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1
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(theme music playing)
2
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(theme music ending)
3
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(humming merry tune)
4
00:00:37,437 --> 00:00:38,938
Hi, Lucy.
5
00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:40,940
Ho. Hi, Ricky is in the living room,
Fred.
6
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Thank you.
7
00:00:41,941 --> 00:00:43,443
Hi, girl.
Hi.
8
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:44,944
Did you tell Ricky yet?
9
00:00:44,944 --> 00:00:46,446
Uh-huh.
10
00:00:46,446 --> 00:00:47,947
Oh, I can hardly wait.
11
00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:51,451
Imagine us being members of the
Society Matrons League.
12
00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:53,953
Mm, I don't see how you got up nerve
enough
13
00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:55,455
to send in the application.
14
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Why not? It's just another club.
15
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Just another club?
16
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They're the cream of society.
17
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:03,463
Well, we'll fit in perfectly.
18
00:01:03,463 --> 00:01:06,466
(in English accent): "How do you do,
Mrs. Mertz?
19
00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:08,468
It's so good to see you, my dear."
20
00:01:08,468 --> 00:01:09,469
"How do you do?"
21
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:10,470
"Eh, how do you do?"
22
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(mocking laughter)
23
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Oh, dear.
24
00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:14,474
What's the matter?
25
00:01:14,474 --> 00:01:15,975
Do you suppose when we're introduced
26
00:01:15,975 --> 00:01:17,477
to those society- type husbands
27
00:01:17,477 --> 00:01:18,978
they'll try to kiss our hands?
28
00:01:19,479 --> 00:01:21,981
Well, if they kiss mine, they'll get
dishpan lips.
29
00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:24,484
Boy, I don't know how many dishes
I've washed
30
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:25,985
since we've been married.
31
00:01:25,985 --> 00:01:27,487
I don't either.
32
00:01:27,487 --> 00:01:30,990
Let's see-- 20 dishes a meal, three
meals a day
33
00:01:30,990 --> 00:01:35,495
306... I'm going to figure this out.
34
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:37,497
20 dishes a meal
35
00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:42,001
three meals a day...
365 days a year...
36
00:01:42,001 --> 00:01:45,505
uh, four, five...
two, three, four.
37
00:01:45,505 --> 00:01:49,509
We've been married for ten years.
38
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:53,513
219,000 dishes!
39
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:54,514
No kidding?
40
00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:56,015
How about that!
41
00:01:56,015 --> 00:01:57,517
Come on, Mrs. Mertz.
42
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,018
Where are we going?
43
00:01:59,018 --> 00:02:00,520
We're going to revolt.
44
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,522
We are going in there and demand
45
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:05,525
that our husbands buy us electric
dishwashers.
46
00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:06,526
I'm with you.
47
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:08,528
Don't you ever throw anything but
deuces?
48
00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:12,532
Ricky?
49
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:13,533
Fred?
50
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:15,535
We're revolting.
51
00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:17,537
No more than usual.
52
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:23,543
We didn't mean that.
53
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,545
Now, listen, Ricky, I just figured
this out.
54
00:02:25,545 --> 00:02:28,047
Since you and I have been married
55
00:02:28,047 --> 00:02:30,049
I have washed 219,000 dishes.
56
00:02:30,049 --> 00:02:31,050
No!
57
00:02:31,050 --> 00:02:33,553
You can imagine how many I've washed.
58
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:36,055
Yeah, must be up in the millions!
59
00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:37,557
Lucy!
60
00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:40,560
Well, I was just trying to make a
point.
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00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,561
Oh.
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00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:42,562
Would you mind telling us
63
00:02:42,562 --> 00:02:44,063
what this is all leading up to?
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00:02:44,063 --> 00:02:45,064
Gladly.
65
00:02:45,064 --> 00:02:46,566
There's a wonderful invention on the
market
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00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,067
that makes it impossible
67
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:50,570
for about-to-be society matrons like
us
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00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:53,072
to get rough, red hands in dishwater
69
00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:54,574
and we think it would be
70
00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:56,576
a wonderful, wonderful investment.
71
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,077
Well, so do I.
72
00:02:58,077 --> 00:02:59,078
You do!?
73
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:00,580
Certainly.
Hey!
74
00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:04,083
They want us to buy them some rubber
gloves.
75
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:10,089
I had reference to an automatic
dishwasher.
76
00:03:10,089 --> 00:03:11,574
Well, forget it, honey.
77
00:03:11,574 --> 00:03:12,575
Why?
78
00:03:12,575 --> 00:03:13,576
I can't afford it.
79
00:03:13,576 --> 00:03:16,079
I can't even afford rubber gloves.
80
00:03:16,079 --> 00:03:18,581
Oh, well, nice try, Lucy.
81
00:03:18,581 --> 00:03:19,582
Oh!
82
00:03:20,583 --> 00:03:22,085
RICKY: Isn't it amazing
83
00:03:22,085 --> 00:03:24,087
how spoiled modern women are?
84
00:03:24,087 --> 00:03:25,088
Spoiled?
85
00:03:25,088 --> 00:03:26,089
Yes, spoiled.
86
00:03:26,089 --> 00:03:28,091
You got to do a little work
87
00:03:28,091 --> 00:03:29,092
and you think it's terrible.
88
00:03:29,592 --> 00:03:30,093
A little work!
89
00:03:30,593 --> 00:03:32,095
Why, honey, this is the electric age.
90
00:03:32,095 --> 00:03:34,097
All you have to do is flip a swish.
91
00:03:39,102 --> 00:03:42,105
We flip a "swish."
92
00:03:42,105 --> 00:03:43,606
Listen, your grandmothers didn't have
93
00:03:44,107 --> 00:03:45,608
any of these modern electrical
conveniences
94
00:03:45,608 --> 00:03:47,610
and they not only washed the dishes
95
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but they swept the floor, they
churned the butter
96
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they baked the bread, they did the
laundry
97
00:03:52,115 --> 00:03:54,117
and they made their own clothes.
98
00:03:54,117 --> 00:03:56,119
Sure. Where are those women today?
99
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Dead.
100
00:03:58,621 --> 00:04:00,123
You know what I mean.
101
00:04:00,123 --> 00:04:02,625
I'd like to see you girls run the
house
102
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without any of these modern
conveniences.
103
00:04:04,627 --> 00:04:05,128
Well, what about you guys?
104
00:04:05,628 --> 00:04:06,629
Yeah. You couldn't get along with
them
105
00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:07,630
any better than we could.
106
00:04:07,630 --> 00:04:10,133
Aw, honey, we're men, we're rugged.
107
00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:11,634
Yeah!
108
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They're rugged.
109
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Why don't you put your money where
your big mouth is.
110
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Meaning what?
111
00:04:17,140 --> 00:04:18,141
Meaning that we'll just try
112
00:04:18,141 --> 00:04:20,143
living without any modern
conveniences
113
00:04:20,143 --> 00:04:22,145
and we'll see who yells "uncle"
first--
114
00:04:22,145 --> 00:04:23,146
the men or the women.
115
00:04:23,146 --> 00:04:24,147
Okay.
Okay.
116
00:04:24,147 --> 00:04:26,149
Okay, what do you want to bet?
117
00:04:26,149 --> 00:04:27,150
How about $10?
118
00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:28,651
What's the matter with $20?
119
00:04:29,152 --> 00:04:30,653
Well, what's the matter with $30?
120
00:04:31,154 --> 00:04:32,655
What's the matter with $50?
121
00:04:32,655 --> 00:04:35,158
What was the matter with $10?
122
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Okay, 50 bucks!
123
00:04:42,165 --> 00:04:43,666
What are the rules?
124
00:04:44,167 --> 00:04:44,667
Well...
125
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I know.
126
00:04:46,169 --> 00:04:47,670
We'll pick a year, like 1900
127
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and we won't use
128
00:04:48,671 --> 00:04:50,173
anything that was invented after
that.
129
00:04:50,173 --> 00:04:51,174
Good. 1900.
130
00:04:51,174 --> 00:04:53,176
Uh, did they use electric lights
131
00:04:53,176 --> 00:04:54,177
before then, Fred?
132
00:04:54,177 --> 00:04:56,679
Don't look at me-- ask Ethel.
133
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Now, listen, you old...
134
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Never mind, never mind.
135
00:05:00,683 --> 00:05:02,185
1900. That's a good date.
136
00:05:02,185 --> 00:05:04,187
Okay, tomorrow we all go back
137
00:05:04,187 --> 00:05:05,188
to the gay '90s.
138
00:05:05,188 --> 00:05:06,189
23 Skidoo!
139
00:05:06,189 --> 00:05:07,190
(all laugh)
140
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:12,111
Morning, Lucy.
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00:05:12,111 --> 00:05:13,112
Hi, Ethel.
142
00:05:13,112 --> 00:05:14,113
What's all this?
143
00:05:14,113 --> 00:05:16,616
I've been shopping in a junk store.
144
00:05:16,616 --> 00:05:19,118
Say, those lamps are a good idea.
145
00:05:19,118 --> 00:05:21,120
I was going to use candles.
146
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,622
(giggles)
147
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:23,623
How's Ricky?
148
00:05:23,623 --> 00:05:24,624
Has he run into any snags yet?
149
00:05:24,624 --> 00:05:25,625
Well, not really.
150
00:05:25,625 --> 00:05:27,126
He got very upset when he found out
151
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he couldn't use his electric razor.
152
00:05:29,128 --> 00:05:30,129
So did Fred.
153
00:05:30,129 --> 00:05:31,631
And what a fuss he made.
154
00:05:31,631 --> 00:05:33,132
I don't see anything so tough
155
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:35,635
about shaving with a sharp-edged
razor
156
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:36,636
and cold water, do you?
157
00:05:36,636 --> 00:05:38,137
No.
158
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,138
(laughing)
159
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Fred just refused to shave at all.
160
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No kidding.
161
00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:44,143
What's that?
162
00:05:44,143 --> 00:05:46,145
Oh, look at this.
163
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A bathtub!
164
00:05:49,148 --> 00:05:50,650
Lucy, you're not going to make Ricky
165
00:05:50,650 --> 00:05:51,651
take a bath in that?
166
00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:53,152
Why not?
167
00:05:53,152 --> 00:05:54,654
We want to win the bet, don't we?
168
00:05:54,654 --> 00:05:55,655
Yeah.
169
00:05:55,655 --> 00:05:56,656
RICKY: Lucy!
170
00:05:58,658 --> 00:05:59,659
Lucy!
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00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:00,660
Yeah, yeah?
172
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:02,662
Lucy, I want...
173
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:03,663
Oh. Good morning, Ethel.
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00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:04,664
Hi.
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00:06:04,664 --> 00:06:05,665
(chuckling)
176
00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:07,667
(mocks chuckling)
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00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,169
Look at all this junk.
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Is breakfast ready?
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Well, I was just about to fix it,
dear.
180
00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:15,174
What'll you have?
181
00:06:15,174 --> 00:06:17,176
Coffee, toast, a transfusion?
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00:06:17,176 --> 00:06:18,678
Never mind that.
183
00:06:18,678 --> 00:06:20,179
Is breakfast ready?
184
00:06:20,179 --> 00:06:22,181
I'll fix it for you right now.
185
00:06:22,181 --> 00:06:25,184
Hey, you can't use the electric
stove, you know.
186
00:06:25,184 --> 00:06:26,185
Oh, yes, I can.
187
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(whistles)
188
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,204
Lucy!
Lucy, you...!
189
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:46,706
You can't light that.
190
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:49,208
This is the way my grandmother
cooked.
191
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:51,210
This stove is not built that way.
192
00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:52,712
It won't work.
193
00:06:52,712 --> 00:06:54,213
It'll set the house on fire.
194
00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:56,716
All right, do you want to eat cold
food?
195
00:06:56,716 --> 00:06:59,218
Well, I guess we'll have to
compromise.
196
00:06:59,218 --> 00:07:01,721
You can use the stove, but nothing
else.
197
00:07:01,721 --> 00:07:02,722
Thank you.
198
00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:05,224
Where's my coffee?
199
00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:07,226
Coming up, sire.
200
00:07:07,226 --> 00:07:10,229
(whistling)
201
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,771
My grandmother was Swedish.
202
00:07:54,273 --> 00:07:54,774
Howdy, neighbors.
203
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:55,775
Hi, Fred.
204
00:07:56,275 --> 00:07:57,276
Hello, Fred.
205
00:07:57,276 --> 00:07:58,778
I thought I'd find you up here,
Ethel.
206
00:07:58,778 --> 00:07:59,779
We are out of butter.
207
00:07:59,779 --> 00:08:00,780
Oh, dear.
208
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,281
I'll run down to the store for some.
209
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:03,282
Ethel, if you're going out for butter
210
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:04,784
will you get me a loaf of bread,
please?
211
00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:05,785
Sure.
212
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,286
Now, just a minute, my pretty maid.
213
00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:09,789
My grandmother churned her own
butter.
214
00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:11,791
Yeah!
215
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:12,792
Churned?
216
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:13,793
Yeah.
217
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:14,794
That's right.
218
00:08:14,794 --> 00:08:17,296
And my grandmother baked her own
bread.
219
00:08:17,296 --> 00:08:20,299
Baked? Like I bake a cake?
220
00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:21,801
I hope not.
221
00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:24,804
Bake bread.
222
00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:25,805
Churn butter.
223
00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:27,306
Yeah.
224
00:08:27,306 --> 00:08:28,808
Well, you'd like to call off the bet?
225
00:08:28,808 --> 00:08:30,309
No!
No!
226
00:08:30,309 --> 00:08:32,311
You churn a little extra butter for
me
227
00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:34,814
and I'll bake a little extra bread
for you.
228
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,871
(knocking at door)
229
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,378
Hi, Ethel, how's the butter churner?
230
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:06,879
Oh, I've been churning
231
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:07,880
for two hours.
232
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,382
Well, you deserve a rest.
233
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,883
Put that thing down.
234
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:13,386
I can't!
235
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,887
Pry me loose, will ya?
236
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:17,890
My hands are beginning to grow to
this thing.
237
00:09:17,890 --> 00:09:18,891
Are you kidding?
238
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:19,892
I can't get them off.
239
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:22,395
Well, maybe you can pull it right out
that way, huh?
240
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,896
Pull!
Well, relax now, relax.
241
00:09:23,896 --> 00:09:24,897
I can't! Pull!
242
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,401
(squeals in pain): Oh!
243
00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,903
You poor kid!
244
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:32,905
Oh, gosh!
245
00:09:32,905 --> 00:09:35,408
How much butter did you make?
246
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,909
None.
247
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,912
You've been churning for two hours
248
00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,414
and you didn't make any butter?
249
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,915
Our grandmothers must have had arms
250
00:09:42,915 --> 00:09:44,917
like Gorgeous George.
251
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:49,422
How long does it take milk to turn
into butter?
252
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:52,425
Ethel, you have to start with cream
to make butter.
253
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,926
Anybody knows that.
254
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:54,927
My goodness!
255
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:55,928
Oh, cream!
256
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:56,929
Certainly.
257
00:09:56,929 --> 00:09:58,431
Oh. How you coming with the bread?
258
00:09:58,431 --> 00:09:59,932
Well, it-it's very interesting.
259
00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,934
You see, you mix everything together
260
00:10:01,934 --> 00:10:03,936
you put the yeast in, you mix it all
up
261
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:04,937
and you knead it, knead it.
262
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,939
This it what you call "kneading" it,
see?
263
00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:08,441
Yeah.
264
00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:10,943
And then you let it set, and it
rises, see?
265
00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:13,446
And then you take it out, and you
knead it again.
266
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,948
And you let it set, and it rises some
more.
267
00:10:15,948 --> 00:10:18,451
Then you put it in the oven, and you
bake it.
268
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,952
Well, that sounds simple.
269
00:10:19,952 --> 00:10:21,954
Sure. I had to go to three, four
stores
270
00:10:21,954 --> 00:10:24,457
before I could get enough yeast,
though.
271
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:25,958
Why? How much did you need?
272
00:10:25,958 --> 00:10:28,461
13 cakes.
273
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,962
13 cakes?
274
00:10:29,962 --> 00:10:31,964
That seems like an awful lot.
275
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:33,966
Well, here's the recipe right here.
276
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:34,967
Let me see.
277
00:10:34,967 --> 00:10:36,469
Lucy.
278
00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:37,470
What?
279
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:38,971
Three cakes.
280
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:39,972
Oh, really?
281
00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:41,974
Oh, well, they're small.
282
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:44,477
It won't make much difference.
283
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,979
Well, now you have to put it in a
bowl.
284
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:48,481
Mm-hmm.
285
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:50,983
There.
286
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:52,485
"Now set in warm place to rise."
287
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,986
Yeah, and I'm going to put it
288
00:10:53,986 --> 00:10:55,488
right down here by the oven.
289
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:56,489
Okay.
290
00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,992
Oh! Now, let's get back to the butter
department.
291
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,994
All right.
292
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,002
Gosh!
293
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:15,007
Ethel, help me.
294
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,510
Oh.
295
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:19,011
Can you lift it?
296
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,012
(groans)
297
00:11:20,012 --> 00:11:22,515
Gee, I must have hurt this some way.
298
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,516
What do you mean?
299
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,017
It's all swollen.
300
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:27,019
I told you that was too much yeast.
301
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:30,022
Well, I just won't have to bake again
so soon.
302
00:11:30,022 --> 00:11:31,524
Now I have to knead it again.
303
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,025
Yeah.
304
00:11:33,025 --> 00:11:35,027
And then I have to let it set again.
305
00:11:35,027 --> 00:11:36,028
Yeah.
306
00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:38,531
There now.
307
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:41,033
Oh. You want to get me a bigger bowl?
308
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,034
Here?
309
00:11:42,034 --> 00:11:44,036
Yeah.
310
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,039
How's this, Lucy?
311
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:50,042
Okay... ooh!
312
00:11:52,044 --> 00:11:53,546
You think that's enough?
313
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:54,547
Yeah.
314
00:11:56,048 --> 00:11:57,049
Oh!
315
00:11:57,049 --> 00:12:00,052
Sorry, honey, I'm sorry.
316
00:12:00,052 --> 00:12:01,554
There.
317
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:05,558
Now I let that set and that rises.
318
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,559
You better help me.
319
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,060
Yeah, I thought so.
320
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:11,063
(both groan)
321
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:16,068
There. Back to the butter.
322
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,577
See, I told you that cream would do
the trick.
323
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,579
Imagine-- all that butter
324
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,081
and it only cost me $23.75.
325
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,084
(both scream)
326
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:33,586
Ethel!
327
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,587
Oh, Lucy!
328
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,589
Oh, oh, my...
329
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,590
Ethel!
I've got it.
330
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:39,592
That's awful heavy.
331
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:40,593
Let me help.
332
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,595
Oh! Oh, oh!
333
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,596
Oh!
Oh...
334
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,597
Get this out of here.
335
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,598
You want some help?
336
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,599
Ow! Look, wait a minute.
337
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:47,600
Let me turn the bowl.
338
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,601
Oh!
339
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:51,103
(grunts)
340
00:12:51,103 --> 00:12:52,605
I think this has grown to the bowl.
341
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,107
Here, put the bowl over there.
342
00:12:55,107 --> 00:12:57,610
My goodness!
343
00:12:58,110 --> 00:13:02,114
Well, it's a happy, little loaf,
isn't it?
344
00:13:02,114 --> 00:13:04,116
I have to knead this.
345
00:13:04,116 --> 00:13:05,618
All right.
346
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,119
I'll hold the board.
347
00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:12,124
Whoa!
348
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,125
Oh!
349
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:15,127
Ethel! Ethel!
350
00:13:23,636 --> 00:13:25,638
(grunts)
351
00:13:25,638 --> 00:13:26,639
Whoa! Hang on now!
352
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:31,644
Oh, Ethel, help me put it on the
board!
353
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:34,647
Put it up on the board!
354
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:38,651
I'm sorry, Ethel.
355
00:13:40,152 --> 00:13:41,654
Get that pan over there.
356
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:42,655
A pan?
357
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:43,656
Yeah.
358
00:13:43,656 --> 00:13:44,657
How's this?
359
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,158
All right.
360
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:47,159
Oh, wait a minute
361
00:13:47,159 --> 00:13:49,161
there's a yeast bit there.
362
00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:50,162
I got it, I got it.
363
00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:51,664
Where?
364
00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,165
There it is, over there.
365
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,667
All right, ready?
366
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:55,668
Ready.
367
00:14:00,172 --> 00:14:02,174
Whoo!
368
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,678
Now I have to...
369
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:08,180
I have to shape it into a loaf.
370
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:09,181
Yeah?
371
00:14:12,184 --> 00:14:13,185
Open the oven.
372
00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:14,687
Oh, open the oven.
373
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,691
There.
374
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,692
You ready?
375
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,193
Come on, now, yeah.
376
00:14:23,195 --> 00:14:24,196
Look out.
377
00:14:26,198 --> 00:14:27,700
Oh!
Oh!
378
00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:31,704
(both groan)
379
00:14:31,704 --> 00:14:32,705
There.
380
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:34,206
Now, let's see.
381
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,708
The oven's all preheated
382
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:36,709
like it says
383
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,210
and in a couple of hours
384
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:40,713
we'll have some nice homemade bread.
385
00:14:40,713 --> 00:14:41,714
And butter.
386
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:42,715
Yeah. What's so tough
387
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,717
about this pioneering business?
388
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:45,718
Let's play canasta.
389
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,720
Okay.
390
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,723
(doorbell buzzes)
391
00:14:51,223 --> 00:14:53,225
Don't you look at my hand, now.
392
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,230
Oh, telegram.
393
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:02,234
Thank you.
394
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,241
Oh, Ethel, it's from the Society
Matrons League!
395
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,242
We're in, we're in!
396
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,243
No kidding.
397
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:12,244
Look at this!
398
00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,245
Let me see, let me see.
399
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:14,747
"You are invited to a tea
400
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:16,749
"Friday afternoon at the Waldorf
401
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:17,750
to be scrutinized..."
402
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:19,251
Scrutinized?
403
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:20,252
That's what it says.
404
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,754
"Before your final acceptance
405
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,756
into the Society Matrons League."
Yippee!
406
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:25,758
Oh, isn't that wonderful?!
Oh, yes.
407
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,760
Now, we have to look real sharp on
Friday.
408
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:28,761
We have to go to the beauty parlor
409
00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,262
and we have to get the works:
410
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,264
a-a shampoo, a fingerwave, a
manicure, a pedicure
411
00:15:32,264 --> 00:15:33,265
a permanent...
412
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:34,266
Oh, wait a minute, Lucy.
413
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:35,267
What?
414
00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,269
If we go to a modern beauty parlor
415
00:15:37,269 --> 00:15:38,771
we'll lose that bet with the boys.
416
00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:39,772
Oh, gosh.
417
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:41,273
Oh, it looks like it'll cost us
418
00:15:41,273 --> 00:15:43,275
50 bucks apiece to be Society
Matrons.
419
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,778
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
420
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,279
There must be some way.
421
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:48,781
I know, Ethel, our clothes.
422
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:49,782
What do you mean?
423
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,784
Well, if we... if we were really
living in 1900
424
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,285
we'd be wearing bustles and corsets
425
00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,787
and the fellows would be wearing
426
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,288
high-button shoes and celluloid
collars
427
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,290
and those skimpy suits all the time.
428
00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,792
You mean, on the street and down to
work?
429
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:00,793
All the time
430
00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:02,294
and you know they'd never agree to
that
431
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:03,295
and we'd win the bet.
432
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:04,296
You're right.
433
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,298
Hey, do you smell bread?
434
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:07,800
Maybe it's done.
435
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:14,306
How did the oven door get open?
436
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,809
(screams)
437
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,311
Ethel! Ethel, help!
438
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,813
Oh, Ethel!
439
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:21,814
Oh, Ethel!
440
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,816
Ethel, I'm stuck!
441
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:25,818
Ethel, get me out!
442
00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,319
Oh, Ethel!
443
00:16:27,319 --> 00:16:29,822
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
444
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,824
Oh! Watch out for my leg!
445
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:33,826
Watch out for my leg!
446
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:36,829
Ethel, watch out, it'll drop in my
lap!
447
00:16:44,286 --> 00:16:45,287
Hi, Ethel.
448
00:16:45,287 --> 00:16:46,789
How do I look?
449
00:16:46,789 --> 00:16:49,291
Oh, you look wonderful!
450
00:16:49,291 --> 00:16:50,793
How do I look?
451
00:16:50,793 --> 00:16:51,794
Like a doll
452
00:16:51,794 --> 00:16:52,795
like an old-fashioned doll.
453
00:16:52,795 --> 00:16:53,796
(both giggling)
454
00:16:53,796 --> 00:16:55,297
Fred's in the bathtub.
455
00:16:55,297 --> 00:16:56,799
I hid all of his clothes
456
00:16:56,799 --> 00:16:58,801
and left the old-fashioned ones.
457
00:16:59,301 --> 00:17:00,302
Oh, good girl.
458
00:17:00,302 --> 00:17:01,804
That's what I'm going to do to Ricky.
459
00:17:02,304 --> 00:17:03,305
Gee, I hope this works, Lucy.
460
00:17:03,806 --> 00:17:05,808
It will, but if it doesn't, I just
had another thought.
461
00:17:06,308 --> 00:17:07,309
What?
462
00:17:07,309 --> 00:17:08,310
Well, you know
463
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:09,812
I never mentioned transportation to
Ricky
464
00:17:09,812 --> 00:17:11,814
so I'm going to watch out the window
tonight
465
00:17:11,814 --> 00:17:12,815
and if he comes home
466
00:17:12,815 --> 00:17:13,816
in a cab, a bus or a subway
467
00:17:13,816 --> 00:17:14,817
we win the bet.
468
00:17:14,817 --> 00:17:15,818
Ah, that's wonderful.
469
00:17:15,818 --> 00:17:16,819
We're in.
470
00:17:16,819 --> 00:17:18,320
I'll see you later.
471
00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:19,321
Okay.
472
00:17:20,322 --> 00:17:21,824
Oh, no!
473
00:17:27,830 --> 00:17:33,085
Ridi pagliaccio
474
00:17:33,585 --> 00:17:37,589
(humming "Vesti la Giubba" from I
Pagliacci)
475
00:17:37,589 --> 00:17:39,591
(Ricky laughing)
476
00:17:39,591 --> 00:17:42,594
Oh, don't be so happy.
477
00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:47,099
Ah, honey, I love living in the turn
of the century.
478
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,101
I love a hot bath, too.
479
00:17:49,101 --> 00:17:51,103
Here are your clothes.
480
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:52,604
What, my clothes!?
481
00:17:52,604 --> 00:17:55,107
Those old-fashioned- looking things?
482
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:57,109
Yeah. You thought it was fine that I
was wearing them.
483
00:17:57,109 --> 00:17:59,611
Now wait a minute, honey, it's
different with you.
484
00:17:59,611 --> 00:18:01,613
You stay in the house all day.
485
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:04,116
I got to go out on the street and be
seen by people.
486
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:05,117
Sorry!
487
00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:06,618
Now Lucy, you can't be serious
488
00:18:06,618 --> 00:18:08,620
about me wearing these clothes.
489
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:09,621
I got to go out on the street.
490
00:18:09,621 --> 00:18:11,123
I got to...
491
00:18:11,123 --> 00:18:15,127
Oh, no, no, no, no, no!
Lucy, look out, look out!
492
00:18:15,127 --> 00:18:19,131
(yelling in Spanish)
493
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:22,684
(doorbell buzzing)
494
00:18:29,691 --> 00:18:30,692
Hi, kiddo.
495
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:35,197
I am the chicken inspector.
496
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,203
And it's my day to crow.
497
00:18:41,203 --> 00:18:43,205
With a little razzmatazz.
498
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:44,706
What's with him?
499
00:18:44,706 --> 00:18:47,209
He likes those clothes.
500
00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:49,294
What do I care what kind of clothes I
wear
501
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:50,796
just to fix the plumbing?
502
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,298
Besides, these remind me of the days
503
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:55,300
when I was a gay, young blade.
504
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:56,802
(wolf whistle)
505
00:18:56,802 --> 00:19:00,806
While strolling through the park one
day
506
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:04,810
In the merry, merry month of may
507
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:08,814
I was taken by surprise
508
00:19:08,814 --> 00:19:14,319
By a pair of roguish eyes
509
00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:17,322
While strolling through the park one
day
510
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:18,824
In may.
511
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:19,825
Very good, old man.
512
00:19:19,825 --> 00:19:20,826
Thank you, sir.
513
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:23,328
(men laughing)
514
00:19:23,328 --> 00:19:25,831
You know, Lucy, you gave me a great
idea.
515
00:19:25,831 --> 00:19:27,833
I'm going to put a gay '90s number
516
00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:29,334
down at the club.
517
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:30,836
Now just a minute, Ricky.
518
00:19:30,836 --> 00:19:32,838
You know you have to wear those
clothes all the time
519
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:33,839
not just down at the club.
520
00:19:33,839 --> 00:19:34,840
I know, honey.
521
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:36,341
Be a wonderful advertisement
522
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:37,342
for the show!
523
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:38,844
Oh!
Oh, fine.
524
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,846
FRED: Hey, Rick, doesn't Ethel look
cute?
525
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,348
But what are you wearing that bustle
for, honey?
526
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,851
You don't need it.
527
00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:47,853
Pay no attention to him.
528
00:19:48,353 --> 00:19:49,354
You leave it on.
529
00:19:49,354 --> 00:19:51,356
I'm not wearing a bustle.
530
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,861
Eww!
531
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,863
(doorbell buzzes)
532
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:02,868
Uh, is this the Ricardo residence?
533
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,870
Yes, I'm Mrs. Ricardo.
534
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:07,873
Good. I'm Mrs. Pettibone.
This is Mrs. Pomerance.
535
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,876
We're the surprise investigating
committee
536
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:12,878
for the Society Matrons League.
537
00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:15,380
Oh... oh!
538
00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:16,882
Uh, oh, won't you come in, please?
539
00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:18,383
Oh!
540
00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,886
Uh, oh, this is Mr. and Mrs...
541
00:20:21,386 --> 00:20:22,888
I mean, Mr. and Mrs. Mertz.
542
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:23,889
FRED: Hiya!
543
00:20:23,889 --> 00:20:26,391
Uh, and this is my husband, Mr. uh...
uh...
544
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:27,392
(snapping fingers)
545
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:28,894
Ricardo... Ricardo.
546
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:29,895
Mr. Ricardo.
547
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,396
Won't you sit down, please?
548
00:20:37,402 --> 00:20:38,403
Um...
549
00:20:38,904 --> 00:20:40,906
we pop in like this unexpectedly
550
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,407
so as to investigate
551
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:45,410
how our prospective members really
live.
552
00:20:45,410 --> 00:20:46,912
Oh.
553
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,915
We want to make sure they're not
bringing
554
00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,417
their best foot forward just for us.
555
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:54,920
Uh, do you dress like this normally?
556
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:55,921
Well, I...
557
00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:59,424
Oh, it's not an every, uh...
558
00:20:59,424 --> 00:21:00,425
Not as a...
559
00:21:00,425 --> 00:21:01,927
Er, uh...
560
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:02,928
Oh, I see.
561
00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:06,431
Uh, do you mind if we look around?
562
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:08,433
Uh, no, of course not.
563
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:09,935
Help yourselves.
564
00:21:09,935 --> 00:21:11,937
Uh, where's the kitchen, please?
565
00:21:11,937 --> 00:21:14,439
The kitchen?
566
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,441
Thank you.
567
00:21:20,445 --> 00:21:21,947
What are we going to do?
568
00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:22,948
I don't know, what can we do?
569
00:21:22,948 --> 00:21:25,450
Ricky, Ricky, you can think of
something, can't you?
570
00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,451
RICKY: Sure.
571
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:27,452
What?
572
00:21:27,953 --> 00:21:29,955
You want to call off the bet?
573
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,456
No.
No!
574
00:21:31,456 --> 00:21:32,958
All right, honey, all right.
575
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,960
I know how much this means to you.
576
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:35,961
I got an idea.
577
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:36,962
What?
578
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:38,463
I'll tell them that we're putting on
579
00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:39,464
an act together for our club
580
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:41,466
and they caught us right in the
middle of rehearsal.
581
00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:42,968
Oh, honey, That's wonderful.
582
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:44,469
Thank you.
583
00:21:44,469 --> 00:21:47,472
Quite interesting.
584
00:21:47,472 --> 00:21:49,975
Quaint, to say the least.
585
00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:53,478
Eh, ladies, eh, I know what you must
think.
586
00:21:53,478 --> 00:21:55,480
You do?
587
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,983
Uh, yes, you see, you chose the wrong
time
588
00:21:57,983 --> 00:21:59,484
for your investigation.
589
00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:02,988
I mean, that is to see the way that
we really live.
590
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:05,991
You see, eh, we're putting an act
together for my club
591
00:22:05,991 --> 00:22:09,494
and you caught us right in the middle
of rehearsal.
592
00:22:09,494 --> 00:22:10,996
You put on shows?
593
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:11,997
Yes.
594
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:12,998
Why?
595
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,001
Why not?
596
00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:19,004
I mean, uh, do you do this for a
living?
597
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,005
Oh, no, no.
598
00:22:20,005 --> 00:22:21,006
(chuckles)
599
00:22:21,006 --> 00:22:23,008
We just developed a bad habit.
600
00:22:23,008 --> 00:22:24,509
We like to eat.
601
00:22:26,511 --> 00:22:28,013
Show people.
602
00:22:28,013 --> 00:22:31,016
Uh, Matilda, we've been allowing show
people
603
00:22:31,016 --> 00:22:33,018
to join for several seasons now.
604
00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:35,520
Oh, yes, it happened three years ago
605
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,022
when we needed money.
606
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:40,025
Um, well, we're willing to make
allowances.
607
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,026
We'll look you over
608
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:43,028
at the Friday afternoon tea, ladies.
609
00:22:43,028 --> 00:22:44,529
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
610
00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:46,031
Uh, just a minute, just a minute,
just a minute.
611
00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:48,033
What do you mean, "make allowances"?
612
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:50,035
What's wrong with show people?
613
00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:51,536
Well, you must admit
614
00:22:51,536 --> 00:22:54,039
that most of them are a little,
uh-uh...
615
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:55,540
My dear Mrs. Ricardo
616
00:22:55,540 --> 00:22:58,043
please don't misunderstand me.
617
00:22:58,043 --> 00:23:00,545
The Society Matrons League as a body
618
00:23:00,545 --> 00:23:03,548
does not disapprove of show people as
such.
619
00:23:03,548 --> 00:23:04,549
Mm-hmm, well, perhaps
620
00:23:04,549 --> 00:23:06,551
we have something against the League.
621
00:23:06,551 --> 00:23:09,554
When you get back to your
blue-blooded sisters
622
00:23:09,554 --> 00:23:11,556
tell them that the Ricardo/Mertz
623
00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:14,059
investigating committee looked you
over
624
00:23:14,059 --> 00:23:15,560
and we have no desire to join
625
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:17,062
your phony baloney club!
626
00:23:17,062 --> 00:23:19,064
RICKY: Yeah, tell them that.
627
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,565
Go ahead, tell them that.
628
00:23:20,565 --> 00:23:22,067
Well!
629
00:23:22,067 --> 00:23:23,568
Well, I guess we'd better leave!
630
00:23:23,568 --> 00:23:25,070
Good afternoon.
631
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:26,571
So long, kids.
632
00:23:31,576 --> 00:23:33,578
Oh, Lucy, you were wonderful!
633
00:23:33,578 --> 00:23:35,580
Ha, ha, baby, I love you!
634
00:23:35,580 --> 00:23:37,082
You told those bats.
635
00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,583
Yeah.
636
00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:40,585
Oh, Lucy, you said all the things
637
00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:43,088
I was trying to think of and
couldn't.
638
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:45,090
Ah, sweetheart, I'm so proud of you.
639
00:23:45,090 --> 00:23:48,093
I'm going to give you the $50 and
call off the bet.
640
00:23:48,593 --> 00:23:50,095
Oh, Ricky, that's wonderful!
641
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:51,596
Listen, honey, I'm starved.
642
00:23:51,596 --> 00:23:53,098
Let's go out to dinner, eh?
643
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:54,599
Good.
644
00:23:54,599 --> 00:23:55,600
We got plenty of food right here.
645
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:56,601
Well, where?
Wha...?
646
00:23:56,601 --> 00:23:58,103
Right here.
647
00:23:59,104 --> 00:24:01,606
Homemade bread with home-churned
butter.
648
00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:02,607
(all laughing)
649
00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:04,109
Dive in, everybody.
650
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:06,111
The last one in the middle
651
00:24:06,111 --> 00:24:07,612
is a rotten egg!
652
00:24:19,007 --> 00:24:22,010
(theme music playing)
653
00:24:25,013 --> 00:24:29,017
Captioned by Media Access Group at
WGBH access.wgbh.org
654
00:24:33,522 --> 00:24:36,024
Mrs. Pettibone was played by Florence
Bates.
655
00:24:36,525 --> 00:24:39,027
Mrs. Pomerance was played by Ruth
Parent.
656
00:25:13,061 --> 00:25:15,564
I love Lucy is a Desilu production.
41630
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