All language subtitles for The Neighborhood - 03x05-eng

Girl, you are just as fine
as the day I met you.

Huh? What's that?

I am, too?

You know you're not the first
car to tell me that, right?

Whoo!

That is
one sweet ride, Calvin.

That is a she,
and she has a name.

Dave, meet Angelique.

Angelique, ignore Dave.

Man, did you just get it?
I mean her.

I mean Angelique.

Sorry, ma'am.

No. I keep her at the shop
'cause Tina gets jealous.

She doesn't like how
I take my wedding ring off

to wash her.

Well, who could blame her?

I mean, look at
these curves. Whoa.

Now I see who taught
that to Grover.

Look, I just can't have
any fingerprints on her.

We're going to a car show
in Nevada tomorrow,

and she has to look perfect.Cool.

Well, are Tina and the boys
going with you?

Nah. Tina and Malcolm
weren't interested,

and Marty said he'd only go

if they had a replica
of the Batmobile.

Well, if you want some company,
I'd love to go with you.

Really?

I didn't know
you were a car guy, Dave.

Oh, I'm not,
but I love a good road trip.

The camaraderie, the scenery,

joining the ranks
of fellow travelers

as they heed the call
of the open road.

Oh, yeah, I love yelling
at other drivers, too.

Okay, great.
Well, then it's settled.

Ooh, I forgot to ask.

Uh, is it a day trip,
or are we staying overnight?

Just a day.

I get it. You don't
want Tina knowing

that you're staying overnight
with, uh, Angelique.

No.

I don't want to stay
overnight with you.

♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪

♪ Welcome to the hood.

Hey, Ma. Where's Pop?

Where do you think?Still out front

fooling around withthat hussy car.

Oh, come on, now,
please don't tell me

you're actually jealous
of Angelique.

Of course not.I'm just annoyed

that he spendsso much time with her

he's letting everything elseslide around here.

Oh, well, see,
that makes more sense.

But if he says her namein his sleep one more time,

I'm slashing that ho's tires.

Hey, hey.

Mmm, something smells good.

Don't come in hereacting all innocent.

I know where you been.[chuckles]

So, Pop, you all set
for the car show tomorrow?

Yep. Turns out
Dave's gonna come with me.

Oh, no.That poor, poor man.

What are you two talking about?

Baby, I love you,but when it comes to road trips,

you are a monster.

Yeah, not like
a cute, fuzzy Muppet monster.

You're more like
a "hide your wife,

hide your kids"
type monster.

You know, you keep talking,

I'll be a "raise your
damn rent" monster.

Calvin, your problem is that
all you care about is

getting wherever you're going
as fast as possible.

Yeah, and you never
let us stop for any food

or see any sights,
and you only give us

one bathroom
break per state.

Uh, that's on you.

I always tell y'all to stopdrinking water the night before.

Oh, you're right.

Nothing screams"family vacation"

more than dehydration
and a bladder infection.

I just hope Dave knows
what he's in for.

[chuckles] I'll tell you
what he's in for.

The road trip of his life.

Ooh, which reminds me,

I need to text him to tell him
to stop drinking water now.

How you put this
on all caps?

[knock on door]

Hey, Tina.

Hey, Gemma. What's up?Nothing much.
I just figured

since the guys are on the road,
Grover's at a play date,

maybe you and I
could go and take a yoga class.

Oh, I'm doing yoga right now.

This pose is called
"sitting on my ass relaxing."

[chuckles]

Hey, did you get
new curtain rods?

Yeah, a month ago.

Then why aren't they up?

Because Calvin's been too busyworking on his damn car.

Oh, Angelique.
Dave told me about her.

Tramp city.
Mm.

And don't let
that hard body fool you.

Those aren't the headlights
she was born with.

Well, if Calvin's been
too busy to put them up,

Why don't we do it?

Nah.
You know, Calvin always says

tools are his department;
you know how men are.

Yeah, but just because
they think that

doesn't make it true.

Oh, I know, but if
it ain't broke, don't fix it.

And if it does break,
let your husband do it.

Come on, Tina, we can do this.

It's not like we don't know
how to use a screwdriver

or a hammer or one of those
twisty-turny thingies.

It's okay. I'll just wait
for Calvin to take care of it.

All right.

I'm just saying,
if Angelique needed curtains,

I bet they'd be up.

Damn it, I'm not
gonna let that heifer

get curtains before I do.

I'm in.

Great, let's get started.

Give me ten more minutes.

I still got to finish
my yoga class.

This is the best.

It's great, right?
We're making great time,

and I already
got to yell at one fool.

I told you I'm sorry.

I just wanted to see
what else was on the radio.

Hey, you know
what'd be fun?

I was looking at the map,

and there's all thesecool places that we...Nope.

I know, but we would
get to see...

Nope.Are you even gonna
let me finish?

Nope.

Calvin, isn't the point
of a road trip

to stop and see all
the cool things along the way?

No. The point is to
get to where you're going

as fast as possible
without any games,

food or stopping.

I mean, why don't more people
know how to have fun?

Okay, but if you just rush
from point A to point B,

you're missing out
on half the adventure.

Stopping to look at
a bunch of boring stuff

is not an adventure.

It's a waste of time.

Okay. Calvin, you're wrong.

When Gemma, Grover and I drove
from Michigan to California,

we saw all kinds
of amazing things.

The world's biggest
rocking chair, a UFO museum.

Oh, you know what?
Check this out.

That is me eating
a corn dog next to

the world's largest
ketchup bottle.

Wow, that's actually
pretty cool.

I know, isn't it?Nope.

Okay, Calvin,
we're coming up on Route 66.

It is the most iconic road
in America.

There are tons of interesting
things to see there.

Let's just take
a little detour.

Ah, I don't know, man.

Trust me, it'll be worth it.

It's like they say:

it's about the journey,
not the destination.

Fine, but I guarantee you,
whoever said that

was either on his way
to the dentist,

his mother-in-law's house,
or to visit you.

All right, that's it.
How do they look?

Great. They're perfectly even.

I don't know. I think that
bracket's higher than this one.

No, not those.
I'm talking about your booty.

From back here,
you look less like a Gemma

and more like a J.Lo.[chuckles]

Aw, I know you can't see it,
but my cheeks are blushing.

[both chuckling]

All right, all that's left
is to put the rod up.

You want to do the honors?Oh, sure.

Okay, okay.
Just hand it up to me.

Ooh, I cannot wait to see
the look on Calvin's face...

Well, on the bright side,
we both have great butts.

Come on, Dave, hurry up.

How much longer you gonna take?

DAVE:
Stop rushing me.

You said I get one
bathroom break per state.

That's right.

And you used it up
when we stopped at

that Old West ghost town.

No, I did not.

I started to worry
that the bathroom was haunted,

and I got pee shy.

Okay, so you didn't like
the ghost town,

but I bet you're gonna like
this next stop.

I bet I will, too.

All right, that's the spirit.

Because it's gonna be
the car show.

[engine starts]

But we're gonna drive
right past

the world's biggest bucket,
and, Calvin,

that is right at the top
of my bucket list.

Well, it's gonna have to wait,
because from now on,

we're not making any more stops.

[engine revving]

What's wrong?

The wheels are spinning
in the sand.

I hope it's not quicksand.

That's what got
the ghost town's deputy.

[groans]:
Ah.

We're dug in.
I hope you're happy.

No, I'm not happy.

Although I am definitely happier
than the lizard I splashed.

All right, let's try it
one more time.

All right, well,
just give me a minute.

What are you doing?

I'm focusing my energy.

It's-it's a karate technique
I use when I break boards.

Or to keep me from crying
when the board hurts my hand.

Whatever.

Just push the damn car,
Cobra Kai.

Okay, you ready?

One, two, three.

Damn it. We're stuck.

You know, this is
all your fault.

Well, come on, Calvin, there's
got to be something we can do.

I guess we can try
wedging something

under the tire to see
if we can get some traction.

You mean like
a piece of wood?

No, like you.

Okay, look, this is not
a big deal. We'll just--

We'll call a tow truck,
and I'm sure we'll be

back on the road
in half an hour.

[breathing deeply]

Why are you focusing
your energy again?

Well, because I have
no cell service,

and I'm preparing myself
to be wedged under a tire.

Great, I have
no reception, either.

See, this is what I get
for listening to you.

"It'll be fun."
"It's all about the journey."

"Oh, no,
I'm alone in the desert."

I never said that.

Well, you're about to.

[drill whirring]Okay, almost done.

Are those bars
as heavy as they look?

Not for me;
my arms are ripped.

Grover was a fat baby.[chuckles]

Okay, let's
take them down.

[whoops, sighs]
Ooh. There.

That wasn't so hard.

Too bad that jerk at the
hardware store can't see us now.

I know. Asking us
over and over again,

"You sure you know
what you're doing?

Are you sure you know
what you're doing?"

[stammers] Yeah, buddy.
You think you're all that

just because
they put you in charge

of the key-making section?

And also, if they don't make
a vest in your size,

don't wear one, okay?

Just don't wear it.
Know what I mean?

[laughs]Hey. What's going on here?

We accidentally broke
the window,

so we're replacing the glass.

Oh. You sure you know
what you're doing?

Why? Because we're women?

What? No.

I was just wondering
if you guys needed any help.

Oh, so now you're just
gonna mansplain it to us?

Actually, Mom,
mansplaining is when somebody...

Oh! [stammers] S-So now you
mansplaining mansplaining?

GEMMA:
Yeah, you know,

why don't you just go back
to aisle ten and make some keys?

Okay?

Uh, okay. Well, since you guys

obviously got this,
I'm-a go get a snack.

Yeah, you do that.Yeah, get back in the kitchen
where you belong.

Okay, girl.
I think we are finally ready

to put the new glass in.

Yay.
[laughs]

Here we go.

Okay. Eh...All right. Uh...

There-- Ooh.
Ooh, ooh.

Ooh.
[gasps]
Oh, my gosh. Look at that.

Perfect fit.

Damn straight. Good as new.

[gasps]

Oh, what happened?

What does it look like?!
We're putting up curtains!

Come on, Calvin, you haven't
spoken to me in an hour.

It's not my fault
I had to go pee.

Look me in the eye and tell me

that you didn't sneak a drink
at that ghost town saloon.

The sign said,
"World's coldest lemonade."

Oh, God.You'd have to be crazy
to pass that up!

I'll tell you what's crazy,

is that I ever thought it was
a good idea to bring you along.

Wow, Calvin.

That's even colder
than the lemonade.

Finally, here comes a car.

W-What are you doing?

I'm waving this guy down

so I can get a ride
to the gas station.

Are you kidding?
You can't just

get into a car
with some stranger.

He could be
some kind of weirdo.

Dave, I've been in the car
with a weirdo all day.

Yeah. And look
where it's got you.

Look, man, are you
coming or what?

Uh-uh, no way.
That lemonade was good,

but I don't want it to be
the last thing I ever drink.

Fine. But if you see me
coming back smiling at you,

it's a mirage.

Hey, uh,
thanks for stopping.

No problem. Where you headed?

Oh, just to
the next gas station.

I'm Calvin.

Clem. Nice to meet you.

Good thing I drove by,

'cause it is not safe for you
to be out here all by yourself.

I-I wasn't by myself.
I was with my friend.

Oh, good. You saw him, too.

Okay, that's it.

I think we got it this time.

Here, let me test it.

No, no, no! I'll do it.

You got those
freaky strong baby muscles.

Well, there you go.
Solid as a rock.

Yeah. Suck it,
Mr. Teeny Tiny Vest Man.

Ah, yes!

Hey, look at that.
You guys fixed the window.

Hell yeah, we did.

Two times.

Okay, well, I got to say,
I am impressed.

More importantly,your father will be, too.That's right.

And now he's gonna know that
she doesn't have to sit around

waiting for him to get things
done around here.

[chuckles]
That is a good point.

In fact,
he'll probably expect you

to do all the stuff
he hasn't gotten to.

Yep. And if he's smart enough,
he'll def--

Wait, what?

And, I mean, you got all kinds
of projects around here, Ma.

The closet door
that sticks.

Oh, the clunking sound
in the dryer.

That leaky bathroom faucet.

Uh, no problem. Tina can do
that stuff in her sleep.

Yeah, you're right.

I could.
But I'd rather make Calvin.

I didn't get married
to do this kind of work.

[banjo music playing]

So, I'm guessing
that was your car

by the side of the
road back there.

Uh, yeah. We got dug in
when my friend made us pull over

so he could use the bathroom.

Well, she's a beauty.

Oh, thanks.
I call her Angelique.

Really?

She told me her
name was Mona.

Wait.

You thought my car
was talking to you?

Well, either your car was
talking to me or I'm crazy.

[chuckles]
Good point.

[chuckles]: Ah, wow,
still-still no reception.

Oh, yeah, we are
all alone out here.

It's what I call
a real dead zone.

Y-You mean because
of the cell service, right?

Hmm. I never
thought of that.

You know, Calvin,

I think you and I
could be friends.

Do you like basements?

No, no. I'm, uh,

I'm more of a wide-open
spaces kind of guy.

Well, you're in luck,
'cause my house

is out in the
middle of nowhere.

Great place to visit if you ever
just want to disappear.

[chuckles]
Well, uh, no, thank you.

Hey, I'd miss
my wife too much

and my two sons
who are both Navy SEALs.

Sounds like you have
a beautiful family.

Well, thanks. Do you have one?

Yeah. Unfortunately,
they're scattered everywhere.

Okay, you know, uh,
I appreciate the ride, but, uh,

you know what, why don't
you just let me out here?

Why? We were just about to tell
each other our darkest secrets.

And mine's a doozy.

No, uh, seriously, man,
uh, let-let me out.

Sorry, Calvin. No can do.

Uh, no, I am serious.

Let me out this truck
or else, man.

Or else what?

Or I'll scatter you!

[both scream, tires screech]

[truck driving off]

That's right, you better
drive away, buster!

Yeah, and stop talking
to strangers' cars!

She don't know you!

You okay?

Yeah, man, how about you?
You hit that window pretty hard.

I'm fine. But if we pass
the world's biggest aspirin,

we're gonna stop
and I'm gonna take it.

[laughs]: Hey, man, you
should've seen that guy's face

when you popped up like that.

You scared the hell out of him.[chuckles]

Well, I think
I heard two screams.

Yeah, that-that, that's
how much you scared him.

Hey, look, man,
I-I'm just happy you're okay.

If something would've
happened to you,

it would've been all my fault.

Nah, it would've
been on me, too.

I mean, white guy,
middle of the desert,

picking up a Black dude?

All the signs were there.

Well, I appreciate it,
but you were right, you know.

I never should've made you
take this stupid detour.

Well, actually,
I don't know about that.

Really?

Yeah.
I mean, uh, think about it.

You weren't wrong.

I mean, the journey

was definitely more interesting
than the destination.

Well, it was
a hell of an adventure.

Yeah, man. And think about
the great story this will make.

Getting stranded in the desert,
almost being kidnapped,

me saving you from a maniac.

What are you talking about?
I'm the one who saved you.

Well, you tell your story,
I'll tell mine.

Wow, Calvin,
this trophy is amazing.

Where are you gonna put it?

Under a blanket in the garage,
because if Tina finds it,

it's going straight through
Angelique's windshield.

Well, thanks again
for bringing me along.

I can honestly say this has been
the best road trip of all time.

I couldn't agree more.

[all screaming]

[gasps]

My gosh, Calvin,
I just had the craziest dream.

That's funny. With me, the crazy
stuff happens when I'm awake.

No...!

[gasps]

[sighs]

Hey, you're right.

This is the world's
coldest lemonade.

[shouts] Brain freeze!
Take the wheel!

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