:09:30,309 --> 00:09:33,341
[bleep] you,
you [bleep]sucker.
208
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,590
You [bleep] piece of [bleep].
209
00:09:35,622 --> 00:09:43,445
*
210
00:09:49,085 --> 00:09:52,344
Dinner in a little bit.
211
00:09:52,376 --> 00:09:53,517
[thud]
212
00:09:53,549 --> 00:09:55,700
[groans]
213
00:09:58,961 --> 00:10:01,862
[dramatic music]
214
00:10:01,895 --> 00:10:09,718
*
215
00:10:18,062 --> 00:10:19,105
- I caught one fish
216
00:10:19,137 --> 00:10:22,724
in the new gill net location.
217
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:24,289
Very happy to have had
218
00:10:24,321 --> 00:10:27,450
a good, good, solid meal,
219
00:10:27,482 --> 00:10:29,112
but in an ideal world,
220
00:10:29,145 --> 00:10:30,449
it would be, like, in--
221
00:10:30,481 --> 00:10:33,970
in real deep water,
where I have to set it
222
00:10:34,002 --> 00:10:36,935
at retrieve it from a boat.
223
00:10:36,968 --> 00:10:40,423
In that valley, there must be
a good-sized stream,
224
00:10:40,455 --> 00:10:41,726
and in that good-sized stream,
225
00:10:41,759 --> 00:10:43,748
there must be a good-sized
salmon run.
226
00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:45,964
*
227
00:10:45,997 --> 00:10:48,736
Some food is coming in,
228
00:10:48,768 --> 00:10:50,429
but...
229
00:10:50,462 --> 00:10:51,962
the people that lived here,
230
00:10:51,994 --> 00:10:55,547
they depended on
a stable food supply,
231
00:10:55,581 --> 00:10:58,350
and that was the salmon,
232
00:10:58,383 --> 00:11:01,023
and I'm still on time to catch
the last migration,
233
00:11:01,056 --> 00:11:03,697
so that's where my mind goes.
234
00:11:03,729 --> 00:11:05,522
That's where my thoughts are
right now.
235
00:11:05,555 --> 00:11:09,531
*
236
00:11:09,564 --> 00:11:12,498
[saw whooshing]
237
00:11:14,844 --> 00:11:16,996
If I hit the salmon run
full on,
238
00:11:17,029 --> 00:11:19,407
it would make a huge,
huge difference
239
00:11:19,441 --> 00:11:20,385
in my situation.
240
00:11:20,418 --> 00:11:23,287
[sawing continues]
241
00:11:23,319 --> 00:11:25,764
So I guess the sooner
I get to it, the better.
242
00:11:25,797 --> 00:11:28,078
*
243
00:11:28,111 --> 00:11:30,100
This week,
I've gone on long walks.
244
00:11:30,132 --> 00:11:32,772
I've picked up anything
that was useful to me,
245
00:11:32,805 --> 00:11:36,129
any bit of cordage,
any bit of lumber.
246
00:11:36,162 --> 00:11:39,781
So I think today,
I'm gonna start with that.
247
00:11:39,813 --> 00:11:41,541
I think there is enough lumber
248
00:11:41,573 --> 00:11:44,702
to make the gunwales
and the main stringer
249
00:11:44,735 --> 00:11:46,430
for a boat.
250
00:11:46,463 --> 00:11:48,875
*
251
00:11:48,907 --> 00:11:51,320
I'm abandoning survival
252
00:11:51,352 --> 00:11:53,894
and trying to go
into wilderness living.
253
00:11:53,926 --> 00:11:57,838
Survival per se is how you
stay out of trouble
254
00:11:57,871 --> 00:12:01,131
until you go back
to civilization,
255
00:12:01,163 --> 00:12:02,663
but what I teach and what I do
256
00:12:02,695 --> 00:12:04,423
is wilderness living,
257
00:12:04,455 --> 00:12:06,868
trying to actually live
in the place.
258
00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:09,117
I have to maximize
259
00:12:09,149 --> 00:12:11,300
what the land and the sea has,
260
00:12:11,333 --> 00:12:13,549
and the number one way
to maximize it
261
00:12:13,581 --> 00:12:15,669
is having a boat.
262
00:12:15,701 --> 00:12:17,135
That's good.
263
00:12:17,168 --> 00:12:20,036
Now I can start looking into
the crosspieces it gets,
264
00:12:20,069 --> 00:12:22,807
and preparing the holes
for the ribs.
265
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:26,393
*
266
00:12:26,426 --> 00:12:27,664
I'm pressed for time.
267
00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:29,163
I wonder if I'm gonna
reach the creek,
268
00:12:29,195 --> 00:12:31,641
and a bunch of salmon carcasses
is just laying there,
269
00:12:31,673 --> 00:12:33,499
'cause the run
just went past me
270
00:12:33,531 --> 00:12:36,106
while I was here
building a boat.
271
00:12:36,138 --> 00:12:38,258
And I hope not.
272
00:12:40,246 --> 00:12:43,017
Just--just put up a couple
of crosspieces
273
00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:45,070
to support the gunwales.
274
00:12:45,103 --> 00:12:46,048
[wood cracks]
275
00:12:46,081 --> 00:12:48,101
Oh.
276
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,438
[groans]
277
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:53,024
*
278
00:12:53,056 --> 00:12:55,077
Now you break,
you son of a gun.
279
00:12:55,110 --> 00:12:57,782
*
280
00:12:57,816 --> 00:13:00,292
[groans]
281
00:13:00,324 --> 00:13:04,921
This was a big setback
in my plans,
282
00:13:04,954 --> 00:13:07,529
and I basically am back
to starting out
283
00:13:07,561 --> 00:13:09,288
with that boat,
284
00:13:09,321 --> 00:13:12,809
and I'm still days away
from having this completed.
285
00:13:12,841 --> 00:13:15,188
If I miss the salmon run
because I'm too late,
286
00:13:15,221 --> 00:13:19,067
oh, that would be
very, very bad.
287
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:22,686
I wish I didn't have
that time-pressure thing going.
288
00:13:22,718 --> 00:13:24,544
[sighs]
289
00:13:25,652 --> 00:13:32,367
*
290
00:13:38,104 --> 00:13:41,005
- I had an interesting night
last night.
291
00:13:41,038 --> 00:13:44,524
A mouse has completely
destroyed my gear.
292
00:13:44,558 --> 00:13:46,448
*
293
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,850
Right next to my head,
294
00:13:47,883 --> 00:13:50,164
he was chewing on my pack
all night,
295
00:13:50,196 --> 00:13:52,609
and every time I turned on
my head lamp,
296
00:13:52,641 --> 00:13:55,413
he'd scurry away.
297
00:13:55,445 --> 00:13:56,846
I swear to God,
if that thing
298
00:13:56,879 --> 00:13:58,640
fricking chews
my sleeping bag up,
299
00:13:58,672 --> 00:13:59,617
I'm blowing this place up.
300
00:13:59,650 --> 00:14:00,660
I'm gonna find some way
301
00:14:00,693 --> 00:14:04,017
to blow the whole
fricking place up.
302
00:14:04,050 --> 00:14:06,332
[birds chirping]
303
00:14:06,365 --> 00:14:10,015
My greatest struggle
is emotional.
304
00:14:10,048 --> 00:14:11,450
What's really throwing me
for a loop
305
00:14:11,482 --> 00:14:13,959
is how mental this is.
306
00:14:13,993 --> 00:14:16,567
I did not expect this to be
this big a mental challenge.
307
00:14:16,599 --> 00:14:18,522
[birds chirping]
308
00:14:18,555 --> 00:14:21,848
The fact that I am secluded
309
00:14:21,880 --> 00:14:25,204
in a 100-foot area,
310
00:14:25,238 --> 00:14:27,747
with walls sloped down
311
00:14:27,781 --> 00:14:29,214
on side of me...
312
00:14:30,779 --> 00:14:33,093
Quite frankly,
it gets quite depressing.
313
00:14:33,125 --> 00:14:34,201
[sighs]
314
00:14:34,234 --> 00:14:38,504
And now I have a mouse
in my house.
315
00:14:38,537 --> 00:14:41,177
I mean, this place is just
really starting to get to me.
316
00:14:41,209 --> 00:14:42,449
[birds chirping]
317
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:44,664
[sighs]
318
00:14:44,698 --> 00:14:52,325
*
319
00:14:52,358 --> 00:14:55,259
[chirping continues]
320
00:14:55,291 --> 00:15:03,082
*
321
00:15:03,114 --> 00:15:04,842
[fire crackling]
322
00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:08,264
*
323
00:15:08,297 --> 00:15:11,687
I've been trying
to formulate a thought,
324
00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,316
to express it...
325
00:15:13,349 --> 00:15:15,012
*
326
00:15:15,044 --> 00:15:17,032
Without breaking down
and crying.
327
00:15:17,065 --> 00:15:19,151
*
328
00:15:19,183 --> 00:15:20,879
And I'm not sure I'm gonna
be able to relay it
329
00:15:20,911 --> 00:15:21,857
without crying.
330
00:15:21,889 --> 00:15:24,204
*
331
00:15:24,236 --> 00:15:27,300
This--so my issue...
332
00:15:28,605 --> 00:15:32,223
One of the reasons why
I wanted to come out here
333
00:15:32,255 --> 00:15:35,938
was to try and think
334
00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:37,405
on...
335
00:15:39,621 --> 00:15:44,185
the new aspect of my life.
336
00:15:44,217 --> 00:15:46,532
In other words, after kids.
337
00:15:50,541 --> 00:15:54,550
A person can endure
a lot of things
338
00:15:54,582 --> 00:15:56,376
for someone that they love.
339
00:15:58,298 --> 00:16:02,243
Trying to endure...
340
00:16:02,275 --> 00:16:05,862
those same things
just purely for yourself
341
00:16:05,894 --> 00:16:07,557
is not as easy.
342
00:16:09,447 --> 00:16:11,370
I'm an electrician.
343
00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:12,771
You might think
it's not that hard,
344
00:16:12,804 --> 00:16:15,118
but it's a lot
of repetitive tasks.
345
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:20,628
I know everybody
has to go to work.
346
00:16:20,660 --> 00:16:23,854
I know it's just the way
of the world,
347
00:16:23,886 --> 00:16:27,342
but for me to think...
348
00:16:28,515 --> 00:16:30,993
that I have
another 15 years...
349
00:16:33,111 --> 00:16:37,642
of basically wasting my life,
350
00:16:37,674 --> 00:16:39,859
waiting for the weekends.
351
00:16:45,270 --> 00:16:49,508
Just the mundane torture
of it all.
352
00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:56,580
*
353
00:16:56,614 --> 00:16:57,819
I'm gonna have to make a change.
354
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,352
It's not the world
that needs to change.
355
00:16:59,384 --> 00:17:01,698
It's me
that needs to change.
356
00:17:01,731 --> 00:17:03,784
My--my outlook on life.
357
00:17:03,816 --> 00:17:11,151
*
358
00:17:11,184 --> 00:17:14,052
This place, I know the rules.
359
00:17:14,085 --> 00:17:15,649
It's life outside of this place
360
00:17:15,682 --> 00:17:17,247
that makes me want to cry.
361
00:17:17,279 --> 00:17:19,235
*
362
00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:32,240
*
363
00:17:39,673 --> 00:17:42,117
- All right, I'll stand
in front of the camera.
364
00:17:42,149 --> 00:17:45,377
Move it down.
365
00:17:45,410 --> 00:17:46,420
I'm still here
366
00:17:46,452 --> 00:17:48,278
and doing well,
367
00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:49,679
so keeping myself warm,
368
00:17:49,712 --> 00:17:52,710
making sure I have enough food.
369
00:17:52,744 --> 00:17:56,264
I think I've figured out
black bear behavior.
370
00:17:56,297 --> 00:17:58,643
It's been
a learning experience.
371
00:17:58,675 --> 00:18:02,034
It's a sort of game,
like, the bears and I
372
00:18:02,066 --> 00:18:04,902
forage on the beach together
at the same time.
373
00:18:04,934 --> 00:18:06,271
They stay on their side
of the river
374
00:18:06,303 --> 00:18:07,738
and don't come over here.
375
00:18:07,770 --> 00:18:10,280
Plenty, plenty of fish.
376
00:18:10,312 --> 00:18:14,257
I love that I'm part
of the ecosystem here.
377
00:18:14,289 --> 00:18:16,864
I feel at home here.
378
00:18:16,898 --> 00:18:19,276
It's another good day.
379
00:18:19,309 --> 00:18:20,939
I'm gonna go check
my gill net.
380
00:18:20,971 --> 00:18:23,807
That Chinook run should be
coming in really soon,
381
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,741
and that's a great source
of food.
382
00:18:26,774 --> 00:18:28,241
* Watching for bears
383
00:18:28,274 --> 00:18:29,935
'cause they like it
right here.
384
00:18:29,968 --> 00:18:32,641
Oh, I think we're gonna
coexist just fine.
385
00:18:32,674 --> 00:18:35,575
* Looks like we got
something *
386
00:18:35,607 --> 00:18:38,932
We got some salmon.
387
00:18:38,965 --> 00:18:42,029
Oh!
And it is alive and kicking.
388
00:18:42,062 --> 00:18:44,115
You need to cut its backbone,
is the main thing.
389
00:18:44,147 --> 00:18:46,886
*
390
00:18:46,919 --> 00:18:49,265
Hold it really firmly,
391
00:18:49,298 --> 00:18:51,579
and cut through
its spinal cord in there.
392
00:18:51,612 --> 00:18:53,731
*
393
00:18:53,764 --> 00:18:56,468
Kind of cool:
the heart is still--
394
00:18:56,501 --> 00:18:57,479
it's still beating.
395
00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,566
Oh, it just was.
396
00:18:59,598 --> 00:19:01,032
There we go.
397
00:19:01,064 --> 00:19:02,010
See that?
398
00:19:02,042 --> 00:19:05,433
*
399
00:19:05,465 --> 00:19:09,572
[French accent]
Now for ze body.
400
00:19:09,605 --> 00:19:11,430
Oh, boy.
401
00:19:11,463 --> 00:19:13,321
Feeling very lucky today.
402
00:19:13,354 --> 00:19:16,646
This amazing, fresh salmon.
403
00:19:16,678 --> 00:19:20,036
Here's the body.
404
00:19:20,069 --> 00:19:22,089
[grunts]
Put it here to fillet.
405
00:19:22,122 --> 00:19:23,296
How you doing
over there, bears?
406
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,056
How's your river?
407
00:19:25,088 --> 00:19:28,087
They got their own river
where the salmon are spawning.
408
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:29,586
We're all eating well,
409
00:19:29,618 --> 00:19:31,412
so that works out.
410
00:19:31,444 --> 00:19:34,019
[laughs]
411
00:19:34,052 --> 00:19:36,236
All right, well.
412
00:19:36,268 --> 00:19:40,506
Time to get
these puppies filleted
413
00:19:40,538 --> 00:19:42,103
and cleaned.
414
00:19:42,135 --> 00:19:44,580
It's really important to me
that if I take a life,
415
00:19:44,614 --> 00:19:46,797
that I use every single bit
of that animal.
416
00:19:46,829 --> 00:19:48,166
It's respectful,
417
00:19:48,198 --> 00:19:50,611
and I want to be respectful
of this sacred land
418
00:19:50,643 --> 00:19:52,892
that we're being allowed
to use.
419
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,588
Those reflexes always get me
420
00:19:54,620 --> 00:19:56,901
when they move
when you're cutting it.
421
00:19:56,934 --> 00:19:57,912
Voila.
422
00:19:57,944 --> 00:20:00,520
Better than
your best restaurant.
423
00:20:00,553 --> 00:20:03,975
That's dinner, lunch,
breakfast.
424
00:20:04,007 --> 00:20:05,084
Dinner, lunch, breakfast.
425
00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:07,267
Oh, yeah,
a whole lot of food.
426
00:20:10,559 --> 00:20:15,156
*
427
00:20:20,077 --> 00:20:22,979
[water gushing]
428
00:20:23,011 --> 00:20:30,280
*
429
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,497
- So last night,
430
00:20:32,530 --> 00:20:35,561
a mouse completely destroyed
my gear.
431
00:20:35,593 --> 00:20:39,277
He was chewing on my pack
all night.
432
00:20:39,309 --> 00:20:41,363
I really want to give it
a concerted effort
433
00:20:41,395 --> 00:20:44,199
to try and find
a new location.
434
00:20:44,231 --> 00:20:45,600
*
435
00:20:45,633 --> 00:20:47,458
It's up to me.
It's not up to anybody else.
436
00:20:47,491 --> 00:20:49,349
It's up to me to make a change.
437
00:20:55,737 --> 00:20:57,824
That's the plan for today.
438
00:20:57,857 --> 00:21:00,659
I'm getting the hell out
of here.
439
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:03,072
Let this damn mouse
have this frickin' place.
440
00:21:03,104 --> 00:21:05,255
*
441
00:21:05,288 --> 00:21:06,690
So I've lost some weight.
442
00:21:06,722 --> 00:21:09,721
I need another couple
of notches on my belt.
443
00:21:09,754 --> 00:21:13,111
Let's get this hip belt
situated.
444
00:21:13,144 --> 00:21:14,089
Tightened down.
445
00:21:14,121 --> 00:21:19,141
*
446
00:21:19,174 --> 00:21:21,064
All right.
447
00:21:21,096 --> 00:21:23,314
Time to head out.
448
00:21:23,346 --> 00:21:26,345
I'm pretty nervous
about leaving a known entity,
449
00:21:26,378 --> 00:21:29,572
but it's either try and survive
where I'm at,
450
00:21:29,604 --> 00:21:32,506
and potentially tap
quite early,
451
00:21:32,538 --> 00:21:34,820
or it's go for broke
452
00:21:34,852 --> 00:21:36,808
and really try to get out here
453
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,698
and try to find a good location
454
00:21:38,732 --> 00:21:39,709
and live out here.
455
00:21:39,742 --> 00:21:44,403
*
456
00:21:44,436 --> 00:21:46,718
I've done three
or four little walks,
457
00:21:46,751 --> 00:21:49,618
and the only other place
I haven't gone
458
00:21:49,651 --> 00:21:51,966
is more south,
459
00:21:51,998 --> 00:21:53,694
so it's opened up a little bit.
460
00:21:53,726 --> 00:21:56,040
I'm following this creek bed.
461
00:21:56,073 --> 00:21:57,180
[exhales]
462
00:21:57,214 --> 00:21:59,331
But it's thick back here.
463
00:21:59,365 --> 00:22:02,070
I see a little bit
of daylight up there
464
00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:04,353
through the trees.
465
00:22:04,385 --> 00:22:07,319
I'm hoping that
that pans out to a--
466
00:22:07,351 --> 00:22:08,460
I don't know.
467
00:22:08,492 --> 00:22:10,741
It's got to empty
into the ocean sometime.
468
00:22:10,773 --> 00:22:15,435
*
469
00:22:15,467 --> 00:22:17,391
Oh, this is killing my knees.
470
00:22:17,423 --> 00:22:18,955
[groans]
471
00:22:18,988 --> 00:22:20,097
I've got old man knees.
472
00:22:20,129 --> 00:22:21,856
[groans]
473
00:22:21,888 --> 00:22:23,812
Oh, my pack's caught.
474
00:22:23,844 --> 00:22:24,790
Damn you.
475
00:22:24,822 --> 00:22:32,384
*
476
00:22:32,417 --> 00:22:34,601
Oh, my gosh.
477
00:22:34,634 --> 00:22:36,068
Oh, you son of a...
478
00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:37,046
*
479
00:22:37,078 --> 00:22:38,480
God.
480
00:22:38,512 --> 00:22:41,577
*
481
00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:42,815
[groans]
482
00:22:42,848 --> 00:22:43,793
*
483
00:22:43,826 --> 00:22:44,999
Damn it.
484
00:22:45,032 --> 00:22:47,444
*
485
00:22:47,477 --> 00:22:48,944
All right, well,
I'm getting excited.
486
00:22:48,976 --> 00:22:50,019
I can hear the ocean.
487
00:22:50,051 --> 00:22:53,409
*
488
00:22:53,442 --> 00:22:55,593
[laughing]
489
00:22:55,626 --> 00:22:57,191
Oh, my God.
490
00:22:57,223 --> 00:23:00,025
*
491
00:23:00,059 --> 00:23:03,644
To get out
of that confining space of--
492
00:23:03,676 --> 00:23:06,155
to be able to see this, man,
493
00:23:06,187 --> 00:23:07,783
and to expend the calories
and stuff
494
00:23:07,816 --> 00:23:09,609
and not know where
I was gonna end up
495
00:23:09,641 --> 00:23:11,044
or what was gonna happen.
496
00:23:11,076 --> 00:23:12,640
Let's get down here and see
497
00:23:12,672 --> 00:23:14,042
what the heck's going on.
498
00:23:14,075 --> 00:23:16,031
*
499
00:23:16,063 --> 00:23:17,073
I can just tell already
500
00:23:17,107 --> 00:23:20,300
that this is gonna be
loads better,
501
00:23:20,333 --> 00:23:22,451
loads better.
502
00:23:22,484 --> 00:23:24,701
Look--there's dead wood
right there.
503
00:23:24,734 --> 00:23:26,983
Look at all the kindling
and stuff like that right here.
504
00:23:27,015 --> 00:23:28,319
*
505
00:23:28,352 --> 00:23:30,732
And this place is fricking
chanterelle heaven.
506
00:23:30,764 --> 00:23:33,143
*
507
00:23:33,176 --> 00:23:34,611
Oh, my God.
508
00:23:34,643 --> 00:23:36,012
*
509
00:23:36,044 --> 00:23:38,945
Just the emotional uplifting
510
00:23:38,978 --> 00:23:40,933
this is gonna give me
511
00:23:40,967 --> 00:23:42,238
is huge.
512
00:23:42,271 --> 00:23:44,422
*
513
00:23:44,454 --> 00:23:45,758
Look at this.
514
00:23:45,790 --> 00:23:48,756
There's sunlight on the rocks.
515
00:23:48,790 --> 00:23:49,931
I could be sunbathing.
516
00:23:49,964 --> 00:23:52,082
*
517
00:23:52,115 --> 00:23:54,364
It's frickin' awesome.
518
00:23:54,396 --> 00:23:58,666
*
519
00:24:01,926 --> 00:24:04,892
[dramatic music]
520
00:24:04,925 --> 00:24:12,748
*
521
00:24:25,232 --> 00:24:27,514
- This was the best move.
522
00:24:27,546 --> 00:24:28,622
Not just move, literally.
523
00:24:28,654 --> 00:24:30,448
This was the best move
I've done
524
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:33,674
this entire journey.
525
00:24:33,707 --> 00:24:36,510
All right, well, I haven't even
been here ten minutes,
526
00:24:36,543 --> 00:24:38,596
and what did I find?
527
00:24:38,628 --> 00:24:39,574
Rope.
528
00:24:39,606 --> 00:24:41,009
Cordage.
529
00:24:41,041 --> 00:24:43,192
I'm gonna split this rope down,
530
00:24:43,225 --> 00:24:44,659
and right back behind me
531
00:24:44,692 --> 00:24:46,191
is where I'm gonna
make my shelter.
532
00:24:46,224 --> 00:24:48,603
*
533
00:24:48,637 --> 00:24:50,918
God, that was
a craphole I left.
534
00:24:50,950 --> 00:24:52,808
This place is so much better.
535
00:24:52,841 --> 00:24:55,318
There's a lot
of man-made resources.
536
00:24:55,350 --> 00:24:57,795
I got a whole nother thing
of this cordage,
537
00:24:57,828 --> 00:24:59,523
and that was just
what I found on the beach
538
00:24:59,555 --> 00:25:02,913
in the first five minutes
I was here.
539
00:25:02,945 --> 00:25:06,401
I've got to get shelter set up.
540
00:25:06,434 --> 00:25:09,302
I've got stuff in my backpack
541
00:25:09,334 --> 00:25:10,703
that can't get wet.
542
00:25:10,736 --> 00:25:14,355
I cannot afford to get
my sleeping bag wet.
543
00:25:14,387 --> 00:25:16,636
I just need to hurry up
and set up a shelter,
544
00:25:16,668 --> 00:25:18,103
and then I'll go back
for my other crap
545
00:25:18,135 --> 00:25:20,189
that I left.
546
00:25:20,222 --> 00:25:23,546
I'm just gonna make
a simple A-frame.
547
00:25:23,578 --> 00:25:24,980
I'm really partial
to the plow point,
548
00:25:25,014 --> 00:25:26,349
but the problem
with the plow point
549
00:25:26,382 --> 00:25:27,685
in this country
is it rains so much
550
00:25:27,719 --> 00:25:31,859
that the rain leaks
down the pole,
551
00:25:31,891 --> 00:25:34,759
and it's such strong winds
552
00:25:34,792 --> 00:25:36,780
that I don't want to put
that much pressure on the tarp
553
00:25:36,813 --> 00:25:40,562
and not have a ridgepole.
554
00:25:40,594 --> 00:25:44,244
I'm so happy to be rid
of that frickin' mouse.
555
00:25:44,277 --> 00:25:47,537
Little destructive
piece of crap.
556
00:25:47,569 --> 00:25:48,906
I'm gonna make it
my life's mission
557
00:25:48,938 --> 00:25:51,481
to kill every frickin' mouse
I possibly can.
558
00:25:51,514 --> 00:25:55,360
That's my new mission
going forward, yes.
559
00:25:55,392 --> 00:25:58,164
We could have lived in harmony.
I wasn't hungry.
560
00:25:58,196 --> 00:25:59,955
I was gonna leave him alone,
561
00:25:59,989 --> 00:26:03,411
but oh, no.
562
00:26:03,444 --> 00:26:06,867
Him and his kind are gonna
feel my wrath from now on.
563
00:26:06,899 --> 00:26:14,005
*
564
00:26:14,037 --> 00:26:16,939
[saw cutting]
565
00:26:16,971 --> 00:26:22,838
*
566
00:26:22,871 --> 00:26:24,826
I really want this to be a good,
strong shelter,
567
00:26:24,860 --> 00:26:26,554
so...
568
00:26:33,563 --> 00:26:34,703
Limbs.
569
00:26:34,736 --> 00:26:35,714
I need two of 'em,
570
00:26:35,746 --> 00:26:37,343
and they need to be long.
571
00:26:37,377 --> 00:26:38,648
*
572
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,766
I've never made one
like this before.
573
00:26:40,799 --> 00:26:45,493
*
574
00:26:45,525 --> 00:26:48,622
It's always just
a [bleep] inch too short.
575
00:26:48,654 --> 00:26:50,578
[bleep] damn it.
576
00:26:50,610 --> 00:26:58,433
*
577
00:27:13,818 --> 00:27:14,927
[bleep]
578
00:27:14,959 --> 00:27:19,425
Once again, [bleep]
four inches too short.
579
00:27:19,458 --> 00:27:23,662
Oh, you [bleep]-loving
mother[bleep].
580
00:27:23,695 --> 00:27:26,107
Piece of [bleep].
581
00:27:28,095 --> 00:27:31,420
[bleep] [bleep] damn it.
582
00:27:39,211 --> 00:27:42,601
Cut another [bleep]
ten-[bleep] tree down.
583
00:27:47,914 --> 00:27:51,401
I can definitely feel
a lot of mood swings.
584
00:27:53,651 --> 00:27:56,030
Um, I get frustrated
pretty easy.
585
00:27:56,062 --> 00:27:58,018
I get angry pretty easy.
586
00:27:58,051 --> 00:28:05,548
*
587
00:28:05,581 --> 00:28:08,189
But I usually come back
588
00:28:08,222 --> 00:28:09,818
and try and solve the problem
589
00:28:09,850 --> 00:28:11,285
semi-rationally.
590
00:28:11,318 --> 00:28:13,502
*
591
00:28:24,356 --> 00:28:27,746
*
592
00:28:27,779 --> 00:28:29,735
Feel like
everything's okay now.
593
00:28:29,767 --> 00:28:31,951
*
594
00:28:31,984 --> 00:28:33,613
I mean, maybe I'll be
plagued by predators.
595
00:28:33,647 --> 00:28:34,982
I don't know, but...
596
00:28:35,015 --> 00:28:36,645
*
597
00:28:36,678 --> 00:28:38,405
I still think it's better.
598
00:28:38,438 --> 00:28:40,524
It's way, way better
599
00:28:40,556 --> 00:28:42,088
than where I came from.
600
00:28:46,587 --> 00:28:51,019
*
601
00:28:56,072 --> 00:28:58,974
[rain falling]
602
00:28:59,006 --> 00:29:00,212
*
603
00:29:00,245 --> 00:29:03,145
[fire crackling]
604
00:29:03,178 --> 00:29:06,112
[rain pattering on tarp]
605
00:29:10,251 --> 00:29:11,914
- Ugly faces.
606
00:29:11,946 --> 00:29:13,576
Me and my sister
used to make ugly faces
607
00:29:13,609 --> 00:29:16,640
in the mirror.
608
00:29:16,673 --> 00:29:18,791
[chuckles]
609
00:29:18,824 --> 00:29:26,648
*
610
00:29:32,058 --> 00:29:34,633
All right, so I'm out
611
00:29:34,666 --> 00:29:36,524
checking all my fishing lines.
612
00:29:36,556 --> 00:29:40,436
*
613
00:29:40,468 --> 00:29:43,336
Finding some food
is a priority.
614
00:29:43,369 --> 00:29:45,096
The number one priority.
615
00:29:45,130 --> 00:29:52,953
*
616
00:29:56,994 --> 00:30:00,189
That is a really
interesting fish.
617
00:30:00,221 --> 00:30:03,481
I have no idea...
618
00:30:03,514 --> 00:30:05,110
what it could possibly be.
619
00:30:05,142 --> 00:30:09,249
It is so beautiful, though.
620
00:30:09,283 --> 00:30:10,652
[laughing]
621
00:30:10,684 --> 00:30:12,706
Two lines, two fish.
622
00:30:12,738 --> 00:30:15,704
[laughing]
Oh, yeah.
623
00:30:15,737 --> 00:30:17,497
Oh.
624
00:30:17,530 --> 00:30:18,735
It's amazing.
625
00:30:18,768 --> 00:30:20,691
This is working.
626
00:30:20,724 --> 00:30:22,973
[laughing]
627
00:30:23,005 --> 00:30:25,482
[exclaims]
628
00:30:25,516 --> 00:30:27,145
That I've been catching fish
629
00:30:27,178 --> 00:30:29,069
every day
for the last three days,
630
00:30:29,101 --> 00:30:31,741
after going two weeks
without catching anything.
631
00:30:31,774 --> 00:30:34,088
That's--that's so huge.
632
00:30:34,121 --> 00:30:35,914
*
633
00:30:35,946 --> 00:30:39,401
Good old-fashioned
regular fishing.
634
00:30:39,434 --> 00:30:41,064
A bobber,
635
00:30:41,096 --> 00:30:42,367
a little sinker,
636
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:43,345
a hook,
637
00:30:43,377 --> 00:30:44,812
and some bait.
638
00:30:44,845 --> 00:30:46,344
*
639
00:30:46,376 --> 00:30:49,245
Another day where I'll have
a bit of meat.
640
00:30:49,278 --> 00:30:51,625
I am so grateful for you.
641
00:30:51,658 --> 00:30:54,036
I'm really happy with what
I have accomplished so far.
642
00:30:54,070 --> 00:30:56,515
*
643
00:30:56,547 --> 00:30:59,318
But I just, like, am craving
644
00:30:59,351 --> 00:31:00,784
human companionship
645
00:31:00,817 --> 00:31:02,675
even more than food.
646
00:31:02,707 --> 00:31:07,662
*
647
00:31:07,694 --> 00:31:10,694
I wish I could talk
to my dad, actually.
648
00:31:10,726 --> 00:31:12,616
*
649
00:31:12,649 --> 00:31:14,540
He'd do good out here.
650
00:31:14,572 --> 00:31:16,137
He'd do real good.
651
00:31:18,224 --> 00:31:22,982
*
652
00:31:23,015 --> 00:31:24,351
It's really hard being alone.
653
00:31:24,384 --> 00:31:26,340
I've never been alone
for this long before.
654
00:31:26,372 --> 00:31:29,763
*
655
00:31:29,795 --> 00:31:33,609
You just, like,
crave companionship,
656
00:31:33,641 --> 00:31:35,467
someone to talk to.
657
00:31:35,499 --> 00:31:37,292
*
658
00:31:37,324 --> 00:31:39,639
It definitely
takes its toll on you.
659
00:31:39,671 --> 00:31:47,494
*
660
00:31:52,905 --> 00:31:55,871
[dramatic music]
661
00:31:55,904 --> 00:32:03,727
*
662
00:32:10,736 --> 00:32:12,626
- This morning,
I walked down to the water
663
00:32:12,659 --> 00:32:15,658
and had this amazing
experience, just...
664
00:32:15,690 --> 00:32:17,906
this bald eagle came
from the other side of the bay,
665
00:32:17,939 --> 00:32:19,504
and it circled the bay
666
00:32:19,537 --> 00:32:22,340
and then flew right
in front of me.
667
00:32:22,373 --> 00:32:23,806
It was amazing.
668
00:32:28,108 --> 00:32:29,902
I do wonder
how my kids are doing.
669
00:32:29,934 --> 00:32:32,249
You know,
I try to compartmentalize.
670
00:32:32,282 --> 00:32:35,574
Try to just think
about being here,
671
00:32:35,606 --> 00:32:39,029
'cause this is
where I am, but...
672
00:32:39,061 --> 00:32:40,332
I think if you have any issues
673
00:32:40,365 --> 00:32:41,930
kind of going on in your head,
674
00:32:41,963 --> 00:32:44,082
being alone
for long periods of time--
675
00:32:44,114 --> 00:32:46,167
I think that's when things
crop up for people.
676
00:32:46,199 --> 00:32:50,796
*
677
00:32:50,829 --> 00:32:52,817
[crying]
I really miss my--
678
00:32:52,849 --> 00:32:54,707
my stepson.
679
00:32:57,609 --> 00:32:59,238
Beau died two years ago.
680
00:32:59,270 --> 00:33:02,399
He drowned
in San Francisco.
681
00:33:02,433 --> 00:33:04,225
[crying]
682
00:33:04,258 --> 00:33:06,475
He went swimming, and...
683
00:33:06,507 --> 00:33:08,169
he was missing for a long time,
684
00:33:08,201 --> 00:33:09,962
and I spent a month
looking for him
685
00:33:09,995 --> 00:33:12,440
until we figured out
what happened to him.
686
00:33:15,112 --> 00:33:16,970
He died on the day that I--
687
00:33:17,002 --> 00:33:20,198
I was in Arizona.
688
00:33:20,230 --> 00:33:21,273
When I got the call,
689
00:33:21,305 --> 00:33:25,348
I was graduating
with my doctorate, and...
690
00:33:25,380 --> 00:33:26,977
we texted back and forth a lot.
691
00:33:27,011 --> 00:33:30,660
That was an easy medium
when he moved,
692
00:33:30,693 --> 00:33:33,823
and I texted him
a picture of me
693
00:33:33,856 --> 00:33:36,985
in my, like, cap and gown,
694
00:33:37,017 --> 00:33:39,070
saying, "I did it.
I'm finally a doctor now.
695
00:33:39,103 --> 00:33:40,505
I finally did it."
696
00:33:40,537 --> 00:33:41,874
And I think I was probably,
697
00:33:41,906 --> 00:33:44,351
like, 30 minutes too late.
698
00:33:44,383 --> 00:33:45,786
I remember thinking,
"That's weird.
699
00:33:45,818 --> 00:33:47,023
He didn't write right back,"
700
00:33:47,057 --> 00:33:49,469
'cause he always writes
right back.
701
00:33:49,502 --> 00:33:50,773
And I just sometimes think,
like,
702
00:33:50,805 --> 00:33:54,391
what if I'd texted
an hour earlier, you know?
703
00:33:54,423 --> 00:33:55,531
I don't know
704
00:33:55,564 --> 00:33:57,423
if anything
I could have done
705
00:33:57,455 --> 00:33:59,183
made any difference.
706
00:33:59,215 --> 00:34:02,800
*
707
00:34:02,833 --> 00:34:05,082
[sniffles] Ohh.
708
00:34:05,115 --> 00:34:11,177
*
709
00:34:11,211 --> 00:34:12,905
I know his brothers
feel it every day.
710
00:34:12,938 --> 00:34:13,981
I feel it every day.
711
00:34:14,013 --> 00:34:15,839
I'm sure his dad does too.
712
00:34:15,871 --> 00:34:17,664
I'm sure his grandparents do.
713
00:34:17,696 --> 00:34:19,293
*
714
00:34:19,327 --> 00:34:22,422
My God, I miss him
every day, so much.
715
00:34:22,456 --> 00:34:23,792
It's so hard.
716
00:34:23,825 --> 00:34:27,182
[breathes deeply]
717
00:34:27,214 --> 00:34:28,845
But I look for the beauty
in things,
718
00:34:28,877 --> 00:34:30,279
and I look for joy in life,
719
00:34:30,311 --> 00:34:32,299
and I have other kids
720
00:34:32,332 --> 00:34:34,451
that I need to take care of,
you know?
721
00:34:34,484 --> 00:34:35,917
[somber chuckle]
722
00:34:35,951 --> 00:34:42,763
*
723
00:34:42,796 --> 00:34:45,077
But it'll never mean
I don't miss Beau
724
00:34:45,110 --> 00:34:46,381
every day.
725
00:34:46,414 --> 00:34:48,077
*
726
00:34:48,109 --> 00:34:50,749
[exhales]
727
00:34:50,781 --> 00:34:52,216
Wow.
728
00:34:52,248 --> 00:34:54,465
*
729
00:34:54,497 --> 00:34:56,421
I have to just think of him
730
00:34:56,453 --> 00:34:59,517
as being there with me
and cheering me on.
731
00:34:59,550 --> 00:35:01,342
It's all I can do.
I mean...
732
00:35:01,376 --> 00:35:02,843
He'd be proud of me here.
733
00:35:02,875 --> 00:35:05,026
I know he would.
734
00:35:05,058 --> 00:35:07,177
He'd be stoked.
He'd think this was cool.
735
00:35:07,210 --> 00:35:08,318
[chuckles]
736
00:35:08,351 --> 00:35:16,174
*
737
00:35:35,047 --> 00:35:39,057
- I've been in a pretty funky
headspace all day,
738
00:35:39,089 --> 00:35:41,958
just getting the blood flowing
a little bit,
739
00:35:41,990 --> 00:35:44,794
keeping myself occupied.
740
00:35:44,826 --> 00:35:46,782
[sawing]
741
00:35:46,814 --> 00:35:49,292
I'm happy with the cabin
so far.
742
00:35:49,324 --> 00:35:52,257
It's not done yet,
but it's getting there.
743
00:35:52,290 --> 00:35:55,681
I'm gonna start reinforcing
the walls.
744
00:35:55,713 --> 00:35:58,190
Put in a post at the very end.
745
00:35:58,222 --> 00:35:59,527
This one I did
a couple of more,
746
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,613
'cause I noticed that this wall
747
00:36:01,646 --> 00:36:03,242
was leaning a little bit.
748
00:36:03,275 --> 00:36:07,481
That should definitely
secure it,
749
00:36:07,513 --> 00:36:12,337
at least for the duration
that I will be here.
750
00:36:12,370 --> 00:36:13,478
*
751
00:36:13,510 --> 00:36:14,456
Now, what I do here
752
00:36:14,488 --> 00:36:19,117
is just tie the posts together.
753
00:36:19,150 --> 00:36:20,648
*
754
00:36:20,681 --> 00:36:23,061
It's like there's a party
going on in here all the time.
755
00:36:23,093 --> 00:36:25,538
*
756
00:36:25,571 --> 00:36:28,700
But I'm the--
I'm the only one here.
757
00:36:28,732 --> 00:36:30,590
I'm the only one--
I was the only one invited,
758
00:36:30,622 --> 00:36:32,970
is what it was.
759
00:36:33,003 --> 00:36:35,447
Make myself a little--
a little mattress.
760
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,990
*
761
00:36:38,022 --> 00:36:40,695
I'm set up to be here
762
00:36:40,728 --> 00:36:41,673
for a long time.
763
00:36:41,706 --> 00:36:44,117
*
764
00:36:44,151 --> 00:36:48,290
I have walls around me.
765
00:36:48,323 --> 00:36:50,344
I have, you know,
an entire ocean
766
00:36:50,376 --> 00:36:51,876
full of fish
767
00:36:51,908 --> 00:36:54,679
that I have been catching.
768
00:36:54,712 --> 00:36:56,798
I mean, you could have
the best life in the world,
769
00:36:56,830 --> 00:37:00,416
but if you're alone,
then what's the point, really?
770
00:37:00,448 --> 00:37:03,545
What's the point of living
if you're just doing it alone?
771
00:37:03,577 --> 00:37:05,403
All right, well,
let's see how she does.
772
00:37:05,435 --> 00:37:11,434
*
773
00:37:11,466 --> 00:37:12,965
[sighs]
774
00:37:12,999 --> 00:37:17,659
*
775
00:37:17,693 --> 00:37:19,289
Luxury.
776
00:37:19,321 --> 00:37:21,702
*
777
00:37:21,734 --> 00:37:25,026
What am I doing out here?
778
00:37:25,058 --> 00:37:26,819
Besides building [bleep].
779
00:37:26,851 --> 00:37:30,078
*
780
00:37:30,111 --> 00:37:32,164
You know, you build,
and you build, and you build,
781
00:37:32,197 --> 00:37:33,892
and when you
run out of things,
782
00:37:33,925 --> 00:37:37,021
then you're just
sort of left here
783
00:37:37,054 --> 00:37:39,727
without anything to do.
784
00:37:39,759 --> 00:37:42,921
*
785
00:37:42,953 --> 00:37:45,919
I think if the world ended,
786
00:37:45,952 --> 00:37:47,550
or if society as we know it
787
00:37:47,582 --> 00:37:49,408
just, like, crashed...
788
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:51,005
*
789
00:37:51,038 --> 00:37:52,569
and I were, like,
790
00:37:52,602 --> 00:37:55,862
the last survivor...
791
00:37:55,894 --> 00:37:59,708
I wouldn't do it.
792
00:37:59,741 --> 00:38:01,338
There'd be no point.
793
00:38:01,370 --> 00:38:06,422
*
794
00:38:06,455 --> 00:38:07,987
I knew it was gonna be hard,
795
00:38:08,020 --> 00:38:11,051
being alone.
796
00:38:11,084 --> 00:38:12,454
I guess I just didn't know
797
00:38:12,486 --> 00:38:14,343
it was gonna be this hard.
798
00:38:14,376 --> 00:38:16,430
*
799
00:38:16,463 --> 00:38:18,549
There's times when I, like--
800
00:38:18,581 --> 00:38:22,428
every fiber of my being
is just saying, like,
801
00:38:22,460 --> 00:38:23,927
that I want to go home.
802
00:38:23,959 --> 00:38:28,230
*
803
00:38:31,163 --> 00:38:33,412
[dramatic music]
804
00:38:33,445 --> 00:38:41,268
*
805
00:39:03,172 --> 00:39:05,519
- Hello, ocean.
806
00:39:05,552 --> 00:39:10,735
It is good to see you again.
807
00:39:10,767 --> 00:39:13,928
I got a big decision to make.
808
00:39:13,962 --> 00:39:17,156
It is nice
that you haven't left,
809
00:39:17,189 --> 00:39:20,155
=or else I'd be in big trouble.
810
00:39:20,187 --> 00:39:22,045
The biggest question
I have is just
811
00:39:22,079 --> 00:39:24,718
"What am I doing this for?"
812
00:39:24,750 --> 00:39:28,303
*
813
00:39:28,337 --> 00:39:31,139
It's impossible to describe
what this is like
814
00:39:31,173 --> 00:39:33,356
until someone comes out here
and does it.
815
00:39:33,388 --> 00:39:34,953
*
816
00:39:34,986 --> 00:39:37,170
It's just so incredibly
beautiful here.
817
00:39:37,202 --> 00:39:40,788
It's just--it's mind-blowing.
818
00:39:40,821 --> 00:39:43,656
It's like, it's not something
that you just get used to.
819
00:39:43,690 --> 00:39:47,308
*
820
00:39:47,340 --> 00:39:48,546
But I don't know
if there's more
821
00:39:48,579 --> 00:39:52,099
that I can get from this place,
you know?
822
00:39:52,131 --> 00:39:54,967
I don't know if there's more
that this place has
823
00:39:54,999 --> 00:39:56,532
to offer me.
824
00:39:56,564 --> 00:39:59,498
*
825
00:39:59,531 --> 00:40:00,574
I mean, don't get me wrong.
826
00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:02,725
Like, I love living this way.
827
00:40:02,758 --> 00:40:05,235
I--I actually want
to live this way.
828
00:40:05,268 --> 00:40:06,898
*
829
00:40:06,930 --> 00:40:09,310
But there's no way
I could do it alone.
830
00:40:09,342 --> 00:40:11,526
*
831
00:40:11,559 --> 00:40:12,928
There's been a lot of times
832
00:40:12,961 --> 00:40:15,535
I've felt like I wanted
to go home.
833
00:40:18,534 --> 00:40:21,859
But--but I wasn't ready.
834
00:40:21,891 --> 00:40:27,009
*
835
00:40:27,042 --> 00:40:28,932
I just want to leave
on a high note.
836
00:40:28,965 --> 00:40:32,224
*
837
00:40:32,257 --> 00:40:33,985
I want to leave...
838
00:40:34,017 --> 00:40:36,625
*
839
00:40:36,657 --> 00:40:38,320
still loving this.
840
00:40:38,353 --> 00:40:46,241
*
841
00:40:51,228 --> 00:40:53,281
I was hoping this would be
an easier decision.
842
00:40:53,315 --> 00:41:01,138
*
843
00:41:04,364 --> 00:41:06,809
- I just can't get
enough to eat.
844
00:41:06,842 --> 00:41:08,765
Where my fishing hole was,
I can see these waves--
845
00:41:08,797 --> 00:41:10,590
bam--just crashing
against it.
846
00:41:10,623 --> 00:41:12,872
Not very happy about it.
847
00:41:12,904 --> 00:41:13,980
- I just woke up.
848
00:41:14,012 --> 00:41:15,577
My sleeping bag is soaked.
849
00:41:15,610 --> 00:41:18,152
It looks like it's groundwater,
seeped through.
850
00:41:18,185 --> 00:41:19,815
This is [bleep] ridiculous.
851
00:41:19,847 --> 00:41:22,031
- Another day of boatbuilding.
852
00:41:22,064 --> 00:41:24,346
I sure hope to have her
in the water in time
853
00:41:24,378 --> 00:41:26,465
to get to that salmon run.
854
00:41:26,497 --> 00:41:27,931
- A sweat lodge is one
of those things
855
00:41:27,963 --> 00:41:29,626
that feeds you spiritually.
856
00:41:29,658 --> 00:41:31,843
I think it'll probably help me
make a decision.
857
00:41:31,875 --> 00:41:33,929
I have to figure out how long
I want to stay here.
858
00:41:33,962 --> 00:41:38,622
*
859
00:41:39,431 --> 00:42:38,059
Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.
51051
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