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What?

What?

What?

You're very welcome.

Christmas is funny...

Right.

Attention all passengers.

The Thank: is now in orbit above Sol 3,

also known as Earth. Population, human.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Christmas.

Orbit nice and steady?

Good work, Mr. Cavrille, and maintain position.

Now then, gentlemen, according to the traditions of the planet below,

Christmas is a time of celebration.

I think you might be entitled to a tot of rum.

Just the one.

- Off you go. - Sir.

- Sir. - Sir.

- I�II keep watch. - Sir.

And you...what was it?

Midshipman Frame, sir.

I only just qualified, sir. First trip out.

Then you can stand down, Midshipman.

But regulations say the bridge has to be staffed

by two crew members at any one time, sir.

Well said. Very good.

Well, it should be nice and quiet. It's only a Level 5 planet down below.

They don't even know we're here.

Silent night, I believe they call it.

A silent night.

Max Capricorn Cruiseliners.

The fastest, the furthest,

the best.

And I should know because

my name is Max.

- Merry Christmas, sir. - Merry Christmas.

It's not a holiday for me, not while I've still got my vone.

Now, do as I say and sell.

Evening, passenger 57, terrible memory. Remind me, you would be?

Information.

Heavenly Host supplying tourist information.

Good. So, um, tell me, 'cause I'm an idiot.

Where are we from?

Information.

The Thank: is en route from the planet Sto

in the Casivanian Belt.

The purpose of the cruise is to experience primitive cultures.

Titanic. Um, who thought of the name'?

Information.

It was chosen as the most famous vessel of the planet Earth.

Did they tell you why it was famous?

Information.

All designations are chosen by Mr. Max Capricorn,

President of Max... Max...

Max... Max... Max...

- Ooh. A bit of a glitch. - Sorry, chaps, we can handle this.

Max... Max... Max...

Software problem, that's all. Leave it with us, sir.

Merry Christmas.

That's another one down. What's going on with these things?

That's eight of them now on the blink.

One woman, she asked the Host to fix her necklace,

it almost broke her neck.

In first class.

I've been over the robotics, nothing.

It's like something's got into them. Some kind of bug.

Whoa! Wait, wait, wait! Over there, in bay 15.

Tell you what, if you can't fix them, throw them overboard.

For toff's sake! Look where you're going.

- This jacket's a genuine Earth antique. - I'm sorry, sir.

You'll be sorry when it comes off your wages, sweetheart.

Staffed by idiots. No wonder Max Capricorn is going down the drain.

Careful, there we go.

- Thank you, sir, I can manage. - I never said you couldn't.

- I'm the Doctor, by the way. - Astrid, sir. Astrid Peth.

Nice to meet you, Astrid, Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas, sir. - Just Doctor, not "sir".

You enjoying the cruise?

Um, yeah. I suppose. I don't know.

It doesn't quite work, a cruise on your own.

- You're not with anyone? - No, no, just me. Just...

Used to be, but...

No. What about you? Long way from home, planet Sto.

Doesn't feel that different.

Spent three years working at the Spaceport Diner.

Traveled all the way here and I'm still waiting on tables.

No shore leave?

We're not allowed. They can't afford the insurance.

I just wanted to try it, just once.

I used to watch the ships heading out to the stars.

I always dreamt of...

- Sounds daft. - You dreamt of another sky.

New sun, new air, new life.

A whole universe teeming with life.

Why stand still when there's all that life out there?

- So, you travel a lot? - All the time. Just for fun.

Well, that's the plan. Never quite works.

- Must be rich, though. - Haven't got a penny.

Stowaway.

- Kidding? - Seriously.

- No! - Oh, yeah.

- How'd you get on board? - Accident.

I've got this, sort of, ship thing, I was just rebuilding...

Left the defenses down. Bumped into the Titanic, here I am.

A bit of a party, I thought, why not?

- I should report you. - Go on, then.

I'll get you a drink.

On the house.

- Just ignore them. - Something's tickled them.

They told us it was fancy dress.

Very funny, I'm sure.

They're just picking on us because we haven't paid.

We won our tickets in a competition.

I had to name the five husbands of Juthy Crystal

in By the Light of the Asteroid.

Do you ever watch By the Light of the Asteroid?

Is that the one with the twins?

That's it. Oh, it's marvelous.

But we're not good enough for that lot. They think we should be in steerage.

Can't have that, can we?

- Did you do that? - Maybe.

- We like you. - We do.

I'm Morvin Van Hoff. This is my good woman, Foon.

Foon. Hello, I'm the Doctor.

Oh, well, I'll need a doctor by the time I finish with that buffet.

Have a buffalo wing. They must be enormous, these buffalo.

So many wings.

Attention, please. Shore leave tickets Red 6-7 now activated.

- Red 6-7. - Red 6-7?

- That's us. - Thank you.

- Are you Red 6-7? - Might as well be.

Come on, then.

We're going to Earth.

Seems to be power diverted to Deck 31, sir.

Flared up, then it stopped.

Nothing to worry about. She's an old ship, full of aches and pains.

Picking up a meteoroid shower, portside, bearing west 56, north 2.

Very standard in this part of space, miles away.

We could probably see it, sir.

Red 6-7. Red 6-7, this way. Fast as you can.

- I got you that drink. - And I got you a treat, come on.

Red 6-7, departing shortly.

- Red 6-7, plus one. - Uh...

Quickly, sir, please, and take two teleport bracelets if you would.

- I�II get the sack. - Brand new sky.

To repeat. I am Mr. Copper, the ship's historian,

and I shall be taking you to old London Town in the country of UK,

ruled over by Good King Wenceslas.

Now, human beings worship the great god Santa,

a creature with fearsome claws, and his wife Mary.

And every Christmas Eve, the people of UK go to war

with the country of Turkey.

They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner,

like savages.

Excuse me, sorry, sorry. But, um, where did you get all this from?

Well, I have a first class degree in Earthonomics. Now, standby...

And me! And me! Red 6-7.

Take a bracelet, please, sir.

But, hold on, hold on. What was your name?

Bannakaffalatta.

Okay, Bannakaffalatta. But it's Christmas Eve down there.

Late-night shopping, tons of people. He's like a talking conker.

No offense, but you'll cause a riot, 'cause the streets are gonna be packed

with shoppers and parties and...

Oh.

Now as spending money, I have a credit card in Earth currency.

If you want to buy trinkets or stockings

or the local delicacy, which is known as beef.

But don't stray too far, it could be dangerous.

Any day now, they start boxing.

It should be full.

It should be busy. Something's wrong.

But it's beautiful.

Really? Do you think so? It's just a street.

The pyramids are beautiful, and New Zealand.

But it's a different planet. I'm standing on a different planet!

There's concrete

and shops, alien shops, real alien shops!

Look, no stars in the sky.

And it smells. It stinks!

Oh, this is amazing! Thank you.

Yeah? Come on, then. Let's have a look.

Hello, there. Sorry, obvious question.

- But where's everybody gone? - Whoa. Scared.

Right, yes. Scared of what?

Where have you been living?

London, at Christmas. Not safe, is it?

- Why? - Well, it's them, up above.

Look, Christmas before last, we had that big bloody spaceship,

everyone standing on the roof, and then last year,

that Christmas star electrocuting all over the place.

- Draining the Thames. - This place is amazing.

And this year, God knows what. So, everybody's scarpered.

Gone to the country. All except me, and Her Majesty.

Her Majesty the Queen has confirmed that she'll be staying

in Buckingham Palace throughout the festive season

to show the people of London and the world

that there's nothing to fear.

God bless her. We stand vigil.

Well, between you and me, I think Her Majesty's got it right.

As far as I know, this year, nothing to worry about.

Then again.

- I was in mid-sentence. - Yes, I'm sorry about that.

Bit of a problem. If I can have your brace...

Apologies, ladies and gentlemen, Bannakaffalatta.

We seem to have suffered a power fluctuation.

If you'd like to return to the festivities,

and on behalf of Max Capricorn Cruiseliners,

free drinks will be provided.

Thank you.

That was the best. The best.

What sort of power fluctuation?

That's a bit odd, sir. The meteoroids are changing course.

Still, we can put the shields up to maximum, just in case.

As you were, Midshipman.

Sir?

You're magnetizing the hull, sir. It's drawing the meteors in.

Port turning Earth-side.

- I take it that's deliberate. - Port turning Earth-side.

A bit of a lightshow for the guests?

Something like that.

And I should know because my name is Max.

The fastest, the furthest, the best.

My name is Max.

Is that the bridge? I need to talk to the Captain.

You got a meteoroid storm coming in. West 0 by north 2.

- Who is this? - Never mind that. Your shields are down.

Check your scanners, Captain.

You got meteoroids coming in and no shielding.

You have no authorization. You will clear the comms at once.

Yeah? Just look starboard!

If you would come with me, sir.

But he's right, sir. The shields have been taken off-line.

- Step away from there. - We have to re-energize, sir.

I said, step away, Midshipman.

You've got a rock storm heading for the ship and the shields are down!

- They promised me old men. - I'm sorry, sir?

On the crew, sea dogs, men who'd had their time. Not boys.

Listen to me. This is an emergency. Get to the life...

I'm sorry, sir. It's my duty.

Look out the windows!

Run for it.

If you don't believe me, then check the shields yourself.

Sir, I can vouch for him.

Steward, he's just had a bit too much to drink.

Sir, something seems to have gone wrong. All the teleports have gone down.

Not now.

Oxygen membrane holding. Oxygen membrane holding.

You, there. Has anyone checked the external shielding?

Information.

You are all going to die.

- Where's the Chief Steward? - He went that way, sir.

The shields are down! We are going to get hit!

It seems to be working...

You're going to kill us.

I'm dying already.

Six months. They offered me so much money.

For my family.

Oi, Steward! I'm telling you, the shields are down.

Listen to him. Listen to him!

Max Capricorn.

Darling, come and have a look at this.

The fastest...

Red alert. Red alert.

...the furthest...

the best.

The best.

Oh, God!

It won't budge.

Help me!

Help...

It's all right. It's all right, sweetheart.

Shh!

It's stopping-

- You all right? - I think so.

Bad name for a ship.

Either that, or this suit is really unlucky.

My name is Max. My name is Max...

Everyone, ladies and gentlemen, Bannakaffalatta.

I must apologize on behalf of Max Capricorn Cruiseliners.

- We seem to have had a small collision. - Small?

Do you know how much I paid...

...how much I paid for my ticket?

If I could have silence, ladies.

Quiet!

Thank you.

I'm sure Max Capricorn Cruiseliners

will be able to reimburse you for any inconvenience.

But, first, I would point out that we're very much alive.

It is, after all, a fine and sturdy ship.

If you could all stay here

while I ascertain the exact nature of the situation.

Don't open it!

Oxygen shield stabilized.

- Everyone all right? Astrid? - Yeah.

- Foon? Morvin? - Yeah.

- Mr. Copper? Bannakaffalatta? - Yes.

- You, what was your name? - Rickston Slade.

- You all right? - Yeah. No thanks to that idiot.

- The steward just died. - Then he's a dead idiot.

All right, calm down. Just stay still, all of you, hold on.

What happened? How come the shields were down?

I don't think it was an accident.

- How many dead? - We're alive, just focus on that.

I will get you out of here, Astrid. I promise. Look at me.

I promise. Good.

Now, if we can get to reception, I've got a spaceship tucked away.

We can all get on board...

- Oh. - What is it? What's wrong?

- That's my ship over there. - Where?

There, that box. That little blue box.

- That's a spaceship? - Oi, don't knock it.

- It's a bit small. - A bit distant.

Trouble is, once it's set adrift,

it's programmed to lock onto the nearest center of gravity

and that would be the Earth.

Don't just stand there. Get this thing off me.

Host, that's an order, help me. That is your job, isn't it?

Information.

We now have only one function.

And what's that?

Information.

TO kill.

What are you doing? Host?

I'm ordering you. Stop it!

Stop it right now!

Deck 22 to the bridge.

Deck 22 to the bridge. Is there anyone there?

This is the bridge.

Oh! Hello, sailor, good to hear you. What's the situation up there?

We've got air, the oxygen field is holding.

But the Captain, he's dead.

He did it! Wasn't my fault he took down the shields.

There was nothing I could do. I tried. I did try.

All right, just stay calm. Tell me your name. What's your name?

Midshipman Frame.

Nice to meet you, sir. What's the state of the engines?

They're...

Hold on.

- Have you been injured? - I�m all right.

Oh, my God. They're cycling down.

- That's a nuclear storm drive, yes? - Yes.

The moment they're gone, we lose orbit.

- The planet. - Oh, yes.

If we hit the planet, the nuclear storm will explode

and wipe out life on Earth.

Midshipman, I need you to fire up the engine containment field

and feed it back into the core.

This is never going to work.

Trust me. It'll keep the engines going till I can get to the bridge.

- We're going to die. - Are you saying...

We are. We're going to die!

Okay! First things first.

One, we're going to climb through this ship.

B... No.

Two, we're going to reach the bridge.

Three, or C, we're going to save the Titanic.

And coming in a very low four, or D,

or that little IV in brackets they use in foot notes... Why?

- Right then, follow me. - Hang on a minute.

Who put you in charge? And who the hell are you anyway?

I'm the Doctor. I'm a Time Lord.

I'm from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous.

I'm 903 years old, and I'm the man who's going to save your lives

and all six billion people on the planet below.

- You have a problem with that? - No.

In that case, allons-y!

Careful.

Follow me.

Rather ironic, but this is very much in the spirit of Christmas.

It's a festival of violence.

They say that human beings only survive

depending on whether they've been good or bad.

It's barbaric.

Actually, that's not true.

Christmas is a time of peace and thanksgiving and...

What am I on about? My Christmases are always like this.

We've got a Host.

Strength of ten.

If we can mend it, we can use it to fix the rubble.

We can do robotics, both of us.

We work on the milk market back on Sto. It's all robot staff.

See if you can get it working. Let's have a look.

- It's blocked. - So what do we do?

- We shift it. - That's the attitude.

Rickston, Mr. Copper and you, Bannakaffalatta...

Look, can I just call you Banna? It's going to save a lot of time.

No! Bannakaffalatta.

All right then, Bannakaffalatta, there's a gap in the middle,

see if you can get through.

Easy, good.

This whole thing could come crashing down any minute.

Oh, Rickston, I forgot, did you get that message?

- No. What message? - Shut up!

Bannakaffalatta made it.

- I'm small enough, I can get through. - Careful.

I'm fine.

The thing is, how are Mr. and Mrs. Fatso going to get through that gap?

We make the gap bigger. So, start.

Hey, hey. Come on, sweetheart. Don't listen to him.

No. But it's all my fault, though. The tickets.

- We won them fair and square. - I know.

I never told you.

I dialed the competition line 5,000 times.

That's 5,000 credits.

I might as well have paid for the tickets.

I've been hiding the phone bill for months now.

5,000 credits?

- You spent 5,000 credits? - Don't hate me.

What's so funny?

5,000?

We'll never pay that off.

I know. We'll have to work 20 years, you mad bloody woman.

- You're not cross? - Does it matter?

Look at us.

You drive me barmy.

I don't half love you.

Mrs. Van Hoff, come here.

What happened? Did they find a doughnut?

I can clear it from this side. Just tell me if it starts moving.

- Bannakaffalatta, what's wrong? - Shh.

- What is it? - Can't say.

Are you hurt?

- Ashamed. - Of what?

Poor Bannakaffalatta.

You're a cyborg.

Had accident long ago.

Secret.

No, but everything's changed now.

Cyborgs are getting equal rights.

They passed a law back on Sto. You can even get married.

Marry you?

Well, you can buy me a drink first.

Come on, let's recharge you.

Just stay there for a bit.

- Tell no one. - I promise.

What's going on up there?

Well, I think Bannakaffalatta and I just got engaged.

This is the bridge.

This is kitchen number 5.

- How many of you are there? - Six of us, just about.

Are we the only ones left alive, sir?

No, there's more on Deck 19. Hold on, if I reverse the scanner...

Around 50, 60 people still alive all over the ship.

Hold on.

I can see you. Kitchen 05, there you are.

Listen, everyone's heading for the bridge.

Don't go portside, there's no way. Can you make your way starboard?

We're stuck. The doors have sealed. We can't get out.

No, wait a minute. It's opening.

There's someone on the other side.

Host, we've got Host. The Host are still working.

Oh, that's brilliant. Tell them to clear a path to the bridge.

Did you get that?

Kitchen 05, report.

Hello, Kitchen 05?

Report!

- Almost done. - Good, good, good.

Mr. Frame, how's things?

Doctor, I've got life signs all over the ship,

but they're going out one by one.

What is it? Are they losing air?

No. Well, I'm not sure, but it's the Host.

It's something to do with the Host.

It's working!

- Kill. - Turn it off!

- Kill. Kill. - Doctor!

Kill. Kill. Kill.

- Go! - Kill. Kill. Kill.

Hands frozen. Can't stop it.

Come on! Double deadlock.

Kill...

- Go upstairs! - Run, darling, run!

Information. Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill.

- Rickston, get them through. - No chance.

Rickston!

- I�II never get through there. - Yes, you can. Let me clear...

Kill. Kill. Kill.

It's the Host. They've gone berserk. Can you cope up there?

Kill. Kill. Kill. Kill...

No, I'm stuck!

Come on, you can do it.

I can't!

It's going to collapse.

- Rickston, damn it, help me! - No way.

Morvin, get through!

Ow!

Kill. Kill.

Doctor, he's stuck.

Mr. Van Hoff, I know we've only just met, but you'll have to excuse me.

That's it. We've got you.

- Kill. Kill... - Doctor, some on, get through.

Information override.

You will tell me the point of origin of your command structure.

- I can't hold it. - Information. Deck 31.

- Thank you. - Kill. Kill. Kill...

Copper!

Morvin, look, food.

Oh, great! Someone's happy.

Don't have any, then.

- Mr. Frame, you still there? - Yes, sir.

But I've got Host outside.

I've sealed the door.

They've been programmed to kill. Why would anyone do that?

That's not the only problem, Doctor.

I had to use the maximum deadlock on the door,

which means no one can get in.

I'm sealed off.

Even if you can fix the Titanic, you can't get to the bridge.

Yeah, right, fine. One problem at a time. What is on Deck 31?

Er, that's down below. There's nothing.

It's just the Host storage deck. That's where we keep the robots.

What's that? You see that panel? Black.

It's registering nothing, no power, no heat, no light.

- Never seen it before. -100% shielded. What's down there?

I'll try intensifying the scanner.

Let me know if you find anything, and keep those engines going.

Saved you some.

You might be a Time King from Gannaby, but you still need to eat.

Yeah, thanks.

But you look good for 903.

- You should see me in the mornings. - Okay.

Doctor, it must be well past midnight, Earth time.

Christmas Day.

So it is. Merry Christmas.

This Christmas thing, what's it all about?

Long story. I should know, I was there.

I got the last room.

But if the planet's waking up, can't we signal them?

They could send up a rocket or something.

They don't have spaceships.

No, I've read about it. They have shuffles.

Space shuffles.

Mr. Copper, this degree in Earthonomics, where is it from?

Honestly?

Just between us.

Mrs. Golightly's Happy Traveling University and Dry Cleaners.

You lied to the company?

To get the job?

I wasted my life on Sto.

I was a traveling salesman, always on the road.

And I reached retirement with nothing to show for it.

Not even a home.

And Earth sounded so exotic.

Mmm.

- I suppose it is, yeah. - How come you know it so well?

I was sort of...

A few years ago, I was sort of made...

Well, sort of homeless and...

There was the Earth.

The thing is, if we survive this, there'll be police

and all sorts of investigations.

Now, the minimum penalty for space-lane fraud

is 10 years in jail.

I'm an old man.

Well, I won't survive 1 O years.

The Host! Move, come on.

- Is that the only way across? - On the other hand, it is a way across.

The engines are open.

Nuclear storm drive. As soon as it stops, the Titanic falls.

But that thing, it'll never take our weight.

You're going last, mate.

It's nitrophine metal, it's stronger than it looks.

All the same, Rickston is right. Me and Foon should...

Morvin!

I told you. I told you!

Just shut up! Shut up!

Bring him back. Can't you bring him back?

Bring him back, Doctor.

- I can't, I'm sorry. I can't. - You promised me.

I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Look, I rather think that those things have got our scent.

- I�m not waiting. - Careful! Take it slowly!

- Help me! - You're okay.

A step at a time. Come on, you can do it.

Kill. Kill...

They're getting nearer.

I'll seal us in.

Leaving us trapped, wouldn't you say?

Never say "trapped", just inconveniently circumstanced.

Oh!

- I'm okay. - Maybe he's all right.

Maybe there's a gravity curve down there or something, I don't know.

Maybe he's just unconscious.

I'm sorry, Foon, he's gone.

I can't live without him...

Yes! Oh, yes! Who's good!

- Bannakaffalatta, you go next. - Bannakaffalatta is small.

Slowly!

They've found us.

Astrid, get across right now.

- What about you? - Just do it, go on.

Mr. Copper, we can't wait. Don't argue.

Foon, you've got to get across right now.

What for? What am I going to do without him?

Doctor! The door is locked.

Just think, what would he want, eh?

He don't want nothing. He's dead.

Doctor, I can't open the door!

We need the whirring key thing of yours.

I can't leave her!

She'll get us all killed if we can't get out.

Mrs. Van Hoff, I'm coming back for you. All right?

Too many people.

Oi, don't get spiky with me, keep going.

Careful!

It's just settling, keep going.

They've stopped.

Gone away?

But why would they give up?

Never mind that, keep coming.

Where have they gone?

Where are the Host?

Well, I'm afraid, we forgot the traditions of Christmas.

That angels have wings.

Information.

Kill.

Arm yourself, all of you!

No!

- I can't. - Bannakaffalatta stop.

Bannakaffalatta proud.

Bannakaffalatta cyborg!

Electromagnetic pulse took out the robotics.

Oh, Bannakaffalatta, that was brilliant.

He's used all his power.

Did good?

You saved our lives.

Bannakaffalatta happy.

We can recharge you,

get you to a power point, just plug you in.

Too late.

No, but... You've got to get me that drink, remember?

Pretty girl.

- I�m sorry, forgive me. - Leave him alone.

It's the EMP transmitter.

He'd want us to use it. I used to sell these things.

They'd always give me a bed for the night in the cyborg caravans.

They're good people.

But if we can recharge it,

we can use it as a weapon against the rest of the Host.

Bannakaffalatta might have saved us all.

Do you think? Try telling him that.

- Information. Reboot. - Use the EMP!

- It's dead. - It's got to have emergency...

No, no. Hold on. Hold the line. Loophole.

Security protocol 10...666...21.

Four, five, six, seven, eight...

I don't know, 42? One!

Information. State request.

Good. Right.

You've been ordered to kill the survivors, but why?

Information. No witnesses.

But this ship's going to fall on the Earth and kill everyone.

The human race has got nothing to do with the Titanic

so that contravenes your orders, yes?

Information. Incorrect.

But why do you want to destroy the Earth?

- Information. It is the plan. - What plan?

Information. The protocol grants you only three questions.

These three questions have been used.

Well, you could have warned me.

Information. Now you will die.

You're coming with me.

No!

No more.

Right, get yourself over to Reception One.

Once you're there, Mr. Copper, you've got staff access to the computer.

Try to find a way transmitting an SOS. Astrid, you're in charge of this.

Once it's powered up, it'll take out Host within 50 yards,

but then it needs 60 seconds to recharge. Got it?

Rickston, take this.

I've preset it, just hold down that button, it'll open the doors.

Do not lose it!

You got that? Now, go open the next door.

- Go on! Go! - All right.

Mr. Copper, I need you fighting fit.

- Astrid, where's the power points? - Under the comms.

It'll beep when it's ready. That blue light comes on there.

You're talking as if you're not coming with us.

There's something down on Deck 31. I'm going to find out what it is.

- What if you meet a Host? - Well, then I'll just have some fun.

Sounds like you do this kind of thing all the time.

Not by choice.

All I do is travel. That's what I am, just a traveler.

Imagine it. No tax, no bills, no boss.

Just the open sky.

I'm sort of unemployed now.

I was thinking that blue box is kind of small,

but I could squeeze in like a stowaway.

It's not always safe.

So you need someone to take care of you.

I've got no one back on Sto, no family. Just me.

So what do you think?

Can I come with you?

Yeah, I'd like that. Yeah.

- Mr. Frame, you still with us? - It's the engines, sir. Final phase.

There's nothing more I can do. We've only got eight minutes left.

- Don't worry, I'll get there. - But the bridge is sealed off.

Yeah, yeah, working on it. I'll get there, Mr. Frame, somehow.

You charged up?

Mr. Copper, look after her. Astrid, look after him.

Rickston, look after yourself. And I'll see you again.

- I promise. - Hold on.

There's an old tradition on planet Sto.

- Yeah, I have really got to go. - Just wait a minute.

Yeah, that's a... Very old tradition, yeah.

- See you later. - Oh, yes.

Do it!

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Security protocol one.

Do you hear me? One! One!

Okay. That gives me three questions.

Three questions to save my life, am I right?

Information. Correct.

No, that wasn't one of them. I didn't mean it. That's not fair!

- Can I start again? - Information. No.

No! No, no, no. That wasn't a question either. Blimey!

One question left. One question.

So, you've been given orders to kill the survivors,

but survivors must therefore

be passengers or staff, but not me, I'm not a passenger, I'm not staff.

Go on. Scan me.

You must have bio records, no such person on board.

I don't exist, therefore you can't kill me,

therefore I'm a stowaway.

And stowaways should be arrested

and taken to the nearest figure of authority.

And I reckon, the nearest figure of authority

is on Deck 31.

Final question, am I right?

- Information. Correct. - Brilliant.

Take me to your leader.

I've always wanted to say that.

Rickston, seal the doors, make the room secure.

Mr. Copper, keep an eye on the Host. I need to check the computer.

We need that SOS.

Bridge, this is Reception One.

- Who's that? - Astrid Peth, I was with the Doctor.

Tell me, can you divert power to the teleport system?

No way, I'm using everything I've got to keep the engines going.

It's just one trip. I need to get to Deck 31.

And I'm telling you, no!

Mr. Frame, this is for the Doctor.

He's gone down there on his own and I...

I can�t just leave him. He's done everything he can to save us.

It's time we did something to help him.

Giving you power.

Mr. Copper, I'm going to find him.

Good luck.

Wow.

Now, that is what you call a fixer-upper.

Come on, then.

Host with the most, this ultimate authority of yours, who is it?

Oh! That's clever!

That's an Omnistate impact chamber.

Indestructible. You could survive anything in there.

You could sit through a supernova. Or a shipwreck.

Only one person could have the power and the money

to hide themselves on board like this.

And I should know 'cause...

My name is Max.

- It really does that? - Who the hell is this?

I'm the Doctor, hello!

Information. Stowaway.

- Well... - Kill him!

Oh, no, no, no, no, wait! You can't, not now, come on, Max.

You'll give me so much good material, like how to get ahead in business.

See, head. Head. Head in the... No?

Oh! The office joker. I like a funny man.

No one's been funny with me for years.

I can't think why.

176 years of running the company have taken their toll.

- Yeah, but nice wheels. - No! A life support system.

In a society that despises cyborgs, I've had to hide away for years.

Running the company by hologram. Host, situation report.

Information.

Titanic is Still in orbit.

Let me see.

Should have crashed by now. What's gone wrong?

The engines are still running! They should have stopped.

When they do, the Earth gets roasted. I don't understand.

What's the Earth got to do with it?

This interview is terminated!

No,no,no,no! Hold on! Hold on! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

I can work it out.

It's like a task. I'm your apprentice, just watch me.

So, the business is failing and you wreck the ship,

so that makes things even worse. Oh, yes!

No... Yes.

The business isn't failing, it's failed. Past tense.

My own board voted me out.

- Stabbed me in the back! - If you had a back.

So, you scupper the ship, wipe out any survivors,

just in case anyone's rumbled you,

and the Board find their shares halved in value.

Oh, but that's not enough.

No.

Because if a Max Capricorn ship hits the Earth, it destroys an entire planet.

Outrage back home. Scandal!

The business is wiped out.

And the whole Board

thrown in jail for mass murder.

While you sit there safe inside the impact chamber.

I have men waiting to retrieve me from the ruins,

and enough off-world accounts to retire me

to the beaches of Penhaxico II.

Where the ladies, so I'm told, are very fond of metal.

So that's the plan?

A retirement plan. 2,000 people on this ship,

six billion underneath us, all of them slaughtered! And why?

Because Max Capricorn is a loser!

I never lose!

- You can't even sink the Titanic! - Oh, but I can, Doctor!

I can cancel the engines from here!

Engines closing.

- No, no, no, no, no! - Engines closing.

Engines closing.

What's happening?

- You can't do this! - Host, hold him!

Not so clever now, Doctor.

It's a shame we couldn't work together. You're rather good.

All that banter, yet not a word wasted.

Time for me to retire.

The Titanic is falling, the sky will burn!

Let the Christmas inferno commence!

Oh! Host!

Kill him!

Mr. Capricorn!

I resign.

Astrid, don't!

He's cut the brake line!

No.

Astrid!

Titanic falling.

Voyage terminated.

Voyage terminated.

Deadlock broken.

Midshipman Frame, at last!

But the Host?

Controller dead, they divert to the next highest authority.

- And that's me. - There's nothing we can do.

There's no power. The ships gonna fall.

Titanic falling.

- What's your first name? - Alonzo.

Thank: falling.

- You're kidding me. - What?

That's something else I've always wanted to say.

Allons-y, Alonzo!

Hello, yes, could you get me Buckingham Palace?

And as dawn rises over Great Britain, it seems that this year

the city of London has escaped alien intervention.

The Queen has remained in residence in defiance of extraterrestrial attack.

Listen to me, security code 771. Now get out of there!

Open the door!

Don't you dare! You aliens! Don't you dare!

Engine active. Engine active.

Thank you, Doctor. Thank you. Happy Christmas!

Yes! Oh, yes!

Whoo!

Use the heat of re-entry to fire up a secondary storm drive.

Unsinkable, that's me.

We made it.

Not all of us.

Teleport!

She was wearing a teleport bracelet.

Rickston! Sonic!

Mr. Copper, the teleports, have they got emergency settings?

I don't know, they should have.

She fell. Mr. Copper, she fell.

- What's the emergency code? - Let me see.

- What the hell are you doing? - We can bring her back.

If a passenger has an accident on shore leave

and they're still wearing their teleport,

the molecules are automatically suspended and held in stasis.

- So if we can just trigger the ship's... - There!

- I'm falling. - Only halfway there. Come on!

Keep falling.

Feedback the molecule grid. Boost it with the restoration matrix...

No,no,no,no,no!

- Need more phase containment. - Doctor...

No! If I can just link up the surface suspension.

- Doctor, she's gone. - I just need to override the safety...

I can do this! I can do it!

Doctor, let her go.

I can do anything!

Stop me falling.

There's not enough left. The system is too badly damaged.

She's just atoms, Doctor.

An echo with the ghost of consciousness.

She's stardust.

Astrid Peth, citizen of Sto,

the woman who looked at the stars and dreamt of traveling.

There's an old tradition.

Now you can travel forever.

You're not falling, Astrid,

you're flying.

The engines have stabilized. We're holding steady till we get help,

and I've sent the SOS.

The rescue ship should be here in 20 minutes.

And they're digging out the records on Max Capricorn.

It should be quite a story.

They'll want to talk to all of us, I suppose.

I'd have thought so, yeah.

I think one or two inconvenient truths might come to light.

It's my own fault.

And 10 years in jail is better than dying.

Doctor,

I never said...

Thank you.

The funny thing is,

I said Max Capricorn was falling apart.

Just before the crash, I sold all my shares.

Transferred them to his rivals.

It's made me rich.

What do you think of that?

Those shares, I want them triple bonded and locked.

Of all the people to survive, he's not the one you would have chosen, is he?

But if you could choose, Doctor, if you could decide

who lives and who dies,

that would make you a monster.

Mr. Copper,

I think you deserve one of these.

So, Great Britain is part of Europy,

and just across the British Channel

you've got Great France and Great Germany.

No, no, it's just France and Germany. Only Britain's "Great".

And they're all at war with the continent of Hamerica.

No. Well, not yet.

We can argue that one. There she is. Survive anything.

You know, between you and me, I don't even think this snow is real.

I think it's the ballast from the Titanic salvage entering the atmosphere.

Yeah. One of these days it might snow for real.

So, I suppose you'll be off.

The open sky.

And what about me?

I travel alone.

It's best that way.

What am I supposed to do?

Give me that credit card.

Well, it's just petty cash, spending money.

It's all done by computer. I didn't really know the currency,

so I thought a million might cover it.

A million? Pounds?

Is that enough for trinkets?

Mr. Copper, a million pounds is worth 50 million credits.

- How much? -50 million and 56.

I've got money.

Yes, you have.

Oh, my word.

Oh, my word! Oh, my goodness me!

Yes!

It's all yours, planet Earth. Now that's a retirement plan.

But just you be careful, though.

I Will. I Will, Oh, I Will!

No interfering. I don't want any trouble, just...

Just have a nice life.

But I can have a house, a proper house with a garden and a door!

Oh, Doctor, I will make you proud.

And I can have a kitchen with chairs and windows and plates!

Where are you going?

I've no idea!

No.

Me neither.

But, Doctor!

I won't forget her.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Copper.

Come with me.

The thrill is in the chase, never in the capture.

There's nowhere to run.

Show yourself.

Doctor!

This is the spark of life.

- I just want a mate. - You're not mating with me, sunshine.

Being with you, I can't tell what's right and what's wrong anymore.

It's better that way.

- I do not understand, Miss... - Why'd you say "Miss". Do I look single?

Oh, yes!

I demand you tell me who you are!

This has certainly been a most entertaining evening.

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