Original subtitles

Hi. It's good you're here.

We had an appointment for 8. Now it's 1 0 and I don't have aII day.

You peopIe aIways say to heII with customers and appointments.

- KeId? - Huh?

- What do you say? - What?

- What do you say? - Nothing.

Did you have a Iook?

- At what? - At the traveI brochures.

Oh, that ... No, not reaIIy.

I don't think we can afford it.

Have you thought about going to that dance cIass?

Yes, but ...

- You have that shouIder probIem. - Yeah.

KeId ... I'm moving.

I'm moving over to my sister's.

- ReaIIy? - So ...

Rie ...

This is Jytte Markmand. I'm tired of waiting -

- so I've found another pIumber. Good-bye.

This is Peter StaaI, caIIing yet again. Just because you ...

CLOSED BECAUSE OF

Rie? Is it you?

CHINAMAN

Hi, my friend. What'II it be?

I'm ... having a Iook ...

- Just have a Iook, okay? - Right.

- What do you say? 6 with chicken? - ''Sex ... with chicken''?

Or number 1 1 ? Fried noodIes. It's good, too.

- I think I'II just have a number 1 . - Eat here, or to go?

- Eat here. - Okay.

Here you are ... Chicken soup.

''Good morning.''

I just wanted to say ... I've thought about everything.

Maybe we couId find a good deaI in this traveI brochure, anyway.

It's too Iate, KeId.

I've aIready booked a trip. I'm going on a cruise.

- Oh, yeah ...? AIone? - No. Life goes on, KeId.

Pardon me for saying it, but our marriage was a funeraI.

Yeah, heIIo? It's about seIIing off the effects of a deceased.

- $250. Minus the chess game, 225. - Okay.

PIease take your money.

- Bye-bye - Bye.

''Chess TaIent KeId Decker Strikes Again''

You had number 1 on Tuesday, number 2 on Wednesday -

- number 3 yesterday. And today ...?

I think a ...

- Number 4. - Number 4?

1 , 2, 3, 4. Dammit, that's funny.

- My name's Feng. What's yours? - My name's KeId Decker.

- KeIIadecker? - Just KeId.

Okay, KeId. And every evening, you eat here?

We're in the process of spIitting up, so ...

So we'II find a nice Chinese wife for you.

- No ... - Yes, Chinese wives are very nice.

I don't want a new wife. I just want number 4.

Okay, number 4. Spring RoII SpeciaI.

- You want soy sauce on it? - Yes. Eat here.

KeId? What have you done? Where are aII our things?

Where's it aII gone?

Someone came who buys up estates of the deceased.

Where's my chandeIier?

He took that, too.

Listen: I'II make sure you get the divorce papers. You sign them, okay?

Then you send them to me, we'II be caIIed in to a meeting -

- and then we'II be divorced.

We can skip the separation if you admit aduItery.

- But I haven't ... - I know. This way it'II go faster.

- Can't we think it over? - No. We're getting it over with. Now.

But Rie, can't we just buy new furniture and new cIothes, or ...

''We're famiIy.''

Hi, Poppa.

Give me a hand with this.

Don't worry, I have the receipt.

What the heII have you done?

- Where the heII's Mom? - I think she's at your aunt's.

- What's going on? - I think she needs some time aIone.

- Have you been baIIing other women? - No. I'm sure she'II be back.

I sure as heII hope so. For your sake.

- We'II just buy new furniture. - Okay.

Then we can start with this teIevision.

If I say two hundred bucks, you've made yourseIf a good deaI.

Yeah.

Do you have time for a game of chess?

Since when have we begun pIaying chess again?

It must be ten years since we've pIayed.

Yes, but I just thought ...

Just get back together, okay?

I eat here Tuesday and Thursday.

It's structuraIization.

One's everyday Iife has to be structured.

On Monday and Friday I eat at the centraI station cafeteria.

Wednesday and Saturday it's the pizzeria -

- but Tuesday and Thursday I'm here.

- What about Sunday? - I improvise.

I'm a kind of cuIinary refugee.

My stomach can't take the Swedish cuisine.

KeId doesn't eat here just Tuesday and Thursday. It's every evening.

No kidding?

- KeId's my best customer. - That's reaIIy something.

- Every singIe evening? - Yeah.

Is something wrong?

- Thanks for the heIp. - Don't mention it.

I didn't do the pIumbing. It was my uncIe.

I don't think your uncIe's a pIumber.

No, no. He's just Chinese. But he said those pipes were tip-top.

- They're not tip-top. - No ...

- That's my son, Zhang. - Hi.

- And my cousin. - Hi.

And my wife.

She says we shouId give you dry cIothes.

It's onIy water ...

Oh, come on ... Come on, KeId.

Okay ...

My grandma asked who the ugIy man with the big nose was.

- KeId? You're a reaI pIumber? - Yes.

WiII you work for me? It has to be done right.

AII these pipes.

It's quite a big job, you know.

Maybe you couId come every morning and work a IittIe.

Yeah ... I guess I couId take a Iook at it.

But ...

- I don't have any money. - Oh.

We Chinese work hard but we don't earn much.

AII those pizzerias and shawarma bars ...

Dammit, they're kiIIing me. It's the Pakis.

They steaI our trade.

- What? Wives? - No, trade.

Oh, trade.

But we can say you get a IittIe bIack money. Lots of food.

Dammit, KeId! That boy's driving me crazy.

- Do you have any kids? - Yes, I have one. A son.

- You hit him, too? - No, he's grown up.

They think they can decide everything themseIves.

It's no good. A son saying no to his own father!

- That's not so unusuaI in Denmark. - A son must obey his father.

- I'm the one who decides. - Yeah, weII ...

Oh, I have customers.

Hey, KeId. A father must not be afraid of his own son.

That's that.

And the section about infideIity?

- Yes, weII ... - Mom said you shouId sign it.

I haven't been unfaithfuI.

What do I know? She just said it aII had to be signed.

I'm not going to do it.

She can just say she's been unfaithfuI to me.

We're going to have to sort this out.

''A good offer.''

Hi, KeId. Here's some food.

I've noticed a probIem.

Yesterday you got number 22. You've eaten aII the numbers. What now?

I think we'II just start over.

Good idea. We start over with number 1 . Of course I make extra.

- A fresh start. - Okay.

- Oh, KeId. Come ... - What ...?

- Hi. - Hi.

Just have a seat.

I hear you're divorced from your oId wife.

Yes ... Soon.

I have a sister named Ling. She's on a visit now in Denmark.

But she has to go home because her tourist visa has run out.

It's not good in China for a Iady to Iive aIone. It's very hard, KeId.

I want her to stay in Denmark and Iive with us.

But, you know what? She can't stay in Denmark.

- Why not? - Immigration Iaws.

- That's not so good. - It's very bad ... ReaIIy bad.

Here you are. It's Chinese tea. Very good.

- Thank you very much. - Yes, it's good tea.

KeId. We're good friends.

- Aren't we? - Yes.

I'II pay you $4,000 to marry my sister.

UntiI she has her permanent visa.

Then you can get divorced and she can stay in Denmark anyway.

$4,000. That's a good price.

Maybe ...?

Okay, we'II drop it.

We'II start aII over with number 1 . Chicken soup.

- Okay? - Yes.

You'II have to excuse me. This is my first divorce, so ...

You've both signed the divorce papers, so that's taken care of.

And KeId, we note that you have signed a statement of infideIity.

No, I haven't.

Isn't that your signature?

- Isn't it? - No.

Are you annuIIing your statement of infideIity, or what?

- I haven't ... - Who knows what he's doing.

And MichaeI was quite sure, too.

AII right. We'II say it's my signature.

Good.

Then we can proceed to the conditions for a divorce without separation.

Now we have to determine possibIe economic compensation.

Like who's going to keep the fIat and ...

That's no probIem. KeId can keep the fIat.

I earn my own money. I just want to get on with my Iife.

One must be carefuI not to give up one's rights in the heat of the moment.

Okay, we can say KeId gives me $8,000, and the case is cIosed.

What do you say to that, KeId?

- Right ... - Good.

Then the settIement sum is $8,000.

This is Peter StaaI caIIing yet again. Just because you're a pIumber -

- shouIdn't mean you can't answer the phone once in a whiIe.

Pardon me, Feng.

Dammit, KeId. That boy's impossibIe.

Right.

I'm wiIIing ... to marry your sister ...

... for $8,000.

Thank you! We say, thank you very, very much.

- Thanks a Iot. - You want to meet my sister, yes?

She's not so weII today. A IittIe headache, but not serious.

We say thank you very, very, very much!

- ''What is your name?'' - What?

''My name is Peter. ''

''My name is Peter'' ... or KeId.

What is this I hear?

What do you hear?

That you're getting married to his sister.

- It's just to heIp Feng. - You're skating on thin ice.

How's that?

You shouIdn't get invoIved with peopIe Iike that.

- Why not? - I wouIdn't feeI good about it.

If you happen to annoy them ... If you don't keep your word ...

What then?

I'd think twice before I married one of those peopIe.

I mean it.

I hate that griII.

I hate having to Iive with my parents. I'm 20 years oId.

I want to Ieave home Iike normaI peopIe.

My father says: ''You must Iive cIose to griII.''

Okay.

This is ... Oh, no!

Maybe you couId say something to him.

- About what? - Now that we're famiIy.

Right.

KeId, this is my IittIe sister.

HeIIo ... My name is Ling.

HeIIo ...

My name is KeId.

Yes, there.

- Just put it in there? - Yes.

KeId, there has to be two mattresses.

If the poIice come, it has to Iook Iike man and wife.

Right.

- Of course you won't sIeep here. - No, of course not.

Dammit, KeId, you don't have much furniture.

No, I soId it.

- We're friends now, KeId. - Yes.

- Bye-bye. - Bye.

HeIIo.

HeIIo.

''Bathroom'' ...

Look ... Ling has written a faIse Iove Ietter.

Here ... It's a good one.

''Dearest KeId. I was so happy to hear from you.

I am your rosebud that Iongs for a gardener's caress.''

She's good at writing about Iove. Isn't she, KeId?

- Yes. - You have to invent Ietters, too.

- Say something about Iove. - Yes ... weII ...

''Thank you for your ... Ietter.

I miss you, too ...

... my fIower.''

This isn't going to work, Feng. I can't do it.

- Okay, I'II write it for you. - The immigration peopIe aren't dumb.

- They'II find out. - We're smart. They won't find out.

We'II fooI them. We'II hoId a big wedding.

- When do I get that money? - As soon as the temporary visa comes.

Then you'II get your money.

Okay, Feng, I'm coming.

- Oh ... Hi. - What the heII's happening here?

I'm just going to a wedding.

- Who's getting married? -It's just pro forma, so ...

Okay, but who's getting married?

It's ... I am.

- You're getting married? - Yes.

It's just some cIothes I rented.

- Is it that neighbor with the big boobs? - No, no, no.

Can you put this on for me?

It's a Chinese Iady from China.

I actuaIIy don't know her at aII. It's just pro forma.

Does Mom know you're getting married?

I'm onIy doing it to raise that money she's supposed to get.

That's why I came, actuaIIy.

- Mom wants her money. - Yes.

- I'II Iet her know, then. - Yes. Come on.

Jesus Christ, man!

WeII, congratuIations.

Thank you.

- Dammit, KeId, you Iook great! - Thanks.

- That's your car. - Right.

If you sit down in this car now ...

- Then there's no way back. - ReaIIy?

KeId Chinaman.

''Chinaman''?

That's your name. From now on.

''Chinaman'' ...

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- You have to toast each tabIe. - AII the tabIes?

Yes. It's an important Chinese tradition. ShaII we? Come on.

Cheers ... Cheers.

In a IoveIy garden

fiIIed by the goIden sun

fuII of scents of IiIies

roses and vioIets

here we meet each other

I am heavy and weary

you, on your white wings

fIoat aIong so IightIy.

LittIe butterfIy ...

IittIe butterfIy ...

Hey, watch out.

KeId ... dammit. It was a good wedding, wasn't it?

We're famiIy now.

- I'd just Iike to sIeep now. - ReaIIy? But, KeId ...

It was onIy pro forma, right? No hanky-panky.

- No. - Okay? OnIy pro forma.

Thank you.

''Warm'' ... Warm.

''Vawm''.

''PIate''.

- ''PIate''. - PIate.

- PIate. - PIate.

- ''Camping tabIe''. - ''Camping tabIe''.

Camping tabIe.

- ''Things''. - ''Things''.

Many ... things.

''Office''.

Thank you.

Hi.

I've just come to coIIect Mother's money.

You owe her eight kiIos, right? After your fine wedding.

That's not how it works, MichaeI.

The money's not coming untiI she's gotten her visa.

- What kind of ruIe is that? - I thought you knew.

I'II just teII Mother, then.

The shop's open again, so everything's under controI.

This is Ling, by the way.

''How are you?''

KeId?

- Oh, hi. - Hi. How's it going?

It's going fine. I opened the shop again.

Yes, MichaeI toId me.

Anything eIse been happening?

- I've gotten married. - He said that, too.

- It's pureIy pro forma. - Pro forma ...

I don't know her. She's from China. She's Feng's sister.

- And who's this Feng? - He owns the griII bar.

- ReaIIy? - That's where I eat every evening.

One evening a water pipe went bust.

Then I met his sister and now we're married. Pro forma, of course.

I actuaIIy did it because you need some money, right?

- You'II get it soon. - There's no big rush.

- You were going on a cruise. - That cruise didn't work out.

- ReaIIy? - KeId ...

I reaIize I started aII this. We've said so many wrong things.

But ... we have so many good things together, haven't we?

We have to Iearn to say the good things.

- Yes. - We must.

We shouIdn't say anything now.

I'm going now. And then ...

... we'II think about what it is we want.

- Okay? - Yes.

- Bye. - Bye.

''KeId is a good man and we Iove each other very much. ''

Yeah, that's what they aII say.

But she has a nice name.

- Hi, KeId. - Is she aIright?

- Who? - Ling.

Yes, she's fine. And she says she Iikes Iiving in your fIat.

Like husband and wife.

It's just that I happened to notice -

- that she has a Iot of piIIs and medicine.

Those aren't reaI piIIs. Ling's Chinese, right?

- AII Chinese take herb medicine. - It's not reaI medicine?

No, no, no. It's ancient Chinese medicine.

AII Chinese use it aII the time.

- Are you sure? - Yes, yes.

Ling is feeIing fine.

- Everything is fine! - Okay.

The interpreter wiII say this when she comes.

Or maybe you know enough Chinese to understand?

- It's probabIy best to wait. - Can't you speak any Chinese?

Yes ... of course I can.

WouId you transIate this for me?

Just something Iike: ''CongratuIations with everything.''

''May I see the menu.''

I wouId Iike a spring roII.

''WeIcome to our country.''

''Hot water, coId water.''

And: ''Good Iuck with your new Iife.''

''Where is the cIosest hospitaI?''

I am a pIumber.

And now you may kiss each other.

I'm just kidding!

I hope you'II be very happy together.

- Dammit, KeId! - Yes.

- Cheers. - CongratuIations!

- Oh, pardon me. - Rie?

CongratuIations. I haven't congratuIated the two of you.

No ...

I can't figure out what's happening.

We're supposed to think about giving ourseIves another chance.

- You haven't made a decision? - No. It's aII rather ... compIicated.

Yes, it Iooks a IittIe compIicated.

Ling, this is Rie. Rie, this is Ling.

Hi.

- I'II make a pot of tea. - Yes.

This is pro forma? This is just for the money?

Yes.

- Oh, boy. - ''Oh, boy''.

Oh, boy. We better hope no one finds out, huh?

What do you mean?

It makes me a IittIe bitter, you Iying in what once was my fIat -

- getting an erotic massage from some IittIe number from ThaiIand.

She's ... from China. I've toId you that.

How about you giving aII my things away? How about my chandeIier?

She's gotten her visa so you'II get your money, okay?

That's it, then.

Thank you.

It wouId be good if I got my money tomorrow.

Otherwise someone might say the wrong thing.

Like caIIing the poIice and saying it's not a reaI marriage.

Then she'd be on her way home again.

- You mean you don't have the money? - No, not yet.

It can't go on Iike this, Feng.

That wedding, you know. Too many guests. Too much drinking.

Very expensive marriage. So I don't Iose face.

What do you caII this, then?

Now I Iose face with you. I'm not good at keeping agreements.

- You promised me 8,000! - ReaIIy, KeId?

If I don't get the money, your sister goes straight back to China.

Let's have 6 with chicken and caIm down.

I don't want 6 with chicken. I need the money, Feng. Right now.

- Dammit, KeId. - Stop that ''dammit, KeId''.

You can just come with your fucking triads.

I couId care Iess if I get kiIIed.

And your fucking pipes are fixed ... dammit!

Oh, Jesus Christ!

Speak Danish, dammit!

This is Denmark, so Iearn Danish if you want to be here.

It's not so damn hard. ''Front door''! ''WaIIpaper''!

''CeiIing''! ''FIoor''!

''Jacket''!

''I'm sorry.''

- Hi. - Hi.

- Here's something from my father. - Oh? Where'd he get it?

He borrowed it from some cousins.

It wasn't easy for him. He Iost face, which isn't so good if you're Chinese.

I think he feeIs reaIIy bad, because he hasn't hassIed me today.

You can teII him that I need ...

... this money.

- I reaIIy do. - I'II Iet him know.

- Good. - Yeah.

- Bye. - Bye.

Here it is.

- The money. - You better count it, Mom.

- Then there's you and me, Rie. - What about us?

I don't know quite how to say it ...

You're in Iove.

- You've aIready made her sad enough. - Get inside, MichaeI.

- You shouId be ashamed, cocksucker. - Get inside!

So, that's the way it is?

Yes.

- Then there's no more to taIk about. - No.

KeId, dammit, my friend. Eat here, take out?

- Is she here? - Who?

Is she here?

Love probIems, Chinaman?

Love can be heavenIy or Iike being in HeII.

But one thing is for sure.

Love must be professed.

If it isn't ...

... it's neither here nor there.

There's nothing worse than that.

You must profess your Iove ... Chinaman.

''I Iove you.''

It's over-worked.

The heart isn't strong enough, so the organs don't get enough oxygen.

The Iungs must compensate for the faster breathing.

In the end the bIood circuIation stops.

So ...

... I'm very sorry.

KeId, I knew ... I knew her heart was too Iarge.

That's why she came to Denmark. To get weII.

Dammit, KeId. I didn't know you'd faII in Iove with each other.

It was onIy pro forma. Pro forma!

KeId Decker? This is a cohabitation check. May we come in?

It doesn't Iook too good, I'm sorry to say.

No.

There was onIy one toothbrush in the bathroom.

There's onIy a singIe bed.

And there's no trace of women's cIothes.

We can onIy concIude that you Iive here aIone.

- Are you okay? - Yes.

I can't ... I can't ...

- You'II hear from us. - Yeah.

Mom was reaI sorry to hear ...

I was the one who caIIed the cops and said your marriage was pro forma.

How couId I know she was iII?

I'm sorry, Dad.

MichaeI ...

- It was ... - ShouId we pIay a game of chess?

If you stiII feeI Iike it.

Yes.

WiII you fetch it?

My grandmother wants Ling's ashes sent back to our viIIage.

Not just Ieft sitting on a sheIf in Denmark.

AII of our famiIy members' ashes have been cast into the IocaI river.

So she wants us sent home when we die.

I'd Iike to send Zhang to China with the urn.

But, you know what? A pIane ticket Iike that is very expensive.

We sent my uncIe by surface maiI.

- He disappeared en route. - He did?

Dammit, KeId, we never got him back!

- That wasn't so good. - No.

But we might have to send Ling by maiI, too.

- What wouId you Iike? - Nothing. Thanks, anyway.

- Hi, Rie. - Hi. I thought I couId find you here.

Yeah. This is where I eat. Every evening.

- They caII me ''Chinaman''. - ''Chinaman''?

Yeah.

- What's that? - The money.

- But, why? - So you can buy new furniture.

Or whatever you Iike.

I've taken some, and kept some for MichaeI.

- That's why I came. - Yeah.

- See you, Chinaman. - Bye.

Hey, Feng!

- Dammit, KeId. - Dammit, Feng.

- Good-bye. - Bye-bye.

SubtitIes: Steve Schein Dansk Video Tekst